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1
00:01:21,329 --> 00:01:22,990
Thorny.

2
00:01:31,139 --> 00:01:33,505
You call this a report card?

3
00:01:33,541 --> 00:01:36,305
What kind of marks is these?

4
00:01:36,344 --> 00:01:39,313
How you gonna go to college
with marks like these?

5
00:01:39,347 --> 00:01:40,609
I don't want to go to college.

6
00:01:40,648 --> 00:01:42,309
I want to work
in the shop with you.

7
00:01:42,350 --> 00:01:44,113
You want to work
in the shop with me, huh?

8
00:01:44,152 --> 00:01:46,017
Listen to me.

9
00:01:46,054 --> 00:01:48,818
I said it once,
and I'll say it again...

10
00:01:48,857 --> 00:01:51,655
I don't care how rich
or successful a man is...

11
00:01:51,693 --> 00:01:54,594
if he don't got an education,
he's got nothing.

12
00:01:54,629 --> 00:01:57,598
- I tried, Pop. I can't do it.
- Then try harder!

13
00:02:02,871 --> 00:02:06,432
You can do anything in life
you want to do.

14
00:02:06,474 --> 00:02:10,638
Remember... you're a Meloni.

15
00:04:20,975 --> 00:04:22,943
Hi there.
Are you a large person?

16
00:04:22,977 --> 00:04:25,605
Pleasantly plump? A little
on the hefty side, perhaps?

17
00:04:25,647 --> 00:04:27,979
Well, let's face it.
Are you fat?

18
00:04:28,016 --> 00:04:29,984
When you go jogging,
do you leave potholes?

19
00:04:30,018 --> 00:04:32,213
When you make love,
do you have to give directions?

20
00:04:32,253 --> 00:04:34,517
At the zoo, do elephants
throw you peanuts?

21
00:04:34,555 --> 00:04:36,580
Do you look at a menu
and say, "OK"?

22
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:38,421
Well, now you can
eat all you want...

23
00:04:38,459 --> 00:04:40,393
because at Thornton Melon's
Tall and Fat stores...

24
00:04:40,428 --> 00:04:41,656
we've got you covered.

25
00:04:41,696 --> 00:04:44,256
That's right... fine woolen
and woolen blend suits...

26
00:04:44,299 --> 00:04:46,426
and sport coats
in all the larger sizes...

27
00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:50,164
husky, stout, extra-stout
and the new Hindenburg line.

28
00:04:50,204 --> 00:04:52,764
And for you ladies,
we have caftans, muumuus...

29
00:04:52,807 --> 00:04:55,799
and our own exclusive A-frame
in all colors and patterns.

30
00:04:55,843 --> 00:04:58,403
Yes, we have
miles and miles of fabric.

31
00:04:58,446 --> 00:05:00,414
So take it from me,
Thornton Melon...

32
00:05:00,448 --> 00:05:03,940
if you want to look thin,
you hang out with fat people.

33
00:05:03,985 --> 00:05:07,716
Thornton Melon's Tall and Fat...
150 locations across America.

34
00:05:07,755 --> 00:05:10,280
Lou, did you see the new spot?

35
00:05:10,325 --> 00:05:11,451
Yeah, I seen it.

36
00:05:11,492 --> 00:05:12,789
Do I look fat in it?

37
00:05:12,827 --> 00:05:14,488
You could lose
a couple of pounds.

38
00:05:14,529 --> 00:05:17,828
I gotta get bigger actors.

39
00:05:20,401 --> 00:05:23,734
Pocahontas, how are you?
Ophelia, hold some of my calls.

40
00:05:23,771 --> 00:05:26,171
Yes, sir, Mr. Melon.

41
00:05:29,177 --> 00:05:30,144
Good morning, everyone.

42
00:05:30,178 --> 00:05:32,305
Morning.

43
00:05:32,347 --> 00:05:34,008
Take it easy, will ya?

44
00:05:34,048 --> 00:05:37,540
And don't get any on the walls.

45
00:05:37,585 --> 00:05:39,746
OK, folks. What's up?

46
00:05:39,787 --> 00:05:41,846
Mr. Melon,
we have a serious offer...

47
00:05:41,889 --> 00:05:44,858
on your commercial property
in south Florida...

48
00:05:44,892 --> 00:05:46,883
and we feel you should sell.

49
00:05:46,928 --> 00:05:49,692
No. Hold it for one more year,
take the depreciation...

50
00:05:49,731 --> 00:05:52,291
then transfer title
to the California Corporation.

51
00:05:52,333 --> 00:05:54,528
Show it as a capital gain.
We should do great.

52
00:05:57,372 --> 00:05:58,566
What else?

53
00:05:58,606 --> 00:06:00,870
The toy division has come up
with a new doll idea...

54
00:06:00,908 --> 00:06:03,536
to go along with our
children's clothing line.

55
00:06:03,578 --> 00:06:06,376
We call them Melon Patch Kids.

56
00:06:06,414 --> 00:06:08,712
Now, the competition
exploits the notion...

57
00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:11,480
that their dolls are orphans.

58
00:06:11,519 --> 00:06:14,750
The Melon Patch Kids
are not orphans.

59
00:06:14,789 --> 00:06:16,950
They're abandoned.

60
00:06:16,991 --> 00:06:18,458
We think it's a winner.

61
00:06:18,493 --> 00:06:19,790
OK, go with it.

62
00:06:19,827 --> 00:06:22,193
But keep the unit cost
under five bucks.

63
00:06:22,230 --> 00:06:25,393
Last year, we took a bath
on those Chubby Tubby Tub toys.

64
00:06:25,433 --> 00:06:27,867
- Jason's on the phone.
- Jason.

65
00:06:27,902 --> 00:06:30,427
OK, everybody, take a break.

66
00:06:30,471 --> 00:06:34,601
Excuse me, Mr. Melon,
but we have a very long agenda.

67
00:06:34,642 --> 00:06:37,770
- Later. My son's on the phone.
- But, Mr. Melon!

68
00:06:37,812 --> 00:06:39,803
Beat it, punk.

69
00:06:42,650 --> 00:06:43,810
Jason, how are you?

70
00:06:43,851 --> 00:06:45,785
How you doin'?
How's the diving going?

71
00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:48,584
Oh, it's great.
We just finished up practice.

72
00:06:48,623 --> 00:06:50,818
Oh, keep it up, keep it up!
And the fraternity...

73
00:06:50,858 --> 00:06:52,826
I'll bet you're having fun
in the fraternity, huh?

74
00:06:52,860 --> 00:06:55,920
What do you think?
Yeah, it's great.

75
00:06:55,963 --> 00:06:57,555
Oh, that's great.

76
00:06:57,598 --> 00:07:00,158
You're not doing too much,
are you? You studying?

77
00:07:00,201 --> 00:07:02,465
Well, right now,
we're between semesters...

78
00:07:02,503 --> 00:07:04,471
so classes don't start up
again for another week.

79
00:07:04,505 --> 00:07:06,769
No classes? Then come home.

80
00:07:06,808 --> 00:07:08,571
Tonight, your mother and I
are having a big party.

81
00:07:08,609 --> 00:07:09,974
It's our fifth anniversary.

82
00:07:10,011 --> 00:07:14,277
Whoa, Dad. She's not my mother,
she's your wife...

83
00:07:14,315 --> 00:07:16,476
and I don't get the feeling
she wants me around.

84
00:07:16,517 --> 00:07:19,008
OK, let's not start that again.

85
00:07:19,053 --> 00:07:21,351
I'll tell you what.
I'll come up there to see you.

86
00:07:21,389 --> 00:07:23,357
No. Bad. Bad idea.

87
00:07:23,391 --> 00:07:25,382
I got this big dive meet
coming up.

88
00:07:25,426 --> 00:07:27,758
I gotta practice. I wouldn't
have any time to see you.

89
00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:30,821
- It's a rotten time.
- OK. I understand.

90
00:07:30,865 --> 00:07:32,025
Look, Dad, I promise...

91
00:07:32,066 --> 00:07:34,330
I'll come down for a visit
next break I get, OK?

92
00:07:34,368 --> 00:07:37,269
All right?
Look, I gotta go, OK?

93
00:07:37,305 --> 00:07:38,431
OK, Jason.

94
00:07:38,473 --> 00:07:40,498
Take care of yourself.
I love you.

95
00:07:40,541 --> 00:07:43,567
Yeah, I love you, too.
All right. Bye-bye.

96
00:07:43,611 --> 00:07:45,579
Melon, I told you
to clean my locker.

97
00:07:45,613 --> 00:07:47,205
If it's too much for you...

98
00:07:47,248 --> 00:07:49,079
we'll get ourselves
a new towel boy.

99
00:07:49,116 --> 00:07:53,177
Right. Look, I'm sorry, Chas.
I'll get on it as soon as I can.

100
00:08:10,104 --> 00:08:11,332
Home sweet home.

101
00:08:11,372 --> 00:08:14,170
- I liked the old house better.
- So did I.

102
00:08:14,208 --> 00:08:15,835
I liked the old wife
better, too.

103
00:08:15,877 --> 00:08:18,812
Lay off Vanessa.
She gives great headache.

104
00:08:18,846 --> 00:08:20,973
Lou, I can't believe it.
Married five years.

105
00:08:21,015 --> 00:08:22,915
Seems like yesterday.

106
00:08:22,950 --> 00:08:25,475
And you know what a lousy day
yesterday was.

107
00:08:30,258 --> 00:08:33,091
Please don't throw your clothes
on the Breuer chair.

108
00:08:33,127 --> 00:08:36,062
How come all our furniture
has names?

109
00:08:36,097 --> 00:08:38,565
I have absolutely
nothing to wear.

110
00:08:38,599 --> 00:08:40,760
You got six closets
full of nothing to wear.

111
00:08:40,801 --> 00:08:43,668
Are you saying
I spend too much money?

112
00:08:43,704 --> 00:08:45,569
You, spend too much money? No.

113
00:08:45,606 --> 00:08:49,337
Lots of people go to Switzerland
to get their watch fixed.

114
00:08:49,377 --> 00:08:52,107
You have no taste, Thornton.

115
00:08:52,146 --> 00:08:54,205
You're right.
I married you, didn't I?

116
00:08:54,248 --> 00:08:55,545
I don't have time to argue.

117
00:08:55,583 --> 00:08:57,050
Our friends will be here
any minute.

118
00:08:57,084 --> 00:08:58,415
You mean your friends.

119
00:08:58,452 --> 00:09:01,319
They are my friends,
and I'd like to keep them.

120
00:09:01,355 --> 00:09:03,255
So please,
just behave yourself tonight.

121
00:09:03,291 --> 00:09:06,192
Don't worry. If the roast beef
is right, they'll be back.

122
00:09:11,566 --> 00:09:13,830
Jennifer, you look divine.

123
00:09:13,868 --> 00:09:16,701
And, Peter, I thought
you were still in Portofino.

124
00:09:16,737 --> 00:09:19,604
Why haven't you called?

125
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,234
- She's a lovely gal.
- Oh, yes, she is.

126
00:09:22,276 --> 00:09:24,904
Oh, Ramon,
you look fantastic.

127
00:09:24,946 --> 00:09:27,244
I thought you were still
in Tijuana.

128
00:09:27,281 --> 00:09:30,341
- Excuse me, señor?
- Nothing. It's all right.

129
00:09:30,384 --> 00:09:32,909
- Gimme a beer.
- I'm sorry, señor.

130
00:09:32,954 --> 00:09:35,787
All we have is martinis
and champagne.

131
00:09:35,823 --> 00:09:38,053
My own house,
I can't get a beer.

132
00:09:38,092 --> 00:09:41,584
Mrs. Melon gave us
strict orders... no cerveza.

133
00:09:41,629 --> 00:09:43,995
It's all right.
I'll get it myself.

134
00:10:00,881 --> 00:10:02,348
Hey! Adam and evil.

135
00:10:04,986 --> 00:10:06,851
Mr. Melon.

136
00:10:06,887 --> 00:10:08,787
We was just...

137
00:10:08,823 --> 00:10:11,815
Iooking for some
cocktail napkins.

138
00:10:11,859 --> 00:10:13,656
Where? Under her dress?

139
00:10:13,694 --> 00:10:15,491
You're impossible.

140
00:10:15,529 --> 00:10:16,860
And you're easy.

141
00:10:21,002 --> 00:10:23,402
I love Klimt, don't you?

142
00:10:23,437 --> 00:10:26,600
Mr. Melon, your wife
was just showing us her Klimt.

143
00:10:26,641 --> 00:10:29,542
You too, huh? She's showin' it
to everybody.

144
00:10:29,577 --> 00:10:31,807
- She's very proud of it.
- I'm proud of mine, too.

145
00:10:31,846 --> 00:10:33,939
I don't wave it around
at parties.

146
00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:36,472
- It's an exceptional painting.
- Oh, the painting.

147
00:10:36,517 --> 00:10:39,179
Yeah. Drink up,
enjoy yourself, huh?

148
00:10:44,659 --> 00:10:46,889
I hate small food, you know?

149
00:11:11,152 --> 00:11:13,120
Hey, buddy,
come here, will you?

150
00:11:13,154 --> 00:11:15,088
Put your hand
right over there, will you?

151
00:11:15,122 --> 00:11:17,113
I learned this in Europe.

152
00:11:23,497 --> 00:11:26,057
Look out, coming through.
Hot stuff. Look out.

153
00:11:28,669 --> 00:11:30,637
I'd like you to meet
Mr. And Mrs. Stuyvesant.

154
00:11:30,671 --> 00:11:31,763
Right, right.

155
00:11:31,806 --> 00:11:33,330
- How do you do?
- Thornton!

156
00:11:36,143 --> 00:11:38,441
How you doin'?

157
00:11:40,781 --> 00:11:42,772
Hi there, sir. How are you?

158
00:11:45,252 --> 00:11:47,812
Never mind. I got my own here.
It's all right.

159
00:11:50,291 --> 00:11:53,283
Millicent, you look charming.
I love your dress.

160
00:11:53,327 --> 00:11:55,192
Don't you, Thornton?

161
00:11:55,229 --> 00:11:57,197
It's such a lovely shade
of green.

162
00:11:57,231 --> 00:12:00,598
Yeah. If that dress had pockets,
you'd look like a pool table.

163
00:12:00,634 --> 00:12:02,625
You should try
my Tall and Fat stores.

164
00:12:02,670 --> 00:12:03,898
No offense.

165
00:12:06,941 --> 00:12:09,933
May I speak to you
privately, please?

166
00:12:14,281 --> 00:12:16,272
Watch my sandwich, will you?

167
00:12:17,818 --> 00:12:19,945
I can't take any more of this!

168
00:12:19,987 --> 00:12:22,785
You've insulted our friends,
you've insulted me...

169
00:12:22,823 --> 00:12:25,053
and you've gone out of your way
to ruin this party.

170
00:12:25,092 --> 00:12:27,424
Party? Are you kiddin'?
It's a dog show out there.

171
00:12:27,461 --> 00:12:30,055
Your friends, they come here
for free food, free booze...

172
00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:32,190
and to suck up to you
for donations.

173
00:12:32,233 --> 00:12:35,225
You have no class, Thornton,
and I am tired of it.

174
00:12:35,269 --> 00:12:36,736
I want a divorce.

175
00:12:36,771 --> 00:12:39,331
Divorce. I knew
we had something in common.

176
00:12:39,373 --> 00:12:40,863
Here, sign these.

177
00:12:43,410 --> 00:12:46,470
I'm afraid it's not gonna be
that easy, honey.

178
00:12:46,514 --> 00:12:49,176
This is gonna cost you...
plenty!

179
00:12:49,216 --> 00:12:51,411
Oh, yeah?

180
00:12:51,452 --> 00:12:53,977
Let's talk about class
a minute, all right?

181
00:12:54,021 --> 00:12:55,989
Here's you and Giorgio
in the guest room.

182
00:12:56,023 --> 00:12:57,684
Classy, isn't it?

183
00:12:57,725 --> 00:12:59,556
Here's you and Giorgio
in the rumpus room.

184
00:12:59,593 --> 00:13:01,322
Another classy one, huh?

185
00:13:01,362 --> 00:13:04,229
This one I can't figure out.
There's you, there's Giorgio...

186
00:13:04,265 --> 00:13:06,358
what's with the midget
over here?

187
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,800
Hey, wait! I got more!

188
00:13:21,182 --> 00:13:22,342
What happened in there?

189
00:13:22,383 --> 00:13:24,044
What happened?

190
00:13:24,084 --> 00:13:27,781
I got rid of Vanessa.
I feel like I just got paroled.

191
00:13:27,822 --> 00:13:30,017
I'll tell you what bothers me...

192
00:13:30,057 --> 00:13:32,389
I let her come
between me and Jason.

193
00:13:32,426 --> 00:13:35,520
Lou, pack our bags.

194
00:13:40,801 --> 00:13:43,235
We're going up to that college
to see my son!

195
00:14:20,374 --> 00:14:23,002
Boy, will Jason be surprised.

196
00:14:23,043 --> 00:14:26,012
Look, there's Greek letters.
That must be the house.

197
00:14:45,833 --> 00:14:47,767
Is that an "amigo"
or a unicorn?

198
00:14:47,801 --> 00:14:49,894
Beats me.
Don't you know any Greek?

199
00:14:49,937 --> 00:14:52,030
The only Greek I know owns
a coffee shop on State Street.

200
00:14:52,072 --> 00:14:54,597
Jimmy Pitsos, remember him?
He had an ugly wife...

201
00:14:54,642 --> 00:14:57,475
four ugly kids,
and good coffee.

202
00:14:57,511 --> 00:14:59,945
Wait here, I'll try this one.

203
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:14,352
Hello, hello!

204
00:15:17,431 --> 00:15:19,922
Anybody here?

205
00:15:19,967 --> 00:15:22,800
Jason, where are you?

206
00:15:22,836 --> 00:15:25,566
Hey, I need some help here!

207
00:15:25,606 --> 00:15:28,837
Buddy, I'm talking to you.
I need some help here!

208
00:15:28,876 --> 00:15:31,902
Take it easy, honey!
I didn't see a thing.

209
00:15:31,946 --> 00:15:33,641
You're perfect.

210
00:15:33,681 --> 00:15:35,876
You jerk!

211
00:15:35,916 --> 00:15:38,043
Perfectly understandable,
Mr. Melon.

212
00:15:38,085 --> 00:15:40,679
It was an honest mistake.
Let's just call it a bad day.

213
00:15:40,721 --> 00:15:43,485
Yeah, but a great view.
You're all right, officer.

214
00:15:43,524 --> 00:15:45,048
Here, a little something
for the kids.

215
00:15:45,092 --> 00:15:47,322
- Take that, it's OK.
- I don't have any kids.

216
00:15:47,361 --> 00:15:49,329
No kids? Well, here,
get yourself some kids.

217
00:15:49,363 --> 00:15:51,593
Take it all, all right?
And just remember...

218
00:15:51,632 --> 00:15:54,157
the best thing about kids
is making 'em.

219
00:15:55,970 --> 00:15:58,165
Even if I do manage
to graduate... ha ha...

220
00:15:58,205 --> 00:16:00,605
what do I do then?
There's the private sector...

221
00:16:00,641 --> 00:16:02,734
but look how bad
the job market is.

222
00:16:02,776 --> 00:16:04,175
There's Valerie Desmond.

223
00:16:04,211 --> 00:16:05,974
See you guys.

224
00:16:09,083 --> 00:16:11,779
Look how tight
her ass is today.

225
00:16:11,819 --> 00:16:14,515
Oh, man. You think
there's any way...

226
00:16:14,555 --> 00:16:17,683
she would ever go out with me?

227
00:16:17,725 --> 00:16:20,023
- No.
- Oh, thanks.

228
00:16:20,060 --> 00:16:22,221
It's this whole stupid
capitalist system, you know?

229
00:16:22,262 --> 00:16:24,025
It's set up to heap rewards...

230
00:16:24,064 --> 00:16:25,656
on the advantaged
and the aggressive...

231
00:16:25,699 --> 00:16:27,724
and to make sure
that two regular schmoes...

232
00:16:27,768 --> 00:16:31,636
like you and me never get a date
with girls like Valerie Desmond.

233
00:16:31,672 --> 00:16:34,607
I hate the whole bourgeois
mentality of this school.

234
00:16:34,641 --> 00:16:36,609
Let me ask you
something else, man.

235
00:16:36,643 --> 00:16:38,873
Do you make this bullshit up
as you go along...

236
00:16:38,912 --> 00:16:41,403
- or do you actually read this?
- I read this. It's Karl Marx.

237
00:16:41,448 --> 00:16:43,814
Famous book.
"Proletarian Chicks in Bondage."

238
00:16:43,851 --> 00:16:46,319
It's a Condom House book.
Comes with a leather hood.

239
00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:48,014
Is that the one
with the pictures?

240
00:16:48,055 --> 00:16:49,352
- Can I borrow that?
- Let's move on.

241
00:16:49,390 --> 00:16:52,154
Well, no, it's, you know...

242
00:16:52,192 --> 00:16:54,387
Oh, yeah. Well, you know.

243
00:16:56,463 --> 00:16:59,694
Dad, what are you doin' here?

244
00:16:59,733 --> 00:17:02,133
I'm robbin' your room,
that's what I'm doin' here.

245
00:17:02,169 --> 00:17:03,932
We drive 300 miles
to see the kid...

246
00:17:03,971 --> 00:17:07,031
that's the greeting we get.
Come here, will ya?

247
00:17:08,442 --> 00:17:10,342
How ya doin' there?

248
00:17:10,377 --> 00:17:12,641
I'm sorry.
I'm really glad to see you...

249
00:17:12,679 --> 00:17:14,442
but I wish
I knew you were coming.

250
00:17:14,481 --> 00:17:15,812
I'll bet you did, huh?

251
00:17:15,849 --> 00:17:17,510
I looked for you
at that fraternity house.

252
00:17:17,551 --> 00:17:19,883
- They said you weren't a member.
- I can explain that.

253
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:21,251
They also told me
you're not on the diving team.

254
00:17:21,288 --> 00:17:23,347
They said you were
the towel boy.

255
00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:25,722
- I can explain that, too.
- OK, explain it.

256
00:17:25,759 --> 00:17:28,592
- I lied.
- Great. That explains it, huh?

257
00:17:28,629 --> 00:17:31,757
Jason, you don't lie to me.
You lie to girls.

258
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:34,292
Who's this?

259
00:17:34,334 --> 00:17:36,461
Oh, I'm sorry.
This is my roommate.

260
00:17:36,503 --> 00:17:37,470
That's Derek Lutz.

261
00:17:37,504 --> 00:17:40,234
This is the dad,
and that's Lou.

262
00:17:40,274 --> 00:17:42,765
- Is that your real hair?
- What do you think?

263
00:17:42,810 --> 00:17:45,938
I think you're trying
to get back at your parents.

264
00:17:45,979 --> 00:17:48,106
Show me the campus.
I want to talk to you.

265
00:17:48,148 --> 00:17:49,308
Oh, good.

266
00:17:57,057 --> 00:17:59,082
Boy, what a great-lookin' place.

267
00:17:59,126 --> 00:18:00,889
When I used to dream
about going to college...

268
00:18:00,928 --> 00:18:02,555
this is the way
I always pictured it.

269
00:18:02,596 --> 00:18:04,689
Wait a minute. When did you
dream about going to college?

270
00:18:04,731 --> 00:18:07,996
When I used to fall asleep
in high school.

271
00:18:08,035 --> 00:18:09,969
Dad, I know how much
all this means to you...

272
00:18:10,003 --> 00:18:13,370
- and I'm sorry I lied to you.
- You don't have to lie to me.

273
00:18:13,407 --> 00:18:15,898
No matter what you do,
I'll love you just the same.

274
00:18:15,943 --> 00:18:17,342
Will you love me
no matter what?

275
00:18:17,377 --> 00:18:18,571
No matter what.

276
00:18:18,612 --> 00:18:21,308
- I'm droppin' out.
- You're droppin' out?

277
00:18:21,348 --> 00:18:23,942
You just got here.
You just started.

278
00:18:23,984 --> 00:18:25,952
I know,
but I'm not making it here.

279
00:18:25,986 --> 00:18:28,181
I don't fit in, you know?
I got one friend... Derek.

280
00:18:28,222 --> 00:18:30,247
He's got no friends.

281
00:18:30,290 --> 00:18:32,815
The girls don't like me,
the fraternities don't want me.

282
00:18:32,860 --> 00:18:34,418
The diving coach
won't even talk to me.

283
00:18:34,461 --> 00:18:36,486
Look at it this way...

284
00:18:36,530 --> 00:18:38,498
at least you're getting
an education.

285
00:18:38,532 --> 00:18:41,092
Dad, last semester
I got nothing but "Cs."

286
00:18:41,135 --> 00:18:42,932
A, B, C...
you're in the top three.

287
00:18:42,970 --> 00:18:44,562
What are you worrying about?

288
00:18:44,605 --> 00:18:46,436
I just think I'd be
a lot better off...

289
00:18:46,473 --> 00:18:48,031
gettin' a job or something.

290
00:18:48,075 --> 00:18:50,407
You never went to college.
Look how great you're doin'.

291
00:18:50,444 --> 00:18:53,038
Jason, I said it before
and I'll say it again.

292
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,310
I don't care how rich
and successful a man is.

293
00:18:55,349 --> 00:18:56,941
Without an education,
he's nothing.

294
00:18:56,984 --> 00:18:59,316
I mean, stay in school.
Study harder.

295
00:18:59,353 --> 00:19:01,218
You can be whatever
you want to be.

296
00:19:01,255 --> 00:19:02,722
You want to be a loser,
be a loser.

297
00:19:02,756 --> 00:19:03,848
You want to be a winner,
be a winner.

298
00:19:03,891 --> 00:19:06,121
Jason, it's up to you.
You can do it.

299
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,061
Remember, you're a Melon!

300
00:19:09,096 --> 00:19:13,226
Dad, that's easy for you to say.
You don't have to do any of it.

301
00:19:15,636 --> 00:19:17,968
OK, then.
I'll do it with you.

302
00:19:19,306 --> 00:19:20,796
What do you mean,
you'll do it with me?

303
00:19:20,841 --> 00:19:23,207
I mean just what I said.

304
00:19:23,243 --> 00:19:25,211
I'm going to college.
What do you think?

305
00:19:25,245 --> 00:19:27,713
What do I think?
I think you're nuts.

306
00:19:27,748 --> 00:19:31,548
Nuts, huh? Who made the rules?
Come here. I'm going to college!

307
00:19:31,585 --> 00:19:33,109
I'm going to college!

308
00:19:36,023 --> 00:19:38,617
Let me get this straight,
Mr. Melon.

309
00:19:38,659 --> 00:19:42,186
You wish to enter
this widely esteemed...

310
00:19:42,229 --> 00:19:44,663
Grand Lakes University of ours
as a freshman?

311
00:19:44,698 --> 00:19:46,495
That's right, Dean Martin.

312
00:19:47,634 --> 00:19:51,161
- Are you comfortable?
- I'm fine, yeah.

313
00:19:51,205 --> 00:19:53,264
Oh, the chair. I'm sorry.

314
00:19:56,343 --> 00:19:59,176
This is an awkward moment
for me, Mr. Melon...

315
00:19:59,213 --> 00:20:01,579
since I realize you're
a highly respected member...

316
00:20:01,615 --> 00:20:03,105
of our business community.

317
00:20:03,150 --> 00:20:05,983
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

318
00:20:06,019 --> 00:20:09,580
Our student body here
is handpicked by me...

319
00:20:09,623 --> 00:20:11,090
from the crème de la crème...

320
00:20:11,124 --> 00:20:14,252
of students all across
this great land of ours.

321
00:20:14,294 --> 00:20:16,319
That's one of the things
I like about this place.

322
00:20:16,363 --> 00:20:18,388
Yes. The point is, though...

323
00:20:18,432 --> 00:20:20,400
since you have
no high school diploma...

324
00:20:20,434 --> 00:20:23,870
and no transcripts of any kind,
no S.A.T. Scores...

325
00:20:23,904 --> 00:20:27,601
and you're 30 to 40 years older
than our average freshman...

326
00:20:27,641 --> 00:20:30,371
how can this university
ever see its way clear...

327
00:20:30,410 --> 00:20:32,810
to accept you as a student?

328
00:20:32,846 --> 00:20:35,406
As Calvin Coolidge once said...

329
00:20:35,449 --> 00:20:38,475
"The business of America
is business"...

330
00:20:38,518 --> 00:20:41,043
and the business of
an educational institution...

331
00:20:41,088 --> 00:20:43,716
such as ours
is to create young minds...

332
00:20:43,757 --> 00:20:45,657
that understand that
the business of America...

333
00:20:45,692 --> 00:20:49,389
is the kind of business
that it actually is.

334
00:20:49,429 --> 00:20:53,422
So, whatever it is that
I have said here today...

335
00:20:53,467 --> 00:20:58,097
the point is
that we are here to honor...

336
00:20:58,138 --> 00:21:01,232
our most generous benefactor...

337
00:21:01,275 --> 00:21:04,005
and newest freshman...

338
00:21:04,044 --> 00:21:05,807
the man who's
made it possible...

339
00:21:05,846 --> 00:21:08,747
for us to break ground
here today...

340
00:21:08,782 --> 00:21:11,080
Mr. Thornton Melon.

341
00:21:14,221 --> 00:21:16,587
Dean Martin, great speech.

342
00:21:16,623 --> 00:21:18,989
There's nothing like good,
clean business, huh?

343
00:21:19,026 --> 00:21:22,086
And a little monkey business.

344
00:21:22,129 --> 00:21:25,360
Oh, Philip. I'm so glad
you could make it.

345
00:21:25,399 --> 00:21:27,799
Mr. Melon, I'd like for you
to meet Dr. Philip Barbay...

346
00:21:27,834 --> 00:21:31,895
who's the dean
of our school of business.

347
00:21:31,938 --> 00:21:33,701
David, I just want
to get it on record...

348
00:21:33,740 --> 00:21:35,332
that I am totally against this.

349
00:21:35,375 --> 00:21:37,502
I don't think
that selling admission...

350
00:21:37,544 --> 00:21:39,603
to an obviously
unqualified student...

351
00:21:39,646 --> 00:21:42,137
is very ethical or honorable.

352
00:21:42,182 --> 00:21:45,709
Right, Phil,
but I'd just like to say...

353
00:21:45,752 --> 00:21:48,050
in all fairness
to Mr. Melon here...

354
00:21:48,088 --> 00:21:51,057
it was a really big check.

355
00:21:51,091 --> 00:21:53,184
It's a simple matter
of this man's presence...

356
00:21:53,226 --> 00:21:56,195
undermining the efforts
of our legitimate students...

357
00:21:56,229 --> 00:21:58,197
who are here as a result
of hard work.

358
00:21:58,231 --> 00:21:59,528
Hard work?

359
00:21:59,566 --> 00:22:02,262
Listen, Sherlock, while you were
tucked away up here...

360
00:22:02,302 --> 00:22:04,270
working on your ethics,
I was out there...

361
00:22:04,304 --> 00:22:06,329
busting my hump
in the real world.

362
00:22:06,373 --> 00:22:08,568
And the reason guys like you
got a place to teach...

363
00:22:08,608 --> 00:22:10,701
is 'cause guys like me
donate buildings.

364
00:22:10,744 --> 00:22:13,975
I wasn't speaking to you,
Mr. Melon.

365
00:22:20,954 --> 00:22:23,218
I don't think
Dr. Barbay understands...

366
00:22:23,256 --> 00:22:26,089
the actual amounts
that are involved here.

367
00:22:26,126 --> 00:22:30,358
Mr. Melon, will you take
the ceremonial shovel?

368
00:22:30,397 --> 00:22:31,364
Thank you.

369
00:22:31,398 --> 00:22:34,265
And dig into the symbolic dirt.

370
00:22:36,903 --> 00:22:41,863
I hereby dedicate
this building to... myself.

371
00:22:54,087 --> 00:22:56,078
Now, Dad, it's just like
we talked about.

372
00:22:56,123 --> 00:22:58,091
You sign up for whatever
interests you, OK?

373
00:22:58,125 --> 00:22:59,854
We're gonna get
on the astronomy line...

374
00:22:59,893 --> 00:23:01,884
before it closes up.
See you later.

375
00:23:03,697 --> 00:23:07,656
Look at this.
This is worse than the track.

376
00:23:07,701 --> 00:23:09,293
You want me to move
some people for you?

377
00:23:09,336 --> 00:23:10,394
No, don't push anybody around.

378
00:23:10,437 --> 00:23:13,031
This is college.
Let me think for a minute.

379
00:23:13,073 --> 00:23:14,665
What are you gonna do?

380
00:23:14,708 --> 00:23:17,074
Come on. I got an idea.

381
00:23:17,110 --> 00:23:18,077
Did you get
everything you want?

382
00:23:18,111 --> 00:23:20,807
I got the Latin
and the Sanskrit...

383
00:23:20,847 --> 00:23:22,474
but then they canceled
my Ancient Greek.

384
00:23:22,516 --> 00:23:24,484
Just blew my whole
dead languages motif.

385
00:23:24,518 --> 00:23:26,645
What are you looking at?

386
00:23:40,567 --> 00:23:42,967
You OK?

387
00:23:43,003 --> 00:23:46,530
Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

388
00:23:46,573 --> 00:23:48,939
I'm just upset
because they closed botany.

389
00:23:48,975 --> 00:23:50,943
Those bastards!

390
00:23:50,977 --> 00:23:53,138
Well, I'm not that upset.

391
00:23:54,481 --> 00:23:57,211
At least, I won't be
if I get into astronomy.

392
00:23:57,250 --> 00:23:59,548
You want to cut
into line with us?

393
00:23:59,586 --> 00:24:00,644
'Cause we're already waiting.

394
00:24:00,687 --> 00:24:03,520
Yes. Yeah, I would.

395
00:24:03,557 --> 00:24:04,649
Great. All right.

396
00:24:08,562 --> 00:24:10,427
Oh, this is Derek.

397
00:24:10,464 --> 00:24:13,297
Hi.

398
00:24:13,333 --> 00:24:15,130
I'm Valerie Desmond.

399
00:24:15,168 --> 00:24:17,159
Yeah, I know.

400
00:24:18,538 --> 00:24:21,507
- I'm Jason Melon.
- Hi.

401
00:24:25,579 --> 00:24:27,809
- Hey, Valerie.
- Hi.

402
00:24:27,848 --> 00:24:29,315
God, you look great.

403
00:24:29,349 --> 00:24:31,943
Thanks. Are you taking
astronomy, too?

404
00:24:31,985 --> 00:24:33,885
Yeah, I guess so.

405
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:35,979
I don't really want to.
I'm a business major.

406
00:24:36,022 --> 00:24:39,048
But for some reason,
they want us to take a science.

407
00:24:39,092 --> 00:24:41,060
You mind if I sneak
in the line with you?

408
00:24:41,094 --> 00:24:43,995
Actually, these guys were
nice enough to let me in...

409
00:24:44,030 --> 00:24:47,431
so it's really
up to them, I guess.

410
00:24:47,467 --> 00:24:49,230
Melon, buddy?

411
00:24:49,269 --> 00:24:51,760
Whaddaya say? Let me in, OK?

412
00:24:51,805 --> 00:24:54,239
I don't think so, Osbourne.

413
00:24:54,274 --> 00:24:56,333
Melon, your friend...
straighten him out.

414
00:24:56,376 --> 00:24:57,968
Look, Chas,
there's a lot of people waiting.

415
00:24:58,011 --> 00:25:00,605
It wouldn't really be fair.

416
00:25:00,647 --> 00:25:01,807
I'll tell you what.

417
00:25:01,848 --> 00:25:05,909
Maybe if you got a note
from each of these people...

418
00:25:05,952 --> 00:25:08,079
saying that it was all right,
then we'd reconsider...

419
00:25:08,121 --> 00:25:09,918
but until that day,
take a hike...

420
00:25:09,956 --> 00:25:13,050
you elitist fraternity scumbag.

421
00:25:16,730 --> 00:25:18,789
I won't forget this, Melon.

422
00:25:18,832 --> 00:25:20,595
I'll see you at the pool.

423
00:25:20,634 --> 00:25:21,999
- Bye, Val.
- Bye.

424
00:25:22,035 --> 00:25:23,627
Thank you. I'm dead.

425
00:25:23,670 --> 00:25:25,638
You're not gonna believe this!

426
00:25:25,672 --> 00:25:28,266
- You're kidding!
- I'm not kidding! Just go!

427
00:25:28,308 --> 00:25:29,969
He's out there!

428
00:25:40,153 --> 00:25:43,554
Bruce! Bruce! Bruce! Bruce!

429
00:25:48,495 --> 00:25:49,894
Where is he?

430
00:25:49,930 --> 00:25:51,056
I don't know, kid.

431
00:25:51,097 --> 00:25:52,792
All I know is I'm supposed
to pick him up here.

432
00:25:52,832 --> 00:25:54,800
- When?
- Now.

433
00:25:54,834 --> 00:25:57,530
Come on, let's register.

434
00:26:06,212 --> 00:26:07,736
Hey, you guys
get everything you need?

435
00:26:07,781 --> 00:26:09,043
Oh, yeah, we got it.

436
00:26:09,082 --> 00:26:10,674
Good. What's with
the used books?

437
00:26:10,717 --> 00:26:13,117
- What's wrong with used books?
- They've already been read.

438
00:26:13,153 --> 00:26:14,950
And they've already been
underlined.

439
00:26:14,988 --> 00:26:16,216
That's the problem.

440
00:26:16,256 --> 00:26:18,486
The guy who underlined them
could have been a maniac.

441
00:26:18,525 --> 00:26:21,824
Get these guys some new books.

442
00:26:21,861 --> 00:26:24,796
Charge it to me, too.
Here, pick a card.

443
00:26:25,999 --> 00:26:28,832
And I'm taking four
of those school sweaters...

444
00:26:28,868 --> 00:26:31,564
a bunch of pennants,
some of those beer mugs...

445
00:26:31,605 --> 00:26:34,199
a few of these fuzz balls
you cheer with, and...

446
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:37,471
Hey, folks, it's on me!
Shakespeare for everyone, OK?

447
00:26:39,079 --> 00:26:42,014
You, too, honey.
I'd like to tame your shrew.

448
00:26:42,048 --> 00:26:45,882
- Who is that?
- That is Mr. Thornton Melon...

449
00:26:45,919 --> 00:26:48,581
the world's oldest
living freshman...

450
00:26:48,622 --> 00:26:51,648
and the walking epitome of
the decline of modern education.

451
00:26:51,691 --> 00:26:54,091
The stupid clod thinks he can
buy his way out of the gutter.

452
00:26:54,127 --> 00:26:56,425
I don't think so.
He was just having fun.

453
00:26:56,463 --> 00:27:01,127
Oh, really? Well, I can't wait
to get him in my class.

454
00:27:01,167 --> 00:27:03,294
We'll see how much fun
he is then.

455
00:27:03,336 --> 00:27:04,496
Oh, Philip.

456
00:27:04,537 --> 00:27:07,563
Hey, Mr. M! You're all set.
We've been working all night.

457
00:27:07,607 --> 00:27:09,165
We got it all done.

458
00:27:09,209 --> 00:27:11,040
Thanks, Buzzy.
I appreciate it.

459
00:27:11,077 --> 00:27:14,376
Add a few hundred to the bill
and throw your boys a party.

460
00:27:14,414 --> 00:27:17,542
You know what you got, Mr. M?
You got class.

461
00:27:17,584 --> 00:27:20,781
It rubbed off from you, Buzzy.
Say hello to Sonia for me, huh?

462
00:27:20,820 --> 00:27:22,014
You got it.

463
00:27:22,055 --> 00:27:24,956
I want to talk to you
about my schedule.

464
00:27:24,991 --> 00:27:27,152
We'll go over it later.

465
00:27:39,973 --> 00:27:42,305
Well, boys,
what do you think?

466
00:27:42,342 --> 00:27:44,207
Got a hot tub in there!

467
00:27:44,244 --> 00:27:46,405
How can you study
if you're not relaxed?

468
00:27:46,446 --> 00:27:47,606
When's our first class?

469
00:27:47,647 --> 00:27:49,808
We got economics
tomorrow at 11:00.

470
00:27:49,849 --> 00:27:51,009
11:00? No good.

471
00:27:51,051 --> 00:27:53,212
I got a massage at 11:00.
Tell them to make it 2:00.

472
00:27:53,253 --> 00:27:56,416
No, Dad, you don't get it.

473
00:27:56,456 --> 00:28:00,586
They're not gonna reschedule
the classes around your massage.

474
00:28:00,627 --> 00:28:03,187
All right, 11:00.
But I'm gonna talk to that dean.

475
00:28:03,229 --> 00:28:05,720
These classes can be
a real inconvenience.

476
00:28:05,765 --> 00:28:08,233
All right, settle down, people.

477
00:28:08,268 --> 00:28:11,260
We've got a lot to cover,
and time is short.

478
00:28:15,075 --> 00:28:18,101
There are two kinds of people
in business today...

479
00:28:18,144 --> 00:28:20,112
the quick and the dead.

480
00:28:20,146 --> 00:28:23,274
So, rather than waste
your time this semester...

481
00:28:23,316 --> 00:28:25,750
with a lot of
useless theories...

482
00:28:25,785 --> 00:28:27,810
we're going to jump right in
with both feet...

483
00:28:27,854 --> 00:28:30,755
and create a fictional company
from the ground up.

484
00:28:30,790 --> 00:28:33,816
We'll construct
our physical plant...

485
00:28:33,860 --> 00:28:36,260
we'll set up
an efficient administrative...

486
00:28:36,296 --> 00:28:38,093
and executive structure...

487
00:28:38,131 --> 00:28:41,726
then we'll manufacture
our product and market it.

488
00:28:41,768 --> 00:28:44,430
I think you'll find it very
interesting and a lot of fun.

489
00:28:44,471 --> 00:28:48,032
So, let's start by looking
at construction costs...

490
00:28:48,074 --> 00:28:50,065
of our new factory.

491
00:28:50,110 --> 00:28:52,305
What's the product?

492
00:28:52,345 --> 00:28:53,539
That is immaterial...

493
00:28:53,580 --> 00:28:55,707
for the purposes
of our discussion here...

494
00:28:55,749 --> 00:28:57,512
but if it makes you happy...

495
00:28:57,550 --> 00:28:59,711
let's say we're making
tape recorders.

496
00:28:59,753 --> 00:29:01,744
Tape recorders?
Are you kiddin'?

497
00:29:01,788 --> 00:29:05,246
The Japs will kill us
on the labor costs.

498
00:29:05,291 --> 00:29:07,259
OK, fine.

499
00:29:07,293 --> 00:29:10,057
Then let's just say
they're widgets.

500
00:29:10,096 --> 00:29:11,996
What's a widget?

501
00:29:12,031 --> 00:29:15,330
It's a fictional product.
It doesn't matter.

502
00:29:15,368 --> 00:29:17,427
Doesn't matter.
Tell that to the bank.

503
00:29:17,470 --> 00:29:19,597
Take it easy.
It's the first day.

504
00:29:19,639 --> 00:29:23,097
On the board,
you will see a cost analysis...

505
00:29:23,143 --> 00:29:25,737
for construction of
a 30,000 square-foot facility...

506
00:29:25,779 --> 00:29:28,475
which will encompass
both factory and office space...

507
00:29:28,515 --> 00:29:31,416
and is fully serviced
by all utilities...

508
00:29:31,451 --> 00:29:34,614
a railroad spur line
and a four-bay shipping dock.

509
00:29:34,654 --> 00:29:37,748
Hold it, hold it. Why build?
You're better off leasing...

510
00:29:37,791 --> 00:29:40,259
at a buck and a quarter,
a buck and a half a square foot.

511
00:29:40,293 --> 00:29:42,989
Take your down payment
and put it into CDs...

512
00:29:43,029 --> 00:29:45,259
or something else you can roll
over every couple of months.

513
00:29:45,298 --> 00:29:46,822
Thank you, Mr. Melon...

514
00:29:46,866 --> 00:29:49,664
but we'll be concentrating
on finance...

515
00:29:49,702 --> 00:29:52,262
a little later in the term.

516
00:29:52,305 --> 00:29:54,432
For the time being,
let's just concentrate...

517
00:29:54,474 --> 00:29:56,806
on the construction figures,
shall we?

518
00:29:56,843 --> 00:30:00,040
You'll see the final bottom line
requires the factoring in...

519
00:30:00,079 --> 00:30:02,547
of not just the material
and construction costs...

520
00:30:02,582 --> 00:30:07,542
but also the architects' fees
and the cost of land servicing.

521
00:30:07,587 --> 00:30:09,919
Oh, you left out
a bunch of stuff.

522
00:30:09,956 --> 00:30:11,924
Oh, really?

523
00:30:11,958 --> 00:30:13,983
Like what, for instance?

524
00:30:14,027 --> 00:30:17,326
First of all, you have to grease
the local politicians...

525
00:30:17,363 --> 00:30:19,558
for the sudden zoning problems
that always come up.

526
00:30:19,599 --> 00:30:22,193
Then there's the kickbacks
to the carpenters.

527
00:30:22,235 --> 00:30:24,203
And if you plan on using
any cement in this building...

528
00:30:24,237 --> 00:30:25,727
I'm sure the teamsters
would like to have...

529
00:30:25,772 --> 00:30:27,831
a little chat with you,
and that'll cost you.

530
00:30:27,874 --> 00:30:30,536
Don't forget a little something
for the building inspectors.

531
00:30:30,577 --> 00:30:33,671
There's the long-term costs,
such as waste disposal.

532
00:30:33,713 --> 00:30:35,738
I don't know if you're familiar
with who runs that business...

533
00:30:35,782 --> 00:30:37,841
but I assure you
it's not the boy scouts.

534
00:30:37,884 --> 00:30:39,249
That will be quite enough,
Mr. Melon.

535
00:30:39,285 --> 00:30:41,412
Maybe bribes and kickbacks...

536
00:30:41,454 --> 00:30:44,821
and Mafia payoffs
are how you do business...

537
00:30:44,858 --> 00:30:47,622
but they are not part of
the legitimate business world...

538
00:30:47,660 --> 00:30:49,560
and they're certainly
not part of anything...

539
00:30:49,596 --> 00:30:52,064
I'm teaching in this class.
Do I make myself clear?

540
00:30:52,098 --> 00:30:54,931
Sorry. Just trying to help.
That's all.

541
00:30:54,968 --> 00:31:00,031
Now, notwithstanding
Mr. Melon's input...

542
00:31:00,073 --> 00:31:04,203
the next question for us is
where to build our factory.

543
00:31:04,244 --> 00:31:06,678
How about Fantasyland?

544
00:31:10,216 --> 00:31:13,117
My first class.
I did good, huh?

545
00:31:13,152 --> 00:31:15,552
You better cool it
with Dr. Barbay.

546
00:31:15,588 --> 00:31:17,351
Dr. Barbay, he don't know dick.

547
00:31:17,390 --> 00:31:19,324
He really tells it
like it ain't.

548
00:31:19,359 --> 00:31:21,919
Know what he knows how to do?
Flunk you.

549
00:31:21,961 --> 00:31:24,327
Flunk me? Flunk him.

550
00:31:24,364 --> 00:31:27,128
Great attitude. Do you know
where your next class is?

551
00:31:27,166 --> 00:31:30,135
Contemporary American history.
Professor Turgeson.

552
00:31:30,169 --> 00:31:32,603
- Turgeson?
- You know him? Is he good?

553
00:31:32,639 --> 00:31:34,971
Well, he's really committed.

554
00:31:35,008 --> 00:31:37,238
In fact, I think he was.
Just keep your head down...

555
00:31:37,277 --> 00:31:39,040
and your mouth shut.
You should be all right.

556
00:31:39,078 --> 00:31:40,602
- I'll see you in English.
- All right.

557
00:31:40,647 --> 00:31:44,139
Welcome to Contemporary
American history.

558
00:31:44,183 --> 00:31:46,378
I'm Professor Turgeson.

559
00:31:46,419 --> 00:31:48,887
I know a lot of people
think history is just facts...

560
00:31:48,922 --> 00:31:52,915
just information about the past,
but not me.

561
00:31:52,959 --> 00:31:56,258
I hold history
very sacred. Sacred.

562
00:31:56,296 --> 00:31:58,787
The way a farmer looks at
the Earth and holds it sacred.

563
00:31:58,831 --> 00:32:00,822
The way a Christian
takes the Bible...

564
00:32:00,867 --> 00:32:02,129
and he holds it sacred.

565
00:32:02,168 --> 00:32:05,103
The way a lot of people
hold their marriage sacred.

566
00:32:05,138 --> 00:32:07,470
That's how I feel about it.
So why don't we dive right in...

567
00:32:07,507 --> 00:32:10,271
by interpreting
one of the easiest events...

568
00:32:10,310 --> 00:32:13,507
in the last twenty years
of American history.

569
00:32:13,546 --> 00:32:15,980
Now, can someone tell me...

570
00:32:16,015 --> 00:32:20,452
why, in 1975, we pulled
our troops out of Vietnam?

571
00:32:21,988 --> 00:32:24,752
The failure of Vietnamization
to win popular support...

572
00:32:24,791 --> 00:32:26,759
caused an ongoing erosion
of confidence...

573
00:32:26,793 --> 00:32:30,024
in the various American...
but illegal... Saigon regimes.

574
00:32:34,434 --> 00:32:35,628
Is she right?

575
00:32:37,837 --> 00:32:39,395
'Cause I know
that's the popular version...

576
00:32:39,439 --> 00:32:40,770
of what went on there.

577
00:32:40,807 --> 00:32:42,866
I know a lot of people
like to believe that.

578
00:32:42,909 --> 00:32:44,934
I wish I could,
but I was there.

579
00:32:44,978 --> 00:32:46,468
I wasn't here in a classroom...

580
00:32:46,512 --> 00:32:48,036
hoping I was right,
thinking about it.

581
00:32:48,081 --> 00:32:50,811
I was up to my knees
in rice paddies...

582
00:32:50,850 --> 00:32:53,318
with guns that didn't work,
going up against Charlie...

583
00:32:53,353 --> 00:32:56,288
slugging it out with him,
while pussies like you...

584
00:32:56,322 --> 00:32:59,189
were back here partyin',
puttin' headbands on...

585
00:32:59,225 --> 00:33:02,160
doin' drugs, listening
to the goddamn Beatle albums!

586
00:33:04,897 --> 00:33:06,831
Hey, Professor,
take it easy, will ya?

587
00:33:06,866 --> 00:33:09,733
These kids were in grade school
at the time.

588
00:33:09,769 --> 00:33:11,066
And me...

589
00:33:11,104 --> 00:33:13,937
I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover.

590
00:33:17,810 --> 00:33:20,711
Well, I didn't know you wanted
to get involved...

591
00:33:20,747 --> 00:33:24,114
with the discussion,
Mr. Helper.

592
00:33:24,150 --> 00:33:27,586
But since you want to help,
maybe you can help me, OK?

593
00:33:27,620 --> 00:33:29,520
You remember that thing
we had about thirty years ago...

594
00:33:29,555 --> 00:33:30,920
called the Korean conflict?

595
00:33:30,957 --> 00:33:34,154
Yeah. Where we failed
to achieve victory.

596
00:33:34,193 --> 00:33:36,593
How come we didn't cross
the 38th parallel...

597
00:33:36,629 --> 00:33:39,689
and push those rice-eaters back
to the Great Wall of China...

598
00:33:39,732 --> 00:33:41,723
and take it apart
brick by brick...

599
00:33:41,768 --> 00:33:44,202
and nuke them back into
the fuckin' stone age forever?

600
00:33:44,237 --> 00:33:47,695
How come? Tell me?
Why? Say it! Say it!

601
00:33:47,740 --> 00:33:49,901
All right, I'll say it.

602
00:33:49,942 --> 00:33:52,035
'Cause Truman was too much
of a pussy wimp...

603
00:33:52,078 --> 00:33:55,707
to let MacArthur go in and blow
out those commie bastards!

604
00:33:57,417 --> 00:34:00,545
Good answer. Good answer.

605
00:34:01,988 --> 00:34:04,752
I like the way you think.

606
00:34:04,791 --> 00:34:08,192
I'm gonna be watching you.

607
00:34:10,396 --> 00:34:13,661
Good teacher.
He really seems to care.

608
00:34:13,699 --> 00:34:16,031
About what, I have no idea.

609
00:34:17,103 --> 00:34:18,968
College is all right,
I'll tell you that.

610
00:34:19,005 --> 00:34:21,337
Hey, buddy, be my guest.
Here's a pen.

611
00:34:21,374 --> 00:34:25,208
Boys, here's a couple of pens,
in case you learn how to write.

612
00:34:25,244 --> 00:34:27,508
- I know you.
- Oh, yeah? Here's a pen.

613
00:34:27,547 --> 00:34:29,777
You do those
obnoxious commercials.

614
00:34:29,816 --> 00:34:31,147
You're tall and fat.

615
00:34:31,184 --> 00:34:35,177
Yeah, you're short and ugly.
Give me the pen back, will ya?

616
00:34:35,221 --> 00:34:37,451
Honey, here's a pen.

617
00:34:37,490 --> 00:34:39,890
Boys, how are ya?

618
00:35:01,714 --> 00:35:03,147
"And Gibraltar is a girl...

619
00:35:03,182 --> 00:35:05,844
"where I was a flower
of the mountain.

620
00:35:05,885 --> 00:35:07,853
"Yes, when I put
the rose in my hair...

621
00:35:07,887 --> 00:35:09,354
"like the
Andalusian girls used.

622
00:35:09,388 --> 00:35:11,447
"Or shall I wear red?

623
00:35:11,491 --> 00:35:14,324
"Yes. And how he kissed me
under the Moorish wall...

624
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:15,486
"and I thought...

625
00:35:15,528 --> 00:35:17,462
"well, as well him as another.

626
00:35:17,497 --> 00:35:19,795
"And then I ask him
with my eyes to ask again.

627
00:35:19,832 --> 00:35:23,495
"Yes. And then he asked me
would I yes to say yes.

628
00:35:23,536 --> 00:35:25,094
"My mountain flower.

629
00:35:25,138 --> 00:35:27,436
"And first I put my arms
around him, yes...

630
00:35:27,473 --> 00:35:28,940
"and drew him down to me...

631
00:35:28,975 --> 00:35:31,603
"so he could feel my breasts
all perfumed, yes...

632
00:35:31,644 --> 00:35:33,942
"and his heart was going
like mad, and yes...

633
00:35:33,980 --> 00:35:35,971
"I said, yes, I will, yes."

634
00:35:36,015 --> 00:35:39,212
Yes! Yes!

635
00:35:44,390 --> 00:35:46,358
Thanks for the vote
of confidence.

636
00:35:46,392 --> 00:35:47,859
I think Joyce
is pretty hot, too.

637
00:35:47,894 --> 00:35:49,794
And now that
I've got your attention...

638
00:35:49,829 --> 00:35:51,228
I'd like to run down
the reading list...

639
00:35:51,264 --> 00:35:54,324
for the semester.
See what else turns you on.

640
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:02,002
What a woman.

641
00:36:02,041 --> 00:36:04,339
Dad, she is the teacher.

642
00:36:04,377 --> 00:36:05,867
I know. I like teachers.

643
00:36:05,912 --> 00:36:08,244
If you do something wrong,
they make you do it over again.

644
00:36:10,016 --> 00:36:12,507
Don't you think maybe
you should just take some notes?

645
00:36:12,552 --> 00:36:15,112
Yeah, yeah.

646
00:36:15,154 --> 00:36:19,056
I gave away all my pens.

647
00:36:19,091 --> 00:36:21,457
I'm sorry. I need this back.

648
00:36:21,494 --> 00:36:23,655
Here's a calendar for you.

649
00:36:26,999 --> 00:36:28,193
Oh, hiya.

650
00:36:28,234 --> 00:36:31,101
Hello, Mr. Melon.
You waiting for me?

651
00:36:31,137 --> 00:36:33,833
Yes, I was. Look,
I know I'm only a freshman...

652
00:36:33,873 --> 00:36:36,239
but what do you say
you and I have dinner tonight?

653
00:36:36,275 --> 00:36:39,540
We could talk about Joyce.
She's my favorite writer.

654
00:36:41,581 --> 00:36:44,106
You're not the usual freshman,
but I'm sorry, I can't.

655
00:36:44,150 --> 00:36:46,015
The thing is,
I'm sort of going with someone.

656
00:36:46,052 --> 00:36:48,213
Oh. Where you going?

657
00:36:48,254 --> 00:36:50,745
That's a good question.

658
00:36:50,790 --> 00:36:53,452
Actually, I'd like to join you,
but I have class tonight.

659
00:36:53,492 --> 00:36:56,757
- How about tomorrow night?
- I have class then, too.

660
00:36:56,796 --> 00:36:58,525
I'll tell you what, then.

661
00:36:58,564 --> 00:37:02,523
Why don't you call me
when you have no class?

662
00:37:02,568 --> 00:37:04,798
All right. Maybe I will.

663
00:37:10,676 --> 00:37:13,167
Hello, Philip.

664
00:37:13,212 --> 00:37:15,339
What did he want?

665
00:37:15,381 --> 00:37:18,282
Oh, what do all men want?

666
00:37:18,317 --> 00:37:20,251
He wants you to dress up
as Wonder Woman...

667
00:37:20,286 --> 00:37:23,813
tie him up with a golden lariat
and force him to tell the truth?

668
00:37:23,856 --> 00:37:26,256
No, just dinner, Philip.

669
00:37:26,292 --> 00:37:29,386
Are you jealous
of Thornton Melon?

670
00:37:29,428 --> 00:37:31,487
Certainly not.

671
00:37:31,530 --> 00:37:34,431
I've been doing a great deal
of thinking lately.

672
00:37:34,467 --> 00:37:37,732
I've been thinking about us.

673
00:37:37,770 --> 00:37:40,238
- And?
- And I think...

674
00:37:40,273 --> 00:37:43,640
we should start thinking
about forming a...

675
00:37:43,676 --> 00:37:45,405
well, um...

676
00:37:45,444 --> 00:37:46,570
A merger?

677
00:37:46,612 --> 00:37:48,978
A merger, exactly.
Exactly, a merger.

678
00:37:49,015 --> 00:37:51,575
A partnership.
Seriously, Diane...

679
00:37:51,617 --> 00:37:54,313
we're both intelligent,
well-educated adults.

680
00:37:54,353 --> 00:37:58,653
We should be together.
Incorporated, if you will.

681
00:37:58,691 --> 00:38:03,822
Look at the balance sheet.
We were made for one another.

682
00:38:03,863 --> 00:38:05,228
Oh, Philip, you darling.

683
00:38:05,264 --> 00:38:07,425
I don't want to be merged
or incorporated.

684
00:38:07,466 --> 00:38:11,334
I want to have fun
and be romanced and be loved.

685
00:38:13,205 --> 00:38:15,298
So let's not rush
into anything.

686
00:38:15,341 --> 00:38:18,174
Let's just start
by having fun, OK?

687
00:38:22,114 --> 00:38:24,412
Hey, how are you?
What's happening?

688
00:38:24,450 --> 00:38:25,644
Hi!

689
00:38:25,685 --> 00:38:27,585
A lot of people are talking
about your dad, man.

690
00:38:27,620 --> 00:38:29,554
What's happening?

691
00:38:29,588 --> 00:38:32,386
Hey, boys, how ya doin'?

692
00:38:32,425 --> 00:38:34,757
I wonder why.

693
00:38:36,295 --> 00:38:37,956
They have lockers.

694
00:38:37,997 --> 00:38:40,124
You could've changed here.

695
00:38:40,166 --> 00:38:42,157
I don't change
in front of guys.

696
00:38:42,201 --> 00:38:44,066
Next thing you know, you're
showering with the fellas.

697
00:38:44,103 --> 00:38:45,502
And the next thing you know...

698
00:38:45,538 --> 00:38:47,472
you're pinned to a sophomore
named Chip.

699
00:38:47,506 --> 00:38:49,064
Come on, let's go, huh?

700
00:38:49,108 --> 00:38:50,700
I'll see you later.

701
00:39:21,474 --> 00:39:23,874
That was pretty good.

702
00:39:23,909 --> 00:39:25,706
Next time, hold the pike
a little longer.

703
00:39:27,913 --> 00:39:30,006
Wait a minute.
I'll be right down.

704
00:39:54,006 --> 00:39:56,440
Not bad.

705
00:39:56,475 --> 00:39:58,966
All right, let's see one more.

706
00:40:00,179 --> 00:40:01,578
Like I showed you.

707
00:40:01,614 --> 00:40:02,774
All right.

708
00:40:08,747 --> 00:40:11,648
What's a guy your age
doing here with these kids?

709
00:40:11,684 --> 00:40:15,313
I'm lookin' for the fountain
of middle age.

710
00:40:15,354 --> 00:40:16,719
What's your story?

711
00:40:16,755 --> 00:40:19,246
I'm setting the new record for
the most consecutive losses...

712
00:40:19,291 --> 00:40:22,192
by a diving coach
in this conference.

713
00:40:22,228 --> 00:40:24,492
Hey, remember,
hold that pike longer.

714
00:40:24,530 --> 00:40:26,828
- That your kid?
- Yeah.

715
00:40:26,865 --> 00:40:29,095
Who coached him in high school?

716
00:40:29,134 --> 00:40:30,624
Yours truly.

717
00:40:30,669 --> 00:40:32,296
So, where did you learn
how to dive?

718
00:40:32,338 --> 00:40:35,774
Atlantic City. The Steel Pier.
I was in the water show.

719
00:40:35,808 --> 00:40:37,332
I used to open
for the diving horse.

720
00:40:37,376 --> 00:40:39,276
You're kiddin'.
I'm from Jersey.

721
00:40:39,311 --> 00:40:42,644
I practically spent
my entire life on that pier.

722
00:40:42,681 --> 00:40:45,241
There was a guy,
did the most amazing dive...

723
00:40:45,284 --> 00:40:46,945
called the Triple Lindy.

724
00:40:46,986 --> 00:40:48,681
Hardest dive
I ever saw in my life.

725
00:40:48,721 --> 00:40:51,417
- Who was that guy?
- Yours truly.

726
00:40:51,457 --> 00:40:52,924
You're kiddin'.

727
00:40:52,958 --> 00:40:54,721
I don't joke about dives.

728
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:56,557
Especially that one.
It almost killed me.

729
00:40:56,595 --> 00:40:59,655
Boy, you were somethin' else.

730
00:40:59,698 --> 00:41:01,723
Hey, can your kid do that dive?

731
00:41:01,767 --> 00:41:04,827
Nah, nobody can.
It's too dangerous.

732
00:41:04,870 --> 00:41:07,839
You know, he tried out
for the team last semester.

733
00:41:07,873 --> 00:41:09,238
He didn't do that good.

734
00:41:09,275 --> 00:41:12,267
Not that good, huh? Watch this.

735
00:41:12,311 --> 00:41:15,075
Jason, do the two and a half!

736
00:41:29,728 --> 00:41:31,855
Not bad.

737
00:41:33,565 --> 00:41:34,862
My main Melon.
Come on, man...

738
00:41:34,900 --> 00:41:36,390
there's a pep rally
for the football team.

739
00:41:36,435 --> 00:41:38,426
- Let's go. We're there.
- Whoa, wait. What is this?

740
00:41:38,470 --> 00:41:41,735
Me and Standish and Redding
are doing the anti-pep rally...

741
00:41:41,774 --> 00:41:44,572
to point out that a violent
ground acquisition game...

742
00:41:44,610 --> 00:41:45,941
such as football is, in fact...

743
00:41:45,978 --> 00:41:47,775
a crypto-fascist metaphor
for nuclear war.

744
00:41:47,813 --> 00:41:49,906
It sounds like
a lot of laughs...

745
00:41:49,948 --> 00:41:51,279
but I'm supposed
to meet my dad and study.

746
00:41:51,317 --> 00:41:52,784
He's supposed
to be here already.

747
00:41:52,818 --> 00:41:54,786
OK, well...

748
00:41:54,820 --> 00:41:57,880
if you change your mind, pal,
you know where I'll be.

749
00:41:57,923 --> 00:42:01,586
If I change my mind,
I'll seek psychiatric help.

750
00:42:20,412 --> 00:42:21,606
Excuse me.

751
00:42:21,647 --> 00:42:25,105
What is the Oort system
and what does it tell us?

752
00:42:27,152 --> 00:42:29,120
What? I'm sorry.

753
00:42:29,154 --> 00:42:32,612
Astronomy, chapter two.

754
00:42:32,658 --> 00:42:34,853
Oh, Oort, Oort.

755
00:42:34,893 --> 00:42:37,418
Oort was this scientist,
and he figured out...

756
00:42:37,463 --> 00:42:41,797
that the smeared-out density
of matter can be no greater...

757
00:42:41,834 --> 00:42:45,031
than the solar mass
per cubic parsec.

758
00:42:45,070 --> 00:42:47,095
You look thrilled.
It's not my theory.

759
00:42:48,507 --> 00:42:51,476
Thanks, that helps a lot.

760
00:42:52,478 --> 00:42:54,673
Listen, I was
just wondering...

761
00:42:54,713 --> 00:42:56,305
would you do
my astronomy homework...

762
00:42:56,348 --> 00:42:57,872
for the rest of the semester?

763
00:43:00,586 --> 00:43:02,747
- Here you go.
- OK, right.

764
00:43:02,788 --> 00:43:04,187
Hi, Mr. Melon.

765
00:43:04,223 --> 00:43:06,783
Oh, you can call me Thornton.

766
00:43:06,825 --> 00:43:09,794
Say, how about joining me
and my friend over there?

767
00:43:09,828 --> 00:43:11,819
Your friend looks
a little strange.

768
00:43:11,864 --> 00:43:14,833
Who, Lou? Lou's an animal.
Why, in his family...

769
00:43:14,867 --> 00:43:19,236
he's only the second generation
that's standing up straight.

770
00:43:19,271 --> 00:43:20,761
What lovely girls.

771
00:43:20,806 --> 00:43:23,832
How would you like a life
of luxury and deceit?

772
00:43:23,876 --> 00:43:26,208
Come on, join us in a beer. OK?

773
00:43:26,245 --> 00:43:28,179
- Yeah, OK.
- OK.

774
00:43:37,856 --> 00:43:41,019
Girls, this is Lou.
Lou, these are girls.

775
00:43:44,129 --> 00:43:45,790
One, two.

776
00:43:45,831 --> 00:43:48,356
One, two.

777
00:43:55,107 --> 00:43:57,268
Shake it up, baby

778
00:43:59,077 --> 00:44:01,204
Twist and shout

779
00:44:02,881 --> 00:44:04,974
Come on, come on, come on, baby

780
00:44:06,985 --> 00:44:09,215
Come and work it on out

781
00:44:11,123 --> 00:44:13,557
Work it on out, honey

782
00:44:15,461 --> 00:44:18,589
Honey, come here. I need
2 more glasses for the girls...

783
00:44:18,630 --> 00:44:20,928
and also,
bring a pitcher of beer...

784
00:44:20,966 --> 00:44:22,991
every seven minutes
till somebody passes out.

785
00:44:23,035 --> 00:44:24,832
And then bring one
every ten minutes.

786
00:44:24,870 --> 00:44:26,269
You got it. Anyway...

787
00:44:26,305 --> 00:44:28,796
I thought we were gonna go...

788
00:44:28,841 --> 00:44:31,469
to the planetarium
and look at a lot of stars.

789
00:44:31,510 --> 00:44:34,206
I had no idea this was
gonna be astrophysics.

790
00:44:34,246 --> 00:44:37,010
It's not that hard.
You'll get it.

791
00:44:37,049 --> 00:44:40,416
It's not hard for you,
because you're smart.

792
00:44:40,452 --> 00:44:42,545
You're smart, too.

793
00:44:42,588 --> 00:44:45,022
Yeah, but you're, like,
"smart" smart.

794
00:44:45,057 --> 00:44:47,025
Do you study at the library
every night?

795
00:44:47,059 --> 00:44:48,617
No. I was gonna meet
my dad there...

796
00:44:48,660 --> 00:44:50,025
but he must be studying
at the dorm.

797
00:45:00,772 --> 00:45:02,797
Shake it up, baby

798
00:45:04,543 --> 00:45:06,340
Twist and shout

799
00:45:08,313 --> 00:45:10,508
Come on, come on, come on, baby

800
00:45:12,317 --> 00:45:14,683
Come on and work it on out

801
00:45:16,288 --> 00:45:18,188
You know you twist it,
little girl

802
00:45:18,223 --> 00:45:19,918
Lower, baby, lower.

803
00:45:19,958 --> 00:45:22,518
Hey, guys,
let me see some I.D.

804
00:45:22,561 --> 00:45:24,495
Not that low, baby.

805
00:45:24,530 --> 00:45:26,794
Come on and twist a little
closer now

806
00:45:26,832 --> 00:45:28,595
To the left, baby, to the left.

807
00:45:28,634 --> 00:45:30,226
And let me know you're mine

808
00:45:30,269 --> 00:45:31,497
That's the spot, baby.

809
00:45:31,537 --> 00:45:34,597
Hold it, hold it!
Oh, you are there!

810
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,665
Shake it, baby

811
00:45:36,708 --> 00:45:40,337
Shake it, shake it, baby

812
00:45:40,379 --> 00:45:44,145
Come on and shake it,
shake it, shake it, baby

813
00:45:46,218 --> 00:45:47,981
- Shake it now
- Shake it

814
00:45:58,997 --> 00:46:00,396
OK, go ahead.

815
00:46:04,102 --> 00:46:06,332
Jason, what are you doing here?

816
00:46:06,371 --> 00:46:09,534
What am I doing here?
What are you doing here?

817
00:46:09,575 --> 00:46:11,805
We were supposed to study,
remember, in the library?

818
00:46:11,843 --> 00:46:13,743
The library.
I was supposed to be there.

819
00:46:13,779 --> 00:46:16,145
Hey, what's going on?

820
00:46:16,181 --> 00:46:18,172
Chas, check it out.

821
00:46:21,286 --> 00:46:23,413
Hey, Clark.

822
00:46:23,455 --> 00:46:25,389
Interesting little rally
you guys had tonight.

823
00:46:25,424 --> 00:46:28,291
Yeah, right. They got paint
all over my girlfriend.

824
00:46:28,327 --> 00:46:30,261
I'm gonna kill
them little pinheads.

825
00:46:30,295 --> 00:46:32,126
Yeah? Well, you came
to the right place...

826
00:46:32,164 --> 00:46:34,496
because guess who's here...
Derek Lutz.

827
00:46:40,606 --> 00:46:43,131
Hey, Lutz!

828
00:46:43,175 --> 00:46:44,733
You know who I am?

829
00:46:44,776 --> 00:46:46,641
Let me see...

830
00:46:46,678 --> 00:46:49,272
protruding
supra-orbital ridges...

831
00:46:49,314 --> 00:46:52,909
small cranium,
1,300 C.C. Brain...

832
00:46:52,951 --> 00:46:54,145
Neanderthal man.

833
00:46:54,186 --> 00:46:57,246
You... I want you
to call his mother.

834
00:46:57,289 --> 00:46:59,086
You tell her
he's never coming home.

835
00:46:59,124 --> 00:47:01,718
Whoa, hold it. You sure
you even got the right guy?

836
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:03,523
Look how many people
got blue hair these days.

837
00:47:03,562 --> 00:47:05,029
Shut up, meathead.

838
00:47:05,063 --> 00:47:06,394
Take it easy, will ya?

839
00:47:06,431 --> 00:47:10,162
I mean, the war's over.
Get new parts for your head.

840
00:47:10,202 --> 00:47:12,898
Yeah? Want to make
something of it?

841
00:47:12,938 --> 00:47:16,237
Oh, no. I never get physical.
I just get upset...

842
00:47:16,274 --> 00:47:20,210
and when I get upset,
he gets physical.

843
00:47:27,619 --> 00:47:29,143
You got a problem?

844
00:47:29,187 --> 00:47:31,212
No, I haven't got a problem.

845
00:47:31,256 --> 00:47:33,622
Now you do.

846
00:47:44,202 --> 00:47:45,601
Get him!

847
00:47:57,315 --> 00:47:58,509
Lou, where you been?

848
00:47:58,550 --> 00:48:00,415
I'm getting my ass kicked
all over the place!

849
00:48:26,278 --> 00:48:29,042
- Well, you look terrible.
- No, I'm all right.

850
00:48:29,081 --> 00:48:32,847
It's Lou I'm worried about.
He may lose his trigger finger.

851
00:48:32,884 --> 00:48:34,146
It serves you guys right.

852
00:48:34,186 --> 00:48:36,245
Why did you have to take on
the whole football team?

853
00:48:36,288 --> 00:48:37,448
They're not that tough.

854
00:48:37,489 --> 00:48:39,821
The football team
at my high school was tough.

855
00:48:39,858 --> 00:48:41,485
After they sacked
the quarterback...

856
00:48:41,526 --> 00:48:43,391
they went after his family.

857
00:48:45,764 --> 00:48:47,959
This morning we're going to look
at "The Great Gatsby"...

858
00:48:47,999 --> 00:48:50,160
by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

859
00:48:50,202 --> 00:48:53,603
Mr. Melon, how would you
characterize "The Great Gatsby?"

860
00:48:53,638 --> 00:48:55,572
Who, him?

861
00:48:55,607 --> 00:48:57,040
No, you.

862
00:48:57,075 --> 00:48:58,474
Me.

863
00:48:58,510 --> 00:49:01,570
Well, "The Great Gatsby,"
he was...

864
00:49:01,613 --> 00:49:03,808
great.

865
00:49:06,952 --> 00:49:08,544
See me after class, Mr. Melon.

866
00:49:12,557 --> 00:49:14,422
I mean, please,
try to understand.

867
00:49:14,459 --> 00:49:16,017
I don't have
the background for this.

868
00:49:16,061 --> 00:49:17,323
The high school I went to...

869
00:49:17,362 --> 00:49:19,023
they asked a kid to prove
the law of gravity.

870
00:49:19,064 --> 00:49:21,362
He threw the teacher
out the window.

871
00:49:21,399 --> 00:49:26,598
I know what I need.
I need a tutor.

872
00:49:26,638 --> 00:49:29,106
What do you say? Come on.

873
00:49:29,141 --> 00:49:31,701
You got some spare time.

874
00:49:31,743 --> 00:49:33,074
All right, Mr. Melon.

875
00:49:33,111 --> 00:49:34,874
I have some spare time
this evening.

876
00:49:34,913 --> 00:49:37,074
Why don't you come around
about 7:00?

877
00:49:37,115 --> 00:49:39,709
- Great.
- I'll give you my address.

878
00:49:40,886 --> 00:49:43,252
- Thanks.
- Please be on time.

879
00:49:43,288 --> 00:49:45,722
I'll be on time.

880
00:49:47,526 --> 00:49:49,460
What penmanship.

881
00:49:50,896 --> 00:49:54,593
"Everywhere the ceremony
of innocence is drowned;

882
00:49:54,633 --> 00:49:56,294
"The best
lack all conviction...

883
00:49:56,334 --> 00:49:59,599
"while the worst are full
of passionate intensity."

884
00:49:59,638 --> 00:50:01,230
There's a lot
of other stuff here.

885
00:50:01,273 --> 00:50:05,471
Yeats goes on and on...
and here's the finish.

886
00:50:05,510 --> 00:50:08,673
"What rough beast,
its hour come round at last...

887
00:50:08,713 --> 00:50:11,614
"slouches towards Bethlehem
to be born?"

888
00:50:11,650 --> 00:50:13,277
What does that
make you think of?

889
00:50:13,318 --> 00:50:16,310
Rough beast. My ex-wife.

890
00:50:16,354 --> 00:50:17,685
Well, that's
one interpretation.

891
00:50:17,722 --> 00:50:19,713
Not the right one,
but it's a start.

892
00:50:19,758 --> 00:50:22,090
Surely a man of your age
and experience...

893
00:50:22,127 --> 00:50:23,788
must have read some
of the things on my list.

894
00:50:23,829 --> 00:50:26,457
- What about "Macbeth"?
- I saw the movie.

895
00:50:26,498 --> 00:50:29,592
Orson Welles.
Great actor, big actor.

896
00:50:29,634 --> 00:50:32,102
He was a Tall and Fat
customer for years.

897
00:50:32,137 --> 00:50:33,399
How about
"Cat on a Hot Tin Roof"?

898
00:50:33,438 --> 00:50:35,372
I saw the movie. Burl lves.

899
00:50:35,407 --> 00:50:38,934
Great actor, extra stout.
He was a customer, too.

900
00:50:38,977 --> 00:50:41,639
- "Streetcar Named Desire."
- Great movie. Marlon Brando.

901
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:45,241
He wasn't that big then,
but he ballooned up nicely.

902
00:50:45,283 --> 00:50:47,945
I'd say pound for pound,
our finest American actor.

903
00:50:47,986 --> 00:50:49,954
Don't you ever read?

904
00:50:49,988 --> 00:50:53,549
Who has time? I see the movie.
I'm in and out in two hours.

905
00:50:53,592 --> 00:50:54,991
Oh, Thornton, don't you see?

906
00:50:55,026 --> 00:50:56,823
The reason you want
to read these works...

907
00:50:56,862 --> 00:50:58,796
is so you can experience them
for yourself...

908
00:50:58,830 --> 00:51:01,628
so you can share the thoughts
and feelings of the writer...

909
00:51:01,666 --> 00:51:04,157
without the interference
of your actor and director...

910
00:51:04,202 --> 00:51:06,033
and professor's point of view
getting in the way...

911
00:51:06,071 --> 00:51:08,869
to truly share
and understand...

912
00:51:08,907 --> 00:51:10,807
the common feelings
of all mankind...

913
00:51:10,842 --> 00:51:13,140
the feelings of being alive.

914
00:51:14,746 --> 00:51:16,805
That was beautiful.

915
00:51:16,848 --> 00:51:18,816
I understand
what you're saying, too.

916
00:51:18,850 --> 00:51:20,647
I'm glad.
That makes me feel good.

917
00:51:20,685 --> 00:51:22,983
I got an idea.

918
00:51:23,021 --> 00:51:26,184
Let's keep talking over dinner.

919
00:51:26,224 --> 00:51:28,317
I'm supposed to meet
someone for dinner.

920
00:51:29,527 --> 00:51:31,995
I could cancel,
though, I guess.

921
00:51:32,030 --> 00:51:33,361
We are working, after all.

922
00:51:33,398 --> 00:51:35,229
You can't work
on an empty stomach.

923
00:51:35,267 --> 00:51:38,259
You can't concentrate
when you're hungry.

924
00:51:38,303 --> 00:51:40,271
Oh, I don't know.
I really shouldn't.

925
00:51:40,305 --> 00:51:43,172
- I have so many things to do.
- Oh, come on. I'll help you.

926
00:51:43,208 --> 00:51:45,233
I'll take out the garbage.
I'll do the dishes.

927
00:51:45,277 --> 00:51:47,108
I'll do your nails.
I'll do your hair.

928
00:51:47,145 --> 00:51:48,908
You have no idea
what I want to do.

929
00:51:48,947 --> 00:51:50,915
- I'll call him.
- I'll dial it!

930
00:51:50,949 --> 00:51:53,611
I'll just get the light.

931
00:51:53,652 --> 00:51:56,587
I think I'm attracted
to teachers.

932
00:51:56,621 --> 00:51:59,181
I took out an English teacher.
That didn't work out at all.

933
00:51:59,224 --> 00:52:01,749
I sent her a love letter.
She corrected it.

934
00:52:04,195 --> 00:52:06,322
Oh, great. Company.

935
00:52:10,568 --> 00:52:13,696
- Those two ought to get a room.
- Really.

936
00:52:13,738 --> 00:52:15,205
Actually,
I was married twice.

937
00:52:15,240 --> 00:52:18,903
My first wife, Jason's mother,
I really loved her.

938
00:52:18,944 --> 00:52:21,276
We had a good thing going,
you know?

939
00:52:21,313 --> 00:52:23,508
She passed away
about ten years ago.

940
00:52:23,548 --> 00:52:26,176
After that, I screwed around
for a few years.

941
00:52:26,217 --> 00:52:29,516
Then I really went nuts...
I married Vanessa.

942
00:52:29,554 --> 00:52:31,579
I was just lonely, I guess.

943
00:52:31,623 --> 00:52:32,885
Is that over now?

944
00:52:32,924 --> 00:52:34,619
We were doomed from the start.

945
00:52:34,659 --> 00:52:36,627
I'm an earth sign,
she's a water sign.

946
00:52:36,661 --> 00:52:37,889
Together, we made mud.

947
00:52:37,929 --> 00:52:41,421
I picked a beauty.
And she played around, too.

948
00:52:41,466 --> 00:52:44,128
When she said, "I do,"
I should have said, "With who?"

949
00:52:44,169 --> 00:52:46,569
So, are you
giving up on women?

950
00:52:46,604 --> 00:52:48,902
I don't know.
I can't figure women out.

951
00:52:48,940 --> 00:52:50,237
Today, they're independent.

952
00:52:50,275 --> 00:52:52,140
They only think
about themselves.

953
00:52:52,177 --> 00:52:55,374
During sex, Vanessa used
to scream out her own name.

954
00:52:57,449 --> 00:52:58,916
I think it's the men
who are different.

955
00:52:58,950 --> 00:53:00,212
Ever since
the women's movement...

956
00:53:00,251 --> 00:53:01,843
most of the men I meet
go out of their way...

957
00:53:01,886 --> 00:53:03,615
to show you
how sensitive they are.

958
00:53:03,655 --> 00:53:07,648
Before they were too macho,
and now they're too soft.

959
00:53:07,692 --> 00:53:09,660
You all want us to know
you can cry.

960
00:53:09,694 --> 00:53:12,720
No, with women,
I never cry. Never.

961
00:53:12,764 --> 00:53:14,254
I beg.

962
00:53:18,169 --> 00:53:20,137
If we finish
this bottle of wine...

963
00:53:20,171 --> 00:53:22,469
you won't have to beg.

964
00:53:39,457 --> 00:53:40,617
Diane!

965
00:53:42,527 --> 00:53:43,994
Oh, Philip.

966
00:53:44,029 --> 00:53:45,963
We were supposed
to go to dinner.

967
00:53:45,997 --> 00:53:47,760
I just had dinner!

968
00:53:47,799 --> 00:53:49,289
I don't believe this.

969
00:53:49,334 --> 00:53:53,464
Maybe it's a dream.
Good night, Philip.

970
00:53:54,539 --> 00:53:56,336
You do a good job.

971
00:53:56,374 --> 00:53:59,343
What do you charge
for big cars?

972
00:54:10,221 --> 00:54:13,520
I had a lot of fun, Thornton.

973
00:54:13,558 --> 00:54:16,686
Me, too.
And thanks for the lesson.

974
00:54:16,728 --> 00:54:18,195
I learned a lot.

975
00:54:18,229 --> 00:54:20,857
You're welcome. I did, too.

976
00:54:22,734 --> 00:54:23,962
Well...

977
00:54:25,103 --> 00:54:28,561
Well, I guess
this is good night.

978
00:54:28,606 --> 00:54:29,937
Yeah.

979
00:54:31,943 --> 00:54:34,070
A very good night.

980
00:54:40,852 --> 00:54:42,183
Beautiful.

981
00:54:44,089 --> 00:54:45,386
Oh, that's it.

982
00:54:45,423 --> 00:54:47,789
That's the spot.
Just keep doing that.

983
00:54:47,826 --> 00:54:50,795
Oh, don't lose it.

984
00:54:50,829 --> 00:54:53,024
Oh, Lou, you're great.

985
00:54:53,064 --> 00:54:55,965
The leg is better.
You got the cramp out.

986
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:59,401
You're a wreck.
You gotta start working out.

987
00:54:59,437 --> 00:55:01,200
And you know what else?

988
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:04,106
You have got midterms
coming up.

989
00:55:04,142 --> 00:55:06,770
You haven't studied five minutes
since you got here.

990
00:55:06,811 --> 00:55:07,971
You're always so neat.

991
00:55:08,012 --> 00:55:09,912
You're just like
your Uncle Vito.

992
00:55:09,948 --> 00:55:12,542
We were kids,
his room was always in order.

993
00:55:12,584 --> 00:55:13,744
His towels lined up neatly...

994
00:55:13,785 --> 00:55:15,946
combs, brushes, hair lotions
all in the right place.

995
00:55:15,987 --> 00:55:17,955
What did it mean?
What is he today?

996
00:55:17,989 --> 00:55:19,547
He's an attendant
in the men's room.

997
00:55:19,591 --> 00:55:21,991
Hey, he's my idol.

998
00:55:22,026 --> 00:55:27,259
But I'm not gonna be
folding towels anymore...

999
00:55:27,298 --> 00:55:30,461
'cause I just made...
ta da... the diving team.

1000
00:55:30,502 --> 00:55:33,130
That's great!

1001
00:55:33,171 --> 00:55:34,331
I'm takin' you out.

1002
00:55:34,372 --> 00:55:36,067
We'll celebrate.
We're havin' a party!

1003
00:55:36,107 --> 00:55:38,701
Oh, no, Dad, that's really nice,
but I'm in training now.

1004
00:55:38,743 --> 00:55:41,211
We got a big meet coming up
against Northern.

1005
00:55:41,246 --> 00:55:43,305
We'll have a party
after the meet.

1006
00:55:43,348 --> 00:55:47,284
Dad, why don't you join me
on a little reality break, OK?

1007
00:55:47,318 --> 00:55:49,684
Just 'cause you're in love
with Dr. Turner...

1008
00:55:49,721 --> 00:55:52,485
does not mean you're
gonna pass her course.

1009
00:55:52,524 --> 00:55:55,118
You got a major paper
coming up on Kurt Vonnegut.

1010
00:55:55,160 --> 00:55:56,957
You haven't even read
any of the books.

1011
00:55:56,995 --> 00:55:58,656
I tried.

1012
00:55:58,696 --> 00:56:01,859
I don't understand
a word of it.

1013
00:56:02,867 --> 00:56:05,859
So, how you gonna
write the paper, then?

1014
00:56:09,874 --> 00:56:13,139
Hi, I'm Kurt Vonnegut.
I'm looking for Thornton Melon.

1015
00:56:15,847 --> 00:56:18,475
Want to come in? Dad?

1016
00:56:21,519 --> 00:56:24,317
I don't want to hear
one more word out of you...

1017
00:56:24,355 --> 00:56:26,323
or it's back to the tree.

1018
00:56:26,357 --> 00:56:28,689
Come in.

1019
00:56:28,726 --> 00:56:31,718
Excuse me. Dr. Barazini?

1020
00:56:31,763 --> 00:56:33,128
I'm Thornton Melon.

1021
00:56:33,164 --> 00:56:36,691
Oh, yes, Thornton Melon.
I know you.

1022
00:56:36,734 --> 00:56:40,329
You delivered the paper
on isomagnetic brain waves...

1023
00:56:40,371 --> 00:56:41,929
in Montreal last year.

1024
00:56:41,973 --> 00:56:44,533
No, I sold you your pants.

1025
00:56:44,576 --> 00:56:46,635
Oh, of course.
Good to see you.

1026
00:56:46,678 --> 00:56:48,202
What are you doing here?

1027
00:56:48,246 --> 00:56:50,612
I'm supposed to report here
for my lab project.

1028
00:56:50,648 --> 00:56:53,481
Oh, good. I'm trying to teach
these here apes...

1029
00:56:53,518 --> 00:56:55,349
how to read and write.

1030
00:56:55,386 --> 00:56:58,184
You ought to teach them
how to go to the bathroom.

1031
00:56:58,223 --> 00:57:00,282
You'll get used to that.

1032
00:57:00,325 --> 00:57:05,092
Now, all you have to do
is put a new tape...

1033
00:57:05,129 --> 00:57:08,758
in the tape machine every hour
and observe the animals.

1034
00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:10,961
I'll be back in a few hours
to check on you.

1035
00:57:11,002 --> 00:57:13,562
- OK, fine.
- All righty.

1036
00:57:15,406 --> 00:57:18,739
You don't need this.
I'll find you an organ grinder.

1037
00:57:28,686 --> 00:57:30,847
Hiya, Marge?
A few things.

1038
00:57:30,888 --> 00:57:33,550
I need you and the gang to get
down here as fast as you can.

1039
00:57:33,591 --> 00:57:35,218
And I have to talk to Peterson,
the accountant.

1040
00:57:35,260 --> 00:57:36,625
I'm gonna need him, too.

1041
00:57:36,661 --> 00:57:39,960
Oh, thanks.
And, Marge, I need...

1042
00:57:42,900 --> 00:57:45,198
See if you can get somebody
at the Rand Corporation...

1043
00:57:45,236 --> 00:57:48,103
or the Brookings Institute to
come down here for about a week.

1044
00:57:50,675 --> 00:57:51,869
What?

1045
00:57:53,745 --> 00:57:56,737
And Russell hits him
with a powerful front body slam!

1046
00:58:01,719 --> 00:58:03,016
No problem.

1047
00:58:03,054 --> 00:58:05,454
They're takin' a break,
that's all.

1048
00:58:06,958 --> 00:58:11,190
In 1971, the United States
accumulated deficits...

1049
00:58:11,229 --> 00:58:14,164
greater than the supply
of gold the country held.

1050
00:58:14,198 --> 00:58:16,894
In that year, Richard Nixon...

1051
00:58:16,934 --> 00:58:19,869
took the United States
off the gold standard.

1052
00:58:19,904 --> 00:58:22,236
In doing so, he disrupted...

1053
00:58:24,942 --> 00:58:27,877
the entire international
monetary system.

1054
00:58:27,912 --> 00:58:30,642
What is that clicking noise?

1055
00:58:35,753 --> 00:58:37,812
Are you a student
in this class?

1056
00:58:39,657 --> 00:58:41,056
No.

1057
00:58:41,092 --> 00:58:43,617
Who are you?

1058
00:58:43,661 --> 00:58:46,926
I'm Marge Sweetwater...

1059
00:58:46,964 --> 00:58:49,262
Mr. Thornton Melon's
private secretary.

1060
00:58:56,307 --> 00:58:59,299
What are you doing here?

1061
00:58:59,344 --> 00:59:02,745
I'm taking notes for Mr. Melon.

1062
00:59:06,484 --> 00:59:10,716
He told you to write down
everything I say?

1063
00:59:10,755 --> 00:59:13,485
Yes, he did.

1064
00:59:13,524 --> 00:59:14,957
Good.

1065
00:59:17,395 --> 00:59:19,693
Take this down.

1066
00:59:22,433 --> 00:59:25,800
Mr. Melon,
no matter what you do...

1067
00:59:27,372 --> 00:59:30,239
no matter what stunts
you pull...

1068
00:59:30,274 --> 00:59:33,402
no matter how hard you try...

1069
00:59:33,444 --> 00:59:37,904
you will never, ever
pass this course.

1070
00:59:40,852 --> 00:59:43,320
Make sure he gets that.

1071
00:59:46,391 --> 00:59:48,359
Yes, sir.

1072
00:59:48,393 --> 00:59:49,553
I'll tell you what.

1073
00:59:49,594 --> 00:59:51,824
It's for Barbay.
Make it an "A."

1074
00:59:51,863 --> 00:59:54,024
Where's the lab report
on psychology?

1075
00:59:54,065 --> 00:59:55,396
Here.

1076
00:59:57,402 --> 01:00:00,565
It's too light.
It feels like a "C."

1077
01:00:00,605 --> 01:00:03,870
Bulk it up and add a few
multicolored graphs.

1078
01:00:03,908 --> 01:00:06,536
- Yo, Dad.
- Jason, hold it, will ya?

1079
01:00:06,577 --> 01:00:09,273
Listen, everybody.
Let's see "As" across the board.

1080
01:00:09,313 --> 01:00:10,473
I'll tell you what...

1081
01:00:10,515 --> 01:00:12,915
a ten percent bonus
for every grade over "B."

1082
01:00:12,950 --> 01:00:17,512
And an A+ gets you a free trip
to Hawaii... off-season.

1083
01:00:19,056 --> 01:00:22,890
- Dad, what's going on here?
- I'm doing my homework.

1084
01:00:22,927 --> 01:00:25,122
No, they're doing
your homework.

1085
01:00:25,163 --> 01:00:28,098
A good executive knows how
to delegate authority.

1086
01:00:28,132 --> 01:00:30,726
I took care of you, too.

1087
01:00:30,768 --> 01:00:34,534
- And what's this?
- Your astronomy report.

1088
01:00:34,572 --> 01:00:37,063
- What's wrong with you?
- What's wrong with you?

1089
01:00:37,108 --> 01:00:39,474
I want to write that paper.
I'm gonna write that paper.

1090
01:00:39,510 --> 01:00:42,001
That's why I'm taking astronomy,
to learn something!

1091
01:00:42,046 --> 01:00:44,014
You're never gonna learn
a goddamn thing...

1092
01:00:44,048 --> 01:00:46,073
if you got people
doing your work for you!

1093
01:00:46,117 --> 01:00:48,017
Oh, never mind.

1094
01:00:49,420 --> 01:00:54,050
Kids... they always do things
the hard way.

1095
01:00:54,091 --> 01:00:57,959
Ladies and gentlemen,
the visiting team...

1096
01:00:57,995 --> 01:01:01,294
the Northern University
Wildcats!

1097
01:01:02,767 --> 01:01:07,261
And your Grand Lakes
University Hooters!

1098
01:01:07,305 --> 01:01:10,069
- Hey, there's your boy!
- Jason!

1099
01:01:14,145 --> 01:01:17,273
While the teams are warming up,
we'd like to remind you...

1100
01:01:17,315 --> 01:01:19,374
that all proceeds
from the refreshment stands...

1101
01:01:19,417 --> 01:01:21,112
go to your student government.

1102
01:01:21,152 --> 01:01:24,121
Hey, Valerie. How you doin'?

1103
01:01:24,155 --> 01:01:26,248
Glad you could come. Listen.

1104
01:01:26,290 --> 01:01:29,225
My dad is having a party
tonight at the dorm...

1105
01:01:29,260 --> 01:01:32,161
and it should be pretty great.
His parties usually are.

1106
01:01:32,196 --> 01:01:36,895
I'd love to come,
except for I have a date.

1107
01:01:36,934 --> 01:01:40,392
Oh. Well, hey, bring him along.

1108
01:01:40,438 --> 01:01:42,929
It's OK.
You just both come by.

1109
01:01:42,974 --> 01:01:44,839
I'll really try.

1110
01:01:44,876 --> 01:01:46,844
Good. I hope
I'll see you there.

1111
01:01:46,878 --> 01:01:49,972
It sounds like fun. I wish
my dad were more like yours.

1112
01:02:00,658 --> 01:02:03,286
Hey, Chas.

1113
01:02:03,327 --> 01:02:05,090
Good luck, buddy.
Let's get them.

1114
01:02:05,129 --> 01:02:08,724
Yeah. Thanks, Melon.
I'd wish you luck, too...

1115
01:02:08,766 --> 01:02:10,791
but I guess a guy like you
doesn't need luck.

1116
01:02:11,802 --> 01:02:13,793
What's that supposed to mean?

1117
01:02:13,838 --> 01:02:15,897
With your old man behind you...

1118
01:02:15,940 --> 01:02:18,465
I figured since he bought
your way onto the team...

1119
01:02:18,509 --> 01:02:20,977
he probably bought off
the judges, too.

1120
01:02:25,049 --> 01:02:27,677
Oh, there's Thornton.

1121
01:02:27,718 --> 01:02:29,811
Diane!

1122
01:02:31,422 --> 01:02:34,880
I can't imagine what you can
possibly see in that man.

1123
01:02:34,926 --> 01:02:38,157
Philip, would you excuse me
for a minute?

1124
01:02:42,033 --> 01:02:44,058
Yes, yes.

1125
01:02:44,101 --> 01:02:46,126
- You look great.
- Oh, thanks.

1126
01:02:46,170 --> 01:02:47,967
Where you been?
I called you a hundred times.

1127
01:02:48,005 --> 01:02:49,973
I made four dates
with your answering machine.

1128
01:02:50,007 --> 01:02:51,998
I'm sorry I missed you.
Things have been so hectic.

1129
01:02:52,043 --> 01:02:54,876
I've been reading midterm papers
and grading exams.

1130
01:02:54,912 --> 01:02:56,140
Did you read mine yet?

1131
01:02:56,180 --> 01:02:58,045
Not yet,
but I'm looking forward to it.

1132
01:02:58,082 --> 01:02:59,947
I'm throwing a party
in our room tonight...

1133
01:02:59,984 --> 01:03:01,474
and you better be there.

1134
01:03:01,519 --> 01:03:04,511
I'm sorry. I have a date
with Philip tonight.

1135
01:03:04,555 --> 01:03:08,218
Bring him along.
We may run out of ice.

1136
01:03:10,928 --> 01:03:15,024
First diver
for Grand Lakes University...

1137
01:03:15,066 --> 01:03:17,330
Chas Osbourne.

1138
01:03:40,491 --> 01:03:44,120
Hey, Coach! How are ya?
How you doin', huh?

1139
01:03:48,766 --> 01:03:53,999
Next diver for Grand Lakes...
Jason Melon.

1140
01:03:54,038 --> 01:03:56,336
Melon.

1141
01:04:41,585 --> 01:04:42,677
What's going on?

1142
01:04:42,720 --> 01:04:44,449
This is always
the best party of the year.

1143
01:04:44,488 --> 01:04:47,116
I don't know.
Some big event at the dorms.

1144
01:04:47,158 --> 01:04:50,719
- We're thinkin' of going over.
- To Melon's? Are you nuts?

1145
01:04:50,761 --> 01:04:52,228
Why don't we go?

1146
01:04:52,263 --> 01:04:54,094
Valerie, please.
It'll be horrible.

1147
01:04:54,131 --> 01:04:56,827
Jason said it would be great.
It might be fun.

1148
01:04:56,867 --> 01:05:00,166
Jason's a twerp. We could have
won if it weren't for him.

1149
01:05:00,204 --> 01:05:02,866
Haven't you ever messed up?

1150
01:05:02,907 --> 01:05:04,101
No.

1151
01:05:09,113 --> 01:05:13,743
I'm all dressed up
with nowhere to go

1152
01:05:13,784 --> 01:05:15,513
Hey, baby!

1153
01:05:15,553 --> 01:05:18,784
Walking with a dead man
over my shoulder

1154
01:05:21,559 --> 01:05:24,357
I'm all dressed up
with nowhere to go

1155
01:05:26,697 --> 01:05:28,961
I love three girls at once.

1156
01:05:28,999 --> 01:05:32,059
If I fall asleep,
they have each other to talk to.

1157
01:05:39,744 --> 01:05:42,042
Nice look.
What are you going for?

1158
01:05:42,079 --> 01:05:44,445
The heavy, disassociated
artist thing...

1159
01:05:44,482 --> 01:05:48,248
or the "I'm going blind" thing?

1160
01:05:48,285 --> 01:05:52,221
Oh, It's the deaf thing.
Maybe this will cheer you up.

1161
01:05:52,256 --> 01:05:54,656
Oh, do me!

1162
01:05:54,692 --> 01:05:56,353
Derek! Get up, will ya?

1163
01:05:56,393 --> 01:05:59,556
You look like the poster boy
for birth control.

1164
01:06:03,267 --> 01:06:05,735
Jason, it's a party.
What's your story?

1165
01:06:05,770 --> 01:06:07,738
What's the matter?
The swim meet?

1166
01:06:07,772 --> 01:06:11,731
Forget about it. It's history.

1167
01:06:11,776 --> 01:06:14,142
Come on, will ya? Snap into it!

1168
01:06:14,178 --> 01:06:16,510
You're right, Dad.
It doesn't matter, Dad!

1169
01:06:16,547 --> 01:06:18,640
Right, Dad?
Come on, party, right?

1170
01:06:26,123 --> 01:06:28,318
Hey, buddy!

1171
01:06:28,359 --> 01:06:30,691
Everybody, make some noise,
have some fun!

1172
01:06:37,067 --> 01:06:38,864
What's that noise?

1173
01:06:38,903 --> 01:06:40,962
It's a party, Philip.
Midterms, remember?

1174
01:06:41,005 --> 01:06:43,496
They're just blowing off steam.

1175
01:06:43,541 --> 01:06:44,769
You there.

1176
01:06:47,144 --> 01:06:48,441
What's going on here?

1177
01:06:48,479 --> 01:06:52,677
The Melon man is throwing
the greatest party of all time!

1178
01:06:52,716 --> 01:06:55,810
The whole world is there.
It's the best thing...

1179
01:06:55,853 --> 01:06:58,151
that's ever happened to me
in my whole life!

1180
01:06:58,189 --> 01:07:00,487
Oh, God.

1181
01:07:04,862 --> 01:07:06,921
Look at that!

1182
01:07:06,964 --> 01:07:08,124
Listen to that racket.

1183
01:07:08,165 --> 01:07:10,429
This is disgraceful.
I should phone security.

1184
01:07:10,467 --> 01:07:12,128
Oh, Philip.

1185
01:07:17,041 --> 01:07:20,238
Good. Apparently I'm not
the only one around here...

1186
01:07:20,277 --> 01:07:21,835
with a sense of decency.

1187
01:07:28,118 --> 01:07:29,915
Yeah. Cool!

1188
01:07:33,757 --> 01:07:36,191
Did you see...
where are you going?

1189
01:07:36,227 --> 01:07:38,195
Intellectual curiosity, Philip.

1190
01:07:38,229 --> 01:07:39,594
Sounds fun in there.
Come with me.

1191
01:07:39,630 --> 01:07:42,531
- Oh, please!
- Oh, Philip!

1192
01:07:46,403 --> 01:07:48,963
It's a dead man's party

1193
01:07:49,006 --> 01:07:51,167
Who could ask for more

1194
01:07:52,243 --> 01:07:54,177
Everybody's coming

1195
01:07:54,211 --> 01:07:57,112
Leave your body
at the door

1196
01:07:57,147 --> 01:08:00,947
Leave your body and soul
at the door

1197
01:08:01,952 --> 01:08:04,477
Don't run away

1198
01:08:04,521 --> 01:08:07,285
It's only me

1199
01:08:14,198 --> 01:08:16,359
Don't run away

1200
01:08:16,400 --> 01:08:19,699
It's only me, only me

1201
01:08:19,737 --> 01:08:23,002
Don't be afraid

1202
01:08:23,040 --> 01:08:27,500
Of what you can't see

1203
01:08:27,544 --> 01:08:29,705
Say when.

1204
01:08:29,747 --> 01:08:32,341
Right after this drink.

1205
01:08:32,383 --> 01:08:34,749
Hey, what's a bath
without Bubbles?

1206
01:08:34,785 --> 01:08:37,447
Hey, Bubbles,
come over here, will ya?

1207
01:08:39,757 --> 01:08:42,351
Well!

1208
01:08:42,393 --> 01:08:44,623
- Hi there.
- Hi!

1209
01:08:44,662 --> 01:08:46,823
- What's your favorite subject?
- Poetry.

1210
01:08:46,864 --> 01:08:50,857
Really? Maybe you can help me
straighten out my Longfellow.

1211
01:08:54,605 --> 01:08:56,664
Excuse me.
Have you seen Thornton Melon?

1212
01:08:56,707 --> 01:08:58,470
I think he's in there.

1213
01:08:58,509 --> 01:08:59,669
Thanks.

1214
01:09:06,150 --> 01:09:09,017
Excuse me.
Has anyone seen Thornton Melon?

1215
01:09:10,187 --> 01:09:12,781
That's what I call
marine biology.

1216
01:09:12,823 --> 01:09:14,222
Diane!

1217
01:09:15,926 --> 01:09:18,087
Say hello to my nieces.

1218
01:09:19,663 --> 01:09:21,062
Wait a minute!

1219
01:09:25,736 --> 01:09:30,173
Jason? There you are.
I was looking all over for you.

1220
01:09:30,207 --> 01:09:34,268
Jason, are you OK?
I'm sorry about the swim meet.

1221
01:09:34,311 --> 01:09:37,508
Shit. Swim meet.

1222
01:09:37,548 --> 01:09:40,278
Jesus, you think I care
about the swim meet?

1223
01:09:40,317 --> 01:09:42,182
I mean, it's just
a stupid college game.

1224
01:09:42,219 --> 01:09:43,550
It's just bullshit.

1225
01:09:43,587 --> 01:09:45,521
Why are you acting like this?

1226
01:09:45,556 --> 01:09:47,547
I know you don't think
like that.

1227
01:09:47,591 --> 01:09:49,957
Oh, you do?

1228
01:09:49,994 --> 01:09:53,054
Grow up, Valerie.
You think this is real?

1229
01:09:53,097 --> 01:09:56,191
This isn't real.
College is a dream world.

1230
01:09:56,233 --> 01:09:57,962
This is something you do
to pass the time...

1231
01:09:58,002 --> 01:10:00,527
till you go out in the real
world and start buying people.

1232
01:10:00,571 --> 01:10:03,233
Let's go for a walk
and talk this out.

1233
01:10:03,273 --> 01:10:05,366
There you are.

1234
01:10:05,409 --> 01:10:07,400
Can we go? I'm bored.

1235
01:10:07,444 --> 01:10:08,672
Oh, Christ, Osbourne...

1236
01:10:08,712 --> 01:10:10,907
will you just get
your ass outta here?

1237
01:10:10,948 --> 01:10:12,973
What a surprise.
Another shit-faced Melon.

1238
01:10:13,017 --> 01:10:15,178
Do I gotta knock your teeth
down your throat?

1239
01:10:15,219 --> 01:10:18,120
Easy. Your father isn't here
to back you up this time.

1240
01:10:20,124 --> 01:10:21,591
Don't!

1241
01:10:25,963 --> 01:10:27,260
Are you OK?

1242
01:10:27,297 --> 01:10:30,994
Jason! I was lookin' for ya.

1243
01:10:31,035 --> 01:10:34,004
Hey, come here. Where ya goin'?

1244
01:10:34,038 --> 01:10:36,506
Where am I going?

1245
01:10:36,540 --> 01:10:39,236
I'm leaving school, Dad.
One of us has gotta go.

1246
01:10:39,276 --> 01:10:41,471
You're having such a great time.
I'm getting out.

1247
01:10:41,512 --> 01:10:42,979
Why? I don't get it.

1248
01:10:43,013 --> 01:10:44,708
Because you didn't win
the diving meet?

1249
01:10:44,748 --> 01:10:46,511
No, not because I didn't win!

1250
01:10:46,550 --> 01:10:48,245
Because I shouldn't
even have been there.

1251
01:10:48,285 --> 01:10:49,775
Chas told me
you bribed the coach...

1252
01:10:49,820 --> 01:10:51,287
to put me on the team.
Real good!

1253
01:10:51,321 --> 01:10:54,552
What? And you believed him.
I never lied to you in my life.

1254
01:10:54,591 --> 01:10:55,853
I didn't bribe the coach.

1255
01:10:55,893 --> 01:10:57,622
You were on the team
because you deserve it.

1256
01:10:57,661 --> 01:10:59,390
You made it on your own.

1257
01:10:59,430 --> 01:11:01,227
Dad, you don't get it.

1258
01:11:01,265 --> 01:11:02,823
Everything I have
is because of you...

1259
01:11:02,866 --> 01:11:04,026
and because of you...

1260
01:11:04,068 --> 01:11:07,765
I get my astronomy homework
done for me by NASA.

1261
01:11:07,805 --> 01:11:10,831
I just want the best for you.
That's all I ever wanted.

1262
01:11:13,410 --> 01:11:15,071
I did it all for you.

1263
01:11:16,547 --> 01:11:19,072
I know, but you don't know
when to quit.

1264
01:11:19,116 --> 01:11:22,984
I know you came here to help me,
and I really appreciate it...

1265
01:11:23,020 --> 01:11:25,818
and it's really sweet,
and it's really not working.

1266
01:11:25,856 --> 01:11:27,721
Can't you let me just do
something for myself?

1267
01:11:27,758 --> 01:11:29,851
I just want to see you happy.

1268
01:11:29,893 --> 01:11:32,521
Well, take a good look!

1269
01:11:32,563 --> 01:11:36,192
'Cause I was a lot happier
when I was miserable.

1270
01:11:47,811 --> 01:11:49,574
I enjoyed reading that, Susan.

1271
01:11:49,613 --> 01:11:50,910
It's a nice improvement.
Thank you.

1272
01:11:50,948 --> 01:11:53,473
Diane, why'd you fail me?

1273
01:11:53,517 --> 01:11:56,008
I didn't, Thornton.
You failed me.

1274
01:11:56,053 --> 01:11:59,511
- Is it because of last night?
- No. I can accept the fact...

1275
01:11:59,556 --> 01:12:01,524
that you're completely
regressed emotionally...

1276
01:12:01,558 --> 01:12:04,527
but you won't pass my course by
turning in someone else's work.

1277
01:12:04,561 --> 01:12:07,291
What do you think,
someone else wrote this?

1278
01:12:07,331 --> 01:12:09,765
All I know is that you didn't.
That's what disappoints me.

1279
01:12:09,800 --> 01:12:11,859
Whoever did write it...

1280
01:12:11,902 --> 01:12:14,530
doesn't know the first thing
about Kurt Vonnegut.

1281
01:12:14,571 --> 01:12:15,833
And another thing, Vonnegut.

1282
01:12:15,873 --> 01:12:18,273
I'm going to stop payment
on the check.

1283
01:12:18,308 --> 01:12:20,776
What's that? Fuck me?

1284
01:12:20,811 --> 01:12:24,440
Kurt, do you read lips?
Fuck you!

1285
01:12:24,481 --> 01:12:26,472
Next time
I'll call Robert Ludlum.

1286
01:12:30,454 --> 01:12:32,388
Derek, have you seen Jason?

1287
01:12:32,422 --> 01:12:35,391
I think he's on
a three-state killing spree.

1288
01:12:35,425 --> 01:12:37,222
Here's some more
potentially bad news.

1289
01:12:37,261 --> 01:12:40,128
Dean Martin wants to see you
in his office right away.

1290
01:12:40,164 --> 01:12:41,495
Dean Martin.

1291
01:12:43,500 --> 01:12:47,960
And she said, "Let's do it.
The room's already paid for."

1292
01:12:52,109 --> 01:12:55,772
Oh, golly.
I'm afraid we have...

1293
01:12:55,812 --> 01:12:59,680
a potentially unpleasant
situation on our hands here.

1294
01:12:59,716 --> 01:13:02,844
Phil, would you repeat
to Mr. Melon...

1295
01:13:02,886 --> 01:13:05,980
the allegations
that you've made to me?

1296
01:13:06,023 --> 01:13:08,992
It's clear the work you've
handed in is not your own.

1297
01:13:09,026 --> 01:13:11,426
I'm accusing you
of academic fraud.

1298
01:13:11,461 --> 01:13:15,192
Fraud is such an ugly word...

1299
01:13:15,232 --> 01:13:18,167
considering
the financial generosity...

1300
01:13:18,202 --> 01:13:21,194
that Mr. Melon has shown
towards our fine university.

1301
01:13:21,238 --> 01:13:23,934
I think Mr. Melon
should be expelled.

1302
01:13:25,576 --> 01:13:28,739
What are you going
to do about it?

1303
01:13:30,214 --> 01:13:32,341
Well, Thornton...

1304
01:13:32,382 --> 01:13:35,010
I'm only going
to ask you this one time.

1305
01:13:35,052 --> 01:13:38,613
Is the work that
you turned in your own?

1306
01:13:42,426 --> 01:13:44,951
I can't lie to you,
Dean Martin.

1307
01:13:47,531 --> 01:13:49,021
Yes, it is.

1308
01:13:49,066 --> 01:13:51,660
I'm satisfied.

1309
01:13:51,702 --> 01:13:53,863
- Phil?
- I'm outraged.

1310
01:13:53,904 --> 01:13:56,964
Gee whiz, Phil!
I just asked the man...

1311
01:13:57,007 --> 01:13:59,134
if the work was his,
and he said yes.

1312
01:13:59,176 --> 01:14:01,804
What do you want me to do,
torture him?

1313
01:14:03,247 --> 01:14:06,580
I suggest a comprehensive
oral examination...

1314
01:14:06,617 --> 01:14:09,017
conducted by all of
Mr. Melon's professors.

1315
01:14:09,052 --> 01:14:10,519
Oral examination?

1316
01:14:10,554 --> 01:14:14,081
Yes. If you've done the work
you say you have...

1317
01:14:14,124 --> 01:14:17,423
there should be no problem,
should there?

1318
01:14:19,296 --> 01:14:21,662
Hey, Jase.

1319
01:14:21,698 --> 01:14:24,258
Hey, Lou. How you doin'?

1320
01:14:24,301 --> 01:14:26,166
Come here.
I want to tell you something.

1321
01:14:26,203 --> 01:14:27,329
What?

1322
01:14:27,371 --> 01:14:29,601
You were pretty hard
on your father last night.

1323
01:14:29,640 --> 01:14:32,040
I know, but the guy
doesn't understand.

1324
01:14:32,075 --> 01:14:34,771
I know your pop thirty years.
He understands.

1325
01:14:34,811 --> 01:14:37,177
He's a nice guy,
and he's tough.

1326
01:14:37,214 --> 01:14:41,275
Like me.
I'm nice, and I'm tough.

1327
01:14:41,318 --> 01:14:43,843
I'll give you an idea
what I mean.

1328
01:14:43,887 --> 01:14:46,515
My two boys... I put one
through college...

1329
01:14:46,556 --> 01:14:48,387
and the other
I put through a wall.

1330
01:14:49,860 --> 01:14:51,851
Your papa loves you.

1331
01:14:53,130 --> 01:14:56,691
He's lookin' out for ya.
Look out for him.

1332
01:15:22,225 --> 01:15:23,522
What's goin' on?

1333
01:15:23,560 --> 01:15:26,324
I'm leavin'. I'm sorry, Jason.

1334
01:15:26,363 --> 01:15:29,594
This college thing
was a big mistake.

1335
01:15:29,633 --> 01:15:32,466
- So you're gonna give up?
- I can't win.

1336
01:15:32,502 --> 01:15:35,130
They want me to take oral exams
in all my subjects.

1337
01:15:35,172 --> 01:15:37,640
If I don't take them,
they'll kick me out.

1338
01:15:37,674 --> 01:15:40,234
And if I take 'em,
who knows where they'll kick me.

1339
01:15:43,013 --> 01:15:45,379
Hey, Dad, you remember
what you told me...

1340
01:15:45,415 --> 01:15:47,542
when I told you
I wanted to quit?

1341
01:15:47,584 --> 01:15:50,985
You told me that a man
without an education is nothing.

1342
01:15:51,021 --> 01:15:52,113
I can't do it.

1343
01:15:52,155 --> 01:15:53,645
You can do anything
you want to do.

1344
01:15:53,690 --> 01:15:56,818
You can do anything
you want in life.

1345
01:15:56,860 --> 01:15:58,828
Remember, you're a Melon.

1346
01:16:02,833 --> 01:16:05,631
Don't quit. I'll help you.

1347
01:17:32,122 --> 01:17:34,386
Before we begin...

1348
01:17:34,424 --> 01:17:37,916
I would just like to thank
each and every professor here...

1349
01:17:37,961 --> 01:17:42,898
for taking time out of
his/her extremely busy schedule.

1350
01:17:42,933 --> 01:17:46,027
And a special thanks, of course,
to Mr. Thornton Melon...

1351
01:17:46,069 --> 01:17:49,163
who I don't have to remind
anyone is the donor...

1352
01:17:49,206 --> 01:17:52,107
of our new
Melon School of Business.

1353
01:18:00,484 --> 01:18:02,452
We're wasting time.

1354
01:18:02,486 --> 01:18:05,114
Sorry, Phil.

1355
01:18:05,155 --> 01:18:08,454
Now, Mr. Melon,
you'll have three hours...

1356
01:18:08,492 --> 01:18:10,460
to complete the examination.

1357
01:18:10,494 --> 01:18:15,261
If you fail any part of it,
you will be expelled.

1358
01:18:15,298 --> 01:18:17,994
Mr. Melon, do you understand?

1359
01:18:19,870 --> 01:18:22,168
- The Council of Trent.
- Excuse me?

1360
01:18:22,205 --> 01:18:23,729
I missed the question.

1361
01:18:23,773 --> 01:18:25,604
We haven't begun yet.

1362
01:18:27,777 --> 01:18:30,803
Well, Dr. Barbay,
I suppose you're up first.

1363
01:18:45,295 --> 01:18:49,755
I have only one question
for Mr. Melon...

1364
01:18:54,204 --> 01:18:57,367
in 27 parts.

1365
01:19:00,043 --> 01:19:02,773
I'd like to break him
in 27 parts.

1366
01:19:02,812 --> 01:19:04,177
Excuse me?

1367
01:19:04,214 --> 01:19:05,579
No, nothin', nothin'.

1368
01:19:08,618 --> 01:19:11,985
Discuss the foundations of
modern global business systems.

1369
01:19:12,022 --> 01:19:14,786
Part one: Define
and differentiate...

1370
01:19:14,824 --> 01:19:16,792
the three economic
philosophies...

1371
01:19:16,826 --> 01:19:19,021
of capitalism, socialism
and communism...

1372
01:19:19,062 --> 01:19:22,589
as pertains to:
A... management fundamentals;

1373
01:19:22,632 --> 01:19:24,793
B... organizing and staffing;

1374
01:19:24,834 --> 01:19:26,825
C... labor management;

1375
01:19:26,870 --> 01:19:29,600
and D... production
and operations.

1376
01:19:29,639 --> 01:19:32,665
Part two...

1377
01:19:32,709 --> 01:19:35,678
Are you getting
all this, Mr. Melon?

1378
01:19:35,712 --> 01:19:38,476
Yeah. It's a piece o' cake.

1379
01:19:41,117 --> 01:19:43,551
Jason?

1380
01:19:48,558 --> 01:19:50,526
Valerie.

1381
01:19:50,560 --> 01:19:55,122
I wanted to apologize
for the other night...

1382
01:19:55,165 --> 01:19:59,568
my behavior
and the things I said.

1383
01:19:59,603 --> 01:20:01,195
And to thank you...

1384
01:20:01,237 --> 01:20:04,434
for your behavior
and the things you said.

1385
01:20:05,575 --> 01:20:09,102
I'm really sorry.

1386
01:20:09,145 --> 01:20:11,170
And I'm really
in love with you...

1387
01:20:11,214 --> 01:20:12,977
and I really have been
for a very long time.

1388
01:20:13,016 --> 01:20:16,144
And I can't believe
I'm saying this.

1389
01:20:16,186 --> 01:20:19,087
I don't want
to embarrass you...

1390
01:20:19,122 --> 01:20:22,455
or make you feel
uncomfortable with me...

1391
01:20:22,492 --> 01:20:25,017
but...

1392
01:20:25,061 --> 01:20:30,761
I've been needing to tell you
this for a very long time.

1393
01:20:33,536 --> 01:20:35,766
Are you aware that
that's the most...

1394
01:20:35,805 --> 01:20:38,330
you've ever said to me
at one time?

1395
01:20:38,375 --> 01:20:41,742
Except, of course, for the time
that you were ravingly drunk.

1396
01:20:43,480 --> 01:20:44,970
I love you, too.

1397
01:21:07,103 --> 01:21:10,834
In response
to Roman numeral 27...

1398
01:21:10,874 --> 01:21:13,843
section three, part two...

1399
01:21:13,877 --> 01:21:17,608
of subset D...
of the question...

1400
01:21:17,647 --> 01:21:20,047
the answer is...

1401
01:21:21,117 --> 01:21:22,778
Mr. Melon?

1402
01:21:30,493 --> 01:21:31,721
Mr. Melon?

1403
01:21:31,761 --> 01:21:35,595
Hey, relax. This man's been put
under a lot of pressure.

1404
01:21:35,632 --> 01:21:37,600
Let's take it easy on him.

1405
01:21:37,634 --> 01:21:39,795
Say it! Say it!

1406
01:21:41,271 --> 01:21:44,263
The answer is... four?

1407
01:21:51,481 --> 01:21:52,470
Right.

1408
01:21:59,522 --> 01:22:01,683
Dr. Turner?

1409
01:22:06,563 --> 01:22:09,031
Hold it. That's it.

1410
01:22:09,065 --> 01:22:10,657
I can't take it no more.

1411
01:22:10,700 --> 01:22:15,330
I feel like I just gave birth
to an accountant.

1412
01:22:16,673 --> 01:22:18,163
Wait a minute, Thornton.

1413
01:22:30,086 --> 01:22:33,920
Thornton, do you remember
when we discussed...

1414
01:22:33,957 --> 01:22:35,515
the Dylan Thomas poem...

1415
01:22:35,558 --> 01:22:38,083
"Do Not Go Gentle
Into That Good Night"?

1416
01:22:38,128 --> 01:22:40,153
I don't know.

1417
01:22:40,196 --> 01:22:42,596
No. Maybe.

1418
01:22:42,632 --> 01:22:44,532
Thornton, think.

1419
01:22:44,567 --> 01:22:46,398
What's going on here?

1420
01:22:47,804 --> 01:22:51,262
Philip, relax. It's my turn.

1421
01:22:55,678 --> 01:22:57,043
Do you remember it?

1422
01:22:58,748 --> 01:23:01,911
"Do not go gentle into...

1423
01:23:01,951 --> 01:23:04,511
"into that good night.

1424
01:23:06,689 --> 01:23:09,419
"Old age should burn
and rage...

1425
01:23:09,459 --> 01:23:13,555
"at close of day.

1426
01:23:13,596 --> 01:23:16,929
"Rage, rage against
the dying of the light.

1427
01:23:16,966 --> 01:23:19,400
"Wild men who caught...

1428
01:23:19,435 --> 01:23:22,461
"and sang the sun in flight
and learned too late...

1429
01:23:22,505 --> 01:23:25,201
"they grieved it on its way.

1430
01:23:25,241 --> 01:23:28,802
"Do not go gentle
into that good night.

1431
01:23:28,845 --> 01:23:31,507
"Grave men near death...

1432
01:23:31,548 --> 01:23:34,016
"who see with blinding sight.

1433
01:23:34,050 --> 01:23:37,451
"Blind eyes could blaze
like meteors and be gay.

1434
01:23:37,487 --> 01:23:41,685
"Rage, rage against
the dying of the light.

1435
01:23:41,724 --> 01:23:46,457
"And you, my father,
there on the sad height.

1436
01:23:46,496 --> 01:23:48,521
"Curse, bless me now...

1437
01:23:48,565 --> 01:23:50,499
"with your fierce tears,
I pray.

1438
01:23:50,533 --> 01:23:53,900
"Do not go gentle
into that good night.

1439
01:23:53,937 --> 01:23:57,998
"Rage! Rage against
the dying of the light!"

1440
01:23:58,041 --> 01:24:00,839
Thornton, what does that poem
mean to you?

1441
01:24:00,877 --> 01:24:02,970
It means...

1442
01:24:03,012 --> 01:24:05,310
I don't take shit from no one.

1443
01:24:06,749 --> 01:24:08,740
I'm gonna pass this test.

1444
01:24:08,785 --> 01:24:12,346
I'm stayin' in school!
Who's next?

1445
01:24:15,391 --> 01:24:18,451
Now diving for
the Atlantic Eastern Eagles...

1446
01:24:18,494 --> 01:24:22,453
current conference champion...
Doug Nelson.

1447
01:24:22,498 --> 01:24:25,023
You know what you
almost never see?

1448
01:24:25,068 --> 01:24:28,196
Somebody heckling a diver.

1449
01:24:40,850 --> 01:24:43,842
- You're all right, kid.
- Thanks, Lou.

1450
01:24:43,887 --> 01:24:48,551
Please refrain from making
loud noises during the dives.

1451
01:24:50,727 --> 01:24:54,629
Next up, the Atlantic
Eastern Eagles'...

1452
01:24:54,664 --> 01:24:56,689
Bill Steincap.

1453
01:25:15,184 --> 01:25:19,177
That concludes Atlantic
Eastern's ten-meter dives.

1454
01:25:19,222 --> 01:25:22,020
Next up,
the Grand Lakes Hooters.

1455
01:25:24,961 --> 01:25:26,588
We would like to remind you...

1456
01:25:26,629 --> 01:25:28,893
tickets to all Grand Lakes
sporting events...

1457
01:25:28,932 --> 01:25:31,992
are available through
the student services office.

1458
01:25:32,035 --> 01:25:34,128
Are you interested
in Valerie Desmond?

1459
01:25:34,170 --> 01:25:36,764
She's with me.

1460
01:25:36,806 --> 01:25:39,536
Coming into your own,
are you, Melon?

1461
01:25:39,575 --> 01:25:41,042
I wouldn't break my arm...

1462
01:25:41,077 --> 01:25:43,307
patting myself on the back
if I were you.

1463
01:25:43,346 --> 01:25:45,337
Because... get this, towel boy...

1464
01:25:45,381 --> 01:25:48,509
no matter what you think,
you will always be a crude...

1465
01:25:48,551 --> 01:25:51,179
obnoxious, nouveau riche
little phlebe...

1466
01:25:51,220 --> 01:25:53,552
and you're gonna end up
just like your father.

1467
01:25:53,589 --> 01:25:57,548
God, I hope so,
'cause I happen to love the guy.

1468
01:25:57,593 --> 01:26:00,892
First up for
Grand Lakes University...

1469
01:26:00,930 --> 01:26:03,057
Chas Osbourne...

1470
01:26:03,099 --> 01:26:05,829
former national
high school champion.

1471
01:26:33,129 --> 01:26:36,121
- Jason dive yet?
- Not yet. Did you pass?

1472
01:26:36,165 --> 01:26:37,632
I don't know.
They'll let me know.

1473
01:26:37,667 --> 01:26:40,397
Now diving
for Grand Lakes University...

1474
01:26:40,436 --> 01:26:42,768
Jason Melon.

1475
01:27:02,492 --> 01:27:04,517
Attaboy, Jason! You did it!

1476
01:27:09,899 --> 01:27:10,923
All right!

1477
01:27:15,738 --> 01:27:18,206
I can't believe it.
We could actually win this.

1478
01:27:18,241 --> 01:27:22,200
Melon's dive has put the Hooters
back in this meet.

1479
01:27:23,679 --> 01:27:25,146
What's the matter?

1480
01:27:26,682 --> 01:27:28,650
You're up next, Chas.

1481
01:27:31,587 --> 01:27:33,680
I have got
a really bad cramp.

1482
01:27:33,723 --> 01:27:36,021
I've been having
really bad cramps all week.

1483
01:27:36,059 --> 01:27:39,324
- It's probably menstrual.
- Screw you, Melon!

1484
01:27:41,998 --> 01:27:45,957
Coach Turnbull,
you got another eligible diver?

1485
01:27:48,404 --> 01:27:49,871
Melon!

1486
01:27:53,242 --> 01:27:57,542
Melon! We need ya!
Get your suit on!

1487
01:27:57,580 --> 01:27:58,706
Go ahead.

1488
01:27:58,748 --> 01:28:00,875
Oh, not a chance.
In the shape I'm in...

1489
01:28:00,917 --> 01:28:03,010
you could donate my body
to science fiction.

1490
01:28:03,052 --> 01:28:05,418
Get your suit on! We need ya!

1491
01:28:05,455 --> 01:28:08,856
Come on, pal.
Show 'em what you got.

1492
01:28:08,891 --> 01:28:11,189
Melon! We need ya!

1493
01:28:16,132 --> 01:28:20,728
Now diving in substitution
for Grand Lakes University...

1494
01:28:20,770 --> 01:28:23,170
Thornton Melon.

1495
01:28:25,041 --> 01:28:27,271
He's on my substitute roster...

1496
01:28:27,310 --> 01:28:29,835
but I don't have it right now.

1497
01:28:29,879 --> 01:28:33,576
But what I'll do is,
first chance I get...

1498
01:28:33,616 --> 01:28:35,174
I'll bring it to you.

1499
01:28:53,569 --> 01:28:56,003
What dive is he gonna do?

1500
01:28:56,038 --> 01:28:58,973
The Triple Lindy.

1501
01:28:59,008 --> 01:29:01,238
Melon! Melon! Melon!

1502
01:29:07,984 --> 01:29:10,544
There will be an additional
springboard installed...

1503
01:29:10,586 --> 01:29:13,384
for Melon's dive,
the Triple Lindy.

1504
01:29:13,422 --> 01:29:15,982
- Is that hard?
- It's impossible.

1505
01:30:39,542 --> 01:30:42,033
Melon! You did it!

1506
01:30:46,949 --> 01:30:48,314
That was great!

1507
01:30:52,955 --> 01:30:56,914
Oh, you were great!
That was incredible!

1508
01:30:56,959 --> 01:30:59,427
I guess there's nothing
you can't do.

1509
01:30:59,462 --> 01:31:01,623
I've got the results
of your exams right here.

1510
01:31:01,664 --> 01:31:02,790
Do I want to hear 'em?

1511
01:31:02,832 --> 01:31:05,426
You passed!
All "Ds" and an "A."

1512
01:31:05,468 --> 01:31:07,493
Who gave me the "A"?

1513
01:31:07,536 --> 01:31:09,868
- I did.
- Oh, yeah?

1514
01:31:09,905 --> 01:31:12,499
I would like to introduce
our speaker today.

1515
01:31:12,541 --> 01:31:13,974
This is the first time...

1516
01:31:14,010 --> 01:31:17,411
in the history
of this fine institution...

1517
01:31:17,446 --> 01:31:20,279
that a freshman
has given this address.

1518
01:31:20,316 --> 01:31:22,910
Mr. Thornton Melon.

1519
01:31:35,898 --> 01:31:37,058
Thank you very much.

1520
01:31:37,099 --> 01:31:39,863
Thank you, Dean Martin,
President Sinclair...

1521
01:31:39,902 --> 01:31:42,370
and members
of the graduating class.

1522
01:31:42,405 --> 01:31:45,238
I have only one thing
to say to you today...

1523
01:31:45,274 --> 01:31:46,707
it's a jungle out there.

1524
01:31:46,742 --> 01:31:49,302
You gotta look out
for number one.

1525
01:31:49,345 --> 01:31:52,143
But don't step in number two.

1526
01:31:53,649 --> 01:31:56,675
And so,
to all you graduates...

1527
01:31:56,719 --> 01:32:00,815
as you go out into the world
my advice to you is...

1528
01:32:00,856 --> 01:32:03,825
don't go!
It's rough out there.

1529
01:32:03,859 --> 01:32:06,828
Move back with your parents.
Let them worry about it.