1
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:16,715
♪ The beat takes then I start rockin' ♪

2
00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:24,023
♪ The beat takes then I start rockin' ♪

3
00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:25,858
Ah!

4
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,930
♪ The beat takes then I start rockin' ♪

5
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:40,439
♪ The beat takes then I start rockin' ♪

6
00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:43,776
♪ Go, go ♪

7
00:00:43,778 --> 00:00:46,245
♪ so what you know about that ♪

8
00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:54,553
♪ I make the party crack ♪

9
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:57,623
who doesn't love thanksgiving break?

10
00:00:57,625 --> 00:00:59,758
Me, Tori Gillespie.

11
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:03,729
Or, as everyone in high school
used to call me...

12
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:06,198
Whorie, whorie, whorie!

13
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,867
That nickname was meant
to be ironic, by the way,

14
00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:11,437
although I did have sex
with a zucchini once,

15
00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:13,906
so I guess that was kind of slutty.

16
00:01:13,908 --> 00:01:16,875
Needless to say,
high school fucking sucked.

17
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:19,111
But here's the thing
about high school...

18
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:21,280
It ends.

19
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:23,315
And you get to go to college,

20
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:26,251
where no one knows that you
were a bed-wetter till 14,

21
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:29,521
or that you broke your own hymen
with a baby carrot.

22
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:32,391
Only problem is,
when the holidays roll around,

23
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:36,328
you still have to go home.

24
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:48,540
Hi!

25
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:50,642
I missed you so much.

26
00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:55,614
The alleghany railroad authority

27
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,683
welcomes you to pittsburgh.

28
00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,985
Your train from new york...

29
00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:02,421
I texted you on my new phone!

30
00:02:02,423 --> 00:02:05,524
Look at my sign!

31
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:08,460
Want to switch lives?

32
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:11,497
I'd rather eat my own shit.

33
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:12,731
And I do!

34
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:14,933
This is shit up in here.

35
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:16,568
And yet I'm still jealous of you.

36
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:17,936
Where is she?

37
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:20,005
Yay!

38
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,843
I'm so happy you're home.

39
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,545
Yep, it's still you!

40
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:27,880
Unfortunately.

41
00:02:27,882 --> 00:02:29,515
I can't wait to stay up all night

42
00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:31,617
gossiping about
northwestern boys.

43
00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:32,851
Or girls.
We don't judge.

44
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:33,886
Just don't talk details.

45
00:02:33,888 --> 00:02:35,120
It gives your mother nightmares.

46
00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:36,421
Nightmares, it gives me nightmares.

47
00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:38,090
Also, I have some huge news.

48
00:02:38,092 --> 00:02:40,325
Oh, what, my train crashed and
I'm actually in hell right now?

49
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,327
Gil and I are getting married!

50
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,663
Ah!

51
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:45,731
Are you looking at it?

52
00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:46,765
Yeah, I'm looking at it.

53
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,701
Is it beautiful?

54
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:53,539
Shit, this is why I'm glad
my family dead.

55
00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:00,212
Ah!
Scott!

56
00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:01,213
Scott!

57
00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:02,214
Scott!

58
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:04,550
Fucking look at me!

59
00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:09,521
Ow!

60
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:15,961
Oh, I missed you so much, boo.

61
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:17,629
Hey, maybe we should do this,

62
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,364
I don't know, somewhere
a little more private?

63
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:20,432
Ugh!

64
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:24,169
You are a fucking genius!

65
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,873
Ah!

66
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,681
I was actually thinking
maybe more like my place.

67
00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:38,417
Shh, public sex is way in right now.

68
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:40,686
It's the second most
searched term on YouPorn,

69
00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:42,654
right under "brother sister stuff."

70
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,925
Shit!

71
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,228
Here, hold my invisalign.

72
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:52,698
Oh, my God.

73
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,199
It's a glory hole.

74
00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:56,568
I've only seen these in Gay Porn!

75
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,837
Why are you watching Gay Porn?

76
00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:02,574
Wee!

77
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,743
Who are you, fucking spider-man?

78
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,144
Gimme your dick!

79
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,213
Uh, I don't know if I really want to.

80
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:09,648
You oddly resemble

81
00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:10,916
the alice in wonderland cat right now.

82
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,517
Ugh, stop being such a pussy,

83
00:04:12,519 --> 00:04:16,421
and give me your dick.

84
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:32,337
It's like the wall's eating my penis.

85
00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:34,172
What the hell is wrong
with these people?

86
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:35,240
I know.

87
00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:38,210
Some motherfuckers
are so disgusting.

88
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:42,281
Oh, dear god.

89
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:43,682
Oh, here it comes.

90
00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:54,860
Are you crying?

91
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:56,295
I'm sorry.

92
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:59,264
I didn't know how hard
this was gonna be.

93
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:00,465
Oh.

94
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:03,101
Well, do you want to just, like...

95
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:05,437
Parkour back over
and finish me off in here?

96
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:07,739
No, no.

97
00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,641
I really wanted there
to be a wall between us

98
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,311
when I said this.

99
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:13,312
What are you...

100
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:14,513
what are you trying to say?

101
00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,648
I'm sorry, scott.

102
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,650
It's over.

103
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,120
What?

104
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:34,299
Okay, like, this is
super awkward, but...

105
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:38,637
Could you put my invisalign back in?

106
00:05:40,274 --> 00:05:42,407
Seewell high school wishes you
a happy thanksgiving break.

107
00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:43,408
Be good people.

108
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:44,810
Make good choices.

109
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,345
And I was like,
"that's the last time

110
00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:49,581
I'm ever having sex
with the cafeteria lady again."

111
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:51,717
Bye, gross, stupid fucking bitch!

112
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:55,320
Kidding.
Not really.

113
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:13,338
Janie, is that you?

114
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:14,573
Joel.

115
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,908
What are you doing here?

116
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,243
Huh, nothing much.

117
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:21,079
Just visiting the old stomping grounds.

118
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,681
So are the rumors true?

119
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:25,884
I hear you've turned into
quite the pimp at cornell.

120
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,419
You follow my tumblr?

121
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:28,553
No.

122
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:29,654
Well, you should.

123
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,022
I post a lot of blogs

124
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:33,792
about my wild adventures,

125
00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,861
or, as I titled them,

126
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:39,398
"#assventures."

127
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:40,632
So...

128
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:43,301
That sounds kind of gay.

129
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,003
I disagree.

130
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,605
Well, welcome home, Joel.

131
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:49,141
I'll see you around.

132
00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:50,609
Hey, I'm gonna be
helping your dad out

133
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,010
at the vinyl vault this weekend,

134
00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:53,545
if you want to stop by.

135
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:54,813
Yeah, maybe.

136
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,248
Yeah, man, it's gonna be tough

137
00:06:56,250 --> 00:07:00,552
to box up that whole place
by monday, you know?

138
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:02,020
Why are you boxing it up?

139
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:05,857
'Cause your dad is closing it down,

140
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,459
which I'm guessing

141
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:10,762
he wanted to tell you himself.

142
00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:17,002
Hell yeah, I think that went well.

143
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:20,005
♪ Ooh, you're fixin' my hair ♪

144
00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:24,976
I can see that you've read them.

145
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,445
Well, I see college hasn't altered

146
00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,647
your sophisticated
eating habits any.

147
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:30,148
Not now, dad.

148
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,349
Hey, what do you say
we check out

149
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:32,951
this surrealist
photography exhibit

150
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,586
at the art museum this weekend?

151
00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:37,456
I'd say I'm su-really
not in the mood right now.

152
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:38,924
So, no.

153
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:42,794
Want to talk about it?

154
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,129
What the hell, dad?

155
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,364
You're closing the store?

156
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:47,232
What?

157
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:49,134
The vault's an institution.

158
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,169
I was gonna tell you guys
about that this weekend.

159
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,171
Yet you told joel before us.

160
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,640
Joel's my best employee.

161
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,709
He's easy to talk to.

162
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,277
Kind of soothing,

163
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,445
like a woman.

164
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:01,713
Are we broke?

165
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:02,981
Come on in here.

166
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,116
Sit down, Let's talk about this.

167
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:09,921
Yes, I'm selling the shop.

168
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,389
No, we're not broke.

169
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:14,125
Truth is, the store is doing
pretty well financially.

170
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:16,328
But most of the business
is from collectors online,

171
00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:20,632
so keeping the store open
doesn't make sense anymore.

172
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:23,502
Also, I met someone.

173
00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:24,603
You did?

174
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,271
Anastasia.

175
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,740
A stripper?

176
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:29,774
What?

177
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,209
I mean, with a name like that,

178
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,111
she's either a disney princess
or a total slut.

179
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:35,347
Come on, she's a vinyl
collector down in florida.

180
00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:36,381
Boo.

181
00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:37,415
And I was thinking

182
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:38,717
after janie graduated this spring,

183
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:39,985
I'd move down there with her.

184
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,052
This is place is gonna be

185
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:43,221
way too big for just me, anyhow.

186
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:44,523
But, hey,

187
00:08:44,525 --> 00:08:47,192
we have one last thanksgiving
at home before we move.

188
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,227
That'll be fun, right?

189
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,271
Okay.

190
00:08:59,273 --> 00:09:01,506
Good talk.

191
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:03,875
Am I doing it right?

192
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,010
No!

193
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:06,578
Lou, pop your ass!

194
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:09,781
I can't believe my parents
turned my room into a gym.

195
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,383
Lou, pop that ass!

196
00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:12,784
Watch my ass pop.

197
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:13,852
Your ass is poppin'.

198
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:14,853
Yeah.

199
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:15,954
Girl, it could be worse.

200
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:17,155
I know a chick whose parents

201
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:19,224
turned her room
into a sex dungeon.

202
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,792
Not sure that's worse.

203
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:23,862
Pop that ass, pop that ass, pop that ass.

204
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:25,196
Girl, why don't you
go out tonight,

205
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:26,731
get your mind off things?

206
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,167
The only way that
I could get my mind off things

207
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:32,537
would be to join a cult and
get myself fucking brainwashed.

208
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:34,506
Girl, don't even play
about that shit.

209
00:09:34,508 --> 00:09:36,942
I joined a cult once
because they had red track suits

210
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:39,144
and I wanted
a red track suit.

211
00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:42,147
The amount of innocent
I saw slain...

212
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:44,683
Was not worth
that red track suit.

213
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,087
Oh, god.

214
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:52,524
Apparently, there is
a kegger on plum street

215
00:09:52,526 --> 00:09:53,758
by the creek.

216
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,393
A kegger by the creek?

217
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:56,795
Tell me you made that shit up.

218
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,263
It sounds like a horror movie.

219
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,632
Oh, believe me,
it is all too real.

220
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,500
Well, then go, and take video.

221
00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:05,537
I want to see where
tori the whorie comes from.

222
00:10:05,539 --> 00:10:08,173
No, look, the whole point
of going to college

223
00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:10,108
is to get away
from all of the people

224
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,444
that you hated in high school.

225
00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,079
Why would I want
to go back to that?

226
00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:15,513
I mean, it would be
like taking a massive shit

227
00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:18,917
and then shoving it
right back up my butt.

228
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,452
Really, girl?

229
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:23,088
Plus, I'm totally fine
spending the night in.

230
00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:24,889
Oh, oh, I'm gonna fart.

231
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:26,224
Oh, go ahead, honey.

232
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:27,759
No, it's gonna be so loud.

233
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:30,862
Oh, come on, we've been
married for 25 years.

234
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,635
Oh, my God, Oh, my God.

235
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:37,769
I...

236
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:42,007
I have messed myself.

237
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,975
Ooh.

238
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,211
Ooh, yeah.

239
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:50,115
Mm, mm.

240
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,550
Oh, okay, okay.

241
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:54,686
Girl, you need
to get out that house.

242
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:56,454
I'll send you videos.

243
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:04,229
Yo, queef, sick party!

244
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:05,630
Thank you, my friend.

245
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:07,899
I hope you're enjoying
the delicious libations

246
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:10,135
and jovial atmosphere, yeah?

247
00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:11,436
How did you get your parents

248
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:12,604
to let you have the house
all weekend?

249
00:11:12,606 --> 00:11:14,272
Oh, not even a problem, brother.

250
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:17,976
You see, I have an open dialogue
with mata and pita.

251
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:19,377
They respect me as an adult,

252
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:23,348
and they trust
my wise decisions.

253
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:26,951
I just threw up
in this genie bottle.

254
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:29,554
That's my grandmother!

255
00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:31,122
Let her out, man.

256
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:33,291
Let her out!

257
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:37,228
♪ I was like, "excuse me
and my awkward approach" ♪

258
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:39,531
hey, this is my personal hell.

259
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:40,799
Shit, shit.

260
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:41,933
Awe, that's adorable.

261
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:43,334
You're still obsessed with her.

262
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:45,470
No, I'm not still obsessed with her.

263
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:46,337
Yes, you are.

264
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:47,639
When is her birthday?

265
00:11:47,641 --> 00:11:49,174
January 15th, 1996.

266
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:50,542
Nice try.
Everyone knows that.

267
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:52,143
Well, no one give's a fuck about me,

268
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,646
so only you should know,
when's my birthday?

269
00:11:54,648 --> 00:11:56,381
Um...

270
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,083
Today?

271
00:11:58,085 --> 00:11:59,084
Oh, my god, today.

272
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:01,119
Happy birthday, happy birthday!

273
00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:04,456
Happy birthday!

274
00:12:04,458 --> 00:12:06,658
Hmm, I fucking hate you.

275
00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:09,961
Listen, this is my last chance.

276
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:12,797
Janie is moving down to florida
at the end of the school year.

277
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:13,865
- Oh, my god.
- I know.

278
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:15,300
- No way.
- Yes.

279
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:16,768
Oh, my god, that means
you're only gonna have

280
00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:17,802
christmas break and spring break

281
00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:18,970
to not fuck her.

282
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:20,338
False, because I have to go

283
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,940
visit my stupid, dying grandparents

284
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,942
in arizona for christmas.
Boring.

285
00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:25,877
Then I'm hitting up cancun
with the pussy posse

286
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:27,345
for spring break.

287
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,713
I'm sorry, what the fuck
did you just say?

288
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:29,581
Pussy posse?

289
00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:30,782
Oh, it's my cornell boys.

290
00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:32,150
Oh, that's so cute.

291
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:33,451
You know, if you ever
use that nickname again,

292
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:34,753
I'm gonna punch you in the penis.

293
00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:36,054
Okay, you're being very aggressive.

294
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,388
Just hear me out.

295
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:39,124
This is my last shot

296
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:43,261
before she is out of my life forever.

297
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,363
Okay, um, look,

298
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:47,165
I'm gonna try really, really hard

299
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,266
not to be a dick here,

300
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,334
because I can tell you're, like,

301
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:50,535
really sensitive and everything.

302
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:52,403
She was not into you in high school.

303
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:54,239
She's not into you now.

304
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,040
And she's never
gonna be into you.

305
00:12:56,042 --> 00:13:00,378
But I just--you know, I feel
like it's time we move on.

306
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:01,546
Okay.

307
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:02,413
Okay, yeah.

308
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:03,615
Yeah, I guess you're right.

309
00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:04,649
You're right.

310
00:13:04,651 --> 00:13:05,483
Shit, you, like--

311
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:07,152
you handled that really well.

312
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:08,720
Psych, no, I'm fucking with you.

313
00:13:08,722 --> 00:13:11,422
She's totally gonna
sit on my face later, like...

314
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,527
Wow, that's really not
how that goes down at all,

315
00:13:15,529 --> 00:13:17,095
so it's clear you've never done that.

316
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:19,130
Yes, I have, I've eaten out,
like, 17 pussies.

317
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,398
Or 23.
I don't know.

318
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,033
I know it's a prime number.

319
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,701
God, please stop doing that.

320
00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:24,702
Did you spit?

321
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,104
- Yes.
- That's disgusting.

322
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,372
- A little bit.
- Don't spit.

323
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:28,873
Where did the straw come from?

324
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:29,908
My backpack.

325
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,209
You have a fucking backpack?

326
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:32,210
Yes, I have a backpack.

327
00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:33,211
It's an adventure.

328
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:34,913
It's like a hike.

329
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:35,914
Ugh!

330
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,582
This party is #lame.

331
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,717
I've only been roofied and
fingered, like, twice tonight.

332
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:41,853
I mean, what is this,
a bar mitzvah?

333
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:44,189
Let's hit up that party on oak street.

334
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:46,424
I heard ethyl's gonna be there!

335
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,092
Ew, is that your grandma?

336
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:49,694
No offense,
but last time I saw her,

337
00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:52,463
she pretended to trip and
grabbed my cooch for balance.

338
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:55,500
My dad is always tripping.

339
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,936
No, you stupid fucking dumb
ecuadorian bitch!

340
00:13:57,938 --> 00:13:59,204
Ethyl's that new hybrid drug

341
00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:00,605
everybody's been
blah-blah-ing about.

342
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:02,507
It's molly mixed
with old people medicine.

343
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:04,576
It's supposed to be totes cray.

344
00:14:04,578 --> 00:14:06,811
Well, anyone who
would do that is totes retar.

345
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:09,681
Holy Zachary Quinto's eyebrows!

346
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:10,882
She's learning!

347
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,350
No, seriously, though,

348
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,686
haven't we been doing
too many drugs lately?

349
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,693
You totally had me, bitch!

350
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:24,896
Oh, holy shit, that's my fucking jam!

351
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:26,798
Mandy, hold my legs.

352
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,436
Yeah.

353
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:34,272
Ah, I think I queefed.

354
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:36,741
Stop looking at my ass,
you whore.

355
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:45,783
Photo bomb!

356
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:47,552
Shit, I'm sorry.

357
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,287
Fuck, let me help you.

358
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:50,288
I'll fix it.

359
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:51,289
Let me help you dry it off.

360
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:54,058
I'll dry it off.

361
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,660
I highly advise you

362
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:59,631
not to touch any
of the hand towels, okay?

363
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,080
I got it from here.

364
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:19,417
Right.

365
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:20,752
More toilet paper.

366
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:21,786
Oh, yeah, yeah.

367
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:23,821
There you go.

368
00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:32,297
It's not creepy at all.

369
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,032
- Huh?
- Oh, yeah, my bad.

370
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,134
Sorry.

371
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:37,335
So...

372
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,804
Have you started
applying to schools yet?

373
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:40,872
A few.

374
00:15:40,874 --> 00:15:42,507
I don't know
where I want to go yet.

375
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:43,775
If you're thinking of cornell,

376
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,143
you can always
come visit with me.

377
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:46,711
My dorm is super cool.

378
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:49,347
We have a swimming turtle
named randy.

379
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:51,282
So, pretty fucking awesome.

380
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,817
Cornell?

381
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:56,354
Not with the "C" I have
in mr. Draper's class.

382
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:58,589
Draper the raper?

383
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:01,025
Thought he'd give you
an a-plus with those titties.

384
00:16:01,027 --> 00:16:02,860
I mean, goddamn.

385
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:03,995
Thanks?

386
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:07,031
Does he still schedule
that stupid midterm

387
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,000
for the day after thanksgiving break?

388
00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:10,168
Yup.

389
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:11,502
Turns out he's not only a perv,

390
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:14,572
he's also a fascist.

391
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:15,940
You know, I could help you.

392
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:18,443
I mean, I aced--
I aced draper's class.

393
00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:19,944
I knocked that midterm
out of the park.

394
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:22,213
I remember he actually
said to me, and I quote,

395
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:24,549
"you made that midterm your bitch."

396
00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:26,985
Or, no--or he said,
"you did a good job."

397
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,486
But he meant it, so...

398
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,021
I mean, don't worry.

399
00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:31,456
No charge.

400
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:34,158
Just two study buddies
doing what they do,

401
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,326
shooting the shit.

402
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,627
Whip out a highlighter or two,

403
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,796
make some marks
on those textbooks.

404
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:43,034
I don't give a fuck
what the librarian says.

405
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:45,303
Okay, what the hell.

406
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:46,671
Seriously?

407
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,306
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.

408
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:49,440
Yeah, yes.

409
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,342
So you will not regret this.

410
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,477
I promise.

411
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:55,413
How is 8:00 on friday?

412
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:56,647
Sounds good.

413
00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:58,916
Good, I think so too, yeah.

414
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,386
Okay.

415
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:02,420
Bye.

416
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:05,590
I love you, so much.

417
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:09,193
This is the first time
I've drank in, like, ever.

418
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:10,895
But I feel totally fine.

419
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:13,164
Yeah, no, you look totally great,

420
00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:14,432
not at all like a rhino

421
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:16,701
who's been shot
with a tranquilizer gun.

422
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:17,902
Uh-oh.

423
00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:20,471
I think the fucking
tikka masala shit's

424
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,373
gonna come back up.

425
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:30,915
Whew, I feel so much better now.

426
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:32,617
Want to hook up?

427
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,253
She said yes.

428
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,254
She said yes.

429
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:37,622
Move, fuckers.

430
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,290
She said yes, she said yes,
she said yes.

431
00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:41,025
Oh, no.

432
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,160
Yeah.

433
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,528
So I'm gonna go now.

434
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:44,529
Hey, motherfuck,

435
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:45,530
did you not hear me?

436
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:46,764
She said yes.

437
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,833
Oh, my god, that is so exciting.

438
00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:50,501
Hey, at what point
in this conversation

439
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:53,271
are we going to acknowledge
that I'm covered in vomit?

440
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:54,338
What am I gonna wear?

441
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:56,140
Should I wear a suit?

442
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:58,643
Maybe one of those
sexy-ass tight vests

443
00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:00,344
with, like, a dragon on it
for no fucking reason.

444
00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:01,779
And she's like, "what's that?"

445
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,214
And I'm like,
don't worry about it.

446
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,882
But I don't know
where to take her for dinner,

447
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:06,417
because I obviously want
to take her somewhere nice,

448
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,586
but I don't want
to freak her out.

449
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,254
There's about ten
different restaurants

450
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,389
up in that girl's vomit,

451
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:13,724
so you can take your pick.

452
00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:17,128
Text me.

453
00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:19,297
Suck a dick.

454
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:21,099
No.

455
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:35,813
Shit, look, I'm sorry,

456
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:39,016
but you came out of nowhere.

457
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:41,853
Scott?

458
00:18:41,855 --> 00:18:43,387
Do I know you?

459
00:18:43,389 --> 00:18:47,158
We went to high school together.

460
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,392
And middle school,

461
00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:52,430
and elementary.

462
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:53,631
Tori the whorie?

463
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,166
And we're back.

464
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,567
Wow.

465
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,002
You look kind of good now.

466
00:18:58,004 --> 00:18:59,103
You know, that nickname

467
00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:01,439
might not even be
that ironic anymore.

468
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:02,840
Charming, okay.

469
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:04,642
Well, you're not dead,
so I'm gonna go.

470
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,444
But this has been so fun.

471
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:07,979
Thank you.

472
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:09,780
Ugh.

473
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:11,682
Fuck.

474
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:14,886
Can I get a ride?

475
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:21,692
So you know this is
a really bad idea, right?

476
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,728
It says the party is
only one mile from here.

477
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,129
Oh, fantastic,
I'm glad there's an app

478
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:26,931
that can make stalking
more efficient.

479
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:28,566
I'm not stalking, okay?

480
00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:31,035
I'm merely using technology
to help me locate someone

481
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:34,071
who doesn't want to talk to me
at the moment.

482
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,072
Which is stalking.

483
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:36,140
Mm-hmm.

484
00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:38,309
Ooh, make that left.

485
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:41,979
You do realize that
you're pathetic, right?

486
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:46,083
You do realize that
you're covered in vomit, right?

487
00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:48,085
Besides, heather's
gonna take me back.

488
00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:50,354
Oh, fantastic, so not only
are you a stalker,

489
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:51,589
but you're a misogynist too.

490
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:52,990
And I'm a romantic.

491
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:55,092
Ho-ho, and why would
heather take you back?

492
00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:56,627
'Cause I think she's
made it perfectly clear

493
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,963
that she wants nothing
to do with you.

494
00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:00,398
She just needs
some time to think

495
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,532
and, you know, reevaluate.

496
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,533
She'll be fine.

497
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,035
Oh, wow.

498
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:06,704
Because obviously she must be
in a weird mental place

499
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:09,974
to dump you, mr. Perfect
with the amazing hair.

500
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:11,409
Think I have amazing hair?

501
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:12,743
Oh, my god,
you know you're attractive.

502
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:14,145
It's annoying.

503
00:20:14,147 --> 00:20:16,614
Wow, amazing hair
and I'm attractive?

504
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,316
Yeah, here I go.

505
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:19,617
Wait a minute.

506
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:20,952
Are you into me?

507
00:20:20,954 --> 00:20:23,020
No, God, I'm not into you.

508
00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:24,922
I mean, would I have sex with you?

509
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,825
Yeah, probably, but that does
not mean that I'm into you.

510
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:29,927
You'd have sex with me?

511
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:33,464
Wow, I mean, I'm not surprised.

512
00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:35,299
I'm just surprised
that you actually admitted that.

513
00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:36,968
Oh, my God, it's 2014.

514
00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:38,836
Women should be able
to openly talk about sex.

515
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:40,271
I mean, I know what year it is.

516
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:41,606
I'm just saying...

517
00:20:41,608 --> 00:20:42,873
Okay, here's the thing, prom king.

518
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:44,175
Women think about sex all the time,

519
00:20:44,177 --> 00:20:45,977
including your precious,
wonderful heather.

520
00:20:45,979 --> 00:20:47,912
So if she wanted you in her bed,

521
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:49,847
you wouldn't be in this car
with me right now.

522
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:53,517
And that is a fact.

523
00:20:53,519 --> 00:20:55,219
Oh, wait, hold on one second,

524
00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:57,088
because I really want to film this,

525
00:20:57,090 --> 00:21:01,425
because fail videos always go viral.

526
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:03,461
Go on.

527
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:04,562
Yeah, I don't know.

528
00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:05,630
Maybe now isn't the best time.

529
00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:06,797
Oh, No, Come on, Scott.

530
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:08,232
The internet wants to see you

531
00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:11,369
get kicked in the balls really bad.

532
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,170
Why are you so mean?

533
00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:14,572
I'm mean?

534
00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:16,240
Wow, that's a double standard.

535
00:21:16,242 --> 00:21:18,576
I recall it going a little bit
differently in high school.

536
00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:21,545
Maybe nobody has told you
that high school is over.

537
00:21:21,547 --> 00:21:23,514
That big ceremony thing
that we all did,

538
00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:24,749
that was graduation,

539
00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:25,816
where we all move on

540
00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:27,084
and we all do different things.

541
00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:28,452
You don't stay here and be like,

542
00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:29,720
"Oh, I was prom King; I'm cool,

543
00:21:29,722 --> 00:21:30,888
so that means I'm cool forever."

544
00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:32,390
Nobody gives a shit.

545
00:21:32,392 --> 00:21:34,992
So maybe it's time
that you try something new.

546
00:21:34,994 --> 00:21:36,494
Try something
a little bit different,

547
00:21:36,496 --> 00:21:38,362
'Cause obviously this whole...

548
00:21:51,577 --> 00:21:53,177
Wait, wait.

549
00:21:53,179 --> 00:21:55,813
I don't have any condoms on me.

550
00:21:58,084 --> 00:21:59,317
Who are you?

551
00:21:59,319 --> 00:22:00,718
Tori the whorie.

552
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:01,886
Oh, yeah,
I came up with that name.

553
00:22:01,888 --> 00:22:04,155
Yeah, you're an asshole.

554
00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:11,662
Tori the whorie is back, bitch!

555
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:12,830
Okay, first of all,

556
00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:14,265
she never existed.

557
00:22:14,267 --> 00:22:16,734
Second of all, it was a mistake.

558
00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:20,338
It was a big, stupid mistake.

559
00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:21,939
How big?

560
00:22:21,941 --> 00:22:22,907
What?

561
00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:24,275
Come on, girl, give me something.

562
00:22:24,277 --> 00:22:26,377
I haven't looked at porn
since I got home.

563
00:22:27,413 --> 00:22:28,546
It was huge, enormous.

564
00:22:28,548 --> 00:22:29,714
And he put it in my butt

565
00:22:29,716 --> 00:22:31,182
and slapped me in my face with it.

566
00:22:31,184 --> 00:22:33,317
I know you're lying, but...

567
00:22:33,319 --> 00:22:34,452
Thank you.

568
00:22:34,454 --> 00:22:36,620
I just--I really want
to forget about it.

569
00:22:36,622 --> 00:22:38,489
So you're not
gonna see him again?

570
00:22:38,491 --> 00:22:39,890
No, it was a one-time thing.

571
00:22:39,892 --> 00:22:41,625
I'm never talking
to that douche again.

572
00:22:41,627 --> 00:22:42,626
Mm-hmm.

573
00:22:42,628 --> 00:22:44,428
And does he know that?

574
00:22:44,430 --> 00:22:45,663
Oh, please.

575
00:22:45,665 --> 00:22:47,598
Scott is so far up his own ass,

576
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,066
he won't even notice.

577
00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:51,702
How far?

578
00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:55,773
Here's the turkey.

579
00:22:55,775 --> 00:22:56,841
Here's the bird.

580
00:23:12,325 --> 00:23:15,059
Hey, I'm sorry you guys
got stuck over here.

581
00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:18,329
Hey, at least we don't
have to sit with crazy aunt flo.

582
00:23:18,331 --> 00:23:20,364
Did I ever tell you about the time

583
00:23:20,366 --> 00:23:22,066
I got abducted by aliens?

584
00:23:22,068 --> 00:23:24,135
Funny story, actually.

585
00:23:25,471 --> 00:23:27,371
Their queen impregnated me,

586
00:23:27,373 --> 00:23:32,843
and the baby grew to full size
in less than eight hours.

587
00:23:32,845 --> 00:23:35,780
And then it ate its way
out of my uterus.

588
00:23:35,782 --> 00:23:37,314
Want to see the scar?

589
00:23:39,786 --> 00:23:41,585
Why can't we just have
an alcoholic aunt

590
00:23:41,587 --> 00:23:43,387
like every other family?

591
00:23:43,389 --> 00:23:47,458
Today, you can consider me
an alcoholic father.

592
00:23:51,731 --> 00:23:54,598
Hey, you remember
tori the whorie?

593
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:58,436
The girl whose pimples
used to pop in the sunlight?

594
00:23:58,438 --> 00:23:59,470
That was graphic.

595
00:23:59,472 --> 00:24:00,571
Yes.

596
00:24:00,573 --> 00:24:01,572
You should see her now.

597
00:24:01,574 --> 00:24:02,673
She looks totally different.

598
00:24:02,675 --> 00:24:04,108
Uh, no thanks.

599
00:24:04,110 --> 00:24:05,176
No, seriously, look.

600
00:24:05,178 --> 00:24:06,377
She's, like, photoshopped.

601
00:24:06,379 --> 00:24:07,578
No, seriously,

602
00:24:07,580 --> 00:24:10,648
I'm not interested
in your dumb little crush.

603
00:24:10,650 --> 00:24:12,016
I don't have a crush.

604
00:24:12,018 --> 00:24:13,684
I mean, that's ridiculous.

605
00:24:13,686 --> 00:24:15,786
You know what else is ridiculous?

606
00:24:15,788 --> 00:24:17,254
"Modern Medicine."

607
00:24:17,256 --> 00:24:19,824
I mean, why do I need a "Doctor"

608
00:24:19,826 --> 00:24:21,392
to tell me that I'm "Crazy"

609
00:24:21,394 --> 00:24:23,961
and a "Danger to myself and others"?

610
00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:25,729
I mean, hello?

611
00:24:25,731 --> 00:24:29,133
I already have the voices
in my head telling me that.

612
00:24:32,238 --> 00:24:35,206
I can't kill them.
They're family.

613
00:24:40,146 --> 00:24:42,813
You know mental illness
runs in our family, right?

614
00:24:42,815 --> 00:24:46,550
Hey, as long as baldness
doesn't, then I'm fine.

615
00:24:46,552 --> 00:24:47,952
Ugh.

616
00:24:47,954 --> 00:24:49,987
But what I'm most thankful for

617
00:24:49,989 --> 00:24:53,190
is joining this wonderful family.

618
00:24:53,192 --> 00:24:57,261
I feel like the luckiest
man in western P.A.

619
00:24:57,263 --> 00:24:59,296
Aw, heck, in the entire
state of Pennsylvania.

620
00:24:59,298 --> 00:25:01,098
Ah!

621
00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:04,401
Marissa, honey, what are you
most thankful for?

622
00:25:04,403 --> 00:25:09,206
Well, other than this
beautiful treasure of a man.

623
00:25:09,208 --> 00:25:10,708
I don't even know
where to begin.

624
00:25:10,710 --> 00:25:11,976
Great, next.

625
00:25:11,978 --> 00:25:13,210
I'm thankful that my paintings

626
00:25:13,212 --> 00:25:15,713
were selected to hang at the met.

627
00:25:15,715 --> 00:25:18,449
Oh, you did, oh.

628
00:25:18,451 --> 00:25:22,186
Oh, and that I finally
learned how to drive!

629
00:25:22,188 --> 00:25:23,621
Yes!

630
00:25:23,623 --> 00:25:24,655
Scary.

631
00:25:24,657 --> 00:25:25,723
You did.

632
00:25:25,725 --> 00:25:27,057
You're an inspiration, sweetie.

633
00:25:27,059 --> 00:25:28,392
Yeah, no, we get it, she's perfect.

634
00:25:28,394 --> 00:25:30,060
Now, could somebody
please pass the wine

635
00:25:30,062 --> 00:25:32,263
so I can drink
till I black the fuck out?

636
00:25:32,265 --> 00:25:33,430
Language!

637
00:25:33,432 --> 00:25:35,966
Look, I'm real nice when I'm drunk.

638
00:25:44,810 --> 00:25:46,577
Yeah.

639
00:26:12,672 --> 00:26:14,438
Awe, she's pretty.

640
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,440
Gah!

641
00:26:16,442 --> 00:26:17,775
How did you get in here?

642
00:26:17,777 --> 00:26:19,577
The real question is...

643
00:26:19,579 --> 00:26:24,315
How did we get here?

644
00:26:24,317 --> 00:26:25,683
P'shoo!

645
00:26:28,688 --> 00:26:29,954
Ah.

646
00:26:29,956 --> 00:26:31,822
What?

647
00:26:31,824 --> 00:26:34,325
I hope you like it.

648
00:26:34,327 --> 00:26:37,227
I can't believe
you made this from scratch.

649
00:26:37,229 --> 00:26:40,931
Who wants to play.dance central?

650
00:26:40,933 --> 00:26:41,999
I do!

651
00:26:42,001 --> 00:26:43,400
I want to kill myself.

652
00:26:43,402 --> 00:26:44,401
Yay!

653
00:26:44,403 --> 00:26:45,436
Let's play.

654
00:26:46,505 --> 00:26:50,341
Hey, tore, can you get the door?

655
00:26:52,211 --> 00:26:54,545
Gil, you are so clever.

656
00:26:54,547 --> 00:26:55,646
What can I say?

657
00:26:55,648 --> 00:26:57,715
She's rubbing off on me.

658
00:26:57,717 --> 00:27:00,618
Okay, well, if I'm not back in five,

659
00:27:00,620 --> 00:27:01,719
assume that I'm dead,

660
00:27:01,721 --> 00:27:03,253
and don't come looking for me.

661
00:27:03,255 --> 00:27:05,556
Okey dokey, honey.

662
00:27:05,558 --> 00:27:10,260
Yeah, gil, you should try my pie.

663
00:27:12,999 --> 00:27:14,832
What the hell?

664
00:27:14,834 --> 00:27:16,033
Hey.

665
00:27:16,035 --> 00:27:17,167
Did you run here?

666
00:27:17,169 --> 00:27:18,469
I needed to talk to you,

667
00:27:18,471 --> 00:27:19,770
and you weren't
answering your phone.

668
00:27:19,772 --> 00:27:21,205
Yeah, it's thanksgiving,

669
00:27:21,207 --> 00:27:22,606
and my mom makes us
put our phones and beepers

670
00:27:22,608 --> 00:27:24,541
in a basket before we
sit down to the table.

671
00:27:24,543 --> 00:27:25,576
Who has a beeper?

672
00:27:25,578 --> 00:27:26,577
Gil.

673
00:27:26,579 --> 00:27:27,978
I'm a doctor!

674
00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:30,981
Orthodontist!

675
00:27:30,983 --> 00:27:33,751
So you wanted something?

676
00:27:33,753 --> 00:27:34,918
When we had sex last night--

677
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,054
Oh, my God, dude.

678
00:27:37,056 --> 00:27:39,590
My parents are, like, right in there.

679
00:27:39,592 --> 00:27:41,859
Sorry.

680
00:27:41,861 --> 00:27:43,360
When we had sex last night...

681
00:27:44,964 --> 00:27:47,097
Did you feel something?

682
00:27:47,099 --> 00:27:50,034
Uh, it took me a minute, but yeah.

683
00:27:50,036 --> 00:27:51,101
Come on, I'm serious.

684
00:27:51,103 --> 00:27:53,137
Like--like a...

685
00:27:53,139 --> 00:27:54,438
Connection?

686
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:55,406
Oh, my God.

687
00:27:55,408 --> 00:27:57,174
Please do not say things like that.

688
00:27:57,176 --> 00:27:59,410
I mean, it's so prom-y.

689
00:27:59,412 --> 00:28:01,412
You're, like, so stuck in high school.

690
00:28:01,414 --> 00:28:02,846
It's really frightening.

691
00:28:02,848 --> 00:28:04,448
You can't say
you didn't feel anything.

692
00:28:04,450 --> 00:28:05,783
I mean, I thought
it was pretty clear

693
00:28:05,785 --> 00:28:08,919
that we were just two
sad, horny adults

694
00:28:08,921 --> 00:28:10,320
getting some in a car.

695
00:28:10,322 --> 00:28:12,489
It was just sex, nothing more.

696
00:28:14,860 --> 00:28:16,260
Okay, look, I get it.

697
00:28:16,262 --> 00:28:18,128
You're like--
your girlfriend dumps you,

698
00:28:18,130 --> 00:28:19,596
and then you randomly
hook up with me,

699
00:28:19,598 --> 00:28:21,865
and you're, like,
all confused and shit.

700
00:28:21,867 --> 00:28:23,500
And I understand.

701
00:28:23,502 --> 00:28:25,302
But I think it's best
if you just, like,

702
00:28:25,304 --> 00:28:27,705
leave me out of the equation
altogether, okay?

703
00:28:27,707 --> 00:28:28,739
Tortellini!

704
00:28:28,741 --> 00:28:29,973
What's going on?

705
00:28:29,975 --> 00:28:31,341
Nothing, mom, we're just--

706
00:28:31,343 --> 00:28:34,211
Ooh, who's this
strapping young man?

707
00:28:34,213 --> 00:28:36,180
He was actually just leaving.

708
00:28:36,182 --> 00:28:37,948
Hey, I'm scott, friend of tori's.

709
00:28:37,950 --> 00:28:39,049
Got a grip.

710
00:28:39,051 --> 00:28:40,317
Friend, that's interesting.

711
00:28:40,319 --> 00:28:42,052
Well, come on in, scott.

712
00:28:42,054 --> 00:28:44,755
We're just about to play dance central.

713
00:28:44,757 --> 00:28:46,090
Yeah, I do have
some pretty sick moves.

714
00:28:46,092 --> 00:28:47,291
You know, in high school,

715
00:28:47,293 --> 00:28:48,792
they used to call me
a depressed dog.

716
00:28:48,794 --> 00:28:50,461
Oh, no, why?

717
00:28:50,463 --> 00:28:53,597
Well, 'cause I ain't got no bones!

718
00:28:53,599 --> 00:28:55,099
Oh, whoa!

719
00:28:55,101 --> 00:28:56,366
Ah!

720
00:28:56,368 --> 00:28:57,401
Ah!

721
00:28:57,403 --> 00:28:59,203
Did they also call you
the scarecrow?

722
00:28:59,205 --> 00:29:03,307
'Cause you ain't got no brain!

723
00:29:03,309 --> 00:29:06,043
Okay, I like scott's joke better.

724
00:29:06,045 --> 00:29:08,345
Come on, I'll steal you.

725
00:29:08,347 --> 00:29:09,646
We're dancing.

726
00:29:09,648 --> 00:29:11,582
Hm!

727
00:29:11,584 --> 00:29:14,151
Good.

728
00:29:14,153 --> 00:29:15,219
Seriously?

729
00:29:21,427 --> 00:29:23,660
She's an inspiration!

730
00:29:23,662 --> 00:29:26,396
Perfect!

731
00:29:26,398 --> 00:29:28,699
Awesome!

732
00:29:28,701 --> 00:29:30,634
Marissa wins.

733
00:29:34,006 --> 00:29:36,039
Okay, tora the explorer,

734
00:29:36,041 --> 00:29:37,241
it's your turn.

735
00:29:37,243 --> 00:29:40,978
Come on, tore, hit the dance floor.

736
00:29:40,980 --> 00:29:42,379
They just come to me.

737
00:29:42,381 --> 00:29:44,615
Oh, what's wrong, angelina tori?

738
00:29:44,617 --> 00:29:45,649
Scared to lose?

739
00:29:45,651 --> 00:29:47,484
No, no, no,
I just hate dancing.

740
00:29:47,486 --> 00:29:49,553
Hm, you seem
to hate a lot of things.

741
00:29:49,555 --> 00:29:50,420
Yeah, I do.

742
00:29:50,422 --> 00:29:51,789
I hate everything and everyone.

743
00:29:51,791 --> 00:29:53,223
It's kind of my thing.

744
00:29:53,225 --> 00:29:56,226
Oh, well, we don't hate you, tore.

745
00:29:56,228 --> 00:29:58,729
I'm a little scared of you,
but I don't hate you.

746
00:29:58,731 --> 00:30:00,197
Oh, it's okay.

747
00:30:00,199 --> 00:30:01,265
You know what, fine.

748
00:30:01,267 --> 00:30:03,033
Fine, I will play.

749
00:30:03,035 --> 00:30:05,936
But if I win, you have to leave.

750
00:30:05,938 --> 00:30:06,937
All right.

751
00:30:06,939 --> 00:30:10,140
But if I win...

752
00:30:10,142 --> 00:30:11,809
You have to kiss me.

753
00:30:11,811 --> 00:30:15,245
I want to play!

754
00:30:15,247 --> 00:30:18,649
Or tori can play.

755
00:30:26,158 --> 00:30:29,159
Cool move.

756
00:30:29,161 --> 00:30:31,795
Awesome!

757
00:30:31,797 --> 00:30:33,130
Right on.

758
00:30:33,132 --> 00:30:35,632
Hey, we work pretty well together.

759
00:30:35,634 --> 00:30:39,536
This is how I always pictured
black people playing this game.

760
00:30:39,538 --> 00:30:41,438
We're much stronger as a team.

761
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,307
We should challenge
marissa and gil.

762
00:30:43,309 --> 00:30:44,842
I don't really do teams.

763
00:30:44,844 --> 00:30:47,044
Well, maybe you'll find
that having a partner

764
00:30:47,046 --> 00:30:49,446
to keep you on beat
is a good thing.

765
00:30:49,448 --> 00:30:50,948
I mean, I'm not saying

766
00:30:50,950 --> 00:30:52,783
we should start an official
dance club or anything.

767
00:30:52,785 --> 00:30:54,151
Foot slide!

768
00:30:54,153 --> 00:30:57,020
I'm saying maybe just try it
for one game, you know?

769
00:30:57,022 --> 00:30:58,722
Slap the ground!

770
00:30:58,724 --> 00:30:59,623
What do you think?

771
00:30:59,625 --> 00:31:01,124
Might make you a better dancer.

772
00:31:01,126 --> 00:31:02,226
You know what?

773
00:31:02,228 --> 00:31:04,027
Maybe I don't want a partner

774
00:31:04,029 --> 00:31:06,063
who's merely average-sized,

775
00:31:06,065 --> 00:31:07,631
somewhat herky-jerky,

776
00:31:07,633 --> 00:31:09,933
and pays nowhere close
to the attention to detail

777
00:31:09,935 --> 00:31:14,671
that one would expect
from an aspiring photographer.

778
00:31:14,673 --> 00:31:18,709
Tori wins.

779
00:31:18,711 --> 00:31:21,945
Congrats.

780
00:31:21,947 --> 00:31:23,680
Guess I got to go now, right?

781
00:31:23,682 --> 00:31:26,116
Awe.

782
00:31:26,118 --> 00:31:29,887
Happy thanksgiving.

783
00:31:29,889 --> 00:31:31,521
Bye.

784
00:31:42,434 --> 00:31:46,403
♪ And you are my radio ♪

785
00:31:46,405 --> 00:31:50,374
♪ Turn you up when I feel low ♪

786
00:31:50,376 --> 00:31:55,712
♪ You are the soundtrack to all I know ♪

787
00:31:55,714 --> 00:31:57,814
♪ You are the rock to my roll ♪

788
00:31:57,816 --> 00:31:59,249
what's eating gilbert grape?

789
00:31:59,251 --> 00:32:01,551
I love that movie.

790
00:32:05,291 --> 00:32:07,357
Oh.

791
00:32:17,703 --> 00:32:20,003
Wow, baby, you're good at that.

792
00:32:20,005 --> 00:32:21,271
Where did you learn?

793
00:32:21,273 --> 00:32:23,273
Did your mama teach you?

794
00:32:23,275 --> 00:32:25,809
Oh, god, you are the blowjob queen.

795
00:32:25,811 --> 00:32:29,012
Someone should give you
a crown made out of dicks,

796
00:32:29,014 --> 00:32:31,114
made out of wangs.

797
00:32:31,116 --> 00:32:32,149
I'm gonna cum.

798
00:32:32,151 --> 00:32:33,450
Oops-a-daisy.

799
00:32:33,452 --> 00:32:34,484
Don't want to come
in your mouth.

800
00:32:34,486 --> 00:32:35,485
You're a lady.

801
00:32:35,487 --> 00:32:36,887
Where should I do it?

802
00:32:36,889 --> 00:32:38,455
Ah, idea.

803
00:32:38,457 --> 00:32:40,357
On those tits!

804
00:32:40,359 --> 00:32:42,392
Hey, what you looking at?

805
00:32:42,394 --> 00:32:43,393
The internet.

806
00:32:43,395 --> 00:32:45,495
There's just pictures

807
00:32:45,497 --> 00:32:48,799
of arctic creatures, polar bears.

808
00:32:48,801 --> 00:32:50,200
- Polar bears.
- Going extinct.

809
00:32:50,202 --> 00:32:51,501
I see.

810
00:32:51,503 --> 00:32:53,603
Yo, dick-muncher, time to go.

811
00:32:53,605 --> 00:32:54,838
Black friday's almost over,

812
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,507
and I haven't seen
anybody die yet.

813
00:33:02,414 --> 00:33:05,048
Oh, this--

814
00:33:05,050 --> 00:33:06,216
homework.

815
00:33:06,218 --> 00:33:08,118
Sex-ed.

816
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:10,053
Never mind.

817
00:33:13,559 --> 00:33:16,293
Okay, so this one
is a bit on the pricier side.

818
00:33:16,295 --> 00:33:18,095
But she pinned it multiple times

819
00:33:18,097 --> 00:33:19,663
to her personal pinterest page,

820
00:33:19,665 --> 00:33:23,000
and I want her to feel
as beautiful as I do right now,

821
00:33:23,002 --> 00:33:25,535
which is very.

822
00:33:25,537 --> 00:33:28,238
I just want you to realize
how fucked up this is.

823
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:29,806
If by "fucked up" you mean awesome

824
00:33:29,808 --> 00:33:32,275
and sexually stimulating, then I agree.

825
00:33:32,277 --> 00:33:33,677
But I need you
to focus right now,

826
00:33:33,679 --> 00:33:36,013
because I need
your brutal honesty.

827
00:33:40,519 --> 00:33:41,518
Yeah, that's way too slutty.

828
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,086
If you give that to her,

829
00:33:43,088 --> 00:33:44,955
she's gonna think
that you're trying to bang her.

830
00:33:44,957 --> 00:33:46,089
But I am.

831
00:33:46,091 --> 00:33:47,324
Yes, I know.

832
00:33:47,326 --> 00:33:51,294
But the key is
to make her forget that.

833
00:33:51,296 --> 00:33:53,130
Good note.

834
00:33:57,436 --> 00:33:59,269
Hey, Tori.

835
00:33:59,271 --> 00:34:01,638
What the fuck?

836
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:03,473
Hey, crazy, right?

837
00:34:03,475 --> 00:34:04,941
Uh-huh.

838
00:34:04,943 --> 00:34:07,844
Um, hey, I just want to say sorry

839
00:34:07,846 --> 00:34:10,180
for coming to your family's
dinner last night.

840
00:34:10,182 --> 00:34:12,315
That was--
I shouldn't have done that.

841
00:34:12,317 --> 00:34:13,717
It was inappropriate.

842
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:16,620
Yeah, you know what else
is inappropriate?

843
00:34:16,622 --> 00:34:19,122
You stalking my instagram account

844
00:34:19,124 --> 00:34:20,757
and following me here.

845
00:34:20,759 --> 00:34:23,326
Does this look too, like,
"Ooh, I did anal once,

846
00:34:23,328 --> 00:34:25,328
and now it's all I want"?

847
00:34:25,330 --> 00:34:27,030
Scott.

848
00:34:27,032 --> 00:34:28,432
Did janie send you?

849
00:34:28,434 --> 00:34:31,234
What?
No, why would she?

850
00:34:31,236 --> 00:34:32,736
No reason.

851
00:34:35,808 --> 00:34:36,606
Okay.

852
00:34:36,608 --> 00:34:38,842
So back to you stalking me.

853
00:34:38,844 --> 00:34:41,178
Aw, you thought I'm stalking you?

854
00:34:41,180 --> 00:34:42,612
No, I was just
taking pictures in the mall,

855
00:34:42,614 --> 00:34:44,047
and I saw you through the window.

856
00:34:44,049 --> 00:34:46,683
'Cause that doesn't sound creepy.

857
00:34:49,021 --> 00:34:51,388
I like shooting
all the black friday craziness.

858
00:34:51,390 --> 00:34:52,589
Usually get some pretty cool stuff.

859
00:34:52,591 --> 00:34:53,857
I mean, for the most part,

860
00:34:53,859 --> 00:34:57,194
it's just random people getting tasered.

861
00:34:57,196 --> 00:34:59,162
All right, let me see that.

862
00:35:07,406 --> 00:35:11,408
Dude, this is fucked up.

863
00:35:11,410 --> 00:35:13,577
Would you send these to me?

864
00:35:15,981 --> 00:35:19,116
Aw.

865
00:35:19,118 --> 00:35:23,386
Oh, I found your fetish.

866
00:35:23,388 --> 00:35:25,622
- It's not a fetish.
- Uh-huh.

867
00:35:25,624 --> 00:35:27,724
Hey, look close.

868
00:35:27,726 --> 00:35:29,426
You see how that old couple
is sitting perfectly

869
00:35:29,428 --> 00:35:32,329
right between that trash can
and that stained glass window

870
00:35:32,331 --> 00:35:33,530
and that fountain?

871
00:35:33,532 --> 00:35:35,565
It's like--

872
00:35:35,567 --> 00:35:38,101
it's kind of like beauty
meets its opposite.

873
00:35:38,103 --> 00:35:39,536
You know?

874
00:35:39,538 --> 00:35:41,271
Amidst all the craziness
of black friday

875
00:35:41,273 --> 00:35:44,441
and everybody's
freaking out around them,

876
00:35:44,443 --> 00:35:46,243
they're safe, you know?

877
00:35:46,245 --> 00:35:50,480
They found their little place
to go and share a kiss.

878
00:35:50,482 --> 00:35:53,350
It's kind of cute, beautiful.

879
00:35:53,352 --> 00:35:56,219
Oh, my god.

880
00:35:56,221 --> 00:35:58,755
I didn't sleep
with the cool guy.

881
00:35:58,757 --> 00:36:00,991
I slept with the formerly cool guy

882
00:36:00,993 --> 00:36:05,529
who's actually
a big frickin' dork.

883
00:36:05,531 --> 00:36:06,763
- I'm not a dork.
- Uh-huh.

884
00:36:06,765 --> 00:36:07,797
- I'm cool.
- Oh.

885
00:36:07,799 --> 00:36:09,266
I'm currently cool.

886
00:36:09,268 --> 00:36:10,367
Oh, Okay.

887
00:36:10,369 --> 00:36:11,668
So then, just tell me

888
00:36:11,670 --> 00:36:14,137
one currently cool thing
that you've done

889
00:36:14,139 --> 00:36:16,206
post-graduation.

890
00:36:21,613 --> 00:36:24,614
What are you doing later?

891
00:36:24,616 --> 00:36:25,782
I don't know, why?

892
00:36:25,784 --> 00:36:27,350
'Cause we're hanging out.

893
00:36:27,352 --> 00:36:29,686
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

894
00:36:29,688 --> 00:36:30,754
All right.

895
00:36:30,756 --> 00:36:31,788
But I am driving,

896
00:36:31,790 --> 00:36:33,123
and I am planning everything.

897
00:36:33,125 --> 00:36:36,459
And you have to do
everything that I say.

898
00:36:36,461 --> 00:36:39,362
All right, deal.

899
00:36:39,364 --> 00:36:40,764
All right.

900
00:36:40,766 --> 00:36:42,799
Now go continue taking
those creepy pictures,

901
00:36:42,801 --> 00:36:44,467
and quit stalking me.

902
00:36:44,469 --> 00:36:46,436
Is this guy stalking you?

903
00:37:10,896 --> 00:37:13,897
♪ I used to wait for her after school ♪

904
00:37:13,899 --> 00:37:17,234
♪ By the gates with my books,
baby, feeling a fool ♪

905
00:37:17,236 --> 00:37:21,071
♪ I used to walk her home every night ♪

906
00:37:21,073 --> 00:37:24,975
♪ In the summer or winter,
in the sun or ice ♪

907
00:37:37,389 --> 00:37:39,022
Fuck it list.

908
00:37:39,024 --> 00:37:40,724
Okay, what is this,
some kind of bucket list?

909
00:37:40,726 --> 00:37:42,325
Yeah, except you don't die in it.

910
00:37:42,327 --> 00:37:44,628
I mean, spoiler alert.

911
00:37:44,630 --> 00:37:46,429
Okay, this is
what I'm talking about.

912
00:37:46,431 --> 00:37:48,999
You're like, so regimented.

913
00:37:49,001 --> 00:37:50,200
I mean, everything about you

914
00:37:50,202 --> 00:37:52,135
has to be, like, so fucking perfect,

915
00:37:52,137 --> 00:37:53,837
or you, like, freak out.

916
00:37:53,839 --> 00:37:55,238
So, what I'm gonna do

917
00:37:55,240 --> 00:37:57,707
is just loosen you up a little bit.

918
00:37:59,711 --> 00:38:00,910
I'm not shaving my head.

919
00:38:00,912 --> 00:38:03,680
Okay, one thing at a time.

920
00:38:03,682 --> 00:38:04,848
Seriously, I'm not doing it.

921
00:38:04,850 --> 00:38:05,982
That's what I'm talking about.

922
00:38:05,984 --> 00:38:07,450
You're so regimented.

923
00:38:07,452 --> 00:38:08,818
- Look at it.
- I see it.

924
00:38:08,820 --> 00:38:09,819
Look at the way it flows.

925
00:38:09,821 --> 00:38:10,854
No, yeah, I see it.

926
00:38:10,856 --> 00:38:12,389
Look at how it moves.

927
00:38:12,391 --> 00:38:14,124
You know what, this is
exactly what I'm talking about.

928
00:38:14,126 --> 00:38:19,396
You're so set in your little
perfect scott hair ways.

929
00:38:19,398 --> 00:38:21,765
Fine, okay, can we just do
something a little easier

930
00:38:21,767 --> 00:38:23,199
to ease me into it?

931
00:38:23,201 --> 00:38:24,234
Yeah, absolutely.

932
00:38:24,236 --> 00:38:25,468
I thought we should
probably start

933
00:38:25,470 --> 00:38:27,771
with number four.

934
00:38:31,543 --> 00:38:32,542
No, I'm not gonna do that.

935
00:38:32,544 --> 00:38:33,543
- Yeah.
- No.

936
00:38:33,545 --> 00:38:34,544
Oh, you certainly are.

937
00:38:34,546 --> 00:38:35,812
No fucking way.

938
00:38:35,814 --> 00:38:37,213
- No, you're gonna do it.
- No.

939
00:38:42,921 --> 00:38:45,021
Seriously, just poop already.

940
00:38:45,023 --> 00:38:46,790
I'm trying, okay?

941
00:38:46,792 --> 00:38:47,857
I have a sensitive stomach.

942
00:38:47,859 --> 00:38:49,526
Oh, my God.

943
00:38:49,528 --> 00:38:50,694
Turn around.

944
00:38:50,696 --> 00:38:51,795
What?

945
00:38:51,797 --> 00:38:52,796
Turn around.

946
00:38:52,798 --> 00:38:54,197
Seriously?

947
00:38:54,199 --> 00:38:55,465
This is ridiculous.

948
00:38:55,467 --> 00:38:56,933
Plug your ears.

949
00:38:56,935 --> 00:38:58,768
- What are you doing?
- It's gonna be loud.

950
00:39:00,539 --> 00:39:02,505
Ugh.

951
00:39:02,507 --> 00:39:03,640
Scott?

952
00:39:03,642 --> 00:39:04,774
Shit!

953
00:39:04,776 --> 00:39:07,043
Abort mission!
Abort mission!

954
00:39:07,045 --> 00:39:08,111
Go, go!

955
00:39:08,113 --> 00:39:10,480
- It's locked.
- Just get in!

956
00:39:10,482 --> 00:39:13,516
Get the fuck in the car!

957
00:39:16,054 --> 00:39:18,688
Ugh, why weren't you
into poop stuff

958
00:39:18,690 --> 00:39:20,657
when we were together?

959
00:39:20,659 --> 00:39:23,493
♪ We have fun, we have fun ♪

960
00:39:23,495 --> 00:39:27,263
♪ We got the summer nights
under our tongues ♪

961
00:39:32,270 --> 00:39:34,671
Oh, my God.

962
00:39:34,673 --> 00:39:36,773
Don't even.

963
00:39:36,775 --> 00:39:38,174
What--

964
00:39:38,176 --> 00:39:39,876
asshole.

965
00:39:50,956 --> 00:39:54,357
♪ We have fun, we have fun ♪

966
00:39:55,761 --> 00:39:56,760
Uh-uh.

967
00:39:56,762 --> 00:39:58,328
Mm-hmm.

968
00:40:03,702 --> 00:40:07,070
♪ We have fun, we have fun ♪

969
00:40:13,745 --> 00:40:15,645
better late than never, I guess.

970
00:40:15,647 --> 00:40:17,347
Yeah, it's so true.

971
00:40:17,349 --> 00:40:19,949
Well, it's hard to prepare
for it when it's rape.

972
00:40:22,421 --> 00:40:23,420
Kidding.

973
00:40:23,422 --> 00:40:24,788
No, I'm totally kidding.

974
00:40:24,790 --> 00:40:26,656
Yeah, I definitely,
definitely wanted it.

975
00:40:26,658 --> 00:40:28,057
Mm-hmm.

976
00:40:28,059 --> 00:40:29,893
Especially because it wasn't with him.

977
00:40:29,895 --> 00:40:30,994
She's kidding.

978
00:40:30,996 --> 00:40:32,695
No, I'm not.

979
00:40:32,697 --> 00:40:35,698
Well, good luck with the baby.

980
00:40:35,700 --> 00:40:36,766
Oh, thank you, yeah.

981
00:40:36,768 --> 00:40:39,702
We are gonna need it.

982
00:40:39,704 --> 00:40:41,237
You have a nice day, ma'am.

983
00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:44,107
Yeah, bye.

984
00:40:44,109 --> 00:40:46,242
Whoa!

985
00:40:50,749 --> 00:40:51,815
No way.

986
00:40:51,817 --> 00:40:52,816
Oh, come on.

987
00:40:52,818 --> 00:40:53,817
Don't be a pussy.

988
00:40:53,819 --> 00:40:55,051
It's permanent.

989
00:40:55,053 --> 00:40:55,852
Yeah.

990
00:40:55,854 --> 00:40:57,320
Okay, you know what, fine.

991
00:40:57,322 --> 00:40:59,222
I have another idea.

992
00:41:02,461 --> 00:41:03,626
I don't want to do it.

993
00:41:03,628 --> 00:41:04,661
It's gonna hurt.

994
00:41:04,663 --> 00:41:05,962
Stop being such a baby.

995
00:41:05,964 --> 00:41:09,532
Ay, can you please hurry the fuck up?

996
00:41:09,534 --> 00:41:11,501
My daughter is waiting.

997
00:41:15,307 --> 00:41:17,006
Go!

998
00:41:19,478 --> 00:41:20,477
See?

999
00:41:20,479 --> 00:41:22,445
That wasn't that bad.

1000
00:41:22,447 --> 00:41:25,648
Oh, I guess it wasn't.

1001
00:41:25,650 --> 00:41:27,016
Uh.

1002
00:41:27,018 --> 00:41:29,319
Is anyone else
losing their vision?

1003
00:41:32,090 --> 00:41:33,256
Uh...

1004
00:41:33,258 --> 00:41:35,825
At least he didn't
pierce your dick.

1005
00:41:38,230 --> 00:41:41,798
I'm not really a pot kind of guy.

1006
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:42,866
You know what, that's fine.

1007
00:41:42,868 --> 00:41:43,967
I'll get the clippers.

1008
00:41:43,969 --> 00:41:45,268
Give me that fucking brownie.

1009
00:41:45,270 --> 00:41:46,536
Oh, my God.

1010
00:41:46,538 --> 00:41:48,271
Okay, what if it makes me
all chatty and paranoid

1011
00:41:48,273 --> 00:41:49,772
and annoying?

1012
00:41:49,774 --> 00:41:51,641
Oh, my gosh, then we're gonna
know that it didn't work.

1013
00:41:51,643 --> 00:41:52,809
Is it gluten-free?

1014
00:41:52,811 --> 00:41:54,310
I have a really
sensitive stomach.

1015
00:41:54,312 --> 00:41:55,912
Oh, my god, I know you have
a sensitive everything.

1016
00:41:55,914 --> 00:41:57,881
Yes, it's gluten-free.

1017
00:42:02,654 --> 00:42:04,888
Oh, my God.

1018
00:42:04,890 --> 00:42:05,989
That's fucking good.

1019
00:42:05,991 --> 00:42:06,990
I know.

1020
00:42:06,992 --> 00:42:07,924
That's real good.

1021
00:42:07,926 --> 00:42:10,793
Isn't that good?

1022
00:42:10,795 --> 00:42:12,862
I think I'm high.

1023
00:42:16,368 --> 00:42:19,602
♪ We have fun, we have fun ♪

1024
00:42:19,604 --> 00:42:23,907
♪ We got the summer nights
under our tongues ♪

1025
00:42:27,512 --> 00:42:29,178
Are you ready?

1026
00:42:30,715 --> 00:42:33,550
♪ We have fun, we have fun ♪

1027
00:42:33,552 --> 00:42:37,520
♪ We got the summer nights
under our tongues ♪

1028
00:42:53,572 --> 00:42:54,971
Your car broke down,

1029
00:42:54,973 --> 00:42:57,574
so you rented a party bus?

1030
00:42:59,077 --> 00:43:01,077
I did, yeah.

1031
00:43:01,079 --> 00:43:02,378
Every once in a while,

1032
00:43:02,380 --> 00:43:04,914
it's just nice
to treat yourself.

1033
00:43:04,916 --> 00:43:06,683
Quit the bullshit, joel.

1034
00:43:06,685 --> 00:43:07,850
What's going on?

1035
00:43:07,852 --> 00:43:10,219
No bullshit.
Nothing is going on,

1036
00:43:10,221 --> 00:43:14,157
besides the start
of our glorious evening.

1037
00:43:14,159 --> 00:43:17,093
No sex in the car, kids.

1038
00:43:17,095 --> 00:43:18,494
Last thing I want to see

1039
00:43:18,496 --> 00:43:20,730
is two underage,

1040
00:43:20,732 --> 00:43:22,165
semi-ethnic-looking,

1041
00:43:22,167 --> 00:43:24,601
possibly native american
teenagers

1042
00:43:24,603 --> 00:43:28,404
making a mess on my
brand-new pleather interior,

1043
00:43:28,406 --> 00:43:31,107
forcing me to lap, lap, lap it up

1044
00:43:31,109 --> 00:43:34,978
like a golden retriever
on a hot-ass day.

1045
00:43:36,381 --> 00:43:38,781
Fuck.

1046
00:43:38,783 --> 00:43:40,650
Well, I feel safe.

1047
00:43:40,652 --> 00:43:41,751
Don't worry about her.

1048
00:43:41,753 --> 00:43:42,852
I'll kick her ass.

1049
00:43:42,854 --> 00:43:44,320
I'm here for you.

1050
00:43:44,322 --> 00:43:46,022
Joel, I don't have time for this.

1051
00:43:46,024 --> 00:43:48,224
I have 200 years
of european history

1052
00:43:48,226 --> 00:43:49,559
to memorize by monday.

1053
00:43:49,561 --> 00:43:52,195
Which is why
I am going to help you

1054
00:43:52,197 --> 00:43:55,231
connect those boring,
mundane facts

1055
00:43:55,233 --> 00:43:57,700
to ideas that are
personal to you.

1056
00:43:57,702 --> 00:44:00,203
How?

1057
00:44:00,205 --> 00:44:02,071
Okay, champagne.

1058
00:44:02,073 --> 00:44:03,940
What do you think of
when you drink champagne?

1059
00:44:03,942 --> 00:44:06,042
Old people, headaches.

1060
00:44:06,044 --> 00:44:08,177
Okay, perfect,
let's go with headaches.

1061
00:44:08,179 --> 00:44:09,846
Champagne is from france.

1062
00:44:09,848 --> 00:44:13,950
It was originally used
in the coronation of kings.

1063
00:44:13,952 --> 00:44:18,254
King louis xvi
also got a headache

1064
00:44:18,256 --> 00:44:21,257
when he was beheaded
by his own subjects

1065
00:44:21,259 --> 00:44:24,460
on january 21st, 1793,

1066
00:44:24,462 --> 00:44:27,997
during the french revolution.

1067
00:44:27,999 --> 00:44:29,232
- Not bad.
- Yeah.

1068
00:44:29,234 --> 00:44:30,566
Just letting you know

1069
00:44:30,568 --> 00:44:33,236
I'm changing the atmosphere up
a bit.

1070
00:44:35,774 --> 00:44:37,974
Ah!

1071
00:44:37,976 --> 00:44:39,942
Why is my ass getting hot?

1072
00:44:39,944 --> 00:44:42,145
Seat warmers!

1073
00:44:42,147 --> 00:44:44,647
You're welcome.

1074
00:44:44,649 --> 00:44:46,883
Well, anyway, a few mnemonic devices

1075
00:44:46,885 --> 00:44:49,318
won't be enough to get me an "a"
in draper's class.

1076
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:52,288
You knew about
mnemonic devices?

1077
00:44:52,290 --> 00:44:54,891
What I don't know
is what to study.

1078
00:44:54,893 --> 00:44:58,494
Draper's cramming way too many
chapters into one test.

1079
00:44:58,496 --> 00:45:01,664
Well, I don't go back to cornell

1080
00:45:01,666 --> 00:45:06,436
until sunday, so...

1081
00:45:06,438 --> 00:45:10,239
And I thought you were
actually gonna help me study.

1082
00:45:12,343 --> 00:45:13,943
- Pull over.
- Wait, wait, hold on.

1083
00:45:13,945 --> 00:45:15,712
Hold on.

1084
00:45:18,149 --> 00:45:19,649
Would this help?

1085
00:45:22,887 --> 00:45:24,821
You have the test?

1086
00:45:24,823 --> 00:45:28,357
Draper uses the same password
for all his secure files.

1087
00:45:28,359 --> 00:45:31,694
It's "ariana grande's
puffy nipples 555."

1088
00:45:32,831 --> 00:45:34,797
Well, why didn't you
lead with this

1089
00:45:34,799 --> 00:45:36,933
instead of the lame mnemonic?

1090
00:45:36,935 --> 00:45:39,569
Well, once you had
the actual test,

1091
00:45:39,571 --> 00:45:43,106
there'd be no reason
for you to hang out with me.

1092
00:45:43,108 --> 00:45:45,141
Joel.

1093
00:45:45,143 --> 00:45:46,676
I still want to hang out
with you.

1094
00:45:46,678 --> 00:45:50,413
I just don't want
to lead you on.

1095
00:45:50,415 --> 00:45:52,949
Like, nothing's gonna happen
between us.

1096
00:45:52,951 --> 00:45:54,117
Fuck!

1097
00:45:54,119 --> 00:45:55,718
No, duh, I know that.

1098
00:45:55,720 --> 00:45:56,953
- Yeah.
- Sure.

1099
00:45:56,955 --> 00:46:01,924
Seriously, like,
it's not gonna happen.

1100
00:46:01,926 --> 00:46:03,292
Okay, what if you and I

1101
00:46:03,294 --> 00:46:05,328
were stuck on
a deserted island together

1102
00:46:05,330 --> 00:46:06,696
and you were getting
super horny.

1103
00:46:06,698 --> 00:46:08,397
You're diddling yourself
every night, sure.

1104
00:46:08,399 --> 00:46:10,666
But what you really
need is a penis.

1105
00:46:10,668 --> 00:46:12,602
Now, you're thinking,
"I'll go artificial."

1106
00:46:12,604 --> 00:46:14,403
You're looking for a dildo,
you're looking for a dildo.

1107
00:46:14,405 --> 00:46:15,938
You're searching the island.
You can't find one.

1108
00:46:15,940 --> 00:46:17,406
All of a sudden, you see me.

1109
00:46:17,408 --> 00:46:19,308
I just gave myself
a nice little saltwater bath.

1110
00:46:19,310 --> 00:46:20,843
I look great.

1111
00:46:20,845 --> 00:46:22,011
I shoot you a wink.

1112
00:46:22,013 --> 00:46:23,880
What are my chances?

1113
00:46:23,882 --> 00:46:25,248
Well, in that scenario,

1114
00:46:25,250 --> 00:46:27,850
I guess you might
actually have a shot.

1115
00:46:38,630 --> 00:46:40,596
Almont?

1116
00:46:40,598 --> 00:46:42,965
I've always wanted to eat here.

1117
00:46:42,967 --> 00:46:46,235
Huh, what a lucky guess.

1118
00:46:46,237 --> 00:46:48,171
But I'm not dressed for this.

1119
00:46:48,173 --> 00:46:50,406
I got it covered.

1120
00:47:08,159 --> 00:47:09,358
A-vooga-vooga!

1121
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:10,860
Heh-la-la-la!

1122
00:47:10,862 --> 00:47:12,261
Yes, please.

1123
00:47:12,263 --> 00:47:13,663
I'm kidding.

1124
00:47:13,665 --> 00:47:15,731
But seriously,
you look really fucking good.

1125
00:47:15,733 --> 00:47:19,168
Joel, I can't believe
you got me this dress.

1126
00:47:19,170 --> 00:47:20,970
I've wanted it for so long.

1127
00:47:20,972 --> 00:47:22,271
Really?
No way.

1128
00:47:22,273 --> 00:47:23,739
Oh, my god, baby.

1129
00:47:23,741 --> 00:47:28,077
Who knew our tastes
were so sympatico?

1130
00:47:28,079 --> 00:47:29,545
Joel...

1131
00:47:29,547 --> 00:47:32,615
Only on a dildo-less
abandoned island, I know.

1132
00:47:42,026 --> 00:47:44,227
Fuck.

1133
00:47:44,229 --> 00:47:46,128
I think I broke my vagina.

1134
00:47:46,130 --> 00:47:47,730
Mmm.

1135
00:47:47,732 --> 00:47:49,232
You know what's good as hell
when you're high?

1136
00:47:49,234 --> 00:47:50,333
What?

1137
00:47:50,335 --> 00:47:51,601
Motherfuckin' french fries.

1138
00:47:53,571 --> 00:47:54,804
Ah.

1139
00:47:54,806 --> 00:47:56,205
I can only burp like that
when I'm high.

1140
00:47:56,207 --> 00:47:58,140
Classy.

1141
00:47:58,142 --> 00:47:59,976
Okay.

1142
00:47:59,978 --> 00:48:02,178
I have something to tell you.

1143
00:48:02,180 --> 00:48:03,312
You're a lesbian?

1144
00:48:03,314 --> 00:48:04,480
What?
No.

1145
00:48:04,482 --> 00:48:06,649
Why would you even think that?

1146
00:48:06,651 --> 00:48:08,951
You're the one
that made me buy charlene.

1147
00:48:08,953 --> 00:48:10,853
Oh, my god, you named her?

1148
00:48:10,855 --> 00:48:11,988
Yeah.

1149
00:48:11,990 --> 00:48:14,323
I even gave her a backstory.

1150
00:48:14,325 --> 00:48:16,726
She's had a hell
of a year, charlene.

1151
00:48:16,728 --> 00:48:17,827
Abusive husband.

1152
00:48:17,829 --> 00:48:20,062
Children died
in a plane crash.

1153
00:48:20,064 --> 00:48:22,265
Went to rehab a few times.

1154
00:48:22,267 --> 00:48:23,566
Even tried to kill herself.

1155
00:48:23,568 --> 00:48:24,567
Aw.

1156
00:48:24,569 --> 00:48:25,735
But she's bouncing back.

1157
00:48:25,737 --> 00:48:28,871
One day at a time,
right, charlene?

1158
00:48:28,873 --> 00:48:31,040
You're not high.

1159
00:48:31,042 --> 00:48:32,408
What?

1160
00:48:32,410 --> 00:48:34,210
That's what I had to tell you.

1161
00:48:34,212 --> 00:48:36,879
I just gave you
a plain old brownie.

1162
00:48:36,881 --> 00:48:39,482
There was no weed in it.

1163
00:48:39,484 --> 00:48:41,951
Was it even gluten-free?

1164
00:48:41,953 --> 00:48:43,085
You bitch.

1165
00:48:43,087 --> 00:48:44,654
I'm sorry.

1166
00:48:44,656 --> 00:48:46,255
Oh, my god, I don't even know
what the fuck gluten is,

1167
00:48:46,257 --> 00:48:47,757
to be honest.

1168
00:48:47,759 --> 00:48:49,225
The nation's leading killer,
at the moment.

1169
00:48:49,227 --> 00:48:50,860
- Bullshit.
- Yeah.

1170
00:48:50,862 --> 00:48:52,161
Okay, wait a minute.

1171
00:48:52,163 --> 00:48:54,063
If I'm not high, then how
do you explain the fact

1172
00:48:54,065 --> 00:48:55,998
that I've been really fucking
high for the last two hours?

1173
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:57,266
It's a placebo effect.

1174
00:48:57,268 --> 00:48:58,567
You had this preconceived notion

1175
00:48:58,569 --> 00:49:01,070
of how you would respond
to the brownie,

1176
00:49:01,072 --> 00:49:02,438
so when you ate the brownie,

1177
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:03,906
your brain
automatically responded

1178
00:49:03,908 --> 00:49:08,010
as if the chemical reaction
were actually happening.

1179
00:49:08,012 --> 00:49:09,946
You fake-drugged me?

1180
00:49:11,649 --> 00:49:13,783
- That's not funny.
- It's kind of funny.

1181
00:49:13,785 --> 00:49:15,117
No, it's not.
It's fucked up.

1182
00:49:15,119 --> 00:49:16,352
Well, you know what?

1183
00:49:16,354 --> 00:49:18,454
Then I guess
payback's a bitch,

1184
00:49:18,456 --> 00:49:19,455
and we're even.

1185
00:49:19,457 --> 00:49:20,890
Even for what?

1186
00:49:20,892 --> 00:49:22,391
I've never done anything
this fucked-up to you.

1187
00:49:22,393 --> 00:49:25,094
Are you serious?

1188
00:49:25,096 --> 00:49:26,429
Oh, here we go.

1189
00:49:26,431 --> 00:49:28,698
Yeah, here we go.

1190
00:49:28,700 --> 00:49:30,433
Hm, yeah.

1191
00:49:30,435 --> 00:49:32,868
Hey, I took that.

1192
00:49:32,870 --> 00:49:35,371
It's actually one
of my favorite shots.

1193
00:49:35,373 --> 00:49:37,273
I love the way the light
hits your hair.

1194
00:49:37,275 --> 00:49:38,507
See the natural composition--

1195
00:49:38,509 --> 00:49:39,875
fuck your composition.

1196
00:49:39,877 --> 00:49:41,711
That was my life
that you were photographing.

1197
00:49:41,713 --> 00:49:44,180
I mean, do you have any idea
when that was taken?

1198
00:49:44,182 --> 00:49:45,181
Prom.

1199
00:49:45,183 --> 00:49:46,615
Yeah, exactly.

1200
00:49:46,617 --> 00:49:49,185
The night that that asshole
from murrysville

1201
00:49:49,187 --> 00:49:50,486
who took my virginity

1202
00:49:50,488 --> 00:49:52,288
decided to stand me up
and tell me

1203
00:49:52,290 --> 00:49:54,390
that I was just his dumb
little slam-pig

1204
00:49:54,392 --> 00:49:57,994
whom he wouldn't be seen
in public with.

1205
00:49:57,996 --> 00:49:58,995
I didn't know.

1206
00:49:58,997 --> 00:50:00,396
Yeah, no, nobody knew.

1207
00:50:00,398 --> 00:50:01,831
But you still went
and you posted the picture

1208
00:50:01,833 --> 00:50:03,599
like it's just
no big fucking deal,

1209
00:50:03,601 --> 00:50:06,102
because you have absolutely
no idea what it's like

1210
00:50:06,104 --> 00:50:08,004
to be a loser.

1211
00:50:13,044 --> 00:50:15,911
You want to know a secret?

1212
00:50:15,913 --> 00:50:17,613
This is the first time
on a friday

1213
00:50:17,615 --> 00:50:21,384
I've actually done anything
in, like, months.

1214
00:50:21,386 --> 00:50:23,386
You know what I usually do
on fridays?

1215
00:50:23,388 --> 00:50:25,621
I'll walk you through it.

1216
00:50:25,623 --> 00:50:29,058
I get home from class,
lay in bed,

1217
00:50:29,060 --> 00:50:30,426
and I masturbate,

1218
00:50:30,428 --> 00:50:33,963
like, viciously,

1219
00:50:33,965 --> 00:50:35,464
like, for five hours,

1220
00:50:35,466 --> 00:50:37,033
like a marathon.

1221
00:50:37,035 --> 00:50:38,701
God!

1222
00:50:38,703 --> 00:50:40,169
And then I go to the fridge,

1223
00:50:40,171 --> 00:50:44,974
and I get a bunch of food,
and I eat my feelings.

1224
00:50:44,976 --> 00:50:47,643
Then I go to sleep.

1225
00:50:47,645 --> 00:50:50,012
Every friday night.

1226
00:50:52,150 --> 00:50:54,450
I hate college.

1227
00:50:54,452 --> 00:50:55,785
I fucking hate it.

1228
00:50:55,787 --> 00:50:56,986
I hate everything about it.

1229
00:50:56,988 --> 00:50:57,987
I hate my classes.

1230
00:50:57,989 --> 00:50:59,055
I hate my professors.

1231
00:50:59,057 --> 00:51:01,524
They suck the fun
out of everything.

1232
00:51:01,526 --> 00:51:02,725
I'm failing every class.

1233
00:51:02,727 --> 00:51:04,627
I'm failing yoga.

1234
00:51:04,629 --> 00:51:07,763
How do you fail yoga?

1235
00:51:07,765 --> 00:51:09,865
You know what the worst part
of everything is?

1236
00:51:09,867 --> 00:51:13,436
This whole time we've been
having this conversation,

1237
00:51:13,438 --> 00:51:15,171
all I can think about
is how happy I am

1238
00:51:15,173 --> 00:51:17,773
to be in this gym,

1239
00:51:17,775 --> 00:51:20,576
because...

1240
00:51:20,578 --> 00:51:23,145
I fucking miss high school
so bad.

1241
00:51:24,882 --> 00:51:29,118
And we will cue
the cw soundtrack...

1242
00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:30,953
Right there.

1243
00:51:30,955 --> 00:51:31,787
I mean, really?

1244
00:51:31,789 --> 00:51:32,988
We were having a nice moment.

1245
00:51:32,990 --> 00:51:36,425
You got to be a bitch?

1246
00:51:36,427 --> 00:51:39,228
No, honestly, though,

1247
00:51:39,230 --> 00:51:40,796
I think that heather dumping you

1248
00:51:40,798 --> 00:51:45,468
is probably the best thing
that could have happened.

1249
00:51:45,470 --> 00:51:46,469
Think about it.

1250
00:51:46,471 --> 00:51:48,003
She was giving you

1251
00:51:48,005 --> 00:51:50,206
a reason to resist
your new environment.

1252
00:51:50,208 --> 00:51:53,075
She was giving you an excuse
to hate it.

1253
00:51:53,077 --> 00:51:55,478
I think you're gonna like school
a whole hell of a lot better

1254
00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:57,513
when you go back.

1255
00:51:59,684 --> 00:52:01,750
Okay, seriously, though,
we need to leave right now,

1256
00:52:01,752 --> 00:52:03,719
because I can't stand
this gym much longer.

1257
00:52:03,721 --> 00:52:05,521
I promised myself
the only way I would come back

1258
00:52:05,523 --> 00:52:07,123
is if I had telekinetic powers,

1259
00:52:07,125 --> 00:52:10,426
and that has not happened today,
so let's go.

1260
00:52:10,428 --> 00:52:12,628
All right, but I'm driving.

1261
00:52:12,630 --> 00:52:13,729
What?
Why?

1262
00:52:13,731 --> 00:52:15,931
I know cool places too.

1263
00:52:19,036 --> 00:52:21,570
You're not high,
but you still can't catch.

1264
00:52:28,279 --> 00:52:29,578
Dad's dead!

1265
00:52:29,580 --> 00:52:31,046
Dad's dead.

1266
00:52:31,048 --> 00:52:33,115
Yo, my dad's dead, dad's dead.

1267
00:52:33,117 --> 00:52:35,951
I can't believe you like
what's eating gilbert grape?

1268
00:52:35,953 --> 00:52:37,586
I thought I was
the only one.

1269
00:52:37,588 --> 00:52:38,854
Are you kidding me?

1270
00:52:38,856 --> 00:52:40,823
Okay, literally,
the only thing hotter

1271
00:52:40,825 --> 00:52:42,992
than leonardo dicaprio is, like,

1272
00:52:42,994 --> 00:52:46,762
a retarded leonardo dicaprio
wearing a fucking sexy diaper.

1273
00:52:46,764 --> 00:52:50,199
Ugh, that shit
makes me so wet.

1274
00:52:50,201 --> 00:52:51,600
Oh.

1275
00:52:51,602 --> 00:52:53,936
Okay, good.

1276
00:52:53,938 --> 00:52:59,575
Hey, do you want
to get retarded with me?

1277
00:52:59,577 --> 00:53:01,076
What's that?

1278
00:53:01,078 --> 00:53:02,611
It's ethyl.

1279
00:53:02,613 --> 00:53:05,848
It's like molly mixed
with bran muffin

1280
00:53:05,850 --> 00:53:07,416
and prune juice or something.

1281
00:53:07,418 --> 00:53:08,417
I hear it's supposed to be--

1282
00:53:08,419 --> 00:53:09,885
totes cray?

1283
00:53:09,887 --> 00:53:12,788
Exactly.

1284
00:53:12,790 --> 00:53:15,424
I thought that
you loved this stuff.

1285
00:53:15,426 --> 00:53:19,094
What gave you that impression?

1286
00:53:19,096 --> 00:53:20,529
I--

1287
00:53:20,531 --> 00:53:22,331
you facebook stalked me.

1288
00:53:22,333 --> 00:53:23,632
What?

1289
00:53:23,634 --> 00:53:25,367
Lacy posted that
stupid shit on my wall,

1290
00:53:25,369 --> 00:53:26,535
like, six hours ago,

1291
00:53:26,537 --> 00:53:27,770
about getting fucked up on ethyl.

1292
00:53:27,772 --> 00:53:28,804
What is facebook?

1293
00:53:28,806 --> 00:53:29,805
Is that a website?

1294
00:53:29,807 --> 00:53:31,240
In fact, this whole night

1295
00:53:31,242 --> 00:53:33,676
has been a little too perfect, hasn't it?

1296
00:53:33,678 --> 00:53:35,411
The restaurant, the dress,

1297
00:53:35,413 --> 00:53:37,646
our--our nonstop conversation.

1298
00:53:37,648 --> 00:53:39,315
The conversation was all me.

1299
00:53:39,317 --> 00:53:40,382
Really?

1300
00:53:40,384 --> 00:53:41,884
Because it's kind of weird

1301
00:53:41,886 --> 00:53:45,321
that all of your favorite things
are the same as mine.

1302
00:53:45,323 --> 00:53:48,023
Do you even like
what's eating gilbert grape?

1303
00:53:48,025 --> 00:53:49,258
That was true.

1304
00:53:49,260 --> 00:53:51,694
That fat mom being
lit on fire at the end?

1305
00:53:51,696 --> 00:53:52,962
Fucking beautiful!

1306
00:53:52,964 --> 00:53:54,763
Killed me.

1307
00:53:57,969 --> 00:53:59,468
Okay, fine.

1308
00:53:59,470 --> 00:54:01,503
Fine, all right, so what?

1309
00:54:01,505 --> 00:54:02,705
What's the big deal?

1310
00:54:02,707 --> 00:54:04,306
I wanted to give you
a special time.

1311
00:54:04,308 --> 00:54:05,641
Is that a crime?
Am I in trouble?

1312
00:54:05,643 --> 00:54:07,009
Are you gonna yell at me?

1313
00:54:07,011 --> 00:54:08,944
I mean, I got one chance
to take you on a date,

1314
00:54:08,946 --> 00:54:10,412
and I just wanted to make sure--

1315
00:54:10,414 --> 00:54:13,282
I said no.

1316
00:54:13,284 --> 00:54:17,386
I think it's really sweet
you tried to impress me.

1317
00:54:17,388 --> 00:54:18,387
You do?

1318
00:54:18,389 --> 00:54:19,388
Yeah.

1319
00:54:19,390 --> 00:54:20,556
I mean, nobody cares

1320
00:54:20,558 --> 00:54:22,524
about what I think
or what I like.

1321
00:54:22,526 --> 00:54:23,859
But I don't get it.

1322
00:54:23,861 --> 00:54:25,160
If you're not
into this ethyl stuff,

1323
00:54:25,162 --> 00:54:27,263
then why did you "like" lacy's post?

1324
00:54:27,265 --> 00:54:30,266
I don't like
half the stuff I "like."

1325
00:54:30,268 --> 00:54:33,269
It's just easier
to go along with everybody.

1326
00:54:37,642 --> 00:54:40,175
Thank you for dinner.

1327
00:54:40,177 --> 00:54:43,245
It was really retarded,

1328
00:54:43,247 --> 00:54:46,615
in a good way.

1329
00:54:46,617 --> 00:54:50,085
Well, I've got one more stop.

1330
00:54:50,087 --> 00:54:52,254
And I promise this
is gonna be something

1331
00:54:52,256 --> 00:54:54,923
you'll actually "like."

1332
00:54:59,230 --> 00:55:00,496
Oh!

1333
00:55:00,498 --> 00:55:02,564
I got three words:

1334
00:55:02,566 --> 00:55:05,801
Di-a-rrhea.

1335
00:55:05,803 --> 00:55:08,203
Am I right?

1336
00:55:08,205 --> 00:55:09,672
Slam dunk!

1337
00:55:09,674 --> 00:55:11,373
Whew.

1338
00:55:11,375 --> 00:55:13,008
All right, we're almost there.

1339
00:55:13,010 --> 00:55:16,945
Almost there, down the steps
to your deep, dark basement

1340
00:55:16,947 --> 00:55:19,214
where you'll chop my body up
into a million pieces,

1341
00:55:19,216 --> 00:55:20,783
reveal that you're
a serial killer,

1342
00:55:20,785 --> 00:55:23,919
and wear my skin until you die?

1343
00:55:23,921 --> 00:55:26,722
No, but I will do that
on our second date.

1344
00:55:26,724 --> 00:55:28,057
Oh, great.

1345
00:55:28,059 --> 00:55:29,725
This is a little bit
more awesome.

1346
00:55:29,727 --> 00:55:32,161
Oh.

1347
00:55:36,367 --> 00:55:37,599
Seriously?

1348
00:55:37,601 --> 00:55:39,001
Yeah, cool, right?

1349
00:55:39,003 --> 00:55:41,370
Oh, my god, how did you
even get in here?

1350
00:55:41,372 --> 00:55:42,838
I have connections.

1351
00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:46,141
Security guard was in my
community photography class.

1352
00:55:46,143 --> 00:55:47,710
Huh.

1353
00:55:47,712 --> 00:55:51,280
I've never actually
even been here.

1354
00:55:51,282 --> 00:55:52,448
- Really?
- Yeah.

1355
00:55:52,450 --> 00:55:55,451
I used to come here,
like, every sunday.

1356
00:55:55,453 --> 00:55:56,652
Really, You?

1357
00:55:56,654 --> 00:55:57,886
'Cause I never pegged you

1358
00:55:57,888 --> 00:55:59,755
for the prototypical
football fan.

1359
00:55:59,757 --> 00:56:00,856
- Really?
- Yeah.

1360
00:56:00,858 --> 00:56:01,990
No, I love the football.

1361
00:56:01,992 --> 00:56:03,625
Oh, you love the football?

1362
00:56:03,627 --> 00:56:05,828
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm, yes.

1363
00:56:05,830 --> 00:56:07,763
Well, mr. Football man,

1364
00:56:07,765 --> 00:56:11,900
how many points does one get
for a touchdown?

1365
00:56:11,902 --> 00:56:14,336
Hmm, here, wait,
let me think.

1366
00:56:14,338 --> 00:56:16,205
Oh, nice, good.

1367
00:56:16,207 --> 00:56:17,473
Yeah, awesome.

1368
00:56:17,475 --> 00:56:18,741
Oh, wait, almost got it.

1369
00:56:18,743 --> 00:56:20,509
That's the one
I was looking for.

1370
00:56:20,511 --> 00:56:22,111
Perfect form.

1371
00:56:22,113 --> 00:56:23,512
Well done.

1372
00:56:23,514 --> 00:56:25,280
All right, I don't know
anything about football.

1373
00:56:25,282 --> 00:56:26,315
But what I do know

1374
00:56:26,317 --> 00:56:28,150
is they got some
bomb-ass hotdogs here.

1375
00:56:28,152 --> 00:56:30,619
And the bathrooms are
way cleaner than you'd expect.

1376
00:56:30,621 --> 00:56:31,887
- Oh, classy.
- Yeah.

1377
00:56:31,889 --> 00:56:33,188
Classy stadium.

1378
00:56:33,190 --> 00:56:34,556
Yeah, we used to
come here every weekend.

1379
00:56:34,558 --> 00:56:35,858
My mom was a big fan,

1380
00:56:35,860 --> 00:56:39,395
so this was usually
the family outing.

1381
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:48,904
I've never heard you talk
about your mom before.

1382
00:56:48,906 --> 00:56:51,807
It was cancer, right?

1383
00:56:51,809 --> 00:56:53,642
No, actually,
she was a sagittarius.

1384
00:56:53,644 --> 00:56:55,377
What's your mom?

1385
00:57:00,050 --> 00:57:02,751
Yeah, she passed away
a few years ago.

1386
00:57:02,753 --> 00:57:04,219
Can we actually skip
this whole

1387
00:57:04,221 --> 00:57:05,921
"how did it feel
when she died?" Thing?

1388
00:57:05,923 --> 00:57:07,489
I have done that with
so many guidance counselors.

1389
00:57:07,491 --> 00:57:08,424
I am good.

1390
00:57:08,426 --> 00:57:09,892
Yeah, no, I mean,

1391
00:57:09,894 --> 00:57:11,393
I was already getting bored,

1392
00:57:11,395 --> 00:57:13,595
so I'm really glad
that we're moving on.

1393
00:57:13,597 --> 00:57:14,730
Thank you so much.

1394
00:57:14,732 --> 00:57:17,599
Awesome.

1395
00:57:17,601 --> 00:57:20,235
So, um...

1396
00:57:20,237 --> 00:57:23,772
What would you prefer
to talk about?

1397
00:57:23,774 --> 00:57:26,275
Actually, you know the other night

1398
00:57:26,277 --> 00:57:28,577
when you said
it was "just sex"?

1399
00:57:28,579 --> 00:57:29,878
Mm-hmm.

1400
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:33,549
Was that, like "just sex" one time,

1401
00:57:33,551 --> 00:57:37,653
or could we just have "just sex"

1402
00:57:37,655 --> 00:57:40,222
just again?

1403
00:57:40,224 --> 00:57:42,424
From the dead mom to sex.

1404
00:57:42,426 --> 00:57:46,795
That is a very impressively
smooth segue there, romeo.

1405
00:57:46,797 --> 00:57:49,231
Mm, I'd say it's a touchdown.

1406
00:57:49,233 --> 00:57:50,332
Yeah, awesome.

1407
00:57:50,334 --> 00:57:51,900
It's not real without the dance.

1408
00:57:51,902 --> 00:57:53,202
Okay, there it is.

1409
00:57:53,204 --> 00:57:56,872
There you go, yeah, nice.

1410
00:57:56,874 --> 00:57:59,007
No, seriously, though,

1411
00:57:59,009 --> 00:58:01,343
you didn't answer the question.

1412
00:58:06,317 --> 00:58:07,316
Ah!

1413
00:58:07,318 --> 00:58:08,484
Ugh!

1414
00:58:09,553 --> 00:58:10,552
Oh, shit!

1415
00:58:10,554 --> 00:58:11,920
Sorry, sorry, sorry.

1416
00:58:11,922 --> 00:58:13,555
No, I thought it was gonna be,
like, romantic.

1417
00:58:13,557 --> 00:58:14,590
Oh, my god, are you okay?

1418
00:58:14,592 --> 00:58:15,591
It's okay, it's okay.

1419
00:58:15,593 --> 00:58:16,592
You okay?

1420
00:58:16,594 --> 00:58:17,593
I think I taste blood.

1421
00:58:17,595 --> 00:58:18,594
Oh, shit.

1422
00:58:18,596 --> 00:58:19,795
Oh, I think I taste blood.

1423
00:58:24,735 --> 00:58:28,403
All right, we're here.

1424
00:58:28,405 --> 00:58:30,472
So you brought me to a place

1425
00:58:30,474 --> 00:58:34,209
I've been to
a billion times before?

1426
00:58:34,211 --> 00:58:35,944
Hit it.

1427
00:58:39,717 --> 00:58:43,785
♪ Whatever it takes ♪

1428
00:58:43,787 --> 00:58:45,554
♪ You know I can make it through ♪

1429
00:58:45,556 --> 00:58:47,856
degrassi?

1430
00:58:47,858 --> 00:58:50,659
That was my favorite show
growing up.

1431
00:58:50,661 --> 00:58:52,261
I know.

1432
00:58:52,263 --> 00:58:54,963
You performed the theme song
at the middle school talent show

1433
00:58:54,965 --> 00:58:56,398
three years in a row.

1434
00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:59,535
My favorite episode
is when jimmy gets shot.

1435
00:58:59,537 --> 00:59:03,138
No, where emma gets gonorrhea
in her throat.

1436
00:59:03,140 --> 00:59:04,172
No!

1437
00:59:04,174 --> 00:59:06,775
When spinner
gets ballsack cancer.

1438
00:59:06,777 --> 00:59:08,610
Oh, my God, So sad.

1439
00:59:08,612 --> 00:59:11,413
I almost cried.

1440
00:59:11,415 --> 00:59:14,583
Jesus, that show
is, like, really fucked up.

1441
00:59:14,585 --> 00:59:15,884
I know.

1442
00:59:15,886 --> 00:59:19,454
It goes there.

1443
00:59:22,259 --> 00:59:24,026
All right, and we're
gonna slow it down

1444
00:59:24,028 --> 00:59:27,162
with the after-the-credits
version.

1445
00:59:29,166 --> 00:59:32,134
Ah, we have to dance.

1446
00:59:32,136 --> 00:59:33,902
I don't know how to dance.

1447
00:59:33,904 --> 00:59:36,271
Yes, you do know how to dance.

1448
00:59:36,273 --> 00:59:37,706
Come on.

1449
00:59:37,708 --> 00:59:38,707
Put your hands here.

1450
00:59:38,709 --> 00:59:39,875
Okay.

1451
00:59:39,877 --> 00:59:41,743
And then I put my hands up here.

1452
00:59:41,745 --> 00:59:43,579
And now we just sway.

1453
00:59:43,581 --> 00:59:44,580
Sway.

1454
00:59:44,582 --> 00:59:46,181
Sway, sway.

1455
00:59:46,183 --> 00:59:47,015
Okay.

1456
00:59:47,017 --> 00:59:48,617
Move your hips.

1457
00:59:48,619 --> 00:59:50,152
But I don't want
to step on your feet.

1458
00:59:50,154 --> 00:59:51,920
You're not gonna step on my feet.

1459
00:59:51,922 --> 00:59:52,921
Chillax.

1460
00:59:52,923 --> 00:59:54,089
But it could happen.

1461
00:59:54,091 --> 00:59:56,091
That's good, joel-ski.

1462
00:59:56,093 --> 00:59:57,092
You're lying.

1463
00:59:57,094 --> 00:59:58,093
I know you're lying.

1464
00:59:58,095 --> 01:00:00,028
I'm not lying.

1465
01:00:25,723 --> 01:00:27,255
Oh, my God.

1466
01:00:27,257 --> 01:00:28,590
This is just like the episode
where clare left eli

1467
01:00:28,592 --> 01:00:31,193
because she found out
he was bipolar.

1468
01:00:57,855 --> 01:00:59,454
What's wrong?

1469
01:00:59,456 --> 01:01:01,757
Nothing.

1470
01:01:01,759 --> 01:01:02,891
You nervous?

1471
01:01:02,893 --> 01:01:04,393
No.

1472
01:01:04,395 --> 01:01:05,894
I mean, we've kind of
already done this before.

1473
01:01:05,896 --> 01:01:06,995
Yeah, it's just this time

1474
01:01:06,997 --> 01:01:09,731
I'm not covered in puke.

1475
01:01:15,572 --> 01:01:17,739
You're beautiful,
you know that?

1476
01:01:19,710 --> 01:01:21,677
You always were.

1477
01:01:39,897 --> 01:01:41,730
Shit.

1478
01:01:45,536 --> 01:01:48,170
Oh, my God.

1479
01:01:48,172 --> 01:01:51,406
Shit, is it 6:00 already?

1480
01:01:51,408 --> 01:01:53,008
I promised I would help set up

1481
01:01:53,010 --> 01:01:55,777
for my sister's
engagement party.

1482
01:01:55,779 --> 01:01:57,179
- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.

1483
01:01:57,181 --> 01:01:58,847
Hey, does this shirt say, like,

1484
01:01:58,849 --> 01:02:01,550
"I don't want to be here,
and I don't give a fuck"?

1485
01:02:01,552 --> 01:02:02,350
Yeah.

1486
01:02:02,352 --> 01:02:05,320
Awesome, perfect.

1487
01:02:05,322 --> 01:02:08,156
You can come if you want to.

1488
01:02:08,158 --> 01:02:09,357
Really?

1489
01:02:09,359 --> 01:02:11,026
All right,
I love engagement parties.

1490
01:02:11,028 --> 01:02:16,264
All right, let's not make me
regret fucking you.

1491
01:02:16,266 --> 01:02:18,967
Hey, I was thinking about it.

1492
01:02:18,969 --> 01:02:20,202
Me and you should go
on a road trip.

1493
01:02:20,204 --> 01:02:22,237
What, like, over christmas?

1494
01:02:22,239 --> 01:02:24,005
No, like, this week.

1495
01:02:24,007 --> 01:02:26,408
I have classes on monday.

1496
01:02:26,410 --> 01:02:28,744
Well, then you can
just skip them.

1497
01:02:28,746 --> 01:02:31,713
I can't,
and I don't want to.

1498
01:02:31,715 --> 01:02:35,751
Come on, we can go somewhere
awesome, you know, like...

1499
01:02:35,753 --> 01:02:37,319
Kentucky.

1500
01:02:37,321 --> 01:02:39,955
You know, you're allowed
to have sex with your dog there.

1501
01:02:39,957 --> 01:02:42,290
That sounds fantastic,

1502
01:02:42,292 --> 01:02:45,293
but didn't you just tell me

1503
01:02:45,295 --> 01:02:48,697
that you were, like,
flunking out of school?

1504
01:02:48,699 --> 01:02:52,000
I don't really want
to go back anyways.

1505
01:02:52,002 --> 01:02:55,203
What are you talking about?

1506
01:02:55,205 --> 01:02:57,773
I just want to stay here, you know?

1507
01:02:57,775 --> 01:02:59,407
Why am I gonna go back?

1508
01:02:59,409 --> 01:03:02,077
I mean, we've got all this
random shit in your trunk

1509
01:03:02,079 --> 01:03:03,512
that we can play with.

1510
01:03:03,514 --> 01:03:06,414
We could have sex
in parking lots every night.

1511
01:03:06,416 --> 01:03:08,817
Okay, yeah,
I really can't tell

1512
01:03:08,819 --> 01:03:11,720
if you're being serious
or not right now.

1513
01:03:11,722 --> 01:03:13,488
Dead.

1514
01:03:13,490 --> 01:03:14,823
No.

1515
01:03:14,825 --> 01:03:17,225
Come on, you already forget
about the fuck it list?

1516
01:03:17,227 --> 01:03:18,493
Let go a little.

1517
01:03:18,495 --> 01:03:20,495
Wow, you completely
misinterpreted

1518
01:03:20,497 --> 01:03:22,497
the entire purpose
of that exercise.

1519
01:03:22,499 --> 01:03:25,267
All I'm saying is that I want
to hang out with you more.

1520
01:03:25,269 --> 01:03:27,636
So why is that so bad?

1521
01:03:27,638 --> 01:03:31,239
You were supposed to take
lessons from the list

1522
01:03:31,241 --> 01:03:33,775
and apply them to
your new life in new york.

1523
01:03:33,777 --> 01:03:36,111
You're supposed
to kick ass in school

1524
01:03:36,113 --> 01:03:37,546
and meet new people

1525
01:03:37,548 --> 01:03:39,281
and have all
these great experiences.

1526
01:03:39,283 --> 01:03:40,482
You're not supposed to retreat

1527
01:03:40,484 --> 01:03:43,051
back to whatever
is easy for you.

1528
01:03:43,053 --> 01:03:44,386
Come on.

1529
01:03:44,388 --> 01:03:46,588
You weren't that easy.

1530
01:03:46,590 --> 01:03:48,323
Really, dude?

1531
01:03:50,894 --> 01:03:51,927
Come on, I was kidding.

1532
01:03:51,929 --> 01:03:52,961
No, it's--

1533
01:03:52,963 --> 01:03:53,962
you know what, it's fine.

1534
01:03:53,964 --> 01:03:56,031
It's fine.

1535
01:03:56,033 --> 01:03:57,232
Can we not end on a fight?

1536
01:03:57,234 --> 01:03:58,300
We're not having a fight.

1537
01:03:58,302 --> 01:03:59,835
Just, like, chill out.

1538
01:03:59,837 --> 01:04:01,269
I just have to get back,

1539
01:04:01,271 --> 01:04:02,771
so just tell me
how to get to your house.

1540
01:04:02,773 --> 01:04:04,039
Why?

1541
01:04:04,041 --> 01:04:06,575
I thought we were going
to your house for the party.

1542
01:04:06,577 --> 01:04:11,913
I... yeah, I got to check
and make sure that's cool.

1543
01:04:11,915 --> 01:04:14,749
You can just take route 28.

1544
01:04:14,751 --> 01:04:16,451
Okay.

1545
01:04:22,359 --> 01:04:24,893
Well, that's the last one, boss.

1546
01:04:24,895 --> 01:04:26,895
That's it, huh?

1547
01:04:26,897 --> 01:04:28,630
Well, I suppose we should go

1548
01:04:28,632 --> 01:04:31,066
before crackheads
and hookers move in.

1549
01:04:35,606 --> 01:04:37,038
Too late.

1550
01:04:37,040 --> 01:04:38,940
Hey, you made it.

1551
01:04:56,560 --> 01:04:57,826
So...

1552
01:04:57,828 --> 01:04:58,927
How was your night?

1553
01:04:58,929 --> 01:05:00,829
Did you kiss any dudes

1554
01:05:00,831 --> 01:05:04,132
and then run away crying
and leaving them stranded

1555
01:05:04,134 --> 01:05:06,635
with a shitty two-person band

1556
01:05:06,637 --> 01:05:10,005
to talk about that one time
they almost got signed?

1557
01:05:10,007 --> 01:05:11,706
Joel, I like you.

1558
01:05:12,843 --> 01:05:13,942
Could have fooled me.

1559
01:05:13,944 --> 01:05:14,943
As a friend.

1560
01:05:14,945 --> 01:05:16,411
Oh, perfect.

1561
01:05:16,413 --> 01:05:18,380
I'm sorry I don't
like you more than that.

1562
01:05:18,382 --> 01:05:19,848
I wish I did.

1563
01:05:19,850 --> 01:05:21,316
Unfortunately for me,

1564
01:05:21,318 --> 01:05:23,451
I'm attracted to muscular,

1565
01:05:23,453 --> 01:05:26,588
more conventionally
attractive men.

1566
01:05:26,590 --> 01:05:27,889
That's not nice.

1567
01:05:27,891 --> 01:05:29,090
Why are you saying--

1568
01:05:29,092 --> 01:05:30,592
is this supposed to be
making me feel better?

1569
01:05:30,594 --> 01:05:31,927
I almost slept with you
last night.

1570
01:05:31,929 --> 01:05:34,596
Again, not making me feel better.

1571
01:05:34,598 --> 01:05:37,332
Joel, I wanted you
to be my friend.

1572
01:05:37,334 --> 01:05:38,600
I'm not like you.

1573
01:05:38,602 --> 01:05:40,802
I don't have anyone
to talk to.

1574
01:05:40,804 --> 01:05:42,203
What? What are you talking about?

1575
01:05:42,205 --> 01:05:44,139
You're, like, you.

1576
01:05:44,141 --> 01:05:45,640
You're super popular.

1577
01:05:45,642 --> 01:05:48,076
Yeah, with people
I'm never going to talk to

1578
01:05:48,078 --> 01:05:49,744
once I graduate.

1579
01:05:49,746 --> 01:05:53,415
Mandy, stacy, and lacy
are totes retar.

1580
01:05:53,417 --> 01:05:56,284
My brother's
a self-absorbed asshole.

1581
01:05:56,286 --> 01:05:59,854
Even my dad prefers
talking to you over me.

1582
01:05:59,856 --> 01:06:01,923
I feel comfortable
around you, joel.

1583
01:06:01,925 --> 01:06:04,225
You listen to me,
and for some reason,

1584
01:06:04,227 --> 01:06:06,561
you like me for who I am.

1585
01:06:06,563 --> 01:06:08,330
I didn't want
to throw that all away

1586
01:06:08,332 --> 01:06:10,932
by having meaningless sex.

1587
01:06:12,469 --> 01:06:14,569
Am I making sense?

1588
01:06:16,840 --> 01:06:18,306
Thank you.

1589
01:06:18,308 --> 01:06:19,541
I felt so bad.

1590
01:06:19,543 --> 01:06:21,910
I'm sorry I abandoned you.

1591
01:06:21,912 --> 01:06:23,044
It's okay.

1592
01:06:23,046 --> 01:06:24,479
To be fair,
you warned me ahead of time

1593
01:06:24,481 --> 01:06:26,548
that you weren't interested.

1594
01:06:26,550 --> 01:06:28,850
Well, you were pretty hard
to discourage.

1595
01:06:28,852 --> 01:06:29,951
I know.

1596
01:06:29,953 --> 01:06:31,419
I guess I just wanted
my first time

1597
01:06:31,421 --> 01:06:33,922
to be with someone special.

1598
01:06:33,924 --> 01:06:34,923
First time?

1599
01:06:34,925 --> 01:06:36,157
No.

1600
01:06:36,159 --> 01:06:37,659
I mean my 17th time.

1601
01:06:37,661 --> 01:06:40,562
I wanted my 17th time
to be with someone special,

1602
01:06:40,564 --> 01:06:42,998
because that's--
that's my lucky number.

1603
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:44,933
That, and 69,

1604
01:06:44,935 --> 01:06:47,836
because of...Oral sex.

1605
01:06:47,838 --> 01:06:50,372
That's not how you do it.

1606
01:06:51,408 --> 01:06:53,274
Please don't tell anyone.

1607
01:06:53,276 --> 01:06:54,943
What about your tumblr?

1608
01:06:54,945 --> 01:06:56,611
I made that up.

1609
01:06:56,613 --> 01:06:59,881
Only boobs I've ever seen
are my mom's.

1610
01:07:01,151 --> 01:07:03,184
Joel!

1611
01:07:03,186 --> 01:07:04,352
I'm sorry.

1612
01:07:04,354 --> 01:07:05,387
I'm sorry; That's not funny.

1613
01:07:05,389 --> 01:07:06,454
No, it is.

1614
01:07:06,456 --> 01:07:07,722
My mom's titties are hilarious.

1615
01:07:11,194 --> 01:07:14,362
Well, lucky for you,
we're friends now.

1616
01:07:14,364 --> 01:07:16,398
Whew, should we get bracelets?

1617
01:07:16,400 --> 01:07:19,734
I was thinking
I'd get you laid.

1618
01:07:19,736 --> 01:07:21,736
Friends don't let friends
stay virgins,

1619
01:07:21,738 --> 01:07:23,271
and I happen to know a trio

1620
01:07:23,273 --> 01:07:28,009
of overly promiscuous,
easily impressionable ladies.

1621
01:07:28,011 --> 01:07:29,978
So you're just going
to pimp them out?

1622
01:07:29,980 --> 01:07:31,413
Really?

1623
01:07:31,415 --> 01:07:33,481
Yes.

1624
01:07:33,483 --> 01:07:34,983
Okay, I can live with that.

1625
01:07:34,985 --> 01:07:36,251
Oh, joel-ski.

1626
01:07:36,253 --> 01:07:37,452
Oh, janie.

1627
01:07:37,454 --> 01:07:38,753
Ah!

1628
01:07:38,755 --> 01:07:40,121
Sorry.

1629
01:07:40,123 --> 01:07:42,457
I didn't--okay.

1630
01:07:48,065 --> 01:07:51,800
Ugh, at least turn off
your send receipt feature.

1631
01:07:51,802 --> 01:07:55,270
I mean, come on!

1632
01:07:55,272 --> 01:07:56,838
Hey, aren't you supposed

1633
01:07:56,840 --> 01:08:00,475
to be at shareef's
crazy rager tonight?

1634
01:08:00,477 --> 01:08:01,876
Yeah, I know shit.

1635
01:08:01,878 --> 01:08:05,313
Nah, I'm not in the mood.

1636
01:08:05,315 --> 01:08:06,414
Ah, come on.

1637
01:08:06,416 --> 01:08:07,549
Go on out and have some fun.

1638
01:08:07,551 --> 01:08:08,917
Just don't do maria.

1639
01:08:08,919 --> 01:08:09,951
Who?

1640
01:08:09,953 --> 01:08:11,086
Maria.

1641
01:08:11,088 --> 01:08:12,320
It's molly.

1642
01:08:12,322 --> 01:08:13,354
Little bit of chili,

1643
01:08:13,356 --> 01:08:14,889
little bit of cayenne pepper.

1644
01:08:14,891 --> 01:08:16,491
Muy caliente.

1645
01:08:16,493 --> 01:08:19,194
I told you I know shit.

1646
01:08:21,031 --> 01:08:25,033
Chug, chug, chug,
chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

1647
01:08:26,269 --> 01:08:27,435
Tori the whorie?

1648
01:08:27,437 --> 01:08:28,770
Don't call her that.

1649
01:08:28,772 --> 01:08:32,407
I cannot believe
you had sex with her.

1650
01:08:32,409 --> 01:08:34,409
What the fuck!

1651
01:08:34,411 --> 01:08:35,844
Ooh.

1652
01:08:35,846 --> 01:08:36,878
Her?

1653
01:08:36,880 --> 01:08:38,279
You're telling me
that you had sex

1654
01:08:38,281 --> 01:08:40,281
with that butter-everything?

1655
01:08:40,283 --> 01:08:42,117
Did somebody say, "butter"?

1656
01:08:43,753 --> 01:08:44,953
What, are you crazy?

1657
01:08:44,955 --> 01:08:45,987
Hey!

1658
01:08:45,989 --> 01:08:49,023
Mental illness
is nothing to laugh at.

1659
01:08:49,025 --> 01:08:50,725
It's personal!

1660
01:08:53,697 --> 01:08:56,097
That was fucking awesome!

1661
01:08:58,268 --> 01:08:59,934
Heather, stop.

1662
01:08:59,936 --> 01:09:02,237
Yeah, you better run, bitch!

1663
01:09:02,239 --> 01:09:04,139
I didn't have sex with her.

1664
01:09:04,141 --> 01:09:06,040
You didn't?

1665
01:09:06,042 --> 01:09:10,145
Oh, scotty,
I missed you so much.

1666
01:09:10,147 --> 01:09:11,980
For reals, boo.

1667
01:09:11,982 --> 01:09:14,716
Let's go back
to the way things were.

1668
01:09:24,194 --> 01:09:26,961
I'm not afraid to beat
the shit out of you, either,

1669
01:09:26,963 --> 01:09:28,897
megatron.

1670
01:09:37,474 --> 01:09:39,908
Oh, stan, thank you for coming.

1671
01:09:39,910 --> 01:09:41,809
Stan the man.

1672
01:09:41,811 --> 01:09:43,945
Zack, how nice of you to join us.

1673
01:09:43,947 --> 01:09:45,747
Zack attack.

1674
01:09:45,749 --> 01:09:47,882
Jennifer, did you lose weight?

1675
01:09:47,884 --> 01:09:51,286
No, no, she didn't.

1676
01:09:51,288 --> 01:09:52,987
Whoo.

1677
01:09:52,989 --> 01:09:56,424
So you really think
janie's gonna hook it up?

1678
01:09:56,426 --> 01:09:57,492
Hell yeah.

1679
01:09:57,494 --> 01:09:59,294
She gave me her word.

1680
01:09:59,296 --> 01:10:00,428
Finally gonna get to...

1681
01:10:00,430 --> 01:10:03,631
♪ See some areolas ♪

1682
01:10:06,469 --> 01:10:07,702
Ugh.

1683
01:10:07,704 --> 01:10:08,836
What, is it scott again?

1684
01:10:08,838 --> 01:10:10,004
Yeah, he's at shareef's.

1685
01:10:10,006 --> 01:10:12,040
He just wanted to let me know.

1686
01:10:12,042 --> 01:10:13,675
So, what, you're just
gonna ignore him?

1687
01:10:13,677 --> 01:10:15,276
After I go back
to school tomorrow,

1688
01:10:15,278 --> 01:10:18,379
it's gonna be like this weekend
never even happened.

1689
01:10:18,381 --> 01:10:21,816
You are a fucking idiot.

1690
01:10:21,818 --> 01:10:24,185
You actually like him.

1691
01:10:24,187 --> 01:10:25,620
And I don't know
if you know this,

1692
01:10:25,622 --> 01:10:27,722
but you hate everyone,

1693
01:10:27,724 --> 01:10:29,090
like, everyone.

1694
01:10:29,092 --> 01:10:30,058
You hate my grandma,

1695
01:10:30,060 --> 01:10:31,492
and she baked you
a birthday cake,

1696
01:10:31,494 --> 01:10:34,128
and she has alzheimer's.

1697
01:10:35,465 --> 01:10:36,598
Ow!

1698
01:10:36,600 --> 01:10:37,632
Who's that?

1699
01:10:37,634 --> 01:10:39,634
Joel, I got to go.

1700
01:10:41,404 --> 01:10:43,137
All right, bye, bitch.

1701
01:10:44,541 --> 01:10:46,774
Dad turned my room into a gym.

1702
01:10:46,776 --> 01:10:50,211
Oh, I thought you were
setting up a trap to kill me.

1703
01:10:50,213 --> 01:10:53,581
Wow, I actually never
thought about doing that.

1704
01:10:53,583 --> 01:10:55,950
Weird.

1705
01:10:58,121 --> 01:11:01,689
So, why did you leave
your engagement party?

1706
01:11:01,691 --> 01:11:03,258
Did everyone get
explosive diarrhea

1707
01:11:03,260 --> 01:11:04,392
and have to go home?

1708
01:11:04,394 --> 01:11:06,227
No, why would that happen?

1709
01:11:06,229 --> 01:11:07,395
Uh, I don't know.

1710
01:11:07,397 --> 01:11:09,264
I mean, big punchbowl,
no one guarding it.

1711
01:11:09,266 --> 01:11:10,398
Things happen.

1712
01:11:10,400 --> 01:11:11,532
No, I just needed a break.

1713
01:11:11,534 --> 01:11:12,934
I mean, I love the family,

1714
01:11:12,936 --> 01:11:14,936
but sometimes
they drive me crazy.

1715
01:11:14,938 --> 01:11:16,271
You know what I mean?

1716
01:11:16,273 --> 01:11:17,739
Yes.

1717
01:11:17,741 --> 01:11:21,276
Oh, my god, I related to
a solid half of that statement.

1718
01:11:21,278 --> 01:11:23,711
So why aren't you
at shareef's party?

1719
01:11:23,713 --> 01:11:26,281
Wait, how do you even
know about that?

1720
01:11:26,283 --> 01:11:27,915
Sixth sense.

1721
01:11:27,917 --> 01:11:30,785
Don't you mean, like, a fifth--

1722
01:11:30,787 --> 01:11:32,120
you know, never mind.

1723
01:11:32,122 --> 01:11:33,254
Too easy.

1724
01:11:33,256 --> 01:11:35,089
I mean, you know
that scott likes you.

1725
01:11:35,091 --> 01:11:36,424
Well, you know,
that's too bad,

1726
01:11:36,426 --> 01:11:38,960
because I don't like him.

1727
01:11:40,764 --> 01:11:42,430
Yes, you are full of shit.

1728
01:11:42,432 --> 01:11:44,666
Okay, fine, I like him.

1729
01:11:44,668 --> 01:11:45,667
But you know what?

1730
01:11:45,669 --> 01:11:46,868
It's complicated.

1731
01:11:46,870 --> 01:11:48,169
He's complicated.

1732
01:11:48,171 --> 01:11:49,470
Actually, you know what,
he's simple.

1733
01:11:49,472 --> 01:11:50,638
He's far too simple,

1734
01:11:50,640 --> 01:11:53,274
and so scared of everything.

1735
01:11:53,276 --> 01:11:56,144
I mean, I was so close
to fixing him.

1736
01:11:56,146 --> 01:11:59,247
He was so fucking
close to being--

1737
01:11:59,249 --> 01:12:00,248
just like you.

1738
01:12:00,250 --> 01:12:01,482
With a penis!

1739
01:12:01,484 --> 01:12:03,051
He's not your project, tori.

1740
01:12:03,053 --> 01:12:04,819
You can't force him
to be something he isn't.

1741
01:12:04,821 --> 01:12:07,922
You just have to accept him
for who he is.

1742
01:12:07,924 --> 01:12:10,792
Oh, my God,
how do you accept gil?

1743
01:12:10,794 --> 01:12:11,859
I drink a lot.

1744
01:12:11,861 --> 01:12:13,428
I'm actually not even blind.

1745
01:12:13,430 --> 01:12:15,797
I'm just in a constant state
of blackout drunkness.

1746
01:12:18,201 --> 01:12:23,504
God, we have far more in common
that I thought.

1747
01:12:23,506 --> 01:12:26,140
I always knew you were gonna
grow up to be beautiful, tori,

1748
01:12:26,142 --> 01:12:30,244
and that you were gonna have to
beat the boys away with a stick.

1749
01:12:30,246 --> 01:12:33,247
Just don't beat them all away.

1750
01:12:39,589 --> 01:12:40,822
I don't want to talk to you,

1751
01:12:40,824 --> 01:12:42,490
So leave a message, mother

1752
01:12:42,492 --> 01:12:44,158
Fuck.

1753
01:12:44,160 --> 01:12:47,829
I won't take no
for an answer, scott.

1754
01:12:47,831 --> 01:12:48,830
Heather?

1755
01:12:48,832 --> 01:12:50,331
What are you doing?

1756
01:12:50,333 --> 01:12:51,999
I found this
in shareef's mom's closet.

1757
01:12:52,001 --> 01:12:53,901
Isn't it fucking hot?

1758
01:12:53,903 --> 01:12:56,537
It'll jingle
while you fuck me.

1759
01:12:56,539 --> 01:12:58,172
Whoo!

1760
01:13:00,043 --> 01:13:02,610
I know you want
to do me, scott.

1761
01:13:02,612 --> 01:13:04,612
I really don't,
and you're really racist.

1762
01:13:04,614 --> 01:13:05,680
Oh, my god.

1763
01:13:05,682 --> 01:13:08,282
Oh, your penis
no not think so.

1764
01:13:08,284 --> 01:13:09,283
Thank you.

1765
01:13:09,285 --> 01:13:10,718
Come again, please.

1766
01:13:12,522 --> 01:13:13,654
Get it?

1767
01:13:13,656 --> 01:13:15,323
It's, like, come?

1768
01:13:15,325 --> 01:13:16,691
Yeah, no, I got it.

1769
01:13:16,693 --> 01:13:20,128
Oops, look what I found in your car.

1770
01:13:20,130 --> 01:13:24,499
It's almost big enough
for both of us.

1771
01:13:24,501 --> 01:13:26,000
Boop.

1772
01:13:26,002 --> 01:13:29,036
God, I missed you
so fucking much.

1773
01:13:29,038 --> 01:13:30,972
Ugh!

1774
01:13:30,974 --> 01:13:32,607
What's with all the violence?

1775
01:13:32,609 --> 01:13:35,209
Sorry, I'm on rihanna.

1776
01:13:35,211 --> 01:13:38,312
It's molly mixed with steroids
and adrenaline.

1777
01:13:45,288 --> 01:13:47,522
Scott?

1778
01:13:47,524 --> 01:13:48,656
Scott?

1779
01:13:48,658 --> 01:13:49,957
Has anyone seen scott?

1780
01:13:49,959 --> 01:13:51,392
He's getting fingered
in the garage.

1781
01:13:51,394 --> 01:13:53,428
I'm sorry, scott is getting fingered?

1782
01:13:53,430 --> 01:13:55,296
No, but you are.

1783
01:13:55,298 --> 01:13:56,831
Okay.

1784
01:13:56,833 --> 01:13:58,599
Has anyone seen scott?

1785
01:13:58,601 --> 01:13:59,834
Scott is here?

1786
01:13:59,836 --> 01:14:01,035
I love that guy!

1787
01:14:01,037 --> 01:14:03,404
Everybody, scott's here!

1788
01:14:19,989 --> 01:14:21,856
You fucking miss me?

1789
01:14:21,858 --> 01:14:23,391
Please, no, I do not want this.

1790
01:14:23,393 --> 01:14:24,392
Shh.

1791
01:14:24,394 --> 01:14:25,193
I love you so much.

1792
01:14:25,195 --> 01:14:26,227
Please, no, I hate you.

1793
01:14:26,229 --> 01:14:27,628
I fucking love you so much!

1794
01:14:27,630 --> 01:14:28,830
I fucking hate you!

1795
01:14:28,832 --> 01:14:30,798
I fucking hate you too!

1796
01:14:34,971 --> 01:14:37,472
Oh, my God.

1797
01:14:40,076 --> 01:14:43,277
This is too good.

1798
01:14:43,279 --> 01:14:45,279
Tori, wait.

1799
01:14:52,489 --> 01:14:56,090
Yeah, that one's
definitely the ugliest.

1800
01:14:57,861 --> 01:14:59,727
Tori, wait.

1801
01:14:59,729 --> 01:15:00,728
Come on.

1802
01:15:00,730 --> 01:15:02,864
Let go of me.

1803
01:15:02,866 --> 01:15:04,065
It wasn't what
it looked like, okay?

1804
01:15:04,067 --> 01:15:07,034
No, I came here
to apologize.

1805
01:15:07,036 --> 01:15:10,204
I came here to tell you
that I like you for who you are,

1806
01:15:10,206 --> 01:15:13,574
only to find out
that you are a fucking asshole!

1807
01:15:13,576 --> 01:15:14,609
It's not what it looked like.

1808
01:15:14,611 --> 01:15:15,943
Heather basically raped me.

1809
01:15:15,945 --> 01:15:18,412
Oh, my God,
she weighs 90 pounds.

1810
01:15:18,414 --> 01:15:21,282
87.

1811
01:15:21,284 --> 01:15:25,686
Just stay the fuck
away from me.

1812
01:15:25,688 --> 01:15:28,289
Tori, whorie.

1813
01:15:28,291 --> 01:15:31,425
Tori, whorie.

1814
01:15:31,427 --> 01:15:33,528
Tori, whorie.

1815
01:15:33,530 --> 01:15:35,630
Tori, whorie.

1816
01:15:35,632 --> 01:15:37,598
Tori, whorie!

1817
01:15:37,600 --> 01:15:43,804
Whorie, whorie, whorie,
whorie, whorie, whorie,

1818
01:15:43,806 --> 01:15:47,441
whorie, whorie, whorie!

1819
01:15:47,443 --> 01:15:50,077
She raped me!

1820
01:16:03,226 --> 01:16:05,693
All right, my little sweethearts,

1821
01:16:05,695 --> 01:16:07,495
name of the game is strip cup.

1822
01:16:07,497 --> 01:16:10,798
Now, for every miss,
you have to...

1823
01:16:10,800 --> 01:16:13,467
Take off an article of clothing.

1824
01:16:13,469 --> 01:16:14,735
And for every make,

1825
01:16:14,737 --> 01:16:17,805
we have to take off
an article of clothing too.

1826
01:16:17,807 --> 01:16:19,440
Yay.

1827
01:16:19,442 --> 01:16:20,241
Is she...

1828
01:16:20,243 --> 01:16:21,642
- Retarded?
- Yes.

1829
01:16:21,644 --> 01:16:25,813
Sometimes I drink bleach.

1830
01:16:25,815 --> 01:16:27,214
Huh.

1831
01:16:27,216 --> 01:16:28,516
Hey, I got to talk to you.

1832
01:16:28,518 --> 01:16:29,984
Uh, I'm busy here.

1833
01:16:29,986 --> 01:16:31,018
What, with strip cup?

1834
01:16:31,020 --> 01:16:32,553
Come on, it's important.

1835
01:16:32,555 --> 01:16:35,289
Come on.

1836
01:16:35,291 --> 01:16:38,492
Okay, tori's really pissed
at me, and I need your help.

1837
01:16:38,494 --> 01:16:39,894
Go fuck yourself.

1838
01:16:39,896 --> 01:16:41,829
Uh, excuse me?

1839
01:16:41,831 --> 01:16:43,364
Uh, shall I repeat myself?

1840
01:16:43,366 --> 01:16:45,099
I thought I was clear
the first time.

1841
01:16:45,101 --> 01:16:47,201
Okay, why are you being
such a bitch?

1842
01:16:47,203 --> 01:16:49,537
I just need your help.

1843
01:16:49,539 --> 01:16:50,771
If I had to guess,

1844
01:16:50,773 --> 01:16:52,773
I'd probably say
tori's not talking to you

1845
01:16:52,775 --> 01:16:55,476
because you're only ever
thinking about yourself.

1846
01:16:55,478 --> 01:16:56,344
That's not it.

1847
01:16:56,346 --> 01:16:57,712
Will you shut the fuck up?

1848
01:16:57,714 --> 01:17:00,414
The depth of your selfishness
is astonishing.

1849
01:17:00,416 --> 01:17:02,850
How dare you
come to me for advice?

1850
01:17:02,852 --> 01:17:05,019
You know how many times
I've tried talking to you

1851
01:17:05,021 --> 01:17:06,520
but you were too busy for me?

1852
01:17:06,522 --> 01:17:08,556
Too busy with your hair,
your photography, or heather,

1853
01:17:08,558 --> 01:17:10,324
whatever bullshit
was consuming you at the time.

1854
01:17:10,326 --> 01:17:11,892
Look, I didn't know, okay?

1855
01:17:11,894 --> 01:17:13,194
You always seem so happy.

1856
01:17:13,196 --> 01:17:15,429
Well, that's kind of the point.

1857
01:17:15,431 --> 01:17:17,198
You're only worrying
about yourself.

1858
01:17:17,200 --> 01:17:18,766
You're not aware
of your surroundings,

1859
01:17:18,768 --> 01:17:22,436
let alone your only sister.

1860
01:17:22,438 --> 01:17:23,838
I'll see you at home, scott.

1861
01:17:23,840 --> 01:17:25,606
- Wait.
- What are you doing?

1862
01:17:25,608 --> 01:17:26,607
I'm hugging you.

1863
01:17:26,609 --> 01:17:27,708
Why?

1864
01:17:27,710 --> 01:17:29,410
I don't know,
but I think we should.

1865
01:17:29,412 --> 01:17:30,211
Scott, enough.

1866
01:17:30,213 --> 01:17:32,813
This is way too disney channel.

1867
01:17:32,815 --> 01:17:34,749
Yeah, I don't care.

1868
01:17:34,751 --> 01:17:35,750
Come on.

1869
01:17:35,752 --> 01:17:37,518
Let's hug it out.

1870
01:17:41,724 --> 01:17:42,957
I'm sorry.

1871
01:17:42,959 --> 01:17:44,759
I love you.

1872
01:17:44,761 --> 01:17:46,160
I love you too.

1873
01:17:46,162 --> 01:17:50,264
I knew you did.

1874
01:17:50,266 --> 01:17:52,967
So, I'm a self-absorbed asshole, right?

1875
01:17:52,969 --> 01:17:54,769
Pretty much.

1876
01:17:58,307 --> 01:17:59,807
I always wanted to do that.

1877
01:17:59,809 --> 01:18:00,808
Yeah, feel good?

1878
01:18:00,810 --> 01:18:01,809
Yeah, it feels great.

1879
01:18:01,811 --> 01:18:03,611
Okay, good, Good for you.

1880
01:18:05,815 --> 01:18:07,014
Oh, my God.

1881
01:18:07,016 --> 01:18:09,183
I know what I got to do
to get her back.

1882
01:18:10,687 --> 01:18:12,453
Unless you need me
to stay here and talk about...

1883
01:18:12,455 --> 01:18:13,254
Go.

1884
01:18:13,256 --> 01:18:14,255
Do you want another hug?

1885
01:18:14,257 --> 01:18:15,456
We can hug again.

1886
01:18:15,458 --> 01:18:17,091
Go, go.

1887
01:18:19,495 --> 01:18:22,496
Stacy got tired of waiting.

1888
01:18:25,968 --> 01:18:27,568
Excuse me.

1889
01:18:30,606 --> 01:18:31,939
Mata!

1890
01:18:31,941 --> 01:18:33,574
Pita?

1891
01:18:33,576 --> 01:18:35,976
Run!

1892
01:18:38,548 --> 01:18:40,981
No!

1893
01:18:45,755 --> 01:18:47,655
Sorry, man.

1894
01:19:06,676 --> 01:19:08,209
Take me as a hostage.

1895
01:19:08,211 --> 01:19:10,878
Scott, what the fuck
are you doing?

1896
01:19:10,880 --> 01:19:13,347
This.

1897
01:19:22,325 --> 01:19:24,792
I'm a complete asshole.

1898
01:19:24,794 --> 01:19:26,360
I'm selfish,

1899
01:19:26,362 --> 01:19:28,329
I'm self-absorbed,

1900
01:19:28,331 --> 01:19:31,532
and I suck pretty much all of the time.

1901
01:19:31,534 --> 01:19:35,202
Yeah, well, you're just
stating the obvious.

1902
01:19:35,204 --> 01:19:36,971
But I want to change.

1903
01:19:43,546 --> 01:19:46,614
I'm sorry about
the prom picture.

1904
01:19:46,616 --> 01:19:48,849
And I'm sorry about heather.

1905
01:19:48,851 --> 01:19:52,153
And I'm sorry if I ever
made you feel like...

1906
01:19:52,155 --> 01:19:54,121
I was better than you

1907
01:19:54,123 --> 01:19:56,791
or that you didn't matter,

1908
01:19:56,793 --> 01:20:00,394
because you do, so much.

1909
01:20:06,736 --> 01:20:11,605
What happened with heather
didn't mean anything to me.

1910
01:20:11,607 --> 01:20:15,176
Yesterday was the best day
of my life.

1911
01:20:15,178 --> 01:20:17,178
And I really wish it wouldn't
have taken me so long

1912
01:20:17,180 --> 01:20:19,113
to start my fuck it list.

1913
01:20:19,115 --> 01:20:20,114
Language.

1914
01:20:20,116 --> 01:20:22,516
You shut the fuck up.

1915
01:20:22,518 --> 01:20:25,553
I know that hating everything
and everyone

1916
01:20:25,555 --> 01:20:29,557
is kind of your thing, but...

1917
01:20:29,559 --> 01:20:33,194
God, I don't hate you.

1918
01:20:33,196 --> 01:20:36,263
Damn it.

1919
01:20:36,265 --> 01:20:38,833
I don't hate you either.

1920
01:20:52,014 --> 01:20:53,814
Oh, my God.

1921
01:20:53,816 --> 01:20:56,417
Your hair looks like shit.

1922
01:20:58,321 --> 01:20:59,954
I don't care.

1923
01:20:59,956 --> 01:21:01,689
I do.

1924
01:21:06,596 --> 01:21:07,795
It was rape, all right?

1925
01:21:07,797 --> 01:21:08,829
I swear to God.

1926
01:21:08,831 --> 01:21:10,097
She tricked my penis
into a boner.

1927
01:21:10,099 --> 01:21:12,733
Shut up.

1928
01:21:17,974 --> 01:21:19,573
All right.

1929
01:21:19,575 --> 01:21:20,474
All done.

1930
01:21:20,476 --> 01:21:22,743
How does it look?

1931
01:21:22,745 --> 01:21:23,944
Mm...

1932
01:21:23,946 --> 01:21:25,079
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

1933
01:21:25,081 --> 01:21:26,080
Awesome.

1934
01:21:26,082 --> 01:21:27,081
Yeah.

1935
01:21:32,321 --> 01:21:34,388
I want to go somewhere.

1936
01:21:34,390 --> 01:21:36,824
Looking like that?

1937
01:21:36,826 --> 01:21:39,293
Just kidding.

1938
01:21:39,295 --> 01:21:40,895
Not really.

1939
01:21:56,178 --> 01:21:58,646
Oh, my God!

1940
01:21:58,648 --> 01:22:01,882
What did you do?

1941
01:22:01,884 --> 01:22:03,050
Something pretty stupid,

1942
01:22:03,052 --> 01:22:06,387
but it was worth it.

1943
01:22:06,389 --> 01:22:08,689
Wow, what made you
do all this?

1944
01:22:08,691 --> 01:22:10,891
Well, if we didn't
throw a party,

1945
01:22:10,893 --> 01:22:12,426
how would joel get laid?

1946
01:22:12,428 --> 01:22:13,494
Oh, yeah.

1947
01:22:13,496 --> 01:22:14,929
Where is that shit-face?

1948
01:22:14,931 --> 01:22:18,899
He's in the back room
getting a lot of stds.

1949
01:22:18,901 --> 01:22:22,336
I'm sorry, what?

1950
01:22:22,338 --> 01:22:24,438
Oh, baby, you're
so fucking hot.

1951
01:22:24,440 --> 01:22:25,439
Well, not really,

1952
01:22:25,441 --> 01:22:26,907
but I have a lot of issues.

1953
01:22:26,909 --> 01:22:28,042
Ah!

1954
01:22:28,044 --> 01:22:29,109
Asshole, here I come.

1955
01:22:29,111 --> 01:22:30,444
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

1956
01:22:30,446 --> 01:22:32,012
Okay, quick question,

1957
01:22:32,014 --> 01:22:33,614
and let me know if this is,
like, totally out of line,

1958
01:22:33,616 --> 01:22:35,449
but it's always
been a dream of mine.

1959
01:22:35,451 --> 01:22:39,987
Is there any way
I could come on your tits?

1960
01:22:39,989 --> 01:22:42,456
#Duhzeez.

1961
01:22:46,062 --> 01:22:48,963
Oh, those are so much
better than my mom's.

1962
01:22:50,433 --> 01:22:52,466
That is honestly...

1963
01:22:52,468 --> 01:22:56,103
The nicest thing any guy
has ever said to me.

1964
01:22:56,105 --> 01:23:00,674
This is totes our rachel mcadams
ryan gosling notebook moment.

1965
01:23:02,611 --> 01:23:04,178
God damn it, you're sexy.

1966
01:23:04,180 --> 01:23:05,846
I know.

1967
01:23:05,848 --> 01:23:09,249
♪ Hey, we don't really got
another place to go ♪

1968
01:23:09,251 --> 01:23:11,618
♪ And I know you don't
want to sleep alone ♪

1969
01:23:11,620 --> 01:23:14,989
♪ So take me home tonight ♪

1970
01:23:14,991 --> 01:23:16,724
♪ So I hit her with a ♪

1971
01:23:16,726 --> 01:23:19,860
♪ Oh, I know we don't got
another place to be ♪

1972
01:23:19,862 --> 01:23:21,195
Come on.

1973
01:23:21,197 --> 01:23:22,763
I don't dance.

1974
01:23:22,765 --> 01:23:24,665
Oh, only in your living room?

1975
01:23:24,667 --> 01:23:28,268
Okay, well, that's very, very different.

1976
01:23:32,475 --> 01:23:34,341
Oh-ho-ho, come on.

1977
01:23:34,343 --> 01:23:36,377
It's perfect.

1978
01:23:38,047 --> 01:23:40,781
Okay, okay, fine, fine.

1979
01:23:44,387 --> 01:23:46,820
♪ Now that I've got you ♪

1980
01:23:46,822 --> 01:23:50,257
♪ I won't let you go ♪

1981
01:23:50,259 --> 01:23:52,826
♪ No, no, no, no ♪

1982
01:24:08,511 --> 01:24:11,145
♪ Now that I've got you ♪

1983
01:24:11,147 --> 01:24:14,114
♪ I won't let you go ♪

1984
01:24:26,529 --> 01:24:29,430
♪ To keep the light on, honey ♪

1985
01:24:29,432 --> 01:24:34,435
♪ Is the least that I can do ♪

1986
01:24:34,437 --> 01:24:37,037
♪ If I keep running back to you ♪

1987
01:24:37,039 --> 01:24:38,205
Hi, sweetie.

1988
01:24:38,207 --> 01:24:39,640
Dad, I'm sorry.

1989
01:24:39,642 --> 01:24:42,876
It's okay, it's okay,
it's okay.

1990
01:24:42,878 --> 01:24:44,778
This is perfect.

1991
01:25:00,763 --> 01:25:05,466
♪ And all my childhood dreams ♪

1992
01:25:05,468 --> 01:25:09,870
♪ Never turns out the way
that they're supposed to be ♪

1993
01:25:09,872 --> 01:25:12,840
♪ I don't want to live
a day past 29 ♪

1994
01:25:12,842 --> 01:25:15,609
Sorry, but the world
does not need to know

1995
01:25:15,611 --> 01:25:18,846
how I feel every second
of every day.

1996
01:25:18,848 --> 01:25:20,147
Call me crazy, but I think

1997
01:25:20,149 --> 01:25:22,649
that as soon as we comment
on the present,

1998
01:25:22,651 --> 01:25:24,985
we kind of lose it forever.

1999
01:25:24,987 --> 01:25:27,454
And the present
is where things happen.

2000
01:25:27,456 --> 01:25:30,524
Sometimes it's difficult.

2001
01:25:30,526 --> 01:25:33,994
Sometimes it's glorious.

2002
01:25:33,996 --> 01:25:35,863
But it's always
the place to be,

2003
01:25:35,865 --> 01:25:39,166
because life happens
in the present,

2004
01:25:39,168 --> 01:25:42,369
one second to the next.

2005
01:25:42,371 --> 01:25:46,673
And if you're living
with one foot in the past,

2006
01:25:46,675 --> 01:25:50,043
well, you're missing
a fucking foot.

2007
01:25:50,045 --> 01:25:54,515
892 train to Chicago, now boarding.

2008
01:26:04,660 --> 01:26:06,059
Don't spit, god.

2009
01:26:06,061 --> 01:26:07,394
Sometimes it needs
some lubrication.

2010
01:26:07,396 --> 01:26:08,395
No, it does not.

2011
01:26:08,397 --> 01:26:09,630
Natural lubrication

2012
01:26:09,632 --> 01:26:11,031
is one of the best types
of lubrication,

2013
01:26:11,033 --> 01:26:13,467
especially when you're
eating fucking pussy.

2014
01:26:13,469 --> 01:26:14,535
God!

2015
01:26:14,537 --> 01:26:16,270
All right, cut.

2016
01:26:22,311 --> 01:26:23,377
That's some good-ass shit.

2017
01:26:23,379 --> 01:26:24,878
Oh, my God, yeah, thank you.

2018
01:26:24,880 --> 01:26:26,380
Your mama teach you
how to make these brownies?

2019
01:26:26,382 --> 01:26:27,948
No, I--

2020
01:26:27,950 --> 01:26:29,550
Oh, your daddy taught you
how to make them brownies?

2021
01:26:29,552 --> 01:26:31,118
Go make them brownies.
Get the pot, girl.

2022
01:26:31,120 --> 01:26:32,352
You want some?

2023
01:26:32,354 --> 01:26:33,754
- No, no.
- I think I'm high.

2024
01:26:33,756 --> 01:26:35,289
I don't think it happens
that quickly.

2025
01:26:35,291 --> 01:26:36,323
Oh.

2026
01:26:44,266 --> 01:26:45,365
Hey, kathleen.

2027
01:26:46,835 --> 01:26:49,236
♪ I'm gonna come on those tits ♪

2028
01:26:49,238 --> 01:26:51,371
wamp-wamp-wamp, dubstep remix.

2029
01:26:51,373 --> 01:26:52,506
♪ Ch-ch-ch come ♪

2030
01:26:52,508 --> 01:26:55,876
♪ B-zzz, dup-dup-dup, sperm ♪

2031
01:26:59,648 --> 01:27:01,114
And that's the last time

2032
01:27:01,116 --> 01:27:03,150
I'll ever have sex
with an amputee again.

2033
01:27:03,152 --> 01:27:06,720
That's the last time I'll ever
have sex with a veteran again.

2034
01:27:06,722 --> 01:27:08,188
And that is the last time

2035
01:27:08,190 --> 01:27:10,591
I'll ever have sex
with a special ed teacher.

2036
01:27:19,034 --> 01:27:20,100
Cut.

2037
01:27:22,137 --> 01:27:25,672
Sometimes I masturbate
with a blender.

2038
01:27:29,078 --> 01:27:32,346
Raper uses the same password
for all his secure files.

2039
01:27:32,348 --> 01:27:35,582
It's "titty fuck" with
three exclamation points.

2040
01:27:35,584 --> 01:27:37,818
"Cunt bunny"
with a smiley face.

2041
01:27:37,820 --> 01:27:40,387
"Ariana grande's
tight little ass 420."

2042
01:27:40,389 --> 01:27:41,922
"Teeny ass 99."

2043
01:27:41,924 --> 01:27:43,790
"Titty boner"
with a smiley face.

2044
01:27:43,792 --> 01:27:46,660
"Pussy popper 88."

2045
01:27:46,662 --> 01:27:48,695
"Dripping wet clit 99."

2046
01:27:48,697 --> 01:27:50,497
"Anus party 85."

2047
01:27:50,499 --> 01:27:54,134
"The clits go marching
one by one."

2048
01:27:54,136 --> 01:27:56,503
"Clit massacre 89."

2049
01:27:56,505 --> 01:27:57,738
Okay, wait.

2050
01:27:57,740 --> 01:27:59,973
Three more!

2051
01:27:59,975 --> 01:28:02,142
"Titty titty bungalow 420."

2052
01:28:02,144 --> 01:28:05,712
"Pussy wagon pussy wagon
make me a cake."

2053
01:28:05,714 --> 01:28:07,881
Try something with "asshole"!

2054
01:28:07,883 --> 01:28:08,749
Okay.

2055
01:28:08,751 --> 01:28:09,883
Your tits are so fucking nice.

2056
01:28:09,885 --> 01:28:11,018
Oh, my God, you're so sweet.

2057
01:28:11,020 --> 01:28:12,286
You want to suck my nipple?

2058
01:28:12,288 --> 01:28:15,322
Okay.

2059
01:28:18,927 --> 01:28:19,726
Cut.

2060
01:28:19,728 --> 01:28:21,295
It's done.

2061
01:28:50,225 --> 01:28:53,794
♪ Hey, oh love,
when you fall asleep ♪

2062
01:28:53,796 --> 01:28:57,431
♪ There's a piece of you
in every song I sing ♪

2063
01:28:57,433 --> 01:29:03,637
♪ Where your childhood
runs wild and free ♪

2064
01:29:03,639 --> 01:29:05,138
♪ Without me ♪

2065
01:29:05,140 --> 01:29:08,608
♪ Held your love in a silver spoon ♪

2066
01:29:08,610 --> 01:29:12,512
♪ Walked outside just to kiss the moon ♪

2067
01:29:12,514 --> 01:29:18,452
♪ Looking back, I wish I kissed you ♪

2068
01:29:18,454 --> 01:29:23,724
♪ Kissed you ♪

2069
01:29:23,726 --> 01:29:26,159
♪ To keep the light on, honey ♪

2070
01:29:26,161 --> 01:29:31,231
♪ Is the least that I can do ♪

2071
01:29:31,233 --> 01:29:35,969
♪ If I keep running back to you ♪

2072
01:29:39,074 --> 01:29:41,675
♪ Your heart is a slow train coming ♪

2073
01:29:41,677 --> 01:29:46,646
♪ I'm afraid to make my move ♪

2074
01:29:46,648 --> 01:29:53,420
♪ If I keep running back to you ♪

2075
01:29:53,422 --> 01:29:56,923
♪ Hey, old lover, it's a lonely day ♪

2076
01:29:56,925 --> 01:29:58,692
♪ There's a record on ♪

2077
01:29:58,694 --> 01:30:00,727
♪ And the song remains ♪

2078
01:30:00,729 --> 01:30:02,462
♪ If we dance real slow ♪

2079
01:30:02,464 --> 01:30:06,366
♪ Until the music fades ♪

2080
01:30:06,368 --> 01:30:08,235
♪ Will we do the same ♪

2081
01:30:08,237 --> 01:30:11,304
♪ Held your heart
till the bitter end ♪

2082
01:30:11,306 --> 01:30:15,041
♪ You held my hand
like I was your best friend ♪

2083
01:30:15,043 --> 01:30:21,748
♪ In another life
we will meet again ♪

2084
01:30:21,750 --> 01:30:26,753
♪ Again ♪

2085
01:30:26,755 --> 01:30:29,256
♪ To keep the light on, honey ♪

2086
01:30:29,258 --> 01:30:34,327
♪ Is the least that I can do ♪

2087
01:30:34,329 --> 01:30:38,765
♪ If I keep running back to you ♪

2088
01:30:42,037 --> 01:30:44,738
♪ Your heart is a slow train coming ♪

2089
01:30:44,740 --> 01:30:49,810
♪ I'm afraid to make my move ♪

2090
01:30:49,812 --> 01:30:54,381
♪ If I keep running back to you ♪

2091
01:30:57,252 --> 01:31:02,556
♪ If I keep running back to you ♪

2092
01:31:08,230 --> 01:31:13,967
♪ You ♪

2093
01:31:15,838 --> 01:31:21,341
♪ You ♪

2094
01:31:23,579 --> 01:31:29,449
♪ You ♪

2095
01:31:35,424 --> 01:31:43,196
♪ If I keep running back to you ♪

2096
01:31:43,198 --> 01:31:47,567
♪ If I keep running back to you ♪