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[Lotje panting]
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[Lotje mumbles indistinctly]
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00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,400
[Lotje breathes heavily]
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00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,640
[heavy thump]
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00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,960
[Jan] That day, I will go
to meet my sister for lunch.
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00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:32,040
I emailed him that morning,
just to confirm what time,
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00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,440
and I don't hear anything again.
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00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:39,160
Thinking, "It's so strange
how Lotje didn't come back to me."
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00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,200
You know, because I have also texted,
"Are you okay?"
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00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:47,320
Which, like, is quite strong, um...
message.
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00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,880
And I'm sure he will reply.
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00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,520
[Ant] Usually, you know,
he starts working every day.
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00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:57,840
He didn't enter on Monday,
and, uh, I thought it was a bit strange.
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00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:03,160
[Barney] I, um, walk, like,
four, five minutes to where the flat is.
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00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,960
And that's where Jan is with Ant,
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00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:09,680
looks more confused
with what is happening
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00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,760
- [Jan] We tried banging on the door...
- [knocked hard]
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00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:15,640
... shouted, but he did not respond.
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00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:18,160
[Barney] I remember Jan
called, "Lotje!"
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00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,640
What happens through our minds is that
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00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,120
There is only one reason why
he is still in his flat.
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00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:32,320
[Jan] At that time,
I decided to call 999.
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00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:33,760
[dogs barking]
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00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:39,080
The police arrived together
with the owner of the house, who had the key.
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00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,120
[Ant] And this is very strange
when, like,
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00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:45,120
the police arrested Jan a little, said,
"Do you want us to enter first?"
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00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,840
People who open the door, don't want
to be the first person to enter there.
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00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:52,240
That's very strange.
And Jan just said, "I will go in."
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00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:03,280
[Jan] Flat only looks like
some serious chaos has occurred.
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00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:05,520
You know, I'm like,
"Damn, where is he?"
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00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,400
Everything is chaotic.
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00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:11,400
There are clothes everywhere,
throw up
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00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:13,720
and dirt everywhere.
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00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,680
The fact that he is not there
is a bit of a relief.
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00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,760
But then the next question is,
"Where is he?"
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00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:34,240
[Hente] Lotje is always pretty good at
going somewhere, for adventure,
41
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:36,840
and experience -
Go and see friends, so...
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00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:40,080
I have had this all my life.
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00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,640
"Where is Lotje?"
has become a question
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00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,480
You know, you go to the supermarket
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00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:48,600
and you take something from the shelf,
"Where is Lotje?"
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00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,960
[voice echo] Where is Lotje?
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00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:53,640
[the machine beeps steady]
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00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:05,120
[Jan] Someone in Royal London
installed Lotje's description.
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00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:08,840
They cannot identify him,
because he cannot speak.
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00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,760
The police I called
and the police at Royal London
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00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:15,440
succeed, sort of, work out
that this is my sister
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00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,840
[machine goes on]
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00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:22,280
[Andrew] To see young patients
who is half conscious,
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00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:26,840
who actually becomes
is more unconscious as time goes by,
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00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:29,320
with his speed deteriorating,
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00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,200
Really, you are faced with a situation
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00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:35,840
where you have to decide
to act immediately and save lives.
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00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,280
[Jan] We arrived at the hospital,
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00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:42,520
where it is explained that Lotje
is undergoing several types of
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00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:46,160
a very serious medical emergency
to his brain.
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00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,840
and he
a very high probability of death.
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00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:53,360
He has an intracerebral
brain hemorrhage
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00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:57,240
My initial reaction to this
is that this is a huge blood clot
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00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,680
and it's immediately life-threatening.
65
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,200
I have to say that many of these cases are very severe that it's impossible to intervene,
or if you do it, you don't succeed.
66
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:12,200
The operation involves
incision on the scalp,
67
00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:20,040
removal of small bone windows,
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00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,120
about that size,
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00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,840
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00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,800
only small pieces
through the brain substance itself
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00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,480
to reveal blood clots,
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00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,720
then delete
as many blood clots as possible.
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00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,960
Well, that doesn't have to be reduced
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00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,800
The damage was done
by bleeding to the brain.
75
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:40,280
That is damage done
and cannot be reversed.
76
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:45,920
The most common type of stroke
is actually the brain area
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00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:50,040
it lacks oxygen
and loses its blood supply.
78
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:54,320
Lotje type stroke
bleeds into the brain substance.
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00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:58,680
Mostly due to
with abnormal blood vessels
80
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:03,040
that might be developing,
blood clotting abnormalities can occur;
81
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:06,240
and there are many rare things
that can cause it.
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00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,640
There are still some tests to do
later on the bottom line,
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00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:14,480
but at this time, we don't have
a clear reason why this happened.
84
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,680
Maybe we never found it,
85
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:19,040
and maybe so
we never know the cause
86
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:26,280
[Jan] They hold him to sleep artificially.
87
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:30,320
It seems like they don't know
if they can even wake him up.
88
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:34,040
Or if he wakes up,
functions as is.
89
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,880
So for 24 full hours,
90
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,800
We really don't know what the results are?
91
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:17,280
Good.
92
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:19,040
I live.
93
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:23,920
-Very bad writing...
- [woman speaks unclear]
94
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,480
... but I'm not dead
95
00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:32,480
That's the beginning.
96
00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:34,800
Very messy...
97
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:39,160
but surely eager to live.
98
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:45,120
[Jan] We came for about ten minutes
after he woke up.
99
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,920
He did speak...
100
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,520
But he is very confused.
101
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:54,200
We are not sure what will happen today.
102
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:57,720
This will be new...
103
00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:00,200
plate...
104
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:03,240
place...
or something completely different.
105
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,040
We are just not sure.
106
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,680
[Lucy] I was really nervous when I saw it.
107
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,720
And Jan continues to say how,
108
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:16,840
You know, "This is very strange and he...
he might not recognize you."
109
00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:20,960
[Whispering] For the possibility...
110
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:24,480
to live and die
111
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:26,040
[Jan] The fact is, he is still alive.
112
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:28,360
Actually, that's the biggest,
I will say...
113
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:31,800
"Listen, he's still alive and he looks great."
114
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:34,600
[therapist] okay
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00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:36,640
Here.
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00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:38,320
[unclear conversation]
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00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,360
[Therapist] Right, here it is.
Hmm?
118
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:44,840
Good.
119
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:47,680
I want you to say a few broken words
starts with... [emphasizes "S"]
120
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,440
- [emphasizes "S"]
-Yes.
[emphasizes "S"]
121
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,440
Do you think you can do that?
122
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:54,560
Um...
123
00:09:56,720 --> 00:10:00,640
So, it could be, um, "sound,"
124
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:04,680
or "swing", or "sit".
125
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:08,960
So, it starts from... now.
126
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,200
[emphasizes "S"] Summer.
127
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,000
-Mmm.
-I have I...?
128
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,720
S... alright.
129
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,560
[emphasizes "S"] Seeds.
130
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,480
[emphasizes "S"] [chuckles, stammers] I get -
131
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,080
Me too...
132
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:32,400
[sobbing]
133
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:36,520
134
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,520
[Jan] He can't do the test
they did for this situation.
135
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,040
[doctor]
I know you are trying your best...
136
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:50,000
[Jan] So it's clear
that there is... a more severe problem.
137
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,880
But, I mean, don't know...
138
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:56,400
do not understand, really,
what is the problem?
139
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,760
[Sophie] So why didn't you tell me...
what happened?
140
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:20,040
I am in a fairly normal place,
141
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:23,600
very busy, normal...
142
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,040
[stutter] Type of smart person.
143
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:31,520
And now, I start from the beginning.
144
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,000
[Sophie] What does it feel like?
145
00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:38,080
This is very strange,
146
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,600
starting from zero.
147
00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:42,560
It's like tripping.
148
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,600
[echo sound]
I don't know how to describe it.
149
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,560
How do I say it?
I can't...
150
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,120
[stutter]
151
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,480
This normal world...
152
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:55,400
[stammers] Normality.
153
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:56,640
I'm very, sort of...
154
00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,800
[echoing]
Strange is the way to describe it...
155
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,920
Difficult to... [click tongue]
156
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:05,040
Uh, I don't think I make sense.
157
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:06,320
Sorry.
158
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,480
I hope I can...
159
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:09,760
Yes.
160
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:11,600
I will try.
161
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,200
[Sophie] What about these photos?
Do you--
162
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:18,360
- [Lotje] Pictures?
- [Sophie] Yeah
163
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,880
Matilda is, um, my...
164
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,560
I'm...
165
00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:25,720
[sighs]
166
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:29,000
I...
167
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:32,680
He...
168
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,200
[sighs] I can't...
169
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,920
I... nephew
170
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,600
-Yeah, my niece
- [Sophie] Is your niece?
171
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,000
Yes, niece.
172
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:49,280
And now, he's also a...
173
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,200
Nephew?
Neef... My niece
174
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:55,280
I mean, "niece."
175
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,760
For some reason,
I can't say the real word itself.
176
00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:01,160
This world.
177
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,520
- [Sophie] On that shelf?
-Yes.
178
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,200
- [Sophie] A note
-Record, yeah.
179
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,320
Exactly, so...
180
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,720
for some reason, I can say...
181
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:18,720
You say it again
182
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,520
- [Sophie] Record.
-Recording.
183
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,240
Recording.
184
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:28,000
I can only say it if I'm not really...
If I go like that...
185
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:32,240
-then I can say the word "note".
- [echo sound] Record.
186
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:33,520
But not...
187
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:35,920
[sound echoes]
188
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,480
You say it again
189
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:43,920
- [Sophie] Record.
-Record, yeah.
190
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,520
Recording.
191
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:46,920
I can't...
192
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:51,400
- [writing pen]
-I can't say it now.
But I can't...
193
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,120
Um...
194
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:01,320
You know, I can't speak or...
195
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,600
No, don't speak.
196
00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:03,800
I can't...
197
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:06,520
clever.
[chuckles]
198
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,160
- [writing pen]
-What do you call it?
Um...
199
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:11,080
- [Sophie] Write?
-Yeah, write.
200
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,760
I can't write at all.
201
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,920
Or smart or normal.
All that
202
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,600
This... it's terrible outside.
203
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,640
This can read "fairy tales".
Not a "fairy tale".
204
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:30,760
- [Lotje] What did he say?
This is "?
- [Sophie] Yeah
205
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:31,960
[Lotje] Oh, yes, "me."
206
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,440
- [Lotje] Does that say "the"?
- [Sophie] Yeah
207
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,000
I've written "before".
208
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,520
[sound echoes]
209
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:42,720
I don't think I will experience
problems with the word "the."
210
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:47,560
A-B-C-D-E-F-G...
211
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,440
[Lotje speaks vaguely]
212
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:54,840
No?
213
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:59,320
-Two?
- [grumble]
214
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:03,480
[Lotje] This is not in my
the correct dictionary, in my brain.
215
00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,040
Decoction.
[chuckles]
216
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:13,880
Congratulations... Argh!
217
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:17,840
Okay, something is wrong, here, today.
218
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,160
"Helps."
[chuckles]
219
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:24,760
That must be the first one
I write besides "hi."
220
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,600
The green one is...
221
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,800
above the blue one.
222
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,440
-True?
-No.
223
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,880
But it's complete
gobbledygook complete
224
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,760
And I don't believe that.
225
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,600
[sound echoes]
226
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,160
[stutter]
227
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:13,200
I refuse to believe that I...
that happened
228
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:21,200
[Jan] He is very dynamic,
is very social,
229
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,680
very fiery individuals.
230
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:29,000
[Ant] He has a really difficult job,
must be very, very organized.
231
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:32,280
Multitasking, many things happen
at the same time.
232
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,440
[Anita] That is its existence.
233
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:39,040
Communication, writing films, writing
in general and reading.
234
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:42,160
You know, Lotje always reads,
Like these very thick books.
235
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,400
[Lucy] He is the most intelligent person.
236
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,800
So, yes, this is rather... [chuckles]
237
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:54,360
... it's almost obscene
that this part, um...
238
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,360
It affects parts of the brain.
239
00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:00,000
[woman] So, today.
This starts today, your vacation.
240
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,800
[Jan]
I think that might be very alienating.
241
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:06,160
He cannot interact
in the same way as people.
242
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,200
He gets very tired easily.
243
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:11,240
Mathematical function
seems to be disturbed.
244
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:14,040
Which is something that
hasn't really been handled, really,
245
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,800
at all, up to this point,
but I have noticed it.
246
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:20,960
You know, logistics like that,
I don't know the technical terms for that,
247
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,200
But, you know, this, sort of
logical thing that we take for granted.
248
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,480
The attention I have at this stage is,
249
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:31,680
because he is very ambitious
and very energetic,
250
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,080
he uses too much
presses himself.
251
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:37,080
And the pressure is finally
leads to the situation
252
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:41,920
where, you know,
he gets destruction, basically.
253
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:49,520
[Lotje] If I face that question,
"who am I?"
254
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:53,600
I am someone who has a large
number of friends,
255
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,600
works very hard,
256
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:59,320
wander around the world,
likes to read.
257
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,920
What if all the evidence is deleted?
258
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,000
What makes me?
259
00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:20,200
Something happened to my vision,
that nobody really explained to me.
260
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:26,520
Pretty normal on the left,
as long as I keep it on the left.
261
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:31,160
If I go to the right side,
This is like the whole nother dimension.
262
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:41,440
[echoing sound] Vision
internal space, inner world.
263
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:49,720
This is the reality of an increasing reality.
264
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:54,800
I don't know, it becomes
a kind of euphoric notion.
265
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,960
Whether it's the brain or my reality,
266
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:10,080
I can feel
colors and sounds like I couldn't before.
267
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:15,920
- Sounds like a very loud sound.
- [loud noise]
268
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,240
[people speak loudly]
269
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:19,920
[sirens blaring]
270
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:24,440
So it's getting more intensive, it's too much.
271
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:31,720
Everything becomes a momentary experience.
272
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,920
Time has a new meaning.
273
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:40,280
This is all lengthy and temporary.
274
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,760
You are in this new place,
275
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:48,760
a world that is devastating and very frightening
276
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:52,360
it's yours alone.
277
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:04,720
[Barney] Finding yourself in this world
where... everything changes,
278
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:07,240
this is like...
a very strange process,
279
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,920
because as far as we can see,
nothing has changed
280
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,720
But everything changes for him.
281
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:27,240
[Lotje] The last time I was at me...
my first house, um,
282
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:30,360
This is a very disturbing experience.
283
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,600
- [man] You're fine
-Yes.
284
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,240
Oh...
285
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:40,400
Good.
286
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:42,600
[exhale]
287
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,280
I can do that...
288
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:47,000
That's what it is.
No, this one.
289
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,480
I don't know if I can do it.
I haven't tried it yet.
290
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,920
- [man] Certainly the others.
-This one?
291
00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,080
[man] Mmm-hmm.
292
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:05,320
There.
293
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,640
Oh, this is so weird!
294
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:21,360
[Lotje] it's okay
[sighs]
295
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:24,880
It's like a dream.
296
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:28,640
Someone does a very good job in tidying up.
297
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:35,800
It's like, um, something I have, um...
totally changed
298
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,600
If you see what I mean.
299
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:42,360
Ugh, I feel very pukey.
Do you feel...
300
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:50,360
I just remember trying to survive
and I don't even know.
301
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:55,960
I just... I really remember
gave up and didn't care.
302
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:57,560
And not... [stutter]
303
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,920
I just, like, in a terrible state,
304
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,600
and I don't know
how can I get out of it
305
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:08,560
You are in this strange thing -
like, weird, parallel trips,
306
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,480
so you can't - you can't say -
307
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:15,640
You tried to explain
why you can't make phone calls
308
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:19,360
or wear clothes and sort -
get out of here.
309
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,920
You only remember this strange,
strange thing
310
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,440
it gets worse
into this nightmare
311
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:27,600
And then I remember crying,
that I never cried,
312
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:31,000
but being really angry,
313
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:36,200
but can't think why
and how or all that.
314
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:40,960
I just got angry,
more sick, sicker,
315
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:44,640
and more, like, into this nightmare.
316
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:50,600
[Lucy] I hate the idea that
he experienced all this alone...
317
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:55,480
[sighs]... and just lie in his bed
and, like, ready to die.
318
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,480
Then something lifts it up.
319
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,400
And he did it.
He wakes up.
And...
320
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:04,560
You know, that's how it is...
321
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:08,200
That's why he wakes up every day
322
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:13,560
and bump into the wall
and be reminded of what is happening.
323
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,680
But he just... he did it,
and he kept going.
324
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:25,040
[speaking unclear]
325
00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:29,800
[Lotje] I have never lived with my mother
since I was 18 years old.
326
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,720
So, now I'm two years old - [stammers]
327
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:36,920
Thirty...
328
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:39,960
four.
329
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:44,640
So... [chuckled] 34 years.
330
00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:47,920
Now, we live together.
331
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:53,880
[Hente] I mean, I never thought a lot of
about the brain before, at all.
332
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,760
I mean, this is called
"Obtained brain injury,"
333
00:23:56,840 --> 00:24:00,240
but it's a new world that was acquired
at the same time.
334
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,280
It's very difficult
anyone who can understand,
335
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:06,560
for his friends and for anyone
around, because -
336
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,360
He said it himself,
he said a few days ago, he said,
337
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,840
"I feel like a baby,
But, you know, I'm an adult,
338
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,040
and that's two things at once.
339
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:18,320
= = You know, I need to take care of my body
and I have to have a rhythm during the day.
340
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:22,320
And, you know, just like a child. < / i>
Otherwise, I can't function at all. "
341
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:26,000
On the other hand, you know,
all already exist
Um...
342
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:29,800
This is very, very difficult to understand.
343
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:36,560
[Lotje] I can save thoughts and ideas
and the thought process...
344
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:40,320
[stuttering]
... that's done
345
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,000
and some need to keep going,
346
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:44,520
but they disappear
347
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:48,160
So when can I start writing,
348
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:51,760
I think, "Instead of having it
disappear into thin air,
349
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:55,360
is terrible,
I will try write it. "
350
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:58,760
Vi... no.
351
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:01,240
Va...
352
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:06,480
[Lotje chuckles] The problem is,
of course, I can't spell, so...
353
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:08,960
I don't know if that is the real word.
354
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:12,560
[sound echoes] Isola...
355
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:14,680
Isolation...
356
00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:21,120
I dream of mixing dreams of strokes.
357
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,440
Breakdown time.
358
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,320
Stroke hour.
359
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:30,120
And then, creepy mouse.
360
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:37,000
Your dreams have real new types
real for them,
361
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,960
but before, they were just weird.
362
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:43,640
And you like that
become confused between, um...
363
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:47,000
what's real and what's in your head
364
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:52,400
Keep looking at my eyes.
365
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:55,480
I will bring this small target
from outside.
366
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:57,400
Just say "yes" when you see it
come to the display.
367
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:01,560
Now.
368
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:06,080
Now.
369
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:08,760
Now.
370
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,360
Now.
371
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:15,320
Now.
Now.
Now.
372
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:16,400
OK.
373
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,840
You see how much better
the field is on this side
374
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:20,280
compared to this side.
375
00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:22,520
- [echoing] If you experience your injuries...
- [Lotje] Yeah.
376
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,640
... then it only affects one part...
377
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:28,680
[distorting, echoing]
... in the same part of space in each eye.
378
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:29,880
-Good.
-Good?
379
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:31,960
[unclear echo]
380
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:33,880
Good.
381
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:38,840
I kind of looked around
for whom this person was talking.
382
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:41,720
I don't know who they mean...
383
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,040
what they mean.
384
00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:48,160
And I don't know, um...
how to respond to what they say.
385
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,200
It takes half an hour to work.
386
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,840
[Sophie] I want to ask you
why do you want to shoot this?
387
00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:10,200
Why did you contact me?
388
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:14,840
Many people in your situation will do it
just thinking about their recovery
389
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,600
I remember - I was obsessed with
by recording everything
390
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:21,560
and I can't remember anything
391
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:22,720
So, it's like...
392
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:27,120
I think that part of the brain
has become unable to...
393
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:28,240
um...
394
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:30,440
remember something
395
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:32,400
You have obsessed
by recording it...
396
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,160
-Mmm.
-... because you only cringe
397
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,080
- that it will disappear.
-Mmm.
398
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:41,760
[Lotje] To, uh, understand,
I want to record it.
399
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:50,160
There is something lively, like,
the real reality for that
400
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,200
This is not real - this is real.
401
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:56,400
And um, I don't know
if it's your neurological...
402
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:58,000
I don't know
403
00:27:58,080 --> 00:27:59,560
Not me, this...
404
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,520
That's what happened.
That is how it feels.
405
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:04,040
It's like, um...
406
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:08,280
You know, you think, um...
407
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,720
You know,
You think about David Lynch and...
408
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:14,120
[chuckles]... things like that are many.
409
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:15,880
[hand rubbing]
410
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:23,680
[Lotje] It's like being in the Red Room
on Peak Twin.
411
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:27,800
I have experienced imaginary conversation
with him in my head.
412
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:34,240
[soft music playing]
413
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:40,480
[Lotje] Dear Mr Lynch:
my name is Lotje Sodderland,
414
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:44,280
and I live in Hackney, in London.
415
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:48,360
Two months ago,
I have an intracerebral...
416
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:50,560
[stuttering]... bleeding
417
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:55,680
and lose my use
read and write,
418
00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:59,200
That's why I sent you
video messages
419
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:03,320
It's like a dimen - a new dimension.
420
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,200
This is very beautiful, painful...
421
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:10,840
sometimes, like a nightmare place
422
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:12,600
in my head.
423
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:16,200
But also somewhere where I can...
424
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:23,600
really lost in this beautiful
425
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:30,040
and extraor - extraordinary new places
that I myself have found,
426
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:33,360
where my brain used to be
427
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:37,600
So I want to share with you,
Because I think you will like it.
428
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:52,080
I will make a pleasant trip.
With my bag.
429
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:55,960
I just found out three days ago
that I will go there.
430
00:29:56,040 --> 00:30:01,480
This may be very, very difficult
for me to really do it right.
431
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:05,160
I can't process, um...
[stutter]... the concept,
432
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:09,120
the reality will live
as an inpatient
433
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:12,800
in a neurological place....
434
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:15,160
RSUD.
435
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:17,920
Full of sick people like me.
436
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:23,560
Only to imagine that I'm with a friend,
437
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:26,320
go to a fun place,
like that before.
438
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,000
And maybe that will happen.
439
00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:33,240
And that will be some
when it's very serious...
440
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:34,840
[chuckles]... in it.
441
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,160
But there's no point
inside me trying to imagine it,
442
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:40,960
because my brain does not have the capacity
to calculate.
443
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,760
So, to calculate something...
444
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:46,400
for something like that is stupid,
445
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:51,080
no use, very stressful
and counterproductive.
446
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,000
- [click tongue]
- [Sophie] All right.
447
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:04,440
[Lotje] So, are you ready
for the final calculation?
448
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:10,200
I'm ready, but the more important question
is, are you ready?
449
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:15,800
Well, I don't have a sense of space and time,
so it's okay for me
450
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:17,840
[both chuckles]
451
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:19,640
[Jan] We have a very close relationship.
452
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:24,040
We have a very frenzied life
and we have shared enough,
453
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:26,360
so I think that's why we are close enough.
454
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:29,560
[Lotje] Our parents are not together.
455
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:31,400
So I was raised by my mother.
456
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:36,000
And our childhood
Unconventional adventure.
457
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:40,160
But I always know I can
depend on Jan for anything.
458
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,160
I want to know if I will be allowed to leave.
459
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:45,960
What do you think?
460
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:49,000
I think they don't tend, uh, put it...
461
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:52,000
Let people get out of a safe unit.
462
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:53,120
[Lotje chuckles]
463
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:56,360
[Lotje] He has a high sense of humor.
464
00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,480
That makes a big difference.
And he will always be like that.
465
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:01,360
He has been like that from the start.
466
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:04,920
Even in the hospital, he will be funny
and he will make me laugh.
467
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,880
Even though I can't even laugh myself.
468
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,920
If I still smoke, I will be allowed to leave.
469
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:12,440
I don't know if they want to.
470
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:17,320
I think you might be bound
until you stop smoking.
471
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:21,600
-How can you get out, and?
-I will show it to you.
472
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:26,640
[Lotje] About to be accepted.
473
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:31,440
You will say goodbye to the world,
especially me, because I did not leave.
474
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:35,240
Maybe I'll be impre--
better specimens
475
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:53,040
[patients complain]
476
00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:59,640
[unclear conversation]
477
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:08,640
[loud, repetitive engine noise]
478
00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:15,920
[unclear conversation]
479
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,240
[chat continues]
480
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,240
[whispering] I really...
481
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:33,640
[door closers]
482
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:38,840
Hey, Sophie.
483
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:41,520
Quickly hello from the toilet.
484
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,480
Trying to be back in the hospital...
485
00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:51,200
After going away for almost two months.
486
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:53,800
Um...
487
00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:59,320
Trying to get around psychology
being a patient...
488
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,120
and subtracted...
489
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:08,840
to be equal with others
who is there with me
490
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:12,600
I feel very lucky.
491
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:19,240
Um, I will send a picture of dinner,
which is 5:30 a night
492
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:23,160
I will sleep less than an hour.
493
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:25,760
Hopefully your evening is fun.
494
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,120
[loud and unclear conversation]
495
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:40,320
[swallow]
496
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:42,280
[whispers] 1:00 a.m.
497
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:44,080
[banging]
498
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:49,640
[Lotje whispers]
Nighttime sounds in the hospital...
499
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:54,520
- eliminate me when I wake up in the morning.
- [loud and unclear conversation]
500
00:34:56,520 --> 00:35:00,440
And it feels like no one can hear me
and I'm invisible.
501
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:03,280
How terrible it is.
502
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:11,120
Not sure that this is a good idea,
but...
503
00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:17,160
but silence on the head
is not here
504
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:30,680
Time to wake up.
505
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:45,480
[Rebecca] That can happen to you,
it can happen to me.
506
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:49,840
It seems quite careless
507
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:53,960
and it's real enough to be seen,
I think.
508
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:58,720
Navigate to your forearm,
then your shoulders
509
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,640
-Forearm, then my shoulder?
-Mmm-hmm.
510
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:09,280
Mmm...
511
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:11,600
shoulder...
512
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:18,520
close.
513
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:21,720
-Shoulders.
-Mmm-hmm.
514
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:23,880
[Rebecca] It's very confrontational,
515
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:29,640
because unless you challenge
what someone can't do...
516
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:32,840
You will not fix it.
517
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:37,440
[Whispering] This is where I study
about the outer reach...
518
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:43,400
of human vulnerability...
519
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:48,440
and strength...
520
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:54,520
and what someone,
what is made of humans
521
00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:59,120
What is made from inside.
522
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:07,400
[Rebecca] Lotje has aphasia,
which is a language disorder.
523
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,920
He has this order of difficulty,
524
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:14,600
sort information,
know what is most important.
525
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:15,760
Where are you?
526
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,720
I, um...
527
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,040
in intensive care
528
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:28,000
- And it seems... night-time.
-Mmm-hmm.
529
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:32,520
And...
530
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:38,280
My sister is there and my mother.
531
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:44,120
I don't understand
why I can't talk to them
532
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:49,240
And I think it's just the beginning -
it's the beginning
533
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:51,000
[keyboard clacking]
534
00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:00,960
[sobbing] I haven't slept well.
535
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:08,400
They, uh... [chuckles]
536
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:09,880
This will take a long time.
537
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:11,720
No, it's okay.
538
00:38:12,720 --> 00:38:14,320
It takes as long as needed.
539
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:19,920
[trembling breath]
540
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:21,680
[sound echoes]
541
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,840
[Lotje] It becomes very difficult to be...
542
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:28,960
others correctly -
543
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:31,680
Property [clears throat]
544
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:36,560
People take over my plan, my life.
545
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:40,440
-Doctors tell me...
- [unclear echo chat]
546
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:42,760
... things I don't understand
547
00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:48,000
But still
at that stage in life where...
548
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:55,000
Obviously, I must be able to take it
control myself, and responsibility.
549
00:38:56,720 --> 00:39:00,480
But people hijack... all my life.
550
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:02,880
Hijacked, I guess.
551
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,720
[stopwatch ticking]
552
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:22,640
Touch-typing using a shortcut
back to me like magic,
553
00:39:22,720 --> 00:39:25,200
so I know I can rely on it.
554
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:29,440
You do it automatically.
It's automatic... now, you know?
555
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:33,960
For a long time, it's like one...
one by one.
556
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:38,280
"I look back...
557
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:44,120
in my words...
558
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:51,040
they will disappear."
559
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:53,880
Maybe,
"Especially because I can still write."
560
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:54,880
Yes.
561
00:39:54,960 --> 00:40:00,480
That's why that's enough...
The least intuitive part of all this.
562
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,840
We think to read and write
almost the same.
563
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:05,840
You write something, then you read it.
564
00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:09,000
But for the brain, it doesn't work
like that at all, you know?
565
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:12,680
This is a very different process
that is not at all clear.
566
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:15,160
Is it because that's what is different
part of the brain?
567
00:40:15,240 --> 00:40:18,760
[clears throat] That's because the pathway is a little different.
568
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:21,760
To write something,
You don't need to see it.
569
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:24,600
But to read it,
This is the visual part of the brain
570
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:26,280
who is currently experiencing problems
571
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,320
So your brain can see the words,
572
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:30,440
but
connection between seeing parts of the brain
573
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:33,040
and the language part of the brain
has been disturbed
574
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:37,120
But the path that goes to
from the language part of the brain
575
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:40,080
to the motor part of the brain
to write it's fine
576
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:43,680
So you can write it and then
When you read it, there is a blockage.
577
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:45,120
Yes.
578
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:46,840
Good.
579
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:50,080
[Lotje] Update to yourself, note yourself,
580
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:54,240
This is not a step back,
This is a very big step forward.
581
00:40:57,360 --> 00:40:59,080
This is progress.
582
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:05,160
Massive progress.
The only one is an illusion.
583
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:08,800
A comfortable illusion.
584
00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:12,360
This is an uncomfortable reality.
[echoing]
585
00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:22,280
Crazy...
586
00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:24,920
Crazy...
587
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:30,400
Everything will be messed up here at the hospital.
588
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:33,760
Recovery psychology.
589
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:37,080
Escape?
590
00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:41,560
And run away?
[chuckles]
591
00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:43,720
Kidding.
592
00:41:44,720 --> 00:41:47,840
One beautiful woman said that I was allowed.
593
00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:49,920
As long as I am not lost.
594
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:52,360
My weekly schedule.
595
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:56,120
Occupational therapists,
language therapists,
596
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:58,760
a psychologist and psychiatrist.
597
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:01,640
And I'm not sure which one is.
[chuckles]
598
00:42:01,720 --> 00:42:03,760
[Lucy] You know, this video communication
599
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,840
really amazing for people
who left.
600
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:08,360
I'm here...
601
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:12,240
in...
602
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:15,680
brain space
603
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:17,440
[Lucy] Exactly what Lotje
did before,
604
00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:20,240
he communicates with everyone via video.
605
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:23,520
And he just makes me laugh.
[laughs]
606
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:27,400
This is where I appear
I am a relaxed activity
607
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:32,520
And here I like playing snooker
or writing some music.
608
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:37,760
You have to come here sometime.
This is really baggage.
609
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:42,960
Really want to know what... say.
610
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,520
- [Lotje] Hey, Adam.
-Halo.
611
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:54,720
How are you?
612
00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:56,280
Great.
613
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:57,680
What do you make?
614
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:01,200
[Adam] I don't make,
I'm creating.
615
00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:02,520
What did you create?
616
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:05,560
Robot for my child
617
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:09,160
You are my only friend here, Adam.
618
00:43:09,240 --> 00:43:10,800
I'm your only friend
619
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,480
Here at the RNRU, yes.
620
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:16,640
Well, you have a good friend,
That's all I can say.
621
00:43:18,120 --> 00:43:19,840
[Lotje] You are not wrong there, Adam.
622
00:43:21,720 --> 00:43:23,560
[Adam] A very good friend.
623
00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:27,880
Do you want to go home,
go to the real world
624
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:32,520
I - I can't wait for that, yes,
625
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:36,000
but I will handle it when I get there,
626
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:40,280
because I've been here
for a long time.
627
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:42,320
Do you think it will be alright?
628
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:45,760
Yes.
Life is what you make.
629
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:48,800
[echoing] Life is what you make.
630
00:43:55,280 --> 00:43:58,800
- [Lotje] Martin.
Miraculous Martin.
-Mmm.
631
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:01,200
-I will read.
-Good.
632
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:04,480
Look, um...
See if I can do it without messing it up.
633
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:06,680
-Good.
We are a team.
-Yes?
634
00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:11,360
In this case, the writing
from Mr. Lynch is amazing,
635
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:14,640
that I really want to make my head around.
636
00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:19,600
"In every..." No.
637
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:22,200
[chuckles] "in..."
638
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:27,360
[Lotje] "In yourself
is a treasury, an ocean of pure happiness,
639
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:31,040
awareness, intelligence, creativity,
640
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:35,080
love, happiness, energy, and peace,
641
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:37,200
in every human being. "
642
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:41,760
"... pure happiness. "
643
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:42,840
[Martin] Yes.
644
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:47,680
[Lotje] " Feel that
and you will begin to know yourself alone,
645
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:51,880
the infinite, eternal totality. "
646
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:56,960
"... overall. "
647
00:44:57,040 --> 00:44:59,440
[Martin] Very good.
It's done well.
648
00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:01,720
-Yes.
- [sighs]
649
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:02,840
[high five]
650
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:04,160
[Lotje] I think that's amazing.
651
00:45:04,240 --> 00:45:08,720
It means we have everything in us,
don't need to look too far
652
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:09,880
Yes.
653
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:13,840
-Just, eh, look inside...
-Mmm-hmm.
654
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,200
... and hopefully
we will find what we are looking for.
655
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:19,880
-That's it, yeah.
Mmm.
-I think that's good.
656
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:22,880
[Lotje] It feels like the door has been opened.
657
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:25,080
New door.
658
00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:28,800
It's in the middle, but it's open.
659
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:31,720
He wants to let me in
660
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:38,720
Pay attention to tell Sophie, or someone.
661
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:48,480
[Jan] This is your towel.
662
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:51,520
Is that it?
663
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:53,920
This is your towel too.
664
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:55,720
I should carry a bag.
665
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:57,600
It's okay, we can--
I can take it.
666
00:45:57,680 --> 00:45:59,320
What do you think now?
667
00:46:01,240 --> 00:46:04,080
Can I show you how?
this organizational skill
668
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:05,760
has increased massively?
669
00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:07,920
I think you are very disturbed at this time.
670
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:10,840
You don't think about
the task at hand
671
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:13,400
-What, me?
-Yes.
672
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:15,200
Look, if you experience brain hemorrhage,
673
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:18,360
You will focus on things
that you have to focus on,
674
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:20,440
and ignore other things.
675
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:23,240
-Pretent practical, actually.
- [Jan chuckles]
676
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:26,400
I will remember that
I will definitely have it right away.
677
00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:27,920
[Lotje] Mmm-hmm.
678
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:32,800
It's very, very, very, very, very,
very, very difficult to be here.
679
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:39,680
I'm different from me,
maybe I won't be the same.
680
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:42,200
That's it, really,
just occurred to me.
681
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:46,920
But I still hope it's not true.
682
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:50,840
Where I will end,
or how I will end,
683
00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:56,160
when dealing with romance,
my life, working, you know,
684
00:46:56,240 --> 00:46:59,120
it's stuff
You start panicking.
685
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:07,840
[boys speak unclear]
686
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:13,440
[Jan] is that for Aunt Lotje?
687
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:14,600
Yes.
688
00:47:15,240 --> 00:47:17,000
[Lotje] Thank you.
689
00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:18,200
Is that a leaf?
690
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:20,040
Yes.
691
00:47:21,720 --> 00:47:24,160
[Lotje] This is a book
for people who can't read
692
00:47:26,720 --> 00:47:28,360
There are all the pictures in it, you see?
693
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:31,560
- [child] I can't read
- [Lotje] I don't.
694
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:33,400
[child] I can't read
695
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:35,760
I can't read
696
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,120
I can't read and I can read it.
697
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:43,240
Dear Sir Lynch,
698
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:46,920
I am writing to you
from Victoria Park in London.
699
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:52,200
I am worried that I am exhausted
my intelligence limit
700
00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:55,600
and that won't develop
much further from here
701
00:47:55,680 --> 00:48:01,040
That will make the problem
on my future trajectory
702
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:05,520
Surely if I can't write
or read...
703
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:06,720
I already have it
704
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:10,120
Only time will tell.
705
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:14,840
Very curious.
706
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:24,240
What do we have here?
Title,
707
00:48:24,320 --> 00:48:29,360
very long and very
interesting article
708
00:48:29,440 --> 00:48:32,600
about reprogramming our brains...
709
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:35,680
using crans...
710
00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:40,280
No, transcranial stimulation,
711
00:48:40,360 --> 00:48:42,240
which sounds very scary,
712
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:46,160
but that's what I just entered.
713
00:48:46,240 --> 00:48:51,920
And when I do this tale therapy, I can read.
714
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:53,240
Maybe.
715
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:08,120
[speaking unclear]
716
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:09,280
Like that?
717
00:49:10,240 --> 00:49:12,240
Yes, please, that's good.
718
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:22,480
[Dr.
Alex] This is basically a battery.
719
00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:24,680
When first active,
you can feel a little tingling,
720
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:28,840
so you get two pads above the head,
and the current between two pads.
721
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:30,840
Many actual currents
do not go through the brain
722
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:32,120
Many enter through the skin.
723
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:36,160
But small amounts enter through the brain
and we think it's a little therapeutic.
724
00:49:36,240 --> 00:49:39,160
So, for some, it works, and for some, it doesn't work well But at the group level, it works.
725
00:49:39,240 --> 00:49:40,560
So we know it works,
we try to improve it
726
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:43,000
Good.
727
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:44,200
Yes, I definitely want to do that.
728
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:46,880
-Okay, good.
-Yes.
729
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:48,800
[Lotje] I am very happy to see
the results,
730
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:54,400
but I am also very aware of the facts
731
00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:56,520
732
00:49:56,600 --> 00:50:01,320
that this is an experiment
, uh, maybe or maybe it doesn't work.
733
00:50:01,400 --> 00:50:07,000
I really want to be built on a large scale
improve cognitive abilities, of course,
734
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:09,320
especially about my reading.
735
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:11,400
Um...
736
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:13,520
But...
737
00:50:15,160 --> 00:50:20,240
Um, you know, if it doesn't work, then I have given my body to science.
738
00:50:21,920 --> 00:50:23,880
[Therapist] Prepare all this and prepare it.
739
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:30,280
-How does it feel?
-OK.
740
00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:32,440
-Tingling away?
-Tingling away.
741
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:34,560
OK, well,
let's start training
742
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:36,200
-You are ready?
-Yes.
743
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:37,360
Okay, go away.
744
00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:41,360
- [recorded female voice] Rain
-Rain.
745
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:43,440
- Yes.
-Yes.
746
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:45,320
-Space.
-Space.
747
00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:47,160
-Assist.
-Help.
748
00:50:47,240 --> 00:50:51,320
I have to spend a month
doing very intensive therapy.
749
00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:53,320
- [recorded female voice] Purple.
-old.
750
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:55,400
-Past.
-Then.
751
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:59,840
The effect is to restore my brain,
752
00:50:59,920 --> 00:51:01,920
in order to find
753
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:06,040
a new route where
is used to go automatically.
754
00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:07,920
-Panik.
-Panic.
755
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:09,840
-Down.
-Down.
756
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:11,560
-Past.
-Then.
757
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:12,800
Yes.
758
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:14,080
[computer dings]
759
00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:17,720
I must be exposed to the words
760
00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:21,600
through sound and vision simultaneously,
761
00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:25,720
so, when I hear the words
and I see them,
762
00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:32,440
I begin to reconnect the sounds
of those words with those words.
763
00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:35,520
-Roar.
-Mengaum.
764
00:51:35,600 --> 00:51:37,320
-Rescue.
-Save.
765
00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:38,880
-Boy.
-Boy.
766
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:41,520
-Wish.
-Want.
767
00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:42,800
-Pie.
- [computer dings]
768
00:51:43,920 --> 00:51:48,520
[Lotje] This type of crazy sensation.
It feels like a stinging nettle.
769
00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:51,240
Hard work,
770
00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:55,640
and they have given me this really
a smart laptop to take home,
771
00:51:55,720 --> 00:51:59,440
to continue when I go home,
for one hour every day
772
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:06,360
-Birds.
-Birds.
773
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:08,400
-Tough.
-Difficult.
774
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:10,280
-Soon.
-Immediately.
775
00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:12,240
-Quick.
-When...
776
00:52:12,320 --> 00:52:14,640
-Tad.
-Tad.
777
00:52:14,720 --> 00:52:16,640
-Skill.
-Skills.
778
00:52:16,720 --> 00:52:19,160
-Hope.
-Hope.
779
00:52:19,240 --> 00:52:21,040
-Dance.
-Mary.
780
00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:26,480
[Lotje] I started really
reading the word along its length.
781
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:30,680
- [repetition of words continues]
-Read each letter in the word
782
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:33,800
and understand the series,
783
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:38,240
sequence of letters in the whole combination
784
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:40,280
-Loan.
-Loans.
785
00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:42,680
-Owl.
-Birds ghost.
786
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:45,040
-Need.
-Need.
787
00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:47,520
[Lotje] Cognition is
will definitely improve.
788
00:52:47,600 --> 00:52:48,880
-Abuse.
-Abuse.
789
00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:51,320
But what do I know?
[sighs]
790
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:55,000
I'm just a plain guinea pig.
791
00:52:58,320 --> 00:53:04,400
So, um, do you have a bad effect
After, uh, yesterday's stimulation?
792
00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:07,520
No headaches,
Nothing else like that at night?
793
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:09,640
-No.
-Good.
794
00:53:09,720 --> 00:53:13,040
[Lotje] Words, words, words.
So many words.
795
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:14,760
[echo sound] Words, words, words.
796
00:53:14,840 --> 00:53:16,640
Only three days left.
797
00:53:16,720 --> 00:53:18,000
[both chuckles]
798
00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:21,200
Whoo-hoo!
799
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:23,240
-Stroke.
-Blow.
800
00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:25,240
-See.
-See.
801
00:53:25,320 --> 00:53:26,720
-Dog.
-dog.
802
00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:28,800
-Wood.
- [computer dings]
803
00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:32,240
-Lid.
- [computer dings]
804
00:53:32,320 --> 00:53:33,400
Open.
805
00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:34,720
Open.
806
00:53:36,720 --> 00:53:39,520
-Legal.
- [gasps]
807
00:53:39,600 --> 00:53:41,240
I thought I just saw lightning.
808
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:44,000
Maybe it's already...
809
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:45,520
Are you okay?
How do you feel?
810
00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:47,440
-Legal.
-No.
811
00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:49,400
[dinging computer]
812
00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:50,680
Occurs.
813
00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:52,040
[Lotje sniffs sharply]
814
00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:54,080
-Given.
- [Therapist] First mistake.
815
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:55,200
Given.
816
00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:56,480
-Girl.
-Girl.
[gasps]
817
00:53:56,560 --> 00:53:58,320
Oh!
[click tongue]
818
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:00,360
[recorded female voice] Mother.
819
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:02,280
That's very unpleasant.
820
00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:04,640
That didn't do that before.
This is new
821
00:54:04,720 --> 00:54:07,000
-Strike.
-Striking.
822
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:08,080
-Winner.
-Winners.
823
00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:09,800
Run through that block
and I will bring down Jenny.
824
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:10,960
-Love.
-Love.
825
00:54:11,040 --> 00:54:12,680
-Log.
-Log.
826
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:14,760
-Sock.
-Foot shirt.
827
00:54:14,840 --> 00:54:16,840
-Story.
-Story.
828
00:54:17,600 --> 00:54:18,800
Next?
829
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:20,040
Uh, just hold it there.
830
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:21,640
-You sure?
-Yes.
831
00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:03,160
[Jan] Maybe around 4:00.
832
00:55:03,760 --> 00:55:07,200
Lotje has called and there is a problem,
833
00:55:07,280 --> 00:55:09,840
and I have to go there
very fast.
834
00:55:11,960 --> 00:55:16,080
He squatted outside,
his speech was very disturbed,
835
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:18,240
and he doesn't really know
what is happening.
836
00:55:22,480 --> 00:55:25,920
Ambulances come,
I explain to them the history of Lotje.
837
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:29,960
They asked me a question,
they tried to ask Lotje a question,
838
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:32,920
some of which he can answer,
839
00:55:41,360 --> 00:55:45,000
Lotje half of the stretcher,
840
00:55:45,080 --> 00:55:49,520
His eyes turn away, you can only see
white eyes, purple face.
841
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:51,120
And he...
842
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:55,280
You know,
I don't know what's happening.
843
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:07,400
He starts jerking.
You know,
this is a very hard body movement.
844
00:56:13,320 --> 00:56:16,120
One of the nurses is trying,
sort of, keep her on a stretcher.
845
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:19,160
The movement is so great
846
00:56:19,240 --> 00:56:22,640
he asked me to help him
to guard Lotje where he was.
847
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:26,120
Overall,
It lasts for four hours.
848
00:56:31,200 --> 00:56:34,240
At that stage, obviously,
you started, um...
849
00:56:34,320 --> 00:56:37,920
I think you started blaming
or you started looking for reasons.
850
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:45,320
[leaves rustling]
851
00:56:56,160 --> 00:56:58,840
[Lotje]
My whole body, um, is in shock.
852
00:57:00,360 --> 00:57:06,160
My whole back,
my arms, my legs, my-my...
853
00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:10,600
I, um... [stammers]
854
00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:12,080
This.
855
00:57:13,360 --> 00:57:14,640
What do you call it?
856
00:57:14,720 --> 00:57:16,160
- [Sophie] hip?
-Yes.
857
00:57:17,280 --> 00:57:19,240
-Truth.
- [dinging computer]
858
00:57:20,480 --> 00:57:23,120
[Sophie] Talk to me through
what you can remember.
859
00:57:23,200 --> 00:57:28,720
[Lotje] On Monday, I returned
to Queen Square for the second time from behind.
860
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:33,320
After an electric shock, I go home
861
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:37,440
and start my hour
repetition words.
862
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:39,960
-Bird.
-Burung.
863
00:57:40,040 --> 00:57:45,680
I started seeing this flash of color
appeared in front of me.
864
00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:49,720
Many colors, flashes repeatedly,
grows bigger and bigger, like...
865
00:57:49,800 --> 00:57:52,160
[pulsating loud noises]
866
00:57:52,240 --> 00:57:57,520
A hallucinogen,
uncontrolled color growth
867
00:57:58,960 --> 00:58:01,280
I started panicking.
Um...
868
00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:05,520
When I think,
"Okay, I have to, uh...
869
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:10,240
I don't know what's going on,
but it feels a bit like a stroke."
870
00:58:11,360 --> 00:58:15,480
It's scary to lose yourself...
871
00:58:16,480 --> 00:58:18,000
lost in your body
872
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:23,680
I don't, of course,
expect epileptic fit.
[laughs]
873
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:28,840
"Epileptic seizures result from
abnormal, excessive,
874
00:58:28,920 --> 00:58:33,560
or hypersynchronous
Neuron activity in the brain. -developed country. "
875
00:58:33,640 --> 00:58:37,200
[Lotje] Okay.
876
00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:42,320
- [Hente] Only... only...
-I don't have epilepsy.
877
00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:43,560
Am I
878
00:58:44,560 --> 00:58:46,880
My vision is distorted...
879
00:58:48,440 --> 00:58:49,720
But this time, it's not interesting
like in November - November.
880
00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:56,560
Scary.
881
00:58:57,160 --> 00:59:03,560
Okay, now I see something
on my right side
882
00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:05,000
883
00:59:08,280 --> 00:59:13,240
884
00:59:13,320 --> 00:59:16,200
- Things that shouldn't be there.
- [unclear sound]
885
00:59:16,280 --> 00:59:17,720
I see this...
886
00:59:19,240 --> 00:59:22,000
ghost... object
887
00:59:22,840 --> 00:59:27,800
Color is getting brighter
and the pattern keeps repeating.
888
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:32,960
Orange
No.
No, purple.
889
00:59:33,040 --> 00:59:36,360
and green.
And they continue to grow.
890
00:59:37,040 --> 00:59:40,760
[Hente] "Diplopia, double vision,
amnesia, balance disorder,
891
00:59:40,840 --> 00:59:42,280
disruption in attention,
892
00:59:42,360 --> 00:59:44,840
loss of concentration ,
memory disturbances. "
893
00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:49,080
- [siren lament]
- [Lotje] The land looks foreign.
894
00:59:50,760 --> 00:59:52,840
I feel like a stranger here.
895
00:59:54,480 --> 00:59:59,240
Tomorrow, I'll talk to Elsmore
and see what he thinks.
896
00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:02,960
I hope it won't be like this
for the rest of my life.
897
01:00:04,720 --> 01:00:07,680
- I'm afraid of having...
- [baby lament]
898
01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:10,280
... another epi
899
01:00:10,360 --> 01:00:13,920
[Hente] "Agitation, depression,
emotional instability,
900
01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:17,360
mood swings,
hostility or aggression, insomnia ,
901
01:00:17,440 --> 01:00:21,560
nervous, irritable,
personal disorder, behavior problem. "
902
01:00:21,640 --> 01:00:24,280
Good medicine!
903
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:27,120
Perfect for your condition,
I will say.
904
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:29,160
isn't it?
[laughs]
905
01:00:31,960 --> 01:00:33,080
[groans]
906
01:00:43,960 --> 01:00:45,960
[Andrew] You told me
that you have had a seizure.
907
01:00:46,040 --> 01:00:47,600
So, tell me what happened there.
908
01:00:47,680 --> 01:00:53,760
Well, I've done this, um,
Hal electromagnetic therapy.
909
01:00:53,840 --> 01:00:58,360
Uh, I forgot what it was...
Look... [stuttering] I've retreated.
910
01:00:58,440 --> 01:01:01,040
-I have retreated since the robbery.
-Yes.
911
01:01:01,120 --> 01:01:05,080
Um, but... Um, but yes, this, um...
912
01:01:05,160 --> 01:01:07,360
Yes, sort of...
913
01:01:09,120 --> 01:01:12,200
-Um, transmagnetic...
-Yes, I know what you mean
914
01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:14,880
I don't have much experience
from the technique.
915
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:16,480
That doesn't surprise me at all
916
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:20,240
if it is a potential side effect
for treatment,
917
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:22,280
but I don't know for sure.
918
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:25,240
Brain injury makes you risk having a seizure,
919
01:01:25,320 --> 01:01:30,480
so you risk experiencing
seizures with or without treatment,
920
01:01:30,560 --> 01:01:34,440
So, it's hard to say, for me,
is it directly related
921
01:01:34,520 --> 01:01:36,960
Has anyone started it?
for any treatment for that?
922
01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:39,160
-Yeah, I have to take it every day.
-Yes.
923
01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:41,400
[Lotje] And this is for people who have epilepsy according to
924
01:01:41,480 --> 01:01:42,560
[Andrew] Yes.
925
01:01:42,640 --> 01:01:45,040
So, I don't know if that...
You know, if that includes me,
926
01:01:45,120 --> 01:01:48,840
because it might have been one time.
927
01:01:48,920 --> 01:01:50,680
I hope that is one time.
928
01:01:50,760 --> 01:01:52,320
It's a bit difficult to tell,
929
01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:55,560
but maybe things that make sense to you
Currently being treated.
930
01:01:55,640 --> 01:01:56,640
Yes.
931
01:01:56,720 --> 01:01:59,880
And that... the most likely situation
where this won't happen again,
932
01:01:59,960 --> 01:02:02,280
which I'm sure,
what you want right now
933
01:02:02,360 --> 01:02:06,480
[sounds grow away] The medicine
Can make people a little sleepy
934
01:02:14,040 --> 01:02:16,840
[Lotje] I remember Jan,
my brother, say...
935
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:20,480
Uh, "Don't worry, you will be better in the past few weeks."
936
01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:24,640
You know, hopefully making that -
make that assumption
937
01:02:24,720 --> 01:02:28,840
And some people recover
from, um, strokes are very fast.
938
01:02:30,320 --> 01:02:34,120
But, in my case, language-wise,
Of course not.
939
01:02:34,800 --> 01:02:37,080
So, now I'm thinking...
940
01:02:37,160 --> 01:02:41,840
may not exist...
I will recover quickly.
941
01:02:43,080 --> 01:02:47,600
Everything can happen
anytime to some degree
942
01:02:49,560 --> 01:02:51,280
Um, so...
943
01:02:52,440 --> 01:02:56,320
I better not have faith in anything.
944
01:03:00,520 --> 01:03:02,160
[Lotje] Mmm...
945
01:03:02,240 --> 01:03:04,600
- [Jan] Here it is, "Caused by seizures."
- [Lotje] here, huh
946
01:03:04,680 --> 01:03:07,200
-Do you ask him about the provoked plunder?
-Yes.
947
01:03:07,280 --> 01:03:10,440
-And what did he say about that?
-He doesn't really know.
948
01:03:10,520 --> 01:03:13,040
You know, Andy Elsmore is a surgeon.
949
01:03:13,120 --> 01:03:15,280
- Brain surgeon
-Good.
950
01:03:15,360 --> 01:03:17,920
-That's the expertise.
-Yes.
951
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:21,840
So other things
need to be referred to others.
952
01:03:21,920 --> 01:03:23,360
In all justice...
953
01:03:23,440 --> 01:03:27,040
Sounds like you have
there is no answer from him at all
954
01:03:28,320 --> 01:03:29,440
Good...
955
01:03:30,200 --> 01:03:32,760
Well, what kind of answer do you want?
956
01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:36,440
Some answers.
Like, "I don't know" is an answer.
957
01:03:36,520 --> 01:03:37,760
What is it like?
958
01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:42,360
Like, "Okay, what is this?
I have a glow of light?"
959
01:03:42,440 --> 01:03:46,200
"Suitable."
"And must...
Should I be told that they are there?"
960
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:48,800
He can't answer that question.
961
01:03:48,880 --> 01:03:51,040
-Why not?
-Because he wasn't there.
962
01:03:51,120 --> 01:03:54,560
He doesn't know anything about it
other than what I told him
963
01:03:54,640 --> 01:03:56,360
And what did he say?
964
01:03:56,440 --> 01:03:57,960
He said, "I don't know."
965
01:03:59,160 --> 01:04:03,440
[Jan] I am not aware of actually, myself,
that there is a very high risk,
966
01:04:03,520 --> 01:04:05,120
one-in-five risk is quite a lot,
967
01:04:05,200 --> 01:04:07,760
from this happens
if you experience bleeding,
968
01:04:07,840 --> 01:04:09,200
in the first year after that.
969
01:04:09,280 --> 01:04:11,840
So... [sobbing]... you know...
970
01:04:11,920 --> 01:04:14,520
I should also be
already more prepared for the facts
971
01:04:14,600 --> 01:04:16,240
That kind of thing can happen.
972
01:04:16,320 --> 01:04:18,840
For some reason, we don't,
I mean, as a family.
973
01:04:18,920 --> 01:04:20,760
And Lotje didn't.
974
01:04:22,520 --> 01:04:25,560
[Lotje] I mean, there is no way to find out.
It's like...
975
01:04:25,640 --> 01:04:26,760
This is a pity.
976
01:04:26,840 --> 01:04:30,480
Now, the problem is, there is a high probability that
has become a deliberate struggle, that's the problem,
977
01:04:30,560 --> 01:04:33,480
But that's just a question
from what provokes it
978
01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:35,600
[Lotje] Yes.
979
01:04:43,280 --> 01:04:44,440
[Lotje] ... very slow.
980
01:04:44,520 --> 01:04:45,720
I do much better,
981
01:04:45,800 --> 01:04:48,720
but now I've retreated again
since this, uh...
982
01:04:48,800 --> 01:04:50,680
Show if you can read this.
983
01:04:52,080 --> 01:04:53,160
[laughs]
984
01:04:54,360 --> 01:04:55,840
-This?
-Yes.
985
01:04:55,920 --> 01:04:57,680
[Dr.
Afraim] take your time
Only...
986
01:04:57,760 --> 01:05:00,280
[Lotje's voice resonates] "John...
987
01:05:01,600 --> 01:05:03,160
Gifford...
988
01:05:04,360 --> 01:05:08,120
is... the... is..."
989
01:05:08,200 --> 01:05:10,920
[Dr.
Afraim] remind me again how long
everything is going on.
990
01:05:11,000 --> 01:05:12,520
When did your words come back?
991
01:05:12,600 --> 01:05:15,880
[Jan] Now, the problem is so
which is actually suitable to happen in a hospital.
992
01:05:15,960 --> 01:05:17,800
-I see.
-So it's been a lot, for hours.
993
01:05:17,880 --> 01:05:20,920
This might be about--
Um, after fitting, Lotje fell asleep.
994
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:24,360
So when he speaks again,
It was nine o'clock at night.
995
01:05:24,440 --> 01:05:25,480
[Dr.
Afraim] okay
996
01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:30,200
Whether seizures are triggered
or worsened by treatment
997
01:05:30,280 --> 01:05:31,600
It's hard to answer.
998
01:05:31,680 --> 01:05:33,240
- [Jan] I have a question...
- [Dr.
Afraim] really?
999
01:05:33,320 --> 01:05:36,240
... which, um, blinks,
are they seizures or not?
1000
01:05:36,320 --> 01:05:39,600
- Eh, they are not seizures, per se.
- [Jan] Mmm.
1001
01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:42,560
I think maybe the brain
is a kind of prime.
1002
01:05:42,640 --> 01:05:45,360
Uh, you have, uh,
An abnormal brain is there too.
1003
01:05:45,440 --> 01:05:48,600
So maybe they conspired
to cause what,
1004
01:05:48,680 --> 01:05:51,200
what sounds like a very long spasm
1005
01:05:52,200 --> 01:05:54,160
In a very small proportion of patients,
1006
01:05:54,240 --> 01:05:57,160
General seizures can bring death, actually.
1007
01:05:57,240 --> 01:05:58,960
And of course the patient can die,
1008
01:05:59,040 --> 01:06:00,640
for example,
in their sleep from seizures.
1009
01:06:00,720 --> 01:06:03,800
So, general seizures
certainly need to be treated.
1010
01:06:16,240 --> 01:06:22,040
This is my last visit
to Queen Square.
1011
01:06:22,120 --> 01:06:24,840
Intrigued to see... [sniffles]
1012
01:06:26,720 --> 01:06:30,880
... how much worse... than me...
1013
01:06:30,960 --> 01:06:32,360
than me...
1014
01:06:33,320 --> 01:06:35,400
before...
1015
01:06:38,600 --> 01:06:40,120
matches set in...
1016
01:06:41,360 --> 01:06:44,440
and of course disturbed and destroyed...
1017
01:06:45,480 --> 01:06:49,320
my brain and mind
1018
01:06:53,800 --> 01:06:55,000
[exhale]
1019
01:07:07,920 --> 01:07:09,880
[Dr.
Alex] So, this graph...
1020
01:07:09,960 --> 01:07:13,680
it turns out that you have
tDCS in the first week.
1021
01:07:13,760 --> 01:07:17,960
Because, remember, we are blinded to that,
so we must, um, unblind ourselves.
1022
01:07:20,960 --> 01:07:22,760
So you can see that your reading speed,
1023
01:07:22,840 --> 01:07:24,880
actually for both trained
and untrained words,
1024
01:07:24,960 --> 01:07:27,360
um, both increased dramatically.
1025
01:07:27,440 --> 01:07:29,240
-Oh wow.
-Certainly there is a dramatic.
1026
01:07:29,320 --> 01:07:32,960
So you have gone from average
about around 2.2 seconds per word
1027
01:07:33,040 --> 01:07:36,160
to an average of about 1.5 seconds.
1028
01:07:36,240 --> 01:07:39,120
That's about 40% repair
in reading speed, something like that.
1029
01:07:39,200 --> 01:07:40,320
-Wow.
-Yes.
1030
01:07:40,400 --> 01:07:42,760
-So it's quite impressive
-It was great.
1031
01:07:42,840 --> 01:07:44,280
-So that's good news
-Thank you.
1032
01:07:44,360 --> 01:07:48,120
Well, that's all your hard work, really.
And we will predict this.
1033
01:07:48,200 --> 01:07:50,920
So, in general,
There are great training effects.
1034
01:07:51,000 --> 01:07:54,560
But there are instructions here
that there is an effect of tDCS.
1035
01:07:54,640 --> 01:07:57,200
Scientifically, it's very unfortunate
because you have a seizure,
1036
01:07:57,280 --> 01:07:59,080
that last point
will help us
1037
01:07:59,160 --> 01:08:02,160
So, if you have never been fit
and you have come down here again,
1038
01:08:02,240 --> 01:08:03,360
in other words,
you will improve again,
1039
01:08:03,440 --> 01:08:07,240
That will be good evidence
there is no real effect of tDCS,
1040
01:08:07,320 --> 01:08:10,480
but because we lost that last time point,
we can't answer that question
1041
01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:11,760
I apologize for that.
[laughs]
1042
01:08:11,840 --> 01:08:14,520
That's not your fault.
It's not your fault at all.
1043
01:08:17,880 --> 01:08:20,720
[Dr.
Alex] The data we got from you,
we were very encouraged by.
1044
01:08:20,800 --> 01:08:23,760
And we use this to join
1045
01:08:23,840 --> 01:08:26,520
grant application for,
obviously do it more.
1046
01:08:26,600 --> 01:08:29,720
So all of this, you know,
promises, but it's not convincing,
1047
01:08:29,800 --> 01:08:33,120
will enter the application
to try and do it at a greater level.
1048
01:08:33,200 --> 01:08:36,440
[Lotje] Do I understand
correctly, um...
1049
01:08:36,520 --> 01:08:40,920
You will not test again
surprise people suffering from brain hemorrhage?
1050
01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:42,160
[Dr.
Alex] Yes, I think we will...
1051
01:08:42,240 --> 01:08:45,440
We might enter it
as one of the exclusion criteria.
1052
01:08:45,520 --> 01:08:48,160
Obviously, we want to be safe,
but on the other hand,
1053
01:08:48,240 --> 01:08:50,440
if you exclude the burden of people
In this study,
1054
01:08:50,520 --> 01:08:53,320
then when you finally publish it, um...
1055
01:08:53,400 --> 01:08:55,720
there will be no evidence of
for certain proportions.
1056
01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:58,400
So I'm always a little wary
about not including people,
1057
01:08:58,480 --> 01:09:01,200
because once you start
it doesn't belong to certain types of people,
1058
01:09:01,280 --> 01:09:04,880
that means whatever you find
cannot be generalized to people.
1059
01:09:05,960 --> 01:09:08,480
Good.
I don't want to be,
you know...
1060
01:09:08,560 --> 01:09:11,160
I don't want to contribute
to missing people
1061
01:09:11,240 --> 01:09:13,760
on treatments that have the potential to help.
1062
01:09:13,840 --> 01:09:15,880
But, um...
But, yes, at the same time...
1063
01:09:15,960 --> 01:09:18,120
-Uh, well, this isn't...
-... has an unpleasant match
1064
01:09:20,400 --> 01:09:23,320
There is a group of us, and finally, the
goes to the ethics committee
1065
01:09:23,400 --> 01:09:25,480
So they decide what is safe
and what is not.
1066
01:09:26,520 --> 01:09:31,200
I mean, if there is a security problem, then,
It must be a good thing to exclude it.
1067
01:09:31,280 --> 01:09:34,920
[click tongue] I think it's something
that we all discuss
1068
01:09:35,000 --> 01:09:36,960
-Yes.
-Good.
1069
01:09:48,240 --> 01:09:50,640
[Jan] Okay, so it doesn't work.
Is that what you heard?
1070
01:09:50,720 --> 01:09:52,600
[Lotje] No, this works, there are 60 -
1071
01:09:52,680 --> 01:09:56,320
There is an increase of 40%
in the first week.
1072
01:09:56,400 --> 01:09:59,880
[Jan] Okay, I can't read this.
Can you explain it to me?
1073
01:10:02,560 --> 01:10:05,480
[Lotje] Did you see... Did you see...
1074
01:10:05,560 --> 01:10:08,040
I mean, honestly,
I don't have a damn idea.
1075
01:10:08,120 --> 01:10:09,600
[Jan] So basically, if the line is red -
1076
01:10:09,680 --> 01:10:12,440
[Lotje] There is a 40% increase in the first week,
1077
01:10:12,520 --> 01:10:15,040
and then the line comes out.
1078
01:10:20,800 --> 01:10:26,080
[Lotje] It scares me that death
can appear from nowhere,
1079
01:10:26,160 --> 01:10:30,680
and, um, threatening to take me away.
1080
01:10:30,760 --> 01:10:33,960
I mean, it can happen
to anyone at any time.
1081
01:10:40,440 --> 01:10:42,720
[good music playback]
1082
01:11:15,320 --> 01:11:19,320
[Lotje] My first holiday
because my brain is damaged
1083
01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:23,800
with Miss Lucy McRae who is magical.
1084
01:11:29,120 --> 01:11:31,880
This is undoubtedly the cure.
1085
01:11:32,800 --> 01:11:36,600
The brain needs to be silent
to carry out its functions.
1086
01:11:36,680 --> 01:11:37,680
Calm down.
1087
01:11:41,680 --> 01:11:45,200
I feel closer to my awareness,
1088
01:11:45,280 --> 01:11:50,720
a much more raw closeness with yourself
1089
01:11:50,800 --> 01:11:54,120
that's my essence.
1090
01:11:54,200 --> 01:11:58,960
If the physical body,
brain, is damaged,
1091
01:11:59,040 --> 01:12:03,040
does this extend damage to yourself?
1092
01:12:04,120 --> 01:12:08,960
I have to feel comfortable with...
smoothly,
1093
01:12:09,040 --> 01:12:13,640
or some people might say the difference "unsubtle"
1094
01:12:13,720 --> 01:12:18,280
between who I was before
and who I am now.
1095
01:12:19,800 --> 01:12:25,240
In meditation, I have found
fragility of mind
1096
01:12:25,320 --> 01:12:28,880
and also unlimited resources.
1097
01:12:28,960 --> 01:12:33,920
And in that discovery,
I have been empowered.
1098
01:12:38,520 --> 01:12:41,480
silence, solitude.
1099
01:12:43,560 --> 01:12:44,600
Salute.
1100
01:12:44,680 --> 01:12:46,200
[approaching footsteps]
1101
01:12:49,040 --> 01:12:50,280
[man speaks unclear]
1102
01:12:50,360 --> 01:12:52,120
[both chuckles]
1103
01:12:53,600 --> 01:12:55,800
[men speak unclear in French]
1104
01:12:56,000 --> 01:12:57,320
No, a film.
1105
01:13:02,640 --> 01:13:04,920
[chuckles, speaks French]
Ah, here I am
1106
01:13:08,040 --> 01:13:10,480
- [Lotje speaks French] Is that your garden?
-Yes.
1107
01:13:10,560 --> 01:13:11,680
Ah.
1108
01:13:11,760 --> 01:13:15,480
Here is very peaceful, there is no noise.
1109
01:13:15,560 --> 01:13:16,800
[man chuckles]
1110
01:13:18,200 --> 01:13:23,800
I am here every day and there is no sound.
Apart from when I was in my tractor.
1111
01:13:23,880 --> 01:13:24,680
[Lotje] huh?
1112
01:13:24,760 --> 01:13:28,720
Yes, I mean, the tractor makes noise.
Or when I use trimmers...
1113
01:13:28,800 --> 01:13:30,720
To cut grass.
1114
01:13:31,680 --> 01:13:34,840
But if there is no noise.
1115
01:13:34,920 --> 01:13:36,520
[Lotje] No.
1116
01:13:42,720 --> 01:13:44,640
[Lotje speaks English]
Only breathe.
1117
01:13:45,920 --> 01:13:49,840
Don't panic
Let go of fear.
1118
01:14:03,400 --> 01:14:05,480
[Lotje breathes in]
1119
01:14:05,560 --> 01:14:08,520
Good.
I hope to share with you
1120
01:14:19,720 --> 01:14:21,600
that I've tried to get my own head around.
1121
01:14:21,680 --> 01:14:24,840
So I hope to be able to share
some of those insights with you,
1122
01:14:24,920 --> 01:14:27,240
but I'm not sure if I can
[laughs]
1123
01:14:28,160 --> 01:14:32,800
Um, I think one of the challenges,
maybe, for therapists is to...
1124
01:14:32,880 --> 01:14:34,560
to only deal with the fact that you...
1125
01:14:39,320 --> 01:14:42,520
and someone who is being defined
with their limitations,
1126
01:14:48,280 --> 01:14:52,480
And I think only experience,
sort of, continues to be defined by
1127
01:14:52,560 --> 01:14:56,000
what you can't do anymore,
or how you are somewhat limited,
1128
01:14:56,080 --> 01:14:59,320
being, I think, destroying.
1129
01:14:59,400 --> 01:15:04,320
Is there anything you can do?
tell us, as a therapist, um...
1130
01:15:04,400 --> 01:15:07,480
to help you get past that?
1131
01:15:11,840 --> 01:15:17,040
To maybe focus on those things
a patient might find along the way.
1132
01:15:22,720 --> 01:15:25,720
they might find something
that they don't expect at all,
1133
01:15:25,800 --> 01:15:28,880
which is of course
what happened in my case
1134
01:15:34,160 --> 01:15:36,680
Dear Mr. Lynch:
1135
01:15:36,760 --> 01:15:39,640
My name is Lotje Sodderland.
1136
01:15:40,720 --> 01:15:44,800
Almost exactly a year ago, I had brain hemorrhage.
1137
01:15:45,400 --> 01:15:47,560
It doesn't feel like a year,
1138
01:15:47,640 --> 01:15:52,320
because there has been a different time
.
1139
01:15:58,240 --> 01:16:01,000
And there is something that surprises me in those words
1140
01:16:01,080 --> 01:16:06,400
that really changed
my recovery experience
1141
01:16:06,480 --> 01:16:09,680
I have learned that I am strong,
1142
01:16:09,760 --> 01:16:15,040
but I have also accepted my vulnerability.
1143
01:16:15,120 --> 01:16:18,600
I have learned to focus only...
1144
01:16:21,200 --> 01:16:23,400
about what's important
1145
01:16:23,480 --> 01:16:27,040
It takes a very long time...
1146
01:16:28,120 --> 01:16:31,600
familiar with the new brain
1147
01:16:31,680 --> 01:16:35,640
[male voice recording] Please find
attach a lease agreement.
1148
01:16:35,720 --> 01:16:38,720
Please start each page requested.
1149
01:16:38,800 --> 01:16:42,360
[Lotje]
I don't need to go back to my old life.
1150
01:16:42,440 --> 01:16:46,400
This is a new existence, new dynamics,
1151
01:16:46,480 --> 01:16:51,120
where I am not defined by my limitations,
1152
01:16:51,200 --> 01:16:55,040
but an unlimited possibility.
1153
01:16:56,280 --> 01:16:58,280
Thank you, Mr. Lynch.
1154
01:16:58,360 --> 01:17:01,360
- [fireworks]
- [people cheering]
1155
01:17:03,560 --> 01:17:09,600
A really important
part of this story is this film.
1156
01:17:10,840 --> 01:17:15,600
The film is something that is
really born of necessity.
1157
01:17:15,680 --> 01:17:22,480
This creates a way for me to understand
something very complex,
1158
01:17:22,560 --> 01:17:25,080
and that creates a structure.
1159
01:17:25,160 --> 01:17:30,320
Yes, the narrative structure is
for me to understand my own story.
1160
01:17:30,400 --> 01:17:32,400
Happy face.
1161
01:17:32,480 --> 01:17:34,840
We don't really know the answer.
1162
01:17:34,920 --> 01:17:38,840
But what can I say
in seconds of this existence,
1163
01:17:38,920 --> 01:17:40,880
reality...
1164
01:17:40,960 --> 01:17:42,720
just...
1165
01:17:43,520 --> 01:17:48,160
what we believe and think is right.
1166
01:17:48,240 --> 01:17:51,400
That makes sense to me.
1167
01:17:53,680 --> 01:17:55,920
And very little not lately.
1168
01:17:58,440 --> 01:18:02,600
Everyone likes a story.
And this is really good.
1169
01:18:02,680 --> 01:18:07,880
With a very long beginning and middle,
and it will end.
1170
01:18:07,960 --> 01:18:11,320
The story will end.
Experience may not be.
1171
01:18:20,400 --> 01:18:22,040
[unclear conversation]
1172
01:18:31,760 --> 01:18:34,520
Hi, David.
My name is Lotje Sodderland
1173
01:18:35,400 --> 01:18:36,960
Are you Lotje Sodderland?
1174
01:18:37,040 --> 01:18:38,520
-I.
- [audience laughs]
1175
01:18:38,600 --> 01:18:40,840
Lotje, happy to hear your voice.
1176
01:18:40,920 --> 01:18:46,840
I can't see you, Lotje, but I want to say,
I like your video letter to me.
1177
01:18:46,920 --> 01:18:49,400
And I am very happy, as I said,
1178
01:18:49,480 --> 01:18:52,160
that you find meditation
1179
01:18:52,240 --> 01:18:55,200
and you enjoy it
and enjoy the benefits.
1180
01:18:55,280 --> 01:18:58,920
So, uh, what's your question
You want to ask tonight, Lotje?
1181
01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:02,400
I want to say thank you, first,
to invite me tonight,
1182
01:19:02,480 --> 01:19:06,520
but also to change me, um...
1183
01:19:06,600 --> 01:19:08,480
um, my experience
1184
01:19:08,560 --> 01:19:14,200
Not just that kind of thing
brain recovery that destroys recovery,
1185
01:19:14,280 --> 01:19:19,520
but also my type
perception of existence
1186
01:19:22,400 --> 01:19:28,480
what do you think the brain
is the mind machine or vice versa?
1187
01:19:29,440 --> 01:19:34,040
They say consciousness
is the driver of everything.
1188
01:19:34,120 --> 01:19:36,120
The brain is a beautiful thing.
1189
01:19:36,200 --> 01:19:40,680
And now with brain research,
they can see EEG machines
1190
01:19:40,760 --> 01:19:46,920
that when someone really transcends,
they see amazing things.
1191
01:19:47,000 --> 01:19:52,480
Boom!
The brain is fully lit.
They call it "total brain coherence."
1192
01:19:52,560 --> 01:19:56,280
And that is the only experience
in life that does that.
1193
01:19:56,360 --> 01:19:59,400
the coherence
is more and more permanent,
1194
01:19:59,480 --> 01:20:02,080
raises
a higher level of consciousness,
1195
01:20:02,160 --> 01:20:07,960
and finally the highest enlightenment,
which is the total fulfillment,
1196
01:20:08,040 --> 01:20:09,960
total exemption,
1197
01:20:10,040 --> 01:20:13,320
the circumstances they describe as
"more than the most,"
1198
01:20:13,400 --> 01:20:14,960
totality of life
1199
01:20:17,560 --> 01:20:19,440
[slow music playing]
1200
01:20:34,200 --> 01:20:36,640
[INAUDIBLE]
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