1
00:00:30,765 --> 00:00:33,984
HEAVY BREATHING...

2
00:00:34,084 --> 00:00:36,987
...    KIDS LAUGHING...

3
00:00:37,087 --> 00:00:39,382
...   [FIRECRACKER POPS]...

4
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:53,336
...  Jordan. Ted. Stop it.
Please, leave me alone.

5
00:00:53,436 --> 00:00:55,472
Listen to this freaking gaylord.

6
00:00:55,572 --> 00:00:58,141
Why are you such a
fudge packer, Jeffrey?

7
00:00:58,241 --> 00:01:00,343
Ya, why do you look at our
nads in the shower?

8
00:01:00,443 --> 00:01:03,146
I do not. I like girls. Babes.

9
00:01:03,246 --> 00:01:04,547
Just like you guys.

10
00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:06,850
Then tell me,

11
00:01:06,950 --> 00:01:09,152
How many girls have you
fingered at camp this summer?

12
00:01:09,252 --> 00:01:10,153
Tons.

13
00:01:10,253 --> 00:01:11,655
Liar.

14
00:01:11,755 --> 00:01:13,156
Well, how many have you fingered?

15
00:01:13,256 --> 00:01:15,158
I used a different finger on each girl.

16
00:01:15,258 --> 00:01:17,560
Diana, Naomi, Tova, Sherri,

17
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:21,364
Annie, Gaby, Racquel,
Betsie and Jodi.

18
00:01:21,464 --> 00:01:24,701
And I'm saving my magic thumb
here for Jennifer Peters.

19
00:01:24,801 --> 00:01:27,370
Jennifer Peters?
Ha ha ha.

20
00:01:27,470 --> 00:01:29,806
She would never let you
lay a finger on her.

21
00:01:29,906 --> 00:01:31,308
We'll see about that.

22
00:01:31,408 --> 00:01:32,809
We both frenched her you fuck head.

23
00:01:32,909 --> 00:01:34,577
She's too good for you A-holes.

24
00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:37,180
She's pure.
She loves me.

25
00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,182
She will never fall under your spell.

26
00:01:39,282 --> 00:01:40,817
What did you just say to us, cock boy?

27
00:01:40,917 --> 00:01:43,386
Ya, I couldn't hear you
over this fire cracker.

28
00:01:43,486 --> 00:01:45,188
NO, NO, NO.
Please, don't do it.

29
00:01:45,288 --> 00:01:46,056
Do it man.

30
00:01:46,156 --> 00:01:48,156
Cawabunga, butt pipe.

31
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:49,526
[BOOM]...

32
00:01:49,626 --> 00:01:52,644
...      AHH.

33
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:55,714
MUSIC CONTINUES...

34
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,412
...I cannot believe I used to pay
some bitch in Burbank...

35
00:02:09,512 --> 00:02:13,216
...80 bucks, 80 bucks to hinder
this shit on me.

36
00:02:13,316 --> 00:02:15,218
A fuckin' dollar for this Sharpie, dude.

37
00:02:15,318 --> 00:02:17,120
Entrepreneur, baby.

38
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:19,222
Hey, I still need you to
do the back though.

39
00:02:19,322 --> 00:02:21,424
Ya. What does it say?

40
00:02:21,524 --> 00:02:23,860
'Fuck the world.'

41
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,178
MUSIC...

42
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:30,749
...    [KNOCK KNOCK]...

43
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,558
...Hi, I'm a friend of Jordan's.

44
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:44,363
Dude, you got female company.

45
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:51,454
Rachel. Hey, what a surprise.
Is everything alright?

46
00:02:51,554 --> 00:02:53,656
Ya, everything is fine.
Sorry, I was just...

47
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:56,259
...  in the neighborhood.
Is this a bad time?

48
00:02:56,359 --> 00:02:58,994
Oh, no.
I was just taking a nap.

49
00:02:58,995 --> 00:03:00,663
Oh ya?

50
00:03:00,763 --> 00:03:02,665
Can I come lay down with you?

51
00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:05,468
Oh, no.
I WAS taking a nap...

52
00:03:05,568 --> 00:03:07,470
...   I gotta go now.
I have an audition.

53
00:03:07,570 --> 00:03:09,272
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'll get out of your way.

54
00:03:09,372 --> 00:03:10,273
What time is it?

55
00:03:10,373 --> 00:03:12,275
It's, um, it's 3 o'clock.

56
00:03:12,375 --> 00:03:13,910
Ya. I gotta-- 3? Wow...

57
00:03:14,010 --> 00:03:16,913
... I'm sorry, It's actually 2 o'clock.

58
00:03:17,013 --> 00:03:19,013
I'm late.

59
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,384
Ok.

60
00:03:21,484 --> 00:03:22,485
Bye. It was great seeing you.
Thanks for coming.

61
00:03:22,585 --> 00:03:24,320
Ya. it was really nice seeing you too.

62
00:03:24,420 --> 00:03:26,289
Ya, right.

63
00:03:26,389 --> 00:03:28,291
Hey, I brought this back for you.

64
00:03:28,391 --> 00:03:30,293
It's the shirt you let me
wear when I stayed over.

65
00:03:30,393 --> 00:03:31,494
Sorry I've had it a long time...

66
00:03:31,594 --> 00:03:33,296
... it's just kinda hard to track you down.

67
00:03:33,396 --> 00:03:35,298
You could of kept it.
It's fine. Thanks.

68
00:03:35,398 --> 00:03:39,936
And I made this CD for you.
It's some of my songs.

69
00:03:40,036 --> 00:03:42,505
They're just demos so don't
judge me on them yet.

70
00:03:42,605 --> 00:03:44,507
That's awesome.
That's really cool.

71
00:03:44,607 --> 00:03:47,710
Some of them are actually about you.

72
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:49,312
I'm famous.

73
00:03:49,412 --> 00:03:51,412
Cool. Which ones?

74
00:03:51,414 --> 00:03:52,916
I think you're going to know.

75
00:03:53,016 --> 00:03:54,517
Just listen to it if you get bored.

76
00:03:54,617 --> 00:03:56,635
Can't wait.

77
00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:59,322
Jordan, you're not wearing any shoes?

78
00:03:59,422 --> 00:04:00,723
They're in the car.

79
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:02,823
Oh.

80
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:07,246
Bye. Have a--
Have a really good audition.

81
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,651
MUSIC...

82
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:42,365
...  Could you please not-- It's not cute...

83
00:04:42,465 --> 00:04:43,566
...  It's just a picture.

84
00:04:43,666 --> 00:04:44,567
No. Please don't.

85
00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:46,369
Please. Thank you.

86
00:04:46,469 --> 00:04:49,005
Okay, fine. Don't freak out.

87
00:04:49,105 --> 00:04:51,574
I don't want to be on the internet.

88
00:04:51,674 --> 00:04:55,669
Why don't you take your
jacket off. Stay awaile.

89
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,783
How many lunches is this now?

90
00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:02,585
Are you counting our lunches?

91
00:05:02,685 --> 00:05:04,087
No.

92
00:05:04,187 --> 00:05:05,588
It's called getting to know each other.

93
00:05:05,688 --> 00:05:08,024
I know. I just--...

94
00:05:08,124 --> 00:05:09,459
...  I think I'm better at night time.

95
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,394
I'm more of a night time type of guy.

96
00:05:11,494 --> 00:05:13,713
Really?

97
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,032
Because that's when your texts
go from being clever and sweet...

98
00:05:16,132 --> 00:05:18,682
... to super creepy and weird.

99
00:05:18,701 --> 00:05:21,404
You can't judge my tone over
text message.

100
00:05:21,504 --> 00:05:24,407
You don't know the tone I'm going for.

101
00:05:24,507 --> 00:05:27,810
What tone were you going for
with this one...

102
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:31,414
...'I want to lay you on your
stomach and kiss down your legs,

103
00:05:31,514 --> 00:05:34,817
down the back of your knees
and take off your socks...

104
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:39,938
...and suck and bite your toes,
bottom of feet.'

105
00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:44,516
Yeah, that's the tone...

106
00:05:44,527 --> 00:05:46,429
...You know when I hear my phone
buzz at one in the morning I go,

107
00:05:46,529 --> 00:05:48,831
Here it comes. And then I
look and I'm like,

108
00:05:48,931 --> 00:05:51,434
'Shocker. There's Teddy's penis again.'

109
00:05:51,534 --> 00:05:54,437
I was trying to start a
dialogue with you but--...

110
00:05:54,537 --> 00:05:56,072
...      Oh...

111
00:05:56,172 --> 00:05:58,758
...'Then I'll lick your little
asshole and press my face...

112
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:01,444
...into your perfect little cunt
until you come into my face.

113
00:06:01,544 --> 00:06:04,647
Then I'm gonna do it again.
It'll be fun.'

114
00:06:04,747 --> 00:06:06,549
Do you really think...

115
00:06:06,649 --> 00:06:08,451
...that this is going to make me
want to sleep with you?

116
00:06:08,551 --> 00:06:09,852
I guess not.

117
00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:15,974
MUSIC...

118
00:06:23,117 --> 00:06:36,395
...    GIRLS CHATING...

119
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:52,895
...  Hey. Do you girls have
an extra cigarette?

120
00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:55,698
[Fake Chinese Gibberish]...

121
00:06:55,798 --> 00:06:57,500
...   What's that mean?
Are they menthol?

122
00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:00,619
[Fake Chinese Gibberish].

123
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:03,706
How's the water tonight, ladies?

124
00:07:03,806 --> 00:07:07,826
[Fake Chinese Gibberish]...

125
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:14,250
...     Do we go?

126
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,103
We should go.

127
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:18,721
That was a real,
real bad showing.

128
00:07:18,821 --> 00:07:21,157
Well, what did you expect?

129
00:07:21,257 --> 00:07:25,932
There wasn't one person there
that wanted to talk to us.

130
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:29,532
Hey. Fuck you.

131
00:07:29,632 --> 00:07:31,650
[Giggle]...

132
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,172
...    You got him.

133
00:07:36,272 --> 00:07:38,174
You got him pretty good.

134
00:07:38,274 --> 00:07:40,743
And we're back.

135
00:07:40,843 --> 00:07:43,179
I am so fucking exhausted.

136
00:07:43,279 --> 00:07:46,498
Yeah, it's 10:40 at night.

137
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:51,187
What's this CD with the bunny on it?

138
00:07:51,287 --> 00:07:52,755
Says 'Hello'

139
00:07:52,855 --> 00:07:55,558
Ya. It's that girl um...

140
00:07:55,658 --> 00:07:58,561
Rachel from a couple months ago.

141
00:07:58,661 --> 00:07:59,495
Rachel?

142
00:07:59,595 --> 00:08:00,563
With the bangs?

143
00:08:00,663 --> 00:08:03,566
No. Doesn't ring a bell.

144
00:08:03,666 --> 00:08:05,768
Well this is like her singing the songs?

145
00:08:05,868 --> 00:08:07,570
Is it her songs?

146
00:08:07,670 --> 00:08:08,771
Ya.

147
00:08:08,871 --> 00:08:12,208
Ya some of them are about me I guess.

148
00:08:12,308 --> 00:08:15,623
I'm sure it's-- it's gonna be terrible.

149
00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:18,781
MUSIC...

150
00:08:18,881 --> 00:08:25,788
...      'Hello.
You got me...

151
00:08:25,888 --> 00:08:29,592
...    Under your spell And I--'

152
00:08:29,692 --> 00:08:31,692
This sucks.

153
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:34,597
Is this a joke?

154
00:08:34,697 --> 00:08:37,600
No. That's her voice.
This is--.

155
00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:41,237
She told me about this. She told
me she was working on some stuff...

156
00:08:41,337 --> 00:08:45,672
...   You got a t-shirt?
She gave you a t-shirt too?

157
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:54,961
Why do you still have this?

158
00:08:56,870 --> 00:09:02,244
Jennifer Peters gave it to
me right before we got kicked...

159
00:09:02,344 --> 00:09:02,625
...out.

160
00:09:02,725 --> 00:09:06,829
I guess I never threw it
away. Well. Goodnight.

161
00:09:06,929 --> 00:09:08,929
Yeah, right.

162
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:10,633
Call me when you wake up.

163
00:09:10,733 --> 00:09:12,858
Call me when YOU wake up.

164
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:15,687
MUSIC CONTINUES...

165
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,813
...     Alright,
Jordan Beck?

166
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,368
Ok, Jordan.

167
00:09:45,468 --> 00:09:47,069
Do you have any questions
before we get started?

168
00:09:47,169 --> 00:09:49,472
No questions.

169
00:09:49,572 --> 00:09:51,874
Do you want me to read to the
camera or pretend my son's here?

170
00:09:51,974 --> 00:09:55,994
Uh, however you prepared it is fine.

171
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:02,200
Okay. Whenever you're ready.

172
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:07,392
Aiden, son.
No, this is awful what happened?

173
00:10:07,423 --> 00:10:09,692
I hurt my arm, daddy. I'm scared.

174
00:10:09,792 --> 00:10:12,094
Come here. Daddy knows
how to fix the boo boo.

175
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:14,697
It hurts daddy. Make it better.

176
00:10:14,797 --> 00:10:18,617
Papa knows how to make the
ouchie go bye-bye.

177
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,754
It's all better now.

178
00:10:22,805 --> 00:10:24,340
Give daddy a hug.

179
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,658
Great. Thanks so much.

180
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,112
Alright, thanks.

181
00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:31,113
Do you need to see it again?

182
00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:34,232
No, no. We're good. Thanks.

183
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,235
MUSIC...

184
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:47,517
...  Hey, hey. Just the man I wanted to see.

185
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:50,933
You know, if you want, you could
drop those off at my desk.

186
00:10:51,033 --> 00:10:53,051
Can't do that.

187
00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,787
[DING]...

188
00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:00,376
...   Oh, cookie man.

189
00:11:00,476 --> 00:11:03,262
That's right.

190
00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:06,148
You know, if you want, you could
drop those off at my desk.

191
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:08,751
Hey boss I'm all clear with the cookies.

192
00:11:08,851 --> 00:11:10,753
Ten four, Ted. I'm need you to
pick up a tray of deviled eggs.

193
00:11:10,853 --> 00:11:14,957
and drop them off at the Alpha
Beta Phi sorority house.

194
00:11:15,057 --> 00:11:18,076
Sorority house? Ten four, sir.

195
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:25,401
Hey, I got a surprise for you.
I'm coming to get you.

196
00:11:25,501 --> 00:11:27,403
And bring that CD with the bunny on it.

197
00:11:27,503 --> 00:11:33,976
'Hello. You got me...

198
00:11:34,076 --> 00:11:36,779
...    under your spell...

199
00:11:36,879 --> 00:11:40,182
...  and I fell right away.

200
00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:46,789
Hello and thank you...

201
00:11:46,889 --> 00:11:49,792
...   for looking at me...

202
00:11:49,892 --> 00:11:53,796
... when I was looking at you.

203
00:11:53,896 --> 00:11:59,802
Oh no, nothing compares...

204
00:11:59,902 --> 00:12:07,009
...    to the feelings I'm feelin' inside.

205
00:12:07,109 --> 00:12:09,109
Oh--'

206
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,765
What a party pad.

207
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,336
[Wolf howl]...

208
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,141
...    [Knock knock]...

209
00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:26,878
...    Good evening...

210
00:12:26,929 --> 00:12:28,831
...Hello Ms. I have a delivery
for you and your sisters...

211
00:12:28,931 --> 00:12:32,835
...Mmm, just the little devils
I was waiting for.

212
00:12:32,935 --> 00:12:34,837
You ladies have a lovely home.

213
00:12:34,937 --> 00:12:40,242
Oh, where are my manners? Come
inside, please. The both of you.

214
00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:42,044
Thank you. That's nice.

215
00:12:42,144 --> 00:12:44,796
She's the den mother.

216
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,488
You can set those eggs anywhere.

217
00:12:52,588 --> 00:12:54,588
Oh, ok.

218
00:12:55,909 --> 00:13:00,159
So uh, what's up? Kind of a
slow night around here.

219
00:13:00,162 --> 00:13:01,864
Slow night?

220
00:13:01,964 --> 00:13:05,868
I have a feeling things are
about to speed up for you.

221
00:13:05,968 --> 00:13:07,069
How do you mean?

222
00:13:07,169 --> 00:13:09,872
Oh, Ted. I knew you were heinous...

223
00:13:09,972 --> 00:13:13,876
...  but I didn't think you were stupid too.

224
00:13:13,976 --> 00:13:15,077
Well... surprise.

225
00:13:15,177 --> 00:13:16,512
Hey, how did she know your name?

226
00:13:16,612 --> 00:13:18,881
Oh, I know everything about you.

227
00:13:18,981 --> 00:13:23,316
I've been planning this very
moment for a long time.

228
00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:25,087
Well that's a long time.

229
00:13:25,187 --> 00:13:27,890
It was an eternity, Jordan.

230
00:13:27,990 --> 00:13:30,893
Okay now she knows my name.
That's not good. Let's go.

231
00:13:30,993 --> 00:13:33,896
You're not free to go yet.

232
00:13:33,996 --> 00:13:37,299
In due time we will unleash
you upon this satanic,

233
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,399
garbage heap of a city.

234
00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:41,103
We? Who's we?

235
00:13:41,203 --> 00:13:45,283
Go upstairs and find out.
Go rub your face in it.

236
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,545
No, thank you.
We're going to go. Good night.

237
00:13:49,645 --> 00:13:51,645
[Gun Cock]...

238
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:55,117
...    This isn't a sorority house is it?

239
00:13:55,217 --> 00:13:57,217
[Spit]...

240
00:13:57,604 --> 00:14:00,923
...   I said go. Now.

241
00:14:01,023 --> 00:14:03,023
MUSIC...

242
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,386
...      Boo.

243
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,446
What?

244
00:14:23,546 --> 00:14:24,947
Do you guys really not recognize me?

245
00:14:25,047 --> 00:14:26,549
Nope.

246
00:14:26,649 --> 00:14:28,150
Let me tell you a story
about where I come from.

247
00:14:28,250 --> 00:14:29,952
It's a magical place of sunshine,

248
00:14:30,052 --> 00:14:31,954
sing-a-longs and s'mores.

249
00:14:32,054 --> 00:14:33,956
And of course, obstacle courses.

250
00:14:34,056 --> 00:14:35,157
That place sounds fun.

251
00:14:35,257 --> 00:14:37,257
Oh it's fun, Ted.

252
00:14:37,259 --> 00:14:41,964
Fun, fun, fun, 'til his
buddies took his penis away.

253
00:14:42,064 --> 00:14:44,064
Oh my God it's you...

254
00:14:44,066 --> 00:14:44,967
...      Jeff.

255
00:14:45,067 --> 00:14:47,067
In the flesh.

256
00:14:47,069 --> 00:14:49,069
Most of it anyway.

257
00:14:49,071 --> 00:14:52,174
We feel terrible.
We feel rotten.

258
00:14:52,274 --> 00:14:54,176
It was a prank but you know what?

259
00:14:54,276 --> 00:14:56,612
It looks like you've done
really well for yourself.

260
00:14:56,712 --> 00:14:58,380
Your little prank...

261
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,984
... blew off 89 percent of my
penis and testicles.

262
00:15:02,084 --> 00:15:05,988
I had to watch a fox trot by
and eat my dispatched manhood.

263
00:15:06,088 --> 00:15:09,992
Have you ever watched a fox
eat you dispatched manhood?

264
00:15:10,092 --> 00:15:12,995
I've had some really bad oral sex.

265
00:15:13,095 --> 00:15:16,398
The doctors didn't know what
to do with what remained.

266
00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:22,004
My mother and I had some
painful decisions to make.

267
00:15:22,104 --> 00:15:26,208
I'm sure whatever you chose
is quite beautiful.

268
00:15:26,308 --> 00:15:28,326
I chose this.

269
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,649
You kidnapped our dads?

270
00:15:33,749 --> 00:15:36,218
Where are they?
Are they here? Dad.

271
00:15:36,318 --> 00:15:38,020
You don't kidnap a guy's dad.

272
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,656
They're somewhere safe. For now.

273
00:15:40,756 --> 00:15:44,026
Okay look, I'm on the
verge of booking a very,

274
00:15:44,126 --> 00:15:46,028
very big Band-Aid commercial.

275
00:15:46,128 --> 00:15:50,232
When I do, we'll split the money
with you. Give us back our dads.

276
00:15:50,332 --> 00:15:54,752
You two haven't changed a bit.
Weasels 'till the end.

277
00:15:54,770 --> 00:15:58,040
Money can't save your fathers.
Only you can.

278
00:15:58,140 --> 00:15:59,041
I don't follow.

279
00:15:59,141 --> 00:16:01,243
Well I do follow. Literally.

280
00:16:01,343 --> 00:16:04,046
Turns out that spying can be
a very lucrative business...

281
00:16:04,146 --> 00:16:07,121
...when you call it 'surveillance'.

282
00:16:07,149 --> 00:16:09,051
Through my very own company,
Buddy System,

283
00:16:09,151 --> 00:16:13,255
I've monitored your sexual
nihilism, your ungrateful...

284
00:16:13,355 --> 00:16:16,258
... standard-free gluttony of cocksmanship.

285
00:16:16,358 --> 00:16:19,061
Okay. We used to be like that in our 20's...

286
00:16:19,161 --> 00:16:24,091
...but, we can't get shit anymore.
No one wants to fuck us.

287
00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:26,769
Spare me.

288
00:16:26,869 --> 00:16:29,471
You have 24 hours to sleep with
ten women of various races,

289
00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:32,708
ages, subcultures,
and professions.

290
00:16:32,808 --> 00:16:36,078
Women that I have been only
able to fantasize about...

291
00:16:36,178 --> 00:16:38,080
... and now you are my avatars...

292
00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:41,283
... recording the ecstasy that
I can only imagine...

293
00:16:41,383 --> 00:16:44,286
...   and then when you finish the mission...

294
00:16:44,386 --> 00:16:47,405
... your fathers will be free.

295
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:52,136
You have 24 hours to screw
a total of ten women.

296
00:16:52,194 --> 00:16:54,096
This is like a midnight sex run.

297
00:16:54,196 --> 00:16:57,733
And to be clear, you are not to
call the police. If you do,

298
00:16:57,833 --> 00:17:00,302
your dads will die.

299
00:17:00,402 --> 00:17:01,520
Great.

300
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:02,738
Jeff will be in constant
communication with you...

301
00:17:02,838 --> 00:17:04,306
... over your walkies talkies.

302
00:17:04,406 --> 00:17:07,109
Once you finish the first
carnal assignment,

303
00:17:07,209 --> 00:17:09,111
buzz Jeff and he will give
you the next target...

304
00:17:09,211 --> 00:17:12,114
... and so on and so forth.
Is that clear?

305
00:17:12,214 --> 00:17:15,117
Who's the first to go? Who's
the first carnal assignment?

306
00:17:15,217 --> 00:17:17,119
When Jeff was first in the hospital he met...

307
00:17:17,219 --> 00:17:19,121
...   a very kind nurse.

308
00:17:19,221 --> 00:17:22,758
Your first conquest of the
evening will be a nurse.

309
00:17:22,858 --> 00:17:24,126
Just any old nurse?

310
00:17:24,226 --> 00:17:27,129
I know a nurse.
She's a masseuse but--...

311
00:17:27,229 --> 00:17:28,764
... That's great. One down.

312
00:17:28,864 --> 00:17:33,135
No. No one you know.
They must all be fresh.

313
00:17:33,235 --> 00:17:35,771
You contact any of the loosie
goosies you may know,

314
00:17:35,871 --> 00:17:38,774
and we will shoot and stab your fathers.

315
00:17:38,874 --> 00:17:40,142
You're insane.

316
00:17:40,242 --> 00:17:42,242
For verification,

317
00:17:42,244 --> 00:17:44,146
we are providing you with
cameras to record the deed.

318
00:17:44,246 --> 00:17:46,782
They feed directly to Jeff's
bedroom monitors...

319
00:17:46,882 --> 00:17:51,153
...and in addition, you are both
being issued a power pack...

320
00:17:51,253 --> 00:17:55,588
...  to aid your coitus and
Jeff's viewing pleasure.

321
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:02,364
What are these pills?

322
00:18:02,464 --> 00:18:06,168
You get one Viagra and one Roofie each.

323
00:18:06,268 --> 00:18:08,170
Roofie? What do we need a roofie for?

324
00:18:08,270 --> 00:18:13,455
In case you need help solving a
problem. I was being merciful.

325
00:18:13,475 --> 00:18:15,811
Don't give me the evil eye.

326
00:18:15,911 --> 00:18:17,379
The clock is ticking.

327
00:18:17,479 --> 00:18:20,498
Tick. Tick. Tick.

328
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:25,387
This is the dumbest thing
I've ever heard of.

329
00:18:25,487 --> 00:18:26,822
Congratulations.

330
00:18:26,922 --> 00:18:29,140
Fuck you.

331
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:32,710
Are you on your period Mrs.
Ribalow?

332
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:44,523
[car start]...

333
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:48,210
...   'Hello. You got me...

334
00:18:48,310 --> 00:18:50,846
...    under your spell...

335
00:18:50,946 --> 00:18:54,616
...  and I fell right away.

336
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:56,734
Hello--'

337
00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:01,423
Sorry. I had to do that.

338
00:19:01,523 --> 00:19:05,227
Some people get a sick
pleasure holding it in,

339
00:19:05,327 --> 00:19:06,428
but that ain't me, mac.

340
00:19:06,528 --> 00:19:10,381
It's alright. Just crack a window.

341
00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:12,917
Wiseguy.

342
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:28,250
Alright, how'd that go?
One down?

343
00:19:28,350 --> 00:19:31,453
No. I was talking to one but
some Mexican guy interrupted us.

344
00:19:31,553 --> 00:19:32,387
Cock blocked you?

345
00:19:32,487 --> 00:19:34,487
He was stabbed.

346
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:35,891
Ruined the vibe...

347
00:19:35,991 --> 00:19:37,459
...   Yeah a little bit.

348
00:19:37,559 --> 00:19:40,462
Well let's think. Where would
a nurse go on her break?

349
00:19:40,562 --> 00:19:42,464
There's got to be a bar
around here somewhere.

350
00:19:42,564 --> 00:19:45,467
How about we just pull in back
and wait for one to come out?

351
00:19:45,567 --> 00:19:47,669
Yeah. I was going to say check the back.

352
00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:50,272
Hey, we're gonna be good at this.

353
00:19:50,372 --> 00:19:52,372
MUSIC...

354
00:19:52,374 --> 00:19:54,276
...   You know this is impossible right?

355
00:19:54,376 --> 00:19:56,678
Ten women in 24 hours?

356
00:19:56,778 --> 00:20:00,482
I haven't had a fresh one in two years.

357
00:20:00,582 --> 00:20:03,285
I can't even get a girl to talk
to me let alone suck our dicks.

358
00:20:03,385 --> 00:20:05,765
You have the wrong attitude.

359
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:09,491
We've never had a reason
to try this hard.

360
00:20:09,591 --> 00:20:12,928
Technically, this should be fun.

361
00:20:13,028 --> 00:20:15,697
I was thinking about it on
the way over here and uh...

362
00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:17,499
... I'm gonna do six, okay?

363
00:20:17,599 --> 00:20:19,617
You do four.

364
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:21,503
Thanks.

365
00:20:21,603 --> 00:20:23,603
Yeah.

366
00:20:23,605 --> 00:20:25,507
We should never have thrown
that firecracker.

367
00:20:25,607 --> 00:20:29,511
Ya well, who knew it would
take this long to explode.

368
00:20:29,611 --> 00:20:31,611
In our faces.

369
00:20:31,613 --> 00:20:33,613
Hey.

370
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,634
Let's roll.

371
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:40,222
Good evening. Nice night.

372
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,324
Ya, I guess.

373
00:20:42,424 --> 00:20:44,526
It's a busy night too...

374
00:20:44,626 --> 00:20:46,728
...my friend here was just in the
emergency room he said it was...

375
00:20:46,828 --> 00:20:48,530
...   really rockin'.

376
00:20:48,630 --> 00:20:50,632
Ya well,

377
00:20:50,732 --> 00:20:52,734
nobody ever takes the night off
from fuckin' themselves up.

378
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,736
Ain't that the truth.
You said it.

379
00:20:54,836 --> 00:20:56,238
Sure did.

380
00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:59,975
I guess uh, judging from your
cigarette there you don't work...

381
00:21:00,075 --> 00:21:01,977
...  in the cancer ward.

382
00:21:02,077 --> 00:21:03,345
Nope.

383
00:21:03,445 --> 00:21:05,981
Cancer patients are boring as fuck.

384
00:21:06,081 --> 00:21:07,349
I'm in the burn ward.

385
00:21:07,449 --> 00:21:09,985
The burn ward?
Wow, that's great.

386
00:21:10,085 --> 00:21:12,988
Ted, did you hear that?
She's in the burn ward.

387
00:21:13,088 --> 00:21:15,088
Terrific. Thank you.

388
00:21:15,090 --> 00:21:18,560
Say, I bet after working in that
ward all day, people outside...

389
00:21:18,660 --> 00:21:21,363
... in the regular world, they
probably look pretty attractive...

390
00:21:21,463 --> 00:21:22,364
...    am I right?

391
00:21:22,464 --> 00:21:25,000
I suppose it ain't hard.

392
00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:28,003
You're probably thinking my
friend and I are kind of cute.

393
00:21:28,103 --> 00:21:30,772
Right? I mean we have all of our skin,

394
00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:32,374
most of our hair,

395
00:21:32,474 --> 00:21:35,377
and all your fingers and toes.

396
00:21:35,477 --> 00:21:37,379
Yeah. I suppose it's a step up.

397
00:21:37,479 --> 00:21:39,381
I bet you're also pretty
stressed out right?

398
00:21:39,481 --> 00:21:41,383
Being on your feet all day,

399
00:21:41,483 --> 00:21:44,586
your shoulders are probably
real knotted. Right?

400
00:21:44,686 --> 00:21:48,023
You probably wouldn't mind
a little free massage.

401
00:21:48,123 --> 00:21:50,792
That's what we're doing.

402
00:21:50,892 --> 00:21:53,395
My mom taught me a real special
technique on the shoulders...

403
00:21:53,495 --> 00:21:55,397
...     Can I-- Can I demonstrate?

404
00:21:55,497 --> 00:21:56,398
MUSIC...

405
00:21:56,498 --> 00:21:59,601
...    Sure, why not?

406
00:21:59,701 --> 00:22:02,804
Alright. It's real simple just
relax. Take a deep breath.

407
00:22:02,904 --> 00:22:04,904
And exhale.

408
00:22:04,906 --> 00:22:06,541
There it is.

409
00:22:06,641 --> 00:22:09,611
That looks great.
I bet it feels even better.

410
00:22:09,711 --> 00:22:11,413
Just gonna get up here in the solar flex...

411
00:22:11,513 --> 00:22:14,416
...  and you're just gonna
close your eyes and...

412
00:22:14,516 --> 00:22:17,831
...  maybe we can make you a wet nurse.

413
00:22:19,105 --> 00:22:22,590
Ted's going to start working on your--...

414
00:22:24,477 --> 00:22:25,427
...   What you doing?

415
00:22:25,527 --> 00:22:26,828
I was gonna work the--...

416
00:22:26,928 --> 00:22:28,630
... Ah no, I'm good, I'm good.

417
00:22:28,730 --> 00:22:30,632
Just right there.
I got a little--...

418
00:22:30,732 --> 00:22:34,636
...  Okay. I'm gonna keep working up here.

419
00:22:34,736 --> 00:22:38,073
Yo. I said no. What the hell?

420
00:22:38,173 --> 00:22:40,442
Okay, well, hold on.
Wait a second.

421
00:22:40,542 --> 00:22:43,645
Nurse, just give us one more
second. We'll go a little slower...

422
00:22:43,745 --> 00:22:45,647
...   Get back out here.

423
00:22:45,747 --> 00:22:49,451
It's not safe to leave in
the middle of a massage.

424
00:22:49,551 --> 00:22:52,454
C'mon. We'll go slower
if that's what you want.

425
00:22:52,554 --> 00:22:53,655
Let's just put a pin in this one and then...

426
00:22:53,755 --> 00:22:54,456
...   we'll come back and get her later.

427
00:22:54,556 --> 00:22:57,459
No. Nurse. Nurse. Nurse.

428
00:22:57,559 --> 00:22:59,661
Who the fuck is giving
back rubs out here?

429
00:22:59,761 --> 00:23:01,779
MUSIC...

430
00:23:02,915 --> 00:23:07,469
...   Hey Jeff, uh, roger,
ten four, copy...

431
00:23:07,569 --> 00:23:09,055
...      [Beep]...

432
00:23:09,155 --> 00:23:12,474
...    That was fast.
Where's my video?

433
00:23:12,574 --> 00:23:14,676
Jeff, nurse was really hard.
Could you give us an easier one?

434
00:23:14,776 --> 00:23:16,111
Help us get our heads in the game?

435
00:23:16,211 --> 00:23:18,680
Tell him nurse was hard.
Tell him how hard nurse was.

436
00:23:18,780 --> 00:23:22,684
That's extremely disappointing
and totally against the rules.

437
00:23:22,784 --> 00:23:25,687
But, okay. Just this once.
This is your mulligan.

438
00:23:25,787 --> 00:23:28,490
I have something here.
Something easy.

439
00:23:28,590 --> 00:23:29,791
When I finally got out of the hospital...

440
00:23:29,891 --> 00:23:32,526
...my entire world had changed.

441
00:23:32,594 --> 00:23:34,696
MUSIC...

442
00:23:34,796 --> 00:23:36,898
... I was despised. Or so it
seemed from my eyes.

443
00:23:36,998 --> 00:23:40,702
People looked at me strange,
treated me like I had mange.

444
00:23:40,802 --> 00:23:42,904
Passersby looked at me with sad eyes,

445
00:23:43,004 --> 00:23:44,706
This is cool.
It's kinda like a rap.

446
00:23:44,806 --> 00:23:46,508
I was marginalized.

447
00:23:46,608 --> 00:23:47,909
Neighbors who once baked me treats...

448
00:23:48,009 --> 00:23:50,512
...  now crossed the street
to avoid the freak.

449
00:23:50,612 --> 00:23:52,147
I like it. Keep going.

450
00:23:52,247 --> 00:23:54,032
You see,

451
00:23:54,132 --> 00:23:55,917
I know what it's like to live
on the outskirts of a society...

452
00:23:56,017 --> 00:23:59,921
... that would rather have me vanish.

453
00:24:00,021 --> 00:24:01,523
But I didn't.

454
00:24:01,623 --> 00:24:07,729
I survived and thrived and I'm still alive.

455
00:24:07,829 --> 00:24:10,532
Much like your next target.

456
00:24:10,632 --> 00:24:13,535
You will now give your love...

457
00:24:13,635 --> 00:24:16,654
...  to a homeless lady.

458
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:19,541
I just got 40 dollars,
just in case...

459
00:24:19,641 --> 00:24:21,743
... we need to pay somebody to fuck it.

460
00:24:21,843 --> 00:24:23,612
What'd you guys decide?

461
00:24:23,712 --> 00:24:26,730
Looks like we're going to skid row.

462
00:24:26,999 --> 00:24:30,185
Okay...

463
00:24:30,285 --> 00:24:33,188
...Jordan used to like the Doors
song where he goes:

464
00:24:33,288 --> 00:24:34,556
'Father?'

465
00:24:34,656 --> 00:24:36,191
'Yes son...'

466
00:24:36,291 --> 00:24:38,560
'I'm going to kill you.'

467
00:24:38,660 --> 00:24:42,513
Spooky to think about that now.

468
00:24:43,816 --> 00:24:46,768
You know, don't jump
all over me, but uh,

469
00:24:46,868 --> 00:24:49,771
I don't think I ever told Ted I love him.

470
00:24:49,871 --> 00:24:50,772
And do you?

471
00:24:50,872 --> 00:24:52,974
Of course.

472
00:24:53,074 --> 00:24:55,577
I just choose to show it in, uh,

473
00:24:55,677 --> 00:24:59,581
non-verbal, more monetary way.

474
00:24:59,681 --> 00:25:00,782
He knows I do.

475
00:25:00,882 --> 00:25:02,900
He has to.

476
00:25:04,637 --> 00:25:06,988
Just so we're clear.
it's your turn to fuck.

477
00:25:07,088 --> 00:25:08,790
Oh really? 'Cause you haven't
fucked anybody yet.

478
00:25:08,890 --> 00:25:10,792
It doesn't matter.
It's based on attempts.

479
00:25:10,892 --> 00:25:13,228
You see? I tried one,
you gotta try one.

480
00:25:13,328 --> 00:25:15,130
Uh, excuse me? Sir?

481
00:25:15,230 --> 00:25:17,599
Ya, you, little guy.

482
00:25:17,699 --> 00:25:19,801
Would you mind helping me
with this kitty litter?

483
00:25:19,901 --> 00:25:23,238
It's just a little too heavy for me.

484
00:25:23,338 --> 00:25:25,029
Me?

485
00:25:25,129 --> 00:25:26,819
Yes you. You.

486
00:25:26,919 --> 00:25:28,610
Appreciate it. It's just too
heavy for me to do by myself.

487
00:25:28,710 --> 00:25:30,429
Sure.

488
00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:32,247
As long as you don't make me
scoop it up later.

489
00:25:32,347 --> 00:25:35,617
You are so funny.
Thank you so much.

490
00:25:35,717 --> 00:25:36,618
I'll get the rest of 'em.

491
00:25:36,718 --> 00:25:39,621
Well aren't you a gentleman.

492
00:25:39,721 --> 00:25:43,825
You know, this is going to
sound really lame but,

493
00:25:43,925 --> 00:25:47,028
did anyone ever tell you that
you look just like Bob Dylan?

494
00:25:47,128 --> 00:25:49,128
Once or twice, yeah.

495
00:25:49,130 --> 00:25:51,032
You do. You do. Just like him.
Well, not now, I mean,

496
00:25:51,132 --> 00:25:54,836
back when I saw him in San
Francisco which was so long ago.

497
00:25:54,936 --> 00:25:56,638
I'm embarassed to tell
you how many years--...

498
00:25:56,738 --> 00:25:58,273
...'Well you have yourself a
nice night young lady.'

499
00:25:58,373 --> 00:26:01,843
Oh my Gosh, that was so great.
Thank you so much.

500
00:26:01,943 --> 00:26:04,846
My friends will be so
jealous that Bob Dylan...

501
00:26:04,946 --> 00:26:07,849
...helped me with my groceries.

502
00:26:07,949 --> 00:26:10,652
I'm just in a dither.
Thank you so much.

503
00:26:10,752 --> 00:26:11,953
[giggle]...

504
00:26:12,053 --> 00:26:14,053
...      MUSIC...

505
00:26:15,908 --> 00:26:17,659
...Oh, hey lady you forgot your--...

506
00:26:17,759 --> 00:26:21,779
... Lady. Hey. Hey lady. Hey.

507
00:26:28,721 --> 00:26:30,872
You just missed a song about you.

508
00:26:30,972 --> 00:26:31,873
Play it again.

509
00:26:31,973 --> 00:26:32,874
Okay.

510
00:26:32,974 --> 00:26:34,709
It's actually kind of good.

511
00:26:34,809 --> 00:26:39,681
'Honey I knew
that we were through--...

512
00:26:39,781 --> 00:26:41,683
... It's alright. I like it.

513
00:26:41,783 --> 00:26:46,804
- - dreams got really bad.

514
00:26:47,673 --> 00:26:53,328
Honey I do want you to prove...

515
00:26:53,428 --> 00:26:59,334
...that you know how to be a man.

516
00:26:59,434 --> 00:27:04,706
And I do love you.'

517
00:27:04,806 --> 00:27:06,908
There's a cluster right there.
Pull over.

518
00:27:07,008 --> 00:27:08,710
Pull over, pull over, pull over.

519
00:27:08,810 --> 00:27:10,810
Alright.

520
00:27:15,768 --> 00:27:17,768
That looks rough.

521
00:27:17,819 --> 00:27:21,356
What do you want to do? Knock on
some flaps, like cold call?

522
00:27:21,456 --> 00:27:23,925
Yeah. That's fine.
They're all on crack.

523
00:27:24,025 --> 00:27:26,361
It makes them really horny.

524
00:27:26,461 --> 00:27:28,730
Here, you go do this one,
and I'm gonna stay here...

525
00:27:28,830 --> 00:27:31,366
...  and mentally prepare for the next one.

526
00:27:31,466 --> 00:27:33,684
MUSIC...

527
00:27:59,812 --> 00:28:01,812
...      Sup.

528
00:28:12,224 --> 00:28:14,292
Excuse me,

529
00:28:14,392 --> 00:28:16,411
I never do this but are you
looking for some company?

530
00:28:16,511 --> 00:28:18,163
I brought some snacks.

531
00:28:18,263 --> 00:28:19,914
You set off the fucking alarm, man.

532
00:28:20,014 --> 00:28:21,983
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize.

533
00:28:22,083 --> 00:28:24,083
Who?

534
00:28:24,837 --> 00:28:26,988
I'll tell everyone. Oh. Get it.

535
00:28:27,088 --> 00:28:29,791
You know, you should lay some
memory foam down on the floor.

536
00:28:29,891 --> 00:28:32,193
Make it a lot more comfortable for you.

537
00:28:32,293 --> 00:28:33,261
Who?

538
00:28:33,361 --> 00:28:36,798
Oh I got you some uh-- I
got you a veggie tray.

539
00:28:36,898 --> 00:28:37,899
Who?

540
00:28:37,999 --> 00:28:39,000
With ranch dip. Do you like ranch?

541
00:28:39,100 --> 00:28:40,719
Who?

542
00:28:40,819 --> 00:28:42,437
Who? Is that just something
that you say a lot?

543
00:28:42,537 --> 00:28:44,806
You should eat something I think.

544
00:28:44,906 --> 00:28:47,809
Something kind of healthy.
Get you back on track.

545
00:28:47,909 --> 00:28:49,444
Or you could just eat your boogers...

546
00:28:49,544 --> 00:28:56,217
...   'Hello you got me...

547
00:28:56,317 --> 00:28:59,020
...   under your spell --'

548
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:00,021
Do you like wine?

549
00:29:00,121 --> 00:29:01,456
Pussy.

550
00:29:01,556 --> 00:29:04,225
I got a bottle of white wine.

551
00:29:04,325 --> 00:29:07,829
Doesn't this look good?

552
00:29:07,929 --> 00:29:08,463
Hold on.

553
00:29:08,563 --> 00:29:09,030
You can have this--...

554
00:29:09,130 --> 00:29:10,749
...     Shut up.

555
00:29:10,849 --> 00:29:12,467
You can have this whole bottle
of white wine to yourself,

556
00:29:12,567 --> 00:29:13,835
I'm not gonna have any,

557
00:29:13,935 --> 00:29:16,838
if you give me one kiss.

558
00:29:16,938 --> 00:29:19,474
I think that's a pretty sweet deal.

559
00:29:19,574 --> 00:29:20,241
Okay?

560
00:29:20,341 --> 00:29:21,359
Hold on.

561
00:29:21,459 --> 00:29:22,477
Just a quick smootch and you get to--...

562
00:29:22,577 --> 00:29:24,577
...      [slap]...

563
00:29:24,897 --> 00:29:26,897
...      Ow.

564
00:29:27,900 --> 00:29:31,385
See that wasn't so bad right?
Oh my God...

565
00:29:33,906 --> 00:29:35,056
...   How's the wine?

566
00:29:35,156 --> 00:29:35,490
Do you--...

567
00:29:35,590 --> 00:29:37,590
...      Who?

568
00:29:37,910 --> 00:29:39,861
Look I'm gonna take a--...

569
00:29:39,961 --> 00:29:42,864
...  This is going so well
I'm gonna take a video.

570
00:29:42,964 --> 00:29:44,265
Okay? Don't freak out.

571
00:29:44,365 --> 00:29:45,266
Fuckin' pussies.

572
00:29:45,366 --> 00:29:47,869
I think you're doing great.

573
00:29:47,969 --> 00:29:49,969
Okay.

574
00:29:50,322 --> 00:29:52,322
Who?

575
00:29:52,558 --> 00:29:54,558
Who?

576
00:29:55,327 --> 00:29:56,177
Mother.

577
00:29:56,277 --> 00:29:57,078
Who? Who?

578
00:29:57,178 --> 00:29:59,178
We're live.

579
00:29:59,565 --> 00:30:03,084
Jeff, it's uh, nine-ish on skid row on uh--...

580
00:30:03,184 --> 00:30:04,486
...      [spit].

581
00:30:04,586 --> 00:30:05,887
I'm here with a homeless woman.
And uh,

582
00:30:05,987 --> 00:30:08,890
I don't have much time for the
Viagra I just kinda gotta...

583
00:30:08,990 --> 00:30:10,091
...      go in.

584
00:30:10,191 --> 00:30:11,092
So um,

585
00:30:11,192 --> 00:30:13,210
do what you gotta do.

586
00:30:14,947 --> 00:30:17,532
Now do you have AIDS? Or HIV?

587
00:30:17,632 --> 00:30:19,850
[coughing]...

588
00:30:22,154 --> 00:30:24,279
...  That's a yes, right?

589
00:30:26,959 --> 00:30:29,310
Hey, that's enough.
That's enough.

590
00:30:29,410 --> 00:30:34,431
Alright?
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

591
00:30:39,171 --> 00:30:44,125
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

592
00:30:44,225 --> 00:30:46,078
Ah.

593
00:30:46,178 --> 00:30:47,929
[BITE]
AH.

594
00:30:48,029 --> 00:30:48,563
AHH.

595
00:30:48,663 --> 00:30:52,333
Oh. Great. Bravo.

596
00:30:52,433 --> 00:30:54,451
OW. AH. DON'T.

597
00:30:59,391 --> 00:31:03,578
You're not gonna make it
through the night.

598
00:31:03,678 --> 00:31:06,948
You and your little friend out
there. You're gonna fail.

599
00:31:07,048 --> 00:31:09,598
And you're gonna burn in hell,

600
00:31:09,684 --> 00:31:14,956
and drown in shit and blood forevermore.

601
00:31:15,056 --> 00:31:17,056
[laughing]...

602
00:31:26,151 --> 00:31:26,601
...      Ah.

603
00:31:26,701 --> 00:31:27,602
Is that a check?

604
00:31:27,702 --> 00:31:30,972
No. She was trouble. She bit me.

605
00:31:31,072 --> 00:31:33,072
She bit me.

606
00:31:33,074 --> 00:31:35,176
What gives, momma? They're doing
a no good, terrible job.

607
00:31:35,276 --> 00:31:36,978
I think even I could do better.

608
00:31:37,078 --> 00:31:40,982
Not true, dear.
You don't have the...

609
00:31:41,082 --> 00:31:43,082
...     equipment.

610
00:31:43,084 --> 00:31:45,084
Here's what I got.

611
00:31:45,086 --> 00:31:46,621
Kick off with 'Piggies',

612
00:31:46,721 --> 00:31:49,991
then slide into 'Sexy Sadie',
and then BAM,

613
00:31:50,091 --> 00:31:51,192
'Savoy Truffle'.

614
00:31:51,292 --> 00:31:52,193
[chuckle]...

615
00:31:52,293 --> 00:31:53,995
...      MUSIC...

616
00:31:54,095 --> 00:31:56,998
...     Hey. Hey.

617
00:31:57,098 --> 00:32:00,001
It's only fun if we listen to each others.

618
00:32:00,101 --> 00:32:02,203
What're we doing again?

619
00:32:02,303 --> 00:32:04,405
We're re-sequencing
the White Album. For fun.

620
00:32:04,505 --> 00:32:08,209
Oh, the Beatles, aka the Fantastic Four.

621
00:32:08,309 --> 00:32:10,327
Oooooooooo...

622
00:32:13,265 --> 00:32:17,018
... You're next target is a
fifty-something house wife.

623
00:32:17,118 --> 00:32:21,222
Don't let me down boys.
Give it to her good and juicy.

624
00:32:21,322 --> 00:32:25,026
Ten four. Jeff. Good and juicy.

625
00:32:25,126 --> 00:32:27,228
What does that mean? Juicy?

626
00:32:27,328 --> 00:32:29,030
I don't know, but where the
fuck are we going to find a...

627
00:32:29,130 --> 00:32:32,033
...fifty-something year old house
wife at ten o'clock at night?

628
00:32:32,133 --> 00:32:33,034
They're all asleep.

629
00:32:33,134 --> 00:32:35,134
[phone vibrate].

630
00:32:35,721 --> 00:32:38,039
Oh great. My mom is texting me.

631
00:32:38,139 --> 00:32:39,440
She said, 'Where dad is?'

632
00:32:39,540 --> 00:32:42,043
She always sounds like a black
lady when she texts me.

633
00:32:42,143 --> 00:32:44,143
I got it.

634
00:32:44,496 --> 00:32:46,563
MUSIC...

635
00:32:58,310 --> 00:33:01,213
...   Cut the engine.
Turn off the lights.

636
00:33:01,313 --> 00:33:03,313
Her house is all dark.

637
00:33:03,364 --> 00:33:05,364
That's good.

638
00:33:05,366 --> 00:33:07,468
Why do you think this lady
wants to fuck you so bad?

639
00:33:07,568 --> 00:33:10,071
Because, she said I look like Bob Dylan.

640
00:33:10,171 --> 00:33:14,475
Every girl who's ever said that
has eventually slept with me.

641
00:33:14,575 --> 00:33:17,720
I think you look like Liev Schreiber.

642
00:33:17,812 --> 00:33:21,231
Well, that's why we're not having sex.

643
00:33:23,335 --> 00:33:26,087
Hey, I'm gonna stay in the car
on this one, alright?

644
00:33:26,187 --> 00:33:28,189
Uh, negative.

645
00:33:28,289 --> 00:33:30,291
Well she probably has the mace.
I'm real allergic to the mace.

646
00:33:30,391 --> 00:33:32,727
Ya, she's got mace.
It's in her purse.

647
00:33:32,827 --> 00:33:35,096
You're coming with me, alright?
We gotta do this for Jeff.

648
00:33:35,196 --> 00:33:37,098
We fucked up that last two.
This makes up for it.

649
00:33:37,198 --> 00:33:39,500
We do it together, alright?

650
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:41,803
She doesn't like me.
She likes you.

651
00:33:41,903 --> 00:33:44,105
No, no, no, she's like a fun,
funky, new age kind of lady.

652
00:33:44,205 --> 00:33:46,741
She likes everybody.

653
00:33:46,841 --> 00:33:51,941
C'mon. We're going to show her
the time of her life in there.

654
00:33:54,366 --> 00:33:56,366
[knock, knock]...

655
00:33:56,368 --> 00:33:58,519
...   [doorbell ring]...

656
00:33:58,619 --> 00:34:01,084
... She's not here. Let's go.

657
00:34:02,174 --> 00:34:04,174
[doorbell ring]...

658
00:34:06,178 --> 00:34:08,245
...   She's not home.

659
00:34:12,384 --> 00:34:15,136
Oh. Bob Dylan?

660
00:34:15,236 --> 00:34:16,137
(Doing Dylan) It's me.

661
00:34:16,237 --> 00:34:17,772
[laughter]...

662
00:34:17,872 --> 00:34:20,341
...  You left your purse in the parking lot.

663
00:34:20,441 --> 00:34:22,260
Oh my God.

664
00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:24,178
I tried to stop you but you
were just zooming away.

665
00:34:24,278 --> 00:34:26,147
Thank you so much.

666
00:34:26,247 --> 00:34:30,151
I just-- Total brain fart moment.

667
00:34:30,251 --> 00:34:32,153
I already cancelled all my cards.

668
00:34:32,253 --> 00:34:35,156
No, well, what are you gonna do?
That's life.

669
00:34:35,256 --> 00:34:37,358
No, it's my fault. I should
of gotten it to you sooner.

670
00:34:37,458 --> 00:34:39,360
No, please don't. No, no.

671
00:34:39,460 --> 00:34:44,165
The bag is now back with it's
rightful, negligent owner.

672
00:34:44,265 --> 00:34:46,167
It's all that matters.
It's all good.

673
00:34:46,267 --> 00:34:48,803
Well the good news is all of your pens...

674
00:34:48,903 --> 00:34:51,172
...   and most of your gum is still there.

675
00:34:51,272 --> 00:34:54,175
You can check. Go ahead.

676
00:34:54,275 --> 00:34:57,178
Oh, please, no, no, I trust you.
It's all good, it's all good.

677
00:34:57,278 --> 00:35:00,181
Thank you so much.

678
00:35:00,281 --> 00:35:02,183
Your karma is good to go.

679
00:35:02,283 --> 00:35:07,188
Thanks, thank you so much.
Night, night.

680
00:35:07,288 --> 00:35:11,392
Oh my gosh, I'm sorry.
Could I write you a check?

681
00:35:11,492 --> 00:35:13,828
I mean you deserve a reward, right?

682
00:35:13,928 --> 00:35:19,834
If you insist. Maybe
some milk and cookies?

683
00:35:19,934 --> 00:35:22,203
You want to come in my house?

684
00:35:22,303 --> 00:35:24,405
I mean, unless I'm gonna
wake your husband.

685
00:35:24,505 --> 00:35:26,407
Oh, no. Not at all, not at all.

686
00:35:26,507 --> 00:35:30,411
I was just, I-- I--...

687
00:35:30,511 --> 00:35:33,214
...      Oh...
Hello.

688
00:35:33,314 --> 00:35:34,215
Is he with you?

689
00:35:34,315 --> 00:35:36,617
He is.
That's Ted.

690
00:35:36,717 --> 00:35:37,852
Say hi, Ted.

691
00:35:37,952 --> 00:35:39,220
Hey, what's up?

692
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,320
Hi.

693
00:35:42,474 --> 00:35:47,428
And here, my funky new friends,
is your quiche.

694
00:35:47,528 --> 00:35:51,232
That is yummy looking.
I love it.

695
00:35:51,332 --> 00:35:52,433
Ta-da, Enjoy.

696
00:35:52,533 --> 00:35:53,434
Thank you, Billie.

697
00:35:53,534 --> 00:35:55,552
Oh, you're welcome.

698
00:35:57,289 --> 00:36:02,243
So, you guys, give me the scoop.

699
00:36:02,343 --> 00:36:05,446
You have girlfriends.

700
00:36:05,546 --> 00:36:07,248
Boyfriends?

701
00:36:07,348 --> 00:36:09,067
Wives?

702
00:36:09,167 --> 00:36:10,885
No, Billie, we're single just like you.

703
00:36:10,985 --> 00:36:12,887
No, no that's just baloney.

704
00:36:12,987 --> 00:36:17,258
It is not baloney.
Here, check my phone.

705
00:36:17,358 --> 00:36:19,260
Go ahead. Scroll through
the texts, emails--...

706
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:21,360
...    No, no, no.

707
00:36:21,362 --> 00:36:23,664
You go ahead and check it.

708
00:36:23,764 --> 00:36:26,909
What does it matter?
I'm just teasing.

709
00:36:27,001 --> 00:36:29,670
Oh...
Well...

710
00:36:29,770 --> 00:36:32,789
It's not nice to tease, Billie.

711
00:36:36,328 --> 00:36:38,328
[laughter]...

712
00:36:39,331 --> 00:36:41,482
...  You guys are so fun.

713
00:36:41,582 --> 00:36:43,284
You got me.

714
00:36:43,384 --> 00:36:47,922
Well, I am gonna get
another bottle of vino.

715
00:36:48,022 --> 00:36:51,492
Yes. If you will stay for just one more.

716
00:36:51,592 --> 00:36:54,929
We'll stay 'till you kick us out. Yes ma'am.

717
00:36:55,029 --> 00:36:58,933
Really? Oh, it's fine by me.
Stay forever, I mean--...

718
00:36:59,033 --> 00:37:01,251
...     [laughter]...

719
00:37:02,354 --> 00:37:03,304
...      MUSIC...

720
00:37:03,404 --> 00:37:04,505
...  You're acting weird.

721
00:37:04,605 --> 00:37:05,940
Ya, I know. You think she can tell?

722
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:07,308
I'm really trying not to.

723
00:37:07,408 --> 00:37:08,810
What're you doing?

724
00:37:08,910 --> 00:37:10,311
Oh I'm just going to Roofie her,
we gotta get this thing--...

725
00:37:10,411 --> 00:37:11,312
... Why would you Roofie her?

726
00:37:11,412 --> 00:37:12,713
It's going well but, you know--...

727
00:37:12,813 --> 00:37:14,515
... No, it's not going well.
She's not sexual at all.

728
00:37:14,615 --> 00:37:15,516
Let's just eat out quiche and--...

729
00:37:15,616 --> 00:37:17,518
...     Hey. Hey.
We need this, okay?

730
00:37:17,618 --> 00:37:19,954
This is gonna energize us.
Get us over the hump.

731
00:37:20,054 --> 00:37:21,222
Please don't do that.
What are you doing?

732
00:37:21,322 --> 00:37:23,340
What'd I say?

733
00:37:26,578 --> 00:37:30,531
So, what are you two
whispering about?

734
00:37:30,631 --> 00:37:35,051
Ted was just telling me how
pretty he thinks you are.

735
00:37:35,069 --> 00:37:36,471
What?

736
00:37:36,571 --> 00:37:37,972
Ya, Ted. Tell Billie what you just told me...

737
00:37:38,072 --> 00:37:39,974
... about how pretty she is.

738
00:37:40,074 --> 00:37:42,343
I said, uh, Jordan,

739
00:37:42,443 --> 00:37:44,443
this is a pretty lady.

740
00:37:45,397 --> 00:37:46,747
That's a fact.

741
00:37:46,847 --> 00:37:49,866
Oh, you guys.

742
00:37:52,404 --> 00:37:54,989
I'm gonna cry.

743
00:37:55,089 --> 00:37:56,357
Here's to us.

744
00:37:56,457 --> 00:37:57,558
Bottoms up.

745
00:37:57,658 --> 00:38:02,312
Cheers.
Bottoms up. Okay.

746
00:38:04,416 --> 00:38:05,566
Yummy.

747
00:38:05,666 --> 00:38:07,666
You're chugging it.

748
00:38:07,668 --> 00:38:09,668
Oh...

749
00:38:09,670 --> 00:38:10,771
...     [laughter]...

750
00:38:10,871 --> 00:38:13,421
... It's gonna be a fun night.

751
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:25,386
I-- I wish that my daughter
could meet good, great guys...

752
00:38:25,486 --> 00:38:27,588
...   like you and Ben.

753
00:38:27,688 --> 00:38:29,390
My name's Ted, Billie.

754
00:38:29,490 --> 00:38:31,490
Ted.

755
00:38:31,492 --> 00:38:33,394
What's you daughter's name,
Billie?

756
00:38:33,494 --> 00:38:35,494
Mmm, Magda.

757
00:38:35,496 --> 00:38:38,032
Magda. That's so pretty.

758
00:38:38,132 --> 00:38:41,802
It is.
She's an angel.

759
00:38:41,902 --> 00:38:48,276
She's beautiful.
She is, it's true.

760
00:38:48,376 --> 00:38:51,412
But she won't eat, you guys.

761
00:38:51,512 --> 00:38:57,618
She doesn't eat. Just maybe
like, like almonds and...

762
00:38:57,718 --> 00:38:59,820
...    and that's it.

763
00:38:59,920 --> 00:39:05,426
And I-- I have told her-- and told--...

764
00:39:05,526 --> 00:39:09,830
...   I'm a good mom.

765
00:39:09,930 --> 00:39:14,635
But she's just wasting
away before my eyes.

766
00:39:14,735 --> 00:39:16,735
She might be anorexic.

767
00:39:16,737 --> 00:39:22,643
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, she's...

768
00:39:22,743 --> 00:39:24,445
...    Anor-- anor--...

769
00:39:24,545 --> 00:39:25,446
...     --rexic.

770
00:39:25,546 --> 00:39:28,649
rexic.

771
00:39:28,749 --> 00:39:34,455
She's beautiful.
Believe me.

772
00:39:34,555 --> 00:39:37,091
Beautiful.

773
00:39:37,191 --> 00:39:47,668
She has all this fur now.
And she has these sideburns.

774
00:39:47,768 --> 00:39:53,107
She's like-- she's like
my own little sloth now.

775
00:39:53,207 --> 00:39:57,111
You know maybe I could cook
for her sometime.

776
00:39:57,211 --> 00:39:58,112
Good luck.

777
00:39:58,212 --> 00:40:00,481
[laughter]...

778
00:40:00,581 --> 00:40:01,682
...    Fat chance.

779
00:40:01,782 --> 00:40:03,884
Ah. No, no, no.

780
00:40:03,984 --> 00:40:06,487
Skinny chance.
Get it?

781
00:40:06,587 --> 00:40:07,688
[laughter]...

782
00:40:07,788 --> 00:40:11,808
...    That's good.
That's funny.

783
00:40:13,545 --> 00:40:15,545
[crying]...

784
00:40:19,551 --> 00:40:25,506
...    She's my baby.
My baby is killing herself.

785
00:40:25,606 --> 00:40:30,478
She is, but she can't die. No.
No she can't. I won't let her.

786
00:40:30,578 --> 00:40:34,515
Like I said I could cook her
a really great meal.

787
00:40:34,615 --> 00:40:35,716
You know, maybe change her tune.

788
00:40:35,816 --> 00:40:38,468
Yeah, you do that.

789
00:40:40,572 --> 00:40:44,925
What's your story,
morning glory? Huh?

790
00:40:45,025 --> 00:40:47,728
You don't talk much.

791
00:40:47,828 --> 00:40:50,847
I think you guys should just talk.

792
00:40:51,783 --> 00:40:53,485
Have you--...

793
00:40:53,585 --> 00:40:57,171
...Have you heard Jordan's Dylan?

794
00:40:57,271 --> 00:40:58,439
No.

795
00:40:58,539 --> 00:41:05,546
You have to do it for Tim.
Tim, Tim, you have to hear this.

796
00:41:05,646 --> 00:41:08,549
Close your eyes and then just listen.

797
00:41:08,649 --> 00:41:10,751
Do it. Do it.

798
00:41:10,851 --> 00:41:13,554
(Dylan) I love hanging out
with Billie and Tim.

799
00:41:13,654 --> 00:41:14,755
[laughter]...

800
00:41:14,855 --> 00:41:16,190
...   Isn't that great?

801
00:41:16,290 --> 00:41:18,009
That was great.

802
00:41:18,109 --> 00:41:20,109
Isn't that spot on?

803
00:41:22,013 --> 00:41:30,571
Oh. I don't know how you guys do
it but I have to go hit the hay.

804
00:41:30,671 --> 00:41:31,889
Well, sweet dreams.

805
00:41:31,989 --> 00:41:33,207
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Sit back down, sit back down.

806
00:41:33,307 --> 00:41:35,209
Not yet, not yet, not yet,
not yet, not yet, not yet.

807
00:41:35,309 --> 00:41:38,579
I have a surprise for us.

808
00:41:38,679 --> 00:41:39,780
Yeah. It's a game.

809
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:40,781
Game?

810
00:41:40,881 --> 00:41:43,584
Yeah. We're gonna play a game.

811
00:41:43,684 --> 00:41:45,586
Magda has a Nintendo in her room.

812
00:41:45,686 --> 00:41:47,221
Oh no, no, no.
Not that kind of game.

813
00:41:47,321 --> 00:41:49,223
This is a brand new game.

814
00:41:49,323 --> 00:41:52,226
It's called, 'The Butt Game'.

815
00:41:52,326 --> 00:41:53,594
What?

816
00:41:53,694 --> 00:41:56,697
Yeah.

817
00:41:56,797 --> 00:41:59,800
We all are gonna show our butts
against that wall right there...

818
00:41:59,900 --> 00:42:01,602
...  for ten seconds each.

819
00:42:01,702 --> 00:42:05,239
No. You're crazy.
That's not a real game.

820
00:42:05,339 --> 00:42:08,314
No, it is a real game.
It's my game.

821
00:42:08,342 --> 00:42:11,011
And it's easy because we all win.

822
00:42:11,111 --> 00:42:14,014
You just show your butt,
and then, you win.

823
00:42:14,114 --> 00:42:15,616
Why would we do that?

824
00:42:15,716 --> 00:42:17,618
Yeah, why would we do that?

825
00:42:17,718 --> 00:42:19,820
Because, Ben,

826
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:23,023
it's to show that it's not a
big deal to have a butt.

827
00:42:23,123 --> 00:42:25,826
Okay? We all have a butt.

828
00:42:25,926 --> 00:42:29,630
By showing them,
we free ourselves from...

829
00:42:29,730 --> 00:42:33,634
...   all this stupid business about butts.

830
00:42:33,734 --> 00:42:36,553
You know what?
I'm gonna go first.

831
00:42:37,689 --> 00:42:41,275
Aww, that's a cute little butt.

832
00:42:41,375 --> 00:42:43,644
Yeah. I gotta cute butt.

833
00:42:43,744 --> 00:42:45,846
[laughter]...

834
00:42:45,946 --> 00:42:50,851
...Alright. What a fun new game.
Who's next?

835
00:42:50,951 --> 00:42:53,854
Me. I'm next.

836
00:42:53,954 --> 00:42:56,606
Alright, Ted's next.

837
00:42:57,909 --> 00:42:59,660
Here we go.

838
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:02,863
Look, Billie. Ted's trying to
show you something.

839
00:43:02,963 --> 00:43:06,867
Oh my goodness.
Ugly butt.

840
00:43:06,967 --> 00:43:09,670
Ha ha. Billie doesn't like Ted's butt.

841
00:43:09,770 --> 00:43:11,672
Billie likes my butt better, huh?

842
00:43:11,772 --> 00:43:13,307
I do. I do.

843
00:43:13,407 --> 00:43:16,677
That was ten. Sorry that
didn't work for you, Billie.

844
00:43:16,777 --> 00:43:17,678
I'm sleepy.

845
00:43:17,778 --> 00:43:20,681
Alright, who's up now?

846
00:43:20,781 --> 00:43:23,684
I think I know who's up next.

847
00:43:23,784 --> 00:43:25,686
Billie do you know who's up next?

848
00:43:25,786 --> 00:43:28,689
You're up next.
It's Billie's butt.

849
00:43:28,789 --> 00:43:30,691
She doesn't want to play.

850
00:43:30,791 --> 00:43:32,693
Of course she does.
She just needs a little help.

851
00:43:32,793 --> 00:43:34,793
C'mon, help her out.

852
00:43:35,747 --> 00:43:37,898
Don't worry, we're here for you.

853
00:43:37,998 --> 00:43:41,902
Alright. Here we go.
Up against the butt wall.

854
00:43:42,002 --> 00:43:43,704
What am I doing again?

855
00:43:43,804 --> 00:43:45,339
It's the butt game.

856
00:43:45,439 --> 00:43:47,341
No, no, no. That's okay.

857
00:43:47,441 --> 00:43:48,909
No, no. Billie, Billie,

858
00:43:49,009 --> 00:43:51,712
Ted and I already went so it's your turn.

859
00:43:51,812 --> 00:43:54,715
Now remember we're
having a great time.

860
00:43:54,815 --> 00:43:56,917
So you don't want to ruin it.
Alright?

861
00:43:57,017 --> 00:43:58,719
It's not like you have to spread
it or anything. Let's go.

862
00:43:58,819 --> 00:44:02,639
Fine. Give me a sec. Jeez.

863
00:44:09,781 --> 00:44:11,131
Wow that's great, Billie.

864
00:44:11,231 --> 00:44:12,600
Billie, you're doing a great job.

865
00:44:12,700 --> 00:44:16,737
...4, 5, oh no, no...

866
00:44:16,837 --> 00:44:19,740
...    Okay, okay.
Alright.

867
00:44:19,840 --> 00:44:21,041
Now the game's over.

868
00:44:21,141 --> 00:44:22,743
Get the camera.

869
00:44:22,843 --> 00:44:24,378
We need to leave before she
wakes up and calls the police.

870
00:44:24,478 --> 00:44:25,946
No, no, no. I'm going in.

871
00:44:26,046 --> 00:44:26,947
MUSIC...

872
00:44:27,047 --> 00:44:28,749
...   What do you mean you're going in?

873
00:44:28,849 --> 00:44:30,951
There's no time for right or
wrong right now, okay?

874
00:44:31,051 --> 00:44:34,755
I'm going in. Get the camera.

875
00:44:34,855 --> 00:44:38,000
Jordan, this is frat boy,
Roofie rape.

876
00:44:38,058 --> 00:44:40,761
If you're forced to go on a
midnight sex run,

877
00:44:40,861 --> 00:44:42,763
you gotta break a few eggs.

878
00:44:42,863 --> 00:44:46,400
Now please get the camera.
Start filming.

879
00:44:46,500 --> 00:44:48,969
Billie?

880
00:44:49,069 --> 00:44:51,087
Get the camera.

881
00:44:52,023 --> 00:44:53,774
Alright, go.

882
00:44:53,874 --> 00:44:56,777
Hey, Jeff. Jordan here.

883
00:44:56,877 --> 00:45:00,781
At the house of a fifty-
something year old house wife.

884
00:45:00,881 --> 00:45:02,783
Things were going great.

885
00:45:02,883 --> 00:45:04,985
Uh, we chose to use the
roofie you provided...

886
00:45:05,085 --> 00:45:07,788
... just to expedite things --...

887
00:45:07,888 --> 00:45:09,290
...     Roofies?

888
00:45:09,390 --> 00:45:10,791
- - because we're a little behind schedule.

889
00:45:10,891 --> 00:45:12,793
She seemed pretty willing though and...

890
00:45:12,893 --> 00:45:14,795
...  she's a little passed out right now,

891
00:45:14,895 --> 00:45:18,999
but I think in the morning, she
won't think twice about this.

892
00:45:19,099 --> 00:45:21,802
Here we go.

893
00:45:21,902 --> 00:45:25,047
Hey Jeff, this doesn't seem like you.

894
00:45:25,105 --> 00:45:26,807
I'm real disappointed, man.

895
00:45:26,907 --> 00:45:29,882
But if it gets my dad back,
fuck it.

896
00:45:29,910 --> 00:45:31,910
MOTHER.

897
00:45:32,497 --> 00:45:36,016
Billie, you seem like a real nice lady, so,

898
00:45:36,116 --> 00:45:39,135
thanks for taking one for the team.

899
00:45:41,873 --> 00:45:44,191
Stop. Stop.

900
00:45:44,291 --> 00:45:45,826
There seems to have been a
breach in protocol.

901
00:45:45,926 --> 00:45:48,729
Just evacuate the premises immediately.

902
00:45:48,829 --> 00:45:51,465
Okay, we'll mark this off as
tagged just get your shit...

903
00:45:51,565 --> 00:45:53,834
...  and get out of there.

904
00:45:53,934 --> 00:45:55,934
Ten four...

905
00:46:00,291 --> 00:46:02,843
...    Momma. Momma.

906
00:46:02,943 --> 00:46:06,046
You've gone too far this time
and I won't have it.

907
00:46:06,146 --> 00:46:07,481
You gave the roofies?

908
00:46:07,581 --> 00:46:09,850
They almost did a deed that
can't be taken back.

909
00:46:09,950 --> 00:46:14,054
Jeff, they robbed you blind.

910
00:46:14,154 --> 00:46:19,084
You'll never know what it's like
to lie naked with a woman.

911
00:46:19,159 --> 00:46:20,861
Huh.

912
00:46:20,961 --> 00:46:24,865
And my grandchildren were
murdered that day.

913
00:46:24,965 --> 00:46:30,871
All the little babies just zapped.

914
00:46:30,971 --> 00:46:32,971
You weren't there.

915
00:46:32,973 --> 00:46:36,076
Ted and Jordan, we we're just
kids. They didn't mean it.

916
00:46:36,176 --> 00:46:38,078
All my life I've just wanted to
be friends with them...

917
00:46:38,178 --> 00:46:39,880
...and momma maybe now I can be
friends with them.

918
00:46:39,980 --> 00:46:41,982
No.

919
00:46:42,082 --> 00:46:44,084
I won't speak their names but
those demons are not...

920
00:46:44,184 --> 00:46:47,087
...  nor will they ever be your friends.

921
00:46:47,187 --> 00:46:50,524
I'm sorry sweetheart but
it's judgement night.

922
00:46:50,624 --> 00:46:53,093
I understand.

923
00:46:53,193 --> 00:46:57,898
I do. And I want them to go on
this filthy sex run,

924
00:46:57,998 --> 00:46:59,900
but it's not going as we planned it.

925
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:04,905
Oh, yes it is. It's going
exactly as I planned it.

926
00:47:05,005 --> 00:47:09,910
Now, go to bed, dear.

927
00:47:10,010 --> 00:47:14,831
Don't make me make you go to bed.

928
00:47:18,603 --> 00:47:20,921
MUSIC
Hey, you alright? Stay focued.

929
00:47:21,021 --> 00:47:23,524
I wanna quit.

930
00:47:23,624 --> 00:47:26,126
C'mon. Think about your dad.
Think about my dad.

931
00:47:26,226 --> 00:47:28,128
She was good to us.
She gave us quiche...

932
00:47:28,228 --> 00:47:30,931
...and you tried to fuckin' show
her your butt and rape her.

933
00:47:31,031 --> 00:47:33,567
Cut the fuckin' rape,
shit talk out.

934
00:47:33,667 --> 00:47:35,936
That's the kind of shit that
follows someone around.

935
00:47:36,036 --> 00:47:39,139
You're fucked in the head.
You're fucked.

936
00:47:39,239 --> 00:47:41,257
What are you doing?

937
00:47:41,993 --> 00:47:43,993
What are you doing?

938
00:47:46,631 --> 00:47:48,582
Hey. Hey, what the fuck are you doing?

939
00:47:48,682 --> 00:47:52,953
I ca-- I can't.
I'm do-- I'm done. I can't.

940
00:47:53,053 --> 00:47:54,588
I don't feel sexy.
I feel fat.

941
00:47:54,688 --> 00:47:55,956
Did you hear what Billie
said about my butt?

942
00:47:56,056 --> 00:47:57,558
She said it was gross.

943
00:47:57,658 --> 00:47:59,159
Hey, c'mon. We're doing good,
alright? We're getting there.

944
00:47:59,259 --> 00:48:02,596
We're getting nowhere.
Nobody wants to sleep with us.

945
00:48:02,696 --> 00:48:05,966
Everyone thinks we're creepy.
And we are creepy.

946
00:48:06,066 --> 00:48:08,168
God damnit. This is so you.

947
00:48:08,268 --> 00:48:12,005
Things get a little difficult,
it must be time to pack it in.

948
00:48:12,105 --> 00:48:14,174
I didn't get into the one grad
school I applied to.

949
00:48:14,274 --> 00:48:16,577
I guess I'll just be a delivery
boy for the rest of my life.

950
00:48:16,677 --> 00:48:18,579
That's big talk coming from
someone who almost booked...

951
00:48:18,679 --> 00:48:20,798
... a Wheat Thins commercial
two years ago.

952
00:48:20,898 --> 00:48:23,016
Okay, now you're proving my
point. We've done nothing but...

953
00:48:23,116 --> 00:48:24,985
... disappoint our dads our entire lives.

954
00:48:25,085 --> 00:48:27,621
We finally have a chance
to make it up to them...

955
00:48:27,721 --> 00:48:29,623
...   by completing this midnight sex run.

956
00:48:29,723 --> 00:48:31,992
Will you stop calling it midnight sex run?

957
00:48:32,092 --> 00:48:34,194
Fine, you can call it whatever
you want, but we're not done.

958
00:48:34,294 --> 00:48:35,996
We got one down,
a few more to go.

959
00:48:36,096 --> 00:48:40,000
We've got none down.
We got none of them.

960
00:48:40,100 --> 00:48:42,202
Why'd they give us that roofie
tonight? Think about it.

961
00:48:42,302 --> 00:48:44,004
They wanted to film us raping that lady.

962
00:48:44,104 --> 00:48:45,405
They want us to get caught.

963
00:48:45,505 --> 00:48:47,207
You think they're gonna let our dads go?

964
00:48:47,307 --> 00:48:49,009
You think they're gonna
let us go after that?

965
00:48:49,109 --> 00:48:52,012
No. We're gonna go to jail.
We're gonna be orphans in jail.

966
00:48:52,112 --> 00:48:54,648
And then we're gonna get raped.
And consciously.

967
00:48:54,748 --> 00:48:58,968
No. Fuck it. I'm done. I'm done.

968
00:49:00,071 --> 00:49:04,066
I was prepared to take a
bullet for you tonight.

969
00:49:04,124 --> 00:49:07,027
Now I guess I don't have a choice.

970
00:49:07,127 --> 00:49:09,029
Where the fuck are you gonna go?
Where are you going?

971
00:49:09,129 --> 00:49:12,232
I'm gonna go save our dads.
Oh, and when I do,

972
00:49:12,332 --> 00:49:14,234
if we need someone to
deliver us a victory cake,

973
00:49:14,334 --> 00:49:17,353
I'll give you a call.

974
00:49:24,295 --> 00:49:27,047
I didn't talk to my father
for a whole year once.

975
00:49:27,147 --> 00:49:29,147
A year? What'd you do?

976
00:49:29,149 --> 00:49:32,052
He ws eating some flap jacks
and he got some...

977
00:49:32,152 --> 00:49:36,256
...syrup up around his mouth there,
and I just said to him,

978
00:49:36,356 --> 00:49:39,693
'Hey pop it looks like you
got lip gloss on.'

979
00:49:39,793 --> 00:49:43,697
Oh man, he belted me.

980
00:49:43,797 --> 00:49:46,066
My old man didn't go in
for that gay business.

981
00:49:46,166 --> 00:49:48,166
You emasculated him.

982
00:49:48,168 --> 00:49:51,313
You challenged his role as protector.

983
00:49:51,371 --> 00:49:54,274
Well, he's not here to protect me now.

984
00:49:54,374 --> 00:50:01,397
It's up to my Jordan and your
Ted. And this midnight sex run.

985
00:50:03,134 --> 00:50:05,134
Hey.

986
00:50:06,771 --> 00:50:11,091
Jordan, um, I-- I'm sorry
about the misunderstanding.

987
00:50:11,191 --> 00:50:13,293
Ya you should be.

988
00:50:13,393 --> 00:50:16,296
Fuck it. It's dad saving time.
Who's next?

989
00:50:16,396 --> 00:50:18,498
Well, um... midget.

990
00:50:18,598 --> 00:50:20,100
No. Too stupid.

991
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:24,738
Fuck. Um, well, I think I have
something written down.

992
00:50:24,838 --> 00:50:27,107
A midget. No...
a punk rock girl.

993
00:50:27,207 --> 00:50:29,109
Punk rock girl. You got it.

994
00:50:29,209 --> 00:50:30,744
Listen, Ted and I split up for this one.

995
00:50:30,844 --> 00:50:34,314
Just so you know, we're
not together anymore.

996
00:50:34,414 --> 00:50:37,317
Oh, um, I guess that's okay...

997
00:50:37,417 --> 00:50:41,755
...but, I kind of always pictured
you two doing it together.

998
00:50:41,855 --> 00:50:44,073
Yeah. Me too.

999
00:50:45,810 --> 00:50:49,329
Ah. Ah. Rawr.

1000
00:50:49,429 --> 00:50:53,533
Cock-brains chinks wanna throw
out perfectly good slaw.

1001
00:50:53,633 --> 00:50:55,335
Hello?

1002
00:50:55,435 --> 00:50:57,137
Yeah, I just lost my wallet or soething.

1003
00:50:57,237 --> 00:50:58,338
Do you want some help looking for it?

1004
00:50:58,438 --> 00:51:00,340
Oh shit, I thought you were a cop,

1005
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:02,542
or at least you were Sanjaya.

1006
00:51:02,642 --> 00:51:04,778
Who's that? Is Sanjaya your boyfriend?

1007
00:51:04,878 --> 00:51:06,346
Oh ya, I'm just fucking in love...

1008
00:51:06,446 --> 00:51:09,149
... with the towel head that
manages this shit hole.

1009
00:51:09,249 --> 00:51:11,752
[laughter]...

1010
00:51:11,852 --> 00:51:14,354
...I have a wallet if you want me
to get you something.

1011
00:51:14,454 --> 00:51:15,789
If you wanna have a party or something,

1012
00:51:15,889 --> 00:51:17,357
I can buy us some stuff.

1013
00:51:17,457 --> 00:51:20,160
Oh wow...

1014
00:51:20,260 --> 00:51:25,445
...A jew with a wallet willing to
part with some fucking cash.

1015
00:51:26,851 --> 00:51:28,324
Ted,

1016
00:51:28,424 --> 00:51:29,847
You there, friend?

1017
00:51:29,947 --> 00:51:31,371
Listen, you were right about the roofies.

1018
00:51:31,471 --> 00:51:35,124
That wasn't me.
I wouldn't to that. Okay?

1019
00:51:36,427 --> 00:51:38,467
Hey, how's my dad doing?

1020
00:51:38,478 --> 00:51:43,817
Fine, um, we got him some pizza.

1021
00:51:43,917 --> 00:51:47,187
I think he's re-sequencing the
White Album or something?

1022
00:51:47,287 --> 00:51:49,189
Ya my dad loves the Beatles.

1023
00:51:49,289 --> 00:51:52,192
You're a lucky guy.

1024
00:51:52,292 --> 00:51:58,198
He's really-- He's really cool.

1025
00:51:58,298 --> 00:51:59,399
Fuck it.

1026
00:51:59,499 --> 00:52:02,202
Alright, give me my next assignment.

1027
00:52:02,302 --> 00:52:03,837
Really? You mean it?

1028
00:52:03,937 --> 00:52:06,206
Yeah, before I change my mind.
Who's next? Who's next?

1029
00:52:06,306 --> 00:52:10,410
Fantastic. Well I've always
wanted to see you go toe to toe...

1030
00:52:10,510 --> 00:52:13,213
... with a female comedianne.

1031
00:52:13,313 --> 00:52:15,716
That's great.

1032
00:52:15,816 --> 00:52:18,218
There's a stand up place called
the Belly Laughs...

1033
00:52:18,318 --> 00:52:21,293
...about four blocks away from you.

1034
00:52:21,321 --> 00:52:23,423
I'm tracking you movements.

1035
00:52:23,523 --> 00:52:24,424
It's cool, huh?

1036
00:52:24,524 --> 00:52:26,226
Yeah, that's awesome.

1037
00:52:26,326 --> 00:52:28,326
Copy that.

1038
00:52:30,281 --> 00:52:34,234
Back the fuck up, Pablo.
This dumpster is ocupado.

1039
00:52:34,334 --> 00:52:35,635
Is that your boyfriend?

1040
00:52:35,735 --> 00:52:37,237
Fuck off, Screech.

1041
00:52:37,337 --> 00:52:40,156
Give me my Jesus piss.

1042
00:52:41,292 --> 00:52:43,443
Hey, you live around here?
We can go drink that.

1043
00:52:43,543 --> 00:52:46,246
I live with Aaron.

1044
00:52:46,346 --> 00:52:47,748
That's cool.

1045
00:52:47,848 --> 00:52:49,249
Don't act like you know him.

1046
00:52:49,349 --> 00:52:52,886
Aaron's a mother fuckin'
tattoo artist genius.

1047
00:52:52,986 --> 00:52:54,654
He's designing my sleeve.

1048
00:52:54,754 --> 00:52:56,256
That's cool.
What are you getting?

1049
00:52:56,356 --> 00:52:59,259
It's just me fisting your
mom up to my elbow.

1050
00:52:59,359 --> 00:53:02,262
You know, pull out,
it's all mom ass.

1051
00:53:02,362 --> 00:53:04,464
Mom dingleberries hanging from it.

1052
00:53:04,564 --> 00:53:07,467
I'd love to see the design.
Right away would be good.

1053
00:53:07,567 --> 00:53:10,470
What're you saying? You wanna
follow me back to my crib?

1054
00:53:10,570 --> 00:53:14,674
Drink my wine?
Worm your way into my pussy?

1055
00:53:14,774 --> 00:53:17,911
We could do that, yeah.

1056
00:53:18,011 --> 00:53:21,230
[fart and sex noises]...

1057
00:53:22,533 --> 00:53:24,600
...     [laughter]...

1058
00:53:35,346 --> 00:53:38,298
... And this guys nuts smelled
bad enough as it is.

1059
00:53:38,398 --> 00:53:43,303
Yup. Now they're
chocolate covered nuts.

1060
00:53:43,403 --> 00:53:44,805
[loud, distorted guitar]...

1061
00:53:44,905 --> 00:53:46,306
... Yeah. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon.
Freestyle.

1062
00:53:46,406 --> 00:53:47,507
I can't. I can't.

1063
00:53:47,607 --> 00:53:48,708
Hit me with a freestyle.

1064
00:53:48,808 --> 00:53:50,310
[beat boxing]...

1065
00:53:50,410 --> 00:53:53,313
...  I can't. Stop... stop.

1066
00:53:53,413 --> 00:53:54,314
So what's up then?

1067
00:53:54,414 --> 00:53:56,414
You got cars?

1068
00:53:56,416 --> 00:53:59,719
Yeah. I have a car. Sure.

1069
00:53:59,819 --> 00:54:01,521
What kind of car you got?

1070
00:54:01,621 --> 00:54:04,958
It's a 2005 BMW.

1071
00:54:05,058 --> 00:54:07,727
Oh shit.
[loud, distorted guitar again].

1072
00:54:07,827 --> 00:54:09,963
Yeah. C'mon, c'mon. Fuck it up.

1073
00:54:10,063 --> 00:54:13,333
That's a beamer song, man.
Look at you and your beamer...

1074
00:54:13,433 --> 00:54:17,337
...  and your iced expresso
motha fuckin' machine.

1075
00:54:17,437 --> 00:54:18,522
Yeah.

1076
00:54:18,622 --> 00:54:19,706
How come you know Kelsey?

1077
00:54:19,806 --> 00:54:22,342
We met at a dumpster earlier.

1078
00:54:22,442 --> 00:54:25,345
Ya'll met at a dumpster and
then you came into my house?

1079
00:54:25,445 --> 00:54:25,979
Yeah.

1080
00:54:26,079 --> 00:54:27,547
Hey Jew boy. Come here.

1081
00:54:27,647 --> 00:54:28,348
Kelsey.

1082
00:54:28,448 --> 00:54:29,749
That's her. Excuse me.

1083
00:54:29,849 --> 00:54:33,353
No, no, no. Yo, yo, yo,
are you askin' or tellin' me?

1084
00:54:33,453 --> 00:54:35,453
What?

1085
00:54:35,455 --> 00:54:37,357
A said are you askin' me, or tellin' me?

1086
00:54:37,457 --> 00:54:38,758
Askin' or tellin'?

1087
00:54:38,858 --> 00:54:41,361
It's two mu fuckin'--...

1088
00:54:41,461 --> 00:54:43,563
...   Askin' or tellin'?

1089
00:54:43,663 --> 00:54:46,766
Askin'...

1090
00:54:46,866 --> 00:54:48,884
...    or tellin'?

1091
00:54:50,621 --> 00:54:52,688
Askin'...

1092
00:54:56,427 --> 00:54:58,011
...    It's a riddle.

1093
00:54:58,111 --> 00:54:59,329
It's a what?

1094
00:54:59,429 --> 00:55:01,429
You wait here.

1095
00:55:02,433 --> 00:55:05,385
Oh.

1096
00:55:05,485 --> 00:55:08,388
Hey, dude. Get in here.
C'mon. Oh fuck.

1097
00:55:08,488 --> 00:55:12,926
Sorry this isn't very J Crew
of me. Gimme some fire.

1098
00:55:13,026 --> 00:55:16,396
I need a light, Schlomo.
The matches are over there.

1099
00:55:16,496 --> 00:55:20,831
I got a big piece of crap
hanging out of my asshole.

1100
00:55:27,458 --> 00:55:30,410
[cough] Very cool.

1101
00:55:30,510 --> 00:55:32,045
Ahh...
[pooping]...

1102
00:55:32,145 --> 00:55:35,364
... Yup, that melted my spike.

1103
00:55:35,866 --> 00:55:37,933
C'mon, fuck-o.

1104
00:55:40,471 --> 00:55:42,471
MUSIC...

1105
00:55:46,677 --> 00:55:50,430
...Well that's my time, lesbians.
My name is Kate Mancini,

1106
00:55:50,530 --> 00:55:55,375
and I'll be in the lobby giving
shitty blowjobs all night.

1107
00:55:59,123 --> 00:56:01,641
Hey, just a warning on those.
This is a woman who took...

1108
00:56:01,741 --> 00:56:04,444
...blowjob lessons by watching
a dog lick peanut butter...

1109
00:56:04,544 --> 00:56:06,446
...off the top of it's mouth, so...

1110
00:56:06,546 --> 00:56:11,136
...she's not kidding about those
shitty blowjob, folks.

1111
00:56:14,505 --> 00:56:16,505
[clapping]...

1112
00:56:16,907 --> 00:56:18,458
...     Fuck yeah.

1113
00:56:18,558 --> 00:56:20,660
What? Are you here for the
shitty blowjob?

1114
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:23,863
Yeah. Where do I sign in?
I want one.

1115
00:56:23,963 --> 00:56:27,667
Well whip it out brother. Your
dick isn't gonna suck itself.

1116
00:56:27,767 --> 00:56:31,104
Kate, you are so fucking funny.
You're hysterical.

1117
00:56:31,204 --> 00:56:33,790
I'm a huge fan.

1118
00:56:33,890 --> 00:56:36,476
Yeah right. I always zero in on
the chode who isn't laughing...

1119
00:56:36,576 --> 00:56:38,078
...and tonight, that chode was you.

1120
00:56:38,178 --> 00:56:39,679
I'm gonna laugh a lot later
when I'm at home,

1121
00:56:39,779 --> 00:56:41,114
alone with all my cats.

1122
00:56:41,214 --> 00:56:44,117
Wow. You are such a kiss ass.

1123
00:56:44,217 --> 00:56:48,488
So, where the fuck...
do you live?

1124
00:56:48,588 --> 00:56:49,689
I'm sorry that's a little forward.

1125
00:56:49,789 --> 00:56:50,490
Where do you live?

1126
00:56:50,590 --> 00:56:52,590
I rep Long Beach, son.

1127
00:56:52,592 --> 00:56:55,495
You're gonna drive back to
Long Beach tonight?

1128
00:56:55,595 --> 00:56:59,499
In the dark?
You should get a hotel room.

1129
00:56:59,599 --> 00:57:01,701
What do you own a fucking
Days Inn or something?

1130
00:57:01,801 --> 00:57:04,504
Oh, are you a housekeeper?

1131
00:57:04,604 --> 00:57:06,139
[chuckle] There you go again.

1132
00:57:06,239 --> 00:57:07,507
[knock, knock]...

1133
00:57:07,607 --> 00:57:10,510
...    'Housekeeping.
I here to steal iPad.'

1134
00:57:10,610 --> 00:57:14,514
I'm not a housekeeper. I'm just
a guy who's enjoying your riff...

1135
00:57:14,614 --> 00:57:16,716
... so much, that he wants to
get you a hotel room--...

1136
00:57:16,816 --> 00:57:21,521
... Get a room? Hmm. And hang
out, and get raped...

1137
00:57:21,621 --> 00:57:25,158
...by a Frankenstein impersonator?
Pass.

1138
00:57:25,258 --> 00:57:29,729
Raped? Raped? Rape?

1139
00:57:29,829 --> 00:57:31,829
Nobody rapes anymore.

1140
00:57:31,831 --> 00:57:34,534
That's out. You know what's in?

1141
00:57:34,634 --> 00:57:37,737
Hotel rooms. Get in hotel
rooms with strangers.

1142
00:57:37,837 --> 00:57:41,174
And I'm gonna give you a bath,
and I'm gonna tuck you into bed,

1143
00:57:41,274 --> 00:57:43,460
and I'm gonna give you a
glass of warm milk,

1144
00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:45,745
and I'm gonna read you a story.
Something from the Bible.

1145
00:57:45,845 --> 00:57:48,748
So I'd be like your daughter
and you'd be like my dad?

1146
00:57:48,848 --> 00:57:50,550
If that's what you took from that, yes.

1147
00:57:50,650 --> 00:57:52,552
And you'd, comb the knots out of my hair,

1148
00:57:52,652 --> 00:57:54,754
talcum my pink asshole and check
for monsters under my bed...

1149
00:57:54,854 --> 00:57:56,556
...  'cause you're my dad?

1150
00:57:56,656 --> 00:58:00,560
Yeah. All three. I'm your dad.

1151
00:58:00,660 --> 00:58:02,660
That would be amazing.

1152
00:58:02,662 --> 00:58:04,564
Are you being serious
about this right now?

1153
00:58:04,664 --> 00:58:05,965
'Cause I'm totally being serious.

1154
00:58:06,065 --> 00:58:08,568
I will do that shit all
night. You have no idea.

1155
00:58:08,668 --> 00:58:10,570
Well, I'm being serious...

1156
00:58:10,670 --> 00:58:14,574
... young lady, now let's go.
Or no supper, no nothing.

1157
00:58:14,674 --> 00:58:16,076
Now let's go. C'mon.

1158
00:58:16,176 --> 00:58:17,577
Oh, but daddy, I have to tinkle.

1159
00:58:17,677 --> 00:58:20,580
You can tinkle at the motel, now
let's go, Kathrine. Chop, chop.

1160
00:58:20,680 --> 00:58:24,590
Or I'll turn this car
around, you little bitch.

1161
00:58:29,273 --> 00:58:30,590
Okay. Alright. Okay.

1162
00:58:30,690 --> 00:58:32,690
Touch my chicken.

1163
00:58:35,646 --> 00:58:37,646
[sniff] MUSIC...

1164
00:58:37,697 --> 00:58:39,599
...   I'm writing this movie about ferries.

1165
00:58:39,699 --> 00:58:42,235
It's got these three little
fairies that climb the mountain,

1166
00:58:42,335 --> 00:58:43,803
and they all have ferry abortions.

1167
00:58:43,903 --> 00:58:46,806
This Filipino guy I met, he's
gonna produce this shit.

1168
00:58:46,906 --> 00:58:48,924
Produce my shit.

1169
00:58:49,660 --> 00:58:54,614
Fuck, my fuckin' toe nail is
gonna pop the fuck off again.

1170
00:58:54,714 --> 00:58:55,815
[pounding the floor]...

1171
00:58:55,915 --> 00:58:58,017
... What're you doing later?

1172
00:58:58,117 --> 00:59:01,621
Let's go to the beach and
let's fucking find tarantulas,

1173
00:59:01,721 --> 00:59:04,624
and put 'em in a jar,
and eat 'em.

1174
00:59:04,724 --> 00:59:06,626
I gotta get some food coloring.

1175
00:59:06,726 --> 00:59:07,627
I wanna shadow box.

1176
00:59:07,727 --> 00:59:10,029
Okay, you're getting hysterical.

1177
00:59:10,129 --> 00:59:12,147
Come here.

1178
00:59:13,684 --> 00:59:15,835
Oh my God,
You smell like a horse.

1179
00:59:15,935 --> 00:59:17,637
That means it's bath time.

1180
00:59:17,737 --> 00:59:19,038
When you smell like a horse, --...

1181
00:59:19,138 --> 00:59:19,839
...     Bath time.

1182
00:59:19,939 --> 00:59:20,640
- -get with the bath.

1183
00:59:20,740 --> 00:59:22,740
I love bath time.

1184
00:59:24,895 --> 00:59:28,348
But daddy--.

1185
00:59:28,448 --> 00:59:31,851
Oh, honey. You are just going up
right before my very eyes.

1186
00:59:31,951 --> 00:59:36,289
But daddy, why are you trying to
stick you tounge down my thwoat?

1187
00:59:36,389 --> 00:59:38,858
Honey, daddy's worried that
you have a soar throat.

1188
00:59:38,958 --> 00:59:41,661
And I've misplaced my
thermometer so I was going to...

1189
00:59:41,761 --> 00:59:43,663
...  check your temperature with my tongue.

1190
00:59:43,763 --> 00:59:46,666
Yeah. My tonsils are all hurty daddy.

1191
00:59:46,766 --> 00:59:48,668
That's what I was worried about.

1192
00:59:48,768 --> 00:59:50,870
So open up and say 'Ahh'

1193
00:59:50,970 --> 00:59:56,992
Ahhhh.

1194
01:00:00,130 --> 01:00:02,882
Oh my God, you should totally
come on my podcast as my fake,

1195
01:00:02,982 --> 01:00:05,685
creepy dad and I'll interview
you while you try to trick me...

1196
01:00:05,785 --> 01:00:08,321
...into some fucked up molestation.

1197
01:00:08,421 --> 01:00:10,690
That'd be really funny.

1198
01:00:10,790 --> 01:00:12,892
Open your mouth.

1199
01:00:12,992 --> 01:00:13,893
[spit]...

1200
01:00:13,993 --> 01:00:14,694
...      AH.

1201
01:00:14,794 --> 01:00:16,329
[laughter]...

1202
01:00:16,429 --> 01:00:18,698
...Can you stop being punk rock
for five minutes?

1203
01:00:18,798 --> 01:00:22,702
Can you stop being a creepy
robot man with a metal butthole?

1204
01:00:22,802 --> 01:00:26,706
Alright, listen. I'm serious.
Just try it. Act normal.

1205
01:00:26,806 --> 01:00:28,708
One minute.
Ready, set, go.

1206
01:00:28,808 --> 01:00:33,913
'I am a robot rapist. I water my
electric prick with your...

1207
01:00:34,013 --> 01:00:36,716
...  human pussy juice.'

1208
01:00:36,816 --> 01:00:38,351
Okay, let's try something different.

1209
01:00:38,451 --> 01:00:40,720
Let's hang out on the bed,
listen to your music,

1210
01:00:40,820 --> 01:00:42,355
just talk, get to know each other...

1211
01:00:42,455 --> 01:00:45,725
...  Where are you from?
What does your mother do?

1212
01:00:45,825 --> 01:00:47,843
Fuck you.

1213
01:00:48,779 --> 01:00:50,730
How's it going wisenheimer?

1214
01:00:50,830 --> 01:00:51,931
Holy shit.

1215
01:00:52,031 --> 01:00:53,733
I'm sorry. That's another project that I'm...

1216
01:00:53,833 --> 01:00:56,369
...  currently working on.
It's like a side project.

1217
01:00:56,469 --> 01:00:59,372
Walkie fuckin' talkie.

1218
01:00:59,472 --> 01:01:02,742
What are you some kind of Nazi spy?

1219
01:01:02,842 --> 01:01:06,379
'Vizen- Himer, get on zee train
with zee otha priz-ners.

1220
01:01:06,479 --> 01:01:08,748
I vant more lamp shades.'

1221
01:01:08,848 --> 01:01:13,753
'Certainly, frauline. But virst
I must use zee potty.'

1222
01:01:13,853 --> 01:01:15,871
MUSIC...

1223
01:01:16,807 --> 01:01:18,758
...  Take off your uniform.

1224
01:01:18,858 --> 01:01:20,983
Hey. That's a great idea.

1225
01:01:21,060 --> 01:01:21,761
Yeah? You like it?

1226
01:01:21,861 --> 01:01:22,762
Yeah. Let's do that.

1227
01:01:22,862 --> 01:01:23,396
You fuckin' like it?

1228
01:01:23,496 --> 01:01:25,081
Yeah, I love it.

1229
01:01:25,181 --> 01:01:26,766
You love that shit.
You love it.

1230
01:01:26,866 --> 01:01:28,401
Take it off.
Show me those titties.

1231
01:01:28,501 --> 01:01:30,501
Alright.

1232
01:01:31,021 --> 01:01:33,021
Oh, look it Rufus.

1233
01:01:33,072 --> 01:01:36,776
Look at him and his little Jew nipples.

1234
01:01:36,876 --> 01:01:38,978
Hey, what color was
your hair originally?

1235
01:01:39,078 --> 01:01:40,780
Bald.

1236
01:01:40,880 --> 01:01:42,782
You like peanut butter burritos?

1237
01:01:42,882 --> 01:01:44,882
What?

1238
01:01:45,035 --> 01:01:46,786
Hey Jeff, man could you
fuckin' not beep in...

1239
01:01:46,886 --> 01:01:47,987
...   when I'm trying to do my shit?

1240
01:01:48,087 --> 01:01:51,062
Here ye, here ye,
I hereby decree...

1241
01:01:51,090 --> 01:01:54,193
... the implementing of the
sex-run mandated enema.

1242
01:01:54,293 --> 01:01:56,996
But don't worry, I have to
get them all the time.

1243
01:01:57,096 --> 01:02:00,749
It's easy. And mandatory.

1244
01:02:03,487 --> 01:02:05,805
You gotta be fuckin' kidding me.

1245
01:02:05,905 --> 01:02:06,806
You hear from Jordan?

1246
01:02:06,906 --> 01:02:09,809
No, I'm getting kind of worried.

1247
01:02:09,909 --> 01:02:11,444
I'm sure he's doing great.

1248
01:02:11,544 --> 01:02:14,763
Just let me do it. C'mon.

1249
01:02:16,867 --> 01:02:18,918
Great. It's going great.

1250
01:02:19,018 --> 01:02:21,020
I knew you were a faggotron.
I knew it.

1251
01:02:21,120 --> 01:02:25,024
Hey Kate, are you ready for
some serious funny business?

1252
01:02:25,124 --> 01:02:27,124
[blows nose]...

1253
01:02:27,878 --> 01:02:29,462
...  Do a snot rocket...
Oh God.

1254
01:02:29,562 --> 01:02:30,830
Do a snot shot.
Miss, please.

1255
01:02:30,930 --> 01:02:32,148
Do it.

1256
01:02:32,248 --> 01:02:33,466
No. Please. Settle down.

1257
01:02:33,566 --> 01:02:35,468
I gotta go. Ted's giving the enema...

1258
01:02:35,568 --> 01:02:38,838
...   Did you say Ted?
He's back on the run?

1259
01:02:38,938 --> 01:02:42,842
Ted is about to give an enema to
a comedian. Says she's a scream.

1260
01:02:42,942 --> 01:02:45,044
Ya, well I'm doing pretty
good too, Jeff. Alright?

1261
01:02:45,144 --> 01:02:47,046
I'm doin' it with this hot, naked chick.

1262
01:02:47,146 --> 01:02:49,526
Here, here I'll show it you.

1263
01:02:51,902 --> 01:02:55,971
Oh. She's topless.
I can see her breasts.

1264
01:02:57,107 --> 01:03:02,862
Where did YOU come from?
What did YOUR mom do? Huh?

1265
01:03:02,962 --> 01:03:04,962
She's a laugh riot...

1266
01:03:05,916 --> 01:03:07,867
... This is gonna be classic.
It's gonna go viral.

1267
01:03:07,967 --> 01:03:09,502
You're gonna get hits up the wazoo.

1268
01:03:09,602 --> 01:03:11,270
Yeah, my fuckin' wazoo.

1269
01:03:11,370 --> 01:03:13,072
Now you know what you're
doing back there, right?

1270
01:03:13,172 --> 01:03:14,874
You're not gonna make me shit
out of my mouth, right?

1271
01:03:14,974 --> 01:03:18,077
Oh, I don't think so. Here get
on the bed. Get on all fours.

1272
01:03:18,177 --> 01:03:20,079
Just like I used to do with my grandpa.

1273
01:03:20,179 --> 01:03:22,882
Now, faceplant.

1274
01:03:22,982 --> 01:03:24,484
Now I'm gonna raise up that a little.

1275
01:03:24,584 --> 01:03:26,085
Now am I going to feel a little prick?

1276
01:03:26,185 --> 01:03:29,088
God, I can't believe you
talked me into this shit.

1277
01:03:29,188 --> 01:03:30,523
Oh, God.

1278
01:03:30,623 --> 01:03:32,525
I don't feel anything.
Is it in there?

1279
01:03:32,625 --> 01:03:34,293
I don't feel anything at all.

1280
01:03:34,393 --> 01:03:35,094
[spit]...

1281
01:03:35,194 --> 01:03:37,212
...    Patience...

1282
01:03:38,949 --> 01:03:39,899
...  You gotta be patient.

1283
01:03:39,999 --> 01:03:42,902
Ah. Good morning, Vietnam.

1284
01:03:43,002 --> 01:03:46,906
It's really in there.
Looks just like the diagram.

1285
01:03:47,006 --> 01:03:48,508
This is classic.

1286
01:03:48,608 --> 01:03:50,109
Make sure you're not in the
way of the camera.

1287
01:03:50,209 --> 01:03:51,911
I'm totally putting this on YouTube.

1288
01:03:52,011 --> 01:03:54,547
Well, I'm totally putting this tube in you...

1289
01:03:54,647 --> 01:03:56,916
... Yes, strike a pose, Madonna.
That's great.

1290
01:03:57,016 --> 01:03:58,918
Ask her if she's ever had
her privates pierced.

1291
01:03:59,018 --> 01:04:01,921
Why don't you ask her, Jeff?
You should be doing this.

1292
01:04:02,021 --> 01:04:05,124
Um, really? Have you ever
pierced your genetalia?

1293
01:04:05,224 --> 01:04:09,929
Yeah, I did a lot. That shit got
infected too and I almost died.

1294
01:04:10,029 --> 01:04:12,031
Wow. She talked to me.

1295
01:04:12,131 --> 01:04:14,133
You should be doing this.
It's fun. It'd be good for you.

1296
01:04:14,233 --> 01:04:16,358
You should be in an oven.

1297
01:04:16,987 --> 01:04:19,572
I think that's enough for one.
I'm starting to get full.

1298
01:04:19,672 --> 01:04:21,096
No room for desert.

1299
01:04:21,196 --> 01:04:22,619
Oh, c'mon, you've only had
like a bag and a half.

1300
01:04:22,719 --> 01:04:24,143
You're doing great.
You're really doing great.

1301
01:04:24,243 --> 01:04:25,945
Oh, no way, it feels like I'm gonna burst.

1302
01:04:26,045 --> 01:04:28,147
You know who's gonna burst? The
crowd. The crowd's gonna burst...

1303
01:04:28,247 --> 01:04:29,949
...from laughter when they see
this fuckin' video.

1304
01:04:30,049 --> 01:04:31,951
You're doing great. Hilarious.

1305
01:04:32,051 --> 01:04:33,953
But it's starting to hurt.
We need to stop this shit.

1306
01:04:34,053 --> 01:04:36,053
Literally.

1307
01:04:36,055 --> 01:04:37,626
Kate, I'm gonna raise your
allowance cuz you're such a good...

1308
01:04:37,726 --> 01:04:37,908
...little girl.

1309
01:04:38,008 --> 01:04:40,960
Now, keep drinking.

1310
01:04:41,060 --> 01:04:43,596
The essence of the life.

1311
01:04:43,696 --> 01:04:46,165
No. You have to fuck Rufus
first. Everybody does.

1312
01:04:46,265 --> 01:04:47,767
How about second?

1313
01:04:47,867 --> 01:04:49,368
Nope. Now. He likes it from behind.

1314
01:04:49,468 --> 01:04:51,121
Fine.

1315
01:04:51,221 --> 01:04:54,289
But I like it from the front.

1316
01:05:08,438 --> 01:05:10,505
You fuckin' Rufus?

1317
01:05:22,252 --> 01:05:24,403
Where you going, Liev Schreiber?

1318
01:05:24,503 --> 01:05:25,504
[door slam].

1319
01:05:25,604 --> 01:05:27,406
How 'bout I kick your ass first?

1320
01:05:27,506 --> 01:05:29,307
Oh, no. I'm cool.

1321
01:05:29,407 --> 01:05:31,209
Oh, you're cool? Bitch come in
here and try to fuck my girl.

1322
01:05:31,309 --> 01:05:33,212
You think you can walk in my
motherfuckin' house and stick...

1323
01:05:33,312 --> 01:05:35,414
...  you're Jew dick in my
motherfuckin' pussy?

1324
01:05:35,514 --> 01:05:38,659
Oh, I'm gonna turn into a creature...

1325
01:05:40,070 --> 01:05:44,023
I'm gonna make you feel regret.

1326
01:05:44,123 --> 01:05:46,123
We're an ogre.

1327
01:05:46,125 --> 01:05:48,125
RAWR.

1328
01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:53,666
Oh, you fucked up. I'm too full.

1329
01:05:53,766 --> 01:05:55,857
I did it just the way the manual said.

1330
01:05:55,957 --> 01:05:58,047
I think you're fine.
You're fine. You're good.

1331
01:05:58,147 --> 01:06:00,238
No, no, no, no. It's stuck.
Call an ambulance.

1332
01:06:00,338 --> 01:06:01,641
No, It's not stuck, I just took it out.

1333
01:06:01,741 --> 01:06:03,042
Here, I can't call 911,
they'll kill my dad.

1334
01:06:03,142 --> 01:06:04,677
But what if something's wrong?
Please...

1335
01:06:04,777 --> 01:06:06,863
...  Nothing's wrong, you
just need to purge.

1336
01:06:06,963 --> 01:06:09,048
You just need to purge, okay?
You just need to push it out.

1337
01:06:09,148 --> 01:06:11,050
You're just kinda full and you
need to push it out, okay?

1338
01:06:11,150 --> 01:06:13,252
Push. Push. PUSH.

1339
01:06:13,352 --> 01:06:15,370
[Anal water blasts]...

1340
01:06:19,309 --> 01:06:21,859
...  [Anal blasts continue]...

1341
01:06:28,318 --> 01:06:29,702
... Throw up on this bitch.

1342
01:06:29,802 --> 01:06:31,802
Okay.

1343
01:06:34,324 --> 01:06:36,075
[Punch] [Bite crunch]...

1344
01:06:36,175 --> 01:06:39,278
...     Ow. Ah.
Oh my God.

1345
01:06:39,378 --> 01:06:42,081
Ah. Ahh.

1346
01:06:42,181 --> 01:06:45,284
You bit my fucking fingers off.

1347
01:06:45,384 --> 01:06:47,402
MUSIC CONTINUES...

1348
01:06:49,773 --> 01:06:53,683
...  Hey. Do you mind if we
call house keeping?

1349
01:07:04,154 --> 01:07:06,154
[Cell phone rings]...

1350
01:07:09,159 --> 01:07:10,509
...      Hello?
Hello?

1351
01:07:10,609 --> 01:07:12,262
Hell-o?

1352
01:07:12,362 --> 01:07:13,746
Hello?

1353
01:07:13,846 --> 01:07:16,115
Hellooo.

1354
01:07:16,215 --> 01:07:18,215
HELLOOOO.

1355
01:07:18,217 --> 01:07:27,326
'Hello. You got me.
Under your spell...

1356
01:07:27,426 --> 01:07:37,336
...  and I fell right away.
Hello, and thank you...

1357
01:07:37,436 --> 01:07:44,292
... for lookin' at me when I was
lookin' at you...'

1358
01:07:44,828 --> 01:07:46,145
I don't wanna hear a joke,

1359
01:07:46,245 --> 01:07:49,148
or see any poop for at least a year.

1360
01:07:49,248 --> 01:07:52,351
Maybe I'm not explaining
mine well enough.

1361
01:07:52,451 --> 01:07:56,155
Look, it doesn't matter.
I'm glad you did it. And...

1362
01:07:56,255 --> 01:07:58,658
... sorry I was mean to you.

1363
01:07:58,758 --> 01:08:01,160
Naw, I deserved it.
I was being a baby.

1364
01:08:01,260 --> 01:08:03,162
I've been kind of a baby this whole time.

1365
01:08:03,262 --> 01:08:05,164
But hey, we're back together now.

1366
01:08:05,264 --> 01:08:07,483
I think we're better together.

1367
01:08:07,583 --> 01:08:09,802
We're much better together.
We can do this. Alright?

1368
01:08:09,902 --> 01:08:13,172
You know what? I'm gonna
beep Jeff right now.

1369
01:08:13,272 --> 01:08:14,807
Ask him for a big one.

1370
01:08:14,907 --> 01:08:17,576
Do it. You know, you're right.
We can do anything together.

1371
01:08:17,676 --> 01:08:18,811
We can do anyone together.

1372
01:08:18,911 --> 01:08:21,380
Kate Hudson? Who cares.
Bring it on.

1373
01:08:21,480 --> 01:08:23,498
Hey, Jeff.

1374
01:08:23,867 --> 01:08:28,187
Listen, I know comedian and
punk rock girl were fruitless,

1375
01:08:28,287 --> 01:08:32,191
but uh, we're gonna make it up to you.

1376
01:08:32,291 --> 01:08:35,266
Give us the hardest one you've got.

1377
01:08:35,294 --> 01:08:37,396
Because I'm back with my best friend,

1378
01:08:37,496 --> 01:08:42,401
and we are gonna crush it.
Big time.

1379
01:08:42,501 --> 01:08:46,205
You're back together, huh.
Well, then.

1380
01:08:46,305 --> 01:08:48,940
I want you to pay a visit to...

1381
01:08:48,941 --> 01:08:53,212
...   Jennifer. Peters.

1382
01:08:53,312 --> 01:08:54,613
Jennifer Peters...

1383
01:08:54,713 --> 01:08:57,216
...Camp Shalom Jennifer Peters?

1384
01:08:57,316 --> 01:08:58,617
She lives here?

1385
01:08:58,717 --> 01:09:00,853
Indeed she does.

1386
01:09:00,953 --> 01:09:04,423
Alright, Jeff. No big speeches.
Just tell us where she is.

1387
01:09:04,523 --> 01:09:07,226
I know exactly where she is.

1388
01:09:07,326 --> 01:09:08,928
Of course he does.

1389
01:09:09,028 --> 01:09:10,629
She's at a bar called 'Bar' and I forbit you...

1390
01:09:10,729 --> 01:09:13,432
... to utter one word about me
or what's going on.

1391
01:09:13,532 --> 01:09:15,234
I forbid it.

1392
01:09:15,334 --> 01:09:18,637
And hey, be good to her.

1393
01:09:18,737 --> 01:09:22,241
Jennifer Peters still exists.

1394
01:09:22,341 --> 01:09:25,244
I can't picture her in the
world we live in now.

1395
01:09:25,344 --> 01:09:26,445
She doesn't fit.

1396
01:09:26,545 --> 01:09:28,047
You were so in love with her.

1397
01:09:28,147 --> 01:09:29,648
You were so in love with her.
Everyone was in love with her.

1398
01:09:29,748 --> 01:09:32,651
Rabbi Gold had to be escorted
off camp grounds by security.

1399
01:09:32,751 --> 01:09:34,253
Alright, let's not sweat it.

1400
01:09:34,353 --> 01:09:37,456
She can't be that kind of
Jennifer Peters anymore.

1401
01:09:37,556 --> 01:09:39,892
Think about it.
She's gotta be disgusting now.

1402
01:09:39,992 --> 01:09:42,661
You're right.
She's probably a big, fat,

1403
01:09:42,761 --> 01:09:44,897
ugly, nasty, skanky
Jennifer Peters now.

1404
01:09:44,997 --> 01:09:46,465
That's the Jennifer Peters she is.

1405
01:09:46,565 --> 01:09:50,269
This is so like Jeff, to give
us something this gross.

1406
01:09:50,369 --> 01:09:52,271
This is so Jeff.
He's fucking with us.

1407
01:09:52,371 --> 01:09:55,006
This is so Jeff.
Disgusting. Ew.

1408
01:09:56,326 --> 01:09:58,911
It's 1:30. We gotta get to
the bar right before last call.

1409
01:09:59,011 --> 01:10:01,697
MUSIC...

1410
01:10:01,797 --> 01:10:04,483
... Oh, great. We're fucked.
No, no, no, no, no, no.

1411
01:10:04,583 --> 01:10:07,486
Jennifer's waiting for us.
We gotta go.

1412
01:10:07,586 --> 01:10:09,488
We're on a midnight sex run.
Let's fuckin' run it.

1413
01:10:09,588 --> 01:10:12,308
C'mon, c'mon.
Let's go. Let's go.

1414
01:10:12,391 --> 01:10:14,391
[honking]...

1415
01:10:14,393 --> 01:10:16,518
...    MUSIC CONTINUES...

1416
01:10:46,576 --> 01:10:48,278
...       Ted.

1417
01:10:48,378 --> 01:10:49,328
Ted.

1418
01:10:49,428 --> 01:10:51,831
Who's that?

1419
01:10:51,931 --> 01:10:54,333
That-- That's just like a side
project I'm working on.

1420
01:10:54,433 --> 01:10:56,433
Ted, I see you.

1421
01:10:56,435 --> 01:11:00,339
Are you seriously not going
to come over and talk to me?

1422
01:11:00,439 --> 01:11:01,340
Nice to see you.

1423
01:11:01,440 --> 01:11:03,440
Good to see you too.

1424
01:11:03,442 --> 01:11:04,343
I'm kind of in the middle of something.

1425
01:11:04,443 --> 01:11:05,544
No. Not gonna let go.

1426
01:11:05,644 --> 01:11:07,662
MUSIC...

1427
01:11:31,621 --> 01:11:33,572
... It's really you, right?

1428
01:11:33,672 --> 01:11:35,374
I'm not dreaming?

1429
01:11:35,474 --> 01:11:36,775
If it's a dream than it's mine.

1430
01:11:36,875 --> 01:11:39,378
I can't believe I'm
standing in a bar at 2 A.M.

1431
01:11:39,478 --> 01:11:41,780
next to Jordan from Camp Shalom.

1432
01:11:41,880 --> 01:11:44,383
Jennifer Peters...

1433
01:11:44,483 --> 01:11:45,384
...     Shalom.

1434
01:11:45,484 --> 01:11:47,887
Shalom.

1435
01:11:47,987 --> 01:11:50,389
What're you doing here? This
is such a crazy surprise...

1436
01:11:50,489 --> 01:11:52,591
...   and coincidence.

1437
01:11:52,691 --> 01:11:55,027
I didn't know you lived in L.A.
but it totally makes sense.

1438
01:11:55,127 --> 01:11:56,595
You were always so funny and talented...

1439
01:11:56,695 --> 01:11:58,797
... in our camp productions.

1440
01:11:58,897 --> 01:12:01,100
It's true.

1441
01:12:01,200 --> 01:12:03,402
Yeah. Remember when we put on
Tortoise and the Hare?

1442
01:12:03,502 --> 01:12:06,038
You were the Hare and you
were so bratty-- adorable,

1443
01:12:06,138 --> 01:12:09,408
but bratty-- that you actually
won the race at the end?

1444
01:12:09,508 --> 01:12:11,110
Well it made more sense.
I mean,

1445
01:12:11,210 --> 01:12:12,811
The Hare would have been
refreshed after his nap.

1446
01:12:12,911 --> 01:12:14,413
Think about it.

1447
01:12:14,513 --> 01:12:17,416
Well, I had to console the
Tortoise all night.

1448
01:12:17,516 --> 01:12:22,621
I do remember that. He was
crying. Poor kid. Who was that?

1449
01:12:22,721 --> 01:12:24,721
It was Jeff.

1450
01:12:24,723 --> 01:12:25,691
Oh.

1451
01:12:25,791 --> 01:12:28,627
So I haven't heard from you in two days.

1452
01:12:28,727 --> 01:12:30,429
What's the deal?
You over it?

1453
01:12:30,529 --> 01:12:32,064
No. I got real busy.

1454
01:12:32,164 --> 01:12:34,433
Oh, really? All of the sudden?
That must be nice.

1455
01:12:34,533 --> 01:12:36,635
No. It's not nice.

1456
01:12:36,735 --> 01:12:39,638
Really? Well I don't know man,
it's kind of weird because,

1457
01:12:39,738 --> 01:12:44,668
you know, you were all high on
me, texting non-stop, and...

1458
01:12:44,743 --> 01:12:47,446
... I don't know, I thought,
I miss my funny Teddy texts.

1459
01:12:47,546 --> 01:12:51,083
Well, I haven't felt too funny lately, so...

1460
01:12:51,183 --> 01:12:55,454
...  I even miss the gross pictures at night.

1461
01:12:55,554 --> 01:12:57,089
Really?

1462
01:12:57,189 --> 01:12:59,458
I can get you more of those.
Okay?

1463
01:12:59,558 --> 01:13:03,462
'Hey There. You're a good little
boy. You're going to be okay.

1464
01:13:03,562 --> 01:13:07,466
Gimme a kiss. All better.

1465
01:13:07,566 --> 01:13:09,969
That's how you did it?

1466
01:13:10,069 --> 01:13:12,471
Well, yeah. It was better,
but yeah. Basically.

1467
01:13:12,571 --> 01:13:14,673
Anyway, enough about me.
What about you?

1468
01:13:14,773 --> 01:13:16,675
What have you been doing?
I mean, it's been years.

1469
01:13:16,775 --> 01:13:18,477
You could of done
anything you wanted.

1470
01:13:18,577 --> 01:13:20,879
That's not even close to true.

1471
01:13:20,979 --> 01:13:23,682
I am merely a nurse.

1472
01:13:23,782 --> 01:13:24,683
A nurse?

1473
01:13:24,783 --> 01:13:27,486
Yeah. You know like um...

1474
01:13:27,586 --> 01:13:30,122
...'Get me the paddles-- Stat.'
That kind of thing.

1475
01:13:30,222 --> 01:13:33,125
Yeah. Wow. I feel so stupid
trying to sell you Band-Aids.

1476
01:13:33,225 --> 01:13:36,444
You're a nurse.

1477
01:13:36,746 --> 01:13:38,130
Tell me more. What else?

1478
01:13:38,230 --> 01:13:39,698
Uh, you want more, let's see...

1479
01:13:39,798 --> 01:13:41,700
...   I want everything.

1480
01:13:41,800 --> 01:13:43,702
Okay. I volunteer at the homeless shelter.

1481
01:13:43,802 --> 01:13:46,505
I'm on cornbread detail.

1482
01:13:46,605 --> 01:13:49,141
And I've been taking a
stand-up comedy class,

1483
01:13:49,241 --> 01:13:51,910
but that's mostly to get over my
fear of being on stage because...

1484
01:13:52,010 --> 01:13:54,713
...I've been playing guitar in
an all girl punk band.

1485
01:13:54,813 --> 01:13:58,517
That's amazing.
You're all of them...

1486
01:13:58,617 --> 01:14:00,519
I mean you're the whole package.

1487
01:14:00,619 --> 01:14:02,721
Maybe we should do lunch
some time this week?

1488
01:14:02,821 --> 01:14:04,523
Lunch? No. No.

1489
01:14:04,623 --> 01:14:05,157
What?

1490
01:14:05,257 --> 01:14:07,726
I said no. No lunches.

1491
01:14:07,826 --> 01:14:09,161
Calm down.

1492
01:14:09,261 --> 01:14:09,928
I'm cool. No lunches.

1493
01:14:10,028 --> 01:14:10,529
Fine.

1494
01:14:10,629 --> 01:14:12,348
No lunch.

1495
01:14:12,448 --> 01:14:14,166
Okay. Fine. No more lunches.
Maybe dinner?

1496
01:14:14,266 --> 01:14:15,534
Dinner I can do. Dinner's fine.

1497
01:14:15,634 --> 01:14:17,536
But I gotta go.
Now I really gotta go.

1498
01:14:17,636 --> 01:14:19,538
Alright? Thank you. Alright?
What're you doi--...

1499
01:14:19,638 --> 01:14:20,539
...      [kiss]...

1500
01:14:20,639 --> 01:14:22,541
...I've been wanting to do that.

1501
01:14:22,641 --> 01:14:23,542
Okay. You gotta let go.
Just stand here.

1502
01:14:23,642 --> 01:14:25,361
Talk to me forever.

1503
01:14:25,461 --> 01:14:27,179
No, I can't talk to you forever.
I gotta go. Please let go.

1504
01:14:27,279 --> 01:14:28,547
Please. Please let go.

1505
01:14:28,647 --> 01:14:30,647
You're so sweet now.

1506
01:14:30,649 --> 01:14:34,814
Decreased testosterone has
again worked its magic.

1507
01:14:35,605 --> 01:14:40,675
Are you kidding me?
This guy too.

1508
01:14:41,811 --> 01:14:43,262
Oh.

1509
01:14:43,362 --> 01:14:44,763
Oh? All I get is an 'Oh'?

1510
01:14:44,863 --> 01:14:47,566
Are you still mad about color war, Ted?

1511
01:14:47,666 --> 01:14:52,771
Jennifer, It's so great to see
you again. You have no idea.

1512
01:14:52,871 --> 01:14:55,574
You look like a swan in a cardigan.

1513
01:14:55,674 --> 01:14:56,775
[laugh]...

1514
01:14:56,875 --> 01:14:59,578
...    Are you okay?

1515
01:14:59,678 --> 01:15:02,981
You look mad and you smell like a toilet.

1516
01:15:03,081 --> 01:15:06,226
I fell in some cat shit.
But I'm okay.

1517
01:15:06,318 --> 01:15:09,221
And I am mad, because I've been
waiting 23 years for that hug.

1518
01:15:09,321 --> 01:15:12,591
Can I have one more?
Just one more.

1519
01:15:12,691 --> 01:15:14,691
Oh you guys.

1520
01:15:14,693 --> 01:15:16,228
Look at us. All back together again.

1521
01:15:16,328 --> 01:15:18,597
It's like a real kumbaya moment.

1522
01:15:18,697 --> 01:15:20,416
I'll say.

1523
01:15:20,516 --> 01:15:22,234
Kiddo, there you are. I've been
looking all over for you.

1524
01:15:22,334 --> 01:15:26,004
Julia and I want tacos and we
want you to come with us.

1525
01:15:26,104 --> 01:15:28,240
So I hope you're hungry,
'cause we're both starving.

1526
01:15:28,340 --> 01:15:31,610
Roland, let me introduce you.
This is Ted and Jordan.

1527
01:15:31,710 --> 01:15:33,245
We all went to camp together.

1528
01:15:33,345 --> 01:15:35,614
That's cute. Were
you guys counselors?

1529
01:15:35,714 --> 01:15:38,264
No. I was the kid that drowns,

1530
01:15:38,350 --> 01:15:40,619
and then comes back to
haunt all the campers...

1531
01:15:40,719 --> 01:15:43,269
...and Jen is next on my list.

1532
01:15:43,355 --> 01:15:45,624
We're here to kill Jennifer.

1533
01:15:45,724 --> 01:15:47,724
[laughter]...

1534
01:15:47,726 --> 01:15:50,829
...You're funny. You are funny.
Roland,

1535
01:15:50,929 --> 01:15:53,632
they're good guys. Okay?
They're good guys.

1536
01:15:53,732 --> 01:15:56,635
Sorry, he just gets a
little protective of me.

1537
01:15:56,735 --> 01:15:57,836
There's a lot of creeps out there.

1538
01:15:57,936 --> 01:15:59,638
Yeah, there sure are.

1539
01:15:59,738 --> 01:16:01,640
They seem like good guys.
But uh,

1540
01:16:01,740 --> 01:16:04,643
why don't we just go back to my
house for Hulu and tacos?

1541
01:16:04,743 --> 01:16:06,845
I'm so tired.
I'm just gonna head home.

1542
01:16:06,945 --> 01:16:10,649
No. You are in no condition
to drive, young lady.

1543
01:16:10,749 --> 01:16:12,651
Why don't you just spend the
night on my couch or,

1544
01:16:12,751 --> 01:16:15,654
in my bed again. Head to toe.
Promise.

1545
01:16:15,754 --> 01:16:17,656
That's sweet but I only had one drink and...

1546
01:16:17,756 --> 01:16:20,136
... Roland. your feet stink.

1547
01:16:20,158 --> 01:16:22,361
I heard that.

1548
01:16:22,461 --> 01:16:24,663
Did you hear that, Roland?
She thinks your feet are rancid.

1549
01:16:24,763 --> 01:16:28,300
Duly noted, Fred, but why
don't I use my stinky feet...

1550
01:16:28,400 --> 01:16:30,686
... and march you to your car,
my lady.

1551
01:16:30,786 --> 01:16:33,071
Oh no. Actually, we're gonna
walk you to your car, because...

1552
01:16:33,171 --> 01:16:36,875
...we haven't seen her since a
three legged race in 1990...

1553
01:16:36,975 --> 01:16:38,877
...and she's requested a rematch...

1554
01:16:38,977 --> 01:16:41,680
...   so we got a lot of catching up to do.

1555
01:16:41,780 --> 01:16:42,681
We'll take her to the car.

1556
01:16:42,781 --> 01:16:43,682
I'll walk you back to your car.

1557
01:16:43,782 --> 01:16:47,686
Roland, can we have a minute please?

1558
01:16:47,786 --> 01:16:50,623
Uh, Jen?

1559
01:16:50,723 --> 01:16:55,398
You are killing our dads right
now. You're killing them.

1560
01:16:55,945 --> 01:16:59,698
I'm not surprised to see you
two are still butt buddies.

1561
01:16:59,798 --> 01:17:01,900
You're even wearing the same shoes.

1562
01:17:02,000 --> 01:17:03,702
You were always the dynamic duo.

1563
01:17:03,802 --> 01:17:05,904
Yeah. I think it works for us.

1564
01:17:06,004 --> 01:17:10,342
But we're always open to a third
if you're interested.

1565
01:17:10,442 --> 01:17:12,911
Do you guys ever see Jeff?

1566
01:17:13,011 --> 01:17:17,716
Yeah. We're having brunch
with Jeff tomorrow.

1567
01:17:17,816 --> 01:17:19,385
Really?

1568
01:17:19,485 --> 01:17:21,053
Yeah. Big brunch.

1569
01:17:21,153 --> 01:17:22,721
Oh that's great.
I was nervous to even ask,

1570
01:17:22,821 --> 01:17:25,924
but that means you must be
making your peace with him.

1571
01:17:26,024 --> 01:17:30,128
We're really trying. It's an
ongoing process.

1572
01:17:30,228 --> 01:17:33,732
Well this is me.
Goodnight, boys to men.

1573
01:17:33,832 --> 01:17:35,367
It was really great catching up with you.

1574
01:17:35,467 --> 01:17:37,736
I'm glad to see you're both not too fat.

1575
01:17:37,836 --> 01:17:40,739
I guess I'll see you in another 23 years?

1576
01:17:40,839 --> 01:17:42,374
You'll still be beautiful.

1577
01:17:42,474 --> 01:17:44,743
Ugh. I hope not.

1578
01:17:44,843 --> 01:17:46,144
Bye.

1579
01:17:46,244 --> 01:17:49,748
Bye? No, not bye. Not bye.

1580
01:17:49,848 --> 01:17:53,752
[knock knock] MUSIC...

1581
01:17:53,852 --> 01:17:57,756
...Quick quesiton. Are you seeing
anyone? Or engaged or a lesbian?

1582
01:17:57,856 --> 01:18:00,759
No. No. No.

1583
01:18:00,859 --> 01:18:04,963
Jen, You're the greatest girl ever. Okay?

1584
01:18:05,063 --> 01:18:06,765
I've never been able to
make a relationship...

1585
01:18:06,865 --> 01:18:09,968
... last more than 6 months.
And now I know why.

1586
01:18:10,068 --> 01:18:13,808
Because none of them
could measure up to you.

1587
01:18:13,872 --> 01:18:15,974
Excuse me.

1588
01:18:16,074 --> 01:18:18,176
Jen, things have been really
confusing since camp and...

1589
01:18:18,276 --> 01:18:20,779
...it's been a really crazy night,
but I'm seeing clearly now.

1590
01:18:20,879 --> 01:18:23,782
I'm seeing clearly for the
first time in a long time.

1591
01:18:23,882 --> 01:18:25,784
I've been holding a fuckin'
torch for you so long...

1592
01:18:25,884 --> 01:18:28,787
...   that it's a nub.
Jen, it's a nub.

1593
01:18:28,887 --> 01:18:30,789
Don't you see what I'm trying to
tell you? I love you.

1594
01:18:30,889 --> 01:18:34,793
No. Jen, I love you more than
him. Alright? I love you a lot.

1595
01:18:34,893 --> 01:18:36,194
This is for real.
No, I love you more.

1596
01:18:36,294 --> 01:18:37,429
I wanna put my babies inside of you.

1597
01:18:37,529 --> 01:18:39,824
You guys. You guys.
MUSIC...

1598
01:18:39,898 --> 01:18:42,801
...I used to have such a crush
on both of you.

1599
01:18:42,901 --> 01:18:46,004
I couldn't decide who I was in
love with more. I thought...

1600
01:18:46,104 --> 01:18:49,207
... all three of us would get
married and live in a tree.

1601
01:18:49,307 --> 01:18:52,010
But after what you guys did to Jeff,

1602
01:18:52,110 --> 01:18:54,446
I just couldn't forgive that.

1603
01:18:54,546 --> 01:18:57,215
I'm sorry, but when you
blew up Jeff's genitals...

1604
01:18:57,315 --> 01:19:00,819
...my heart blew up with them.

1605
01:19:00,919 --> 01:19:05,740
Good luck. You'll find
somebody... Most people do.

1606
01:19:10,880 --> 01:19:12,880
MUSIC CONTINUES.

1607
01:19:26,095 --> 01:19:28,046
Hey, Jeff. Why did you do that?

1608
01:19:28,146 --> 01:19:31,049
Because I wanted you to see
something you couldn't have.

1609
01:19:31,149 --> 01:19:32,484
Has this all been about her, Jeff?

1610
01:19:32,584 --> 01:19:34,853
Has this all been about
Jennifer fuckin' Peters?

1611
01:19:34,953 --> 01:19:36,953
Maybe.

1612
01:19:36,955 --> 01:19:38,857
Well the jokes on you, buddy,
because she loves us.

1613
01:19:38,957 --> 01:19:44,062
And she thinks you're a freak.
A peeing in a bag creep.

1614
01:19:44,162 --> 01:19:45,497
I don't believe you.

1615
01:19:45,597 --> 01:19:48,266
Oh, you better believe it, Jeff.
She was laughing at you.

1616
01:19:48,366 --> 01:19:52,070
She called you a dickless
Momma's boy and then laughed.

1617
01:19:52,170 --> 01:19:56,875
She did not say that.
She would never say that.

1618
01:19:56,975 --> 01:20:00,078
He's crying.

1619
01:20:00,178 --> 01:20:01,513
You made him cry.
No, you made him cry.

1620
01:20:01,613 --> 01:20:03,831
Apologize to him.

1621
01:20:04,934 --> 01:20:09,087
Hey, Jeff. I'm sorry, man.
We're sorry.

1622
01:20:09,187 --> 01:20:10,889
You can't talk to my thing like that.

1623
01:20:10,989 --> 01:20:13,091
Why you 'otta have your
mouths sewn shut.

1624
01:20:13,191 --> 01:20:15,527
And you're well on your way
to becoming bastards.

1625
01:20:15,627 --> 01:20:17,896
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
Don't touch our dads.

1626
01:20:17,996 --> 01:20:20,298
Just give us our next target.
Just tell us who to fuck.

1627
01:20:20,398 --> 01:20:23,902
Just don't touch our dads you
old, nasty shit head.

1628
01:20:24,002 --> 01:20:25,904
That's no way to speak to your elders.

1629
01:20:26,004 --> 01:20:27,305
Your next target...

1630
01:20:27,405 --> 01:20:28,907
...      a dog.

1631
01:20:29,007 --> 01:20:31,910
A slobbery, flea ridden,
testicle lapping dog.

1632
01:20:32,010 --> 01:20:34,312
That's what you deserve,
so that's what you get.

1633
01:20:34,412 --> 01:20:36,430
Rin tin tin.

1634
01:20:39,168 --> 01:20:41,168
[shatter]...

1635
01:20:42,371 --> 01:20:43,922
... What'd you do that for?

1636
01:20:44,022 --> 01:20:45,924
We're gonna go kill 'em.

1637
01:20:46,024 --> 01:20:46,558
Really?

1638
01:20:46,658 --> 01:20:47,926
I'm not fucking the dog.

1639
01:20:48,026 --> 01:20:50,929
Okay. Let's do it.

1640
01:20:51,029 --> 01:20:53,029
MUSIC...

1641
01:21:37,226 --> 01:21:38,610
...  What are you doing?

1642
01:21:38,710 --> 01:21:40,178
I'm looking for something
to kill them with.

1643
01:21:40,278 --> 01:21:42,278
Mmm. What do you got?

1644
01:21:42,280 --> 01:21:44,616
I got some fuckin' old New Yorkers,

1645
01:21:44,716 --> 01:21:47,185
I got some tennis balls,
I got this sweater,

1646
01:21:47,285 --> 01:21:49,187
we could smother them
with the sweater.

1647
01:21:49,287 --> 01:21:52,306
Might be hard to corral.

1648
01:21:53,042 --> 01:21:55,994
How about we just beat them to death?

1649
01:21:56,094 --> 01:21:58,094
Alright.

1650
01:21:58,247 --> 01:21:59,397
Jeff too? Or just the mom?

1651
01:21:59,497 --> 01:22:03,001
'Cause I'm not sure he needs to go.

1652
01:22:03,101 --> 01:22:05,203
We'll play it by ear.

1653
01:22:05,303 --> 01:22:11,009
Good idea, I don't know why we
didn't think of this sooner.

1654
01:22:11,109 --> 01:22:14,412
You know, when I was a kid my
dad to me for ice cream once.

1655
01:22:14,512 --> 01:22:17,215
And on the ride home, he put
his hand on my knee.

1656
01:22:17,315 --> 01:22:21,219
And he started moving it up
higher, and higher, and higher.

1657
01:22:21,319 --> 01:22:24,656
He was laughing the whole time but um--...

1658
01:22:24,756 --> 01:22:28,426
...I don't know. I think he was
just testing my limits.

1659
01:22:28,526 --> 01:22:32,664
But I didn't care. It just felt nice to be--...

1660
01:22:32,764 --> 01:22:36,234
... --to be touched by him.

1661
01:22:36,334 --> 01:22:39,137
Yeah.

1662
01:22:39,237 --> 01:22:42,040
He loves you.
Your dad loves you, Ted.

1663
01:22:42,140 --> 01:22:45,443
Yeah.
Your dad loves you.

1664
01:22:45,543 --> 01:22:48,046
And that's something worth fighting for.

1665
01:22:48,146 --> 01:22:53,251
Yeah it is.
You know...

1666
01:22:53,351 --> 01:22:57,055
...I can't help think that maybe
all this wouldn't of happened...

1667
01:22:57,155 --> 01:22:59,457
... if we'd been dads by now.

1668
01:22:59,557 --> 01:23:03,261
You know. If we had kids of our own.

1669
01:23:03,361 --> 01:23:08,700
Well, I guess we forgot.

1670
01:23:08,800 --> 01:23:11,018
MUSIC...

1671
01:23:36,145 --> 01:23:40,732
...What are you boys doing here?

1672
01:23:40,832 --> 01:23:46,104
Have you gotten to ten? Don't
tell me you've finished already.

1673
01:23:46,204 --> 01:23:47,305
Not even close.

1674
01:23:47,405 --> 01:23:48,740
Then what is it?

1675
01:23:48,840 --> 01:23:52,110
Mother, we're going to kill you.

1676
01:23:52,210 --> 01:23:54,312
You'll never find your dads in time.

1677
01:23:54,412 --> 01:23:56,314
Yes we will. Jeff will tell us.

1678
01:23:56,414 --> 01:24:02,520
Probably. He's weak. But you
won't have a chance to hear him.

1679
01:24:02,620 --> 01:24:04,122
Really? Why is that?

1680
01:24:04,222 --> 01:24:07,125
Because you'll have blood in your ears.

1681
01:24:07,225 --> 01:24:08,760
Ahh.

1682
01:24:08,860 --> 01:24:10,860
STOP.

1683
01:24:13,182 --> 01:24:16,334
Jeff? Get back in your chair.

1684
01:24:16,434 --> 01:24:19,137
No Mother.

1685
01:24:19,237 --> 01:24:22,540
Leave my friends alone.
They've been through enough.

1686
01:24:22,640 --> 01:24:27,145
But honey,
an eye for an eye.

1687
01:24:27,245 --> 01:24:29,347
They must be punished.

1688
01:24:29,447 --> 01:24:31,149
To what end, mother?

1689
01:24:31,249 --> 01:24:33,351
We've spent our whole lives
trying to punish them,

1690
01:24:33,451 --> 01:24:35,153
but we've just punished ourselves.

1691
01:24:35,253 --> 01:24:38,356
Dad did not leave
because I was castrated.

1692
01:24:38,456 --> 01:24:44,162
We drove him away because of our
ruinous obsession with revenge.

1693
01:24:44,262 --> 01:24:48,366
We did that.
And now it's over, Joyce.

1694
01:24:48,466 --> 01:24:51,118
It's all over.

1695
01:24:52,221 --> 01:24:56,090
C'mon, guys. Let's go hang
out in my room.

1696
01:24:58,427 --> 01:25:00,494
[crying]...

1697
01:25:03,232 --> 01:25:07,585
...   Come. It's okay.

1698
01:25:07,685 --> 01:25:10,822
This is my play room.

1699
01:25:10,922 --> 01:25:12,922
It's nice.

1700
01:25:12,924 --> 01:25:14,924
Thank you.

1701
01:25:16,245 --> 01:25:18,396
Did you guys come here to kill us?

1702
01:25:18,496 --> 01:25:21,515
No.... Yes.

1703
01:25:24,253 --> 01:25:27,121
Doesn't sound so bad.

1704
01:25:28,257 --> 01:25:30,208
Hey, don't say that, Jeff.

1705
01:25:30,308 --> 01:25:32,210
Did Jennifer really say
those things about me?

1706
01:25:32,310 --> 01:25:36,214
No. We were just upset that you
were rubbing our faces in it.

1707
01:25:36,314 --> 01:25:41,419
She would never say anything
like that. She's an angel.

1708
01:25:41,519 --> 01:25:43,221
I know.

1709
01:25:43,321 --> 01:25:46,858
Look, Jeff. Dick, no dick,
it doesn't matter.

1710
01:25:46,958 --> 01:25:48,426
She doesn't want us.
She doesn't want any of us.

1711
01:25:48,526 --> 01:25:51,229
She never did. She never will.
Okay?

1712
01:25:51,329 --> 01:25:53,631
Well, I'll never know.

1713
01:25:53,731 --> 01:25:57,235
That's a good thing.
Be glad. Alright?

1714
01:25:57,335 --> 01:25:59,237
If i've learned anything tonight,

1715
01:25:59,337 --> 01:26:01,639
it's that it's terrible out there.

1716
01:26:01,739 --> 01:26:04,442
There's a better life for me.

1717
01:26:04,542 --> 01:26:07,879
Now I know what's really
important. Thank you.

1718
01:26:07,979 --> 01:26:10,065
Me too. Thank you.

1719
01:26:10,165 --> 01:26:12,250
Well I'm glad you guys could
experience this big change...

1720
01:26:12,350 --> 01:26:16,454
...but where does that leave me?
Two old farts in a moving van?

1721
01:26:16,554 --> 01:26:19,457
You guys didn't get one girl
tonight. Not one.

1722
01:26:19,557 --> 01:26:22,260
It's not our fault.
You saw what happened.

1723
01:26:22,360 --> 01:26:28,466
That I did. But this was
never about ten women.

1724
01:26:28,566 --> 01:26:31,469
This was about me.

1725
01:26:31,569 --> 01:26:37,275
And I want you to do the last
one on the list. Number ten.

1726
01:26:37,375 --> 01:26:42,480
You do that, we're square.
Truce. You understand?

1727
01:26:42,580 --> 01:26:44,580
No. I don't understand.

1728
01:26:44,582 --> 01:26:46,584
I do.

1729
01:26:46,684 --> 01:26:48,686
What did you guys used to call
me? Ah, I remember.

1730
01:26:48,786 --> 01:26:53,291
Gaylord. That means I'm the
lord of the gays, right?

1731
01:26:53,391 --> 01:26:57,981
I know what he's gonna say.
It's genius, Jeff. Perfect.

1732
01:26:58,029 --> 01:27:00,298
He wants us to fuck each other.

1733
01:27:00,398 --> 01:27:01,499
You and me?

1734
01:27:01,599 --> 01:27:03,599
But we're just friends.

1735
01:27:03,601 --> 01:27:10,308
I know. That's why this
is going to be easy.

1736
01:27:10,408 --> 01:27:13,945
We like each other more than
any girl we've ever dated.

1737
01:27:14,045 --> 01:27:16,314
We get each other. Right.

1738
01:27:16,414 --> 01:27:18,316
We can do this. Alright?

1739
01:27:18,416 --> 01:27:22,520
We do this last one and it's over.

1740
01:27:22,620 --> 01:27:24,322
Okay. You're right.

1741
01:27:24,422 --> 01:27:28,757
We do this, we're done. We get
our dads. What is it?

1742
01:27:28,826 --> 01:27:30,962
No big fuckin' deal.

1743
01:27:31,062 --> 01:27:33,331
Just gotta do it.
Alright?

1744
01:27:33,431 --> 01:27:35,449
Alright.

1745
01:27:41,590 --> 01:27:43,590
Hey assholes.

1746
01:27:47,029 --> 01:27:50,297
You're not fucking each other.

1747
01:27:51,800 --> 01:27:53,985
You're fucking me.

1748
01:27:54,085 --> 01:27:56,303
MUSIC...

1749
01:27:56,805 --> 01:27:58,805
...      Do it.

1750
01:27:59,408 --> 01:28:01,408
Do it.

1751
01:28:06,415 --> 01:28:07,565
You want me to just stick it in?

1752
01:28:07,665 --> 01:28:09,367
Well, that's how it's done, right?

1753
01:28:09,467 --> 01:28:14,488
Now, stop talking and fuck
what you've created.

1754
01:28:24,633 --> 01:28:26,633
Shh.

1755
01:28:29,438 --> 01:28:31,438
Ah. Oh my God.

1756
01:28:31,489 --> 01:28:32,390
What?

1757
01:28:32,490 --> 01:28:33,391
Holy shit.

1758
01:28:33,491 --> 01:28:34,392
What? Are you-- What?.

1759
01:28:34,492 --> 01:28:36,492
It's amazing.

1760
01:28:36,494 --> 01:28:38,596
Oh God.

1761
01:28:38,696 --> 01:28:42,716
Oh. Ah. AH.

1762
01:28:46,455 --> 01:28:50,041
I'll go again in a few minutes.
I promise.

1763
01:28:50,141 --> 01:28:52,359
That's it?

1764
01:28:53,095 --> 01:28:56,047
C'mon, Ted. C'mon, you could
do better than that.

1765
01:28:56,147 --> 01:28:57,048
C'mon, Ted. Fuck me.

1766
01:28:57,148 --> 01:28:58,416
Yeah. You want me to fuck you?

1767
01:28:58,516 --> 01:29:02,420
I'll fuck you 'til the end of time.

1768
01:29:02,520 --> 01:29:05,423
OH. Ah. AH.

1769
01:29:05,523 --> 01:29:07,523
AHH.

1770
01:29:12,881 --> 01:29:14,632
Oh my God.

1771
01:29:14,732 --> 01:29:17,435
Jeff, you don't know what you have.

1772
01:29:17,535 --> 01:29:18,436
You don't know.

1773
01:29:18,536 --> 01:29:20,071
That was pathetic.

1774
01:29:20,171 --> 01:29:23,441
Keys and the address to your
dads is by the fire. Now,

1775
01:29:23,541 --> 01:29:24,642
get off my property.

1776
01:29:24,742 --> 01:29:25,843
[Slap] Don't touch me.

1777
01:29:25,943 --> 01:29:29,447
Both of you, get out.
Get the fuck out.

1778
01:29:29,547 --> 01:29:31,547
MUSIC...

1779
01:30:05,534 --> 01:30:07,534
...     [laughter]...

1780
01:30:09,171 --> 01:30:11,689
...    You did it.
You really did it.

1781
01:30:11,789 --> 01:30:13,491
Didn't I tell ya they did it?

1782
01:30:13,591 --> 01:30:14,492
Ted, did you get all ten?

1783
01:30:14,592 --> 01:30:15,493
Uh, pretty much. There were some that--...

1784
01:30:15,593 --> 01:30:17,128
...   We got 'em all.

1785
01:30:17,228 --> 01:30:18,496
[laughter]...

1786
01:30:18,596 --> 01:30:20,732
...     Fantastic.

1787
01:30:20,832 --> 01:30:23,016
Way to go.
Ted.

1788
01:30:25,754 --> 01:30:26,904
MUSIC...

1789
01:30:27,004 --> 01:30:28,906
...  What is this music?

1790
01:30:29,006 --> 01:30:30,708
Oh, it's my friend, Rachel.

1791
01:30:30,808 --> 01:30:32,510
Oh boy.

1792
01:30:32,610 --> 01:30:35,513
Yeah. It's the only CD we had so-- I mean--.

1793
01:30:35,613 --> 01:30:38,516
It's outstanding. What a superb voice...

1794
01:30:38,616 --> 01:30:39,917
...   Rachel, you said?

1795
01:30:40,017 --> 01:30:42,153
Yeah. She's a friend.

1796
01:30:42,253 --> 01:30:44,253
That's dynamite.

1797
01:30:44,255 --> 01:30:48,526
Yeah. Yeah, it really is.

1798
01:30:48,626 --> 01:30:50,626
MUSIC CONTINUES...

1799
01:30:50,779 --> 01:30:57,535
...'And I keep giving love away.

1800
01:30:57,635 --> 01:31:02,173
So something has gotta be wrong.

1801
01:31:02,273 --> 01:31:05,943
'cause nothing is right anymore.

1802
01:31:06,043 --> 01:31:12,065
I wanna be a woman but I'm
just a child, I suppose.

1803
01:31:15,804 --> 01:31:23,561
You help me the whole night through.

1804
01:31:23,661 --> 01:31:29,767
You kiss me goodbye and I believed you.

1805
01:31:29,867 --> 01:31:36,574
I fell for you too soon. But
that's just what I do--'

1806
01:31:36,674 --> 01:31:38,674
Sorry I fucked up.

1807
01:31:48,837 --> 01:31:51,789
So how you doin'? Haven't
heard from you in a while.

1808
01:31:51,889 --> 01:31:57,995
It's a little odd.
Right? I think it is.

1809
01:31:58,095 --> 01:32:00,598
How's uh...

1810
01:32:00,698 --> 01:32:07,004
...Caci. She's great. I really like her a lot.

1811
01:32:07,104 --> 01:32:09,240
You tell her about the run?

1812
01:32:09,340 --> 01:32:12,009
I told her a little bit. Yeah.

1813
01:32:12,109 --> 01:32:14,612
How's Rachel?

1814
01:32:14,712 --> 01:32:20,251
Same. Good. She wants to go on
a double date. So heads up.

1815
01:32:20,351 --> 01:32:24,622
That'd be fun. Does she
have any new songs?

1816
01:32:24,722 --> 01:32:26,624
Yeah, she does.
They're really good.

1817
01:32:26,724 --> 01:32:28,259
I brought you some.
They're in the car.

1818
01:32:28,359 --> 01:32:30,359
Cool.

1819
01:32:30,679 --> 01:32:32,029
Have you heard from Jeff?

1820
01:32:32,129 --> 01:32:34,632
No. Why? Have you?

1821
01:32:34,732 --> 01:32:37,034
No.

1822
01:32:37,134 --> 01:32:40,271
Just wondering how he was
doing a little bit.

1823
01:32:40,371 --> 01:32:42,273
I keep thinking he's going to
beep in on the walkie talkie...

1824
01:32:42,373 --> 01:32:43,641
...and give us some assignment.

1825
01:32:43,741 --> 01:32:45,741
Yeah right.

1826
01:32:45,743 --> 01:32:48,045
Maybe we should check on him.
I don't know.

1827
01:32:48,145 --> 01:32:49,458
No.

1828
01:32:49,558 --> 01:32:50,870
That'd be weird.

1829
01:32:50,970 --> 01:32:52,283
It'd be weird just showing
up at his house.

1830
01:32:52,383 --> 01:32:54,383
Stupid...

1831
01:33:06,114 --> 01:33:18,191
...      MUSIC.