1
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:52,085
BRAD: Here's a question for you.

2
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:56,085
What do kids need more?
A father or a dad?

3
00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:57,731
What's the difference?

4
00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,566
The way I see it, darn near
anyone can be a father...

5
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:01,607
(ROARING)

6
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:04,365
...but not everyone has the patience
or the devotion to be a dad.

7
00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:05,721
As for me...

8
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,040
Anybody caught a Monarch yet?

9
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:08,924
...I've always wanted to be a dad.

10
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,571
Let me tell you, I love it!

11
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:12,641
Yeah!

12
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,001
(ALL CHEERING)

13
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,491
And I love my Ford Flex.

14
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,321
It treats me to a smooth ride,
and you know what?

15
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,686
It didn't break the bank.

16
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,202
Room enough for the whole family.

17
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:24,527
Yes, I love being a dad.

18
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:29,041
And I love these two adorable
little rays of sunshine.

19
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,490
Hey, Dylan! Good morning.

20
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:33,561
Whatever.

21
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,767
BRAD: Okay. I'm not their real dad.

22
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:38,526
Good morning, Mr. Whitaker.

23
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,728
- I'm their stepdad.
-Good morning, Megan.

24
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,484
Can you please put this on the fridge?

25
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:46,680
Well, sure. Did you do
another drawing of our family?

26
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:48,246
- Uh-huh.
-Huh?

27
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:51,483
That's me and Dylan and Mommy.

28
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:52,647
So great.

29
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,769
And over here, far, far away,

30
00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:57,287
is you.

31
00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:00,204
Oh? And am I wearing a baseball cap?

32
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,888
That's the knife in your head
'cause I was killing you in the eye.

33
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:05,681
Oh, I see.

34
00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:07,364
Well, I love how you drew my hair.

35
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,201
That's poop.

36
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,565
Well, it's well-drawn.
And I'm guessing it's dog poop?

37
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:14,330
That's homeless man poop.

38
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,401
Oh.

39
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:17,641
All right. (SIGHING)

40
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,762
BRAD: I actually can't
father my own children,

41
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,525
ever since I hit a little
snafu at a dental office.

42
00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:26,121
(MUFFLED) I've got
a little bit of a gag reflex.

43
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:28,009
Uh, close your eyes, breathe through
your nose, you'll be fine.

44
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,241
Oh. Okay.

45
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:30,925
(INHALES DEEPLY)

46
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,410
(MACHINE SQUEAKING)

47
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,001
(BEEPS)

48
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,570
Oh, you got a really weird tongue.
You need to floss better.

49
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:41,370
BRAD: Ever since then,
my testicles have been

50
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,090
more decorative than anything else.

51
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:44,207
Hey!

52
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,442
And I thought I'd never have a family.

53
00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:50,003
Until I met a stunning mom named Sara.

54
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:52,445
Would you look at her?

55
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,843
I am one lucky so-and-so.
I hit the jackpot.

56
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,161
- Hi.
-Hi.

57
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,930
Sorry I'm taking so long.

58
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,401
I have to show that Sixty West
building to those new clients.

59
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:02,481
- I know.
-(GASPS)

60
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,245
- Oh, my God! The kids' lunches.
-Already packed. I wrote them

61
00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:07,687
little inspirational notes
to start them on their day.

62
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:10,081
They've already eaten their breakfasts,
and you look perfect.

63
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,090
You are amazing.

64
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,966
Look at this, huh?
Another family drawing.

65
00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,088
Oh, no. I am so sorry.

66
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,766
No, I think you're misunderstanding.
This is the first drawing

67
00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:22,922
where I'm not dead already.

68
00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,409
Sure, I've got a knife in my eye

69
00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,209
and some homeless man
poop on my head,

70
00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:30,651
(SIGHING) but this is
showing real progress.

71
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,643
I think she's starting to accept me.

72
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:34,762
You can find the good
in just about anything.

73
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,081
I love that about you. You know that?

74
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:38,566
Thanks.

75
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,051
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

76
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,008
Hello. I'm home.

77
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:30,361
Hey-

78
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,131
How was the, uh...

79
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:35,641
What's wrong?

80
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,802
He won't talk to me.
He said he only wants to talk to you.

81
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:40,647
You want to talk to me?

82
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,210
- Really?
-Mmm-hmm.

83
00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:44,044
- You mean me and your mom?
-Mmm-mmm.

84
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,849
- Just me? By myself?
-Mmm-hmm.

85
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:47,410
Sure. I'm...

86
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,130
I'm totally free. Let's go to the den.
We'll sit there.

87
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,561
We'll sit.
We can do it sitting or standing?

88
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,844
Doesn't matter. We're just gonna do it.

89
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:58,891
We're not gonna overthink it.
Yeah. Great. Okay, good.

90
00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:04,004
Just the men, yeah.
A little rap session. Great.

91
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:05,841
(WHISPERING) on, my God.

92
00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:11,003
I just want you to know that
I'm just here to listen. All right?

93
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:15,046
No judgments, no lectures,
just a compassionate ear.

94
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,247
- Well, there are these kids at school...
-Mmm-hmm.

95
00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:20,482
...and they're bigger than me,
because they're fourth graders.

96
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,403
-(SHUTTER CLICKING)
-And...

97
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:25,885
Oh, was that weird?

98
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:27,851
I'm sorry, I'm just...

99
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:31,409
It's a big moment for me,
and I'm just trying to capture it.

100
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:32,845
It just came off awkward.

101
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,887
So, go ahead, continue telling
your story. Fourth graders.

102
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,122
Anyway, there are
these fourth graders, and...

103
00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:40,924
He actually confided in me.

104
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:44,283
I mean, it was that father-son feeling
I've been dying for,

105
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:47,045
and it was even better than
I thought it was gonna be.

106
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:50,171
(SIGHS) I mean,
he really needed me. Me.

107
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:51,446
That is so great, honey.

108
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:52,806
He even said not to tell you.

109
00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:56,521
So I'm actually totally betraying
his trust right now. (CHUCKLES)

110
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,807
What are we gonna do about
those little snot-nosed fourth graders?

111
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,365
Oh, I think it's going to be fine.

112
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,967
He's going to try to do some
trust falls on the playground.

113
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:05,606
Really? You think that's gonna work?

114
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,888
As long as they catch him. Yeah.

115
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,001
Hey, Brad.

116
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,441
Yeah?

117
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:13,683
If I ask you something, you
promise you won't cry again?

118
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,525
Of course, sweetie. What is it?

119
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,285
Well, at school,
they told us about this thing,

120
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,124
and it's called a Daddy-Daughter Dance.

121
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:21,804
(GASPING)

122
00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:23,770
So, do you want to go with me?

123
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:25,126
(SOBBING)

124
00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:26,930
You said you wouldn't cry, Brad.

125
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:30,846
I'm not. Megan, yes. A million times yes.

126
00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:33,083
I thought big people
weren't supposed to cry.

127
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,925
I think it's sweet that he's
crying like a little bitch.

128
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:37,326
(GASPS) Megan!

129
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,209
You are not supposed
to call people that word.

130
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:42,524
You know what? It takes a real
man to show his emotions.

131
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:44,204
(SOBBING LOUDLY)

132
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,205
All right, that's a bit much.

133
00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,887
VIZZINI: No more rhymes now, I mean it!

134
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,400
FEZZIK: Anybody want a peanut?

135
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:53,005
(ALL LAUGHING)

136
00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:57,045
BRAD: We were finally
becoming a family.

137
00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:58,601
-(PHONE RINGING)
-I'll get it!

138
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,524
After being pushed away
and treated like an outsider,

139
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,291
I was finally becoming
the dad that I always knew I could...

140
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:05,527
Daddy!

141
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,247
Hi! Where are you?

142
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,051
Where's Cameroon?

143
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,202
Is that gunfire? Cool!

144
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,528
MEGAN: Daddy, Daddy!
I want to talk to Daddy.

145
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:16,721
Hi, Daddy.

146
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,041
Good.

147
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:20,083
- So your ex is calling, huh?
-(SIGHS) Yeah.

148
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:23,010
What a treat for the kids.
It's been a long time.

149
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:24,206
- Yeah.
-Yeah.

150
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,404
We're watching a really funny
movie with Mommy and Brad.

151
00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:29,530
Oh, Brad is Mommy's new husband.

152
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:31,570
Wait. He doesn't know about me?

153
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,400
Well, I haven't talked to him
in six months.

154
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:35,960
We've been married eight months.

155
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,849
Brad, Daddy wants to talk to you.

156
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,287
- No! No, no. Don't, don't...
-I'm just going to say hi.

157
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:41,885
You don't need to do that. Brad, don't.

158
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,724
(CLEARS THROAT) Thank you, sweetie.

159
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,766
Hello, Dusty?
Super to make your acquaintance.

160
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,324
In fact, I just wish
I could shake your hand

161
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,562
and offer to buy you a cold one.

162
00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:53,651
- Tomorrow?
-What?

163
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,848
BOTH: Daddy's coming! Yay!

164
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,085
Oh, yeah, I guess I could pick you up.

165
00:07:58,520 --> 00:07:59,601
-(WHISPERS) No.
-Hmm?

166
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:01,081
It's Whitaker.

167
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:05,968
W-H-I-T-A-K-E-R. (CHUCKLES)

168
00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:07,521
No, I'm not comfortable giving you

169
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:08,931
my Social Security number
over the phone.

170
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,481
Uh, okay, yeah, my credit score is 752.

171
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:14,721
I'm very proud of that. (CHUCKLES)

172
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:18,247
I'm sorry? What sort of fighting styles
am I proficient in?

173
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:20,570
I don't know if I've ever been
asked that before.

174
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,007
Hello, Dusty, hello, hello? Hmm...

175
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:25,486
I lost him.

176
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:27,922
What just happened?
Did you just invite him to come here?

177
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:29,610
Is he coming tomorrow?

178
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:31,405
Well, I didn't know
he'd accept my offer so soon.

179
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:33,369
I mean, he reallyjumped at it.

180
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:35,920
Remember when I said
he was like Jesse James

181
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,411
and Mick Jagger had a baby?

182
00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:40,768
Yeah, I just thought maybe
he was really skinny and

183
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:44,606
jittery, and had like a little bit
of a British accent, or something.

184
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:47,251
He's wild and he's crazy.
That's why I fell in love with him.

185
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:48,646
Then you end up with two kids.

186
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:51,291
And I'm stuck there holding the bag and
he's nowhere to be found.

187
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,203
It doesn't matter how much
love or passion,

188
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:54,645
or you can't breathe
without each other.

189
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,728
All of that stuff is stupid in comparison.

190
00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:58,525
When you have kids,
you have responsibilities.

191
00:08:58,640 --> 00:08:59,721
He doesn't understand that.

192
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:01,644
Honey, this is actually a good thing.

193
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,370
-(SIGHS)
-I'll welcome Dusty into our home,

194
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:06,643
and we'll establish some kind
but firm boundaries.

195
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,804
All right? It's what Step-By-Stepdad
calls "setting up a Loving Fence."

196
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,725
A Loving Fence?
Wow, that sounds really great, honey.

197
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,725
But your self-help books
have never met Dusty Mayron.

198
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,405
He sounds like a rascal,

199
00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:19,244
but I don't think
it's anything I can't handle.

200
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,209
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

201
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:26,641
PANDA SINGER: Check. Check, check.

202
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,644
Chinese Checkers,
Czech, Czech Republic, pop,

203
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:33,083
sibilance, sibilance, pop,
one, two, six, seven,

204
00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:35,163
check, check, check, check.

205
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,447
What do you got for me, Brad?

206
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:40,082
Oh, Mr. Holt, hello. Well, hopefully
the new voice of The Panda.

207
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,241
Oh, listen.

208
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:44,768
I gotta leave early today. I gotta go
pick up my wife's ex at the airport.

209
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,924
Jesus, kid, how'd you
draw that shit detail?

210
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,562
Brad, why do you want
this deadbeat in your home?

211
00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:53,286
Well, it's not that
I want him in my home,

212
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,840
it's just that the better
stepparenting books

213
00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,207
say that the worst thing
you can do for the kids

214
00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:00,123
is to push out the biological.

215
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,840
You're in the danger zone here,
Brad, and let me tell you why.

216
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:06,761
Kids that grow up without their dads
always end up obsessing over them.

217
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,766
Most of the hook-ups
that I've had in my adult life

218
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,683
have been with women
that had daddy issues.

219
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,569
I don't know if this is
an appropriate story.

220
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,842
Look, my wife would kill me
if she knew I was telling you this.

221
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,570
Well, then you shouldn't tell me this.

222
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:18,887
When I met her in Denver...

223
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:20,121
You're going to tell the story, aren't you?

224
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,804
...she was a topless maid.

225
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:23,723
- Ninety-nine bucks an hour.
-Mmm-hmm.

226
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,963
Never met her father.
But who did she meet? Me.

227
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,443
And who did treat her like shit? Me.

228
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:31,806
I eventually loved her,

229
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:33,803
but every time she got out of line,

230
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:35,962
I'd just pull the Humvee over

231
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,565
and ask her to get out politely.

232
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,045
And then I'd drive away.

233
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:43,405
Guess what?
She showed up at home every time.

234
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,086
This story has no relevance
to my situation.

235
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,641
Oh, it doesn't at all. It's just a good story.

236
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,643
So, Pete, are we going
to hear this guy, or what?

237
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,089
(BEEPING)

238
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:56,290
(SINGING) One-oh-three-point-six

239
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,244
The Panda!

240
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:02,401
I'm sorry.

241
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:06,765
Keep it up, Brad.
You and I will fight in the parking lot.

242
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:09,160
BRAD: So today is the day

243
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,242
I'm finally meeting
the father of my children.

244
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,251
Am I nervous? You're darn right I am.

245
00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:17,091
But who wouldn't be? (SIGHS DEEPLY)

246
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:20,603
And here's the thing.
I mean, Pepe, you know, kids...

247
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:23,809
...they see through things and,
at the end of the day,

248
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:25,691
they know who's been around...

249
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:27,485
Holy balls!

250
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,489
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

251
00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:33,966
I hope that's not him.

252
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:44,566
(GULPING)

253
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:51,561
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

254
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:53,768
There is no doubt this man
is your better in every way.

255
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,642
Well, you're kind to say that. Thank you.

256
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,641
Yeah, I feel pretty good.

257
00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,163
- Hey, you Dusty?
-Nope.

258
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:05,961
What?

259
00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:08,365
Are you sure?

260
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,243
Are you Dusty... No, you're not Dusty.

261
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,723
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

262
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,323
(ON RADIO) You've got
Jason Sinclair on The Panda,

263
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,482
the station everybody
in the office can agree on.

264
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:22,761
What is this?

265
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:23,921
Now if you're up in Wolf Trap
this weekend,

266
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,490
do yourself a favor and check out...

267
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:27,685
(DOOR OPENING)

268
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,527
Hey! Where have you been?

269
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:32,326
I called you like 100 times.

270
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,323
(SIGHS) I know, my phone died. Look...

271
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,001
This motorcycle, is this...

272
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:37,161
Yes. He's here.

273
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:38,520
- He's here?
-Yes.

274
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,090
What's he doing inside there?

275
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,128
He's giving the kids
all kinds of Starbursts.

276
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,283
Starbursts? God damn it!

277
00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:47,364
Sorry. Sorry. (EXHALES)

278
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,841
I'm a hot habanero pepper right now.

279
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,930
I got a few bullet points I want to
bring up with our friend Dusty,

280
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:56,568
starting with airport etiquette,
courtesy and expectation.

281
00:12:57,680 --> 00:12:59,125
MEGAN: Oh, good story, Daddy!

282
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,203
You like that story? It's all true. Hey!

283
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:02,441
Who wants some more Starbursts

284
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:05,046
and a couple of
uncirculated silver dollars?

285
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:06,611
So you are Dusty.

286
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,484
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

287
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,645
I sure am. You must be
the new and improved husband.

288
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,404
Bring it in, big guns.

289
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:29,050
I already met you at the airport.

290
00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:30,366
No, I don't recall that, friend.

291
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,323
Yeah, I walked right up to you
and asked if you were Dusty.

292
00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,562
I'm pretty sure I'd remember
a heavy hitter like yourself.

293
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:35,801
(SCOFFS)

294
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:37,006
Well, must have been my mistake.

295
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:39,210
All right, that was me at the airport.

296
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:40,850
- Yeah, I know that.
-The truth is,

297
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,331
I saw you before you saw me,

298
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,528
and I'm thinking,
"This is the guy who's raising my kids?"

299
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:46,922
"And damn it if he doesn't
look like the real deal."

300
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,081
I mean, look at you.

301
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,650
You figured it out, didn't you?

302
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:50,846
You cracked the code.

303
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,251
(CHUCKLES) I don't know about that.

304
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:53,845
Don't play that humble game with me.

305
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:57,120
He is so humble. He's just too humble.

306
00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:00,608
Honey, you got it goin' on.
Everybody says so.

307
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,603
Yeah, I got it goin' way on.

308
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:04,604
So you can understand
why I panicked at the airport.

309
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,081
- I froze, Brad. I'm sorry.
-it's fine.

310
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,202
Look, these are
tricky waters to navigate.

311
00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,682
They sure are, man. I mean,
that is insightful.

312
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,521
You know, I thought it was weird Sara
didn't tell me about you before.

313
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,045
I thought, what's she hiding?

314
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:17,611
And now I know.

315
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:19,681
A champion.

316
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,125
Hey, Brad!
Did you see Dad's motorcycle?

317
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:24,601
Isn't it cool?

318
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:25,681
BRAD: it sure is.

319
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,610
What is that, an Indian?

320
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:29,801
Yep.

321
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,646
I believe they're manufactured
in Minneapolis.

322
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:35,962
I've never been, but that's

323
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,644
the setting for
The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

324
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,486
And... What's the other... Rhoda.

325
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:42,962
Which I want to say was a spin-off.

326
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:47,044
Damn! You really know
your bikes, Brad. You ride?

327
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,121
Uh-huh. Yeah!

328
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:49,481
- Really?
-BRAD: Yeah.

329
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:52,166
I mean, not anymore. I did, you know,

330
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:55,568
back in college. I had a, um...

331
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,166
I had a Kawa-saki? Kawasaki Nine.

332
00:14:58,280 --> 00:14:59,406
Yeah.

333
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:03,405
With the fenders and the...
The broil joint. So...

334
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:04,641
Well, you should get on her, man.
Come on!

335
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:06,091
Take her out, see what she can do.

336
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:07,127
She's got a lot of power.

337
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:08,361
Oh, no, no, no.

338
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,044
Yeah, Brad! Brad... Please!

339
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,202
No. Hey, come on, kids.
It's time for bed.

340
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,089
It's way past your bedtime.
Let's brush your teeth.

341
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,481
All right, come on, guys,
listen to your mom. Hey, look...

342
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,841
(STUTTERS)
I don't want to overstep, but

343
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:22,244
it would mean the world to me
if I could tuck in our two little blessings.

344
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:27,563
Yeah. Yeah, sure, of course.
They're your kids. Tuck away.

345
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,364
Oh, thank you for that, Brad.

346
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:34,522
The King messed up.
He messed up bad.

347
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:37,286
He thought he could just
ride off to slay dragons,

348
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,840
and his Queen would always be
waiting for him.

349
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:41,963
And then one day
the King received word

350
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:43,883
that his dominion was being ruled over

351
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,202
by some curly-headed Step King
with good credit?

352
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:47,361
Oh, no!

353
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,124
Well, the King rode hard
up on his lands,

354
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,611
and when he arrived,

355
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:54,362
he did gaze fondly upon the Queen,
remembering their good times together,

356
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,324
for he had known her in her prime,
when she was down for anything,

357
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:58,845
and I do mean anything.

358
00:15:58,920 --> 00:15:59,921
Psst...

359
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,090
Sounds like your dad's spinning
quite a yarn. Mind if I listen in?

360
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,731
Oh, actually, it's getting late.
You two need to get some sack time.

361
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,723
BOTH: No, we want more story, please!

362
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:11,646
Hey, I'd love to be in here all night,
but let's be respectful of Brad's rules,

363
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,722
no matter how arbitrary they seem.
All right?

364
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,162
Good night, my little golden treasures.

365
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:22,485
Good night, my little magical cherubs.

366
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,643
- Here comes some butterfly kisses.
-(GIGGLING)

367
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:26,290
And some Eskimo kisses.

368
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:29,484
Good night, buddy.
Sleep tight. Sleep tight.

369
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,165
Hey, who wants good-night tickles?

370
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,605
- BOTHI Me!
-(DUSTY CHUCKLES)

371
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,808
Good night, my little breath of God.

372
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:36,845
Good night, my little Jesus teardrop.

373
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,845
I almost forgot, my famous
good-night back scratches.

374
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,002
- Oh, so relaxing, so relaxing.
-(SIGHING)

375
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:44,161
Good night, sweetie bear.

376
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:45,969
Hey, who wants twenty bucks?

377
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:47,724
- BOTH: I do! Me!
-Twenty dollars?

378
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,404
- What?
-Oh, yeah.

379
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:51,562
One for you, and one for you.

380
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:52,687
I don't know if that's appropriate.

381
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:53,761
Ah, don't worry about it.

382
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:54,921
BRAD: Okay. Good night.

383
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,923
So, uh, if you want to, why don't you
come by tomorrow after school?

384
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,127
Might be a good time to...

385
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,281
What about the cold one?

386
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:03,361
The cold one?

387
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,522
You promised me
a cold one and a handshake.

388
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,443
Cold one. One cold one, coming up.

389
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,204
Great. I'll grab my jacket,
we'll go outside.

390
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:10,520
Perfect. All right.

391
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:12,441
Hey! Psst...

392
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,285
What are you doing?
What are you guys buddies now?

393
00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:17,886
No. I mean, I offered him a cold one.

394
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,122
I really should honor
the cold one promise.

395
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,842
(SIGHS) Fine. You give him a cold one,
and then you get rid of him, okay?

396
00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:25,167
You put up your Loving Fence,

397
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:26,241
-remember?
-Mmm-hmm.

398
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,004
- Then you come to bed.
-Okay.

399
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,121
- Will do.
-Okay.

400
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,405
DUSTY: What you got
going on over here?

401
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:39,486
Oh, uh, that's a treehouse. A little, uh,

402
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,164
bonding project for Dylan and I.

403
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,721
Yeah, we've been at it
for about two months.

404
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,001
DUSTY: It's looking good.

405
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:48,161
BRAD: Thank you.

406
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:52,371
So, Dusty, how long do you think
you're going to be in town for?

407
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:56,129
Well, Brad, the truth is,
I'm wheels-up a week from tomorrow.

408
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,441
Time to get out there and
kick some ass for America.

409
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,847
Oh, I see. So you're a soldier?

410
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,001
Nope.

411
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:03,401
Oh, so you're a, uh...

412
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:04,681
Yep.

413
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:06,605
Yep, what?

414
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,604
(CHUCKLES) You don't want to know
any more than that, Brad.

415
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:10,601
Okay.

416
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:16,848
Um, listen, Dusty, I think that we should
set up a visitation schedule.

417
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:20,561
Right? That way, you feel like
you have ample time with the children...

418
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,210
Why don't we cut the shit, Brad?

419
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:25,682
No, we don't have to cut the shit.

420
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:28,646
You want to know what I'm doing here,
why don't you quit looking at

421
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,210
whatever you wrote on your hand?

422
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,364
Be a man and ask me, Brad.

423
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,887
Okay. What are you doing here?

424
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,522
Now, we both know kids need
a single primary male role model.

425
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:41,723
Sara's made her choice.

426
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,282
I'm man enough to
let that role model be you.

427
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:46,888
I will vouch for you with my children.

428
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,045
I will give them my sacred
permission to trust you.

429
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:51,891
To love you and to

430
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,411
call you Dad.

431
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:55,921
You'd do that for me?

432
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:57,081
No.

433
00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,724
But I will do it for them.

434
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,602
That is what you want, isn't it, Brad?

435
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:05,122
More than anything in the world.

436
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:09,090
He played you.
You just got so played out there.

437
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,169
I know it looks that way,

438
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,163
'cause I promised
I would ask him to leave,

439
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,722
and then I invited him to stay for a week,
but he didn't play me.

440
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,201
You know what he did? He cut the shit.

441
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,004
- Oh, he did?
-And I gotta say,

442
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:22,645
it was refreshing.

443
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:26,088
I think more of us could stand
to just cut the shit, you know.

444
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,004
- Right.
-In one conversation,

445
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,601
he just blew by
eight chapters in my stepdad book.

446
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,001
I mean, this is gonna be so good
for me and the kids.

447
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:36,084
Oh, baby, you have no idea
who you're dancing with.

448
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:37,601
Dusty gets into your head,

449
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:38,761
-that's what he does.
-(WHIRRING)

450
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,684
(MUFFLED) He has a very impressive,
rugged bravado,

451
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,843
there's no question. But I gotta say,

452
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:49,164
I think in here, there's
a soft, soft creamy center.

453
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,682
You know? I think he feels a lot.

454
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,923
He just... He needs
someone with this, a big ear.

455
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,610
And I got them. Mmm.

456
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:02,884
Oh, good morning, Dusty.

457
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:04,371
- Hey.
-You're up and at 'em.

458
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:05,521
-(OVEN TIMER DINGS)
-Yeah, I got up early

459
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:06,721
-and did a quick 20.
-Really?

460
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:08,564
- Twenty minutes of what?
-Oh, twenty miles.

461
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,325
Did a little light sparring,
then lwhipped up

462
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,164
a pan of piping-hot
cinnamon rolls for my family.

463
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:13,846
And I made one for you, too.

464
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:16,691
Wow. That's very impressive, thank you.

465
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,367
- DUSTY: Good morning, gang!
-Ooh, it smells yummy!

466
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,444
Our real dad's a super,
super-duper good cook!

467
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,085
- Mmm-hmm.
-Here you go, guys.

468
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:27,443
Yeah, it looks an awful lot
like Cinnabon.

469
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,443
Well, thank you, Brad.
What a nice thing to say.

470
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,364
Mmm, it tastes exactly like Cinnabon!

471
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,125
In fact, same shape,
same swirl, same frosting.

472
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,281
Well, now you're starting to
embarrass me,

473
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:37,646
but I do appreciate the compliment.

474
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:39,851
Good morning, Sar-bear!

475
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,969
- Morning.
-Hey, listen, guys,

476
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,611
Brad and I had a talk last night
about the importance of family.

477
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,206
And now that everyone's here,
I wanted to say a few words, okay?

478
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,441
I think that would be great.

479
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:52,286
Hey, kids, you know, families can be
ever-growing and changing things.

480
00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:55,250
And sometimes someone new
knocks on the door of your heart

481
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,641
and you're not sure if you
have room in there for one more.

482
00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:00,405
But there's someone here now
that I hope you guys can learn to love.

483
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:01,521
Okay?

484
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,406
(WHISTLING)

485
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,042
- Come here, boy!
-(GROWLING)

486
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:07,605
BOTH: A doggy! Yay!

487
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:10,481
You brought a dog home?

488
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,925
Yeah. Is that a problem?

489
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,048
I mean, you seemed
really into it while I was teeing it up.

490
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:15,485
No, I thought you were talking about me.

491
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,483
- Oh, but you're not a dog, Brad.
-No... (SCOFFS)

492
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,562
Look, last night, when we talked...

493
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,002
Oh, yeah. Well, listen,
that's got to happen organically.

494
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:23,201
Why can't it happen now?

495
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:24,327
It just can't.

496
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:25,447
You're dirty.

497
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:26,567
SARA: Dusty, how old is that thing?

498
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,205
I'd guess him to be around 15.

499
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:30,363
I mean, I found him this morning,
living in a storm drain.

500
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:32,968
I named him Tumor,
because of how much he grows on you.

501
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:35,042
BOTH: Mommy,
can we keep Tumor, please?

502
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:36,770
Oh, I'm gonna leave this one up to Brad.

503
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:38,410
BOTH: Please, Brad! Please!

504
00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:40,805
Why is he looking at me like that?

505
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,689
-(GROWLING)
-He's only looking at me.

506
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:44,763
Maybe we just get a puppy instead?

507
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:47,491
A puppy, Brad? What are they
going to learn from a puppy?

508
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,764
An old dog like Tumor here's
been out in the world, man. Living free.

509
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,480
Fighting for survival and seeing things
we can only dream of.

510
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,848
Just look at the wisdom
in those cloudy eyes.

511
00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:58,043
Besides, you know what happens
to old dogs at shelters.

512
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:00,122
He's gonna have to walk the green mile
as soon as he gets there.

513
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,248
No, Brad, no! Don't kill our dog!

514
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:03,651
I hate you!

515
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,642
Okay. Okay. Fine.

516
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,764
He can live out his few
remaining weeks with us.

517
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:11,485
Yay! Thanks, Brad.

518
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:12,886
I don't hate you anymore.

519
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,087
He's going potty!

520
00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:16,725
SARA: Oh, my God.

521
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,450
We'll clean it up. We don't mind.

522
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:19,846
Look at that.

523
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:21,410
The dog's already
teaching them responsibility.

524
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,528
Hey, guys, when you got to
pick up the potty, use gloves.

525
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,728
- He's definitely got worms in his poo.
-(BOTH GROANING IN DISGUST)

526
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:32,761
(SIGHS)

527
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,127
SARA: Dusty!
Can you please move this thing?

528
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:37,810
I can't get my car out of the garage.

529
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:39,928
Hey, Brad, do you mind?
I want to grab a quick shower.

530
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,048
Yeah, sure, no problem.

531
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:44,366
- Hey, honey.
-Hi, sweetie.

532
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:45,527
It's blocking everything.

533
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,046
No, I know. I know, don't worry.
We're on top of it.

534
00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:50,441
What are you doing? Brad, I don't...

535
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:53,327
Hey! Stay away from that, please.

536
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:54,921
(GRUNTS)

537
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,081
Honey, what are you doing?

538
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,486
-(ENGINE REVVING)
-(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)

539
00:22:57,960 --> 00:22:59,962
I don't know if that's a good idea, Brad.

540
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:01,127
Dusty!

541
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,965
It's vibrating up into my shoulders.

542
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,922
Hey, it's okay, Brad.
Look, she's a lot of bike, man.

543
00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:08,929
No, I'm good. Why don't you go
back in and take that shower,

544
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:10,331
so you can get a shirt on?

545
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,284
Oh, you got it.
Hey, you look good on that, man.

546
00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:13,566
Remember, one down, four up.

547
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,449
Dusty, everyone knows it's one down...

548
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:16,931
-(SCREAMING)
-(TIRES SQUEALING)

549
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:18,884
Watch out! Watch out! Watch out!

550
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:20,331
(ALL SCREAMING)

551
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,331
(CRASHING)

552
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:34,764
Did Brad just die?

553
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,322
I think we all need to prepare ourselves
for that possibility, pumpkin. Okay?

554
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:40,641
Brad!

555
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:43,681
Brad!

556
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:48,045
-(BRAD GROANING)
-(GASPING)

557
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:49,929
Oh, my God.

558
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,081
-(COUGHING)
-Brad, are you all right?

559
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:54,807
No, I'm not all right.
I'm in the wall. I'm scared.

560
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:56,086
Oh, honey.

561
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,043
Jeez, Brad, I thought you said
you could ride.

562
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:00,322
I can ride, okay.
Would you get a shirt on?

563
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:01,606
I think if you could ride,

564
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:03,409
you wouldn't be stuck
in a wall right now, Brad.

565
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,562
SARA: Yeah.
I'm sorry to say it, but he's right.

566
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:06,766
You almost killed the kids!

567
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:08,484
DUSTY: Let's not beat up
on Brad here. Okay?

568
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:09,766
He was showboating
for the kids a little bit,

569
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:10,961
and things got out of hand.

570
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,202
Let's all just be grateful
nobody got hurt. Okay?

571
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:14,561
I got hurt!

572
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,364
Okay, kids, listen up.
This is a good lesson

573
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,211
on why you never wanna lie
about your ability to do things

574
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,368
you clearly can't do, okay, huh?

575
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:23,649
I think my arm is stuck in the wall.

576
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:25,131
DUSTY: Brad, just stay still.
I'll get you out.

577
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,202
No,no,no,no,no.
No, don't do anything.

578
00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:29,647
And would you please
just go and get a shirt on?

579
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:31,404
Just calm down, all right?

580
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,370
-(SARA SCREAMING)
-(GROANING)

581
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,202
Hey, I'm really sorry about
what happened to your car.

582
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,368
Yeah, and I'm sorry about
what happened to your bike.

583
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:43,442
Oh, no damage. Not a scratch.

584
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:45,563
- Oh, not even one scratch?
-Unbelievable.

585
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:47,405
(LAUGHS) That's so good.

586
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:49,685
(ROOF THUDS)

587
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:55,803
Let's keep it going! Inside the cones!

588
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:57,370
Just like ice cream!

589
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:58,806
Morning, Jerry.

590
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,962
Got to keep it inside the cones!

591
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,725
No, Daddy! You're supposed
to stay in the cones!

592
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,041
Whoa, whoa! Inside the cones!

593
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:07,930
-Inside. Bring her in. That's better.
-(SIGHS)

594
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,685
Let's keep those kids safe today, okay?
Thank you, Brad.

595
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,091
Sorry, Doris.

596
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,681
It's okay. This whole drop-off line thing

597
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,205
can be a bit overwhelming
if you're not used to it.

598
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:20,601
Yeah, well, I've landed a chopper
in the middle of a Cuban prison riot,

599
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:22,364
Brad, I think I'm good.

600
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:23,441
(BEEPING)

601
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:27,207
Bye, guys! I love you guys so much.
Have a great day, okay?

602
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:28,964
- Bye, Daddy!
-Make sure you do all your work.

603
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:30,445
Bye, guys. Have the best day.
I love you so...

604
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,200
BRAD: Here's the exciting thing.

605
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:39,330
We just opened up in our 68th market,
making The Panda America's

606
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,607
number three smooth jazz station.

607
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:43,121
Wow.

608
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:47,282
And here it is. My, uh... My little nook.

609
00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:51,966
Wow. Oh, man, I gotta admit,
this is more than I expected.

610
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:53,481
Wow.

611
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:55,880
I kind of envy you, Brad.

612
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,121
Oh, stop it.

613
00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,927
Ah, it's true. I mean, you're a nice guy,
making a comfortable living,

614
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,207
and the most fantastic woman
in the world loves you dearly.

615
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:04,725
Really? Thanks for saying that.

616
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:09,164
I mean it. And that sacrifice
she's making for you... That's true love.

617
00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:10,361
Sacrifice?

618
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:11,567
Well, sure, Brad.

619
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:13,210
You know how bad
that girl wants another baby.

620
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:16,285
She wants another baby?

621
00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:17,771
For her to let that slip away

622
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,730
and marry a man she knew to be barren,
that's true love.

623
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:23,484
How do you know that I can't...

624
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:24,761
- Bradley.
-Yes.

625
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:26,922
Caroline says we're gonna hear some
new voice talent this a.m.?

626
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:28,843
Yes, sir, in about 15 minutes.

627
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:30,001
Okay. How'd it go

628
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,651
-with the shitbag ex-husband?
-Uh-uh.

629
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,451
You whip his ass with
that Loving Fence of yours?

630
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:37,967
(LAUGHS) Well,
actually it's interesting, Mr. Holt,

631
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,691
because I want you to
meet Dusty Mayron.

632
00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:44,886
Jesus in the morning.
She was married to him first?

633
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,041
Okay. Let's establish some
ground rules, pretty boy.

634
00:26:48,120 --> 00:26:49,246
- Airborne?
-Huh?

635
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:52,011
Well, your lapel pin.
101st, that's one hell of a division, sir.

636
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,481
Oh, well, thank you, Dusty.

637
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:55,681
Are you Airborne?

638
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:57,564
Oh, no, sir, I'm afraid
I don't share that honor,

639
00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,927
but I'm humbled to be in the
presence of anyone who does.

640
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,526
Airborne Division?
Those guys love to fly.

641
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:04,840
Very nice to meet you, sir.

642
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:06,922
Thank you, thank you.
It's good to meet you.

643
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,047
My pleasure. It's an honor.

644
00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:09,884
Fast friends over there. (CHUCKLES)

645
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:11,891
That's wonderful.

646
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:13,366
Come on! No way!

647
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,882
The whole time you're running guns
for the freedom fighters

648
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:17,644
right under the cartel's noses,

649
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:19,529
and they never suspected
it was you once?

650
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:22,251
Well, I'm sure they started to suspect
once they were in a ball of fire

651
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:23,845
the size of four city blocks.

652
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:24,921
(LAUGHING)

653
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,488
That's great. I love that!

654
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:29,050
Holy buckets, Brad!

655
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:31,646
If this guy was my wife's ex,
I'd put a bullet in my skull.

656
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:32,960
(BOTH LAUGH)

657
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:34,326
DUSTY: Come on, Leo, cut it out.

658
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:36,971
Oh, uh... Sir, I think Barry's ready.

659
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:38,326
You're really going to like this guy.

660
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,641
Okay. Ready to listen.

661
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:42,845
(BEEPING)

662
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,411
(SINGING) One-oh-three-point-six

663
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:48,762
The Panda!

664
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:52,650
All right. Mmm-hmm.

665
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,451
- You like him, Brad?
-I do.

666
00:27:55,760 --> 00:28:00,084
I do. I mean, I think his voice
has a warm dependability

667
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:03,091
that all Panda listeners could trust.

668
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:04,807
What do you think, Duster?

669
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:06,086
(BRAD LAUGHS)

670
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:07,969
Does Dusty now work for The Panda?

671
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:09,844
Yeah, Brad's right.

672
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,048
I'm not really into smooth jazz.
I shouldn't comment.

673
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,322
(SCOFFS) Nobody's into smooth jazz.

674
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:15,646
I'm into smooth jazz.

675
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:16,921
Of course you are, Brad.

676
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:18,606
So what do you think, Dusty?

677
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:20,524
I mean, it just seems a little flaccid.

678
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:21,886
You know, I think you need a voice with

679
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:23,724
some virility and hope,
that tells listeners,

680
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,963
"Hey! Maybe the next song
won't suck as bad as the last one."

681
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:29,242
Also, I think a strong ability
to be something like...

682
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:32,290
(SINGING) One-oh-three-point-six

683
00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:34,727
The Panda!

684
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:39,001
What...

685
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,482
What just happened?

686
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:44,801
He sang the tagline.

687
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:46,725
- Good boy, Tumor!
-(CAR HONKING)

688
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:48,811
BOTH: Daddy!

689
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:50,041
DUSTY: Hey!

690
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:52,485
Oh, perfect timing. Listen to this.

691
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:54,444
DUSTY ON RADIO:
One-oh-three-point-six

692
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:56,568
The Panda!

693
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:58,040
- Is that you?
-Yeah!

694
00:28:58,120 --> 00:28:59,326
SARA: That's you?

695
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:01,810
Why is that him?

696
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:05,402
I took him to work, and 15 minutes later
he's the new voice of The Panda.

697
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:08,484
Hey, you believe that? I record
one take at 9:30 this morning,

698
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:09,971
it's already run 11 times.

699
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,082
Do I really get 182 bucks
every time they play that?

700
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:13,400
Yes. Every time, yes.

701
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:14,760
Ooh! Money.

702
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,446
You see why I love America
even more than most people do?

703
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,365
Hey. What's this?

704
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,124
Just the handyman
I hired off Angie's List.

705
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:23,009
He's upstairs fixing the damage.

706
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:25,608
Your wife had to hire a man? For what?

707
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:27,170
Some framing, a little sheetrock repair,

708
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:28,526
some masonry
and basic window glazing?

709
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:30,369
Come on, Brad.
We can bang that out tonight.

710
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:33,687
Yeah.

711
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:36,002
It's just basic sheetrock glazing

712
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,686
and, you know, little whatamajigs.

713
00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:40,690
Get up there and

714
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,689
get in there and crank it out.

715
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:45,200
Dusty is pretty good with his hands.

716
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:46,884
Pretty good with my hands,
Brad, she knows.

717
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:50,807
Okay. Yeah, I'll just go up there and I'll...

718
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:52,882
- Want me to do it? I'll tell him to screw.
-No, no, no, no.

719
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:54,121
No, no, no. That's okay.

720
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:55,281
I'll tell him,

721
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:56,805
-"Guess what, bub?"
-Tell him the men are here.

722
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:58,081
I'll say that. I'll say, "The men are here."

723
00:29:58,200 --> 00:29:59,884
- Let's do it.
-I don't want to imply to him

724
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:01,889
that he's not a man. But I'll just say,

725
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,162
"Hey, the boys are back in town." Right?

726
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:06,125
(HAMMERING)

727
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:10,881
Oh, hi.

728
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,767
I'm Brad. Uh... My wife hired you.

729
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:16,001
Nice to meet you, Brad.

730
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,402
I just came up here to say that you...

731
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:23,731
That, um, you should have good luck.

732
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,243
Thank you for your wishes of luck.

733
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:27,726
I'll be downstairs.

734
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:30,931
Well? What happened?

735
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:32,884
Oh, you know, I think it's...

736
00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:36,328
He already started,
and I just think it feels wrong.

737
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:37,606
Why? Because he's black?

738
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:39,091
No. No, no.

739
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:40,771
Megan! Dylan!

740
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:42,484
- What are you doing? Huh?
-Teaching moment.

741
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:46,523
Guys, what would we call Brad
if he treated someone differently

742
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:48,409
just because of the color of their skin?

743
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:50,926
-(BOTH GASP)
-Brad's being racism?

744
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,082
Racist, honey. Brad is a racist.

745
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:54,924
- Honey.
-No, I mean... But not on purpose.

746
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:56,371
Is Brad a Klan person?

747
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:58,648
No. (LAUGHS)

748
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,451
So I'm a racist if I don't fire someone?

749
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:02,521
Well, yeah, you are.

750
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:03,681
Yeah, you are.

751
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:08,451
Sir, you're taking this all wrong.

752
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:10,324
Right. So you get one look
at the color of my skin,

753
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,209
and all of a sudden you're
Mr. Do It Yourself, huh?

754
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:13,725
No, not at all. Please,

755
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:15,404
allow me to pay you
for your time and travel.

756
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:17,926
Don't do me any favors, Paula Deen.

757
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:19,246
(SIGHS)

758
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:20,807
I'm not a woman.

759
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:22,291
You did the right thing.

760
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:24,209
Boy, it doesn't feel that way.

761
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:25,646
Let's get cracking.
Where do you keep your tools?

762
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:28,041
I know where Brad keeps his tools.
In the credenza.

763
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:30,007
- Yeah.
-You keep your tools

764
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:31,570
-in the credenza, Brad?
-In the credenza. Mmm-hmm.

765
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:32,846
Just easier to get to.

766
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:34,251
- It's convenient.
-Yeah.

767
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:35,321
(CLATTERING)

768
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:38,324
This is a tackle box, Brad.
Are we going fishing?

769
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,402
No. Unless you want to go fishing.

770
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:42,563
What have you got in here?

771
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:44,927
A hammer, masking tape,
three C batteries and

772
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:46,001
a tampon.

773
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:47,121
Yeah, well, a tampon's handy for...

774
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:48,929
Yeah, I know what they're handy for.

775
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:51,091
So are we not going to fix it?

776
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:52,366
Well, what do you want from me, Brad?

777
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:53,646
To buy all the gear we need
would cost more

778
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:56,007
than just hiring someone
off of Angie's List.

779
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:01,365
-(GROWLING)
-(GASPS)

780
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:04,011
And the King, he thought

781
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,890
the Step King seemed okay at first,
a little soft, maybe,

782
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,088
but, heck, the Queen
needed a meal ticket.

783
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:10,850
But the more the King
learned about him,

784
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:13,002
the more he doubted the
Step King's ability to lead.

785
00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:15,931
So the King decided
there was only one way to...

786
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:17,365
Psst... Hey. Good story?

787
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,602
Yeah. The King finally
came back to his castle.

788
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,769
But the evil Step King
wouldn't give him his crown back.

789
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:26,367
Oh, okay, yeah.
I think I've heard this story before.

790
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,044
Ah, it's a story as old as time, Brad.

791
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,811
Well, you know what? It turns out
the Step King wasn't evil at all.

792
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:32,166
He was a really good guy.

793
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,322
Fun at parties, great conversationalist,

794
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:36,368
affable. And he saw

795
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:39,410
that the beautiful Queen
and perfect Prince and Princess

796
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:42,802
were all alone, and he came
valiantly to their rescue.

797
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:44,849
Yeah, but wasn't
the Queen sad because

798
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,048
the Step King couldn't give
her an heir to the throne?

799
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:48,531
Okay, you know what?
Now this is getting personal.

800
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:51,490
Hey, Brad, come on.
We're just doing fairy tales here.

801
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,403
All right. Well, the Queen wasn't sad,

802
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:56,924
just for the record. (STUTTERING)

803
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,606
The Step King was pretty sure
she was totally cool with it.

804
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,251
Yeah, Brad's right. I'm sure
the Queen was thrilled. Right?

805
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:03,881
Right?

806
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:05,561
Yeah.

807
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:12,321
Honey,

808
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:15,164
what's the matter?

809
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:17,888
Are you still sad about
Dusty finding your tampon?

810
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:20,042
No. No, I mean,

811
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:22,889
this is a little embarrassing,

812
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:24,849
but it's just, I was...

813
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,684
ls there any chance
you still want another baby?

814
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:33,682
Oh, my God.
What, did Dusty say something?

815
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:36,682
He's just trying to get in your head.

816
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:38,285
So it's not true then?

817
00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:45,525
Okay. Maybe I did want another baby.

818
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,442
But it's not possible,
given what happened to your...

819
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:51,410
And I'm not blaming them. I love them.

820
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:53,210
They are my fuzzy little pals.

821
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:54,406
You don't have to say that.

822
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:55,726
They are.

823
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:59,124
I am 100% happy
with the family that I have.

824
00:33:59,960 --> 00:34:01,450
The only reason I'm putting up with him

825
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:03,722
is because my kids
are so happy to see him.

826
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:05,962
And I want them to have
a relationship with their father.

827
00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:08,881
You know what?

828
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:10,445
I can't wait to see his face

829
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:13,330
when he figures out
how much you really do for his kids.

830
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:16,407
Yeah. I mean, I'm

831
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,971
involved. I'm emotionally available.

832
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:21,166
Yeah, you are.

833
00:34:21,240 --> 00:34:22,890
You are darn right.

834
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:27,086
It's high time Dusty sees
how a real dad does it.

835
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:29,084
I am fired up!

836
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:30,481
(SIGHS)

837
00:34:30,720 --> 00:34:32,131
Let's get some shut-eye.

838
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:34,649
(FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

839
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:47,683
(CHILDREN CHEERING)

840
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:15,690
(ALL CHEERING)

841
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:28,281
Hallelujah!

842
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:36,884
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

843
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:40,326
Hey, dudes! Hey, T.J.!

844
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:54,050
Brad! Look what Dad did!

845
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:56,521
He finished the treehouse for you!

846
00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:58,490
Hey, hey! B-man!

847
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:02,330
No, watch out, B!

848
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:03,771
(BRAD GROANING)

849
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:05,645
Hey, Brad. Sorry about that.

850
00:36:05,720 --> 00:36:06,846
- You all right?
-(CONTINUES GROANING)

851
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:07,921
Brad, what do you think, man?

852
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,650
Wow. Pretty cool zipline.

853
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:11,171
You like that, huh? It's military grade.

854
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:13,090
You built all this today? With my tools?

855
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:15,925
Oh, no, you can't build a treehouse
with a tampon, Brad.

856
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:17,604
No, I had a little bit of help.

857
00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:19,763
Yo, Dylan, PS4 is all hooked up.

858
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:21,769
- Thanks, Uncle Griff.
-No problem, buddy.

859
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:22,927
Uncle Griff?

860
00:36:23,240 --> 00:36:24,730
Dude, I went out for a beer last night,

861
00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:26,450
and who's tending bar
but our man Griffy?

862
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:28,522
We get to talking and we just click.
You know what I mean?

863
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:30,683
He's a great dude, man. He really is.

864
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:33,001
I know how you feel about him,
but just give him a chance.

865
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:35,088
All right? He's having
a tough time at home,

866
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:36,924
and your firing him sure didn't help.

867
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:38,565
Well, I fired him because you made me!

868
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:39,721
- I made you?
-Yeah.

869
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:41,968
Am I in charge around here now?
ls my name on the mortgage?

870
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:43,525
Last time I checked,
you were the man of the house,

871
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:45,170
and me and Griffy
were just staying here.

872
00:36:45,240 --> 00:36:46,969
- He's not staying here.
-Because he's black?

873
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:48,366
No, not because of that.

874
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:50,522
Look, Griffy helped me
knock this out, all right?

875
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:52,688
So despite any prejudices
that you may or may not have...

876
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:54,450
I don't have any prejudices.

877
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:55,726
I said "may or may not."

878
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:56,926
- Well, it's may not.
-Well, that's good.

879
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:58,650
Because that's one of the ones I said.

880
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:00,490
Hey, kids, come on.
Helmets on the half-pipe.

881
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:01,721
We got to be safe around here.

882
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:02,926
Wait, half-pipe?

883
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:07,128
Look, I know it's taking up
a lot of the yard, but it's gonna make

884
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:08,645
your house the coolest place
in the neighborhood.

885
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:10,285
I got a sound system, we got

886
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:12,050
a couple Go-Pros. That's Corey
from Red Bull over there.

887
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:13,485
Hey, Corey!

888
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:14,921
You got a sponsor for my backyard?

889
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,321
Hey, Mr. Mayron! You want next?

890
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:19,164
Nicholas, please, it's Dusty!

891
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,642
And, yes, I do. Brad, watch this run.

892
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,921
I'm gonna dedicate this run
to my future X-Games champs,

893
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:27,968
Dylan and Megan. This is for you!

894
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:29,730
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

895
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:51,406
(BLOWS)

896
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:54,643
Looks like you picked the
wrong leisure activity, buddy.

897
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:04,446
(ALL CHEERING)

898
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:05,885
Thank you.

899
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:07,970
- Oh, hey, Sara.
-Hi.

900
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:09,201
Okay. Who's got next?

901
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:10,685
BRAD: I do!

902
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:15,725
Look!

903
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:18,250
(ALL GASPING)

904
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:20,527
Some cute little tricks there, Dusty.

905
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:22,485
(LAUGHS)

906
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:23,561
Really adorable.

907
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:24,841
Brad?

908
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:26,371
Hey, who'd like to see
how we used to do it

909
00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:28,727
back in the empty pools of Encino,

910
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:30,968
Castaic, Irvine, Long Beach?

911
00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:32,885
Santa Clarita?

912
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:35,325
Santa Cruz?

913
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:36,881
Fremont?

914
00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:39,163
Honey, no, please come down.

915
00:38:39,240 --> 00:38:41,720
Oh, I intend to, sister.

916
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:45,161
Come on, Brad, it hasn't been that long.

917
00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:46,401
Godspeed.

918
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:48,365
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

919
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:50,245
-(GRUNTS)
-ALL: Whoa!

920
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:53,684
-(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
-(SCREAMING)

921
00:38:56,240 --> 00:38:58,004
Oh, my God! Brad!

922
00:38:58,080 --> 00:38:59,650
Oh, no, it's best not to touch him.
Wait a second.

923
00:38:59,720 --> 00:39:01,290
What do you mean, don't touch him?
He's in trouble.

924
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:02,925
Look, I know he's in trouble, okay?

925
00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:04,769
But if there's a problem, who
do you want to be in charge?

926
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:05,881
YOu?

927
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:07,962
Okay. All right, guys,
we have an emergency situation.

928
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:10,281
And what's the first thing we do?
Anybody?

929
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:12,564
- You! Redhead.
-Call 911.

930
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:16,082
Close. But wrong.
First thing we do is remain calm.

931
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:17,207
Yeah, that's good advice.

932
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:19,681
The 911 operator can't understand you
if you're hysterical, okay?

933
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:21,808
So let's all take a deep breath.
In for ten...

934
00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:24,002
Are you kidding me right now?
Help him!

935
00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:25,969
Hey, that doesn't sound calm, Sara.

936
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:27,929
Now, please, call 911
and relate to the dispatcher

937
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:29,843
-what happened calmly, okay?
-Okay, yes.

938
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:31,729
Anybody know what we do next?

939
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:33,040
Check for pulse!

940
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,043
Nice! My star pupil! Come on up here.

941
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:37,282
All right! Okay, two fingers on the neck,

942
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:38,686
right below the ear.

943
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:40,683
- Good. You feel a heartbeat?
-Uh-uh.

944
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:44,806
Okay, now that means that
Brad here is now clinically... Anybody?

945
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:46,365
- You, Jean Jacket!
-Dead?

946
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:47,885
Attaboy, Jean Jacket.
You're a smart kid.

947
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:49,007
He is dead.

948
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:51,686
All right, so what do we do?
Come on, we're losing him here.

949
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:53,330
Give him C.P.R.?

950
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:55,921
Yes! That's my girl.
Come on up here, sweetie.

951
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:59,801
All right! All right, lock your fingers like
this and press down hard right here.

952
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:01,645
-(GRUNTING)
-Oh, great job, sweetheart.

953
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:02,767
Dusty, hurry!

954
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:04,569
Okay, I'm going to go ahead
and take this one.

955
00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:06,000
Okay? Watch closely now.

956
00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:07,963
If you do your
chest compressions properly,

957
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,327
it shouldn't take long. Clear out, guys.

958
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:11,811
(WHIRRING)

959
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:14,400
(GASPING)

960
00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:15,970
- I got him! I got him!
-(COUGHING)

961
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:17,405
(ALL CHEERING)

962
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:21,411
My dad can bring people
back from the dead!

963
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:22,681
(GROANING)

964
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:24,888
Mr. Whitaker's a zombie!

965
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:26,604
(MUTTERING)

966
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:32,366
Look, I'm okay, really.
I just got a little jolt.

967
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:34,841
You got a little killed
is what you got, Brad.

968
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:36,850
We thought we lost you.

969
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:38,565
Okay, I'm sorry.

970
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:40,682
I just got tired of being
the lame stepdad.

971
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:42,643
All the kids think he's Superman.

972
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:44,524
Well, now you know how I felt.

973
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:46,444
I always had to be the bad guy mom,

974
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:49,046
giving out the carrots
and the punishments,

975
00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:51,891
and he would breeze in
from God only knows where

976
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:53,968
and get to be the cool, fun dad.

977
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:56,008
Honey. Look. (SIGHS)

978
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:57,850
I'll talk to him, okay?

979
00:40:57,920 --> 00:40:59,126
I'll tell him to get his stuff

980
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,407
and get over
to the Red Roof Inn. Pronto.

981
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:02,881
Great.

982
00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:05,131
(TV PLAYING)

983
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:09,404
Wait. Prince Hans is
actually the bad guy?

984
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:11,125
Man, I didn't see that coming at all.

985
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:12,565
He seemed like he really loved Anna.

986
00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:14,121
MEGAN: I hate Prince Hans.

987
00:41:14,240 --> 00:41:15,446
Dusty.

988
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:17,489
- Hey, how you feeling, Sparky?
-(CHUCKLES)

989
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:19,684
Sparky. That's hilarious.

990
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:20,966
DUSTY: Brad, have you seen this movie?

991
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:22,320
It's unbelievable, man.

992
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:24,448
There's these two sisters,
one of them has ice powers.

993
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:26,449
Yeah, I'm familiar with Frozen.

994
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:29,089
Listen, Dusty, I need to talk to you now.

995
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:30,207
I can't talk now, Brad.

996
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:31,406
Just pause the movie!

997
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:32,845
Can you guys talk out there, please?

998
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:34,081
Griff, man. You gotta pause it, man.

999
00:41:34,240 --> 00:41:35,480
No! I don't want to ruin the momentum.

1000
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:38,769
He won't... Dude, if another song
comes on, you got to pause it. Okay?

1001
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:40,251
Am I supposed to pause my emotions?

1002
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:41,810
Just pause the song, man.

1003
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:44,009
What's up? What's up?
What's going on, Brad?

1004
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:45,445
- This shouldn't take long.
-Okay, good.

1005
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:48,008
Listen, um, I just think
that you're being here...

1006
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:49,969
Yeah. No problem.

1007
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:51,485
...and now there's Griff here,

1008
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:53,045
it's presenting some obstacles...

1009
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:54,286
(SOBBING)

1010
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:56,526
Stupid helmet!

1011
00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:57,886
Honey, what happened?

1012
00:41:57,960 --> 00:41:59,325
They pushed me off my bike again!

1013
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:00,811
- I'm so sick of it!
-(CLATTERING)

1014
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:08,931
I want them dead, Brad. All right?
I want their parents dead.

1015
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:10,206
And if they don't have parents, I want

1016
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:12,203
their primary caregivers dead.
Do you understand me?

1017
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:13,361
- Okay, okay.
-He's okay.

1018
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:16,091
Megan's upstairs playing with him.
I am so pissed about this.

1019
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:17,286
Was it the fourth graders again?

1020
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:19,681
Fourth graders?
What, you knew about this, Brad?

1021
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,286
Yeah. Dylan asked to speak
specifically to me about it.

1022
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:23,765
- Really?
-So, we role-played

1023
00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:25,285
some conflict resolution dialogue.

1024
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:26,885
Are you being serious right now, Brad?

1025
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:29,406
What you need to be teaching him
is some ass-beating resolution.

1026
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:32,802
Damn straight. You got to
make a statement. Set a tone.

1027
00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:35,087
It's kind of
a family matter over here.

1028
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:36,650
No, Dusty and Griff are right.

1029
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:38,484
Those little punks need
their butts whooped.

1030
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:39,891
Hey, you got any Miracle Whip?

1031
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:41,007
Yeah, it's behind the... (SIGHS)

1032
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:43,681
Here. Hold on. Let me just get it for you.

1033
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,484
Guys, I know we're upset right now,

1034
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:49,569
but here's the thing.

1035
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:51,770
Violence never solved anything.

1036
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:52,967
Hey, check your history books, buddy.

1037
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:54,371
Almost everything is solved by violence.

1038
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:55,805
There are better ways.

1039
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:58,491
Okay. Name one. Besides dialoguing.

1040
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:00,170
- Name one?
-Name one!

1041
00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:02,244
- What do you mean, name one?
-You said you could

1042
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:03,651
solve problems with
things other than fighting.

1043
00:43:03,720 --> 00:43:04,801
- What are you gonna do?
-I don't know.

1044
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:07,121
Well, you said you knew!
You act like you knew!

1045
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:08,281
- Fine, yes!
-What?

1046
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:10,044
Dancing! Dancing.

1047
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:15,361
Did you... Did you just
say dancing, Brad?

1048
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:19,206
It's very popular in youth culture
to resolve conflict through dancing.

1049
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:21,687
They step up to each other
and get served

1050
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:24,207
by crunking, or popping and locking.

1051
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:26,521
They call each other out,
they take turns,

1052
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:30,401
and it is no less intense
than a classic street brawl.

1053
00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:33,729
But, at the end of the day, no one's hurt.

1054
00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:36,401
And it's a great aerobic workout.

1055
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:39,770
He's flailing a bit,
but he has a good point.

1056
00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:42,087
There's a rich history
of dance battles in film.

1057
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:44,368
- You got Breakin' 1...
-I didn't even think of this.

1058
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:46,442
...Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.

1059
00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:48,289
One of the rare cases
where the sequel was better

1060
00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:49,646
-than the original.
-Much better.

1061
00:43:49,720 --> 00:43:51,563
You got Step Up, Stomp the Yard.

1062
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:53,210
He makes a solid point.

1063
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:56,171
Honey, are you telling us that we
should teach Dylan to dance?

1064
00:43:56,240 --> 00:43:58,322
(SIGHS) No, I'm just saying

1065
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:00,444
that teaching him to fight
isn't the answer.

1066
00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:03,922
Okay, but maybe teaching him
to fight back isn't so bad?

1067
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:07,206
BRAD: Okay.

1068
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:12,126
There we go. Perfect.
That's good, right there.

1069
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:14,724
Yeah. A lot of protection.

1070
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:20,840
All right, Dylan. You ready, buddy?

1071
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:22,285
- I guess.
-Oh, you're ready.

1072
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:24,488
Brad, Griff. You guys be
the fourth graders.

1073
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:26,164
- I'll be Dylan.
-Okay.

1074
00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:28,761
All right. Hey, buddy,
the first thing you want to do

1075
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:30,524
is call out the biggest one.

1076
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:32,524
Hey! What's the matter?

1077
00:44:32,720 --> 00:44:33,846
You too much of a pussy to take me on

1078
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:35,524
without your little bitches
to back you up?

1079
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:39,681
Wow. Okay, yes.
That cut right through me, there.

1080
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:41,802
I'm filled with inner shame right now.

1081
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,321
Saying to myself,
"Gosh, maybe I'm not behaving

1082
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:47,483
"100% the way I want to."
Right? Is that same page?

1083
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:49,847
No. What the kid's gonna think
is, "Now I can beat your ass

1084
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,605
"all on my own." But now
you only got one bully to contend with.

1085
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:54,444
Now bullies always open up
with some shoving first.

1086
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:56,363
- Watch. Brad, give me a little shove.
-All right.

1087
00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:57,441
(YELPS)

1088
00:44:57,520 --> 00:44:58,681
Whoa, I didn't connect there, did I?

1089
00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:00,450
No. It was really close, though.

1090
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:03,406
See what I did, buddy?
I turned my bodyjust enough

1091
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:06,006
to let his weight bring him in,
then I came right down Broadway.

1092
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:07,650
- I'm not gonna hit you.
-Oh.

1093
00:45:07,720 --> 00:45:10,087
- Okay, relax. Okay?
-Mmm-hmm.

1094
00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:11,207
- Bam!
-(ALL GASP)

1095
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:12,486
It's called the element of surprise.

1096
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:13,965
Then you start punking his ass!

1097
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:16,162
You want some more of that, bitch, huh?
You like that, bitch?

1098
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:18,009
All right. Do we really
need to use that word?

1099
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:19,206
- No.
-Honey, yes.

1100
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:20,845
Unfortunately, we do. I'm sorry.

1101
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:22,763
You have to make him a bitch.

1102
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:24,848
It's a fundamental step in
destroying a bully's psyche.

1103
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:26,331
Now stay down, bitch!

1104
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:27,890
Then you kick that kid
right in the nuts!

1105
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:29,007
Kick him in the nuts, Dylan!

1106
00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:30,491
Wait! I thought you were in my gang.

1107
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:32,881
Yeah, but once Dylan tuned you up,
I switched sides.

1108
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:34,729
What do you think happens
out there on the playground, Brad?

1109
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:36,564
All right, now come on, buddy.
It's your turn. All right?

1110
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:37,966
I'll be the fourth grader.

1111
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:39,923
Can I just go inside already, please?

1112
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:41,968
Hey, buddy come on, this is easy.
You can do this.

1113
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:43,849
I said, no! I don't like this stuff.

1114
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:46,486
I'll just stay away from them
from now on. Mom?

1115
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:47,806
Okay, come here, buddy.

1116
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:49,041
- Come on. It's all right.
-Brad.

1117
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:50,685
Help me out here. Come on.

1118
00:45:52,240 --> 00:45:53,401
Hey, wait.

1119
00:45:54,240 --> 00:45:56,049
Pal, listen...

1120
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:58,163
I know what it's like
to be afraid to go to school.

1121
00:45:58,400 --> 00:46:00,050
Okay? When I was your age,

1122
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:02,727
this group of older kids
started picking on me.

1123
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:05,762
I ran and I cried
underneath the bleachers.

1124
00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:08,844
They bothered me every day,
because they knew

1125
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:10,931
I was too afraid to face them.

1126
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:13,768
Until one day, I'd had enough.

1127
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:16,202
And I socked Jesse Hubbard
right in the nose.

1128
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:18,522
Really? And they left you alone?

1129
00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:20,251
Damn right they did.

1130
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:25,882
Brad. (SOFTLY) That was good.

1131
00:46:26,440 --> 00:46:30,001
Come here, buddy.
Hey, I'm proud of you. All right?

1132
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:31,326
Now, look at me. I want you to

1133
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:32,731
punch them right
in the Adam's apple. Okay?

1134
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:34,689
I want you to shatter their throat.

1135
00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:36,250
Hold on, hold on.

1136
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:41,126
I'm sorry. Look, I'm having
a pang of guilt right now.

1137
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:43,009
Full disclosure. Some of the elements

1138
00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:44,411
of my story weren't exactly true.

1139
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:47,282
Um, the incessant crying, 100% true.

1140
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:50,723
The constant bullying, absolutely,
it all happened, but I, uh...

1141
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:53,688
I've never punched anyone
in my life.

1142
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:55,086
I could have told you that.

1143
00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:57,727
- Then what did you do?
-Yeah, what did you do?

1144
00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:00,482
Well, nothing at all.
In fact, sixth grade was so rough,

1145
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:02,244
I changed my name to

1146
00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:04,126
Devin Lacecock.

1147
00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:05,884
Why the hell would you tell him that?

1148
00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:08,242
I pretended to be blind
for an entire school year,

1149
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:10,084
just to elicit empathy.

1150
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:12,244
Which was great until

1151
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:15,763
they found me intently watching
an episode of M*A*S*H.

1152
00:47:16,240 --> 00:47:17,969
In fact, it got so bad,
my parents had to refinance

1153
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:19,610
our house to put me in private school.

1154
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:23,089
Let's just do that.
Can I go to private school, please?

1155
00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:25,767
No, Dylan, we can't do that.
Want to know why?

1156
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:28,489
Because ever since that day,

1157
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:30,684
I've always run away from conflict.

1158
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:35,922
In fact, if I had a dad like Dusty
when I was your age, maybe

1159
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:38,880
he could have taught me
how to stand up for myself.

1160
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:41,602
So, wait. You're saying,

1161
00:47:41,720 --> 00:47:43,961
if I don't stick up for myself now,

1162
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:46,447
I'll grow up to be a huge wussy like you?

1163
00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:51,442
Um, yes. That is the basic
gist of what I'm saying. Yes.

1164
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:53,802
Okay. Then let's do this.

1165
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:55,770
DUSTY: Come on, buddy, you got this.

1166
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:56,921
Give me something. Come on.

1167
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:58,764
Faster, harder, meaner, stronger.

1168
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:00,080
You're fast, you're good.

1169
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:01,491
You're a winner. You're a champion.

1170
00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:04,564
They got to let you off the leash, baby.
We got a little pit bull here.

1171
00:48:05,480 --> 00:48:08,484
That was really nice,
you guys. Good job.

1172
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:10,722
It was really fun to watch the
two of you working together

1173
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:13,280
like a couple of great co-dads.

1174
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:14,761
Yeah.

1175
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:17,641
Co-dads. That's...

1176
00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:19,446
That's good stuff.

1177
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:22,166
You know what?
In that same spirit of unity,

1178
00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:24,531
I want to show my gratitude
for your inviting me

1179
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:26,369
to stay here
and share moments like these.

1180
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:28,608
Oh, about that, Dusty.
When I pulled you over there, actually...

1181
00:48:28,720 --> 00:48:31,200
No, what you've done here
does not go unnoticed.

1182
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:32,691
And I repay my debts.

1183
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:34,724
Look, Sara, I know how much
you want another child.

1184
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:36,649
I think I can help
put a baby in there for you.

1185
00:48:36,720 --> 00:48:38,404
- Oh, my God!
-What are you saying?

1186
00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:40,687
- I mean I got a guy.
-Dusty, please! You got a guy?

1187
00:48:40,760 --> 00:48:42,649
Yes, I got a guy. A fertility doctor.

1188
00:48:42,720 --> 00:48:44,961
He's a buddy of mine.
I trained him for his first lronman.

1189
00:48:45,040 --> 00:48:47,042
All right? Dr. Francisco is the real deal.

1190
00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:49,362
- Dr. Emilio Francisco?
-You've heard of him?

1191
00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:51,005
Oh, my God, yeah.

1192
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:53,049
He's been on Dr. Oz like 10 times.

1193
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:54,440
Yeah, he's one of the top five

1194
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:56,409
reproductive endocrinologists
in the country.

1195
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:59,330
See? People wait years
to get an appointment with this guy.

1196
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:00,731
Do you really think he would see us?

1197
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:02,768
- Whoa, whoa, hold on.
-I know he would.

1198
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:05,411
If anybody can help you
have a baby, he can.

1199
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:07,245
Mommy's going to have a baby?

1200
00:49:07,320 --> 00:49:08,606
Cool! Can we name it Griff?

1201
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:09,806
Oh, thanks, D-man.

1202
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:12,042
Look, you guys,
I don't know if this is a good idea.

1203
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:13,964
What, you don't wanna name your baby
after a black person?

1204
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:15,166
- Is that it?
-No!

1205
00:49:15,240 --> 00:49:16,730
You probably want to name it
something really white,

1206
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:18,529
like Connor or Gordon.

1207
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:22,921
Harland, or Scot with one T. Or Brad.

1208
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:25,651
No, no, Griff is a lovely name.
I'm just saying,

1209
00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:28,208
I don't think it's a good
idea to get our hopes up,

1210
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:31,088
because, in the end,

1211
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:33,726
odds are, I'm going to let you down.

1212
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:35,811
Okay, honey, but what if

1213
00:49:35,880 --> 00:49:38,690
I promise, promise, promise
not to get my hopes up?

1214
00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:41,088
We could just try, right? It can't hurt.

1215
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:45,410
Okay, sure.
But you can't get your hopes up.

1216
00:49:45,560 --> 00:49:46,721
No. I won't, I won't! Thank you!

1217
00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:48,802
I feel like you've already
gotten your hopes up.

1218
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:51,530
- Where are you going?
-Nowhere!

1219
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:53,284
- You calling your mother?
-No!

1220
00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:55,482
Okay, yes, but it's about something else.

1221
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:57,211
It's not about something else.

1222
00:49:57,640 --> 00:49:59,404
Damn it, Brad, he set you up.

1223
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:03,009
He used this fancy doctor
to get your wife back on the baby train.

1224
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:07,245
When those test results come back
and prove that you can't give her a baby,

1225
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:09,922
guess who's gonna be waiting
there cocked and loaded?

1226
00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:12,362
Well, I trust my wife,

1227
00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:14,762
so we really don't need to
keep talking about it, okay?

1228
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:16,604
Let me tell you a little story, Brad.

1229
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:21,124
When Jeneane, my fourth, and I
were returning from our honeymoon,

1230
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:23,248
she told me that
she had a 23-year-old kid.

1231
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:26,324
Brazilian boy.
Said she had him real young.

1232
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:27,726
So he moves in with us.

1233
00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:29,451
Doesn't speak a lick of English.

1234
00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:32,849
There are the usual tensions.
I try to assert my authority.

1235
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:35,731
"Andreas, get your feet off the furniture."

1236
00:50:35,920 --> 00:50:38,764
"Andreas, you're too old
to sleep in bed with Mommy."

1237
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:41,811
"Andreas, you got to stay off the 'roids."

1238
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:44,566
And he'd get mad,
and hit me with a car antenna.

1239
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:46,804
Eh... Maybe that's the way kids are.

1240
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:48,490
No. Not really.

1241
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:51,040
So I adopt him,
help him get his citizenship.

1242
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:54,450
The second the papers come through,
guess what happens?

1243
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:55,607
I already know.

1244
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:57,682
Barn! They shack up together in Barstow.

1245
00:50:57,800 --> 00:50:59,723
It turns out Andreas

1246
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:01,643
-is her boyfriend, Brad.
-Mmm-hmm.

1247
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:03,684
I did not see it coming.

1248
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:08,169
I actually did, about one,
two words into your story.

1249
00:51:08,240 --> 00:51:09,924
The moral of this fable is,

1250
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:11,604
it's good to know when you're beaten.

1251
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:14,686
- You know I think the world of you, Brad.
-Thank you.

1252
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:18,447
But if I'm being completely honest,
even I'm rooting for Dusty.

1253
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:20,565
He's just so damn likeable.

1254
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:24,967
You know, it's getting kind of late.
Shouldn't we just get back to work?

1255
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:26,725
Okay, you win.

1256
00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:31,406
So where are we on The Panda Jam
numbers for next summer?

1257
00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:35,047
London, you still on the conference call?

1258
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:39,691
Dusty Mayron, you crazy hijo de puta!

1259
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:42,483
-(LAUGHS) Hey, what's up, Doc?
-(EXCLAIMING)

1260
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:45,131
You look great, man. You still
rocking those lronmans, huh?

1261
00:51:45,200 --> 00:51:47,282
Yeah, bro. I just finished Brazil in 11:40.

1262
00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:49,124
- That's unbelievable.
-Yeah. Well, come on.

1263
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:50,406
Ain't nothing on you, man.

1264
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:53,524
Hey, my first race,
I'm limping across the finish line

1265
00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:55,011
when this bastard laps me.

1266
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:56,565
I mean, come on, who wins an lronman,

1267
00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:58,603
then decides to go around again?
Who does that?

1268
00:51:58,680 --> 00:52:00,205
It sounds exhausting.

1269
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:03,802
Hey, I'm Dr. Francisco.
You must be Sara.

1270
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:04,961
Hi. (LAUGHS)

1271
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:08,243
Dusty, you were not lying
about this one. Very nice.

1272
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:10,126
And you weren't lying
about this one either.

1273
00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:11,565
You must be Chief Glowing Sack.

1274
00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:13,324
What? (LAUGHS)

1275
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:14,805
Hey, come on,
I'm just lighting you up, man.

1276
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:15,927
Come on, little hug.

1277
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:18,884
Okay, come on back, y'all.
Let's take a look.

1278
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:21,405
All right. So let's run it down.

1279
00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:23,325
I think we can safely say

1280
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:25,402
that your issue has nothing
to do with X-rays.

1281
00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:28,206
You know what, sweetheart, come here.
Let's see that pretty little hand.

1282
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:29,930
Okay. Now put it right in here.

1283
00:52:30,240 --> 00:52:32,481
- Oh!
-Okay, you feel that?

1284
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:34,403
- Yeah.
-Okay, that is not how you want

1285
00:52:34,480 --> 00:52:35,766
testicles to be shaped.

1286
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:38,924
Really? It feels like all the other...

1287
00:52:39,080 --> 00:52:40,081
Hi.

1288
00:52:40,240 --> 00:52:42,720
Well, it cuts off blood flow, okay?
Limits potency.

1289
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:44,928
You want them to...
You know what? Actually...

1290
00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:47,688
"Hey, Dusty!
-Hey.

1291
00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:49,922
- Why is he coming in here?
-Little help in here, please.

1292
00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:51,690
Oh, come on. You gotta put me
through this every time?

1293
00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:53,250
- Come on. Be a sport.
-All right.

1294
00:52:53,640 --> 00:52:54,801
Oh, my God! What are you doing?

1295
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:56,445
Is this even ethical?

1296
00:52:56,800 --> 00:52:59,121
(GASPS) James and the Giant Peach.

1297
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:00,521
(GULPS)

1298
00:53:00,600 --> 00:53:02,762
- Did you just gulp?
-No.

1299
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:04,525
It's okay, I gulp every time.

1300
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:08,527
You see, this... This is what you want.

1301
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:10,285
Plump and bulbous.

1302
00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:12,682
Glassy smooth, like

1303
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,206
two Patrick Stewarts,
you know what I mean?

1304
00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:17,328
Don't embarrass me in front
of Sara like this anymore, okay?

1305
00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:18,686
DR. FRANCISCO: Hey, sorry, bro.

1306
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:21,286
So, ready to milk the cow,
see if we even got a sliver of hope here?

1307
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:23,806
Hey, Dusty, come on, buddy. Want to
try to break your own record?

1308
00:53:23,880 --> 00:53:24,927
Oh, no, I'm good.

1309
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:26,889
DR. FRANCISCO: Hey, come on, man.
I'm doing you a favor here.

1310
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:29,167
Give me something to brag
about at the next symposium.

1311
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:32,568
All right, fine. You want to break
the record, I gotta break the record.

1312
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:35,082
(LAUGHS) Yeah. Kid came to play.

1313
00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:36,846
Should I grab a big cup, too?

1314
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:37,967
What? Stop screwing around.

1315
00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:39,645
Come on. We're burning daylight here.

1316
00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:47,886
(DOOR OPENS)

1317
00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:49,769
(WOMEN TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

1318
00:53:50,840 --> 00:53:52,171
(SIGHS)

1319
00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:57,367
(ALL GASPING)

1320
00:53:57,440 --> 00:53:58,965
(ALL LAUGHING)

1321
00:54:08,880 --> 00:54:12,680
Hello. Quick question.
How difficult would it be

1322
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:15,604
for someone to whip up
a batch of your Cinnabons?

1323
00:54:15,920 --> 00:54:17,843
Would you need
restaurant-grade ovens?

1324
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:19,922
Bradsky. Could you
pass this along to Dusty?

1325
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:21,405
It's his first resids check.

1326
00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:23,284
Disclaimer. It's more than you make.

1327
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,010
- Don't get worried about it.
-How much more than...

1328
00:54:25,120 --> 00:54:28,044
Oh, and tell him,
8:30 sharp at my house.

1329
00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:30,283
He doesn't need to bring anything.
All right, buddy?

1330
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:31,691
I've never been to your house.

1331
00:54:31,760 --> 00:54:33,205
No, you haven't.

1332
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:39,888
SARA: Oh, my God,
my hair, it looks awful.

1333
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:41,531
Doesn't Mommy's hair look pretty?

1334
00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:43,364
- No. Next slide, please.
-DUSTY: Oh, okay.

1335
00:54:43,680 --> 00:54:46,286
- Slides. Fun.
-DUSTY: Aw...

1336
00:54:46,720 --> 00:54:48,370
Cool. You guys climbed that?

1337
00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:51,285
Yuck. Why are you guys kissing
in every single picture?

1338
00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:53,568
Oh, Mommy used to kiss Daddy a lot.

1339
00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:55,370
SARA: Married people kiss a lot.

1340
00:54:55,520 --> 00:54:56,646
DUSTY: Ready?

1341
00:54:56,720 --> 00:54:58,051
Wow, China.

1342
00:54:58,320 --> 00:54:59,890
I loved it there.

1343
00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:02,281
Dylan, you were created right
there on that wall, buddy.

1344
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:04,050
- Really?
-Dusty, that's enough.

1345
00:55:04,200 --> 00:55:06,487
- DUSTY: Okay, next slide.
-(SARA LAUGHS)

1346
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:09,644
That's where your mom and I met,
doing The King and I in summer stock.

1347
00:55:10,240 --> 00:55:12,891
SARA: God,
that costume was so tight. (LAUGHS)

1348
00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:15,243
Next slide, please.

1349
00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:17,005
Oh, my God.

1350
00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:20,764
MEGAN: Is that baby me?
SARA: Mmm-hmm.

1351
00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:36,402
All right, you guys, let's,
um, get ready for bed.

1352
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:38,968
- Okay?
-DUSTY: It's story time, Mayron family!

1353
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:40,007
(CHILDREN CHEERING)

1354
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:42,606
MEGAN: We don't have to wait
for Mr. Whitaker, do we?

1355
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:47,004
I really don't like you,
but that shit is heartbreaking.

1356
00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:52,361
(DOOR CLOSING)

1357
00:55:52,440 --> 00:55:54,442
MEGAN: Yay! Griff's home!

1358
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:56,325
So the King raised his mighty sword

1359
00:55:56,400 --> 00:55:58,607
and rained steel
down upon the Step King.

1360
00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:01,204
But the Step King
blocked it with his shield.

1361
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:04,885
And swung his cat o'nine tails
into the King's smug face.

1362
00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:07,611
Which the King easily brushed aside
like the feather of a gull.

1363
00:56:07,680 --> 00:56:10,365
And then the King did counter
with a barrage of slashes

1364
00:56:10,440 --> 00:56:13,762
and thrusts so fast and precise
that the Step King had no way to parry.

1365
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:14,887
BOTH: Yay!

1366
00:56:14,960 --> 00:56:17,361
But he did. He did.
He parried all of them.

1367
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:19,886
- Easily. It was no big deal.
-BOTH: Aw.

1368
00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:22,645
Then he grabbed the King's
sword right out of his hand

1369
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:24,964
and smashed it over his knee.

1370
00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:26,167
BOTH: Boo!

1371
00:56:26,240 --> 00:56:28,846
That's when the King pulled out
a pump-action Mossberg shotgun!

1372
00:56:28,920 --> 00:56:30,843
Which is completely anachronistic.

1373
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:34,402
So if we're doing any time period,
then the Step King just happened to be

1374
00:56:34,480 --> 00:56:36,323
wearing Kevlar body armor.

1375
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:38,244
- Concussion grenade!
-Hand grenade.

1376
00:56:38,480 --> 00:56:39,811
- Rocket launcher.
-Missile launcher.

1377
00:56:39,880 --> 00:56:41,086
- Air strike.
-Nuclear strike.

1378
00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:42,605
- Black hole.
-God.

1379
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:44,331
We know what this comes down to.

1380
00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:47,086
The Step King was very upset

1381
00:56:47,160 --> 00:56:49,083
because when the real King
pulled out his sword,

1382
00:56:49,400 --> 00:56:51,243
it was long and shiny,

1383
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:53,402
and the Step King
did shudder at the size of it.

1384
00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:57,166
And while the Step King acknowledged
that the King carried a mighty,

1385
00:56:57,240 --> 00:56:58,844
beautifully engraved broadsword,

1386
00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:01,288
all the maidens in the land

1387
00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:03,806
preferred the more average-sized

1388
00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:05,689
Step King's sword because

1389
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:07,286
it knew how to listen.

1390
00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:09,164
-(SCOFFS)
-And the King needs to realize

1391
00:57:09,240 --> 00:57:10,844
he's a guest in his castle

1392
00:57:11,160 --> 00:57:13,128
and he better mind his P's and Q's

1393
00:57:13,240 --> 00:57:15,288
because the Step King
has had it up to here

1394
00:57:15,360 --> 00:57:16,771
with the King's bullshit!

1395
00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:18,286
Brad said a naughty word.

1396
00:57:18,360 --> 00:57:22,126
Kids, I'm so sorry you had to hear
that inappropriate language.

1397
00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:23,361
Make sure you tell your mother.

1398
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:25,124
Brad, can I talk to you
in the hall, please?

1399
00:57:25,520 --> 00:57:26,965
(SIGHS)

1400
00:57:27,520 --> 00:57:30,251
Brad, what just
happened in there, man?

1401
00:57:30,520 --> 00:57:32,807
(WHISPERING) Look, the Step King
should not have

1402
00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:34,211
used inappropriate language

1403
00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:36,647
in front of the Prince and Princess,
he admits that.

1404
00:57:36,720 --> 00:57:37,721
Why are you still saying it
like that, Brad?

1405
00:57:37,840 --> 00:57:38,887
We're out in the hall.

1406
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:41,042
I don't know. I'm upset.

1407
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:42,566
-(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
-Hold on.

1408
00:57:43,200 --> 00:57:44,326
Oh-ho-ho! Hello?

1409
00:57:44,800 --> 00:57:46,723
Yeah, Brad's here, he's doing good.

1410
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:48,200
Hey, it's Dr. Francisco.

1411
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:49,805
He wants us all to come in tomorrow.
9:30 work for you?

1412
00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:50,881
- Yeah, I guess so.
-Yeah,

1413
00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:53,247
we'll see you then.
All right, bud. Come on, man.

1414
00:57:53,880 --> 00:57:55,803
The doctor will be with you in a moment.

1415
00:57:55,880 --> 00:57:57,245
ALL: Thank you.

1416
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:02,081
(SARA GRUNTING)

1417
00:58:02,160 --> 00:58:03,241
Hey, Brad,

1418
00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:05,571
whatever happens here,
I just want you to know

1419
00:58:05,680 --> 00:58:07,569
that I'm proud of you for doing your best.

1420
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:08,801
- Okay?
-Thank you.

1421
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:12,561
Hello, hello. Okay.
I'm going to cut right to the chase.

1422
00:58:12,840 --> 00:58:15,411
Sara, I'm afraid I've got some bad news.

1423
00:58:15,720 --> 00:58:17,927
Oh, God. That is
a tough break. I'm sorry.

1424
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:20,241
Damn, that is a real shame.
My heart is melting.

1425
00:58:20,320 --> 00:58:22,004
Yeah, it's a real shame, Sara.

1426
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:23,525
A real shame that
you're gonna have to put up

1427
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:25,011
with Brad here pounding away on you

1428
00:58:25,240 --> 00:58:28,244
over and over,
now that he's got a fighting chance

1429
00:58:28,320 --> 00:58:29,685
of getting you pregnant.

1430
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:32,162
-(GASPING)
-What? Oh, my God!

1431
00:58:32,240 --> 00:58:34,447
- Holy moly!
-Oh, my God.

1432
00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:37,401
Hey, Doc, Doc, don't give them
a false sense of hope.

1433
00:58:37,520 --> 00:58:40,569
Remember what you said about
the blood flow and the screwy 'nads?

1434
00:58:40,640 --> 00:58:42,847
Yeah, well, Brad has you
to thank for that, Dusty.

1435
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:45,366
Okay, in lab rats,
whenever another alpha male

1436
00:58:45,440 --> 00:58:47,204
comes around,
it can spike testosterone,

1437
00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:48,566
driving up sperm counts.

1438
00:58:48,640 --> 00:58:51,325
Now, no guarantees, okay?
But with my help, Brad,

1439
00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:54,131
I think you got enough left in the tank
to make it all the way to baby town.

1440
00:58:54,200 --> 00:58:55,361
That's so wonderful. Thank you.

1441
00:58:55,440 --> 00:58:57,966
- BOTH: Thank you so much.
-Of course.

1442
00:58:58,040 --> 00:58:59,963
- Can we give you a hug?
-Oh, yeah. Come on in.

1443
00:59:00,960 --> 00:59:02,610
BRAD: Oh, my gosh.

1444
00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:05,009
- Did not expect this.
-Mmm...

1445
00:59:06,040 --> 00:59:07,769
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

1446
00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:22,482
You virile sea snake, you.

1447
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:24,807
- I underestimated you, Brad.
-Yes, you did.

1448
00:59:25,240 --> 00:59:28,722
I can finally give Sara everything,
and it feels good.

1449
00:59:29,000 --> 00:59:30,161
Now, listen, this is what you need to do.

1450
00:59:30,240 --> 00:59:33,323
You need to go and pee outside
the room that Dusty sleeps in.

1451
00:59:33,440 --> 00:59:35,920
He's gonna smell your urine
and know that

1452
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:38,446
your virility is not to be taken lightly.

1453
00:59:39,560 --> 00:59:41,801
It's good advice.
I did it last year in the lobby.

1454
00:59:41,960 --> 00:59:44,088
Oh, I remember. It was a health hazard.

1455
00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:45,241
It scared the FedEx guy.

1456
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:47,687
No, I'm going to take
the high road on this one.

1457
00:59:47,800 --> 00:59:49,245
Okay, fine, take the high road.

1458
00:59:49,400 --> 00:59:52,051
But jam a baby up in there
as quickly <i>as</i> you can, Brad.

1459
00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:54,926
Because, in the end, if Sara
does choose Dusty over you,

1460
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:57,651
he has to be stepdad to your baby.

1461
00:59:57,720 --> 00:59:58,926
- How beautiful is that?
-(LAUGHS)

1462
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:00,286
Come on, five it.

1463
01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:02,931
No. You know, it feels strange

1464
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:06,482
to high-five over the custody
of my unborn child.

1465
01:00:06,560 --> 01:00:07,641
I've been on Dusty's team.

1466
01:00:07,720 --> 01:00:10,291
I'm trying to jump over
to the winning team Brad.

1467
01:00:10,360 --> 01:00:12,249
- Get on this.
-I'd really rather not.

1468
01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:15,125
I'm trying to share a moment
with you here. Please five me.

1469
01:00:15,240 --> 01:00:17,368
It feels... No, thanks.

1470
01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:19,086
- Got it!
-Wait. No.

1471
01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:20,446
- Sweet.
-it didn't count.

1472
01:00:20,520 --> 01:00:21,601
I love you, Brad.

1473
01:00:21,720 --> 01:00:22,960
It's not a binding high-five.

1474
01:00:23,040 --> 01:00:24,405
Fat beans in there.

1475
01:00:25,240 --> 01:00:26,890
- Dusty?
-Brad.

1476
01:00:27,240 --> 01:00:28,765
What can I do for you?

1477
01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:31,606
Oh, wow, that's some
impressive up-downs.

1478
01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:33,251
Look,uh,

1479
01:00:34,200 --> 01:00:37,886
what you did for Sara and me,

1480
01:00:38,080 --> 01:00:39,605
that's a life-changer, and

1481
01:00:40,280 --> 01:00:42,089
I just wanted to say thank you.

1482
01:00:42,440 --> 01:00:44,090
And I'm sorry.

1483
01:00:44,400 --> 01:00:45,731
Sorry for what?

1484
01:00:46,280 --> 01:00:48,282
Well, here's the thing.

1485
01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:51,565
I mean, you show up,

1486
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:56,286
here's this guy who's cool and exciting.

1487
01:00:56,600 --> 01:01:01,640
I guess I felt a little competitive, and
slightly insecure, and I start thinking,

1488
01:01:01,760 --> 01:01:04,286
well, maybe you want to challenge me.

1489
01:01:05,640 --> 01:01:08,007
But today you proved that
all you really care about

1490
01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:09,491
is our family's happiness.

1491
01:01:09,600 --> 01:01:10,726
Oh, man.

1492
01:01:10,960 --> 01:01:12,291
I'm humbled.

1493
01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:14,129
I mean it. And you know what?

1494
01:01:14,600 --> 01:01:17,080
You're right.
I was challenging you, Brad.

1495
01:01:17,280 --> 01:01:18,805
- Yeah?
-The truth?

1496
01:01:19,640 --> 01:01:21,529
I see this new man in my kids' life.

1497
01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:24,490
He's kind and caring and successful,
and I don't even want to like you.

1498
01:01:25,160 --> 01:01:27,561
But I can't help it. I like you, Brad.

1499
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:29,161
Really?

1500
01:01:29,320 --> 01:01:31,641
I was determined to push you out
and get my family back.

1501
01:01:31,760 --> 01:01:34,366
I was underhanded and
disingenuous about it.

1502
01:01:34,440 --> 01:01:35,930
I feel like a monster.

1503
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:37,923
No. No, no, no.

1504
01:01:38,480 --> 01:01:39,527
(SIGHS)

1505
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:42,968
At the risk of being disrespectful,
I want you to shut your mouth.

1506
01:01:43,440 --> 01:01:46,569
You are allowed
to have those feelings. Okay?

1507
01:01:47,240 --> 01:01:49,811
Heck, we're talking about
your own children here, for cripes' sake.

1508
01:01:51,160 --> 01:01:52,400
Clean slate?

1509
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:54,131
Absolutely.

1510
01:01:54,880 --> 01:01:55,961
Come here.

1511
01:01:56,480 --> 01:01:57,811
(SIGHS)

1512
01:01:59,000 --> 01:02:01,128
You know what's funny?
You're not even sweating,

1513
01:02:01,320 --> 01:02:03,243
after doing all those push-ups.

1514
01:02:03,440 --> 01:02:04,646
That's exemplary.

1515
01:02:05,200 --> 01:02:06,201
(SIGHS)

1516
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:10,080
Thank you, Dusty.

1517
01:02:10,160 --> 01:02:11,161
Thank you, Brad.

1518
01:02:14,840 --> 01:02:15,841
Oh, uh...

1519
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:20,449
You know, all that stuff about pushing
me out and taking over my family,

1520
01:02:20,520 --> 01:02:22,090
I mean, we're through all that, right?

1521
01:02:22,480 --> 01:02:24,403
Oh, no, no, no. I'm here to defeat you

1522
01:02:24,480 --> 01:02:26,289
and take back my family.
That can't change.

1523
01:02:26,360 --> 01:02:29,045
But now I'll follow your noble example
and do it above board.

1524
01:02:29,360 --> 01:02:32,125
Honestly. Like a man. Like you.

1525
01:02:32,560 --> 01:02:35,643
But we just hugged.
You said you like me.

1526
01:02:36,160 --> 01:02:37,571
Oh, I do like you, Brad, very much.

1527
01:02:37,640 --> 01:02:38,880
It doesn't make this any easier.

1528
01:02:39,200 --> 01:02:41,726
You know I'm gonna have to tell Sara
what you said in here today.

1529
01:02:41,840 --> 01:02:44,047
Of course.
It would be irresponsible not to.

1530
01:02:44,360 --> 01:02:45,964
She's not gonna like it.
She's gonna want you out.

1531
01:02:46,040 --> 01:02:47,326
You're right about that, Brad.

1532
01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:48,765
What the hell are you up to?

1533
01:02:48,840 --> 01:02:50,365
I just told you what I'm up to.

1534
01:02:50,560 --> 01:02:52,562
My head is spinning right now.

1535
01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:55,241
Hey, you got any sweet potatoes?
Or yams?

1536
01:02:55,360 --> 01:02:56,646
Sweet potatoes or yams?

1537
01:02:56,720 --> 01:02:59,166
Griff, you know we have yams, all right?

1538
01:02:59,240 --> 01:03:00,969
You made me buy them for you.

1539
01:03:01,040 --> 01:03:02,769
I wanted to respect
your house by asking you

1540
01:03:02,880 --> 01:03:05,201
before I got them.
I didn't want to just go grab yams.

1541
01:03:05,280 --> 01:03:07,169
Okay, I appreciate that.
I'm dealing with something.

1542
01:03:07,240 --> 01:03:09,481
- Just go get the yams.
-All right.

1543
01:03:09,560 --> 01:03:11,483
Here's the thing. You're right, Dusty.

1544
01:03:11,600 --> 01:03:13,762
Yeah. I'm not going to tell Sara.

1545
01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:15,929
But I'm gonna prove to you
that I'm the best.

1546
01:03:16,200 --> 01:03:19,204
You can eat my dust, Dusty.

1547
01:03:35,120 --> 01:03:38,442
Christmas already?
Why didn't anybody tell me?

1548
01:03:38,520 --> 01:03:40,329
It's not. It's the middle of April.

1549
01:03:42,240 --> 01:03:44,891
- Daddy must have done this!
-BRAD: Ho, ho, ho, ho!

1550
01:03:45,400 --> 01:03:47,402
No, he didn't. (LAUGHS)

1551
01:03:47,960 --> 01:03:49,610
- Brad.
-Ho,ho!

1552
01:03:50,200 --> 01:03:52,521
Claus is the name.
Santa Claus, if you please.

1553
01:03:52,640 --> 01:03:54,369
But this Brad you speak of

1554
01:03:54,440 --> 01:03:56,329
called me all the way up
at the North Pole.

1555
01:03:56,400 --> 01:03:59,085
He said his children
were so sad because

1556
01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:01,806
their biological father
had missed so many

1557
01:04:01,920 --> 01:04:04,161
Christmases and birthdays

1558
01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:07,005
and special family holidays,
so he asked me

1559
01:04:07,080 --> 01:04:09,731
to come here today so that Dusty

1560
01:04:09,800 --> 01:04:11,928
could experience one Christmas

1561
01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:13,889
with his kids before he leaves again.

1562
01:04:14,400 --> 01:04:15,890
Probably for a long, long time.

1563
01:04:15,960 --> 01:04:16,961
Ho,ho,ho!

1564
01:04:17,120 --> 01:04:18,485
Can we open presents?

1565
01:04:18,800 --> 01:04:20,643
You sure can, little girl.

1566
01:04:20,760 --> 01:04:22,125
I think they're from Brad.

1567
01:04:22,360 --> 01:04:24,283
In fact, all the presents are from Brad.

1568
01:04:24,640 --> 01:04:27,166
Let's see if any of the
presents are from Dusty.

1569
01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:32,449
Nope. Not one present from Dusty.
All from Brad.

1570
01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:35,444
Hey, kids, let's not forget
who got you a dog. Remember?

1571
01:04:35,520 --> 01:04:37,363
Hey, Tumor, quit humping Mrs. Claus!

1572
01:04:37,440 --> 01:04:38,441
(GROWLING)

1573
01:04:38,960 --> 01:04:41,042
Okay, I am officially worried about you.

1574
01:04:41,120 --> 01:04:43,407
Don't worry, Claus hasn't forgotten you.

1575
01:04:44,920 --> 01:04:45,921
Huh?

1576
01:04:46,000 --> 01:04:47,650
- For me?
-Yeah.

1577
01:04:48,160 --> 01:04:49,889
(GASPS)

1578
01:04:49,960 --> 01:04:53,442
Oh, my God, honey, it's beautiful.
I love it.

1579
01:04:53,680 --> 01:04:56,968
Wait, no! No! No, no. It's too much.

1580
01:04:57,440 --> 01:04:58,441
(TUMOR BARKS)

1581
01:04:58,520 --> 01:05:03,048
Oh, no, it looks like Tumor's
given away Megan's big gift.

1582
01:05:08,840 --> 01:05:10,126
(SCREAMING JOYFULLY)

1583
01:05:10,200 --> 01:05:11,884
A D0r1y! A pony! A pony!

1584
01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:13,570
I know, it's a pony!

1585
01:05:13,880 --> 01:05:15,769
- Ho, ho, ho!
-(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

1586
01:05:15,840 --> 01:05:18,810
It's a pony, Dusty! A pony!

1587
01:05:18,880 --> 01:05:20,245
Can we name her Princess Elsa?

1588
01:05:20,400 --> 01:05:23,961
You can name him whatever you want,
because it's yours!

1589
01:05:24,600 --> 01:05:25,840
Brad, how can we afford a pony?

1590
01:05:25,920 --> 01:05:27,206
Where are we even
going to put that thing?

1591
01:05:27,360 --> 01:05:29,601
I can clear out some stable
space in the garage.

1592
01:05:29,680 --> 01:05:31,205
Look, it's only half a horse.

1593
01:05:31,840 --> 01:05:34,844
Okay? Think of it like
a big dog, only a lot better.

1594
01:05:35,240 --> 01:05:37,368
Oh, What's this? What the heck?

1595
01:05:37,560 --> 01:05:40,848
It's tickets to tonight's
NBA playoff game...

1596
01:05:40,920 --> 01:05:42,729
- What?
-...against Dylan's favorite team,

1597
01:05:42,800 --> 01:05:44,165
the Los Angeles Lakers?

1598
01:05:44,240 --> 01:05:46,368
Oh, thanks, Brad! You're the coolest!

1599
01:05:46,560 --> 01:05:48,050
I love you, Brad!

1600
01:05:48,360 --> 01:05:49,691
Not bad.

1601
01:05:50,360 --> 01:05:51,600
Not bad at all.

1602
01:05:51,680 --> 01:05:53,921
Merry Christmas, Whitaker family!

1603
01:05:54,240 --> 01:05:55,366
GRIFF: Christmas?

1604
01:05:56,240 --> 01:05:57,890
How long was I asleep for?

1605
01:05:58,880 --> 01:06:00,564
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

1606
01:06:06,600 --> 01:06:08,090
- You guys got enough candy?
-Yeah!

1607
01:06:08,160 --> 01:06:10,367
Remember, you can have anything
you want, 'cause it's Christmas!

1608
01:06:10,440 --> 01:06:12,442
No, it isn't. It's not Christmas, kids.

1609
01:06:12,640 --> 01:06:15,484
- BRAD: All right. Here we are.
-Oh, sick! We're this close?

1610
01:06:15,560 --> 01:06:18,404
Yeah. Pretty good, right?
Megan, you sit down right there.

1611
01:06:18,480 --> 01:06:20,403
Perfect. Dylan, you sit next to me.

1612
01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:23,171
And, Dusty, I'm so sorry. Yeah.

1613
01:06:23,280 --> 01:06:25,328
I could only get four in a row.
I couldn't get five.

1614
01:06:25,400 --> 01:06:27,129
So you're across the aisle,
next to that gentleman.

1615
01:06:29,040 --> 01:06:30,371
All right, guys, I'll be right here.

1616
01:06:30,480 --> 01:06:32,050
- We can still chat.
-Bye, Daddy.

1617
01:06:33,600 --> 01:06:37,047
Look, there's Kobe! It's him!
He's right there.

1618
01:06:37,120 --> 01:06:40,283
Thank you, Brad, this is the best present
I've ever gotten.

1619
01:06:40,400 --> 01:06:42,323
- You are so welcome.
-In my whole life.

1620
01:06:42,400 --> 01:06:44,767
I'm glad to hear it's the
best present you've ever got!

1621
01:06:46,120 --> 01:06:47,531
How much did these seats cost?

1622
01:06:47,760 --> 01:06:48,886
Not too much.

1623
01:06:48,960 --> 01:06:50,564
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
let's give a big welcome

1624
01:06:50,640 --> 01:06:52,722
to all the kids from Hearts of Courage.

1625
01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:55,610
Whoo! Hearts of Courage kids!

1626
01:06:55,680 --> 01:06:57,762
Proud of you, you're all miracles!

1627
01:06:58,600 --> 01:06:59,886
Whoo! I love kids!

1628
01:06:59,960 --> 01:07:01,405
All right, honey. That's plenty.

1629
01:07:01,480 --> 01:07:03,482
I just get excited
when I'm with my family!

1630
01:07:03,960 --> 01:07:06,167
Dusty! Dusty Mayron!

1631
01:07:06,640 --> 01:07:08,483
- Marco? Hey!
-(MARCO LAUGHS)

1632
01:07:08,600 --> 01:07:10,250
What's up, man?
Are you coaching now?

1633
01:07:10,320 --> 01:07:11,606
Yeah, I'm the new strength
and conditioning coach.

1634
01:07:11,680 --> 01:07:12,727
- Oh, man.
-Check you out.

1635
01:07:12,840 --> 01:07:14,171
Hey, I played ball with him in Italy.

1636
01:07:14,320 --> 01:07:16,163
This is my family. My little guy, Dylan.

1637
01:07:16,280 --> 01:07:17,930
He's the biggest Kobe fan in the world.

1638
01:07:18,000 --> 01:07:19,968
Really? Well, come on down.
I'll introduce you.

1639
01:07:20,080 --> 01:07:21,525
- What?
-What? You hear that?

1640
01:07:21,640 --> 01:07:22,687
You want to meet Kobe?

1641
01:07:22,760 --> 01:07:23,807
MARCO: Bring the whole family down.

1642
01:07:23,880 --> 01:07:25,291
You guys can sit with the team.

1643
01:07:25,360 --> 01:07:26,407
Hey, this is my little girl, Megan.

1644
01:07:26,520 --> 01:07:28,124
She just invited me to her first
Daddy-Daughter Dance.

1645
01:07:28,520 --> 01:07:29,965
- So sweet.
-What did he just say?

1646
01:07:31,320 --> 01:07:33,084
What the hell did he just say?

1647
01:07:33,480 --> 01:07:34,811
Oh, sorry. He's okay.

1648
01:07:34,960 --> 01:07:36,689
No, I'm not okay. He's not okay.

1649
01:07:36,760 --> 01:07:38,808
- Honey, you need to calm down.
-No! I'm not gonna calm down.

1650
01:07:38,880 --> 01:07:40,086
She asked me first!

1651
01:07:40,200 --> 01:07:42,407
And now she's asking him?
No. It's not fair.

1652
01:07:42,480 --> 01:07:44,881
You know what, actually, it's very fair.
Okay? She has two dads.

1653
01:07:44,960 --> 01:07:47,042
She wants you both there.
You just have to accept that.

1654
01:07:47,160 --> 01:07:49,401
No, I'm not going to accept it. All right?

1655
01:07:49,480 --> 01:07:51,801
I do pick-up! I do drop-off!

1656
01:07:52,040 --> 01:07:53,610
Okay, I volunteer at school!

1657
01:07:53,680 --> 01:07:55,728
I listen to the tantrums and the crying

1658
01:07:55,840 --> 01:07:59,367
and the soundtrack of Frozen
that's on a goddamn loop all the time!

1659
01:07:59,880 --> 01:08:04,727
And he just waltzes in for a few days,
and now he gets to go as well? No!

1660
01:08:04,920 --> 01:08:07,605
No, she's got to choose.
It's either me or him!

1661
01:08:07,680 --> 01:08:09,250
- Megan, you got to choose!
-(SARA SHUSHING)

1662
01:08:09,520 --> 01:08:10,601
- You got to choose!
-SARA: Hey!

1663
01:08:10,680 --> 01:08:12,091
It's the biggest decision of your life!

1664
01:08:12,160 --> 01:08:13,161
Hey!

1665
01:08:14,000 --> 01:08:16,606
You know what? I'm going to pretend
you're not acting like a crazy person,

1666
01:08:16,680 --> 01:08:18,409
because I know you're very upset.

1667
01:08:19,040 --> 01:08:21,281
But you need to get over yourself. Okay?

1668
01:08:21,360 --> 01:08:23,488
Now go down there and
be happy with your kids.

1669
01:08:23,560 --> 01:08:27,201
No! A scalper gouged me 18 grand
for these seats. I'm not leaving them!

1670
01:08:27,920 --> 01:08:29,046
What?

1671
01:08:29,320 --> 01:08:31,288
-(STAMMERING)
-What did you just say?

1672
01:08:31,360 --> 01:08:34,443
Yeah. Nothing. Let's just... You're right.

1673
01:08:35,080 --> 01:08:37,447
(SIGHS) I'm so much more relaxed now.
Thank you.

1674
01:08:37,920 --> 01:08:39,331
Yeah. Let's just go down... Let's just...

1675
01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:40,401
No!

1676
01:08:40,520 --> 01:08:43,410
I think you should sit
in your $18,000 seats,

1677
01:08:43,520 --> 01:08:46,888
and think of all the better ways
your family could have used that money.

1678
01:08:48,600 --> 01:08:49,761
Sara.

1679
01:08:51,240 --> 01:08:52,685
The guy from the nuclear sub thing?

1680
01:08:52,760 --> 01:08:54,683
- Mayron! That's him.
-That's the guy?

1681
01:08:54,760 --> 01:08:57,889
Can I get some beers down here?
Can I get five beers?

1682
01:08:58,920 --> 01:09:00,410
Excuse me, some beers!

1683
01:09:00,800 --> 01:09:02,404
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

1684
01:09:05,800 --> 01:09:07,165
(ALL CHEERING)

1685
01:09:37,280 --> 01:09:38,964
THE WHIP: What's up, everybody?

1686
01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:42,244
Let's make some noise!

1687
01:09:42,320 --> 01:09:43,890
Whoo-hoo!

1688
01:09:43,960 --> 01:09:47,328
Tonight, one lucky fan is going to

1689
01:09:47,400 --> 01:09:49,926
get a chance to shoot from half court

1690
01:09:50,120 --> 01:09:53,727
to win a family vacation
to Disney World!

1691
01:09:54,120 --> 01:09:55,645
(ALL CHEERING)

1692
01:09:57,160 --> 01:10:00,642
And our lucky fan is sitting in

1693
01:10:00,720 --> 01:10:02,961
section 113,

1694
01:10:03,320 --> 01:10:04,890
row 6,

1695
01:10:05,200 --> 01:10:08,727
C-1. Where is he?
Let's see it. Where is he?

1696
01:10:08,800 --> 01:10:10,404
It's me. It's me, I win!

1697
01:10:10,480 --> 01:10:11,845
- There he is.
-I win.

1698
01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:15,651
I'm-a make it to Disneyland.
I'm-a make it all right.

1699
01:10:15,720 --> 01:10:17,085
- All right, Brad!
-Yay, Brad!

1700
01:10:17,160 --> 01:10:18,286
Yay, Brad!

1701
01:10:18,840 --> 01:10:20,524
All right, sir, how you doing?
What's your name?

1702
01:10:20,840 --> 01:10:23,161
First off, I love my kids.

1703
01:10:23,560 --> 01:10:25,164
He loves his kids! Let's give it up!

1704
01:10:27,680 --> 01:10:31,002
And if anyone was ever
to do anything to them,

1705
01:10:31,240 --> 01:10:33,402
- I would hurt them.
-Oka y.

1706
01:10:33,840 --> 01:10:35,842
I would freakin' hurt them!

1707
01:10:36,360 --> 01:10:37,691
THE WHIP: Okay.

1708
01:10:38,040 --> 01:10:40,327
This guy over here
is trying to take them!

1709
01:10:40,520 --> 01:10:42,204
Trying to steal my family.

1710
01:10:42,520 --> 01:10:44,204
He doesn't sweat!

1711
01:10:45,040 --> 01:10:46,451
Okay, you know what?
Why don't we just shoot...

1712
01:10:46,520 --> 01:10:48,363
But I got news for you, buddy!

1713
01:10:48,720 --> 01:10:51,291
Last night, while you were sleeping,

1714
01:10:51,360 --> 01:10:53,010
I made love to our wife!

1715
01:10:53,320 --> 01:10:54,685
- Okay_
'My wife!

1716
01:10:55,360 --> 01:10:57,567
BRAD: Sara, right over there!

1717
01:10:58,120 --> 01:11:00,009
Took my wiener out of my pants!

1718
01:11:00,080 --> 01:11:01,969
This is a family event, okay?

1719
01:11:02,040 --> 01:11:03,724
- Boo! Boo!
-All right.

1720
01:11:03,880 --> 01:11:05,041
So,

1721
01:11:05,560 --> 01:11:08,723
even if Sara does pick you,
you're going to have to be

1722
01:11:09,000 --> 01:11:11,002
the stepdad to my kid!

1723
01:11:11,160 --> 01:11:13,766
You see how you like it! Okay?

1724
01:11:13,920 --> 01:11:16,446
THE WHIP: Let's get somebody else
down here, all right? Somebody else...

1725
01:11:16,520 --> 01:11:18,329
Somebody else is going to win
a family trip!

1726
01:11:18,400 --> 01:11:19,731
Give me that ball, you.

1727
01:11:20,040 --> 01:11:23,203
This one's for Dylan and Megan
and Sara and Dylan.

1728
01:11:23,720 --> 01:11:25,245
Nothing but net.

1729
01:11:25,560 --> 01:11:27,767
THE WHIP: All right, he's going for it!
Nothing but net!

1730
01:11:31,200 --> 01:11:32,201
(GRUNTS)

1731
01:11:32,280 --> 01:11:33,850
-(GROANING)
-(ALL GASPING)

1732
01:11:36,080 --> 01:11:37,081
Do-over!

1733
01:11:37,240 --> 01:11:38,890
- That's a do-over!
-No do-over. No.

1734
01:11:38,960 --> 01:11:40,291
It's a do-over!

1735
01:11:42,280 --> 01:11:43,884
-(GROANS)
-(ALL GASPING)

1736
01:11:49,440 --> 01:11:50,566
(BRAD THUDDING)

1737
01:11:50,640 --> 01:11:52,369
(ALL APPLAUDING)

1738
01:12:04,760 --> 01:12:08,048
THE WHIP: I'm so sorry
you had to see that. I'm so sorry.

1739
01:12:31,040 --> 01:12:32,610
(CAR ENGINE STARTING)

1740
01:12:43,960 --> 01:12:46,327
SARA: Hey, kids, why don't you go inside
and put on your pajamas?

1741
01:12:49,840 --> 01:12:52,446
- What are you doing?
-I'm comforting you.

1742
01:12:53,800 --> 01:12:57,088
Sara, look... Sorry, too soon. I know.

1743
01:12:57,160 --> 01:12:59,162
But I just want you to know
that I'm here for you and the kids.

1744
01:12:59,680 --> 01:13:02,331
Oh, really? You want to be
a real parent now? Is that what this is?

1745
01:13:02,480 --> 01:13:03,606
Absolutely. I'm here now.

1746
01:13:03,680 --> 01:13:05,728
Dusty, I'm working
crazy hours this week.

1747
01:13:05,800 --> 01:13:08,201
With Brad gone, the kids
are gonna have to be dropped off,

1748
01:13:08,320 --> 01:13:10,209
picked up, taken to swimming lessons.

1749
01:13:10,440 --> 01:13:12,886
Dylan has a play date
with Eli on Tuesday,

1750
01:13:12,960 --> 01:13:15,361
and Megan has a dentist
appointment on Friday.

1751
01:13:15,480 --> 01:13:17,801
Sara, I know in the past
I've been unreliable,

1752
01:13:18,080 --> 01:13:20,447
but this is a new me. All right?
This is the new Dusty.

1753
01:13:21,520 --> 01:13:24,000
Well, you can't take them
to school on a motorcycle.

1754
01:13:24,080 --> 01:13:25,491
- You need a car.
-Done.

1755
01:13:26,680 --> 01:13:27,886
Okay.

1756
01:13:30,680 --> 01:13:32,364
Hey! You're not staying here!

1757
01:13:32,440 --> 01:13:33,851
Are you sure you don't need
company right now?

1758
01:13:33,920 --> 01:13:35,285
I mean, you're going through
a tough transition here.

1759
01:13:35,360 --> 01:13:36,850
Be here at 6:30
tomorrow morning.

1760
01:13:36,960 --> 01:13:38,325
Well, can I at least
come in and get my stuff?

1761
01:13:38,400 --> 01:13:39,447
No!

1762
01:13:39,560 --> 01:13:42,166
DUSTY: I'm gonna wait for a while,
in case you change your mind.

1763
01:13:42,920 --> 01:13:44,126
(SIGHS)

1764
01:13:46,880 --> 01:13:48,006
Hey-

1765
01:13:48,720 --> 01:13:49,767
Oh...

1766
01:13:49,840 --> 01:13:51,444
What did you throw Griff out for?

1767
01:13:53,240 --> 01:13:54,844
- This place is chaotic.
-(SCOFFS)

1768
01:13:55,200 --> 01:13:56,964
There's always some bullshit
going on in that house.

1769
01:13:57,040 --> 01:13:59,088
God, man.
Want to go to the Red Roof Inn?

1770
01:13:59,200 --> 01:14:00,247
Let's do it.

1771
01:14:00,560 --> 01:14:01,686
Is that Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

1772
01:14:01,760 --> 01:14:03,091
(MUFFLED) Yes, sir.

1773
01:14:27,640 --> 01:14:29,130
DORIS: Okay. No running!

1774
01:14:29,200 --> 01:14:31,567
All right. Lindsey! Sloane!
Car's open right down there!

1775
01:14:31,680 --> 01:14:35,480
Okay, sir, inside the cones!
Just like ice cream!

1776
01:14:35,560 --> 01:14:36,766
Keep it inside...

1777
01:14:36,840 --> 01:14:38,330
That's right! Thank you.

1778
01:14:38,400 --> 01:14:40,050
(CAR ENGINE REVVING)

1779
01:14:44,120 --> 01:14:47,329
Hi. I see you've been picking up
Megan and Dylan these past few days.

1780
01:14:47,400 --> 01:14:48,890
Should I expect you from now on?

1781
01:14:48,960 --> 01:14:51,327
Um, yeah, I'm their real dad,
so yeah, from now on.

1782
01:14:51,480 --> 01:14:53,209
Terrific. I see that you also

1783
01:14:53,280 --> 01:14:55,362
haven't signed up to
volunteer in the lane.

1784
01:14:55,440 --> 01:14:58,091
Brad was so good about
helping us out in the lane,

1785
01:14:58,240 --> 01:14:59,924
in the classroom, PTA, and so forth.

1786
01:15:00,000 --> 01:15:02,321
We could always count on him
for bake sales, Spring Sing,

1787
01:15:02,400 --> 01:15:04,402
costumes for Winter Pageant.
You know the drill.

1788
01:15:04,520 --> 01:15:06,409
I hope I can count on you
to be the new Brad.

1789
01:15:06,840 --> 01:15:08,604
Ah, sure, yeah. You can count on me.

1790
01:15:08,720 --> 01:15:11,371
I mean, I'm their real dad,
so, yeah, I'll be here every day.

1791
01:15:11,440 --> 01:15:14,205
Great. So, if your kids aren't out here,
I'm gonna need you to circle around

1792
01:15:14,320 --> 01:15:15,367
to the back of the line. Okay?

1793
01:15:15,440 --> 01:15:17,363
- No, I can't go around.
-Thanks.

1794
01:15:17,440 --> 01:15:18,805
I came ten minutes early
so I don't have to...

1795
01:15:18,880 --> 01:15:20,928
If your kids aren't here,
you have to go around!

1796
01:15:21,040 --> 01:15:22,849
I know. There's somebody
in front of me. Okay?

1797
01:15:22,920 --> 01:15:23,921
Just go around!

1798
01:15:24,040 --> 01:15:26,202
I can't just go over the
cones! I'm boxed in here!

1799
01:15:26,280 --> 01:15:27,964
- Go around!
-No, you can't! Okay?

1800
01:15:28,120 --> 01:15:29,531
She said stay in the cone,
like ice cream!

1801
01:15:29,600 --> 01:15:31,170
-(HONKING)
-Go around!

1802
01:15:31,280 --> 01:15:32,441
DORIS: Inside the cones!

1803
01:15:32,720 --> 01:15:34,131
Amanda has got a recital!

1804
01:15:34,240 --> 01:15:36,811
I have to get there! You need to go!

1805
01:15:36,960 --> 01:15:38,530
(HORN HONKING CONTINUES)

1806
01:15:38,800 --> 01:15:39,961
(REVVING ENGINE)

1807
01:15:42,520 --> 01:15:44,363
-(TIRES SQUEALING)
-DORIS: Hey!

1808
01:15:44,440 --> 01:15:46,886
We always stay inside the cones!

1809
01:15:47,280 --> 01:15:49,442
Cones! (GRUNTING)

1810
01:15:50,160 --> 01:15:52,049
Cones! Come on!

1811
01:15:55,720 --> 01:15:56,721
(MR. HOLT SIGHING)

1812
01:15:56,800 --> 01:15:59,770
Have you been living here
for the last few days, Brad?

1813
01:15:59,960 --> 01:16:00,961
No.

1814
01:16:01,800 --> 01:16:06,169
Then what's with the blankets
and the hot plate

1815
01:16:06,800 --> 01:16:07,926
and the B.O.?

1816
01:16:08,480 --> 01:16:11,211
I crapped in the wastebasket.

1817
01:16:12,000 --> 01:16:15,641
You know, Brad, two years
into my thing with Charlene,

1818
01:16:16,000 --> 01:16:18,844
her first husband showed up.
Oriental fellow.

1819
01:16:19,120 --> 01:16:22,010
You can't say that.
You cannot say "Oriental."

1820
01:16:22,120 --> 01:16:26,125
His name was Yu or Wu.
It could have been Javier.

1821
01:16:26,480 --> 01:16:29,848
Anyway, I get off early one day,
get home, and

1822
01:16:30,120 --> 01:16:32,202
there he is, stark naked in our bed.

1823
01:16:32,520 --> 01:16:33,726
I didn't know what to think.

1824
01:16:33,800 --> 01:16:36,485
Really? You didn't know what to think?

1825
01:16:36,680 --> 01:16:40,002
Six months later,
I wake up in a Chinese prison

1826
01:16:40,360 --> 01:16:42,567
with a tattoo on my lower back

1827
01:16:42,680 --> 01:16:44,842
of a golf ball rolling
towards my butthole.

1828
01:16:45,160 --> 01:16:47,128
I can't hear these stories anymore.

1829
01:16:47,200 --> 01:16:49,168
I'm sorry. I know they're
supposed to help...

1830
01:16:49,360 --> 01:16:51,362
Griff! What are you doing here?

1831
01:16:51,680 --> 01:16:53,808
Thought you should know
Dusty came by the bar earlier.

1832
01:16:54,280 --> 01:16:56,123
He was talking about how
he can't do the daddy thing.

1833
01:16:56,200 --> 01:16:57,611
I tried to talk some sense into him,

1834
01:16:57,680 --> 01:16:59,444
but he seemed determined
to get out of town.

1835
01:16:59,520 --> 01:17:00,521
What, he's leaving?

1836
01:17:00,640 --> 01:17:03,450
I don't think I have to tell you,
but little Megan's dance is tonight,

1837
01:17:03,920 --> 01:17:05,160
and she's not going to have a daddy.

1838
01:17:05,240 --> 01:17:08,050
That's fantastic. Brad, you win.

1839
01:17:08,200 --> 01:17:11,647
And Dusty, because of
an act of cowardice, loses.

1840
01:17:12,040 --> 01:17:13,883
I mean, you're the daddy again.

1841
01:17:14,200 --> 01:17:15,884
Come on, hit that.

1842
01:17:18,600 --> 01:17:19,886
(SIGHS)

1843
01:17:20,560 --> 01:17:22,005
No, I'm not her daddy.

1844
01:17:23,720 --> 01:17:26,246
I wish more than anything I was,

1845
01:17:27,520 --> 01:17:28,567
but I'm not.

1846
01:17:28,840 --> 01:17:33,243
Yeah, you're right, Brad. A real dad
wouldn't give up on his kids so easy.

1847
01:17:36,160 --> 01:17:37,161
(DOOR CLOSING)

1848
01:17:42,560 --> 01:17:43,561
Griff!

1849
01:17:43,760 --> 01:17:45,603
Wait!

1850
01:17:45,920 --> 01:17:47,410
He's still in the room, Brad.

1851
01:17:47,760 --> 01:17:49,250
Oh, hey.

1852
01:17:49,720 --> 01:17:51,927
Sorry. I thought you stormed out.

1853
01:17:52,240 --> 01:17:55,881
What you said sounded like a storm-out,
and then I heard the door close.

1854
01:17:56,080 --> 01:17:57,844
I just thought that shit
was getting kind of personal,

1855
01:17:57,920 --> 01:17:59,604
so it'd be good to close the door.

1856
01:17:59,880 --> 01:18:03,248
So extremely thoughtful.
Thank you. Yeah.

1857
01:18:03,440 --> 01:18:06,922
And just so you know
where my head was at,

1858
01:18:07,000 --> 01:18:09,367
I was going to chase you
down the hallway. Right?

1859
01:18:09,920 --> 01:18:12,844
You'd hear my footsteps and you're like,
"ls someone after... What's going on?"

1860
01:18:12,920 --> 01:18:17,130
Boom! It's me, and I'm like, "Griff, hey!

1861
01:18:17,440 --> 01:18:18,726
"You were right."

1862
01:18:18,800 --> 01:18:22,282
Holy shit! That would be so uplifting.

1863
01:18:23,440 --> 01:18:24,441
Can we do that?

1864
01:18:25,440 --> 01:18:27,681
Griff, can you storm out, and Brad,
you go after him?

1865
01:18:27,760 --> 01:18:29,683
I don't really want any part of that.

1866
01:18:29,800 --> 01:18:32,201
That sounds like pure nonsense to me.

1867
01:18:32,280 --> 01:18:34,567
I don't want... I'd rather not.

1868
01:18:35,040 --> 01:18:37,281
We could just try it, you know?

1869
01:18:37,480 --> 01:18:41,121
No, that sounds forced
and weird to try to

1870
01:18:41,480 --> 01:18:44,051
recreate something.
Not even recreate.

1871
01:18:44,120 --> 01:18:46,122
It would be creating. It didn't happen.

1872
01:18:46,480 --> 01:18:48,164
It's over-discussed at this point.

1873
01:18:48,440 --> 01:18:49,407
Shouldn't you go see your kid?

1874
01:18:49,480 --> 01:18:50,970
- Yeah. Yeah.
-All right.

1875
01:18:51,280 --> 01:18:52,805
You guys go. Brad, can I come?

1876
01:18:52,920 --> 01:18:53,921
No.

1877
01:18:54,160 --> 01:18:56,242
(MUSIC PLAYING)

1878
01:19:07,320 --> 01:19:09,163
Daddy's not coming, is he?

1879
01:19:09,320 --> 01:19:13,006
Oh, honey, he'll be here. He promised.

1880
01:19:14,600 --> 01:19:16,648
I see cupcakes over there.

1881
01:19:17,440 --> 01:19:19,966
I think you should go eat some. Go on.

1882
01:19:21,000 --> 01:19:22,525
Go eat a lot of sugar.

1883
01:19:27,000 --> 01:19:28,525
(VIBRATING)

1884
01:19:37,960 --> 01:19:38,961
Dusty.

1885
01:19:40,040 --> 01:19:42,361
- Nope.
-Come on, Dusty.

1886
01:19:42,680 --> 01:19:43,761
Where are you going?

1887
01:19:43,880 --> 01:19:46,167
I'd pay a billion dollars
to take her to that dance.

1888
01:19:46,240 --> 01:19:48,049
- You're just gonna leave?
-You take her then.

1889
01:19:48,160 --> 01:19:50,447
I can't take her. Okay?
I'm not welcome after I said

1890
01:19:50,520 --> 01:19:52,124
I was gonna put a spite baby
in her mother.

1891
01:19:52,200 --> 01:19:54,123
- I guess that's out, then.
-Yeah, that is out.

1892
01:19:54,200 --> 01:19:56,043
- So it's gotta be you.
-(SIGHS)

1893
01:19:56,360 --> 01:19:59,250
I'm sorry, Brad,
I just can't do it, all right?

1894
01:19:59,320 --> 01:20:00,765
What do you mean, you can't do it?

1895
01:20:00,840 --> 01:20:02,683
I can't stay inside the cones.

1896
01:20:02,760 --> 01:20:04,842
Look, Dusty, the cones are
there for everyone's safety.

1897
01:20:04,920 --> 01:20:07,605
- It's not about the cones.
-You just said it was.

1898
01:20:07,680 --> 01:20:09,125
The cones are a metaphor, Brad.

1899
01:20:09,240 --> 01:20:11,322
I'm not the domestic type, okay?

1900
01:20:11,800 --> 01:20:13,245
Dusty, come on.
What are you talking about?

1901
01:20:13,320 --> 01:20:15,561
You're organized, you're handy.

1902
01:20:15,640 --> 01:20:18,007
You make the best cinnamon rolls
I have ever tasted.

1903
01:20:18,080 --> 01:20:19,320
Those were Cinnabons, Brad. Come on.

1904
01:20:19,400 --> 01:20:21,289
You can't make rolls like that
in a conventional oven.

1905
01:20:21,360 --> 01:20:24,728
I knew it! I knew it.
I knew it from the beginning!

1906
01:20:25,320 --> 01:20:26,651
So you've been telling
some tall tales, huh?

1907
01:20:26,720 --> 01:20:29,041
- All that Special Ops stuff.
-No, just the Cinnabons!

1908
01:20:29,120 --> 01:20:30,770
Why would you lie about Cinnabons?

1909
01:20:30,840 --> 01:20:32,683
'Cause I wanted to win. All right?

1910
01:20:32,760 --> 01:20:34,842
I wanted to prove that
I was a good dad, too, but I'm not.

1911
01:20:35,080 --> 01:20:37,401
Okay? Are you happy?
Is that what you want to hear?

1912
01:20:37,520 --> 01:20:39,761
All the noise and the mess
and all the choices.

1913
01:20:39,840 --> 01:20:41,330
You do one thing wrong,
you can screw them up for life.

1914
01:20:41,440 --> 01:20:44,171
- Do you realize that?
-Yeah.

1915
01:20:44,600 --> 01:20:45,965
Dads have to make
a lot of choices, okay?

1916
01:20:46,040 --> 01:20:47,246
And we blow most of them.

1917
01:20:47,360 --> 01:20:48,521
Yeah, and the other parents.

1918
01:20:48,600 --> 01:20:51,524
That kid, Eli. I was over there
for a play date. You know about this?

1919
01:20:51,600 --> 01:20:53,364
You can't just ride your bike
over to a friend's house,

1920
01:20:53,440 --> 01:20:54,441
to play Hot Wheels anymore,

1921
01:20:54,520 --> 01:20:55,851
now you got to make some kind of date?

1922
01:20:55,920 --> 01:20:57,331
- I know, it's a shame.
-Well, I'm over there,

1923
01:20:57,440 --> 01:20:59,488
and the kid's dad keeps
asking me if Dylan's gonna be

1924
01:20:59,560 --> 01:21:00,721
in the gifted program with Eli.

1925
01:21:00,800 --> 01:21:02,768
Like Dylan isn't as smart as
his little ball-scratcher kid.

1926
01:21:02,840 --> 01:21:04,604
I wanted to murder that smug prick.

1927
01:21:04,680 --> 01:21:07,889
Dusty, look, I hate that guy, too, okay?

1928
01:21:07,960 --> 01:21:10,611
But his son is Dylan's best friend,
so you suck it up.

1929
01:21:11,880 --> 01:21:17,091
(STUTTERING) I mean, that's most of
what dads do, is take shit.

1930
01:21:17,160 --> 01:21:19,083
I mean, that's what we do.

1931
01:21:19,200 --> 01:21:22,044
I can't do it, Brad.
I can't take shit like you do.

1932
01:21:22,120 --> 01:21:24,327
You take shit better than
anyone I've ever met,

1933
01:21:24,440 --> 01:21:26,568
and I mean that as a compliment
from the bottom of my heart.

1934
01:21:26,680 --> 01:21:28,409
- Thank you.
-But I'm sorry, Brad. I can't.

1935
01:21:28,480 --> 01:21:30,130
I can't do it, man.

1936
01:21:30,200 --> 01:21:32,248
You made a promise to Megan,
and you're gonna keep it.

1937
01:21:37,120 --> 01:21:38,406
Ow!

1938
01:21:39,920 --> 01:21:41,160
(GROANING)

1939
01:21:41,240 --> 01:21:43,083
Did you just punch me
in the face, Brad?

1940
01:21:43,200 --> 01:21:44,201
Ow, yes.

1941
01:21:44,560 --> 01:21:47,006
Knowing full well I got no choice
but to bust you up now?

1942
01:21:47,240 --> 01:21:48,844
I really wish you wouldn't.

1943
01:21:49,320 --> 01:21:51,846
If I did, you'd take that beatdown
for those kids, wouldn't you?

1944
01:21:53,640 --> 01:21:56,166
Yeah. Yeah, I would.

1945
01:22:04,760 --> 01:22:07,001
- Come on.
-Good luck, Dusty.

1946
01:22:07,440 --> 01:22:09,090
What? No, no, you gotta come.

1947
01:22:09,760 --> 01:22:13,651
It's just... I can't see Sara
after what I said.

1948
01:22:13,720 --> 01:22:15,848
Sara loves you, Brad. All right?
I know just what to say to her.

1949
01:22:15,920 --> 01:22:17,684
You just stand there
and look lost without her.

1950
01:22:17,760 --> 01:22:19,922
- I am lost without her.
-Well, that's good. Then let's go.

1951
01:22:20,080 --> 01:22:22,731
- But I look terrible.
-Yeah, you do. Come here.

1952
01:22:22,840 --> 01:22:24,808
- What are you doing?
-I'm fixing you up, man.

1953
01:22:27,120 --> 01:22:28,724
Dusty, get your hands out of my pants.

1954
01:22:28,800 --> 01:22:31,121
Calm down. Think I want to
touch your little dinky?

1955
01:22:31,200 --> 01:22:32,326
I'm trying to fix you up.

1956
01:22:33,680 --> 01:22:35,045
All right. Let me see.

1957
01:22:37,120 --> 01:22:39,646
Wow. I look great.

1958
01:22:39,720 --> 01:22:41,051
Here you go.

1959
01:22:41,120 --> 01:22:43,122
- That's incredible.
-Come on.

1960
01:22:43,400 --> 01:22:45,129
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

1961
01:22:49,120 --> 01:22:50,724
SARA: Hey, pumpkin.

1962
01:22:50,800 --> 01:22:54,486
Daddy wanted to be here,
I know he did. He just gets...

1963
01:23:07,520 --> 01:23:08,851
Whoa, whoa, whoa... Uh-oh.

1964
01:23:09,080 --> 01:23:10,923
She's doing her arms-folded thing.

1965
01:23:11,000 --> 01:23:15,562
You said she'd smile.
Maybe even start a slow clap.

1966
01:23:15,640 --> 01:23:17,244
Don't worry, I got this. Okay? Come on.

1967
01:23:18,000 --> 01:23:21,322
Oh, hey, look, it's the guy that
stranded his kids at school.

1968
01:23:21,600 --> 01:23:22,840
And look who he's with.

1969
01:23:22,920 --> 01:23:24,843
Did you get anybody pregnant
on your way over here, Brad?

1970
01:23:24,920 --> 01:23:26,001
No, I didn't.

1971
01:23:26,080 --> 01:23:27,605
- DUSTY: Sara, listen...
-No!

1972
01:23:27,720 --> 01:23:29,609
- Sara, please.
-No. I am not going to listen to you.

1973
01:23:29,680 --> 01:23:32,763
You know what? Your daughter's been
sitting there for two hours, heartbroken.

1974
01:23:32,840 --> 01:23:35,161
Sara, I am so sorry...

1975
01:23:35,440 --> 01:23:39,206
Oh, just, please. Will one of you idiots
just ask your daughter to dance?

1976
01:23:39,440 --> 01:23:40,771
- Really?
-SARA: Yes.

1977
01:23:41,200 --> 01:23:43,771
Neither one of you deserves her,
butyes.

1978
01:23:46,520 --> 01:23:48,284
- Go ahead, Dusty.
-No, you take the first one.

1979
01:23:48,360 --> 01:23:49,486
You've earned it more than I have.

1980
01:23:49,560 --> 01:23:51,130
Dusty, please, she's your daughter.

1981
01:23:51,200 --> 01:23:52,326
What the hell did I miss?

1982
01:23:53,520 --> 01:23:57,366
I'll tell you what. I'll vouch for you
to the kids and I'll take the first dance.

1983
01:23:57,440 --> 01:24:00,046
I'll say my good-byes,
and then I'll get out of your hair.

1984
01:24:02,040 --> 01:24:04,566
Wait, wait. When you say
"get out of your hair,"

1985
01:24:04,640 --> 01:24:06,802
you mean leave,
like leave-leave? Tonight?

1986
01:24:06,880 --> 01:24:09,565
Daddy! Brad!
The fourth graders are here.

1987
01:24:09,640 --> 01:24:11,404
They're picking on Dylan again.

1988
01:24:11,720 --> 01:24:13,882
That's it.
Those little shitheads are dead.

1989
01:24:13,960 --> 01:24:15,086
Where are they?

1990
01:24:16,760 --> 01:24:18,125
DUSTY: Those are the fourth graders?

1991
01:24:18,240 --> 01:24:20,846
- They're girls.
-Uh-huh. They're so mean.

1992
01:24:20,960 --> 01:24:22,724
Why are you even here at
the Daddy-Daughter Dance?

1993
01:24:22,800 --> 01:24:24,450
Are you a daughter? Are you a girl?

1994
01:24:24,520 --> 01:24:27,569
Are you too scared to take me on
without your little friends?

1995
01:24:27,640 --> 01:24:29,244
- Oh, no, he's calling out the big one.
-Oh-oh.

1996
01:24:29,320 --> 01:24:30,321
Oh, no, no, no.

1997
01:24:31,560 --> 01:24:32,561
Come on!

1998
01:24:33,120 --> 01:24:34,201
Dylan!

1999
01:24:34,840 --> 01:24:36,171
-(ALL GASP)
-Yes!

2000
01:24:36,400 --> 01:24:39,085
- Dylan, what are you doing?
-Did you see? Did you see?

2001
01:24:39,160 --> 01:24:40,605
I punched her in the face,
just like you taught me.

2002
01:24:40,720 --> 01:24:42,449
- What?
-And then I kicked her right in the nuts.

2003
01:24:42,520 --> 01:24:44,045
You like that, bitch? Huh?

2004
01:24:44,160 --> 01:24:45,650
- No, no, no!
-You want some more, bitch?

2005
01:24:46,000 --> 01:24:48,401
Sweetheart, what happened?
What's going on here?

2006
01:24:48,520 --> 01:24:50,090
He punched me in the face.

2007
01:24:50,200 --> 01:24:51,929
Then he kicked me in the swimsuit area.

2008
01:24:52,000 --> 01:24:53,843
Then he called me the "B" word.

2009
01:24:53,920 --> 01:24:55,081
Who did, him?

2010
01:24:55,160 --> 01:24:57,049
He did. I saw it.
He said they taught him to hit girls.

2011
01:24:57,160 --> 01:24:59,367
No, no. We thought
your daughter was a boy.

2012
01:24:59,480 --> 01:25:00,925
- What?
-No, what he means is that

2013
01:25:01,000 --> 01:25:02,843
Dylan told us that a fourth grader
was picking on him,

2014
01:25:02,920 --> 01:25:04,285
but he didn't tell us it was a girl.

2015
01:25:04,360 --> 01:25:06,761
Yeah, and if you had, we'd have told you
it's never okay to hit a girl.

2016
01:25:06,840 --> 01:25:07,921
And that she's probably
only bugging you

2017
01:25:08,040 --> 01:25:09,121
because she likes you, buddy.

2018
01:25:09,360 --> 01:25:11,124
I do not like him.

2019
01:25:11,360 --> 01:25:12,771
Oh, I think she likes him.

2020
01:25:12,840 --> 01:25:14,524
Ah, gross, whatever.

2021
01:25:14,640 --> 01:25:16,005
She totally does.

2022
01:25:16,080 --> 01:25:17,411
Are you calling my daughter a whore?

2023
01:25:17,480 --> 01:25:19,130
- What?
-They were implying it, Jerry.

2024
01:25:19,200 --> 01:25:20,326
Wait. That's quite a stretch.

2025
01:25:20,600 --> 01:25:22,602
Mrs. Troy, please. I got this.

2026
01:25:22,880 --> 01:25:24,962
Wait, first of all, which one
of you two is the kid's dad?

2027
01:25:25,280 --> 01:25:26,361
They both are.

2028
01:25:26,440 --> 01:25:27,521
(GASPS)

2029
01:25:27,640 --> 01:25:29,642
9h, my gosh. Wow!

2030
01:25:30,040 --> 01:25:33,203
I'm sorry. That's the first time
he's ever referred to me as Dad.

2031
01:25:33,880 --> 01:25:35,564
It's something I've wanted
to hear for a long time,

2032
01:25:35,680 --> 01:25:37,444
so it's a bit poignant.

2033
01:25:37,520 --> 01:25:39,682
I tend to cry a lot

2034
01:25:40,040 --> 01:25:43,487
when things get emotional.
They tease me all the time.

2035
01:25:43,560 --> 01:25:45,324
- I'm actually the stepdad.
-Oh, is that right?

2036
01:25:45,400 --> 01:25:46,731
So you're the real dad, huh!

2037
01:25:47,640 --> 01:25:49,369
Hey. You don't want to
embarrass yourself, buddy.

2038
01:25:49,440 --> 01:25:51,204
You threatening me now, tough guy?

2039
01:25:51,280 --> 01:25:53,521
- He's threatening you, Jerry.
-Nobody's threatening anybody.

2040
01:25:53,640 --> 01:25:55,210
But you're gonna want to
back that up, Jerry.

2041
01:25:55,280 --> 01:25:56,805
And you, Squidward tie.
Quit being an instigator,

2042
01:25:56,920 --> 01:25:58,490
or I'm gonna have to
rap you in the mouth.

2043
01:25:58,560 --> 01:25:59,641
(YELPS)

2044
01:25:59,720 --> 01:26:01,848
Hey, hey, hey. Everyonejust calm down.

2045
01:26:01,920 --> 01:26:03,251
We're at the Daddy-Daughter Dance.

2046
01:26:03,360 --> 01:26:05,044
You stay out of it, all right?
You don't count!

2047
01:26:05,120 --> 01:26:06,690
I want to talk to the real dad here.

2048
01:26:06,800 --> 01:26:08,928
Hey, Brad here is more of
a real dad than any of us.

2049
01:26:09,000 --> 01:26:10,604
You ever want to see
how you should be raising your kids,

2050
01:26:10,680 --> 01:26:11,761
go look at this guy.

2051
01:26:12,520 --> 01:26:15,171
Here I go again. What did I tell you?

2052
01:26:15,840 --> 01:26:18,844
- Really? You mean that?
-Yes, I do, Brad.

2053
01:26:18,920 --> 01:26:20,001
You're a great dad.

2054
01:26:20,640 --> 01:26:22,130
(ALL GASPING)

2055
01:26:23,280 --> 01:26:24,406
- Like that?
-You shouldn't have done that.

2056
01:26:24,480 --> 01:26:25,641
Yeah? Why?

2057
01:26:25,720 --> 01:26:27,324
I'm pretty sure he kills people for a job.

2058
01:26:27,680 --> 01:26:31,002
He's been rather vague with me,
but that's what I'm kind of surmising.

2059
01:26:31,200 --> 01:26:32,725
- Are we gonna do this?
-DUSTY: Oh, we're gonna do it.

2060
01:26:32,800 --> 01:26:34,370
- Okay. You ready?
-DUSTY: Yeah, I'm ready.

2061
01:26:34,440 --> 01:26:36,124
- This is what you get.
-MEGAN: Daddy.

2062
01:26:37,480 --> 01:26:39,642
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

2063
01:26:46,800 --> 01:26:48,131
Want another one? Come on in.

2064
01:26:51,440 --> 01:26:52,646
What's going on?

2065
01:26:55,280 --> 01:26:56,770
Is this like some UFC shit?

2066
01:26:56,880 --> 01:26:57,881
DUSTY: Come on, Brad.

2067
01:26:57,960 --> 01:26:59,291
That's right. It's a dance, Jerry.

2068
01:26:59,400 --> 01:27:01,721
Yeah. So dance, Jerry!

2069
01:27:06,720 --> 01:27:09,963
Yeah! You just got served, Jerry!

2070
01:27:10,040 --> 01:27:11,883
You just got a piping hot serving.

2071
01:27:11,960 --> 01:27:14,691
I'm not getting served.
You're getting sewed!

2072
01:27:14,760 --> 01:27:18,242
You don't know this about me, Jerry,
but I like to move my body.

2073
01:27:19,880 --> 01:27:21,530
Get it, Brad!

2074
01:27:23,480 --> 01:27:25,369
(ALL CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY)

2075
01:27:27,160 --> 01:27:28,571
Yeah! Yeah, Brad!

2076
01:27:32,760 --> 01:27:34,603
This is a dance! Let's go!

2077
01:27:39,360 --> 01:27:41,249
(ALL CHEERING)

2078
01:27:47,120 --> 01:27:48,121
(LAUGHING)

2079
01:27:52,680 --> 01:27:54,523
Am I the only one with my shirt off?

2080
01:27:56,760 --> 01:27:58,285
You know you can't leave, right?

2081
01:27:58,680 --> 01:27:59,681
You want me to stay?

2082
01:27:59,800 --> 01:28:02,280
These guys are growing up so fast.
You don't want to miss it.

2083
01:28:03,760 --> 01:28:05,364
You're sweating profusely.

2084
01:28:05,600 --> 01:28:07,967
- I know. I sweat a lot.
-That's cool.

2085
01:28:09,960 --> 01:28:11,041
Thank you.

2086
01:28:43,920 --> 01:28:45,604
BRAD: So Dusty did stay.

2087
01:28:46,240 --> 01:28:47,685
And with the huge amount of money

2088
01:28:47,800 --> 01:28:49,643
he was making as
the voice of The Panda,

2089
01:28:49,760 --> 01:28:51,046
he built his own new castle

2090
01:28:51,120 --> 01:28:52,610
right down the street.

2091
01:28:53,760 --> 01:28:54,921
Hey!

2092
01:28:55,520 --> 01:28:58,410
But we kept Tumor because he didn't
get along with Dusty's new puppy.

2093
01:28:58,520 --> 01:29:00,841
(WHIMPERING)

2094
01:29:00,920 --> 01:29:02,922
It turns out Tumor was only five...

2095
01:29:03,200 --> 01:29:04,690
-(TUMOR GROWLING)
-...so we're going to have him

2096
01:29:04,760 --> 01:29:06,410
for a long, long time.

2097
01:29:06,600 --> 01:29:08,523
- BRAD: Tumor!
-(DOORBELL RINGING)

2098
01:29:08,760 --> 01:29:10,444
And I was more than a little surprised

2099
01:29:10,560 --> 01:29:13,564
when Dusty showed up one day
with his new wife

2100
01:29:14,280 --> 01:29:15,441
and his new stepdaughter.

2101
01:29:15,720 --> 01:29:17,404
This is my stepdaughter, Adriana.

2102
01:29:17,480 --> 01:29:19,130
- Hey, Adriana. I'm Brad.
-Want to go play?

2103
01:29:19,600 --> 01:29:21,489
That's your brother and sister.
You guys play nice, okay?

2104
01:29:21,560 --> 01:29:22,846
Hey, hon. Who's at the door?

2105
01:29:22,960 --> 01:29:24,689
Oh, hey, Sara. This is my wife, Karen.

2106
01:29:24,760 --> 01:29:26,444
Oh, is it... Your wife?

2107
01:29:26,960 --> 01:29:30,521
SARA: That Karen, wow, she is so great.

2108
01:29:30,600 --> 01:29:32,170
It turns out she's

2109
01:29:32,280 --> 01:29:35,762
a <i>doctor and</i> a <i>celebrated
novelist. I mean---</i>

2110
01:29:36,280 --> 01:29:37,441
Hon, would you...

2111
01:29:37,800 --> 01:29:41,282
- Come here, Griff. Come here, Griff. Oh!
-KAREN: He's so cute.

2112
01:29:41,800 --> 01:29:45,168
SARA: And I was so surprised when
I found out that we're the same age.

2113
01:29:46,120 --> 01:29:48,327
<i>I mean, she looks so young, right?</i>

2114
01:29:48,920 --> 01:29:50,046
Good for her!

2115
01:29:50,120 --> 01:29:52,043
Honey, you look amazing tonight.

2116
01:29:52,120 --> 01:29:53,565
(LAUGHS) What are you talking about?

2117
01:29:53,640 --> 01:29:55,961
It's just my normal clothes.
That's how I look.

2118
01:29:56,040 --> 01:29:57,724
I just got ready really fast.

2119
01:29:58,240 --> 01:30:00,129
Hey, Griff. Hey, little Griffy.

2120
01:30:00,240 --> 01:30:01,401
You want to come to Daddy?

2121
01:30:01,480 --> 01:30:03,323
What, you think I'm going to
pick his pockets or something?

2122
01:30:03,400 --> 01:30:05,004
- BRAD: No.
-He doesn't carry a wallet.

2123
01:30:05,080 --> 01:30:06,730
Oh, sweetie, be careful
with that knife, okay?

2124
01:30:06,800 --> 01:30:07,801
You're not my dad.

2125
01:30:08,920 --> 01:30:09,921
DUSTY: Brad was right.

2126
01:30:10,000 --> 01:30:11,570
Being a stepdad isn't always easy.

2127
01:30:11,840 --> 01:30:14,081
But he was also right that it's worth it.

2128
01:30:14,240 --> 01:30:16,402
And he was right about
the Ford Flex, too.

2129
01:30:16,560 --> 01:30:18,085
It's a great family car.

2130
01:30:18,160 --> 01:30:21,323
Got plenty of room for the kids,
gear, and plenty of pickup for me.

2131
01:30:21,520 --> 01:30:23,010
I got the Weekender package.

2132
01:30:23,080 --> 01:30:24,923
A few more bells and
whistles than Brad's,

2133
01:30:25,080 --> 01:30:26,684
but Brad doesn't need to know that.

2134
01:30:27,000 --> 01:30:28,081
(MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING)

2135
01:30:28,160 --> 01:30:29,161
(GASPS) Daddy!

2136
01:30:31,520 --> 01:30:33,363
Sweetie, I've been waiting for you to...

2137
01:30:35,680 --> 01:30:37,682
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

2138
01:30:52,280 --> 01:30:54,601
- Did you just gulp?
-No.

2139
01:30:54,960 --> 01:30:55,961
I heard a gulp.

2140
01:30:56,120 --> 01:30:57,451
DUSTY: (STAMMERS)
Well, a little bit, maybe.

2141
01:30:57,800 --> 01:30:58,961
- BRAD: Sure.
-There you are.

2142
01:30:59,280 --> 01:31:00,645
BRAD: He's a lot bigger than you.

2143
01:31:00,960 --> 01:31:03,281
He's got legs for arms.

2144
01:31:03,640 --> 01:31:05,130
Little star, guess what?

2145
01:31:05,360 --> 01:31:07,044
I like him. I like him a lot.

2146
01:31:07,280 --> 01:31:09,282
Yeah. I bet you he's
going to like us, too.

2147
01:31:09,560 --> 01:31:10,800
BRAD: Remember, Loving Fence.
DUSTY: Yeah.

2148
01:31:10,880 --> 01:31:11,961
BRAD: Just go say hi.

2149
01:31:12,320 --> 01:31:14,971
Yeah, look, I got this, buddy. Watch.

2150
01:31:15,440 --> 01:31:16,726
Hey. You must be Roger.

2151
01:31:16,880 --> 01:31:17,961
Nope.

2152
01:34:22,920 --> 01:34:24,604
(TUNING RADIO)

2153
01:34:24,720 --> 01:34:27,326
DUSTY: (SINGING)
One-oh-three-point-six

2154
01:34:27,400 --> 01:34:29,607
The Panda!

2155
01:34:29,720 --> 01:34:32,849
JASON SINCLAIR: Caught Kenny G.
at the United Center this weekend.

2156
01:34:32,920 --> 01:34:34,331
Man, can that guy put on a show.

2157
01:34:34,400 --> 01:34:37,529
20, 000 people on their feet
for the entire four hours.

2158
01:34:37,600 --> 01:34:38,840
You're listening to Jason Sinclair.

2159
01:34:38,920 --> 01:34:40,206
This is The Panda.

2160
01:34:40,320 --> 01:34:43,005
(SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYING)