1
00:00:58,141 --> 00:00:59,267
BRUCE: 'Salsa.'

2
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:00,845
(♪ UPBEAT SALSA MUSIC)

3
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:04,730
'It was like something
from another planet,

4
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:09,482
'the music,
the passion, the rhythm.

5
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:15,450
'Once I put those shoes on,
I never wanted to take them off.

6
00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:21,872
'It was like I had
fire in my heels.

7
00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:27,795
'I was an unstoppable salsa machine,
trophy after trophy after trophy,

8
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,631
'all overseen by my
mentor, Ron Parfitt,

9
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:33,050
'great coach, hard bastard.'

10
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,844
Most people think you dance
with your feet. Bollocks.

11
00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:38,472
You dance with your heart.
You dance with <i>el corazón.</i>

12
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,975
And Bruce, Bruce has got
a heart like a bison

13
00:01:40,976 --> 00:01:43,224
and balls like an elephant.

14
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:50,026
BRUCE: 'And by side, my sister
and dance partner, Sam.'

15
00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:52,653
BOTH: Thunder, Thunder, Thunder,

16
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:55,528
"ThunderCats". Ho!

17
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:58,068
(WHISTLING AND CHEERING)

18
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,579
MAN: Ten!

19
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:02,997
BRUCE: 'We travelled the circuit,

20
00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:05,541
'Berkshire, Buckinghamshire,
Bedfordshire,

21
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:10,379
'We won it all, every title going,
except one... the Nationals.

22
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:15,711
'Cuban heels, silk shirt,
1,000 hand-sewn sequins.

23
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:19,840
'I was ready to take on the world.

24
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:24,557
'But sometimes salsa just
throws you out for a spin.'

25
00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:28,060
Oi, wanker, nice shirt.

26
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,654
BULLY: Hey!

27
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,823
Come here!

28
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:43,163
BRUCE: 'I don't know where I was
when I fell in love with salsa.

29
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:46,749
'But I know exactly where
I was when it stopped.'

30
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,669
Who do you think you are?
Barry Manilow?

31
00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:53,489
MC: 'Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the Nationals...'

32
00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:04,308
BRUCE:
'I never turned up that night.

33
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:07,012
'I just phoned him and told
him, "Salsa's for pussies."

34
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,945
'And I guess that fire in my heels,

35
00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:18,240
'it just went out.'

36
00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:27,699
(SIGHS)

37
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:33,130
(TV BLARES)

38
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,554
Mm.

39
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,356
Oh, dear.

40
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:55,564
Mm.

41
00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,860
(SIGHS)

42
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,335
PRESENTER: 'GFD Engineering,

43
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:16,797
'Western Europe's premier supplier
of high-end manufacturing

44
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:19,342
'and five-star
industrial machinery...'

45
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:24,013
- DOORMAN: Bike.
- (BRUCE SOFTLY) Oh, God.

46
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:27,516
Why do we have to do this
every morning? It's not a bike.

47
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:30,516
Not now it's not, but I just watched
you transform it on the monitor.

48
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:34,440
Look, I'll admit, for a while
outside it was a bike,

49
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:37,902
but now, piff, paff,
poof, look at that.

50
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:40,071
It's a piece of luggage.

51
00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:42,156
Bike.

52
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:45,451
- Fucking hell.
<i>- Juanita, buenos días.</i>

53
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,787
Bruco, no.

54
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,288
No, no.

55
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:52,208
What have you gone for here?
This what you're wearing today?

56
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:53,918
I cycle in wearing it.

57
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,711
You just looked in your
wardrobe and thought,

58
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:58,798
"I think I'll just look like a
Maxi Babybel today." Was that it?

59
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:01,008
- Have you shaved?
- No.

60
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:03,552
Just lift your...
Some jam on your stubble.

61
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:05,554
Don't do that in front of everyone.

62
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,765
It's a big day, a big day, man.

63
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,850
Got the new boss
starting this morning.

64
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,977
I hear he's a ball buster.

65
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:15,227
Well, I hear apparently
he is a she.

66
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,109
You mean like a tranny?

67
00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:20,694
- No.
- No.

68
00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:24,024
- A woman.
- Oh... a woman.

69
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,493
What kind of a woman
wants to run a company

70
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,120
that specialises in heavy
industrial machinery?

71
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:32,957
(GIGGLES) I think I know.

72
00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:35,126
Big, hairy.

73
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:37,837
- Big sort of big lump.
- A beast.

74
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,164
(BOTH LAUGH)

75
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,587
Might be perfect for you.

76
00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:45,845
Hmm. Anyway, listen, this bike's
not going to park itself.

77
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:48,180
I'll see you up there, OK?
Don't be late.

78
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:51,261
I don't like my team to be late.
It's unprofessional, isn't it, bum flap?

79
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:55,848
DREW:
There they are, Mork and Mindy.

80
00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:13,073
- (PHONE RINGING)
- Uh, Helen.

81
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:19,041
Can you not hear that?

82
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:22,590
- Hello, Bruce Garrett.
- DREW: 'Hello, Bruce.

83
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,592
'Do you like scary films?'

84
00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:26,176
- What?
- 'I'm doing "Scream".

85
00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:28,137
- 'You totally bought it.'
- Oh, hi, Drew.

86
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:31,182
'They're going to unleash
the beast, Bruce.'

87
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:39,690
WOMAN: Who wouldn't swap the
crystal blue waters of the Pacific

88
00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:44,613
for the endless silted mud flats
of old Father Thames? Am I right?

89
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:50,784
Uh, and hopefully I can prove to you
that I'm a better sales manager

90
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,828
than I am a public speaker.

91
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,204
(LAUGHTER)

92
00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:56,206
I bet she's got the bag
to go with them shoes.

93
00:06:56,207 --> 00:07:00,002
- Mm?
- Her, United States of Bitch Face.

94
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,546
Little Miss I'm-So-American.

95
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:04,465
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

96
00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:07,635
OK, I'm going to stop talking now.
Let's all have a drink.

97
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:10,089
- Hear, hear.
- (ENTHUSIASTIC APPLAUSE)

98
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,100
- Oi.
- You were right, you know?

99
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,144
She is a woman.

100
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:20,098
And what a woman. Wow-wow-wee-wah.

101
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:24,944
I would make a splash inside that
like a milk truck hitting a wall.

102
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:28,322
Listen, can we not... Can we not
talk ejaculate at the buffet table?

103
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:32,573
Look at her, though. Look at
my little dairy queen, uh?

104
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,913
You see? You had
little a look, too.

105
00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:38,582
- Oh, some tzatziki.
- Oh, that's cute.

106
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:41,669
No, it is. It's adorable, Bruce.
That's all right. You can look.

107
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:44,630
But don't touch 'cause that would
be embarrassing, wouldn't it?

108
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,966
- Just leave it to the experts.
- Sure.

109
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:50,719
- The sexperts. I just coined that.
- That's quite good, actually.

110
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,422
- Wasn't it?
- Don't!

111
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:55,008
(♪ LOW KEY DANCE MUSIC)

112
00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,603
(♪ MUSIC DROWNS THEM OUT)

113
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:00,854
Whoa!

114
00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:04,316
Work time is over, motherfuckers.

115
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,902
Ah, I think we know
what that means.

116
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:09,989
That means, oh, oh,
it's party time.

117
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,657
That's right.

118
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,034
Who wants to come and play
with the dancing bear?

119
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:17,204
This one... This one loves
a little bear time.

120
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,206
- Oh, God.
- Come on.

121
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:22,001
- Not me.
- Come on. Come on. Come on.

122
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,877
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

123
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:27,423
Oh, there it is. You've got a little
bit of rhythm going on there.

124
00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:30,843
DREW: That's it, see?
What are you worried about?

125
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:33,721
- She moves like a gem.
- Oh.

126
00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:35,514
- Oh, yeah.
- What are you like?

127
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:39,101
And she loves a spin.
That was good, you see?

128
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,270
Oh, what about this one?

129
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:43,814
Little silent but
deadly in the corner.

130
00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:46,859
- Stop it.
- You going to come dancing with me?

131
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:50,195
- Just a little something-something.
- Don't.

132
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:52,649
- What?
- I don't dance.

133
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:56,824
- Everybody's dancing.
- I don't dance. I don't like it.

134
00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:59,788
All right, make yourself useful.

135
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,991
DREW: Oh, Oh.
(LAUGHS)

136
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,085
Come on.
(MIMICS LASSO SOUND)

137
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:08,586
Oh, the line broke,
'cause it was a big fish.

138
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:12,339
What time is it? It's Cossack time!

139
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,756
DREW: Oh, yes.

140
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,886
Hey, Bruce!

141
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,555
(HELEN LAUGHS RAUCOUSLY)

142
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,983
(LAUGHS RAUCOUSLY) Oh, you like it!

143
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,274
(♪ DISTANT MUSIC AND CHATTERING)

144
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:33,739
- Whoa.
- Whoa.

145
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,116
- Wow, I am so sorry.
- Sorry, I'm sorry.

146
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:38,660
We've got tangled here.
Let me try and get this... Ow!

147
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,245
- Ow.
- Ow.

148
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,373
Again, I'm sorry.
Are you all right?

149
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:45,584
Where am I? Am I in England?

150
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:48,163
No, I'm fine. (LAUGHS)
Just... fine.

151
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:52,091
Maybe we should get
these untangled.

152
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,920
- Bruce Garrett.
- Bruce Garrett, that's me and...

153
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:59,264
- Julio Matthews.
- They printed it wrong.

154
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,517
But I like it, so I'm
going to keep it.

155
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,852
Yeah. No, you should.
I think it suits you.

156
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:05,979
Adds Latin flavour to it.

157
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:08,308
(CHUCKLES) Oh.

158
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:12,986
I just want you to know I wasn't
trying to escape your party.

159
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:17,613
No, me neither. Why would anybody
want to leave that amazing party?

160
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:20,577
- Uh, shall we...
- Yes.

161
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:25,707
Well, what a pickle, a 3-D jigsaw.

162
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:28,502
Thank you. Nice to meet you, Bruce.

163
00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:32,131
Likewise... Julio.

164
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,425
Mm.

165
00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:38,345
Mm. Do you know what I like
best about this place?

166
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:40,264
Apart from the free glacé cherries?

167
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:42,474
Apart from the free glacé cherries,

168
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,309
the fact that they
still insist upon

169
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,395
my little sister dressing up
like a Tongan concubine.

170
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:49,731
Oh, they don't insist and I
prefer Polynesian call girl.

171
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,316
Mm-hm.

172
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,235
So talk me through
head-butting your new boss.

173
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:56,029
Well, actually, she might
have head-butted me,

174
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:59,825
but our lanyards tangled.
There was a struggle, you know?

175
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:02,161
Our heads went forward.
There was a crash, wallop.

176
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,454
Mm, sounds like she made
quite an impression.

177
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:06,707
- No, no, not this again.
- Oh, come on, Bruce.

178
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:09,376
You haven't even mentioned a girl
since, what, the early '90s?

179
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:12,045
Stand down, Samantha, please.
She is not of my world.

180
00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:14,715
Oh and what world is that,
the world of not even trying?

181
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:18,594
Yeah, indeed, the planet She's
Beautiful, Way Out Of My League,

182
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,721
and also my boss, so
knock it on the head.

183
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:23,724
Oh, that well-known place. Is that
right next to precious comfort zone?

184
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:26,602
A place you've never even
stepped out of ever.

185
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,854
All I'm saying is that if
you really like something,

186
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:33,310
you've got to put yourself out there.
Got to reach out and grab it.

187
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,028
The cherries are not
that delicious.

188
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,869
I'm not talking about
the cherries, Bruce.

189
00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:44,494
(CAR HORN)

190
00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:46,413
I would not like to be those tyres.

191
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:50,459
- Ouch.
- Ha-ha, yeah, very amusing!

192
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:54,421
It comes fitted with an 80-mil,
three jaw self-centring chuck.

193
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:57,751
Tool size, eight mil max. I mean,
you'd never need any more.

194
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:02,429
- Hey, hello. This is, uh, Ju...
- Oh, sorry, everybody.

195
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:05,098
Let me introduce you to the
brains of the operation,

196
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:08,185
our head of department,
Miss Julia Matthews.

197
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:11,647
Uh... I'm sorry. Keep going.
I was just going to sit in.

198
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,850
It's nice to have you with us.

199
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,860
- (CHUCKLES) Are you done?
- Yeah.

200
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:19,238
- Any questions?
- What's the capacity?

201
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,031
- Ah, capacity.
- Ah.

202
00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:24,034
- It's 250 mil between the centres.
- You really know your stuff.

203
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:27,660
Thank you. Thank you.
I... I love lathes.

204
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:39,758
Oh, while I remember, we can
also provide, um, promo videos.

205
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,426
- Isn't that right, Bruce?
- Mm.

206
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:45,597
Actually, I think we've got one of
those on this computer right here.

207
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,016
Not on that one.
Let me have a look.

208
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:52,396
Yeah, I think I saw the one for
the DML vertical lathe on here

209
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,064
- somewhere the other day.
- No.

210
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,400
- Wait, there it is. Hold on.
- Is it?

211
00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:59,611
Yeah, this is a really good example
of the videos we can give you.

212
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:03,865
'Hello, with a Meehanite frame
annealed for maximum rigidity,

213
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:08,078
'it offers perfect jib-bed
flushing each and every time.

214
00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:10,455
'The Haas ST30 turning lathe,

215
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:14,418
'it offers precision grinding
over full vertical stroke.'

216
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:19,045
This is what I think of when I'm
trying not to ejaculate too quickly.

217
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:35,766
OK, green fees paid, let's
play the game of golf game.

218
00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:37,524
Please help me.

219
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:39,401
Are you still banging
on about those balls?

220
00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:41,194
Well, yes, this one's
going to fly further,

221
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,488
but this one's going to give me
more control round the green.

222
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,115
If we've finished with
the high-brow chit-chat,

223
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,908
can we move on please
to the weekly roundup?

224
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,660
- Yes, yes.
- OK, ladies and gentlemen.

225
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,204
Totals for the week,
dates with a lady?

226
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:52,706
- Nil.
- Nil.

227
00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:55,125
- Mobile numbers acquired?
- Nil.

228
00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:57,586
I got a number. It was a zero.

229
00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:59,838
Ah, erotic encounters?

230
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,423
Nilly vanilly.

231
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:05,135
Now, listen to this.
Last Sunday at Tom's christening,

232
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,888
I grazed past horny
Aunty Jean's side boob?

233
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,557
- Does it count?
- Adjudicator?

234
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,476
- It's a nil.
- I thought I'd throw it in.

235
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:15,103
Finally, have you had any contact
with a member of the opposite sex

236
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:16,688
where money did not exchange hands

237
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,523
and she looked at you for
more than eight seconds

238
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,651
and she was not your mum
or an arresting officer?

239
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,570
Nil.

240
00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,740
- Bruce?
- (CHUCKLES)

241
00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:28,784
Mm? Well, no, obvs...

242
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:31,283
Here endeth the weekly roundup.

243
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:35,499
Hurry up, Mickey!

244
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:38,168
(GARY AND BRUCE CHEER)

245
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:40,417
(ALL CHEER)

246
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:44,668
Ah, thank you... very much.

247
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,177
- Oh.
- What is it?

248
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:49,513
- Shit. Nothing. Please don't look.
- What's wrong?

249
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,181
What are you doing? What is it?

250
00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:53,725
- Please don't look.
- Who is it, hm?

251
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:56,645
It's just someone from work.
It's a girl I work with.

252
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:59,523
- Oh, my God, she's nice.
- Don't look. Stop it.

253
00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:02,025
- Hey, turn around, will you?
- Oh, I would...

254
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:05,070
- If I was physically able...
- You're not dis...

255
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,319
You're not disabled,
Gary. You're married.

256
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:11,323
Go on, then. Have a go.

257
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,830
Did you see her? She's beautiful.
She's like a ten. I'm a two.

258
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:18,917
That's an eight-point swing, like a
butterfly going out with a parsnip.

259
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,961
- What?
- Yeah. Well, you know...

260
00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:24,297
All right, I'm not saying
it's going to be easy.

261
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:27,050
You'll have to work at it.
It's like that, um,

262
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,010
that machine you're on about
for British Aerospace.

263
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,513
- The PL5 cylindrical grinder.
- Thank you.

264
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:34,558
She's the cylinder. Click-click.

265
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:37,352
(WEST INDIAN ACCENT)
You're the grinder, mm?

266
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:41,398
Just grind her down, uh, uh, uh.

267
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:45,402
- You grind her down.
- I don't like the two-finger bit.

268
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:48,277
Make her notice you, Bruce.

269
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:55,287
- Think I should say hello?
- Oh, don't... no.

270
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,707
Go up there and say
something like...

271
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,251
(HIGH-PITCHED) "Hi."

272
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:03,420
Oh.

273
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:09,593
(GARY CHUCKLES)
Woo-hoo. Good luck, mate.

274
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:11,511
- Bruce.
- Yes?

275
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,472
Grind it.

276
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:16,267
- (GARY CHUCKLES)
- Don't do that. Don't be daft.

277
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:20,437
(DOOR CREAKS AND CLOSES)

278
00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:22,640
(♪ MUFFLED MUSIC)

279
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,547
(♪ MODERN SALSA MUSIC)

280
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,335
'Salsa.'

281
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:54,095
Why did it have to be salsa?

282
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:58,266
'Eat them. Eat them pig boy.
Eat your sequins.

283
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,936
'Eat them. Eat them!

284
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,811
'Who do you think you are?
Barry Manilow?

285
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:08,273
'Eat them...' (ECHOES)

286
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:18,495
Hey, Rick, have you seen my sister?

287
00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:21,623
- She's over there.
- Sam, Sam. Sam, sorry.

288
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:23,872
- Give us a second.
- I need you.

289
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:29,839
She is of my world.

290
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,967
- Who is?
- Julia, my boss.

291
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:34,511
(GASPS) You stepped out
of your comfort zone.

292
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:38,557
I was at the pub. She came in.
I followed her.

293
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,226
And she was salsa dancing.

294
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,311
- Are you shitting me?
- Oh, my God.

295
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,730
She was doing the
sweetest little basic

296
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:48,817
and I just wanted to rush in
and gather her into my arms

297
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:52,070
and... and... just dance, you know?

298
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:56,366
(SIGHS) I haven't... I have
not felt like that since...

299
00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:59,119
- Sequin-gate.
- Since Sequin-gate.

300
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:03,665
(SIGHS) You know that box has
been closed a long, long time.

301
00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:06,710
I know. It happened and it was bad.

302
00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:09,629
What did you say? Bad?

303
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:13,925
Sam... they ripped all the
sequins off of my shirt

304
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:17,095
and they stuffed them
in my mouth, yeah?

305
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:20,599
And then they made me eat them.
The big boys made me gobble them, yeah?

306
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,685
Just gobbling, gobbling sequins.

307
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:26,563
- Gobbling the big BMX boy.
- Know the story, Bruce.

308
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:29,441
- Gobbling.
- Enough's enough. Now, listen.

309
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:32,152
Maybe this is your chance
to rewrite history.

310
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,696
Let it go.

311
00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:38,742
What are you thinking about?

312
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:41,571
These are fucking hot
in large quantities.

313
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,365
Thank you.

314
00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:48,960
Fucking hell, what is...
What is that?

315
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:52,631
- Vodka.
- Why would you give me neat vodka?

316
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:58,011
Now, listen, maybe
this is your way in.

317
00:18:58,012 --> 00:19:00,764
You know how all girls
love a man who can dance.

318
00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:02,933
You could dance.

319
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:07,722
If you really like this girl,
salsa your way in.

320
00:19:10,024 --> 00:19:13,444
- I had fire in my heels, didn't I?
- Oh, feet of flames.

321
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:18,403
- Could I get it back again, though?
- Easily.

322
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,702
How easily?

323
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,285
See how I do this shot...

324
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,792
- That easily.
- That was easy.

325
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,877
- Mm.
- Can I have one?

326
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:33,126
- One?
- Mm-hm.

327
00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:37,175
Salsa.

328
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,798
Mm.

329
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,264
BRUCE: Cheers.

330
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,976
Ah.

331
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:01,991
Salsa.

332
00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:04,194
Salsa.

333
00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:10,125
And the winner is...

334
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:13,037
Bruce Garrett.

335
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:28,017
There's Ron.

336
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:29,686
"Be my Valentine."

337
00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:33,016
Mm, big old ginger Glen and Ted.

338
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:40,986
Mirrors, I need me some mirrors.

339
00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,788
Ooh. (CHUCKLES)

340
00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:50,582
Heavy.

341
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,330
Oh.

342
00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:56,255
(GRUNTS)

343
00:21:05,014 --> 00:21:06,556
Whoa.

344
00:21:06,557 --> 00:21:08,759
(SNORING LIGHTLY)

345
00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:12,020
(ALARM CLOCK RINGS)

346
00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:14,439
Ooh!

347
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,608
Ah.

348
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,811
(SIGHS)

349
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,981
Uh...

350
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:27,620
(MUMBLES)

351
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:30,872
(CHUCKLES)

352
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,627
(GROANS)

353
00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:45,049
(PANTS)

354
00:21:56,607 --> 00:21:58,775
(GRUNTS)

355
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:12,452
Mm.

356
00:22:42,945 --> 00:22:45,239
(DOORS CREAK)

357
00:22:48,951 --> 00:22:50,619
(♪ DISTANT MUSIC PLAYING)

358
00:22:57,585 --> 00:22:59,913
(WATER RUNNING)

359
00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:04,379
(GLASSES CLINKING)

360
00:23:07,803 --> 00:23:11,097
Can I have a Diet Coke and a
packet of Scampi Fries, please?

361
00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:14,017
Well, you could if
I wasn't closing.

362
00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:16,808
All right, Ron?

363
00:23:20,941 --> 00:23:23,109
Garrett.

364
00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:25,862
Well, what the hell happened to you?
You look like shit.

365
00:23:25,863 --> 00:23:27,530
Charming. Thanks very much.

366
00:23:27,531 --> 00:23:30,992
You got a customer complaints
department here at, er, El Corazón?

367
00:23:30,993 --> 00:23:33,195
Oh, hang on, I'll
get a form for you.

368
00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:37,999
There it is.

369
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,460
How did you find me?

370
00:23:40,461 --> 00:23:42,045
Internet.

371
00:23:42,046 --> 00:23:44,123
- Fucking internet.
- Internet.

372
00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:48,879
Oh, yeah, how have you been?
Have you been all right? You good?

373
00:23:50,137 --> 00:23:52,886
It looks nice in here.

374
00:23:53,349 --> 00:23:56,302
OK, I think that is us
all caught up, then.

375
00:23:57,853 --> 00:24:03,149
- What do you want from me, Garrett?
- Nothing. Just passing.

376
00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:05,523
Wondered if you were
still teaching.

377
00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:13,076
Oh, right, OK, just 'cause
I'm looking for a lesson.

378
00:24:13,077 --> 00:24:14,953
- Are you taking the piss?
- No.

379
00:24:14,954 --> 00:24:18,831
No, I'm not. I just want a
lesson, blow away the cobwebs.

380
00:24:18,832 --> 00:24:21,668
- What do you reckon?
- I reckon salsa's for pussies.

381
00:24:21,669 --> 00:24:23,586
- Isn't that what you said?
- Did I?

382
00:24:23,587 --> 00:24:25,338
Oh, yeah, you did.

383
00:24:25,339 --> 00:24:30,093
I don't really remember that,
'cause I was just a kid.

384
00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:33,388
- And what are you now?
- (NERVOUSLY) I'm a man.

385
00:24:33,389 --> 00:24:35,390
Oh, you think so, do you?

386
00:24:35,391 --> 00:24:39,721
Pretty certain. (SIGHS)
Hot in here, isn't it?

387
00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:44,941
We'll see. Tomorrow
night, 7:00 pm sharp.

388
00:24:44,942 --> 00:24:47,944
Five quid on the door and I want
to see you in 1% inch heels.

389
00:24:47,945 --> 00:24:51,024
Brilliant. Great, all right.
Thank you, Ron.

390
00:24:51,949 --> 00:24:54,698
- Mr Parfitt.
- Thank you, Mr Parfitt.

391
00:24:54,994 --> 00:24:56,577
Hey, where are we on
the Scampi Fries?

392
00:24:56,578 --> 00:24:58,701
- Piss off.
- I'll see you tomorrow.

393
00:25:02,501 --> 00:25:04,328
(BREATHES DEEPLY)

394
00:25:04,962 --> 00:25:07,046
Come here, my babies.

395
00:25:07,047 --> 00:25:09,716
Come to Daddy.

396
00:25:09,717 --> 00:25:12,011
Oh, there you are.

397
00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:19,426
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)

398
00:25:28,318 --> 00:25:30,486
- Thank you.
- One, thank you.

399
00:25:44,293 --> 00:25:48,873
(IRANIAN ACCENT)
Rubber sole. Old school.

400
00:25:49,923 --> 00:25:52,633
A shit load of kudos
to you, my friend.

401
00:25:52,634 --> 00:25:55,963
Personally, as a person,
I love the suede sole.

402
00:25:56,597 --> 00:25:59,932
I'm a suede head. People, they say,
"No, you have to be rubber sole."

403
00:25:59,933 --> 00:26:03,269
I'm like, "No, I love the suede.
I love the suede. I love the suede."

404
00:26:03,270 --> 00:26:07,023
Don't you love the suede?
I tell you what. Take a look at this.

405
00:26:07,024 --> 00:26:09,150
If you see here, if you
see where my sole is...

406
00:26:09,151 --> 00:26:11,444
Come on, gather around. Come on.

407
00:26:11,445 --> 00:26:13,863
I see what kind of a
sole you are, asshole.

408
00:26:13,864 --> 00:26:16,240
- Hey, don't...
- How are you today, guys?

409
00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:18,785
Spread out a little bit.
Make sure you can see me.

410
00:26:18,786 --> 00:26:20,745
Everybody OK, yeah?

411
00:26:20,746 --> 00:26:22,747
Oh, we've got a new
student with us tonight.

412
00:26:22,748 --> 00:26:24,700
Welcome to El Corazón.
What's your name?

413
00:26:25,501 --> 00:26:29,212
It's fine. Don't worry about names.
I'm just passing through so...

414
00:26:29,213 --> 00:26:31,089
- Sure, no problem.
- Thank you.

415
00:26:31,090 --> 00:26:33,132
Let's pick up where we
left off yesterday, OK?

416
00:26:33,133 --> 00:26:34,634
Basic step, everyone. Ready?

417
00:26:34,635 --> 00:26:38,096
And one, two, three,
five, six, seven and...

418
00:26:38,097 --> 00:26:40,348
- Sorry
- Yes?

419
00:26:40,349 --> 00:26:42,433
I think I'm in the wrong class.

420
00:26:42,434 --> 00:26:44,685
- Right.
- Where's Mr Parfitt?

421
00:26:44,686 --> 00:26:47,605
- He's in his office, OK?
- OK.

422
00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,857
All right, let's carry on.
Ready and...

423
00:26:49,858 --> 00:26:53,319
What's he, um... Sorry.
What's he doing in there?

424
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:56,072
- I don't know.
- Fine, all right.

425
00:26:56,073 --> 00:26:57,657
- I'm sorry. Crack on.
- That's all right.

426
00:26:57,658 --> 00:26:59,242
- We will, thank you.
- Do your basics.

427
00:26:59,243 --> 00:27:01,285
Thank you very much. Here we go.

428
00:27:01,286 --> 00:27:03,454
Ready and one, two, three.

429
00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:05,578
(KNOCKING)

430
00:27:06,125 --> 00:27:08,077
BRUCE: Hello?

431
00:27:11,964 --> 00:27:15,925
- Hey. Are you not teaching me?
- I said I ran a class.

432
00:27:15,926 --> 00:27:19,512
- Didn't say I taught one.
- Ron, please.

433
00:27:19,513 --> 00:27:23,388
It's baby stuff out there.
Just one quick freshener.

434
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:28,312
Oh, I see.

435
00:27:28,313 --> 00:27:29,814
OK.

436
00:27:29,815 --> 00:27:31,899
(CHUCKLES)

437
00:27:31,900 --> 00:27:35,070
I think we've done...
One private lesson.

438
00:27:36,196 --> 00:27:40,026
How much do you want?
40 for an hour?

439
00:27:40,325 --> 00:27:42,034
Oh, that's what you think.

440
00:27:42,035 --> 00:27:43,452
You think I sit back here

441
00:27:43,453 --> 00:27:45,538
waiting for someone to come
in and open their wallet?

442
00:27:45,539 --> 00:27:47,537
Yeah, what are you waiting for?

443
00:27:51,461 --> 00:27:53,538
Alicia.

444
00:27:55,174 --> 00:27:59,260
- (SOFTLY) Hello.
- This is Bruce Garrett.

445
00:27:59,261 --> 00:28:01,179
- Take him out for a quick spin.
- No.

446
00:28:01,180 --> 00:28:02,430
Road test him.

447
00:28:02,431 --> 00:28:04,557
Alicia teaches our advanced class,

448
00:28:04,558 --> 00:28:08,394
2007 world champion,
dances cabaret style.

449
00:28:08,395 --> 00:28:10,188
Oh, yes, yes.

450
00:28:10,189 --> 00:28:13,359
You do know cabaret style, yeah?

451
00:28:13,775 --> 00:28:18,321
Sorry, do I... You ask if I know
cabaret style? (CHUCKLES)

452
00:28:18,322 --> 00:28:21,526
(ALICIA SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

453
00:28:29,875 --> 00:28:31,876
Do you want to get warm?

454
00:28:31,877 --> 00:28:34,462
You should, although you
look quite warm as it is.

455
00:28:34,463 --> 00:28:36,757
(♪ DRAMATIC SALSA MUSIC PLAYS)

456
00:28:40,844 --> 00:28:43,046
I hear about you.

457
00:28:44,806 --> 00:28:48,392
- Ah.
- The boy with fire in his heels.

458
00:28:48,393 --> 00:28:50,436
Well, that's a long time ago.

459
00:28:50,854 --> 00:28:52,230
Aw.

460
00:28:52,231 --> 00:28:54,479
- You're in my yard now.
- Mm?

461
00:28:56,735 --> 00:28:58,611
Oh, crikey.

462
00:28:58,612 --> 00:29:00,109
Shh-ah.

463
00:29:02,115 --> 00:29:04,317
Ah, cha.

464
00:29:05,410 --> 00:29:08,329
- Ya.
- Rumba!

465
00:29:21,510 --> 00:29:23,678
(♪ MUSIC TEMPO QUICKENS)

466
00:29:24,221 --> 00:29:25,554
Ow!

467
00:29:25,555 --> 00:29:27,428
Ow!

468
00:29:30,519 --> 00:29:32,892
Ow!

469
00:29:47,286 --> 00:29:49,329
Please.

470
00:29:58,964 --> 00:30:00,711
Stop it.

471
00:30:01,675 --> 00:30:03,175
ALL: Ooh.

472
00:30:03,176 --> 00:30:05,303
Welcome back.
(CHUCKLES)

473
00:30:05,304 --> 00:30:07,302
(GROANS)

474
00:30:08,223 --> 00:30:10,016
(GROANS)

475
00:30:10,976 --> 00:30:12,928
That's lesson one, son.

476
00:30:13,687 --> 00:30:15,889
(GROANS)

477
00:30:22,612 --> 00:30:24,485
Thank you.

478
00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:37,376
All right, dump truck.

479
00:30:37,377 --> 00:30:39,086
Have you seen what
she's wearing today?

480
00:30:39,087 --> 00:30:42,173
- Who?
- The big boss, yeah.

481
00:30:42,174 --> 00:30:44,759
She's got her green number on.
Isn't that nice?

482
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,094
She's trying to tell me something,
you know what I mean?

483
00:30:47,095 --> 00:30:50,306
She's trying to tell me something.
(LAUGHS)

484
00:30:50,307 --> 00:30:53,184
I'm going to leave a stink on her
that she will never get off.

485
00:30:53,185 --> 00:30:56,270
I'm going to be on her like
bonfire smell, you know I mean?

486
00:30:56,271 --> 00:30:59,648
She's going to be in the
shower changing her clothes.

487
00:30:59,649 --> 00:31:04,362
She's going to be like,
"OMG, I can still smell him."

488
00:31:04,363 --> 00:31:07,612
That's right, Julia. Get used to it.
I'm in your pores.

489
00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:11,452
You're disgusting.
(LAUGHS)

490
00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:16,791
I think it's so cute when
you've got a little crush.

491
00:31:16,792 --> 00:31:20,336
You get a little crush and you
get so disgusted. Listen.

492
00:31:20,337 --> 00:31:25,418
Women like that use guys like you
to get advice about men like me.

493
00:31:27,719 --> 00:31:29,842
It's empty.

494
00:31:42,275 --> 00:31:45,103
(♪ UPBEAT SALSA PLAYS)

495
00:31:49,324 --> 00:31:52,198
(♪ MUSIC DISTORTS AND STOPS)

496
00:31:54,413 --> 00:31:56,705
Are you kidding me?

497
00:31:56,706 --> 00:31:58,416
Argh!

498
00:31:58,417 --> 00:32:00,501
Ah! Oh...

499
00:32:00,502 --> 00:32:02,128
Oh, God.

500
00:32:02,129 --> 00:32:04,839
(GROANS)
Oh, my God. Oh, God.

501
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,216
- Oh, my God, are you OK?
- Yeah.

502
00:32:07,217 --> 00:32:10,678
- Somebody call an ambulance!
- Really, no, I'm fine.

503
00:32:10,679 --> 00:32:13,678
Don't move. Don't move. Don't move.
Don't move. Don't move.

504
00:32:16,393 --> 00:32:19,311
In for two, out for two. Slow down.

505
00:32:19,312 --> 00:32:22,686
- Was there a pastry in this bag?
- Yeah, I had an iced bun.

506
00:32:24,234 --> 00:32:25,609
I was driving...

507
00:32:25,610 --> 00:32:28,529
and then, all of a sudden, my tape
deck wasn't working and then bang!

508
00:32:28,530 --> 00:32:30,865
All of a sudden you were on the hood
of my car. I thought I'd killed you.

509
00:32:30,866 --> 00:32:32,867
Listen, don't worry. I'm fine.

510
00:32:32,868 --> 00:32:34,994
OK. OK, you're OK.

511
00:32:34,995 --> 00:32:36,829
- Yeah. We're OK.
- I'm OK.

512
00:32:36,830 --> 00:32:38,789
You're alive!

513
00:32:38,790 --> 00:32:41,041
(SIGHS)
I mean, I hit you with my car,

514
00:32:41,042 --> 00:32:43,586
the least I could do is
give you a ride home.

515
00:32:43,587 --> 00:32:47,590
Don't worry about it.
It's only a little car, isn't it?

516
00:32:47,591 --> 00:32:49,383
Oh, my God.
Are you going to sue me?

517
00:32:49,384 --> 00:32:53,137
No! No, gosh, no. Good Lord,
I'd never sue. (CHUCKLES)

518
00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:55,264
You know we're not... As a society,

519
00:32:55,265 --> 00:32:57,725
we're not really big
suers, you know?

520
00:32:57,726 --> 00:33:00,269
We don't... We don't do it.

521
00:33:00,270 --> 00:33:02,480
God, you're rambling. Are you OK?

522
00:33:02,481 --> 00:33:04,190
- Yeah.
- Are you sure?

523
00:33:04,191 --> 00:33:06,150
- No, I'm fine.
- OK, what's my name?

524
00:33:06,151 --> 00:33:08,399
- Do you remember my name?
- Julio.

525
00:33:14,117 --> 00:33:17,620
Oh, there's the culprit.

526
00:33:17,621 --> 00:33:19,413
- Oh.
- The cassette of death.

527
00:33:19,414 --> 00:33:22,416
<i>La casete de muerte.</i>

528
00:33:22,417 --> 00:33:26,378
Ah, Tito Puente, Willie
Colón, Ray Barretto.

529
00:33:26,379 --> 00:33:31,008
Oh, yes, let's just put that
somewhere else far, far away.

530
00:33:31,009 --> 00:33:33,052
It's uh...

531
00:33:33,637 --> 00:33:37,806
I salsa, OK? I'm into salsa.

532
00:33:37,807 --> 00:33:40,392
In fact, I was on my
way to salsa class,

533
00:33:40,393 --> 00:33:44,104
which is why I was willing
to kill a man to get there,

534
00:33:44,105 --> 00:33:46,649
so that's how much I like salsa.

535
00:33:46,650 --> 00:33:48,648
(SIGHS)

536
00:33:53,406 --> 00:33:55,366
All right, so you've
entered total shock.

537
00:33:55,367 --> 00:33:58,161
Are you in a state of shock now?

538
00:33:59,162 --> 00:34:01,114
I... I salsa.

539
00:34:02,290 --> 00:34:05,084
Ah. (CHUCKLES)

540
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:13,759
Right, sure you do.

541
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:16,008
Wow, now I'm really worried
about you. Are you OK?

542
00:34:18,223 --> 00:34:20,349
Did Helen tell you about
the, uh, bowling?

543
00:34:20,350 --> 00:34:23,102
'Cause we're going to do this
whole bowling-bonding thing

544
00:34:23,103 --> 00:34:25,187
if you want to come.

545
00:34:25,188 --> 00:34:29,149
Uh, yeah. Yeah,
definitely. Definitely.

546
00:34:29,150 --> 00:34:32,695
I like bowling. I was...
I was born to bowl, really.

547
00:34:32,696 --> 00:34:36,901
Born to bowl, wow.
That's a big statement.

548
00:34:41,830 --> 00:34:44,658
(♪ UPBEAT SALSA MUSIC)

549
00:34:54,175 --> 00:34:56,510
One more time and...

550
00:34:56,511 --> 00:34:59,221
One, two, three, five, six, seven.

551
00:34:59,222 --> 00:35:02,141
Let's try that one more time.
Ready and one...

552
00:35:02,142 --> 00:35:05,811
Oh, you, whatever your name is.

553
00:35:05,812 --> 00:35:11,150
My name is Bruce Garrett and
I'm here to learn salsa.

554
00:35:11,151 --> 00:35:14,778
Well, very nice to meet you, Bruce.
We're walking through some basics.

555
00:35:14,779 --> 00:35:19,867
Ready and one, two, three,
to the side, six, seven.

556
00:35:19,868 --> 00:35:23,368
Forward and turn. Back and shimmy.

557
00:35:23,830 --> 00:35:28,292
One more time and...
one, two, three, five, six, seven.

558
00:35:28,293 --> 00:35:31,462
Forward and turn, back and shimmy.

559
00:35:31,463 --> 00:35:33,797
Nice one, Bruce.

560
00:35:33,798 --> 00:35:37,593
Let's try that again. Ready
and five, six, seven, go!

561
00:35:37,594 --> 00:35:40,422
Turn! Shimmy!

562
00:35:40,930 --> 00:35:42,177
One more time.

563
00:35:49,481 --> 00:35:52,191
Yeah, thank you.

564
00:35:52,192 --> 00:35:55,778
Well done, everyone. <i>Muy bien.</i>

565
00:35:55,779 --> 00:35:58,697
See you next week. Thank you
very much, guys. Thank you.

566
00:35:58,698 --> 00:36:00,783
Woo.

567
00:36:00,784 --> 00:36:03,078
Ah.

568
00:36:04,704 --> 00:36:06,906
- I love this.
- Hey.

569
00:36:07,707 --> 00:36:09,958
I just wanted to say sorry
for being rude to you.

570
00:36:09,959 --> 00:36:13,212
Yes, you were.
You were very rude to me.

571
00:36:13,213 --> 00:36:16,041
You were kind of a pig to
me, actually, a rude pig.

572
00:36:17,759 --> 00:36:21,845
I'm kidding with you. God!
My name is Bejan, nice to meet you.

573
00:36:21,846 --> 00:36:24,098
- I'm Bruce.
- Bruce, hi.

574
00:36:24,099 --> 00:36:26,225
Bejan is actually my middle name.

575
00:36:26,226 --> 00:36:28,435
My full name is Ali
Reza Bejan Ahmadzadeh.

576
00:36:28,436 --> 00:36:30,562
Wow, a bit of a mouthful, innit?

577
00:36:30,563 --> 00:36:33,357
Yes. Bejan means hero.

578
00:36:33,358 --> 00:36:35,526
- Ah, that's nice.
- What does Bruce mean?

579
00:36:36,111 --> 00:36:41,949
Uh, Bruce, I think it comes from the
old Saxon meaning bush or hedge.

580
00:36:41,950 --> 00:36:44,027
Mm.

581
00:36:44,703 --> 00:36:46,412
We're all hitting the
club if you want to...

582
00:36:46,413 --> 00:36:49,787
- Oh, right.
- Boteco. It's hot shit.

583
00:36:50,333 --> 00:36:55,713
The dance floor, fully programmable
LED ester and black glass.

584
00:36:55,714 --> 00:36:58,006
- Wow. Semi-sprung?
- Yes, please.

585
00:36:58,007 --> 00:37:01,711
Mm, it would be like
dancing on a glass pillow.

586
00:37:02,721 --> 00:37:05,723
- You want to come? Take my number.
- I don't know.

587
00:37:05,724 --> 00:37:07,474
- You don't want to take my number?
- Not your number.

588
00:37:07,475 --> 00:37:09,268
You don't have to take my
number if you don't want it.

589
00:37:09,269 --> 00:37:11,645
I can walk in the other direction.
Plenty of other people to speak to.

590
00:37:11,646 --> 00:37:13,230
I'm sure one of them
want my number.

591
00:37:13,231 --> 00:37:15,399
- I didn't mean that.
- I'm fucking with you again!

592
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,774
Get a sense of humour,
for God's sake! Wait there.

593
00:37:21,322 --> 00:37:23,949
I'm going to give you
my direct number, OK?

594
00:37:23,950 --> 00:37:30,080
You call me on this any time
between 5:30 and quarter to six.

595
00:37:30,081 --> 00:37:32,909
That's a.m. I'm a morning person.

596
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:36,083
Thank you.

597
00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:40,382
- I tracked down Ron Parfitt.
- Oh, my God. What's he like?

598
00:37:40,383 --> 00:37:43,677
Exactly the same. Just a
horrible, grumpy, old bastard.

599
00:37:43,678 --> 00:37:46,472
(LAUGHS)
Holy shit, Bruce. This is huge.

600
00:37:49,017 --> 00:37:50,517
Is this for her?

601
00:37:50,518 --> 00:37:53,937
(MIMICS HER) "Is this for
her?" Yes, it's for her.

602
00:37:53,938 --> 00:37:57,392
I'm thinking about asking
her to maybe dance with me.

603
00:37:57,776 --> 00:37:59,860
That sounds good, so
what happens next?

604
00:37:59,861 --> 00:38:01,987
- I'm just going go ask her.
- Wrong.

605
00:38:01,988 --> 00:38:04,448
No, no, no. You don't go straight
in with a big romantic gesture

606
00:38:04,449 --> 00:38:06,116
until you've done the groundwork.

607
00:38:06,117 --> 00:38:08,535
She's like a blank wall, Bruce.

608
00:38:08,536 --> 00:38:10,037
Firstly, you have to
apply the primer,

609
00:38:10,038 --> 00:38:11,830
then the undercoat and then
you go in with the emulsion.

610
00:38:11,831 --> 00:38:14,875
What kind of wall?
It might not need primer.

611
00:38:14,876 --> 00:38:16,335
I'm serious, Bruce.

612
00:38:16,336 --> 00:38:19,415
You can't go and ask her out
until you've done the undercoat.

613
00:38:30,308 --> 00:38:32,761
(♪ UPBEAT SALSA PLAYS)

614
00:39:13,601 --> 00:39:17,020
Fantastic, that's just tremendous.
Hey, Bruce.

615
00:39:17,021 --> 00:39:19,773
- Hey.
- Oh, hey, man.

616
00:39:19,774 --> 00:39:21,775
You look nice, but you know what?

617
00:39:21,776 --> 00:39:25,028
I'm already, er, sorted
with a phone plan.

618
00:39:25,029 --> 00:39:26,989
(BOTH LAUGH SARCASTICALLY)

619
00:39:26,990 --> 00:39:30,160
Bruce, you need your shoes otherwise
you're gonna miss out on this frame.

620
00:39:30,785 --> 00:39:33,120
- Good luck.
- HELEN: All right, here we go.

621
00:39:33,121 --> 00:39:34,698
(DREW CLEARS THROAT) Phone shop.

622
00:39:35,957 --> 00:39:37,708
- Oh.
- Oh.

623
00:39:37,709 --> 00:39:40,162
Here comes the dirty thunder.

624
00:39:42,046 --> 00:39:44,548
Oh, the Gaelic gale.

625
00:39:44,549 --> 00:39:48,094
- Huh? I hit seven, I think.
- HELEN: Move over.

626
00:39:50,638 --> 00:39:52,598
HELEN: Oh.

627
00:39:52,599 --> 00:39:54,141
- Never mind.
- Pump it up.

628
00:39:54,142 --> 00:39:56,768
Amazing. Ah.

629
00:39:56,769 --> 00:40:00,272
Can I just give you a little bit
of constructive feedback?

630
00:40:00,273 --> 00:40:03,317
- Yeah, please do.
- Oh, yeah.

631
00:40:03,318 --> 00:40:07,070
Well, uh, I've noticed a
little flaw in your game.

632
00:40:07,071 --> 00:40:08,989
OK, listen, I think I know
what you're going to say.

633
00:40:08,990 --> 00:40:11,074
This probably is about me

634
00:40:11,075 --> 00:40:14,995
continually rolling the balls into
the recess gutters, isn't it?

635
00:40:14,996 --> 00:40:17,956
- Yes, it is.
- Yeah. I think...

636
00:40:17,957 --> 00:40:20,417
I think it's the only weakness
in my game, you know?

637
00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:24,212
It is. It is the only weakness,
but, uh, it's a pretty major one.

638
00:40:24,213 --> 00:40:26,590
- Yeah, it's a biggy.
- So let's deal with it.

639
00:40:26,591 --> 00:40:29,343
Here, I'll show you. Come on.

640
00:40:29,344 --> 00:40:32,423
Oh! Sumba, bunga, wunga!

641
00:40:32,931 --> 00:40:34,804
Did you see that?

642
00:40:35,850 --> 00:40:37,893
So you put your
fingers in the holes.

643
00:40:38,686 --> 00:40:41,730
No. No, no, no, no.
No innuendo, OK?

644
00:40:41,731 --> 00:40:44,942
The first rule of bowling is
there's holes and there's balls

645
00:40:44,943 --> 00:40:46,944
and we're all adults.
We just have to get over it.

646
00:40:46,945 --> 00:40:49,446
- Let's bowl.
- Yup. (CLEARS THROAT)

647
00:40:49,447 --> 00:40:51,281
Hold your ball like a baby.

648
00:40:51,282 --> 00:40:53,492
- Throw it like a rocket.
- Yup.

649
00:40:53,493 --> 00:40:56,745
Hold it like a baby.
Throw it like a rocket, yeah?

650
00:40:56,746 --> 00:40:58,823
Yeah.

651
00:40:59,832 --> 00:41:03,377
Hold it like a baby and then
I throw it like a rocket.

652
00:41:03,378 --> 00:41:06,964
I hold it like a baby and then
I throw it like a rocket.

653
00:41:06,965 --> 00:41:10,089
Hold it like a baby and then
I throw it like a rocket.

654
00:41:11,970 --> 00:41:14,262
Sorry. Sorry.

655
00:41:14,263 --> 00:41:16,056
I'm calling social services.

656
00:41:16,057 --> 00:41:18,058
You're calling social services?

657
00:41:18,059 --> 00:41:20,762
Why? Has he been within
100 metres of a school?

658
00:41:22,981 --> 00:41:25,524
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

659
00:41:25,525 --> 00:41:27,693
- You're up, Jules.
- Oh.

660
00:41:27,694 --> 00:41:30,028
Go on, Julio, if that's your name.

661
00:41:30,029 --> 00:41:33,198
Listen, you just focus on
your baby rocket big shot.

662
00:41:33,199 --> 00:41:35,033
DREW: Yeah.

663
00:41:35,034 --> 00:41:38,328
JULIA: All right. Let's do this.

664
00:41:38,329 --> 00:41:40,247
Come on, baby ball.

665
00:41:40,248 --> 00:41:43,500
- I just need one strike.
- DREW: Oh, wow.

666
00:41:43,501 --> 00:41:46,169
Have you seen the pants
on that guy over there?

667
00:41:46,170 --> 00:41:48,088
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

668
00:41:49,173 --> 00:41:51,000
- Go on.
- Here we go.

669
00:41:53,011 --> 00:41:55,345
Did you end up keeping the shoes
or you gave them back or...?

670
00:41:55,346 --> 00:41:59,307
- No, I gave them back.
- I thought they really suited you.

671
00:41:59,308 --> 00:42:01,309
Ah, do you mind if I
just put my seat back?

672
00:42:01,310 --> 00:42:04,021
- Oh, there's not much room here.
- It's just I've got such long legs.

673
00:42:04,022 --> 00:42:06,020
Oh! That's better.

674
00:42:06,524 --> 00:42:11,355
Bruce, we'll drop you off first.
All that exercise, you must be exhausted.

675
00:42:18,661 --> 00:42:20,871
- Bye, Bruce.
- See you later, Brucie.

676
00:42:20,872 --> 00:42:24,292
Loving the pad. Let's
get this party started.

677
00:42:48,483 --> 00:42:50,734
BEJAN: Bruce!

678
00:42:50,735 --> 00:42:52,986
Bruce!

679
00:42:52,987 --> 00:42:55,447
- Bruce!
- Hey, shut up.

680
00:42:55,448 --> 00:42:58,241
My God, I thought it was number 4
and then I thought it's number 14

681
00:42:58,242 --> 00:43:00,202
and then I thought it was
number 40 and then I went to 14

682
00:43:00,203 --> 00:43:01,912
and then I went to 40,
but there isn't a 40.

683
00:43:01,913 --> 00:43:04,498
- How are you doing?
- I'm good. Hello.

684
00:43:04,499 --> 00:43:07,793
- One more for me.
- You want a drink?

685
00:43:07,794 --> 00:43:09,419
- Do you have any Fanta?
- I do not.

686
00:43:09,420 --> 00:43:13,090
That's a shame, because I do!

687
00:43:13,091 --> 00:43:15,967
- (BEJAN GIGGLES)
- Ooh. Wow. I'll get glasses.

688
00:43:15,968 --> 00:43:19,262
No, no, no, it's not a wedding.
You drink from the bottle.

689
00:43:19,263 --> 00:43:21,515
- Erm... thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

690
00:43:21,516 --> 00:43:24,265
<i>- Salamati.
- Ah, salamati</i>

691
00:43:25,478 --> 00:43:28,230
- Mm.
- Mm. Urgh, it's flat.

692
00:43:28,231 --> 00:43:31,191
It's not flat. It's still.
It's still Fanta.

693
00:43:31,192 --> 00:43:33,318
- They don't do still Fanta.
- They don't do still Fanta.

694
00:43:33,319 --> 00:43:35,987
I have to make my own. You just open
the bottle. Put it on the balcony.

695
00:43:35,988 --> 00:43:38,406
Two days later, boom, shake
the room, yes please.

696
00:43:38,407 --> 00:43:40,450
- Ha.
- Mm.

697
00:43:40,451 --> 00:43:43,328
Are you ready?
Do you want to go? Let's go.

698
00:43:43,329 --> 00:43:45,531
You're going like this?

699
00:43:47,208 --> 00:43:50,210
Yeah. What's the matter with this?

700
00:43:50,211 --> 00:43:52,038
Well...

701
00:43:53,506 --> 00:43:54,965
everything

702
00:43:54,966 --> 00:43:57,300
What are these?

703
00:43:57,301 --> 00:43:59,511
- Shirts.
- Polyester mix?

704
00:43:59,512 --> 00:44:03,223
I'm thinking 50% polyester,
20% Crimplene, 5% wool, yes?

705
00:44:03,224 --> 00:44:05,347
- Sure.
- It's bullshit.

706
00:44:06,060 --> 00:44:10,147
Silk, smart, casual, breathable.

707
00:44:10,148 --> 00:44:11,600
Yes, please.

708
00:44:12,316 --> 00:44:15,318
Cotton, soaks up
sweat like a sponge.

709
00:44:15,319 --> 00:44:16,645
Vest up, my friend.

710
00:44:17,488 --> 00:44:21,192
Linen, flyweight for quicker
movements, show off those turns.

711
00:44:22,368 --> 00:44:25,579
Synthetic, less friction
means fewer blisters.

712
00:44:25,580 --> 00:44:27,914
Unless you like blister. Do you
like blister? Who likes blister?

713
00:44:27,915 --> 00:44:29,916
- Pilgrims.
- Exactly.

714
00:44:29,917 --> 00:44:32,377
- (CHUCKLES)
- (DOORBELL)

715
00:44:32,378 --> 00:44:34,626
Who's that?
Can you hold that a second?

716
00:44:35,673 --> 00:44:37,924
What's going on?
Not taking my calls?

717
00:44:37,925 --> 00:44:43,263
- Just busy. I've been busy at work.
- Three words. The Velvet Pussycat.

718
00:44:43,264 --> 00:44:45,724
- What, now?
- Yeah, come on. Get changed.

719
00:44:45,725 --> 00:44:48,428
- It's a Tuesday night.
- Yeah, exactly.

720
00:44:49,770 --> 00:44:52,105
Bruce, do you have any
idea how hard I've worked

721
00:44:52,106 --> 00:44:54,274
- to get Amanda to take up a hobby.
- Mm.

722
00:44:54,275 --> 00:44:57,694
I've been masterminding Project
Pilates for six months.

723
00:44:57,695 --> 00:44:59,696
Why do you think that is?

724
00:44:59,697 --> 00:45:03,909
Two whole hours of freedom,
8:30 to 10:30, once a week.

725
00:45:03,910 --> 00:45:06,786
What do you think I'm going to do
with that time, sit indoors wanking?

726
00:45:06,787 --> 00:45:08,330
I can do that when she's at home.

727
00:45:08,831 --> 00:45:11,124
I'm just... I'm bushed, you know?

728
00:45:11,125 --> 00:45:13,210
I'm just going to have a
bath and hit the hay.

729
00:45:13,211 --> 00:45:14,412
A bath?

730
00:45:15,087 --> 00:45:18,298
Oh, that's nice. Will it have
nice little bubbles in it?

731
00:45:18,299 --> 00:45:21,176
- BEJAN: Who are you talking to?
- Eh? Who's this?

732
00:45:21,177 --> 00:45:24,137
Hi. My name is Bejan.
Pleased to meet you.

733
00:45:24,138 --> 00:45:27,891
- BRUCE: It's a mate from work.
- Mate? Oh, my God. I'm honoured.

734
00:45:27,892 --> 00:45:30,435
- All right.
- It's a big, big moment for me.

735
00:45:30,436 --> 00:45:33,271
- (LAUGHS)
- Well, I'll leave you to your bath.

736
00:45:33,272 --> 00:45:35,440
We weren't having a group.
We weren't going to do group.

737
00:45:35,441 --> 00:45:38,902
He was going to go and I was going
to have a bath. Please don't. Don't.

738
00:45:38,903 --> 00:45:42,152
Don't worry. It's fine.
I'll er... I'll go by myself.

739
00:45:43,199 --> 00:45:45,659
- I'll give you a call later, yeah?
- Yeah.

740
00:45:45,660 --> 00:45:47,619
Bye, Gary!

741
00:45:47,620 --> 00:45:49,413
He's cute.

742
00:45:50,373 --> 00:45:53,583
Two more things, your
hairy chest and a tan.

743
00:45:53,584 --> 00:45:56,628
- No, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.

744
00:45:56,629 --> 00:45:58,957
- No, no.
- Bruce, what year is this?

745
00:45:59,382 --> 00:46:02,801
Did we just go back in time?
Did we step out of the De Lorean?

746
00:46:02,802 --> 00:46:05,471
Are we in 1985?
Is this Hill Valley?

747
00:46:07,056 --> 00:46:08,848
Think McFly! Think!

748
00:46:08,849 --> 00:46:11,268
- Ow.
- Sorry, I just wanted to...

749
00:46:11,269 --> 00:46:13,520
So take this...

750
00:46:13,521 --> 00:46:15,223
- and take this.
- Fine.

751
00:46:15,690 --> 00:46:17,440
You've got ten minutes.

752
00:46:17,441 --> 00:46:19,109
Run for it, Marty!

753
00:46:26,284 --> 00:46:28,452
Ah. Oh.

754
00:46:34,375 --> 00:46:36,748
Wow. It's so deep.

755
00:46:40,923 --> 00:46:42,545
So natural.

756
00:46:45,678 --> 00:46:47,551
(BRUCE CLEARS HIS THROAT)

757
00:46:49,932 --> 00:46:51,759
How do you feel?

758
00:46:53,519 --> 00:46:54,766
Thank you.

759
00:46:55,438 --> 00:47:01,236
And on the 7th day, the Almighty
turned to his followers and said...

760
00:47:02,278 --> 00:47:04,196
(SPEAKS FARSI)

761
00:47:05,489 --> 00:47:08,533
- What does that mean?
- Let's salsa.

762
00:47:08,993 --> 00:47:10,866
(♪ MODERN LATIN DANCE MUSIC)

763
00:47:48,783 --> 00:47:52,487
- Oh. He's grinding her batty.
- Yeah, he is.

764
00:47:54,288 --> 00:47:56,206
Yeah!

765
00:47:58,542 --> 00:48:00,744
(CHEERING)

766
00:48:16,227 --> 00:48:20,188
Oh, look. Look.

767
00:48:20,189 --> 00:48:21,773
(♪ MODERN SLOW SALSA)

768
00:48:21,774 --> 00:48:25,148
- That looks fun.
- Oh my God. They make me feel sick.

769
00:48:26,112 --> 00:48:27,946
Salsa aerobics?

770
00:48:27,947 --> 00:48:30,156
It's not a salsa. It is a cancer.

771
00:48:30,157 --> 00:48:32,906
Go back to the leisure
centre, you bitches!

772
00:48:33,953 --> 00:48:36,162
- If I had a grenade right now...
- Shut up.

773
00:48:36,163 --> 00:48:37,747
- I was just saying...
- A Middle Eastern man

774
00:48:37,748 --> 00:48:39,499
talking about a grenade
in a packed night club.

775
00:48:39,500 --> 00:48:43,086
- You'll start a bloody stampede.
- I'm saying if I had a grenade.

776
00:48:43,087 --> 00:48:46,211
- Of course I don't have a grenade.
- Shush. (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)

777
00:48:47,091 --> 00:48:50,420
- Another Fanta.
- Let's have another Fanta.

778
00:48:53,431 --> 00:48:55,056
- Hi, guys.
- BOTH: Hey!

779
00:48:55,057 --> 00:48:57,350
- So who's dancing?
- Oh, yes, please.

780
00:48:57,351 --> 00:48:59,811
- Bruce.
- No, I'm going to sit this one out.

781
00:48:59,812 --> 00:49:02,014
- I don't think so. Come on.
- Oh, please.

782
00:49:02,773 --> 00:49:05,567
- Hi, Ron.
- Hey, are you all right?

783
00:49:05,568 --> 00:49:07,941
(♪ UPBEAT MODERN SALSA)

784
00:49:26,422 --> 00:49:29,549
Off. Off. Off.

785
00:49:29,550 --> 00:49:31,092
What?

786
00:49:31,093 --> 00:49:34,721
Get off this fucking dance floor
with your shitty dancing.

787
00:49:34,722 --> 00:49:37,265
- I was doing the steps.
- Doing the steps?

788
00:49:37,266 --> 00:49:40,470
Any prick can do the steps.
That prick can do the steps.

789
00:49:41,687 --> 00:49:45,440
Where's the fucking heart?
Where's <i>el corazón?</i>

790
00:49:45,441 --> 00:49:47,275
- I don't know.
- What's that?

791
00:49:47,276 --> 00:49:48,818
- I don't know.
- You don't know.

792
00:49:48,819 --> 00:49:51,738
Well, in that case, why don't
you piss off back to the bar,

793
00:49:51,739 --> 00:49:56,201
grab yourself a pint of bitter and
watch like all the fucking losers?

794
00:49:56,202 --> 00:49:57,904
Don't.

795
00:50:55,219 --> 00:50:57,554
Scrub it off of me.

796
00:50:57,555 --> 00:50:59,974
This filthy tan.

797
00:51:01,225 --> 00:51:03,848
(GROANS)

798
00:51:05,854 --> 00:51:08,064
- Big news, ball bag.
- What?

799
00:51:08,065 --> 00:51:11,776
Shift. When you were at home last
night making love to your hand,

800
00:51:11,777 --> 00:51:16,698
guess who went disco dancing with
the sexually-frustrated lady boss.

801
00:51:16,699 --> 00:51:18,908
- Who?
- Me. I did.

802
00:51:18,909 --> 00:51:22,161
- Yeah, got that.
- Oh, my God. She can move.

803
00:51:22,162 --> 00:51:24,872
And the sweat dripping off of her,

804
00:51:24,873 --> 00:51:28,167
it was like a waterfall
of babies' tears.

805
00:51:28,168 --> 00:51:30,211
Mm, poetic.

806
00:51:30,963 --> 00:51:33,923
Ah, I think we all know
where this is headed.

807
00:51:33,924 --> 00:51:35,675
Inside of her.

808
00:51:35,676 --> 00:51:37,469
- You know what I mean?
- (SOFTLY) Yeah.

809
00:51:39,346 --> 00:51:42,181
- Why are you telling me all this?
- Don't be a virgin.

810
00:51:42,182 --> 00:51:44,350
- I know you made a play for her.
- No, I didn't.

811
00:51:45,352 --> 00:51:48,646
A mix tape? Are you
fucking John Cusack now?

812
00:51:48,647 --> 00:51:50,815
You took it. (LAUGHS)

813
00:51:50,816 --> 00:51:53,610
I didn't want you to be embarrassed.
She'd laugh in your face.

814
00:51:53,611 --> 00:51:55,737
I made it for her car.

815
00:51:55,738 --> 00:51:57,739
- Just give me it, will you?
- Your big arms are too slow.

816
00:51:57,740 --> 00:51:59,699
- JULIA: Hey, guys.
- Hey, Jules.

817
00:51:59,700 --> 00:52:02,452
- How's it going?
- Really good. Really good.

818
00:52:02,453 --> 00:52:03,870
Last night was fun, right?

819
00:52:03,871 --> 00:52:05,788
- So much fun.
- Yeah, it was good.

820
00:52:05,789 --> 00:52:08,249
Helen was obviously trying
to hustle us all, but...

821
00:52:08,250 --> 00:52:11,252
(LAUGHS)
Yeah, it was a good night.

822
00:52:11,253 --> 00:52:13,963
- (MOUTHS)
- How are your little footsies?

823
00:52:13,964 --> 00:52:17,342
- You know what? Pretty sore.
- I'll bet they are.

824
00:52:17,343 --> 00:52:19,719
We, uh, stopped off at a
club on the way home.

825
00:52:19,720 --> 00:52:21,638
That's right.

826
00:52:21,639 --> 00:52:23,973
I'm going to go.
I've got things to do.

827
00:52:23,974 --> 00:52:26,643
- See you later, Brucie.
- Bye, Bruce.

828
00:52:36,862 --> 00:52:39,485
Drew! Ow!

829
00:52:40,741 --> 00:52:42,575
Oh, shit.

830
00:52:42,576 --> 00:52:46,412
Oh, shit. Oh.

831
00:52:46,413 --> 00:52:49,457
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, just having a manicure.

832
00:52:49,458 --> 00:52:52,207
- This came. Will you sign for it?
- Sure.

833
00:52:53,170 --> 00:52:55,873
Can you... Sorry.

834
00:52:57,216 --> 00:52:59,134
(GROANS)

835
00:53:00,594 --> 00:53:02,512
- Thank you. Cheers.
- Thanks.

836
00:53:02,513 --> 00:53:05,098
Can I, um...

837
00:53:05,099 --> 00:53:08,098
(MUTTERS) Oh, this is bad.

838
00:53:08,936 --> 00:53:11,389
(WHIMPERS) Help.

839
00:53:11,980 --> 00:53:14,190
- That was so fun.
- Yeah.

840
00:53:14,191 --> 00:53:16,859
- We should do it again.
- Yeah, maybe.

841
00:53:16,860 --> 00:53:18,611
What's erm... What's with the tape?

842
00:53:18,612 --> 00:53:20,780
Oh, shoot.

843
00:53:21,699 --> 00:53:24,994
You caught me.
Er, it's for your car.

844
00:53:25,536 --> 00:53:28,865
Oh, my God. You made an inlay.

845
00:53:29,581 --> 00:53:31,082
- (CHUCKLES)
- Yes, I did.

846
00:53:31,083 --> 00:53:33,000
Nobody makes inlays anymore.

847
00:53:33,001 --> 00:53:36,713
Yeah, it's just a silly, little
touch I thought you'd like.

848
00:53:36,714 --> 00:53:39,841
That's really...
That's really nice.

849
00:53:39,842 --> 00:53:42,260
Now I feel like I have
to get you something.

850
00:53:42,261 --> 00:53:44,804
That would be so cute.

851
00:53:44,805 --> 00:53:47,053
That's really nice. Thank you.

852
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:55,808
(SCRATCHING)

853
00:53:57,860 --> 00:54:00,233
- How was your bubble bath?
- Ha-ha!

854
00:54:02,531 --> 00:54:05,700
- Was it rejuvenating?
- That's classic, Gary, classic.

855
00:54:05,701 --> 00:54:08,161
(LAUGHS) Listen, I love the craic.

856
00:54:08,162 --> 00:54:10,496
One might say I'm
addicted to the craic,

857
00:54:10,497 --> 00:54:12,957
but right now I just
want to get my head down

858
00:54:12,958 --> 00:54:16,162
and plough my way through this
bucket of balls, all right?

859
00:54:17,296 --> 00:54:18,588
Yeah?

860
00:54:18,589 --> 00:54:20,757
I think we've got a new heading
for our weekly roundup.

861
00:54:20,758 --> 00:54:25,759
Unexplained homoerotic encounters
with rugged foreign males. Mickey?

862
00:54:26,180 --> 00:54:29,307
- Nil.
- Me, nil. Brucie?

863
00:54:29,308 --> 00:54:32,101
Ah, fuck the weekly roundup.

864
00:54:32,102 --> 00:54:33,770
Fuck it.

865
00:54:33,771 --> 00:54:35,973
Oh, dear. What's wrong with her?

866
00:54:37,149 --> 00:54:39,567
Come on, Bruce. Who was he?

867
00:54:39,568 --> 00:54:41,987
- What are you hiding from us?
- Nothing.

868
00:54:44,490 --> 00:54:45,865
Aw.

869
00:54:45,866 --> 00:54:50,077
Did the sexy sultan's rich bath
milk irritate your sensitive skin?

870
00:54:50,078 --> 00:54:52,497
- Fuck off.
- Oh!

871
00:54:52,498 --> 00:54:54,832
Hey, are you all right, Gary? Gary?

872
00:54:54,833 --> 00:54:57,084
- I'm sorry. Are you OK?
- Yeah, fine mate.

873
00:54:57,085 --> 00:55:00,289
- Yeah, forget about it.
- Hey, hey, hey. Don't go.

874
00:55:02,508 --> 00:55:05,176
Yeah, this is the one, the
trusty arsehole wedge.

875
00:55:05,177 --> 00:55:08,012
Hey, hey. Don't... Gary, don't...

876
00:55:08,013 --> 00:55:11,891
Stop it. Stop. Oh! Gary! Oh!
Gary, don't!

877
00:55:11,892 --> 00:55:13,893
- You keep running!
- Gary!

878
00:55:13,894 --> 00:55:15,603
- Right.
- Help me!

879
00:55:15,604 --> 00:55:17,101
Par three!

880
00:55:17,523 --> 00:55:20,772
- Argh!
- Or should I say par arsehole!

881
00:55:21,235 --> 00:55:24,362
I didn't mean to hit
you, Gary! Please!

882
00:55:24,363 --> 00:55:26,155
Keep running!

883
00:55:26,156 --> 00:55:28,324
Ah!

884
00:55:28,325 --> 00:55:30,698
Oh! Oi!

885
00:55:31,912 --> 00:55:34,114
- Stop it!
- Ah!

886
00:55:35,958 --> 00:55:38,251
Argh! Oi!

887
00:55:38,252 --> 00:55:41,126
- I dance!
- GARY: Fore!

888
00:55:43,173 --> 00:55:45,125
I dance, all right?

889
00:55:46,802 --> 00:55:49,471
BRUCE:
Please stop hitting balls at me.

890
00:55:51,265 --> 00:55:52,723
MICKEY: Wee!

891
00:55:52,724 --> 00:55:54,847
Salsa?

892
00:55:55,811 --> 00:55:58,354
- With the little shoes?
- Yes.

893
00:55:58,355 --> 00:56:00,557
Yes, salsa with the little shoes.

894
00:56:04,361 --> 00:56:05,653
Why?

895
00:56:06,822 --> 00:56:09,240
I was doing it for that girl.

896
00:56:09,241 --> 00:56:12,820
- What girl?
- The... the butterfly.

897
00:56:13,161 --> 00:56:14,787
The eponymous butterfly

898
00:56:14,788 --> 00:56:17,582
from the "Tale of the
Butterfly and the Parsnip".

899
00:56:18,500 --> 00:56:20,998
- The parsnip, the butterfly.
- Oh.

900
00:56:22,129 --> 00:56:25,298
What, you thought the parsnip
would win the butterfly

901
00:56:25,299 --> 00:56:27,466
by doing a bit of
tiny shoe shuffle?

902
00:56:27,467 --> 00:56:30,841
Yes. I know. It's stupid, isn't it?

903
00:56:31,847 --> 00:56:34,974
And then there's Drew.
Do you remember Drew?

904
00:56:34,975 --> 00:56:37,310
Oh, yes, that horse's arse.

905
00:56:37,311 --> 00:56:39,896
Yeah. Well, he likes her, too.

906
00:56:39,897 --> 00:56:44,022
He might be a horse's arse, but he's
better at all this than I am so...

907
00:56:44,818 --> 00:56:47,020
I might just let him
get on with it.

908
00:56:47,821 --> 00:56:51,699
Yeah, mate, just...
It's probably for the best.

909
00:56:51,700 --> 00:56:54,904
Just... just forget about her, eh?

910
00:57:09,927 --> 00:57:12,346
(SIGHS)

911
00:57:13,013 --> 00:57:14,965
RON: He's back.

912
00:57:15,807 --> 00:57:18,684
Jesus Christ, Ron.
You fuckin' made me jump.

913
00:57:18,685 --> 00:57:20,307
Who is she, Bruce?

914
00:57:20,771 --> 00:57:22,348
Mm?

915
00:57:22,856 --> 00:57:28,110
The girl in the club the other
night, she's the one, hm?

916
00:57:28,111 --> 00:57:30,613
- It doesn't matter.
- No, of course, it doesn't matter.

917
00:57:30,614 --> 00:57:33,366
That's why you've got a
face like a dropped scone.

918
00:57:33,367 --> 00:57:36,661
It's just stupid. I wanted to
make her fall in love with me.

919
00:57:36,662 --> 00:57:40,456
Mm... and then along comes this other
fella... tall, better looking...

920
00:57:40,457 --> 00:57:43,206
Let's face it. His dick
couldn't be any smaller.

921
00:57:45,253 --> 00:57:49,754
That's why you came back.
<i>La doña,</i> the woman.

922
00:57:50,926 --> 00:57:52,677
It's salsa, Ron.

923
00:57:52,678 --> 00:57:54,720
- It's always about a woman.
- Mm-hmm.

924
00:57:54,721 --> 00:57:57,348
I just wanted you to make
me good enough for her.

925
00:57:57,349 --> 00:57:59,308
Why don't you just keep standing
in front of that mirror

926
00:57:59,309 --> 00:58:00,935
and do what you did in the
club the other night?

927
00:58:00,936 --> 00:58:03,562
- Do me a favour and do that.
- What?

928
00:58:03,563 --> 00:58:06,732
Oh, come on. You know
what you did. You felt it.

929
00:58:06,733 --> 00:58:10,858
- You want me to do it now?
- Come on. It's just us girls, Brucie.

930
00:58:11,279 --> 00:58:13,280
I don't want to.

931
00:58:13,281 --> 00:58:15,241
- Oh, he bottles it.
- Bottles?

932
00:58:15,242 --> 00:58:17,536
What a surprise.

933
00:58:20,330 --> 00:58:22,373
- Where are you going?
- Come on. We got work to do.

934
00:58:22,374 --> 00:58:23,541
What kind of work?

935
00:58:23,542 --> 00:58:26,746
We're going to get shit-faced
and play board games.

936
00:58:30,215 --> 00:58:32,633
- Eye piece for one eye?
- Monocle.

937
00:58:32,634 --> 00:58:34,135
Mm.

938
00:58:34,136 --> 00:58:36,387
Sorry, why are we doing this again?

939
00:58:36,388 --> 00:58:39,262
- Sits on top of a Christmas tree?
- A fairy.

940
00:58:39,850 --> 00:58:41,809
No, a star.

941
00:58:41,810 --> 00:58:44,020
- That's time.
- Oh, all right.

942
00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:46,474
- That's for you.
- Go.

943
00:58:47,399 --> 00:58:51,610
OK, they ate this much to God's
annoyance in the Garden of Eden.

944
00:58:51,611 --> 00:58:53,571
- Apple.
- Apple is correct.

945
00:58:53,572 --> 00:58:56,073
Oh, OK, he... Um, he's a an actor.

946
00:58:56,074 --> 00:58:58,075
- He does films.
- It's a purple one.

947
00:58:58,076 --> 00:59:00,449
- Yeah and?
- You have to do an impression.

948
00:59:01,163 --> 00:59:03,122
(CHUCKLES)
I'm not doing an impression.

949
00:59:03,123 --> 00:59:05,249
- Well, you have to.
- No.

950
00:59:05,250 --> 00:59:07,376
- Do the impression, Bruce.
- No, I can't.

951
00:59:07,377 --> 00:59:10,547
- Just do the impression.
- No, I'm not doing an impression.

952
00:59:11,089 --> 00:59:13,917
- What are you so scared of, eh?
- I'm not.

953
00:59:14,593 --> 00:59:16,427
- Just do the impression, then.
- No, I'm not doing...

954
00:59:16,428 --> 00:59:18,137
Why are you so afraid of
what people might think?

955
00:59:18,138 --> 00:59:20,097
Why can't you put
yourself out there?

956
00:59:20,098 --> 00:59:21,807
- I mean...
- So do the impression.

957
00:59:21,808 --> 00:59:23,893
- It's almost time.
- Do the impression.

958
00:59:23,894 --> 00:59:27,104
- That's it. Time.
- Do the fucking impression!

959
00:59:27,105 --> 00:59:31,108
- Why are you always shouting at me?
- Because you fucking quit on me.

960
00:59:31,109 --> 00:59:33,986
- I did not quit.
- You had the world at your feet.

961
00:59:33,987 --> 00:59:36,405
- I did not quit.
- And you walked away, didn't you?

962
00:59:36,406 --> 00:59:37,907
- No, I didn't.
- Oh, yes, you did.

963
00:59:37,908 --> 00:59:40,493
You keep swanning back in
here and swanning out again.

964
00:59:40,494 --> 00:59:43,746
- Swanning back in...
- They broke me. All right?

965
00:59:43,747 --> 00:59:46,874
If you want to know, the night of
the competition, they broke me.

966
00:59:46,875 --> 00:59:50,252
A gang of kids, bullies, they just...
they broke it out of me.

967
00:59:50,253 --> 00:59:54,256
- I didn't want to do it anymore!
- Some big boys gave you a shoeing.

968
00:59:54,257 --> 00:59:57,301
You're a male dancer.
Do you think I never took any shit?

969
00:59:57,302 --> 00:59:59,095
So what are you going
to do about it, eh?

970
00:59:59,096 --> 01:00:02,098
Are you going to hide away,
or maybe crawl under your duvet

971
01:00:02,099 --> 01:00:06,020
and watch "Bridget Jones Part
Two" with some white Maltesers?

972
01:00:06,728 --> 01:00:08,145
(SOFTLY) Don't.

973
01:00:09,106 --> 01:00:11,183
Then what?

974
01:00:13,026 --> 01:00:14,860
- Then what?
- I don't know!

975
01:00:14,861 --> 01:00:16,737
So do the fucking impression!

976
01:00:16,738 --> 01:00:18,823
- Say hello to my little friend.
- Again.

977
01:00:18,824 --> 01:00:20,533
- Say hello to my little...
- Again!

978
01:00:20,534 --> 01:00:22,118
- Say hello to my...
- Again!

979
01:00:22,119 --> 01:00:24,079
(CUBAN ACCENT)
Say hello to my little friend!

980
01:00:24,412 --> 01:00:27,115
- Al Pa-fucking-cino
- Yes!

981
01:00:28,041 --> 01:00:31,502
So... shall we go and dance
in front of the mirror?

982
01:00:31,503 --> 01:00:33,956
Yeah.

983
01:00:34,714 --> 01:00:37,633
Yes. That is time.

984
01:00:38,718 --> 01:00:40,678
Get the shoulders. Loosen up.

985
01:00:40,679 --> 01:00:44,723
That's it. Loosen up.
Roll those shoulders. Roll them.

986
01:00:44,724 --> 01:00:47,018
- Roll them. Roll them.
- (GROANS)

987
01:00:48,145 --> 01:00:50,347
Arms of an eagle.

988
01:00:52,023 --> 01:00:54,525
I said an eagle, not
a fucking heron.

989
01:00:54,526 --> 01:00:56,728
It is an eagle.

990
01:00:57,863 --> 01:01:00,236
OK, try again. Legs of a stallion.

991
01:01:01,366 --> 01:01:02,783
Arms of an eagle.

992
01:01:02,784 --> 01:01:04,869
(BREATHES DEEPLY)

993
01:01:04,870 --> 01:01:06,538
Go.

994
01:01:11,835 --> 01:01:14,086
That's it. Work it out, Brucie.

995
01:01:14,087 --> 01:01:16,164
Go on, Garrett.

996
01:01:19,801 --> 01:01:22,800
Takes a lot of hard work
to make it look that easy.

997
01:01:23,972 --> 01:01:25,594
- Mm.
- All right.

998
01:01:37,569 --> 01:01:39,271
Think about it all the time.

999
01:01:42,407 --> 01:01:45,284
Now, I know you're all waiting
for this particular model,

1000
01:01:45,285 --> 01:01:48,204
but as we say, better
lathe than never.

1001
01:01:51,541 --> 01:01:53,368
JULIA: All right, so...

1002
01:01:59,049 --> 01:02:01,047
One, two, three, four...

1003
01:02:07,265 --> 01:02:09,016
- What is that?
- What?

1004
01:02:09,017 --> 01:02:11,436
- That's chicken stuff.
- It's reggaeton.

1005
01:02:15,398 --> 01:02:16,941
(GRUNTS)

1006
01:02:20,362 --> 01:02:22,112
(GROANS)

1007
01:02:22,113 --> 01:02:23,565
(ALL LAUGH)

1008
01:02:25,325 --> 01:02:27,868
- Three, two, one and down.
- Ow!

1009
01:02:27,869 --> 01:02:29,536
- You all right?
- Ow.

1010
01:02:29,537 --> 01:02:31,660
I'm so sorry. Someone's coming.

1011
01:02:54,813 --> 01:02:57,523
Whoa, whoa! Room for a small one?

1012
01:02:57,524 --> 01:02:59,483
I have a question for you.

1013
01:02:59,484 --> 01:03:01,443
Well, I love questions.

1014
01:03:01,444 --> 01:03:03,817
So you like Latin music, huh?

1015
01:03:05,657 --> 01:03:08,701
- The mix tape.
- Oh, right, the mix, yes.

1016
01:03:08,702 --> 01:03:13,539
(LATINO ACCENT) Oh, I am a Latino
boy big time, I am, music wise.

1017
01:03:13,540 --> 01:03:16,583
Thanks for listening to that.
It was a real labour of love for me.

1018
01:03:16,584 --> 01:03:20,921
That track at the end
of side one, oh...

1019
01:03:20,922 --> 01:03:25,175
Oh, shoot, that's the...
That's my favourite track.

1020
01:03:25,176 --> 01:03:27,678
- Isn't it just so er... tracky?
- It's so...

1021
01:03:27,679 --> 01:03:32,016
And, er, it's the best song that you
could put at the end of side one

1022
01:03:32,017 --> 01:03:34,891
- on a mix tape, like that.
- Yeah, yeah.

1023
01:03:35,312 --> 01:03:39,648
You know what's weird is
whenever I listen to that track,

1024
01:03:39,649 --> 01:03:43,152
I like to imagine myself just
lying in front of a log fire,

1025
01:03:43,153 --> 01:03:46,905
just with a glass of... tequila,

1026
01:03:46,906 --> 01:03:49,529
just chewing on a
chimichanga, you know?

1027
01:03:50,535 --> 01:03:52,369
- (LIFT BLEEPS)
- Oh, hey.

1028
01:03:52,370 --> 01:03:56,957
That pitch that you and Bruce did,
you guys aced it, bam, sold.

1029
01:03:56,958 --> 01:03:59,376
Shut the front door.
You're kidding.

1030
01:03:59,377 --> 01:04:01,587
Stop that train. No, I'm not.

1031
01:04:01,588 --> 01:04:03,839
- I'm not.
- (LAUGHS)

1032
01:04:03,840 --> 01:04:06,216
We should get together
and celebrate.

1033
01:04:06,217 --> 01:04:07,885
- Yes, we should.
- My place.

1034
01:04:07,886 --> 01:04:09,386
- Yes.
- Take-out.

1035
01:04:09,387 --> 01:04:11,555
- Yes.
- Invite Bruce and Helen.

1036
01:04:12,557 --> 01:04:14,509
Yeah.

1037
01:04:15,518 --> 01:04:17,345
We should absolutely do that.

1038
01:04:17,771 --> 01:04:19,605
- Cool, so you'll tell them.
- Yeah.

1039
01:04:19,606 --> 01:04:21,774
- Great.
- Of course. I'll totes tell them.

1040
01:04:21,775 --> 01:04:24,234
You can totally trust
me to do that.

1041
01:04:24,235 --> 01:04:27,405
That's not a problem.
(HUMS)

1042
01:04:30,075 --> 01:04:33,702
- Hey. What are you hiding?
- Nothing.

1043
01:04:33,703 --> 01:04:36,998
- What are you hiding?
- Behold.

1044
01:04:37,457 --> 01:04:39,659
<i>Santa Vito.</i>

1045
01:04:41,378 --> 01:04:44,046
What? It's just another
salsa night. So what?

1046
01:04:44,047 --> 01:04:47,383
So what? Look at it squashy chops.

1047
01:04:47,384 --> 01:04:50,133
It's a competition. Sorry.

1048
01:04:51,054 --> 01:04:55,349
Don't you see? This
is your time, Bruce.

1049
01:04:55,350 --> 01:04:57,552
This is the Goonie time.

1050
01:04:58,353 --> 01:05:00,062
Do you know about the Goonie time?

1051
01:05:00,063 --> 01:05:04,191
Of course I know about the Goonie time.
My watch runs on Goonie time.

1052
01:05:04,192 --> 01:05:07,736
So then you know that
it's their time up there,

1053
01:05:07,737 --> 01:05:09,735
but it's our time down here.

1054
01:05:11,282 --> 01:05:14,410
You can do this, Bruce.
You can win this mother-funky

1055
01:05:14,411 --> 01:05:17,535
and you can show the world
what you're really made of.

1056
01:05:17,831 --> 01:05:20,329
Think about it. What
have we go to lose?

1057
01:05:22,710 --> 01:05:25,004
Yeah, I mean, I suppose I could.

1058
01:05:25,422 --> 01:05:28,257
Bruce, we Persians have a saying.

1059
01:05:28,258 --> 01:05:31,802
(SPEAKS FARSI)

1060
01:05:31,803 --> 01:05:35,722
- I... I don't really speak Farsi.
- If you want to do something do it.

1061
01:05:35,723 --> 01:05:37,925
If you don't want to do it,
don't do it.

1062
01:05:39,436 --> 01:05:40,728
(BLEEPING)

1063
01:05:41,187 --> 01:05:43,981
I'm going to be late for my
ball wax. I'll call you later.

1064
01:05:43,982 --> 01:05:45,650
- Yeah, sure.
- OK, bye.

1065
01:05:51,072 --> 01:05:53,024
BRUCE: I can still see you there.

1066
01:05:53,450 --> 01:05:55,903
- BAJEN: See you.
- See you later.

1067
01:05:58,413 --> 01:06:01,832
Hello. One, two, three,
four, five. Yes.

1068
01:06:01,833 --> 01:06:04,585
- You win.
- Finally. Finally.

1069
01:06:04,586 --> 01:06:07,337
Now, you know what you get
for first prize, you lucky prick.

1070
01:06:07,338 --> 01:06:09,465
- I dread to think.
- You get one of these.

1071
01:06:09,466 --> 01:06:11,543
- And there it is.
- And...

1072
01:06:13,845 --> 01:06:16,047
two of these.

1073
01:06:18,516 --> 01:06:23,187
I just thought you might want an old
pair of shitty shoes from the '80s.

1074
01:06:23,188 --> 01:06:25,311
One careful owner.

1075
01:06:28,985 --> 01:06:30,486
Thanks, Ron.

1076
01:06:30,487 --> 01:06:33,489
You're not going to try and
finger me now, are you?

1077
01:06:33,490 --> 01:06:36,742
- You want me to try and finger you?
- You're ready.

1078
01:06:36,743 --> 01:06:39,822
You... are free.

1079
01:06:41,247 --> 01:06:43,707
I'm going to ask her to
this thing tomorrow night

1080
01:06:43,708 --> 01:06:46,957
and I would be honoured if
you would come and watch us.

1081
01:06:47,420 --> 01:06:49,796
Ah, I'll have to check my diary.

1082
01:06:49,797 --> 01:06:51,419
Thank you.

1083
01:06:52,342 --> 01:06:54,384
Look at them.

1084
01:06:54,385 --> 01:06:56,633
- They're so soft
- Mm.

1085
01:06:57,597 --> 01:06:59,681
(BREATHS OUT AND SNIFFS)

1086
01:06:59,682 --> 01:07:01,850
Don't... Don't do that.

1087
01:07:10,026 --> 01:07:11,944
(SIGHS)

1088
01:07:12,737 --> 01:07:14,905
(SOFTLY) Come on.

1089
01:07:22,580 --> 01:07:24,748
She's not at work today.

1090
01:07:24,749 --> 01:07:26,792
SAM: 'Fine, so do it tomorrow.'

1091
01:07:26,793 --> 01:07:31,588
No, I can't. It is tonight, all right?
I have to do it tonight.

1092
01:07:31,589 --> 01:07:33,840
In that case, you are
a tiny bit fucked.

1093
01:07:33,841 --> 01:07:36,552
Sam, please, I really
need you to just help me.

1094
01:07:36,553 --> 01:07:39,513
OK, do exactly as I say
and do not deviate.

1095
01:07:39,514 --> 01:07:42,516
You go home, you shower, you
shave, you put on something nice.

1096
01:07:42,517 --> 01:07:44,601
I'm thinking powder blue,
shirt not trousers.

1097
01:07:44,602 --> 01:07:46,728
Do not put on powder blue trousers.

1098
01:07:46,729 --> 01:07:49,231
Then you get a taxi to her house.
Someone will know where she lives.

1099
01:07:49,232 --> 01:07:51,316
You knock on her door.
You knock her off her feet

1100
01:07:51,317 --> 01:07:52,859
with your confident
suggestion of a night out.

1101
01:07:52,860 --> 01:07:55,612
She immediately says yes, then
you whisk her off to the club.

1102
01:07:55,613 --> 01:07:57,739
You dance the competition.
You win the competition.

1103
01:07:57,740 --> 01:07:59,741
We all get shit-faced,
then we all go home, got it?

1104
01:07:59,742 --> 01:08:01,944
(CHUCKLES) Thanks, Sam.

1105
01:08:05,790 --> 01:08:07,958
Oh, God, I'm good.

1106
01:08:11,963 --> 01:08:13,836
(DOOR OPENS)

1107
01:08:14,382 --> 01:08:18,719
God, it's so busy in here.
I think I'll use this one.

1108
01:08:18,720 --> 01:08:20,971
- All right, ball bag.
- Stupid.

1109
01:08:20,972 --> 01:08:24,224
Just finishing off a little
text to Julie-Jules.

1110
01:08:24,225 --> 01:08:26,560
I told you that she gave me
her mobile number, right?

1111
01:08:26,561 --> 01:08:28,186
Yeah, a few times.

1112
01:08:28,187 --> 01:08:31,440
Ooh, by the way, thanks
for that mixed tape.

1113
01:08:31,441 --> 01:08:33,442
That was a hit.

1114
01:08:33,443 --> 01:08:36,236
- You gave it to her?
- Oh, yeah, she bloody loved it.

1115
01:08:36,237 --> 01:08:38,447
Thought it was very sweet.

1116
01:08:38,448 --> 01:08:41,450
I think I'm going to put it on when
we seal the deal for the first time.

1117
01:08:41,451 --> 01:08:44,154
You know, a bit of
sex-muzak, set the mood.

1118
01:08:44,787 --> 01:08:46,204
Don't be jealous, big lad.

1119
01:08:46,205 --> 01:08:49,249
I'm sure she'll still have room in
her life for a fat best friend.

1120
01:08:50,752 --> 01:08:52,204
You don't know about me.

1121
01:08:54,005 --> 01:08:56,256
What don't I know?

1122
01:08:56,257 --> 01:08:57,504
I dance.

1123
01:08:58,009 --> 01:08:59,968
I'm sorry, I thought you
said that "I dance".

1124
01:08:59,969 --> 01:09:02,217
Yeah, I did. I dance salsa.

1125
01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:06,600
- (CHUCKLES) You dance salsa?
- Yeah, salsa.

1126
01:09:06,601 --> 01:09:08,477
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)

1127
01:09:08,478 --> 01:09:11,063
I would fucking love to see that.

1128
01:09:11,064 --> 01:09:13,608
Maybe you will. Maybe I'll
dance you under the table.

1129
01:09:15,234 --> 01:09:17,527
What sort of table?

1130
01:09:17,528 --> 01:09:19,321
Any sort of table.

1131
01:09:21,574 --> 01:09:23,868
(LIFT BLEEPS)

1132
01:09:26,663 --> 01:09:28,997
All right, bum flap,
let's settle this like men.

1133
01:09:28,998 --> 01:09:31,041
Winner takes Julia.

1134
01:09:32,460 --> 01:09:34,003
What about HR?

1135
01:09:38,007 --> 01:09:41,552
What happens at lunch
stays at lunch.

1136
01:10:09,831 --> 01:10:11,908
Ow!

1137
01:10:14,001 --> 01:10:16,128
Your wrists are limp.

1138
01:10:16,129 --> 01:10:17,956
- Ooh!
- Your dick is limp.

1139
01:10:19,382 --> 01:10:21,258
(HORN BLARES)

1140
01:10:21,259 --> 01:10:23,427
Oh, sorry.

1141
01:10:27,849 --> 01:10:31,476
- You learn fast.
- I learn from the best. Julia.

1142
01:10:31,477 --> 01:10:34,771
Sweet, sweet, rest-your-
balls-on-my-chin, Julia.

1143
01:10:34,772 --> 01:10:36,690
- Smell that.
- No.

1144
01:10:39,652 --> 01:10:41,737
Did you just lick my pussy?

1145
01:10:41,738 --> 01:10:44,489
(WEST INDIAN ACCENT) Yeah and
you tasted like a nasty girl.

1146
01:10:44,490 --> 01:10:46,533
That's disgusting.

1147
01:10:50,163 --> 01:10:51,910
Wanker!

1148
01:10:54,625 --> 01:10:57,335
I'm wearing the wrong
shoes for this shit.

1149
01:10:57,336 --> 01:11:00,046
- What the fu...
- BRUCE: Coo-ee!

1150
01:11:00,047 --> 01:11:02,299
BRUCE: Where are you?

1151
01:11:02,300 --> 01:11:04,718
I thought you liked banter.

1152
01:11:04,719 --> 01:11:07,923
(WHISPERS)
Oh, fuck off, Bruce. Fuck off.

1153
01:11:11,934 --> 01:11:13,477
(BRUCE WHISTLES)

1154
01:11:14,520 --> 01:11:17,481
- Ooh.
- What the... Big mistake.

1155
01:11:17,482 --> 01:11:19,730
That's Jessie the lezzie
from accounts' car.

1156
01:11:28,868 --> 01:11:31,412
Quick step for such meaty thighs.

1157
01:11:39,545 --> 01:11:41,793
- Ooh, ooh, do you like that?
- (GRUNTS)

1158
01:11:43,090 --> 01:11:46,134
- Wait, no, don't lead me!
- Like a lady.

1159
01:11:46,135 --> 01:11:48,595
- This is wrong. You know it is.
- Like a lady.

1160
01:11:48,596 --> 01:11:51,348
- I'm a man. I'm a fully-grown man.
- Then prove it.

1161
01:11:51,349 --> 01:11:52,926
(BOTH GRUNT)

1162
01:11:56,395 --> 01:11:57,896
What is that?

1163
01:11:57,897 --> 01:11:59,895
- That's my phone.
- No, no.

1164
01:12:02,777 --> 01:12:05,028
Huh?

1165
01:12:05,029 --> 01:12:06,572
(BOTH GRUNT)

1166
01:12:11,118 --> 01:12:13,946
Ooh! Oh, me blades!

1167
01:12:19,794 --> 01:12:21,795
Oh!

1168
01:12:21,796 --> 01:12:23,797
(DREW GROANS)

1169
01:12:23,798 --> 01:12:26,091
Whoo!

1170
01:12:26,092 --> 01:12:29,469
Like I said, any sort of table.

1171
01:12:29,470 --> 01:12:31,638
(GROANS) Fine, you win.

1172
01:12:31,639 --> 01:12:33,933
I can't do this every
fucking lunch.

1173
01:12:34,475 --> 01:12:37,352
Doesn't mean that she's
going to pick you, Bruce.

1174
01:12:37,353 --> 01:12:39,813
She wouldn't pick you over me.
That's just bad maths.

1175
01:12:39,814 --> 01:12:42,437
- She's a clever girl.
- Probably right.

1176
01:12:42,942 --> 01:12:46,111
You're quite good-looking.
You've got lovely, long legs.

1177
01:12:46,112 --> 01:12:47,654
- Yeah.
- Nice car.

1178
01:12:47,655 --> 01:12:50,365
- Great car.
- But there is something missing.

1179
01:12:50,366 --> 01:12:53,034
I have got something that you don't have.
Do you know what that is?

1180
01:12:53,035 --> 01:12:55,662
Type 2 diabetes.

1181
01:12:55,663 --> 01:12:57,581
Heart.

1182
01:12:57,582 --> 01:12:59,499
<i>Corazón.</i>

1183
01:12:59,500 --> 01:13:05,332
You know, I am Bruce Garret
and I am fucking salsa.

1184
01:13:06,048 --> 01:13:08,250
Get up, bum flap.

1185
01:13:12,179 --> 01:13:16,179
How can you take something so
seriously that's named after a dip?

1186
01:13:35,912 --> 01:13:38,035
(BREATHES OUT DEEPLY)

1187
01:13:41,292 --> 01:13:43,369
(BREATHES OUT DEEPLY)

1188
01:13:53,888 --> 01:13:55,513
- Oh, nice shirt.
- Thank you.

1189
01:13:55,514 --> 01:13:57,641
- Come in.
- No, wait, wait. Please.

1190
01:13:57,642 --> 01:13:59,435
(SIGHS)

1191
01:13:59,936 --> 01:14:04,898
I dance. I dance salsa and there
is this club called Santo Vito...

1192
01:14:04,899 --> 01:14:06,442
- Bruce.
- No, please

1193
01:14:07,151 --> 01:14:11,029
I can hardly breathe. I'm so nervous.
I'm hyperventilating.

1194
01:14:11,030 --> 01:14:13,358
I feel like I can see flies.

1195
01:14:14,116 --> 01:14:17,195
- I don't...
- Let me cut to the chase.

1196
01:14:17,703 --> 01:14:21,828
If you're not doing anything
tonight, I would love to take...

1197
01:14:27,254 --> 01:14:29,464
- Of course.
- Bruce?

1198
01:14:29,465 --> 01:14:32,885
- What's wrong, Bruce?
- Of course, this is...

1199
01:14:34,595 --> 01:14:36,930
- JULIA: Bruce...
- I'm sorry.

1200
01:14:36,931 --> 01:14:41,476
What do you mean?
No, Bruce, what? Wait. Bruce.

1201
01:14:41,477 --> 01:14:45,056
Come back. Bruce?
Where are you go... Oh.

1202
01:14:46,899 --> 01:14:49,985
Oh, my... Oh, my God.
What are you doing?

1203
01:14:49,986 --> 01:14:52,862
Come on. You know.

1204
01:14:52,863 --> 01:14:55,699
I know? What do I know?

1205
01:14:55,700 --> 01:14:59,661
Let's say we skip dinner and
go straight to pudding.

1206
01:14:59,662 --> 01:15:01,413
(GASPS)

1207
01:15:01,414 --> 01:15:02,911
Are you kidding?

1208
01:15:03,624 --> 01:15:07,252
Yeah. Yeah, totally kidding.

1209
01:15:07,253 --> 01:15:08,837
Just focus on putting
your pants back on.

1210
01:15:08,838 --> 01:15:11,965
OK, I'm not kidding. Here's the thing.
This is where I'm at.

1211
01:15:11,966 --> 01:15:14,551
I just want to be honest with you
because I think you deserve that.

1212
01:15:14,552 --> 01:15:16,052
I'm just going to say this.

1213
01:15:16,053 --> 01:15:18,430
I'm just going to blurt it
out before I lose my nerve.

1214
01:15:18,431 --> 01:15:23,387
- Oh, my God.
- Julia Matthews of America...

1215
01:15:24,729 --> 01:15:30,026
I would be honoured if you
would let me fuck you.

1216
01:15:31,569 --> 01:15:33,737
- Really?
- I just want to...

1217
01:15:33,738 --> 01:15:36,072
I just want to...
I just want to do it.

1218
01:15:36,073 --> 01:15:37,866
(BREATHES HEAVILY)

1219
01:15:37,867 --> 01:15:39,909
Oh, my God.

1220
01:15:39,910 --> 01:15:42,203
Just get up and just
get out, please.

1221
01:15:42,204 --> 01:15:44,039
- What?
- Just get out.

1222
01:15:44,040 --> 01:15:45,832
Wait. Is this banter?

1223
01:15:45,833 --> 01:15:48,376
I can't believe that
you just dropped trou

1224
01:15:48,377 --> 01:15:50,295
and propositioned your boss.

1225
01:15:50,296 --> 01:15:52,881
- Did you really just do that?
- It was an act of boldness.

1226
01:15:52,882 --> 01:15:56,551
Wait, did you not tell Bruce
about tonight, or Helen?

1227
01:15:56,552 --> 01:15:59,429
- Did I tell Bruce and Helen?
- Was this all part of your plan?

1228
01:15:59,430 --> 01:16:03,683
I can't... I might have.
I don't think I mentioned it.

1229
01:16:03,684 --> 01:16:06,644
All right, this conversation
is definitely over.

1230
01:16:06,645 --> 01:16:09,481
Just please take your
little Italian shoes

1231
01:16:09,482 --> 01:16:11,816
and your pudding and just get out.

1232
01:16:11,817 --> 01:16:14,566
Can I just say I think that
you are making a big mistake?

1233
01:16:15,071 --> 01:16:18,448
I'm going to have you transferred
to plastic mouldings on Monday.

1234
01:16:18,449 --> 01:16:21,367
Oh, that's bullshit! That's
just a bad managerial...

1235
01:16:21,368 --> 01:16:24,913
You know what? FYI I didn't
make that shitty mix tape.

1236
01:16:26,290 --> 01:16:27,916
Oh.

1237
01:16:27,917 --> 01:16:29,959
(KNOCKING) I'm sorry, Julia.

1238
01:16:29,960 --> 01:16:34,005
I said some things, which
may now seem foolish.

1239
01:16:34,006 --> 01:16:39,052
OK, I'm... I'm going to be honest.
My granny died.

1240
01:16:39,053 --> 01:16:41,888
I swear to God, Drew, if you're
still there in 15 seconds,

1241
01:16:41,889 --> 01:16:45,183
I'm going to take your pudding
and shove it right up your ass.

1242
01:16:45,184 --> 01:16:47,352
Uh...

1243
01:17:02,910 --> 01:17:05,033
Bruce.

1244
01:17:11,794 --> 01:17:16,881
Welcome tonight to the <i>Santa
Vito salsa espectáculo</i>. Let's go!

1245
01:17:16,882 --> 01:17:18,299
(CHEERING)

1246
01:17:18,300 --> 01:17:20,218
(♪ UPBEAT SALSA PLAYS)

1247
01:17:23,347 --> 01:17:25,557
(BOTH LAUGH)

1248
01:17:25,558 --> 01:17:30,186
MC: We're about an hour away
from the main competition event.

1249
01:17:30,187 --> 01:17:32,522
BEJAN: You like it?

1250
01:17:32,523 --> 01:17:34,145
Not really my thing.

1251
01:17:34,525 --> 01:17:37,735
BEJAN: How do you know you don't
like it unless you try it?

1252
01:17:37,736 --> 01:17:40,113
A lot of things I
haven't tried, mate.

1253
01:17:40,114 --> 01:17:44,117
I haven't tried incest, but I'm
pretty sure I wouldn't like it.

1254
01:17:44,118 --> 01:17:48,368
Incest and salsa are two very
different things, trust me.

1255
01:17:52,751 --> 01:17:57,046
Bruce, call me when you get this.
I want to know you're all right.

1256
01:17:57,047 --> 01:17:58,874
(♪ UPBEAT SALSA)

1257
01:18:00,342 --> 01:18:03,386
- He's not picking up.
- He's probably crying somewhere.

1258
01:18:03,387 --> 01:18:07,558
Somewhere quiet and dry.
That's what I would be doing.

1259
01:18:08,267 --> 01:18:10,219
I think I know where he is.

1260
01:18:15,357 --> 01:18:17,400
(SIGHS)

1261
01:18:18,068 --> 01:18:20,566
- Can I borrow a racket?
- Help yourself.

1262
01:18:28,537 --> 01:18:30,580
(SIGHS)

1263
01:18:30,581 --> 01:18:32,916
So how did it go?

1264
01:18:32,917 --> 01:18:36,628
I'm wearing a silk shirt studded
with jet-black rhinestones

1265
01:18:36,629 --> 01:18:39,214
driving balls out
into the darkness.

1266
01:18:39,215 --> 01:18:41,132
How do you think it went?

1267
01:18:41,133 --> 01:18:43,506
So now what? Are you
going to stop dancing?

1268
01:18:44,303 --> 01:18:46,847
- I was only doing it for her.
- Were you?

1269
01:18:49,475 --> 01:18:51,726
So, what, are you going
to give it all up again,

1270
01:18:51,727 --> 01:18:53,519
the only thing you're good at?

1271
01:18:53,520 --> 01:18:55,271
Literally the only thing
you've ever been good at

1272
01:18:55,272 --> 01:18:56,940
that wasn't shit and
totally pointless.

1273
01:18:56,941 --> 01:18:58,900
Oh, OK, fine. Here we go.

1274
01:18:58,901 --> 01:19:03,571
Just off the top of my head,
quizzes, carving Sunday roasts,

1275
01:19:03,572 --> 01:19:06,241
the Rubik's Cube,
the Rubik's Sphere.

1276
01:19:06,242 --> 01:19:08,660
The Rubik's Snake,
flags of the world,

1277
01:19:08,661 --> 01:19:11,621
driving abroad, famous dams,

1278
01:19:11,622 --> 01:19:14,499
identifying dogs by their
silhouettes, you know?

1279
01:19:14,500 --> 01:19:18,253
- African money. I could go on.
- You're wasting your life.

1280
01:19:18,254 --> 01:19:20,964
What do you know?
You are 35 years old.

1281
01:19:20,965 --> 01:19:25,843
And you are working as a hula girl.
Oh, sorry, no, hula woman. Oh!

1282
01:19:25,844 --> 01:19:28,138
- Fuck off, Bruce.
- You fuck off.

1283
01:19:34,103 --> 01:19:36,271
- Good shot.
- Thanks.

1284
01:19:37,439 --> 01:19:38,856
You need to dance, Bruce.

1285
01:19:39,483 --> 01:19:42,819
You were lost. This is
your chance to get back.

1286
01:19:42,820 --> 01:19:45,114
- I don't have a partner.
- Yeah, you do.

1287
01:19:47,074 --> 01:19:49,197
- You?
- I've still got it.

1288
01:19:51,870 --> 01:19:54,118
- That's pretty good.
- Mm-hmm.

1289
01:19:55,124 --> 01:19:57,042
Remember the old routine?

1290
01:19:59,295 --> 01:20:02,463
Don't. Don't do that.
Don't you bloody dare.

1291
01:20:02,464 --> 01:20:04,666
Don't evoke it.

1292
01:20:07,636 --> 01:20:14,060
Thunder, Thunder,
Thunder, ThunderCats! Ho!

1293
01:20:15,185 --> 01:20:17,353
(♪ UPBEAT SALSA)

1294
01:20:40,377 --> 01:20:44,255
MC: 'Yes, please, give
it up for Gaz and Kate.'

1295
01:20:44,256 --> 01:20:46,550
(CHEERING)

1296
01:20:47,343 --> 01:20:50,928
Salt and pepper, here
comes the hot stepper.

1297
01:20:50,929 --> 01:20:53,097
- All right? All right, Gal?
- Oi, oi.

1298
01:20:53,098 --> 01:20:56,893
- Hey, Helen, thanks for coming.
- Fuck me, you look great.

1299
01:20:56,894 --> 01:21:00,598
- (CHUCKLES) Where's Ron?
- He was busy. I'm sorry.

1300
01:21:02,358 --> 01:21:04,359
BEJAN: Bruce, forget Ron.

1301
01:21:04,360 --> 01:21:06,983
You look so good you could
be fucking Bee Gee.

1302
01:21:07,696 --> 01:21:11,821
MC: 'Oye, look at this.
<i>Me la rebanco.</i>

1303
01:21:12,368 --> 01:21:14,912
'Don't ruffle her feathers.'

1304
01:21:15,662 --> 01:21:18,081
(MC TALKS INDISTINCTLY)

1305
01:21:18,082 --> 01:21:19,874
You have to go.

1306
01:21:19,875 --> 01:21:23,454
'Just what I'm talking about.
Let's go through to the next round.

1307
01:21:23,712 --> 01:21:28,633
<i>Celebremos. Celebremos. Celebremos.</i>

1308
01:21:28,634 --> 01:21:32,887
'Can we please have the couples to
the dance floor for heat four?'

1309
01:21:32,888 --> 01:21:34,389
(CHEERING)

1310
01:21:34,390 --> 01:21:35,807
- Are you ready?
- No.

1311
01:21:35,808 --> 01:21:38,102
Me neither. Come on. Let's go.

1312
01:21:38,769 --> 01:21:40,767
I'm sorry.

1313
01:21:52,908 --> 01:21:55,236
(♪ UPBEAT SALSA PLAYS)

1314
01:21:57,496 --> 01:22:00,123
- Hey!
- (BEJAN YELLS)

1315
01:22:00,124 --> 01:22:01,791
(CHEERING)

1316
01:22:01,792 --> 01:22:03,459
- Happy?
- Yeah.

1317
01:22:03,460 --> 01:22:06,712
Big smile, tits and teeth out.

1318
01:22:06,713 --> 01:22:08,464
'Let's go!'

1319
01:22:08,465 --> 01:22:10,667
(CHEERING)

1320
01:22:12,469 --> 01:22:17,220
(MC LAUGHS)
'That's what I'm talking about!'

1321
01:22:18,434 --> 01:22:20,685
- Holy shit.
- Wow.

1322
01:22:20,686 --> 01:22:23,355
Yes, holy shit.

1323
01:22:24,440 --> 01:22:26,938
MC: 'Look at this.
The feet of fury.'

1324
01:22:28,026 --> 01:22:30,445
Hey, adios, my friends.

1325
01:22:32,156 --> 01:22:34,324
(CHEERING)

1326
01:22:41,957 --> 01:22:44,080
Ho!

1327
01:22:47,004 --> 01:22:49,548
I'm sorry. You have to go.

1328
01:22:54,803 --> 01:22:56,755
Time to go.

1329
01:22:57,473 --> 01:23:00,975
MC: 'Catch her. Have a ball.
In blue, <i>azul.</i>

1330
01:23:00,976 --> 01:23:03,978
'We have our semi-finalists here.'

1331
01:23:03,979 --> 01:23:06,682
(CHEERING) MC: 'Amazing!

1332
01:23:08,025 --> 01:23:09,943
MC: 'Inspirational!'

1333
01:23:15,240 --> 01:23:17,909
- OK, I want it back.
- What?

1334
01:23:17,910 --> 01:23:19,702
- Come on. Where is it?
- Where's what?

1335
01:23:19,703 --> 01:23:22,788
What have you done with it?
Where have you hidden it?

1336
01:23:22,789 --> 01:23:24,415
- Is it in this pocket?
- Don't.

1337
01:23:24,416 --> 01:23:26,209
- It's in this pocket.
- Don't muck about.

1338
01:23:26,210 --> 01:23:28,412
- What have you done with it?
- What?

1339
01:23:29,171 --> 01:23:32,590
You took my breath away in
there and I want it back.

1340
01:23:32,591 --> 01:23:35,384
Ha-ha! Very funny.

1341
01:23:35,385 --> 01:23:39,931
Bruce, when I first met you,
you were like a <i>sangeh ghohi</i>

1342
01:23:39,932 --> 01:23:42,016
Mm, <i>sangeh ghohi</i>

1343
01:23:42,017 --> 01:23:44,227
What does it mean, <i>sangeh ghohi?</i>

1344
01:23:44,228 --> 01:23:47,939
It's like a large round
stone with some shit on it.

1345
01:23:47,940 --> 01:23:53,317
But now... you have
become of the age.

1346
01:23:54,112 --> 01:23:56,314
You are a man, Bruce.

1347
01:23:59,034 --> 01:24:00,868
Yeah.

1348
01:24:00,869 --> 01:24:03,071
Yeah, I suppose I am.

1349
01:24:04,581 --> 01:24:08,167
And now you have stolen my
heart as well as my breath.

1350
01:24:08,168 --> 01:24:11,087
Where do you keep
hiding these things?

1351
01:24:11,880 --> 01:24:15,716
- I should get back out there.
- Yes. Yes, you should.

1352
01:24:15,717 --> 01:24:20,680
You go, Bruce. Go and kill them
all, man, woman and child.

1353
01:24:20,681 --> 01:24:23,474
I'm not going to kill a child.
(CHUCKLES)

1354
01:24:23,475 --> 01:24:26,679
OK. Go!

1355
01:24:29,731 --> 01:24:31,933
(BREATHES OUT)

1356
01:24:33,777 --> 01:24:35,319
Do you have a Tic Tac?

1357
01:24:35,320 --> 01:24:39,616
MC: 'Musica, maestro!
What about these guys?

1358
01:24:40,492 --> 01:24:42,618
'What about these guys?

1359
01:24:42,619 --> 01:24:45,204
'Brrr!'

1360
01:24:45,205 --> 01:24:47,999
(♪ UPBEAT RHYTHMIC SALSA PLAYS)

1361
01:24:49,376 --> 01:24:51,578
MC: 'Hey, now.'

1362
01:24:59,595 --> 01:25:01,172
Oh, no, no, no. Get off.

1363
01:25:07,019 --> 01:25:09,096
- 'I'm sorry, friends.'
- Let's go.

1364
01:25:12,107 --> 01:25:15,652
'Hey, you dig it!

1365
01:25:17,446 --> 01:25:20,320
'And here is fanning
the flames of salsa.'

1366
01:25:22,951 --> 01:25:25,153
- Ow!
- Let's go!

1367
01:25:28,415 --> 01:25:29,867
Let's go!

1368
01:25:32,628 --> 01:25:34,045
(CHEERING)

1369
01:25:34,046 --> 01:25:36,248
- Yes!
- Come on, Bruce!

1370
01:25:42,721 --> 01:25:44,472
MC: 'Double pleasure.

1371
01:25:44,473 --> 01:25:47,472
'Wow, that's unexpected.'

1372
01:25:59,237 --> 01:26:01,610
You're in my yard now.

1373
01:26:16,380 --> 01:26:20,801
MC: 'We have our finalists!
We have our finalists.'

1374
01:26:21,885 --> 01:26:24,428
Oh, love you, Bruce.

1375
01:26:24,429 --> 01:26:27,007
(CHEERING AND CHATTERING)

1376
01:26:27,808 --> 01:26:30,511
- BRUCE: Hey.
- (ALL CHATTER EXCITEDLY)

1377
01:26:31,311 --> 01:26:34,438
- MC: 'Let's hear it. Come on.'
- That's my best mate.

1378
01:26:34,439 --> 01:26:35,856
MC: 'Wow.'

1379
01:26:35,857 --> 01:26:39,235
- Gary, whisky, large.
- You can win this, Bruce.

1380
01:26:39,236 --> 01:26:41,654
- I haven't got much more left.
- (MUMBLES)

1381
01:26:41,655 --> 01:26:44,199
- Drink it. Drink it.
- No, I don't want it.

1382
01:26:45,075 --> 01:26:49,121
Eye of the tiger, Bruce.
Eye of the tiger!

1383
01:26:49,579 --> 01:26:53,040
'Ladies and gentlemen,
the floor is yours.'

1384
01:26:53,041 --> 01:26:55,209
(♪ UPBEAT SALSA PLAYS)

1385
01:27:53,018 --> 01:27:54,265
Wow.

1386
01:27:54,978 --> 01:27:57,647
Yeah, I thought I'd make an effort.

1387
01:27:59,149 --> 01:28:01,650
Me and Drew wasn't anything.

1388
01:28:01,651 --> 01:28:04,650
That's not anything.

1389
01:28:06,865 --> 01:28:08,115
Good.

1390
01:28:08,116 --> 01:28:12,196
I just wanted to say thank
you for the mix tape.

1391
01:28:13,580 --> 01:28:17,291
It's no big deal, although
the inlay, that took ages.

1392
01:28:17,292 --> 01:28:20,002
Great inlay. Excellent penmanship.

1393
01:28:20,003 --> 01:28:21,504
- Thank you.
- Really.

1394
01:28:21,505 --> 01:28:23,672
Yeah, I used a very fine nib

1395
01:28:23,673 --> 01:28:27,673
0.4 mil, it's tiny. It's probably
the width of a human hair.

1396
01:28:28,094 --> 01:28:32,640
So I didn't have you down as
a salsa guy. No of fence.

1397
01:28:32,641 --> 01:28:34,642
Right, yes.

1398
01:28:34,643 --> 01:28:38,479
I was a dancer when I was
a kid and I loved it

1399
01:28:38,480 --> 01:28:43,527
and then this shit thing happened
to me and everything changed...

1400
01:28:44,319 --> 01:28:47,863
until I met you and
you inspired me,

1401
01:28:47,864 --> 01:28:50,491
so I learnt to dance again.

1402
01:28:50,492 --> 01:28:52,368
I re-learnt all the old steps.

1403
01:28:52,369 --> 01:28:55,496
I tracked down my old teacher,
Ron Parfitt who's just...

1404
01:28:55,497 --> 01:28:57,832
He's a horrible,
horrible human being.

1405
01:28:57,833 --> 01:29:00,709
I shaved my chest. I went
to some amazing clubs.

1406
01:29:00,710 --> 01:29:03,838
I met some amazing
people and now...

1407
01:29:03,839 --> 01:29:08,801
finally I feel like me again,
which is what I always wanted.

1408
01:29:08,802 --> 01:29:11,755
You know? To... feel like myself.

1409
01:29:14,724 --> 01:29:17,518
- You shaved your chest?
- Yeah, I shaved my chest, and...

1410
01:29:17,519 --> 01:29:21,599
(CLEARS THROAT)
...it's very itchy, all the time.

1411
01:29:23,275 --> 01:29:26,402
MC: 'OK, kill the musica,
please, maestro.

1412
01:29:26,403 --> 01:29:31,700
'Ladies and gentlemen, let's
go, the Santo Vito final!'

1413
01:29:32,742 --> 01:29:34,944
(CHEERING)

1414
01:29:38,999 --> 01:29:41,542
I was wondering
perhaps you would...

1415
01:29:41,543 --> 01:29:43,336
Yes, I'll dance with you.

1416
01:29:44,921 --> 01:29:46,755
(MOUTHS)

1417
01:29:46,756 --> 01:29:48,799
- Hi.
- Hi.

1418
01:29:49,551 --> 01:29:52,720
- Do you want me to lead?
- No, no, I'll be all right.

1419
01:29:52,721 --> 01:29:55,097
I was actually doing quite
well until you turned up.

1420
01:29:55,098 --> 01:29:56,720
Probably be disqualified.

1421
01:29:58,977 --> 01:30:01,312
(♪ UPBEAT SALSA PLAYS)

1422
01:30:01,313 --> 01:30:03,186
MC: 'Hey!

1423
01:30:05,233 --> 01:30:07,982
'Yes, friends. <i>Oye, mi amigo.</i>

1424
01:30:12,532 --> 01:30:14,700
'This is the final, friends.

1425
01:30:14,701 --> 01:30:17,324
'Let them feel you.
Let them feel you.'

1426
01:30:19,205 --> 01:30:21,407
(CHEERING)

1427
01:30:58,745 --> 01:31:00,572
(CHEERING)

1428
01:31:14,970 --> 01:31:17,172
(CHEERING)

1429
01:31:30,819 --> 01:31:33,112
(♪ MUSIC ENDS)

1430
01:31:33,113 --> 01:31:37,238
MC: 'Santa Vito, our winners!'

1431
01:31:40,537 --> 01:31:43,914
- I don't think we won.
- Maybe next time.

1432
01:31:43,915 --> 01:31:47,042
SAM: Fab. That was amazing.

1433
01:31:47,043 --> 01:31:48,585
(CHATTER EXCITEDLY)

1434
01:31:48,586 --> 01:31:50,671
- Hi, I'm Sam.
- Hi, Sam.

1435
01:31:50,672 --> 01:31:53,216
(RON CLEARS THROAT)
<i>Scusi señor Garrett.</i>

1436
01:31:54,009 --> 01:31:56,052
Permission to come on
to your dance floor.

1437
01:31:57,762 --> 01:31:59,430
Granted, Mr Parfitt.

1438
01:32:00,140 --> 01:32:02,683
(♪ UPBEAT SALSA PLAYS)

1439
01:32:02,684 --> 01:32:05,137
- Mwah!
- Ah.

1440
01:32:06,354 --> 01:32:10,024
MC: 'I don't know about you,
but it's time for some love.

1441
01:32:10,025 --> 01:32:12,735
'So demonstrate.
Come on. Let's go.'

1442
01:32:12,736 --> 01:32:15,030
(CHEERING)

1443
01:32:20,243 --> 01:32:22,491
Hey, good work.

1444
01:32:24,247 --> 01:32:26,245
Well done.