1 00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:18,119 - ( Jazz music playing ) - ( keyboard clicking ) 2 00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:29,530 Computer: hello, Wyatt. 3 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:32,200 I have a few questions before we complete your profile. 4 00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:34,702 Okay. 5 00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:37,205 Boxers or briefs? 6 00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:41,775 Boxers? 7 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,644 Is your ass hairy? 8 00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:45,546 Well, it's not. 9 00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:48,782 I don't shave my ass if that's what you mean. 10 00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:51,352 One last question: 11 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,854 Would you rather bang a guy or get banged by a guy? 12 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,124 What? I'm not answering that! 13 00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:59,293 So banged in the ass! 14 00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:00,628 I must be hearing things. 15 00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:02,630 ( Rock music playing ) 16 00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:24,285 * yeah, the summer sun's gone 17 00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:25,619 * so what do I do? 18 00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:28,356 * tryin' to move on, i found someone new * 19 00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:31,492 * but it's not you, no, it's not you * 20 00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:36,497 * and misery lives down memory Lane * 21 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:39,267 * when I go down the road, always feel the same * 22 00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:42,370 * 'cause I miss you, yeah, I miss you * 23 00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:49,643 * to be without you would be pain defined * 24 00:01:49,677 --> 00:01:53,281 * and she might 25 00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:58,252 * still have the magic in her eyes * 26 00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:01,755 * the magic 27 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:04,925 * she might 28 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:08,796 * still have the magic in her eyes * 29 00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:13,267 * the magic 30 00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:14,668 * in her eyes 31 00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:27,815 * sitting in the room under candlelight * 32 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:30,451 * thinking you will never find your Mr. right * 33 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:33,687 * but it's not true, no, it's not true * 34 00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,959 * and you can be my Princess, I'll be your knight * 35 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,862 * my armor might be dirty, but my love still shines * 36 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:45,399 * yes, it shines through, yeah, it still shines through * 37 00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:52,206 * to be with you is happiness defined * 38 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,676 * and she might 39 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:59,613 * still have the magic in her eyes * 40 00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:04,252 * the magic 41 00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:06,954 * she might 42 00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:10,658 * still have the magic in her eyes. * 43 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:13,861 wipe it off. So dirty. 44 00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:16,497 Oh, so dirty. Wipe it. 45 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:20,601 Oh oh. Slow down. 46 00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:23,504 Oh oh oh yeah. 47 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,739 Oh, too much for me to handle. 48 00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:27,808 I just... ( Muttering ) 49 00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:34,582 Okay, oh yes. I'm open for a little negotiating. 50 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,884 Ready for this? This is what we've been training for, buddy. 51 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,286 Ready? here we go, buddy. 52 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:40,954 ( Slobbering ) 53 00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:43,691 - ( Whistle blasts ) - ( shrieks ) 54 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,693 ( Stammers ) 55 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:48,596 You pack up that little thumbtack of yours 56 00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:52,366 - and haul it on out of here before I snap it off! - ( Whimpers ) 57 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:26,033 Wyatt: this whole miniature golf course is calling our names. 58 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,969 Let's finish off this hole so I can whup your ass! 59 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,038 Oh, you wanna bet? 60 00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:33,874 Hey, it was my turn anyway! See, that's what you get. 61 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:36,544 I'm gonna bounce you out. Oh, look at me, I just gave it to you. 62 00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:38,979 I still give you the game, just like when you were little! 63 00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:43,984 You need to find a nice girl. Maybe that'll cook for you 64 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,919 and stop eating all that fast food, okay? 65 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:48,422 You know I go on a lot of nice dates, 66 00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:50,524 but-- I don't know. We're having a party tonight 67 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:52,426 and maybe I'll meet the one. 68 00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:55,095 What do you want? You're almost 30 years old, Wyatt. 69 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,365 You need to find yourself a girl. 70 00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:59,967 There's a reason why somebody's not married by the time they're 30 years old. 71 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,902 - Yeah? why's that? - Because they're fucking nuts! 72 00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:05,773 You don't want to be 40 and fat and bald and not have somebody. 73 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,008 I mean, hey, everybody wants to get some, 74 00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:12,079 but, you know-- not everybody can be Van halen, you know. 75 00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:14,014 Huh? Van halen? 76 00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:15,949 Yeah, guys that get some. 77 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:19,420 No, they're all rock stars and all bald by now, okay? 78 00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:21,689 They're not getting any at all, so there. 79 00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:24,425 They may be bald, but they've got bigger dicks than me. 80 00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:27,395 Yes, I know. I've changed your diapers, okay? 81 00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:29,096 - I know what it's like-- - oh ho ho! 82 00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,565 - I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know you're not blessed. - Grandma! 83 00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:33,467 - You are not gifted, okay? - Wow. 84 00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:35,669 ( Rock music playing ) 85 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:48,549 * it's hard to believe that... * 86 00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,150 - hey. - whassup, girl? 87 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,152 Are you the guy with the stuff? 88 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,422 Ha, no. I am not. 89 00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:56,724 There's a guy upstairs-- Asian guy. 90 00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,892 He's got the stuff you're probably looking for. 91 00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:00,894 - Okay. - feel free to look around, check it out. 92 00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:02,996 - Cool, thanks. - Do it. 93 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:05,533 Do it. 94 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,837 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 95 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:13,607 - Big time, man. - The party's a little out of control, man. 96 00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:15,676 Dude, what are you worried about? Look at this. 97 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:18,111 They're chilling, they're all having a good time. It's a party. 98 00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:20,180 - You know what a party is, right? - I do. 99 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,883 Don't worry about it. I got your house unlocked. 100 00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:24,452 We're good. We're good. I'll be back. 101 00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:26,587 That scares me the most. 102 00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:36,464 Hi, is this your house? 103 00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:40,000 - Yeah. - you want to show me around? 104 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:42,570 - Uh... - hey, ange, leave him alone, okay? 105 00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,572 You can't have every guy. 106 00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,574 We'll see about that. 107 00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:50,611 Okay, bye-bye. 108 00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:53,914 Hey, Angie, go find Kevin. 109 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,983 He's the, uh, 110 00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:57,417 dirty Asian guy. 111 00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:01,955 - Your friend is a lucky man. - Really? 112 00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:05,158 * you gotta do this to me 113 00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:08,228 * after all is said and done 114 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:11,999 * can we go back to where we've begun? * 115 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,201 - hey! - hey-yyy. 116 00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:15,736 - Hi. - hi. 117 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,105 - Are you Kevin? - Well, if you're asking 118 00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:20,474 for the double-wide over there, then no, I'm Jason. 119 00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:25,646 I'm the one who's asking. 120 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,148 Well, then you found me. 121 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:29,950 You're kinda cute. 122 00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:32,786 Thanks. you know I exfoliate 123 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:35,055 and drink a lot of water-- what do you mean kinda? 124 00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:37,625 How about you show me around your house? 125 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:40,628 And what about you? 126 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:43,096 Hmm, I'm sorry. I have morals. 127 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:47,568 That's good, because I was just about to give up on your kind. 128 00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:49,570 Oh, off to the dark side, are we? 129 00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:52,773 "Dark side." ( Chuckles ) now that's funny. 130 00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,244 I always get the worm, 131 00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,079 in more ways than one. 132 00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:01,281 I-- i-- 133 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,083 ( moans ) 134 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:13,527 Are you gonna offer me some of that drink? 135 00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:15,729 Yeah, I'm-- shit, I'm sorry. I'm not a very good host. 136 00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:19,032 Yeah, it totally confused me, because normally gay guys are great hosts. 137 00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,836 ( Grunts ) 138 00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:25,038 ( Moaning ) 139 00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:29,543 - Let's play a game. - Okay okay. 140 00:08:29,577 --> 00:08:32,045 First one to scream takes a bodyshot. 141 00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:33,981 Uh, okay. 142 00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,516 - Ow-www! - ( laughs ) 143 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:40,053 - Here's one. - That was a-- 144 00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:41,722 okay, I guess it is my turn, huh? 145 00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:43,891 Uh-huh. suck it up, stud. 146 00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:48,596 - Can I have that-- - yeah yeah. 147 00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:51,231 - ( Both laugh ) - what the fuck? 148 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:53,601 - How about another one? - I don't like this game. 149 00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,803 - Go on! - Well, I guess it's not that bad. 150 00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,671 - The game is-- ( moans ) - oh yeah. 151 00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:01,975 ( Spits, coughs ) 152 00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,577 - Ugh! - ( gibbers ) 153 00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:05,913 Oh fuck! 154 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:08,081 What, you can't hold your liquor, you pussy? 155 00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:09,850 What? I wish your face was your pussy. 156 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,051 Uh-huh. 157 00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,622 I want you inside me. 158 00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:15,989 I don't have a condom. 159 00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,625 I don't care, go in me. 160 00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:20,661 Okay. ( grunting ) 161 00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:24,598 That's-- this-- oh. 162 00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:26,734 - That's the ticket. - Ow. Where are you? 163 00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:31,772 - You're not inside me. - ( Tires screech ) 164 00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:35,008 - What are you fucking? - Uh, it's these sheets. 165 00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:38,178 They must be like a nice 1,000-thread count. 166 00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:39,379 I mean, it felt good. 167 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,615 I'm taking over. 168 00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:42,616 Oh, okay. 169 00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,622 - Oh yeah? - Baby, I like it. ( Grunts ) 170 00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:50,724 Oh yeah? How about this? 171 00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:53,360 ( Moans ) much better. 172 00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:56,329 - Is that? - Huh, how do you like that? 173 00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,799 You little bitch! 174 00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:01,935 - You like that? - ( Man coughs ) 175 00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:04,972 - Dude-- - ( laughs ) 176 00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:07,207 - Dude? - what's up, fuckers? 177 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,710 Has this stoner been in here the entire time? 178 00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:12,079 Hey, man, can I get in on some of this? 179 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,882 Dude, what the hell are you doing here? 180 00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:17,317 My mom had blonde hair too, just like yours. 181 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:20,120 In fact my dad was Asian too, I think. 182 00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,321 ( Laughs ) 183 00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,692 Are you a real blonde? 184 00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:26,393 Get the hell out of here! 185 00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:28,395 All right, all right, chill out. 186 00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:30,664 All right, so, uh... 187 00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:31,799 Hey, forget it. 188 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:35,302 Hey, I love you assholes. Remember that, all right? 189 00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,204 * you need a beat? Catch me in the hood * 190 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,839 * see me in the street, i got what you want * 191 00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,108 * I got what you need, I'm in the black Lexus... * 192 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,776 Kevin: oh my god, get it off me! 193 00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:44,444 Oh my god! 194 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,747 Dude, what the fuck do you have all over you? 195 00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:49,049 - And what's that smell? - Dude, I was fucking that chick-- 196 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:50,718 thank you, by the way. She's awesome. 197 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:53,754 And we were going at it so good and I was fucking her reverse cowboy, right? 198 00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,756 Like she was turned around, her ass facing you. 199 00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:57,424 Yeah, I know what the reverse cowboy is, Kevin! 200 00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,993 All right, well, anyway, i must have been doing her so good 201 00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:02,696 because all I remember is she was screaming 202 00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:04,197 and I looked down... 203 00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:05,866 Dude, it's everywhere! 204 00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:09,737 - In my bed?! - And all over me. It's everywhere! 205 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:10,704 It's everywhere. ( Sobs ) 206 00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:14,374 Oh, are you just gonna stay in bed all day? 207 00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,376 Or are you gonna do something productive? 208 00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:19,847 Gimme a break. I didn't get home from the bar until 4:00 in the morning. 209 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,749 Yeah, I know. 210 00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:24,451 But I think that if you just wake up a little earlier, 211 00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:27,487 - you might get more stuff done. - Yeah, and do what? 212 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:31,124 Let's see, clean the pool, fix the barbecue! 213 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:36,263 I am having a bachelorette party here this weekend. 214 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,700 I'm up now. Are you happy? 215 00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:43,103 Why do you always have to wait till the last minute 216 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,504 to do everything? 217 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,807 Okay, I'll do it now. 218 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,777 But we have to have a little fun time first. 219 00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,511 ( Chuckles ) yeah? 220 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,147 Come on, we haven't touched each other in a month. 221 00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:56,349 So Jack off! No one's stopping you. 222 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:59,386 - No kiss bye? - Mm-hmm. 223 00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:04,758 Love you. 224 00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:10,430 Wyatt: thanks for coming. 225 00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:11,899 You've always been there for me. 226 00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,333 ( Woman groans ) of course. 227 00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:16,904 - Wyatt: you know you're my best friend. - I know. 228 00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:19,840 - You have it? - Oh yeah! 229 00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:22,876 - Ta-da! - nice box. 230 00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:25,946 She definitely would have found that. 231 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:28,048 Yeah, that would have been funny. 232 00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:31,551 Wyatt, this is a huge step. 233 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,888 It's big. 234 00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:36,523 Yeah, I know, but-- 235 00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:39,559 I mean, it sounds like you don't like the idea. 236 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,995 No no, it's not that. She's great. 237 00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:45,265 - Well then what? - I'm not going to be able to make it to dinner tonight. 238 00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:47,835 Yes, you will. Just bring your dickhead boyfriend. 239 00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,536 - Hey! - all right, but seriously though, 240 00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:52,906 I need you more than ever, so I really need you to be there. 241 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:55,108 - More than ever, huh? - Mm-hmm. 242 00:12:57,878 --> 00:13:00,547 - Okay. - oh! Did you hear that Kevin got caught 243 00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,450 - spanking it, looking at those girls yesterday? - Ugh, yes, I did. 244 00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:05,418 - Kevin! he's such a perv. - ( Laughs ) 245 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,820 What an idiot! 246 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:11,191 ( Man singing ) * you make me 247 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,861 * smile 248 00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:19,432 * you make me 249 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:22,069 * cry 250 00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:27,140 * I like 251 00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:29,509 * you 252 00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:32,812 - * you fool. - Yay! 253 00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:35,415 Thank you, uncle Kenny. 254 00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,617 - Oh, you're welcome. - Thank you, uncle Kenny. 255 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,953 That was... Quite entertaining. 256 00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:42,890 You know he 257 00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,591 just came back from palm Springs 258 00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:47,594 from the gay and lesbian rally to be here at this dinner. 259 00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:50,030 I wouldn't miss it for the world. 260 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:52,132 You really mean the world to Katie and me. 261 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,334 Oh, Wyatt, that's sweet! 262 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,603 Don't forget to wipe from front to back when you pee. 263 00:13:56,636 --> 00:14:00,140 Shut up, kev, before I wipe you from front to back. 264 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:03,610 As you all know, Katie and I have been dating for a while. 265 00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:07,447 And although we've had our differences from time to time, 266 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,250 I think that 267 00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,285 love brings us through. 268 00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:15,956 When you find someone who can be your true friend, 269 00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:18,225 to love and Cherish, 270 00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:19,893 how else can you go wrong? 271 00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:22,229 It's like the cosmos 272 00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:25,365 almost align and there's like a nuclear reaction. 273 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,002 I have something to say. 274 00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:32,339 ( Katie scoffs ) 275 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,574 Miss Katie Elizabeth Jones, 276 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,876 will you marry me? 277 00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:39,947 Um... 278 00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:43,216 ( Whispers ) wait, Wyatt. Can we talk? 279 00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,684 Can't we talk about it right here, 280 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,954 in front of all of our family? 281 00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:48,655 Okay. 282 00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:50,657 I just, um... 283 00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,592 ( Exhales ) 284 00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:55,295 I'm not-- I'm not ready for marriage. 285 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:58,331 - Kevin: oh shit, I knew this was gonna happen. - Why? 286 00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:01,134 - Woman: shut up, Kevin. - I just-- 287 00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:03,536 I'm sorry. I can't do this. 288 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,705 ( Kenny sobs ) 289 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:09,309 This is worse than the ending of "beaches." 290 00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:13,913 ( Slurring ) now that's fucking funny! 291 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,717 I'm gonna get a drink. Who needs a refill? 292 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,586 Ellen: you're a jerk, Paul. Maybe you should 293 00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:21,254 just skip the refill and go home. 294 00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:23,190 I haven't laughed in years. Are you kidding me? 295 00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:25,558 This is funny. ( Laughs ) 296 00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:34,234 Katie, I don't understand. 297 00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:37,104 ( Crying ) i can't marry you. 298 00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:41,108 I'm sorry. 299 00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:44,477 Dunbrook and balcrest, please. 300 00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:54,754 Man on TV: Hey, check this out: The amazing girls of Brazil, 301 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,723 one of the erotic centers of the world. 302 00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:58,725 ( Cheering ) 303 00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:01,061 We have traveled the globe 304 00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:03,063 to bring you the real girls of the world. 305 00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:05,198 - They're life-sized... - Good dog. 306 00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:07,567 You'll never leave me, will you, baby? 307 00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,138 Engagement ring? 308 00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:13,640 The exclusive celebration diamond... 309 00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,408 Don't do it, you fucking idiot! 310 00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:18,345 - Jared's most exclusive... - Just break your heart. 311 00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:21,048 Come on, girl. Let's get out of here. 312 00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:25,152 Visit us downtown in the heart of Austin. 313 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,790 Moping around isn't gonna help anything, okay? 314 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,193 It's like-- it's like my dad always says: 315 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:36,663 A setback is a set-up for a great comeback. 316 00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,732 - ( Humphs ) - Ellen: It's good! 317 00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:42,069 Yeah, it's good. It's really good, right? 318 00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,104 You gotta get back on that horse, right? 319 00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:45,572 And do some mounting of your own, man. 320 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:48,641 Stick it in some random chick's ass. They love that shit. 321 00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,777 If she's super freaky, dude, 322 00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:53,113 she will lick that shit right off. 323 00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:55,382 But if she does, I'm telling you, do not 324 00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:58,085 kiss her afterwards. 325 00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:59,552 Dude, what is with you and anal? 326 00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:03,556 And do you really think your freaky sex bullshit is helping the situation? 327 00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:06,193 - I think what he needs-- - alone time 328 00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:08,128 is what I need. 329 00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:10,830 No anal, no hot lunches in my mouth, 330 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,665 no nothing! 331 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,534 Got it? Got it? 332 00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:15,835 - Yes, fine. - Okay. 333 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,405 Whatever, dude. We just want to see you happy again, all right? 334 00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:20,707 - That's it. - Really we miss you. 335 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:22,842 - We miss the old Wyatt. - The old me? 336 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,212 Yes! the one who's larger than life, man. 337 00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:27,214 Yeah. and, you know, 338 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,216 when the time's right, you'll meet the one. 339 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,484 My confidence is gone. 340 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:34,321 Well, figure it out, man, because you look like a pile of shit. 341 00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:38,391 Okay, waffles for miss cutie pie. 342 00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:42,362 Cherry pie and waffles for Mr. sad eyes. 343 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,563 Thank you. 344 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:48,201 Scrambled eggs and sausage for master panda bear. 345 00:17:48,235 --> 00:17:49,769 Mm-hmm, you know! 346 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:50,837 - ( Laughs ) - thank you. 347 00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:52,772 You're welcome, sugar. 348 00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:54,574 You sure look cute today. 349 00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:56,543 Oh, thanks. It's a new shirt. 350 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:59,179 Boy, oh boy, if I wasn't married, I'd take you home 351 00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:03,183 and lick your bamboo stick till it fell off. 352 00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,484 - Whoa! - ( giggles ) 353 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,719 With the sweet potato pie in your ass... 354 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,822 Eating good for a week. 355 00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,693 So, dude, you booked an Elvis commercial, man! 356 00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:16,696 - Come on. - An enema commercial 357 00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:19,532 with Elvis impersonator. 358 00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:21,868 Bam! and then it's gonna be a national commercial 359 00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:24,237 and you will get paid like that chick. 360 00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:26,606 - Right? flo from the progressive commercials. - Right. 361 00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:29,209 - And I'm telling you, that girl makes bank. - She's loaded. 362 00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:31,844 Never have to worry about it again. Besides, 363 00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:34,747 Elvis is always cool, right? Anytime, 364 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:37,150 anywhere, whomever, how he got it. 365 00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:39,886 Okay, but once again: Elvis impersonator, 366 00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:41,821 okay? enema commercial 367 00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:43,823 equals ridiculous. 368 00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:48,228 I think it's pretty cool i think you're gonna love it. 369 00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,597 Well, you know what? I gotta go. 370 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,399 No! sit down. 371 00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:54,267 We're not done, okay? 372 00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:58,205 What do you want from me? 373 00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:00,207 We want you to get over it, okay? 374 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,376 We're sick of you playing the "victim." You need to move on. 375 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,513 - You know what they say? - Hmm? 376 00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:09,216 When you love someone, let them go. 377 00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:12,252 - And then if they come back... - Both: Then you know! 378 00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:14,887 Then you know, you know? 379 00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:17,190 You know what? If you guys believe that shit, 380 00:19:17,224 --> 00:19:19,192 - you're retarded. - Come on. 381 00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:20,627 We're just trying to cheer you up, okay? 382 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,195 I love you all. See you later. 383 00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:24,464 Don't be a baby. You better kill that tomorrow. 384 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,835 - ( Chattering ) - ( man coughs ) 385 00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,775 Say, chief, think I could get a diet coke? 386 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,520 ( Muttering softly ) 387 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,193 ( Woman laughs ) 388 00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:04,904 Hey, look, 389 00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:06,539 if you don't mind me asking, 390 00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:09,476 you seem like you're a little down in the mouth. 391 00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:12,379 No. 392 00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:14,681 - It's just, uh-- - what is it? Come on. 393 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,417 Come on, you can talk to me. I got you covered, Sancho. 394 00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,619 I don't know, man, this is weird. 395 00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:21,421 You know what's weird? 396 00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:23,923 A man who's got sadness in his heart 397 00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:26,693 and ain't got no friends to cut the track with? 398 00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:29,296 That's weird. 399 00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:31,331 Okay. 400 00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:33,900 My girlfriend left me when I proposed to her. 401 00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:37,337 In front of everyone. 402 00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:40,039 I'm kneeling down with the ring in my hand 403 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,275 and she just leaves. 404 00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:47,380 That's a bitch, man. 405 00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:50,383 That's it? "That's a bitch, man"? 406 00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:53,320 That's all you've got to say? 407 00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,322 Well, what you want me to say? 408 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:01,661 Hey, dad, i got something for you. 409 00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:02,729 - Oh yeah? - Mm-hmm. 410 00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,697 Let's see it. 411 00:21:04,731 --> 00:21:07,367 ( Clears throat ) 412 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,336 ( Spits ) 413 00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:12,872 ( Reverb ) * oh, my name is Wyatt 414 00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:17,076 * and I'm a sissy simpering boy * 415 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,846 * my girlfriend left me 416 00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:22,915 * all those months ago 417 00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:26,953 * ain't nothing to do about it * 418 00:21:26,986 --> 00:21:29,389 * except cry like the rain 419 00:21:29,422 --> 00:21:31,958 * don't want to talk to nobody * 420 00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:36,529 * 'cause I like the pai-iiin 421 00:21:37,764 --> 00:21:39,532 * ahhh. ( Laughs ) 422 00:21:39,566 --> 00:21:41,868 - That's all you got? - That was it, baby. 423 00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:44,070 All right. 424 00:21:44,103 --> 00:21:48,007 ( Reverb ) * I'm not Elvis, I'm a fraud and a loser * 425 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,478 * who assumes the identity of an aging Vegas act * 426 00:21:51,511 --> 00:21:55,815 * silly sassy boy who ain't good * 427 00:21:55,848 --> 00:21:58,084 * at nothing at all 428 00:21:58,117 --> 00:22:02,088 * who's been acting after all these years * 429 00:22:02,121 --> 00:22:05,124 * and still hasn't done Jack shit * 430 00:22:05,157 --> 00:22:09,095 * fat-ass Elvis, drugged up, can't-take-a-shit Elvis * 431 00:22:09,128 --> 00:22:11,798 * wearing a jacket that his mama made him * 432 00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:14,634 * my mama didn't make it, it's an original * 433 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,903 * you little Mark Wahlberg wannabe * 434 00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:19,606 * ain't got no car, drive a pinto to set * 435 00:22:19,639 --> 00:22:23,009 * I drive a Cadillac, you little whiny brat * 436 00:22:23,042 --> 00:22:27,013 * who probably takes dick in the Walmart alley too-- * 437 00:22:27,046 --> 00:22:29,849 what the hell's going on? We're trying to set up a shot here. 438 00:22:29,882 --> 00:22:31,651 - I need to replace you two? - Sorry. 439 00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:34,521 - No, no sir. - All right, then shut the fuck up. 440 00:22:34,554 --> 00:22:36,656 I'm sorry, man. 441 00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:38,458 It's all right, man. Me too. Me too. 442 00:22:38,491 --> 00:22:40,393 I didn't mean that about your suit. It looks real nice. 443 00:22:40,427 --> 00:22:43,396 I appreciate that. I didn't mean nothing about the Walmart crack either. 444 00:22:48,067 --> 00:22:50,470 So the director wants you two on set in an hour. 445 00:22:50,503 --> 00:22:52,038 So we're gonna be quick. 446 00:22:52,071 --> 00:22:53,906 Hey, Wyatt. 447 00:22:53,940 --> 00:22:56,175 I didn't know you got cast in this commercial. 448 00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:58,578 What's up, Angie? What are you doing here? Makeup, huh? 449 00:22:58,611 --> 00:23:01,881 Well yeah, I've gotta get a couple extra bucks. 450 00:23:01,914 --> 00:23:04,417 - I'm gonna hightail my ass to Vegas, so. - Wyatt: Yeah? 451 00:23:04,451 --> 00:23:06,686 For work or for pleasure? 452 00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:08,555 Oh... 453 00:23:08,588 --> 00:23:09,789 You don't know. 454 00:23:09,822 --> 00:23:13,526 - Know what? - Katie moved back home. 455 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,662 No, I didn't know that. 456 00:23:15,695 --> 00:23:17,163 How is she doing? 457 00:23:17,196 --> 00:23:19,499 She's getting married. 458 00:23:19,532 --> 00:23:22,435 A week after she got back, she met someone. 459 00:23:22,469 --> 00:23:25,472 What happened to "she wasn't ready"? I mean, 460 00:23:25,505 --> 00:23:27,507 when's the wedding? 461 00:23:27,540 --> 00:23:30,677 - In 37 hours. - ( Cellphone ringing ) 462 00:23:32,545 --> 00:23:34,514 Hey, I've gotta take this. 463 00:23:34,547 --> 00:23:35,848 But if you need to talk, 464 00:23:35,882 --> 00:23:37,717 I'll be back in a couple minutes, okay? 465 00:23:43,523 --> 00:23:45,958 Oh my god! 466 00:23:50,530 --> 00:23:52,565 Come here. I know how you feel. 467 00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:54,166 I really do. 468 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,135 I just wanted to tell you, man, 469 00:23:56,168 --> 00:23:58,671 yours truly, 470 00:23:58,705 --> 00:24:00,907 I've been kicked down a couple notches by love. 471 00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:03,075 Believe me, man, I've been kicked down 472 00:24:03,109 --> 00:24:04,944 from tupelo to Memphis. 473 00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:07,580 Well, great. That's you and your shit 474 00:24:07,614 --> 00:24:09,582 and this is me and my shit. 475 00:24:09,616 --> 00:24:12,251 And just because you got shit doesn't mean my shit's better. 476 00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:13,920 I still got shit! 477 00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:16,689 Wyatt, listen. 478 00:24:16,723 --> 00:24:19,559 ( Stammers ) you know those rare times 479 00:24:19,592 --> 00:24:23,095 when you find someone-- that special someone-- 480 00:24:23,129 --> 00:24:25,097 and that someone special finds you, 481 00:24:25,131 --> 00:24:27,133 and you're both drawn to each other 482 00:24:27,166 --> 00:24:29,502 and you get closer and closer and you're like-- 483 00:24:29,536 --> 00:24:32,104 - like a set of magnets? - Yeah, it's called attraction. 484 00:24:32,138 --> 00:24:34,040 Exactly, except 485 00:24:34,073 --> 00:24:36,576 this ain't the good kind. 486 00:24:36,609 --> 00:24:39,045 Huh-uh. it's the bad kind. 487 00:24:39,078 --> 00:24:41,147 It's the unsexy kind. 488 00:24:41,180 --> 00:24:44,150 - You know what I mean? - No. 489 00:24:44,183 --> 00:24:46,919 Sometimes the ugly thing in you 490 00:24:46,953 --> 00:24:48,655 is attracted to 491 00:24:48,688 --> 00:24:51,591 the ugly thing in someone else. 492 00:24:51,624 --> 00:24:54,527 It's like you got this little asshole living inside you. 493 00:24:54,561 --> 00:24:57,564 Mm-hmm, and-- and-- and that little asshole 494 00:24:57,597 --> 00:25:00,600 is just yearning to get up out of you. 495 00:25:00,633 --> 00:25:04,303 And she's got that little asshole inside of her. 496 00:25:04,336 --> 00:25:06,839 And then these two assholes, they come together. 497 00:25:06,873 --> 00:25:09,609 These two assholes come out and they shake hands, man. 498 00:25:09,642 --> 00:25:11,210 They kind of give each other a little wink. 499 00:25:11,243 --> 00:25:13,045 - Winking assholes? - That's right. 500 00:25:15,748 --> 00:25:19,018 Okay well, thanks for that. That's great. 501 00:25:19,051 --> 00:25:20,920 See, Wyatt, 502 00:25:20,953 --> 00:25:24,657 what you see in her 503 00:25:24,691 --> 00:25:27,927 is the same thing that-- that-- that's busted 504 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,597 inside of you. 505 00:25:30,630 --> 00:25:34,100 Okay? and if you truly-- 506 00:25:34,133 --> 00:25:36,202 if you truly love that little girl, 507 00:25:36,235 --> 00:25:37,904 you know what you're gonna do? 508 00:25:37,937 --> 00:25:40,106 You're gonna get yourself a cork, man. 509 00:25:40,139 --> 00:25:41,774 ( Pops ) 510 00:25:41,808 --> 00:25:44,777 You're gonna plug up them winking assholes. 511 00:25:44,811 --> 00:25:47,213 So you're saying i should go get her? 512 00:25:47,246 --> 00:25:49,181 Now you're talking, Jackson. 513 00:25:49,215 --> 00:25:51,584 Let me tell you something. 514 00:25:53,152 --> 00:25:56,255 We get one go-around in this world, Wyatt. 515 00:25:56,288 --> 00:25:57,423 - Okay? - right. 516 00:25:57,456 --> 00:26:00,326 - If it was me, I'd want some goddamn answers. - Mm-hmm. 517 00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:02,695 Right? as opposed to sitting around here bellyaching 518 00:26:02,729 --> 00:26:04,597 like some little pansy-ass pussy. 519 00:26:04,631 --> 00:26:06,599 Yeah, so I'm gonna go to Vegas and win her back. 520 00:26:06,633 --> 00:26:08,735 Now you're talking, daddy-o. Now you're talking. 521 00:26:09,368 --> 00:26:12,338 Hey, guys, so what's going on? 522 00:26:12,371 --> 00:26:13,873 I'm gonna go plug some assholes! 523 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,683 Are you sure he said to bring something nice to wear? 524 00:26:23,716 --> 00:26:26,719 - Like we're going to a wedding? - That's what he said. 525 00:26:26,753 --> 00:26:29,321 The only girl he should marry is you. 526 00:26:29,355 --> 00:26:31,157 - ( Scoffs ) - I've been telling him this 527 00:26:31,190 --> 00:26:33,893 - ever since you grew boobies. - Never gonna happen. 528 00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:36,095 Well, if all you want is friendship, 529 00:26:36,128 --> 00:26:38,765 then I'm as straight as 6:00. 530 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,269 Cheese and rice. 531 00:26:43,302 --> 00:26:46,005 - Tell me we're not hauling ass all the way to Vegas... - No! 532 00:26:46,038 --> 00:26:49,108 ...to watch him marry this white-trash Barbie? 533 00:26:49,141 --> 00:26:51,911 I mean i knew he was desperate, but this is ridiculous! 534 00:26:51,944 --> 00:26:54,013 There's no way Wyatt's getting married. 535 00:26:54,046 --> 00:26:56,082 ( Skeptical laughter ) 536 00:26:56,115 --> 00:26:59,719 No no no no no. 537 00:26:59,752 --> 00:27:02,722 I'm not going. Wherever she's going, I'm not going 538 00:27:02,755 --> 00:27:04,356 - if she's going. - Relax. 539 00:27:04,390 --> 00:27:06,959 - She's going and so are you. - Don't touch my bag! 540 00:27:06,993 --> 00:27:08,895 Do you remember our little fiasco? 541 00:27:08,928 --> 00:27:10,663 What are you guys talking about? 542 00:27:10,697 --> 00:27:13,132 No no, you don't need to know. Nobody-- 543 00:27:13,165 --> 00:27:14,734 don't ask, don't tell. 544 00:27:14,767 --> 00:27:18,237 It's fine. I didn't feel anything anyways. 545 00:27:18,270 --> 00:27:20,740 You can deal with each other for two days. 546 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,076 - Whatever. - fine. 547 00:27:24,110 --> 00:27:26,713 - If you stay on your side of the r.V. - Done. 548 00:27:26,746 --> 00:27:30,082 Guys, Katie's getting married in 27 hours, 549 00:27:30,116 --> 00:27:34,086 and we have to stop it. So let's pull it together and get going, huh? 550 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:38,024 We're going a road trip, huh? What are we waiting for? 551 00:27:38,057 --> 00:27:40,459 Let's load up. Come on. 552 00:27:40,492 --> 00:27:42,461 Okay, I guess. 553 00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:44,831 Love you. 554 00:27:46,465 --> 00:27:48,200 Oh oh. 555 00:27:48,234 --> 00:27:50,336 Wow. 556 00:27:50,369 --> 00:27:52,338 - Dude-- yeah. - Nice. 557 00:27:52,371 --> 00:27:54,774 It totally reminds me of an '80s porno set. 558 00:27:54,807 --> 00:27:56,408 You know, this couch is really comfortable. 559 00:27:56,442 --> 00:27:58,077 You wouldn't think so, but it is. 560 00:27:58,110 --> 00:28:01,180 Oh, we had some hot nights in this r.V. 561 00:28:01,213 --> 00:28:03,182 Friggin' bananas. 562 00:28:03,215 --> 00:28:05,151 No, I'm serious. 563 00:28:05,184 --> 00:28:07,153 Oooh. ( laughs ) 564 00:28:07,186 --> 00:28:10,289 I mean-- I mean there was lots of bananas in here 565 00:28:10,322 --> 00:28:12,458 and we weren't going to no gorilla farm, 566 00:28:12,491 --> 00:28:14,994 if you know what I'm talking about. 567 00:28:15,027 --> 00:28:17,496 * let's get this cock wagon rolling! * 568 00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:19,498 hmm? 569 00:28:19,531 --> 00:28:22,134 Uncle Kenny, when was the last time you drove this thing? 570 00:28:22,168 --> 00:28:24,837 - It does run, right? - Don't be silly. 571 00:28:24,871 --> 00:28:28,474 Of course. Let's see, it was Chicago, 572 00:28:28,507 --> 00:28:31,744 the great lesbian luncheon of 2006. 573 00:28:31,778 --> 00:28:34,313 - Five years ago? - Yeah. 574 00:28:34,346 --> 00:28:36,515 - ( Chuckles ) - but it is gonna start, right? 575 00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:38,317 Don't be silly. 576 00:28:41,087 --> 00:28:43,189 ( Engine sputters ) 577 00:28:43,222 --> 00:28:45,892 - Why, that's funny. - ( Wyatt sighs ) 578 00:28:45,925 --> 00:28:47,960 My god! I'm going to miss the wedding. 579 00:28:47,994 --> 00:28:50,797 - I'm in the wedding. - You are not gonna miss the wedding! 580 00:28:50,830 --> 00:28:54,066 It's probably the stupid battery or something. 581 00:28:54,100 --> 00:28:57,503 We'll just open that little engine thingy 582 00:28:57,536 --> 00:28:59,872 and jump it. 583 00:29:01,073 --> 00:29:03,175 - ( Chittering ) - Kenny: What the fuck? 584 00:29:03,209 --> 00:29:05,211 Kevin: oh, what the fuck was that? 585 00:29:05,244 --> 00:29:06,412 Wyatt: Jesus. 586 00:29:06,445 --> 00:29:09,115 Oh my god, we're gonna get the rabies. 587 00:29:09,148 --> 00:29:11,784 Okay, ideas? Who's got one? 588 00:29:11,818 --> 00:29:13,786 I vote we take a frigging plane. 589 00:29:13,820 --> 00:29:15,021 I'm trying to remember-- 590 00:29:15,054 --> 00:29:17,089 what year was it we gave the whores the vote? 591 00:29:17,123 --> 00:29:18,524 - Oh, fuck you. - Kevin. 592 00:29:18,557 --> 00:29:21,961 - Not helping, dude. - Rotten sack! 593 00:29:21,994 --> 00:29:23,796 I know who to call. 594 00:29:23,830 --> 00:29:27,299 - All: who? - It's this guy I used to date. 595 00:29:27,333 --> 00:29:28,868 Skeeter. 596 00:29:28,901 --> 00:29:31,103 Hey, skeet, 597 00:29:31,137 --> 00:29:33,873 how are you, my little sugar lumpy? 598 00:29:33,906 --> 00:29:34,740 ( Moans ) 599 00:29:34,773 --> 00:29:36,909 Come here, you little son of a bitch. 600 00:29:36,943 --> 00:29:39,411 ( Chittering ) 601 00:29:39,445 --> 00:29:41,881 - Easy, hey! - ( Hissing ) 602 00:29:41,914 --> 00:29:44,583 Get-- you goddamn bitch. Get in, come here. 603 00:29:44,616 --> 00:29:46,986 ( Muttering ) 604 00:29:52,524 --> 00:29:54,493 Ow! get it out! 605 00:29:54,526 --> 00:29:55,594 Kenny: dear dear. 606 00:29:55,627 --> 00:29:57,964 Get in there. Hey, there you go! 607 00:29:57,997 --> 00:29:59,531 - ( Shrieks ) - get in there. 608 00:29:59,565 --> 00:30:01,233 Easy there, there you go. That's it. 609 00:30:01,267 --> 00:30:04,270 Whoo, how you like that? 610 00:30:04,303 --> 00:30:06,839 Whoo! 611 00:30:06,873 --> 00:30:07,907 Whew. 612 00:30:07,940 --> 00:30:11,610 Well, you are up and running. 613 00:30:11,643 --> 00:30:13,612 - Whoa! - this little son of a bitch 614 00:30:13,645 --> 00:30:15,982 just did not want to give up the fight. 615 00:30:16,015 --> 00:30:18,050 Usually I can get in there 616 00:30:18,084 --> 00:30:21,220 and wear them down a little bit and then they just don't fight at all. 617 00:30:21,253 --> 00:30:23,155 Pfft! not this one! 618 00:30:23,189 --> 00:30:25,591 He even look like he done grown up into the engine. 619 00:30:25,624 --> 00:30:28,160 He-- he looked like that scene from "the fly" 620 00:30:28,194 --> 00:30:31,097 when he has that pod sticking out of the side of him like that. 621 00:30:31,130 --> 00:30:33,900 ( Snickers ) he just looked like a fucking brundlecoon, 622 00:30:33,933 --> 00:30:36,402 all wrapped up in the hoses and wires and shit. 623 00:30:36,435 --> 00:30:40,472 - I never seen it. - Thanks for coming over, skeeto! 624 00:30:40,506 --> 00:30:43,209 Well, you called me, i was like "wha-aaaat? 625 00:30:43,242 --> 00:30:45,477 I can't believe he called me." 626 00:30:45,511 --> 00:30:47,613 But I didn't know whether to shit or go blind, 627 00:30:47,646 --> 00:30:49,515 so I just closed one eye and farted. 628 00:30:49,548 --> 00:30:52,118 - ( Laughs ) - so... ( Snorts ) 629 00:30:52,151 --> 00:30:55,021 What say you and me put some pizza rolls on the heater 630 00:30:55,054 --> 00:30:58,657 and see if we can't find ourselves at the bottom of a bottle of moonshine? 631 00:30:58,690 --> 00:31:01,027 - Sounds divine. - It's a date then! 632 00:31:01,060 --> 00:31:02,995 Make sure you get your sweet ass 633 00:31:03,029 --> 00:31:04,964 back home safe and sound from las Vegas. 634 00:31:04,997 --> 00:31:07,633 I just jumped me the r.V. I'm figure on jumping on something else. 635 00:31:07,666 --> 00:31:09,468 All right then, 636 00:31:09,501 --> 00:31:11,503 well, I gotta get going. I know some japs 637 00:31:11,537 --> 00:31:13,039 who want to make a noodle salad 638 00:31:13,072 --> 00:31:14,673 outta this here little troublemaker. 639 00:31:14,706 --> 00:31:17,009 - That is disgusting. - All right then. 640 00:31:17,043 --> 00:31:18,911 I'll see you later. It's a date. 641 00:31:18,945 --> 00:31:21,080 * she says she's coming down tonight * 642 00:31:21,113 --> 00:31:23,649 * needs a place to crash in town tonight * 643 00:31:23,682 --> 00:31:27,053 * wants to know exactly how I feel * 644 00:31:29,355 --> 00:31:32,524 * I mumble underneath my breath... * 645 00:31:32,558 --> 00:31:35,194 this is so much fun! I love road trips. 646 00:31:35,227 --> 00:31:38,464 Me too! Let's sing some show tunes, huh? 647 00:31:38,497 --> 00:31:42,334 Yes yes, let's sing show tunes. Show tunes show tunes! 648 00:31:42,368 --> 00:31:44,503 ( Lisping ) oh my god, i know one too! 649 00:31:44,536 --> 00:31:47,940 It goes: * gay gay gay gay gay. 650 00:31:47,974 --> 00:31:50,642 For fuck's sake, kev. Don't be such a 'phobe, huh? 651 00:31:50,676 --> 00:31:53,045 - Angie: yeah, Kevin. - What? I just don't want 652 00:31:53,079 --> 00:31:55,281 to hear fucking show tunes all night. 653 00:31:55,314 --> 00:31:57,483 So you think this is a mistake? 654 00:31:57,516 --> 00:31:59,051 - Chasing her? - Wyatt: Yeah. 655 00:32:00,386 --> 00:32:02,321 - Ellen: I can't really say. - Wyatt: Why not? 656 00:32:02,354 --> 00:32:04,991 Well, Wyatt, I'm your friend. 657 00:32:05,024 --> 00:32:08,060 - I would even say you're my best friend. - Yeah, I'd say that too. 658 00:32:09,428 --> 00:32:11,697 And we've been close for so long, 659 00:32:11,730 --> 00:32:14,366 but I can't tell you what to do here. 660 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:18,370 I mean, I can't take that responsibility. 661 00:32:18,404 --> 00:32:20,706 I won't put that on myself if it goes the other way 662 00:32:20,739 --> 00:32:23,109 - and I don't think you'd want me to. - No, I... 663 00:32:23,142 --> 00:32:24,643 You know, it's just-- i don't know. 664 00:32:24,676 --> 00:32:28,547 I have so many questions. Like, what is it about me that made her leave? 665 00:32:28,580 --> 00:32:31,017 I mean, what if it's a sign? 666 00:32:31,050 --> 00:32:33,519 What if she leaves again? I don't think I could bear that. 667 00:32:33,552 --> 00:32:35,621 Do you love her? 668 00:32:37,556 --> 00:32:39,725 Yeah. I mean, I'm miserable without her. 669 00:32:39,758 --> 00:32:42,761 You invested a lot of yourself in her. 670 00:32:42,794 --> 00:32:46,999 I mean, all this has to go right or it's just a big waste of time. 671 00:32:47,033 --> 00:32:49,101 But do you think that equals love? 672 00:32:49,135 --> 00:32:52,238 Or do you think that's just missing something, you know? 673 00:32:52,271 --> 00:32:55,041 So you're saying this is a big waste of time? 674 00:32:55,074 --> 00:32:57,443 Never said that, Wyatt. I just want you to be sure. 675 00:32:57,476 --> 00:32:59,645 I don't want you to get hurt again. 676 00:32:59,678 --> 00:33:02,648 Yeah, man, I think Ellen's right, you know? 677 00:33:02,681 --> 00:33:05,284 I don't think anybody wants you to get hurt again. 678 00:33:05,317 --> 00:33:07,786 Right? because when you are, you act like a fucking bitch 679 00:33:07,819 --> 00:33:09,655 and I don't know how much more of it I can take. 680 00:33:09,688 --> 00:33:12,124 Okay? so what we're gonna do-- this is the plan: 681 00:33:12,158 --> 00:33:14,060 You're gonna go punch the groom in the dick, 682 00:33:14,093 --> 00:33:16,295 take her back, quit being a douche, act normal, 683 00:33:16,328 --> 00:33:19,598 and then you're gonna knock her up and squeeze out a bunch of other little douches. 684 00:33:19,631 --> 00:33:21,133 - Wyatt: fucking a! - Right? 685 00:33:21,167 --> 00:33:23,269 Because I'll be damned if I'm gonna ride in this box 686 00:33:23,302 --> 00:33:24,803 with the frigging show-tunes twins here, 687 00:33:24,836 --> 00:33:26,805 featuring Bob the knob and loosey bowels, 688 00:33:26,838 --> 00:33:30,042 and a cheap-ass episode of "dr. Phil" going on back here. 689 00:33:30,076 --> 00:33:31,710 So what do you want? 690 00:33:31,743 --> 00:33:34,280 - A fucking beer! - I can make that happen. 691 00:33:34,313 --> 00:33:36,048 - Holla! - that's nothing. 692 00:33:36,082 --> 00:33:38,117 Get it. 693 00:33:38,150 --> 00:33:41,253 Uncle Kenny, can we please get Kevin some beer? 694 00:33:41,287 --> 00:33:43,455 Because he's gonna drive me crazy and this is gonna be 695 00:33:43,489 --> 00:33:46,024 - a really long trip without it. - Yeah, sure. 696 00:33:52,764 --> 00:33:53,732 Kevin: excellent. 697 00:33:53,765 --> 00:33:56,068 Bathrooms? 698 00:33:56,102 --> 00:33:57,836 Yeah, right over there to the left. 699 00:33:57,869 --> 00:34:00,806 - I gotta pay a visit. - Yes, thank you for sharing. 700 00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:03,809 What's it gonna be, my friends? 701 00:34:03,842 --> 00:34:06,212 We will take three six-packs of bud 702 00:34:06,245 --> 00:34:09,148 and a coke and a water for my gay little friend right here. 703 00:34:09,181 --> 00:34:11,117 - You're a douche. - Mm-hmm. 704 00:34:12,651 --> 00:34:15,087 Coconut water, got electrolytes, 705 00:34:15,121 --> 00:34:16,755 good for the kidneys. 706 00:34:16,788 --> 00:34:18,657 - Three six-pack of beer. - Ohhh. 707 00:34:18,690 --> 00:34:21,527 That was fast. Ready * to go. 708 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:24,230 The bathrooms in here are atrocious. 709 00:34:24,263 --> 00:34:27,233 There was something slippery on the handle 710 00:34:27,266 --> 00:34:30,436 and I swear there was a glory hole in the wall. 711 00:34:30,469 --> 00:34:33,205 ( Evil cackle ) 712 00:34:35,541 --> 00:34:37,376 Gentlemen, 52.55. 713 00:34:37,409 --> 00:34:39,211 - Damn! - what? 714 00:34:39,245 --> 00:34:41,713 - That's a little steep, isn't it? - Pesos or dollars? 715 00:34:41,747 --> 00:34:43,515 ( Tires squeal, siren blurts ) 716 00:34:43,549 --> 00:34:45,384 - ( Car door slams ) - oh shit! 717 00:34:45,417 --> 00:34:48,487 - Oh shit what? - It's the sarge. 718 00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:50,289 - Sarge like-- - the sarge is coming. 719 00:34:50,322 --> 00:34:52,591 - --Like sergeant? - Sergeant of what? 720 00:34:55,927 --> 00:34:58,297 Oh man. I'd throw my dick in cocaine to get-- 721 00:34:58,330 --> 00:35:01,733 - shut the hell up. - Do you see-- I see that, come on. 722 00:35:03,402 --> 00:35:07,373 Marcus, I thought you were gonna close down for a while. 723 00:35:07,406 --> 00:35:10,376 We were, sheriff. I just had these last customers 724 00:35:10,409 --> 00:35:12,344 - and I was-- - lock the doors. 725 00:35:12,378 --> 00:35:15,181 - On it. - Hey. 726 00:35:20,752 --> 00:35:22,688 Oh, I love what you do with that chain. 727 00:35:22,721 --> 00:35:24,756 Go eat a bowl of dicks, you douchewad. 728 00:35:24,790 --> 00:35:26,225 Come on, that was awesome. 729 00:35:26,258 --> 00:35:28,394 I don't know what this is all about, 730 00:35:28,427 --> 00:35:30,396 but you can't just lock us in. 731 00:35:30,429 --> 00:35:33,599 Oh no? Just did, sweetcakes. 732 00:35:34,966 --> 00:35:36,668 What are you gonna do about it? 733 00:35:36,702 --> 00:35:39,171 Well, what do you want me to do? 734 00:35:39,205 --> 00:35:41,807 I'll bet you'd rather be at home with a cup of warm cocoa 735 00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:44,210 curled up in a winnie the pooh snuggie, 736 00:35:44,243 --> 00:35:46,812 reading Oprah's book of the week. 737 00:35:46,845 --> 00:35:49,181 Well, that ain't gonna happen. 738 00:35:50,716 --> 00:35:54,186 You see, we are hunters 739 00:35:54,220 --> 00:35:57,756 and we are here on a mission. 740 00:35:57,789 --> 00:36:00,459 It's supposed to be a secret mission, 741 00:36:00,492 --> 00:36:02,461 but now you faggots are in my mission. 742 00:36:02,494 --> 00:36:04,696 Excuse me? 743 00:36:04,730 --> 00:36:07,899 Well, two regular people and one faggot. 744 00:36:07,933 --> 00:36:10,602 - That's you. - Listen, we just want beer. 745 00:36:10,636 --> 00:36:11,937 That's all. 746 00:36:11,970 --> 00:36:14,240 We all want something, son. 747 00:36:15,374 --> 00:36:16,808 Have you ever seen a man 748 00:36:16,842 --> 00:36:18,810 with a dragon tattoo on his dick? 749 00:36:20,512 --> 00:36:21,980 Well, I have! 750 00:36:22,013 --> 00:36:23,482 My daddy. 751 00:36:24,950 --> 00:36:28,387 He used to ride bicycles naked when he was drunk and on leave. 752 00:36:29,488 --> 00:36:31,523 He'd ride endless circles singing a song 753 00:36:31,557 --> 00:36:33,859 about a man with a dragon in his lap. 754 00:36:33,892 --> 00:36:35,527 What's this all about? 755 00:36:35,561 --> 00:36:38,230 Have you ever heard of a strigoi? 756 00:36:39,731 --> 00:36:42,368 Half zombie, half vampire, 757 00:36:42,401 --> 00:36:44,736 one quarter werewolf? 758 00:36:46,272 --> 00:36:49,375 One and a quarter's not even possible. 759 00:36:49,408 --> 00:36:51,377 Not possible? 760 00:36:51,410 --> 00:36:53,312 Then what do you call the devil beast 761 00:36:53,345 --> 00:36:55,514 we have locked up in the back there right now? 762 00:36:55,547 --> 00:36:57,483 ( Roars ) 763 00:36:57,516 --> 00:37:00,319 - Wyatt: what was that awful sound? - Kevin: Holy was that? 764 00:37:00,352 --> 00:37:01,953 Settle down. 765 00:37:01,987 --> 00:37:04,256 And we mean to take him out right now. 766 00:37:04,290 --> 00:37:06,392 And I don't mean for dinner. 767 00:37:06,425 --> 00:37:10,296 Then we will come back and deal with you. 768 00:37:10,329 --> 00:37:13,332 You all have to be inspected 769 00:37:13,365 --> 00:37:14,933 and cleansed. 770 00:37:17,336 --> 00:37:18,670 Is that like a sponge bath? 771 00:37:18,704 --> 00:37:20,306 'Cause if so, I'd really like for her-- 772 00:37:20,339 --> 00:37:22,007 shut the hell up. 773 00:37:23,041 --> 00:37:25,377 This cleansing could kill you. 774 00:37:25,411 --> 00:37:27,245 But it is the only way. 775 00:37:28,614 --> 00:37:30,916 Winter, to the back. 776 00:37:40,959 --> 00:37:42,594 You've gotta get us out of here, man. 777 00:37:42,628 --> 00:37:45,597 I can't-- the sarge. 778 00:37:45,631 --> 00:37:48,600 - ( Distant yells ) - I'm getting the gist here pretty good. 779 00:37:48,634 --> 00:37:50,836 - Please open the door... - ( Blows falling ) 780 00:37:50,869 --> 00:37:53,739 - ...and we'll be outta here like the fucking wind. - ( Glass shatters ) 781 00:37:55,674 --> 00:37:58,344 What the high holy was that? 782 00:37:58,377 --> 00:38:01,012 - ( Roaring ) - dude, if you don't let us out of here 783 00:38:01,046 --> 00:38:03,582 right now, I'm going to penetrate your colon so deep 784 00:38:03,615 --> 00:38:06,418 that your shit is gonna have my Nike marks on it. 785 00:38:06,452 --> 00:38:09,421 This is insane. There is no such thing 786 00:38:09,455 --> 00:38:12,324 as a strigoi. Am I on "fear tactics" right now? 787 00:38:13,425 --> 00:38:15,327 Marcus? 788 00:38:15,361 --> 00:38:18,096 My ex-fiancee is getting married in... 789 00:38:18,129 --> 00:38:19,598 17. 790 00:38:19,631 --> 00:38:21,433 ...17 hours. 791 00:38:21,467 --> 00:38:23,635 Marrying another guy? 792 00:38:23,669 --> 00:38:25,671 Yeah, hence the "ex" part. 793 00:38:25,704 --> 00:38:27,439 I gotta stop her. 794 00:38:27,473 --> 00:38:28,474 Do you love her? 795 00:38:28,507 --> 00:38:30,742 - Of course I do. - ( Fight continuing ) 796 00:38:30,776 --> 00:38:33,111 I was almost married once. 797 00:38:33,144 --> 00:38:35,313 Then you know exactly how I feel. 798 00:38:36,882 --> 00:38:39,050 Yeah. she broke my heart. 799 00:38:39,084 --> 00:38:41,987 Katie broke mine, but you see I have a chance to change that. 800 00:38:43,389 --> 00:38:45,791 But you gotta let me out of here to do that. 801 00:38:45,824 --> 00:38:47,493 - ( Strigoi roars ) - do you think so? 802 00:38:47,526 --> 00:38:49,661 I can do this for the both of us, Marcus. 803 00:38:50,896 --> 00:38:52,398 Oh, to hell with it. 804 00:38:52,431 --> 00:38:54,433 Love needs to win sometimes. 805 00:38:54,466 --> 00:38:56,602 - Yeah! - yes. 806 00:38:56,635 --> 00:38:58,837 Come on, you all get out of here. 807 00:38:58,870 --> 00:39:00,639 - Let's get out of here quick. - ( Roaring ) 808 00:39:02,441 --> 00:39:04,676 - Wyatt: what are you doing? - Beer-- we need it. 809 00:39:04,710 --> 00:39:06,745 Kenny: come on, let's get outta here. 810 00:39:06,778 --> 00:39:08,980 - Let's get the hell outta here. - ( Sarge moaning ) 811 00:39:13,819 --> 00:39:16,622 - ( Roars ) - what the hell? 812 00:39:16,655 --> 00:39:17,823 ( Cocks ) 813 00:39:19,425 --> 00:39:21,393 Oh-hhhh shit! 814 00:39:21,427 --> 00:39:22,961 Let's get outta here! 815 00:39:26,598 --> 00:39:28,900 Now that was purely awesome. 816 00:39:28,934 --> 00:39:31,503 Jesus, Becky, nice right hook. 817 00:39:31,537 --> 00:39:33,104 You almost broke my jaw. 818 00:39:33,138 --> 00:39:35,541 Did you have to rip my top open, huh, Alan? 819 00:39:35,574 --> 00:39:37,909 - Fucking asshole. - I was giving them a show. 820 00:39:37,943 --> 00:39:40,178 What's the harm? Besides, you have great tits. 821 00:39:40,211 --> 00:39:41,680 All I'm saying is, like, 822 00:39:41,713 --> 00:39:44,583 what if it's real-- the strigoi? 823 00:39:44,616 --> 00:39:46,585 And there are more of them out there? 824 00:39:46,618 --> 00:39:50,422 It's ridiculous! The world's not coming to an end by strigoi. 825 00:39:50,456 --> 00:39:53,459 There are a lot of things, actually, that happen 826 00:39:53,492 --> 00:39:56,027 that no one has an explanation for. 827 00:39:56,061 --> 00:39:58,697 Someone should have been called is all I'm saying. 828 00:39:58,730 --> 00:40:00,866 Like who? The cops? 829 00:40:02,568 --> 00:40:04,670 I need my bag. 830 00:40:04,703 --> 00:40:07,506 - Kev, would you grab it for me? - ( Groans ) 831 00:40:07,539 --> 00:40:09,741 - It's an emergency. - Fine. 832 00:40:09,775 --> 00:40:11,777 - Which one is it? - The pink one. 833 00:40:11,810 --> 00:40:13,912 Obviously. 834 00:40:13,945 --> 00:40:18,083 - Uh, you want me to grab something? - Xanax pronto. 835 00:40:18,116 --> 00:40:20,085 Oka-aaay! 836 00:40:20,118 --> 00:40:22,721 Fucking bong rip, how about one of those, please. 837 00:40:22,754 --> 00:40:24,923 Whoa, what the fuck is this? 838 00:40:24,956 --> 00:40:27,025 - What the fuck is that? - Oh my god! 839 00:40:27,058 --> 00:40:29,595 - Get it out of here! - Kenny: Hey hey hey. 840 00:40:29,628 --> 00:40:31,730 Calm down, everybody, please. 841 00:40:31,763 --> 00:40:34,633 - Let me explain. - Lookit, 842 00:40:34,666 --> 00:40:36,702 it has pubic hair on it ( Laughs ) 843 00:40:36,735 --> 00:40:38,203 - ( Screams ) - oh my god! 844 00:40:38,236 --> 00:40:40,572 Kevin, get that out of here! 845 00:40:40,606 --> 00:40:43,909 - No telling where that's been. - I teach classes on how to give the perfect... 846 00:40:43,942 --> 00:40:46,111 ( Slurps ) 847 00:40:46,144 --> 00:40:48,013 - B.j. - ( spits ) 848 00:40:48,046 --> 00:40:51,850 The course is called "slob on the knob 849 00:40:51,883 --> 00:40:53,685 and give a good job." 850 00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:55,921 What? what don't you just use a banana or something? 851 00:40:55,954 --> 00:40:58,590 It's the visual effect. 852 00:40:58,624 --> 00:41:00,992 They learn better if it seems real. 853 00:41:01,026 --> 00:41:04,229 Well, why the fuck would you even need it on this trip anyway? 854 00:41:04,262 --> 00:41:06,565 Well, you never know who's going to need 855 00:41:06,598 --> 00:41:08,567 a Mr. tugglesworth of their own. 856 00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:11,469 And practice makes perfect. 857 00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:18,009 Hey, look at these two. Probably running from the strigoi. 858 00:41:18,043 --> 00:41:20,512 Look like a couple of hippies. 859 00:41:20,546 --> 00:41:22,247 - Dude, pull over. - No, Kevin! 860 00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:25,951 - No hitchhikers! - We can't leave them out there. 861 00:41:25,984 --> 00:41:29,120 I mean they have weed. I know it. I'm positive. 862 00:41:29,154 --> 00:41:31,289 And-- and-- and if anything happens, 863 00:41:31,322 --> 00:41:34,560 I take full responsibility. I will take your blowjob class. 864 00:41:34,593 --> 00:41:36,962 I-- I will do the Bob-my-knob thing. Come on! 865 00:41:36,995 --> 00:41:38,864 Come on, I'll blow Mr. tugglesworth! 866 00:41:38,897 --> 00:41:41,066 Now that I gotta see. 867 00:41:41,099 --> 00:41:44,202 You take full responsibility? 868 00:41:45,871 --> 00:41:49,240 - ( Laughs ) oh yeah. - Whoo! 869 00:41:49,274 --> 00:41:51,509 ( Tires screech ) 870 00:41:52,711 --> 00:41:54,780 ( Couple moaning ) 871 00:41:58,617 --> 00:42:00,318 Man: thank you for extracting us 872 00:42:00,351 --> 00:42:03,722 from that derelict and... 873 00:42:03,755 --> 00:42:06,792 - Arenaceous desert floor. - Yes yes yes. 874 00:42:06,825 --> 00:42:10,095 Ahh, and this is my love partner 875 00:42:10,128 --> 00:42:12,731 and traveling companion... 876 00:42:16,201 --> 00:42:18,604 Destiny. 877 00:42:18,637 --> 00:42:21,039 - Dest-- destiny. - Destiny. 878 00:42:24,643 --> 00:42:27,613 Bless your souls for your kindness. 879 00:42:27,646 --> 00:42:29,681 They seem nice. 880 00:42:29,715 --> 00:42:32,217 - I don't know about that. - Yeah right, Kevin. 881 00:42:32,250 --> 00:42:34,119 You guys got any weed? 882 00:42:34,152 --> 00:42:37,589 - Oh, we don't have any weed. - No weed. 883 00:42:37,623 --> 00:42:41,727 - No weed. - Hello, Mr. tugglesworth. 884 00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:44,195 This is gonna be good. 885 00:42:44,229 --> 00:42:46,364 Sure you guys don't have any weed at all? 886 00:42:46,397 --> 00:42:50,135 - No... - destructive... 887 00:42:50,168 --> 00:42:54,740 Vegetation... 888 00:42:56,374 --> 00:42:58,810 - Awww. - ...In our possessions. 889 00:42:58,844 --> 00:43:00,679 Damn it! 890 00:43:00,712 --> 00:43:03,649 But we do have 891 00:43:03,682 --> 00:43:05,717 the dried gift of the mother. 892 00:43:05,751 --> 00:43:09,154 Oh snap! ( Laughs ) 893 00:43:10,188 --> 00:43:13,625 Join us for a blessing? 894 00:43:13,659 --> 00:43:15,661 Hell yeah. 895 00:43:15,694 --> 00:43:18,129 - ( Maracas playing ) - the earth turns 896 00:43:18,163 --> 00:43:21,032 all on a ship of souls. 897 00:43:21,066 --> 00:43:24,402 Come with me. And she rewards us with life. 898 00:43:24,435 --> 00:43:26,705 We suck 899 00:43:26,738 --> 00:43:29,207 from the dusky teat. 900 00:43:29,240 --> 00:43:32,310 Birth, life, 901 00:43:32,343 --> 00:43:34,079 death. 902 00:43:34,112 --> 00:43:35,914 We suck the life of the mother 903 00:43:35,947 --> 00:43:39,951 and taste birth. 904 00:43:39,985 --> 00:43:44,322 - Destiny, anoint him. - Yes, anoint me! 905 00:43:44,355 --> 00:43:47,759 - I'm so ready. - Show him your dark cycle. 906 00:43:49,294 --> 00:43:51,329 - ( Vomits ) - ( groaning ) 907 00:43:56,367 --> 00:43:58,737 Baby, there's no rides out here. 908 00:43:58,770 --> 00:44:00,739 Cycle of life, asshole. 909 00:44:00,772 --> 00:44:02,307 Kenny: come on, Wyatt, let's go. 910 00:44:02,340 --> 00:44:04,209 - Take this with you. - ( Screams ) 911 00:44:04,242 --> 00:44:07,713 - So lame, so lame! - We're cleansing ourselves of you. 912 00:44:08,479 --> 00:44:10,448 Ellen: Wyatt, don't be so mean. 913 00:44:10,481 --> 00:44:12,150 ( Babbling ) 914 00:44:14,786 --> 00:44:17,355 ( Wyatt laughs ) that dumb bitch on the skateboard. 915 00:44:17,388 --> 00:44:19,224 - She can't even catch up. - ( All laugh ) 916 00:44:19,257 --> 00:44:20,692 Cool ritual, bitch. 917 00:44:20,726 --> 00:44:23,695 Naw, man, I don't think it's a sign. 918 00:44:23,729 --> 00:44:26,732 It was a total fluke. You're not a shit magnet. 919 00:44:26,765 --> 00:44:28,867 ( Snickering ) 920 00:44:28,900 --> 00:44:32,738 - I'm sorry. - It was a really nice ceremony. 921 00:44:32,771 --> 00:44:35,406 I mean she really honored you. 922 00:44:36,975 --> 00:44:39,144 - Awww. - okay okay. Leave him alone. 923 00:44:42,447 --> 00:44:44,415 ( Sniffs ) oh dude. 924 00:44:44,449 --> 00:44:47,452 ( Blows ) I'm on fucking fire, man. 925 00:44:47,485 --> 00:44:49,454 Yeah, what the fuck are you doing here? 926 00:44:51,356 --> 00:44:52,858 Dude? 927 00:44:53,859 --> 00:44:56,127 - What? - dude! 928 00:44:57,328 --> 00:44:58,329 What? 929 00:44:59,765 --> 00:45:02,467 ( Chuckles ) dude! 930 00:45:02,500 --> 00:45:04,502 What-- what? 931 00:45:04,535 --> 00:45:06,805 What? 932 00:45:07,839 --> 00:45:09,474 - Dude? - what? 933 00:45:09,507 --> 00:45:11,409 - What? - ( inhales ) 934 00:45:11,442 --> 00:45:13,879 ( Gags, coughing ) 935 00:45:17,315 --> 00:45:19,918 Again, what are you doing here on the r.V.? 936 00:45:19,951 --> 00:45:22,754 What do you mean what am I doing here? What are you doing here? 937 00:45:22,788 --> 00:45:25,991 What are you, just some kind of fucking ninja Batman or something? 938 00:45:26,024 --> 00:45:29,494 ( Chuckles ) fucking ladies wrestling league here or something, man? 939 00:45:29,527 --> 00:45:32,430 Dude, what are you doing here? 940 00:45:32,463 --> 00:45:35,834 I think you dented my fucking beard, man! 941 00:45:35,867 --> 00:45:37,035 ( Sighs ) 942 00:45:37,068 --> 00:45:39,004 What are you doing here? 943 00:45:40,305 --> 00:45:41,873 You mean prior to being accosted 944 00:45:41,907 --> 00:45:44,275 and having my fucking joint stabbed out on me? 945 00:45:44,309 --> 00:45:47,045 I was using the fucking facilities, man. 946 00:45:47,078 --> 00:45:49,915 You know, the fucking head here? 947 00:45:49,948 --> 00:45:52,017 Dude! oh, dude. 948 00:45:53,885 --> 00:45:56,822 Dude, you're not supposed-- you crapped in the r.V.? 949 00:45:56,855 --> 00:45:59,057 You're not-- no one craps in the r.V., dude! 950 00:45:59,090 --> 00:46:01,359 Hey, man, well, it sure the shit 951 00:46:01,392 --> 00:46:04,395 ain't a fucking reading chair, now is it there, komatsu. 952 00:46:04,429 --> 00:46:05,797 ( Laughs ) 953 00:46:05,831 --> 00:46:07,398 Not fucking comfortable enough. 954 00:46:07,432 --> 00:46:09,367 - Hey, man. - No no, I don't like it here. 955 00:46:11,937 --> 00:46:14,205 Dude, how did you-- 956 00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:15,874 dude felt the pressure. 957 00:46:15,907 --> 00:46:17,976 Release was the option i had, man. 958 00:46:18,009 --> 00:46:20,578 I came here for some quiet time, you know? 959 00:46:20,611 --> 00:46:24,482 Meditate on my colon, you know? Maybe fucking blow a Jay. 960 00:46:24,515 --> 00:46:27,785 Next thing I know, this motherfucker's moving, man. 961 00:46:29,354 --> 00:46:32,090 - But I got-- oh shit. - ( Sizzles ) 962 00:46:32,123 --> 00:46:33,558 I gotta tell you though, 963 00:46:33,591 --> 00:46:35,360 as far as r.V. Shitters go, 964 00:46:35,393 --> 00:46:38,429 this has got some fucking space, man. 965 00:46:38,463 --> 00:46:40,198 I fucking like this guy. You know. 966 00:46:40,231 --> 00:46:42,367 I could spend some fucking time in here. 967 00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:45,070 It's got some nice wallpaper and shit, man. 968 00:46:45,103 --> 00:46:47,839 Dude, listen, we can't-- 969 00:46:47,873 --> 00:46:49,908 - ( laughs ) - if they find out you're on here, 970 00:46:49,941 --> 00:46:52,410 they're gonna flip, okay? So just lay low and just chill, man. 971 00:46:52,443 --> 00:46:54,579 And we'll figure out a way to get you off. 972 00:46:54,612 --> 00:46:58,283 You know what? I think you're the one who needs to fucking drop a deuce. 973 00:46:58,316 --> 00:47:00,018 Okay. 974 00:47:00,051 --> 00:47:03,054 Look at you, all fucking backed up. 975 00:47:03,088 --> 00:47:05,523 Fucking ninja back up. 976 00:47:05,556 --> 00:47:08,593 I think you need to ninja that shit right out of there, man. 977 00:47:08,626 --> 00:47:11,863 Okay, just chill and be quiet. 978 00:47:11,897 --> 00:47:13,598 Why don't you keep it on the d.L. And have a hit? 979 00:47:13,631 --> 00:47:14,966 Shut up. 980 00:47:19,905 --> 00:47:22,273 Oh well, 981 00:47:22,307 --> 00:47:24,876 I guess I'll have a drink. 982 00:47:24,910 --> 00:47:26,344 I'll drink to that! 983 00:47:32,517 --> 00:47:34,852 ( Inhales ) 984 00:47:37,989 --> 00:47:40,125 Wow, I'm so stoned. 985 00:47:40,158 --> 00:47:41,993 Hmm. 986 00:47:42,027 --> 00:47:44,229 That really took it out of me. 987 00:47:47,565 --> 00:47:50,035 ( Coughing ) 988 00:47:52,370 --> 00:47:54,305 Yeah, her too. 989 00:48:09,587 --> 00:48:11,322 You lucky guy. 990 00:48:11,356 --> 00:48:13,925 Wyatt, what's wrong? 991 00:48:13,959 --> 00:48:15,994 I don't know. 992 00:48:16,027 --> 00:48:18,029 Something doesn't feel right. 993 00:48:19,397 --> 00:48:21,132 I think we need to turn around. 994 00:48:21,166 --> 00:48:24,002 No, you were just having a bad dream, that's all. 995 00:48:24,035 --> 00:48:27,305 We're not turning around. You love her, end of story. 996 00:48:27,338 --> 00:48:29,707 Okay? get some rest. 997 00:48:29,740 --> 00:48:31,042 All right. 998 00:48:31,076 --> 00:48:33,678 * a sunny afternoon 999 00:48:33,711 --> 00:48:38,483 * I've been up for hours and I don't know what to do today * 1000 00:48:39,517 --> 00:48:42,954 * tomorrow, forever... 1001 00:48:45,223 --> 00:48:47,725 You all right, uncle Kenny? You need me to drive? 1002 00:48:47,758 --> 00:48:49,660 Oh, I'll be fine. I'm fine. 1003 00:48:49,694 --> 00:48:52,630 Nobody drives Ernest but me. 1004 00:48:52,663 --> 00:48:54,199 I'll be fine. 1005 00:48:56,067 --> 00:48:58,103 All right then. Let me know if you need something. 1006 00:48:58,136 --> 00:49:00,571 I will, thanks. 1007 00:49:07,178 --> 00:49:11,049 * I want to leave this place and start again * 1008 00:49:11,082 --> 00:49:14,986 * I don't want to go back where I began * 1009 00:49:15,020 --> 00:49:18,556 * I want to find somewhere I belong * 1010 00:49:18,589 --> 00:49:22,060 * I don't want to make this last word * 1011 00:49:23,394 --> 00:49:25,463 * without a song 1012 00:49:39,610 --> 00:49:42,113 * I should clean this place up * 1013 00:49:42,147 --> 00:49:46,151 * grab a shower and shave and go outside... * 1014 00:49:48,419 --> 00:49:50,788 * as long as I am by it 1015 00:49:50,821 --> 00:49:53,558 * the phone never rings 1016 00:49:53,591 --> 00:49:55,760 * I don't know what I'm doing 1017 00:49:55,793 --> 00:49:58,396 * but I'm making new friends 1018 00:49:58,429 --> 00:50:02,033 - * I know that this ain't working... * - ( tires squeal ) 1019 00:50:04,535 --> 00:50:06,037 ( Rooster crows ) 1020 00:50:06,071 --> 00:50:08,806 ( Eagle shrieks ) 1021 00:50:08,839 --> 00:50:11,776 Hey, what do you think about that waitress over at Nick's diner? 1022 00:50:11,809 --> 00:50:13,811 She sure was something. 1023 00:50:13,844 --> 00:50:16,414 Those were some monstrous jugs, weren't they? 1024 00:50:16,447 --> 00:50:19,484 Oh yeah, I gave them titties a Pearl necklace last weekend. 1025 00:50:19,517 --> 00:50:23,454 Whoo-wee! boy, you give a girl a piece of jewelry, she might let you slip it in her. 1026 00:50:23,488 --> 00:50:25,790 No, you dumbass. 1027 00:50:25,823 --> 00:50:29,160 I didn't buy her nothing. I shot it on her neck. 1028 00:50:29,194 --> 00:50:32,797 - You shot what on her neck? - My fucking spunk! 1029 00:50:32,830 --> 00:50:35,733 My essence. My goddamn man-chowder. 1030 00:50:35,766 --> 00:50:37,635 ( Police radio chatter ) 1031 00:50:37,668 --> 00:50:39,237 Oh, she let you do that? 1032 00:50:39,270 --> 00:50:41,206 Hell yeah, she let me do that! 1033 00:50:41,239 --> 00:50:43,674 She was like, "oh, daddy, 1034 00:50:43,708 --> 00:50:46,077 goo me up, daddy! Goo me up!" 1035 00:50:46,111 --> 00:50:48,513 Then she held her big old jugs up like that 1036 00:50:48,546 --> 00:50:51,249 and I sprayed 'em like engine 59. 1037 00:50:51,282 --> 00:50:53,118 I even got a little on her lip too. 1038 00:50:53,151 --> 00:50:55,186 You oughta try that one. 1039 00:50:57,188 --> 00:51:00,391 Shit. Donna would never let me goo up that waitress. 1040 00:51:00,425 --> 00:51:03,328 She'd kill me! Huh-uh, huh-uh. 1041 00:51:03,361 --> 00:51:06,164 Are you inbred or something? 1042 00:51:06,197 --> 00:51:08,199 Donna! give Donna the goo. 1043 00:51:08,233 --> 00:51:10,835 * this ain't useful... 1044 00:51:10,868 --> 00:51:13,571 How on earth did they ever let you have a gun? 1045 00:51:16,607 --> 00:51:18,209 ( Siren blurts ) 1046 00:51:18,243 --> 00:51:20,145 - Son of a bitch. - What the hell was that? 1047 00:51:20,178 --> 00:51:22,347 Damned r.V. Hit our car, man. 1048 00:51:31,522 --> 00:51:34,259 - ( Radio playing ) - hey, boy. 1049 00:51:34,292 --> 00:51:37,728 You want to step out of that vehicle and keep your hands where I can see 'em, please. 1050 00:51:37,762 --> 00:51:39,864 Yes sir, officer. 1051 00:51:45,903 --> 00:51:48,239 Over there, miss. This way. 1052 00:51:48,273 --> 00:51:50,375 Whoa whoa, sir. Over here. 1053 00:51:50,408 --> 00:51:52,610 You too. Come on, pops, come on. 1054 00:51:55,613 --> 00:51:57,448 Are we still in Texas? 1055 00:51:57,482 --> 00:52:00,251 Have you been drinking, son? 1056 00:52:00,285 --> 00:52:03,888 No, officer. I must have fallen asleep at the wheel. 1057 00:52:03,921 --> 00:52:06,291 We'll just see about that. What about drugs? 1058 00:52:06,324 --> 00:52:08,426 - You been doing them drugs, boy? - Kenny: No. 1059 00:52:08,459 --> 00:52:12,263 - Nothing. - okay, why don't you just keep your lips sealed 1060 00:52:12,297 --> 00:52:14,399 and give me your license and registration? 1061 00:52:14,432 --> 00:52:16,701 We'll see if you have any warrants coming back. 1062 00:52:16,734 --> 00:52:19,770 You better hope and pray you don't come back with any warrants. 1063 00:52:19,804 --> 00:52:22,473 No, officer, I don't have any warrants. 1064 00:52:22,507 --> 00:52:24,475 Uncle Kenny, you hit their patrol car? 1065 00:52:24,509 --> 00:52:26,911 I changed the music to a country station, 1066 00:52:26,944 --> 00:52:29,647 - all of a sudden, kaboom! - Country's like the worst choice! 1067 00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:31,716 You should have picked something, like, more upbeat. 1068 00:52:31,749 --> 00:52:33,884 - Like green bay? - ( Ellen laughs ) green bay? 1069 00:52:33,918 --> 00:52:36,687 - Green day. - Green day, yes yes! Green day would work. 1070 00:52:36,721 --> 00:52:38,656 Oh yeah yeah! What if he picked that-- 1071 00:52:38,689 --> 00:52:40,358 what is that album called again? 1072 00:52:40,391 --> 00:52:42,427 "Pukie"? wouldn't that be great, kev? 1073 00:52:42,460 --> 00:52:44,929 - ( Groans ) - all I know is I'm driving the rest of the way. 1074 00:52:44,962 --> 00:52:48,966 Kenny: like hell you are. Nobody drives Ernest but me. 1075 00:52:48,999 --> 00:52:50,368 - I'm fine. - Wyatt: Ernest? 1076 00:52:50,401 --> 00:52:51,502 Okay, shut it, shut it! 1077 00:52:51,536 --> 00:52:54,239 Just shut it already! Do you realize how much trouble 1078 00:52:54,272 --> 00:52:56,941 - you guys are all in? - Whatever. 1079 00:52:56,974 --> 00:53:00,578 Listen to me, people around these parts don't take too kindly to your kind. 1080 00:53:00,611 --> 00:53:03,214 I might end up throwing you in jail. 1081 00:53:03,248 --> 00:53:04,982 You ever been to a gang bang? Huh? 1082 00:53:05,015 --> 00:53:08,286 You know what it's like to be gang-raped? Sweet thing? 1083 00:53:08,319 --> 00:53:11,789 Bending down, picking up the soap? You're gonna find out the hard way. 1084 00:53:11,822 --> 00:53:14,892 - That's not so bad. - Cop: He's clear, partner. 1085 00:53:14,925 --> 00:53:18,329 - Clear. - you know what? Check the r.V. 1086 00:53:18,363 --> 00:53:19,997 Step aside, sir. Aside! 1087 00:53:20,030 --> 00:53:22,267 - Sorry. - here. 1088 00:53:22,300 --> 00:53:23,868 Thank-- thank you, officer. 1089 00:53:23,901 --> 00:53:25,903 ( Rustling ) 1090 00:53:29,940 --> 00:53:32,777 Cop: my god. Nothing! 1091 00:53:32,810 --> 00:53:35,646 Except this. What do you make of this, partner? 1092 00:53:35,680 --> 00:53:38,516 Goddamn sickos. 1093 00:53:38,549 --> 00:53:39,917 Right? you know what? 1094 00:53:39,950 --> 00:53:41,386 I want to give one of them girls a cavity search! 1095 00:53:43,821 --> 00:53:45,990 But you wouldn't know what to do with one of those girls 1096 00:53:46,023 --> 00:53:48,259 if they was sitting on your face. 1097 00:53:48,293 --> 00:53:49,960 - Maybe a Pearl necklace. - Take this! 1098 00:53:49,994 --> 00:53:52,663 - All right, who's first?! - Man on radio: One Lincoln seven. 1099 00:53:52,697 --> 00:53:54,499 Stay right here. 1100 00:53:57,602 --> 00:53:59,670 One Lincoln seven. Go ahead. 1101 00:53:59,704 --> 00:54:01,972 415, customer at a minimart 1102 00:54:02,006 --> 00:54:04,375 stating a half-man, half-zombie being chased 1103 00:54:04,409 --> 00:54:06,377 by a shirtless female officer. 1104 00:54:06,411 --> 00:54:08,513 Sumbitch zombie man-beast 1105 00:54:08,546 --> 00:54:10,748 chasing folks over at the minimart! 1106 00:54:10,781 --> 00:54:12,049 Hey, Jess, let's go! 1107 00:54:12,082 --> 00:54:14,452 What about a citation? 1108 00:54:14,485 --> 00:54:16,020 Forget about the citation. 1109 00:54:16,053 --> 00:54:19,290 ( Groans ) i had a Pearl necklace for you, honey. 1110 00:54:19,324 --> 00:54:21,792 * old truckers never die 1111 00:54:21,826 --> 00:54:24,395 * I'll tell you, girl, i wouldn't lie * 1112 00:54:24,429 --> 00:54:26,831 * what can i do do do? * 1113 00:54:28,065 --> 00:54:30,267 - ( siren blares ) - ( engine revving ) 1114 00:54:33,371 --> 00:54:35,406 - Let's get outta here! - Wyatt: Let's go! 1115 00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:37,408 - Yup! let's go! - Right? 1116 00:54:37,442 --> 00:54:39,276 ( Country music playing ) 1117 00:54:47,352 --> 00:54:49,620 ( Instrumental rock music playing ) 1118 00:54:59,096 --> 00:55:01,732 Shit. hey, Ellen, can you-- can-- 1119 00:55:01,766 --> 00:55:04,602 my leg's falling asleep. 1120 00:55:04,635 --> 00:55:07,372 Hey, Ellen, my leg's falling asleep. 1121 00:55:08,873 --> 00:55:11,342 Can you move a little bit? 1122 00:55:13,644 --> 00:55:14,812 ( Car honks ) 1123 00:55:14,845 --> 00:55:17,415 No, seriously, i can't feel my leg. 1124 00:55:17,448 --> 00:55:20,317 - ( Tires squeal ) - oh shit! 1125 00:55:23,654 --> 00:55:25,756 - ( Groans ) - Kevin: Dude, what are you doing? 1126 00:55:25,790 --> 00:55:27,392 Nothing. I'm-- I'm-- I'm fine. 1127 00:55:27,425 --> 00:55:29,093 I just dropped something. Go back to sleep. 1128 00:55:29,126 --> 00:55:31,962 It's too late for that. What the fuck are we listening to? 1129 00:55:31,996 --> 00:55:34,399 I'm just trying to stay awake, man. 1130 00:55:34,432 --> 00:55:37,502 - Change it if you want. - Yeah, I'll find something. 1131 00:55:37,535 --> 00:55:39,704 - No, wait! - Oh shit! 1132 00:55:39,737 --> 00:55:42,573 Nice boner, dude! Does Ellen know you're skull-fucking her? 1133 00:55:42,607 --> 00:55:46,143 - What's going on, huh? - Dude, Ellen is sleeping on Wyatt's lap 1134 00:55:46,176 --> 00:55:49,514 and he's got a huge boner. Classic. 1135 00:55:49,547 --> 00:55:51,482 Interesting. 1136 00:55:51,516 --> 00:55:53,484 - ( Radio tuning ) - it's not funny. 1137 00:55:53,518 --> 00:55:56,854 - It doesn't mean anything. - Oh, I beg to differ, my dear. 1138 00:55:56,887 --> 00:55:59,724 It's not even a boner! It's just a bulge in my pants. 1139 00:55:59,757 --> 00:56:02,026 Naw naw, that's bullshit, man. 1140 00:56:02,059 --> 00:56:04,462 - That is fully a boner. - ( Whispers ) shut up! 1141 00:56:04,495 --> 00:56:06,831 - Ellen. - ( karate yell ) 1142 00:56:06,864 --> 00:56:09,166 Oh, you-- fuck, man! 1143 00:56:09,199 --> 00:56:10,768 Kevin: yeah, motherfucker! 1144 00:56:10,801 --> 00:56:13,404 Oh, I'm going to punch you in the dick later. 1145 00:56:34,859 --> 00:56:36,894 ( Clanks ) 1146 00:56:36,927 --> 00:56:39,096 - Number one or number two? - Oh, come on! 1147 00:56:39,129 --> 00:56:41,466 No no, first rule of the r.V. 1148 00:56:41,499 --> 00:56:45,135 Is no one dumps in the r.V. Unless they want to empty the r.V. 1149 00:56:45,169 --> 00:56:48,205 - Shit! - not here, grasshopper. 1150 00:56:48,238 --> 00:56:49,974 Ha ha! Frickin' bridge troll. 1151 00:56:50,007 --> 00:56:52,443 ( Mimics troll voice ) "number one or number two? 1152 00:56:52,477 --> 00:56:54,545 Cannot cross my bridge if it's number two." 1153 00:56:54,579 --> 00:56:57,648 Hey hey, you gotta pull over, dude. I gotta go. 1154 00:56:57,682 --> 00:57:00,184 We don't have time to stop. Use the bathroom back there. 1155 00:57:00,217 --> 00:57:02,787 - I can't, it's number two. - Contract your sphincter. 1156 00:57:04,555 --> 00:57:06,924 Come on, man, I gotta go. I'm about to crap my pants. 1157 00:57:06,957 --> 00:57:09,026 Hey, maybe it's time to pay Angie back? 1158 00:57:09,059 --> 00:57:12,763 - Piss off, Wyatt! - Wyatt, if Kevin shits the rug, 1159 00:57:12,797 --> 00:57:14,599 you're cleaning it. 1160 00:57:14,632 --> 00:57:17,635 - Come on, man. - I will, I will! 1161 00:57:17,668 --> 00:57:19,570 I'm just messing with him. 1162 00:57:20,705 --> 00:57:23,140 I don't know, kev. This is an Indian reservation 1163 00:57:23,173 --> 00:57:26,176 in the middle of nowhere. I don't have a good feeling about this. 1164 00:57:26,210 --> 00:57:28,613 What the fuck are you doing on an Indian reservation? 1165 00:57:28,646 --> 00:57:30,214 The road goes right through it. 1166 00:57:30,247 --> 00:57:33,751 Um, well, fuck it. I can't hold it, man. 1167 00:57:33,784 --> 00:57:35,886 So just pull over and I'll say an apology 1168 00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:38,756 and a prayer to the great buffalo then for making doodie on his land. 1169 00:57:38,789 --> 00:57:40,625 ( Toilet flushes ) 1170 00:57:42,827 --> 00:57:45,229 Oh yes, the big one! The big one! 1171 00:57:45,262 --> 00:57:47,231 Oh, you-- god. ( Gags ) 1172 00:57:47,264 --> 00:57:49,767 ( Farting ) 1173 00:57:49,800 --> 00:57:52,637 - Oh! - man: Use another stall, buddy. 1174 00:57:52,670 --> 00:57:54,572 Man #2: I'm taking a shit! 1175 00:57:54,605 --> 00:57:57,207 Oh fuck! 1176 00:57:59,944 --> 00:58:02,212 Oh, you've gotta-- ( Gags ) 1177 00:58:05,182 --> 00:58:07,618 Oh, god damn it. 1178 00:58:07,652 --> 00:58:09,754 It's just you and me, old buddy. 1179 00:58:09,787 --> 00:58:11,956 I need half of you for later. 1180 00:58:11,989 --> 00:58:14,659 Half of you for now. 1181 00:58:14,692 --> 00:58:17,161 ( Groans ) okay. 1182 00:58:17,194 --> 00:58:19,897 No time. No. 1183 00:58:19,930 --> 00:58:23,634 ( Kevin farts ) ohhhh my. 1184 00:58:23,668 --> 00:58:25,502 How long are you gonna be? 1185 00:58:26,737 --> 00:58:29,674 - ( Sighs ) - how long are you gonna be? 1186 00:58:29,707 --> 00:58:31,842 I just sat down, man. I might be awhile. 1187 00:58:31,876 --> 00:58:34,679 - You're disabled? - No-oooo. 1188 00:58:34,712 --> 00:58:36,981 How long are you gonna be? 1189 00:58:37,014 --> 00:58:38,916 ( Screams ) 1190 00:58:38,949 --> 00:58:41,218 I'm disabled right now, man. 1191 00:58:41,251 --> 00:58:43,320 Get the fuck outta here. Whew. 1192 00:58:43,353 --> 00:58:45,990 I'm not leaving until you open this door. 1193 00:58:48,358 --> 00:58:51,295 ( Grunts ) 1194 00:58:51,328 --> 00:58:53,898 ( Groans ) why? 1195 00:58:53,931 --> 00:58:55,666 You gonna be awhile? 1196 00:58:55,700 --> 00:58:58,569 Are you fucking kidding me? What's wrong with you, man? 1197 00:58:58,603 --> 00:59:02,106 - Use another stall. - I'm crippled, you dumbass. 1198 00:59:02,139 --> 00:59:03,841 - ( Rattles ) - come out! 1199 00:59:03,874 --> 00:59:06,176 You wanna use your dick for a birthday candle? 1200 00:59:06,210 --> 00:59:08,946 You'd better open this door. 1201 00:59:08,979 --> 00:59:10,648 I can't, man, you're gonna have to wait. 1202 00:59:10,681 --> 00:59:12,349 I'm mid-squeeze right now, nubs. 1203 00:59:12,382 --> 00:59:14,819 - Come on! - ( Rattles ) 1204 00:59:14,852 --> 00:59:17,855 I'm not leaving until you open this door. 1205 00:59:17,888 --> 00:59:20,090 What, did you get fucking hit in the head or something, man? 1206 00:59:20,124 --> 00:59:21,859 Use a different stall, you weirdo! 1207 00:59:21,892 --> 00:59:25,029 - What? - I said you're gonna have to wait. 1208 00:59:25,062 --> 00:59:27,297 Figure something out, wheelie Jim! 1209 00:59:27,331 --> 00:59:29,700 ( Hooting ) 1210 00:59:31,168 --> 00:59:32,670 What the fuck? 1211 00:59:50,420 --> 00:59:53,223 Uncle Kenny, why are you sitting? 1212 00:59:53,257 --> 00:59:55,059 He's not in there. What's going on? 1213 00:59:55,092 --> 00:59:57,394 It seems he has offended some 1214 00:59:57,427 --> 01:00:01,065 big-shot tribal leader or something. 1215 01:00:02,800 --> 01:00:04,769 Yeah, he offends everyone. 1216 01:00:04,802 --> 01:00:06,804 - ( Footsteps ) - where is he, in the office? 1217 01:00:06,837 --> 01:00:09,674 It's not gonna be that easy. 1218 01:00:09,707 --> 01:00:12,209 What the hell is going on here? 1219 01:00:12,242 --> 01:00:14,845 Your friend has offended an elder 1220 01:00:14,879 --> 01:00:16,881 and therefore he must be punished. 1221 01:00:16,914 --> 01:00:20,718 Well, you bring him down right now or we are calling the cops. 1222 01:00:20,751 --> 01:00:23,754 Go ahead. They have no jurisdiction here. 1223 01:00:23,788 --> 01:00:26,256 No, wait, is there 1224 01:00:26,290 --> 01:00:28,793 some kind of offering that we can make? 1225 01:00:30,127 --> 01:00:32,396 Here, it's all I have. Please just take it. 1226 01:00:32,429 --> 01:00:34,631 And here. I got a couple too. 1227 01:00:36,300 --> 01:00:38,402 Your white-man money is no good here. 1228 01:00:38,435 --> 01:00:39,770 - But you just took it. - Huh? 1229 01:00:39,804 --> 01:00:41,338 I am unburdening you. 1230 01:00:41,371 --> 01:00:43,774 The less you have, the better you are. 1231 01:00:43,808 --> 01:00:45,710 No, you listen to me! I don't have time to-- 1232 01:00:47,444 --> 01:00:49,947 okay okay! This isn't gonna resolve anything. 1233 01:00:51,315 --> 01:00:55,319 Is there anything that we can do to bring our friend back? 1234 01:00:56,821 --> 01:00:59,423 I will call the council and i will relay to them your request. 1235 01:00:59,456 --> 01:01:02,092 Okay, fine. 1236 01:01:02,126 --> 01:01:04,128 When do we start? 1237 01:01:04,161 --> 01:01:07,131 - I need to borrow a phone. - Oh jeez. 1238 01:01:07,164 --> 01:01:09,433 - What? - ( mumbles ) idiot. 1239 01:01:12,436 --> 01:01:15,239 - Really? - ( dials ) 1240 01:01:17,507 --> 01:01:19,443 Yes, I'm here with the guys. 1241 01:01:19,476 --> 01:01:22,747 ( Speaking Indian language ) 1242 01:01:32,857 --> 01:01:34,992 And put $5 on duckling. Okay. 1243 01:01:35,025 --> 01:01:37,862 - Are you kidding me? - Ha ha! 1244 01:01:40,497 --> 01:01:44,869 - Hey! - you'll get your phone back with your friend. 1245 01:01:46,971 --> 01:01:49,840 The council says you may do the ritual of the great tatonka. 1246 01:01:49,874 --> 01:01:52,309 And that should take care of everything. 1247 01:01:52,342 --> 01:01:54,178 Okay fine. When do we start? 1248 01:01:54,211 --> 01:01:56,814 End of the road at sundown. 1249 01:01:56,847 --> 01:02:00,350 And how long is this gonna take-- about? 1250 01:02:00,384 --> 01:02:02,887 The ritual of the tatonka can take five days. 1251 01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:05,756 We don't have five days. 1252 01:02:05,790 --> 01:02:07,858 Well, screw this! 1253 01:02:07,892 --> 01:02:10,795 - Let's just pick him up on the way back. - No no no. 1254 01:02:10,828 --> 01:02:14,064 - We're taking him right now. - Well, fine then! 1255 01:02:16,566 --> 01:02:19,937 Really? is it really gonna take five days? 1256 01:02:19,970 --> 01:02:22,873 I've seen it done in less time. 1257 01:02:24,041 --> 01:02:26,443 Is there any way it could be done in, like-- 1258 01:02:26,476 --> 01:02:29,780 this ritual-- in like an hour? 1259 01:02:29,814 --> 01:02:31,849 ( Laughing ) 1260 01:02:33,450 --> 01:02:36,086 - It's never been attempted. - No? 1261 01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:38,889 I have seen it done in-- 1262 01:02:38,923 --> 01:02:40,991 in less time. 1263 01:02:41,025 --> 01:02:43,160 It would require all of you working as one, 1264 01:02:43,193 --> 01:02:46,230 and maybe-- just maybe you will please the great spirit. 1265 01:02:46,263 --> 01:02:48,265 Okay, that's promising. 1266 01:02:48,298 --> 01:02:49,900 - Yeah. - know this: 1267 01:02:51,168 --> 01:02:54,104 If the spirit is not satisfied, you are not protected 1268 01:02:54,138 --> 01:02:56,907 and the ritual may kill all of you. 1269 01:02:56,941 --> 01:02:58,375 Both: what?! 1270 01:02:58,408 --> 01:03:01,045 End of the road. 1271 01:03:01,078 --> 01:03:03,547 You should start driving. 1272 01:03:03,580 --> 01:03:05,816 Let's go, come on! 1273 01:03:11,588 --> 01:03:13,924 Do you think we're gonna make it in time? 1274 01:03:13,958 --> 01:03:15,893 Yeah. 1275 01:03:15,926 --> 01:03:18,963 - I hope you're right. - I am right. I'm always right. 1276 01:03:18,996 --> 01:03:20,430 - Yeah yeah. - You know that. 1277 01:03:20,464 --> 01:03:22,799 And if not? 1278 01:03:25,302 --> 01:03:28,572 Wyatt: is this the place? We're in the middle of b.F.E. 1279 01:03:28,605 --> 01:03:30,875 Ellen: what's b.F.E. Again? 1280 01:03:30,908 --> 01:03:33,443 Hmm, so that's what a tepee looks like. 1281 01:03:35,445 --> 01:03:37,882 Guys, this looks really creepy. 1282 01:03:37,915 --> 01:03:39,917 Angie: where are we? 1283 01:03:41,585 --> 01:03:43,387 - Ellen: I have no idea. - Angie: Oh my god! 1284 01:03:43,420 --> 01:03:46,356 - That looks like a-- - Kenny: Where the hell is this place, huh? 1285 01:03:48,558 --> 01:03:50,861 This must be it. 1286 01:03:50,895 --> 01:03:53,931 - ( Animal howls ) - Ellen: I don't like this. 1287 01:03:53,964 --> 01:03:55,165 Me neither. 1288 01:03:55,199 --> 01:03:58,302 Let's just do what we need to do and get the hell outta here. 1289 01:04:00,104 --> 01:04:02,072 You four have come for your friend 1290 01:04:02,106 --> 01:04:04,408 who has greatly offended an elder 1291 01:04:04,441 --> 01:04:08,645 - and so the tribe. - All: Yes, we have. 1292 01:04:08,678 --> 01:04:10,981 And you intend to take the ceremony of the tatonka? 1293 01:04:13,017 --> 01:04:14,118 - Yeah. - yes, we do. 1294 01:04:15,685 --> 01:04:18,989 - Can we see our friend? - No. 1295 01:04:20,657 --> 01:04:22,592 Follow. 1296 01:04:28,532 --> 01:04:30,367 - ( Gasps ) - oh sweet baby Jesus! 1297 01:04:30,400 --> 01:04:33,003 ( Moans ) i love wheelchair people. 1298 01:04:33,037 --> 01:04:34,371 - Kevin. - Ellen: Oh my god. 1299 01:04:34,404 --> 01:04:36,073 - That looks like it hurts. - Merry Christmas. 1300 01:04:36,106 --> 01:04:38,475 Man, you know, like when i was a little kid, 1301 01:04:38,508 --> 01:04:40,945 I used to play cowboys and Indians, 1302 01:04:40,978 --> 01:04:42,646 I was always an Indian. 1303 01:04:42,679 --> 01:04:45,449 - What have you done with him? - You can see him. 1304 01:04:45,482 --> 01:04:49,253 There he is. He's up on the giant thing and he is fine. 1305 01:04:49,286 --> 01:04:50,955 He is in the spirit world. 1306 01:04:50,988 --> 01:04:52,622 Hey, Ellen, 1307 01:04:52,656 --> 01:04:55,159 you know you and Wyatt should bang 1308 01:04:55,192 --> 01:04:58,628 and make uptight Caucasian babies. 1309 01:04:58,662 --> 01:05:01,431 Just thought i should tell you that. I saw it in a vision. 1310 01:05:01,465 --> 01:05:03,000 No big deal. 1311 01:05:03,033 --> 01:05:05,002 He is so fucked. 1312 01:05:05,035 --> 01:05:08,672 It seems like a bad night i had in Ibiza. 1313 01:05:08,705 --> 01:05:11,675 He committed the disrespect in the bathroom. 1314 01:05:11,708 --> 01:05:13,978 So the journey for your friend 1315 01:05:14,011 --> 01:05:16,313 is a muddy disgrace as the elder felt. 1316 01:05:16,346 --> 01:05:18,448 Everybody should get stoned. ( Laughing ) 1317 01:05:19,984 --> 01:05:22,452 ( Thunder crashes ) 1318 01:05:22,486 --> 01:05:24,989 And they should throw rocks at me, man, 1319 01:05:25,022 --> 01:05:28,058 in the mud while I'm wearing this-- 1320 01:05:28,092 --> 01:05:30,260 now are you ready to begin your journey? 1321 01:05:31,361 --> 01:05:34,598 Pray the great spirit smiles upon you. 1322 01:05:34,631 --> 01:05:37,001 Sound prehistoric. 1323 01:05:37,034 --> 01:05:38,735 Will there be hors d'oeuvres there? 1324 01:05:38,768 --> 01:05:41,638 Maybe some mystery fingers? 1325 01:05:41,671 --> 01:05:44,975 Do you think I could get clubbed by a warrior? 1326 01:05:45,009 --> 01:05:45,775 Uncle Kenny! 1327 01:05:45,809 --> 01:05:49,546 - ( Kevin muttering ) - follow. 1328 01:05:49,579 --> 01:05:52,049 - I don't like this. - Me neither. 1329 01:05:54,084 --> 01:05:56,120 Hey, man, can I have some more of that soup? 1330 01:05:56,153 --> 01:05:57,721 ( Thunder rumbles ) 1331 01:05:57,754 --> 01:06:00,090 - ( Tribal music playing ) - ( voices chanting ) 1332 01:06:02,292 --> 01:06:05,395 So begins the ceremony of the tatonka. 1333 01:06:05,429 --> 01:06:08,632 Like my ancestors before me who have shown me 1334 01:06:08,665 --> 01:06:11,401 the gift of the tatonka, 1335 01:06:11,435 --> 01:06:14,304 and those who didn't show me shit 1336 01:06:14,338 --> 01:06:16,406 'cause they were kinda dicks, 1337 01:06:16,440 --> 01:06:19,576 I begin this offering. 1338 01:06:21,511 --> 01:06:24,014 Oh great spirit, 1339 01:06:24,048 --> 01:06:27,584 guide us in this journey. 1340 01:06:29,553 --> 01:06:30,654 ( Laughs ) 1341 01:06:30,687 --> 01:06:32,789 Yes. 1342 01:06:32,822 --> 01:06:35,125 Drink. 1343 01:06:37,561 --> 01:06:39,229 What's in this? 1344 01:06:39,263 --> 01:06:40,797 'Cause I don't do dark liquor. 1345 01:06:40,830 --> 01:06:44,334 It's roofies, dear. You've done it before. 1346 01:06:44,368 --> 01:06:46,536 Drink. 1347 01:06:53,710 --> 01:06:55,112 Drink. 1348 01:06:55,145 --> 01:06:57,181 ( Ellen sniffs ) 1349 01:07:03,553 --> 01:07:05,155 Um. 1350 01:07:08,092 --> 01:07:10,194 Drink. 1351 01:07:14,231 --> 01:07:15,599 ( Coughs ) 1352 01:07:15,632 --> 01:07:17,101 Blech. 1353 01:07:20,437 --> 01:07:22,206 Drink. 1354 01:07:24,474 --> 01:07:27,644 Can I get a straw and maybe a twist of lemon? 1355 01:07:27,677 --> 01:07:30,080 - Huh? - drink. 1356 01:07:30,114 --> 01:07:31,815 Okay okay. 1357 01:07:36,253 --> 01:07:39,123 Good. good good. 1358 01:07:39,156 --> 01:07:42,326 Now the great spirit will show you the way. 1359 01:07:42,359 --> 01:07:43,860 ( Laughs ) 1360 01:07:43,893 --> 01:07:46,830 - How come you're not drinking? - ( Music stops ) 1361 01:07:46,863 --> 01:07:48,832 Not my journey. 1362 01:07:50,600 --> 01:07:52,536 ( Laughing ) 1363 01:07:52,569 --> 01:07:54,871 I'm glad you think it's funny. 1364 01:07:54,904 --> 01:07:57,741 Last time I felt like this, it was at the "y" 1365 01:07:57,774 --> 01:08:00,076 and when I woke up i was covered in ham. 1366 01:08:00,877 --> 01:08:01,845 Drink. 1367 01:08:01,878 --> 01:08:05,549 Wyatt: do you want to scalp me, man? Go ahead! 1368 01:08:05,582 --> 01:08:08,418 All these people out there, they're all scalping me. 1369 01:08:08,452 --> 01:08:10,787 This girl in Vegas, she's scalping me. 1370 01:08:10,820 --> 01:08:12,589 Scalping me in the ass! 1371 01:08:14,258 --> 01:08:16,193 ( Warbles ) 1372 01:08:17,861 --> 01:08:19,229 Thank you. That helps. 1373 01:08:19,263 --> 01:08:21,698 ( Echoing ) see your destiny? 1374 01:08:21,731 --> 01:08:23,700 Kenny: i see myself. 1375 01:08:23,733 --> 01:08:27,671 Pigtails, cute little gingham skirt, 1376 01:08:27,704 --> 01:08:30,374 lollipops. 1377 01:08:30,407 --> 01:08:34,211 Teasing all the football players from the sideline, 1378 01:08:34,244 --> 01:08:36,813 showing my little b-bubble ass, 1379 01:08:36,846 --> 01:08:41,451 and then the whole entire team will jerk jizz all over their cleats 1380 01:08:41,485 --> 01:08:44,254 right there on the 50-yard line. 1381 01:08:44,288 --> 01:08:47,757 I am a dynamo! ( Laughing ) 1382 01:08:50,327 --> 01:08:51,795 ( Echoing ) drink. 1383 01:08:52,962 --> 01:08:56,300 Mmm, I'm in a white forest. 1384 01:08:58,668 --> 01:09:01,271 But I'm hanging from a tree, 1385 01:09:01,305 --> 01:09:04,774 upside down like a bat, like a big black bat. 1386 01:09:04,808 --> 01:09:07,377 And my tongue is licking 1387 01:09:07,411 --> 01:09:10,214 the snow again 1388 01:09:10,247 --> 01:09:12,316 and again! 1389 01:09:14,284 --> 01:09:16,186 ( Chuckles ) 1390 01:09:16,220 --> 01:09:17,487 What does it mean? 1391 01:09:17,521 --> 01:09:18,955 It means you're insane. 1392 01:09:18,988 --> 01:09:21,858 I thought it was cool. 1393 01:09:24,628 --> 01:09:26,196 ( Whimpers ) 1394 01:09:26,230 --> 01:09:28,232 Drink. 1395 01:09:28,265 --> 01:09:29,899 ( Kenny laughs ) 1396 01:09:29,933 --> 01:09:32,802 Man, you guys got the raw end of the deal, man. 1397 01:09:32,836 --> 01:09:34,604 Yes, we know. 1398 01:09:34,638 --> 01:09:36,540 White people are dicks! 1399 01:09:38,007 --> 01:09:39,876 And I can say that because I'm white. 1400 01:09:39,909 --> 01:09:41,511 Drink. 1401 01:09:45,582 --> 01:09:47,317 Oh man. 1402 01:09:47,351 --> 01:09:49,453 I don't even care if we get there right now. 1403 01:09:49,486 --> 01:09:51,821 I just wanna 1404 01:09:51,855 --> 01:09:54,224 stay here 1405 01:09:54,258 --> 01:09:55,725 with the twigs and the spit. 1406 01:09:59,028 --> 01:10:00,830 Ellen, what's your vision? 1407 01:10:00,864 --> 01:10:03,267 Oh no no, I'm not-- not telling. 1408 01:10:03,300 --> 01:10:05,302 What? 1409 01:10:05,335 --> 01:10:07,671 Don't tell. 1410 01:10:07,704 --> 01:10:09,973 - No. - come on. 1411 01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:13,877 This is just for me. I wanna go see the fire. 1412 01:10:13,910 --> 01:10:16,012 - Come on, come on, come on! - Okay. 1413 01:10:16,045 --> 01:10:18,348 Come on, give me your hand. 1414 01:10:35,365 --> 01:10:37,534 Kevin: Wyatt! 1415 01:10:37,567 --> 01:10:40,570 - ( Fly buzzing ) - we're leaving now. 1416 01:10:40,604 --> 01:10:42,572 Wyatt! 1417 01:10:42,606 --> 01:10:44,308 We're leaving. 1418 01:10:44,341 --> 01:10:46,376 Where are you? 1419 01:10:48,044 --> 01:10:50,414 ( Angie moaning ) 1420 01:10:58,888 --> 01:11:00,557 Are we dead? 1421 01:11:01,725 --> 01:11:04,294 I wish we were. ( Coughs, spits ) 1422 01:11:06,062 --> 01:11:07,897 We have to get to Vegas! 1423 01:11:07,931 --> 01:11:10,300 - Oh my god, we have to get to the wedding. - Where's the r.V.? 1424 01:11:10,334 --> 01:11:12,502 - What about Kevin and the others? - Fuck! 1425 01:11:12,536 --> 01:11:14,938 We have to get to fucking Vegas! 1426 01:11:14,971 --> 01:11:17,407 The wedding-- fuck. 1427 01:11:17,441 --> 01:11:19,543 We're gonna miss everything. 1428 01:11:19,576 --> 01:11:22,346 - Well, you're not helping. - Try dancing or something. 1429 01:11:25,415 --> 01:11:27,617 ( Accelerates ) 1430 01:11:29,419 --> 01:11:31,988 Really? come on, who doesn't 1431 01:11:32,021 --> 01:11:33,957 pick up a chick in a leather two-piece? 1432 01:11:33,990 --> 01:11:35,925 I thought you were gonna show me how to get it done? 1433 01:11:35,959 --> 01:11:40,764 ( Sighs ) well, why don't you go and bury yourself in the sand? 1434 01:11:44,534 --> 01:11:47,070 Well, here comes somebody now. 1435 01:11:47,103 --> 01:11:49,406 You wanna actually get in that car? 1436 01:11:49,439 --> 01:11:51,475 ( Laughs ) why don't you go check for me? 1437 01:11:55,745 --> 01:11:57,714 Oh man, we really need a ride. 1438 01:11:57,747 --> 01:11:59,449 Uh, where are you guys going? 1439 01:11:59,483 --> 01:12:01,651 Uh, we're trying to get to Vegas. Vegas. 1440 01:12:01,685 --> 01:12:05,389 We're going to buffalo bill's. You guys can hop in. 1441 01:12:05,422 --> 01:12:08,358 - Yeah. - you gotta bring that little-- 1442 01:12:08,392 --> 01:12:11,094 that little Shirley temple- looking thing with you. 1443 01:12:13,397 --> 01:12:15,965 Oh yeah, totally. You can-- whatever you want. You can have her. 1444 01:12:15,999 --> 01:12:18,134 - Yeah. - get in. 1445 01:12:18,167 --> 01:12:19,503 - Yeah? - yeah. 1446 01:12:19,536 --> 01:12:22,005 - All righty, partay. - Whew. 1447 01:12:22,038 --> 01:12:23,707 Thank you. 1448 01:12:23,740 --> 01:12:27,110 Man on radio: ...On Friday, August 12th at 2:00 P.M. 1449 01:12:27,143 --> 01:12:30,113 All you gotta do is call the studio between the hours 1450 01:12:30,146 --> 01:12:32,148 - of 8:00 and 10:00 P.M. pacific standard time... - ( Inhales sharply ) 1451 01:12:32,181 --> 01:12:34,684 ( Whispers ) I'm not sure we should have left the others. 1452 01:12:34,718 --> 01:12:36,453 Oh, don't worry. We'll be fine. 1453 01:12:36,486 --> 01:12:38,121 What's the worst that could happen, right? 1454 01:12:38,154 --> 01:12:39,823 ...a lot of discussion on the table 1455 01:12:39,856 --> 01:12:42,426 about what they're gonna do to expand the runway. 1456 01:12:42,459 --> 01:12:44,594 Let me tell you-- last week, we had-- 1457 01:12:44,628 --> 01:12:48,532 y'all must be getting hot and sweaty with all that leather down there. 1458 01:12:48,565 --> 01:12:52,469 You guys want some beer? We got a bunch of that shit right here. 1459 01:12:52,502 --> 01:12:55,472 - Woman: oh, boo boo. - Thank you. I am so thirsty right now. 1460 01:12:55,505 --> 01:12:58,107 - Yoo! thank you. - Driver: No problem. 1461 01:12:58,141 --> 01:13:00,410 But they're kinda hot, though, man. 1462 01:13:00,444 --> 01:13:02,479 - Whoo, hot damn! - ( Rap music playing ) 1463 01:13:02,512 --> 01:13:06,015 - Yeah! - oh yeah. 1464 01:13:06,049 --> 01:13:08,785 This is a song we made so much sweet love to, 1465 01:13:08,818 --> 01:13:11,154 you can't even imagine it. ( Moans ) 1466 01:13:11,187 --> 01:13:13,990 - Ugh. - had plenty of practice with this boy. 1467 01:13:14,023 --> 01:13:15,158 Hey now. 1468 01:13:15,191 --> 01:13:17,060 ( Mouthing ) 1469 01:13:18,762 --> 01:13:21,197 - Oh, y'all want a joint? - Puff puff pass. 1470 01:13:21,230 --> 01:13:23,833 - No, I'm good. - No thanks. 1471 01:13:23,867 --> 01:13:25,735 I-- I had quite a night last night. 1472 01:13:27,003 --> 01:13:29,539 More for us to smoke and to drive. 1473 01:13:29,573 --> 01:13:32,041 What are y'all supposed to be, anyways? Sonny and Cher? 1474 01:13:32,075 --> 01:13:34,444 ( Cackles ) 1475 01:13:35,845 --> 01:13:38,181 - Who are they? - Are you kidding with me? 1476 01:13:38,214 --> 01:13:41,718 Who is Sonny and Cher? I should come back there and kick your fucking ass. 1477 01:13:44,954 --> 01:13:48,558 Driver: smoking and driving is funning. 1478 01:13:48,592 --> 01:13:50,560 Yeah, you sure that's the best idea? 1479 01:13:50,594 --> 01:13:53,162 - You want me to drive your car, man? - Driver: Hey, I pride myself 1480 01:13:53,196 --> 01:13:55,499 on how we done got it ourselves. This guy 1481 01:13:55,532 --> 01:13:58,201 at a gas station-- he left it. 1482 01:13:58,234 --> 01:14:01,104 And the next thing you know, me and the lady here 1483 01:14:01,137 --> 01:14:03,540 hopped right in, boom! Outta there. 1484 01:14:03,573 --> 01:14:05,942 You stole this car or it's your car? 1485 01:14:05,975 --> 01:14:07,210 I didn't steal shit, man. 1486 01:14:07,243 --> 01:14:08,778 I didn't steal a damn thing. 1487 01:14:08,812 --> 01:14:11,848 I settled into these nice leather seats. 1488 01:14:11,881 --> 01:14:14,083 - Yeah, these things got seat warmers. - Yeah. 1489 01:14:14,117 --> 01:14:16,520 This thing has the coolest 1490 01:14:16,553 --> 01:14:18,922 star-trekking motherfucking gadget 1491 01:14:18,955 --> 01:14:20,857 button-pushing thing in front here. 1492 01:14:20,890 --> 01:14:24,594 You press a button, it talks. It says a bunch of shit to you. 1493 01:14:24,628 --> 01:14:27,263 I call him Carl. I say to Carl-- 1494 01:14:27,296 --> 01:14:29,866 I say, "Carl, where are we going?" 1495 01:14:29,899 --> 01:14:32,536 And he starts yippering and yappering. Like watch. 1496 01:14:32,569 --> 01:14:35,271 Carl, how far to buffalo bill's? 1497 01:14:35,304 --> 01:14:37,741 ( Beeps ) 100 miles. 1498 01:14:37,774 --> 01:14:39,208 Isn't that cool? 1499 01:14:39,242 --> 01:14:41,678 Man, I'm gonna get arrested before I even get to Vegas. 1500 01:14:41,711 --> 01:14:42,946 You ain't gonna get arrested. 1501 01:14:42,979 --> 01:14:44,781 You ain't gonna get arrested for anything. 1502 01:14:44,814 --> 01:14:47,216 And now we've got that full back seat back there. 1503 01:14:47,250 --> 01:14:49,719 - That's right, we do. - You have any other shit in the trunk 1504 01:14:49,753 --> 01:14:51,621 besides your bags? 1505 01:14:51,655 --> 01:14:53,757 Driver: there might be a goat in the trunk. 1506 01:14:55,024 --> 01:14:56,726 A-- a goat? A live goat? 1507 01:14:56,760 --> 01:15:00,029 Well, it may not be alive any more. 1508 01:15:00,063 --> 01:15:02,532 But it was alive when 1509 01:15:02,566 --> 01:15:04,868 we "put it in the trunk." 1510 01:15:04,901 --> 01:15:07,170 ( Slot machine cranks ) 1511 01:15:07,203 --> 01:15:09,639 - ( Bells ringing ) - yahoo! 1512 01:15:11,307 --> 01:15:13,543 All right, all right, hey! 1513 01:15:13,577 --> 01:15:15,579 Sonny and Cher! 1514 01:15:15,612 --> 01:15:16,445 Yoo-hoo. 1515 01:15:16,479 --> 01:15:18,948 Sackajaweenis and pocahotness, hey. 1516 01:15:18,982 --> 01:15:21,517 - Y'all wake up. - ( Pats ) 1517 01:15:23,653 --> 01:15:25,121 Are we at buffalo bill's? 1518 01:15:25,154 --> 01:15:27,857 Yeah. 1519 01:15:27,891 --> 01:15:29,859 We-- fuck, we have to get a cab. 1520 01:15:29,893 --> 01:15:32,662 Oh no, we brought you all the way here. 1521 01:15:32,696 --> 01:15:35,799 Yeah, the missus here wanted to see Paris 1522 01:15:35,832 --> 01:15:38,334 and there ain't any way we're actually gonna do that, 1523 01:15:38,367 --> 01:15:40,804 so this is as good as it gets. 1524 01:15:40,837 --> 01:15:42,338 Oh man! 1525 01:15:42,371 --> 01:15:44,641 Are you kidding me? That's awesome! 1526 01:15:44,674 --> 01:15:46,309 - Thanks so much, man. - Hell yeah! 1527 01:15:46,342 --> 01:15:47,343 ( High-fives ) 1528 01:15:47,376 --> 01:15:49,579 ( Gasps ) oh fuck. 1529 01:15:49,613 --> 01:15:51,848 Driver: oh yeah, there was-- sorry. 1530 01:15:51,881 --> 01:15:54,017 - ( Snickers ) - we hit a lot of bumps on the way here. 1531 01:15:54,050 --> 01:15:56,352 Your titty must have just popped right out. 1532 01:15:56,385 --> 01:15:59,022 - Really?! - yeah, really. 1533 01:15:59,055 --> 01:16:00,990 - Totally totally. - ( Sighs ) 1534 01:16:01,024 --> 01:16:03,226 Hey, you guys have a nice wedding, all right? 1535 01:16:03,259 --> 01:16:05,061 Yep, thanks, man. 1536 01:16:05,094 --> 01:16:07,230 - Thanks a lot. - No problem. 1537 01:16:12,401 --> 01:16:16,305 Okay, you gotta get in the shower because we're gonna be late. 1538 01:16:16,339 --> 01:16:18,374 But I still need to go get a suit though. 1539 01:16:18,407 --> 01:16:20,677 Ellen: no you don't. 1540 01:16:22,779 --> 01:16:24,648 When did you guys get here? 1541 01:16:24,681 --> 01:16:27,350 Oh no, not-- not-- like how long-- like an hour! 1542 01:16:27,383 --> 01:16:28,818 Where the hell have you been, huh? 1543 01:16:30,086 --> 01:16:32,622 ( Ululating ) 1544 01:16:38,427 --> 01:16:40,764 - ( Shower running ) - hey, I finally made it. 1545 01:16:40,797 --> 01:16:44,100 Yeah, long story, but I look great. 1546 01:16:45,434 --> 01:16:47,036 How's it going over there? 1547 01:16:47,070 --> 01:16:50,707 Oh good! All right, good luck. See you soon! 1548 01:16:50,740 --> 01:16:52,241 * gotta go to the wedding! * 1549 01:16:52,275 --> 01:16:54,043 toodle-loo, lady! 1550 01:16:54,077 --> 01:16:55,779 See you there. 1551 01:16:55,812 --> 01:16:57,681 Good luck, Wyatt! 1552 01:16:57,714 --> 01:16:59,883 * buh-bye! 1553 01:16:59,916 --> 01:17:01,617 Bye. 1554 01:17:05,722 --> 01:17:07,657 - You're not coming down to the bar? - No. 1555 01:17:07,691 --> 01:17:09,425 I need to talk to Wyatt. 1556 01:17:09,458 --> 01:17:11,327 That's my girl! 1557 01:17:12,461 --> 01:17:14,831 I'm so hot in this suit. 1558 01:17:14,864 --> 01:17:16,733 Too hot! 1559 01:17:16,766 --> 01:17:18,935 Too hot-- why am I so hot 1560 01:17:18,968 --> 01:17:22,138 - in this suit? Sexy. - Hey, get out of here. 1561 01:17:22,171 --> 01:17:24,107 You heard the lady. 1562 01:17:24,140 --> 01:17:26,242 Come on, move it, huh? 1563 01:17:26,275 --> 01:17:28,211 You see this, right? I'm not the only one. 1564 01:17:28,244 --> 01:17:30,780 - Oh, good-looking dude. - Oh, get out of here with that. 1565 01:17:30,814 --> 01:17:32,916 Hey, no hooking up in the shower, all right? 1566 01:17:39,288 --> 01:17:41,725 Where is everybody? 1567 01:17:43,793 --> 01:17:45,995 Hey, what are you doing here? 1568 01:17:50,834 --> 01:17:53,169 Wait a minute-- wait wait, I can't do that. 1569 01:17:53,202 --> 01:17:55,471 Um... 1570 01:17:55,504 --> 01:17:58,742 I'm about to go break up a wedding and I can't do that. 1571 01:17:58,775 --> 01:18:01,477 I've loved you practically all my life 1572 01:18:01,510 --> 01:18:04,047 and I can't live a lie anymore. 1573 01:18:04,080 --> 01:18:05,949 What do you expect me to say to that? 1574 01:18:05,982 --> 01:18:08,317 Just say how you feel. 1575 01:18:08,351 --> 01:18:10,987 At least then I'll know the truth. 1576 01:18:11,020 --> 01:18:13,289 I do, i love you so much, 1577 01:18:13,322 --> 01:18:15,759 but I love you as a friend, you know? 1578 01:18:18,261 --> 01:18:20,163 That's not enough. 1579 01:18:23,833 --> 01:18:26,202 ( Rustling ) 1580 01:18:30,006 --> 01:18:33,709 It was a great trip and a fun ride over the years. 1581 01:18:34,543 --> 01:18:36,780 Take care of yourself, okay? 1582 01:18:37,981 --> 01:18:39,515 - Wait. - ( exhales ) 1583 01:18:39,548 --> 01:18:42,752 I need you now more than ever. 1584 01:18:44,020 --> 01:18:45,922 I've heard that before. 1585 01:18:45,955 --> 01:18:48,224 I just-- i wish you meant it. 1586 01:18:49,826 --> 01:18:53,897 - ( Door opens closes ) - ( sighing ) 1587 01:18:56,199 --> 01:18:58,101 ( Rock music playing ) 1588 01:19:19,388 --> 01:19:22,391 * you pull me in, i pull away * 1589 01:19:22,425 --> 01:19:26,796 * and you ask why i don't stay longer... * 1590 01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:33,870 hey, what can i get you, buddy? 1591 01:19:33,903 --> 01:19:35,571 - A shot of Jack. - You got it. 1592 01:19:35,604 --> 01:19:38,074 What took you so damn long? 1593 01:19:41,510 --> 01:19:43,412 - She's gone. - Who? 1594 01:19:43,446 --> 01:19:44,881 Ellen. 1595 01:19:44,914 --> 01:19:46,950 She told me she loved me 1596 01:19:46,983 --> 01:19:48,451 and I rejected her. 1597 01:19:48,484 --> 01:19:52,288 Idiot. you two are meant for each other. 1598 01:19:52,321 --> 01:19:53,857 Why didn't you tell me this before? 1599 01:19:53,890 --> 01:19:55,892 I could have used this information, you know? 1600 01:19:55,925 --> 01:19:59,395 Would you have listened? We drove all the way out here 1601 01:19:59,428 --> 01:20:04,000 hoping that this whole thing would come to a head finally. 1602 01:20:04,033 --> 01:20:06,836 - No pun intended. - All I know 1603 01:20:06,870 --> 01:20:08,838 is I came out here to break up a wedding, 1604 01:20:08,872 --> 01:20:11,374 and that's exactly what I intend to do. 1605 01:20:11,407 --> 01:20:13,877 You're sure that's what you want to do? 1606 01:20:13,910 --> 01:20:16,112 Yes. 1607 01:20:16,145 --> 01:20:17,914 Then break a leg. 1608 01:20:19,348 --> 01:20:21,117 Yes. 1609 01:20:21,150 --> 01:20:23,619 * you're saying words i want to hear... * 1610 01:20:23,652 --> 01:20:26,389 ( "wedding march" playing ) 1611 01:20:45,508 --> 01:20:47,911 Y'all may be seated. 1612 01:20:49,412 --> 01:20:51,347 First off, 1613 01:20:51,380 --> 01:20:54,984 I'd like to say congratulations 1614 01:20:55,018 --> 01:20:58,387 to Billy and Katie. 1615 01:20:58,421 --> 01:21:00,924 This guy must have a huge cock, 1616 01:21:00,957 --> 01:21:02,992 because he's as ugly as sin. 1617 01:21:03,026 --> 01:21:04,160 ( Chuckles ) 1618 01:21:05,194 --> 01:21:07,096 I'd like to say thank you 1619 01:21:07,130 --> 01:21:10,433 to the parents, family members and friends 1620 01:21:10,466 --> 01:21:13,636 for being here today. 1621 01:21:14,703 --> 01:21:16,372 We've all come together 1622 01:21:16,405 --> 01:21:19,242 for one common thing: 1623 01:21:19,275 --> 01:21:23,512 The love these two individuals 1624 01:21:23,546 --> 01:21:25,681 have for one another. 1625 01:21:25,714 --> 01:21:29,018 It's been called life's greatest adventure. 1626 01:21:30,053 --> 01:21:32,655 Marriage. 1627 01:21:32,688 --> 01:21:35,291 "What is marriage?" 1628 01:21:35,324 --> 01:21:36,692 Might you ask. 1629 01:21:36,725 --> 01:21:40,029 It has but one meaning. 1630 01:21:41,597 --> 01:21:45,168 To share the rest of your lives together. 1631 01:21:49,738 --> 01:21:51,941 At one time 1632 01:21:51,975 --> 01:21:54,944 you were given life individually. 1633 01:21:56,112 --> 01:21:57,546 Now... 1634 01:21:59,382 --> 01:22:01,650 You're coming together 1635 01:22:01,684 --> 01:22:03,953 as one. 1636 01:22:05,688 --> 01:22:07,190 ( Sighs ) 1637 01:22:07,223 --> 01:22:09,959 Before we embark on this miracle 1638 01:22:11,194 --> 01:22:13,062 I must ask 1639 01:22:13,096 --> 01:22:16,065 if there's anyone here who objects to this marriage? 1640 01:22:16,099 --> 01:22:18,167 What's he waiting for? 1641 01:22:18,201 --> 01:22:19,935 You're coming together! 1642 01:22:21,004 --> 01:22:22,972 Uh-oh. 1643 01:22:23,006 --> 01:22:24,540 Look who's here. 1644 01:22:32,081 --> 01:22:35,584 Let us call now on psalm number three-- 1645 01:22:35,618 --> 01:22:37,020 I object. 1646 01:22:37,053 --> 01:22:40,056 - Man: you've gotta be kidding me. - Woman: No way. 1647 01:22:44,627 --> 01:22:48,031 Wyatt! what are you doing here? 1648 01:22:48,064 --> 01:22:50,566 I never thought I'd see you again. 1649 01:22:53,136 --> 01:22:54,437 Thattaboy. 1650 01:22:58,807 --> 01:23:02,378 Young man, is there something you wanted to say? 1651 01:23:02,411 --> 01:23:04,347 ( Huffs ) 1652 01:23:04,380 --> 01:23:07,350 Katie, when you find someone special 1653 01:23:07,383 --> 01:23:09,452 that loves you for who you are, 1654 01:23:09,485 --> 01:23:13,522 someone who can get behind you when things get a little confusing, 1655 01:23:13,556 --> 01:23:16,159 you know, like they've been lately, 1656 01:23:16,192 --> 01:23:19,028 - a friend-- - Wyatt, I haven't stopped thinking about you 1657 01:23:19,062 --> 01:23:21,564 since I left. I knew that I made a mistake and... 1658 01:23:21,597 --> 01:23:24,067 ( Crowd murmuring ) 1659 01:23:24,100 --> 01:23:26,502 I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. 1660 01:23:26,535 --> 01:23:29,338 I thought I'd know what to say in this moment, 1661 01:23:29,372 --> 01:23:33,042 I mean, I've been thinking about it a lot over the last few days 1662 01:23:33,076 --> 01:23:35,111 and... I don't know, 1663 01:23:35,144 --> 01:23:36,812 I guess something feels different. 1664 01:23:36,845 --> 01:23:39,382 I mean, here I am down here 1665 01:23:39,415 --> 01:23:41,817 and you're up there 1666 01:23:41,850 --> 01:23:44,220 and I wanted so badly to be-- 1667 01:23:44,253 --> 01:23:46,255 up there. And that's why I came. 1668 01:23:46,289 --> 01:23:49,358 To stop this and to show you that we're meant to be together. 1669 01:23:49,392 --> 01:23:52,061 Oh, Wyatt, i-- 1670 01:23:52,095 --> 01:23:53,796 I love you. 1671 01:23:53,829 --> 01:23:56,365 I can't believe you came for me. 1672 01:23:56,399 --> 01:23:59,702 But when I started practicing and saying all the things i was going to say, 1673 01:24:01,370 --> 01:24:03,839 I realized it doesn't fit. 1674 01:24:03,872 --> 01:24:06,809 - But-- - the person in my head wasn't you at all. 1675 01:24:08,377 --> 01:24:10,513 She just ran out the door. 1676 01:24:12,315 --> 01:24:14,217 I'm sorry. 1677 01:24:14,250 --> 01:24:15,751 This was wrong. 1678 01:24:15,784 --> 01:24:17,620 I'm sorry. 1679 01:24:20,223 --> 01:24:23,192 - Man: what? - Wyatt, you fucking asshole! 1680 01:24:23,226 --> 01:24:25,261 How could you do this to her? 1681 01:24:25,294 --> 01:24:28,164 How could you do this to me? 1682 01:24:34,570 --> 01:24:37,140 Ellen! 1683 01:24:39,675 --> 01:24:40,876 ( Chuckles ) 1684 01:24:40,909 --> 01:24:41,877 C'mere. 1685 01:24:41,910 --> 01:24:45,181 I stood up at the wedding and I couldn't do it. 1686 01:24:45,214 --> 01:24:47,850 - All I could think about was you. - So you ruined her wedding? 1687 01:24:47,883 --> 01:24:50,686 Well, it was worth it, i think. 1688 01:24:50,719 --> 01:24:52,821 - You think? - Well, it depends on how you respond. 1689 01:24:52,855 --> 01:24:55,491 - How should I respond? - Um... 1690 01:24:55,524 --> 01:24:57,226 "I love you" would do the trick. 1691 01:24:57,260 --> 01:24:59,628 I just-- I don't throw that word around loosely. 1692 01:25:01,564 --> 01:25:04,133 Not the reaction you were hoping for? 1693 01:25:04,167 --> 01:25:07,270 - Not exactly. - Well, 1694 01:25:07,303 --> 01:25:10,139 maybe if you say it to me, i might say it back. 1695 01:25:11,874 --> 01:25:13,809 I love you so much. 1696 01:25:13,842 --> 01:25:15,311 I love you too. 1697 01:25:19,348 --> 01:25:21,417 Oh, Wyatt, ahem. 1698 01:25:21,450 --> 01:25:24,153 - Hi. - hey. 1699 01:25:24,187 --> 01:25:25,688 Hey, guys, hi. 1700 01:25:25,721 --> 01:25:28,557 Yeah, so, um, congratulations. 1701 01:25:28,591 --> 01:25:31,360 - Thank you. - 'Cause yeah, no hard feelings, 'Kay? 1702 01:25:31,394 --> 01:25:33,462 - Ellen: yes. - That's really relieving. 1703 01:25:33,496 --> 01:25:36,165 Because I was kinda feeling like a real horse's dick. 1704 01:25:36,199 --> 01:25:37,433 Mm-hmm, yeah? 1705 01:25:37,466 --> 01:25:39,935 - Ah, jeez, ow. - You come here 1706 01:25:39,968 --> 01:25:42,638 after I haven't seen you in fucking forever, 1707 01:25:42,671 --> 01:25:44,940 - and pull that shit... - ( Kicks, Wyatt moans ) 1708 01:25:44,973 --> 01:25:47,610 ...in front of my family and my new husband?! 1709 01:25:47,643 --> 01:25:51,180 - Stop, ow! - Then you ruin my fucking wedding! 1710 01:25:51,214 --> 01:25:53,749 ( Shrieks ) i hate you! 1711 01:25:53,782 --> 01:25:56,585 - Wyatt: oh, my nose is broken. - Are you okay? 1712 01:25:56,619 --> 01:25:58,821 Oh man. 1713 01:25:58,854 --> 01:26:00,923 - ( Moans ) - oh my god. 1714 01:26:00,956 --> 01:26:04,193 I am so glad i did not marry her. 1715 01:26:04,227 --> 01:26:05,494 Yeah. 1716 01:26:06,829 --> 01:26:08,831 Oh man, and I'm glad you're here. 1717 01:26:08,864 --> 01:26:10,833 Can we please go get a drink right now? 1718 01:26:10,866 --> 01:26:12,501 Yes, baby, we can. 1719 01:26:12,535 --> 01:26:14,203 - Let's go. - You called me baby. 1720 01:26:14,237 --> 01:26:16,239 ( Rock music playing ) 1721 01:26:16,272 --> 01:26:19,208 * hear the words i want to say * 1722 01:26:19,242 --> 01:26:22,278 * dying to communicate 1723 01:26:22,311 --> 01:26:24,980 * stuck inside this breakdown * 1724 01:26:25,013 --> 01:26:28,317 * I want to say it, but can't get it out. * 1725 01:26:39,995 --> 01:26:42,998 good morning, campers! 1726 01:26:43,031 --> 01:26:44,400 ( Claps ) come on! 1727 01:26:44,433 --> 01:26:46,001 It's time to roll your rucksacks 1728 01:26:46,034 --> 01:26:48,837 and stow your tent poles. Get up, get up! 1729 01:26:48,871 --> 01:26:50,473 Get up! 1730 01:26:50,506 --> 01:26:52,375 Huh? we have a long way back home. 1731 01:26:54,377 --> 01:26:57,680 You won some money last night. Do you remember? 1732 01:26:57,713 --> 01:26:59,548 ( Moans ) no. How much? 1733 01:26:59,582 --> 01:27:02,351 - ( Water running ) - 5,000. And... 1734 01:27:02,385 --> 01:27:06,355 We just have enough left for a lovely candlelight dinner. 1735 01:27:06,389 --> 01:27:08,657 Just enough? Did I gamble it all away? 1736 01:27:08,691 --> 01:27:11,260 Kenny: no no, come on. 1737 01:27:11,294 --> 01:27:12,861 ( Claps ) 1738 01:27:12,895 --> 01:27:15,764 Ellen: Wyatt?! 1739 01:27:15,798 --> 01:27:18,901 - What? - what the hell is this? 1740 01:27:21,036 --> 01:27:22,971 Oh my god, it's gorgeous. 1741 01:27:23,005 --> 01:27:25,574 Like I said, just enough left. 1742 01:27:25,608 --> 01:27:27,410 Huh? ( chuckles ) 1743 01:27:29,712 --> 01:27:33,282 - Wyatt: I'm glad you like it. - I love double weddings. 1744 01:27:35,351 --> 01:27:37,286 ( Both screaming ) 1745 01:27:39,855 --> 01:27:42,391 Kevin: oh god, no no no! 1746 01:27:42,425 --> 01:27:45,594 Of all the stinky tuna fish in the world, it had to be you! 1747 01:27:45,628 --> 01:27:48,564 Oh god, what did I do to deserve this? 1748 01:27:48,597 --> 01:27:50,833 - Kenny: Karma's a bitch! - Kevin: I'm gonna be sick. 1749 01:27:50,866 --> 01:27:53,702 - ( Groans ) so sick. - ( Laughs ) 1750 01:27:53,736 --> 01:27:57,072 If this is not some hillbilly shit, i do not know what is. 1751 01:27:57,105 --> 01:27:59,775 Well, come on, come on, let's go. 1752 01:27:59,808 --> 01:28:02,311 - We have a long way back home. - ( All grumbling ) 1753 01:28:02,345 --> 01:28:03,712 Come on, get up. 1754 01:28:03,746 --> 01:28:05,514 Okay. 1755 01:28:05,548 --> 01:28:07,850 I have the wedding pictures. 1756 01:28:07,883 --> 01:28:09,785 And they're driving home with me. 1757 01:28:11,654 --> 01:28:13,922 - There are pictures?! - Yeah. 1758 01:28:13,956 --> 01:28:16,325 - Pictures? - uh-huh. Goodbye. 1759 01:28:16,359 --> 01:28:18,727 - Bye. - Ellen: Let's go! 1760 01:28:18,761 --> 01:28:21,330 ( Rock music playing ) 1761 01:28:43,586 --> 01:28:48,457 * once a long long time ago in history * 1762 01:28:48,491 --> 01:28:53,362 * was born a man unlike any other I'd seen * 1763 01:28:53,396 --> 01:28:57,733 * kicked out of school for wearing jeans by age 13 * 1764 01:28:57,766 --> 01:29:02,771 * gang-bangs and naked boys are his two favorite things * 1765 01:29:02,805 --> 01:29:05,774 - * whoa - * he wants to be 1766 01:29:05,808 --> 01:29:09,044 - * yeah - * your fantasy 1767 01:29:09,077 --> 01:29:12,615 * he's not looking for trouble, but he might blow your brother * 1768 01:29:12,648 --> 01:29:15,451 - * whoa - * he's living the dream 1769 01:29:15,484 --> 01:29:19,422 - * yeah - * so obscene 1770 01:29:19,455 --> 01:29:25,394 * look out, boys, he's the queen of the road * 1771 01:29:27,162 --> 01:29:31,600 * there on his nightstand lies a dirty magazine * 1772 01:29:31,634 --> 01:29:36,171 * panties on the floor and cum stains on the sheets * 1773 01:29:36,204 --> 01:29:41,076 * a force of nature that can never be contained, no * 1774 01:29:41,109 --> 01:29:46,181 * his loins will burn a hole straight into your brain * 1775 01:29:46,214 --> 01:29:48,984 - * whoa - * he wants to be 1776 01:29:49,017 --> 01:29:52,521 - * yeah - * your fantasy 1777 01:29:52,555 --> 01:29:56,024 * he's not looking for trouble but he might blow your brother * 1778 01:29:56,058 --> 01:29:58,561 - * whoa - * he's living the dream 1779 01:29:58,594 --> 01:30:02,197 - * yeah - * so obscene 1780 01:30:02,230 --> 01:30:08,403 * look out, boys, he's the queen of the road... * 1781 01:30:38,667 --> 01:30:40,603 ( deep voice ) oooh. 1782 01:30:40,636 --> 01:30:43,572 That's right. 1783 01:30:43,606 --> 01:30:47,543 Come on, you're not a little curious? 1784 01:30:47,576 --> 01:30:51,213 - Mmm, it feels so good. - * whoa 1785 01:30:51,246 --> 01:30:55,484 - * yeah... - ( Gagging ) 1786 01:30:58,554 --> 01:31:00,989 - * whoa - * he's the queen of the road * 1787 01:31:01,023 --> 01:31:03,592 - * yeah - ( vocalizing ) 1788 01:31:08,096 --> 01:31:10,566 - * whoa - * he wants to be 1789 01:31:10,599 --> 01:31:14,036 - * yeah - * your fantasy 1790 01:31:14,069 --> 01:31:17,239 * he's not looking for trouble but he might blow your brother * 1791 01:31:17,272 --> 01:31:20,042 - * whoa - * he's living the dream 1792 01:31:20,075 --> 01:31:23,979 - * yeah - * so obscene 1793 01:31:24,012 --> 01:31:29,918 * look out, boys, he's the queen of the road. * 1794 01:31:29,952 --> 01:31:31,954 ( music fades )