1
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:12,211
Hello?
Hey, what's up, Scotty?

2
00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:14,146
Sorry, I couldn't see
the screen for a second.

3
00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:16,482
Some fucking... like...

4
00:00:16,484 --> 00:00:19,451
It's hard to... sorry, man,
my allergies are going crazy.

5
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:22,154
No, I was just saying, it's hard to
see the screen in the sun sometimes.

6
00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:24,123
Um, anyway, dude, uh...

7
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,725
Nothing. I'm just walking back
from the store right now.

8
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,727
I had to walk
fucking super far, man.

9
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,597
Like, pretty much all the places
that typically have stuff

10
00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:33,399
are all, like, sold out
for the fourth of July.

11
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:35,434
So all the cookout stuff
was gone.

12
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:39,104
Um, anyway, man, what's up?

13
00:00:39,106 --> 00:00:41,340
Oh, no, no, yeah, well, shit,
normally I would've driven, man,

14
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:44,476
but, no, I got a...
I got a nice-ass parking spot

15
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:46,478
across the street
from the house.

16
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:47,513
Uh...

17
00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:51,316
Oh, shit. Well, um...

18
00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:53,152
Which airport do you
have to pick him up at?

19
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:56,055
Are you gonna be able to
make it to the cookout still?

20
00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:58,424
Ooh. Lax?
That's gonna fucking suck.

21
00:00:58,426 --> 00:00:59,725
Well, as long as you can
make it here by the time

22
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,367
of the, um, fireworks,
you should be cool.

23
00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:04,263
Hang on, I'm getting
a text real quick.

24
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:13,705
It's fucking Jenny texting
about chores again.

25
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,707
It's like, dude,
you're not my roommate.

26
00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:17,443
You're fucking
Derek's girlfriend.

27
00:01:17,445 --> 00:01:19,711
Like, you know what I'm saying?
Chill out for a second.

28
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,280
Yeah, seriously.

29
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:23,082
Not that the chores
don't need to be done.

30
00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:25,250
But it's just like, come on
man, set up some boundaries.

31
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:28,132
Oh, hold up a second, dude. My fucking
phone's blowing up again. Hang on.

32
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:31,557
Shit.

33
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:33,459
Hey, Derek, what's up, man?

34
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:35,861
Uh, nothing,
I'm just going for a walk.

35
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,497
Um...

36
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:41,166
No, I'm probably not getting
into too much today.

37
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,668
Um...

38
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,203
Yeah, well, uh...

39
00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:46,305
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

40
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:49,108
No, the guy who did the graphics for us
said the check will be here super soon.

41
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:50,876
So I'll be able
to take care of the rent.

42
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:55,180
Well, technically,
I'm not two months late.

43
00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:57,516
It's a month and four days now.

44
00:01:57,518 --> 00:02:00,252
Um... oh, shit. Actually,
Mia's locked in the gate.

45
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:01,887
I forgot, no one was here
to let her out.

46
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,655
But hey, man, have...
Have a good trip, man.

47
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:05,324
And... yeah, as soon as
the check comes, I'll...

48
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:06,558
You locked me in.

49
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,527
Obviously,
I'll take care of it. Um...

50
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:10,362
But hey, I gotta go.
I gotta let Mia out.

51
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,264
Um, but yeah, have a good trip, man.
I'll talk to you soon.

52
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,800
All right, bye.

53
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,468
Scotty, you still there?

54
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:18,637
Sorry about that.
Sorry about that.

55
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,607
- I gotta go. I'm gonna be late.
- All right.

56
00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:23,275
Um, do you think you'll be back
in time for the fireworks?

57
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:24,843
I don't know.
Just depends how busy we are.

58
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,712
Ok. Yeah, well, have fun.

59
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:29,581
Or as much fun as work is.

60
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,318
Uh, sorry.

61
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,387
No, just letting Mia out.

62
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,588
No, just letting Mia out.

63
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:41,293
God damn it.

64
00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:44,329
- Nothing.

65
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:46,698
Checking for that check again.

66
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:49,401
Do you know if they even deliver
mail on the fourth of July?

67
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:53,639
Yeah, I didn't think so.

68
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:56,808
Uh, no, it was cool.
She spent the night. Um...

69
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,477
Yeah.

70
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:00,679
She just keeps pressuring me
to try to move in with her.

71
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,481
Which is... I mean,
would be cool,

72
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:06,318
but I kinda just prefer still
having my own space, you know?

73
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,821
Even though Derek's kind of a...
Kind of a fucking dick.

74
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:12,658
Or he's not even a dick, really.
He's just...

75
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:16,762
You know, I think we were better
friends than roommates, essentially.

76
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:20,966
But... literally got like 68 bucks
in the bank until that check comes.

77
00:03:22,468 --> 00:03:23,468
Um...

78
00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:24,803
Fuck it.

79
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:27,272
Uh, yeah, man, I got this
big-ass thing of meat

80
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:29,341
that I'm gonna thaw
that I'm hyped about.

81
00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:30,409
Um...

82
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:31,411
Fuck!

83
00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:35,480
I forgot the lighter fluid
at the store.

84
00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,384
No, I already bought
that lighter fluid,

85
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,887
but I left it on the counter
when I left the store.

86
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,890
I just totally straight-up
brain farted and left it.

87
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,692
Um...

88
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,360
So, yeah, I already
paid for it, so...

89
00:03:51,464 --> 00:03:53,599
Typically I would,
but, no, I already paid for it,

90
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,634
so I wanna go back and get it.

91
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,402
I don't know, it's like a super
short drive, but a long-ass walk.

92
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,705
Plus I have, like,
no goddamn gas anyway.

93
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,940
I still got a bunch of shit I need
to get ready for the cookout,

94
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:06,745
so I'm trying, like, to not waste as
much time walking over there again.

95
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:09,248
Uh...

96
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:13,518
Uh, maybe. I don't know. Like, Derek's
bike is, like, his most prized possession.

97
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,921
Yeah, it's Fixie.

98
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,890
He probably wouldn't be too
hyped if I borrowed his bike.

99
00:06:04,664 --> 00:06:05,897
Why you in the road?

100
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,100
- You're not a car.
- Ok, go around.

101
00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:09,568
You're not even a motorcycle.
You're a fucking bike.

102
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:11,103
Get on the goddamn sidewalk.

103
00:06:11,105 --> 00:06:12,838
Fucking Bilbo Baggins over here.

104
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,840
- I'm not even short.
- You're not special.

105
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:16,007
You ain't Aerosmith.

106
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:17,476
- Just go!
- I can run you over.

107
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:19,511
- Whatever, dude.
- Hipster bullshit.

108
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:20,513
Fucker.

109
00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:23,415
Fucking truck nuts?

110
00:06:44,036 --> 00:06:45,837
Fuck.

111
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,839
Yeah, what's up?
We're not on the road no more.

112
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:48,841
What's up now?

113
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:51,910
- Nothing.
- What's up? You got shit to say?

114
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:55,113
Nothing's... nothing's been up.
Just go.

115
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:56,782
Go where? What, you're just
gonna tell me where to go?

116
00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:58,049
I know where
the fuck I wanna go.

117
00:06:58,051 --> 00:07:01,052
- Great. Then go there.
- You was talking shit.

118
00:07:02,889 --> 00:07:04,689
You got something to say?

119
00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:06,191
Talk some shit now.

120
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:07,959
- I'm just...
- Say something to my face.

121
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,995
I'm just going to the store.

122
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,530
My face is right here. We ain't
on the road, we're right here.

123
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:12,697
- Great.
- We're right here.

124
00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:14,466
- Yeah, you're right.
- Right now.

125
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:15,901
- You're very observant.
- Let's do it. What's up?

126
00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:17,436
- What... Ok, yeah.
- You wanna piece?

127
00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:19,137
We're hanging out. This is cool.

128
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:20,906
I ain't hanging out with you.
I don't wanna hang out with you.

129
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,140
- Ok, then, goodbye.
- -This ain't a session.

130
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:23,942
We're not friends.

131
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,178
- This ain't nickelodeon.
- That's true. That's right.

132
00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:27,813
- Ain't<i> high school musical.</i>
- I'm not Chandler, you're not Monica.

133
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,481
I ain't gonna break out
and sing a song with you.

134
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:31,149
- I ain't gonna break dance.
- -Awesome. Great.

135
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:32,951
We ain't gonna play basketball
and get in the school play.

136
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,686
- Awesome. Ok. Thank you.
- What's up?

137
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,922
- Nothing's up. Just go, dude.
- Come on, floppy hair.

138
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:37,923
Don't tell me where to go.

139
00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:38,990
You go.

140
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:40,158
Then stay. I don't give a fuck.

141
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,993
No, no, I am staying. You go.

142
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,161
- All right.
- You go.

143
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,497
- Bye.
- Oh, so you're gonna go?

144
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:46,998
Yeah, you're a weirdo, dude.

145
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,000
Bitch-ass mother.
You would run, wouldn't you?

146
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:50,836
I'm not running.
I'm being a normal person.

147
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,737
Like a bitch.
Like a little bitch.

148
00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:55,574
I'm being a normal person going
about my... whatever, dude.

149
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:56,842
- You look like a girl.
- Go fuck yourself, dude.

150
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:58,109
Fuck myself?

151
00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,644
Yeah. There's an activity
for you to do.

152
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:00,645
- I'll fuck your mom.
- -Ok, terrific.

153
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:01,880
Yeah.

154
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:04,149
Run back to castle black,
Jon snow.

155
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,117
Bitch-ass motherfucker.

156
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:07,919
Smack the shit out of you.

157
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:13,225
Hey, what's up, man? Um, I came
in here a little bit ago...

158
00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:15,527
- No... no bikes in here.
- Um...

159
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:17,696
Skateboarders come in and they scuff
up the whole floor. There's no bikes.

160
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,965
Sorry, I just...
I don't have a lock.

161
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,501
- Doesn't change the rules here.
- So I just don't feel safe putting it outside.

162
00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,936
Basically, this dude was, like, chasing me
in his truck. It doesn't matter. But like...

163
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,838
No, it doesn't matter.
No bikes in here.

164
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,809
- Sorry, I don't have a lock.
- There's no bikes in here.

165
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:34,179
These are actually different sort of
wheels than, uh, than skateboards.

166
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,714
So I don't think it would...

167
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:38,116
- The bike stays outside.
- All right.

168
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:40,685
I just... there was just a dude
chasing me in a truck.

169
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:41,953
Plus, I don't want...
All right.

170
00:08:44,957 --> 00:08:46,825
I can hold it up
so it doesn't touch.

171
00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:47,827
All right.

172
00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:13,919
It's out front.

173
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:17,022
Um, like, I came in here about an
hour ago and I bought lighter fluid,

174
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:20,759
but I forgot... like, I bought charcoal
also, but I forgot the lighter fluid.

175
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:22,661
But I already paid for it.

176
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,329
Um, oh, actually, I think
that's the one right there.

177
00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:26,565
Great, you got a receipt?

178
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:27,933
Uh...

179
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,037
Actually, I don't.

180
00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:34,172
I'm pretty sure I don't because
you, um, like, handed it to me

181
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:36,841
sort of, like, in this taco-y
way, you know what I'm saying?

182
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:40,045
Ok. I've never... I've never
heard "taco-y way" before.

183
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:41,746
Like, you handed it
to me in a way

184
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,114
where you put, like, the cash
down and a receipt on top

185
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,950
and then, like, the change
on top of that.

186
00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:46,184
And then there was, like, a bunch
of people in line behind me,

187
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:47,953
so I had to, like, cup it
into my pocket.

188
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:50,055
If you don't have the receipt,
then it's not yours.

189
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:52,190
Well, I'm saying I did have
the receipt and it probably...

190
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,658
I don't... it's probably
on the floor here

191
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:55,093
because I dropped all the stuff

192
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,995
- 'cause it was, like...
- I don't remember you.

193
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,230
Maybe it's 'cause you're
wearing sunglasses indoors.

194
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:01,666
But I don't remember you. I still don't
remember you. None of us remember you.

195
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:03,101
I was wearing sunglasses
because I came off the bike.

196
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,170
- I forgot I had them on.
- I don't care.

197
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:07,138
If you had your receipt, I'd give
you the product you say is yours.

198
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,640
I did have the receipt.

199
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,609
Like, the thing is,
when you handed it to me,

200
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:11,843
like, I had to, like, sort of taco
it and, like, cup it into my pocket.

201
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,178
Why don't you buy pants that fit

202
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:14,980
instead of this skinny thing

203
00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:17,782
and then everything wouldn't
just slide down your leg?

204
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,818
If you don't have it,
you don't have it, Ok?

205
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,052
Sorry. Uh...

206
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:24,322
Is there anybody else here
I can talk to?

207
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:25,957
Because I paid for that.

208
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,727
No, I'm the manager.

209
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:30,695
Do you wanna buy it,
or should I sell things

210
00:10:30,697 --> 00:10:33,231
to the person behind you?

211
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:34,933
All right,
I'll just buy it again.

212
00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:39,704
$3.62.

213
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:41,206
This is literally my last cash.

214
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:42,407
Great story.

215
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,045
Here's your change.

216
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,113
$1.38.

217
00:10:49,348 --> 00:10:50,882
- Thanks.
- Thank you.

218
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:55,507
This receipt was in the bag.

219
00:10:58,724 --> 00:11:00,325
- Fuck it.

220
00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:02,827
How can I help you?

221
00:11:04,096 --> 00:11:05,764
What the fuck?

222
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,999
- What the funny now?
- -Jesus Christ.

223
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,101
- Yeah, you like that, bitch?
- What the fuck?

224
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,203
What you gonna do now, huh?

225
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:16,341
Aw! Sorry about
your bike, pee-wee.

226
00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:18,778
Fucking...

227
00:11:25,117 --> 00:11:26,451
Fucking-a.

228
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:40,331
Uh, hi. Um, I need
to report something.

229
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:43,234
Um, uh, this guy just ran...

230
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,103
I don't know if this counts as,
like, an emergency emergency,

231
00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:47,338
but this dude just
ran over my bike.

232
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:50,875
Then the... no, then the dude just
took off. I don't know here he went.

233
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:54,879
I don't know. It was like a... no, no.
It was like a black pickup truck.

234
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:58,750
And, um, it had, uh... I didn't get
the plate or anything like that.

235
00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,351
No, it was just too crazy.

236
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,253
Oh.

237
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:03,722
You know what?

238
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:07,025
It actually... it had,
um, it had truck nuts.

239
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:08,426
It's like these
fleshy-looking testicles

240
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:10,395
that hang off
the back of a... of a car.

241
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,931
Or most times, they're on, like,
pickup trucks and stuff like that.

242
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:14,199
No, it's like a real thing.

243
00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:16,401
Are you by a computer?

244
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,437
Yeah, I was just saying... yeah, yeah.
You could Google it or whatever.

245
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:21,306
Anyway, that was just the main
distinguishing feature of the truck

246
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:22,974
is that it had testicles.

247
00:12:24,176 --> 00:12:25,176
Hello?

248
00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:27,979
What the fuck?

249
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:30,348
Fucking-a.

250
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:34,819
Learn what truck nuts are.

251
00:13:07,386 --> 00:13:09,254
Hey, Scotty?

252
00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:11,556
Hey, can you hear me?

253
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,358
What's up, dude? Um...

254
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:14,360
Hey, man.

255
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:18,263
I got fucking...
The bike?

256
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:21,332
Some road rage dude
drove over the bike.

257
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:25,069
It's, like,
straight-up fucked up.

258
00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:27,972
Yeah, the bike. Derek's special favorite
bike, it's destroyed. Well anyways, sorry.

259
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,541
Um...

260
00:13:29,543 --> 00:13:32,544
Have you left yet for
lax to pick up mark?

261
00:13:32,546 --> 00:13:35,113
Oh, shit.

262
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:37,382
I was... yeah, no, I gonna ask if
you could give me a ride

263
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:41,085
back to my place because I'm
dragging this busted bike.

264
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:43,555
Is there no way you could swing
by and grab me right now

265
00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:45,023
and just give me a lift?

266
00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:47,125
Ok.

267
00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:49,527
Uh...

268
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,863
Eh, I guess I could do an Uber.

269
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:55,333
I just... I don't know.
Doing a car service.

270
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,235
I hate, fucking, that stuff.

271
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:59,070
I've done it before.
Well, I haven't done it.

272
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:00,839
Like, every time
I've ridden in an Uber,

273
00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:02,540
um, Mia did it with her phone.

274
00:14:04,476 --> 00:14:06,077
No, I'll figure it out.

275
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:09,080
Yeah, have fun picking up mark.

276
00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:13,384
Well, he is technically
your family now.

277
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,321
Yeah, all right man.

278
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:18,356
All right, later. Bye.

279
00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:42,313
Yeah, I'm just running
a few minutes late

280
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,648
because I'm checking
my map, and it says...

281
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:45,617
Hey, I didn't know
how to do it on the app,

282
00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:47,952
but I have a...
A bike with me.

283
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:49,520
- I don't know if you could pop the trunk.
- What're you talking about?

284
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:51,990
- I got the Uber. The Uber thing.
- I'm not a fucking Uber!

285
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:54,259
Hello? Get your hand off
my fucking car.

286
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:57,061
Ok, sorry.
Your car looked like...

287
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,630
You look
like fucking carrot top.

288
00:14:58,632 --> 00:15:00,999
- What do you think of that?
- Great.

289
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,934
- Your car looked like an Uber.
- -Asshole.

290
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:05,456
Jesus, fucking carrot top just
tried to climb in my fucking car.

291
00:15:13,345 --> 00:15:15,546
- Hey, are you Jamie?
- Yeah are you the Uber?

292
00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:16,614
Of course, I'm Patrick.
What's up?

293
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,116
Hey.

294
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:19,550
I didn't know
how to do it on the app,

295
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:20,685
but I have a bike with me.

296
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,654
Is it cool if I pop it
in the trunk?

297
00:15:22,656 --> 00:15:25,523
Uh, I guess,
if you have to, sure.

298
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:27,992
I'll just toss it
in the back and we'll roll.

299
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:31,930
Ok, please be careful.

300
00:15:31,932 --> 00:15:33,131
Make sure that bag
is sealed, though.

301
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,299
I don't want anything
spilling out.

302
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:35,934
Yeah.

303
00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:38,169
Ok, easy... easy now.
Easy now, all right?

304
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:41,639
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up, back
up, back up. Back up, please.

305
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:45,176
Try to not let the wheel
touch the roof of the car.

306
00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:48,046
- Ok, sorry.
- -Ok. Eas... ooh! Ok.

307
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:50,381
I can't have
any scratches or any tears.

308
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:52,150
Can I put this
old yoga mat up here?

309
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:54,152
Uh, that's really
for my body, but sure.

310
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,020
Be careful,
do not shove it in there.

311
00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:58,122
All right, you're... you're
hitting the... the seat again.

312
00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,390
Can you not shove it in there?

313
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:03,127
Nope.
I mean, yeah. Sorry. I, uh...

314
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:06,164
Shoot.
I'm gonna take the tire off.

315
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,099
Nice and slow here, Ok?

316
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:09,968
Push the seat down.

317
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,303
Someone drove over my bike, so
I can't lay it that far back.

318
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,539
Please do not ram it
into the chair like that.

319
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:15,740
- Ok.
- Lay it a littler flatter.

320
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,141
Easy, easy. Don't slam.

321
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:25,616
Sorry about that. I've been
stuck with this bike all day.

322
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:30,555
Um... oh, shit, dude, dude, that's
the truck that ran over my bike.

323
00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:32,023
Just follow that.

324
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:34,125
I kinda need
an address for my GPS.

325
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:35,626
I'll tell you in a second, but just
go right and follow that truck.

326
00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:37,128
First things first,
do you need gum?

327
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,397
Uh, no, no, no,
just follow the truck.

328
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:40,698
I don't want gum.
I don't want gum.

329
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,200
Do you need water?
I got water too.

330
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:43,434
I don't want water.
Just follow the truck.

331
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:45,036
So you don't want a water?

332
00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:46,371
I'll take a water,
but follow the truck.

333
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:48,439
Who are you talking about?
What truck?

334
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:51,376
The dude... all right.
The dude who ran over my bike.

335
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:52,744
His truck is ahead of us.

336
00:16:52,746 --> 00:16:54,612
I need to get
the license plate number

337
00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:56,381
so I can report it
to the police.

338
00:16:56,383 --> 00:16:57,715
Ok. I don't see a truck.

339
00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,484
Can you describe the truck

340
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:01,452
so that I can understand
what you're talking about?

341
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:05,590
Take a... it's a... it's like a...
A black truck.

342
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,392
Like a new one. It's big.

343
00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:11,129
The driver's probably, like,
a black guy, mid 30s.

344
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,296
Late 20s, maybe.

345
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:14,198
And he had, like,
a gray tank top on.

346
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,267
I'm sorry, what does the color
of his skin have to do with it?

347
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:17,702
I'm just describing him.

348
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,771
I don't have any...
It doesn't mean anything.

349
00:17:19,773 --> 00:17:22,440
Ok, but it was the way
you said it that sounded...

350
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,742
Well, I didn't mean
anything by it.

351
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:27,111
I'm just talking about... oh, there he is!
There he is! He's, like, three cars up.

352
00:17:27,113 --> 00:17:28,780
We just need
to get close enough.

353
00:17:28,782 --> 00:17:30,448
Ok, 'cause I'm not trying to
racially profile anyone here.

354
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:31,749
You're not
racially profiling anybody.

355
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:34,619
I saw the dude do it.
It's just...

356
00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:36,120
I'm pretty sure that's it.

357
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:37,755
Ok. I just...

358
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:41,793
It's got, like, peach-colored
fleshy truck nuts on the back.

359
00:17:41,795 --> 00:17:43,461
If he's supposedly black,

360
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:46,097
why would his truck nuts
be white?

361
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:47,231
They might've...
I don't know.

362
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,599
Maybe he likes white truck nuts.

363
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,301
Or maybe that was all
that was available.

364
00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:51,702
Ok, so it seems like
you don't know a lot

365
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,571
about what's going on right now.

366
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,406
I know that that's the
dude and that's the truck.

367
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,375
If we can get by
to see the license plate,

368
00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,310
I can get a photo of it and report it.
That's it! That's it!

369
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:00,778
Why are we
following this person?

370
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:03,147
Because he drove
over my bicycle.

371
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:04,782
- Did he know it was your bike?
- And he was yelling at me.

372
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:06,717
He was the asshole, dude.

373
00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:09,654
Calm down, all right. I'm gonna
pull over until you calm down.

374
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:11,522
There's no need for that.
See up there?

375
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,591
I can see his dangling
truck nuts right now.

376
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,760
But I... just get me close enough
to see the license plate.

377
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,762
- Ok.
- He's going over the hill.

378
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,864
Oh, my god,
just please get close enough.

379
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:21,699
I swear to god.

380
00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:25,203
You are pushing me and I'm about
to let you off right now.

381
00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:27,538
Please get close.
He's turning right now.

382
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,140
Ok, I think...

383
00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:31,476
He just... he just turned right
by that highway sign.

384
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:33,211
- By that highway sign.
- Get on the highway?

385
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:34,445
No, no, no!

386
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,147
I said he turned right
by the highway sign.

387
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,382
- He did not get on the high...
- I'm sorry. But, um...

388
00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:40,118
Can you get off the...

389
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,853
I'm sorry, but I do not like
your attitude right now.

390
00:18:41,855 --> 00:18:44,322
I don't like the way you're
speaking to me in my own car.

391
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:47,291
Next exit,
I'm dropping you off, Ok?

392
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,360
I... that's not...
I need to get home.

393
00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:53,464
Well, you can figure that out
with another driver.

394
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,867
Well, could you please
just drop me off at my house?

395
00:18:55,869 --> 00:18:57,702
It's 284 Parkview.

396
00:18:57,704 --> 00:19:00,905
You can keep talking,
but I'm done talking to you.

397
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,643
This is ridiculous, dude.

398
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,712
Hello?

399
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:09,614
<i>Used by Jennifer Opel
and engineered by...</i>

400
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,315
Dude, this is a car service.

401
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,384
I'm not asking you to do
anything not in reason.

402
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:16,187
So part of that service is
for you to not yell at me

403
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:17,522
the way you've
been yelling at me.

404
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:21,392
For you not be sending me
on a wild goose chase.

405
00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:24,295
You know, um,
making, uh, racist comments.

406
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:26,697
I was not saying anything racist.
That doesn't make any sense.

407
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:28,232
Oh, you absolutely
were being racist.

408
00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:29,500
How was I being racist?

409
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:32,270
You're persecuting a black man.

410
00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:33,638
He's the guy who did it!

411
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,573
His race has nothing
to do with it.

412
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:37,542
It's purely a description
of the guy

413
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:39,310
we were trying
to follow, which you,

414
00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:41,779
for whatever reason, could not
get your... anything together.

415
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:44,615
There's a great upworthy. Com
post about racial profiling,

416
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:46,617
and this is exactly what
they were talking about.

417
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,352
If I described
your car as silver,

418
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:50,221
that doesn't mean I have a
thing against silver cars.

419
00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:52,323
I'm talking about
your fucking individual car.

420
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:55,626
Save it for the next
KKK rally that you go to.

421
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:58,429
- This is bullshit, dude.
- You can get out here.

422
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:00,765
I'm not getting out here.
I don't know where we are.

423
00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:03,801
There is no other Uber
driver coming for you.

424
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:05,369
I'm going to make sure of that.

425
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:07,972
And you are charged 86 dollars.

426
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:09,740
Eighty fucking six dollars?
That's bullshit!

427
00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:11,375
It's called surge hour services

428
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,311
and that's what's
happening today.

429
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:18,316
- Wh... it's the afternoon.
- It's the fourth of July.

430
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:20,484
I don't even have that much money.
I have, like, 68 bucks.

431
00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:22,620
You plugged in
the 3.5 into the app

432
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:24,488
when you confirmed the charge.

433
00:20:24,490 --> 00:20:26,791
I thought that meant, like, I'd
wait three and a half minutes

434
00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:29,527
for you or something. I can't see... I
couldn't see the goddamn screen in the sun.

435
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:31,696
It's already been charged.
It's 86 dollars.

436
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:33,531
Thanks for taking
all my goddamn money.

437
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:35,866
Open the fucking trunk
so I can get my bike out.

438
00:20:37,502 --> 00:20:39,637
Ask me politely.

439
00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:42,573
Will you please open
the trunk for me

440
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:46,811
so I can retrieve my bicycle
that that guy ran over?

441
00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:48,246
There you go.

442
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:56,420
So you'll be getting
a receipt via email.

443
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:57,722
Great.

444
00:20:57,724 --> 00:20:59,390
As well as
an optional online survey.

445
00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:01,759
If you could do me a solid
and give me a high rating,

446
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,661
I'd really appreciate it. Ok?

447
00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:07,665
Also, um, if you're on Twitter,
you can just help me out

448
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:11,769
by tweeting "hashtag
Uber Patrick rules." Ok?

449
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,671
Hashtag, go fuck yourself.

450
00:21:20,646 --> 00:21:22,647
My fucking lighter fluid.

451
00:21:35,861 --> 00:21:38,996
Hey, what's up, dude? I was
hoping you would answer. Um...

452
00:21:38,998 --> 00:21:40,765
Anyway, man. Um...

453
00:21:40,767 --> 00:21:43,334
Give me a call back
as soon as you get this.

454
00:21:43,336 --> 00:21:45,970
Um, I don't know if
you already picked mark up

455
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:49,740
or if you're still at the airport or
on the way or whatever, but um...

456
00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:52,510
But, dude, I'm gonna, uh...

457
00:21:52,512 --> 00:21:55,046
I'm definitely gonna need you
to come pick me up. Um...

458
00:21:55,048 --> 00:21:57,481
Some...
Some insane shit happened.

459
00:21:57,483 --> 00:22:00,951
Um, the Uber driver dude
was crazy.

460
00:22:00,953 --> 00:22:02,820
I mean, not like...
Well, I don't know.

461
00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:04,455
Like, annoying crazy.

462
00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:06,791
It's too long to explain
in a fucking voicemail,

463
00:22:06,793 --> 00:22:09,026
but we got into an argument
and he kicked me out.

464
00:22:09,028 --> 00:22:13,564
And, uh, anyway, the fucking
dick head dropped me off

465
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:16,067
and essentially...

466
00:22:16,069 --> 00:22:18,402
Fuckin'... took...

467
00:22:18,404 --> 00:22:20,671
Basically, all my money's gone

468
00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:22,873
and has been spent
on car service.

469
00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:24,508
So that's nice.

470
00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:28,045
Um, shit, I gotta find a place
to fucking take a piss.

471
00:22:28,047 --> 00:22:29,747
So, um,

472
00:22:29,749 --> 00:22:31,949
I'm gonna go try to find
a bathroom for a second.

473
00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:35,386
And then, uh, when I find that, uh,
hopefully I'll have an address to give you

474
00:22:35,388 --> 00:22:37,421
and you can come pick me up.
But uh...

475
00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:40,658
Anyway, just give me a call, man.
I've got, like... I've only got

476
00:22:40,660 --> 00:22:43,127
I've got $1.38 left.

477
00:22:43,129 --> 00:22:46,731
Um, total. To... to my name.

478
00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:50,601
So I don't even have enough
for a bus anymore, so, uh...

479
00:22:52,070 --> 00:22:54,071
Anyway, call me back
when you get this, man.

480
00:22:54,073 --> 00:22:55,840
I hope you're on your way back.
All right.

481
00:22:55,842 --> 00:22:56,974
Later man, bye.

482
00:23:16,461 --> 00:23:17,461
Seriously?

483
00:23:19,431 --> 00:23:20,431
Fucking turn.

484
00:23:42,422 --> 00:23:43,422
Hello?

485
00:23:44,723 --> 00:23:45,723
Hello?

486
00:23:47,159 --> 00:23:48,192
Hello?

487
00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:56,867
Hi, do you guys have a public
restroom, by any chance?

488
00:23:56,869 --> 00:23:59,103
No? All right.

489
00:23:59,105 --> 00:24:00,504
Do you guys have a bathroom?

490
00:24:01,540 --> 00:24:02,573
No? Ok.

491
00:24:07,145 --> 00:24:10,815
- Do you guys have a bathroom?
- -No.

492
00:24:10,817 --> 00:24:13,617
Hello? Do you guys have
a bathroom, by any chance?

493
00:24:13,619 --> 00:24:15,719
Do you have a bathroom,
by any chance?

494
00:24:15,721 --> 00:24:16,954
No, Ok. Thanks.

495
00:24:30,202 --> 00:24:31,202
Sorry.

496
00:24:39,644 --> 00:24:41,245
What's up, man?

497
00:24:41,247 --> 00:24:43,047
Is it all right if I bring
this in here for a second?

498
00:24:43,049 --> 00:24:44,782
- It's just a bike.
- I don't give a fuck.

499
00:24:44,784 --> 00:24:47,852
Um, do you guys have a restroom
I could use super quick?

500
00:24:47,854 --> 00:24:50,688
I've been hopping around,
looking for a spot and I can't.

501
00:24:50,690 --> 00:24:51,922
No one seems to have one.

502
00:24:51,924 --> 00:24:53,824
We do,
but it's for customers only.

503
00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:56,894
Ok. Um...

504
00:24:56,896 --> 00:24:59,163
Is it cool if I... if I use
the restroom first

505
00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:01,098
and then buy something
on the way?

506
00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:03,968
I'll buy something for sure.
I just need to go really bad.

507
00:25:03,970 --> 00:25:06,804
- It's customers only.
- Ok. Uh, yeah.

508
00:25:06,806 --> 00:25:10,074
Sorry, I just have
to go super bad. Um...

509
00:25:10,076 --> 00:25:13,277
Do you guys, uh... Do you guys
have lighter fluid by any chance?

510
00:25:13,279 --> 00:25:16,247
- Yeah, yeah, we do.
- Do you know how much it costs? Just offhand?

511
00:25:16,249 --> 00:25:18,682
I don't know, like four dollars.

512
00:25:20,752 --> 00:25:22,653
Aw, shit. Um...

513
00:25:22,655 --> 00:25:26,790
Do you guys have anything that's,
like, just a dollar or less?

514
00:25:26,792 --> 00:25:30,160
It's easier if you check
the price tags.

515
00:25:30,162 --> 00:25:31,962
None of this stuff
has price tags on it.

516
00:25:31,964 --> 00:25:33,297
That's the only reason I ask.

517
00:25:38,770 --> 00:25:40,938
So how much are the candy bars?
Are they like a dollar?

518
00:25:40,940 --> 00:25:43,774
- Yeah, a dollar.
- It was Adrien Brody.

519
00:25:43,776 --> 00:25:47,111
And he was Dj'ing and we watched
him do this entire DJ set.

520
00:25:47,113 --> 00:25:49,280
No, he did look good.
That's what was surprising.

521
00:25:49,282 --> 00:25:53,617
He did look good, and it was amazing.
Excuse me. Where's the bathroom?

522
00:25:53,619 --> 00:25:56,720
- It's for customers only.
- Are you serious?

523
00:25:56,722 --> 00:25:57,722
Seriously?

524
00:25:59,024 --> 00:26:00,257
- Yeah.

525
00:26:01,793 --> 00:26:04,061
This guy is being
so mean to me right now.

526
00:26:04,063 --> 00:26:05,996
He's being so... I know.

527
00:26:05,998 --> 00:26:07,665
No, I... I know.

528
00:26:07,667 --> 00:26:09,567
Hey, excuse me. Hi.

529
00:26:09,569 --> 00:26:11,235
So, I'm Stacy.

530
00:26:12,270 --> 00:26:14,672
Can I please use the bathroom?

531
00:26:14,674 --> 00:26:17,174
You'll be, like, my best friend
in the whole world.

532
00:26:17,176 --> 00:26:20,811
Like, I will never forget you.

533
00:26:20,813 --> 00:26:22,012
All right, go ahead.

534
00:26:22,014 --> 00:26:23,847
You are am-
he's amazing.

535
00:26:23,849 --> 00:26:26,016
He's now being nice.
You're amazing. I am...

536
00:26:26,018 --> 00:26:27,651
You're my favorite
store person right now.

537
00:26:27,653 --> 00:26:29,787
- You're amazing.
- All right, Stacy.

538
00:26:29,789 --> 00:26:31,221
- Fuck.
- -Sorry.

539
00:26:31,223 --> 00:26:33,123
Anyways, when Adrien
started spinning,

540
00:26:33,125 --> 00:26:36,126
I was like, I want to fuck him.

541
00:26:36,128 --> 00:26:38,128
Awesome. Uh...

542
00:26:38,130 --> 00:26:41,799
So I guess that means I probably
don't have to buy this too?

543
00:26:41,801 --> 00:26:44,301
- That's a dollar.
- Cool. Of course it is.

544
00:26:53,945 --> 00:26:55,245
Yo.

545
00:26:55,247 --> 00:26:57,247
Yo, bathroom's one at a time.

546
00:26:57,249 --> 00:26:58,782
That's fine with me.

547
00:26:58,784 --> 00:27:00,784
I'm not trying to be
in there with her.

548
00:27:14,833 --> 00:27:16,200
I'd fuck her.

549
00:27:16,202 --> 00:27:18,736
- Cool.
- Like you wouldn't?

550
00:27:18,738 --> 00:27:20,738
I don't know, whatever.

551
00:27:20,740 --> 00:27:23,407
I'm just waiting for the... I'm
just waiting for the bathroom.

552
00:27:23,409 --> 00:27:26,043
- Trying to get my dick wet.
- -Great.

553
00:27:26,045 --> 00:27:31,081
She always wears the same
thing as me and it's like...

554
00:27:33,285 --> 00:27:36,286
When Adrien Brody was Dj'ing,

555
00:27:36,288 --> 00:27:37,955
he made eye contact with me.

556
00:27:37,957 --> 00:27:41,759
I counted, like, six times,
but I'm pretty sure.

557
00:27:41,761 --> 00:27:46,163
No, it wasn't anyone next to me.
It was me.

558
00:27:46,165 --> 00:27:49,066
He looked me right in
the eye and I was like...

559
00:27:50,436 --> 00:27:51,735
Oh, my god.

560
00:27:51,737 --> 00:27:52,870
What?

561
00:27:52,872 --> 00:27:54,171
Are you gonna be much longer?

562
00:27:54,173 --> 00:27:57,107
I actually need
to use the restroom.

563
00:27:57,109 --> 00:27:58,375
And I'm using it right now,

564
00:27:58,377 --> 00:28:01,011
so that's kinda how this works.

565
00:28:01,013 --> 00:28:04,081
Sounds like you're just
talking on the phone a bunch.

566
00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:07,351
Yeah, because
I have... I'm multitasking.

567
00:28:07,353 --> 00:28:09,053
Wow.

568
00:28:09,055 --> 00:28:10,988
Yeah, something
you probably can't do.

569
00:28:10,990 --> 00:28:12,790
Yeah, you got me again.

570
00:28:14,793 --> 00:28:17,394
You need to, like, stop creeping
right now, Ok?

571
00:28:17,396 --> 00:28:19,129
And, like, wait your turn.

572
00:28:19,131 --> 00:28:21,298
- I'm not creeping. I just...
- You need to wait your turn.

573
00:28:21,300 --> 00:28:23,367
Ok, but I actually need to use
the bathroom. It sounds like...

574
00:28:23,369 --> 00:28:25,936
I actually need
to use the bathroom too.

575
00:28:25,938 --> 00:28:27,204
Sounds like you're just
talking on the phone

576
00:28:27,206 --> 00:28:28,372
and not even using the bathroom.

577
00:28:28,374 --> 00:28:29,873
Whatever.

578
00:28:29,875 --> 00:28:31,809
Ok. Whatever.

579
00:28:31,811 --> 00:28:34,912
You got in there because you kinda
cut in front of me before anyway.

580
00:28:34,914 --> 00:28:37,948
Cut in front?
Oh, my god, you heard him right?

581
00:28:37,950 --> 00:28:40,184
Cut in front of you? Are
you, like, five years old?

582
00:28:40,186 --> 00:28:42,786
I'm not five years old,
I'm a grown up.

583
00:28:42,788 --> 00:28:44,188
Ok.

584
00:28:44,190 --> 00:28:48,859
- I'm am adult.
- -He's a psycho.

585
00:28:48,861 --> 00:28:52,763
- Why's your bike all fucked up?
- A dude drove over it.

586
00:28:54,966 --> 00:28:57,267
Tight.

587
00:28:57,269 --> 00:29:00,270
I'm definitely not gonna get my
hair wet because I don't want to.

588
00:29:00,272 --> 00:29:02,439
So are you done taking
the world's biggest shit yet?

589
00:29:04,110 --> 00:29:05,843
He thinks that I'm shitting,

590
00:29:05,845 --> 00:29:07,745
which is gross.

591
00:29:07,747 --> 00:29:09,213
Then what are you doing?

592
00:29:09,215 --> 00:29:11,148
I don't shit.

593
00:29:11,150 --> 00:29:14,351
Great. That makes sense
because you're full of it.

594
00:29:14,353 --> 00:29:19,223
Wow. Are you a comedian?
Is that what you do?

595
00:29:19,225 --> 00:29:21,959
I'm just a guy who actually
needs to use the bathroom.

596
00:29:21,961 --> 00:29:23,360
To take a shit?

597
00:29:23,362 --> 00:29:24,928
I need to take a piss.

598
00:29:24,930 --> 00:29:27,097
You're a fucking dude.

599
00:29:27,099 --> 00:29:29,366
Go outside, whip your cock out

600
00:29:29,368 --> 00:29:31,301
and fucking piss
all over things.

601
00:29:31,303 --> 00:29:32,803
I was trying to be
a decent person,

602
00:29:32,805 --> 00:29:34,838
but all right,
fine, maybe I will.

603
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:36,140
- Yeah.
- This is fucking stupid.

604
00:29:36,142 --> 00:29:38,008
And you know what?
You're dumb.

605
00:29:41,279 --> 00:29:42,346
You're dumbing.

606
00:30:06,038 --> 00:30:07,038
Fuck.

607
00:30:11,976 --> 00:30:14,144
Sir, we need you to
step away from the wall,

608
00:30:14,146 --> 00:30:17,214
put your hands over your head
and turn around slowly.

609
00:30:17,216 --> 00:30:19,183
Um...

610
00:30:19,185 --> 00:30:21,585
Sir, you heard me. I need
you to turn around slowly.

611
00:30:21,587 --> 00:30:24,354
- Put your hands over your head.
- I have my dick out.

612
00:30:24,356 --> 00:30:25,522
You have your what?

613
00:30:25,524 --> 00:30:27,124
I have my dick out.

614
00:30:27,126 --> 00:30:28,892
Why is your dick out, sir?

615
00:30:28,894 --> 00:30:31,929
- I don't know.
- Turn around, slowly.

616
00:30:31,931 --> 00:30:35,032
- Can I put it away first?
- Hands up, turn around.

617
00:30:36,868 --> 00:30:38,402
What the hell are you doing?

618
00:30:38,404 --> 00:30:39,503
I had to pee.

619
00:30:39,505 --> 00:30:41,338
So I was peeing.

620
00:30:41,340 --> 00:30:42,873
Close that up.

621
00:30:42,875 --> 00:30:44,942
- Slowly.
- It's buttons, not a zipper.

622
00:30:44,944 --> 00:30:47,144
I know, I know, I see.
Thank you.

623
00:30:48,380 --> 00:30:49,980
I was trying to pee
in the store,

624
00:30:49,982 --> 00:30:51,181
but you had to buy something.

625
00:30:51,183 --> 00:30:53,183
You too cheap to buy something?

626
00:30:53,185 --> 00:30:54,985
No, no, no, I bought something.

627
00:30:54,987 --> 00:30:57,454
I bought a snickers and then
I went to use the bathroom

628
00:30:57,456 --> 00:31:00,023
and this, like, annoying girl got
in the bathroom in front of me

629
00:31:00,025 --> 00:31:02,025
and she, like, wouldn't leave.
She was pretty much...

630
00:31:02,027 --> 00:31:04,862
So you came outside and showed
yourself to the entire neighborhood.

631
00:31:04,864 --> 00:31:06,163
No, I showed myself to the wall.

632
00:31:06,165 --> 00:31:08,131
Get your hands against the wall.

633
00:31:08,133 --> 00:31:09,900
I don't know what she was doing,
but she was taking forever

634
00:31:09,902 --> 00:31:11,869
and then, like, so I pretty much
had no choice

635
00:31:11,871 --> 00:31:15,038
and I had to come outside and pee
out here, you know what I mean?

636
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:16,573
No, I don't.

637
00:31:16,575 --> 00:31:18,041
- What's this?
- That's the snickers I bought.

638
00:31:18,043 --> 00:31:19,243
That's the one
I was telling you about.

639
00:31:19,245 --> 00:31:21,511
I bought that so
I could use the bathroom

640
00:31:21,513 --> 00:31:24,047
because you had to be a patron.
So, that's like...

641
00:31:24,049 --> 00:31:26,316
That's brand new.
That's the one I bought inside.

642
00:31:26,318 --> 00:31:27,985
I just bought that. Like...

643
00:31:27,987 --> 00:31:29,586
Ok.

644
00:31:29,588 --> 00:31:31,455
You understand the ramifications

645
00:31:31,457 --> 00:31:33,023
of what you are
doing here today?

646
00:31:33,025 --> 00:31:34,224
Obviously not.

647
00:31:36,161 --> 00:31:38,095
Do you realize that because
of your act out here

648
00:31:38,097 --> 00:31:40,364
with your little tallywacker
hanging out...

649
00:31:40,366 --> 00:31:45,168
You got indecent exposure
because you couldn't hold it.

650
00:31:45,170 --> 00:31:48,572
That puts you on a list
with all other child offenders.

651
00:31:48,574 --> 00:31:49,673
I wasn't doing anything sexual.

652
00:31:49,675 --> 00:31:51,141
I just needed
to use the bathroom.

653
00:31:51,143 --> 00:31:52,643
You got your weenie out
in public.

654
00:31:52,645 --> 00:31:54,511
Are you kidding me?

655
00:31:54,513 --> 00:31:57,648
Anybody could've walked by.
A little kid could've walked.

656
00:31:57,650 --> 00:31:59,216
See my bike over there?

657
00:31:59,218 --> 00:32:01,184
I actually called
the police earlier today

658
00:32:01,186 --> 00:32:03,453
because there was, like,
a road rage incident,

659
00:32:03,455 --> 00:32:06,356
where this dude drove over
my bike in a parking lot.

660
00:32:06,358 --> 00:32:08,525
He drove over your bike. Did you
get a license plate number?

661
00:32:08,527 --> 00:32:10,427
Did you get a make of the car?

662
00:32:10,429 --> 00:32:12,529
It was all happening pretty
fast and it was insane.

663
00:32:12,531 --> 00:32:13,531
Quiet.

664
00:32:16,134 --> 00:32:17,501
Well, here's your citation.

665
00:32:17,503 --> 00:32:19,469
I'm not a sex offender
is all I'm saying.

666
00:32:19,471 --> 00:32:22,239
You know what, junior?
There's a phone number on there.

667
00:32:22,241 --> 00:32:24,708
There's a website that'll
tell you what you need to do.

668
00:32:24,710 --> 00:32:26,610
Do you know what
the price is for the fee?

669
00:32:26,612 --> 00:32:28,445
Which part of...

670
00:32:28,447 --> 00:32:29,513
Go to the website.

671
00:32:29,515 --> 00:32:32,049
Call the phone number.

672
00:32:32,051 --> 00:32:33,717
Ok. I got it. I got it.

673
00:32:33,719 --> 00:32:36,620
Ok, I got it. Yes. Go to the website.
I'll go to the website.

674
00:32:40,159 --> 00:32:41,458
Warning.

675
00:32:41,460 --> 00:32:44,328
Don't ever let me
catch you do that again.

676
00:32:44,330 --> 00:32:46,496
- Have a great fourth of July.
- All right.

677
00:32:46,498 --> 00:32:47,664
Never again.

678
00:33:03,581 --> 00:33:05,148
<i>Hey, Scotty.</i>

679
00:33:05,150 --> 00:33:06,583
Hey, dude.

680
00:33:06,585 --> 00:33:09,753
Dude, I just got a big-ass
ticket for taking a piss.

681
00:33:09,755 --> 00:33:12,022
Like these...

682
00:33:12,024 --> 00:33:14,424
Like, these police busted me
for peeing on a wall.

683
00:33:14,426 --> 00:33:16,393
Um, hey man, if you've already
picked up mark

684
00:33:16,395 --> 00:33:18,395
or you're cruising around
or whatever,

685
00:33:18,397 --> 00:33:21,465
is there any way
you could come pick me up?

686
00:33:21,467 --> 00:33:23,300
Oh, awesome. All right.
Well, shit.

687
00:33:23,302 --> 00:33:26,370
If it's delayed, yeah, yeah,
that'd be great. Yeah. Um...

688
00:33:26,372 --> 00:33:30,307
I'm by this place called, uh,
song's automotive.

689
00:33:30,309 --> 00:33:32,109
If you just Google that name,

690
00:33:32,111 --> 00:33:33,677
it'll take you right here.

691
00:33:33,679 --> 00:33:35,712
Just look up the address.

692
00:33:35,714 --> 00:33:38,248
Yeah, dude. Uh, yeah.
I'll just meet you over there.

693
00:33:45,656 --> 00:33:49,226
Hey, the bathroom's free now
if you wanna use it.

694
00:33:49,228 --> 00:33:52,596
Great, not necessary. Thanks.

695
00:33:52,598 --> 00:33:54,765
- How's your bike?
- It's doing wonderful.

696
00:33:54,767 --> 00:33:56,767
His bike is
literally falling apart.

697
00:33:56,769 --> 00:33:59,169
I'm glad you're done taking
the world's biggest shit.

698
00:33:59,171 --> 00:34:00,370
Ok.

699
00:34:00,372 --> 00:34:01,538
- Whatever.
- Goddamn.

700
00:34:03,175 --> 00:34:06,376
I guess if I need
to bring sangria, I will, but...

701
00:34:06,378 --> 00:34:08,078
Oh, my god,
I think he's following me.

702
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:10,113
I'm not following you, Jesus.

703
00:34:10,115 --> 00:34:13,250
He is so... I need to take
a picture of him for you,

704
00:34:13,252 --> 00:34:15,385
but I don't even wanna
give him that satisfaction.

705
00:34:15,387 --> 00:34:18,121
No, because I heard him
talking to the clerk

706
00:34:18,123 --> 00:34:19,456
that he wanted to fuck me.

707
00:34:19,458 --> 00:34:21,058
No, he did.

708
00:34:21,060 --> 00:34:23,326
Which is, like, I get it,
but, it's like, just,

709
00:34:23,328 --> 00:34:26,329
have some class and not say
it right in front of me.

710
00:34:26,331 --> 00:34:29,466
I mean... no, the door was shut,
but still, he was like,

711
00:34:29,468 --> 00:34:30,468
whatever.

712
00:34:32,237 --> 00:34:33,370
Hello, Scotty?

713
00:34:35,073 --> 00:34:36,106
I can hardly...

714
00:34:36,108 --> 00:34:38,542
Oh, Derek. Derek?

715
00:34:38,544 --> 00:34:40,110
Hey, what's up, dude?

716
00:34:40,112 --> 00:34:42,446
You sounded like
a robot for a second.

717
00:34:42,448 --> 00:34:44,481
Yeah, I don't know.
I think it was your phone.

718
00:34:44,483 --> 00:34:46,850
Maybe it was mine, I don't know.

719
00:34:46,852 --> 00:34:48,251
Nothing. Just...

720
00:34:48,253 --> 00:34:49,352
What's up?

721
00:34:49,354 --> 00:34:51,521
No, I saw the list Jenny left.

722
00:34:51,523 --> 00:34:54,591
And... she texted me
a few times too.

723
00:34:54,593 --> 00:34:56,493
So the chores are noted.

724
00:34:56,495 --> 00:35:00,397
No, no, no, just tell Jenny
she doesn't need to stop by.

725
00:35:00,399 --> 00:35:02,666
I'm gonna be, like, at home the whole
time just like watching Netflix

726
00:35:02,668 --> 00:35:06,403
and just, like, you know, doing kind
of boring shit or whatever tonight.

727
00:35:06,405 --> 00:35:09,206
Don't worry, man,
your cats are good.

728
00:35:09,208 --> 00:35:11,708
If I had the funds I'd totally
be down for a trip, too.

729
00:35:11,710 --> 00:35:13,610
Yeah.

730
00:35:13,612 --> 00:35:15,679
Yeah, obviously,
I'd pay rent first.

731
00:35:23,721 --> 00:35:26,523
- What's up man?
- Hey.

732
00:35:26,525 --> 00:35:28,391
Is that Derek's bike?

733
00:35:28,393 --> 00:35:30,794
Oh, my god, he's gonna be
so pissed off about that.

734
00:35:30,796 --> 00:35:33,730
I just got the wheel back on,
but now I can't get it off.

735
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:38,201
Did you already pick
mark up or is he still...

736
00:35:38,203 --> 00:35:40,337
No, we gotta hurry up.
He's already here now.

737
00:35:40,339 --> 00:35:42,772
- He's called me twice already.
- All right.

738
00:35:44,509 --> 00:35:46,209
Plane was delayed,
but now it's landed.

739
00:35:46,211 --> 00:35:48,245
- So we gotta go.
- I don't know if it's gonna fit.

740
00:35:48,247 --> 00:35:49,779
I've got some bungees
in the trunk, dude.

741
00:35:49,781 --> 00:35:51,214
Just use those. We gotta go.

742
00:35:55,887 --> 00:35:58,855
So the Uber car, he's like,
"hey, can you do me a solid.

743
00:35:58,857 --> 00:36:00,891
If you're on Twitter,
could you, uh, just put out

744
00:36:00,893 --> 00:36:04,494
hashtag Uber driver
Patrick rules?"

745
00:36:04,496 --> 00:36:07,898
I closed the door and I was like,
"hashtag, go fuck yourself."

746
00:36:07,900 --> 00:36:09,633
You said that right to his face?

747
00:36:09,635 --> 00:36:10,867
Yeah, yeah, pretty much.

748
00:36:10,869 --> 00:36:12,502
I closed the door
and just said it to him.

749
00:36:12,504 --> 00:36:14,704
- After you closed the door?
- Like, right after.

750
00:36:14,706 --> 00:36:16,673
That sucks.
He probably didn't hear it.

751
00:36:16,675 --> 00:36:19,309
- Yeah.
- He probably didn't.

752
00:36:19,311 --> 00:36:21,578
I think it's...

753
00:36:21,580 --> 00:36:23,680
Fucking Jenny just texted again.

754
00:36:24,849 --> 00:36:27,684
She keeps texting me about,

755
00:36:27,686 --> 00:36:29,819
Derek left me a list of chores

756
00:36:29,821 --> 00:36:35,358
and then I guess Jenny has thought
it's like, uh, her duty to, uh...

757
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:37,694
Text me on his behalf

758
00:36:37,696 --> 00:36:40,197
to make sure I do the chores.

759
00:36:40,199 --> 00:36:41,798
She needs to chill out.

760
00:36:47,371 --> 00:36:49,272
Whenever I go
through this tunnel,

761
00:36:49,274 --> 00:36:51,975
I either hold my breath
or close my eyes.

762
00:36:51,977 --> 00:36:54,511
I already fucked it up
because I'm still talking,

763
00:36:54,513 --> 00:36:57,914
but you can either close your
eyes or hold your breath

764
00:36:57,916 --> 00:37:01,551
- until the end of the tunnel.
- I just usually scream.

765
00:37:01,553 --> 00:37:02,485
No one's ever passed out.

766
00:37:02,487 --> 00:37:03,820
But the only time a guy did,

767
00:37:03,822 --> 00:37:05,922
there was a traffic jam
around Thanksgiving.

768
00:37:05,924 --> 00:37:08,592
I like these
big-ass lax letters.

769
00:37:08,594 --> 00:37:11,528
I bet people are gonna start
showing up at the cookout

770
00:37:11,530 --> 00:37:13,697
and I'm not even gonna be there.

771
00:37:13,699 --> 00:37:17,334
This is actually the most
relaxing part of my day so far.

772
00:37:17,336 --> 00:37:19,369
What's mark in town for anyway?

773
00:37:19,371 --> 00:37:21,271
An engineering conference.

774
00:37:23,842 --> 00:37:26,509
I think it's so funny
that he's technically

775
00:37:26,511 --> 00:37:27,811
a part of your family.

776
00:37:27,813 --> 00:37:29,546
Well, yeah, technically.

777
00:37:29,548 --> 00:37:31,581
Legally.
Not technically. Legally.

778
00:37:31,583 --> 00:37:32,849
Legally is technically.

779
00:37:32,851 --> 00:37:34,684
Oh, whatever.
It's kinda tight though.

780
00:37:34,686 --> 00:37:37,354
- Sitting here, taking forever.

781
00:37:37,356 --> 00:37:38,955
These fuckers
are parked right here.

782
00:37:38,957 --> 00:37:41,491
- Jesus Christ.
- -I'm going around.

783
00:37:41,493 --> 00:37:43,627
Jenny just texted me again.

784
00:37:43,629 --> 00:37:45,328
Fuck this.

785
00:37:45,330 --> 00:37:48,698
What is she pointing at?
What does that mean?

786
00:37:48,700 --> 00:37:50,667
- We're still at one.
- -Ok, look for him.

787
00:37:50,669 --> 00:37:53,570
- All right.
- -Stop hugging.

788
00:37:53,572 --> 00:37:55,038
Oh, god, you idiots.

789
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,440
Ok, just a head's up.

790
00:37:57,442 --> 00:37:58,842
Uh, mark's gonna wanna
sit in the front.

791
00:37:58,844 --> 00:38:00,510
He says he gets carsick, so...

792
00:38:00,512 --> 00:38:01,911
He gets carsick?

793
00:38:01,913 --> 00:38:03,880
I mean, I don't think he does.

794
00:38:03,882 --> 00:38:07,450
I just think he likes
to say he gets carsick.

795
00:38:07,452 --> 00:38:08,452
There he is.

796
00:38:12,556 --> 00:38:14,691
Yo, mark!

797
00:38:14,693 --> 00:38:15,892
Mark!

798
00:38:15,894 --> 00:38:17,027
Mark!

799
00:38:18,562 --> 00:38:20,063
Circle around again.

800
00:38:20,065 --> 00:38:21,431
I like this one, I guess,

801
00:38:21,433 --> 00:38:24,901
just fuck it. Hop in.

802
00:38:24,903 --> 00:38:27,971
- Where do I put this bag?
- -Just give it to him.

803
00:38:27,973 --> 00:38:29,906
Oh, it doesn't work.

804
00:38:29,908 --> 00:38:31,828
- It doesn't go down?
- Yeah, it doesn't go down.

805
00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:35,679
Hey, how's it going?

806
00:38:35,681 --> 00:38:38,548
Oh, my god.
I'm having the worst day.

807
00:38:38,550 --> 00:38:40,950
- Put the thing down.
- I'm trying to.

808
00:38:40,952 --> 00:38:44,854
- The handle.
- -Doesn't go down.

809
00:38:44,856 --> 00:38:47,757
Does your bag...
Does your bag handle go down?

810
00:38:47,759 --> 00:38:49,459
It sticks a little bit.

811
00:38:49,461 --> 00:38:52,495
It's always
the first thing going.

812
00:38:52,497 --> 00:38:53,863
Your hair's all long now.

813
00:38:53,865 --> 00:38:55,665
Oh, yeah, I'm growing it

814
00:38:55,667 --> 00:38:58,835
because I'm playing A.P. Hill
in the battle of Antietam

815
00:38:58,837 --> 00:39:02,539
at the local civil war
reenactment society. So...

816
00:39:03,808 --> 00:39:05,742
Let's go to in-n-out.

817
00:39:05,744 --> 00:39:09,479
- Um, right now?
- Yeah, I didn't get to eat.

818
00:39:09,481 --> 00:39:12,115
You know, airport prices
are so expensive, so...

819
00:39:12,117 --> 00:39:13,983
I'm actually having a cookout.

820
00:39:13,985 --> 00:39:15,719
We're trying to
rollback for that.

821
00:39:15,721 --> 00:39:19,122
I got a big-ass thing of meat.
We're gonna cook burgers.

822
00:39:19,124 --> 00:39:22,792
I always eat at
in-n-out when I get to la.

823
00:39:22,794 --> 00:39:24,060
Anytime I get to California,

824
00:39:24,062 --> 00:39:25,895
I always have
in-n-out, first thing.

825
00:39:25,897 --> 00:39:27,464
Ok.

826
00:39:27,466 --> 00:39:28,765
There's the one
right by the airport.

827
00:39:28,767 --> 00:39:30,600
It won't take long.

828
00:39:30,602 --> 00:39:33,103
I don't eat meat, so.

829
00:39:33,105 --> 00:39:35,105
Well, they have...
They have other options there.

830
00:39:35,107 --> 00:39:37,140
What, like bread and pickle?

831
00:39:37,142 --> 00:39:38,875
Yeah.

832
00:39:38,877 --> 00:39:41,778
I like in-n-out fine,
but I don't have any money

833
00:39:41,780 --> 00:39:42,912
to get anything right now.

834
00:39:42,914 --> 00:39:44,814
Why don't you buy him something?

835
00:39:44,816 --> 00:39:49,552
I don't like to patronize
non-vegetarian establishments.

836
00:39:49,554 --> 00:39:52,055
- I don't like to support that.
- Why?

837
00:39:52,057 --> 00:39:53,723
What do you mean? Because I
don't like to support it.

838
00:39:53,725 --> 00:39:55,024
That's what I just said.
I don't like to.

839
00:39:55,026 --> 00:39:56,493
Doesn't make any sense.

840
00:39:56,495 --> 00:39:57,660
Yeah it does,
it makes total sense.

841
00:39:57,662 --> 00:39:59,996
Every time I come to California,

842
00:39:59,998 --> 00:40:02,632
the first thing I do is
I go to in-n-out burger.

843
00:40:02,634 --> 00:40:03,900
I don't know
why it has to change.

844
00:40:03,902 --> 00:40:05,568
This is my tradition.

845
00:40:05,570 --> 00:40:07,570
It's just gonna take
five minutes.

846
00:40:07,572 --> 00:40:09,873
We're in a hurry to get back to
an actual cookout right now,

847
00:40:09,875 --> 00:40:11,641
so it kinda makes more sense
to just do that.

848
00:40:11,643 --> 00:40:13,042
Every time I come to California

849
00:40:13,044 --> 00:40:15,445
I got to
in-n-out burger, first thing.

850
00:40:15,447 --> 00:40:17,147
Dude,
we're not going to in-n-out.

851
00:40:41,071 --> 00:40:42,672
Hey, drew.

852
00:40:42,674 --> 00:40:44,207
Hey, what's up, dude?

853
00:40:45,476 --> 00:40:46,976
Uh...

854
00:40:46,978 --> 00:40:48,111
No, I'm not.

855
00:40:48,113 --> 00:40:49,646
Are you at the house now?

856
00:40:50,781 --> 00:40:52,916
I'm not even there yet, man.

857
00:40:52,918 --> 00:40:55,585
Couldn't you just eat that in the car?
It would be a lot faster.

858
00:40:55,587 --> 00:40:57,187
We could get going
to the barbecue.

859
00:40:57,189 --> 00:40:59,656
Yeah, I can't eat in the car
because I get sick.

860
00:40:59,658 --> 00:41:01,891
I'm actually...

861
00:41:03,462 --> 00:41:05,829
I'm at an in-n-out near lax.

862
00:41:05,831 --> 00:41:07,664
No, no, no.

863
00:41:07,666 --> 00:41:09,866
We're still gonna have burgers
at the cookout. But um...

864
00:41:12,603 --> 00:41:14,637
It's too much to explain.
Um...

865
00:41:14,639 --> 00:41:16,840
Oh, you're with Mikey?

866
00:41:16,842 --> 00:41:18,641
No, no, no, just wait
until I get back.

867
00:41:18,643 --> 00:41:21,010
Actually, don't
because if you...

868
00:41:21,012 --> 00:41:24,881
No, no, don't climb over the
fence, because if you...

869
00:41:24,883 --> 00:41:27,817
If you do that, it locks
from the inside anyway,

870
00:41:27,819 --> 00:41:30,787
so even if you
climbed over to let Mikey in,

871
00:41:30,789 --> 00:41:34,524
you'd need the key to open it
from the inside anyway.

872
00:41:34,526 --> 00:41:35,792
Plus, no one's there, so...

873
00:41:35,794 --> 00:41:36,826
Yeah.

874
00:41:38,762 --> 00:41:41,898
So just... actually, you know
what you can do?

875
00:41:41,900 --> 00:41:43,666
Um, just, because you've got
time to kill,

876
00:41:43,668 --> 00:41:44,934
you could do me a favor,

877
00:41:44,936 --> 00:41:48,137
if you could just stop
and get lighter fluid.

878
00:41:48,139 --> 00:41:53,042
You don't have to bring anything
super special to the cookout.

879
00:41:53,044 --> 00:41:54,210
Just get lighter fluid.

880
00:41:54,212 --> 00:41:55,879
You can if you want.
I don't care.

881
00:41:55,881 --> 00:41:57,981
But just... yeah,
lighter fluid, man.

882
00:42:00,584 --> 00:42:03,219
All right, dude. All right.
See you in a bit, bye.

883
00:42:05,823 --> 00:42:08,024
No lighter fluid necessary.

884
00:42:09,260 --> 00:42:10,260
Yeah?

885
00:42:15,132 --> 00:42:17,200
Why is the trunk up like that?

886
00:42:17,202 --> 00:42:18,234
Oh, fuck.

887
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:24,073
Fuck.

888
00:42:24,075 --> 00:42:25,775
- What the hell?
- -They took the wheel.

889
00:42:27,077 --> 00:42:28,578
Who steals a wheel?

890
00:42:28,580 --> 00:42:29,913
I don't know.
That fucking sucks.

891
00:42:29,915 --> 00:42:31,214
That was, like, the only
good part left.

892
00:42:31,216 --> 00:42:32,615
Derek's gonna be fucking
super pissed now.

893
00:42:32,617 --> 00:42:34,617
You didn't put
the lock through it?

894
00:42:34,619 --> 00:42:36,819
We bungeed it down.

895
00:42:36,821 --> 00:42:38,955
That's what I don't like about la.
Too much crime.

896
00:42:38,957 --> 00:42:42,158
Is there a way I can hook
my phone up to your stereo

897
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:44,694
to listen to something?

898
00:42:44,696 --> 00:42:45,862
What do you want to listen to?

899
00:42:45,864 --> 00:42:47,931
My earbuds broke on the plane

900
00:42:47,933 --> 00:42:49,933
so I wasn't able to
listen to my book on tape

901
00:42:49,935 --> 00:42:51,568
about the civil war.

902
00:42:51,570 --> 00:42:53,202
I don't wanna listen to
a book on tape right now.

903
00:42:53,204 --> 00:42:54,637
We're driving.

904
00:42:54,639 --> 00:42:56,573
Can't you listen to it tonight?

905
00:42:57,909 --> 00:42:59,842
Every day,
during the conference,

906
00:42:59,844 --> 00:43:02,879
there's gonna be social
activities at the end of the day.

907
00:43:02,881 --> 00:43:05,048
So I'm not gonna have
time to listen to it.

908
00:43:05,050 --> 00:43:07,216
So I have to listen to it now.

909
00:43:07,218 --> 00:43:09,118
Well, you don't have
to listen to it

910
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:13,890
and I think now it's probably
not a great time, so...

911
00:43:13,892 --> 00:43:17,694
I don't have time to listen
to this, uh, this weekend

912
00:43:17,696 --> 00:43:19,729
and I need to listen
to the book on tape

913
00:43:19,731 --> 00:43:22,899
before I return because I'm
preparing for my reenactment.

914
00:43:22,901 --> 00:43:26,035
This is my one chance
to play A.P. Hill.

915
00:43:26,037 --> 00:43:28,137
Ok, fine. Yeah.
Go ahead and put it on.

916
00:43:28,139 --> 00:43:30,607
Put on your stupid book.

917
00:43:30,609 --> 00:43:33,276
You have to use the adapter
and the cassette thing.

918
00:43:33,278 --> 00:43:36,846
You know, it hooks into
the cassette player.

919
00:43:36,848 --> 00:43:38,281
I remember these.

920
00:43:38,283 --> 00:43:40,917
I used to have all my stuff
on cassette tape. Um...

921
00:43:40,919 --> 00:43:42,885
It was probably before your time
so you don't remember that.

922
00:43:42,887 --> 00:43:44,320
Obviously
it's not before my time.

923
00:43:44,322 --> 00:43:46,990
I literally
have a cassette, so...

924
00:43:46,992 --> 00:43:49,192
Cassette tapes
are before your time.

925
00:43:49,194 --> 00:43:51,894
No, they're not.
They're literally not before my time.

926
00:43:51,896 --> 00:43:54,330
Uh, you know what's before your time?
Is the civil war.

927
00:43:57,768 --> 00:43:59,769
<i>Ambrose Powell hill, Jr.,</i>

928
00:43:59,771 --> 00:44:01,704
<i>better known to most as</i>

929
00:44:01,706 --> 00:44:04,741
<i>the daring confederate army general A.P.
Hill, was killed</i>

930
00:44:04,743 --> 00:44:07,343
<i>in the American civil war.</i>

931
00:44:07,345 --> 00:44:11,280
<i>Hill, a native... Or nap
sacks, or any other burdens,</i>

932
00:44:11,282 --> 00:44:13,950
<i>except our arms and haversacks,</i>

933
00:44:13,952 --> 00:44:17,754
<i>which were never heavy.
And sometimes...</i>

934
00:44:17,756 --> 00:44:20,189
Shit, shit,
shit, shit, pull over.

935
00:44:20,191 --> 00:44:23,693
Pull over, pull over, pull over.

936
00:44:23,695 --> 00:44:25,261
Stop, stop.

937
00:44:25,263 --> 00:44:27,330
No, guys.
You can't park here.

938
00:44:27,332 --> 00:44:28,398
You gotta take it
down the street.

939
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:30,433
- I live here.
- Oh, no.

940
00:44:30,435 --> 00:44:32,335
No, you can't follow us around.

941
00:44:32,337 --> 00:44:34,404
Sorry, you can't just
follow us around all day.

942
00:44:34,406 --> 00:44:35,872
Sir, I'm not following you.

943
00:44:35,874 --> 00:44:37,206
- I live...
- Hold on. Hold on.

944
00:44:37,208 --> 00:44:39,208
Police brutality, man.

945
00:44:39,210 --> 00:44:40,810
I'm not gonna tell you again. I
want you back behind that line.

946
00:44:40,812 --> 00:44:43,179
I have a right of
non-identification.

947
00:44:43,181 --> 00:44:44,847
As part of article one
in the constitution.

948
00:44:44,849 --> 00:44:46,082
I live here.

949
00:44:46,084 --> 00:44:47,750
He's supposed to be here.

950
00:44:47,752 --> 00:44:49,352
- You know this person?
- Yeah, that's my friend, drew.

951
00:44:49,354 --> 00:44:51,187
His name is drew, sarge. Drew.

952
00:44:51,189 --> 00:44:52,722
Drew, is that right?

953
00:44:52,724 --> 00:44:54,123
Maybe it's right,
maybe it's not, man.

954
00:44:54,125 --> 00:44:55,125
Yeah.

955
00:44:56,827 --> 00:44:57,894
He's supposed to be here.

956
00:44:57,896 --> 00:45:00,063
Listen, hey, calm down.

957
00:45:00,065 --> 00:45:01,297
Police brutality.

958
00:45:01,299 --> 00:45:02,365
Listen, I'm not gonna
tell you again.

959
00:45:02,367 --> 00:45:03,833
Mikey, just chill out
for a second.

960
00:45:03,835 --> 00:45:06,069
- I live here. He's a guest.
- Right.

961
00:45:06,071 --> 00:45:07,770
- Of me.
- Ok.

962
00:45:07,772 --> 00:45:10,139
And your guest was breaking
into this residence, here.

963
00:45:10,141 --> 00:45:11,340
He wasn't breaking in.

964
00:45:11,342 --> 00:45:13,242
He had called me
that he arrived early.

965
00:45:13,244 --> 00:45:15,411
He thought maybe it would be
Ok to go in the front yard.

966
00:45:15,413 --> 00:45:19,315
Your neighbors called us to
respond to this guy breaking in.

967
00:45:19,317 --> 00:45:20,983
He cut his leg
on the top of the wall.

968
00:45:20,985 --> 00:45:22,385
What happened to your leg?

969
00:45:22,387 --> 00:45:24,854
He cut his leg trying
to climb over that fence.

970
00:45:24,856 --> 00:45:27,423
He was trying to parkour all over this
wall here, and your neighbors saw him.

971
00:45:27,425 --> 00:45:28,958
Ok, well, he has permission
to do that.

972
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:30,793
He's an American,
just like you, man.

973
00:45:30,795 --> 00:45:33,329
He's a guest of mine.
I'm having a cookout today.

974
00:45:33,331 --> 00:45:35,364
- Yeah dude, barbecue.
- The neighbors are totally fine.

975
00:45:35,366 --> 00:45:37,033
<i>Eight caliber bullet</i>

976
00:45:37,035 --> 00:45:39,001
<i>sliced off hill's steady
left thumb before...</i>

977
00:45:39,003 --> 00:45:40,970
- It's Ok.
- I need you to calm.

978
00:45:40,972 --> 00:45:42,205
He was just... he's just
bringing food to the cookout.

979
00:45:42,207 --> 00:45:44,407
Calm down.
Just calm down.

980
00:45:44,409 --> 00:45:46,375
Was he bringing this
to the cookout, too?

981
00:45:46,377 --> 00:45:48,144
He wasn't bringing
that to the cookout.

982
00:45:48,146 --> 00:45:49,278
Now that's
something interesting.

983
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:50,913
I have a medical situation.

984
00:45:50,915 --> 00:45:52,081
I have anxiety.

985
00:45:52,083 --> 00:45:54,117
Where's your medical card, sir?

986
00:45:54,119 --> 00:45:56,285
Uh, it's at my buddy, Ryan's, place
under his, uh, tax documents.

987
00:45:56,287 --> 00:45:58,488
I'm not gonna tell you again.
I want you back behind that...

988
00:45:58,490 --> 00:46:01,057
- Give me the phone.
- Mikey, chill out, dude.

989
00:46:01,059 --> 00:46:02,492
Is it... it's legitimate?

990
00:46:02,494 --> 00:46:04,127
- It is legit, man.
- He has stuff on him.

991
00:46:04,129 --> 00:46:05,461
I know,
but he's got a prescription.

992
00:46:05,463 --> 00:46:06,963
Yeah, dude,
it's at Ryan's place.

993
00:46:06,965 --> 00:46:09,198
Crap, I'm full up on my phone.

994
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:10,433
Slow down.

995
00:46:10,435 --> 00:46:12,001
Do not put this shit on YouTube.

996
00:46:12,003 --> 00:46:14,337
I got killer lettuce
from the farmer's market.

997
00:46:14,339 --> 00:46:16,806
It's off the chain, bro.
Put it on the burgers.

998
00:46:16,808 --> 00:46:18,841
Oh, dude, sorry, did you get the
lighter fluid, by any chance?

999
00:46:18,843 --> 00:46:21,010
Dang, bro, I forgot.
I'm sorry, man.

1000
00:46:21,012 --> 00:46:23,513
- Don't worry about it.
- Sorry.

1001
00:46:23,515 --> 00:46:25,782
Is he gonna come out...
Is he gonna be released today?

1002
00:46:25,784 --> 00:46:27,884
- That's up to him.
- -See you downtown.

1003
00:46:27,886 --> 00:46:30,246
Which downtown is it? Downtown
or like rampart or Hollywood?

1004
00:46:32,423 --> 00:46:34,824
Downtown,
like the expression? Or like...

1005
00:46:34,826 --> 00:46:37,093
Ok, it's probably downtown.

1006
00:46:37,095 --> 00:46:38,828
I think he means downtown.

1007
00:46:40,798 --> 00:46:42,965
I told you guys not
to climb over the fence.

1008
00:46:42,967 --> 00:46:45,134
I told drew specifically on
the phone to not do that.

1009
00:46:45,136 --> 00:46:47,069
Yeah, but we needed to get in

1010
00:46:47,071 --> 00:46:50,873
because I had to go to the bathroom.
I still have to go.

1011
00:46:50,875 --> 00:46:52,475
What were you gonna do,
pee in the yard?

1012
00:46:52,477 --> 00:46:53,509
- Yeah.
- There he goes.

1013
00:46:54,578 --> 00:46:56,379
Bye, drew.

1014
00:46:56,381 --> 00:46:58,347
- Yeah, bye drew.
- See you.

1015
00:46:58,349 --> 00:47:00,149
I to... Jesus Christ.

1016
00:47:00,151 --> 00:47:01,184
Cops.

1017
00:47:01,186 --> 00:47:02,885
Yeah, those were the same cops

1018
00:47:02,887 --> 00:47:05,207
that busted me for pissing
earlier and gave me that ticket.

1019
00:47:06,223 --> 00:47:07,857
Aw, he got...

1020
00:47:07,859 --> 00:47:10,193
That's all his leg blood
on the bag of groceries.

1021
00:47:10,195 --> 00:47:11,828
I'm not touching that.
I'm a vegetarian.

1022
00:47:11,830 --> 00:47:15,431
So blood... blood on
the food, no good.

1023
00:47:15,433 --> 00:47:17,433
Well, I think that's just a
good rule of thumb anyway

1024
00:47:17,435 --> 00:47:20,503
with anything with blood on it. I'm
not... I gotta check on my meat.

1025
00:47:26,543 --> 00:47:28,444
- This meat's expired.
- Yeah, yeah, I know.

1026
00:47:28,446 --> 00:47:30,479
But, like, I kept it in the
freezer since I bought it,

1027
00:47:30,481 --> 00:47:32,315
so, like, it should be cool.

1028
00:47:32,317 --> 00:47:35,117
Yeah, but it's expired.
It's from may.

1029
00:47:35,119 --> 00:47:36,452
I know the date is expired,

1030
00:47:36,454 --> 00:47:41,224
but when I bought it,
it was still at the store

1031
00:47:41,226 --> 00:47:43,059
and when I brought it home,

1032
00:47:43,061 --> 00:47:45,061
I froze it and it's
been frozen since then.

1033
00:47:45,063 --> 00:47:46,529
You know what I'm saying?

1034
00:47:46,531 --> 00:47:48,297
I texted drew, but
he hasn't texted me back.

1035
00:47:48,299 --> 00:47:49,565
- So it's been...
- Because he's in jail.

1036
00:47:49,567 --> 00:47:51,868
It's been frozen
since I bought it.

1037
00:47:51,870 --> 00:47:53,536
So it should be cool to eat.

1038
00:47:53,538 --> 00:47:55,404
Yeah, should be.

1039
00:47:55,406 --> 00:47:57,974
Should be. That's why
I'm a vegetarian, though.

1040
00:47:57,976 --> 00:48:00,343
But no.
See how it got thaw...

1041
00:48:00,345 --> 00:48:02,478
I still thought
it'd be more thawed by now.

1042
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:04,347
My bad.

1043
00:48:04,349 --> 00:48:06,182
Uh, but yeah I don't know, once
we have it, like, on the grill,

1044
00:48:06,184 --> 00:48:08,184
we just toss it on
the grill and it'll be cool.

1045
00:48:08,186 --> 00:48:11,354
- Mark's still in the car.
- -Oh, yeah.

1046
00:48:11,356 --> 00:48:13,022
<i>Near the confederate right,</i>

1047
00:48:13,024 --> 00:48:14,323
<i>along a Ridge.</i>

1048
00:48:14,325 --> 00:48:15,625
<i>Due to swampy grounds...</i>

1049
00:48:30,274 --> 00:48:31,274
Hey!

1050
00:48:34,177 --> 00:48:36,479
Man, I texted you
like five times.

1051
00:48:36,481 --> 00:48:37,481
Sorry, man.

1052
00:48:41,618 --> 00:48:42,618
Oh, shit.

1053
00:48:46,290 --> 00:48:47,657
Hey, right here.

1054
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:58,567
Then I had the lighter fluid
and I left it in the Uber car.

1055
00:48:58,569 --> 00:49:00,729
Then when I got out of there,
I tried to take a piss...

1056
00:49:08,679 --> 00:49:10,479
Who wants a veggie or meat?

1057
00:49:10,481 --> 00:49:12,315
The veggie will probably
be done quicker.

1058
00:49:12,317 --> 00:49:14,583
Make sure you keep the veggie
and the meat separate.

1059
00:49:14,585 --> 00:49:17,086
That meat
doesn't look very good.

1060
00:49:17,088 --> 00:49:18,621
You know,
Gordon Ramsay says that

1061
00:49:18,623 --> 00:49:21,324
you should only cook it on
one side for ten minutes

1062
00:49:21,326 --> 00:49:22,725
and flip one time.

1063
00:49:22,727 --> 00:49:25,528
Don't he cook like
he's changing a baby?

1064
00:49:25,530 --> 00:49:29,098
Once the fire
really gets going, it won't...

1065
00:49:29,100 --> 00:49:31,000
It seems gross now,

1066
00:49:31,002 --> 00:49:32,735
but, like, once it
gets going going,

1067
00:49:32,737 --> 00:49:36,038
it'll be just like
normal burger meat.

1068
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:38,074
The veggie spatula
is right here.

1069
00:49:43,213 --> 00:49:45,081
All right, cool.
All the ice is off.

1070
00:49:47,751 --> 00:49:49,719
Hey, Mikey, I got a little
meat on the veggie side,

1071
00:49:49,721 --> 00:49:51,454
but only in one corner.

1072
00:49:51,456 --> 00:49:53,689
That's Ok.

1073
00:49:53,691 --> 00:49:55,624
Like a big-ass
white castle burger.

1074
00:50:02,032 --> 00:50:03,566
Looks like
my friend, Gregg, is here.

1075
00:50:03,568 --> 00:50:05,101
Can I get the keys for the gate?

1076
00:50:05,103 --> 00:50:06,335
Uh, here, I'll go get him.

1077
00:50:06,337 --> 00:50:07,603
Can you just put on
a couple buns

1078
00:50:07,605 --> 00:50:09,005
and some of those
veggie patties on a plate?

1079
00:50:09,007 --> 00:50:10,039
Ok.

1080
00:50:18,583 --> 00:50:20,116
Where'd these flies come from?

1081
00:50:20,118 --> 00:50:21,517
I don't know.

1082
00:50:21,519 --> 00:50:22,785
They're not supposed to
have them in California.

1083
00:50:22,787 --> 00:50:24,553
I know.

1084
00:50:24,555 --> 00:50:25,555
Hey.

1085
00:50:27,224 --> 00:50:29,058
What's up? How's it going?

1086
00:50:29,060 --> 00:50:30,459
- Mark's buddy?
- Yeah. Gregg.

1087
00:50:30,461 --> 00:50:32,128
What's up? Nice to meet you.

1088
00:50:32,130 --> 00:50:33,195
Come on in.

1089
00:50:37,434 --> 00:50:39,135
Ok, cool, it didn't burn.

1090
00:50:39,137 --> 00:50:41,370
- Happy fourth, Gregg.
- Happy fourth.

1091
00:50:41,372 --> 00:50:43,439
- Good to see you.
- Do you actually have meat?

1092
00:50:43,441 --> 00:50:45,708
Uh, yeah, yeah, that is meat.

1093
00:50:45,710 --> 00:50:47,143
Do you have a bathroom?

1094
00:50:47,145 --> 00:50:50,046
Uh, yeah. Actually,
see the front door?

1095
00:50:50,048 --> 00:50:51,347
Just go through that and then

1096
00:50:51,349 --> 00:50:53,282
you'll walk through
a living room.

1097
00:50:53,284 --> 00:50:55,384
Ya know what? I'll show him where it is.
I'll just show him.

1098
00:50:55,386 --> 00:50:56,619
Yeah, just go in the back.

1099
00:50:56,621 --> 00:50:58,187
But just make sure
when you go in and out,

1100
00:50:58,189 --> 00:51:00,389
just make sure
you close the door

1101
00:51:00,391 --> 00:51:02,558
because there's a cat inside
I can't let out.

1102
00:51:05,729 --> 00:51:07,329
Do you want one of
the veggie patties?

1103
00:51:07,331 --> 00:51:09,331
- They're almost done.
- I'm waiting on this.

1104
00:51:12,636 --> 00:51:14,670
Veggie plate.
Other plate.

1105
00:51:14,672 --> 00:51:17,206
Fucking specks
keep getting in my eyes.

1106
00:51:17,208 --> 00:51:19,742
Your eyes are weak.
That's why.

1107
00:51:19,744 --> 00:51:22,611
- No, the little ashy things.
- Yeah, I'm taking it.

1108
00:51:23,680 --> 00:51:25,481
There you go.

1109
00:51:25,483 --> 00:51:28,651
That dude with the American
flag tie, he let the cat out.

1110
00:51:28,653 --> 00:51:32,621
Fuck, all right. Uh, here. That's
the... that's the veggie thing.

1111
00:51:36,293 --> 00:51:37,626
That meat...
That's rare?

1112
00:51:37,628 --> 00:51:39,528
Is there such a thing
as a rare veggie?

1113
00:51:39,530 --> 00:51:42,465
Looks like a dick, right?
There's really one ball,

1114
00:51:42,467 --> 00:51:44,700
but it really
does look like both.

1115
00:51:44,702 --> 00:51:46,869
But if you were looking from the
side, you would only see one ball.

1116
00:51:46,871 --> 00:51:48,671
Did you guys see
a cat come out the door?

1117
00:51:48,673 --> 00:51:50,573
Mikey said the cat got out.

1118
00:51:50,575 --> 00:51:53,375
- There's cats?
- -Oh yeah, I saw a cat.

1119
00:51:53,377 --> 00:51:54,844
Like, inside or outside?

1120
00:51:56,179 --> 00:51:57,880
I was going inside.

1121
00:51:57,882 --> 00:51:59,815
- And it went outside?
- -Yeah.

1122
00:51:59,817 --> 00:52:02,184
Well, do you know
which one it was?

1123
00:52:02,186 --> 00:52:04,120
- Might have been orange.
- Ok.

1124
00:52:04,122 --> 00:52:06,155
Yeah, that's Steve Sanders.

1125
00:52:06,157 --> 00:52:08,457
Scotty, can you help me
find this cat?

1126
00:52:08,459 --> 00:52:10,526
- The cat got out?
- Yeah, Steve Sanders.

1127
00:52:10,528 --> 00:52:12,428
- That's a dick.
- Yeah, do you see it?

1128
00:52:12,430 --> 00:52:14,230
Steve Sanders?

1129
00:52:14,232 --> 00:52:15,698
He's not gonna come
to his name. He's a cat.

1130
00:52:15,700 --> 00:52:18,167
He sometimes does
or snap your fingers.

1131
00:52:18,169 --> 00:52:19,902
How about if I, um, tell him
I don't like him?

1132
00:52:19,904 --> 00:52:21,770
He'll probably come up
and sit in my lap.

1133
00:52:21,772 --> 00:52:24,406
- Steve Sanders?

1134
00:52:24,408 --> 00:52:26,675
Goddamn it.
Why'd he let him out?

1135
00:52:26,677 --> 00:52:28,677
- Steve Sanders?
- -Cat.

1136
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:31,380
I thought I saw.

1137
00:52:31,382 --> 00:52:32,715
There's a bunch of
neighborhood cats, too.

1138
00:52:32,717 --> 00:52:33,849
Found a penny.

1139
00:52:35,452 --> 00:52:36,552
Steve Sanders!

1140
00:52:36,554 --> 00:52:37,820
Steve Sanders.

1141
00:52:37,822 --> 00:52:39,822
Like, how does he know it's you?

1142
00:52:39,824 --> 00:52:41,524
- Who? Steve Sanders?
- Yeah.

1143
00:52:41,526 --> 00:52:43,259
I don't know,
he'd smell me or something.

1144
00:52:43,261 --> 00:52:45,494
- Smells like him back here.
- -Steve Sanders.

1145
00:52:45,496 --> 00:52:47,763
This is like
a horror movie back here.

1146
00:52:47,765 --> 00:52:49,431
It's like a work in progress.

1147
00:52:49,433 --> 00:52:50,833
Cat, cat, cat.

1148
00:52:50,835 --> 00:52:53,235
He could probably be, like,
in any of these tubes.

1149
00:52:53,237 --> 00:52:55,304
I thought I put
a sign on the door about it.

1150
00:52:55,306 --> 00:52:56,605
What does he sound like?

1151
00:52:56,607 --> 00:52:58,507
Like, you know,
he says meow and shit.

1152
00:52:58,509 --> 00:52:59,575
Steve standers?

1153
00:52:59,577 --> 00:53:00,743
This is broken, I assume.

1154
00:53:02,512 --> 00:53:03,779
- Steve?
- Steven?

1155
00:53:05,248 --> 00:53:07,249
This sucks.

1156
00:53:07,251 --> 00:53:08,517
It's just a cat. They're fine.

1157
00:53:08,519 --> 00:53:10,252
Takes a full six weeks
to go feral.

1158
00:53:10,254 --> 00:53:12,621
- Shit. Hold up.

1159
00:53:12,623 --> 00:53:13,923
That's Mia.

1160
00:53:13,925 --> 00:53:15,291
Hello?

1161
00:53:18,595 --> 00:53:19,628
Hey, what's up?

1162
00:53:21,264 --> 00:53:22,965
So you got off early,
that's awesome.

1163
00:53:25,869 --> 00:53:27,736
Oh.

1164
00:53:27,738 --> 00:53:30,439
Wait, how did you get there? You
didn't take your car today?

1165
00:53:30,441 --> 00:53:31,640
Oh, fuck, that's right.

1166
00:53:31,642 --> 00:53:32,908
No, I forgot you carpooled.

1167
00:53:32,910 --> 00:53:35,277
I'm parked.

1168
00:53:35,279 --> 00:53:36,779
No, no, it's not a big deal. I can
come pick you up. It's not a problem.

1169
00:53:36,781 --> 00:53:39,782
Sucks, you have a prime
parking spot right out front.

1170
00:53:39,784 --> 00:53:41,584
Yeah, I'm just parked
across the street.

1171
00:53:42,786 --> 00:53:44,787
So, yeah.
No, no, I'll come.

1172
00:53:44,789 --> 00:53:47,456
It's gonna take you forever to
find parking near the house again.

1173
00:53:47,458 --> 00:53:49,291
Yeah, no, a few people
are here right now.

1174
00:53:49,293 --> 00:53:51,733
Check this out, you can put it
back in the tree. You see this?

1175
00:53:52,729 --> 00:53:53,662
- Thorns.
- Wow.

1176
00:53:53,664 --> 00:53:55,965
Someone let the cat out.

1177
00:53:55,967 --> 00:53:57,766
So... no, Scotty and I
are looking for it right now.

1178
00:53:57,768 --> 00:53:59,501
You know what,
don't worry about it.

1179
00:53:59,503 --> 00:54:01,537
It's not a big deal.
I'll come pick you up.

1180
00:54:01,539 --> 00:54:03,505
It's totally cool. All right,
see you in a little bit.

1181
00:54:03,507 --> 00:54:05,241
I love you. All right.
Bye-bye.

1182
00:54:06,977 --> 00:54:08,644
- Hey, did you know that limes...
- I gotta go pick up Mia.

1183
00:54:08,646 --> 00:54:11,347
The dude that she drove with,

1184
00:54:11,349 --> 00:54:13,515
like, basically her boss,
let her off early,

1185
00:54:13,517 --> 00:54:14,883
if she can leave now.

1186
00:54:14,885 --> 00:54:16,585
But if I don't go
get her right now,

1187
00:54:16,587 --> 00:54:17,853
they're probably gonna
give her another shift

1188
00:54:17,855 --> 00:54:19,688
just because of
the holiday traffic shit.

1189
00:54:19,690 --> 00:54:20,823
Let's go.

1190
00:54:20,825 --> 00:54:23,525
Cool. Uh...

1191
00:54:23,527 --> 00:54:26,962
Yeah, um, actually I'll leave.
But I'll just... fuck, Thorn.

1192
00:54:26,964 --> 00:54:28,831
If you can just take care
of guests and shit.

1193
00:54:28,833 --> 00:54:30,566
What if I find the cat though?

1194
00:54:30,568 --> 00:54:32,334
Well, if you find
the cat, put him inside.

1195
00:54:38,776 --> 00:54:40,943
I don't know. Just keep people
company until I get back

1196
00:54:40,945 --> 00:54:42,544
and if anybody needs to
know where the bathroom is,

1197
00:54:42,546 --> 00:54:43,846
you know what I mean,
just tell them.

1198
00:54:43,848 --> 00:54:46,515
- Ok.
- Oh, shit. Here, um...

1199
00:54:46,517 --> 00:54:50,753
Take the key
to the house because...

1200
00:54:50,755 --> 00:54:52,288
Where the fuck is this thing?

1201
00:54:52,290 --> 00:54:53,589
Just give me the keys.

1202
00:54:53,591 --> 00:54:54,757
The gate
just needs to just stay shut.

1203
00:54:54,759 --> 00:54:55,791
Just give me all of them.

1204
00:54:55,793 --> 00:54:57,359
- I need the car key.
- Oh.

1205
00:54:57,361 --> 00:54:58,827
You know what I'm saying?
Here's the key.

1206
00:54:58,829 --> 00:55:00,462
- Um...
- No problem.

1207
00:55:00,464 --> 00:55:01,530
Make sure...
Make sure the gate stays shut.

1208
00:55:01,532 --> 00:55:02,831
Yeah, no problem.

1209
00:55:02,833 --> 00:55:04,300
Just so no randoms
come in or whatever.

1210
00:55:04,302 --> 00:55:06,635
And, uh, just peek over the edge
and make sure...

1211
00:55:06,637 --> 00:55:08,637
Just keep a look out
for guests or whatever.

1212
00:55:10,308 --> 00:55:12,228
All right, whatever.
All right. See you in a bit.

1213
00:55:32,762 --> 00:55:33,929
Hey, what's up?

1214
00:55:33,931 --> 00:55:35,731
Can I get through real quick?

1215
00:55:35,733 --> 00:55:38,767
I mean, we're kinda, like,
we're kinda set up.

1216
00:55:38,769 --> 00:55:42,638
I... I don't... it's kinda like
a lightweight emergency.

1217
00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:44,406
I mean, yeah, Ok.

1218
00:55:44,408 --> 00:55:47,409
- I mean, go ahead. It's what...
- All right, can I?

1219
00:55:48,713 --> 00:55:51,680
Thanks a lot, man.
What the fuck, dude?

1220
00:55:51,682 --> 00:55:53,916
Go ahead.

1221
00:55:53,918 --> 00:55:55,351
Jesus Christ.

1222
00:56:06,796 --> 00:56:08,997
What the fuck is
wrong with people?

1223
00:57:31,981 --> 00:57:36,785
Some old dude gave me
this enormous gummy bear

1224
00:57:36,787 --> 00:57:38,620
as a tip.

1225
00:57:38,622 --> 00:57:40,556
- Did he give you money also?
- -No.

1226
00:57:40,558 --> 00:57:42,825
No. Just the gummy bear.

1227
00:57:42,827 --> 00:57:46,695
Fucking weird, though, that he's rolling
around with a big-ass gummy bear.

1228
00:57:46,697 --> 00:57:50,199
And so I thought I'd give
it to you, if you want it.

1229
00:57:50,201 --> 00:57:52,067
I'd eat it.

1230
00:57:52,069 --> 00:57:53,802
I've not actually gotten to
eat hardly anything today.

1231
00:57:53,804 --> 00:57:55,804
I got to eat
a crumpled up snickers.

1232
00:57:55,806 --> 00:57:58,073
I've not had
one burger yet or anything.

1233
00:57:58,075 --> 00:58:00,042
Really?

1234
00:58:00,044 --> 00:58:02,144
Yeah, because everything just
keeps being fucking chaotic.

1235
00:58:02,146 --> 00:58:04,680
Was there a lot of traffic?

1236
00:58:04,682 --> 00:58:05,981
Uh, kind of.

1237
00:58:05,983 --> 00:58:08,584
Some assholes threw
fireworks on my car.

1238
00:58:08,586 --> 00:58:10,252
That's why it smells like fart.

1239
00:58:10,254 --> 00:58:11,920
Yeah, I smell it.

1240
00:58:11,922 --> 00:58:14,256
Oh, shit, can you
get that for me?

1241
00:58:15,492 --> 00:58:16,825
I just got a text, I think.

1242
00:58:16,827 --> 00:58:18,927
I don't want you
to, like, text and drive.

1243
00:58:18,929 --> 00:58:21,029
I don't want you to get a ticket.
It's gonna be expensive.

1244
00:58:21,031 --> 00:58:24,166
Can you look at it for me
so I don't have to do that?

1245
00:58:24,168 --> 00:58:26,735
All right.
It's from Jenny.

1246
00:58:26,737 --> 00:58:30,205
She... "Can I swing by
and check on the cats?"

1247
00:58:30,207 --> 00:58:32,074
Just text her that
I already fed the cats.

1248
00:58:32,076 --> 00:58:34,710
I did already feed the cats.
So it's not even like...

1249
00:58:34,712 --> 00:58:36,211
- Cats...
- I know she just wants to...

1250
00:58:36,213 --> 00:58:37,746
Are...

1251
00:58:37,748 --> 00:58:39,548
Fed... sent.

1252
00:58:39,550 --> 00:58:41,049
I'm not being weird
about it, am I?

1253
00:58:41,051 --> 00:58:43,151
Like, that's rude that
she's texting me

1254
00:58:43,153 --> 00:58:46,522
about shit that
Derek wants done.

1255
00:58:49,225 --> 00:58:51,260
It is pretty nicely wrapped.
Look at that.

1256
00:58:54,264 --> 00:58:56,565
You need scissors to open
it or does it just open?

1257
00:58:56,567 --> 00:58:57,699
No.

1258
00:58:57,701 --> 00:58:58,834
Oh, shit.

1259
00:58:58,836 --> 00:59:01,036
That's pretty awesome actually.

1260
00:59:01,038 --> 00:59:02,871
It smells like soap.

1261
00:59:04,774 --> 00:59:05,941
Can I get a bite of it?

1262
00:59:08,278 --> 00:59:10,612
Holy shit.

1263
00:59:10,614 --> 00:59:12,247
Pull it.

1264
00:59:12,249 --> 00:59:14,983
- Oh, god.
- I hit my fucking head.

1265
00:59:14,985 --> 00:59:17,119
- Are you Ok?
- -Yeah.

1266
00:59:17,121 --> 00:59:18,954
- Oh, shit.
- The highway's moving.

1267
00:59:18,956 --> 00:59:20,222
Oh, my god.

1268
00:59:40,844 --> 00:59:43,612
Why is there no goddamn
parking in my neighborhood?

1269
00:59:43,614 --> 00:59:45,180
I hate when people
park their fucking car, like,

1270
00:59:45,182 --> 00:59:48,717
and they leave, like, two-thirds
of a car length between them

1271
00:59:48,719 --> 00:59:50,752
and the end of
a curb or a driveway.

1272
00:59:50,754 --> 00:59:52,921
Pull to the fucking end.

1273
00:59:52,923 --> 00:59:55,123
What are you gonna do? Like a
smart smart car's gonna go there.

1274
00:59:55,125 --> 00:59:56,959
That guy parked right in
the middle of two spots.

1275
00:59:56,961 --> 00:59:58,794
Yeah, stupid.
Fire hydrant.

1276
00:59:58,796 --> 01:00:00,062
Nope, driveway.
Not a spot.

1277
01:00:00,064 --> 01:00:01,797
Not a spot.

1278
01:00:01,799 --> 01:00:03,732
You're gonna have to drive
slower, I can hardly look.

1279
01:00:03,734 --> 01:00:05,267
Goddamn it,
there's like nothing.

1280
01:00:05,269 --> 01:00:06,835
That guy just parked.

1281
01:00:06,837 --> 01:00:08,136
You think we'll have
to park this far?

1282
01:00:08,138 --> 01:00:09,738
I should've peed
before I left work.

1283
01:00:09,740 --> 01:00:11,807
That could easily be two spots
if he pulled forward.

1284
01:00:11,809 --> 01:00:13,129
After 6 pm,
you can do the yellow.

1285
01:00:14,311 --> 01:00:16,078
Jesus Christ, those
fucking dickheads.

1286
01:00:16,080 --> 01:00:18,947
They're like saving a spot
for somebody.

1287
01:00:18,949 --> 01:00:21,016
- Is this guy leaving?
- -Maybe.

1288
01:00:27,890 --> 01:00:28,957
This is...

1289
01:00:31,761 --> 01:00:34,763
Seriously probably
the farthest I've had to park.

1290
01:00:37,767 --> 01:00:41,303
It's gonna take us, like,
20 minutes or so to get back.

1291
01:00:41,305 --> 01:00:44,072
Like, we could watch an episode
of<i> friends</i> in the time.

1292
01:00:44,074 --> 01:00:45,107
Sorry.

1293
01:00:48,711 --> 01:00:49,945
Jesus Christ.

1294
01:00:51,314 --> 01:00:53,115
Forgot the fuckin...

1295
01:00:54,985 --> 01:00:56,251
Forgot to lock the door.

1296
01:01:05,963 --> 01:01:07,896
- Fucking kidding?
- What?

1297
01:01:07,898 --> 01:01:09,965
Jesus Christ.
How many...

1298
01:01:09,967 --> 01:01:11,400
It's Jenny, again.

1299
01:01:11,402 --> 01:01:12,868
Honestly, how many times
are you gonna text?

1300
01:01:12,870 --> 01:01:14,870
Yes, I fed the fucking cats.

1301
01:01:16,172 --> 01:01:17,372
You need to get out of there.

1302
01:01:17,374 --> 01:01:18,907
Did she not get?

1303
01:01:18,909 --> 01:01:20,375
You need to get out of there.

1304
01:01:20,377 --> 01:01:22,844
She needs to get out of there.

1305
01:01:22,846 --> 01:01:24,012
There's no point
in living somewhere

1306
01:01:24,014 --> 01:01:25,781
where you don't feel at home.

1307
01:01:27,216 --> 01:01:29,217
I feel at home.
She shouldn't.

1308
01:01:30,853 --> 01:01:32,020
Problem is,
she feels too at home

1309
01:01:32,022 --> 01:01:33,889
and she doesn't even live there.

1310
01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:45,834
Oh, shit.

1311
01:01:45,836 --> 01:01:47,969
Man.

1312
01:01:47,971 --> 01:01:50,238
Got crap all over it.

1313
01:01:50,240 --> 01:01:52,174
Maybe you could wipe it off.

1314
01:02:00,283 --> 01:02:03,385
Maybe we should leave a note.

1315
01:02:03,387 --> 01:02:05,253
Doesn't look like
there's any damage.

1316
01:02:05,255 --> 01:02:06,888
Just stuck a little bit.
It looks Ok.

1317
01:02:08,125 --> 01:02:09,224
Oh, sorry, man.

1318
01:02:11,128 --> 01:02:12,994
I was just trying to make
it land in the street

1319
01:02:12,996 --> 01:02:14,362
because I got dirt on it.

1320
01:02:14,364 --> 01:02:15,897
It's a gummy bear
that I was eating.

1321
01:02:17,968 --> 01:02:20,302
We'll totally pay for it.
We'll pay for the damages.

1322
01:02:22,940 --> 01:02:24,806
I have some tip money
in my purse.

1323
01:02:24,808 --> 01:02:26,975
- Dude!
- -Is this your<i> Carro?</i>

1324
01:02:26,977 --> 01:02:29,044
You need to chill out.

1325
01:02:29,046 --> 01:02:30,512
Dude, what are you doing?

1326
01:02:30,514 --> 01:02:32,314
What are you doing?

1327
01:02:32,316 --> 01:02:33,515
This is not our car.

1328
01:02:33,517 --> 01:02:36,885
Dude, this is not our car.

1329
01:02:36,887 --> 01:02:38,286
You're being so weird.

1330
01:02:38,288 --> 01:02:41,022
This is not our car.

1331
01:02:44,495 --> 01:02:46,962
Dude, you need
to chill the fuck out.

1332
01:02:46,964 --> 01:02:48,330
I didn't mean to hit your car.

1333
01:02:50,467 --> 01:02:52,434
Are you trying to hurt
the gummy bear or the car?

1334
01:02:52,436 --> 01:02:54,770
Excuse me?
Excuse me?

1335
01:02:54,772 --> 01:02:55,837
You need to get away
from my car.

1336
01:02:55,839 --> 01:02:57,773
You just spit on me, big time.

1337
01:02:57,775 --> 01:02:59,474
Dude, get away from my car.

1338
01:03:01,512 --> 01:03:03,044
Hush, ma'am.

1339
01:03:03,046 --> 01:03:04,179
Stop! Stop! Stop!

1340
01:03:04,181 --> 01:03:06,114
I have mace.
It's somewhere in here.

1341
01:03:06,116 --> 01:03:07,249
Hey, sir.

1342
01:03:07,251 --> 01:03:09,251
Stop, or I will shoot you
with mace.

1343
01:03:09,253 --> 01:03:11,319
I will shoot you with mace.

1344
01:03:11,321 --> 01:03:13,388
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

1345
01:03:13,390 --> 01:03:15,123
We're not involved
with this guy.

1346
01:03:15,125 --> 01:03:16,992
Absolutely not.

1347
01:03:16,994 --> 01:03:18,827
You hit my car with a gum bear.

1348
01:03:18,829 --> 01:03:20,829
Let's just get out of here.

1349
01:03:20,831 --> 01:03:22,497
Well, it was my fault.

1350
01:03:22,499 --> 01:03:24,199
I don't want the dude to kill
each other over a gummy bear.

1351
01:03:24,201 --> 01:03:25,567
Kill him? It's just mace.

1352
01:03:25,569 --> 01:03:27,402
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, no, no, no. Back to you!

1353
01:03:27,404 --> 01:03:29,404
You hit my car with a gum bear.

1354
01:03:29,406 --> 01:03:31,439
Is that what you do?
Is that how you live?

1355
01:03:31,441 --> 01:03:33,141
La, la, la, la, la, la.

1356
01:03:33,143 --> 01:03:35,277
Hey! What're your names?

1357
01:03:35,279 --> 01:03:36,344
Let's just get out of here.

1358
01:03:36,346 --> 01:03:37,546
- Sorry.
- What?

1359
01:03:37,548 --> 01:03:39,314
- Never mind. Sorry.

1360
01:03:39,316 --> 01:03:40,482
What're your names?

1361
01:03:40,484 --> 01:03:43,118
I'm a renter in
this neighborhood.

1362
01:03:43,120 --> 01:03:44,452
Oh, don't walk away
holding hands.

1363
01:03:44,454 --> 01:03:47,422
Great.
Nice to meet you.

1364
01:03:47,424 --> 01:03:49,958
Damn it. Happy fourth of July.

1365
01:03:54,030 --> 01:03:55,997
Why is the gate open? Here.

1366
01:04:12,048 --> 01:04:14,583
Whoa. Hey.
Spread those big old legs.

1367
01:04:14,585 --> 01:04:16,184
- What's up?
- -What's up, man?

1368
01:04:16,186 --> 01:04:18,353
Did you leave the gate open
or someone else do that?

1369
01:04:18,355 --> 01:04:21,356
Yeah. I don't want to keep
running down there to unlock it.

1370
01:04:21,358 --> 01:04:24,259
The reason I gave you the keys is so
randoms don't come off the street.

1371
01:04:24,261 --> 01:04:26,294
I mean, not to sound like
a dick or whatever,

1372
01:04:26,296 --> 01:04:28,163
but I'm just saying, like...
Do you see the dude?

1373
01:04:28,165 --> 01:04:29,531
I don't wanna
look at him too much,

1374
01:04:29,533 --> 01:04:31,266
but do you see the dude
on the steps or whatever?

1375
01:04:31,268 --> 01:04:32,601
Did you let him in or
is he a friend or something?

1376
01:04:32,603 --> 01:04:33,935
He just showed up, I don't know.

1377
01:04:33,937 --> 01:04:35,637
- Do you know him?
- Oh.

1378
01:04:35,639 --> 01:04:38,039
Hey, little red riding hood.

1379
01:04:38,041 --> 01:04:40,008
He doesn't look like
someone I would know.

1380
01:04:40,010 --> 01:04:41,009
He's creeping everybody out.

1381
01:04:41,011 --> 01:04:42,277
Yeah.

1382
01:04:42,279 --> 01:04:44,512
I think you need
to ask him to leave.

1383
01:04:44,514 --> 01:04:46,982
You're gonna ask
a homeless guy to leave?

1384
01:04:46,984 --> 01:04:49,150
- That's kinda...
- No one said he's homeless.

1385
01:04:49,152 --> 01:04:50,952
Just politely ask him to leave.

1386
01:04:50,954 --> 01:04:54,256
Ok, yeah.
I mean, I will.

1387
01:04:54,258 --> 01:04:57,325
- Just give him a burger.
- -Yeah.

1388
01:04:57,327 --> 01:04:59,361
I'm not giving him
a fucking burger.

1389
01:04:59,363 --> 01:05:01,229
He might be a vegetarian.

1390
01:05:01,231 --> 01:05:03,598
Yes, he might be.
Ok, all right.

1391
01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:06,067
- This is fucking awkward.
- He's probably used to it.

1392
01:05:06,069 --> 01:05:08,370
I don't think a homeless guy
can even be a vegetarian.

1393
01:05:14,944 --> 01:05:16,111
Hey, you 18?

1394
01:05:27,356 --> 01:05:30,492
Are you buddies with the owner?

1395
01:05:30,494 --> 01:05:31,660
No.

1396
01:05:35,131 --> 01:05:36,364
You rolled in with a...

1397
01:05:38,067 --> 01:05:39,067
With a crew?

1398
01:05:40,069 --> 01:05:41,236
A crew? No.

1399
01:05:41,238 --> 01:05:42,237
I don't know,
friends or whatever.

1400
01:05:42,239 --> 01:05:43,638
No.

1401
01:05:43,640 --> 01:05:45,941
Just rolled in.
Just cruised up.

1402
01:05:49,045 --> 01:05:51,046
It sounds, uh...

1403
01:05:51,048 --> 01:05:53,415
I don't know. I don't wanna be
a dick or whatever, but um...

1404
01:05:53,417 --> 01:05:55,250
And this sounds dickish,

1405
01:05:55,252 --> 01:05:57,018
but it's kinda like
a private event.

1406
01:05:57,020 --> 01:05:58,486
I mean, I don't wanna make
a big deal out of it.

1407
01:05:58,488 --> 01:06:00,422
Uh-huh.

1408
01:06:00,424 --> 01:06:03,291
But like, you're like lightweight
creeping out some of the girls.

1409
01:06:03,293 --> 01:06:05,427
- Huh?
- Not just the girls.

1410
01:06:05,429 --> 01:06:07,295
I'm what?

1411
01:06:07,297 --> 01:06:08,730
Don't act like you don't know.

1412
01:06:08,732 --> 01:06:11,466
Like, you keep talking to
the girls that go by,

1413
01:06:11,468 --> 01:06:14,235
like saying, like,
hollering at them or whatever.

1414
01:06:14,237 --> 01:06:17,439
- It's cool.
- The thing is, it's not cool.

1415
01:06:17,441 --> 01:06:20,175
I mean, I don't know.
It really wouldn't matter,

1416
01:06:20,177 --> 01:06:23,311
but, like, I know that you're
making people uncomfortable.

1417
01:06:23,313 --> 01:06:26,147
You know, you're making me
uncomfortable right now.

1418
01:06:26,149 --> 01:06:28,049
Well, then,
the feeling's mutual.

1419
01:06:28,051 --> 01:06:31,619
Like, so, then,
maybe it's time to roll out.

1420
01:06:31,621 --> 01:06:33,121
Go ahead.

1421
01:06:33,123 --> 01:06:35,056
I'm not gonna leave,
I live here.

1422
01:06:35,058 --> 01:06:37,025
- Nice place.
- Thank you.

1423
01:06:37,027 --> 01:06:39,661
Check it out, you can just take whatever
beer you got and just roll out.

1424
01:06:39,663 --> 01:06:40,729
Like, you've already
made out Ok.

1425
01:06:40,731 --> 01:06:43,365
Do you want a burger?

1426
01:06:43,367 --> 01:06:44,599
You got a burger?

1427
01:06:44,601 --> 01:06:46,468
No, we're not gonna
give you a burger.

1428
01:06:46,470 --> 01:06:48,169
Look, you already got,
like, three beers

1429
01:06:48,171 --> 01:06:49,504
and however many
you drank before I got here.

1430
01:06:49,506 --> 01:06:50,672
Is she invited?

1431
01:06:50,674 --> 01:06:52,240
Yes she was,
that's my girlfriend.

1432
01:06:52,242 --> 01:06:54,009
How about that one?

1433
01:06:54,011 --> 01:06:55,777
The one over there
in the t-shirt.

1434
01:06:55,779 --> 01:06:58,113
Why is there no music?

1435
01:06:58,115 --> 01:06:59,147
Wait here.

1436
01:07:03,352 --> 01:07:04,419
Oh, shit.

1437
01:07:07,523 --> 01:07:08,590
Fuck.

1438
01:07:13,262 --> 01:07:17,032
This is fucking bullshit, dude.
Ok, like, give me the iPod.

1439
01:07:18,300 --> 01:07:19,801
I don't have your fucking iPod.

1440
01:07:19,803 --> 01:07:21,803
I don't have
your fucking iPod, man.

1441
01:07:21,805 --> 01:07:24,406
I've been through bullshit today, dude.
Give me the fucking iPod.

1442
01:07:24,408 --> 01:07:26,608
What the fuck is that?

1443
01:07:26,610 --> 01:07:29,077
It's my fucking iPhone, man.

1444
01:07:29,079 --> 01:07:31,679
Is it Ok for me to have this here?
Is that all right with you?

1445
01:07:31,681 --> 01:07:33,648
I know everybody else
here is either a friend

1446
01:07:33,650 --> 01:07:35,283
or a friend of a friend.

1447
01:07:35,285 --> 01:07:36,484
You've already admitted
to being a fucking random.

1448
01:07:36,486 --> 01:07:38,086
I'm not trying to be an ass.

1449
01:07:38,088 --> 01:07:40,088
Fuck being an asshole.
Fuck you. Give me the iPod.

1450
01:07:40,090 --> 01:07:41,589
Fuck you.

1451
01:07:41,591 --> 01:07:42,724
Just don't be an asshole.

1452
01:07:42,726 --> 01:07:44,459
Just give me the fucking iPad.

1453
01:07:44,461 --> 01:07:45,727
What is it, an iPod or iPad?

1454
01:07:45,729 --> 01:07:47,662
It's an iPod, my bad.

1455
01:07:47,664 --> 01:07:48,797
I don't run
a fucking genius bar.

1456
01:07:48,799 --> 01:07:51,299
Give me my iproduct.

1457
01:07:51,301 --> 01:07:52,367
Are you hard of hearing?

1458
01:07:52,369 --> 01:07:53,668
Would you like me to sign it?

1459
01:07:53,670 --> 01:07:56,337
Do you... do you have your...

1460
01:07:56,339 --> 01:07:57,705
<i>Hill repeatedly requested</i>

1461
01:07:57,707 --> 01:07:59,441
<i>that Lee set up
a court of inquiry.</i>

1462
01:07:59,443 --> 01:08:01,443
<i>But the commanding general...</i>

1463
01:08:01,445 --> 01:08:03,445
Do you have the iPod? Where's the
iPod that was here for the party?

1464
01:08:03,447 --> 01:08:04,813
I have it right here.

1465
01:08:04,815 --> 01:08:07,082
Jesus Christ.
There's a fucking...

1466
01:08:07,084 --> 01:08:09,417
Fucking idiot.

1467
01:08:09,419 --> 01:08:11,152
I don't know
what's with that guy.

1468
01:08:11,154 --> 01:08:12,520
He's been just strange.

1469
01:08:15,124 --> 01:08:17,358
All right, my bad. Yes.

1470
01:08:17,360 --> 01:08:20,361
I told you I didn't have
your fucking iPod.

1471
01:08:20,363 --> 01:08:22,163
How's that supposed
to make me feel?

1472
01:08:22,165 --> 01:08:23,698
I'm here, I'm just drinking a beer.
I'm chilling.

1473
01:08:23,700 --> 01:08:26,201
You come here and say, "oh
man, you got my fucking iPod."

1474
01:08:26,203 --> 01:08:28,136
I'm sorry about that.

1475
01:08:28,138 --> 01:08:29,704
I don't fucking believe you.

1476
01:08:31,373 --> 01:08:34,442
Ok.
Well, then, don't believe me.

1477
01:08:34,444 --> 01:08:37,278
Take it for what it is. I am sorry
about accusing you about that.

1478
01:08:37,280 --> 01:08:39,247
But in general, though.

1479
01:08:39,249 --> 01:08:41,149
In general?
What? Fuck you.

1480
01:08:41,151 --> 01:08:42,484
In general,
this has already gotten...

1481
01:08:42,486 --> 01:08:43,818
Wait, hold on.

1482
01:08:43,820 --> 01:08:45,520
In general, this has
already gotten awkward.

1483
01:08:45,522 --> 01:08:47,188
I'm leaving.

1484
01:08:47,190 --> 01:08:47,856
- I think it's time to leave.
- But not because of you.

1485
01:08:47,858 --> 01:08:50,358
Ok, great.

1486
01:08:50,360 --> 01:08:52,327
What a bunch of
hipster douchebags.

1487
01:08:52,329 --> 01:08:54,229
Jesus Christ.

1488
01:08:54,231 --> 01:08:55,630
Not cool.

1489
01:08:55,632 --> 01:08:59,267
Private party.
Jesus fucking Christ.

1490
01:08:59,269 --> 01:09:00,702
Oh, what the fuck?

1491
01:09:00,704 --> 01:09:02,837
Hey, do you want me
to go or not?

1492
01:09:02,839 --> 01:09:04,706
It's a fucking prison here.

1493
01:09:04,708 --> 01:09:06,474
Attica! Attica!

1494
01:09:07,744 --> 01:09:09,677
Hang on. Hang on.
Chill out, dude. It locks.

1495
01:09:09,679 --> 01:09:10,879
Jesus Christ, you want me to go?

1496
01:09:10,881 --> 01:09:12,413
Yes, it locks from the inside.

1497
01:09:12,415 --> 01:09:13,515
What am I, under arrest?

1498
01:09:13,517 --> 01:09:14,916
No, I just gotta get
the key out.

1499
01:09:14,918 --> 01:09:16,651
Do you have the keys?
I don't have my car keys.

1500
01:09:16,653 --> 01:09:18,353
Come on, let's go.

1501
01:09:18,355 --> 01:09:20,455
Oh, come on, man.

1502
01:09:20,457 --> 01:09:21,756
My country tis of thee.

1503
01:09:21,758 --> 01:09:23,758
- Chill out, dude.
- You chill, man.

1504
01:09:23,760 --> 01:09:25,160
Open the fucking door.

1505
01:09:25,162 --> 01:09:27,228
- I am. Voila.
- Jesus Christ, man.

1506
01:09:27,230 --> 01:09:29,831
Don't forget to recycle.

1507
01:09:29,833 --> 01:09:31,299
Awesome, thank you very much.

1508
01:09:32,902 --> 01:09:34,369
Douchebag.

1509
01:09:34,371 --> 01:09:36,471
What's up?
My name is Patrick.

1510
01:09:36,473 --> 01:09:39,841
What the fuck is this?
Jesus Christ.

1511
01:09:39,843 --> 01:09:42,410
- What the fuck is this?
- That's my lighter fluid, dude.

1512
01:09:42,412 --> 01:09:43,678
Oh, yeah, you say I stole
your lighter fluid now?

1513
01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:45,547
You didn't steal it,
that dude did.

1514
01:09:45,549 --> 01:09:47,649
- You're a fucking asshole.
- Get away from the car.

1515
01:09:47,651 --> 01:09:48,883
I'm not an asshole. You're
the fucking dickweed, dude.

1516
01:09:48,885 --> 01:09:50,218
You need gum or water?

1517
01:09:51,453 --> 01:09:54,889
Patrick.
Fuck you, dude.

1518
01:09:54,891 --> 01:09:56,724
Fucking dickhead. Sucks.

1519
01:09:56,726 --> 01:09:59,794
That was that fucking
dickhead, Patrick, driving.

1520
01:09:59,796 --> 01:10:00,962
That Uber dude
I was telling you about.

1521
01:10:00,964 --> 01:10:02,497
I know.

1522
01:10:02,499 --> 01:10:03,531
I don't think
that guy's homeless.

1523
01:10:03,533 --> 01:10:04,799
Bullshit.

1524
01:10:05,868 --> 01:10:06,868
Fucking Jenny's here.

1525
01:10:06,870 --> 01:10:08,503
Hey.

1526
01:10:08,505 --> 01:10:11,406
Did you get my text?

1527
01:10:11,408 --> 01:10:14,242
- I already fed the cats.
- You're having a party?

1528
01:10:14,244 --> 01:10:16,644
It's more of a get together.

1529
01:10:16,646 --> 01:10:18,746
Derek knows
you're having a party?

1530
01:10:18,748 --> 01:10:20,481
I'm having a get together. I
don't know why it's a big deal.

1531
01:10:20,483 --> 01:10:23,484
So you can go tattle tale or
whatever to fucking Derek.

1532
01:10:23,486 --> 01:10:25,386
I'm gonna feed the cats, Ok?

1533
01:10:25,388 --> 01:10:26,721
I already fed the cats. You
don't need to worry about that.

1534
01:10:26,723 --> 01:10:28,356
Still don't need
your permission.

1535
01:10:28,358 --> 01:10:30,258
You kinda do! Technically
or whatever, like yeah.

1536
01:10:30,260 --> 01:10:31,392
Technically,
wouldn't you pay rent?

1537
01:10:31,394 --> 01:10:32,694
I already have one
fucking freak.

1538
01:10:32,696 --> 01:10:35,630
- Never mind.
- Oh, I'm sorry. Ok.

1539
01:10:35,632 --> 01:10:37,232
Oh, wow.

1540
01:10:37,234 --> 01:10:38,600
I will feed the cats.

1541
01:10:38,602 --> 01:10:40,902
Thank you for your permission.
It was amazing.

1542
01:10:46,275 --> 01:10:47,375
I already fed the cat.

1543
01:10:47,377 --> 01:10:48,977
Feeding the cats, thanks.

1544
01:10:50,479 --> 01:10:52,614
How many cheeseburgers are left?

1545
01:10:52,616 --> 01:10:53,748
Well, not this one.

1546
01:10:55,317 --> 01:10:57,252
Well, this is awesome.

1547
01:10:57,254 --> 01:10:58,953
Yeah. Of course
there's no burgers left now.

1548
01:10:58,955 --> 01:11:00,755
There's, like,
three-fourths of one.

1549
01:11:00,757 --> 01:11:02,790
That's all salmonellaed.

1550
01:11:02,792 --> 01:11:04,626
- I think that's a bun.
- Oh, it is just a bun.

1551
01:11:04,628 --> 01:11:07,028
Yeah, I got big-ass
fucking tray of meat

1552
01:11:07,030 --> 01:11:08,930
that I was, like,
so hyped to eat.

1553
01:11:08,932 --> 01:11:11,532
Fucking bike is, like, fucking
fucked the fuck up.

1554
01:11:11,534 --> 01:11:13,801
Your bike is destroyed.

1555
01:11:13,803 --> 01:11:15,436
Your bike is fucking destroyed.

1556
01:11:15,438 --> 01:11:16,571
Just let me tell him
what happened.

1557
01:11:16,573 --> 01:11:18,506
I have no idea, it's...

1558
01:11:18,508 --> 01:11:20,375
Like, I don't know.
It's like a twizzler.

1559
01:11:20,377 --> 01:11:21,743
Is that Derek?

1560
01:11:21,745 --> 01:11:23,044
There's not a...
There's not even one wheel

1561
01:11:23,046 --> 01:11:25,046
that's not...
Currently there anymore.

1562
01:11:25,048 --> 01:11:26,514
Let me tell him what happened.

1563
01:11:26,516 --> 01:11:28,049
I didn't fuck it up myself.

1564
01:11:28,051 --> 01:11:30,752
- Steven is gone.
- The cat's coming back.

1565
01:11:30,754 --> 01:11:33,388
Like, he's hid under
the house before.

1566
01:11:33,390 --> 01:11:35,623
Some idiot at the party
let him out, I guess.

1567
01:11:35,625 --> 01:11:36,824
Just let me talk to him.

1568
01:11:39,862 --> 01:11:40,962
Derek wants to talk to you.

1569
01:11:40,964 --> 01:11:42,664
Ok, well, let me talk to him.

1570
01:11:42,666 --> 01:11:45,433
- On your phone.
- Ok, whatever.

1571
01:11:45,435 --> 01:11:47,402
Is he gonna call me?

1572
01:11:47,404 --> 01:11:48,803
Do you wanna call him?

1573
01:11:50,439 --> 01:11:51,439
He's in...

1574
01:11:53,609 --> 01:11:56,377
Oh, he's calling you now?
Ok, I love you.

1575
01:11:57,980 --> 01:11:59,480
Hello?
Hey, dude.

1576
01:12:00,983 --> 01:12:02,850
No!

1577
01:12:02,852 --> 01:12:05,920
Look dude, I'm sorry about the bike.
It's my bad, man.

1578
01:12:05,922 --> 01:12:07,855
Look, man, I'll pay for the
bike when the check comes, man.

1579
01:12:07,857 --> 01:12:10,391
Look, the cat will come back.

1580
01:12:10,393 --> 01:12:12,393
Normally he just hides
under the house, man.

1581
01:12:12,395 --> 01:12:13,661
Hey, Derek, tell him about
how you don't like him.

1582
01:12:13,663 --> 01:12:14,796
Remember how
you're always talking about

1583
01:12:14,798 --> 01:12:15,997
how you don't like him?

1584
01:12:15,999 --> 01:12:17,799
You can't just
kick someone out, man.

1585
01:12:17,801 --> 01:12:19,367
I paid for, like,
nine months of rent up until

1586
01:12:19,369 --> 01:12:21,402
when the fucking check
didn't come.

1587
01:12:21,404 --> 01:12:23,871
That's like some
home owners rental law shit.

1588
01:12:23,873 --> 01:12:25,440
You can't just kick someone out.

1589
01:12:25,442 --> 01:12:26,974
You need to give them, like,
60 days or something.

1590
01:12:26,976 --> 01:12:28,643
I don't know. I read some
shit about it on Facebook.

1591
01:12:28,645 --> 01:12:30,611
- Oh, my god.
- Look, dude, you can't...

1592
01:12:30,613 --> 01:12:31,746
Yes, he can.

1593
01:12:31,748 --> 01:12:33,748
This is
straight up bullshit, dude.

1594
01:12:33,750 --> 01:12:35,516
It's, like, if you're kicking
a homeless man...

1595
01:12:35,518 --> 01:12:37,478
- You're a homeless man.
- I'm not a homeless man.

1596
01:12:40,056 --> 01:12:42,090
Be quiet, dude.

1597
01:12:42,092 --> 01:12:43,958
Look,

1598
01:12:43,960 --> 01:12:45,793
if this is gonna be as
extreme as kicking me out

1599
01:12:45,795 --> 01:12:46,961
it should be
as extreme as, like,

1600
01:12:46,963 --> 01:12:48,529
Jenny should have
to pay rent herself.

1601
01:12:48,531 --> 01:12:49,897
She's here, like,
every fucking night.

1602
01:12:49,899 --> 01:12:51,499
- Yeah, you should pay.
- I should fucking pay rent?

1603
01:12:51,501 --> 01:12:52,900
If I'm getting kicked out,
you should pay rent!

1604
01:12:52,902 --> 01:12:54,502
You don't even fucking pay rent.

1605
01:12:54,504 --> 01:12:56,571
You don't pay rent
and I'm gonna fucking pay?

1606
01:12:56,573 --> 01:12:59,440
You didn't let me give keys to
Mia, but you let Jenny have keys.

1607
01:12:59,442 --> 01:13:01,142
- This is bullshit, man.
- -Oh, my god!

1608
01:13:01,144 --> 01:13:03,010
You're homeless. You're
a fucking homeless dude.

1609
01:13:03,012 --> 01:13:04,812
Fuck you!
Fuck Jenny, dude.

1610
01:13:04,814 --> 01:13:06,147
You guys can eat a fucking dick.

1611
01:13:06,149 --> 01:13:08,616
You should be the one
who moves out.

1612
01:13:09,586 --> 01:13:10,952
Oh, my god.

1613
01:13:15,391 --> 01:13:16,491
Hello?

1614
01:13:20,596 --> 01:13:22,497
No, I was...
When did it cut out?

1615
01:13:25,100 --> 01:13:26,100
No. I was...

1616
01:13:27,569 --> 01:13:29,437
What I was saying was,

1617
01:13:29,439 --> 01:13:30,938
you're the one
being unreasonable

1618
01:13:30,940 --> 01:13:32,807
and, like, if you're gonna
kick me out, like,

1619
01:13:32,809 --> 01:13:35,910
- Jenny should pay rent.
- I'm not paying rent. What the...

1620
01:13:35,912 --> 01:13:38,713
You know what, man? Fuck it.
You win, dude.

1621
01:13:38,715 --> 01:13:39,747
All right, I'll move out.

1622
01:13:47,556 --> 01:13:49,524
Anyone wanna see some cool shit?

1623
01:13:49,526 --> 01:13:52,160
I'm gonna... I'm gonna
blow up these fireworks.

1624
01:14:36,772 --> 01:14:38,139
There's, like,
one more thing of tools.

1625
01:14:38,141 --> 01:14:39,807
- This is kinda heavy.
- -Cool.

1626
01:14:48,584 --> 01:14:50,685
Oh, shit, whoa, whoa, Steve.

1627
01:14:50,687 --> 01:14:51,687
Fuck.

1628
01:14:54,256 --> 01:14:57,825
- Found the cat.
- Oh, cool. Is he Ok?

1629
01:14:57,827 --> 01:14:59,660
Yeah, he looks Ok.
He just looks dirty.

1630
01:15:00,963 --> 01:15:02,930
Where have you been, dude?

1631
01:15:04,199 --> 01:15:05,566
Well.

1632
01:15:07,035 --> 01:15:09,904
Yeah, buddy, you get
to live here again.

1633
01:15:09,906 --> 01:15:11,873
I don't.

1634
01:15:11,875 --> 01:15:14,575
Thanks to a dickhead
that came to the party.

1635
01:15:14,577 --> 01:15:16,811
And thanks to Jenny.

1636
01:15:16,813 --> 01:15:19,647
So make sure to go ahead and piss
on some of Jenny's stuff for me.

1637
01:15:21,951 --> 01:15:23,918
Bye, apartment.

1638
01:15:23,920 --> 01:15:25,586
I put him inside.

1639
01:15:25,588 --> 01:15:27,955
There's still food out
so he should be fine.

1640
01:15:29,024 --> 01:15:30,157
All right, here we go.

1641
01:15:43,005 --> 01:15:44,138
Oh, shit.

1642
01:15:45,674 --> 01:15:47,241
I think I got the check.

1643
01:15:47,243 --> 01:15:48,843
Really?

1644
01:15:48,845 --> 01:15:51,078
Yeah, now that it's
fucking pointless.

1645
01:15:51,080 --> 01:15:55,616
Well, I guess now you can use
it for rent at my place.

1646
01:15:55,618 --> 01:15:58,152
- Let's see how much it is.

1647
01:15:58,154 --> 01:16:00,187
Goddamn it, open the fuck up.

1648
01:16:01,957 --> 01:16:02,957
Fuck yeah.

1649
01:16:04,326 --> 01:16:06,761
- Awesome.
- -Cool.

1650
01:16:06,763 --> 01:16:08,663
Better late than never.

1651
01:16:11,066 --> 01:16:12,967
It came just in time
to fuck up my whole life.

1652
01:16:12,969 --> 01:16:13,969
So, that's awesome.

1653
01:16:19,308 --> 01:16:22,310
Now, at least I won't
piss off your landlord.

1654
01:16:44,266 --> 01:16:47,268
Did you remember to leave
the keys in the mailbox

1655
01:16:47,270 --> 01:16:49,103
for Jenny and Derek?

1656
01:16:49,105 --> 01:16:51,072
No, I'll just
drop them off later.

1657
01:16:51,074 --> 01:16:52,306
Oh shit!
Look, look, look!

1658
01:16:52,308 --> 01:16:54,275
Yep, that's the one.

1659
01:16:54,277 --> 01:16:56,644
See the way it's got the testicles?
That's the road rage guy.

1660
01:16:56,646 --> 01:16:58,679
Why would you put that
on your car?

1661
01:16:58,681 --> 01:17:00,181
I'm gonna get out and get
a photo of his license plate.

1662
01:17:00,183 --> 01:17:02,116
If you see him, just yell.

1663
01:17:15,364 --> 01:17:16,364
Hurry up.

1664
01:17:23,305 --> 01:17:24,872
You know what?
Fuck this, I got an idea.

1665
01:17:27,175 --> 01:17:29,276
Can you just get in
the driver's seat real quick?

1666
01:17:29,278 --> 01:17:30,244
Just get ready to go.

1667
01:17:30,246 --> 01:17:31,312
Yes.

1668
01:19:24,192 --> 01:19:25,259
Charge!

1669
01:19:36,104 --> 01:19:38,005
You can't scratch
your nose, you're dead.

1670
01:19:38,007 --> 01:19:41,041
- Sorry.
- You can't talk either.

1671
01:19:41,043 --> 01:19:43,010
You're making us
look like assholes.

1672
01:20:52,981 --> 01:20:54,882
Oh, my god!

1673
01:20:54,884 --> 01:20:58,252
Ew, ew, ew!
Oh, my god. It is... oh!

1674
01:20:59,521 --> 01:21:02,356
That is fucking...
Oh, my god. Oh...