1 00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:45,545 Marnie? 2 00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:48,131 I know we agreed to take some time off. 3 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:51,175 And I think that was a great idea. 4 00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:52,343 My God. 5 00:00:52,511 --> 00:00:57,223 It gave us both a chance to experiment, if you will, 6 00:00:57,391 --> 00:01:01,811 and meet all sorts of new and interesting, different people. 7 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:06,983 You did quite a bit more experimenting than I did. 8 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:13,281 A lot more experimenting. You are like a scientist! 9 00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:19,036 With beakers and... But, obviously, I'm cool with that. Like... 10 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:23,166 'Cause the thing is, I think we're stronger as a result. 11 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:27,712 But here's the thing, Marnie, it's been two years. 12 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,214 And that's a lot of time off. 13 00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:34,510 And I'm ready for some time on. 14 00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,014 I miss you. 15 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,559 I miss us. 16 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:45,813 I got something for you. 17 00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:49,817 What do you think? 18 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:51,861 Oh, man! 19 00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:58,534 It's depressing. I mean, it's really depressing. 20 00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,788 It's horrible to watch you like this. 21 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:04,207 I think this is really pretty. How's it work? 22 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,542 What the hell is that? 23 00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:10,546 I got it for Valentine's Day, right before she broke up with me. 24 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,216 Look, Stainer, I know you don't like her very much. 25 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:16,344 No. No. I hate her. In fact, the day that you broke up with her, 26 00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:19,430 I marked that down in my calendar as a day of rejoicement. 27 00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:21,933 I'm gonna celebrate it with a cake with her face on it. 28 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:25,228 But instead of eating it, we smash it. OK? You can do a lot better. 29 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,605 - You deserve a lot better, Kirk. - Thank you, 30 00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:30,900 but I've seen what's out there and I don't think it gets any better. 31 00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:33,736 When have you been out there? When have you left the apartment? 32 00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:36,572 I went out on four different dates. 33 00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,575 With three girls and that guy. 34 00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:42,578 I don't know what his intentions were, but it's fine. 35 00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:45,081 We had a great conversation. He was just lookin' for a friend. 36 00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:46,916 - Know what your problem is? - What? 37 00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:48,668 - You're a moodle. - A "moodle"? 38 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,420 A man poodle. Girls, they want to take you out on a walk. 39 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:55,383 They want to feed you, they want to cuddle you. But, make no mistake, 40 00:02:55,551 --> 00:02:58,219 no girl wants to do the moodle. 41 00:02:58,387 --> 00:02:59,929 - No one'd ever fuck a moodle. - No. 42 00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:01,389 - He's right. - I'm telling you, 43 00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:04,183 if you want to get Marnie back, she has got to believe 44 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,394 that from the second she broke up with you, 45 00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:09,021 your life has been a non-stop snatch parade. 46 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:14,360 Or you could just be who you are. Why can't that be good enough? 47 00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:17,071 Why don't you put your fucking balls in here, dude? 48 00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:22,785 Yeah! 49 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:35,381 - "Snatch parade. " Really, Kirk? - Yeah, it's been pretty awesome. 50 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:41,304 I've been raw-doggin' some randoms. Usually careful. Mostly careful, though. 51 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,014 Always using protection. 52 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:48,185 Double-baggin' it sometimes just to make sure there's 53 00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:51,564 no seepage because... 54 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:57,904 ...gonorrhea, herpes and stuff. I don't want that. 55 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:03,409 Wow. I am really happy that you are doing so well with the ladies. 56 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,911 But, truthfully, Marnie. 57 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:09,832 I reallyjust want to give all that up and get back together with you. 58 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:14,962 Kirk? You know I'm with Ron now. 59 00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,258 Raw-doggin' some randoms? 60 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:22,219 Wow, Kirky, sounds like you got some good stuff goin' on. 61 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:25,222 - Yeah. - Thanks, Ron. 62 00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:29,310 We're kind of in the middle of something right now. 63 00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:33,439 Oh, you want to talk? No problem. 64 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,983 - I'll just be in the other room. - Thanks, buddy. 65 00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:39,445 Ah, sorry. One more thing. Is there any salsa? 66 00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:45,868 You know what? I'll find it myself. Good luck there, pirate. 67 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:53,709 - Are you kidding me, Marnie? That guy? - That guy is an entrepreneur. 68 00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:57,546 - Well, Ron owns a Pizza Hut. - That's a business. 69 00:04:57,714 --> 00:05:01,342 It's not even a real Pizza Hut! It's a Pizza Hut Express! 70 00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:04,220 Working airport security with your dipshit friends 71 00:05:04,388 --> 00:05:06,472 isn't getting you closer to being a pilot. 72 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,516 I... I got you somethin'. 73 00:05:08,684 --> 00:05:13,688 Like, remember that time I made you the mix tape of all the Kate Bush songs 74 00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:16,732 I thought applied to our relationship? This is cooler. 75 00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:22,321 Happy Valentine's Day from two years ago. 76 00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:24,490 Hi, honey. Everything OK? 77 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:28,202 - Yeah. - Oh, God, what is that? 78 00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,414 I think it's an ashtray? 79 00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:34,750 - No, it's for your earrings. - Or that. 80 00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:37,920 Kirk, please, don't cause a scene. Everyone's over. 81 00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:40,756 Jesus, Mom, a little privacy here, please? 82 00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:43,384 - It's OK, Mrs. Kettner. - OK. 83 00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:48,097 Kirk. You know that I don't get along with my own parents, 84 00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:52,643 and you've been really great about your family practically adopting me 85 00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:54,311 since we broke up. 86 00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:57,106 - I love you. - Marnie, I love you, too. 87 00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:59,358 Just... OK... Let me finish. 88 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:05,823 I love you like I love... TV. 89 00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:10,536 - I love you like I love pizza. - Superfly Snuka! 90 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,288 - No, Dylan! - You still got it! 91 00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:14,081 - Give it to him! - What's up, little bro? 92 00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:16,917 - Fuck you! - Dylan! Leave your brother alone. 93 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,295 - Snap him like a wishbone. - Sore spot? Just let it happen. 94 00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:21,964 - Yeah! You ain't got shit, you pussy! - I hate you! 95 00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,841 Mom! Kirk said he hated me! 96 00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:27,303 OK, let's move out! Movie night! I do not want to miss the previews. 97 00:06:27,471 --> 00:06:30,306 - Here. I got the brews. Let's go! - Comin' with us, pirate? 98 00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:33,309 - No, thanks. - It's Chris Tucker, dude. 99 00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:35,061 Yeah, I think I'll pass. 100 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,730 Do you see the words comin' outta my mouth?! 101 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:41,525 Chris Tucker, right? Mom! I did the Chris Tucker for him. 102 00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:43,986 - That's nice. - I'm just gonna leave this here. 103 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:45,821 He's the black guy from Rush Hour. 104 00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:47,114 - Let's go, go, go! - OK. 105 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:49,700 - Mom... Yeah. - You know, it's engraved on... 106 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:44,213 Boarding passes and IDs where I can see them, please! 107 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:45,714 Let's go! 108 00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:46,882 - Hey. - Hey. 109 00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:48,384 Boarding passes and IDs where I... 110 00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:51,053 Oh, well, well, well. Thanks for comin' in, Kettner. 111 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,555 Sorry I'm late, Fuller. 112 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:56,308 - Yeah? You'd better have a good excuse. - No. 113 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,853 You wanna take a second? Make somethin' up? 114 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,730 - Nope. - Interesting. 115 00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:05,442 Oh, look at this. 116 00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:08,946 Yes, yes. 117 00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:13,492 Yeah, that's so good. That's great. That's perfect. 118 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:16,745 Listen, Mr. Friedman, their quote is lower than ours. 119 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:21,083 So if fake flowers and cheap champagne is how you want to woo your clients, 120 00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:24,295 then feel free to blow us out. I'm sure the event'll be fine. 121 00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:26,922 Thank you, Mr. Friedman. Tomorrow. 122 00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:29,175 Have a nice flight. 123 00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:35,431 Boarding passes and IDs where I can see... Hi! 124 00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:37,433 - Hi. - Hay-lo. 125 00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:39,018 Hi-lo. Hello! 126 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:43,939 New York, huh? Yeah. The Big... City. 127 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,232 Big Apple. 128 00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:51,280 Big Apple City. I get up there a lot, 'cause I actually, I gig up there. 129 00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:52,698 I play in a band. 130 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,159 - I'm the lead in a band. - Hey, Stainer. 131 00:08:55,327 --> 00:09:01,290 Did you get the numbers with... For the new procedures regarding planes? 132 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:02,708 This is Randy. 133 00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:06,462 - What's up? - Hi. 134 00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,298 - Well, everything checks out. - Thank you. 135 00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:14,094 - Do you need a hand? - No. 136 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,805 Smooth. Go put this back in the trash. 137 00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:19,099 - It's a memo. - Put it back in the trash! 138 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:24,480 - Boarding passes and IDs, please! - Next! Oh, ma'am! 139 00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:26,982 - Your shoes. - Oh, sorry. 140 00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:32,863 OK, let's go ahead and strip off that belt too, while we're at it, huh? 141 00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:38,494 You have any piercings you want me to know about? 142 00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:39,954 Anything at all? 143 00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:42,331 All right, I'm really late for my flight. 144 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:45,668 Why don't you step on through, we'll see if you set off the machine. 145 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,253 Thank you. 146 00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,005 No, no, no. Not so fast. 147 00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:53,092 I'm gonna have to ask you to step over to the wanding area. 148 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:56,470 - Fuller, why? - Well, you never know. I mean... 149 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:59,014 You just waved the wand over your tie clip! 150 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,558 - No, I did not. - Yes, you did. 151 00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:06,689 Well, I am keeping an eye on you. 152 00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,944 Wow. They let guys like that work here? 153 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,445 Yep! 154 00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:17,616 Yes, they, they, they let that guy be my boss. 155 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,202 Thank you for pissing off your boss for me. 156 00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:23,497 Oh, yeah, please, anytime. 157 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:30,254 - Molly! Your boarding pass. - Oh, thanks... Kirk. 158 00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:33,549 Kirk. 159 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:38,262 Flight six-three to JFK, you're cleared for taxiing on runway two-niner. 160 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,265 Cabin crew, lock doors and cross-check. 161 00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:43,559 Dude! Cut it a little closer, why don't you? 162 00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,978 I think I lost my iPhone. I left it in security. 163 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,355 Well, here, calm down. I'll call it. 164 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:03,203 - Hello? - Who's this? 165 00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,914 I don't know. Might be the guy with the new iPhone. Who's this? 166 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,876 I don't know. Might be your worst fucking nightmare, you... 167 00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:11,003 - Patty! Stop it! - Sorry. 168 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:15,424 Hello? Thank God you have my phone. My name is Molly McCleish. 169 00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:18,510 I remember you well. What gate are you at? I'll run it over. 170 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:21,221 Know what? We're actually pushing back right now. 171 00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:24,641 Excuse me. You're not supposed to be on your phone. 172 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:28,020 - It's bad for the plane. - Oh, I'm sorry. Are you a plane doctor? 173 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:30,397 No? So shut the fuck up. 174 00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:34,276 Tell you what, I'll just leave it at Lost and Found for you. How 'bout that? 175 00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:37,029 Would you hold on to it for me? I'm coming back tomorrow. 176 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:40,115 I'm an event planner. I'm having this party at the Warhol Museum. 177 00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:41,909 - We could meet there. - Yes, of course. 178 00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:43,744 I know where that is. It's actually 179 00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:45,621 - on my way home from work. - Sir? 180 00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:48,916 - She's talking on her phone. - Dude! Go shit in your hand. 181 00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:51,585 I have to go. 182 00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,462 Tonight's the night, Kirky. 183 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,589 No. I... Devon, tonight is just a night 184 00:11:55,757 --> 00:12:00,469 where I return some lost property to a fellow human being. 185 00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:02,763 Come on, man, you gotta be positive. 186 00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:06,850 It's exciting! I mean, the night's full of possibilities. 187 00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:10,479 - I can almost smell 'em. - Oh, man. 188 00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:15,025 - You know what this reminds me of? - What's that? 189 00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:18,445 The moment when Aladdin went to meet Princess Jasmine. 190 00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:19,863 What? 191 00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:22,908 You're like a street urchin, and this is the palace! 192 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:26,120 OK, so then what does that make you? 193 00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:27,830 I'm the Genie. 194 00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:32,251 Why am I so nervous? This is stupid. Let's get this over with, OK? Let's go. 195 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,837 Yeah. Let's go on a magic carpet ride. 196 00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:56,358 No, I think it's good. We have to act positive. 197 00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,694 - Wendy! - Hi! Congratulations, ladies. 198 00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:01,196 - This party is so amazing. - It is, right? 199 00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:06,076 - Hey. Sorry I'm late. - Nice, Katie. Real classy. 200 00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:09,997 I had a major laundry disaster. This is the only dry bra that I have left. 201 00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:12,458 - Do you want me to take it off? - No! 202 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:16,211 - Just take a tray and circulate. - Yeah, circulate. Know what that means? 203 00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:26,013 Hey, excuse me. I'm looking for Molly McCleish? 204 00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:28,474 - Are you here to arrest her? - No. 205 00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:30,726 What about you? You gonna search me? 206 00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:32,895 No. No, I'm, I'm not TSA. 207 00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:36,690 I can get you a mad discount on a flight, if you want, though. 208 00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:40,777 Molly's my sister. She's... up there. 209 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,071 - Thank you. - Thanks. 210 00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,449 Hey! 211 00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:52,122 - Hey. - Hey. This is Patty. 212 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:53,499 Hey. 213 00:13:57,003 --> 00:14:00,964 - Oh, this is my friend, Devon. - Princess Jasmine. 214 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,261 - Here's your phone. - Oh, thank God. 215 00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:08,847 You... Thank you. You saved my life. 216 00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:13,435 Oh, please. It's no big deal at all. I think we're gonna get goin' now. 217 00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:17,481 We're a bit overdressed for this. 218 00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:19,775 - Yeah. - Oh, no! You guys look great. 219 00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:22,528 You should stay and have a drink, right? 220 00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:23,946 Know what? Excuse me one second. 221 00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:27,282 Get a drink, but don't get it from my sister's tray. 222 00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,789 What's up, freckles? 223 00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:37,668 ...your friend's hot. 224 00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:41,713 What'd she just say? 225 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:46,468 - "I think your friend is hot. " - Yeah, right. 226 00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:52,849 Seriously, Kirky, do not josh me. All right? I need this. 227 00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:57,604 Well, Devon, I would never josh you. She said, "I think your friend is hot. " 228 00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:59,106 - Yeah? - Yeah. 229 00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:01,191 - Yeah! - Oh, stop. 230 00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,277 - Yeah! - No. No. 231 00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,487 No, you... Devon, you're happily married. 232 00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:07,948 You and I both know you'd never cheat on Karen. 233 00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,992 Yeah, you're right. I don't need to. 234 00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,286 Know why? 'Cause that girl thinks I'm hot. 235 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,164 Know what? Don't tell Karen about this. 236 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:18,292 - No. - Stuffed mushroom? 237 00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:19,459 - Yeah, sure. - Yeah. 238 00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:22,004 I dropped 'em on the floor, but five second rule. 239 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,382 - Good. Thank you. - It's OK, I'll wait. 240 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:26,675 Suit yourself. 241 00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:29,011 - What the...? - Shit. 242 00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,555 - What the hell are you doing? - I am so sorry, sir. 243 00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:32,889 I... I... 244 00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:34,850 - What? - I don't know. 245 00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:36,935 - Katie! - No, no, no, not Katie. 246 00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:39,187 This is all my fault. I'm very, very sorry. 247 00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:46,236 Can I see your invitation? 248 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,991 Probably not the best thing to say to the museum director. 249 00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:54,369 True, but we should do cultural events like this more often. 250 00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:57,247 Kirk! Oh, my God. 251 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:02,085 Patty told me what happened. What can I say? I'm so sorry. 252 00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:07,883 My reputation in the arts community may be shot, but I think I'll get over it. 253 00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,718 Know what? I'd like to make it up to you. 254 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,721 - Are you free tomorrow night? - Yeah, yes. Yes. 255 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:17,225 We handle some of the Penguins events, we've got seats for the Islanders game. 256 00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:20,979 - Do you like hockey? - Do I like hockey? Yes, I do. 257 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:23,940 Great. There's two tickets. So, maybe, bring a friend. 258 00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,234 Wow, thank you so much. That's amazing. 259 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:29,363 - And the tickets will be at will call. - OK. 260 00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:31,198 - Bye. - Bye. 261 00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:36,078 - Bye. - Good night. 262 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:38,997 Fare thee well, dear princess. 263 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:42,417 Until our magic carpets alight from Agrabah to the Cave of Wonders 264 00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:46,755 for a night of romance... and hockey. 265 00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:52,761 - I'm taking Stainer. - Are you serious? 266 00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:56,098 - No. no. no. that's... - Yeah. 267 00:16:56,265 --> 00:17:00,852 She's not into me. There are very few things that I am absolutely certain of. 268 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:05,190 - This chick does not like me. - Oh, don't be such a Laydown Larry. 269 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:08,777 I'm not being a... "Laydown Larry?" 270 00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:11,613 It's just like me sayin' that I'll never go to the moon, 271 00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:13,281 I'm all right with that, too. 272 00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:15,617 You don't want to go to the moon? Bullshit. 273 00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:18,161 No, I am saying that I never will go to the moon, 274 00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:21,081 and that's fine because I never expected to. 275 00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:23,458 You don't know that. Technology and stuff. 276 00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:25,460 - You might go to the moon. - He's right. 277 00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:30,215 No. This girl is, like, fuckin' hot! 278 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,176 Yeah, but you said that shit about Marnie and, let's face it, 279 00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,137 Marnie was kind of a skank. 280 00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:36,722 - Hi. - Hey. 281 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:40,851 Marnie. We were just talking about 282 00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:44,646 Marnie, the name... And how it's unfortunate that it's not more common. 283 00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:46,106 Fuck you, Stainer. 284 00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:49,151 You didn't let me finish. More common for skanks. 285 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:54,573 Hey, Kirk, so are you gonna go to Branson with your folks next month? 286 00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,491 - I don't think so. - 'Cause they invited 287 00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:58,660 me and Ron to come along, and we'd love to go, 288 00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:00,829 but not if it's gonna be weird for you. 289 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:06,752 Tickets are non-refundable, and I love Branson, but it's totally up to you. 290 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:11,673 - Yeah, no, you should go. It's fun. - Thanks. OK. 291 00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:14,468 - OK... - I... That's... 292 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:21,558 OK, so she's taking her new boyfriend to Branson with your parents. 293 00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:25,353 I don't know whether to laugh or cry. 294 00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:28,023 Penguins are facing off against the Islanders. 295 00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:29,775 What do you think are the keys to the game? 296 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,568 - I got the first one. - Thank you very much. 297 00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:34,237 I got a 20. Four beers, please. 298 00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:36,531 Three? 299 00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:38,533 Two? 300 00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:42,120 - He seemed nice. - That was all of my money. 301 00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,501 - Oh, my God. She's here. - What? 302 00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:50,796 - That chick, from the airport? - I'll try and call him tomorrow. 303 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,672 Didn't think she was gonna show. Hi! 304 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,092 - Hey. So you got the tickets OK? - Oh, yeah. Thank you so much. 305 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:58,178 - Cool. Oh, you remember Patty. - Hi. 306 00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:01,223 Hi, there. Of course. I didn't think that you were coming. 307 00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:04,810 - I just... This is amazing. - Hey. 308 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,478 Stainer. 309 00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:08,605 I'm sorry? 310 00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:10,982 - Stainer. - What? 311 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,151 - Stainer. - His name is Stainer. 312 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,403 - Right. - Just a non-descript nickname. 313 00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:19,366 Doesn't mean anything, you know. It's like Greg. 314 00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:21,827 You look like someone I went to high school with. 315 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:25,205 - What high school? Maybe it was me. - No, he's in a coma. 316 00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:29,459 Who brought the good news bear? Somebody give her some fucking honey. 317 00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:31,920 OK, should we just meet you up at the seats? 318 00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:33,922 - Yeah, perfect. - OK. 319 00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:37,926 - Kirk, that Molly girl's insanely hot. - Yeah, I know. 320 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,928 - So you know what's happening. - What's that? 321 00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:41,513 She's setting you up with the bitchy friend. 322 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:44,599 Perfect for you, 'cause you like bitches. 323 00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:46,852 Yeah, well, that's fine. 324 00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:51,565 Patty's not a bitch, she's different. 325 00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:54,776 Yeah, different in that she's a bitch and other people aren't. 326 00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:02,617 - Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! - Come on! 327 00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,747 - Will! Will! - Pass it, pass it! 328 00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:12,460 Come on, Averill, play the man, not the puck! 329 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,129 Yeah, come on, dick! 330 00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:17,132 I'm sorry, the player that I was screaming at is a forward, 331 00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:20,010 but for some reason he keeps hanging back at the blue line 332 00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:21,928 - with the defensemen. - You realize they're 333 00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:24,806 hanging back 'cause they're trying to kill a power play. 334 00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:30,228 That is exactly what's happening. 335 00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:33,481 Damn it, Fox, keep your stick down! 336 00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:37,777 - That felt good. - Yeah. 337 00:20:39,113 --> 00:20:41,281 She knows a strange amount about hockey. 338 00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:42,741 - Yeah, man. - Yeah. 339 00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:47,162 Hey, Mol. 340 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,999 What... Scott Reese knows you? 341 00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:54,377 - A little. - Little bit. 342 00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:57,464 Come on, Reese, pick it up! You suck today! 343 00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:05,347 - What a save! - Oh, my God, he caught that. 344 00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:12,103 - Fuck you, man! Fuck you! - He's such a freak! 345 00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:36,544 - I'm gonna get some drinks. - OK. 346 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:39,464 - I'm gonna get some beers, guys. - Oh, OK. 347 00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:43,218 I see what's goin' on. Yeah, I'll get some beers with you. 348 00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:45,220 Turn your attention to the center ice... 349 00:21:45,388 --> 00:21:49,516 - You two stay here. You know, talk. - I know. 350 00:21:54,438 --> 00:21:55,438 Hi. 351 00:21:55,606 --> 00:21:59,067 ...Charlie Slaughter from Brookline. 352 00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:02,320 - Ye olde intermission. - ... pick a winner! 353 00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:10,245 Listen, while we have a minute here, Molly's always trying to set me up. 354 00:22:10,413 --> 00:22:14,249 That's why she brought me along, but honestly I'm not interested, no offense. 355 00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:19,671 No offense taken. I assume that I am probably not your type. 356 00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:21,673 I was talking about Stainer. 357 00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:25,927 What? What do you think, we're on, like, a double date or something? 358 00:22:26,095 --> 00:22:29,264 - Well, yeah. - Yeah, but that'd mean that Molly... 359 00:22:31,517 --> 00:22:33,393 - No. - Yes. 360 00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:35,770 Kirk, Molly's into you. 361 00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:45,321 Yeah! It's effortless. 362 00:22:46,073 --> 00:22:47,282 Listen, Kirk, I love you, 363 00:22:47,450 --> 00:22:50,285 but there's no way on the planet that Molly is into you. 364 00:22:50,453 --> 00:22:53,038 Why would she bring a friend and give you two tickets? 365 00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:56,791 Well, Molly brought Patty for you, but Patty thought you were a moron. 366 00:22:56,959 --> 00:22:58,668 OK, now I know you've gone crazy. 367 00:22:58,836 --> 00:23:01,963 You're telling me the hottest chick I've met in my life wants you, 368 00:23:02,131 --> 00:23:05,633 and the Hamburglar wasn't into me? Listen to yourself. Fuck you. 369 00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:06,801 Fuck... 370 00:23:06,969 --> 00:23:09,304 That's a pretty impressive catch, Kirky. 371 00:23:09,472 --> 00:23:12,640 Right. The day that that happens is the day that Jack sleeps with your wife. 372 00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:19,856 - What, did that already happen? - We weren't technically dating yet. 373 00:23:20,649 --> 00:23:21,649 My bad. 374 00:23:21,817 --> 00:23:23,943 Are we gonna talk or are we gonna bowl? 375 00:23:24,987 --> 00:23:26,946 All I'm saying is, this girl's too hot. 376 00:23:27,114 --> 00:23:30,283 I mean, no judgment on Kirky, but the guy's just outgunned here. 377 00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:33,411 - Yo, House Ball! - "House Ball?" 378 00:23:33,579 --> 00:23:34,746 Yeah, I was up first. 379 00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:42,295 - OK. OK. My bad. - For fuck sake! Hey! 380 00:23:42,463 --> 00:23:45,423 - What is it with you people? - Hey, he can just wait his turn. 381 00:23:45,591 --> 00:23:47,425 Oh, really? All this noise and shit, 382 00:23:47,593 --> 00:23:51,179 and my best friend is such a distraction in your goddamn peripheral vision? 383 00:23:51,347 --> 00:23:54,224 All right, take it easy. It's all good. Let him do his thing. 384 00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:56,226 Well, fuckin' roll then. 385 00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:07,487 - Bring it, Brunswick! - I'm here. Let's do this, come on. 386 00:24:13,536 --> 00:24:14,911 You feel strong, tough guy? 387 00:24:15,079 --> 00:24:16,371 - Walk! - You piece of shit! 388 00:24:16,539 --> 00:24:18,039 - Get off! - All right, come on. 389 00:24:18,207 --> 00:24:19,249 - TSA, motherfucker! - Don't! 390 00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:21,000 He's lucky. 391 00:24:21,710 --> 00:24:23,586 - He's an asshole. - I'm really sorry. 392 00:24:25,005 --> 00:24:28,424 OK, anyway... I love Kirky, but let's face it, the guy's a five. 393 00:24:28,592 --> 00:24:32,428 Stainer, that's just dirty pool. He's at least a six. 394 00:24:32,596 --> 00:24:35,390 A six? You go ahead and pump rainbows into his asshole, 395 00:24:35,558 --> 00:24:38,518 - but I'm just being honest. - Come on, cut him some slack. Look. 396 00:24:38,686 --> 00:24:40,854 Half a point 'cause he's a nice guy. Right? 397 00:24:41,021 --> 00:24:44,566 And he's funny, so that's half a point each. That brings him to six. 398 00:24:44,733 --> 00:24:45,775 Devon's right. 399 00:24:45,943 --> 00:24:47,944 But he drives a shitbox, deduct a point. 400 00:24:48,112 --> 00:24:50,405 - Take a point off. - What's wrong with my Neon? 401 00:24:50,573 --> 00:24:54,075 I don't know. Except the people that make that car don't even like it. 402 00:24:54,243 --> 00:24:57,370 - So we're back to a five. - Five. 403 00:24:57,538 --> 00:25:00,498 Meanwhile, this Molly is a hard ten. 404 00:25:00,666 --> 00:25:03,376 And that five point disparity, that is a chasm. 405 00:25:03,544 --> 00:25:04,544 - Chasm? - Yeah. 406 00:25:04,712 --> 00:25:06,963 Chasm. You can't jump more than two points. 407 00:25:07,131 --> 00:25:08,464 Where do you get this shit? 408 00:25:08,632 --> 00:25:10,884 Trust me, Kirk. I can't even get a ten. 409 00:25:11,051 --> 00:25:14,137 - Oh, not even you, huh? - I'm a six, OK? 410 00:25:14,305 --> 00:25:16,222 Bullshit, you're a six! Then what am I? 411 00:25:16,390 --> 00:25:18,850 - You're an eight. - OK, fine, you're a six then. 412 00:25:19,018 --> 00:25:21,102 But I get a one point bump 'cause I'm in a band. 413 00:25:21,270 --> 00:25:23,605 Stainer, you're in a Hall and Oates cover band! 414 00:25:23,772 --> 00:25:27,942 - I'm pretty sure that's a deduction. - Adult Education is a tribute band. 415 00:25:28,110 --> 00:25:29,819 So that puts me back at a seven. 416 00:25:29,987 --> 00:25:32,113 On a good day, the best I can bag is a nine. 417 00:25:32,281 --> 00:25:35,033 - What about your crappy car? - Artist's exemption. 418 00:25:35,201 --> 00:25:36,784 I'm expected to have a shitty car. 419 00:25:36,952 --> 00:25:39,287 Is there an artist's exemption for talkin' out your ass? 420 00:25:39,455 --> 00:25:41,623 Yeah. It's called bein' a rock star, Jack. 421 00:25:41,790 --> 00:25:44,834 Look it up in the dictionary. It's there. Next to "Fuck you!" 422 00:25:45,002 --> 00:25:47,587 Guys, I think this system's ridiculous. 423 00:25:47,755 --> 00:25:51,799 All right? If someone really loves you, then you are a ten. 424 00:25:51,967 --> 00:25:54,385 My God. What, are... Are you Hannah Montana? 425 00:25:54,553 --> 00:25:58,473 Because nothing you're saying right now is of any help to Kirk. 426 00:26:04,063 --> 00:26:05,271 What?! 427 00:26:07,816 --> 00:26:10,777 Hello? Hello! Hey, Molly. 428 00:26:10,945 --> 00:26:13,446 I'm well, thank you. How are you? 429 00:26:13,614 --> 00:26:16,991 First of all, thank you. Yeah, it was great. It was incredible. 430 00:26:17,159 --> 00:26:18,952 Thank you so much. No... 431 00:26:23,290 --> 00:26:24,457 Kirky, what'd she say? 432 00:26:27,753 --> 00:26:29,921 I think she just asked me out. 433 00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:32,340 Yeah! Way to go, Kirkers! 434 00:26:35,261 --> 00:26:38,596 Hey, did she say anything, you know, about Wendy thinkin' I'm hot? 435 00:26:38,764 --> 00:26:43,101 - Oh, no. - Shoot. I wonder if she's on Facebook. 436 00:26:43,269 --> 00:26:47,981 - Devon, you're on Facebook? - Yeah. I got like 37 friends. 437 00:26:48,148 --> 00:26:49,524 Oh, cool. 438 00:26:55,531 --> 00:26:58,199 Moll, what about this for your date tonight? 439 00:26:58,367 --> 00:27:00,868 Katie, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. 440 00:27:02,288 --> 00:27:05,665 Wait. You have a date with Kirk? 441 00:27:07,293 --> 00:27:09,377 When do you want the bad date bail-out call? 442 00:27:09,545 --> 00:27:10,628 I don't want it. 443 00:27:10,796 --> 00:27:12,880 No, seriously, work emergency or aunt died? 444 00:27:13,048 --> 00:27:15,883 - I'm not gonna need it. - Whatever. 445 00:27:17,261 --> 00:27:18,803 What is your problem with Kirk? 446 00:27:18,971 --> 00:27:22,015 I don't have a problem with Kirk. I have a problem with you dating Kirk. 447 00:27:22,182 --> 00:27:23,224 Why? 448 00:27:23,392 --> 00:27:26,894 You dated Cam and got hurt, so you pick a guy like Kirk because he's safe. 449 00:27:27,062 --> 00:27:30,189 Yeah. Or maybe because he's just a nice guy. 450 00:27:30,357 --> 00:27:32,108 He's great. I just... 451 00:27:32,276 --> 00:27:35,153 You and I know he's not the kind of guy you usually end up with. 452 00:27:35,571 --> 00:27:36,904 Yeah, I know. 453 00:27:38,866 --> 00:27:40,783 Ah, goddamn it. 454 00:27:44,580 --> 00:27:47,999 Way to go. What happened to you? You look like shit. Besides that. 455 00:27:48,167 --> 00:27:51,336 I got, like, 30 minutes of sleep last night. 456 00:27:51,503 --> 00:27:52,920 What do I even say to Molly tonight? 457 00:27:53,088 --> 00:27:57,383 Like, what, do I just talk about her ridiculous hotness for two hours? 458 00:27:57,551 --> 00:28:00,178 I don't know. You were pretty smooth at the hockey game. 459 00:28:00,346 --> 00:28:04,015 Thanks, man. Well, that's because I didn't think I stood a chance in hell, 460 00:28:04,183 --> 00:28:08,227 but now that she's asked me out I don't get it. It boggles my mind. 461 00:28:08,395 --> 00:28:11,230 Why would she ask me out? 462 00:28:11,398 --> 00:28:13,274 - Are you dying? - What? 463 00:28:13,442 --> 00:28:16,235 You maybe have some rich benefactor in a top hat 464 00:28:16,403 --> 00:28:18,404 who's trying to set you up before you die. 465 00:28:18,572 --> 00:28:20,948 Like Great Expectations. Have you read that book? 466 00:28:21,116 --> 00:28:22,450 - Yeah, man. - It's so weird! 467 00:28:22,618 --> 00:28:26,079 No, Stainer, I'm not terminally ill. Thank you for your concern. 468 00:28:26,246 --> 00:28:29,040 - Then that's a brain-teaser, isn't it? - Tell me about it. 469 00:28:31,293 --> 00:28:33,378 - You know, let's go this way. - Who is that? 470 00:28:34,713 --> 00:28:35,922 What? 471 00:28:36,090 --> 00:28:39,634 Nobody. Just some chick that I boned when I was drunk. 472 00:28:39,802 --> 00:28:41,761 She's a total psycho. Let's go this way. 473 00:28:41,929 --> 00:28:43,471 - It's quicker. Come on. - What? 474 00:28:46,475 --> 00:28:49,060 This place is tremendous. 475 00:28:49,228 --> 00:28:53,815 It's... I'm just trying to think whether or not I've been here before. 476 00:28:53,982 --> 00:28:56,901 Is this real silver? This is gorgeous stuff. 477 00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:01,739 It has this lovely terrace area. 478 00:29:01,907 --> 00:29:06,327 It's open. It's kind of like eating on the Today Show set. 479 00:29:06,495 --> 00:29:08,663 - Are you nervous? - Yes. 480 00:29:24,346 --> 00:29:26,055 So you speak French? 481 00:29:27,641 --> 00:29:31,269 No, barely. I probablyjust asked for directions to the beach. 482 00:29:31,979 --> 00:29:36,315 That's amazing. Any other hidden talents I should know about? 483 00:29:38,861 --> 00:29:41,529 - I'm a lawyer. - You're a lawyer? 484 00:29:41,697 --> 00:29:43,865 I know. I, well, I'm not real... 485 00:29:44,032 --> 00:29:47,160 Oh, I'm sorry, one second. I... Ma'am? Ma'am, you... Yeah... 486 00:29:47,327 --> 00:29:48,369 I'll be right back. 487 00:29:48,537 --> 00:29:52,331 Don't know what they were thinking. If they moved, changed their number. 488 00:29:52,499 --> 00:29:55,001 Excuse me. Ma'am! You forgot your sweater. 489 00:29:55,169 --> 00:29:57,170 - Thank you. - Thanks again. 490 00:29:57,337 --> 00:30:00,173 Oh, no, I don't work there. 491 00:30:00,340 --> 00:30:01,674 - I... - It isn't... 492 00:30:01,842 --> 00:30:04,135 - I'm just returning your sweater. - Thank you. 493 00:30:04,303 --> 00:30:06,137 - Sure. Have a good night. - Thank you. 494 00:30:09,683 --> 00:30:11,434 - Sorry. - Sorry, buddy. 495 00:30:11,602 --> 00:30:12,727 - Thank you. - Evening. 496 00:30:12,895 --> 00:30:17,064 - Evening. - Evening. 497 00:30:17,232 --> 00:30:19,233 - Evening. - What's up? 498 00:30:22,571 --> 00:30:25,656 - Cam? - Mol! Hey! 499 00:30:25,824 --> 00:30:27,575 - Hey! I... - I'll see you guys there. 500 00:30:27,743 --> 00:30:31,412 - I thought you were still in New York. - Negative. I flew in this morning. 501 00:30:31,580 --> 00:30:32,914 - Oh, hi. - Hi. 502 00:30:34,082 --> 00:30:35,583 - Oh, this is Kirk. - Hey. 503 00:30:35,751 --> 00:30:37,919 - Oh, hey, buddy. Oh, thank you. - Yeah... 504 00:30:43,258 --> 00:30:44,884 - Can I help you? - Yeah, you bet. 505 00:30:45,052 --> 00:30:48,763 I'll take an Armagnac. The lady'll have a dirty martini with three olives. 506 00:30:48,931 --> 00:30:52,642 - Thanks. Her favorite. - I think there's been a mistake. 507 00:30:52,935 --> 00:30:55,102 - Sorry, friend? - He's with me. 508 00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:04,278 Honest mistake. Sorry. There you go. 509 00:31:04,446 --> 00:31:07,323 - Please. - That's awkward. 510 00:31:08,283 --> 00:31:11,285 - Cam, this is Kirk. - It's great to meet you, sir. 511 00:31:11,453 --> 00:31:14,956 Great to meet you, sir. Cam? Is that short for Cameron? 512 00:31:15,123 --> 00:31:18,084 - No. - Why would it be? 513 00:31:18,252 --> 00:31:21,128 That's funny. Your friend is funny, Molly. 514 00:31:21,296 --> 00:31:24,757 - Thank you so much. - Am I gonna see you next week? 515 00:31:25,384 --> 00:31:28,553 Patty and I are working at the air show and Cam's our liaison guy. 516 00:31:29,930 --> 00:31:31,889 "Liaison guy. " Ouch! 517 00:31:32,057 --> 00:31:36,394 We were more than that, huh? You see Molly and I used to date. 518 00:31:39,064 --> 00:31:42,400 Well, I'm out. It was great to meet you, sir. 519 00:31:42,568 --> 00:31:44,819 - See you, honey. - All right. Bye. 520 00:31:45,862 --> 00:31:49,323 Bye, Cam! He seems great. He seems really great. 521 00:31:49,491 --> 00:31:51,867 - Should we order? OK. - Yeah. 522 00:31:52,035 --> 00:31:54,996 So I was interning at the law firm. studying for the bar. 523 00:31:55,163 --> 00:31:57,498 but I just kept thinking... 524 00:31:58,959 --> 00:32:01,669 Is this what I really want to do with my life? 525 00:32:01,837 --> 00:32:06,173 And then I volunteered to plan the holiday party, and I loved it. 526 00:32:06,341 --> 00:32:10,177 And so I quit the firm, went into business with Patty. 527 00:32:10,345 --> 00:32:14,557 Well, you found somethin' that you love. That's amazing! 528 00:32:14,725 --> 00:32:16,517 Yeah. Yeah, it is amazing. 529 00:32:16,685 --> 00:32:18,769 Anyway, I'm bored of me. What about you? 530 00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:20,271 Oh, me. 531 00:32:22,357 --> 00:32:24,191 Pittsburgh born and bred. 532 00:32:25,777 --> 00:32:29,488 I wanted to go to college, but my dad bought a swimming pool instead. 533 00:32:30,824 --> 00:32:34,118 So my boy, Stainer, hooked me up with myjob at TSA 534 00:32:34,286 --> 00:32:37,371 and the rest is rock 'n' roll history. 535 00:32:39,291 --> 00:32:43,294 So TSA today. Is there a tomorrow or...? 536 00:32:43,462 --> 00:32:45,212 Oh, I don't know. 537 00:32:46,590 --> 00:32:49,508 Some days I'll be at work and I'll look out the window 538 00:32:49,676 --> 00:32:53,888 and I'll see all those planes takin' off, goin' places, and I think 539 00:32:54,973 --> 00:32:56,849 I could really do that, you know. 540 00:32:57,017 --> 00:33:01,854 And it wouldn't matter if it was jetliners or cargo planes or whatever. 541 00:33:02,022 --> 00:33:06,734 I just would really love that feeling of freedom. 542 00:33:06,902 --> 00:33:09,862 Yeah. I know what you mean. 543 00:33:10,030 --> 00:33:12,323 So now you know my big secret. 544 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:16,118 - You should do that, Kirk. - Well, thank you. 545 00:33:16,286 --> 00:33:19,580 It was easy for you to say. You switch jobs at the drop of a hat. 546 00:33:19,748 --> 00:33:21,457 No! No! Not at all! 547 00:33:21,625 --> 00:33:23,751 My parents don't even know I quit the firm. 548 00:33:23,919 --> 00:33:25,920 - What? - Yeah, I know. 549 00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:28,839 My dad's an old-fashioned guy. 550 00:33:29,007 --> 00:33:33,010 He's all about security and steady paychecks. 551 00:33:35,389 --> 00:33:39,475 And I guess we have a problem with communication, and... 552 00:33:42,354 --> 00:33:44,313 I would like that not to be the case. 553 00:33:44,481 --> 00:33:48,109 And maybe, maybe, one day it won't be. 554 00:33:48,276 --> 00:33:49,610 Yeah. 555 00:33:51,488 --> 00:33:53,656 - Do you have to get that? - OK. 556 00:33:56,785 --> 00:33:59,036 - No, you know what? It's fine. - Really? 557 00:33:59,204 --> 00:34:00,621 Yeah. 558 00:34:01,623 --> 00:34:04,125 This is Molly McCleish. I'm sorry I missed your call. 559 00:34:04,292 --> 00:34:06,293 - Please leave a message... - What?! 560 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:46,125 Never been driven home by a waiter before. 561 00:34:46,293 --> 00:34:51,255 - No. No, nobody usually is. - Oh, right. 562 00:34:52,466 --> 00:34:54,258 - I had a really nice time. - Yeah? 563 00:34:54,426 --> 00:34:57,386 - Yeah. - Thank you. Me, too. 564 00:35:01,808 --> 00:35:03,809 You're not thinking about Cam, are you? 565 00:35:04,561 --> 00:35:09,732 No. "Cam who?" Is how I feel. No... 566 00:35:09,900 --> 00:35:13,986 I've completely forgotten how good-looking he is, 567 00:35:14,154 --> 00:35:19,200 and how beautifully moisturized his skin tones are. 568 00:35:19,367 --> 00:35:21,452 OK. Well... 569 00:35:21,620 --> 00:35:23,579 Oh, my seat belt is screwed up. 570 00:35:23,747 --> 00:35:26,040 Wait, wait. It goes in the goddamn correct... 571 00:35:39,846 --> 00:35:42,056 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 572 00:35:42,849 --> 00:35:48,813 She kissed you. She, with her actual mouth, kissed you? 573 00:35:48,980 --> 00:35:50,481 On purpose? 574 00:35:50,649 --> 00:35:54,693 - Yeah, yeah, man, I know. - I'm so happy for you, Kirky. 575 00:35:55,529 --> 00:35:57,404 I'm not. I'm really nervous. 576 00:35:57,572 --> 00:36:00,241 I mean, it feels like the universe is outta tilt. 577 00:36:00,408 --> 00:36:02,701 You know? One of us is gonna die. 578 00:36:02,869 --> 00:36:05,579 What's the next step here? We gonna take this up a notch? 579 00:36:05,747 --> 00:36:08,040 I'm referring to sexual relations, Devon. 580 00:36:08,208 --> 00:36:10,501 She's comin' to lunch with my parents on Sunday. 581 00:36:10,669 --> 00:36:12,503 What? Why? Why would you do that? 582 00:36:12,671 --> 00:36:15,381 You can't do that, dude. You're jumping six steps! 583 00:36:15,549 --> 00:36:19,426 Well, I... She asked me. I don't know. What was I supposed to say? 584 00:36:19,594 --> 00:36:21,262 That takes care of that. 585 00:36:21,429 --> 00:36:25,474 I mean, 20 minutes with your family and she'll file for a restraining order. 586 00:36:25,642 --> 00:36:29,019 - We're safe. - Hey, did she say anything about Wendy? 587 00:36:29,187 --> 00:36:30,688 You know, like, about me? 588 00:36:40,991 --> 00:36:44,577 OK, move it. Move it, move it, move it, move it. 589 00:36:44,744 --> 00:36:46,704 - That's what I'm talkin' about. - Mom? 590 00:36:46,872 --> 00:36:49,832 - That's what I'm talkin' about. - Oh, hi, sweetie! 591 00:37:00,635 --> 00:37:04,221 - Hi. I'm Kirk's mom. - Hi. I'm Molly. 592 00:37:04,389 --> 00:37:06,932 - Hi! - Nice! 593 00:37:07,100 --> 00:37:08,726 - To meet you. - Yes. 594 00:37:08,894 --> 00:37:11,145 Hi. I'm Molly. Nice to meet you, too. 595 00:37:11,313 --> 00:37:14,148 - Yeah. Thanks. - Where's your restroom? 596 00:37:14,316 --> 00:37:17,276 - Right through there. - Thanks. I'm gonna use the restroom. 597 00:37:17,444 --> 00:37:18,569 - Yeah. - OK. 598 00:37:18,737 --> 00:37:20,821 - Through there? OK. - Yeah, through there. 599 00:37:20,989 --> 00:37:23,324 - Oh, we don't flush number ones. - Sorry? 600 00:37:23,491 --> 00:37:26,160 Nothing! Jesus Christ, Dad! That's... 601 00:37:26,328 --> 00:37:27,453 - What? - She's a guest. 602 00:37:27,621 --> 00:37:30,873 - Though we'd make one exception? - We got very delicate plumbing. 603 00:37:31,041 --> 00:37:33,667 - I... - Honey. She's really cute! 604 00:37:33,835 --> 00:37:35,502 - She's beautiful. - All that hair! 605 00:37:35,670 --> 00:37:37,504 - Yeah. - You wanna watch the Jap show? 606 00:37:43,178 --> 00:37:45,220 - Nailed it. - Dylan! I... 607 00:37:45,388 --> 00:37:48,057 I was explicitly told that you wouldn't be here today. 608 00:37:48,224 --> 00:37:50,684 I thought you were hangin' drywall or somethin'. 609 00:37:50,852 --> 00:37:52,478 Leroy fired him again. 610 00:37:52,646 --> 00:37:55,314 Whatever. Like that dick never came to work with a buzz on. 611 00:37:55,482 --> 00:38:00,110 I brought a girl with me, so I am begging you, 612 00:38:00,278 --> 00:38:03,072 from the bottom of my heart, please don't be a jerk, 613 00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:05,824 - and I'll do anything you want. - Slap Shot Regatta. 614 00:38:08,203 --> 00:38:11,330 How long was I down there for? What's my time? What's my time? 615 00:38:11,498 --> 00:38:14,249 - Nope. Only 58 seconds. - Damn it! 616 00:38:14,876 --> 00:38:18,212 - Hey, there, pirate! - So, Ron, you're here. 617 00:38:18,380 --> 00:38:20,631 - That means that... - Oh, yeah! 618 00:38:20,799 --> 00:38:24,259 Who wants it? Who wants it? Who wants it? I'll show it! 619 00:38:24,427 --> 00:38:26,178 - I'll show it! - Yeah! 620 00:38:26,346 --> 00:38:30,391 Oh, yeah! Stop it, guys. 621 00:38:30,558 --> 00:38:33,560 - Boner Patrol! - Hey, Kirk. 622 00:38:33,728 --> 00:38:37,606 Hi, there. Everybody, this is Molly. 623 00:38:37,774 --> 00:38:39,400 Molly, this is everybody. 624 00:38:39,567 --> 00:38:44,238 That's my brother, Dylan, his fiancėe, Debbie 625 00:38:44,406 --> 00:38:49,326 and my... Marnie and Ron. 626 00:38:49,494 --> 00:38:51,286 Hey, everybody! 627 00:38:56,668 --> 00:38:58,836 This is when you say, "Hi, Molly. " 628 00:38:59,004 --> 00:39:01,046 - Who are you? - She's Molly. 629 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,216 - Why is she here? - She came with me. 630 00:39:04,384 --> 00:39:07,761 - You hit her car or something? - Jesus. No, but thank you for asking. 631 00:39:07,929 --> 00:39:09,346 - You his social worker? - Nope. 632 00:39:09,514 --> 00:39:11,390 - Shit, are we being evicted? - No. 633 00:39:11,558 --> 00:39:12,599 - You a hooker? - Dylan! 634 00:39:12,767 --> 00:39:14,435 - Or a prostitute, I mean? - Oh, my God. 635 00:39:14,602 --> 00:39:16,562 Kirk and I were having dinner and he said he was 636 00:39:16,730 --> 00:39:19,523 getting together with his family. It's been a while since I had 637 00:39:19,691 --> 00:39:22,151 a family dinner, so I hope you don't mind. 638 00:39:22,318 --> 00:39:26,155 - I just invited myself along. - Well, come on in for a dip, girl! 639 00:39:26,322 --> 00:39:27,448 - Yeah! - Ron! 640 00:39:27,615 --> 00:39:29,908 - I don't have a bathing suit. - Wear your underwear. 641 00:39:30,076 --> 00:39:32,870 - Yeah. - Like a bikini. Covers the good shit. 642 00:39:33,038 --> 00:39:35,039 - Yeah, underwear is fine. - Ron! 643 00:39:35,206 --> 00:39:37,374 It's like what they did in the old days. 644 00:39:37,542 --> 00:39:39,209 Underwear would be fine... 645 00:39:40,003 --> 00:39:41,754 ...if I were wearing any. 646 00:39:49,137 --> 00:39:52,931 - Lunch is ready! - I'm comin'! 647 00:39:55,393 --> 00:39:56,643 Jeez. 648 00:40:01,941 --> 00:40:04,651 - My mom makes awesome meatloaf. - Oh, cool. 649 00:40:06,863 --> 00:40:10,616 - After you. - Sure you want another one, Dad? 650 00:40:10,784 --> 00:40:13,035 What are you, my sponsor? Hit me! 651 00:40:14,079 --> 00:40:16,622 Ron, honey, I never complimented you on your... 652 00:40:16,790 --> 00:40:19,124 ...on your sweater vest. It's something! 653 00:40:19,292 --> 00:40:20,334 Here you go. 654 00:40:20,502 --> 00:40:22,836 Dylan, I think if you just apologized to Leroy, 655 00:40:23,004 --> 00:40:24,922 - he'll take you back. - No, screw him. 656 00:40:25,090 --> 00:40:29,176 - Got a foolproof moneymaker on the way. - You're gonna want to pay attention. 657 00:40:29,344 --> 00:40:32,137 I know how to make any car into a convertible in 15 minutes, so... 658 00:40:32,305 --> 00:40:34,181 - Wow. - Yeah. You know why? 659 00:40:34,349 --> 00:40:36,350 - No. - Two words: Global warming. 660 00:40:36,518 --> 00:40:39,520 Actually, Dylan, according to The Day After Tomorrow. 661 00:40:39,687 --> 00:40:41,605 the film, the Earth actually gets colder. 662 00:40:41,773 --> 00:40:43,148 Yep. 663 00:40:44,692 --> 00:40:47,861 What's, what's up... with you? Are you...? These days? 664 00:40:48,029 --> 00:40:50,030 - What? - Want me to help you with the gar...? 665 00:40:50,198 --> 00:40:52,199 Fuck it. You seriously not wearing any underwear? 666 00:40:52,367 --> 00:40:53,867 - Dylan! - We're all thinkin' it. 667 00:40:54,035 --> 00:40:57,788 If you want to plan an exit strategy or leave right now, I won't be offended. 668 00:40:57,956 --> 00:41:00,457 - No, I'm not going anywhere. - What do you do? 669 00:41:00,625 --> 00:41:02,209 - I'm an event planner. - See? 670 00:41:02,377 --> 00:41:04,962 That's a business to get into. That's usin' your head. 671 00:41:05,130 --> 00:41:06,839 - Thank you, Dylan. - No, wait for it. 672 00:41:07,006 --> 00:41:10,008 Book a band, blow up balloons, people pay out the ass for that, don't they? 673 00:41:10,176 --> 00:41:11,677 - Yeah. - Yeah, they do. 674 00:41:22,063 --> 00:41:24,731 I'm not wearing any underwear. 675 00:41:28,278 --> 00:41:31,613 Hey, Molly. Molly. Check it out. So Deb and I are gettin' hitched. 676 00:41:31,781 --> 00:41:33,699 How much cash do you pocket for a wedding? 677 00:41:33,867 --> 00:41:36,201 Any of this striking you as inappropriate? 678 00:41:36,369 --> 00:41:38,829 We're making conversation. Don't get your panties in a wad. 679 00:41:38,997 --> 00:41:40,706 - Jesus. - No, it's fine. 680 00:41:40,874 --> 00:41:42,583 A lot of factors affect the cost. 681 00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:44,668 Check it out. We got about 100 peeps coming. 682 00:41:44,836 --> 00:41:46,503 We're doin' a NASCAR theme in Vegas. 683 00:41:46,671 --> 00:41:50,090 I'm gonna get this kick-ass dress made outta actual checkered flags, 684 00:41:50,258 --> 00:41:53,594 like real tight, then Dylan's gonna be in a wicked orange tux 685 00:41:53,761 --> 00:41:57,347 with a Home Depot logo on the back. What's up, right? Right? 686 00:41:57,515 --> 00:41:59,391 You've never seen anything like that? 687 00:41:59,559 --> 00:42:01,435 - Should be extensive. - What's the damage on that? 688 00:42:01,603 --> 00:42:04,938 My base fee is 15,000. So 100 people... 689 00:42:05,106 --> 00:42:08,150 I mean, I'd ballpark that somewhere around 50 grand. 690 00:42:14,115 --> 00:42:15,532 - Fuck you! - Fuck you. 691 00:42:15,700 --> 00:42:17,409 - What?! - Fuck you! 692 00:42:17,577 --> 00:42:19,786 - Fuck you! - Fuck you. 693 00:42:19,954 --> 00:42:21,955 - Fuck you! - Fuck! 694 00:42:22,123 --> 00:42:24,708 That's a lot of 15 minute convertibles, Dylan? 695 00:42:24,876 --> 00:42:27,127 Wait, so you make a pretty comfortable living? 696 00:42:27,295 --> 00:42:28,295 Sometimes. 697 00:42:28,463 --> 00:42:31,381 You got your head on right. And you don't do underwear. 698 00:42:31,549 --> 00:42:33,467 What the hell are you doin' with numbnuts? 699 00:42:33,635 --> 00:42:35,052 - Dylan! - Honey, what? 700 00:42:35,220 --> 00:42:38,055 - No, hey, whoa, fair question. - That's a fair question? 701 00:42:38,223 --> 00:42:42,976 - Molly, I am so sorry. - It's fine. You know, I mean... 702 00:42:44,145 --> 00:42:46,146 Well, I don't... I don't really know. 703 00:42:46,731 --> 00:42:50,859 No, he makes me laugh. He doesn't try and impress me. 704 00:42:52,028 --> 00:42:55,656 And I can just be me around him. 705 00:42:56,324 --> 00:42:58,325 - Oh, that's sweet. - She's a keeper. 706 00:42:58,493 --> 00:43:01,161 Kirk makes you laugh? You a comedian? I didn't know. 707 00:43:01,329 --> 00:43:02,829 Tell us a joke there, Sinbad. 708 00:43:02,997 --> 00:43:05,457 I totally understand what you're talking about. 709 00:43:05,625 --> 00:43:07,584 The curse of being an attractive woman. 710 00:43:07,752 --> 00:43:10,045 I mean, men are always putting us on a pedestal, 711 00:43:10,213 --> 00:43:12,422 expecting us to be something that we're not. 712 00:43:12,590 --> 00:43:15,300 - "Us?" - Come on, Marnie, get real. 713 00:43:15,468 --> 00:43:19,513 - What? - OK. You know, Molly, 714 00:43:19,681 --> 00:43:23,558 we are taking a big family trip out to Branson on the 31st, 715 00:43:23,726 --> 00:43:26,603 - and I think you two should come. - I think you're wrong. 716 00:43:26,771 --> 00:43:29,523 - Gotta come to Branson. - I don't think that's a good idea. 717 00:43:29,691 --> 00:43:31,566 - You should come! - We don't have room. 718 00:43:31,734 --> 00:43:33,902 - They've got shows. - Kenny Rogers' got his own theater. 719 00:43:34,070 --> 00:43:35,487 We'll get a ticket. I'll get you a ticket. 720 00:43:35,655 --> 00:43:37,364 - Branson's small. - Branson's a big place! 721 00:43:37,532 --> 00:43:39,908 - Shut up, Ron. - Can we go? 722 00:43:40,076 --> 00:43:43,662 - It's your call. - OK. Well, I'll see what I can do. 723 00:43:43,830 --> 00:43:45,747 - Hey, hot dog! - Result! 724 00:43:45,915 --> 00:43:46,915 All right, relax. 725 00:43:47,083 --> 00:43:50,627 Molly, I think there's something you should know. 726 00:43:52,005 --> 00:43:54,881 Kirk and I used to be lovers. 727 00:43:56,509 --> 00:43:59,386 If you stay with him long enough he'll give you one of these. 728 00:43:59,554 --> 00:44:01,763 - They're great. - Thank you, Dylan. 729 00:44:01,931 --> 00:44:03,724 That's mine. It's for my earrings. 730 00:44:07,645 --> 00:44:09,354 Kirk, you look really good. 731 00:44:10,398 --> 00:44:13,734 Thank you. You look really... Thank you so much. 732 00:44:13,901 --> 00:44:17,279 - It was fantastic meeting you! - Oh, you, too. 733 00:44:17,447 --> 00:44:20,365 You're so special and God, I just... 734 00:44:23,119 --> 00:44:25,620 - Branson, think about it. - OK. 735 00:44:25,788 --> 00:44:27,414 OK? 736 00:44:28,583 --> 00:44:32,377 - She's really great. Later, pirate. - Yeah. Bye, pirate. 737 00:44:32,545 --> 00:44:36,048 - Let me help you, Mrs. Kettner. - Maybe you could wrap those potatoes. 738 00:44:36,215 --> 00:44:39,343 Come on. You're a guest here. You really don't have to do that. 739 00:44:39,510 --> 00:44:40,844 Oh, I don't mind. 740 00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:43,472 Ready? You and me, downstairs, Slap Shot Regatta. 741 00:44:43,639 --> 00:44:46,767 Man, we're not children anymore. Do we really have to do this? 742 00:44:46,934 --> 00:44:48,894 - Mom! - Kirk, go play with your brother. 743 00:44:49,062 --> 00:44:51,396 - We need some girl time. - Yeah, you promised. 744 00:44:51,564 --> 00:44:55,442 - So pad up, chickenshit! - Yeah, I'll see you down there. 745 00:44:56,569 --> 00:44:58,278 Aw, crap. 746 00:44:58,863 --> 00:44:59,905 Come on. Let's do this! 747 00:45:00,073 --> 00:45:03,283 - Let's focus it up. - Left side. 748 00:45:06,412 --> 00:45:08,789 - That was lucky. - He never saw it, but he stopped it. 749 00:45:10,416 --> 00:45:12,084 Come on, Dylan, give it to him. 750 00:45:14,879 --> 00:45:17,506 You think you're Mr. Hot Shit now with your new chick? 751 00:45:17,673 --> 00:45:20,133 What? No. Maybe I'm just a bit lucky tonight. I... 752 00:45:20,301 --> 00:45:22,177 - What are you? - You're not better than me. 753 00:45:22,345 --> 00:45:25,055 Take a look. All these trophies say Dylan Kettner. 754 00:45:25,223 --> 00:45:29,184 - First place. First place. MVP. - I don't think I'm better than you. 755 00:45:29,352 --> 00:45:33,313 I never said that. And maybe Molly's a little better looking than I am. 756 00:45:33,481 --> 00:45:35,148 A little? Are you shitting me? 757 00:45:35,316 --> 00:45:38,485 OK, I think we can all agree that Debbie here is one wicked hot box. 758 00:45:38,653 --> 00:45:39,653 Thanks, babe. 759 00:45:39,821 --> 00:45:41,154 This chick of yours makes her look like a pig. 760 00:45:41,322 --> 00:45:44,157 - What? You're an asshole! What?! - See? 761 00:45:44,325 --> 00:45:46,576 This girlfriend of yours is already startin' shit! 762 00:45:50,581 --> 00:45:51,748 Did you see that, Mom?! 763 00:45:53,251 --> 00:45:56,044 One second! Butterfly! 764 00:46:06,013 --> 00:46:08,765 - I want to have another baby! - No, that's OK, sweetheart. 765 00:46:08,933 --> 00:46:10,892 OK, boys, it's a tie. 766 00:46:11,769 --> 00:46:15,772 There are no ties in hockey, as there are no ties in life. 767 00:46:15,940 --> 00:46:20,318 - True. - Last shot. Winner takes all. Go! 768 00:46:20,486 --> 00:46:22,946 OK, come on, you can do it. He's got nothing. 769 00:46:23,114 --> 00:46:25,490 He's got less than nothing. Own it. You can do it. 770 00:46:25,658 --> 00:46:28,577 Come on, Dylan! Get in the zone! You're still my MVP, baby! 771 00:46:28,744 --> 00:46:30,370 Kirk's just a skinny little loser! 772 00:46:30,538 --> 00:46:32,539 - Jesus, Debbie. - Man, I gotta sit down. 773 00:46:32,707 --> 00:46:35,417 You want to do this? Let's do it. 774 00:47:10,203 --> 00:47:12,662 - Damn it! - There's always a next time. 775 00:47:12,830 --> 00:47:14,998 - Fuck it! - Dylan. 776 00:47:15,166 --> 00:47:18,877 This floor's all slippery! And these shoes are fucked for this! 777 00:47:19,045 --> 00:47:21,087 - Dylan, hey! Sportsmanship. - Fuck you! 778 00:47:21,255 --> 00:47:23,089 - Time out. - You guys take a time out 779 00:47:23,257 --> 00:47:24,382 from bein' assholes! 780 00:47:25,801 --> 00:47:27,260 Oh, God. 781 00:47:39,774 --> 00:47:41,608 - I'll get us some wine. - Yeah, cool. 782 00:47:47,615 --> 00:47:51,076 - This place is gorgeous! - Thank you. 783 00:47:51,244 --> 00:47:56,623 This kind of reminds me of my place, except for my place is a total shithole. 784 00:47:56,791 --> 00:47:58,959 This is awesome. How long have you lived... 785 00:47:59,126 --> 00:48:02,003 - My God! What the fuck is that?! - Oh, that's Captain Pickles. 786 00:48:02,171 --> 00:48:04,798 I'm watching him while my folks are on vacation. 787 00:48:04,966 --> 00:48:08,802 What is he? A dog or a fuckin' horse? 788 00:48:08,970 --> 00:48:10,387 Sit down. 789 00:48:11,472 --> 00:48:13,848 Wha... Me or the dog? 790 00:48:14,016 --> 00:48:16,351 You. He doesn't like people standing. 791 00:48:16,519 --> 00:48:19,729 He feels threatened by it. He gets all, you know, angsty. 792 00:48:19,897 --> 00:48:25,902 Hey, angsty, that's... No, hey, I come in peace. 793 00:48:28,531 --> 00:48:29,990 Thank you. 794 00:48:53,055 --> 00:48:54,389 OK, wait. 795 00:48:56,183 --> 00:48:57,726 I don't want to move too fast. 796 00:48:57,893 --> 00:49:00,520 I... No, sure, no problem. No problem. 797 00:49:00,688 --> 00:49:04,316 No, don't get me wrong. I mean, once I trust a person 798 00:49:04,483 --> 00:49:09,279 I can experiment and get pretty generous. 799 00:49:10,448 --> 00:49:12,782 Yeah, yeah, no, me, too. Me, too. 800 00:49:13,868 --> 00:49:18,496 I... I'm... I love, love, to experiment, 801 00:49:18,664 --> 00:49:23,585 and I get really generous. I can be very, very generous. 802 00:49:23,753 --> 00:49:28,840 I am quite the charitable lover. 803 00:49:49,528 --> 00:49:51,780 I got... Can we stop for two secs? 804 00:49:52,531 --> 00:49:54,074 No. 805 00:50:20,393 --> 00:50:22,560 - Honey, you there? - Dad? 806 00:50:22,728 --> 00:50:25,939 "Dad?!" What the...? Oh, dear God! 807 00:50:26,107 --> 00:50:27,482 Are you in? 808 00:50:30,236 --> 00:50:31,945 - Hey! - Hi... 809 00:50:32,863 --> 00:50:34,614 - Hey. - Hey, baby. 810 00:50:34,782 --> 00:50:36,199 - Shit. - Told you we should call ahead. 811 00:50:36,367 --> 00:50:37,659 We decided to come back early. 812 00:50:37,827 --> 00:50:40,412 Thought we'd come by, take the Captain off your hands. 813 00:50:40,579 --> 00:50:42,205 Hope we aren't interrupting. 814 00:50:42,373 --> 00:50:44,833 - Who's your little friend? - Oh, God! 815 00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:49,129 - Well, this is Kirk. - Gerald McCleish. It's a pleasure. 816 00:50:49,296 --> 00:50:51,631 Yeah. 817 00:50:53,467 --> 00:50:55,885 - Nope. Nope. - No? 818 00:50:56,053 --> 00:51:01,057 I don't... God, where are my manners? 819 00:51:01,225 --> 00:51:05,520 You guys must be exhausted from your travels. Please, hey, have a seat. 820 00:51:05,688 --> 00:51:08,648 Put your... Put your feet up. Really get into a groove. 821 00:51:08,816 --> 00:51:10,358 - Thank you. - Sure. 822 00:51:10,526 --> 00:51:13,319 - That's kind of you. - I think I have that same sweater. 823 00:51:13,487 --> 00:51:14,487 Really? 824 00:51:19,410 --> 00:51:22,829 So... that's... 825 00:51:24,665 --> 00:51:27,542 Uh, no. Oh, Lord. 826 00:51:28,210 --> 00:51:31,463 Oh, no, Captain Pickles. No. No, Captain. 827 00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:34,007 Pickles! 828 00:51:36,343 --> 00:51:38,928 - Kirk? - Excuse me. 829 00:51:39,096 --> 00:51:41,848 Thank you for having me. This has been a lovely evening. 830 00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:45,560 Good night. 831 00:51:55,112 --> 00:51:56,654 Awesome. 832 00:52:15,257 --> 00:52:18,176 Devon, I'll give you 50 dollars just to curse once. 833 00:52:18,344 --> 00:52:21,638 - Seventy-five. Just say "fuck. " - I won't, I won't say it out loud. 834 00:52:21,806 --> 00:52:23,890 - I'll write it. - That doesn't count! 835 00:52:24,058 --> 00:52:26,226 - You're gonna what? - I'll write it down. 836 00:52:26,393 --> 00:52:28,394 That doesn't count! You have to say it out loud. 837 00:52:28,562 --> 00:52:31,439 - Why doesn't it count? - Say "shit. " I'll give you 100. 838 00:52:31,607 --> 00:52:33,483 - Hey. - Hey, Kirk. 839 00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:36,152 My shift doesn't start for another half hour, 840 00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:39,864 but I was so excited, so I came early. 841 00:52:40,032 --> 00:52:44,244 Yeah, and it was weird. He said he was really excited and so he came early. 842 00:52:44,411 --> 00:52:45,912 Yeah. That ever happened to you? 843 00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:49,040 You're so excited about something that you come early. 844 00:52:49,208 --> 00:52:52,335 Jesus Christ, you're Fort Knox over here. Thank you very much. 845 00:52:52,503 --> 00:52:55,630 I didn't mean to tell 'em, Kirky. I'm sorry. 846 00:52:55,798 --> 00:52:58,842 Come on, he couldn't help it. It just, you know, slipped out. 847 00:52:59,009 --> 00:53:01,261 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Thank you. 848 00:53:01,428 --> 00:53:03,930 Thank you very much. And go fuck yourselves. 849 00:53:04,098 --> 00:53:05,265 - Hey, guys. - Oh, shit. 850 00:53:05,975 --> 00:53:08,184 Kirk, can I talk to you for a second? 851 00:53:09,353 --> 00:53:11,813 - In private. - There are no secrets here, Marnie. 852 00:53:11,981 --> 00:53:14,774 OK. Well, 853 00:53:14,942 --> 00:53:20,405 I think I made a little mistake, and I see a change in you, 854 00:53:20,573 --> 00:53:23,449 and I really like it, so let's get back together! 855 00:53:23,617 --> 00:53:25,618 Just to try it out. You know? 856 00:53:29,248 --> 00:53:31,249 That's really interesting. 857 00:53:31,792 --> 00:53:33,459 No, I don't think so. 858 00:53:33,627 --> 00:53:35,628 But you broke up with Molly. 859 00:53:36,213 --> 00:53:38,882 - She cornered me. - Jesus, Devon! 860 00:53:39,049 --> 00:53:42,385 Look, Marnie, I moved on like you kept telling me to. 861 00:53:42,553 --> 00:53:45,138 You're here because some other girl has shown interest. 862 00:53:45,306 --> 00:53:49,726 That's not it! Look, Kirk, I am really worried about you with her. 863 00:53:49,894 --> 00:53:51,436 She seems like kind of a bitch. 864 00:53:51,604 --> 00:53:55,148 So I'm just saying that if you want to get back together, 865 00:53:55,316 --> 00:53:57,692 - like you begged me before... - Shh... 866 00:53:57,860 --> 00:54:01,946 ...I am even willing to consider breaking up with Ron. 867 00:54:02,114 --> 00:54:04,949 - What? You're still with Ron. - The pirate? 868 00:54:05,117 --> 00:54:07,827 Yeah. I'm not gonna risk being all alone just 'cause 869 00:54:07,995 --> 00:54:09,829 Kirk doesn't know what's good for him. 870 00:54:09,997 --> 00:54:15,501 Look, Kirky. Deep down you know it is never gonna work out with you and Molly. 871 00:54:15,836 --> 00:54:17,921 And I just can't stand to see you get hurt. 872 00:54:18,088 --> 00:54:23,718 So if that makes me the bad guy... so be it. 873 00:54:27,723 --> 00:54:29,724 It's embarrassing. 874 00:54:31,894 --> 00:54:33,603 Jesus Christ. 875 00:54:34,271 --> 00:54:35,855 Hey. 876 00:54:36,857 --> 00:54:38,858 Did you just come in your pants again? 877 00:54:39,652 --> 00:54:41,819 You can tell us. We're your friends. Did you? 878 00:54:41,987 --> 00:54:44,322 Hey, why would you tell her I broke up with Molly? 879 00:54:44,490 --> 00:54:45,698 'Cause I thought you had. 880 00:54:45,866 --> 00:54:49,702 - No. We're just in a sticky wicket. - A "sticky wicket?" 881 00:54:49,870 --> 00:54:51,704 Yeah, a rough patch. Rough pumpkins. 882 00:54:51,872 --> 00:54:54,123 - How many times have you called her? - Five. 883 00:54:54,291 --> 00:54:56,209 How many times have you really called her? 884 00:54:56,377 --> 00:54:59,879 - Seventeen. - It's done, man. Tao of Love. 885 00:55:00,047 --> 00:55:02,048 - What? - That's what I call it. 886 00:55:02,216 --> 00:55:06,594 The Tao of Love. You being with Molly defies, like, forces of nature. 887 00:55:06,762 --> 00:55:10,014 - It's over, man. - No. It's not over. 888 00:55:10,182 --> 00:55:12,684 Frankly, I'm kinda sick of you guys pretending 889 00:55:12,851 --> 00:55:16,521 like you know where I'm comin' from. None of you know what I'm goin' through. 890 00:55:16,689 --> 00:55:20,024 - Tina Jordan does. - Who the hell is Tina Jordan? 891 00:55:20,192 --> 00:55:23,903 - She was my Molly. - You never mentioned her. 892 00:55:24,071 --> 00:55:27,699 I didn't want to jinx it. But she was perfect. 893 00:55:27,866 --> 00:55:29,242 Yeah, perfect. 894 00:55:30,828 --> 00:55:32,578 Freckled shoulders. 895 00:55:33,664 --> 00:55:36,666 Anyway, two months into it, bam, she dumps me. 896 00:55:36,834 --> 00:55:40,753 I shoulda seen it coming, too, 'cause she was a ten. Like a hard ten. 897 00:55:40,921 --> 00:55:45,341 And I was a six, possibly a seven. Either way, I couldn't cover the spread. 898 00:55:46,176 --> 00:55:51,055 The universe spoke. And I was depressed for months. 899 00:55:51,932 --> 00:55:54,726 That's what that was? You said you had mono. 900 00:55:54,893 --> 00:55:59,188 - Yeah. Mono of the heart. - Oh, my God. How's your vagina? 901 00:55:59,356 --> 00:56:00,481 Shut up, Jack! 902 00:56:00,649 --> 00:56:04,027 Dude, forget Stainer. All right? I think you could get her back. 903 00:56:04,194 --> 00:56:06,070 Why don't you look Kirk in the eyes 904 00:56:06,238 --> 00:56:08,865 and tell him you believe he's gonna end up with Molly. 905 00:56:09,033 --> 00:56:10,450 - Just tell him that. - Fine. 906 00:56:10,617 --> 00:56:14,203 Kirky, I truly believe that... 907 00:56:16,623 --> 00:56:19,459 I mean, I think anything's possible. 908 00:56:19,626 --> 00:56:21,711 - "Anything is possible?!" - Come on! 909 00:56:21,879 --> 00:56:24,464 Like, there's a million examples of guys like Kirky 910 00:56:24,631 --> 00:56:27,383 - endin' up with beautiful women. - Such as? 911 00:56:27,551 --> 00:56:29,385 - Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts. - Right. 912 00:56:29,553 --> 00:56:32,805 Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear. Then he went on to Denise Richards. 913 00:56:32,973 --> 00:56:36,142 Yeah. All recording artists. Normal rules don't apply to those guys. 914 00:56:36,310 --> 00:56:39,520 Kirk, as soon as you record an album and it goes platinum, 915 00:56:39,688 --> 00:56:42,482 you can push your meat into any human being you want. 916 00:56:42,649 --> 00:56:46,444 OK, OK. OK. King Kong and Naomi Watts. 917 00:56:46,612 --> 00:56:48,946 Never consummated. Totally platonic relationship. 918 00:56:49,114 --> 00:56:53,910 - Stephen Hawking and his lady nurse. - He's the master of space and time! 919 00:56:54,078 --> 00:56:57,538 - He knows about black holes and shit. - What about the President of France 920 00:56:57,706 --> 00:56:59,207 and that girl that went out with Mick Jagger? 921 00:56:59,374 --> 00:57:01,292 He knows about wine. And has a French accent. 922 00:57:01,460 --> 00:57:03,503 Can probably French kiss like a motherfucker! 923 00:57:03,670 --> 00:57:06,214 - Oh, OK, OK... - Wait a second. The Beast. 924 00:57:06,381 --> 00:57:09,592 - Who? - The Beast! From Beauty and the Beast? 925 00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:13,554 Beast won Beauty's love, and he wasn't rich and he wasn't a recording artist. 926 00:57:13,722 --> 00:57:17,850 - Though he did have an amazing voice. - OK, Devon, that's a cartoon. 927 00:57:18,018 --> 00:57:20,353 But, yes, that's one. One out of a million. 928 00:57:20,521 --> 00:57:22,897 You know what, Stainer? All it takes is one. 929 00:57:23,065 --> 00:57:26,275 Man, you... You guys just sit here and talk about relationships, 930 00:57:26,443 --> 00:57:29,278 but the truth is, I'm the only one here that's married. 931 00:57:29,446 --> 00:57:33,199 I'm tired of you guys bustin' my nuggets 'cause I've only been with one girl. 932 00:57:33,367 --> 00:57:36,369 It's 'cause she was the right girl! That's why I married her! 933 00:57:36,537 --> 00:57:39,705 So, Kirky, let me tell you somethin'. If Molly's the right girl, 934 00:57:39,873 --> 00:57:43,209 that's all that matters. You just you stand up. 935 00:57:43,377 --> 00:57:46,879 You stand up, you get in front of her. You get right in her grill and you say, 936 00:57:47,047 --> 00:57:49,799 "Hey, I am Kirk Kettner 937 00:57:49,967 --> 00:57:53,219 and I am right here, standin' in front of you... 938 00:57:55,055 --> 00:58:00,143 ...right here. Here I am. " 939 00:58:03,856 --> 00:58:05,898 - Somethin' like that. - The power of love. 940 00:58:06,066 --> 00:58:07,108 - Beautiful. - Moving. 941 00:58:07,276 --> 00:58:08,276 Very... Perfect. 942 00:58:08,443 --> 00:58:10,820 Thank you. I was in debate, junior/senior year. 943 00:58:10,988 --> 00:58:12,989 I don't know if you guys remember that. 944 00:58:18,287 --> 00:58:19,787 Look at that. 945 00:58:42,311 --> 00:58:43,936 Oh, there she is. 946 00:58:46,523 --> 00:58:49,609 Listen to me, dude. Gotta go, loud and proud, gotta tell her, 947 00:58:49,776 --> 00:58:53,613 - "Hey, I jizzed in my shorts" you know? - All right... 948 00:58:53,780 --> 00:58:56,657 No! "That's what I do. OK? It's how I roll. Deal with it. " 949 00:58:56,825 --> 00:58:58,451 You know, I know I don't know... 950 00:58:58,619 --> 00:59:02,038 I don't know much about this, but that can't be good advice, I'm sorry. 951 00:59:02,206 --> 00:59:05,958 - Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. - You have nothing to be embarrassed of. 952 00:59:06,126 --> 00:59:09,754 If anything, you paid her a compliment. Right? 953 00:59:11,465 --> 00:59:13,132 - Yeah. - Trust it. 954 00:59:13,300 --> 00:59:14,842 Here goes nothin'. 955 00:59:17,471 --> 00:59:19,472 Oh, shit, Molly. Six o'clock. 956 00:59:22,142 --> 00:59:24,310 - Hey, Molly. - Hey. 957 00:59:25,812 --> 00:59:28,689 - Did you get my messages? - Yeah, yeah, I got them, Kirk. 958 00:59:30,817 --> 00:59:32,735 What the hell happened the other night? 959 00:59:33,820 --> 00:59:35,279 You act like a freak with Captain Pickles, 960 00:59:35,447 --> 00:59:37,365 you won't get off the couch to shake my father's hand 961 00:59:37,532 --> 00:59:40,117 when we had a whole conversation about how he was old-fashioned! 962 00:59:40,285 --> 00:59:42,370 Yeah, I know. I know. I'm sorry. 963 00:59:42,537 --> 00:59:45,539 I spent a whole day with your entire family, 964 00:59:45,707 --> 00:59:48,000 and you can't even spend 30 seconds with mine. 965 00:59:48,627 --> 00:59:51,837 - I mean, that's a pretty big red flag. - It is not a red flag, Molly. 966 00:59:52,005 --> 00:59:53,839 Oh, Kirk, I can't do this here. 967 00:59:54,007 --> 00:59:58,552 - I'm working, and... - OK. Sorry. 968 01:00:09,606 --> 01:00:11,857 I ejaculated in my pants. 969 01:00:22,786 --> 01:00:28,332 We were getting sort of hot and nasty, you know... 970 01:00:28,500 --> 01:00:31,877 It's not every day that I have a super-hot girl 971 01:00:32,045 --> 01:00:36,757 grinding on top of me, and I got a little too excited and, 972 01:00:36,925 --> 01:00:39,760 before I know it, your parents are in the room and I'm there 973 01:00:39,928 --> 01:00:45,850 with just a big friggin' oyster in my shorts. 974 01:00:48,895 --> 01:00:53,232 Right. Sorry. Sorry. 975 01:01:02,993 --> 01:01:05,411 I mean, I'll say this for him. He's honest. 976 01:01:05,579 --> 01:01:10,541 So thanks for the advice. That went horribly. 977 01:01:10,709 --> 01:01:14,045 Enjoy the air show, boys. I'm going to go... 978 01:01:16,256 --> 01:01:19,342 No guy in his right mind would ever make that up. 979 01:01:19,509 --> 01:01:20,926 Right? 980 01:01:21,762 --> 01:01:23,763 You should probably go talk to him. 981 01:01:23,930 --> 01:01:27,183 - Yeah. - Just wait one second. 982 01:01:27,517 --> 01:01:29,852 And... here she comes. 983 01:01:31,271 --> 01:01:32,563 - Kirk! - Yes! 984 01:01:32,731 --> 01:01:33,731 Yeah. 985 01:01:34,900 --> 01:01:37,526 She told him a joke or somethin'. Something's funny. 986 01:01:37,694 --> 01:01:41,447 They're ki... They're gonna ki... They're kissing! Yes! 987 01:01:41,615 --> 01:01:44,158 - You're like Yoda. - Yeah, I know. 988 01:01:44,326 --> 01:01:48,662 Like Sex Yoda. "The Force is strong with you, Jack. " 989 01:01:48,830 --> 01:01:51,207 Trust the system. It takes care of itself. 990 01:01:52,626 --> 01:01:54,794 - Ah, that went well. - Kinda. 991 01:01:57,881 --> 01:02:00,424 Wow. She sure is somethin', isn't she? 992 01:02:02,094 --> 01:02:04,136 - It's Kirk, right? - Oh, God. Hi, Cam. 993 01:02:04,304 --> 01:02:06,180 Excellent to see you again, sir. 994 01:02:06,348 --> 01:02:08,724 Listen, Kirk. Can I talk to you for a second? 995 01:02:08,892 --> 01:02:11,227 Yeah, I guess so. See ya. 996 01:02:12,270 --> 01:02:16,440 Listen, Kirk. I understand that fellas, such as yourself, 997 01:02:16,608 --> 01:02:20,152 have uniquely candid relationships with the women that they befriend, 998 01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:22,655 - am I right? - Fellas such as myself? 999 01:02:22,823 --> 01:02:25,783 Don't get me wrong. I have no problem with your lifestyle. 1000 01:02:25,951 --> 01:02:29,745 What two or more grown men do in the privacy of their own home, 1001 01:02:29,913 --> 01:02:31,497 hell, it's of no concern to me. 1002 01:02:31,665 --> 01:02:34,333 I don't know what Molly's told you about me, all right? 1003 01:02:34,501 --> 01:02:37,503 If she said anything bad, let's face it, I probably deserve it. 1004 01:02:37,671 --> 01:02:41,424 - Actually, Cam, we haven't... - God as my witness, I'll get her back. 1005 01:02:41,591 --> 01:02:42,800 Cool. 1006 01:02:42,968 --> 01:02:45,594 Can I count on you to put in a good word for me, Elton John? 1007 01:02:45,762 --> 01:02:49,849 - Yeah, whatever gets this over with. - You're the man, Kirk. Bring it in. 1008 01:02:50,016 --> 01:02:54,019 - Yeah, yeah, you got it. - You feel that tolerance? 1009 01:02:55,689 --> 01:02:57,898 - Man, you gays smell good. - That's good. 1010 01:02:58,650 --> 01:03:00,818 This is awesome! Does anybody have a camera? 1011 01:03:00,986 --> 01:03:03,279 - Stainer. - What? 1012 01:03:03,447 --> 01:03:05,781 Wait a minute, dude. Does that, does that say...? 1013 01:03:06,658 --> 01:03:09,118 Yep, I think it does. 1014 01:03:09,286 --> 01:03:13,539 - Jesus, man. Goddamn it. - Did you guys get a picture? 1015 01:03:13,707 --> 01:03:17,168 By the way, Kirk, you can do better than these guys. 1016 01:03:17,335 --> 01:03:21,547 I mean, this one is kinda cute, but the other two... Oof! 1017 01:03:21,715 --> 01:03:23,215 Show some pride, pal. 1018 01:03:27,888 --> 01:03:31,807 Pittsburgh tower. Foot Long, you are cleared for takeoff on runway two-zero. 1019 01:03:36,229 --> 01:03:38,522 Roger that, tower. Turn and burn. 1020 01:03:38,899 --> 01:03:41,525 Honestly, I'd have sex with that guy. 1021 01:03:43,737 --> 01:03:45,070 Yeah, I would. 1022 01:03:53,955 --> 01:03:55,748 - Fuck! You're lucky! - Yeah! 1023 01:04:49,219 --> 01:04:50,553 So how's your sister doin'? 1024 01:04:50,720 --> 01:04:54,181 She turns 21 next week and she's, I don't know, 1025 01:04:54,349 --> 01:04:56,642 she still has no sense of direction. 1026 01:04:56,810 --> 01:05:00,437 You know? She's coming over for dinner, and I really want to give her advice, 1027 01:05:00,605 --> 01:05:03,399 but I don't know what to say to her, you know? 1028 01:05:03,567 --> 01:05:06,026 So what do you... You don't know what to say to her? 1029 01:05:06,194 --> 01:05:09,822 She's only 20. She's not 30. And she's not you. 1030 01:05:09,990 --> 01:05:14,785 You know? When I was 20, I did not have my act together, man. 1031 01:05:14,953 --> 01:05:17,496 I mean, look at this kid now. 1032 01:05:17,664 --> 01:05:21,000 I'm in TSA. I am livin' the dream. 1033 01:05:22,168 --> 01:05:24,712 You're right. Maybe I am being too hard on her. 1034 01:05:24,879 --> 01:05:27,840 And, I'm sorry, but she's comin' over for dinner? 1035 01:05:28,717 --> 01:05:31,844 She's turning 21! You gotta throw her a party. 1036 01:05:32,012 --> 01:05:35,264 I mean, that's what you do for a living, right? You throw parties? 1037 01:05:37,392 --> 01:05:40,144 I can't believe I never thought of that. 1038 01:05:40,312 --> 01:05:42,354 - That's a really good idea. - Thanks. 1039 01:05:42,522 --> 01:05:45,941 It's been ten dates and you can't seal the deal? What's wrong with you? 1040 01:05:46,109 --> 01:05:50,487 Listen to me. Things with Molly are good, right? They're back on track. 1041 01:05:50,655 --> 01:05:55,326 You have gotta recover from your little oopsie-daisy, little early-bird special. 1042 01:05:55,493 --> 01:05:56,827 Gotta get back in that ring. 1043 01:05:56,995 --> 01:06:00,205 It's just terrifying, frankly, 1044 01:06:00,373 --> 01:06:04,084 the idea of me naked 1045 01:06:04,252 --> 01:06:09,506 - in front of her... also naked. - But what's to be terrified of? 1046 01:06:09,674 --> 01:06:11,634 Because you've done your prep work, right? 1047 01:06:11,801 --> 01:06:13,427 Yeah... I think she likes me. 1048 01:06:13,595 --> 01:06:15,220 - She really likes you. - Thank you. 1049 01:06:15,388 --> 01:06:19,224 That's cute. Yeah, good. But it's not at all what I'm talking about. 1050 01:06:19,976 --> 01:06:25,022 A girl like Molly, hot as shit, manicured from fuckin' head to toe. 1051 01:06:25,190 --> 01:06:26,315 - Yeah. - Right? 1052 01:06:26,483 --> 01:06:30,361 - What the hell are you talking about? - Listen, I'm talkin' about this. 1053 01:06:31,237 --> 01:06:33,155 - I'm talkin' about this. - Your chin. 1054 01:06:33,323 --> 01:06:35,699 - Yeah. - And I'm talkin' about this. 1055 01:06:35,992 --> 01:06:37,743 - Oh, jeez! - No, no, no, no, no, no. 1056 01:06:37,911 --> 01:06:39,244 - Look, guys! - Jack! 1057 01:06:39,412 --> 01:06:42,581 This is fine. 'Cause this is clean. It's organized. 1058 01:06:42,749 --> 01:06:45,042 It's kind of Japanese-looking, to be honest. 1059 01:06:45,210 --> 01:06:47,252 Whatever you do, don't look directly at it. 1060 01:06:47,420 --> 01:06:50,923 I'll bet you Cam's balls look like this. It's like a baby. 1061 01:06:51,091 --> 01:06:55,886 It's just smooth. It's a look that says, "Hey, you can put your mouth here. " 1062 01:06:56,054 --> 01:06:59,181 - He is... He just moved. - It's just a thought. 1063 01:06:59,349 --> 01:07:00,933 Just tryin' to help, that's all. 1064 01:07:01,101 --> 01:07:03,143 All right, Stainer, let's get outta here. 1065 01:07:03,311 --> 01:07:07,106 - Yeah, I'm hungry. I gotta go eat. - Hey, Kirky. Prep work. 1066 01:07:07,273 --> 01:07:09,900 You hear me? Out. 1067 01:07:32,799 --> 01:07:33,966 God. 1068 01:07:35,468 --> 01:07:36,677 OK. 1069 01:07:44,978 --> 01:07:46,311 Here goes nothin'. 1070 01:07:51,609 --> 01:07:54,278 Shoot! Kirky! Kirky! 1071 01:07:54,904 --> 01:07:56,780 We shoulda done a hot towel. 1072 01:07:56,948 --> 01:07:59,616 You know, like those old-timey barbershops? 1073 01:07:59,784 --> 01:08:03,162 - Helps raise the hairs. - I don't like this! 1074 01:08:03,329 --> 01:08:07,082 Kirk, if you want to abort the mission, that's completely cool. 1075 01:08:07,250 --> 01:08:10,836 I don't... I can't really abort the mission right now. 1076 01:08:11,504 --> 01:08:15,424 I've shaved approximately one-third of my balls. 1077 01:08:15,592 --> 01:08:17,843 I'll look pretty fuckin' stupid if I stop now! 1078 01:08:18,011 --> 01:08:20,262 Did you shave one ball and then the other ball, 1079 01:08:20,430 --> 01:08:23,182 - or are you workin' top to bottom? - Shut up, shut up! 1080 01:08:23,349 --> 01:08:28,771 You shut up. I mean, seriously, just shave it like your face! 1081 01:08:28,938 --> 01:08:30,147 I can't do it like my face! 1082 01:08:30,315 --> 01:08:32,691 My face doesn't have two testicles sticking out of it! 1083 01:08:32,859 --> 01:08:35,694 If it did, I would grow a pretty thick goddamn beard. 1084 01:08:35,862 --> 01:08:37,196 Kirk. 1085 01:08:39,073 --> 01:08:40,365 Kirk? 1086 01:08:42,368 --> 01:08:44,745 - Do you need a hand? - Oh, motherf...! 1087 01:08:54,214 --> 01:08:55,214 There we go. 1088 01:08:58,384 --> 01:09:00,385 So how is this not gay? 1089 01:09:00,553 --> 01:09:02,387 I think there's nothing gay about it. 1090 01:09:02,555 --> 01:09:06,642 The fact that you're lettin' a straight married man shave your testicles... 1091 01:09:06,810 --> 01:09:09,728 I think that makes you one of the most macho guys alive. 1092 01:09:10,855 --> 01:09:12,815 There is some logic in that. 1093 01:09:12,982 --> 01:09:15,234 Thank you. You know what? Can you pick that up? 1094 01:09:15,401 --> 01:09:16,902 Can you pick 'em up for me? 1095 01:09:17,070 --> 01:09:18,612 There it is. 1096 01:09:22,700 --> 01:09:24,868 That's a lot. OK, drop 'em. 1097 01:09:29,582 --> 01:09:30,749 Voilà! 1098 01:09:40,051 --> 01:09:41,468 Take a look! 1099 01:09:42,971 --> 01:09:44,096 What do you think? 1100 01:09:45,348 --> 01:09:46,765 Devon! 1101 01:09:47,976 --> 01:09:49,309 It looks fucking huge! 1102 01:09:54,524 --> 01:09:57,943 My friends wonder why I call you all the time 1103 01:09:58,111 --> 01:10:01,822 What can I say? Yeah, yeah 1104 01:10:03,032 --> 01:10:08,787 Well, I don't feel the need to give such secrets away 1105 01:10:10,456 --> 01:10:13,250 Well, you think maybe I need help 1106 01:10:13,418 --> 01:10:17,713 Though I know I'm right, all right 1107 01:10:18,715 --> 01:10:20,591 I'm just better off 1108 01:10:20,758 --> 01:10:25,929 Not listening to friends advice 1109 01:10:26,097 --> 01:10:29,474 When they insist on knowing my bliss 1110 01:10:31,561 --> 01:10:33,604 I tell them this 1111 01:10:33,771 --> 01:10:37,816 When they want to know what the reason is 1112 01:10:37,984 --> 01:10:41,820 I only smile when I lie Then I tell them why 1113 01:10:41,988 --> 01:10:43,071 Because your kiss 1114 01:10:43,239 --> 01:10:45,657 Your kiss is on my list 1115 01:10:45,825 --> 01:10:46,992 Because your kiss 1116 01:10:47,160 --> 01:10:49,453 Your kiss I can't resist 1117 01:10:49,621 --> 01:10:52,497 Because your kiss is on my list 1118 01:10:52,665 --> 01:10:56,460 Of the best things in life 1119 01:10:56,628 --> 01:10:58,420 Because your kiss 1120 01:11:05,094 --> 01:11:08,430 All right, everybody, give it up one more time for Adult Education! 1121 01:11:10,475 --> 01:11:14,061 Awesome stuff. They're going to play some more Hall and Oates for us, 1122 01:11:14,228 --> 01:11:18,023 and maybe some other old favorites from some other artists? No? 1123 01:11:18,191 --> 01:11:21,360 - You're kidding me. - Nope. Just... more Hall and Oates. 1124 01:11:21,527 --> 01:11:26,365 Everybody, let's raise a glass to Patty and Molly for throwing, by far, 1125 01:11:26,532 --> 01:11:29,826 the coolest party I've ever personally been invited to. 1126 01:11:29,994 --> 01:11:32,579 Great job, girls. Let's hear it for Patty and Molly! 1127 01:11:35,375 --> 01:11:39,378 And now, to the gorgeous birthday girl, Katie McCleish. 1128 01:11:39,545 --> 01:11:41,171 You're 21 years old now. 1129 01:11:42,090 --> 01:11:44,466 What else can I say? Let life come to you. 1130 01:11:44,634 --> 01:11:47,094 - Happy birthday, Katie! - Thank you. 1131 01:11:48,179 --> 01:11:49,846 All right, guys, enjoy the party. 1132 01:11:50,556 --> 01:11:52,140 - Can you hold this for me? - Why? 1133 01:11:52,308 --> 01:11:54,893 Better with myjacket off. Just ditch that somewhere. 1134 01:11:55,061 --> 01:11:57,020 What? What am I supposed to do with this? 1135 01:11:57,188 --> 01:11:59,523 OK, now we're gonna take it down. A lot. 1136 01:11:59,691 --> 01:12:02,442 You're totally gonna jump his bones tonight, aren't you? 1137 01:12:02,610 --> 01:12:03,819 I don't know. Maybe. 1138 01:12:04,570 --> 01:12:05,988 - Hey. - Hey. 1139 01:12:07,073 --> 01:12:09,491 I think it's time for you to dance with me. 1140 01:12:17,000 --> 01:12:19,251 Hey, Devon! Wendy, remember? 1141 01:12:19,419 --> 01:12:22,546 No. No, I don't. I... Aw, shoot. 1142 01:12:22,714 --> 01:12:25,257 I think this is the first time we're meeting. Ever! 1143 01:12:25,425 --> 01:12:27,426 - OK. - This is my wife, Karen. 1144 01:12:27,593 --> 01:12:28,885 - I'm Karen. - Wendy. 1145 01:12:29,053 --> 01:12:30,262 Nice to meet you. 1146 01:12:33,099 --> 01:12:38,520 - That's good. OK, I'm gonna... - OK. 1147 01:12:41,190 --> 01:12:42,315 What? 1148 01:12:49,115 --> 01:12:50,699 - Oh, there's my parents! - What? 1149 01:12:51,743 --> 01:12:53,785 Hey! Hey, let's go meet them. 1150 01:12:54,746 --> 01:12:56,621 She's with that fuckin' asshole. 1151 01:12:58,875 --> 01:12:59,958 - Hi! - Hi! 1152 01:13:00,126 --> 01:13:02,127 - Hey, baby... - Dad, hi. 1153 01:13:02,295 --> 01:13:06,131 - You remember Kirk. - Yeah, how could we forget? Yeah. 1154 01:13:06,466 --> 01:13:09,968 - Oh, this time we...? - Hi, there. 1155 01:13:10,678 --> 01:13:15,474 Mr. and Mrs. McCleish, from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry. 1156 01:13:15,641 --> 01:13:19,895 The last time we met wasn't exactly the world's greatest first impression. 1157 01:13:20,063 --> 01:13:23,899 - No, it certainly was not. - I promise you that I will grow on you. 1158 01:13:24,067 --> 01:13:29,488 - I hear this party was all your idea. - No, no. This is all Molly's. 1159 01:13:29,655 --> 01:13:31,490 Hey, what line of work are you in, son? 1160 01:13:31,657 --> 01:13:34,159 It's kind of a long story. I grew up with my... 1161 01:13:34,327 --> 01:13:36,036 - Kirk's in aviation. - Another pilot? 1162 01:13:36,204 --> 01:13:38,538 - Really? - Oh, Molly likes the flyboys. 1163 01:13:38,706 --> 01:13:39,998 Just like your mother. 1164 01:13:40,166 --> 01:13:43,668 I flew choppers back in Nam, Saigon. Evacuation, April, '75, that was... 1165 01:13:43,836 --> 01:13:46,171 He's been pushing Molly to take flying lessons. 1166 01:13:46,339 --> 01:13:48,965 - After she passes the bar. - Yeah. Flying! 1167 01:13:49,717 --> 01:13:51,718 Hey, now here's a pilot! How are ya?! 1168 01:13:51,886 --> 01:13:54,221 - You son of a bitch! - Boy, good to see you! 1169 01:13:54,388 --> 01:13:56,640 Good to see you. Lucille, don't you look lovely. 1170 01:13:56,808 --> 01:13:58,183 - Hello, Cam. - What? 1171 01:13:58,351 --> 01:14:01,436 - Kirky! - I didn't think you were gonna be here. 1172 01:14:01,604 --> 01:14:03,939 You bet. You know, Ger and Lucille invited me. 1173 01:14:04,107 --> 01:14:07,567 - What a pleasant surprise! - Target acquired. 1174 01:14:07,735 --> 01:14:09,277 - Cam... How's it going? - Mol. 1175 01:14:10,113 --> 01:14:12,072 Have you seen Katie? Let's go see Katie. 1176 01:14:12,240 --> 01:14:15,033 - OK. I'm... See you down there. - Good to see you again, kid. 1177 01:14:15,201 --> 01:14:18,245 Nice to see you... sir. I'll see you down there. 1178 01:14:27,880 --> 01:14:29,297 Mind if I join you? 1179 01:14:30,424 --> 01:14:34,594 So Mollyjust explained all about you two, 1180 01:14:34,762 --> 01:14:38,306 and I gotta admit I feel like a jackass. 1181 01:14:38,474 --> 01:14:40,100 Don't worry about it, man... 1182 01:14:40,268 --> 01:14:43,770 It's all good. I thought you were gay, too. 1183 01:14:47,275 --> 01:14:51,069 - Just joking. I'm just joking. - You are funny. 1184 01:14:51,237 --> 01:14:53,697 - Thank you. - All right, then... 1185 01:14:55,032 --> 01:14:57,701 Take good care of her. She's a special girl. 1186 01:14:57,869 --> 01:15:01,454 - Yeah, she's perfect. - Oh, yeah, about that... 1187 01:15:02,248 --> 01:15:05,083 Don't really call her that. She doesn't like it. 1188 01:15:05,251 --> 01:15:08,670 And, besides, she's not exactly perfect anyway, right? 1189 01:15:08,838 --> 01:15:10,005 What do you mean? 1190 01:15:11,924 --> 01:15:13,175 All right, listen. 1191 01:15:16,721 --> 01:15:18,722 Don't let it creep you out, OK? 1192 01:15:19,265 --> 01:15:21,933 I mean, the first time I saw her little defect... 1193 01:15:22,768 --> 01:15:25,937 Woof! I'll admit it gave me the willies. 1194 01:15:26,105 --> 01:15:28,732 But it might not bother you. Who knows? 1195 01:15:28,900 --> 01:15:33,111 All right? And even if it does, just try to be cool, you know, 1196 01:15:33,279 --> 01:15:36,781 and you'll get used to it, all right? Good luck. 1197 01:15:36,949 --> 01:15:38,825 No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. 1198 01:15:38,993 --> 01:15:41,453 Please, this is... This is very important. 1199 01:15:42,622 --> 01:15:47,209 - Birth defect? What is it? - I can't tell you that, man. 1200 01:15:47,376 --> 01:15:49,586 Somethin' you're gonna have to figure out for yourself. 1201 01:15:51,297 --> 01:15:52,380 I'm out. 1202 01:15:56,677 --> 01:15:57,802 Interesting. 1203 01:16:18,157 --> 01:16:21,660 - OK, your turn. - Yeah. 1204 01:16:31,003 --> 01:16:32,671 Oh, shit. 1205 01:16:33,339 --> 01:16:37,801 I haven't really been hittin' the gym as much as I should lately. 1206 01:16:38,344 --> 01:16:39,844 It's OK. 1207 01:16:50,106 --> 01:16:51,815 Holy Moses. 1208 01:17:17,842 --> 01:17:20,218 - Interesting. - What, what? What? 1209 01:17:20,386 --> 01:17:21,761 Nothing. Nothing. 1210 01:17:29,895 --> 01:17:31,104 What's wrong? 1211 01:17:31,856 --> 01:17:36,651 It's been a while and I'm not very experienced sex-wise. 1212 01:17:37,069 --> 01:17:41,281 - Kirk, please. Your balls are shaved. - Oh, I know. I know. 1213 01:17:42,366 --> 01:17:45,785 It's kind of a new thing I'm trying out. It's a bad idea. It's... 1214 01:17:45,953 --> 01:17:47,662 I feel like I'm eleven. 1215 01:17:47,830 --> 01:17:50,707 What if I show you something I'm self-conscious about? 1216 01:17:50,875 --> 01:17:53,543 - Oh, that would be amazing. - OK. 1217 01:17:56,213 --> 01:18:00,550 - Promise me you won't laugh. - No, I, I... I promise. 1218 01:18:00,718 --> 01:18:01,968 OK. 1219 01:18:07,850 --> 01:18:10,018 What am I looking at? 1220 01:18:16,442 --> 01:18:17,484 That's it? 1221 01:18:18,569 --> 01:18:21,529 - That's your big defect? - Webbed toes is not a defect! 1222 01:18:21,697 --> 01:18:23,740 Yeah, no shit webbed toes is not a defect! 1223 01:18:23,908 --> 01:18:28,828 I was expecting some kind of pulsating growth 1224 01:18:28,996 --> 01:18:30,830 or a cluster of lumps... 1225 01:18:32,500 --> 01:18:37,504 ...or like a little dick that, I don't know, talked. 1226 01:18:37,671 --> 01:18:42,300 This is what... All you got is it's inconvenient for you to wear flip-flops? 1227 01:18:42,468 --> 01:18:45,637 Who told you I have a defect? Cam? 1228 01:18:46,472 --> 01:18:47,764 Well, yeah. 1229 01:18:47,932 --> 01:18:53,311 And as far as I can tell that's the only thing separating you from perfect. 1230 01:18:55,773 --> 01:18:57,857 You think I'm too perfect? 1231 01:18:58,025 --> 01:19:02,612 So you were hoping there was something wrong with me so you could be with me. 1232 01:19:02,780 --> 01:19:05,115 Look at the evidence, Molly. 1233 01:19:05,908 --> 01:19:07,158 It's... 1234 01:19:08,369 --> 01:19:11,871 I'm unattractive, I'm out of shape, I'm uncoordinated, 1235 01:19:12,039 --> 01:19:16,376 I've never been to Europe, I'm not a college graduate, I drive a Neon... 1236 01:19:16,544 --> 01:19:20,255 - I like your Neon. - Oh, God, come on, Molly, look at me. 1237 01:19:20,423 --> 01:19:26,177 I'm a five. This is a five. Hard five. 1238 01:19:26,345 --> 01:19:28,346 You can't jump more than two points. 1239 01:19:28,514 --> 01:19:30,682 It's the Tao of Love. Everybody knows that. 1240 01:19:30,850 --> 01:19:33,268 Even if you were a nine, and I was in a band, 1241 01:19:33,436 --> 01:19:37,605 - but no, you're a hard ten. - What are you talking about? 1242 01:19:39,567 --> 01:19:42,193 Do you even know how hot you are? 1243 01:19:43,112 --> 01:19:47,323 No, you probably think that everybody gets free shit everywhere they go, 1244 01:19:47,491 --> 01:19:51,870 and everybody's happy and nice to each other in shiny, happy Hot Town, 1245 01:19:52,037 --> 01:19:54,831 with you and all your hot friends and ex-boyfriends, 1246 01:19:54,999 --> 01:19:58,168 but I hate to break it to you, it's not the same for the rest of us. 1247 01:19:58,335 --> 01:20:03,298 OK, Kirk. You clearly have some major self-esteem issues. 1248 01:20:03,466 --> 01:20:06,634 You lied about me to your parents right in front of me! 1249 01:20:06,802 --> 01:20:09,512 - No, I didn't! - "Kirk's in aviation?" 1250 01:20:09,680 --> 01:20:15,059 That's like saying the guy who shovels elephant shit at the circus 1251 01:20:15,227 --> 01:20:19,230 is in show business. No, he's just the elephant shit guy. 1252 01:20:19,732 --> 01:20:21,566 That's me. I'm that guy. 1253 01:20:21,734 --> 01:20:25,403 I'm never gonna be a pilot. And I am happy with that. 1254 01:20:25,571 --> 01:20:27,697 And I'm fine with that, too. 1255 01:20:27,865 --> 01:20:31,326 And I was fine with you up until about three minutes ago. 1256 01:20:31,494 --> 01:20:33,995 That's... I'm so glad that you were "fine" with me. 1257 01:20:34,163 --> 01:20:37,582 You know what? Maybe you're right. Maybe you are a five. 1258 01:20:38,042 --> 01:20:41,753 You know why? No self-esteem, deduct a point. 1259 01:20:41,921 --> 01:20:45,673 Every time someone walks into a room you compare yourself to them, 1260 01:20:45,841 --> 01:20:46,841 deduct a point. 1261 01:20:47,009 --> 01:20:49,761 You're a smart and talented guy who's afraid to do anything with it, 1262 01:20:49,929 --> 01:20:51,596 deduct a point. How are we doing? 1263 01:20:51,764 --> 01:20:52,931 Oh, yeah. 1264 01:20:54,683 --> 01:20:57,936 Hoping that I have a defect that you can work with? 1265 01:21:00,105 --> 01:21:01,773 Deduct whatever's left. 1266 01:21:03,943 --> 01:21:07,612 I'm outta here. Webbed fucking feet. Are you kidding me? 1267 01:21:07,780 --> 01:21:09,447 - Kirk! - Hey, do me a favor. 1268 01:21:09,615 --> 01:21:12,534 - Tell Foot Long I said hi. - He's my ex-boyfriend, Kirk. Ex! 1269 01:21:12,701 --> 01:21:15,495 - Know why we broke up? - Because you guys couldn't decide 1270 01:21:15,663 --> 01:21:18,039 - which one of you was hotter? - No. Because he behaved 1271 01:21:18,207 --> 01:21:21,626 exactly like you're behaving right now. He couldn't handle it. 1272 01:21:21,794 --> 01:21:24,128 He thought I was perfect, he had me on a pedestal 1273 01:21:24,296 --> 01:21:26,130 that I couldn't possibly live up to! 1274 01:21:26,298 --> 01:21:29,092 Oh, and one other little thing? He cheated on me. 1275 01:21:29,260 --> 01:21:32,804 After that I said to myself, "I'm not gonna date guys like that anymore. " 1276 01:21:32,972 --> 01:21:35,557 Wait... "Guys like that?" So, what, you're just... 1277 01:21:35,724 --> 01:21:38,268 - You were gonna date guys like me? - That what you wanna hear? 1278 01:21:38,435 --> 01:21:40,144 That I asked you out 'cause you're safe? 1279 01:21:40,312 --> 01:21:41,437 Keep goin'. 1280 01:21:41,605 --> 01:21:44,065 That I thought that a guy who looks like you wouldn't hurt me? 1281 01:21:44,233 --> 01:21:47,860 Is that what you want to hear, Kirk? Are you happy now? 1282 01:21:49,321 --> 01:21:50,905 Yeah, I'm ecstatic. 1283 01:21:54,285 --> 01:21:55,285 Kirk! 1284 01:22:18,601 --> 01:22:19,851 Fuck. 1285 01:22:40,623 --> 01:22:43,708 Six-Delta-Bravo, flight cleared to land. runway two-two. 1286 01:22:49,882 --> 01:22:52,300 - "List. " It's "list. " - No, it's not. It's "lips. " 1287 01:22:52,468 --> 01:22:54,302 - It's "list. " - "Your kiss is on my lips. " 1288 01:22:54,470 --> 01:22:55,470 Why'd it be "list?" 1289 01:22:55,638 --> 01:22:57,347 "It's on my list of the best things in life. " 1290 01:22:57,514 --> 01:22:58,640 - Stainer. - What? 1291 01:22:58,807 --> 01:23:00,058 - Hey. - Oh, hey, Kirk. 1292 01:23:00,225 --> 01:23:03,561 Where have you been? Here. Tune it. 1293 01:23:06,857 --> 01:23:07,899 Oh, shit. 1294 01:23:08,734 --> 01:23:11,235 So you're all "Branson bound," huh? 1295 01:23:11,403 --> 01:23:15,740 Yeah. They were Marnie's idea. 1296 01:23:16,408 --> 01:23:17,742 OK, Kirky, let's go. 1297 01:23:17,910 --> 01:23:19,911 - OK, I'll see you guys later. - Relax. 1298 01:23:20,079 --> 01:23:22,664 The Branson flight's not for another 45 minutes. 1299 01:23:22,831 --> 01:23:24,874 I could just meet you down at the gate. 1300 01:23:25,751 --> 01:23:29,212 - OK. - Everybody together? Got everything? 1301 01:23:29,380 --> 01:23:30,838 - Yeah, let's go. - I'm comin'. 1302 01:23:31,006 --> 01:23:34,384 Wow, so you're really back with Marnie. 1303 01:23:35,427 --> 01:23:36,678 Hey, fellas. 1304 01:23:36,845 --> 01:23:40,223 Hand it over, dumb-ass. No liquids over three-point-four ounces. 1305 01:23:42,101 --> 01:23:45,770 Good call. Hey, pirate, can you spot me a 20? 1306 01:23:45,938 --> 01:23:48,356 I want to get one of those scented neck pillows. 1307 01:23:49,525 --> 01:23:50,858 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, of course. 1308 01:23:51,026 --> 01:23:52,568 - Here you go. - Thanks, bro. 1309 01:23:52,736 --> 01:23:53,736 Yeah, you got it. 1310 01:23:55,781 --> 01:23:56,906 Are you kidding me? 1311 01:23:57,074 --> 01:23:59,534 This might seem crazy, but he and I actually have 1312 01:23:59,702 --> 01:24:02,203 - a lot in common, so... Oh, fuck! - Sorry. 1313 01:24:03,372 --> 01:24:05,623 You don't have anything in common with those people. 1314 01:24:06,792 --> 01:24:09,711 Look at me. You OK? 1315 01:24:12,798 --> 01:24:16,342 Do you think I really want to be Branson bound? 1316 01:24:17,386 --> 01:24:18,636 I don't. 1317 01:24:19,847 --> 01:24:25,810 The whole time you told me I wasn't good enough, you were right. 1318 01:24:25,978 --> 01:24:30,481 So this is my life. I gotta go. 1319 01:24:30,649 --> 01:24:32,567 Marnie's waiting for me. 1320 01:24:32,735 --> 01:24:34,318 - See ya, guys. - Yeah. 1321 01:24:34,486 --> 01:24:36,154 - See you later, Kirky. - See you. 1322 01:24:39,950 --> 01:24:45,371 What? 1323 01:24:54,840 --> 01:24:57,467 Goddamn it. Tina Jordan. 1324 01:24:58,302 --> 01:24:59,552 Here. 1325 01:25:05,184 --> 01:25:09,103 That's a large Coke, a fry and some ketchup... 1326 01:25:09,271 --> 01:25:11,898 - Mary J. Blige! - Hey, Wendell. 1327 01:25:12,065 --> 01:25:14,692 I need to know, right now, why it didn't work out with us. 1328 01:25:14,860 --> 01:25:17,612 - I have customers. - This is important, OK? 1329 01:25:17,780 --> 01:25:21,491 This is important. I was good to you, right? I mean, I was sensitive. 1330 01:25:21,658 --> 01:25:24,327 Remember when you got the flu? I didn't party that weekend. 1331 01:25:24,495 --> 01:25:26,370 Remember? Remember the leg massages? 1332 01:25:26,538 --> 01:25:29,582 Remember when I used to run my hand down your back? Like that? 1333 01:25:30,542 --> 01:25:32,877 Remember when I nursed that baby bird to health? 1334 01:25:33,045 --> 01:25:35,463 Little Timothy? He died. 1335 01:25:35,631 --> 01:25:38,925 Christ on a corndog. Tammy, can you cover for me? 1336 01:25:39,092 --> 01:25:41,511 - Yeah, sure. - Thanks, Tammy. 1337 01:25:41,678 --> 01:25:44,889 Whatever, Wendell. Can I help the next person in line, please? 1338 01:25:45,057 --> 01:25:47,266 I really liked you, but all that stuff about 1339 01:25:47,434 --> 01:25:49,393 I'm a ten and you're only a six? 1340 01:25:49,561 --> 01:25:51,020 - Seven. - Fine. 1341 01:25:51,188 --> 01:25:54,982 But you were all up in my beeswax checking to see if I was gonna dump you. 1342 01:25:55,150 --> 01:25:59,570 But you did dump me! Why don't you just admit I was never good enough for you? 1343 01:25:59,738 --> 01:26:03,157 Wendell, you were plenty good enough for me. 1344 01:26:03,325 --> 01:26:05,576 You were just never good enough for you. 1345 01:26:06,829 --> 01:26:08,246 Oh, shit. 1346 01:26:09,873 --> 01:26:12,208 I'm gonna need some gravy fries when I get back. 1347 01:26:15,879 --> 01:26:18,005 Would you put your seat forward, please? 1348 01:26:18,173 --> 01:26:20,716 - Tom fuckin' Wopat, bro. Told you. - Tray table. 1349 01:26:21,885 --> 01:26:24,595 - Kirky, look at David Archuleta. - Can I help you? 1350 01:26:24,763 --> 01:26:25,763 TSA. Excuse me. 1351 01:26:25,931 --> 01:26:28,307 - You have no authority. - You better believe I do. 1352 01:26:28,475 --> 01:26:32,270 All right, everybody, listen up! TSA! I apologize. This guy's drunk as fuck. 1353 01:26:32,437 --> 01:26:34,605 He shit his pants. It's very embarrassing. 1354 01:26:34,773 --> 01:26:37,483 We have to get him off. I'll have to have you come with me. 1355 01:26:37,651 --> 01:26:40,862 - Jesus Christ. What are you doin'? - I was wrong about you and Molly. 1356 01:26:41,029 --> 01:26:44,115 We gotta fix it. Just act drunk. Thank you. TSA. Come on. 1357 01:26:44,283 --> 01:26:46,951 Believe it or not, this has nothin' to do with you. 1358 01:26:47,119 --> 01:26:48,327 - Sir! - It's not about me. 1359 01:26:48,495 --> 01:26:50,830 I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the aircraft. 1360 01:26:50,998 --> 01:26:53,457 I'm gonna have to ask you to exit my personal space. 1361 01:26:53,625 --> 01:26:56,085 - Stainer! - Fuck off! Sorry, that's yours. 1362 01:26:56,253 --> 01:26:58,379 You're gonna get arrested by the Department of Homeland Security. 1363 01:26:58,547 --> 01:27:00,464 They're gonna send you to Guantanamo Bay. 1364 01:27:00,632 --> 01:27:02,466 Yeah. I like Cuba. I like mojitos. 1365 01:27:02,634 --> 01:27:04,635 You don't wanna go to Branson with A-holes! 1366 01:27:04,803 --> 01:27:07,179 - He call us A-holes? - Look at them. That one's pregnant. 1367 01:27:07,347 --> 01:27:09,807 - That guy's got hair in the front. - Dude... 1368 01:27:09,975 --> 01:27:11,767 Sweetheart, remember the baby. 1369 01:27:11,935 --> 01:27:14,186 - I'm doin' this for the baby. - Don't be a hero! 1370 01:27:14,563 --> 01:27:17,148 - How's this work? Seat belt person! - Stop. We have a... 1371 01:27:17,316 --> 01:27:20,234 They are my family. And I'm with Marnie now. 1372 01:27:20,402 --> 01:27:22,737 Marnie is an evil bitch. All due respect. 1373 01:27:22,905 --> 01:27:24,196 Kirk! Hit him! 1374 01:27:25,073 --> 01:27:26,991 - At least say something. - Let's go. 1375 01:27:27,159 --> 01:27:29,994 OK. I was right about Molly. She's a ten, OK? A hard ten. 1376 01:27:30,162 --> 01:27:32,204 - My God. - I was wrong about you. You're a ten. 1377 01:27:32,372 --> 01:27:33,998 - You can't settle for a three. - Two. 1378 01:27:34,166 --> 01:27:35,875 - Arguably a two. - Come on, let's go. 1379 01:27:36,043 --> 01:27:38,711 You're the best guy I know. I won't let you end up with her. You're a ten! 1380 01:27:38,879 --> 01:27:40,796 - Come on. - Listen! You're a ten! 1381 01:27:40,964 --> 01:27:42,924 You're a ten! Kirk, don't do it! 1382 01:27:43,091 --> 01:27:44,800 I'm not going! I'm not going! 1383 01:27:44,968 --> 01:27:47,178 - OK, this is not good. - All right, I'm going. 1384 01:27:48,138 --> 01:27:49,513 Whatever. 1385 01:27:54,186 --> 01:27:56,646 Last call for flight four-four-three. 1386 01:27:56,813 --> 01:27:59,315 - Damn it! - Last call for flight four-four-three. 1387 01:28:03,153 --> 01:28:04,362 - Hello? - Hey, Patty. 1388 01:28:04,529 --> 01:28:06,447 - Who is this? - Stainer. Don't hang up. 1389 01:28:06,615 --> 01:28:08,115 How the fuck did you get my number? 1390 01:28:08,283 --> 01:28:11,035 - TSA. Moving on... - No. no. no. Let's not move on. 1391 01:28:11,203 --> 01:28:14,789 This better not be where you ask me out because you confused my hatred for you 1392 01:28:14,957 --> 01:28:17,833 for some kind of flirtation. I thought I made myself clear. 1393 01:28:18,001 --> 01:28:19,877 No, no, no, you were clear. We're good. 1394 01:28:20,045 --> 01:28:23,506 - 'Cause I genuinely hate you also. - Oh, cool. 1395 01:28:23,674 --> 01:28:26,133 Cool. And we're back to talking. 1396 01:28:26,301 --> 01:28:29,553 All right. So, Kirk is leaving on a plane with another girl. 1397 01:28:29,721 --> 01:28:32,723 Now, I tried to get him off, but they threw me off the plane! 1398 01:28:32,891 --> 01:28:35,059 Stainer, your screw-up is not my problem. 1399 01:28:35,227 --> 01:28:38,270 No, we both screwed up. We told them that it wasn't gonna work. 1400 01:28:38,438 --> 01:28:41,649 They believed us. So now, unfortunately, I need your help. 1401 01:28:44,653 --> 01:28:47,863 Hello? Patty? Goddamn it. you fucking hung up on me! 1402 01:28:48,031 --> 01:28:50,574 - OK, I'll see what I can do. - Thank you. 1403 01:28:53,787 --> 01:28:54,954 Sorry. 1404 01:28:55,998 --> 01:28:59,083 I have a ground X-ray one radio check. Taxi to one-two. 1405 01:28:59,960 --> 01:29:02,920 EastWest four-three. you're cleared for taxi to runway two-seven. 1406 01:29:03,088 --> 01:29:07,216 So, we are seeing the Dave Coulier tomorrow night, 1407 01:29:07,384 --> 01:29:10,094 and on Saturday we're gonna see both of the Elvis tributes, 1408 01:29:10,262 --> 01:29:11,470 - and then on S... - No. 1409 01:29:13,098 --> 01:29:17,768 - Excuse me? - No, no, no. Stainer was right. 1410 01:29:17,936 --> 01:29:20,021 Flight attendants, prepare for departure. 1411 01:29:20,188 --> 01:29:22,606 - Stainer was right. - What are you doing? Kirk! 1412 01:29:22,774 --> 01:29:26,610 Yeah, I'm not going to Branson with you people. 1413 01:29:26,778 --> 01:29:32,116 You are my family and I love you, but really, with the exception of Mom, 1414 01:29:32,284 --> 01:29:34,618 you're all a bunch of bloodsucking vampires 1415 01:29:34,786 --> 01:29:36,579 who never support anything I do. 1416 01:29:36,747 --> 01:29:40,833 I'm going to go find Molly and show her that I am good enough. 1417 01:29:41,001 --> 01:29:42,960 So fuck you, Debbie. 1418 01:29:43,128 --> 01:29:45,921 Fuck you, Dylan. Fuck you, Dad. 1419 01:29:46,089 --> 01:29:49,383 Fuck you... businessman. I'm sorry. 1420 01:29:49,551 --> 01:29:53,721 And, most of all, fuck you, Marnie. 1421 01:29:54,973 --> 01:29:56,140 Yep. 1422 01:29:56,308 --> 01:30:01,479 You never deserved me in the first place, you evil little dwarf. 1423 01:30:02,981 --> 01:30:07,151 So fuck you all! Yep. 1424 01:30:07,652 --> 01:30:10,196 Sir. You need to take your seat. We're pushing back. 1425 01:30:10,363 --> 01:30:13,699 Don't know if you just heard my speech, but I need to get off this plane. 1426 01:30:13,867 --> 01:30:17,787 Well, if I reopen that cabin door, that's a 25,000 dollar fine for you. 1427 01:30:17,954 --> 01:30:19,747 Twenty-five...? 1428 01:30:23,960 --> 01:30:25,795 What do you want to do? 1429 01:30:26,588 --> 01:30:28,339 Is there another seat I could take? 1430 01:30:28,507 --> 01:30:30,925 We're full. Now, take your seat and buckle up. 1431 01:30:31,093 --> 01:30:32,885 Yep. OK. 1432 01:30:45,982 --> 01:30:48,067 Cabin crew, lock doors and cross-check. 1433 01:30:48,944 --> 01:30:51,153 Gonna be a long flight, eh, pirate? 1434 01:30:59,329 --> 01:31:01,288 What's going on? What's the emergency? 1435 01:31:01,957 --> 01:31:04,583 - Molly, how are you doing? - Fine. 1436 01:31:04,751 --> 01:31:07,211 No, I'm actually asking you. How are you doing? 1437 01:31:13,677 --> 01:31:16,387 - You have photo ID, right? - Well, yeah. 1438 01:31:16,972 --> 01:31:18,806 - Where are we going? - Just buckle up! 1439 01:31:23,603 --> 01:31:26,856 We should be on our way shortly, so just sit back, relax and... 1440 01:31:34,072 --> 01:31:37,074 The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading... 1441 01:31:37,242 --> 01:31:39,118 You're gonna tell me what's going on? 1442 01:31:39,286 --> 01:31:42,037 In ten minutes, Kirk is leaving on a plane for Branson with a horrible, 1443 01:31:42,205 --> 01:31:43,998 - horrible girl. - Marnie? 1444 01:31:44,166 --> 01:31:46,250 - Yes. Let's go. - If Kirk's getting back together 1445 01:31:46,418 --> 01:31:49,336 - with Marnie, I'm not going! - In fourth grade, I peed in my pants. 1446 01:31:49,504 --> 01:31:52,631 On several occasions. Everybody started calling me Stainer. 1447 01:31:52,799 --> 01:31:54,675 Know how I made it through those dark days? 1448 01:31:54,843 --> 01:31:56,760 - Plastic underwear? - In part. 1449 01:31:56,928 --> 01:31:59,346 But also Kirk. You see, he told me to own that name. 1450 01:31:59,514 --> 01:32:01,849 Call myself Stainer, so that nobody could hurt me. 1451 01:32:02,017 --> 01:32:04,435 - What's your point? - Kirk's the best guy I know. 1452 01:32:04,603 --> 01:32:06,645 But he's like... He's like a spider. 1453 01:32:06,813 --> 01:32:09,273 You know? He's more afraid of you than you are of him. 1454 01:32:09,441 --> 01:32:11,275 And he also, he has long legs and... 1455 01:32:11,443 --> 01:32:14,320 Look. If you want him, you gotta go get him. 1456 01:32:21,119 --> 01:32:23,537 - We're moving. Where is the package? - It's here. 1457 01:32:23,705 --> 01:32:26,874 OK, we couldn't get him off the plane, so we've gotta get you on. 1458 01:32:27,042 --> 01:32:28,334 Oh, thank you, Stainer! 1459 01:32:30,128 --> 01:32:32,880 This is so exciting. Yes! 1460 01:32:34,424 --> 01:32:37,218 Oh, shit. Follow me. 1461 01:32:39,679 --> 01:32:41,096 - Excuse me! - Hey! 1462 01:32:41,264 --> 01:32:43,265 - Come on! - Boarding passes and IDs out. 1463 01:32:43,433 --> 01:32:45,351 - Let's keep it moving! - One second. 1464 01:32:45,977 --> 01:32:48,062 Whoa, whoa! What the hell are you doing? 1465 01:32:48,230 --> 01:32:49,772 Putting her on a plane, that's what. 1466 01:32:49,940 --> 01:32:53,484 Well, unless she has a first class ticket, back of the line. 1467 01:32:53,652 --> 01:32:58,656 Fuller, you have a choice. You can step aside or you can fight me. 1468 01:32:58,823 --> 01:33:02,660 If that's how you want to go, I warn you, I will go dark side. 1469 01:33:02,827 --> 01:33:05,955 OK? I will rip out your hair, I'll bite your chin off, 1470 01:33:06,122 --> 01:33:08,999 and I will stab you in the eyes with confiscated scissors. 1471 01:33:09,167 --> 01:33:10,960 'Cause I am an insane motherfucker! 1472 01:33:11,127 --> 01:33:14,171 You know that from the break room! What's it gonna be?! 1473 01:33:18,593 --> 01:33:19,885 Yes! 1474 01:33:21,179 --> 01:33:24,139 Please check your seat belts. We're preparing for departure. 1475 01:33:29,646 --> 01:33:30,646 Branson! 1476 01:33:31,982 --> 01:33:34,149 They've gone. We missed it. 1477 01:33:34,317 --> 01:33:36,527 No, no, no. No. No, this is not... 1478 01:33:36,695 --> 01:33:39,446 This is supposed to happen. This isn't how this works. 1479 01:33:40,907 --> 01:33:43,534 - Yeah? Talk to Jack. - Stop the plane. 1480 01:33:44,202 --> 01:33:46,203 Dude, done and done. 1481 01:33:47,998 --> 01:33:49,540 Yeah, that's how we roll. 1482 01:33:49,708 --> 01:33:54,378 Oh, come here, beautiful. Time to go to work. 1483 01:34:01,219 --> 01:34:03,304 Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Captain. 1484 01:34:03,471 --> 01:34:07,725 We got some kinda light on up here. Some kind of mechanical problem. 1485 01:34:07,892 --> 01:34:10,561 Anyway, we're gonna have to deplane. 1486 01:34:10,729 --> 01:34:13,981 Oh, man! What's "deplane" mean? 1487 01:34:14,774 --> 01:34:17,234 Come on, Jack. Come on. 1488 01:34:17,694 --> 01:34:19,611 Come on, Jack! 1489 01:34:21,072 --> 01:34:23,115 That's it! Yeah. Let's go, let's go. 1490 01:34:27,245 --> 01:34:29,747 Look, Kirk, I do not know what's gotten into you, 1491 01:34:29,914 --> 01:34:33,917 but I just want to say I forgive you and we are going to go to Branson, 1492 01:34:34,085 --> 01:34:36,045 and we are going to enjoy it! 1493 01:34:37,130 --> 01:34:39,923 OK, you got something off your chest, and that is fine. 1494 01:34:40,091 --> 01:34:43,927 And it's over now. We are gonna pretend that it never happened. 1495 01:34:44,095 --> 01:34:47,014 Why are you walking so fast? 1496 01:34:48,767 --> 01:34:50,601 Kirk! We're solid, baby! 1497 01:34:50,769 --> 01:34:53,562 We're... Oh, that is it. 1498 01:34:53,730 --> 01:34:59,568 - That is it! Motherfucker! - Excuse me. Sorry. 1499 01:34:59,736 --> 01:35:02,780 - Sorry. Excuse me. I'm sorry. - I will catch you, Kirk! 1500 01:35:02,947 --> 01:35:04,239 - No... - I will catch you! 1501 01:35:04,407 --> 01:35:05,824 - Excuse me. - I'm faster than you! 1502 01:35:05,992 --> 01:35:06,992 Sorry. 1503 01:35:07,160 --> 01:35:09,620 I will catch you if it's the last thing that I do... 1504 01:35:19,589 --> 01:35:22,424 - Who is it? - It's Kirk. Kirk, where are you? 1505 01:35:22,592 --> 01:35:24,927 Stainer, you were right, buddy. 1506 01:35:25,095 --> 01:35:27,596 I just got off the plane. I'm gonna go find Molly. 1507 01:35:27,764 --> 01:35:30,265 That's great, except we're right here. I'm with Molly. 1508 01:35:30,433 --> 01:35:31,433 What?! 1509 01:35:31,601 --> 01:35:34,603 We came to find you. We're at the gate! Turn around. we're here. 1510 01:35:34,771 --> 01:35:37,981 All right, I'm comin' to you. Comin' to you! 1511 01:35:38,608 --> 01:35:42,027 Excuse me! Sorry, sorry! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 1512 01:35:45,073 --> 01:35:46,115 Oh, God. 1513 01:35:50,787 --> 01:35:52,621 Hey, wait! Cart, wait! 1514 01:35:53,873 --> 01:35:55,249 What the hell? 1515 01:35:58,336 --> 01:36:00,170 - Oh, my God! - Go! 1516 01:36:00,839 --> 01:36:02,172 Hey! 1517 01:36:02,465 --> 01:36:03,590 Would you stop it?! 1518 01:36:08,680 --> 01:36:10,681 I think we should see other people! 1519 01:36:18,731 --> 01:36:20,524 Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph. 1520 01:36:22,152 --> 01:36:23,402 - You OK? - Yeah. 1521 01:36:24,404 --> 01:36:26,196 - Hey. - Hey. 1522 01:36:26,364 --> 01:36:30,784 - What are you doin' here? - It was Patty and Stainer's idea. 1523 01:36:32,203 --> 01:36:35,038 I just... 1524 01:36:36,166 --> 01:36:38,750 I just knew that I had to come find you. 1525 01:36:38,918 --> 01:36:42,546 - I nearly... - Kirk, shut up. Let me speak. 1526 01:36:42,714 --> 01:36:44,381 That's a good idea. 1527 01:36:45,049 --> 01:36:47,134 You are out of shape. 1528 01:36:49,554 --> 01:36:50,846 - It's true. - Yeah, I know. 1529 01:36:51,014 --> 01:36:52,306 Not what I thought you were gonna say. 1530 01:36:52,474 --> 01:36:53,891 You're uncoordinated. 1531 01:36:54,058 --> 01:36:56,393 You're not a college graduate, you've never been to Europe, 1532 01:36:56,561 --> 01:37:00,189 and your car really is a shitbox. 1533 01:37:00,857 --> 01:37:03,567 - That's good. - You were right. 1534 01:37:05,236 --> 01:37:09,573 I did ask you out because I thought you'd be safe and I wouldn't get hurt. 1535 01:37:09,741 --> 01:37:13,243 And, yes, I lied to my parents because I was worried what they'd think. 1536 01:37:14,204 --> 01:37:15,537 I'm sorry. 1537 01:37:17,540 --> 01:37:22,044 But I'm here to tell you that I don't care if you want to be a pilot, 1538 01:37:22,212 --> 01:37:27,257 a TSA agent or shovel elephant shit at the circus. 1539 01:37:27,425 --> 01:37:30,469 Because I missed you. 1540 01:37:30,637 --> 01:37:35,432 And I just want us to be together. 1541 01:37:35,600 --> 01:37:39,895 - Jesus... - You really having to think about this? 1542 01:37:40,063 --> 01:37:41,813 - Shut up, Patty. - You shut up! 1543 01:37:42,941 --> 01:37:47,444 I don't remember what the specific question was, but... 1544 01:37:49,322 --> 01:37:50,948 - I do. - You do? 1545 01:37:51,533 --> 01:37:53,116 - I will. - You will? 1546 01:37:53,284 --> 01:37:54,826 I missed you. 1547 01:38:02,794 --> 01:38:03,961 Guys, this is... 1548 01:38:04,128 --> 01:38:08,632 It's a tale as old as time, you know? Song as old as rhyme. 1549 01:38:09,133 --> 01:38:11,009 Think she's still not wearin' underwear? 1550 01:38:11,177 --> 01:38:12,636 - Just stop it. - I heard you. 1551 01:38:38,371 --> 01:38:40,247 Seriously. tell me where we're going! 1552 01:38:40,415 --> 01:38:42,165 - Nope. - Why won't you tell me? 1553 01:38:42,333 --> 01:38:44,668 You won't show me the tickets. I'm gonna find out. 1554 01:38:44,836 --> 01:38:47,504 - Just trust me, OK? - Oh, you're so annoying! 1555 01:38:47,672 --> 01:38:49,298 Ah, thar she blows! 1556 01:38:50,842 --> 01:38:53,635 OK, that is not nearly big enough. 1557 01:39:07,191 --> 01:39:08,609 What the hell are you doing? 1558 01:39:09,652 --> 01:39:11,528 I've been taking a few lessons lately. 1559 01:39:12,488 --> 01:39:14,531 - That's what you've been up to? - Yep. 1560 01:39:15,533 --> 01:39:17,909 I should ask you, did you pack your bags yourself? 1561 01:39:18,077 --> 01:39:19,786 - Yes, I did. - All right, good. 1562 01:39:19,954 --> 01:39:23,206 Everything seems to be in order. You ever been to San Francisco? 1563 01:39:23,374 --> 01:39:26,752 - Yes. - Good, 'cause we're going to Cleveland. 1564 01:39:27,879 --> 01:39:31,006 Pittsburgh tower, November-five-four-five-Charlie-Papa 1565 01:39:31,174 --> 01:39:33,842 requesting takeoff clearance on runway two-niner. 1566 01:39:35,345 --> 01:39:37,971 Five-Charlie-Papa. you are cleared for takeoff.