1 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,001 Back, back, back 2 00:03:13,036 --> 00:03:16,004 How damn far back did you go? 3 00:03:16,039 --> 00:03:19,214 My mother and father were divorced before I was 2 years old. 4 00:03:19,249 --> 00:03:23,920 And since then, my father has barely been involved in my life... 5 00:03:23,955 --> 00:03:27,382 ... and my mother, too involved. 6 00:03:28,467 --> 00:03:32,052 He wants to redeem it for all his mistakes through me. 7 00:03:33,053 --> 00:03:37,016 One night, something in my pants, like, blood. 8 00:03:37,808 --> 00:03:40,894 My mother said, "Oh, hell, your menstruation. This is where all the problems begin. " 9 00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:43,980 She's right. 10 00:03:45,607 --> 00:03:47,358 Now Mom and Dad really have something to fight for me. 11 00:04:16,594 --> 00:04:19,637 One day, my father disappeared. 12 00:04:19,672 --> 00:04:20,972 13 00:04:21,556 --> 00:04:24,934 14 00:04:24,969 --> 00:04:28,313 There are no numbers, no letters, just left. 15 00:04:28,646 --> 00:04:30,982 I wrote to Seventeen magazine. 16 00:04:31,017 --> 00:04:33,115 A long letter about us. 17 00:04:33,150 --> 00:04:36,236 They want to publish it as an article but keep asking: 18 00:04:36,271 --> 00:04:38,989 "Your father left? Is he back? 19 00:04:39,024 --> 00:04:41,206 Is there a happy ending?" 20 00:04:41,241 --> 00:04:44,618 In fact, no, But I thought, "What is that? 21 00:04:44,653 --> 00:04:46,412 I'll give them what they want. " 22 00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:49,206 This is it. 23 00:04:49,241 --> 00:04:50,749 Time to leave. 24 00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:53,426 Mother please... 25 00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:55,588 We can't be late. 26 00:04:55,623 --> 00:04:57,011 We have hours 27 00:04:57,046 --> 00:05:00,341 Dear, honey, you have registration at 4. 28 00:05:00,376 --> 00:05:02,093 Come on now. 29 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:07,015 Oh, Lizzie, you want to take your carpet 30 00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:09,850 - Mother! - What? Come on. 31 00:05:11,101 --> 00:05:13,770 This is the most important day your life I think it's when you get married 32 00:05:14,771 --> 00:05:17,531 No, honey, it's the worst day of your life Yes, he is very happy. 33 00:05:17,566 --> 00:05:20,318 Oh, Mom, she looks beautiful. 34 00:05:22,486 --> 00:05:24,412 Unfortunately, I aim for psychotics. 35 00:05:24,447 --> 00:05:26,574 Well that's how it is. 36 00:05:26,609 --> 00:05:28,701 Grandma is very happy she cried. 37 00:05:30,119 --> 00:05:32,002 This is a journalistic scholarship, ma'am. 38 00:05:32,037 --> 00:05:34,310 Journalism, yes He wants to be a writer. 39 00:05:34,345 --> 00:05:36,548 The first few days, That's when everyone is friends. 40 00:05:36,583 --> 00:05:39,544 I know. 41 00:05:46,508 --> 00:05:49,761 42 00:05:50,137 --> 00:05:51,561 43 00:05:51,596 --> 00:05:54,933 - It will be more difficult later. - Mother, I think I'm old enough. 44 00:05:56,268 --> 00:05:58,275 Don't be angry I'm not angry. 45 00:05:58,310 --> 00:05:59,819 Why did you say that I was angry? 46 00:05:59,854 --> 00:06:01,814 I'm just trying to help. You know it. 47 00:06:02,148 --> 00:06:04,525 You know how proud I'm from you, lizzie 48 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,902 You have so much potential. 49 00:06:07,611 --> 00:06:10,072 Do you listen to me? 50 00:06:11,698 --> 00:06:13,408 Cheap cars? 51 00:06:13,443 --> 00:06:15,285 Cheap cars. Lizzie, what are you doing? 52 00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:17,710 Come on, let's go down to the car 53 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:20,539 I don't need to go to Harvard to become a writer. 54 00:06:20,574 --> 00:06:23,333 Lizzie, what are you talking about? 55 00:06:26,169 --> 00:06:28,839 At Harvard, you will meet people. 56 00:06:29,297 --> 00:06:31,390 57 00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:35,429 You will get contact. You will ask for help from others. 58 00:06:35,464 --> 00:06:38,305 I know what I'm talking about, Lizzie. 59 00:06:38,340 --> 00:06:41,809 I have my whole life in front of me. 60 00:06:43,394 --> 00:06:45,312 You don't want to go to Harvard? 61 00:06:46,313 --> 00:06:47,696 Well, you just... 62 00:06:47,731 --> 00:06:50,817 ... wait until you have no left choice... 63 00:06:50,852 --> 00:06:52,659 ... where you have nothing 64 00:06:52,694 --> 00:06:55,578 None There is no who cares about you 65 00:06:55,613 --> 00:06:59,117 - Then you see how you feel. - Mother, I didn't say I didn't leave. 66 00:07:00,826 --> 00:07:02,911 Dr. Isaacs warned me. 67 00:07:02,946 --> 00:07:04,743 Mom, I say, I'm leaving. 68 00:07:04,778 --> 00:07:06,505 He said you would isolate... 69 00:07:06,540 --> 00:07:09,292 ... stay in your room all day - I don't isolate. 70 00:07:09,327 --> 00:07:11,545 Okay, I will not isolate. 71 00:07:13,504 --> 00:07:15,506 I want different things. 72 00:07:19,844 --> 00:07:21,727 Good. 73 00:07:21,762 --> 00:07:24,105 That's all you need. 74 00:07:24,140 --> 00:07:26,224 That's what I'm talking about. 75 00:07:27,767 --> 00:07:29,818 You will see, Lizzie. 76 00:07:29,853 --> 00:07:32,772 This will be the whole other world up there. 77 00:07:40,445 --> 00:07:43,622 Young, Lord, I'm still very young. 78 00:07:43,657 --> 00:07:48,203 You must be careful. When I think about it, is only a year older than you... 79 00:07:48,238 --> 00:07:50,496 ... and I have become a housewife. 80 00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:54,417 God, I'm very bored I bought a monkey... 81 00:07:55,626 --> 00:07:58,212 ... just to ask someone to talk to. 82 00:07:58,796 --> 00:08:00,422 But then you join. 83 00:08:27,571 --> 00:08:30,039 God. 84 00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:33,202 Lizzie, Lizzie, this is very... 85 00:08:33,237 --> 00:08:35,162 Harvard. 86 00:08:42,335 --> 00:08:44,128 But you're on the fifth floor. 87 00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:46,137 I know. 88 00:08:46,172 --> 00:08:48,890 Now, how are we? will set, huh? 89 00:08:48,925 --> 00:08:51,678 I can do it, okay, ma'am? Don't worry about that. 90 00:08:51,713 --> 00:08:53,971 - No no - Hi. 91 00:08:55,639 --> 00:08:57,057 Can I help? 92 00:08:58,225 --> 00:09:01,186 Can you? Oh, that's too good. 93 00:09:02,354 --> 00:09:03,563 With pleasure. 94 00:09:05,314 --> 00:09:07,858 Since he was in second grade... 95 00:09:07,893 --> 00:09:09,950 ... he always writes. 96 00:09:09,985 --> 00:09:13,364 The man "managed to catch" written on his forehead. 97 00:09:13,399 --> 00:09:16,408 Every minute now he will ask me to confirm it Cheap cars. 98 00:09:17,034 --> 00:09:18,958 I always help me mom picks up boyfriend 99 00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:21,544 The only thing I have never said is an important one. 100 00:09:21,579 --> 00:09:24,874 my father. 101 00:09:24,909 --> 00:09:26,209 Now that's the quality. That's daddy. 102 00:09:27,418 --> 00:09:30,010 Can you imagine your father? We are still in Manhattan. 103 00:09:30,045 --> 00:09:33,382 I told him already Something was published. 104 00:09:33,417 --> 00:09:35,926 Don't you think you should get the car back? It's a little late. 105 00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:42,348 Yes. 106 00:09:43,599 --> 00:09:45,017 Don't forget to eat. 107 00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:49,063 - See you dear. - See you, ma'am 108 00:09:58,404 --> 00:09:59,948 109 00:10:05,578 --> 00:10:10,248 Since I was little, my mother and I always gathered together. 110 00:10:13,418 --> 00:10:16,421 I am not compatible with most children in school. 111 00:10:16,797 --> 00:10:21,092 They think I'm weird, so they make me feel like a stranger. 112 00:10:23,219 --> 00:10:26,680 And my mother used it from an early age. 113 00:10:26,715 --> 00:10:30,805 throwing me into drama, spelling bees, studying... 114 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:34,896 ... writing, museums, concerts and even more writing. 115 00:10:35,230 --> 00:10:37,815 He assured me that this would happen leads to the Holy Grail. 116 00:10:38,233 --> 00:10:41,736 Harvard. The place where I want to is finally surrounded by people... 117 00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:43,780 ... I have something in common with. 118 00:10:43,815 --> 00:10:45,954 I won't ask for much. 119 00:10:45,989 --> 00:10:48,742 They don't have to become fans of Springsteen. 120 00:10:54,289 --> 00:10:56,750 Nice to meet you guys. 121 00:10:58,417 --> 00:10:59,759 - Hi. - Hi. 122 00:10:59,794 --> 00:11:01,635 You are Elizabeth, not 123 00:11:01,670 --> 00:11:04,673 Yes, I think I know you from the advance book 124 00:11:05,466 --> 00:11:08,844 I read the article you wrote about your parents divorce 125 00:11:08,879 --> 00:11:11,596 - That's brilliant - Thank you. 126 00:11:11,631 --> 00:11:13,438 - I'm Ruby - Hi. 127 00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:16,267 - We will be roommates - Oh cool. 128 00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:21,571 Seriously, you don't know what the article is for me You say the horrible truth about your parents, showing all their lies. 129 00:11:21,606 --> 00:11:25,609 And then meet your father, reconcile with him. 130 00:11:26,443 --> 00:11:30,322 131 00:11:31,365 --> 00:11:33,408 Very inspirational 132 00:11:37,328 --> 00:11:38,788 Do you smoke? 133 00:11:40,998 --> 00:11:44,133 You know, I never smoked in the afternoon before 134 00:11:44,168 --> 00:11:47,712 Now, we're at Harvard now. We can do whatever we want. 135 00:11:48,588 --> 00:11:49,923 cool. 136 00:11:52,634 --> 00:11:55,011 We will be like this beautiful, weird literature. 137 00:11:55,762 --> 00:11:58,848 And brilliant and dark, sexy. 138 00:12:01,224 --> 00:12:05,020 The problem is, I am very serious. 139 00:12:13,694 --> 00:12:16,871 Boys have never noticed me before. 140 00:12:16,906 --> 00:12:19,492 I'm not even on their list alternative. 141 00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:47,476 Ruby got it He got me. 142 00:12:48,060 --> 00:12:50,936 If he is a man, everything will be perfect When Lou Reed was 17 years old, he was diagnosed... 143 00:13:04,991 --> 00:13:07,994 144 00:13:08,029 --> 00:13:10,079 ... due to mood swings. 145 00:13:12,332 --> 00:13:16,126 He has an electric shock care three times a week 146 00:13:17,210 --> 00:13:20,797 Every treatment hits it as a blinding white light... 147 00:13:20,832 --> 00:13:23,640 ... and therein lies the genius. 148 00:13:23,675 --> 00:13:25,684 To embrace own psychic slaughter... 149 00:13:25,719 --> 00:13:29,430 ... and created some of the greatest rock 'n' roll that the world has ever heard. 150 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,918 I feel his cold embrace... 151 00:14:01,953 --> 00:14:03,759 ... cunning caresses. 152 00:14:03,794 --> 00:14:06,818 Lying in my room for days. 153 00:14:06,853 --> 00:14:09,807 Everything is cold, dark, silvery. 154 00:14:09,842 --> 00:14:13,595 I'm afraid he will take me back depth of my own twisted desire... 155 00:14:13,630 --> 00:14:17,348 ... to a place that is too heavy for me to go to because maybe I will never escape. 156 00:14:17,383 --> 00:14:19,642 I bet you have thousands at home. 157 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:26,566 Cigarette package, with small and small letters on them. 158 00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:31,320 Your life story 159 00:14:31,355 --> 00:14:33,405 Diary? Not? 160 00:14:33,864 --> 00:14:35,365 Come on, this is killing me This is a task. 161 00:14:38,910 --> 00:14:40,669 You are the most thorough student at Harvard 162 00:14:40,704 --> 00:14:43,831 This is a music review. 163 00:14:44,999 --> 00:14:46,292 I tried to start a music column for The Crimson. 164 00:14:48,377 --> 00:14:51,046 That's great. 165 00:14:51,505 --> 00:14:53,090 Do you want to do X? 166 00:14:57,051 --> 00:14:58,303 You have never done X. 167 00:15:01,264 --> 00:15:03,474 Acid gets into your head, right? 168 00:15:05,184 --> 00:15:06,685 X goes to your heart 169 00:15:08,645 --> 00:15:10,814 170 00:16:13,913 --> 00:16:15,707 Hey. 171 00:16:16,291 --> 00:16:17,584 Are you okay? 172 00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:24,631 What are you doing here 173 00:16:27,884 --> 00:16:29,977 Oh no. 174 00:16:30,012 --> 00:16:32,014 Do you want to go back inside? 175 00:16:38,728 --> 00:16:40,778 There is a man out there. 176 00:16:40,813 --> 00:16:42,982 I think he is looking for you. 177 00:17:17,263 --> 00:17:20,106 His voice came to me under the blanket 178 00:17:20,141 --> 00:17:24,519 "Come here, baby." He entered from me, where no one else has... 179 00:17:24,554 --> 00:17:27,146 ... in my dark and secret place. 180 00:17:27,689 --> 00:17:29,586 I let him take me there... 181 00:17:29,621 --> 00:17:31,484 ... but then my fear returned. 182 00:17:31,519 --> 00:17:33,618 I want him to stop. 183 00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:37,239 How do you think it feels? And when do you think it stops? 184 00:17:37,274 --> 00:17:39,324 I don't want him to be in control. 185 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:41,051 I want him to leave. 186 00:17:41,086 --> 00:17:42,853 I want him not there. 187 00:17:42,888 --> 00:17:44,586 I mean, let's face it. 188 00:17:44,621 --> 00:17:46,623 "Lou Reed must die." 189 00:17:50,042 --> 00:17:51,502 That's good. 190 00:18:00,844 --> 00:18:03,179 You will sleep with me tonight 191 00:18:06,266 --> 00:18:07,725 Don't say I didn't warn you - What do you mean? - Meaning don't say I didn't warn you 192 00:18:08,351 --> 00:18:12,396 Large. 193 00:18:15,274 --> 00:18:16,775 I really want it For sex to happen in the right way... 194 00:18:20,070 --> 00:18:24,031 ... with the right person, at the right time, in the right place. 195 00:18:24,066 --> 00:18:27,993 - That's no big deal. - When is that, though? 196 00:18:31,038 --> 00:18:33,506 - It should have been. - Well, at least he's handsome. 197 00:18:33,541 --> 00:18:36,418 This is my first time. 198 00:18:36,794 --> 00:18:38,586 199 00:18:38,621 --> 00:18:40,595 Yes, sure. 200 00:18:40,630 --> 00:18:42,257 No, I'm serious. 201 00:18:44,342 --> 00:18:46,386 Are you kidding me? 202 00:18:46,928 --> 00:18:48,311 That's right. 203 00:18:48,346 --> 00:18:50,138 Impossible, I don't believe. 204 00:18:50,722 --> 00:18:53,934 I think I should start having sex like a normal 19-year-old child. 205 00:18:56,311 --> 00:18:58,897 I happen to think this calls for celebration 206 00:18:58,932 --> 00:19:01,692 - Can we have a party - Party? 207 00:19:06,487 --> 00:19:08,697 It's meant to be smooth... 208 00:19:08,732 --> 00:19:10,539 ... but of course... 209 00:19:10,574 --> 00:19:14,744 Elizabeth, this is great. A wild idea like that. 210 00:19:16,621 --> 00:19:17,831 Everyone understands. 211 00:19:20,667 --> 00:19:23,336 It's just that not everyone is very happy. 212 00:19:24,504 --> 00:19:27,256 I wish I could think of something like this 213 00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:29,091 Thank you. 214 00:19:29,591 --> 00:19:31,551 I like your dress 215 00:19:44,814 --> 00:19:48,484 How can you take something personal and turn it into something general? 216 00:19:48,519 --> 00:19:50,778 That's not personal to start. 217 00:19:52,403 --> 00:19:56,074 - That's good. That is interesting. - interesting? 218 00:19:56,109 --> 00:19:57,874 I mean not about me. 219 00:19:57,909 --> 00:20:01,246 You know, it's not special. It's just sex. 220 00:20:03,456 --> 00:20:05,791 Okay, that's cool. 221 00:20:06,833 --> 00:20:09,002 You don't look cool with that. 222 00:20:16,677 --> 00:20:20,471 I have saved my virginity for someone who really loves me... 223 00:20:20,506 --> 00:20:23,140 ... who really knows the inside of me 224 00:20:23,175 --> 00:20:25,441 No, it's not like that. 225 00:20:25,476 --> 00:20:28,604 He told me after that, in terms of absolute values... 226 00:20:28,639 --> 00:20:31,773 ... sex and medicine mean nothing to him. 227 00:20:31,808 --> 00:20:34,442 Only two different ways to have fun. 228 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,952 Which are all good and good... 229 00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:40,907 ... until a girl tries to have the same approach 230 00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:44,333 Cheap cars? 231 00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:46,787 - Hey, do you see Lizzie? - Not. 232 00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:49,289 Cheap cars? 233 00:20:50,874 --> 00:20:53,085 Cheap cars? 234 00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:55,399 Lizzie, you got a call. 235 00:20:55,434 --> 00:20:57,463 - Who is this? - Rolling Stone 236 00:20:57,498 --> 00:20:59,340 Rolling Stone? 237 00:21:01,759 --> 00:21:06,763 College journalism award for 1985... 238 00:21:06,798 --> 00:21:09,981 ... go to Elizabeth Wurtzel... 239 00:21:10,016 --> 00:21:13,186 ... for the Harvard Crimson section at Lou Reed 240 00:21:15,522 --> 00:21:20,192 I want to forget everything that happened to me before. 241 00:21:20,227 --> 00:21:22,444 I want to freeze this moment. 242 00:21:24,529 --> 00:21:26,073 forever. 243 00:21:34,789 --> 00:21:36,332 Thank you. 244 00:21:38,042 --> 00:21:39,877 - That's good. - No, you're great - Thank you. - You are welcome. 245 00:21:39,912 --> 00:21:41,677 I was thinking of a band that came to Cambridge that you could cover. 246 00:21:41,712 --> 00:21:45,340 Very rarely do we get someone who will do all the shows ... writing very clearly. 247 00:21:45,375 --> 00:21:48,426 So I thought he came to me... 248 00:21:48,461 --> 00:21:50,185 ... and he, like, an editor in Rolling Stone 249 00:21:50,220 --> 00:21:52,520 And how old is it? 250 00:21:52,555 --> 00:21:55,725 - God. - What? 251 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,973 252 00:21:58,008 --> 00:22:00,152 253 00:22:00,187 --> 00:22:01,647 - This is my father - Oh cool. 254 00:22:05,233 --> 00:22:09,111 - What? - I can't believe he left us for that. 255 00:22:09,146 --> 00:22:11,120 What? What is the problem? 256 00:22:11,155 --> 00:22:13,366 I've never seen it in four years. 257 00:22:13,401 --> 00:22:14,909 Wait. I think you said 258 00:22:14,944 --> 00:22:17,203 I know what I say. 259 00:22:25,585 --> 00:22:28,755 Daddy, when did you come back to stay with us? 260 00:22:31,549 --> 00:22:33,717 Well, I'm not, honey. You know it. 261 00:22:34,092 --> 00:22:36,762 But Mom says that if you want, he wants you 262 00:22:39,806 --> 00:22:42,392 I'm sure your mother didn't say that, right? 263 00:22:42,427 --> 00:22:44,144 He did it. 264 00:22:45,103 --> 00:22:46,819 dear, you know... 265 00:22:46,854 --> 00:22:48,481 ... that won't happen. 266 00:22:52,777 --> 00:22:55,905 Which does not mean that I love you more. 267 00:23:08,875 --> 00:23:10,800 Who does he think he is? 268 00:23:10,835 --> 00:23:15,631 He disappeared for four years. Then he thought he could come here... 269 00:23:15,666 --> 00:23:18,759 ... and take a perfect picture of it Ivy League Princess? 270 00:23:18,794 --> 00:23:20,809 This place has nothing to do with him. 271 00:23:20,844 --> 00:23:24,013 At least what he can do is have politeness to understand that 272 00:23:24,048 --> 00:23:26,140 You have to say something to him. 273 00:23:26,175 --> 00:23:27,475 Like what? 274 00:23:27,933 --> 00:23:29,477 I don't know How is your new life? How is your fucking boyfriend? 275 00:23:29,810 --> 00:23:32,730 Lizzie, he's your father He loves you. 276 00:23:32,765 --> 00:23:34,895 No, you don't know how it feels. 277 00:23:34,930 --> 00:23:36,990 278 00:23:37,025 --> 00:23:39,611 When I was 8 years old, we went to see The Last Waltz. 279 00:23:39,646 --> 00:23:41,453 He fainted from a sedative. 280 00:23:41,488 --> 00:23:45,283 I have to sit in the third film When you are unlucky before you wake up. 281 00:23:45,318 --> 00:23:47,368 What kind of person did that? 282 00:23:49,411 --> 00:23:50,829 I'm not aware. 283 00:23:52,289 --> 00:23:53,672 The article 284 00:23:53,707 --> 00:23:55,959 ... it's only fulfillment of desire. 285 00:23:56,376 --> 00:23:59,171 I'm writing about how I want everything. 286 00:23:59,206 --> 00:24:01,012 How people talk about it... 287 00:24:01,047 --> 00:24:03,841 ... how you talk about it, that makes it look real. 288 00:24:05,051 --> 00:24:06,802 Well, maybe that's how it is. 289 00:24:08,596 --> 00:24:14,017 No. This is only a dream that I hold to too long 290 00:24:14,434 --> 00:24:16,603 I'm happy here I don't need him anymore. 291 00:24:18,438 --> 00:24:20,148 We have to go. Are you coming 292 00:24:21,566 --> 00:24:25,278 No, I promised my editor the article next week 293 00:24:55,722 --> 00:24:58,099 Jesus, it's now 4:00 a.m. Can I? 294 00:24:58,641 --> 00:25:00,733 I know. Forgive me. 295 00:25:00,768 --> 00:25:03,562 Music helps me concentrate. 296 00:25:08,609 --> 00:25:11,994 Springsteen 'likes the poet of this mechanical workshop. 297 00:25:12,029 --> 00:25:15,364 You can feel the sweat in his voice, dirt on his guitar. 298 00:25:16,073 --> 00:25:19,618 When he sings, I see a steamy road... 299 00:25:19,653 --> 00:25:21,662 ... lovers grope hands... 300 00:25:21,697 --> 00:25:23,379 ... the fender is broken. 301 00:25:23,414 --> 00:25:27,585 The dirt is under his nails and the eyes are narrow in his eyes. 302 00:25:36,426 --> 00:25:38,970 Jesus, Lizzie, You haven't slept in a few days. 303 00:25:40,929 --> 00:25:43,515 I was perfect before. 304 00:25:43,550 --> 00:25:46,101 I know I can get it back. 305 00:25:48,103 --> 00:25:51,523 words twisting and grinding and hammering story to the brain... 306 00:25:51,558 --> 00:25:54,448 ... but the guitar and his voice goes straight to your heart 307 00:25:54,483 --> 00:25:58,738 The music from the inside of the body, and out wrestling world. 308 00:26:00,448 --> 00:26:03,075 Springsteen ' As the poet's mechanical workshop. 309 00:26:03,110 --> 00:26:05,577 Music shouted from the entrails. 310 00:26:11,666 --> 00:26:15,837 Get out wrestling world, knowledge that comes with perfec... 311 00:26:15,872 --> 00:26:19,221 It's like he feels with the knowledge back through the ages... 312 00:26:19,256 --> 00:26:23,760 ... into a single chord in our brain. Beacon it can be touched... 313 00:26:23,795 --> 00:26:25,644 He has the power of pure emotion. 314 00:26:25,679 --> 00:26:28,890 Emotions are so great the body literally has to do something... 315 00:26:46,614 --> 00:26:48,449 - Exit comes struggle... - Fuck 316 00:26:48,484 --> 00:26:50,493 He still hasn't slept. 317 00:26:53,997 --> 00:26:55,747 Cheap cars. 318 00:26:56,290 --> 00:26:58,000 Cheap cars! 319 00:26:58,584 --> 00:27:01,211 I don't know how to say for you, okay... 320 00:27:01,246 --> 00:27:03,547 ... but you start kissing. 321 00:27:04,214 --> 00:27:05,841 This is important. 322 00:27:06,466 --> 00:27:10,469 Lizzie, it's not as important as that your health. You have to sleep 323 00:27:10,504 --> 00:27:11,679 Will you joke? 324 00:27:13,139 --> 00:27:15,182 I just have to finish this. 325 00:27:16,392 --> 00:27:18,519 I can give you a few downers, okay? 326 00:27:19,353 --> 00:27:21,396 - huh? - Yeah. 327 00:27:24,858 --> 00:27:27,986 Noah Noah, come on, give it to me. Noah! 328 00:27:28,021 --> 00:27:30,047 Lizzie, this is just scribbling. 329 00:27:30,082 --> 00:27:32,038 What? What the fuck is Bastard 330 00:27:32,073 --> 00:27:34,957 Stop it. Noah, put him down. Put him... 331 00:27:34,992 --> 00:27:37,369 Jesus, he turned into a Harvard women's bag 332 00:27:37,404 --> 00:27:39,701 - What are you doing? - He needs something - What? - I don't know, some medical help. 333 00:27:39,736 --> 00:27:41,999 Rubies! 334 00:27:42,034 --> 00:27:43,500 No problem. I got it, I got it. Yes, right. 335 00:27:46,168 --> 00:27:49,755 Emotions are so intense... 336 00:27:51,966 --> 00:27:53,551 The body flies into the air... 337 00:27:53,586 --> 00:27:55,136 Cheap cars. Lizzie, look. 338 00:27:58,805 --> 00:28:01,099 You have to be calm, okay 339 00:28:01,599 --> 00:28:04,192 That's not what you said when I have your dick in my mouth Do you have medicine in the last 24 hours? 340 00:28:04,227 --> 00:28:07,355 No. 341 00:28:15,779 --> 00:28:17,948 342 00:28:17,983 --> 00:28:19,658 343 00:28:20,158 --> 00:28:23,682 Well, I think I snorted some coke and smoked some pots... 344 00:28:23,717 --> 00:28:27,206 ... but it's only to make Ecstasy last longer. 345 00:28:27,623 --> 00:28:29,500 Of course you don't forget anything? 346 00:28:30,334 --> 00:28:31,710 Maybe a few beers. 347 00:28:32,503 --> 00:28:36,513 Have you ever thought you might have a substance abuse problem? 348 00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:40,426 The only substance problem I have do I need you to give me some tranqs... 349 00:28:40,461 --> 00:28:43,388 ... so I can go down from this pesky coke 350 00:28:43,805 --> 00:28:45,056 Then what happened? 351 00:28:47,432 --> 00:28:51,561 So you don't like coming here, and you don't want to talk. 352 00:28:51,596 --> 00:28:54,404 You don't need to do it. You don't need to say anything... 353 00:28:54,439 --> 00:28:57,526 ... You don't want to say it, but if you don't say anything... 354 00:28:57,561 --> 00:28:59,276 ... if you don't talk to me... 355 00:28:59,311 --> 00:29:00,528 ... I can't help you 356 00:29:02,196 --> 00:29:05,491 You know, if that's the case Will suggest therapy, don't. 357 00:29:05,526 --> 00:29:07,159 I'm proof that life doesn't work. 358 00:29:07,701 --> 00:29:10,871 - So, what are you doing here? - My friends brought me here. 359 00:29:12,789 --> 00:29:15,041 It has nothing to do with you Are you going to give me something, doctor? 360 00:29:15,792 --> 00:29:18,795 No. 361 00:29:18,830 --> 00:29:20,136 Not today. 362 00:29:20,171 --> 00:29:21,881 I fell. 363 00:29:32,849 --> 00:29:34,685 I can't even complete my article. 364 00:29:35,227 --> 00:29:37,652 Maybe Noah is right. It's all graffiti. 365 00:29:37,687 --> 00:29:40,529 366 00:29:40,564 --> 00:29:42,858 I don't really have something original to say Writing can't save me Even Harvard can't save me. 367 00:29:44,485 --> 00:29:46,494 How can I escape? demon in my head? 368 00:29:46,529 --> 00:29:48,614 - I'm not - So, what, does he blow you? 369 00:29:49,656 --> 00:29:52,117 - Are you leaving...? What? - Yeah, he's fucking blowing me, okay? 370 00:29:53,326 --> 00:29:55,460 - But I'm drunk. - You damn fucking 371 00:29:55,495 --> 00:29:58,623 How can it be damn? How damn...? 372 00:29:58,658 --> 00:30:01,455 Cheap cars? 373 00:30:01,490 --> 00:30:04,253 Lizzie, stop. 374 00:30:05,087 --> 00:30:06,803 Cheap cars! 375 00:30:06,838 --> 00:30:08,799 Lizzie, I'll kill you I will kill you, you bitch. 376 00:30:09,758 --> 00:30:11,259 377 00:30:11,510 --> 00:30:13,907 378 00:30:13,942 --> 00:30:16,333 379 00:30:16,368 --> 00:30:18,689 Sam told me. He told me everything. 380 00:30:18,724 --> 00:30:21,685 You lost your virginity, Is that another lie? 381 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:23,652 You don't understand Good? 382 00:30:23,687 --> 00:30:26,072 You don't understand It was an accident. 383 00:30:26,107 --> 00:30:29,067 Accident? You call it a fucking accident? 384 00:30:29,102 --> 00:30:32,233 It used to be... That is kind of, you know... 385 00:30:32,268 --> 00:30:35,365 - Come on, what? - An accidental blowjob. 386 00:30:36,908 --> 00:30:38,326 Oh, fuck you. 387 00:30:39,076 --> 00:30:40,876 I can kill you, Lizzie. 388 00:30:40,911 --> 00:30:44,706 I swear to God, I can kill you. How can you do that? 389 00:30:53,089 --> 00:30:56,780 Hemingway has this classic moment on the Sun also Increases. 390 00:30:56,815 --> 00:31:00,471 When someone asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt... 391 00:31:00,506 --> 00:31:04,891 ... All he can say is, "Gradually, then suddenly." 392 00:31:04,926 --> 00:31:06,983 That's how depression hits. 393 00:31:07,018 --> 00:31:10,313 You wake up one morning fear you will live 394 00:31:13,316 --> 00:31:15,776 I can't believe we're back to this. 395 00:31:15,811 --> 00:31:18,212 Do you think I want to be like this? 396 00:31:18,247 --> 00:31:20,614 I don't know I don't know, Lizzie. 397 00:31:21,865 --> 00:31:24,576 I think everything will be fine I'm very proud of you at Harvard. 398 00:31:25,827 --> 00:31:28,996 - Is it because I haven't visited you? - No, ma'am 399 00:31:30,831 --> 00:31:33,918 I think this is behind us. Then I got a call... 400 00:31:35,127 --> 00:31:38,089 401 00:31:38,124 --> 00:31:40,174 Mother, this has nothing to do with you I mean, it's nothing you do. 402 00:31:46,805 --> 00:31:49,307 Why did they move you here? 403 00:31:55,646 --> 00:31:57,189 I request one room. 404 00:31:57,522 --> 00:31:59,358 Why? 405 00:32:00,484 --> 00:32:02,242 Reasons for mental instability. 406 00:32:02,277 --> 00:32:04,071 I told them that I was just... I can't live with other people. 407 00:32:04,946 --> 00:32:07,948 You said... 408 00:32:07,983 --> 00:32:09,575 You say that 409 00:32:11,327 --> 00:32:12,912 Oh, Lizzie. Your education This opportunity. 410 00:32:13,537 --> 00:32:17,249 I'm sorry, ma'am. 411 00:32:17,284 --> 00:32:18,875 You know, I can't handle this. 412 00:32:20,543 --> 00:32:22,629 Everything is too much. 413 00:32:26,299 --> 00:32:29,969 Everything is so crazy. 414 00:32:30,004 --> 00:32:31,929 I won't do this again! 415 00:32:31,964 --> 00:32:34,848 416 00:32:36,516 --> 00:32:40,103 417 00:32:45,649 --> 00:32:48,069 No, you listen to me. 418 00:32:48,486 --> 00:32:53,706 I raised it! I lift it alone without your help! 419 00:32:53,741 --> 00:32:58,036 There is no help from me I am the one doing everything, I never get credit! 420 00:32:58,071 --> 00:33:01,706 You make all decisions, and they explode on your face! 421 00:33:01,741 --> 00:33:04,455 - isn't it? - What are you talking about? 422 00:33:04,490 --> 00:33:07,170 You don't do anything for him You don't do anything for him 423 00:33:07,205 --> 00:33:09,511 You never even saw it! 424 00:33:09,546 --> 00:33:13,550 You didn't take it on vacation. You didn't bring it on the weekend. 425 00:33:13,585 --> 00:33:16,143 What did you do for him, Donald? 426 00:33:16,178 --> 00:33:20,307 I am his father I put him in the clinic, and you are looking in Manhattan. 427 00:33:20,342 --> 00:33:24,143 You bastard! Damn, I hate you! I hate you! 428 00:33:24,178 --> 00:33:27,146 I hate you, you bitch! 429 00:33:31,859 --> 00:33:33,276 What's wrong with you? 430 00:33:33,735 --> 00:33:34,944 None. 431 00:33:36,279 --> 00:33:39,157 God. You are not...? 432 00:33:39,449 --> 00:33:43,168 Pregnant? No, ma'am, I'm not pregnant. 433 00:33:43,203 --> 00:33:45,871 Anyway, this is the 80s. That won't be a problem. 434 00:33:45,906 --> 00:33:48,206 Lizzie, don't talk like that. 435 00:33:48,624 --> 00:33:50,250 What then? 436 00:33:59,258 --> 00:34:01,802 I don't understand you, Lizzie. 437 00:34:08,768 --> 00:34:12,353 This place is dirty. I will help you clean it. 438 00:34:12,729 --> 00:34:14,105 Mother, no 439 00:34:15,940 --> 00:34:19,569 I don't have a simple solution, okay? 440 00:34:23,071 --> 00:34:25,407 I don't know what to do, Lizzie. 441 00:34:26,450 --> 00:34:29,870 - I have been working for several days off. - No, you can't 442 00:34:29,905 --> 00:34:31,747 I want to help 443 00:34:33,081 --> 00:34:38,502 - God knows I can't afford it, but... - I'm much better myself. Well? 444 00:34:38,961 --> 00:34:41,130 If I know you will react like this... 445 00:34:43,674 --> 00:34:47,017 Listen, I have to study. 446 00:34:47,052 --> 00:34:50,437 You know, I've worked is very difficult... 447 00:34:50,472 --> 00:34:54,851 ... and I'm having a hard time. I only need a few days. 448 00:34:56,477 --> 00:34:59,208 I'm really worried about you, Lizzie. 449 00:34:59,243 --> 00:35:01,940 I promise to take care of myself. 450 00:35:01,975 --> 00:35:03,400 OK? 451 00:35:03,817 --> 00:35:06,028 And I will come to see you. 452 00:35:06,486 --> 00:35:08,287 I've seen enough. 453 00:35:08,322 --> 00:35:10,866 We will spend time together in New York. 454 00:35:11,199 --> 00:35:13,242 Please? I promise. 455 00:35:13,617 --> 00:35:17,121 I only have all this work I have to finish here. 456 00:35:18,289 --> 00:35:20,458 Maybe for your birthday 457 00:35:21,667 --> 00:35:23,926 Yes. Yes. 458 00:35:23,961 --> 00:35:26,546 I promise to go home for my birthday. 459 00:35:26,838 --> 00:35:28,548 We can celebrate. 460 00:35:29,174 --> 00:35:31,933 - We'll have a party - Fine. 461 00:35:31,968 --> 00:35:34,721 I will make pear cakes that you like. 462 00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:37,514 That will be great. 463 00:35:43,061 --> 00:35:44,605 Hey. 464 00:35:50,943 --> 00:35:53,160 Lizzie, I love you so much. Really, I do. 465 00:35:53,195 --> 00:35:57,199 But you can only hang out in my room If you don't drink or do drugs. 466 00:35:57,234 --> 00:35:59,285 Come on, you can't be serious. 467 00:35:59,744 --> 00:36:01,265 Absolutely. 468 00:36:01,300 --> 00:36:02,787 Just say no. 469 00:36:04,456 --> 00:36:07,667 But, Noah, there is no reason to be in your room. 470 00:36:13,381 --> 00:36:17,050 I want to explain to Noah how tired I am. 471 00:36:17,085 --> 00:36:19,236 Even in my dreams. 472 00:36:19,271 --> 00:36:21,353 How do I wake up tired? 473 00:36:21,388 --> 00:36:25,017 How I was sunk by some kind of black wave. 474 00:36:25,392 --> 00:36:26,768 But I can't write. 475 00:36:27,351 --> 00:36:30,688 And he really doesn't want to know about that anyway 476 00:36:43,158 --> 00:36:45,410 - here it is - Thank you. 477 00:36:45,702 --> 00:36:47,078 Hi. 478 00:36:48,454 --> 00:36:49,831 Hi. 479 00:36:57,671 --> 00:37:01,216 Ruby, this is crazy We have to talk. 480 00:37:01,251 --> 00:37:03,635 You know, I'd rather not. 481 00:37:04,719 --> 00:37:07,555 I'm sorry. You know it. 482 00:37:07,888 --> 00:37:10,731 And I have no reason. 483 00:37:10,766 --> 00:37:13,060 So, why? Why did you do it? 484 00:37:14,770 --> 00:37:17,355 I'm just really messed up. 485 00:37:18,231 --> 00:37:20,073 I am like a disabled model... 486 00:37:20,108 --> 00:37:24,696 ... and you don't know that until You've been around me for a while. 487 00:37:26,406 --> 00:37:31,368 You know, a few days I woke up, and I just felt very flat, just messed up... 488 00:37:31,403 --> 00:37:33,700 ... that I will do something to feel different. 489 00:37:33,735 --> 00:37:36,284 Lizzie, when we're together, you're fine. 490 00:37:36,319 --> 00:37:39,078 - You are nice You... - I pretend 491 00:37:39,113 --> 00:37:41,837 - Well, everyone does that - not like me 492 00:37:44,255 --> 00:37:46,799 Listen, we all have bad days. 493 00:37:47,341 --> 00:37:51,679 This is what people say in situations when they don't know what to say. 494 00:37:51,971 --> 00:37:53,514 Fuck. 495 00:37:53,848 --> 00:37:56,224 I don't know what to do either. 496 00:37:59,185 --> 00:38:01,396 People care about you, Lizzie. 497 00:38:02,063 --> 00:38:04,357 What I want is someone to understand... 498 00:38:04,392 --> 00:38:05,824 ... but it really isn't. 499 00:38:05,859 --> 00:38:08,068 That makes nonsense more difficult to bear They do it, people want to help. 500 00:38:08,103 --> 00:38:09,743 OK? I want to help you, but I don't know what to do. 501 00:38:09,778 --> 00:38:12,990 I don't need a company line now, okay 502 00:38:13,025 --> 00:38:15,284 Good. 503 00:38:17,911 --> 00:38:19,370 Jesus. Listen to me. 504 00:38:20,162 --> 00:38:23,297 What I see is only the dark side of everything. 505 00:38:23,332 --> 00:38:26,502 Poor Ruby 506 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:29,512 507 00:38:29,547 --> 00:38:31,679 I killed his joy. 508 00:38:31,714 --> 00:38:34,926 Look at his sad and desperate face. 509 00:38:34,961 --> 00:38:36,302 I don't know what to say. 510 00:38:38,555 --> 00:38:42,225 How about, "Damn, call the professionals"? 511 00:38:53,277 --> 00:38:56,654 So I think this is part of Freud, where I don't say anything... 512 00:38:56,689 --> 00:38:59,865 ... and you don't say anything Suddenly, this: 513 00:39:00,157 --> 00:39:03,369 "Obviously, you want to sleep with your father " 514 00:39:04,370 --> 00:39:07,498 So I have to take it that you don't want sleep with your father No. 515 00:39:07,533 --> 00:39:08,874 And I don't want to talk about my childhood too. 516 00:39:11,167 --> 00:39:14,212 I don't know why I'm here. 517 00:39:16,673 --> 00:39:18,633 Why are you here? 518 00:39:20,176 --> 00:39:22,135 519 00:39:25,222 --> 00:39:27,015 I can't write. 520 00:39:28,725 --> 00:39:30,644 And what did you write? 521 00:39:31,645 --> 00:39:34,835 I write stories, poems, articles. 522 00:39:34,870 --> 00:39:38,025 I am here for a journalism scholarship. 523 00:39:41,237 --> 00:39:44,198 I have written forever. I should. 524 00:39:45,199 --> 00:39:47,867 How long has it been since you stopped writing? 525 00:39:49,494 --> 00:39:51,204 About a month. 526 00:39:52,288 --> 00:39:54,999 Do you remember the first thing you wrote? 527 00:39:55,034 --> 00:39:56,633 A poem 528 00:39:56,668 --> 00:39:58,835 A poem What about? 529 00:39:59,127 --> 00:40:00,671 my father. 530 00:40:01,296 --> 00:40:03,180 Can you remember whatever he said? 531 00:40:03,215 --> 00:40:05,759 I told you, I don't want to talk about my childhood I just... I feel very stupid, sitting in therapy 532 00:40:09,429 --> 00:40:12,306 533 00:40:12,341 --> 00:40:15,149 People have been far more difficult childhood than me We don't talk about other people. We are talking about you 534 00:40:15,184 --> 00:40:18,062 I will give him that much. 535 00:40:18,562 --> 00:40:20,731 I'm the problem I'm afraid I'm undergoing therapy. 536 00:40:20,766 --> 00:40:22,691 I'm worried about not undergoing therapy. 537 00:40:25,151 --> 00:40:27,945 I'm even worried that I'm not entertaining enough for Dr. Sterling. 538 00:40:27,980 --> 00:40:30,705 I keep thinking like that if I can be normal... 539 00:40:30,740 --> 00:40:34,077 ... if I can get out of bed at in the morning, everything will be fine Now, what do you think is normal? 540 00:40:34,410 --> 00:40:37,920 Most people, they cut themselves, they put up Band Aid, keep going. 541 00:40:37,955 --> 00:40:42,084 542 00:40:42,119 --> 00:40:43,961 543 00:40:46,588 --> 00:40:50,466 544 00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:52,051 And what did you do? 545 00:40:52,802 --> 00:40:54,136 I keep bleeding. 546 00:40:54,804 --> 00:40:58,557 So you think the normal thing is to have wound, put a patch on it... 547 00:40:58,592 --> 00:41:00,059 ... then continue your life? 548 00:41:01,101 --> 00:41:02,644 Is that not the function? 549 00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:05,653 Isn't that alive? 550 00:41:05,688 --> 00:41:08,775 You know, you keep going, no matter what happens to you 551 00:41:08,810 --> 00:41:10,610 Is that how you want to live? 552 00:41:37,843 --> 00:41:39,511 Mother. 553 00:41:41,554 --> 00:41:43,807 Oh, come on, now, honey. 554 00:41:44,140 --> 00:41:48,186 Why don't you tie your hair? again? Your face is very beautiful. 555 00:41:51,688 --> 00:41:53,649 Here they are. 556 00:42:00,197 --> 00:42:01,907 Come on, now, Lizzie. 557 00:42:08,412 --> 00:42:11,165 Hi honey! 558 00:42:14,835 --> 00:42:17,003 Has he returned home? 559 00:42:25,929 --> 00:42:30,182 I need someone to turn off my brain and turn my 560 00:42:30,891 --> 00:42:35,903 Well, I have long brown hair, dark eyes . 561 00:42:35,938 --> 00:42:38,815 You may meet a lot of girls in the men's bathroom. 562 00:42:38,850 --> 00:42:42,360 Oh, yeah, Goddess of ecstasy. 563 00:42:42,943 --> 00:42:46,030 Yes, I don't believe You remember that. 564 00:42:46,065 --> 00:42:47,490 Cheap cars. 565 00:42:50,701 --> 00:42:52,703 Can you last a little? 566 00:42:53,578 --> 00:42:55,789 Grandma and Grandpa are here. 567 00:42:55,824 --> 00:42:57,165 Yes, I heard. 568 00:42:58,625 --> 00:43:04,172 You know, the only reason I threw a birthday party is to make you happy. 569 00:43:05,881 --> 00:43:09,009 I don't understand how it can Treat me like this 570 00:43:09,044 --> 00:43:10,719 Can I have some privacy? 571 00:43:20,936 --> 00:43:22,688 That's my mother. 572 00:43:23,105 --> 00:43:26,609 This is my birthday. He threw this big party for me. 573 00:43:26,644 --> 00:43:28,284 cool. 574 00:43:28,319 --> 00:43:31,029 Well, no, actually it's not. 575 00:43:31,362 --> 00:43:34,282 It's just me and my mother and my grandparents I've never even been there. 576 00:43:34,317 --> 00:43:36,034 Don't they miss you? 577 00:43:36,069 --> 00:43:37,869 Well, now you sound like a good Jewish child Okay, if I'm Jewish. 578 00:43:38,203 --> 00:43:40,497 I just want to call and say hello. 579 00:43:40,532 --> 00:43:43,498 Meet when You return to school. 580 00:43:44,583 --> 00:43:47,002 Okay, that will be great. 581 00:43:48,378 --> 00:43:50,756 Hey, happy birthday. 582 00:43:50,791 --> 00:43:53,546 Thank you. 583 00:43:53,581 --> 00:43:56,302 Rafe doesn't seem to realize... 584 00:43:58,429 --> 00:44:00,014 585 00:44:02,475 --> 00:44:04,400 586 00:44:04,435 --> 00:44:07,480 ... he was just appointed to save my life Rolling Stone Magazine. 587 00:44:10,106 --> 00:44:13,005 This is a music magazine. 588 00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:16,161 That's amazing, honey. 589 00:44:16,196 --> 00:44:19,247 They want him to work for them. Yes. Paying work for Rolling Stone. 590 00:44:19,282 --> 00:44:24,203 Will they pay for it? 591 00:44:24,745 --> 00:44:26,204 I thought he was writing last night 592 00:44:33,044 --> 00:44:36,422 Have you written last night? 593 00:44:37,381 --> 00:44:39,383 I haven't written anything in a few months. 594 00:44:40,217 --> 00:44:42,094 He always does something. 595 00:44:43,387 --> 00:44:45,812 He just doesn't like to talk about it. 596 00:44:45,847 --> 00:44:48,057 Like you've read all of that. 597 00:44:48,092 --> 00:44:49,851 Lizzie, this isn't very good. 598 00:44:55,857 --> 00:44:57,983 You want it 599 00:44:58,018 --> 00:44:59,610 What's wrong with him? 600 00:45:09,536 --> 00:45:12,455 601 00:45:13,122 --> 00:45:15,937 None. Ma, there's nothing wrong with him. 602 00:45:15,972 --> 00:45:18,718 - She's drunk - Of course I'm drunk. 603 00:45:18,753 --> 00:45:22,214 - He's just tired - He's as tight as a ghost. 604 00:45:22,249 --> 00:45:24,507 He is very tired. They work so hard up there. 605 00:45:26,092 --> 00:45:28,219 - Lizzie - Does he use drugs? 606 00:45:29,095 --> 00:45:31,347 - I hope I use drugs. - Lizzie 607 00:45:31,382 --> 00:45:33,600 - Did he say that he was...? - No mom. 608 00:45:33,635 --> 00:45:36,108 No problem. Everything is alright. 609 00:45:36,143 --> 00:45:39,312 Mother, believe me, If I use drugs, I will tell you. 610 00:45:39,347 --> 00:45:42,482 People don't behave like this if they don't use drugs 611 00:45:42,517 --> 00:45:44,860 I'm fucking doing 612 00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:58,539 I'm sorry, Mama. 613 00:46:08,298 --> 00:46:11,613 I dream about everything I hope I say it. 614 00:46:11,648 --> 00:46:15,102 The opposite of what came out of my mouth I hope I say it, "Mom, please forgive me 615 00:46:15,137 --> 00:46:18,557 Please help me. 616 00:46:18,592 --> 00:46:20,649 I know I have no right to behave like this. " 617 00:46:20,684 --> 00:46:23,979 - Hello - Hey 618 00:46:37,407 --> 00:46:39,416 - Hi. - How is my girl's birthday? 619 00:46:39,451 --> 00:46:42,266 You're late. You are late one day What can I say, you know how it is. 620 00:46:42,301 --> 00:46:44,838 Anyway, I think I should do it dealing with your secretary now. 621 00:46:44,873 --> 00:46:47,375 You are a great journalist, wrote for Rolling Stone. 622 00:46:47,625 --> 00:46:51,712 623 00:46:51,747 --> 00:46:55,132 624 00:46:55,167 --> 00:46:57,057 - Do you read it? - You know... 625 00:46:57,092 --> 00:46:59,511 ... remember this, they are lucky to have you 626 00:47:00,429 --> 00:47:03,223 These people, they are smart. They are really smart. 627 00:47:03,258 --> 00:47:05,982 They know what they are doing. They can see talent. 628 00:47:06,017 --> 00:47:09,103 I might get an assignment throughout the country... 629 00:47:09,138 --> 00:47:11,164 ... so I might be able to come visit you Who are you talking to, Lizzie? 630 00:47:11,199 --> 00:47:13,190 - Nobody - Who is this? 631 00:47:14,899 --> 00:47:17,367 - It's nobody - Don't listen to him Please, ma'am. 632 00:47:17,402 --> 00:47:19,279 Look at you, both of you. 633 00:47:19,314 --> 00:47:20,780 - Come on, you love her very much. - Mother 634 00:47:22,157 --> 00:47:24,457 635 00:47:24,492 --> 00:47:26,869 636 00:47:26,904 --> 00:47:29,246 Can you hear that? Listen, why don't I call? 637 00:47:29,281 --> 00:47:30,921 Where is your childhood? 638 00:47:30,956 --> 00:47:33,083 - Where...? - Stop it! Just stop it! 639 00:47:35,627 --> 00:47:38,262 I just want to talk to him! 640 00:47:38,297 --> 00:47:40,881 You know, Lizzie, I'm at the end of my rope. 641 00:47:43,718 --> 00:47:47,638 I've worked extra hours. I never left 642 00:47:48,055 --> 00:47:52,100 I never bought clothes I spent all the money on your therapy. 643 00:47:53,351 --> 00:47:55,770 All our money Daddy paid, ma'am. 644 00:47:56,104 --> 00:47:58,064 Do you think he paid? 645 00:47:59,274 --> 00:48:01,526 Do you think he paid? 646 00:48:01,943 --> 00:48:05,529 He doesn't pay a cent. 647 00:48:05,564 --> 00:48:09,116 Not one cent! 648 00:48:10,075 --> 00:48:11,994 That's not true. 649 00:48:12,327 --> 00:48:16,435 Oh, do you want me to show you? Hah? Do you want to see? 650 00:48:16,470 --> 00:48:20,543 You want to see how much I pay, still paying... 651 00:48:20,578 --> 00:48:23,302 ... on your last bill? Hah? 652 00:48:23,337 --> 00:48:26,263 Here. This, look at this. Look at this. 653 00:48:26,298 --> 00:48:30,114 - Well, look at that, Lizzie. - Sorry, ma'am You want to see how much I paid Dr. This Sterling? 654 00:48:30,149 --> 00:48:33,930 I'm sorry. 655 00:48:34,222 --> 00:48:35,605 No, you won't talk about the way out of this 656 00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:38,143 Ask who pays him! 657 00:48:38,178 --> 00:48:41,020 You know, it's my fault, to spoil you like I did. 658 00:48:43,730 --> 00:48:47,824 659 00:48:47,859 --> 00:48:52,364 I killed myself to take you to Harvard, and You look like a zombie again. 660 00:48:52,399 --> 00:48:55,199 I know. Forgive me. 661 00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:57,702 I'm very... 662 00:48:58,494 --> 00:49:00,538 Why not? 663 00:49:02,373 --> 00:49:05,334 - Why not? - I know. I know baby. I know. 664 00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:10,484 I hate myself, and I hate the things I do. 665 00:49:10,519 --> 00:49:14,008 Lizzie, it's okay. Yes, right. 666 00:49:17,595 --> 00:49:19,930 This sucks. This is terrible. 667 00:49:22,391 --> 00:49:25,561 And I hurt people who love me. 668 00:49:25,596 --> 00:49:28,438 But when he called... 669 00:49:35,069 --> 00:49:37,113 God, party? 670 00:49:37,530 --> 00:49:40,700 And your stupid pear whore! 671 00:49:48,081 --> 00:49:49,631 Why are you doing this, Lizzie? 672 00:49:49,666 --> 00:49:53,461 Because I'm not your fucking monkey 673 00:49:58,090 --> 00:50:02,135 I'm sorry, Mom, I'm not serious. Forgive me. 674 00:50:02,761 --> 00:50:04,805 I don't mean it. 675 00:50:06,306 --> 00:50:08,183 I'm sorry. 676 00:50:16,899 --> 00:50:19,318 He throws a party for himself? 677 00:50:20,611 --> 00:50:22,202 No, I guess for Grandma. 678 00:50:22,237 --> 00:50:24,572 Why does he want to do that? 679 00:50:27,575 --> 00:50:30,328 To show him what He good little girl. 680 00:50:31,204 --> 00:50:33,164 That must be very painful. 681 00:50:34,248 --> 00:50:38,669 Look at that woman. This is not a breakthrough, my dear. 682 00:50:39,169 --> 00:50:42,547 My mom pays $ 100 per hour for this. 683 00:50:43,882 --> 00:50:49,303 This is the same crap. Time insight. It feels like that with that person Rafe. 684 00:50:49,338 --> 00:50:52,407 I don't need to know it I'm afraid of being rejected. 685 00:50:52,442 --> 00:50:55,476 And I know where it came from. I know this from my father. 686 00:50:55,976 --> 00:50:58,485 But that doesn't change anything. 687 00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:01,564 - I still can't go with him. - Why not? 688 00:51:02,065 --> 00:51:03,608 I just said 689 00:51:06,277 --> 00:51:08,738 You didn't tell me anything about Rafe Has he ever given you a reason to believe that he will reject you? 690 00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:12,032 Don't show how crazy you are. 691 00:51:21,750 --> 00:51:24,001 - A monkey? - Called Percy. 692 00:51:25,503 --> 00:51:27,838 I know, that beat me. 693 00:51:27,873 --> 00:51:29,513 - He needs someone to talk to. - Well, he has you 694 00:51:29,548 --> 00:51:32,301 No, no, this was before. 695 00:51:32,336 --> 00:51:33,886 - Are you listening? - God, yes 696 00:51:34,220 --> 00:51:36,721 697 00:51:37,055 --> 00:51:38,348 I'm not boring you Lizzie. I met you in the men's room. 698 00:51:38,765 --> 00:51:41,768 - You're not boring - What am I? 699 00:51:41,803 --> 00:51:44,771 Terrible. 700 00:51:46,731 --> 00:51:48,524 So, are we going to this show? 701 00:51:50,067 --> 00:51:52,569 I'm not sure I don't really know where it is. 702 00:51:54,321 --> 00:51:55,864 You came to see the show, and you don't know where it is? 703 00:51:56,907 --> 00:51:58,790 I said I came to see a gig... 704 00:51:58,825 --> 00:52:01,994 You know. 705 00:52:02,578 --> 00:52:05,873 - What? - Okay, now you just become cruel. 706 00:52:08,876 --> 00:52:10,586 No, no, you said... 707 00:52:11,504 --> 00:52:15,423 I said I came to see a gig... 708 00:52:15,458 --> 00:52:17,057 ... but I came to see you 709 00:52:17,092 --> 00:52:20,929 710 00:52:22,096 --> 00:52:24,808 711 00:52:45,368 --> 00:52:48,579 Waiting, waiting, waiting. 712 00:52:50,122 --> 00:52:53,124 Waiting for him to move. 713 00:52:56,252 --> 00:53:01,216 Doesn't he know He must be my salvation. 714 00:53:09,932 --> 00:53:12,107 It's 'beautiful that he' cares... 715 00:53:12,142 --> 00:53:15,353 ... merciful and politically correct. 716 00:53:15,895 --> 00:53:18,189 But I need him to kiss me. 717 00:53:18,224 --> 00:53:20,107 Right now. 718 00:54:06,441 --> 00:54:08,443 Rubies! 719 00:54:09,194 --> 00:54:11,029 Rubies. 720 00:54:16,534 --> 00:54:17,784 Hey. 721 00:54:18,035 --> 00:54:19,828 Hey. 722 00:54:20,078 --> 00:54:23,874 I don't know you moved rooms. I thought you were still here. 723 00:54:26,043 --> 00:54:29,504 Ruby tells me about the article I want to write The item always is easy for me Sterling must have called him. 724 00:54:31,130 --> 00:54:33,841 Why else is he here? 725 00:54:38,262 --> 00:54:40,931 726 00:54:40,966 --> 00:54:43,349 727 00:54:43,850 --> 00:54:47,026 Maybe to see how terrible the situation is 728 00:54:47,061 --> 00:54:49,814 See if the little girl can go through the day still 729 00:54:50,565 --> 00:54:52,317 Or... 730 00:54:52,775 --> 00:54:55,861 ... maybe he really missed me. 731 00:54:56,904 --> 00:54:58,155 My girl 732 00:55:01,241 --> 00:55:03,375 Daddy, do you know that medical bill? 733 00:55:03,410 --> 00:55:05,913 Which is for psychiatry treatment? 734 00:55:07,913 --> 00:55:10,353 They keep sending them to Mother. 735 00:55:10,388 --> 00:55:12,793 So I don't think you have paid. 736 00:55:13,210 --> 00:55:16,714 - I don't believe you asked me this - Oh, have you paid? 737 00:55:16,749 --> 00:55:18,799 You're all cold and far away. 738 00:55:18,834 --> 00:55:20,724 And and... 739 00:55:20,759 --> 00:55:22,886 And now what do you ask me? 740 00:55:22,921 --> 00:55:24,978 What are you talking about? 741 00:55:25,013 --> 00:55:28,828 - If you don't know... - No, I don't know. 742 00:55:28,863 --> 00:55:32,644 - You made an appointment - You haven't written me yet You never called me 743 00:55:32,679 --> 00:55:34,736 It's like I'm not even there. 744 00:55:34,771 --> 00:55:37,072 - Who do you think you are talking to? - I even came and visited you. 745 00:55:37,107 --> 00:55:41,778 - Fuck you - You watch that language! 746 00:55:41,813 --> 00:55:43,662 - Is that the way to talk to your father? - Listen to 747 00:55:43,697 --> 00:55:46,247 You go. You are the only one who walked away for four years. 748 00:55:46,282 --> 00:55:50,077 Do you think I don't know that? Is that what you think? 749 00:55:50,112 --> 00:55:53,289 Do you think I don't feel it? 750 00:55:53,324 --> 00:55:55,006 751 00:55:55,041 --> 00:55:59,878 Do you think it's easy for me, far away from you I hate it. 752 00:55:59,913 --> 00:56:01,553 The effect on you. 753 00:56:01,588 --> 00:56:03,548 Your mother and myself I hate seeing you stuck right in the middle. 754 00:56:03,583 --> 00:56:05,473 - Between the two of us. - Father, please 755 00:56:05,508 --> 00:56:08,344 Please! 756 00:56:08,379 --> 00:56:10,596 - You are my father - Right 757 00:56:10,631 --> 00:56:12,479 And you won't even pay for my medical bills Even though it will not be charged anything . 758 00:56:12,514 --> 00:56:14,064 All you have to do is sign the newspaper. 759 00:56:14,099 --> 00:56:17,269 This is 10 percent. 760 00:56:17,304 --> 00:56:20,439 - No, not at all. - Not. 761 00:56:20,731 --> 00:56:24,191 I lost my apartment, everything, when we divorced 762 00:56:26,402 --> 00:56:28,619 763 00:56:28,654 --> 00:56:31,831 764 00:56:31,866 --> 00:56:34,743 765 00:56:34,778 --> 00:56:39,497 - It will not cost you anything. - Sorry, Lizzie 766 00:56:39,532 --> 00:56:42,167 That's your mother's responsibility 767 00:56:44,711 --> 00:56:48,172 What do you want me to do? You want me to slit my wrist... 768 00:56:48,207 --> 00:56:50,883 ... so I will qualify as a trauma case for...? 769 00:56:50,918 --> 00:56:53,135 This killed me too. 770 00:56:53,552 --> 00:56:55,686 This killed me I mean, I feel very helpless. 771 00:56:55,721 --> 00:56:57,271 I look back at all the mistakes that I made 772 00:56:57,306 --> 00:56:59,730 I made many mistakes, and there is nothing I can do. 773 00:56:59,765 --> 00:57:02,685 What will I do? 774 00:57:03,561 --> 00:57:05,313 Hey you. 775 00:57:12,068 --> 00:57:13,903 Hi. 776 00:57:15,447 --> 00:57:17,574 Guess who? 777 00:57:27,583 --> 00:57:29,459 What are you doing? 778 00:57:29,877 --> 00:57:32,004 779 00:57:32,379 --> 00:57:35,235 None. Just walk. 780 00:57:35,270 --> 00:57:38,057 Walk with someone All right, alright, you're right That's a boy. 781 00:57:42,263 --> 00:57:45,141 She's tall. 782 00:57:46,434 --> 00:57:48,310 Very high. 783 00:57:48,644 --> 00:57:50,687 Of course he is taller than me. 784 00:57:50,937 --> 00:57:53,273 What is your height? 785 00:57:53,308 --> 00:57:55,483 It's quite high. 786 00:57:56,234 --> 00:57:58,382 I will say 6 feet. 787 00:57:58,417 --> 00:58:00,530 Long eyelashes, brown eyes 788 00:58:01,780 --> 00:58:05,075 He is rather sexy, intellectual, neat things happen. 789 00:58:05,325 --> 00:58:10,122 What? 790 00:58:12,958 --> 00:58:14,423 Oh cool. Yes I will. 791 00:58:14,458 --> 00:58:16,092 I'll ask him as soon as I hang up. 792 00:58:16,127 --> 00:58:18,337 Alright. Well. 793 00:58:18,372 --> 00:58:19,964 Goodbye Goodbye 794 00:58:19,999 --> 00:58:22,598 Now, who is now thinking of me? as a sexy intellectual? 795 00:58:22,633 --> 00:58:27,303 796 00:58:27,338 --> 00:58:29,180 My mother. 797 00:58:30,306 --> 00:58:32,725 He wants us to visit during the holidays 798 00:58:32,760 --> 00:58:34,936 He just moved. I will remain. 799 00:59:53,465 --> 00:59:57,553 Whenever I'm with him, I see myself _ doing these terrible things 800 00:59:57,588 --> 01:00:00,264 And I hate myself for that, but I can't stop. 801 01:00:00,299 --> 01:00:02,387 Okay, just say that you can. 802 01:00:02,422 --> 01:00:04,476 What will you do differently? 803 01:00:07,353 --> 01:00:11,148 So when I see you with him, I just... 804 01:00:11,183 --> 01:00:12,531 I don't know I know this is crazy, but... 805 01:00:12,566 --> 01:00:15,653 I can't help it. I only have this feeling. 806 01:00:16,570 --> 01:00:19,614 I'm sorry. I'm not... I'm not aware. 807 01:00:22,659 --> 01:00:26,454 808 01:00:28,873 --> 01:00:30,714 Hey, this will happen. 809 01:00:30,749 --> 01:00:33,627 Just a beautiful woman threw herself at me - This is Earl Gray! - Damn, sorry - I'll take you to another - Forget it. 810 01:00:44,095 --> 01:00:46,326 - No problem. - I don't want it 811 01:00:46,361 --> 01:00:48,397 Can we get Earl Gray again here? 812 01:00:48,432 --> 01:00:50,455 - I said, I don't want it - Are you relaxed, Lizzie ?! 813 01:00:50,490 --> 01:00:52,443 - Only a cup of bad luck. - Don't shout at me 814 01:00:52,478 --> 01:00:55,230 Don't be silly, okay? 815 01:00:55,265 --> 01:00:57,982 You fucked her, didn't you? 816 01:00:58,017 --> 01:01:00,902 - What? You are crazy? - Don't shout at me 817 01:01:01,319 --> 01:01:03,411 I really don't know what the problem is 818 01:01:03,446 --> 01:01:06,281 819 01:01:06,316 --> 01:01:09,117 820 01:01:09,910 --> 01:01:13,038 Why don't you continue to fuck her? if that's what you want 821 01:01:18,585 --> 01:01:20,586 - Go away. - Lizzie 822 01:01:23,047 --> 01:01:25,257 Hey. Lizzie, Lizzie. 823 01:01:25,292 --> 01:01:27,589 Cheap cars. Come on. 824 01:01:27,624 --> 01:01:29,852 I'm sorry, okay 825 01:01:29,887 --> 01:01:32,104 I'm so... I'm sorry I don't understand... 826 01:01:32,139 --> 01:01:36,810 ... how upset you are It's not your fault, okay? 827 01:01:36,845 --> 01:01:38,436 It's me... it's my fault You will leave me, right? 828 01:01:40,021 --> 01:01:42,357 No, I can never... 829 01:01:43,066 --> 01:01:45,275 I love you. 830 01:01:48,362 --> 01:01:49,863 Why? 831 01:01:51,657 --> 01:01:53,659 There is nothing you feel... 832 01:01:58,955 --> 01:02:01,248 ... that you don't feel right to the bottom of you 833 01:02:02,249 --> 01:02:06,379 You are amazing. 834 01:02:06,671 --> 01:02:08,756 835 01:02:22,935 --> 01:02:27,523 I understand now how people Sometimes want to kill their lovers. 836 01:02:29,358 --> 01:02:31,526 Eat their lover. 837 01:02:32,736 --> 01:02:35,571 Pull the ashes from their dead lover. 838 01:02:37,073 --> 01:02:40,701 That is the only way to have someone else's . 839 01:03:04,056 --> 01:03:06,767 My mother will love you. 840 01:03:10,229 --> 01:03:13,439 - Do you want juice? - Sure. 841 01:03:17,318 --> 01:03:19,236 Lizzie, listen. 842 01:03:20,321 --> 01:03:23,866 I won't be able to make it back with you for vacation. 843 01:03:23,901 --> 01:03:26,534 Something has appeared with my mother... 844 01:03:26,569 --> 01:03:28,745 ... and I need... I have to go home. 845 01:03:29,788 --> 01:03:31,921 But this is a vacation. 846 01:03:31,956 --> 01:03:35,084 - I want you to be with me - And I wish I could. 847 01:03:35,119 --> 01:03:37,461 I just... I can't be in two places at once. 848 01:03:40,380 --> 01:03:42,674 Good. I will come with you I'll help you with your mother This is the right thing to do. My mother will understand. 849 01:03:42,709 --> 01:03:44,933 Your mother just moved apartment, Cheap car. 850 01:03:44,968 --> 01:03:47,679 But I want to be with you. 851 01:03:47,714 --> 01:03:49,722 But now your mother needs you. 852 01:03:50,765 --> 01:03:53,274 It's just... this is true a complicated situation 853 01:03:53,309 --> 01:03:56,228 Lizzie, my mom... 854 01:04:00,816 --> 01:04:04,611 ... he is not so easy with strangers. Well? 855 01:04:04,646 --> 01:04:07,203 I'm right in the middle of nonsense That doesn't make me happy, Lizzie. 856 01:04:07,238 --> 01:04:10,867 I know I know. 857 01:04:11,951 --> 01:04:16,413 I'm sorry, I'm sorry I just... I love you, and I want to help. 858 01:04:16,448 --> 01:04:18,380 859 01:04:18,415 --> 01:04:21,210 860 01:04:22,377 --> 01:04:25,734 861 01:04:25,769 --> 01:04:29,091 You are. Lizzie, you help me 862 01:04:29,126 --> 01:04:30,641 Only... 863 01:04:30,676 --> 01:04:33,679 Only knowing that I will meet you. 864 01:04:34,430 --> 01:04:37,808 We will have all the following terms together, good? 865 01:04:37,843 --> 01:04:41,311 - OK? - Well. 866 01:04:42,771 --> 01:04:44,481 So he asked me to help him. 867 01:04:44,516 --> 01:04:46,191 You know, to be strong for him. 868 01:04:46,226 --> 01:04:49,075 And I said, "Okay." 869 01:04:49,110 --> 01:04:51,244 But I really did it. I do everything. 870 01:04:51,279 --> 01:04:55,032 I kissed him goodbye. I make it so easy for him. 871 01:04:55,067 --> 01:04:58,667 And it really works is easier for me - And we are both really happy. - very good. 872 01:04:58,702 --> 01:05:01,830 Wow. 873 01:05:37,988 --> 01:05:39,740 874 01:05:42,617 --> 01:05:44,619 Do you get everything? moved okay? 875 01:05:44,654 --> 01:05:47,872 Sure. I mean, that's not too much. 876 01:05:48,789 --> 01:05:53,419 You know, this is facing south Apartment. I get light all day long. 877 01:05:55,295 --> 01:05:59,340 And it's much easier to clean. 878 01:06:01,259 --> 01:06:03,720 I think you will like your room. 879 01:06:09,016 --> 01:06:10,434 Oh yeah. 880 01:06:10,976 --> 01:06:14,903 So I will only, you know, put my things. 881 01:06:14,938 --> 01:06:18,775 - Don't make you dinner, honey - OK. 882 01:06:24,322 --> 01:06:26,615 I'll pay it back someday. 883 01:06:26,650 --> 01:06:28,743 I swear I'll do it. 884 01:06:45,424 --> 01:06:48,594 - You say that your friend is... - He has an emergency family 885 01:06:50,762 --> 01:06:54,356 - But he will come. - Yes. 886 01:06:54,391 --> 01:06:57,727 He just... He has to go back to Texas because... 887 01:06:57,762 --> 01:06:59,538 I don't know It's called Rafe. 888 01:06:59,573 --> 01:07:01,314 That's a good name. 889 01:07:04,025 --> 01:07:05,797 You really like it. 890 01:07:05,832 --> 01:07:07,535 He is handsome and kind. 891 01:07:07,570 --> 01:07:10,280 And he's Jewish. 892 01:07:10,315 --> 01:07:12,449 And, you know, he works really, really hard 893 01:07:12,782 --> 01:07:16,661 He wants to meet you He has a very close relationship with his mother 894 01:07:22,117 --> 01:07:23,632 That's good. 895 01:07:23,667 --> 01:07:26,336 I have to call. 896 01:07:26,371 --> 01:07:28,088 Lizzie, no. This is, like, the 10th time today. 897 01:07:36,637 --> 01:07:38,848 Is that so? 898 01:07:39,390 --> 01:07:42,226 So you will drive him crazy, piss him off 899 01:07:42,261 --> 01:07:44,110 900 01:07:44,145 --> 01:07:47,627 901 01:07:47,662 --> 01:07:51,109 You don't know what you're talking about Fuck to say that. 902 01:07:51,144 --> 01:07:53,361 Hello, Mrs. Stevenson? 903 01:07:54,070 --> 01:07:55,822 Hi, this is Lizzie. 904 01:07:55,857 --> 01:07:57,539 Cheap cars. I am Rafe's friend. 905 01:07:57,574 --> 01:08:00,659 Is he there Oh, he's busy 906 01:08:00,694 --> 01:08:03,710 Well, can you tell him that this is urgent? 907 01:08:03,745 --> 01:08:06,206 Good. Goodbye 908 01:08:07,583 --> 01:08:10,460 Why doesn't he pick up the phone? 909 01:08:12,044 --> 01:08:13,713 I will never do this to him. 910 01:08:16,215 --> 01:08:18,884 So how is he? 911 01:08:22,138 --> 01:08:24,180 I don't know He came out. 912 01:08:25,015 --> 01:08:27,684 I wonder if he woke up at night miss me... 913 01:08:33,898 --> 01:08:36,733 ... the way I miss it 914 01:08:36,768 --> 01:08:39,069 Have you ever loved someone, Ruby? 915 01:08:44,783 --> 01:08:47,369 916 01:08:48,494 --> 01:08:50,329 I mean, love someone very much. 917 01:08:51,247 --> 01:08:53,291 Are you kidding me? Sure. 918 01:08:54,667 --> 01:08:57,878 You think you have You don't know. 919 01:08:59,880 --> 01:09:01,381 I think you did it. 920 01:09:05,301 --> 01:09:09,145 Total true love. 921 01:09:09,180 --> 01:09:11,564 It's like life or death. 922 01:09:11,599 --> 01:09:13,809 You know you will die when you are separated... 923 01:09:13,844 --> 01:09:16,895 ... because the need is very pure. 924 01:09:17,437 --> 01:09:19,565 So complete. 925 01:09:22,150 --> 01:09:23,569 What you know is sex. 926 01:09:24,987 --> 01:09:29,615 Gosh, you gave me a hard time about Sam. 927 01:09:29,650 --> 01:09:32,743 You never loved Sam. How can you? Oh, I mean? 928 01:09:37,957 --> 01:09:39,673 You can't accept it, is the girl going on? 929 01:09:39,708 --> 01:09:42,961 930 01:09:46,631 --> 01:09:49,801 Lizzie, I'm not crying because you're evil 931 01:09:51,301 --> 01:09:54,680 I can't imagine how extraordinary hurts it must be you. 932 01:10:09,819 --> 01:10:13,406 Listen, I'm at the airport. 933 01:10:16,199 --> 01:10:18,722 No, I mean, I'm here... 934 01:10:18,757 --> 01:10:21,246 ... at Austin Airport. 935 01:10:23,832 --> 01:10:25,298 God. 936 01:10:25,333 --> 01:10:28,001 I've become the last one boyfriend's nightmare 937 01:10:30,546 --> 01:10:32,381 Maybe you should call your mother. 938 01:10:32,840 --> 01:10:35,467 Let him know you're okay. 939 01:10:35,884 --> 01:10:37,469 I can't Cheap cars. 940 01:10:40,346 --> 01:10:42,056 Listen, you remember I told you... 941 01:10:43,307 --> 01:10:45,733 ... you came here not Good idea like that? 942 01:10:45,768 --> 01:10:48,646 If you love me enough All right, look. 943 01:10:50,231 --> 01:10:51,732 944 01:10:53,274 --> 01:10:55,116 945 01:10:55,151 --> 01:10:59,531 There is something I've never told you about 946 01:11:00,907 --> 01:11:04,285 - Oh, God, don't look at me like that. - Just say it. 947 01:11:04,320 --> 01:11:07,221 - Not what you think - Bastard 948 01:11:07,256 --> 01:11:10,123 - cheap bastard - This is my sister This is my sister, okay! 949 01:11:10,158 --> 01:11:12,209 So you are from New York? 950 01:11:20,800 --> 01:11:23,886 Manhattan. I grew up on the Upper West Side. 951 01:11:24,261 --> 01:11:26,806 Rafe shows me copy of your article 952 01:11:36,439 --> 01:11:38,400 That's quite an achievement for the first year. 953 01:11:38,900 --> 01:11:41,277 Ellen. Ellen. 954 01:11:43,570 --> 01:11:45,412 Hey, stop. Come on, please. 955 01:11:45,447 --> 01:11:48,617 Hey, let's eat, okay Come on. 956 01:11:48,652 --> 01:11:51,787 You promised to sleep, good? 957 01:11:54,956 --> 01:11:57,375 Good, come on. There he is. 958 01:11:57,410 --> 01:11:59,331 959 01:11:59,366 --> 01:12:01,253 Come on. Hey, come on. 960 01:12:01,288 --> 01:12:03,596 Come on. Stop. 961 01:12:03,631 --> 01:12:07,093 Ellen, you go to bed, and we'll go to the park tomorrow, okay 962 01:12:07,128 --> 01:12:09,675 Come on. Come on, please? Only, please 963 01:12:09,710 --> 01:12:12,222 Hey, you want to go to tomorrow's park 964 01:12:22,815 --> 01:12:25,449 Maybe you should take him to the doctor. 965 01:12:25,484 --> 01:12:28,862 This brings even longer, I don't know what we will do. 966 01:12:30,322 --> 01:12:32,032 What is that? 967 01:12:35,368 --> 01:12:37,787 You started this. 968 01:12:41,832 --> 01:12:43,584 What? 969 01:12:44,460 --> 01:12:46,961 This does it for you. 970 01:12:53,760 --> 01:12:57,304 - What are you talking about? - You hid it from me Don't you think there is a reason? 971 01:12:58,055 --> 01:13:00,105 Don't you think it tells me something? 972 01:13:00,140 --> 01:13:02,309 Oh, Christ. 973 01:13:02,344 --> 01:13:03,775 974 01:13:03,810 --> 01:13:05,944 You are a kind of creepy voyeur. 975 01:13:05,979 --> 01:13:09,857 - You like the misery of others. - You must be sick. 976 01:13:09,892 --> 01:13:12,485 You really... You really are sick. 977 01:13:12,520 --> 01:13:14,528 Say that is not true. 978 01:13:15,529 --> 01:13:17,406 Rafe, please 979 01:13:18,699 --> 01:13:20,743 I'll take the car. 980 01:13:35,255 --> 01:13:37,778 Mother? How are you 981 01:13:37,813 --> 01:13:40,267 What do you think my opinion is? 982 01:13:42,888 --> 01:13:46,099 I'm sorry. I just... I have to go to the airport immediately. 983 01:13:46,134 --> 01:13:49,682 I must have told you We are having some problems. 984 01:13:49,717 --> 01:13:53,230 This is very difficult, but we patch everything 985 01:13:53,265 --> 01:13:55,399 Yes, he loves me I know he did it. 986 01:13:57,860 --> 01:14:00,195 She's just all this strange family item 987 01:14:00,230 --> 01:14:03,424 He tried to help them and me. 988 01:14:03,459 --> 01:14:06,583 And he must help himself first. 989 01:14:06,618 --> 01:14:09,579 And when he does it, everything will be fine. 990 01:14:09,954 --> 01:14:13,332 - I'm sure. - I mean, I know we will be fine. 991 01:14:18,670 --> 01:14:23,258 I didn't really help you there, Lizzie. 992 01:14:23,800 --> 01:14:25,593 I know. I know. 993 01:14:26,636 --> 01:14:28,596 Mama, I'm sorry you have to move. 994 01:14:30,765 --> 01:14:32,975 I know, my dear - I'll leave now, okay? - Mother? 995 01:14:34,769 --> 01:14:38,313 You call me... 996 01:14:38,348 --> 01:14:40,523 Mother? 997 01:14:14,487 --> 01:14:47,197 ... when you have... 998 01:14:48,156 --> 01:14:49,948 ... see Dr. Sterling. 999 01:14:52,826 --> 01:14:55,829 Mother? 1000 01:14:55,864 --> 01:14:57,456 - See you dear. - Mother! 1001 01:14:57,789 --> 01:14:59,458 1002 01:15:16,014 --> 01:15:18,933 1003 01:15:27,608 --> 01:15:30,027 1004 01:15:30,402 --> 01:15:32,619 1005 01:15:32,654 --> 01:15:35,365 1006 01:15:38,702 --> 01:15:41,412 1007 01:15:57,677 --> 01:16:00,534 1008 01:16:00,569 --> 01:16:03,391 1009 01:16:04,725 --> 01:16:07,352 1010 01:16:07,603 --> 01:16:09,027 1011 01:16:09,062 --> 01:16:11,857 1012 01:16:13,692 --> 01:16:16,284 1013 01:16:16,319 --> 01:16:19,030 1014 01:16:19,065 --> 01:16:21,490 1015 01:16:22,575 --> 01:16:24,327 1016 01:16:27,163 --> 01:16:29,004 1017 01:16:29,039 --> 01:16:32,000 Yes, that's what I want. 1018 01:16:33,835 --> 01:16:37,297 I want to party. I want to have fun. 1019 01:16:54,937 --> 01:16:57,440 You're the one who told me to trust someone 1020 01:16:57,475 --> 01:16:59,657 See what happened! 1021 01:16:59,692 --> 01:17:02,111 - You believe Rafe has nothing... - No! 1022 01:17:02,146 --> 01:17:04,380 What I want is for Rafe to return... 1023 01:17:04,415 --> 01:17:06,579 ... and you're talking about pills? 1024 01:17:06,614 --> 01:17:09,249 Because things are more difficult for you now... 1025 01:17:09,284 --> 01:17:12,787 ... I think you can use help. - You said I was making progress Sometimes things are more painful before... 1026 01:17:12,822 --> 01:17:15,098 You say this will mean something. 1027 01:17:15,133 --> 01:17:17,375 All this hurts a lot! 1028 01:17:17,410 --> 01:17:19,341 1029 01:17:19,376 --> 01:17:22,880 And I still say that. 1030 01:17:25,716 --> 01:17:28,510 I don't believe you encourage illegal drugs after all this 1031 01:17:29,887 --> 01:17:32,770 I recommend that you try this medicine... 1032 01:17:32,805 --> 01:17:37,143 ... so you can get some perspective and not get out of control. 1033 01:17:40,021 --> 01:17:41,981 Lizzie, isn't that what you want? 1034 01:17:50,488 --> 01:17:54,534 It takes two to six weeks before your system races. 1035 01:17:56,660 --> 01:17:58,745 I know you don't 1036 01:17:59,329 --> 01:18:02,332 But I can see it works okay. 1037 01:18:06,253 --> 01:18:09,672 Your mother called. He wants to come and see you. 1038 01:18:16,220 --> 01:18:18,514 The machine 'starts throttling down now... 1039 01:18:18,549 --> 01:18:19,807 ... at 94 percent. 1040 01:18:20,224 --> 01:18:23,560 Normal throttle for most flights, 104 percent. 1041 01:18:23,893 --> 01:18:27,021 Three machines are running normally. Three good fuel cells. 1042 01:18:27,056 --> 01:18:29,107 Three good APUs. 1043 01:18:29,399 --> 01:18:31,504 Speed, 2257 feet per second. 1044 01:18:31,539 --> 01:18:33,575 Hey, what are you doing? 1045 01:18:33,610 --> 01:18:35,953 - Nothing. - Trying to steal my wallet. 1046 01:18:35,988 --> 01:18:39,074 - Challenger, go on throttle up. - Roger, go on throttle up. 1047 01:18:40,868 --> 01:18:44,121 Space Shuttle Challenger exploded in a fireball... 1048 01:18:44,156 --> 01:18:46,163 ... after that leave the launch pad. 1049 01:18:46,198 --> 01:18:48,047 - fragments from... 1050 01:18:48,082 --> 01:18:50,563 Officials say there is no evidence... 1051 01:18:50,598 --> 01:18:53,045 ... to show that the astronauts survived. 1052 01:18:53,080 --> 01:18:54,637 President Reagan... 1053 01:18:54,672 --> 01:18:58,258 - Challenger respects it the way they live. 1054 01:18:58,293 --> 01:19:01,226 Materials from scattered crafts are reported to be... 1055 01:19:01,261 --> 01:19:05,223 The worst accident in history American space program... 1056 01:19:07,267 --> 01:19:10,061 - is a sign of something has been very wrong 1057 01:19:13,105 --> 01:19:14,780 Rubies? 1058 01:19:14,815 --> 01:19:16,657 - Ruby? - Jesus. 1059 01:19:22,822 --> 01:19:24,914 - What? - My mother has been robbed I have to go to New York. You have to come with me No. 1060 01:19:24,949 --> 01:19:28,369 Ruby, come on. 1061 01:19:29,578 --> 01:19:31,247 I ask for your help Lizzie, I've finished helping. 1062 01:19:31,789 --> 01:19:33,506 Are you done? How can you...? 1063 01:19:33,541 --> 01:19:36,042 I can't I already have it 1064 01:19:36,668 --> 01:19:39,212 OK? I can't do it anymore. 1065 01:19:39,247 --> 01:19:41,756 This must end. 1066 01:19:41,791 --> 01:19:43,508 1067 01:19:44,175 --> 01:19:46,010 1068 01:19:46,302 --> 01:19:48,262 1069 01:19:48,297 --> 01:19:49,645 1070 01:19:49,680 --> 01:19:52,724 Next week will only be several other crises 1071 01:19:57,145 --> 01:19:59,273 One for the road 1072 01:20:14,869 --> 01:20:16,830 He rejects Demerol intravenously. 1073 01:20:18,123 --> 01:20:21,126 Is he rejecting painkillers? 1074 01:20:21,161 --> 01:20:24,129 Can we connect? 1075 01:20:24,879 --> 01:20:28,799 It seems like he will be here for a few days, but he will be fine. 1076 01:20:29,716 --> 01:20:32,219 He needs help when he returns home 1077 01:20:32,254 --> 01:20:33,846 But everything will be fine. 1078 01:20:38,516 --> 01:20:40,351 This is scary. 1079 01:20:40,768 --> 01:20:44,689 For the first time, I lost my tears. 1080 01:20:50,026 --> 01:20:52,362 I don't know what I did. 1081 01:20:55,573 --> 01:20:57,582 I mean, let's face it. 1082 01:20:57,617 --> 01:21:01,121 I am here to help like a cruel joke. 1083 01:21:14,049 --> 01:21:17,134 Not even the height scares me anymore 1084 01:21:20,388 --> 01:21:22,515 You look much better 1085 01:21:23,140 --> 01:21:25,643 That's what everyone says. 1086 01:21:29,270 --> 01:21:31,189 You know, Lizzie... 1087 01:21:31,773 --> 01:21:33,448 ... I'm fine. 1088 01:21:33,483 --> 01:21:37,403 And there is no reason why you can't return to Cambridge Mother, I have talked to the nurses, and they say that you need... 1089 01:21:37,438 --> 01:21:41,323 Honey, you have a test is coming. 1090 01:21:41,358 --> 01:21:44,451 You must have someone with you, even if it's only a few days. 1091 01:21:46,245 --> 01:21:49,665 I can take care of myself. I always. 1092 01:21:49,700 --> 01:21:52,583 You will not go home alone This is another cupboard. 1093 01:21:54,502 --> 01:21:56,754 I don't know 1094 01:21:57,838 --> 01:21:59,257 1095 01:21:59,292 --> 01:22:01,926 1096 01:22:01,961 --> 01:22:03,636 Grandma. 1097 01:22:17,439 --> 01:22:20,609 I don't know what I will have done without Lizzie here 1098 01:22:23,904 --> 01:22:27,407 - All this won't happen... - Ma, don't say that 1099 01:22:27,442 --> 01:22:30,785 ... if it's not for him 1100 01:22:46,966 --> 01:22:49,094 They leave 1101 01:22:49,129 --> 01:22:50,595 Yes. 1102 01:22:51,554 --> 01:22:54,099 I don't really feel like saying goodbye. 1103 01:23:01,647 --> 01:23:05,359 After all this time, I never asked about Rafe. 1104 01:23:13,366 --> 01:23:15,493 It's over 1105 01:23:16,827 --> 01:23:18,461 He... 1106 01:23:18,496 --> 01:23:20,955 He never wants to see me again. 1107 01:23:26,669 --> 01:23:28,713 You know, when Donald left me... 1108 01:23:31,424 --> 01:23:33,509 ... it feels amazing. 1109 01:23:34,551 --> 01:23:36,887 I don't believe it. 1110 01:23:47,939 --> 01:23:51,192 I think I'm just forgetting you, Lizzie. 1111 01:23:51,943 --> 01:23:53,527 Do you know? 1112 01:23:55,112 --> 01:23:57,656 You are just a child 1113 01:23:57,691 --> 01:24:01,076 Very little. 1114 01:24:05,121 --> 01:24:07,248 But you need me. 1115 01:24:09,208 --> 01:24:13,712 And that forced me to pay attention again Do you know what I mean? 1116 01:24:13,747 --> 01:24:15,464 I have to take care of you. 1117 01:24:17,841 --> 01:24:20,260 And on the one hand, you brought me back to life... 1118 01:24:22,720 --> 01:24:27,099 ... and you become everything for me. 1119 01:24:27,134 --> 01:24:30,311 I'm so wrapped up in you. 1120 01:24:31,729 --> 01:24:35,482 But God, you're very full Promise, Lizzie. 1121 01:24:40,236 --> 01:24:45,178 And I really want it for you in your life And I can't see that's not good for you You only... 1122 01:24:45,213 --> 01:24:50,120 I know you want me... 1123 01:24:51,955 --> 01:24:56,502 1124 01:25:00,880 --> 01:25:02,882 1125 01:25:03,507 --> 01:25:05,927 1126 01:25:06,469 --> 01:25:10,348 ... everything, and I can't. 1127 01:25:14,809 --> 01:25:17,103 I can't Look, Lizzie. 1128 01:25:25,986 --> 01:25:27,613 You don't have to be anything for me You don't have to be good for me. 1129 01:25:28,780 --> 01:25:32,117 Do you understand? 1130 01:25:32,576 --> 01:25:35,746 You don't have to fake it. 1131 01:25:35,781 --> 01:25:37,663 I'll be fine, ma'am. 1132 01:25:40,249 --> 01:25:42,877 I will be fine. 1133 01:25:46,839 --> 01:25:49,341 I promise. 1134 01:25:52,969 --> 01:25:54,929 I will be fine. 1135 01:25:56,181 --> 01:25:58,224 And there are 'reasons. 1136 01:26:09,234 --> 01:26:11,153 I call this a cracked house, where I came to score 1137 01:26:12,738 --> 01:26:14,822 Sterling is my agent. 1138 01:26:27,709 --> 01:26:31,671 It seems like all the doctors are handling this item now 1139 01:26:32,047 --> 01:26:34,674 1140 01:26:35,884 --> 01:26:39,636 1141 01:26:41,263 --> 01:26:45,017 Sometimes it feels like we all live in the country of Prozac. 1142 01:26:45,559 --> 01:26:48,437 United States Depression. 1143 01:26:52,607 --> 01:26:54,984 I don't know who I am anymore. 1144 01:26:56,944 --> 01:26:59,322 I have this personality. 1145 01:27:00,031 --> 01:27:03,533 And it's messed up, but it's me. 1146 01:27:04,701 --> 01:27:08,413 And I see myself being like this people who do the right thing... 1147 01:27:08,448 --> 01:27:10,790 ... who said the right thing... 1148 01:27:11,583 --> 01:27:12,924 ... but it's not me 1149 01:27:12,959 --> 01:27:16,170 - You feel different, right? - Of course I feel different. 1150 01:27:16,205 --> 01:27:18,630 I'm taking medicine. That's the point, right? 1151 01:27:18,665 --> 01:27:20,632 Yes, that's the point. 1152 01:27:20,924 --> 01:27:24,386 You're not comfortable with who this new person is. 1153 01:27:24,421 --> 01:27:26,930 But I can't be this person without taking pills 1154 01:27:26,965 --> 01:27:29,689 Pills give you breathing space. 1155 01:27:29,724 --> 01:27:32,643 This feels like everything is just covered up I suggest you stay on Medication, but it's not my choice. 1156 01:27:33,102 --> 01:27:36,439 That's your choice. 1157 01:27:36,474 --> 01:27:38,232 Do you want to lower the pill? 1158 01:27:42,068 --> 01:27:44,070 dear, come here. 1159 01:28:44,125 --> 01:28:45,814 Come here, it's okay. 1160 01:28:45,849 --> 01:28:47,503 No problem. 1161 01:28:47,920 --> 01:28:49,630 If only my life could be more like a movie. 1162 01:29:20,992 --> 01:29:24,370 I want an angel to swoop down like he did to Jimmy Stewart... 1163 01:29:25,037 --> 01:29:28,291 ... in It's a Wonderful Life and I'm talking about suicide. 1164 01:29:28,326 --> 01:29:32,086 1165 01:29:32,544 --> 01:29:36,006 I always wait for that when the truth is to free me... 1166 01:29:36,041 --> 01:29:38,466 ... and changed my life forever. 1167 01:29:38,501 --> 01:29:40,427 But he won't come. 1168 01:29:41,219 --> 01:29:43,722 That doesn't happen like that. 1169 01:29:46,098 --> 01:29:48,690 All drugs, all therapies... 1170 01:29:48,725 --> 01:29:53,021 ... fights, anger, guilt, Rafe, suicidal thoughts. 1171 01:29:53,056 --> 01:29:57,317 All of that is part of some slow recovery process. 1172 01:29:57,352 --> 01:30:00,570 In the same way I went down, I came back... 1173 01:30:00,605 --> 01:30:04,031 ... slowly, then suddenly. 1174 01:30:08,619 --> 01:30:11,163 The pill is not a healing medicine, God knows... 1175 01:30:11,198 --> 01:30:13,672 ... but they gave me breathing space... 1176 01:30:13,707 --> 01:30:15,965 ... which allows me to start writing again 1177 01:30:16,000 --> 01:30:19,754 It's just not this time As if my life depends on it.