1
00:00:12,097 --> 00:00:14,898
<i>Seeing that
this is the first scene,</i>

2
00:00:14,900 --> 00:00:18,268
<i>can they understand
what they're about to see?</i>

3
00:00:18,270 --> 00:00:19,769
<i>Focused?</i>

4
00:00:24,109 --> 00:00:27,143
This is not a confession.

5
00:00:27,145 --> 00:00:31,281
This isn't... he said she's dead.

6
00:00:31,283 --> 00:00:33,049
This is the truth.

7
00:00:35,386 --> 00:00:37,120
We're not murderers.

8
00:00:41,992 --> 00:00:45,028
We're not monsters.

9
00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:55,805
Your turn, Chunk.

10
00:00:55,807 --> 00:00:57,006
What?

11
00:00:57,008 --> 00:00:58,575
Okay, Jordan.

12
00:00:58,577 --> 00:00:59,642
When I said
I wanted to make a movie,

13
00:00:59,644 --> 00:01:01,277
this is not what I meant.

14
00:01:01,279 --> 00:01:03,913
Uh, you said video
and correct me if I'm wrong

15
00:01:03,915 --> 00:01:06,049
but who doesn't like...

16
00:01:09,787 --> 00:01:13,690
funny faces,
right, Chunk?

17
00:01:13,692 --> 00:01:15,191
Huh?

18
00:01:15,193 --> 00:01:18,528
How are funny face videos
going to get us...

19
00:01:18,530 --> 00:01:20,430
Continue.

20
00:01:20,432 --> 00:01:22,465
Girls.

21
00:01:22,467 --> 00:01:23,967
This is our last year
of high school

22
00:01:23,969 --> 00:01:25,134
and I don't want to be
remembered

23
00:01:25,136 --> 00:01:27,537
as some girlfriendless
loser.

24
00:01:27,539 --> 00:01:30,673
Chunk's a girl and she likes
funny face videos.

25
00:01:30,675 --> 00:01:31,841
Right, Chunk?

26
00:01:33,711 --> 00:01:34,978
See?

27
00:01:34,980 --> 00:01:37,447
I mean real girls.

28
00:01:37,449 --> 00:01:39,816
No offense, Chunk.

29
00:01:39,818 --> 00:01:42,485
Well, if female companionship
is the ultimate goal,

30
00:01:42,487 --> 00:01:44,854
then there's only one video
we shall make,

31
00:01:44,856 --> 00:01:48,558
a frame by frame
remake of 1979's.

32
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:51,194
<i>Star Trek: The Motion Picture.</i>

33
00:01:51,196 --> 00:01:53,730
I, obviously,
will be Captain Kirk.

34
00:01:53,732 --> 00:01:56,366
Jordan "Spock",
Chunk "Scotty."

35
00:01:56,368 --> 00:01:57,834
And I have all the costumes,
so I mean...

36
00:01:57,836 --> 00:01:59,569
Okay,
my dad didn't buy me

37
00:01:59,571 --> 00:02:03,006
that camera so that you could
get a hard on playing Spock.

38
00:02:03,008 --> 00:02:04,974
You're Spock, I'm Kirk.

39
00:02:04,976 --> 00:02:06,509
But, pray tell,

40
00:02:06,511 --> 00:02:09,279
what kind of video would
you like to make, Jordan?

41
00:02:10,981 --> 00:02:13,149
I'm getting
a girlfriend this year.

42
00:02:13,151 --> 00:02:14,717
Period.

43
00:02:40,679 --> 00:02:42,378
Happy birthday.

44
00:02:42,380 --> 00:02:43,546
Dang.

45
00:02:43,548 --> 00:02:44,681
Dang, what?

46
00:02:44,683 --> 00:02:46,115
Something came up.

47
00:02:46,117 --> 00:02:47,517
Dang!

48
00:02:47,519 --> 00:02:48,785
Connor?

49
00:02:48,787 --> 00:02:49,886
What did you do here?

50
00:02:49,888 --> 00:02:51,187
I'm trying to fix it.

51
00:02:51,189 --> 00:02:52,188
Fix what?

52
00:02:52,190 --> 00:02:53,556
It's brand new, Chunk.

53
00:02:53,558 --> 00:02:55,191
Brand new junk, maybe.

54
00:02:55,193 --> 00:02:57,260
You're vociferating
like a... Romulan.

55
00:02:57,262 --> 00:02:58,695
I'm not voc... okay,

56
00:02:58,697 --> 00:02:59,929
I don't even know
what that means.

57
00:02:59,931 --> 00:03:01,130
I think angering him.

58
00:03:01,132 --> 00:03:02,632
Okay, yeah.

59
00:03:02,634 --> 00:03:04,934
I was voc... because
I told you not to bring...

60
00:03:04,936 --> 00:03:06,069
Fascinating.

61
00:03:06,071 --> 00:03:07,937
My expertise says,

62
00:03:07,939 --> 00:03:10,573
"Captain, there's something
wrong with this bloody thing."

63
00:03:10,575 --> 00:03:12,308
Yeah, like no color, man.

64
00:03:12,310 --> 00:03:15,178
Fuck. Fuck!

65
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:21,150
Your camera will be
repaired, okay?

66
00:03:21,152 --> 00:03:22,318
Finish your video.

67
00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,954
Hey,
we're here for you.

68
00:03:24,956 --> 00:03:27,323
Copacetic?

69
00:03:27,325 --> 00:03:29,225
Tell me a time
I've ever let you down before.

70
00:03:31,729 --> 00:03:33,663
All right,
can you hurry?

71
00:03:33,665 --> 00:03:34,964
Eve's birthday
is tomorrow, so...

72
00:03:34,966 --> 00:03:36,833
Eve Goodwin?

73
00:03:36,835 --> 00:03:41,604
We're doing all this
for Eve Goodwin?

74
00:03:41,606 --> 00:03:43,239
Here's the receipt.

75
00:03:43,241 --> 00:03:45,475
Don't lose it.

76
00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:11,768
You're paying for that,

77
00:04:11,770 --> 00:04:13,503
even if it means selling
every ounce of blood in that

78
00:04:13,505 --> 00:04:15,271
extra grande body of yours.

79
00:04:15,273 --> 00:04:16,506
It's not broke
no more, man.

80
00:04:16,508 --> 00:04:18,274
See? Dang.

81
00:04:18,276 --> 00:04:21,144
The only thing that's broken
is my nose, my glasses,

82
00:04:21,146 --> 00:04:23,279
and my dream of breaking
John Meringer's record

83
00:04:23,281 --> 00:04:25,214
<i>of 12 Star Trek Adventures
in a row.</i>

84
00:04:25,216 --> 00:04:26,783
Wait, but I thought
the doctor said

85
00:04:26,785 --> 00:04:28,451
that your nose would be good in,
like, 2 months.

86
00:04:28,453 --> 00:04:30,787
True, but my mother's making me
pay for new glasses

87
00:04:30,789 --> 00:04:34,624
from my own bank account
which means no money,

88
00:04:34,626 --> 00:04:38,161
no convention,
no collectibles, no justice.

89
00:04:38,163 --> 00:04:39,662
Quit it.

90
00:04:39,664 --> 00:04:41,497
Just making
sure we're good, man.

91
00:04:41,499 --> 00:04:44,534
Dax hit this pretty hard before
Connor caught it with his face.

92
00:04:44,536 --> 00:04:45,668
What?

93
00:04:45,670 --> 00:04:47,904
Dax Gaiman did this?

94
00:04:47,906 --> 00:04:49,739
What was he doing
at an electronic store?

95
00:04:49,741 --> 00:04:51,507
Cutting in front
of us in line.

96
00:04:51,509 --> 00:04:53,309
Snatching your camera away,

97
00:04:53,311 --> 00:04:55,178
appeasing his demented
sense of humor.

98
00:04:55,180 --> 00:04:56,679
So Connor says
something.

99
00:04:56,681 --> 00:04:57,680
Dax says something.

100
00:04:57,682 --> 00:04:58,681
So Connor shuts up.

101
00:04:58,683 --> 00:05:00,349
I was weighing my options.

102
00:05:00,351 --> 00:05:02,518
Then Dax yells "catch"
like Connor's face

103
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:03,886
is a baseball
mitt or something.

104
00:05:03,888 --> 00:05:05,488
Ugh!

105
00:05:05,490 --> 00:05:07,924
The good news is,
camera works great now, man.

106
00:05:07,926 --> 00:05:10,159
What a dick.
I'll pay for your glasses.

107
00:05:10,161 --> 00:05:11,694
I appreciate that.

108
00:05:11,696 --> 00:05:14,831
The only person that should pay
needs to pay.

109
00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:16,666
How, man?

110
00:05:16,668 --> 00:05:18,534
He'll just steal our wallets
again like he always does.

111
00:05:18,536 --> 00:05:21,537
I'm referring
to emotional compensation.

112
00:05:21,539 --> 00:05:23,906
It's time we right some wrongs,
gentlemen.

113
00:05:23,908 --> 00:05:25,708
How, man?
He'll just beat us up again.

114
00:05:25,710 --> 00:05:26,709
Chunk.

115
00:05:26,711 --> 00:05:28,177
It's true.

116
00:05:28,179 --> 00:05:29,579
He's a Jesus freak.

117
00:05:29,581 --> 00:05:31,080
They're sadists.

118
00:05:31,082 --> 00:05:32,849
They like it
when everyone suffers.

119
00:05:32,851 --> 00:05:36,219
Then we need to
demonstrate how our brains

120
00:05:36,221 --> 00:05:37,954
are mightier than his brawn.

121
00:05:39,457 --> 00:05:42,225
Is this somehow
humorous to you?

122
00:05:42,227 --> 00:05:43,693
What is this?

123
00:05:43,695 --> 00:05:45,928
The Wild-Wild West?

124
00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:48,231
I mean, do we look like
vigilantes to you?

125
00:05:48,233 --> 00:05:50,566
We couldn't even
scare ourselves.

126
00:05:50,568 --> 00:05:52,869
Okay, maybe Chunk could.

127
00:05:54,238 --> 00:05:55,705
Let it go, all right?

128
00:05:55,707 --> 00:05:57,440
He's one bad apple.

129
00:05:57,442 --> 00:05:59,242
An eye for an eye
only makes everyone blind.

130
00:05:59,244 --> 00:06:03,312
The correct adage is one bad
apple spoils the barrel

131
00:06:03,314 --> 00:06:05,581
and you know
as well as I that

132
00:06:05,583 --> 00:06:07,884
this barrel's been
rotting for years.

133
00:06:07,886 --> 00:06:09,986
It's ripe for some change.

134
00:06:09,988 --> 00:06:12,455
Okay, there are kids
starving in Africa,

135
00:06:12,457 --> 00:06:15,091
dying of malaria, genocide,

136
00:06:15,093 --> 00:06:17,226
I mean, God knows what...

137
00:06:17,228 --> 00:06:18,895
what am I doing
debating Mr. Drugged out

138
00:06:18,897 --> 00:06:20,830
Frank Castle over here?

139
00:06:20,832 --> 00:06:23,833
Besides,
we have Eve's video to finish.

140
00:06:23,835 --> 00:06:25,234
Myopia also occurs
in people

141
00:06:25,236 --> 00:06:26,836
who think
they've fallen in love.

142
00:06:26,838 --> 00:06:28,104
Huh?

143
00:06:28,106 --> 00:06:29,505
That's Mother.

144
00:06:29,507 --> 00:06:31,641
Tomorrow at the park,
2:00 p.m.

145
00:06:31,643 --> 00:06:33,342
We'll clarify
the mission further.

146
00:06:33,344 --> 00:06:35,144
What mission?

147
00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:37,980
Kill Dax Gaiman.

148
00:06:37,982 --> 00:06:39,949
Coming, Mother.

149
00:06:39,951 --> 00:06:41,417
Metaphorically, of course.

150
00:06:41,419 --> 00:06:43,920
Wait, wait, wait.
What about Eve's video?

151
00:06:43,922 --> 00:06:45,755
As your best friend,
I suggest you move on.

152
00:06:45,757 --> 00:06:47,290
How can I without your help?

153
00:06:47,292 --> 00:06:48,758
Live long and prosper...

154
00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:50,293
Connor, seriously,
you promised.

155
00:06:50,295 --> 00:06:52,929
I can't run the rube
and film it by myself.

156
00:06:52,931 --> 00:06:54,630
This is lame!

157
00:06:54,632 --> 00:06:57,433
Really fucking lame.

158
00:06:57,435 --> 00:06:59,802
Yeah, so we saw Dax,
he was...

159
00:06:59,804 --> 00:07:00,937
Turn it off.

160
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,074
Okay, but we saw...
Turn it off!

161
00:07:08,312 --> 00:07:09,512
As you might
have deduced,

162
00:07:09,514 --> 00:07:11,013
I was in a bit
of a carefree state

163
00:07:11,015 --> 00:07:12,682
when I authored
this last night

164
00:07:12,684 --> 00:07:15,818
but hopefully, you got
the gist of my email which is,

165
00:07:15,820 --> 00:07:19,455
this mission, I hope to
accomplish the following.

166
00:07:20,457 --> 00:07:23,292
And immediately after,

167
00:07:23,294 --> 00:07:25,828
so that everyone,
and I mean everyone sees

168
00:07:25,830 --> 00:07:28,898
that we boldly went where no
man or woman has gone before,

169
00:07:28,900 --> 00:07:30,967
besting Dax Gaiman.

170
00:07:30,969 --> 00:07:33,603
And with the anticipated
amount of views, we'll...

171
00:07:34,471 --> 00:07:36,405
So in a nutshell,

172
00:07:36,407 --> 00:07:39,342
<i>our next Star Trek convention
will be completely subsidized.</i>

173
00:07:39,344 --> 00:07:40,977
Thanks, Dax.

174
00:07:40,979 --> 00:07:42,044
What's that look for?

175
00:07:42,046 --> 00:07:44,180
What look?

176
00:07:44,182 --> 00:07:46,215
It's how I look, deal.

177
00:07:46,217 --> 00:07:47,583
He's angry
because we didn't help him

178
00:07:47,585 --> 00:07:49,085
finish his video.
I offered to help, but...

179
00:07:49,087 --> 00:07:51,587
Okay, you is what made it
unfinished,

180
00:07:51,589 --> 00:07:53,356
and that's only part
of the reason.

181
00:07:53,358 --> 00:07:55,858
Pray tell the other.

182
00:07:55,860 --> 00:07:58,594
You've lost
your fucking mind.

183
00:07:58,596 --> 00:08:00,196
<i>I mean, what happened
to all that Star Trek</i>

184
00:08:00,198 --> 00:08:01,864
crap you're always
blabbering about?

185
00:08:01,866 --> 00:08:04,867
Logic and non violence
to solve life's problems.

186
00:08:04,869 --> 00:08:06,102
Sound familiar?

187
00:08:06,104 --> 00:08:08,371
This is logical
and non violent.

188
00:08:08,373 --> 00:08:11,107
But if you're inferring
some sort of hypocrisy,

189
00:08:11,109 --> 00:08:14,076
need I remind you, 3rd grade,
Miss Miller, Dax and I,

190
00:08:14,078 --> 00:08:15,611
20 minute pow-wow.

191
00:08:15,613 --> 00:08:18,581
5th grade, Principal Skyler,
a one hour discussion.

192
00:08:18,583 --> 00:08:20,750
8th grade, Dax's parents,
my mother,

193
00:08:20,752 --> 00:08:24,086
a two hour intervention
all of which leads us to here.

194
00:08:24,088 --> 00:08:29,558
Now Dax and us
and everyone

195
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:31,394
that pumps
a little Klingon blood,

196
00:08:31,396 --> 00:08:33,129
a little warrior spirit.

197
00:08:33,131 --> 00:08:35,031
In special circumstances
like this,

198
00:08:35,033 --> 00:08:38,134
one needs to channel it
as long as one controls it.

199
00:08:38,136 --> 00:08:40,403
Yeah, well, you have
more than just a little.

200
00:08:40,405 --> 00:08:42,138
Um, guys?

201
00:08:42,140 --> 00:08:44,640
Prod-brain,
you devious fuck!

202
00:08:44,642 --> 00:08:46,776
And I rest my case.

203
00:08:46,778 --> 00:08:48,744
Touché, hombre.

204
00:08:48,746 --> 00:08:50,546
You made a funny.

205
00:08:50,548 --> 00:08:52,481
Don't fuckin' run,
asshole!

206
00:08:52,483 --> 00:08:54,884
He was referring to me,
Chunk.

207
00:08:54,886 --> 00:08:57,553
Time we beam away too.

208
00:08:57,555 --> 00:08:59,155
Coming?

209
00:08:59,157 --> 00:09:00,990
I wasn't planning
anything devious.

210
00:09:00,992 --> 00:09:01,991
Suit yourself.

211
00:09:01,993 --> 00:09:03,559
Yo!
Where you going?

212
00:09:03,561 --> 00:09:05,161
Pacifism, Connor.

213
00:09:05,163 --> 00:09:08,064
Learn it, live it,
love it.

214
00:09:13,003 --> 00:09:15,938
This recording?

215
00:09:15,940 --> 00:09:17,673
I said
this shit recording?

216
00:09:17,675 --> 00:09:19,241
You mean you asked.
Ah.

217
00:09:19,243 --> 00:09:20,443
You know what I mean,
smart-ass.

218
00:09:20,445 --> 00:09:22,178
It is! It is!
I think it is. Yes.

219
00:09:22,180 --> 00:09:23,946
Oh, you are one retarded negro.
You know that?

220
00:09:23,948 --> 00:09:25,681
Did you see how many
buttons are on that shit?

221
00:09:25,683 --> 00:09:27,083
A lot.
Let him go.

222
00:09:27,085 --> 00:09:28,451
He has nothing
to do with this.

223
00:09:28,453 --> 00:09:30,252
And just be clear,

224
00:09:30,254 --> 00:09:31,687
even though I'm not equipped
with my custom fabricated

225
00:09:31,689 --> 00:09:33,155
dog tags right now,

226
00:09:33,157 --> 00:09:34,790
my hands are deadly weapons
all by themselves.

227
00:09:34,792 --> 00:09:36,592
Since I'm a master
of the ancient Armenian

228
00:09:36,594 --> 00:09:38,294
karate stance Du Kan Du.

229
00:09:39,297 --> 00:09:41,297
And just to be clear,
again.

230
00:09:41,299 --> 00:09:43,799
It's self defense
if I kill you both.

231
00:09:43,801 --> 00:09:45,434
Why you always fuckin'
with me, cry baby?

232
00:09:45,436 --> 00:09:46,802
It's the other way
around, nimrod.

233
00:09:46,804 --> 00:09:48,971
Oh, you see what I mean?

234
00:09:48,973 --> 00:09:50,806
What the fuck
did I ever do to you, huh?

235
00:09:50,808 --> 00:09:52,608
Are you suffering
from acute amnesia?

236
00:09:52,610 --> 00:09:55,611
My nose, my glasses, almost
a decade's worth of emotional

237
00:09:55,613 --> 00:09:56,712
and physical torment.

238
00:09:56,714 --> 00:09:57,980
Stay away!

239
00:09:57,982 --> 00:09:59,348
Oh, I think
I need to teach this boy

240
00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:00,983
about forgiving
and forgetting.

241
00:10:00,985 --> 00:10:02,985
Somebody's gots to.
Stay away!

242
00:10:02,987 --> 00:10:05,221
I'm not responsible
for my attack maneuvers.

243
00:10:05,223 --> 00:10:06,455
Ow!

244
00:10:06,457 --> 00:10:07,490
Ow!

245
00:10:07,492 --> 00:10:08,991
Apologize.
Ow, for what?

246
00:10:08,993 --> 00:10:10,392
For what?

247
00:10:10,394 --> 00:10:11,827
Let's go down
the fuckin' list.

248
00:10:11,829 --> 00:10:13,496
First, your stupid
fuckin' plan

249
00:10:13,498 --> 00:10:15,965
to try to make me you,
embarrassing.

250
00:10:15,967 --> 00:10:17,733
And second,
for your dad knocking up

251
00:10:17,735 --> 00:10:19,835
that slutty fat
fuckin' sister of his

252
00:10:19,837 --> 00:10:21,837
and for that bitch
not getting an abortion.

253
00:10:21,839 --> 00:10:23,873
But thirdly
and most importantly,

254
00:10:23,875 --> 00:10:29,245
the use of your hairy, nasty,
STD-infected fuckin' cunt

255
00:10:29,247 --> 00:10:31,380
making all of our lives
so fuckin' miserable.

256
00:10:31,382 --> 00:10:33,015
So go ahead, little bitch.

257
00:10:33,017 --> 00:10:34,383
We're all eyes and ears.

258
00:10:34,385 --> 00:10:36,352
Do it,
Connor, just apologize.

259
00:10:36,354 --> 00:10:38,654
I'm not inbred, idiot,
my parents met at Bible camp.

260
00:10:38,656 --> 00:10:40,022
Oh, if you're not inbred,

261
00:10:40,024 --> 00:10:41,423
then how the fuck
do you explain you?

262
00:10:41,425 --> 00:10:43,492
The only difference between
me and you, Dax,

263
00:10:43,494 --> 00:10:45,528
is there was no orgy
of midget baboons

264
00:10:45,530 --> 00:10:47,596
involved in my conception.

265
00:10:47,598 --> 00:10:49,678
I think I need to teach him
a lesson to his face too.

266
00:10:51,769 --> 00:10:53,002
Ah, help.

267
00:10:53,004 --> 00:10:54,370
Jordan, help!

268
00:10:54,372 --> 00:10:57,506
Smart, smart-ass.

269
00:10:57,508 --> 00:10:59,642
Chill, you next.

270
00:11:03,613 --> 00:11:05,181
D?

271
00:11:05,183 --> 00:11:07,016
Yo, D, man.

272
00:11:07,018 --> 00:11:09,785
D!
D, let's go.

273
00:11:09,787 --> 00:11:12,421
Come on, let go, man.

274
00:11:13,690 --> 00:11:16,559
Oh, oh, no.

275
00:11:18,061 --> 00:11:21,197
You're gonna blame
the black guy.

276
00:11:21,199 --> 00:11:24,400
Oh!
Damn.

277
00:11:24,402 --> 00:11:25,935
Think he learned his lesson?

278
00:11:25,937 --> 00:11:29,538
Man, for his sake,
I hope so.

279
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,215
Well, go ahead.

280
00:11:39,217 --> 00:11:41,217
Look, they erased it all.

281
00:11:41,219 --> 00:11:42,785
It's on.

282
00:11:42,787 --> 00:11:45,454
I had to apologize
and buy Dax Gaiman a fucking.

283
00:11:45,456 --> 00:11:46,622
Chili's gift card
just to get this back.

284
00:11:46,624 --> 00:11:47,723
It's recording.

285
00:11:47,725 --> 00:11:50,125
So why would
I upload that video?

286
00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:51,594
Why would you?

287
00:11:51,596 --> 00:11:52,962
Not like you just stood
there and allowed them

288
00:11:52,964 --> 00:11:54,730
to do it to me
in the first place.

289
00:11:54,732 --> 00:11:56,665
I was cornered.

290
00:11:56,667 --> 00:12:00,302
I mean, they're thuggish
and you could have apologized.

291
00:12:00,304 --> 00:12:03,072
Stupider stuff
has come out of your mouth.

292
00:12:03,074 --> 00:12:05,074
Ow!
What the...

293
00:12:05,076 --> 00:12:06,976
It's not like you helped me
when I needed it.

294
00:12:06,978 --> 00:12:09,478
So out of sheer spite,
you backstabbed us?

295
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:10,479
What?

296
00:12:10,481 --> 00:12:11,947
No.

297
00:12:11,949 --> 00:12:13,849
Then how did Dax know
about the mission, huh?

298
00:12:13,851 --> 00:12:16,118
He knew it so well
he copied it verbatim.

299
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:17,353
I... I don't know.

300
00:12:17,355 --> 00:12:19,021
I didn't
tell him anything.

301
00:12:19,023 --> 00:12:21,023
I hate him as much...
But you did tell Eve Goodwin.

302
00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:25,361
It might have slipped.

303
00:12:25,363 --> 00:12:26,862
But what does that have
to do with anything?

304
00:12:26,864 --> 00:12:28,864
Because of your weakness
and stupidity,

305
00:12:28,866 --> 00:12:31,500
I'm now the internet's most
infamous shit face.

306
00:12:31,502 --> 00:12:32,868
Ow, fuck!
It's not my fault!

307
00:12:32,870 --> 00:12:34,003
Ow!

308
00:12:38,141 --> 00:12:39,975
Dax, I must say,
thank you.

309
00:12:39,977 --> 00:12:41,277
Thank you very much.

310
00:12:41,279 --> 00:12:43,012
I've indeed
learned my lesson.

311
00:12:43,014 --> 00:12:45,514
The lesson?

312
00:12:45,516 --> 00:12:47,383
Don't worry,
it's not in Klingon although,

313
00:12:47,385 --> 00:12:49,985
it is in a language
you barely comprehend.

314
00:12:54,791 --> 00:12:56,792
"Purge the evil
from among you."

315
00:12:56,794 --> 00:12:58,661
The rest of the people
will hear about this

316
00:12:58,663 --> 00:13:00,362
and be afraid

317
00:13:00,364 --> 00:13:02,998
and never again will such
an evil thing be done among you.

318
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:06,802
Show no pity,
life for life, eye for eye,

319
00:13:06,804 --> 00:13:08,904
"tooth for tooth."

320
00:13:08,906 --> 00:13:13,175
So, Dax, be afraid,
be very afraid

321
00:13:13,177 --> 00:13:15,644
<i>because as Captain Kirk said
in the Return of the Archons,</i>

322
00:13:15,646 --> 00:13:17,313
you are the evil.

323
00:13:17,315 --> 00:13:19,682
The evil must be destroyed.

324
00:13:19,684 --> 00:13:21,784
Correct, Jordan?

325
00:13:30,660 --> 00:13:32,328
Focused?

326
00:13:32,330 --> 00:13:34,697
Okay.
Cue music.

327
00:13:34,699 --> 00:13:36,332
Make sure
it's the proper track.

328
00:13:36,334 --> 00:13:39,435
Dax needs to understand
we mean business.

329
00:13:49,279 --> 00:13:50,946
Hear that, Dax?

330
00:13:50,948 --> 00:13:53,349
Class is in session
and you'll soon discover.

331
00:13:53,351 --> 00:13:54,850
No, this is not
math or English

332
00:13:54,852 --> 00:13:58,721
but something even rougher
involving this.

333
00:13:58,723 --> 00:14:04,059
This and you.

334
00:14:04,061 --> 00:14:06,295
So let me
unlock the first lesson,

335
00:14:06,297 --> 00:14:10,599
deception in the school
of hard knocks.

336
00:14:10,601 --> 00:14:12,601
Focus, we mean business.

337
00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:14,136
It's a little hard
when I can't breathe.

338
00:14:14,138 --> 00:14:15,371
My apologies.

339
00:14:15,373 --> 00:14:16,872
It must have
shrunken in the wash.

340
00:14:16,874 --> 00:14:18,741
Yes, so are my balls
in this thing.

341
00:14:18,743 --> 00:14:21,610
You guys hear that?

342
00:14:21,612 --> 00:14:26,482
2,200 SAT, 130 IQ
and this is the best you can do?

343
00:14:26,484 --> 00:14:27,750
Really?

344
00:14:27,752 --> 00:14:29,618
Like the great Gene
Roddenberry,

345
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:30,953
I understand my audience

346
00:14:30,955 --> 00:14:32,221
and he's currently
at a 5th grade

347
00:14:32,223 --> 00:14:34,256
vocabulary level,
if not lower.

348
00:14:34,258 --> 00:14:36,091
Plus from my sources,

349
00:14:36,093 --> 00:14:37,593
I hear he's definitely
afraid of clowns.

350
00:14:37,595 --> 00:14:39,628
No, no, I'm talking
about this whole thing.

351
00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:42,898
This whole behind
the scenes look, I mean why?

352
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:46,635
Are we making a special
edition DVD too?

353
00:14:46,637 --> 00:14:49,505
Practice and patience
and you would see,

354
00:14:49,507 --> 00:14:52,007
this is for the most important
phase of the prank,

355
00:14:52,009 --> 00:14:53,742
the execution.

356
00:14:53,744 --> 00:14:57,613
The change in power between
our victim and ourselves.

357
00:14:57,615 --> 00:14:59,415
Huh?

358
00:14:59,417 --> 00:15:02,151
This is for Dax to realize
he's been humiliated

359
00:15:02,153 --> 00:15:04,286
by some serious gangsters.

360
00:15:04,288 --> 00:15:05,421
Who?

361
00:15:05,423 --> 00:15:06,655
Us.

362
00:15:06,657 --> 00:15:07,923
Us?

363
00:15:07,925 --> 00:15:09,525
Seriously?

364
00:15:09,527 --> 00:15:11,260
We're seriously
out of our league.

365
00:15:11,262 --> 00:15:14,430
Enough, your pedantic attitude
is starting to annoy me.

366
00:15:14,432 --> 00:15:17,399
Chunk.

367
00:15:21,538 --> 00:15:25,441
Now we all know you've
claimed this as your domain.

368
00:15:25,443 --> 00:15:26,642
But why?

369
00:15:26,644 --> 00:15:28,177
Why, why, why?

370
00:15:28,179 --> 00:15:29,778
Why is this yours to claim?

371
00:15:29,780 --> 00:15:31,547
You're allowed access
weekends and nights

372
00:15:31,549 --> 00:15:33,015
when no one else can.

373
00:15:33,017 --> 00:15:35,150
You say, quote,
"You're cool with coach,"

374
00:15:35,152 --> 00:15:36,552
but my sources tell me,

375
00:15:36,554 --> 00:15:38,320
coach Reed's side
catering business

376
00:15:38,322 --> 00:15:40,522
gets a hearty discount
from your uncle's butcher shop

377
00:15:40,524 --> 00:15:44,293
which makes me think something
deceptive is going on here.

378
00:15:44,295 --> 00:15:45,828
Run it again, man.

379
00:15:45,830 --> 00:15:48,897
But, Dax, my friend,
deception cuts both ways.

380
00:15:48,899 --> 00:15:51,967
See you tomorrow night,
when you'll learn the hard way.

381
00:15:52,969 --> 00:15:56,171
That was your cue.

382
00:15:56,173 --> 00:15:58,207
Jordan?

383
00:15:58,209 --> 00:16:00,175
Idiot.

384
00:16:00,177 --> 00:16:04,079
And in your confusion,
you wander out here.

385
00:16:04,081 --> 00:16:06,482
And surprise, surprise.

386
00:16:06,484 --> 00:16:11,186
A light and sound show,
you will indeed fear

387
00:16:11,188 --> 00:16:13,222
but keep open them
eyes and ears

388
00:16:13,224 --> 00:16:16,191
for it's our intention
to bring you to tears.

389
00:16:17,594 --> 00:16:20,095
Where did that come from?

390
00:16:20,097 --> 00:16:22,064
Don't tell me it's loaded.

391
00:16:22,066 --> 00:16:23,499
Chunk's aunt's pawn shop.

392
00:16:23,501 --> 00:16:26,568
And yes, it is loaded
not with bullets,

393
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:28,604
but with psychological
intimidation.

394
00:16:28,606 --> 00:16:30,372
Fancy, man.
Thank you, Chunk.

395
00:16:30,374 --> 00:16:33,609
Okay, I'm requesting
leave of absence.

396
00:16:33,611 --> 00:16:36,011
I don't have the proper
stupidity to continue.

397
00:16:36,013 --> 00:16:39,014
You mean your stupidity
is making you not see

398
00:16:39,016 --> 00:16:40,749
this prank is fool proof.

399
00:16:40,751 --> 00:16:42,451
Fool proof?

400
00:16:42,453 --> 00:16:43,719
What about the cameras?

401
00:16:43,721 --> 00:16:46,255
Uh, duh.

402
00:16:46,257 --> 00:16:48,390
No.

403
00:16:48,392 --> 00:16:49,892
Duh.

404
00:16:49,894 --> 00:16:52,094
And the sprinklers?

405
00:16:52,096 --> 00:16:56,265
Duh, and the fire alarms
after these M-80s pop?

406
00:16:56,267 --> 00:16:57,633
Duh.

407
00:16:57,635 --> 00:16:58,967
Fool proof?

408
00:16:58,969 --> 00:17:01,136
Only proves
who's the fool here.

409
00:17:01,138 --> 00:17:03,405
Duh.

410
00:17:03,407 --> 00:17:07,109
Hey, summer
school's over.

411
00:17:07,111 --> 00:17:09,478
Take your costume party
someplace else.

412
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,580
I told you guys
I heard something.

413
00:17:21,892 --> 00:17:28,697
Okay, um, so music
starts and...

414
00:17:32,669 --> 00:17:34,436
Fuck!

415
00:17:34,438 --> 00:17:36,171
Fuck, no,

416
00:17:36,173 --> 00:17:40,943
there's supposed to be
fuckin' balloons and confetti.

417
00:17:40,945 --> 00:17:43,278
Sorry, Eve.

418
00:17:47,183 --> 00:17:49,651
What's with
the goofy costume?

419
00:17:49,653 --> 00:17:53,188
<i>Benny and Joon, I thought
you said you loved Johnny Depp</i>

420
00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:56,692
<i>in Benny and Joon.</i>

421
00:17:56,694 --> 00:17:59,027
Johnny Depp's cool
and Benny Hill's funny

422
00:17:59,029 --> 00:18:00,696
<i>but who's Benny and Joon?</i>

423
00:18:00,698 --> 00:18:02,097
A band?

424
00:18:02,099 --> 00:18:03,699
<i>This was Connor's idea.</i>

425
00:18:03,701 --> 00:18:06,101
He's the idea guy.
Shit face did this?

426
00:18:06,103 --> 00:18:09,471
Oh, you've, um,
you've seen the video?

427
00:18:09,473 --> 00:18:10,973
Everyone's seen the video.

428
00:18:10,975 --> 00:18:12,474
He totally deserved it
though.

429
00:18:12,476 --> 00:18:14,610
Hope he finally
learned his lesson.

430
00:18:14,612 --> 00:18:16,111
Yeah, right.

431
00:18:16,113 --> 00:18:18,981
Did you know he almost
ruined my life last semester?

432
00:18:18,983 --> 00:18:20,849
He published a full page
story of me starring

433
00:18:20,851 --> 00:18:23,218
and directing Macbeth
from the front page

434
00:18:23,220 --> 00:18:25,354
to the back page
of the school paper.

435
00:18:25,356 --> 00:18:26,622
Actually, he just
posted that...

436
00:18:26,624 --> 00:18:29,858
My mom was Lady Macbeth
in off Broadway.

437
00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:32,494
My friends were gonna put
t-shirts of my front page on it.

438
00:18:32,496 --> 00:18:35,998
They all look up to me
and I was completely humiliated.

439
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,067
I'm sorry.

440
00:18:39,069 --> 00:18:42,070
Why do you spend so much
time with that loser anyways?

441
00:18:42,072 --> 00:18:43,572
I don't know.

442
00:18:43,574 --> 00:18:44,873
Stupidity?

443
00:18:44,875 --> 00:18:47,242
You should make new friends.

444
00:18:47,244 --> 00:18:49,845
Like cool friends.

445
00:18:49,847 --> 00:18:51,380
Like my friends.

446
00:18:51,382 --> 00:18:53,148
Oh, okay.

447
00:18:53,150 --> 00:18:54,983
Okay.

448
00:18:54,985 --> 00:18:57,386
So you have something
for me, sweetie?

449
00:18:57,388 --> 00:19:00,389
Oh, uh, yeah,
I almost forgot.

450
00:19:02,925 --> 00:19:04,259
Happy birthday.

451
00:19:04,261 --> 00:19:05,727
Oh, my God,
you shouldn't have...

452
00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:07,095
I'm sorry it's late.

453
00:19:07,097 --> 00:19:09,531
What is it
a gift card?

454
00:19:09,533 --> 00:19:10,666
Oh.

455
00:19:10,668 --> 00:19:11,900
You like it?

456
00:19:11,902 --> 00:19:14,369
Oh, it's not a gift card.

457
00:19:14,371 --> 00:19:15,537
Well, put it on.

458
00:19:15,539 --> 00:19:16,672
No, I'm cool.

459
00:19:16,674 --> 00:19:19,107
Here,

460
00:19:19,109 --> 00:19:21,410
it's an antique.

461
00:19:21,412 --> 00:19:25,047
It's been in the family for
three generations, I think.

462
00:19:25,049 --> 00:19:27,683
It's even got
diamonds on it.

463
00:19:27,685 --> 00:19:29,785
Real diamonds?

464
00:19:29,787 --> 00:19:32,321
I love it, thank you.

465
00:19:35,759 --> 00:19:37,092
Oh, my God,
what the hell?

466
00:19:37,094 --> 00:19:38,193
It's just Connor.

467
00:19:38,195 --> 00:19:39,795
What do you want?
Okay.

468
00:19:39,797 --> 00:19:42,064
Um, I'll be right back.

469
00:19:43,133 --> 00:19:44,800
<i>Hold your horses.</i>

470
00:19:44,802 --> 00:19:46,435
<i>This is why
you've been dodging me?</i>

471
00:19:46,437 --> 00:19:47,936
<i>What does she know?
What'd you tell her?</i>

472
00:19:47,938 --> 00:19:49,438
<i>What'd he tell you?</i>

473
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,406
Happy birthday?
I should get to work.

474
00:19:51,408 --> 00:19:53,275
Stop acting innocent,
you conniving bitch!

475
00:19:53,277 --> 00:19:54,810
Oh, my God,
what's wrong with him?

476
00:19:54,812 --> 00:19:56,778
Don't you dare judge me, cunt.
Jordan.

477
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:58,313
Take that back.
You take that back.

478
00:19:58,315 --> 00:19:59,581
Take what back?

479
00:19:59,583 --> 00:20:01,216
I swear on the honor
of the Klingon code,

480
00:20:01,218 --> 00:20:03,318
if you tell Dax our plan...
Stay away!

481
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:07,055
Ow, you bitch!

482
00:20:07,057 --> 00:20:08,724
Are you okay?
No!

483
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:12,060
I swear, I've never
struck a girl before,

484
00:20:12,062 --> 00:20:13,795
let alone
a fairytale character,

485
00:20:13,797 --> 00:20:15,597
but if my nose
is broken again...

486
00:20:17,734 --> 00:20:21,103
Tell him, Jordan.

487
00:20:21,105 --> 00:20:22,471
Tell me what?

488
00:20:22,473 --> 00:20:24,606
Well.

489
00:20:24,608 --> 00:20:27,943
Stay away, Connor.

490
00:20:27,945 --> 00:20:29,911
From both of us.

491
00:20:29,913 --> 00:20:30,979
You're that dense?

492
00:20:30,981 --> 00:20:32,514
She's cavorting with Dax,

493
00:20:32,516 --> 00:20:33,849
we saw him at the
electronic store holding hands.

494
00:20:33,851 --> 00:20:35,317
We're friends, asshole.

495
00:20:35,319 --> 00:20:36,451
Like that's any of your
business anyways,

496
00:20:36,453 --> 00:20:37,753
you nosy prick.

497
00:20:37,755 --> 00:20:39,020
We would have
told you before, we just

498
00:20:39,022 --> 00:20:40,856
didn't think
you'd handle it.

499
00:20:40,858 --> 00:20:42,758
Well?

500
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,460
Well, I can't kick him out
right now.

501
00:20:45,462 --> 00:20:47,362
What if his nose
is broken again?

502
00:20:47,364 --> 00:20:48,630
Enjoy your kiss
and make up, then.

503
00:20:48,632 --> 00:20:49,765
Eve, wait.

504
00:20:54,504 --> 00:20:56,204
What a fool.

505
00:20:56,206 --> 00:20:57,506
Eve!

506
00:21:00,777 --> 00:21:02,110
Connor?

507
00:21:13,790 --> 00:21:15,891
Jordan?

508
00:21:15,893 --> 00:21:17,526
Jordan?

509
00:21:17,528 --> 00:21:19,795
I'm apologizing
straight to camera.

510
00:21:19,797 --> 00:21:21,863
You watching?

511
00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:22,998
I'm only doing
this for you.

512
00:21:25,168 --> 00:21:28,370
Eve, I overreacted.

513
00:21:28,372 --> 00:21:29,538
I shouldn't have
called you a cunt.

514
00:21:29,540 --> 00:21:31,206
You're not.

515
00:21:31,208 --> 00:21:34,042
You're just using my friend
here for his money.

516
00:21:34,044 --> 00:21:40,682
So for my poor
choice of words, I apologize.

517
00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:45,253
What I should have
called you is a whore.

518
00:21:45,255 --> 00:21:48,323
There, done. Copacetic?

519
00:21:52,161 --> 00:21:53,929
You remember Barnes?

520
00:21:53,931 --> 00:21:56,565
That obese kid in second grade
used to squat over your face

521
00:21:56,567 --> 00:22:02,437
and fart until you surrendered
your lunch money?

522
00:22:02,439 --> 00:22:06,174
That happened what?
Three months straight?

523
00:22:06,176 --> 00:22:08,543
Until someone came over
and screamed "rape, rape, rape!"

524
00:22:08,545 --> 00:22:11,346
so loud and so often
that they transferred him out.

525
00:22:12,715 --> 00:22:13,915
You remember that?

526
00:22:18,221 --> 00:22:20,055
I know you do.
That's how we became friends.

527
00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:26,862
Look, I don't attest
to being perfect.

528
00:22:26,864 --> 00:22:28,463
You perfectly
fucked up my life.

529
00:22:28,465 --> 00:22:30,732
But I'm trying my best.

530
00:22:30,734 --> 00:22:32,567
I understand you've
had a crush on Eve

531
00:22:32,569 --> 00:22:36,938
since the 5th grade
and but to be honest,

532
00:22:36,940 --> 00:22:39,875
for you the female species
has been quite elusive.

533
00:22:39,877 --> 00:22:42,944
Okay, stop, stop,
fucking stop.

534
00:22:42,946 --> 00:22:45,647
Stop acting like
you fucking care.

535
00:22:45,649 --> 00:22:46,882
All right?

536
00:22:46,884 --> 00:22:49,384
That Connor,
my friend, he's...

537
00:22:49,386 --> 00:22:51,887
he's dead because
you're not him.

538
00:22:51,889 --> 00:22:54,122
You've changed.

539
00:22:54,124 --> 00:22:56,625
You only care about
one thing now.

540
00:22:56,627 --> 00:22:57,993
You.

541
00:22:57,995 --> 00:22:58,994
You're completely blinded.

542
00:22:58,996 --> 00:23:00,595
Am I?

543
00:23:00,597 --> 00:23:02,264
I mean, how much are you
gonna blindly sacrifice

544
00:23:02,266 --> 00:23:04,232
for this bullshit
revenge you want?

545
00:23:04,234 --> 00:23:07,536
Your friends, your future,
your sanity?

546
00:23:10,273 --> 00:23:16,511
I'm waiting for the strings,
but yes, if I must, I will.

547
00:23:16,513 --> 00:23:17,746
I didn't initiate this.

548
00:23:17,748 --> 00:23:19,915
Yeah,
but you'll continue it.

549
00:23:19,917 --> 00:23:21,616
Over and over
and over again.

550
00:23:21,618 --> 00:23:24,152
It'll never stop,
you'll never beat Dax Gaiman

551
00:23:24,154 --> 00:23:26,922
because you're no better
than him and you know it.

552
00:23:26,924 --> 00:23:28,924
Done?

553
00:23:28,926 --> 00:23:30,825
Yeah, I'm done.

554
00:23:30,827 --> 00:23:32,527
And so is our friendship.

555
00:23:32,529 --> 00:23:36,498
No, no, no, no, Jordan,
you owe me for the many years,

556
00:23:36,500 --> 00:23:39,067
months, and days
that I stood by your side.

557
00:23:40,002 --> 00:23:41,870
It's the least you can do.

558
00:23:41,872 --> 00:23:45,173
There's a difference between
revenge and justice, you know.

559
00:23:52,515 --> 00:23:54,516
Since this is your plan
we're adopting now,

560
00:23:54,518 --> 00:23:56,785
wouldn't it make more sense
for you to do the prologue?

561
00:23:56,787 --> 00:23:58,320
But you're such a natural.

562
00:23:58,322 --> 00:24:00,055
Touché.

563
00:24:00,057 --> 00:24:03,658
Second lesson in the school
of hard knocks, Dax, theatrics.

564
00:24:03,660 --> 00:24:05,493
For instance, Jordan and I
in keeping with the adage

565
00:24:05,495 --> 00:24:07,395
"the show must go on,"

566
00:24:07,397 --> 00:24:09,898
we've set aside past differences
to concentrate on the future.

567
00:24:09,900 --> 00:24:12,467
The future? Your demise.

568
00:24:12,469 --> 00:24:13,602
The plan?

569
00:24:16,339 --> 00:24:18,073
Not exactly ingenious...

570
00:24:18,075 --> 00:24:20,342
But it'll do.

571
00:24:20,344 --> 00:24:22,711
So, Dax, be afraid.

572
00:24:22,713 --> 00:24:25,313
Be very afraid.

573
00:24:25,315 --> 00:24:27,082
When are we picking up Chunk?

574
00:24:27,084 --> 00:24:29,184
She'll need to be briefed
on this ingenious plan as well.

575
00:24:29,186 --> 00:24:31,586
No, no, Chunk.
No more screw-ups.

576
00:24:31,588 --> 00:24:33,221
She made one mistake once.

577
00:24:33,223 --> 00:24:35,223
Does everybody need to be
as perfect as Eve now?

578
00:24:35,225 --> 00:24:38,093
I'm volunteering here,
remember that.

579
00:24:38,095 --> 00:24:40,562
Your apathy for me is
duly been noted. Pray tell,

580
00:24:40,564 --> 00:24:42,497
what has Chunk done to deserve
this kind of treatment?

581
00:24:42,499 --> 00:24:45,867
She's dumb,
she's poor, she's uncool.

582
00:24:45,869 --> 00:24:48,503
She is the same exact person
you introduced to me

583
00:24:48,505 --> 00:24:50,005
5 years ago when you said,

584
00:24:50,007 --> 00:24:51,873
"Can Chunk
join us for lunch please?"

585
00:24:51,875 --> 00:24:54,376
She's not my fucking friend
anymore, all right?

586
00:24:56,012 --> 00:24:57,746
Period.

587
00:24:57,748 --> 00:24:59,014
It sounds to me
like I'm not the only one

588
00:24:59,016 --> 00:25:00,582
undergoing metamorphosis.

589
00:25:00,584 --> 00:25:03,518
No fucking friend would...

590
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:05,220
Continue.

591
00:25:10,893 --> 00:25:13,294
Chunk? You?

592
00:25:13,296 --> 00:25:14,896
Fascinating.

593
00:25:14,898 --> 00:25:17,032
You know, I thought
she only lusted after women.

594
00:25:17,034 --> 00:25:20,101
I guess the only thing I could
say is tongue or no tongue?

595
00:25:20,103 --> 00:25:21,636
Yeah, yeah,
laugh it up.

596
00:25:21,638 --> 00:25:23,138
At least I don't
go around telling people

597
00:25:23,140 --> 00:25:26,141
<i>how fucking cool
Star Trek is in public.</i>

598
00:25:26,143 --> 00:25:29,611
You used to, Jordan,
and don't act like you didn't.

599
00:25:29,613 --> 00:25:32,614
And you used to know
what a joke was too.

600
00:25:32,616 --> 00:25:35,383
Perseverance, means
finish what you start.

601
00:25:39,388 --> 00:25:42,057
And this is not humorous!

602
00:25:42,059 --> 00:25:43,525
Jordan!

603
00:25:49,398 --> 00:25:51,666
Assuming you're appeasing
your fetish of bouncing large

604
00:25:51,668 --> 00:25:53,168
orange balls right now,

605
00:25:53,170 --> 00:25:55,570
we decided to bring
our last lesson,

606
00:25:55,572 --> 00:25:58,173
straight to your living room.

607
00:25:58,175 --> 00:26:00,809
That lesson, Dax,

608
00:26:00,811 --> 00:26:03,144
mayhem.

609
00:26:03,146 --> 00:26:05,080
Are you done
with the bullshit?

610
00:26:05,082 --> 00:26:06,147
If you're referring
to your attitude,

611
00:26:06,149 --> 00:26:08,717
yes, I most certainly am.

612
00:26:57,366 --> 00:26:59,234
Well?

613
00:26:59,236 --> 00:27:00,869
Well, you officially
belong on the short bus,

614
00:27:00,871 --> 00:27:02,537
what can I say?

615
00:27:02,539 --> 00:27:05,473
This isn't a specular sport.
Make yourself useful.

616
00:27:07,576 --> 00:27:10,378
This is so fucking stupid.

617
00:27:22,758 --> 00:27:25,226
I said mayhem,
not decorative arts.

618
00:27:25,228 --> 00:27:26,528
Here.

619
00:27:26,530 --> 00:27:28,029
Can't we discuss this?

620
00:27:28,031 --> 00:27:29,898
What's there to discuss?
They're eggs.

621
00:27:29,900 --> 00:27:32,767
Throw them.

622
00:27:32,769 --> 00:27:34,269
At the house.

623
00:27:34,271 --> 00:27:35,770
I know.

624
00:27:35,772 --> 00:27:37,405
My apologies for assuming
your complete idiocy.

625
00:27:37,407 --> 00:27:39,674
Fuck you.

626
00:27:39,676 --> 00:27:42,177
Fuck you, Chunk.

627
00:27:42,179 --> 00:27:44,279
Fuck you, Dax.

628
00:27:44,281 --> 00:27:45,280
Fuck you all.

629
00:27:45,282 --> 00:27:46,681
Mayhem.

630
00:27:48,184 --> 00:27:49,784
Someone's inside.

631
00:27:49,786 --> 00:27:51,252
Who?

632
00:27:59,795 --> 00:28:01,262
I see...

633
00:28:01,264 --> 00:28:02,931
Who?

634
00:28:02,933 --> 00:28:04,365
Paranoia,
there's nobody there.

635
00:28:04,367 --> 00:28:05,800
I'm done.

636
00:28:05,802 --> 00:28:09,437
No, we're not even
halfway done yet.

637
00:28:17,046 --> 00:28:20,949
Is anybody out there?

638
00:28:23,319 --> 00:28:25,587
Oh, wait,

639
00:28:25,589 --> 00:28:27,555
somebody was
enjoying themselves.

640
00:28:30,726 --> 00:28:32,727
Profusely.

641
00:28:32,729 --> 00:28:35,096
Oh, crap.
What?

642
00:28:35,098 --> 00:28:37,932
Is anybody
in Dax's family black?

643
00:28:37,934 --> 00:28:39,267
Might explain
his wiggerness.

644
00:28:39,269 --> 00:28:40,602
Come on, let's go.

645
00:28:40,604 --> 00:28:42,237
Wait, let me raise the game.

646
00:28:42,239 --> 00:28:44,239
Oh, crap.
Shit.

647
00:28:44,241 --> 00:28:46,341
Oh, my god.
Fucking abandon ship.

648
00:28:46,343 --> 00:28:48,743
Oh, my God.
Retreat! Run away!

649
00:28:48,745 --> 00:28:52,180
Connor, come on!
We got it. We got it.

650
00:28:52,182 --> 00:28:54,082
Connor,
what are you doing?

651
00:28:54,084 --> 00:28:56,184
Turn the camera off.
It's the biggest day of my life.

652
00:28:56,186 --> 00:28:58,887
Connor! I think I might ejaculate
in my pants right now.

653
00:29:04,593 --> 00:29:06,628
Dax, we now possess
the very thing

654
00:29:06,630 --> 00:29:09,597
that will bring you
to your knees.

655
00:29:09,599 --> 00:29:11,132
So to speak.

656
00:29:11,134 --> 00:29:13,468
That'll make everyone
see you for who you are,

657
00:29:13,470 --> 00:29:18,606
not all American jockey boy.
No, a flaming fraud.

658
00:29:18,608 --> 00:29:19,874
And there's only
one small man

659
00:29:19,876 --> 00:29:22,977
that stands between us
and justice

660
00:29:22,979 --> 00:29:24,779
or should I say
one giant idiot.

661
00:29:24,781 --> 00:29:26,281
Hand over the cable, Jordan.

662
00:29:26,283 --> 00:29:28,516
"Distrust all in whom
the impulse"

663
00:29:28,518 --> 00:29:30,385
to punish is powerful

664
00:29:30,387 --> 00:29:32,287
and if your friend
does evil to you,

665
00:29:32,289 --> 00:29:35,156
say to him, 'I forgive you
for what you did to me

666
00:29:35,158 --> 00:29:37,158
"but how can I forgive you
for what you did to yourself?"

667
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:38,660
Where is it, Jordan?

668
00:29:38,662 --> 00:29:41,296
"Battle not with monsters,
lest you become one."

669
00:29:41,298 --> 00:29:43,164
It's your book.
Ow! God.

670
00:29:43,166 --> 00:29:45,867
Next time you get your face
shoved into a bowl of excrement,

671
00:29:45,869 --> 00:29:47,402
I'll let you lecture me
on rally.

672
00:29:47,404 --> 00:29:51,739
Until then...
My dad's gay.

673
00:29:51,741 --> 00:29:53,408
He's on a quote un-quote,

674
00:29:53,410 --> 00:29:57,679
business trip with a quote
un-quote, internet friend.

675
00:29:57,681 --> 00:30:00,548
And that has pertinence
to this how?

676
00:30:05,387 --> 00:30:07,322
What is this? 1995?

677
00:30:07,324 --> 00:30:08,823
Jordan, are you on dial-up?

678
00:30:20,569 --> 00:30:22,203
Something humorous?

679
00:30:23,272 --> 00:30:25,073
You.

680
00:30:25,075 --> 00:30:26,307
Me.

681
00:30:28,077 --> 00:30:31,079
Us rubes.

682
00:30:31,081 --> 00:30:35,583
All these little maneuverings
for what?

683
00:30:35,585 --> 00:30:37,719
Something that was
right there.

684
00:30:37,721 --> 00:30:40,355
Right in front of our faces.

685
00:30:40,357 --> 00:30:43,358
I don't comprehend.

686
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:47,362
You and this
self-satisfaction.

687
00:30:47,364 --> 00:30:51,699
Me knowing
I was right all along.

688
00:30:51,701 --> 00:30:56,471
Eve and Dax, they're friends.
Just friends.

689
00:30:56,473 --> 00:30:58,439
Sorry, friendo.

690
00:30:58,441 --> 00:31:00,875
All tonight proves
is Dax is greedy in love

691
00:31:00,877 --> 00:31:01,958
as he is
in everything else.

692
00:31:08,751 --> 00:31:12,220
Don't let the door
hit your nose on the way out.

693
00:31:12,222 --> 00:31:15,723
I take no joy in being
the bearer of bad news.

694
00:31:15,725 --> 00:31:17,759
Tell these procurer
a slice of...

695
00:31:17,761 --> 00:31:19,127
pizza by the park...

696
00:31:20,263 --> 00:31:22,263
Shit.
Connor?

697
00:31:25,268 --> 00:31:26,334
Who is it?

698
00:31:27,904 --> 00:31:29,337
Who do you think?
Open the fucking door!

699
00:31:29,339 --> 00:31:30,505
I know you faggots are there.

700
00:31:30,507 --> 00:31:32,673
Oh, crap.

701
00:31:32,675 --> 00:31:34,242
Open the fucking door

702
00:31:34,244 --> 00:31:35,843
or I'm going to kick this
fucking thing down.

703
00:31:35,845 --> 00:31:37,745
- Okay. All right.
- What are you doing?

704
00:31:37,747 --> 00:31:39,614
What? My dad's gonna kill me
if he actually does it.

705
00:31:39,616 --> 00:31:41,282
He's gonna kill me
if he actually opens it.

706
00:31:41,284 --> 00:31:43,085
Just give him the camera.
That's all he wants.

707
00:31:44,421 --> 00:31:45,787
Coming. I'm coming.
All right. Open the fucking door!

708
00:31:45,789 --> 00:31:48,156
All right, idiot, okay.
Okay. Okay. Okay.

709
00:31:48,158 --> 00:31:49,424
All right. All right.

710
00:31:49,426 --> 00:31:50,792
What the fuck?

711
00:31:50,794 --> 00:31:52,427
Where the fuck's
the camera, huh?

712
00:31:56,165 --> 00:31:57,799
Ah, bitch.

713
00:31:59,302 --> 00:32:01,669
Connor, Connor,
what the fuck are you doing?

714
00:32:03,672 --> 00:32:06,040
Fuck.

715
00:32:06,042 --> 00:32:07,942
You and your
fucking inner Klingon.

716
00:32:13,549 --> 00:32:15,283
Pop quiz.

717
00:32:15,285 --> 00:32:17,518
Given the choice of having
embarrassing footage of you

718
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:21,055
uploaded albeit on the slowest
DSL line known to man

719
00:32:21,057 --> 00:32:23,558
or apologizing directly
to those you've wronged

720
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:25,693
and swearing
to never do it again,

721
00:32:25,695 --> 00:32:27,795
which would you choose,
Daxy boy?

722
00:32:29,164 --> 00:32:30,698
You're in frame, Jordan.

723
00:32:30,700 --> 00:32:32,700
There's blood on
the fucking floor, Connor.

724
00:32:32,702 --> 00:32:34,469
And white trash bags will
of course conceal that.

725
00:32:34,471 --> 00:32:36,471
Okay, it's the first thing
I found, all right?

726
00:32:36,473 --> 00:32:38,339
We don't normally
use my dad's workshop

727
00:32:38,341 --> 00:32:39,807
to hold people
fucking hostage.

728
00:32:39,809 --> 00:32:41,409
Oh, so letting them go
and pretending like

729
00:32:41,411 --> 00:32:43,311
none of this ever happened
would solve everything?

730
00:32:43,313 --> 00:32:46,047
Well, it wouldn't have added,
uh, false imprisonment

731
00:32:46,049 --> 00:32:49,484
and assault and battery
to our rap sheet.

732
00:32:49,486 --> 00:32:50,918
All caught on tape,
of course.

733
00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:52,220
Congratulations.

734
00:32:52,222 --> 00:32:53,855
You just set
a new world record

735
00:32:53,857 --> 00:32:56,491
for the lowest IQ of any member
of the mammal family.

736
00:32:56,493 --> 00:32:58,092
This is collateral.

737
00:32:58,094 --> 00:33:01,562
That he can't ever,
won't ever bully us again.

738
00:33:01,564 --> 00:33:03,865
He never bullied me.

739
00:33:03,867 --> 00:33:05,867
You're too stupid
to notice it.

740
00:33:05,869 --> 00:33:06,868
What?

741
00:33:06,870 --> 00:33:09,604
Oh, fuck.

742
00:33:09,606 --> 00:33:11,873
Where do you think
you're going, huh?

743
00:33:11,875 --> 00:33:16,110
Nowhere until we come
to a little consensus.

744
00:33:16,112 --> 00:33:18,379
Jordan, a little help.

745
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:25,887
Shut up.

746
00:33:25,889 --> 00:33:28,456
We make your...

747
00:33:28,458 --> 00:33:31,592
to rear entry only,
a lost classic

748
00:33:31,594 --> 00:33:34,896
if you apologize for everything
you've ever done to us.

749
00:33:34,898 --> 00:33:35,963
All right?

750
00:33:35,965 --> 00:33:37,532
And for cavorting with Eve.

751
00:33:37,534 --> 00:33:38,633
Connor.

752
00:33:38,635 --> 00:33:41,035
Directly to camera.

753
00:33:41,037 --> 00:33:43,271
Agreed?

754
00:33:43,273 --> 00:33:44,739
What camera?

755
00:33:47,643 --> 00:33:49,610
Ew.
God.

756
00:33:49,612 --> 00:33:53,281
For the sake of magnanimity,
I'll let that go.

757
00:33:53,283 --> 00:33:54,782
What are you doing?

758
00:33:54,784 --> 00:33:56,384
Making sure everybody
gets a good look at this.

759
00:33:56,386 --> 00:33:58,619
This ain't fuckin'
Sesame Street, cry baby.

760
00:33:58,621 --> 00:33:59,787
Whenever you're ready,
Daxy boy.

761
00:33:59,789 --> 00:34:01,923
Fuck you. Help!

762
00:34:01,925 --> 00:34:04,926
Help! Help!
Shut up! Jordan, shut him up!

763
00:34:04,928 --> 00:34:06,661
Do something! Like what?
Help!

764
00:34:06,663 --> 00:34:09,163
I swear I'm gonna
hit you if you don't shut up!

765
00:34:09,165 --> 00:34:11,432
Fucking genius!
Shut up before I hit you too!

766
00:34:13,435 --> 00:34:14,635
Fuck you!

767
00:34:14,637 --> 00:34:16,504
Connor.

768
00:34:16,506 --> 00:34:20,408
Connor, maybe you shouldn't,
um... maybe we shouldn't watch.

769
00:34:20,410 --> 00:34:24,178
Ah, God,
he's got a hard head.

770
00:34:24,180 --> 00:34:25,780
Wow.

771
00:34:25,782 --> 00:34:29,450
Never seen anybody
get punched like that before.

772
00:34:29,452 --> 00:34:31,819
It's kind of weird.

773
00:34:31,821 --> 00:34:32,954
Gag him.

774
00:34:32,956 --> 00:34:34,522
What?
Gag him.

775
00:34:34,524 --> 00:34:36,023
Why?

776
00:34:36,025 --> 00:34:38,092
So there's no repeat of the
banshee act, idiot.

777
00:34:38,094 --> 00:34:40,094
Fuck.

778
00:34:41,463 --> 00:34:44,165
Feels like a brick wall.

779
00:34:44,167 --> 00:34:48,102
Mm. Mm.

780
00:34:50,005 --> 00:34:51,606
He can still talk.

781
00:34:51,608 --> 00:34:53,174
It's 'cause you're
doing it wrong.

782
00:34:53,176 --> 00:34:54,442
Of course.

783
00:34:56,478 --> 00:34:59,680
He said he was gonna shove his
ass cheeks down our throats.

784
00:34:59,682 --> 00:35:01,315
Is that even possible?
Shut up!

785
00:35:01,317 --> 00:35:02,950
Hold it!

786
00:35:04,487 --> 00:35:06,320
Bastard!

787
00:35:15,631 --> 00:35:16,998
Give me the gun.

788
00:35:18,500 --> 00:35:20,835
I said get me the gun.
Go.

789
00:35:20,837 --> 00:35:22,637
Stop.
I hate that.

790
00:35:26,875 --> 00:35:29,844
Emotional compensation,
that's all I want.

791
00:35:32,014 --> 00:35:33,381
Better plans?

792
00:35:35,752 --> 00:35:37,351
Fuck!

793
00:35:40,489 --> 00:35:42,156
Don't act belligerent.

794
00:35:43,659 --> 00:35:45,393
Stop!

795
00:35:50,165 --> 00:35:52,166
All I wanted
was an apology.

796
00:35:53,735 --> 00:35:56,170
One simple apology.

797
00:35:59,875 --> 00:36:02,677
9 years...

798
00:36:02,679 --> 00:36:05,046
never once
did I insult you.

799
00:36:06,782 --> 00:36:10,117
Never once did
I attack you.

800
00:36:10,119 --> 00:36:14,188
Never once did I really do
anything to you.

801
00:36:14,190 --> 00:36:16,624
But for those 9 years
you went out of your way

802
00:36:16,626 --> 00:36:19,560
to make my life
a goddamn fucking hell!

803
00:36:23,065 --> 00:36:25,266
Every goddamn
fucking day.

804
00:36:29,071 --> 00:36:33,441
Every fucking minute
you humiliated me

805
00:36:33,443 --> 00:36:35,910
and every one
of my fucking friends.

806
00:36:38,413 --> 00:36:40,147
Why?

807
00:36:40,149 --> 00:36:41,849
You tell me why.

808
00:36:44,586 --> 00:36:46,220
Hmm?

809
00:36:49,057 --> 00:36:50,558
Fucking pussy.

810
00:36:56,598 --> 00:36:57,932
You're right.

811
00:36:57,934 --> 00:37:01,235
I never gave you an
incentive to stop,

812
00:37:01,237 --> 00:37:02,970
until now.

813
00:37:04,339 --> 00:37:05,973
Frame up a good shot.

814
00:37:05,975 --> 00:37:08,476
Of what?

815
00:37:08,478 --> 00:37:11,178
Six chambers, one bullet.

816
00:37:11,180 --> 00:37:12,747
That means...
Connor, there's no...

817
00:37:12,749 --> 00:37:14,749
Shut up!

818
00:37:14,751 --> 00:37:17,585
You got five chances at most
to say what you need to say.

819
00:37:17,587 --> 00:37:18,753
Now.

820
00:37:20,756 --> 00:37:22,189
Oh, wait.

821
00:37:22,191 --> 00:37:23,624
Cue music.

822
00:37:23,626 --> 00:37:26,260
What music?

823
00:37:26,262 --> 00:37:28,329
A requiem.

824
00:37:28,331 --> 00:37:30,498
This is so stupid.

825
00:37:33,970 --> 00:37:35,636
Good.

826
00:37:35,638 --> 00:37:36,637
Now...

827
00:37:41,343 --> 00:37:44,345
One.

828
00:37:49,384 --> 00:37:51,986
Two.

829
00:37:51,988 --> 00:37:53,654
You fuckin' pussy.

830
00:37:53,656 --> 00:37:55,523
You really think
you're gonna make it to five?

831
00:38:02,998 --> 00:38:03,998
Look.

832
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:05,533
<i>His Deer Hunter</i>

833
00:38:05,535 --> 00:38:09,236
<i>is way better than
your Benny and Joon.</i>

834
00:38:09,238 --> 00:38:11,672
Well, we spoke too soon.

835
00:38:11,674 --> 00:38:13,140
Look who just
sprung a leak.

836
00:38:13,142 --> 00:38:15,676
Fuck you.

837
00:38:15,678 --> 00:38:19,814
Unlike you, Dax, I take no joy
in embarrassing others.

838
00:38:21,183 --> 00:38:24,051
Okay. Maybe a little.

839
00:38:24,053 --> 00:38:25,753
Just this once.

840
00:38:25,755 --> 00:38:28,389
Fuck you.

841
00:38:38,033 --> 00:38:40,334
But ask yourself,

842
00:38:40,336 --> 00:38:43,437
how lucky
can one man really be?

843
00:38:43,439 --> 00:38:45,840
Do I want blood on my hands?

844
00:38:45,842 --> 00:38:47,208
Nope.

845
00:38:47,210 --> 00:38:49,844
Jordon?

846
00:38:49,846 --> 00:38:51,078
Didn't think so.

847
00:38:53,081 --> 00:38:54,715
Dax?

848
00:38:54,717 --> 00:38:56,217
Fuck you!

849
00:38:58,053 --> 00:38:59,854
Not very eloquent,
are you?

850
00:39:02,357 --> 00:39:05,793
Leaves us no choice.

851
00:39:05,795 --> 00:39:08,062
Ow.

852
00:39:10,967 --> 00:39:12,867
Do you... do you hear that?

853
00:39:12,869 --> 00:39:14,468
No.

854
00:39:14,470 --> 00:39:16,570
I'm only standing like
this because I have a cramp.

855
00:39:16,572 --> 00:39:18,072
Is that your father?
Help!

856
00:39:18,074 --> 00:39:19,640
Shut up.
Help.

857
00:39:19,642 --> 00:39:21,242
He's not supposed to be back
for another week.

858
00:39:21,244 --> 00:39:25,079
Help! Help me! Help!

859
00:39:25,081 --> 00:39:26,814
Shut up!

860
00:39:26,816 --> 00:39:28,883
Fuck.

861
00:39:31,287 --> 00:39:33,888
It's probably the pizza guy.
Go pay him.

862
00:39:33,890 --> 00:39:35,756
Pizza.

863
00:39:35,758 --> 00:39:38,893
Now we can continue
this party all night long.

864
00:39:41,129 --> 00:39:43,130
What are you doing?
Planting roots?

865
00:39:43,132 --> 00:39:45,633
Go!
What if it's the police?

866
00:39:45,635 --> 00:39:47,768
Why would police
need to alarm their own cars?

867
00:39:48,904 --> 00:39:51,639
No, you go, here.

868
00:39:51,641 --> 00:39:52,907
But why?

869
00:39:52,909 --> 00:39:54,241
Here, just take it.

870
00:39:54,243 --> 00:39:56,143
I don't even... go.

871
00:39:56,145 --> 00:39:58,646
Hurry.

872
00:39:58,648 --> 00:40:00,481
I don't even have
any money.

873
00:40:10,292 --> 00:40:12,426
Oh, crap.

874
00:40:12,428 --> 00:40:15,663
Jordan.

875
00:40:15,665 --> 00:40:19,366
You know your front door's
in a really awful shape.

876
00:40:19,368 --> 00:40:20,668
I'm sorry
I lost my temper

877
00:40:20,670 --> 00:40:23,370
but I'm not leaving
until we talk.

878
00:40:23,372 --> 00:40:26,140
Crap. He's not home.

879
00:40:30,679 --> 00:40:32,546
His car is
in the driveway.

880
00:40:32,548 --> 00:40:34,381
Crap.

881
00:40:34,383 --> 00:40:36,417
It's none of your business.
Go away.

882
00:40:38,186 --> 00:40:40,321
Are you hearing impaired?

883
00:40:40,323 --> 00:40:43,424
Go away.

884
00:40:47,462 --> 00:40:48,662
Well...

885
00:40:49,898 --> 00:40:51,565
Well, what?

886
00:40:51,567 --> 00:40:53,901
My apology.

887
00:40:53,903 --> 00:40:55,536
I may be blonde.

888
00:40:55,538 --> 00:40:58,205
I may be a cheerleader,
but I'm no dumb bitch.

889
00:40:58,207 --> 00:41:00,574
And I'm definitely not
a cunt you want to fuck with.

890
00:41:00,576 --> 00:41:02,676
So open the door,

891
00:41:02,678 --> 00:41:06,180
get on your knees,
and beg for my forgiveness,

892
00:41:06,182 --> 00:41:07,848
if you know what's good
for you, sweety.

893
00:41:10,986 --> 00:41:12,486
I'm still here.

894
00:41:12,488 --> 00:41:15,089
Crap.

895
00:41:15,091 --> 00:41:17,224
I know, you're metaphorically
screwing Jordan

896
00:41:17,226 --> 00:41:19,059
while literally
screwing Dax.

897
00:41:21,229 --> 00:41:23,597
I told Dax, your shit-faced
video could have been

898
00:41:23,599 --> 00:41:27,001
so much more successful
if it was more dramatic

899
00:41:27,003 --> 00:41:29,336
instead of just
playing pathetic.

900
00:41:29,338 --> 00:41:30,704
The point is?

901
00:41:30,706 --> 00:41:33,207
You'll pay, sweetie.
I promise.

902
00:41:39,247 --> 00:41:42,516
Better be STD-free or
there'll be hell to pay.

903
00:41:45,955 --> 00:41:47,154
Jordan?

904
00:41:51,893 --> 00:41:53,260
Jordan!

905
00:41:58,533 --> 00:42:00,000
Jordan!

906
00:42:01,970 --> 00:42:04,905
Oh, crap. Crap.
Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap.

907
00:42:14,783 --> 00:42:16,050
Jordan.

908
00:42:22,657 --> 00:42:24,124
Jordan!

909
00:42:29,998 --> 00:42:31,065
Jordan.

910
00:42:35,671 --> 00:42:37,438
No. No. No.

911
00:42:41,076 --> 00:42:43,911
Oh, my God.

912
00:42:43,913 --> 00:42:45,079
Don't.

913
00:42:50,452 --> 00:42:52,686
Fuck!

914
00:43:00,662 --> 00:43:02,830
How can your aunt
be so mentally deficient?

915
00:43:02,832 --> 00:43:04,465
It's mental deficiency
to keep a gun loaded

916
00:43:04,467 --> 00:43:07,101
in the shop and not inform
anyone about the thing.

917
00:43:07,103 --> 00:43:08,936
It wasn't loaded?

918
00:43:08,938 --> 00:43:10,704
Then why are there
buckets of blood?

919
00:43:10,706 --> 00:43:13,540
Dax's blood that...

920
00:43:16,679 --> 00:43:18,045
Hello?

921
00:43:18,047 --> 00:43:19,613
Hello!

922
00:43:19,615 --> 00:43:23,717
Crap,
she hung up on me.

923
00:43:23,719 --> 00:43:24,852
Not my fault.

924
00:43:24,854 --> 00:43:26,120
Excuse me?

925
00:43:26,122 --> 00:43:27,621
Not my fault.

926
00:43:27,623 --> 00:43:29,223
Why is that on?

927
00:43:29,225 --> 00:43:31,125
Turn it off.

928
00:43:31,127 --> 00:43:33,560
Turn it off, idiot!

929
00:43:33,562 --> 00:43:34,695
Please.

930
00:43:44,005 --> 00:43:45,873
I'm sorry
for vociferating earlier.

931
00:43:45,875 --> 00:43:47,708
You understand?
Dax having brains...

932
00:43:47,710 --> 00:43:50,878
and seeing them splattered
all over Jordan's garage is

933
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:53,881
quite jarring on both accounts.

934
00:43:53,883 --> 00:43:55,749
Excuse me?

935
00:43:55,751 --> 00:43:57,384
Yes, I am recording.

936
00:43:57,386 --> 00:43:58,852
So we have a record.

937
00:43:58,854 --> 00:44:00,754
An accurate record of
what actually occurred.

938
00:44:00,756 --> 00:44:04,892
Now was your aunt's gun loaded
when we took possession of it?

939
00:44:04,894 --> 00:44:05,893
<i>No.</i>

940
00:44:05,895 --> 00:44:07,394
Then how the hell?

941
00:44:10,732 --> 00:44:12,766
Are you 100% sure?

942
00:44:12,768 --> 00:44:14,401
<i>99%.</i>

943
00:44:14,403 --> 00:44:16,403
That 1% is
really important, Chunk.

944
00:44:16,405 --> 00:44:17,871
<i>Sorry, I didn't check it.</i>

945
00:44:17,873 --> 00:44:19,273
<i>I just assumed that
it would be...</i>

946
00:44:19,275 --> 00:44:21,542
Assumptions make asses
out of you and me.

947
00:44:21,544 --> 00:44:24,011
And right now we are grade
double A donkeys.

948
00:44:24,013 --> 00:44:26,180
<i>Why are you assuming
it was my fault, man?</i>

949
00:44:26,182 --> 00:44:27,915
You did supply the gun,
didn't you?

950
00:44:27,917 --> 00:44:30,184
<i>Well, you did say
so throw Dax's game in.</i>

951
00:44:30,186 --> 00:44:31,785
Don't you dare
turn on me, Chunk.

952
00:44:31,787 --> 00:44:33,554
<i>I'm not turning
on anyone, man.</i>

953
00:44:33,556 --> 00:44:35,055
<i>I just don't want
to be blamed.</i>

954
00:44:35,057 --> 00:44:36,857
<i>Like the camera
and the janitor,</i>

955
00:44:36,859 --> 00:44:38,926
<i>I told you guys like no,
but nobody listens to me.</i>

956
00:44:38,928 --> 00:44:41,428
<i>Like Chunk?
I told you guys I'm on diet.</i>

957
00:44:47,302 --> 00:44:49,269
Jordan.

958
00:44:49,271 --> 00:44:50,437
Jordan!

959
00:44:51,706 --> 00:44:52,639
What are you doing?

960
00:44:55,910 --> 00:44:57,044
Jordan!

961
00:45:05,220 --> 00:45:06,420
Jordan.

962
00:45:16,332 --> 00:45:17,965
Oh, my God.

963
00:45:20,168 --> 00:45:21,468
Oh, my God.

964
00:45:30,578 --> 00:45:33,447
Okay. Okay.

965
00:46:00,875 --> 00:46:02,609
PTSD.

966
00:46:02,611 --> 00:46:04,778
Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder.

967
00:46:04,780 --> 00:46:07,381
We maybe experiencing
some of that right now.

968
00:46:07,383 --> 00:46:08,515
Maybe more
so you than me but...

969
00:46:08,517 --> 00:46:10,150
Apple?

970
00:46:10,152 --> 00:46:14,154
But we need to overcome this
and think rationally.

971
00:46:14,156 --> 00:46:16,957
Like, for instance,

972
00:46:16,959 --> 00:46:18,158
maybe filming
all this isn't

973
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:19,726
the smartest act
at this juncture.

974
00:46:19,728 --> 00:46:21,995
Then how do we...

975
00:46:21,997 --> 00:46:23,297
Continue.

976
00:46:23,299 --> 00:46:25,365
Finish the video?

977
00:46:25,367 --> 00:46:28,001
Finish the video?
Is that what you said?

978
00:46:28,003 --> 00:46:29,369
Asked.

979
00:46:29,371 --> 00:46:30,637
Dax is chopped up
in little pieces

980
00:46:30,639 --> 00:46:32,372
in garbage bags
in your garage.

981
00:46:32,374 --> 00:46:34,141
I think the last thing that
he's concerned about

982
00:46:34,143 --> 00:46:37,311
and we should be concerned
about is the video.

983
00:46:37,313 --> 00:46:38,912
Big pieces.

984
00:46:38,914 --> 00:46:41,415
Excuse me?

985
00:46:41,417 --> 00:46:44,017
Big guy. Big pieces.

986
00:46:47,155 --> 00:46:49,556
Perseverance.

987
00:46:49,558 --> 00:46:51,158
Finish what you start.

988
00:46:54,062 --> 00:46:55,929
Speaking of which,

989
00:46:55,931 --> 00:47:01,835
I spoke to Chunk last night
while you were busy with that.

990
00:47:01,837 --> 00:47:03,203
And she swears

991
00:47:03,205 --> 00:47:06,406
neither her nor her aunt
loaded the gun.

992
00:47:06,408 --> 00:47:09,276
It was loaded.

993
00:47:09,278 --> 00:47:12,279
It's true.
That's very true.

994
00:47:12,281 --> 00:47:13,580
Question is...

995
00:47:14,582 --> 00:47:16,049
how... how and... and...

996
00:47:16,051 --> 00:47:18,218
Who?
Who what?

997
00:47:18,220 --> 00:47:20,921
Who was at the door
last night?

998
00:47:20,923 --> 00:47:22,689
The first time.

999
00:47:22,691 --> 00:47:24,224
Uh, no one.

1000
00:47:24,226 --> 00:47:27,094
No one.
No one rang the bell?

1001
00:47:27,096 --> 00:47:29,963
It was paranormal activity?
Eve.

1002
00:47:29,965 --> 00:47:33,967
But I informed her
we... we were preoccupied

1003
00:47:33,969 --> 00:47:35,602
with a little problem.

1004
00:47:38,706 --> 00:47:42,876
Not a problem anymore.

1005
00:47:42,878 --> 00:47:44,244
You have, uh...

1006
00:47:51,319 --> 00:47:54,554
Look, made a boo-boo.

1007
00:47:56,991 --> 00:47:58,992
School of hard knocks.

1008
00:47:58,994 --> 00:48:00,761
Lesson number...

1009
00:48:02,630 --> 00:48:04,498
Execution.

1010
00:48:04,500 --> 00:48:08,335
Every prank must be executed
to the very end.

1011
00:48:08,337 --> 00:48:09,636
The very end.

1012
00:48:12,006 --> 00:48:13,240
Right, Connor?

1013
00:48:29,657 --> 00:48:32,159
Fuck!

1014
00:48:32,161 --> 00:48:33,293
Fuck.

1015
00:49:03,291 --> 00:49:05,158
<i>I don't understand, man.</i>

1016
00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:07,561
What don't you understand?
It's simple.

1017
00:49:07,563 --> 00:49:10,697
We're in an irony of a paradox
of a conundrum.

1018
00:49:10,699 --> 00:49:15,469
<i>Dang. That sucks, man?</i>

1019
00:49:15,471 --> 00:49:19,906
The irony being the demise
of most despised individual

1020
00:49:19,908 --> 00:49:24,411
in all our lives
brings us no joy.

1021
00:49:24,413 --> 00:49:27,214
Only sorrow.

1022
00:49:27,216 --> 00:49:29,850
Especially for me dragging
you guys into this mess.

1023
00:49:35,857 --> 00:49:40,727
The paradox
for as popular as Dax was,

1024
00:49:40,729 --> 00:49:42,362
there's been no police.

1025
00:49:42,364 --> 00:49:43,930
No phone calls.

1026
00:49:43,932 --> 00:49:46,233
No anything from anybody
for the past day and a half.

1027
00:49:46,235 --> 00:49:49,736
It's not rational.

1028
00:49:49,738 --> 00:49:52,005
The conundrum...

1029
00:49:52,007 --> 00:49:54,741
to erase everything on this
camera that implicates us all

1030
00:49:54,743 --> 00:49:57,110
or do we say that
to prove to the authority

1031
00:49:57,112 --> 00:49:59,212
that this was all
an accident.

1032
00:49:59,214 --> 00:50:03,350
<i>Who's got the camera now?</i>

1033
00:50:03,352 --> 00:50:05,085
I do.

1034
00:50:05,087 --> 00:50:07,454
Jordon requested
I keep filming.

1035
00:50:07,456 --> 00:50:08,755
<i>For what?</i>

1036
00:50:10,858 --> 00:50:12,726
To continue the prank.

1037
00:50:12,728 --> 00:50:15,762
<i>Prank.</i>

1038
00:50:15,764 --> 00:50:17,731
<i>What if all
this was no accident.</i>

1039
00:50:17,733 --> 00:50:19,966
<i>What if all that stuff about
Dax and Eve made him</i>

1040
00:50:19,968 --> 00:50:23,270
<i>all jealous and nuts, man.</i>

1041
00:50:23,272 --> 00:50:24,905
<i>He's Irish.</i>

1042
00:50:24,907 --> 00:50:27,274
<i>They're emotional, right?</i>

1043
00:50:29,144 --> 00:50:30,277
What are you crying
about now?

1044
00:50:30,279 --> 00:50:31,578
Get out.

1045
00:50:31,580 --> 00:50:33,480
It smells like
body sweat in here. PS.

1046
00:50:33,482 --> 00:50:35,415
What part of get out
do you not understand?

1047
00:50:35,417 --> 00:50:36,950
Fine.

1048
00:50:36,952 --> 00:50:38,552
There's an asshole waiting
for you outside.

1049
00:50:38,554 --> 00:50:40,287
Who?
I don't know.

1050
00:50:40,289 --> 00:50:42,622
Only one way to find out,
right, shit-face?

1051
00:50:46,427 --> 00:50:47,694
<i>Connor?</i>

1052
00:50:57,438 --> 00:50:58,705
Oh, crap.

1053
00:51:00,841 --> 00:51:02,309
Yeah, motherfucker.

1054
00:51:02,311 --> 00:51:03,510
You stay back
or I'll call the cops!

1055
00:51:03,512 --> 00:51:04,844
Get your ass
out here now!

1056
00:51:04,846 --> 00:51:06,079
Now!

1057
00:51:06,081 --> 00:51:10,584
Okay,
but promise not to hurt me.

1058
00:51:10,586 --> 00:51:11,685
Okay.

1059
00:51:11,687 --> 00:51:14,154
Okay?

1060
00:51:14,156 --> 00:51:17,324
Okay.

1061
00:51:17,326 --> 00:51:18,658
I appreciate
your prudence.

1062
00:51:18,660 --> 00:51:20,060
Give me
the fuckin' camera.

1063
00:51:22,196 --> 00:51:23,930
Where the fuck
is the film?

1064
00:51:23,932 --> 00:51:24,965
Where's the fuckin' tape?

1065
00:51:24,967 --> 00:51:26,499
There is no tape.

1066
00:51:26,501 --> 00:51:27,834
Don't bullshit me, son.

1067
00:51:27,836 --> 00:51:30,604
No. It's a flashcard.
It's digital.

1068
00:51:30,606 --> 00:51:32,038
It's called technology.

1069
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:33,306
It's off, right?

1070
00:51:33,308 --> 00:51:36,543
Yes. Yes. Oh, my nose!

1071
00:51:36,545 --> 00:51:39,846
Then don't bullshit me.
Where the fuck is Dax?

1072
00:51:39,848 --> 00:51:41,348
In the garbage bag.

1073
00:51:41,350 --> 00:51:42,716
I said no bullshit.
Where is he?

1074
00:51:42,718 --> 00:51:43,984
He's at Jordan.

1075
00:51:43,986 --> 00:51:45,652
Come on.

1076
00:51:45,654 --> 00:51:46,953
You deleted that shit

1077
00:51:46,955 --> 00:51:48,822
from a couple of
nights ago, right?

1078
00:51:48,824 --> 00:51:50,557
Right?
Yes. Yes.

1079
00:51:50,559 --> 00:51:52,325
And if somebody ask
what you see?

1080
00:51:52,327 --> 00:51:55,996
Shit, that's what
you've seen, yeah?

1081
00:51:55,998 --> 00:51:58,999
I'll fuck you all big
in the tight little A-hole.

1082
00:51:59,001 --> 00:52:01,368
8 inches of black thunder,
you feel me.

1083
00:52:01,370 --> 00:52:03,336
Yeah, you will.

1084
00:52:08,509 --> 00:52:11,144
Oh, fuck.

1085
00:52:11,146 --> 00:52:13,213
This shit is...

1086
00:52:13,215 --> 00:52:17,017
how do you turn
this shit off?

1087
00:52:17,019 --> 00:52:18,718
What the fuck
are you crying for?

1088
00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:22,522
I didn't even
punk you yet.

1089
00:52:22,524 --> 00:52:25,125
What the fuck did you do
to my boy?

1090
00:52:32,667 --> 00:52:34,301
That's where
you fucks done him?

1091
00:52:36,037 --> 00:52:37,604
Ow!

1092
00:52:37,606 --> 00:52:39,005
Yeah, I think you're still
bull shitting me.

1093
00:52:39,007 --> 00:52:40,607
I wish I were...

1094
00:52:40,609 --> 00:52:42,175
No, you're gonna prove
you're bull shitting me.

1095
00:52:42,177 --> 00:52:43,176
Come on.

1096
00:52:43,178 --> 00:52:44,311
I said come on.

1097
00:52:46,180 --> 00:52:47,881
Pussy ass fuck.

1098
00:52:47,883 --> 00:52:49,516
Save those tears for me

1099
00:52:49,518 --> 00:52:52,285
and Dax and we both double
team your ass, sideways.

1100
00:52:52,287 --> 00:52:55,789
Motherfucker trying
to bullshit, bull shitter.

1101
00:52:55,791 --> 00:52:59,759
Just in case though, get
some video of this shit.

1102
00:52:59,761 --> 00:53:02,562
Evidence for the police.

1103
00:53:02,564 --> 00:53:05,031
Damn, never thought a black man
need to say something like that.

1104
00:53:05,033 --> 00:53:06,566
How do you turn this
shit on?

1105
00:53:09,437 --> 00:53:11,771
Ah, shit.

1106
00:53:11,773 --> 00:53:14,140
Motherfucker.

1107
00:53:14,142 --> 00:53:15,709
D, open up.

1108
00:53:19,647 --> 00:53:20,947
D!

1109
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:26,686
Who the fuck home?

1110
00:53:30,091 --> 00:53:31,458
By the way,
you seeing it yourself,

1111
00:53:31,460 --> 00:53:32,759
ain't no breaking in.

1112
00:53:32,761 --> 00:53:35,962
The door was open.
I'm just saying.

1113
00:53:38,165 --> 00:53:39,933
What the fuck?

1114
00:53:41,736 --> 00:53:44,337
What the fuck is that?

1115
00:53:48,343 --> 00:53:49,743
What the fuck...

1116
00:53:49,745 --> 00:53:50,744
D!

1117
00:53:53,615 --> 00:53:54,981
Oh, shit.

1118
00:53:54,983 --> 00:53:57,317
You almost killed me,
bitch.

1119
00:54:01,456 --> 00:54:02,622
D!

1120
00:54:09,130 --> 00:54:11,631
D!

1121
00:54:41,495 --> 00:54:43,663
What a fool.

1122
00:54:45,534 --> 00:54:47,267
Connor. Connor. Connor.

1123
00:54:54,408 --> 00:54:56,676
Guess who's who?

1124
00:55:00,915 --> 00:55:02,916
Oh, it doesn't matter.

1125
00:55:02,918 --> 00:55:05,919
'Cause guess what time it is?

1126
00:55:05,921 --> 00:55:08,054
It's Connor time.

1127
00:55:08,056 --> 00:55:11,324
Yes, it is. Step on up.

1128
00:55:13,928 --> 00:55:15,695
Go.

1129
00:55:17,832 --> 00:55:19,899
Go!

1130
00:55:19,901 --> 00:55:22,836
I'm sorry, Jordan. I didn't
factor in the consequences.

1131
00:55:22,838 --> 00:55:26,039
Yeah, further.

1132
00:55:26,041 --> 00:55:28,441
Further.

1133
00:55:28,443 --> 00:55:30,944
Further. Further. Further.

1134
00:55:30,946 --> 00:55:35,181
And perfect.
Stop right there.

1135
00:55:35,183 --> 00:55:37,450
Can you guess
what I'm gonna do next?

1136
00:55:37,452 --> 00:55:38,918
No.

1137
00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:43,089
Prove you wrong.

1138
00:55:43,091 --> 00:55:47,861
You said I was too stupid
and too weak,

1139
00:55:47,863 --> 00:55:50,463
but, look, look,
here's your bully.

1140
00:55:50,465 --> 00:55:52,465
All wrapped up.

1141
00:55:52,467 --> 00:55:55,568
And here's the guy
who was gonna fuck up

1142
00:55:55,570 --> 00:55:59,472
both of our futures
by ratting us out to the police.

1143
00:55:59,474 --> 00:56:01,608
You believe that?

1144
00:56:01,610 --> 00:56:03,109
I have proof.
You want to see?

1145
00:56:03,111 --> 00:56:04,711
No.

1146
00:56:04,713 --> 00:56:09,816
No one is going to fuck up
my future with Eve

1147
00:56:09,818 --> 00:56:12,986
and more importantly
your future of 13.

1148
00:56:12,988 --> 00:56:15,622
<i>Star Trek
conventions in a row.</i>

1149
00:56:15,624 --> 00:56:17,023
You know why?

1150
00:56:19,994 --> 00:56:22,629
Pick it up.

1151
00:56:22,631 --> 00:56:24,397
Pick it up!

1152
00:56:34,408 --> 00:56:40,146
Now hug it
like a puppy.

1153
00:56:40,148 --> 00:56:41,147
No.

1154
00:56:41,149 --> 00:56:42,615
Connor!

1155
00:56:46,020 --> 00:56:52,292
Because you own this
as much as I do.

1156
00:56:52,294 --> 00:56:57,030
Don't you forget that
if the authorities see this

1157
00:56:57,032 --> 00:57:04,437
and you pointing
and clicking this at old Dax

1158
00:57:04,439 --> 00:57:08,174
then this isn't going
to look like an accident.

1159
00:57:08,176 --> 00:57:12,145
It's going to look like someone
intentionally loaded the gun

1160
00:57:12,147 --> 00:57:16,449
and shot Dax
dead on purpose.

1161
00:57:16,451 --> 00:57:19,953
But don't you worry,
best friend,

1162
00:57:19,955 --> 00:57:24,157
because over my dead body
will I let that happen to you.

1163
00:57:39,206 --> 00:57:40,406
Is it recording?

1164
00:57:40,408 --> 00:57:42,809
Uh, yeah.

1165
00:57:42,811 --> 00:57:45,845
Whoever sees this,
he's a psycho.

1166
00:57:45,847 --> 00:57:47,547
This was supposed to be
just an innocent prank

1167
00:57:47,549 --> 00:57:48,815
and Jordan has gone psycho.

1168
00:57:48,817 --> 00:57:50,083
What are you doing
with that?

1169
00:57:50,085 --> 00:57:51,351
Okay.

1170
00:57:54,722 --> 00:57:57,190
All right,
found a good shot.

1171
00:58:04,064 --> 00:58:08,101
Bon voyage, Daxy.

1172
00:58:08,103 --> 00:58:11,738
See you
on the other side not.

1173
00:58:11,740 --> 00:58:15,208
Jordan, um, pray tell,

1174
00:58:15,210 --> 00:58:19,712
what inspired you
to load the gun?

1175
00:58:19,714 --> 00:58:21,347
I told you so.

1176
00:58:23,617 --> 00:58:26,252
Excuse me?

1177
00:58:26,254 --> 00:58:29,455
I told you so.
Come on, say it.

1178
00:58:29,457 --> 00:58:31,357
Told you so?

1179
00:58:31,359 --> 00:58:34,727
Yup. You're right.

1180
00:58:34,729 --> 00:58:38,531
He was fucking her.
Not anymore though, right?

1181
00:58:45,406 --> 00:58:50,176
Yew, gross.

1182
00:59:04,925 --> 00:59:08,294
...on purpose.

1183
00:59:08,296 --> 00:59:11,064
I called them already.
Why won't you believe me?

1184
00:59:11,066 --> 00:59:14,167
Ahh.

1185
00:59:19,573 --> 00:59:21,274
Trouble sleeping?

1186
00:59:21,276 --> 00:59:24,077
Trouble waking up
in this nightmare.

1187
00:59:33,087 --> 00:59:35,288
I think for me
it's not a wet dream.

1188
00:59:43,097 --> 00:59:45,331
Hello.

1189
00:59:45,333 --> 00:59:47,967
Who is this?

1190
00:59:47,969 --> 00:59:52,171
Henrietta Chunk Torres,
is that you?

1191
00:59:52,173 --> 00:59:55,441
Early bird
getting the worm.

1192
00:59:55,443 --> 00:59:58,444
Okay, shut up.
Listen.

1193
00:59:58,446 --> 01:00:02,982
I've got something
really awful to tell you.

1194
01:00:02,984 --> 01:00:06,486
You got punk'd.

1195
01:00:06,488 --> 01:00:09,322
Yeah, yeah,
Connor got you good.

1196
01:00:09,324 --> 01:00:11,557
Yeah, well, you almost had
me believing Dax was dead.

1197
01:00:11,559 --> 01:00:12,859
And I'm...

1198
01:00:12,861 --> 01:00:14,127
Don't believe him,
he's lying.

1199
01:00:15,996 --> 01:00:19,999
Yeah, yeah,
he's a devious one indeed.

1200
01:00:20,001 --> 01:00:23,970
Well, listen I'm telling you
this because I'm your pal

1201
01:00:23,972 --> 01:00:26,472
and I don't want you
losing any more

1202
01:00:26,474 --> 01:00:28,508
sleep over this nonsense.

1203
01:00:30,878 --> 01:00:33,146
Yeah, fuck him.

1204
01:00:34,982 --> 01:00:36,516
All right.

1205
01:00:36,518 --> 01:00:37,984
Good night, Chunk.

1206
01:00:42,156 --> 01:00:43,656
I can't believe it either.

1207
01:00:47,594 --> 01:00:49,495
I do have it
in a Klingon.

1208
01:00:51,098 --> 01:00:52,665
Get some rest.

1209
01:00:52,667 --> 01:00:54,167
You got a big day tomorrow.

1210
01:00:59,039 --> 01:01:00,673
Sweet dreams, idiot.

1211
01:01:09,049 --> 01:01:14,520
A touching tribute
to a pitcher and a catcher.

1212
01:01:19,293 --> 01:01:21,427
Someone used to understand
what a joke was.

1213
01:01:21,429 --> 01:01:22,695
Who in their right mind

1214
01:01:22,697 --> 01:01:24,764
is gonna believe
he just disappeared?

1215
01:01:24,766 --> 01:01:27,266
Lots of kids disappear
from the mall all the time.

1216
01:01:27,268 --> 01:01:28,701
Five-year-olds.

1217
01:01:28,703 --> 01:01:30,036
Dax and Omar
are grown men.

1218
01:01:30,038 --> 01:01:31,304
Were.

1219
01:01:31,306 --> 01:01:32,939
And I don't think
I like your tone.

1220
01:01:32,941 --> 01:01:35,441
Sounds to me like
someone's hearing footsteps,

1221
01:01:35,443 --> 01:01:37,710
seeing ghosts,
hearing Dax

1222
01:01:37,712 --> 01:01:39,312
calling out to him
in the middle of the night.

1223
01:01:39,314 --> 01:01:40,580
Does someone
have a guilty conscience?

1224
01:01:40,582 --> 01:01:41,948
Not me.

1225
01:01:41,950 --> 01:01:43,649
Why would I?

1226
01:01:43,651 --> 01:01:45,818
So you're saying
the voices were real.

1227
01:01:45,820 --> 01:01:47,854
I'm saying I didn't
do anything wrong.

1228
01:01:50,324 --> 01:01:56,229
You mean we didn't so
anything wrong, right?

1229
01:01:57,798 --> 01:01:58,831
Come on.

1230
01:01:58,833 --> 01:02:00,733
Gave you what you wanted.

1231
01:02:00,735 --> 01:02:03,436
Emotional
compensation, right?

1232
01:02:03,438 --> 01:02:04,971
So lighten up.

1233
01:02:04,973 --> 01:02:06,339
Smile.

1234
01:02:06,341 --> 01:02:09,942
Put on a happy face.
We bested Dax Gaiman.

1235
01:02:11,845 --> 01:02:13,379
Come on.

1236
01:02:28,195 --> 01:02:29,862
Hi, Eve.

1237
01:02:29,864 --> 01:02:31,864
Hey.

1238
01:02:31,866 --> 01:02:33,833
What are you doing here?

1239
01:02:33,835 --> 01:02:36,269
Oh, sorry.

1240
01:02:36,271 --> 01:02:37,703
What are we doing here?

1241
01:02:37,705 --> 01:02:39,639
Uh,
what's it look like?

1242
01:02:39,641 --> 01:02:41,207
Celebrating.

1243
01:02:41,209 --> 01:02:45,111
So you want nutty coconut
or rocky road?

1244
01:02:54,488 --> 01:02:55,488
What're you doing?

1245
01:02:55,490 --> 01:02:56,789
Showing the world

1246
01:02:56,791 --> 01:02:58,624
what a beautiful
couple looks like.

1247
01:02:58,626 --> 01:03:00,159
We're exclusive now.

1248
01:03:00,161 --> 01:03:01,894
Goof.

1249
01:03:04,032 --> 01:03:05,498
Stop.
You started it.

1250
01:03:05,500 --> 01:03:07,033
No, you did.
Uh-uh, you did.

1251
01:03:07,035 --> 01:03:08,534
I have proof.

1252
01:03:11,238 --> 01:03:12,371
Why is he here?

1253
01:03:13,540 --> 01:03:15,541
Connor is still here

1254
01:03:15,543 --> 01:03:18,044
because he wants
to apologize for all the evil,

1255
01:03:18,046 --> 01:03:20,813
nasty things
he's ever said about you.

1256
01:03:20,815 --> 01:03:24,183
But first,
he wants to tell us

1257
01:03:24,185 --> 01:03:26,819
how happy he is
to see us like this.

1258
01:03:26,821 --> 01:03:28,387
Okay.

1259
01:03:30,357 --> 01:03:31,824
Anytime.

1260
01:03:31,826 --> 01:03:35,194
Whatever you want,
just promise no more bags...

1261
01:03:35,196 --> 01:03:36,696
See? He's doing it again.
No more bodies...

1262
01:03:36,698 --> 01:03:38,531
What?

1263
01:03:38,533 --> 01:03:39,999
Acting like he's
the smartest man in the room.

1264
01:03:40,001 --> 01:03:41,701
Eve, as one
human being to another,

1265
01:03:41,703 --> 01:03:44,103
if you want to continue
being, leave now.

1266
01:03:44,105 --> 01:03:45,671
That doesn't
sound like an apology.

1267
01:03:45,673 --> 01:03:47,173
Apologies won't solve
what's been done.

1268
01:03:47,175 --> 01:03:48,841
Shut up
and say you're sorry, idiot.

1269
01:03:48,843 --> 01:03:50,376
Something really wrong happened.
Connor...

1270
01:03:50,378 --> 01:03:51,578
The blood you
saw on my face...

1271
01:03:51,579 --> 01:03:52,778
Shut up!
Wasn't mine.

1272
01:03:52,780 --> 01:03:53,779
What is he
talking about?

1273
01:03:53,781 --> 01:03:55,448
Jordan killed Dax
and Omar.

1274
01:03:55,450 --> 01:03:56,716
Oh, my God,
stop fucking lying!

1275
01:03:56,718 --> 01:03:58,351
You fucking stop.

1276
01:04:00,454 --> 01:04:01,587
Something humorous?

1277
01:04:02,956 --> 01:04:04,056
Come on.

1278
01:04:04,058 --> 01:04:05,358
You almost had me,

1279
01:04:05,360 --> 01:04:07,193
but I saw Dax
and Omar earlier today.

1280
01:04:07,195 --> 01:04:09,228
See?
You saw their cars.

1281
01:04:09,230 --> 01:04:10,463
Their frickin' cars.

1282
01:04:10,465 --> 01:04:11,697
Come on,
you got to see this game

1283
01:04:11,699 --> 01:04:13,366
I just got,
it's really cool.

1284
01:04:13,368 --> 01:04:15,368
I warned you.

1285
01:04:15,370 --> 01:04:18,938
You're so good at that,
sounding so righteous.

1286
01:04:18,940 --> 01:04:20,973
Yup.

1287
01:04:20,975 --> 01:04:22,608
Drawers on the nightstand.

1288
01:04:22,610 --> 01:04:24,610
<i>Don't keep me waiting.</i>

1289
01:04:26,613 --> 01:04:27,980
Give me the gun.

1290
01:04:27,982 --> 01:04:29,882
What the hell are you...

1291
01:04:29,884 --> 01:04:32,218
Okay, you're gonna give her
the wrong impression, all right?

1292
01:04:32,220 --> 01:04:33,386
Where is it?

1293
01:04:33,388 --> 01:04:34,620
What? Stop.

1294
01:04:34,622 --> 01:04:36,122
Stop toying with me.
The gun.

1295
01:04:36,124 --> 01:04:37,623
What gun?

1296
01:04:37,625 --> 01:04:38,624
Argh.

1297
01:04:38,626 --> 01:04:39,759
You needed to ask...

1298
01:04:39,761 --> 01:04:40,993
Don't fuck with me.

1299
01:04:40,995 --> 01:04:42,428
I'm not fucking
with anyone.

1300
01:04:42,430 --> 01:04:44,597
I saw you kill him.
I saw you kill Omar.

1301
01:04:44,599 --> 01:04:46,265
Did you?

1302
01:04:46,267 --> 01:04:47,900
I saw the aftermath.

1303
01:04:47,902 --> 01:04:50,736
Are you sure that what
you saw is what you saw?

1304
01:04:52,906 --> 01:04:54,040
Maybe you should check.

1305
01:04:59,279 --> 01:05:00,913
You erased it?

1306
01:05:02,249 --> 01:05:05,117
You can't keep me quiet.

1307
01:05:05,119 --> 01:05:06,485
Go ahead,
call the cops.

1308
01:05:06,487 --> 01:05:08,421
I did.

1309
01:05:08,423 --> 01:05:11,791
Somebody
warned them I would call.

1310
01:05:11,793 --> 01:05:14,493
Said I was gonna
try and pull a prank.

1311
01:05:14,495 --> 01:05:16,662
Paranoia.

1312
01:05:16,664 --> 01:05:17,930
Delusions.

1313
01:05:17,932 --> 01:05:19,432
Hearing things,
seeing things.

1314
01:05:19,434 --> 01:05:21,534
Why... why don't you
just go home

1315
01:05:21,536 --> 01:05:24,170
and forget any of this
ever happened?

1316
01:05:24,172 --> 01:05:26,639
You know, move on.

1317
01:05:29,443 --> 01:05:31,444
Live long
and prosper, Connor.

1318
01:05:40,454 --> 01:05:42,321
No.

1319
01:05:49,830 --> 01:05:51,297
I'm sane.

1320
01:05:52,299 --> 01:05:53,532
I'm sane.

1321
01:06:06,413 --> 01:06:07,947
No.

1322
01:06:08,815 --> 01:06:11,984
No, no, no, no.

1323
01:06:11,986 --> 01:06:13,119
I'm not going crazy.

1324
01:06:14,154 --> 01:06:16,489
I'm not going crazy.

1325
01:06:21,495 --> 01:06:23,496
There were bags.

1326
01:06:25,565 --> 01:06:27,199
There were bodies.

1327
01:06:30,704 --> 01:06:31,737
There were bags.

1328
01:06:37,377 --> 01:06:39,078
Eve?

1329
01:06:43,016 --> 01:06:44,383
Eve?

1330
01:06:55,396 --> 01:06:56,862
Eve!

1331
01:07:08,108 --> 01:07:10,476
All your fault.
All your fault.

1332
01:07:10,478 --> 01:07:12,111
Jordan, no.

1333
01:07:12,113 --> 01:07:13,412
Jordan, stop, please.

1334
01:07:13,414 --> 01:07:14,780
What are you doing?

1335
01:07:23,156 --> 01:07:24,924
Oh, God.

1336
01:07:29,796 --> 01:07:31,564
Oh, my God. Oh.

1337
01:07:33,667 --> 01:07:35,901
All your fault.

1338
01:07:51,184 --> 01:07:55,821
Praise be to the God
of our Lord Jesus Christ.

1339
01:07:55,823 --> 01:07:57,323
His great mercy...

1340
01:08:21,815 --> 01:08:24,250
All your fault.

1341
01:08:26,720 --> 01:08:28,187
All your fault, Connor.

1342
01:08:41,234 --> 01:08:44,003
Please, please, please.

1343
01:08:44,005 --> 01:08:45,971
I'm sorry.
Please.

1344
01:08:45,973 --> 01:08:47,873
<i>Are you now?
Really?</i>

1345
01:08:52,979 --> 01:08:55,881
Lesson number one
at the school of hard knocks,

1346
01:08:55,883 --> 01:08:58,884
don't bullshit
no bull shitters.

1347
01:08:58,886 --> 01:09:01,086
What'd you call it?
Deception?

1348
01:09:01,088 --> 01:09:03,656
Motherfucker, you really
thought we were homos?

1349
01:09:03,658 --> 01:09:06,492
Thinking after all
these fucking years.

1350
01:09:06,494 --> 01:09:07,860
Go ahead,
mother fucker, huh?

1351
01:09:07,862 --> 01:09:09,161
Go ahead, huh?

1352
01:09:09,163 --> 01:09:10,529
What's the matter,
you bitch?

1353
01:09:10,531 --> 01:09:11,930
You can't fuckin'
sucker punch

1354
01:09:11,932 --> 01:09:13,766
somebody when
they're tied to a chair?

1355
01:09:13,768 --> 01:09:16,368
Nine years of your
fucking bullshit and look.

1356
01:09:16,370 --> 01:09:19,171
Look at me, motherfucker,
look at me!

1357
01:09:19,173 --> 01:09:20,506
I'm still here!

1358
01:09:20,508 --> 01:09:22,274
You know
why we won't bitch?

1359
01:09:22,276 --> 01:09:24,176
'Cause I'm a fucking
white knight.

1360
01:09:24,178 --> 01:09:26,011
And you're
the fucking evil.

1361
01:09:26,013 --> 01:09:28,280
It's a night where
evil's been destroyed,

1362
01:09:28,282 --> 01:09:30,182
you little pussy.

1363
01:09:30,184 --> 01:09:33,619
Lesson number two.

1364
01:09:33,621 --> 01:09:35,254
Theatricals.

1365
01:09:35,256 --> 01:09:38,190
You see, dead cow parts
ain't dead people parts.

1366
01:09:38,192 --> 01:09:41,260
And blanks ain't real bullets,
you dumb fuck.

1367
01:09:43,063 --> 01:09:47,066
The most important lesson,
don't you forget,

1368
01:09:47,068 --> 01:09:48,701
you mess with Eve
and she's gonna plant

1369
01:09:48,703 --> 01:09:50,436
some mayhem on your ass.

1370
01:09:50,438 --> 01:09:51,637
Damn straight.

1371
01:09:51,639 --> 01:09:53,038
Guys, come on.

1372
01:09:53,040 --> 01:09:54,273
I'm getting way
too much credit here.

1373
01:09:54,275 --> 01:09:55,407
This is a no-brainer.

1374
01:09:55,409 --> 01:09:57,309
A win-win for everybody.

1375
01:09:57,311 --> 01:09:59,578
We finally stop
shit-face's sexist,

1376
01:09:59,580 --> 01:10:02,815
homophobic,
psychotic crusade against us

1377
01:10:02,817 --> 01:10:04,583
and the audience
gets to see one of the coolest,

1378
01:10:04,585 --> 01:10:07,219
most epic pranks
ever put on the internet,

1379
01:10:07,221 --> 01:10:09,455
and we all get to reap
the ad money.

1380
01:10:09,457 --> 01:10:11,156
Told you you'd pay,
sweetie.

1381
01:10:11,158 --> 01:10:12,491
And, oh, yeah, bonus.

1382
01:10:12,493 --> 01:10:14,293
Shit-face finally
learned his lesson

1383
01:10:14,295 --> 01:10:17,329
from the only person who could
turn his own prank against him.

1384
01:10:17,331 --> 01:10:18,797
Oh, crap, crap,

1385
01:10:18,799 --> 01:10:21,734
I'm such a pussy,
I'm gonna cry.

1386
01:10:21,736 --> 01:10:25,804
You were fucking right,
homeboy.

1387
01:10:25,806 --> 01:10:27,005
What you laughing for?

1388
01:10:27,007 --> 01:10:28,474
You the ass in this joke.

1389
01:10:28,476 --> 01:10:29,575
Oh, he's just getting
a head start

1390
01:10:29,577 --> 01:10:31,076
after everybody else sees

1391
01:10:31,078 --> 01:10:33,245
the further adventures
of fucking shit face.

1392
01:10:33,247 --> 01:10:34,480
Or he finally learned,

1393
01:10:34,482 --> 01:10:36,248
<i>what do they say
in Star Wars?</i>

1394
01:10:36,250 --> 01:10:37,850
Resistance is futile?

1395
01:10:37,852 --> 01:10:39,451
Don't forget it, sweetie.

1396
01:10:39,453 --> 01:10:40,753
All right.

1397
01:10:40,755 --> 01:10:42,354
Let's get the fuck
out of here.

1398
01:10:42,356 --> 01:10:43,822
Who's up for some Chili's?
It's on me.

1399
01:10:43,824 --> 01:10:44,990
Am I hearing things?

1400
01:10:44,992 --> 01:10:46,325
Did they treat you?

1401
01:10:46,327 --> 01:10:47,626
Make yourself
presentable, girl.

1402
01:10:47,628 --> 01:10:48,994
That's some
supernatural shit.

1403
01:10:48,996 --> 01:10:50,329
- Hey, chill, man.
- Wait, hey, wait.

1404
01:10:50,331 --> 01:10:51,663
Just before that you said
that we would

1405
01:10:51,665 --> 01:10:53,098
clean up together,
I mean, you can like,

1406
01:10:53,100 --> 01:10:54,967
totally upload
the video here.

1407
01:10:54,969 --> 01:10:56,769
I wish we could but I need
to go home and change.

1408
01:10:56,771 --> 01:10:58,871
I'm like all icky.

1409
01:10:58,873 --> 01:11:00,139
Thanks though.
You're a cool friend.

1410
01:11:00,141 --> 01:11:01,340
No, you're not
leaving here.

1411
01:11:01,342 --> 01:11:02,674
Come on, man.
Prank is over.

1412
01:11:02,676 --> 01:11:04,116
Shut the fuck out.
Fuck you. She's...

1413
01:11:05,345 --> 01:11:06,979
Jordan,
what's your problem, huh?

1414
01:11:08,281 --> 01:11:10,716
How do you turn this
fucking thing off?

1415
01:11:10,718 --> 01:11:13,152
Don't look at me.

1416
01:11:37,143 --> 01:11:38,477
Hey, did you get those

1417
01:11:38,479 --> 01:11:39,678
tickets I left you
in the locker?

1418
01:11:39,680 --> 01:11:41,180
Gesture's appreciated,

1419
01:11:41,182 --> 01:11:42,815
'course I won't be
able to attend.

1420
01:11:42,817 --> 01:11:44,416
Well, what about breaking
John Meringer's record?

1421
01:11:44,418 --> 01:11:46,218
Hey, slow down, will you?

1422
01:11:46,220 --> 01:11:47,319
Can't, I have a plethora of

1423
01:11:47,321 --> 01:11:48,520
college applications
to complete.

1424
01:11:48,522 --> 01:11:49,922
AP exams to study for.

1425
01:11:49,924 --> 01:11:51,824
All right,
but I'm sorry.

1426
01:11:51,826 --> 01:11:53,192
You hear me?

1427
01:11:53,194 --> 01:11:55,060
I'm sorry, Connor.

1428
01:11:59,933 --> 01:12:02,167
You're completely right.

1429
01:12:02,169 --> 01:12:03,535
I was a rube.

1430
01:12:03,537 --> 01:12:05,070
Couldn't see
right from wrong,

1431
01:12:05,072 --> 01:12:07,739
friends from enemies,
now I can.

1432
01:12:07,741 --> 01:12:08,941
Thank you.

1433
01:12:08,943 --> 01:12:10,342
I'm still your friend.

1434
01:12:10,344 --> 01:12:12,344
Do you want me
to prove it to you?

1435
01:12:12,346 --> 01:12:15,180
Prove you have some decency
and leave me the fuck alone.

1436
01:12:17,550 --> 01:12:19,418
Execution.

1437
01:12:19,420 --> 01:12:22,421
Every prank must be
executed to the very end.

1438
01:12:22,423 --> 01:12:23,956
The very end.

1439
01:12:23,958 --> 01:12:25,724
Right, Connor?

1440
01:12:36,870 --> 01:12:40,105
Guys, you made it.

1441
01:12:40,107 --> 01:12:41,707
So good of you to come.

1442
01:12:41,709 --> 01:12:45,010
Chunk, great to see you.

1443
01:12:47,614 --> 01:12:48,881
What're you doing?

1444
01:12:48,883 --> 01:12:50,082
Come on in.

1445
01:12:58,224 --> 01:12:59,892
You guys want anything?

1446
01:12:59,894 --> 01:13:01,760
My dad's on quote unquote
business again,

1447
01:13:01,762 --> 01:13:04,229
so beers all around.

1448
01:13:04,231 --> 01:13:06,131
It's been 2 months, Jordan.

1449
01:13:06,133 --> 01:13:08,400
I know.
I know, way too long.

1450
01:13:08,402 --> 01:13:09,968
Since the prank.

1451
01:13:09,970 --> 01:13:11,236
Yeah, man.

1452
01:13:11,238 --> 01:13:13,906
Why are you
still wearing that?

1453
01:13:13,908 --> 01:13:17,976
Okay, this is
kind of embarrassing.

1454
01:13:17,978 --> 01:13:19,778
I had to wait until
my dad was out of town

1455
01:13:19,780 --> 01:13:22,648
and I needed
time to reconfigure,

1456
01:13:22,650 --> 01:13:24,283
you know...

1457
01:13:26,352 --> 01:13:30,155
God, guys, has it
really been that long?

1458
01:13:30,157 --> 01:13:31,490
Let me show you.

1459
01:13:31,492 --> 01:13:33,425
Here you go,
talented camera-woman

1460
01:13:33,427 --> 01:13:36,361
and the smartest guy
in the room, huh?

1461
01:13:36,363 --> 01:13:37,763
Let's go.

1462
01:13:41,668 --> 01:13:42,935
Okay.

1463
01:13:42,937 --> 01:13:44,937
Don't laugh, all right?

1464
01:13:44,939 --> 01:13:46,171
Chunk.

1465
01:13:50,878 --> 01:13:52,811
Dang.

1466
01:13:54,314 --> 01:13:57,783
I know, I know.
I messed up.

1467
01:13:57,785 --> 01:13:59,151
Here.
Watch.

1468
01:14:04,691 --> 01:14:05,958
See?

1469
01:14:05,960 --> 01:14:07,826
I'm not an idea guy.

1470
01:14:07,828 --> 01:14:09,695
I'm not a genius
like you, Connor.

1471
01:14:09,697 --> 01:14:12,564
I told you
he was emotional.

1472
01:14:12,566 --> 01:14:14,066
This is another prank.

1473
01:14:14,068 --> 01:14:15,300
I know.

1474
01:14:15,302 --> 01:14:17,703
Us, right?

1475
01:14:17,705 --> 01:14:19,204
Or them?

1476
01:14:19,206 --> 01:14:20,305
Neither.

1477
01:14:20,307 --> 01:14:21,573
Well, what is this?

1478
01:14:21,575 --> 01:14:24,810
This is rape, rape, rape!

1479
01:14:26,346 --> 01:14:27,879
Remember Barnes?

1480
01:14:29,048 --> 01:14:31,550
These two are
mutually exclusive now.

1481
01:14:31,552 --> 01:14:33,352
Did you know that?

1482
01:14:33,354 --> 01:14:36,822
That's why they're here,
to celebrate.

1483
01:14:36,824 --> 01:14:38,056
And here they are after

1484
01:14:38,058 --> 01:14:41,426
I offered them
both a huge gift.

1485
01:14:41,428 --> 01:14:43,562
Not like she kept
the last one.

1486
01:14:43,564 --> 01:14:45,197
Not like
she didn't pawn it off

1487
01:14:45,199 --> 01:14:47,366
at Chunk's aunt's
pawn shop or anything.

1488
01:14:47,368 --> 01:14:48,867
Right, sweetie? Huh?

1489
01:14:48,869 --> 01:14:50,102
You told him?

1490
01:14:50,104 --> 01:14:51,336
Not me, man.

1491
01:14:51,338 --> 01:14:52,838
I knew it was bad news.

1492
01:14:52,840 --> 01:14:54,606
Not this bad.

1493
01:14:54,608 --> 01:14:56,708
Do you have
something then?

1494
01:14:56,710 --> 01:14:59,111
'Cause they're the gift.

1495
01:14:59,113 --> 01:15:00,646
For you, Connor.

1496
01:15:02,081 --> 01:15:03,749
Emotional compensation,
right?

1497
01:15:05,585 --> 01:15:07,119
We're done with
this childish buffoonery.

1498
01:15:07,121 --> 01:15:08,120
Let's go.

1499
01:15:09,456 --> 01:15:10,956
No, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

1500
01:15:10,958 --> 01:15:12,024
One.

1501
01:15:13,027 --> 01:15:14,259
Dang.

1502
01:15:20,266 --> 01:15:21,867
Oh, my God.

1503
01:15:22,969 --> 01:15:24,903
Chunk, frame it up.

1504
01:15:27,907 --> 01:15:29,041
Frame it up.

1505
01:15:30,109 --> 01:15:31,543
Chunk.

1506
01:15:32,779 --> 01:15:34,279
Connor?

1507
01:15:44,057 --> 01:15:47,426
Banish the evil
from among them.

1508
01:15:47,428 --> 01:15:49,761
The rest of the people
will hear about this

1509
01:15:49,763 --> 01:15:52,931
and be afraid
and never again...

1510
01:15:52,933 --> 01:15:54,766
Oh!

1511
01:16:07,180 --> 01:16:08,947
Connor, don't!

1512
01:16:12,452 --> 01:16:14,720
This is not what
you wanted, right?

1513
01:16:16,789 --> 01:16:18,590
This isn't our fault, right?

1514
01:16:20,693 --> 01:16:22,427
We're innocent, right?

1515
01:16:23,696 --> 01:16:24,830
Right?

1516
01:16:38,478 --> 01:16:40,112
Focused?

1517
01:16:45,118 --> 01:16:46,785
This is not a confession.

1518
01:16:48,054 --> 01:16:52,357
This isn't,
he said she's dead.

1519
01:16:52,359 --> 01:16:54,126
This is the truth.

1520
01:16:56,229 --> 01:16:58,130
We're not murderers.

1521
01:17:02,735 --> 01:17:04,836
We're not monsters.