1 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,170 My name is Jamie Kelly. 2 00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:22,020 I'm an artist and a writer 3 00:00:22,070 --> 00:00:24,110 and an expert on all things beautiful. 4 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:27,060 Inner beauty, outer beauty- you name it. 5 00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,190 I go to Mackerel Middle School. 6 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,210 Hey, you'd think they named it after a fish 7 00:00:32,010 --> 00:00:35,190 because so many of the kids are working below a "C" level. 8 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,020 (Jamie laughing) 9 00:00:38,070 --> 00:00:40,210 Okay, bad joke. Forget I ever said that. 10 00:00:41,010 --> 00:00:42,110 My best friend is Isabella. 11 00:00:42,170 --> 00:00:45,110 Isabella is probably one of the nicest people you'll ever meet, 12 00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:47,110 even though you can't tell by looking at her 13 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:50,220 or meeting her or knowing her your whole life. 14 00:00:51,020 --> 00:00:54,000 Okay, Isabella is my second-best friend. 15 00:00:54,060 --> 00:00:56,160 My best friend is... 16 00:00:56,210 --> 00:01:00,060 well, my best friend is someone I can tell anything to, 17 00:01:00,110 --> 00:01:03,120 even the really weird things that keep happening to me. 18 00:01:03,170 --> 00:01:05,010 Is it just me, 19 00:01:05,060 --> 00:01:09,000 or is it possible that everything in middle school is a weird thing? 20 00:01:09,050 --> 00:01:11,010 - (fireworks explode) - To answer that question, 21 00:01:11,060 --> 00:01:15,050 I need to figure out the meaning of life. 22 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:19,160 But until then, my best friend is my diary, 23 00:01:19,210 --> 00:01:23,140 my dear dumb diary. 24 00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:31,200 (footsteps pounding) 25 00:01:34,030 --> 00:01:37,230 (male voices) # Yada yah yah yah yah yah yah S 26 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,210 # Yada yah yah yah yah # 27 00:01:41,010 --> 00:01:45,020 Jamie's voice: If I didn't give you permission to read this diary, 28 00:01:45,070 --> 00:01:47,010 you better stop reading right now. 29 00:01:47,060 --> 00:01:49,100 If you are my parents, then yes, 30 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:53,050 I know I'm not allowed to call people idiots and tools 31 00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:54,200 and trolls and all that. 32 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,040 But this is a diary. 33 00:01:56,090 --> 00:01:58,070 And I didn't actually call them anything, 34 00:01:58,120 --> 00:01:59,170 I wrote it. 35 00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:03,050 And if you punish me for it, then I will know that you read my diary, 36 00:02:03,100 --> 00:02:05,240 which you did not have permission to do. 37 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:07,240 Now by the power vested in me, 38 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:12,130 I do promise that everything in this diary is true. 39 00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:16,110 Or, at least as true as I think it needs be. 40 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:19,200 # Are you sure you're supposed to be # 41 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:23,050 # Reading someone else's diary? S 42 00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:26,030 # It might be time to stop and think # 43 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:29,230 # 'Cause I wrote this down in poison ink # 44 00:02:30,030 --> 00:02:32,090 Poisoning somehow seems wrong. 45 00:02:32,140 --> 00:02:35,170 # If you read a little secret about Isabella # 46 00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:39,050 # You really shouldn't know it, so just don't tell her S 47 00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:42,160 # Just let your mind flip into a comfortable numbness # 48 00:02:42,210 --> 00:02:46,130 # But never underestimate your own dumbness # 49 00:02:46,180 --> 00:02:49,210 # Idiots and fools and goons and half-wits # 50 00:02:50,010 --> 00:02:52,190 # It's not my fault I know everything # 51 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:56,230 # Information is revealed on a need-to-know basis # 52 00:02:57,030 --> 00:03:00,020 # It's all in my dear dumb diary # 53 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:06,030 # Read it in my dear dumb diary # 54 00:03:12,190 --> 00:03:16,070 # If this is you, freaky beauty queen # 55 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,210 # Otherwise known as Angeline # 56 00:03:20,010 --> 00:03:23,070 # Don't you dare take another peek # 57 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:27,030 - # 'Cause I won't turn the other... # - (sighs) 58 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:30,080 # Idiots and fools and goons and half-wits # 59 00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:33,130 # It's not my fault I know everything # 60 00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:37,170 # Information is revealed on a need-to-know basis # 61 00:03:37,220 --> 00:03:40,240 # It's all in my dear dumb diary # 62 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:47,030 # Read it in my dear dumb diary # 63 00:03:53,090 --> 00:03:56,240 (male voices) # Yada yah yah yah yah yah yah S 64 00:03:57,040 --> 00:04:00,070 # Yada yah yah yah yah # 65 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,240 J' Yada yah yah yah yah yah yah J' 66 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:07,200 # Yada yah yah yah yah. # 67 00:04:08,230 --> 00:04:11,030 (spits) 68 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,200 Jamie: I know, I pretty much rock. 69 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,120 That's why all the dudes are crazy about me. 70 00:04:15,170 --> 00:04:18,130 Dudes like Hudson Rivers. 71 00:04:18,180 --> 00:04:19,210 He knows I got it. 72 00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,160 Hey, Jamie, check it out. 73 00:04:24,020 --> 00:04:25,220 (gagging) 74 00:04:26,020 --> 00:04:29,240 (pants) New dance I'm working on. 75 00:04:30,050 --> 00:04:33,000 It's called the Choke. 76 00:04:33,050 --> 00:04:34,210 Did you say something, Hudson? 77 00:04:35,020 --> 00:04:37,220 Yeah, the box you made me for my birthday, for my arthropods-- 78 00:04:38,020 --> 00:04:40,140 I was up all night labeling. Doesn't it look cool? 79 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,050 (Jamie gasps) 80 00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:44,020 I'm sorry. Here, let me help you with that. 81 00:04:44,070 --> 00:04:47,030 I've dropped things before and I know how much trouble droppage can be. 82 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:48,220 Bugs don't bother you? 83 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:58,110 Each of these beautiful invertebrates 84 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:01,030 has their own special role in nature, you know? 85 00:05:01,090 --> 00:05:04,020 Every creature has its place. 86 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,190 And my place-- it's next to you. 87 00:05:07,210 --> 00:05:12,020 We're like two Swallowtail butterflies meant to flap their wings together, 88 00:05:12,070 --> 00:05:14,050 side by side. 89 00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:18,010 Yep, two Swallowtail butterflies 90 00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:20,040 with their pet unicorn 91 00:05:20,090 --> 00:05:23,000 who has his own pet, which is a koala. 92 00:05:23,050 --> 00:05:25,000 - (record dies down) - What? 93 00:05:25,050 --> 00:05:27,210 I said I thought I had more beetles. Did you see any more of them? 94 00:05:28,010 --> 00:05:31,240 No. You know, Hudson, I've been thinking-- 95 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,070 - Hey, Angeline. - Jamie's voice: See, dumb diary, 96 00:05:34,130 --> 00:05:36,240 there's one small problem. 97 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:41,040 The universe has afflicted me with a girl of such genetic superiority 98 00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:43,190 that my own personal awesomeness, 99 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:46,210 which by just about any standard is sufficiently awesome, 100 00:05:47,010 --> 00:05:49,180 is made to look sub-awesome. 101 00:05:49,230 --> 00:05:51,200 Is that your lip gloss I smell? 102 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,150 Watermelon Splash? It's great. 103 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:58,030 Good news, Hudson-- you could be a professional smeller if you wanted. 104 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,240 Yeah, you sure smell a lot. 105 00:06:02,190 --> 00:06:05,200 Jamie's voice: And just like that, Hudson followed Angeline 106 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,110 like my dog Stinker following a pork chop. 107 00:06:08,170 --> 00:06:11,080 Watermelon Splash? 108 00:06:11,130 --> 00:06:15,000 Angeline just stole my signature lip-gloss flavor. 109 00:06:15,050 --> 00:06:18,000 This could get ugly, kids. 110 00:06:19,180 --> 00:06:22,190 Normally I hate seeing my best friend Isabella angry. 111 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,020 (Isabella screams) 112 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:27,230 But now she's mad at Angeline, and I can live with that. 113 00:06:28,030 --> 00:06:32,040 Miss Bruntford would like to remind students 114 00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:33,240 that Tofu loaf-- 115 00:06:34,050 --> 00:06:35,180 But more difficult to live 116 00:06:35,230 --> 00:06:38,070 with was having to sit through Mr. Vandoy's class. 117 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:41,090 He's famous at Mackerel for a historical fact of his own. 118 00:06:41,140 --> 00:06:43,180 He was born with no personality. 119 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:47,070 When the doctor spanked him, he just said... 120 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,010 Mr. Vandoy's voice: "Really? 121 00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:53,130 Is that absolutely necessary?" 122 00:06:53,190 --> 00:06:55,240 - (Jamie sighs) - In other news, 123 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:59,040 Mackerel Middle School is proud to announce 124 00:06:59,090 --> 00:07:03,140 the first district-wide Jump-A-Thon. 125 00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:06,110 When you're that pretty, you can't tell right from wrong. 126 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,210 She's blinded by her own beauty. 127 00:07:11,220 --> 00:07:13,100 That's not fair. 128 00:07:13,150 --> 00:07:16,080 Angeline completely throws off the attractiveness curve. 129 00:07:16,130 --> 00:07:18,190 I could be gorgeous and we wouldn't even know it. 130 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,170 - (rock beat playing) - Jamie's voice: Dear dumb diary, 131 00:07:27,230 --> 00:07:30,210 I'm having a brainstorm of gigantic proportions. 132 00:07:31,010 --> 00:07:34,050 What if all the average-looking people in the world banned together? 133 00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:38,150 Seriously, isn't it time we took a stand against the effortlessly beautiful? 134 00:07:39,190 --> 00:07:42,140 # On behalf of the 99% of us # 135 00:07:42,190 --> 00:07:45,210 # We won't bow down to the 1% of the populace S 136 00:07:46,010 --> 00:07:49,080 # We're not going to drop down and take it, now are we? # 137 00:07:49,130 --> 00:07:53,020 # Just because they look like Ken and Barbie # 138 00:07:54,110 --> 00:07:59,120 J' Perfect people of the world, you've got to go J' 139 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:05,240 J' Perfect people of the world, you've got to go J' 140 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:08,180 J' All the problems of the world will vanish # 141 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:12,080 # When the freaks of nature are rounded up # 142 00:08:12,130 --> 00:08:14,030 # And banished # 143 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:18,080 J' Perfect people of the world, you've got to go J' 144 00:08:18,140 --> 00:08:22,010 # Your sweet-smelling symmetry is starting to sicken me # 145 00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:25,070 # I'm gonna puke my guts in your perfect hair # 146 00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:28,000 # You're so wonderful, flawless and joyful # 147 00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:30,050 # We're gonna ship you to an island # 148 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:33,070 - # And leave you there... J' - (models screaming) 149 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:38,180 J' Perfect people of the world, you've got to go J' 150 00:08:38,230 --> 00:08:40,100 Men: # Perfect people # 151 00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:44,170 J' Perfect people of the world, you've got to go J' 152 00:08:44,220 --> 00:08:48,060 J' All the problems of the world will vanish # 153 00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:51,130 # When the freaks of nature are rounded up # 154 00:08:51,190 --> 00:08:52,190 # And banished # 155 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:57,240 # Perfect people of the world, you've got to go... # 156 00:08:58,040 --> 00:08:59,200 (amplified) I hereby declare the need 157 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,100 for an equal playing field for all humanity. 158 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:06,020 Here is my proposal- hair tattooed on the legs of the pretty people, 159 00:09:06,070 --> 00:09:08,210 permanent unibrows surgically implanted 160 00:09:09,010 --> 00:09:11,100 on the foreheads of the effortlessly beautiful, 161 00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:16,000 super stinky pit stains embedded in the shirts of the overly confident. 162 00:09:16,060 --> 00:09:19,070 I do solemnly swear that we will once and for all 163 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:22,080 put an end to your sickeningly cute injustices, 164 00:09:22,130 --> 00:09:25,140 - now and for all eternity! - (all cheering) 165 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:30,080 J' Perfect people of the world, you've got to go J' 166 00:09:30,130 --> 00:09:32,050 Men: # The perfect people # 167 00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:34,100 J' Perfect people of the world, you've got to go J' 168 00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:40,050 J' All the problems of the world will vanish # 169 00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:43,080 # When the freaks of nature are rounded up # 170 00:09:43,140 --> 00:09:45,160 # And banished # 171 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:50,130 # Perfect people of the world, you've got to go-o-o # 172 00:09:50,180 --> 00:09:52,020 Men: # Perfect people # 173 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:56,110 J' Perfect people of the world, you've got to go J' 174 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:59,220 J' All the problems of the world will vanish # 175 00:10:00,030 --> 00:10:03,090 # When the freaks of nature are rounded up # 176 00:10:03,140 --> 00:10:04,230 # And banished # 177 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:09,230 # Perfect people of the world, you've got to go-o-o # 178 00:10:10,030 --> 00:10:11,030 Men: # Perfect people... # 179 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:14,030 You're beautiful and you smell great and you're nice to be around. 180 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,100 But I'm sorry, you've gotta go! 181 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,030 Mr. Vandoy: Jamie 182 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,170 Jamie? 183 00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:24,020 Your hands are raised. 184 00:10:24,070 --> 00:10:28,120 Do you want to sign up for the Jump-A-Thon? 185 00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:32,020 Angeline was the first to sign her name. 186 00:10:32,070 --> 00:10:33,230 Hmm? 187 00:10:34,030 --> 00:10:36,010 Come on, Jamie, it's for a good cause. 188 00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:39,130 - What have you got to lose? - (grunts) 189 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:42,080 Hey, I came prepared. 190 00:10:42,130 --> 00:10:44,100 - So did I, Dad. - (bell dings) 191 00:10:44,150 --> 00:10:45,150 Nice. 192 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,030 Mrs. Kelly: Ta-dah! 193 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,050 Jamie's voice: Mom is up to her usual hijinx, 194 00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:52,010 committing dinner against the entire family. 195 00:10:52,060 --> 00:10:54,110 -1 heard that, Jamie. -1 didn't say anything. 196 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,050 You should be grateful. There are plenty of children... 197 00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:59,080 "all over Where-the-Heck-istan..." 198 00:10:59,130 --> 00:11:01,180 ...who would love my casserole. 199 00:11:01,230 --> 00:11:05,200 Casserole! That's what that is. 200 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,160 Mmm, yum. 201 00:11:08,190 --> 00:11:11,220 It seems to me that the kids in Where-the-Heck-istan 202 00:11:12,020 --> 00:11:15,210 have enough problems without dumping Mom's casseroles on them too. 203 00:11:16,010 --> 00:11:18,100 - (goats bleating) - (phone ringing) 204 00:11:18,150 --> 00:11:20,160 - Hello? Carol! - It's Aunt Carol! 205 00:11:20,210 --> 00:11:22,230 - No, Carol, it's a fine time. - Let me talk to her! 206 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,060 - (both overlapping) - (door closes) 207 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,170 Hey, 208 00:11:31,230 --> 00:11:33,190 - why the long face, chief? - Nothing. 209 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,170 - Are you sure? - Nothing. 210 00:11:35,230 --> 00:11:37,130 - What's wrong? What's wrong? - Nothing. Nothing. 211 00:11:37,180 --> 00:11:38,190 - What's wrong? - Nothing. 212 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,130 - What's for dessert? - All right. 213 00:11:40,190 --> 00:11:45,110 All right. I just- I don't like school very much right now, okay? 214 00:11:45,170 --> 00:11:48,070 That's because school is supposed to prepare you for real life 215 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,220 - which also really s~ - Honey? 216 00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:52,180 Sweetheart? 217 00:11:55,230 --> 00:11:59,210 I just- I feel kind of invisible at school sometimes. 218 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:02,050 Well... 219 00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:04,150 I understand, Jamie. 220 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,040 When I was your age, 221 00:12:07,090 --> 00:12:10,200 I had a football coach who would sit me on the bench. 222 00:12:11,010 --> 00:12:12,020 Jamie's voice: Dear dumb diary, 223 00:12:12,070 --> 00:12:15,110 doesn't my dad realize my life has nothing to do with football? 224 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:18,100 Seriously, these guys do recess for a living. 225 00:12:18,150 --> 00:12:21,070 What I need is a— 226 00:12:22,070 --> 00:12:23,210 Mr. Kelly: After a while, though, I started making friends... 227 00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:25,010 That's it! 228 00:12:25,060 --> 00:12:27,020 The thing that's gonna make me sparkle. 229 00:12:27,070 --> 00:12:29,200 Actually sparkles! 230 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:34,090 Yes. Why didn't I think of it before? 231 00:12:34,150 --> 00:12:36,240 If there's one thing I know, 232 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,230 it's the science of shimmer. 233 00:12:40,030 --> 00:12:42,150 (laughing maniacally) More blue! 234 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:46,130 Oh, no. More pink! Yeah! 235 00:12:46,180 --> 00:12:51,170 Oh, this was an excellent year for hot magenta. 236 00:12:51,220 --> 00:12:53,170 Thank you. 237 00:12:54,180 --> 00:12:57,190 Sequinization! Rhinestonery! 238 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:01,180 Emflowerment! Stickerating! 239 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:06,080 Jamie's voice: I'm even thinking because of my monumental art project 240 00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:08,240 glitter can become... 241 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:11,210 a college major. 242 00:13:12,210 --> 00:13:16,040 I wouldn't be surprised if they put it on coins, 243 00:13:16,090 --> 00:13:17,240 or cars... 244 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,160 ...or even the Statue of Liberty. 245 00:13:21,210 --> 00:13:25,200 And this year's Pulitzer Prize for World Peace through Glitter 246 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,180 goes to Jamie Kelly! 247 00:13:28,230 --> 00:13:30,200 (cheering) 248 00:13:33,070 --> 00:13:34,160 (blows) 249 00:13:34,210 --> 00:13:35,220 Jamie's voice: Ladies and gentlemen, 250 00:13:36,030 --> 00:13:38,240 Mackerel Middle School history is about to be made. 251 00:13:41,130 --> 00:13:43,230 Jamie, what have you got there? 252 00:13:46,220 --> 00:13:48,100 Jamie's voice: Isn't she gorgeous? 253 00:13:48,150 --> 00:13:51,050 Meet Miss Anderson, art teacher. 254 00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:55,050 She's my BFT, which is like a BFF, except for teachers. 255 00:13:57,230 --> 00:13:59,020 (bell dings) 256 00:14:00,070 --> 00:14:02,000 I have something to show you. 257 00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:05,020 You may want to brace yourself. 258 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,070 (gasps) 259 00:14:10,010 --> 00:14:11,070 What is it? 260 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,090 Oh, Jamie, 261 00:14:13,140 --> 00:14:15,050 it's magnificent. 262 00:14:16,110 --> 00:14:18,170 I'm afraid I have bad news. 263 00:14:19,180 --> 00:14:21,200 Due to significant budget cuts, 264 00:14:22,010 --> 00:14:27,040 certain extra-curricular activities are being eliminated this year, 265 00:14:27,090 --> 00:14:28,220 including... 266 00:14:29,020 --> 00:14:31,040 Thespian Society, 267 00:14:32,100 --> 00:14:34,000 Model United Nations, 268 00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:38,200 - the art program... -(gasps) 269 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,230 - Breathe. - Can't. 270 00:14:41,030 --> 00:14:45,170 (slowly) In, out. 271 00:14:45,220 --> 00:14:47,220 (Jamie gasping) 272 00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:49,240 (panting) 273 00:14:50,050 --> 00:14:52,010 No art. 274 00:14:52,070 --> 00:14:54,170 This could be the end of Jamie Kelly. 275 00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:57,180 This could be the end of all artists. 276 00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,060 (both gasping) 277 00:15:00,110 --> 00:15:01,240 What?! 278 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,120 (panting) 279 00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:06,150 - (hair plucks) - Ow! 280 00:15:06,210 --> 00:15:09,060 Breathing again. You're welcome. 281 00:15:09,110 --> 00:15:12,140 That's why our school's fundraisers 282 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,200 are more important than ever. 283 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:19,120 So I need to see everyone at Mackerel Middle 284 00:15:19,170 --> 00:15:24,130 get behind this year's Jump-A-Thon! 285 00:15:24,180 --> 00:15:27,130 - (whistles blowing) - Ho ho ho! 286 00:15:27,180 --> 00:15:29,170 Did you know every year 287 00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:33,010 500 children get injured in a tragic jump-roping accident? 288 00:15:33,070 --> 00:15:34,240 It's true... 289 00:15:35,050 --> 00:15:36,070 and funny. 290 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,130 That's what I'm talking about. 291 00:15:38,180 --> 00:15:42,230 The event will involve all five middle schools in the district, 292 00:15:43,030 --> 00:15:46,010 and listen up, friends- certain local businesses 293 00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:51,040 have chipped in and awarded $10,000 294 00:15:51,090 --> 00:15:55,200 to the school whose student wins the Jump-A-Thon! 295 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,000 - Whoo! Whoo hoo! - (music playing) 296 00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:02,020 Is that really like caramel apple? 297 00:16:02,070 --> 00:16:05,100 There are 350 lip-gloss flavors in the world. 298 00:16:05,150 --> 00:16:08,060 You'd think with all those choices, 299 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,070 certain people could keep their well-manicured paws 300 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:14,130 off other people's signature flavors. 301 00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:18,030 (no sound) 302 00:16:20,130 --> 00:16:23,010 Now what do you say, friends? Can we band together 303 00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:26,060 and raise some money for Mackerel Middle- 304 00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,170 Yeah! 305 00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:30,210 Come on, everybody. We can do it. 306 00:16:31,010 --> 00:16:32,130 'Cause we're all in this together! 307 00:16:32,190 --> 00:16:36,000 All: Shut it, Cupcake! 308 00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:40,070 Jamie's voice: This isn't the end of it. 309 00:16:40,130 --> 00:16:44,170 My time to shine isn't going to be ripped away without a fight. 310 00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:48,030 (music playing) 311 00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:55,100 (children screaming) 312 00:17:01,210 --> 00:17:05,110 The school office is a bleak and desolate place 313 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,100 where students with bloody noses 314 00:17:08,150 --> 00:17:11,230 come for the expert healing powers of the school nurse. 315 00:17:16,020 --> 00:17:17,200 Here all are comforted 316 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,160 by the sweet and pleasant personalities of... 317 00:17:22,010 --> 00:17:24,050 the office ladies. 318 00:17:26,110 --> 00:17:28,110 Butterscotch! 319 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:32,030 I need to speak to Assistant Principal Devon. 320 00:17:32,090 --> 00:17:35,030 The culture of our free world is at stake. 321 00:17:35,090 --> 00:17:40,030 Art! That's the cornerstone of the whole world, of civilization! 322 00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,220 What's the Earth 323 00:17:43,030 --> 00:17:45,220 without art?! 324 00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:47,150 It's just "eh." 325 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,010 Eh... 326 00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:51,010 Do you know what you have without art? 327 00:17:51,060 --> 00:17:54,110 Well, basically, nothing. 328 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:58,090 Architecture- that's art. Furniture- art! 329 00:17:58,140 --> 00:18:00,200 - Our clothes- art! - Jamie. 330 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,110 I got it. 331 00:18:02,170 --> 00:18:04,230 I don't want to lose any program. 332 00:18:05,030 --> 00:18:07,090 I want every student 333 00:18:07,150 --> 00:18:10,160 to fly on the limitless wings of eagles. 334 00:18:13,090 --> 00:18:15,210 My job is to be a problem-solver. 335 00:18:16,010 --> 00:18:18,060 And you can join me in being a problem-solver too. 336 00:18:18,110 --> 00:18:22,030 That's what I'm trying to do right now, 337 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:23,230 solve a really big problem. 338 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,210 You could sign up for the Jump-A-Thon. 339 00:18:27,020 --> 00:18:29,180 That's being part of the solution. 340 00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:34,070 "Beeing part..." Bzzz. 341 00:18:36,020 --> 00:18:39,110 Isabella says all fundraising is a money-hungry scam. 342 00:18:39,170 --> 00:18:40,170 Does she really? 343 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,090 And what does Isabella know about fundraising? 344 00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:45,040 Isabella knows about everything. 345 00:18:45,090 --> 00:18:47,200 You're a good kid, Jamie. 346 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,240 But your friend Isabella doesn't have all the answers. 347 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,100 Isabella says the people who say things about her 348 00:18:53,150 --> 00:18:56,110 - only do so because they're jealous. - I'm not jealous of Isabella. 349 00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:58,170 Isabella says that denying jealousy 350 00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:01,000 is, like, the surest sign of jealousy. 351 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:07,100 Did you know that Isabella told Mrs. Frundle 352 00:19:07,150 --> 00:19:10,010 that her dress looked like something you'd bury a clown in. 353 00:19:10,060 --> 00:19:12,230 Isabella offers free fashion advice. 354 00:19:13,030 --> 00:19:15,000 Her third-grade teacher said that Isabella is a thief. 355 00:19:15,050 --> 00:19:18,000 Isabella is a modern-day Robin Hood, 356 00:19:18,050 --> 00:19:20,140 in much better tights. 357 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,120 Finally, this. 358 00:19:23,180 --> 00:19:26,160 Disruptive, unsanitary, 359 00:19:26,210 --> 00:19:29,130 and frankly, ew. 360 00:19:29,180 --> 00:19:32,220 Isabella is in touch with her inner dolphin. 361 00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:34,200 (sighs) 362 00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:38,000 Bottom line, 363 00:19:38,050 --> 00:19:41,240 Isabella is selfish. You don't want to end up like that. 364 00:19:45,050 --> 00:19:46,070 Jamie: Wait. 365 00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,200 So all of our dirty deeds- 366 00:19:50,010 --> 00:19:54,020 all of our deepest secrets live in that cabinet? 367 00:19:54,070 --> 00:19:55,180 - Pretty much. - (closes drawer) 368 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,130 Everyone has a record? 369 00:19:58,180 --> 00:20:01,090 Without it, you don't even exist. 370 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:06,030 Assistant Principal Devon, line three. 371 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,200 Whaaaa! Ah! 372 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,070 Oh. 373 00:20:12,130 --> 00:20:15,160 This is tragic or something. 374 00:20:15,210 --> 00:20:17,070 Jamie's voice: Turns out it was tragic. 375 00:20:17,130 --> 00:20:20,160 She broke her hip. Hips a big deal to office ladies. 376 00:20:20,210 --> 00:20:23,230 They need them for sitting around all day. 377 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,140 (Jamie through phone) And when Assistant Principal Devon 378 00:20:26,190 --> 00:20:30,120 called for help, I was alone with all the permanent records. 379 00:20:30,170 --> 00:20:32,140 Isabella: Including Angeline's? 380 00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:34,060 It was right there. 381 00:20:34,110 --> 00:20:36,110 You know, it's true what they say— 382 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,240 without a permanent record, you don't exist. 383 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:45,110 You basically walk the Earth as a ghost. 384 00:20:45,170 --> 00:20:47,000 Did you see my record? 385 00:20:47,050 --> 00:20:49,050 Yours? 386 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,180 Eh, I may have seen it. 387 00:20:54,230 --> 00:20:57,240 - (doorbell rings) - Mr. Kelly: Jamie! Guess who it is. 388 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:01,030 Oh, that's my aunt Carol! Gotta fly, pumpkin pie. 389 00:21:01,090 --> 00:21:02,200 Catch you later, perspirator. 390 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:07,060 I told you, I switched my spy name to Princess Unicornia! 391 00:21:07,110 --> 00:21:08,140 (sighs) 392 00:21:08,190 --> 00:21:09,190 Jamie's voice: Dear dumb diary, 393 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:11,220 isn't my aunt Carol incredible? 394 00:21:12,030 --> 00:21:15,020 Her wardrobe is like the clothes my old Barbies used to wear. 395 00:21:15,070 --> 00:21:18,220 Except my aunt doesn't spend as much time on her tip-toes. 396 00:21:20,090 --> 00:21:22,040 Jamie! 397 00:21:22,090 --> 00:21:25,120 - Jamie! - (Jamie panting) 398 00:21:25,180 --> 00:21:28,160 - Aunt Carol! -Oh! 399 00:21:28,210 --> 00:21:30,170 Do you know what all that means? 400 00:21:30,220 --> 00:21:32,040 Pink is the new black? 401 00:21:32,090 --> 00:21:35,160 Well, obviously. But no. 402 00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:40,160 It means there are lots of clothes for you to inherit. 403 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,230 Don't you see how cool she is already? 404 00:21:45,030 --> 00:21:49,120 See, most of my conversations with adult relatives go like this— 405 00:21:49,170 --> 00:21:52,130 - So how's school going? - Fine. 406 00:21:52,180 --> 00:21:55,050 - And how's soccer going? - Fine. 407 00:21:56,180 --> 00:21:59,240 See, if I explain that I've never played soccer, 408 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:03,000 it would just lead to extra questions. 409 00:22:03,050 --> 00:22:06,090 So what do you think about all this rain we're having? 410 00:22:06,140 --> 00:22:07,210 Fine. 411 00:22:09,070 --> 00:22:11,040 So how is school going? 412 00:22:11,090 --> 00:22:12,170 Fine. 413 00:22:12,220 --> 00:22:14,080 Are any of the kids, like, really gross? 414 00:22:14,140 --> 00:22:15,160 Stop it, Carol. 415 00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:17,180 Angeline is gross. 416 00:22:17,230 --> 00:22:19,070 - (laughing) - Jamie. 417 00:22:19,130 --> 00:22:23,030 Do you know that your mom once peed her pants at school? 418 00:22:23,090 --> 00:22:25,200 Don't— do not listen to her, Jamie. 419 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,150 Your aunt Carol has taken her allergy medicine, 420 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,230 and she really has no idea what she is saying. Stop it. 421 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:32,110 (whispering) 422 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:35,150 Okay, fine. Fine, I'll drop it. 423 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:39,070 So, Jamie, what do you think of all this rain we are having? 424 00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:41,170 -1 don't know. -1 bet your mom hates it. 425 00:22:41,230 --> 00:22:43,080 It could get her pants wet. 426 00:22:43,130 --> 00:22:45,200 Mrs. Kelly: Hey! Time out for you, Carol. 427 00:22:48,110 --> 00:22:50,050 Jamie: School is a disaster. 428 00:22:50,100 --> 00:22:53,210 Well, that's because it is supposed to prepare you for the real world, 429 00:22:54,010 --> 00:22:55,140 - which also kind of~ - Yeah, I've heard. 430 00:22:55,190 --> 00:22:58,160 But how am I supposed to make it through without going nuts? 431 00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:00,120 Play to your strengths. 432 00:23:00,170 --> 00:23:02,060 I've tried that. 433 00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:04,190 Well, maybe you have more than one strength. 434 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,170 It's highly unlikely. 435 00:23:06,220 --> 00:23:09,080 When I was in middle school, 436 00:23:09,130 --> 00:23:12,090 I got teased for having thin lips. 437 00:23:12,140 --> 00:23:14,170 They called me Lizard Lips. 438 00:23:14,220 --> 00:23:17,100 So I would walk around trying to push my lips out 439 00:23:17,150 --> 00:23:19,030 so they would be more full. 440 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,120 That didn't work. 441 00:23:23,170 --> 00:23:25,220 But later I discovered I was a really good kisser 442 00:23:26,020 --> 00:23:27,110 no matter what my lips looked like. 443 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:30,060 And trust me, nobody was complaining. 444 00:23:30,110 --> 00:23:32,010 - Stop. - (laughing) 445 00:23:32,060 --> 00:23:35,160 You have got to 446 00:23:35,210 --> 00:23:38,010 use what you have got. 447 00:23:38,060 --> 00:23:40,160 Sometimes what you think might be a problem 448 00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:43,140 could turn out to be your greatest strength. 449 00:23:46,130 --> 00:23:48,230 See? There. 450 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,010 Photo, photo, photo, photo, photo, photo. 451 00:23:54,070 --> 00:23:55,070 (laughing) 452 00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:57,130 But what if I don't have a greatest strength? 453 00:23:57,180 --> 00:24:00,180 Oh, everybody's got a greatest strength. I've got, like, five. 454 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:03,080 (laughs) Come on, who doesn't? 455 00:24:03,130 --> 00:24:08,140 Well, well. If it isn't Jamie. 456 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,110 You still a vegetarian? 457 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,200 Because now we've got Tofu loaf. 458 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,190 This is even worse than when they tried serving us.. 459 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,220 (gulps) Lollyloafs. 460 00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:23,210 I saw a doctor. 461 00:24:24,010 --> 00:24:26,120 I got healed from vegetarianism. 462 00:24:26,170 --> 00:24:28,190 Well, then, 463 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,210 bring up the tray. Pick it up. Put it up here. 464 00:24:31,010 --> 00:24:32,090 All the way. There you go. 465 00:24:32,140 --> 00:24:36,030 Why do I feel like all the adults in my life are trying to poison me? 466 00:24:38,030 --> 00:24:41,180 I don't think she's going to look away until you take a bite. 467 00:24:41,230 --> 00:24:43,090 (grunts) 468 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:54,230 (gagging) 469 00:24:58,030 --> 00:25:02,050 I can't tell the difference between the meatloaf 470 00:25:02,100 --> 00:25:03,200 and my tongue. 471 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,180 Now down to business. 472 00:25:06,230 --> 00:25:10,000 I've been thinking about Angeline 473 00:25:10,050 --> 00:25:12,190 and the whole permanent-record thing. 474 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,100 The girl has got to be stopped. 475 00:25:15,150 --> 00:25:17,050 - Why do you think that— - Hudson: Jamie! 476 00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:18,150 Hey, how are you doing? 477 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,210 I didn't see your name on the Jump-A-Thon list 478 00:25:21,020 --> 00:25:24,160 and I know you'd do a great job. That's all. 479 00:25:24,210 --> 00:25:29,080 (gagging, hyperventilating) 480 00:25:33,220 --> 00:25:35,240 - Is she okay? - She's fine. 481 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:38,200 Might be a small panic attack. 482 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,200 Go ahead. As you were saying? 483 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,160 (Jamie gasping) 484 00:25:42,210 --> 00:25:46,070 Well, I remember that 485 00:25:46,130 --> 00:25:48,120 playing double dutch and stuff... 486 00:25:48,170 --> 00:25:50,230 you used to be the best jump-roper in the whole school. 487 00:25:51,030 --> 00:25:52,200 Does she need to see the nurse? 488 00:25:56,110 --> 00:25:59,080 Dear dumb diary, 489 00:25:59,130 --> 00:26:01,240 only a miracle happened today. 490 00:26:02,050 --> 00:26:05,200 Hudson Rivers basically has declared his undying love for me, 491 00:26:06,010 --> 00:26:07,240 except he said it another way. 492 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:10,100 His code, which I cleverly deciphered, 493 00:26:10,150 --> 00:26:13,220 was saying that he thinks I'd do good in the Jump-A-Thon. 494 00:26:14,020 --> 00:26:17,180 I cannot- repeat, cannot let him down. 495 00:26:17,230 --> 00:26:20,210 I think I can uphold our love, 496 00:26:21,010 --> 00:26:24,100 save the art program, and finally— finally bring justice 497 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:27,000 to every average-looking person in the whole world 498 00:26:27,050 --> 00:26:29,190 who's ever been shown up by a girl like Angeline. 499 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:32,130 That's right— I have no choice 500 00:26:32,180 --> 00:26:35,000 but show once and for all the entire world... 501 00:26:35,050 --> 00:26:38,030 (deep male voice) ...my awesomeness! 502 00:26:38,090 --> 00:26:40,130 (rock beat playing) 503 00:26:41,210 --> 00:26:45,050 (cheering) 504 00:26:49,030 --> 00:26:50,240 # My awesomeness is awesome # 505 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:52,120 # My technique is unique # 506 00:26:52,170 --> 00:26:54,080 # My awesomeness is awesome # 507 00:26:54,130 --> 00:26:56,190 - # Everybody else if freakin' weak... # - (cheering) 508 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,100 # My footwork is like clockwork # 509 00:26:58,150 --> 00:27:00,150 # My routine is the hottest # 510 00:27:00,210 --> 00:27:03,230 # I'm a voodoo samurai super-ninja jump-rope goddess # 511 00:27:04,030 --> 00:27:07,030 (singing with others) # So if you step to me # 512 00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:10,180 # Proceed with caution # 513 00:27:10,230 --> 00:27:13,150 # My awesomeness is awesome # 514 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:17,070 # My awesomeness is awesome... # 515 00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:21,130 - (growling) - Look, ninjas! And they have Hudson! 516 00:27:22,190 --> 00:27:24,210 # There is no competition # 517 00:27:25,020 --> 00:27:26,140 # There will be no contest # 518 00:27:26,190 --> 00:27:28,210 # 'Cause now I'm on a mission S 519 00:27:29,020 --> 00:27:31,040 # To be the very best of the best of the best # 520 00:27:31,090 --> 00:27:34,070 # And unless you've got three legs and a built-in trampoline # 521 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:38,040 # You've got no chance against me, even you, Angeline # 522 00:27:38,090 --> 00:27:40,220 # So if you step to me # 523 00:27:41,020 --> 00:27:44,200 # Proceed with caution # 524 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,190 # My awesomeness is awesome # 525 00:27:48,190 --> 00:27:51,180 # My awesomeness is awesome... # 526 00:27:51,230 --> 00:27:53,220 (cheering) 527 00:27:54,020 --> 00:27:55,020 You're right, Jamie. 528 00:27:55,070 --> 00:27:57,120 Your awesomeness is awesome. 529 00:27:57,170 --> 00:28:00,180 # They come to worship me # 530 00:28:00,230 --> 00:28:05,080 - # From all around the world # - Other: # Ooh ooh # 531 00:28:05,130 --> 00:28:08,100 # And no one can believe J' 532 00:28:08,150 --> 00:28:14,030 # I'm just your average girl # 533 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,210 # My concentration is unbreakable # 534 00:28:18,010 --> 00:28:19,160 # My confidence unshakable # 535 00:28:19,220 --> 00:28:21,180 # My moves are so unfake-able # 536 00:28:21,230 --> 00:28:23,110 # My genius unmistakable # 537 00:28:23,170 --> 00:28:25,060 # 'Cause I'm capable of miracles # 538 00:28:25,110 --> 00:28:27,150 # And I'm here to pull the stops out of y'all # 539 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:30,090 # So check check check check checka checka checka me out # 540 00:28:30,150 --> 00:28:33,170 # If you want a piece of me # 541 00:28:33,220 --> 00:28:38,110 # Proceed with caution # 542 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,130 # My awesomeness S 543 00:28:41,180 --> 00:28:47,030 # Is awesome. # 544 00:28:49,100 --> 00:28:51,110 (chattering) 545 00:28:52,130 --> 00:28:53,240 I can't take it anymore. 546 00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,020 It's too overwhelming. I'm gonna jump. 547 00:28:56,070 --> 00:28:58,240 Jamie, middle school's not that bad. 548 00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:00,140 Please reconsider. 549 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,200 No, the Jump-A-Thon. I'm doing it. 550 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,120 I'm gonna jump and I'm gonna win. 551 00:29:04,180 --> 00:29:06,030 We're all gonna jump 552 00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:08,080 'cause we're all in this together! 553 00:29:14,070 --> 00:29:16,040 Pretty gutsy, Jamie, 554 00:29:16,100 --> 00:29:19,150 considering all the money you have to raise. 555 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:21,040 Money? 556 00:29:21,100 --> 00:29:23,150 I have to raise money? 557 00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:25,060 300 bucks?! 558 00:29:25,110 --> 00:29:27,090 Angeline just went around asking people for money 559 00:29:27,140 --> 00:29:29,140 and they raised up 300 buck-a-roos? 560 00:29:29,190 --> 00:29:31,240 How famous does Angeline need to be? 561 00:29:32,050 --> 00:29:35,060 If it was me, I'd be totally satisfied with being partly famous 562 00:29:35,110 --> 00:29:38,020 and not have to go around making myself famouser all the time. 563 00:29:38,070 --> 00:29:42,020 She just asked and boom- 564 00:29:42,070 --> 00:29:45,110 - money. - (bell ringing) 565 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:47,060 (grunting) 566 00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:55,130 (giggling) 567 00:29:55,180 --> 00:29:57,200 (chattering) 568 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:01,030 If I could paint and talk at the- 569 00:30:01,090 --> 00:30:05,000 Jamie! Hi. I just met your lovely aunt. 570 00:30:05,060 --> 00:30:06,230 I'm glad to hear you're moving to town. 571 00:30:07,030 --> 00:30:08,180 Please, Assistant Principal DeVonn, 572 00:30:08,230 --> 00:30:10,040 call me Carol. 573 00:30:10,090 --> 00:30:11,230 Carol. And you can call me Dan. 574 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:13,200 Oh, Dan. 575 00:30:14,010 --> 00:30:16,140 And it's "Devon," not DeVonn. 576 00:30:16,190 --> 00:30:18,240 I will talk to you later. 577 00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:20,080 Bye. 578 00:30:22,060 --> 00:30:23,200 - Carol: Oh! - See you. 579 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:27,160 Hey, no— not— not here! 580 00:30:27,220 --> 00:30:31,090 Big news. Assistant Principal Devon just offered me an office job. 581 00:30:31,150 --> 00:30:33,150 It turns out some poor woman broke her hip. 582 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,230 Oh, yeah, I heard about that. 583 00:30:36,030 --> 00:30:37,200 Jamie, 584 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:39,240 I am gonna be working at your school! 585 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:41,040 (laughs) 586 00:30:41,100 --> 00:30:44,150 Of course there was a time when my aunt Carol understood 587 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:48,180 that a person would rather bathe in a tub of hot dog slobber 588 00:30:48,230 --> 00:30:51,110 than have a relative working at their school. 589 00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:53,170 Isn't it great? 590 00:30:53,220 --> 00:30:55,240 She's lost touch with reality. 591 00:30:56,050 --> 00:30:59,240 So I had absolutely no choice except to lie to her. 592 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,050 Yes. 593 00:31:02,100 --> 00:31:04,060 And I'm not lying to you. 594 00:31:09,010 --> 00:31:11,210 (knocking) 595 00:31:14,130 --> 00:31:16,110 - (muttering) - Hi, Mrs. Clawson. 596 00:31:16,170 --> 00:31:20,070 I'm doing a Jump-A-Thon to raise money for my school. 597 00:31:20,130 --> 00:31:23,090 Since the state doesn't seem to value education enough 598 00:31:23,140 --> 00:31:25,210 to meet our needs- (gasps) 599 00:31:27,050 --> 00:31:29,240 What just happened? 600 00:31:30,050 --> 00:31:31,050 I'm not sure. 601 00:31:31,100 --> 00:31:34,060 - Let me turn up my hearing. - (hearing aid whistling) 602 00:31:34,110 --> 00:31:37,130 I said, I was wondering, would you give us money?! 603 00:31:37,180 --> 00:31:40,050 Let me see what I've got. 604 00:31:40,100 --> 00:31:42,080 I'd rather be at the dentist. 605 00:31:42,130 --> 00:31:43,170 Yeah. 606 00:31:43,230 --> 00:31:45,120 It's funny how they're always so surprised 607 00:31:45,170 --> 00:31:47,210 when you bite their fingers. 608 00:31:48,010 --> 00:31:51,060 Ah, here you go, dears. 609 00:31:58,110 --> 00:32:00,080 What is it? Clothes? 610 00:32:00,140 --> 00:32:01,240 Maybe we can resell them. 611 00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:03,240 Oh, no. 612 00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:05,100 What is it? 613 00:32:05,150 --> 00:32:08,020 (gasps) 614 00:32:11,070 --> 00:32:13,020 Granny panties. 615 00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:15,010 They look like old army-man parachutes 616 00:32:15,070 --> 00:32:16,190 with two big holes shot through them. 617 00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:20,190 She must have thought we were on some clothing drive or something. 618 00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:24,040 Well, if at first you don't succeed, 619 00:32:24,090 --> 00:32:25,200 try try again. 620 00:32:26,010 --> 00:32:27,150 Okay. 621 00:32:27,210 --> 00:32:32,010 But if any old lady gives me a bag of her giant bras, 622 00:32:32,060 --> 00:32:34,010 I'm out. 623 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:43,140 You have to give 'em a taste of the product. 624 00:32:43,190 --> 00:32:45,180 Show 'em what they're investing in. 625 00:32:45,230 --> 00:32:47,160 - (ringing) - (lady laughing) 626 00:32:47,210 --> 00:32:50,140 Feet like fire, Jamie Kelly! Feet like fire. 627 00:32:50,190 --> 00:32:53,070 I taught her everything she knows. 628 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,190 Would you like to sponsor me, Mrs. Cutler? 629 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:58,030 Ah, my pleasure. 630 00:32:58,080 --> 00:32:59,200 Mmm, well, 631 00:33:00,010 --> 00:33:02,230 best of luck, Jamie. 632 00:33:04,030 --> 00:33:06,020 - Thanks, Mrs. Cutler. - (Mrs. Cutler laughing) 633 00:33:06,070 --> 00:33:09,100 We're also collecting for another charity today. 634 00:33:09,150 --> 00:33:10,150 We are? 635 00:33:10,210 --> 00:33:13,160 The Juvenile Optometry Federation. 636 00:33:13,220 --> 00:33:17,060 They supply eyeglasses and such to underprivileged kids. 637 00:33:17,110 --> 00:33:19,180 Well, aren't you two the little do-gooders? 638 00:33:19,230 --> 00:33:22,150 I'd be proud to give you... 639 00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:25,030 $5. 640 00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:27,200 Jamie's voice: Look how self-sacrificing Isabella is. 641 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:29,190 She's basically like Gandhi 642 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,200 with a bowl haircut and glasses. 643 00:33:34,020 --> 00:33:37,170 Yeah, I got all the information about this charity online. 644 00:33:37,220 --> 00:33:40,130 You can help me collect for it if you want. 645 00:33:44,190 --> 00:33:47,240 Jamie's voice: And so, DDD, as we went door to door, 646 00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:51,140 not only were people shocked and amazed by my jump-roping skills... 647 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:54,050 (coins jangling) 648 00:33:54,100 --> 00:33:56,070 ...but we also picked up a few bucks here and there 649 00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:58,170 for the Juvenile Optometry Federation. 650 00:33:58,220 --> 00:34:00,230 # If you're with me, with me # 651 00:34:01,030 --> 00:34:03,000 # Let me hear ya # 652 00:34:03,050 --> 00:34:06,000 # Get your hands together so that we can feel ya # 653 00:34:06,050 --> 00:34:07,180 # It don't matter what they do # 654 00:34:07,230 --> 00:34:09,060 # It don't matter what they say # 655 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:12,210 # We're rock stars, do it our way, don't change # 656 00:34:13,010 --> 00:34:14,010 # You're the same girl # 657 00:34:15,010 --> 00:34:16,160 In your face, Angeline. 658 00:34:16,210 --> 00:34:19,000 Now I'm as gentle and sweet as you. 659 00:34:19,060 --> 00:34:21,130 Take that, you toad. 660 00:34:23,030 --> 00:34:26,150 - Is that- - Granny panties 661 00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:29,030 as far as the eye can see. 662 00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:31,140 Stinker! Ugh! 663 00:34:33,180 --> 00:34:37,180 Ugh! Must not touch granny panties with hands. 664 00:34:37,230 --> 00:34:39,130 Plan B. Get to work. 665 00:34:39,190 --> 00:34:41,070 You too! 666 00:34:48,150 --> 00:34:52,200 - What time is it? - 4:52. Why? 667 00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,030 Hurry. Just hurry! 668 00:35:00,090 --> 00:35:04,020 Jamie's voice: Sometimes things that seem really gross at first 669 00:35:04,070 --> 00:35:08,080 can seem less gross if you just dig in and deal with the grossness. 670 00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:16,200 Sometimes if you just pretend things aren't gross, 671 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:19,060 the grossness just kind of goes away. 672 00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:22,200 But not this time. 673 00:35:24,090 --> 00:35:26,110 Hudson: Jamie! 674 00:35:26,170 --> 00:35:30,020 (rock music playing) 675 00:35:39,190 --> 00:35:42,080 He rides past on his way from soccer 676 00:35:42,130 --> 00:35:45,020 every day at the same time. 677 00:35:45,070 --> 00:35:46,190 Isabella: It could be worse. 678 00:35:46,240 --> 00:35:48,230 These old-lady panties 679 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:51,240 could still have old ladies in 'em. 680 00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:53,180 (music playing) 681 00:36:07,070 --> 00:36:09,190 (girls laughing) 682 00:36:09,240 --> 00:36:12,150 I've heard from some reliable sources 683 00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,170 that Angeline does the Zone Shampooing. 684 00:36:15,220 --> 00:36:17,060 She shampoos each zone of her head 685 00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:20,190 with its own distinct fragrance of shampoo. 686 00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:24,150 Whenever she tosses her hair, 687 00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:28,080 she shoots a delicious waft of fragrance right at your unsuspecting nose. 688 00:36:28,130 --> 00:36:31,220 You know, there is one way to make Angeline disappear. 689 00:36:32,030 --> 00:36:35,000 If that permanent record's gone, poof! 690 00:36:35,050 --> 00:36:36,080 Are you sure about that? 691 00:36:36,130 --> 00:36:38,080 Have I ever been wrong about anything? 692 00:36:38,130 --> 00:36:40,090 What about that one time you tried tanning yourself 693 00:36:40,140 --> 00:36:42,070 with flashlights and a magnifying glass? 694 00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:45,070 Okay, so she won't disappear exactly, 695 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,210 but we might find some embarrassing info 696 00:36:48,010 --> 00:36:50,010 and tarnish her reputation forever. 697 00:37:05,110 --> 00:37:08,100 Jamie's voice: Wow. Aunt Carol's influence 698 00:37:08,150 --> 00:37:11,070 has really turned this place around. 699 00:37:16,240 --> 00:37:18,150 Hi, Jamie. 700 00:37:28,240 --> 00:37:31,000 (sighs) 701 00:37:36,070 --> 00:37:39,220 Wait a second, Jamie. I just have some flowers to replace. 702 00:37:41,100 --> 00:37:43,170 What a wonderful surprise to have you come visit. 703 00:37:43,220 --> 00:37:45,050 Is it business or pleasure? 704 00:37:45,100 --> 00:37:46,210 Oh! I was wondering, 705 00:37:47,010 --> 00:37:49,140 is Assistant Principal Devon here? 706 00:37:49,190 --> 00:37:51,230 No, he's at lunch. You want to leave a message for him? 707 00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:55,050 No. I was just looking for... 708 00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:58,090 - a paper clip. -Oh. 709 00:37:59,110 --> 00:38:00,230 Here you go. 710 00:38:01,030 --> 00:38:04,070 No, no. A bigger paper clip. 711 00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:07,180 A big red paper clip. 712 00:38:07,230 --> 00:38:11,220 Do you think Assistant Principal Devon might have a big red paper clip? 713 00:38:12,020 --> 00:38:15,080 Maybe. He is just nuts about office supplies. 714 00:38:15,140 --> 00:38:18,160 - Why don't you go and look? - Just walk right in? 715 00:38:18,210 --> 00:38:20,210 You are my niece. Go ahead. 716 00:38:35,090 --> 00:38:38,040 - Jamie! - Hey. Back from lunch? 717 00:38:38,090 --> 00:38:41,160 Yes. But I believe you and I have something bigger to talk about. 718 00:38:41,220 --> 00:38:42,230 We do? 719 00:38:43,030 --> 00:38:44,030 We sure do. 720 00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:47,050 Look, I can explain. 721 00:38:47,100 --> 00:38:50,090 You don't have to. Your posters say everything. 722 00:38:50,140 --> 00:38:51,140 My posters? 723 00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:56,040 I've seen your Juvenile Optometry Federation signs everywhere. 724 00:38:56,090 --> 00:38:59,090 I am so proud of you and Isabella for taking on this charity. 725 00:38:59,150 --> 00:39:03,130 It even makes me feel bad for cautioning you against Isabella. 726 00:39:03,180 --> 00:39:05,020 I want to commend the two of you 727 00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:08,070 for making this world a better place to be. 728 00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:11,230 Or should I say... 729 00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:14,130 bee"?! 730 00:39:14,180 --> 00:39:16,050 Buzz, buzz. 731 00:39:17,170 --> 00:39:20,230 Here, I want to contribute. 732 00:39:21,030 --> 00:39:23,030 This is what happens 733 00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:26,220 when you put others before yourself— magic. 734 00:39:27,020 --> 00:39:28,080 Carol: Jamie! 735 00:39:28,130 --> 00:39:30,090 Look what I found. 736 00:39:32,020 --> 00:39:34,030 We've got everything here. 737 00:39:35,210 --> 00:39:37,060 Ah! 738 00:39:39,090 --> 00:39:41,170 - (Mom and Dad inhaling) - Wow. 739 00:39:41,220 --> 00:39:44,140 - Jamie: Mmm! Yeah. - Yeah. 740 00:39:44,190 --> 00:39:46,210 - Okay, ready? - Ready. Go. 741 00:39:49,110 --> 00:39:51,070 - (coughing) -Ah. 742 00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,170 - That was so good. - So yummy. 743 00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:57,180 So how come Aunt Carol never showed up for dinner? 744 00:39:57,230 --> 00:40:00,190 Oh, no reason. Plans, work stuff, you know. 745 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:03,170 Sounds to me like she's got a big hot date. 746 00:40:03,230 --> 00:40:05,060 (laughs) No. 747 00:40:05,110 --> 00:40:08,160 Ew! Old people dating. 748 00:40:08,220 --> 00:40:12,210 Seriously, can you imagine anything as repulsive 749 00:40:13,010 --> 00:40:18,010 as two old people locked in some withering embrace? 750 00:40:18,060 --> 00:40:21,200 Their dusty decrepit flesh 751 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,210 brushing up against each other? 752 00:40:24,010 --> 00:40:27,190 Their bony fingers clutching— 753 00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:29,240 Jamie. She's 32. 754 00:40:31,020 --> 00:40:32,200 32?! 755 00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,090 I didn't realize she was that old. 756 00:40:37,220 --> 00:40:41,030 Jamie's voice: And just when I thought I couldn't get grossed out anymore, 757 00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,140 Stinker proved me wrong. 758 00:40:43,190 --> 00:40:45,100 (farting) 759 00:40:51,110 --> 00:40:54,180 (farting) 760 00:41:02,170 --> 00:41:04,180 (farting) 761 00:41:16,180 --> 00:41:19,210 (gasping) Ew ew ew! Clean air! 762 00:41:20,020 --> 00:41:22,050 Ay, help! 763 00:41:22,100 --> 00:41:24,190 I'm not sure if she's going to make it, nurse. 764 00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:28,000 She inhaled a lot of pure dog stink. 765 00:41:28,050 --> 00:41:30,130 Jamie's voice: So Mom let me sleep in the living room 766 00:41:30,180 --> 00:41:32,120 in case the beagle fumes could have had 767 00:41:32,170 --> 00:41:34,130 any permanent effects on my development. 768 00:41:34,190 --> 00:41:35,190 Mrs. Kelly: All right, so then what? 769 00:41:35,240 --> 00:41:38,000 When we were eating, he just grabbed my hand. 770 00:41:38,050 --> 00:41:39,050 - Mmm! - Yeah. 771 00:41:39,100 --> 00:41:40,110 - And then the other hand. - Both hands? 772 00:41:40,170 --> 00:41:41,170 - Yeah. - He did not. 773 00:41:41,220 --> 00:41:43,060 - Yeah, it was very romantic. - He did not! 774 00:41:43,110 --> 00:41:45,070 - Carol. - And he asked me out again. 775 00:41:45,130 --> 00:41:46,230 (gasps) Carol, stop it! 776 00:41:47,030 --> 00:41:49,040 Carol: Oh, don't be so old-fashioned. 777 00:41:49,100 --> 00:41:52,020 Mrs. Kelly: I've heard a thing or two... 778 00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:53,090 Red alert. 779 00:41:53,140 --> 00:41:55,190 Right now at this very second, 780 00:41:55,240 --> 00:41:58,180 I think my aunt Carol is telling my mom about— 781 00:41:58,230 --> 00:42:03,120 well, I think it really is about a big gross date. 782 00:42:03,170 --> 00:42:04,200 Mrs. Kelly: And? 783 00:42:05,010 --> 00:42:08,120 Oh, he had these strong, warm, 784 00:42:08,170 --> 00:42:10,110 - George Clooney lips. - Mm-hmm. 785 00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:12,240 Which is so gross to listen to. 786 00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:16,010 It's all I can do to keep eavesdropping. 787 00:42:16,060 --> 00:42:18,140 These powerful, masculine Ben Affleck hands. 788 00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:20,090 Mrs. Kelly: Ben Affleck, really? 789 00:42:20,150 --> 00:42:22,180 Is he known for his hands? 790 00:42:22,230 --> 00:42:25,170 Ew. Adult city. 791 00:42:25,220 --> 00:42:27,120 That's it. 792 00:42:27,170 --> 00:42:31,060 But, wait. I'm trying to imagine the kind of guy 793 00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:33,220 Aunt Carol could possibly date. 794 00:42:34,020 --> 00:42:36,100 He would have to be someone who is, A: 795 00:42:36,150 --> 00:42:39,040 more attractive than Aunt Carol, but dumber, 796 00:42:39,090 --> 00:42:41,220 B: less attractive than Aunt Carol, 797 00:42:42,030 --> 00:42:45,060 but funnier, 798 00:42:45,110 --> 00:42:48,070 C: the exact same level of attractiveness, 799 00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:50,030 but shorter, 800 00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:53,240 - D: the owner of a really hot car. - (tires screech) 801 00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:55,040 (cash register dings) 802 00:42:55,090 --> 00:42:57,210 (bell rings) 803 00:43:02,110 --> 00:43:06,170 (romantic music playing) 804 00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:22,240 - (record dies down) - Why don't you just take a picture? 805 00:43:23,050 --> 00:43:26,180 So then I can be the weird girl who takes stalker-like photos 806 00:43:26,230 --> 00:43:29,040 and plays with old ladies' undergarments? 807 00:43:29,090 --> 00:43:30,200 You don't know what Hudson likes. 808 00:43:31,010 --> 00:43:33,000 Lots of guys might find that attractive. 809 00:43:33,050 --> 00:43:35,060 - Name one. - Big Foot. 810 00:43:37,230 --> 00:43:39,200 Frankenstein. 811 00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:41,070 Big Foot! 812 00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:43,210 Hey, Jamie, good morning. 813 00:43:44,010 --> 00:43:45,170 It feels like there's something electric in the air. 814 00:43:45,220 --> 00:43:48,170 Cute jacket, by the way. 815 00:43:49,230 --> 00:43:51,180 Um, what just happened? 816 00:43:51,230 --> 00:43:53,200 You think she senses I'm her competition 817 00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:55,010 for the Jump-A-Thon? 818 00:43:55,060 --> 00:43:56,220 She's trying to get in your brain, Jamie. 819 00:43:57,020 --> 00:43:58,150 Don't let her in there. 820 00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:01,190 Don't let her in! 821 00:44:01,240 --> 00:44:05,070 Class, I thought we'd spice things up a bit. 822 00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:08,030 Today we're making valentines. 823 00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:11,170 But it's, like, four months until Valentine's Day. 824 00:44:11,220 --> 00:44:15,070 Well, this is why you're in school- to practice stuff. 825 00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:18,050 Oh, and don't put your name on anything. 826 00:44:18,100 --> 00:44:19,130 (blowing) 827 00:44:19,190 --> 00:44:22,010 Isabella, don't you think Hudson 828 00:44:22,060 --> 00:44:24,180 is the cutest boy in the whole school? 829 00:44:24,230 --> 00:44:27,120 Actually, he's eighth. 830 00:44:27,180 --> 00:44:28,180 What? 831 00:44:28,230 --> 00:44:31,170 I've scientifically ranked all the guys in our school 832 00:44:31,220 --> 00:44:33,010 based on my cuteness scale. 833 00:44:33,060 --> 00:44:35,210 According the science of Boy-ology, 834 00:44:36,010 --> 00:44:38,150 Hudson is the eighth-cutest guy in our school. 835 00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,200 I've done a very accurate study 836 00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:42,190 which accounts for looks, personality, 837 00:44:42,240 --> 00:44:46,130 physicality and fashion sense. 838 00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:51,110 Eighth is all right with me. 839 00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:54,180 (slow music playing) 840 00:45:00,020 --> 00:45:03,000 # In first place is Andy Clyde S 841 00:45:03,050 --> 00:45:06,180 # He's got a crush on Claire Vanderhyde # 842 00:45:06,230 --> 00:45:11,000 # His shirt's always untucked and his shoes are untied # 843 00:45:11,050 --> 00:45:15,210 # And whenever he smiles, you get all squirmy inside # 844 00:45:18,150 --> 00:45:21,210 # Brian Buxbaum is #2 # 845 00:45:22,010 --> 00:45:24,230 # He moved here last year from Kalamazoo # 846 00:45:25,030 --> 00:45:28,160 # He used to be in fifth place, but then he grew J' 847 00:45:28,210 --> 00:45:31,120 # He's just not my type S 848 00:45:31,170 --> 00:45:34,170 # Maybe he's for you # 849 00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:42,080 # Hudson Rivers is the eighth cutest guy in my school # 850 00:45:43,110 --> 00:45:45,210 # He's a lifeguard in training # 851 00:45:46,010 --> 00:45:49,230 # At the cuteness gene pool # 852 00:45:50,030 --> 00:45:52,100 # You might say # 853 00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,010 # Go for one, two or three # 854 00:45:54,060 --> 00:45:56,050 # I think eight is my fate # 855 00:45:56,110 --> 00:45:59,210 # 'Cause he's more than just a number to me # 856 00:46:05,090 --> 00:46:08,220 # The Hoffenberg twins are three and four # 857 00:46:09,030 --> 00:46:12,110 # Glenn collects ninjas and Gavin's a bore # 858 00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:15,210 J' Calder MacMillan holds down the fifth place S 859 00:46:16,020 --> 00:46:20,230 # But I think there's something weird about his face # 860 00:46:22,240 --> 00:46:26,050 # Sixth is Josh Chapman, he lives on my block # 861 00:46:26,100 --> 00:46:29,200 # Fred Wells is seventh, he's kind of a jock S 862 00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:33,120 # I could go down the list, say who's in and who's out J' 863 00:46:33,180 --> 00:46:36,080 # But there's only one name # 864 00:46:36,140 --> 00:46:40,000 # That I care about # 865 00:46:40,050 --> 00:46:45,160 # Hudson Rivers is the eighth cutest guy in my school # 866 00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:49,140 # He may not be Einstein # 867 00:46:49,190 --> 00:46:54,030 # But I say he's nobody's fool # 868 00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:55,210 # You might say # 869 00:46:56,020 --> 00:46:58,030 # Go for one, two or three # 870 00:46:58,080 --> 00:46:59,190 # I think eight is my fate # 871 00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:01,180 # He's more than just a number to me # 872 00:47:01,240 --> 00:47:04,070 - Others: # You might say # - # Just follow your heart # 873 00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:06,100 # I know Hudson and me # 874 00:47:06,150 --> 00:47:08,210 - # Are more than the sum of our parts # - Others: # You might say # 875 00:47:09,010 --> 00:47:11,070 # Go for one, two or three # 876 00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:14,010 # I know eight is my fate # 877 00:47:14,060 --> 00:47:18,070 # He's more than a number to me. # 878 00:47:25,110 --> 00:47:27,040 (bell ringing) 879 00:47:29,170 --> 00:47:31,020 (sighs) 880 00:47:33,070 --> 00:47:35,120 (grunts) 881 00:47:35,170 --> 00:47:36,190 Ah! 882 00:47:36,240 --> 00:47:38,220 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 883 00:47:39,030 --> 00:47:41,060 Jamie, could I ask you a question? 884 00:47:41,110 --> 00:47:43,040 ("Bridal Chorus" playing) 885 00:47:43,090 --> 00:47:44,090 (record screeches) 886 00:47:44,140 --> 00:47:46,130 Why do I feel like I've imagined this before? 887 00:47:46,180 --> 00:47:49,070 I was just wondering why you haven't asked me to sponsor you 888 00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:52,190 - for the Jump-A-Thon. - You want to sponsor me? 889 00:47:54,060 --> 00:47:56,010 Okay. 890 00:47:59,140 --> 00:48:03,000 Jamie, I love your valentine. It's perfect. 891 00:48:03,050 --> 00:48:05,100 If Michelangelo and da Vinci had a baby, 892 00:48:05,150 --> 00:48:08,030 and it was a card, it would look like this. 893 00:48:08,090 --> 00:48:09,240 Mmm! 894 00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:12,000 (giggling) 895 00:48:13,140 --> 00:48:15,190 -Thanks. -Yeah, sure. 896 00:48:20,020 --> 00:48:22,050 (sighing) 897 00:48:22,100 --> 00:48:24,130 (clipboard crashes) 898 00:48:24,180 --> 00:48:26,090 Jamie: Hudson. 899 00:48:26,140 --> 00:48:28,050 Is that you? Hudson. 900 00:48:30,170 --> 00:48:32,060 Did you hear that? 901 00:48:32,110 --> 00:48:34,210 He doesn't think I'm some creepy panty-picker-upper. 902 00:48:35,010 --> 00:48:36,120 Or he finds it attractive. 903 00:48:36,180 --> 00:48:39,050 I'm just sayin'! 904 00:48:41,190 --> 00:48:43,110 Devon: Jamie Kelly. 905 00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:45,040 Just the girl I wanted to see. 906 00:48:45,100 --> 00:48:47,140 I wanted to let you know, and Isabella, 907 00:48:47,190 --> 00:48:50,240 that because of the success of the Juvenile Optometry Federation, 908 00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:54,050 the town paper wants to come and interview you both. 909 00:48:54,100 --> 00:48:56,000 . No way! -Way. 910 00:48:56,060 --> 00:48:58,100 It's about two girls making a difference, 911 00:48:58,150 --> 00:49:00,180 taking it upon themselves to think of others. 912 00:49:00,230 --> 00:49:02,080 - We'll be in the paper? - Yes. 913 00:49:02,130 --> 00:49:03,150 - Will there be a picture? - Yep. 914 00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:05,010 - Will it be in color? - Think so. 915 00:49:05,060 --> 00:49:08,060 - Will it be bigger than this? -1 don't know. 916 00:49:08,110 --> 00:49:11,200 - Can I do a snazzy over-the-shoulder? - (camera flashing) 917 00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:13,150 Sure. 918 00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:16,000 Yes! 919 00:49:16,050 --> 00:49:17,090 Jamie's voice: Dear dumb diary, 920 00:49:17,150 --> 00:49:20,010 all this giving to people is really paying off. 921 00:49:20,060 --> 00:49:23,220 I can even feel myself getting more beautifuller inside. 922 00:49:24,020 --> 00:49:25,170 (dings) 923 00:49:25,220 --> 00:49:29,140 Soon my inner beauty will be so enflamed 924 00:49:29,190 --> 00:49:30,240 that it will rupture through my skin 925 00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:34,240 and spew bubbling squirts of beauty all over the floor 926 00:49:35,050 --> 00:49:39,040 that the janitors will have to clean up with their special throw-up sawdust. 927 00:49:39,090 --> 00:49:42,170 (piano playing) 928 00:49:42,220 --> 00:49:45,010 Isn't it magnificent? 929 00:49:58,230 --> 00:50:01,190 Aunt Carol, isn't this going to be a musical number? 930 00:50:01,240 --> 00:50:05,080 Sorry. Budget cuts. 931 00:50:05,140 --> 00:50:07,170 - Man: What? - Man #2:1 thought I had a tap solo. 932 00:50:07,220 --> 00:50:10,200 This is ridiculous. I'm— I'm gonna call my agent. 933 00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:12,090 Don't think you're going to get away with this. 934 00:50:12,140 --> 00:50:14,010 This is unprofessional! 935 00:50:14,070 --> 00:50:16,100 This is why I don't do film! 936 00:50:19,140 --> 00:50:22,160 Hey, sweet pea, how was your day? 937 00:50:22,210 --> 00:50:24,080 Fine. 938 00:50:24,130 --> 00:50:26,240 (water bubbling) 939 00:50:28,100 --> 00:50:31,110 Is that one of Stinker's chew toys? 940 00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:33,100 A lot of things look like chew toys. 941 00:50:34,190 --> 00:50:37,030 Hey, guys, don't wait up. Call if I need you. Love you, bye! 942 00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:41,110 Jamie's voice: And so, dumb diary, 943 00:50:41,170 --> 00:50:43,190 now that I'm beautiful like Aunt Carol, 944 00:50:43,240 --> 00:50:45,130 I can understand why men flock to her. 945 00:50:45,180 --> 00:50:49,140 I myself feel like I could stare at my reflection for hours, 946 00:50:49,190 --> 00:50:51,210 lost in the gaze of my own beauty. 947 00:50:52,010 --> 00:50:54,220 It's not weird to check yourself out. 948 00:50:55,020 --> 00:50:56,160 It's not! 949 00:50:56,210 --> 00:50:58,050 (chattering) 950 00:50:58,100 --> 00:50:59,240 Birthday-cake frosting?! 951 00:51:00,050 --> 00:51:03,040 Is that supposed to make the meatloaf more appealing? 952 00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:08,070 - Oh, no. - Isabella: What? 953 00:51:08,120 --> 00:51:12,070 Angeline- she's been grinning at me for two weeks. 954 00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:13,120 Maybe it's some curse she learned 955 00:51:13,170 --> 00:51:16,000 using the flawless reflection of her teeth. 956 00:51:16,050 --> 00:51:18,240 Ruthless with her Jedi mind tricks, she is. 957 00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:22,240 - What was that? - Adorable hand wave. 958 00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:26,110 Oh, that's low. Real low. 959 00:51:26,170 --> 00:51:28,180 I don't think you should keep coming to this school 960 00:51:28,230 --> 00:51:30,010 if she continues this kind of behavior. 961 00:51:30,060 --> 00:51:31,190 - (squeals) - Jamie: Oh, no. 962 00:51:31,240 --> 00:51:35,090 She's coming over here with that big old gorgeous smile on her face. 963 00:51:35,140 --> 00:51:38,060 - What do we do? - Be strong, Jamie. 964 00:51:38,110 --> 00:51:42,170 You must resist her evil. 965 00:51:42,220 --> 00:51:45,020 - Jamie! -Ah! 966 00:51:45,070 --> 00:51:49,040 (squealing) Oh, my gosh! Amazing! 967 00:51:54,050 --> 00:51:57,190 I feel like I've been playfully mauled 968 00:51:57,240 --> 00:52:00,040 by a really sweet grizzly. 969 00:52:00,090 --> 00:52:02,220 That's a maneuver that could easily kill a person. 970 00:52:03,020 --> 00:52:06,180 - (Angeline squealing) - Look! It's spreading. 971 00:52:06,230 --> 00:52:08,180 Aunt Carol, no! 972 00:52:10,050 --> 00:52:11,090 That's the move! 973 00:52:11,150 --> 00:52:14,170 Look, she's attempting little tiny stampy stamps. 974 00:52:14,220 --> 00:52:16,170 She's flipping her hair back and forth, 975 00:52:16,220 --> 00:52:18,130 or at least trying. 976 00:52:18,180 --> 00:52:20,010 (both squealing) 977 00:52:20,070 --> 00:52:22,170 And she's even making that little squealy sound 978 00:52:22,220 --> 00:52:24,010 that makes puppies pee. 979 00:52:24,070 --> 00:52:26,170 Isabella: Definitely gigglecide! 980 00:52:26,220 --> 00:52:28,240 You know, I think it really is the meatloaf. 981 00:52:29,050 --> 00:52:32,240 Do you think the meatloaf is finally making everyone crazy? 982 00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:35,190 Jamie's voice: One can hardly imagine the madness 983 00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:39,130 going on inside the mind of Bruntford. 984 00:52:39,190 --> 00:52:44,070 # What is it about school cafeterias # 985 00:52:44,120 --> 00:52:47,240 # That makes the meatloaf so mysterious? # 986 00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:51,230 # Gets you hooked like a book by Dickens # 987 00:52:52,030 --> 00:52:56,160 # Add gray gravy and the plot just thickens # 988 00:52:56,210 --> 00:53:00,130 - # What magic's in the meat? # -# Magic # 989 00:53:00,180 --> 00:53:03,110 # What makes it such a treat to eat? # 990 00:53:03,160 --> 00:53:07,030 # Makes you want to move your feet to the beat # 991 00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:09,040 # And wiggle and giggle # 992 00:53:09,090 --> 00:53:12,100 Women: # What magic's in the meat? # 993 00:53:12,150 --> 00:53:16,100 - J' What happens in that oven # - # Magic # 994 00:53:16,150 --> 00:53:21,060 # That turns 'em into meatloaf-1 ovin' fools like me? # 995 00:53:21,110 --> 00:53:25,200 # It's a meatloaf mystery... # 996 00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:27,100 Yum. 997 00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:31,210 # Don't you dare question my strange ingredient # 998 00:53:32,010 --> 00:53:35,240 # My recipe demands obedience # 999 00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:37,210 # You know you're hungry # 1000 00:53:38,010 --> 00:53:39,200 J' Don't try to fight it # 1001 00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:43,120 J* You're gonna eat it and you're gonna like it # 1002 00:53:43,170 --> 00:53:48,030 - # What is that secret flavor # - # Magic # 1003 00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:51,100 # That makes you want to squeeze your neighbor? # 1004 00:53:51,150 --> 00:53:55,150 # Can't you see it's a meatloaf mystery? # 1005 00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:57,160 # Don't touch that broccoli # 1006 00:53:57,220 --> 00:53:59,160 # Not so hasty # 1007 00:53:59,220 --> 00:54:01,140 # Come try a bite of me # 1008 00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:03,040 # Mmm, you know I'm tasty # 1009 00:54:03,090 --> 00:54:08,000 - # What magic's in the meat? # -# Magic # 1010 00:54:08,050 --> 00:54:11,000 # What makes it such a treat to eat? # 1011 00:54:11,050 --> 00:54:14,180 # Makes you want to move your feet to the beat # 1012 00:54:14,230 --> 00:54:16,120 # And wiggle and giggle... # 1013 00:54:16,170 --> 00:54:19,180 - (giggling) # What magic's in the meat? # 1014 00:54:19,230 --> 00:54:22,200 - # What happens in that oven # - # Magic # 1015 00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:28,110 J' That turns 'em into meatloaf-lovin' fools # 1016 00:54:28,160 --> 00:54:30,130 # Like me? # 1017 00:54:30,180 --> 00:54:37,180 # It's a meatloaf mystery # 1018 00:54:37,240 --> 00:54:42,000 # Magic in the meat # 1019 00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:45,240 Jamie! Jamie, eat your meatloaf! 1020 00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:49,140 If you're not going to eat it, then I will. 1021 00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:52,240 Hmm! 1022 00:54:54,150 --> 00:54:56,000 (laughs) 1023 00:54:56,050 --> 00:54:58,090 Call 9-1... 1024 00:55:00,020 --> 00:55:01,140 Isabella: Wait a minute. 1025 00:55:01,190 --> 00:55:05,000 The office ladies are here, 1026 00:55:05,050 --> 00:55:08,180 which means the office is empty. 1027 00:55:09,200 --> 00:55:12,180 If any permanent record wanted to disappear forever, 1028 00:55:12,230 --> 00:55:15,100 now would sure be a great time. 1029 00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:17,240 Oh. 1030 00:55:19,230 --> 00:55:21,190 (makes ticking sound) 1031 00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:23,060 Woman: This is ridiculous. 1032 00:55:23,110 --> 00:55:25,180 Devon: Well, Holly, I have feelings for you. 1033 00:55:25,240 --> 00:55:28,010 They're just the wrong ones, I guess. 1034 00:55:28,060 --> 00:55:29,230 -1-1- - Holly: I can't believe this. 1035 00:55:30,030 --> 00:55:32,160 There was a lot of time and effort that was put into that. 1036 00:55:32,210 --> 00:55:35,090 - Um, what, the valentine? - Holly: Yes! 1037 00:55:35,150 --> 00:55:38,100 - It's a beautiful valentine. - Yes, it is. It's got glitter. 1038 00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:41,000 Holly, acceptance is seeing with your heart, not with your eyes. 1039 00:55:41,050 --> 00:55:43,120 Oh! I don't want to talk about it. 1040 00:55:43,170 --> 00:55:45,120 - Holly, don't take it personally. - Don't! 1041 00:55:45,170 --> 00:55:48,070 Holly, the road to success is always paved with destruction! 1042 00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:50,050 Holly: Stop it! No! 1043 00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:10,110 Jamie's voice: Wait. That's the valentine I made. 1044 00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:13,160 Dan. How about lunch. Miss Anderson. 1045 00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:25,240 Stinker. 1046 00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:30,230 They say guilt can make you do strange things. 1047 00:56:33,020 --> 00:56:36,110 Who knew putting yourself in a candy coma 1048 00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:38,180 would be one of them? 1049 00:56:43,190 --> 00:56:45,220 I can't tell if I feel sick 1050 00:56:46,020 --> 00:56:50,060 because I stole Angeline's record 1051 00:56:50,110 --> 00:56:54,160 or because I just at 10 chocolate bars in a row. 1052 00:56:54,210 --> 00:56:56,050 (Stinker barking) 1053 00:56:56,100 --> 00:56:58,090 Fine, 32. 1054 00:56:58,150 --> 00:57:01,070 Hey, Jamie, I know— 1055 00:57:01,130 --> 00:57:03,010 wow, okay. 1056 00:57:03,060 --> 00:57:04,150 Okay. 1057 00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:07,170 I know that you are doing some serious jump-rope training 1058 00:57:07,220 --> 00:57:11,110 and fundraising, and I get that it may be stressing you out. 1059 00:57:11,160 --> 00:57:14,060 But you really need to clean your room. 1060 00:57:14,110 --> 00:57:17,240 We are having a little party here for Aunt Carol on Saturday night 1061 00:57:18,050 --> 00:57:20,070 and we need this to be the coat room. 1062 00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:22,070 And I am afraid 1063 00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:25,040 that there may be things alive 1064 00:57:25,090 --> 00:57:26,170 - under this pile of- - (rattling) 1065 00:57:26,230 --> 00:57:30,090 What?! Jamie! Whaaa! 1066 00:57:30,140 --> 00:57:32,140 Thanks for the support. 1067 00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:33,240 (barking) 1068 00:57:34,040 --> 00:57:35,220 (moans) 1069 00:57:36,020 --> 00:57:38,210 No more chocolate! 1070 00:57:40,170 --> 00:57:42,210 (grunting) 1071 00:57:45,220 --> 00:57:49,060 Stinker, have you seen my dumb diary anywhere? 1072 00:57:49,120 --> 00:57:52,070 I should have excavated down to it by now. 1073 00:57:55,230 --> 00:57:57,230 Where is it? 1074 00:57:59,090 --> 00:58:01,050 (barking) 1075 00:58:13,220 --> 00:58:15,200 No. No. No. 1076 00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:19,210 Ew! 1077 00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:28,000 (grunts) 1078 00:58:38,140 --> 00:58:40,120 (grunts) 1079 00:58:40,170 --> 00:58:42,140 I still feel sick. 1080 00:58:42,190 --> 00:58:44,070 Jamie's high voice: Jamie. 1081 00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:45,180 Do you want to feel sick, 1082 00:58:45,230 --> 00:58:48,010 sick of yourself for the rest of your life? 1083 00:58:48,060 --> 00:58:50,070 Jamie's low voice: Do you ever think you'll stop feeling sick 1084 00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:52,180 until Angeline's gone for good? 1085 00:58:52,240 --> 00:58:55,150 There's something wrong with your little floating doughnut. 1086 00:58:55,210 --> 00:58:57,110 It's a halo, stupid! 1087 00:58:57,160 --> 00:58:59,170 Guys, the record! 1088 00:58:59,220 --> 00:59:03,050 High voice: Don't do it, Jamie. You don't know the consequences. 1089 00:59:03,100 --> 00:59:06,030 What if you're forced to wear stripes in prison? 1090 00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:07,210 Horizontal stripes! 1091 00:59:08,010 --> 00:59:09,030 So unflattering! 1092 00:59:09,080 --> 00:59:10,160 Go away. 1093 00:59:10,210 --> 00:59:13,030 (grunts) 1094 00:59:23,230 --> 00:59:25,120 Oh! Isabella! 1095 00:59:25,170 --> 00:59:27,000 Isabella. 1096 00:59:27,050 --> 00:59:28,240 I feel like my inner beauty might be fading. 1097 00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:30,120 We need to go around and raise more money 1098 00:59:30,170 --> 00:59:32,130 for the Juvenile Optometry Federation. 1099 00:59:32,180 --> 00:59:35,220 Um, well, we don't have to anymore. 1100 00:59:36,020 --> 00:59:39,240 See, I sent them all the money and now they have enough. 1101 00:59:40,040 --> 00:59:41,140 What? 1102 00:59:42,140 --> 00:59:45,000 We totally filled up an entire charity? 1103 00:59:45,050 --> 00:59:48,050 (bell rings) 1104 00:59:48,100 --> 00:59:51,130 Isabella! Isabella! 1105 00:59:52,130 --> 00:59:55,050 What happened to your eyes? 1106 00:59:55,110 --> 00:59:58,130 They're green, like jelly beans. 1107 00:59:58,180 --> 01:00:00,180 I got contacts. Cool, huh? 1108 01:00:00,230 --> 01:00:02,200 Where'd you get the money for contacts? 1109 01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:04,240 The Juvenile Optometry Federation. 1110 01:00:05,050 --> 01:00:06,210 Plus I had a few bucks saved up. 1111 01:00:07,020 --> 01:00:09,080 (laughs maniacally) 1112 01:00:09,130 --> 01:00:11,140 Forget the signature lip-gloss flavor. 1113 01:00:11,190 --> 01:00:14,020 Now it's my eyes that everyone will notice. 1114 01:00:14,070 --> 01:00:16,140 Isabella, what about all the inner beauty 1115 01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:17,200 we worked so hard for? 1116 01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:20,070 Look, they're in my eyes, right? 1117 01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:23,130 And they're beautiful. Bang- inner beauty. 1118 01:00:23,190 --> 01:00:27,070 They didn't have the tinted ones, so I colored them in myself. 1119 01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:29,200 I may have used a little bit too much green marker 1120 01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:32,120 and I--1 might have wrecked the left one. 1121 01:00:33,240 --> 01:00:35,240 (squealing) Mommy. 1122 01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:39,080 - You faked a charity! - And you helped me. 1123 01:00:39,130 --> 01:00:42,060 Right, so if I rat you out, I'll be in as much trouble as you. 1124 01:00:43,180 --> 01:00:45,080 We faked the principal, 1125 01:00:45,130 --> 01:00:48,100 which is like faking out the president! 1126 01:00:48,150 --> 01:00:50,190 But when you say it like that, it sounds bad! 1127 01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:52,090 They're supposed to interview us next week. 1128 01:00:52,140 --> 01:00:54,010 - What are we gonna do? -1 don't know. 1129 01:00:54,060 --> 01:00:55,220 Lie in print, to the whole city? 1130 01:00:56,020 --> 01:00:57,040 What kind of supportive friend are you? 1131 01:00:57,090 --> 01:01:01,110 - Me?! You lied, Isabella! -1 don't need this, Jamie! 1132 01:01:08,110 --> 01:01:10,100 No. No. To the right. No. Your other right. 1133 01:01:11,230 --> 01:01:14,080 So much for my over-the-shoulder shot. 1134 01:01:23,030 --> 01:01:26,050 Devon: Bottom line, Isabella is selfish. 1135 01:01:26,100 --> 01:01:28,120 You don't want to end up like that. 1136 01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:39,040 Hey! 1137 01:01:39,090 --> 01:01:41,160 Did you hear they might stop serving meatloaf 1138 01:01:41,220 --> 01:01:43,030 since it poisoned Bruntford? 1139 01:01:44,040 --> 01:01:46,120 Looks like now they're serving... 1140 01:01:47,180 --> 01:01:49,110 What do you old people eat, anyway? 1141 01:01:49,170 --> 01:01:53,000 - Uh, beef stew and noodles. - Bran muffins. 1142 01:01:53,050 --> 01:01:55,190 - Yeah! That's what they have. -No! 1143 01:01:55,240 --> 01:01:57,000 Jamie's voice: I've learned 1144 01:01:57,050 --> 01:02:00,140 that it's really not that hard to fool adults. 1145 01:02:00,190 --> 01:02:04,230 And this is in no way comforting to us kids. 1146 01:02:12,210 --> 01:02:15,030 (sighs) 1147 01:02:35,100 --> 01:02:37,210 Hey, guys, check this out. 1148 01:02:38,010 --> 01:02:39,130 Why not? 1149 01:02:43,090 --> 01:02:46,140 Boy: "Maybe he is just slightly too cute for me. 1150 01:02:46,190 --> 01:02:49,100 - I'm right on the edge of adorable." - (boys laughing) 1151 01:02:49,150 --> 01:02:51,120 Boy: Oh, my gosh! 1152 01:02:51,170 --> 01:02:54,210 "But if I'm really really lucky and keep my fingers crossed, 1153 01:02:55,020 --> 01:02:57,020 he could become mildly disfigured." 1154 01:02:57,070 --> 01:02:59,090 (boys laughing) 1155 01:02:59,140 --> 01:03:02,120 "Then Hudson and I would be on the same level!" 1156 01:03:02,170 --> 01:03:05,230 (all laughing) 1157 01:03:08,010 --> 01:03:09,140 Hey, can I see that? 1158 01:03:09,200 --> 01:03:11,080 (panting) 1159 01:03:15,140 --> 01:03:17,070 It's you! 1160 01:03:17,130 --> 01:03:20,100 You're so upbeat and encouraging. What is it you always say? 1161 01:03:20,150 --> 01:03:22,030 - "We're all in this to--" - Sorry. 1162 01:03:22,090 --> 01:03:25,130 You're on your own, "cupcake." 1163 01:03:31,180 --> 01:03:35,010 Hey, honey, sorry you're not feeling well. 1164 01:03:36,050 --> 01:03:38,180 I can't believe I did the right thing. 1165 01:03:38,240 --> 01:03:41,110 Whatever made me feel like I should do the right thing? 1166 01:03:41,160 --> 01:03:43,230 What's that? 1167 01:03:44,030 --> 01:03:45,170 Nothing. 1168 01:03:45,230 --> 01:03:48,030 I just need to go home and lie down. 1169 01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:56,210 Dear dumb piece of paper, 1170 01:03:57,010 --> 01:03:59,240 I'm writing to you instead of my diary 1171 01:04:00,040 --> 01:04:04,060 because my diary has been stolen. 1172 01:04:05,110 --> 01:04:07,120 Of course you understand 1173 01:04:07,170 --> 01:04:11,100 that I am de-stroyed! 1174 01:04:11,150 --> 01:04:13,120 I don't think 1175 01:04:13,170 --> 01:04:17,010 I'll ever be able to return to school again... 1176 01:04:18,140 --> 01:04:23,100 unless I get extreme plastic surgery 1177 01:04:23,150 --> 01:04:26,020 so no one will recognize me. 1178 01:04:26,070 --> 01:04:28,010 But considering 1179 01:04:28,060 --> 01:04:30,040 my mom won't even buy me a cell phone, 1180 01:04:30,090 --> 01:04:32,240 I don't know how I'm going to get her to spring for plastic surgery... 1181 01:04:33,040 --> 01:04:34,040 (all laughing) 1182 01:04:34,090 --> 01:04:38,130 ...just because I'm too embarrassed to be myself at school. 1183 01:04:38,180 --> 01:04:43,140 And in case my children are reading this years from now, 1184 01:04:43,190 --> 01:04:46,090 this is the exact moment 1185 01:04:46,140 --> 01:04:48,130 that Angeline ruined any chance 1186 01:04:48,180 --> 01:04:51,210 of everlasting love between your father and me. 1187 01:04:52,010 --> 01:04:55,170 And it's her fault your last name is "Buttalington" 1188 01:04:55,220 --> 01:04:58,230 or something lame like that. 1189 01:05:01,130 --> 01:05:03,140 The future. 1190 01:05:05,140 --> 01:05:09,000 I wonder if when I'm older, 1191 01:05:09,050 --> 01:05:11,140 any of this will even matter. 1192 01:05:17,030 --> 01:05:20,240 So what if middle-school Jamie is a total loser? 1193 01:05:21,040 --> 01:05:23,140 It's not gonna be that way for future Jamie. 1194 01:05:32,200 --> 01:05:34,230 # Dear future Jamie # 1195 01:05:35,040 --> 01:05:37,050 # It's me, I mean it's you # 1196 01:05:37,100 --> 01:05:39,020 # Only younger # 1197 01:05:39,070 --> 01:05:43,160 # Do you remember how complicated life used to be # 1198 01:05:43,210 --> 01:05:46,240 # When everything seemed so unfair? # 1199 01:05:47,040 --> 01:05:50,140 # But you don't care anymore, do you? # 1200 01:05:50,200 --> 01:05:52,240 # What with your fabulous career # 1201 01:05:53,040 --> 01:05:55,090 # As United States Ambassador # 1202 01:05:55,140 --> 01:05:58,160 # And your movie-star boyfriend # 1203 01:05:58,210 --> 01:06:02,200 # And I bet you never shed a single tear for me # 1204 01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:05,020 # Jamie of the past # 1205 01:06:05,070 --> 01:06:07,060 # 'Cause you grew up really fast # 1206 01:06:07,120 --> 01:06:09,030 # Like your new scooter # 1207 01:06:09,090 --> 01:06:13,210 # So how's the weather in Bermuda? # 1208 01:06:14,010 --> 01:06:16,050 # Dear future Jamie # 1209 01:06:16,100 --> 01:06:18,060 # Just look at you now # 1210 01:06:18,110 --> 01:06:19,220 # In your big beach house # 1211 01:06:20,030 --> 01:06:21,190 # With your personal staff # 1212 01:06:21,240 --> 01:06:24,190 # And have you ever told them that old story # 1213 01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:27,120 J' 'Bout how they stole your diary from me J* 1214 01:06:27,170 --> 01:06:30,160 # Oh boy, I bet that gets a good laugh # 1215 01:06:30,220 --> 01:06:33,120 # But that was long before you won the Oscar # 1216 01:06:33,170 --> 01:06:35,050 # And the Nobel Prize j' 1217 01:06:35,100 --> 01:06:37,170 # And started saving Sunday afternoons # 1218 01:06:37,220 --> 01:06:39,180 # For family joyrides # 1219 01:06:39,230 --> 01:06:42,240 # In your environmentally-friendly convertible car # 1220 01:06:43,040 --> 01:06:46,100 # Just chillin' with your totally hot husband # 1221 01:06:46,160 --> 01:06:50,000 # And your genius children # 1222 01:06:50,050 --> 01:06:54,130 # Guess by now you've found the cure for AID# or cancer # 1223 01:06:54,180 --> 01:06:58,210 # Maybe you're a ballet or a belly dancer # 1224 01:06:59,010 --> 01:07:00,220 # You're probably an astronaut # 1225 01:07:01,030 --> 01:07:03,120 # The first to walk on Mars # 1226 01:07:03,170 --> 01:07:09,010 # Maybe you're in Hollywood among the movie stars # 1227 01:07:09,060 --> 01:07:11,200 # You are so beautiful # 1228 01:07:12,010 --> 01:07:13,180 # Dear future Jamie # 1229 01:07:13,240 --> 01:07:18,000 # You really light up a room when you walk in # 1230 01:07:18,050 --> 01:07:20,210 # And people like you and they listen # 1231 01:07:21,010 --> 01:07:23,050 # And they notice when you're missin' # 1232 01:07:23,100 --> 01:07:28,160 # 'Cause your everybody's favorite friend # 1233 01:07:31,140 --> 01:07:33,220 Don't you know you're all of those things already? 1234 01:07:37,040 --> 01:07:40,000 This turned up at school today. 1235 01:07:40,060 --> 01:07:44,040 Don't tell me you know all about my public humiliation too. 1236 01:07:44,090 --> 01:07:46,050 That bad, huh? 1237 01:07:47,120 --> 01:07:50,060 (groans) 1238 01:07:53,190 --> 01:07:56,140 -1 understand. - No, you don't. 1239 01:07:56,200 --> 01:07:59,220 - You were basically born cool. - Oh, really? 1240 01:08:00,020 --> 01:08:02,040 You think I haven't been through something so mortifying 1241 01:08:02,090 --> 01:08:04,060 that I thought my only option was to have my parents 1242 01:08:04,110 --> 01:08:06,090 buy me my own private island? 1243 01:08:06,150 --> 01:08:08,210 Seventh grade... 1244 01:08:09,010 --> 01:08:11,150 (sighs) ...and my brief but 1245 01:08:11,200 --> 01:08:14,030 torrid romance with Lex Steel. 1246 01:08:14,090 --> 01:08:17,040 Oh, he was so handsome. 1247 01:08:17,100 --> 01:08:20,210 He and I had been passing notes for three weeks in English class. 1248 01:08:21,010 --> 01:08:24,120 And the tension between us had become unbearable. 1249 01:08:28,190 --> 01:08:32,110 Somehow I knew it was all coming to a head 1250 01:08:32,160 --> 01:08:35,080 at the St. Martha's Valentine's Day dance. 1251 01:08:35,130 --> 01:08:39,050 Well, I was so nervous, I couldn't stop eating. 1252 01:08:39,100 --> 01:08:43,020 Basically everything on the snack table went in my mouth. 1253 01:08:44,070 --> 01:08:46,170 I mean everything. 1254 01:08:48,120 --> 01:08:50,130 I mean, to this day, 1255 01:08:50,180 --> 01:08:54,070 I can feel my heart beating in my throat 1256 01:08:54,130 --> 01:08:58,110 when I saw him cross the floor to tell me how he felt about me. 1257 01:08:58,160 --> 01:08:59,160 What'd he say?! 1258 01:08:59,210 --> 01:09:01,030 He said something like... 1259 01:09:01,090 --> 01:09:05,130 Hey, Carol, I think you're righteous. 1260 01:09:05,180 --> 01:09:08,000 Wanna dance to the next Bryan Adams song with me? 1261 01:09:08,060 --> 01:09:10,020 I was completely overwhelmed. 1262 01:09:10,070 --> 01:09:13,210 Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. 1263 01:09:14,020 --> 01:09:18,010 There was just one thing to do. 1264 01:09:18,060 --> 01:09:20,230 I threw up on Lex. 1265 01:09:21,030 --> 01:09:24,050 Ew, no no no! Puke! My imagination can't handle it. 1266 01:09:24,100 --> 01:09:28,070 Let me think about something else. Storybooks, glitter... 1267 01:09:28,120 --> 01:09:31,050 Oh, I got it-- gummy bears! Keep on going. 1268 01:09:35,140 --> 01:09:37,110 Then I threw up in the punch bowl. 1269 01:09:38,200 --> 01:09:42,220 Then I threw up all over these delicious chocolate muffins. 1270 01:09:43,020 --> 01:09:45,160 - (record screeches) - That's horrible. 1271 01:09:45,210 --> 01:09:46,240 Horrible. 1272 01:09:47,050 --> 01:09:49,160 Then you guys got together, right? 1273 01:09:49,210 --> 01:09:51,110 No, not really. 1274 01:09:51,160 --> 01:09:53,170 But the next guy was even better? 1275 01:09:53,220 --> 01:09:57,090 No, the next couple after were pretty much creeps. 1276 01:09:57,140 --> 01:10:00,110 Eventually everybody finds someone, right? 1277 01:10:00,160 --> 01:10:05,070 No, I have a cousin who's basically alone and old and crusty. 1278 01:10:05,120 --> 01:10:07,010 Lots of cats. 1279 01:10:08,050 --> 01:10:11,030 So basically you're saying that love is painful and embarrassing. 1280 01:10:11,080 --> 01:10:12,160 Yes. 1281 01:10:12,210 --> 01:10:16,080 And also the best thing in the world. 1282 01:10:16,140 --> 01:10:18,070 And you're gonna do it anyway, 1283 01:10:18,130 --> 01:10:22,080 so you might as well stop fighting it and just enjoy it. 1284 01:10:22,130 --> 01:10:23,150 Hmm. 1285 01:10:27,080 --> 01:10:28,160 Jamie's voice: Dear dumb diary, 1286 01:10:28,210 --> 01:10:31,210 tomorrow, as you know, is the dumb Jump-A-Thon. 1287 01:10:32,020 --> 01:10:35,180 I really don't know if I should show my face. 1288 01:10:35,240 --> 01:10:39,000 But what if Aunt Carol is right 1289 01:10:39,050 --> 01:10:42,100 and life is just a series of embarrassing stories? 1290 01:10:44,010 --> 01:10:45,210 Then I might as well go for it anyway. 1291 01:10:46,010 --> 01:10:48,080 And who knows what could happen? 1292 01:11:04,170 --> 01:11:06,070 Hyah! 1293 01:11:08,030 --> 01:11:10,240 Jamie's voice: Okay, no ninjas. 1294 01:11:11,050 --> 01:11:13,090 Actually, surprisingly normal. 1295 01:11:17,130 --> 01:11:19,200 Ahh! 1296 01:11:20,010 --> 01:11:22,030 Jamie's voice: Let's check out the competition. 1297 01:11:22,080 --> 01:11:24,170 (beeping) 1298 01:11:34,060 --> 01:11:35,190 Hi, Hudson! 1299 01:12:05,080 --> 01:12:07,240 Are you okay? 1300 01:12:08,040 --> 01:12:10,110 I can't do it. 1301 01:12:11,190 --> 01:12:13,030 What? 1302 01:12:14,160 --> 01:12:16,180 I can't jump a rope by myself. 1303 01:12:16,230 --> 01:12:19,150 And look- my pledge sheets. 1304 01:12:19,200 --> 01:12:22,190 There must be 300 names on here. 1305 01:12:22,240 --> 01:12:24,110 That's just the first page. 1306 01:12:24,160 --> 01:12:27,020 I made a big push for sponsors this weekend. 1307 01:12:27,080 --> 01:12:29,090 All this money. 1308 01:12:29,140 --> 01:12:33,240 And I'm gonna blow it for the school 'cause I can't jump a stupid rope. 1309 01:12:39,140 --> 01:12:40,200 Wait. 1310 01:12:41,010 --> 01:12:44,120 Did she say "the school"? 1311 01:12:44,170 --> 01:12:47,170 No, no, no, not the school. 1312 01:12:47,230 --> 01:12:50,030 Why'd she have to mention the school? 1313 01:12:50,080 --> 01:12:54,060 If I let Angeline fail, it would be a huge loss for this school. 1314 01:12:54,110 --> 01:12:57,030 No one else had near as many sponsors. 1315 01:12:57,080 --> 01:13:00,210 Without this money, think of what might happen. 1316 01:13:01,010 --> 01:13:02,160 (kazoo buzzing) 1317 01:13:02,210 --> 01:13:05,050 The marching band could be cut down to one person 1318 01:13:05,110 --> 01:13:06,110 with a kazoo. 1319 01:13:07,180 --> 01:13:10,220 They might have to stop giving teachers free coffee. 1320 01:13:11,240 --> 01:13:13,220 But the most devastating thing of all 1321 01:13:14,020 --> 01:13:16,120 was losing the art program. 1322 01:13:16,170 --> 01:13:21,110 Not just for me, but for all the kids that might not get the chance 1323 01:13:21,160 --> 01:13:23,160 to express their inner awesomeness. 1324 01:13:23,210 --> 01:13:27,070 I guess I know I'm just letting everybody down. 1325 01:13:27,120 --> 01:13:28,240 And with that one sentence, 1326 01:13:29,040 --> 01:13:31,100 she made my inner beauty squirt out of me 1327 01:13:31,150 --> 01:13:36,080 till I was standing in a puddle of my own loveliness. 1328 01:13:36,130 --> 01:13:37,230 I got it! 1329 01:13:41,020 --> 01:13:44,070 Coach Dover, do jumpers have to hold the ropes themselves 1330 01:13:44,130 --> 01:13:46,220 - or can they just jump it? - All right, let's check. 1331 01:13:47,020 --> 01:13:48,030 'Cause if they had to hold it, 1332 01:13:48,090 --> 01:13:50,080 it wouldn't be fair to people with no hands, 1333 01:13:50,130 --> 01:13:53,030 - like pirates, right? - Uh, "length of rope... 1334 01:13:53,090 --> 01:13:55,070 natural versus nylon fiber..." Huh. 1335 01:13:55,120 --> 01:13:57,060 Um, okay, "peg legs..." Oh, here we go. 1336 01:13:57,110 --> 01:14:00,090 The jumper only has to jump. Somebody else can twirl the rope. 1337 01:14:00,140 --> 01:14:02,120 Isabella! 1338 01:14:03,240 --> 01:14:07,030 Isabella, I need you to help me twirl the rope for Angeline. 1339 01:14:07,080 --> 01:14:09,060 She has way more pledges than I ever had. 1340 01:14:09,110 --> 01:14:10,140 Don't care. 1341 01:14:10,200 --> 01:14:13,120 It's the right thing to do for the sake of the school. 1342 01:14:13,170 --> 01:14:16,000 Forget it. 1343 01:14:17,100 --> 01:14:20,200 Isabella, either you do this or I'll tell your parents 1344 01:14:21,000 --> 01:14:22,190 how you got the money for your contact lenses. 1345 01:14:22,240 --> 01:14:26,130 Then you'll be grounded until you graduate from college! 1346 01:14:30,090 --> 01:14:32,130 I'm just moved. 1347 01:14:32,180 --> 01:14:35,190 After all these years, you've finally learned something from me. 1348 01:14:35,240 --> 01:14:37,230 Blackmail? 1349 01:14:38,040 --> 01:14:41,240 Now if I say yes, will you get your butt off my chest? 1350 01:14:42,050 --> 01:14:43,210 Oh, yeah. 1351 01:14:46,110 --> 01:14:48,050 Jamie's voice: Angeline jumped fora long time. 1352 01:14:48,100 --> 01:14:51,000 This was probably going to be her biggest jackpot yet, 1353 01:14:51,050 --> 01:14:54,200 and her beauty and fame were going to skyrocket. 1354 01:14:55,000 --> 01:14:57,140 I was furious and delighted at the same time. 1355 01:14:57,200 --> 01:14:59,210 Hey, Angeline, how come you can only jump this way? 1356 01:15:00,010 --> 01:15:02,020 'Cause I need both hands to keep the hair out of my eyes. 1357 01:15:02,070 --> 01:15:03,170 You could put it in a ponytail, you know. 1358 01:15:03,220 --> 01:15:06,150 Oh, yeah, good one. 1359 01:15:06,200 --> 01:15:09,240 And the winner of the first-ever district Jump-A-Thon 1360 01:15:10,040 --> 01:15:12,210 is Mackerel's very own Angeline! 1361 01:15:13,010 --> 01:15:15,190 (all cheering) 1362 01:15:21,210 --> 01:15:24,100 My arms are killing me. 1363 01:15:24,150 --> 01:15:27,090 I feel like I have a charley horse on my shoulder. 1364 01:15:27,140 --> 01:15:29,210 I feel like I have a charley horse on my heart. 1365 01:15:30,020 --> 01:15:31,130 I can't believe I helped Angeline 1366 01:15:31,180 --> 01:15:33,220 after she read my diary in the cafeteria. 1367 01:15:34,020 --> 01:15:36,210 Cafeteria? You don't know what happened? 1368 01:15:37,220 --> 01:15:40,220 Isabella: Well, I couldn't see where I was going 1369 01:15:41,020 --> 01:15:43,230 and I ended up making a circle 1370 01:15:44,030 --> 01:15:47,070 just in time to find myself at the table behind Angeline and her friends. 1371 01:15:47,130 --> 01:15:50,130 Boy: "Maybe he is just slightly too cute for me. 1372 01:15:50,180 --> 01:15:54,060 - I'm right on the edge of adorable." - (all laughing) 1373 01:15:54,120 --> 01:15:57,160 Isabella: I'd heard that phrase before because you had said it to me. 1374 01:15:57,210 --> 01:15:59,210 So therefore I knew it was your diary. 1375 01:16:00,010 --> 01:16:03,030 Boy: "Then Hudson and I would be on the same level." 1376 01:16:03,080 --> 01:16:05,090 Boys: Oh! 1377 01:16:05,140 --> 01:16:07,180 Isabella: Then I heard... 1378 01:16:07,230 --> 01:16:09,100 Hey, can I see that? 1379 01:16:15,220 --> 01:16:19,030 Oh, this is my cousin Jenny's diary. 1380 01:16:19,080 --> 01:16:22,110 Uh, Hudson Johnson. That's who she's talking about. 1381 01:16:22,170 --> 01:16:24,120 Jenny goes to Weeks Middle School. 1382 01:16:24,180 --> 01:16:27,200 She's gonna be so glad that I found this. 1383 01:16:28,000 --> 01:16:29,210 (boys chuckling) 1384 01:16:30,010 --> 01:16:31,210 She didn't rat me out. 1385 01:16:32,010 --> 01:16:34,120 Actually, she covered for you. 1386 01:16:34,170 --> 01:16:37,130 But that doesn't make any sense. 1387 01:16:37,180 --> 01:16:39,220 Then why isn't Hudson talking to me? 1388 01:16:40,220 --> 01:16:42,090 (whispering) Isabella stepped on my throat 1389 01:16:42,140 --> 01:16:44,030 while I was doing my warm-up stretches. 1390 01:16:44,080 --> 01:16:47,050 I— I didn't see him lying there. 1391 01:16:52,110 --> 01:16:54,180 It was really cool of you guys to help out Angeline that way. 1392 01:16:54,240 --> 01:16:56,050 You guys really saved the school. 1393 01:16:56,100 --> 01:16:59,150 Probably. Yeah. Whole lotta probably. 1394 01:16:59,210 --> 01:17:03,060 A ton! Difficult to measure, really. Infinitely! 1395 01:17:03,110 --> 01:17:07,140 Jamie, there's something I feel that I have to say. 1396 01:17:07,190 --> 01:17:10,090 What is it, Hudson? 1397 01:17:10,150 --> 01:17:13,140 1398 01:17:13,190 --> 01:17:15,180 taste a little blood in my mouth. 1399 01:17:15,230 --> 01:17:17,240 Me too, Hudson! I always have. 1400 01:17:18,040 --> 01:17:19,040 What? 1401 01:17:19,100 --> 01:17:21,110 I think Isabella really hurt my throat. 1402 01:17:21,160 --> 01:17:23,180 I should go see the nurse. 1403 01:17:23,230 --> 01:17:28,020 Ah! He is so into me! 1404 01:17:29,110 --> 01:17:31,140 Jamie's voice: Remember that little get-together 1405 01:17:31,190 --> 01:17:34,200 my aunt Carol was having? Guess what that meant. 1406 01:17:35,010 --> 01:17:38,150 Actual teachers in my actual house. 1407 01:17:40,010 --> 01:17:42,090 Seeing a live teacher in your own home 1408 01:17:42,140 --> 01:17:45,150 is like seeing a live orangutan in your own home. 1409 01:17:45,210 --> 01:17:48,010 You just don't know how to react. 1410 01:17:48,060 --> 01:17:51,140 Miss Palmer was wearing a dress. 1411 01:17:51,190 --> 01:17:53,080 It was actually kind of flattering. 1412 01:17:53,140 --> 01:17:57,100 She looked like a nice couch tipped on its edge. 1413 01:17:57,150 --> 01:18:01,050 And Coach Dover? Turns out his real name is— 1414 01:18:01,110 --> 01:18:02,140 - Ben. - That's right. 1415 01:18:02,190 --> 01:18:05,080 Ben Dover! Can you believe it? 1416 01:18:05,130 --> 01:18:07,130 Aunt Carol, careful! Watch where you're... 1417 01:18:09,030 --> 01:18:10,030 going. 1418 01:18:10,080 --> 01:18:12,160 Jamie's voice: I could hardly stand it. 1419 01:18:12,210 --> 01:18:16,110 It was one of those awesomely horrible types of kisses 1420 01:18:16,160 --> 01:18:19,150 that is super gross and super excellent at the same time, 1421 01:18:19,210 --> 01:18:23,140 like two people trying to chew one piece of gum. 1422 01:18:23,200 --> 01:18:25,100 Devon's Aunt Carol's mystery man? 1423 01:18:25,150 --> 01:18:27,210 That explains the big smooch. 1424 01:18:28,010 --> 01:18:32,170 I guess lots of women are attracted to men with power. 1425 01:18:32,220 --> 01:18:34,190 Voldemort. 1426 01:18:34,240 --> 01:18:37,120 - What was that? - Nothing. 1427 01:18:37,170 --> 01:18:41,120 So what happened to your contacts? 1428 01:18:41,170 --> 01:18:44,180 It was so weird. I couldn't see anything with them on. 1429 01:18:44,230 --> 01:18:48,020 Hey, guys, I'm supposed to tell you that Mrs. Anderson couldn't join us. 1430 01:18:48,080 --> 01:18:49,120 She isn't feeling well. 1431 01:18:49,170 --> 01:18:51,000 Angeline, what are you doing here? 1432 01:18:51,060 --> 01:18:53,080 I'm so glad you're here, Angeline. You're just in time. 1433 01:18:54,210 --> 01:18:57,020 I have a little announcement to make. 1434 01:18:57,070 --> 01:18:59,130 I'd like to introduce you to the future Mrs. Devon. 1435 01:18:59,180 --> 01:19:02,140 Carol and I are engaged! 1436 01:19:02,200 --> 01:19:06,160 - (all cheering) - Congratulations, Uncle Dan. 1437 01:19:06,220 --> 01:19:09,170 Uncle Dan?! Wait. 1438 01:19:09,220 --> 01:19:14,190 Does this mean Angeline and I are going to be related? 1439 01:19:14,240 --> 01:19:17,020 I think it makes you second cousins. 1440 01:19:17,070 --> 01:19:19,020 Or third. 1441 01:19:19,070 --> 01:19:22,100 Ah, I'm really not sure how it works. 1442 01:19:22,150 --> 01:19:24,040 (cheering) 1443 01:19:24,100 --> 01:19:26,100 (Jamie grunting) 1444 01:19:26,150 --> 01:19:29,150 Jamie's voice: Angeline knew about this the whole time 1445 01:19:29,200 --> 01:19:32,070 and was taking some sick delight in it. 1446 01:19:32,120 --> 01:19:34,170 Maybe Angeline's not all bad. 1447 01:19:34,220 --> 01:19:37,100 But do I still have to be related to her?! 1448 01:19:37,150 --> 01:19:38,210 (gasping) 1449 01:19:39,020 --> 01:19:40,160 (piano playing) 1450 01:19:46,050 --> 01:19:48,090 Jamie's voice: It was as though nobody on Earth 1451 01:19:48,140 --> 01:19:53,080 could fully grasp the tragedy of me being related to Angeline... 1452 01:19:54,080 --> 01:19:57,000 except maybe Stinker. 1453 01:19:58,130 --> 01:20:01,120 (Stinker farts) 1454 01:20:01,170 --> 01:20:03,180 (all groaning, reacting) 1455 01:20:03,230 --> 01:20:05,210 - Oh, that is worse than my meatloaf! - Jamie: Stinker! 1456 01:20:06,010 --> 01:20:08,200 - That is worse than my meatloaf! - (all grumbling) 1457 01:20:09,000 --> 01:20:12,100 Ahh! Oh oh oh! 1458 01:20:12,150 --> 01:20:14,030 Are you kidding?! 1459 01:20:14,080 --> 01:20:17,140 Jamie's voice: He had been saving one massive fart up 1460 01:20:17,190 --> 01:20:19,050 the whole time. 1461 01:20:19,100 --> 01:20:21,100 - (all groaning) - Devon: I can taste it! 1462 01:20:21,150 --> 01:20:25,120 Vandoy: What was that?! 1463 01:20:25,170 --> 01:20:29,200 I guess we forgot to ask Stinker if he wanted guests over. 1464 01:20:32,170 --> 01:20:33,230 That was terrible. 1465 01:20:34,030 --> 01:20:37,050 - (mimicking fart) - Jamie's voice: Look at these people. 1466 01:20:37,100 --> 01:20:39,060 I guess it's good to know that when you grow up 1467 01:20:39,120 --> 01:20:41,050 into a mature, polite adult, 1468 01:20:41,110 --> 01:20:43,220 you don't actually become mature or polite, 1469 01:20:44,020 --> 01:20:45,230 or an adult. 1470 01:20:48,210 --> 01:20:53,020 I wanted to say thanks for covering for me in the cafeteria. 1471 01:20:53,080 --> 01:20:55,150 I didn't read your diary, you know. 1472 01:20:55,200 --> 01:20:57,140 Oh, I know that. 1473 01:20:57,190 --> 01:20:59,220 I mean, thanks. 1474 01:21:00,030 --> 01:21:01,240 Thank you for helping me with the Jump-A-Thon. 1475 01:21:02,040 --> 01:21:04,090 I wouldn't have raised a single dollar without you. 1476 01:21:04,140 --> 01:21:06,170 And because of that, 1477 01:21:06,230 --> 01:21:09,130 it looks like we won't lose the art program at all. 1478 01:21:09,190 --> 01:21:10,190 Really?! 1479 01:21:10,240 --> 01:21:12,020 I'll have to mention that to the newspaper 1480 01:21:12,070 --> 01:21:14,050 when they do their article on you on Monday. 1481 01:21:14,100 --> 01:21:15,220 Oh, yeah. 1482 01:21:16,020 --> 01:21:18,070 The article. 1483 01:21:21,050 --> 01:21:23,240 Isabella: Assistant Principal Devon, 1484 01:21:24,040 --> 01:21:28,020 meet the recipients of the Juvenile Optometry Federation. 1485 01:21:28,080 --> 01:21:29,210 Jamie's voice: I know what you're thinking. 1486 01:21:30,010 --> 01:21:32,020 And no, we didn't hire these kids. 1487 01:21:32,080 --> 01:21:34,020 We found real students that needed glasses 1488 01:21:34,080 --> 01:21:36,060 by talking to our school counselor. 1489 01:21:36,110 --> 01:21:39,110 We got so good at raising money, we just raised a little more. 1490 01:21:39,160 --> 01:21:42,120 Isabella's mom even gave us a big donation 1491 01:21:42,170 --> 01:21:44,200 from Isabella's allowance fund. 1492 01:21:45,010 --> 01:21:48,100 And now Juvenile Optometry Federation is a real charity. 1493 01:21:48,150 --> 01:21:50,160 - It was my idea. - Jamie's voice: And it was. 1494 01:21:57,010 --> 01:21:58,020 (squeals) 1495 01:21:58,070 --> 01:22:01,080 Look how charitably foxy we look. 1496 01:22:01,140 --> 01:22:03,060 That's me! 1497 01:22:08,000 --> 01:22:10,110 Maybe we all have inner beauty. 1498 01:22:10,160 --> 01:22:12,150 Is that possible? 1499 01:22:19,010 --> 01:22:21,070 Even the girls who fake charities, 1500 01:22:23,050 --> 01:22:25,220 and the underpants-strewing beagles, 1501 01:22:27,090 --> 01:22:30,070 - and the meatloaf makers... - (all gasp) 1502 01:22:30,120 --> 01:22:31,240 ...even the pencil-eaters, 1503 01:22:32,040 --> 01:22:35,230 and the moms who cook things that could possibly poison you. 1504 01:22:37,090 --> 01:22:40,230 And even the girls with tons of outer beauty. 1505 01:22:41,030 --> 01:22:43,140 Maybe they do. 1506 01:22:43,190 --> 01:22:45,220 Maybe we all do. 1507 01:22:47,190 --> 01:22:50,200 And sometimes you think you need colored contact lenses, 1508 01:22:51,000 --> 01:22:52,220 or tricked-out Jump-A-Thons, 1509 01:22:53,020 --> 01:22:56,110 or some boy's attention to make you think you shine. 1510 01:22:59,070 --> 01:23:03,180 But like a wretched dog fart in the middle of an engagement party, 1511 01:23:03,230 --> 01:23:08,180 beauty usually just comes bubbling up when you least expect it. 1512 01:23:08,240 --> 01:23:11,030 Thanks for listening, dumb diary. 1513 01:23:11,080 --> 01:23:13,080 (phone ringing) 1514 01:23:13,130 --> 01:23:15,100 - (beeps) - Hello? 1515 01:23:15,150 --> 01:23:18,080 Angeline, I'm so glad you called. 1516 01:23:18,130 --> 01:23:20,040 I have something major to tell you. 1517 01:23:20,090 --> 01:23:23,220 I accidentally stole your school record. 1518 01:23:24,020 --> 01:23:27,060 I returned it, but I swear I didn't read a single word. 1519 01:23:27,120 --> 01:23:29,180 1520 01:23:29,230 --> 01:23:32,010 That record could destroy me. 1521 01:23:32,060 --> 01:23:34,000 You would not believe what's in there. 1522 01:23:34,050 --> 01:23:36,200 Anyway, I just called to say 1523 01:23:37,000 --> 01:23:39,010 that even though we're gonna be cousins, 1524 01:23:39,070 --> 01:23:41,150 Hudson is still my date to the wedding. 1525 01:23:41,200 --> 01:23:43,170 Toodles! 1526 01:23:45,130 --> 01:23:47,190 -Uh... - (beeps) 1527 01:23:48,000 --> 01:23:50,110 (rock music playing) 1528 01:23:56,120 --> 01:23:59,010 This is your life too! Get up and dance. 1529 01:24:00,120 --> 01:24:02,190 # Hey, everybody, may the dumb be with you # 1530 01:24:04,100 --> 01:24:07,090 # My your parents be haunted and the fun continue # 1531 01:24:08,200 --> 01:24:11,030 # Is that your lip gloss that I smell? # 1532 01:24:13,030 --> 01:24:15,080 # May the watermelon flavor serve you well # 1533 01:24:21,170 --> 01:24:24,130 # And I just want to say # 1534 01:24:24,180 --> 01:24:28,210 # Just want to say thanks for listening # 1535 01:24:30,020 --> 01:24:33,010 # And I just want to say # 1536 01:24:33,060 --> 01:24:37,140 # Just want to say thanks for listening # 1537 01:24:37,200 --> 01:24:42,120 # And at the risk of sounding slobbery, my dumbness is all right with me # 1538 01:24:42,180 --> 01:24:46,020 # And I just want to say thanks for listening # 1539 01:24:51,130 --> 01:24:53,120 # Hey, everybody, may the dumb be with you # 1540 01:24:55,060 --> 01:24:57,240 # May you always outlive the cafeteria menu # 1541 01:24:59,180 --> 01:25:02,000 # I've been told that life ain't fair # 1542 01:25:03,190 --> 01:25:06,090 # But I really really wish I had perfect hair # 1543 01:25:12,090 --> 01:25:15,100 # And I just want to say # 1544 01:25:15,150 --> 01:25:19,200 # Just want to say thanks for listening # 1545 01:25:21,030 --> 01:25:24,060 # And I just want to say # 1546 01:25:24,110 --> 01:25:26,210 # Just want to say # 1547 01:25:27,010 --> 01:25:29,060 # Thanks for listening # 1548 01:25:29,110 --> 01:25:33,150 # And at the risk of sounding slobbery, my dumbness is all right with me # 1549 01:25:33,200 --> 01:25:36,150 # And I just want to say thanks for listening # 1550 01:25:50,120 --> 01:25:54,200 # It's so completely random, don't you see? # 1551 01:25:55,010 --> 01:25:59,010 # Now you've seen the other side of me # 1552 01:25:59,060 --> 01:26:02,020 # Did you teach your dog to fart your grandma's name? # 1553 01:26:03,030 --> 01:26:07,030 # Don't look at me, I'm not the one to blame # 1554 01:26:12,000 --> 01:26:14,040 # Hey, everybody, may the dumb be with you # 1555 01:26:16,060 --> 01:26:19,000 # Emergency exit at the rear of the venue # 1556 01:26:20,150 --> 01:26:22,120 # Freaky little girl with the French beret J' 1557 01:26:22,170 --> 01:26:24,150 # Do you know a thing or two about Bastille Day? # 1558 01:26:24,200 --> 01:26:27,230 # And I just want to say # 1559 01:26:28,040 --> 01:26:31,220 # Just want to say thanks for listening # 1560 01:26:32,030 --> 01:26:36,030 # And I just want to say # 1561 01:26:36,080 --> 01:26:40,180 # Just want to say thanks for listening # 1562 01:26:40,240 --> 01:26:46,000 # And at the risk of sounding slobbery, my dumbness is all right with me # 1563 01:26:46,050 --> 01:26:49,010 # And I just want to say thanks for listening. # 1564 01:26:53,000 --> 01:26:55,060 (both sigh) 1565 01:27:00,010 --> 01:27:02,110 (music playing) 1566 01:27:02,160 --> 01:27:04,040 # Hey! # 1567 01:27:05,200 --> 01:27:07,050 # Hey! # 1568 01:27:07,100 --> 01:27:10,170 # You didn't know I was a rock star # 1569 01:27:10,220 --> 01:27:13,130 # Well, here you go, now you know # 1570 01:27:13,180 --> 01:27:17,090 # So you wanna ride around in your car # 1571 01:27:17,140 --> 01:27:20,050 # I should've know, here you go # 1572 01:27:20,100 --> 01:27:22,100 # Falling in love with me # 1573 01:27:22,150 --> 01:27:25,240 # I will never be what you want me to be # 1574 01:27:26,040 --> 01:27:29,140 # I'm the same girl # 1575 01:27:29,200 --> 01:27:31,200 # Same old me. #