1
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,918
Think about it.
Right on the beach,
2
00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:22,436
ocean breezes, blue skies, seagulls.
3
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:25,956
- All yours for the taking.
- It's a timeshare.
4
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:29,112
Well, it's called a timeshare,
5
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:32,238
but the truth is,
for the two weeks you're at the condo,
6
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:33,992
you're not sharing anything.
7
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:37,630
You're not sharing the bathroom,
not sharing the toaster, nothing.
8
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,950
Nada. Zip.
9
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:44,193
You are the mistress of all you survey.
10
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:48,072
My nephew looked up the neighbourhood
on the computer.
11
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,274
Your nephew?
12
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:53,989
Mrs Darby.
13
00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:57,630
He said the condo was
in a bad neighbourhood.
14
00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:58,994
Blacks.
15
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:07,752
You're right. You're right.
16
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,196
The condo is in a rather
poor majority black neighbourhood.
17
00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:14,511
And you know what?
I'm glad you brought it up.
18
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:16,477
Seriously.
19
00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:21,270
Otherwise, I might have done something
that I'd be ashamed of later.
20
00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:25,877
And that would be
to sell you that timeshare.
21
00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:29,157
- You would not feel safe there.
- No, I wouldn't.
22
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:33,791
Of course you wouldn't.
How could you?
23
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,552
We all know,
24
00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:39,998
and I say this at the risk
of sounding a little racist,
25
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:44,233
black dudes love white women.
26
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:48,188
Love 'em. I don't know
if it's genetic or if it's society.
27
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:52,035
We can argue nature versus nurture
all day, but it's a scientific fact
28
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,749
that black men can't get enough
of white women.
29
00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:59,117
Don't think a woman of your age
would be safe from their advances.
30
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:00,759
No, ma'am.
31
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:04,196
These big black bucks
don't care whether you're young or old,
32
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:05,634
skinny or fat,
33
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:10,078
walking or with two wrinkled stumps
right below the knees.
34
00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:13,949
They want your white flesh.
They want it bad.
35
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:18,033
Truth be told, I'm part black myself.
36
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:21,351
And if it wasn't for my wife,
I'd be bending you over the desk
37
00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,192
doing you doggy-style right now.
38
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:29,151
I can just imagine you there,
all alone in that big condo,
39
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:32,710
awash in a sea of Negro cock.
40
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,711
I'll... I'll take it.
41
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,758
Smart move. Sign your Jane Hancock
on the dotted line.
42
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:40,718
- You can't go in there.
- Here you go.
43
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:43,110
- Stan Minton.
- I'll be with you in a second.
44
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:44,269
Go on. Sign it.
45
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,715
Stan Minton,
you're under arrest for fraud.
46
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:49,394
Anything you say will be
used against you in a court.
47
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,028
It's just a little mix-up.
Go on, sign it.
48
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,316
- You white Jezebel!
- I'll call Mal!
49
00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:57,950
You're gonna regret this!
Call my attorney!
50
00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,800
Madam Foreman,
have you reached a verdict?
51
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,872
- We have, Your Honour.
- Please hand it to the bailiff.
52
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:12,512
Will the defendant please rise?
53
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,875
Madam Foreman,
how do you find the defendant?
54
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:18,828
We, the jury,
find the defendant guilty.
55
00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,354
- What?
- Thank you, Madam Foreman.
56
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,988
- That bitch!
- Stanley, please, quiet.
57
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,038
Sentencing will be tomorrow at 10am.
58
00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:33,437
- What the fuck just happened in there?
- You lost, Stanley.
59
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,989
I didn't lose.
You're the lawyer, you lost.
60
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:37,752
I'm truly sorry.
61
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,275
Damn it, man! I'm rich!
62
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,317
I wanted some of that O.J. justice.
63
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,357
Maybe the judge will give probation.
64
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:47,910
No. In this state, first-degree fraud
65
00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,548
carries a minimum
of three to five years.
66
00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:52,472
I got it!
67
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,279
- We bribe the judge.
- I'm not gonna bribe the judge.
68
00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:57,431
- Bribe him.
- I'm not gonna bribe him.
69
00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,033
- Bribe him!
- Oh, please.
70
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:00,792
- Bribe him!
- No!
71
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,520
I don't practise that kind of law,
and I never will.
72
00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:05,875
You wanna bribe the judge?
Be my guest.
73
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:10,272
I'm sure any shyster on the street
will be happy to do it for you.
74
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:22,829
Mal? You're fired.
75
00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:27,312
Mr Popper,
is your client ready for sentencing?
76
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,550
He is, Your Honour.
77
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:33,190
Anything you'd like to say
before the court passes sentence?
78
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:37,035
Your Honour, my client
has been convicted
79
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,395
of fraud in the first degree.
80
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,836
A crime of which he is innocent.
81
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,276
But even if he were guilty
82
00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:49,079
and his customers were defrauded,
83
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:53,438
isn't it better that Mr Minton,
as a resident of Los Angeles,
84
00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:56,990
receive the money,
thereby keeping it in the community,
85
00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:00,709
as opposed to some gypsies
or travelling Mexicans,
86
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,839
who would have taken the money
out of the community?
87
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,359
Please take that into consideration.
88
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:15,953
Mr Minton, you are hereby sentenced to
serve a term of no less than three years
89
00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,759
at the Verlaine State
Correctional Facility.
90
00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:21,912
Normally, your sentence
would begin immediately.
91
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:26,710
However, I'm going to delay
your incarceration for six months
92
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:31,032
so that you may...
reorganise the charity
93
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:35,239
that you've established
to teach music to retarded children.
94
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,956
Thank you, judge.
95
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,268
Court is adjourned.
96
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:47,239
- Teach music to retarded children?
- It sounded good at the time.
97
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,516
- I thought you were gonna bribe him.
- I did.
98
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:52,274
Hundred grand in Krugerrand
doesn't go too far now.
99
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,112
- Did we win?
- No. I don't get it.
100
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:56,316
You bribe the judge
and I get three years?
101
00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,436
Mandatory.
The judge couldn't fix that.
102
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,068
Now you got six months
to set your affairs in order.
103
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:02,832
My affairs are already in order.
104
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:09,194
My legal opinion is that you take
a Brazilian vacation. Permanently.
105
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,555
Sounds like fun.
106
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,233
I can't do that.
107
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,868
Those Krugerrands were the last
liquid asset I had.
108
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,076
The rest of my money
is frozen in the bank.
109
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:20,708
I'm not gonna run
and leave seven million behind.
110
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,792
Well, Stan,
my old man had a saying:
111
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:27,509
"You walk through a locker room,
you're gonna see some dick."
112
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:32,832
- What's that supposed to mean?
- It means you rip off enough people,
113
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,911
eventually you're gonna go to jail.
114
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:36,798
Thanks, that's really comforting.
115
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:41,238
Hey, I'm a crooked lawyer.
I know I'm going to jail someday.
116
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:44,631
You don't see me crying about it.
117
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,753
Stan, slow down. You're gonna choke.
118
00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:01,151
I gotta eat now.
I hear that prison food is real crap.
119
00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:05,270
I'm real glad we have six months
together before you have to go to...
120
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:07,237
- You know.
- Tell me about it.
121
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:10,597
I could be in jail right now.
Popper's one hell of a lawyer.
122
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:14,754
I'm gonna be awfully lonely
while you're gone.
123
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:18,879
I know, sweetheart.
But I think I get conjugal visits.
124
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,918
I can probably stick it to you
once a month or so. Pretty good.
125
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:24,036
Oh, sure, that's great.
126
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:25,838
- But I was thinking...
- Mm-hm.
127
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:31,028
...maybe we could do something now
so I wouldn't be so lonely later.
128
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,918
Like what?
129
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:37,471
Like maybe we could make a baby.
130
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:41,959
Mindy, are you crazy?
131
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,190
- I just...
- I'm gonna be gone three years.
132
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:47,477
Five at the max. What are we gonna do
with the kid when I get out?
133
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,551
Give it up for adoption?
That's cruel.
134
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:52,632
I thought maybe we could keep it.
135
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:54,836
Mindy, how many times
have we gone over this?
136
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,275
It's selfish to bring
a child into this world.
137
00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:00,159
A world full of suffering
and hunger and war.
138
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:02,959
- It's just... selfish!
- I know.
139
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,793
Plus, a kid would totally
cramp our lifestyle.
140
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:09,839
We couldn't go on vacation when we
wanted, they break stuff, they cry.
141
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,434
You'd get stretch marks.
142
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:15,160
That's right. Stretch marks.
143
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,389
Scary stuff, huh?
144
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,632
I just let you
walk all over me.
145
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:22,951
Oh, Mindy, come on.
146
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,315
OK, Mindy, you can get a dog.
147
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,278
After I leave!
148
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,271
Your other steak, sir.
149
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,152
- What do you want, doll?
- Put some Scotch in this.
150
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:08,598
- We got whiskey.
- Not as good, but it'll have to do.
151
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:12,469
All right. That'll be 75 cents.
152
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,115
Good deal.
153
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:20,154
- Keep the change.
- Ooh! Well...
154
00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:23,998
Ah! Give me another one, honey.
155
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:38,953
Do you got a problem?
156
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,472
No. No, I...
157
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:46,474
I was just wondering...
you've been to prison, right?
158
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,358
You do have a problem.
159
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:51,592
No, I... I'm going to prison.
160
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,752
But I've never been there before
and I was just thinking maybe
161
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,512
you could give me some pointers.
162
00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:01,594
- I'll pay you 100 bucks.
- Just for talking?
163
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,712
- How much time did you get?
- Three to five.
164
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:09,155
- Where at?
- Verlaine.
165
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:14,155
Verlaine? That's fucked, Stan.
Guards just don't give a damn.
166
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,790
They let the cons beat the shit
out of one another all day.
167
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,439
How am I gonna do in there?
168
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:22,910
I mean, if you saw me,
would you beat the shit out of me?
169
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:25,759
I'd probably rape ya.
170
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:29,709
- You'd rape me?
- Yeah.
171
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:34,715
So it's true, huh?
A lot of guys turn gay in prison?
172
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:38,429
I'm always gay.
I only rape people in prison.
173
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:41,990
- You're gay?
- Yeah. This is a gay bar.
174
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,754
Whoo!
175
00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:46,512
Let's do this thing.
176
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:50,349
Whoo!
177
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:54,877
Look, rape isn't an act of sex.
Rape is an act of violence.
178
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:58,077
And in prison society,
it's all about violence.
179
00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:00,470
You're judged by how bad
other cons fear you.
180
00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,598
Raping a dude is the ultimate way
of beating him down.
181
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,751
It means you're one bad motherfucker.
182
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:08,912
So you rape people?
183
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,992
Well, now that's something
I'm not real proud of.
184
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:15,835
I don't condone the practise,
to be honest. But I do do it some.
185
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,117
Just to keep up with the Joneses.
You know what I mean.
186
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:22,955
Little dude like you,
be an easy mark.
187
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:27,113
Oh, Jesus!
Isn't there anything I could do?
188
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,111
You could join a gang.
189
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,714
- Are you a racist?
- Not really.
190
00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:34,030
That leaves out the Nazis.
191
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,760
- Got any Mob connections?
- No.
192
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,354
- Wouldn't happen to be Latino?
- Uh-uh.
193
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:42,080
Looks like everybody's gonna rape you.
194
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:47,074
OK. OK, I... I bet I can be a racist
for three to five years.
195
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,913
- A real racist. Hardcore.
- Well, good.
196
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,310
- Then you can join the Nazis.
- Excellent.
197
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,357
You'll only be raped by other Nazis.
198
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:58,035
Raped by Nazis? No way!
199
00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,394
Anything else I can do?
200
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:02,438
Isn't there some way I can
cultivate some outlaw image?
201
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,831
- You have to kill a dude.
- Without killing a dude?
202
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:09,197
In your case,
it'd be a real long shot, Stan.
203
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:12,272
- Wouldn't happen to have any tats?
- Tats?
204
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,078
Ink.
205
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:18,074
Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
I didn't grow up with my mom. So I...
206
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:21,038
When I was 18, I got a tattoo.
207
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:25,514
"Mommy".
208
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:29,070
You might as well buy a welcome mat,
strap it to your asshole.
209
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,958
Say, "I'm open for business."
210
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,508
Whoo!
211
00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,878
- Stan?
- I'm gonna get raped!
212
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,516
Stanny!
213
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:54,195
Stan, honey.
You wanna wake up?
214
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:57,238
It's 2.00.
215
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,034
- Good morning, dear.
- Good afternoon, Stan.
216
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,998
I got you some orange juice.
217
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,035
It was all a bad dream.
218
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:13,317
- Just a horrible dream.
- What was your dream, baby?
219
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:14,913
It was awful!
220
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:19,437
I was gonna go to prison
and big men were gonna rape me.
221
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,956
But here I am, safe in my bed.
222
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:25,712
It was all a bad dream.
223
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:28,314
But you are gonna be going
to prison, right?
224
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:31,677
- Huh?
- You're going to prison in six months.
225
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,595
No!
226
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:39,876
Oh! Oh!
227
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:43,350
Honey, it's OK.
A lot can happen in six months.
228
00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:47,559
What's gonna happen, Mindy?
Is my anus gonna grow teeth?
229
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:53,116
No, silly! You'll find a way.
You always do.
230
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:54,713
What'd you just say?
231
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,269
You always find a way.
232
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,434
That's right. I always do.
233
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,991
My baby ready to eat breakfast?
234
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:06,989
Mindy...
235
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,639
...did I have a lot growing up?
236
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:15,713
No, I did not.
I had nothing growing up.
237
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:19,316
I had a drunk father
who was emotionally unavailable to me.
238
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,710
I had a summer job at Dairy Queen.
239
00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,314
I had tomato soup for dinner.
240
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,391
Nobody ever gave me anything.
241
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:30,553
Truly, mine was
a hardscrabble existence.
242
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,472
Yet look at me today.
243
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,596
I own a palatial estate,
244
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:36,398
I drive a Lamborghini,
245
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,312
I have a summer house on the lake,
246
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:41,597
a complete Bang & Olufsen
home theatre system,
247
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,320
a beautiful wife.
248
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,870
And whom do I have to thank
for all this stuff?
249
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,759
Me. Nobody else.
250
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:54,230
Me. I am a winner.
251
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:58,154
I set my mind to do something,
and I do it.
252
00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:04,710
And so when I say to you
that I will make myself un-rapeable,
253
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:08,270
I will be un-rapeable!
254
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,353
Yay!
255
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:15,192
# You're the best around
Nothing's gonna ever keep you down
256
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:20,115
# You're the best around
Nothing's gonna ever keep you down
257
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,111
- # You're the best around
- Ow!
258
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:27,073
# Nothing's gonna ever keep you down
259
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:38,389
I got a couple of things in mind. But
first I got kind of a weird question.
260
00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:41,472
Do you have anything you could tattoo
around my sphincter
261
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,073
to make it less attractive?
262
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:47,515
Fourteen, 15...
263
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:51,593
- Stanny, come to bed.
- Not... Not now, Mindy.
264
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,591
Nineteen, 25.
265
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:57,036
There.
You see new definition?
266
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,270
My forearm. I think I see a new vein.
267
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:01,078
I see a very sexy man.
268
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:03,919
You do?
269
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,275
Well, I wonder what he's gonna do next.
270
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:14,556
Take me, darling.
271
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:18,869
Mindy, I'm gonna go
to prison in a few months.
272
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,473
Not now, honey.
273
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,998
And while I'm there, men are gonna try
to take advantage of me.
274
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,833
- I don't wanna hear about this.
- This is important.
275
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,956
I'm doing everything I can
276
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:33,190
to make sure that doesn't happen.
277
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,954
But if it does happen,
and I do get violated...
278
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,235
Stan!
279
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,274
...I want the first time...
280
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:42,919
...to be by someone I love.
281
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:50,799
Oh!
282
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:53,555
Oh.
283
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,351
Stan, I couldn't.
284
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,557
Please, Min, for me.
285
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:08,156
Well... OK.
286
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,039
Great.
287
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:27,552
Oh, the horror!
288
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,677
Two!
289
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,751
Three! Four!
290
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,388
Five! Six!
291
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,518
Seven! Eight!
292
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,274
You must concentrate, Stanley.
Concentrate!
293
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:43,671
- How can I concentrate when I'm bored?
- If you're bored, leave.
294
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:45,193
Oh, come on, Cho.
295
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:49,272
- Master Cho!
- Master Cho.
296
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:52,477
I've been coming here for a week
and I'm still doing baby stuff.
297
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,631
When am I gonna learn to kick some ass?
298
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,156
I'm a yellow belt.
Nobody's afraid of a yellow belt.
299
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,436
You think you're ready
to move up in rank?
300
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:02,389
Yeah, that's right.
301
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,994
Fine. You'll have your chance.
302
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:08,789
- Hey, Seymour! Come on.
- All right.
303
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,679
Seymour.
304
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,354
You'll fight Seymour
for honour of green belt.
305
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:20,152
Want me to fight this little guy?
306
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,675
- All right.
- Fighting stance!
307
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,070
All right, Seymour.
See what you got.
308
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:28,679
Ah! Ah!
309
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:30,273
Oof!
310
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,953
- How do you like that, huh, Seymour?
- Stanley!
311
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,514
- Uh!
- You can forget about your refund!
312
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:56,433
Is that all you got?
313
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,433
Ah!
314
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,113
Pussy.
315
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:30,790
That's some technique you got.
316
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:45,474
You couldn't knock a shit
out of a paper bag full of shit.
317
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,149
Oh, and you could do better?
318
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,717
Any questions?
319
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,036
- Mindy!
- Dinner's almost ready!
320
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:14,191
- I got great news!
- What happened to you?
321
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:16,874
Never mind that.
I just met the best guy. Guess what?
322
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:20,191
- He's agreed to be my trainer.
- Really? What's his name?
323
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:22,269
The Master.
324
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,233
- How do you do?
- The Master.
325
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:30,838
He's gonna live with us and train me.
326
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,355
I have to pay him
when my accounts get unfrozen.
327
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:35,112
- Oh.
- Ahem.
328
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:36,872
And the contract.
329
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:39,270
Yeah, I'll write it up right now.
330
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:48,758
I'm so sorry, The Master,
but there's no smoking in the house.
331
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:53,199
Yes, there is.
332
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,948
I better heat up another Lean Cuisine.
333
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:02,829
Honey, you've done it again.
You heated it just perfect.
334
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,876
So...
335
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,998
...The Master, where are you from?
336
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,912
Hell.
337
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:16,552
Oh! What brought you to LA? A job?
338
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:21,712
I travel where the wind takes me.
339
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,833
Isn't he great?
340
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:29,037
Well, how long have you been
teaching the art of self-defence?
341
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:35,474
Young lady,
what I teach is not art.
342
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:37,517
It is science.
343
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:42,515
A careful amalgam of the most
deadly parts of karate, kung fu,
344
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:46,992
Wing Chun, Krav Maga, Muay Thai,
345
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:50,948
savate and Filipino Kali.
346
00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:52,314
My favourite.
347
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:54,948
Ooh! Wow!
348
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:58,319
I find weakness
349
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:01,040
and turn it into strength.
350
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,078
I find fat and turn it into muscle.
351
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:08,756
I find blisters
and turn them into canker sores.
352
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:13,311
I find doubt
and I turn it into will.
353
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,630
You can stop doing that now.
354
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,075
- Doing what?
- Your hand.
355
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:23,355
Oh. I forgot it was there.
356
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,631
I'm gonna take a shit.
357
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,788
- Enjoy yourself.
- Mm.
358
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:39,154
Stan, honey,
does he really have to live here?
359
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:41,515
- The Master?
- He scares me.
360
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,389
I know. He scares me too. That's exactly
why he's the perfect guy to teach me.
361
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,154
- But, Stan...
- Look, want me to survive in prison?
362
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:51,357
- Of course I do.
- Then don't argue with me about this.
363
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:52,999
You'll see, he'll grow on you.
364
00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:05,669
Wake up, weakling.
365
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:09,037
What the hell you doing in here?
366
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:12,397
It's time to begin your training.
367
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:14,755
But it's five in the morning.
368
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:17,718
- Is that liver?
- It's your breakfast.
369
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:22,908
And every moment you delay,
I squeeze out more of its vital juices.
370
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:25,310
Trust me, you'll need them later.
371
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:28,711
- OK, I'm up.
- But are you ready?
372
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,440
Look what I found beside your bed.
373
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,717
This is weakness.
374
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:38,111
This is defeatism.
375
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,794
Actually, we were kind of enjoying that.
376
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:42,871
Eat this.
377
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:46,030
And follow me.
378
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:53,600
Punch!
All right, now kick.
379
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,750
Punch!
All right, now kick.
380
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,115
Kick!
381
00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:00,439
Kick like you mean it!
382
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:06,030
- Oh!
- I blended that gross stuff you wanted.
383
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:09,715
I got it all in Koreatown. I didn't
even know there was a Koreatown.
384
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,117
Too many eggs.
385
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,590
The fish oil is nice.
Ox pancreas is good.
386
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,639
- Next time, use more tongue.
- That's what she said.
387
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,472
- Ooh!
- Oh, Stan!
388
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:26,437
- I'm all right.
- Get away from him!
389
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:30,798
- I'm OK.
- Rise and drink your lunch.
390
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,155
Don't I get to eat anything
that tastes good?
391
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:48,108
- You like hot dogs?
- Yeah, sure.
392
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,510
If you don't drink that,
393
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:52,955
the boys in prison will feed you...
394
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:56,435
...many hot dogs.
395
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:08,557
I can kick your ass so fast
you wouldn't even feel it.
396
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:12,076
I'd like to see that.
397
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,312
You didn't kick me in the ass.
I didn't feel anything.
398
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:25,556
Ow! Ow!
399
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:28,075
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
400
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,037
Ow! Ow! Ow!
401
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:31,599
Oh! Ow! Ooh!
402
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,149
- Pain is interpretation.
- OK.
403
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:38,711
I'm gonna call a time-out here. You're
beating my husband with a flaming stick.
404
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,838
Isn't there some kind
of role-playing exercise you can do?
405
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,389
Run along, honey.
This is man stuff here.
406
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,232
Go ahead, Master.
407
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,550
Ow! Ow! Ow!
408
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:52,110
Ow! Ah! Oh!
409
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,316
Ow! Ah!
410
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:02,755
No disrespect, I realise this
is strengthening my nipples.
411
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,639
And believe me, I can feel the burn.
412
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:09,679
I was wondering,
just how important are strong nipples?
413
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,354
- Someday these nipples...
- Ah!
414
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,273
...may save your life.
- Ah!
415
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,916
You are what you eat.
416
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:23,231
Um, are you sure
that's Eastern mysticism?
417
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,278
Because I learned that
in health class in third grade.
418
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:27,998
Silence, woman.
419
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:31,948
I mean, all that stuff about pain
and illusion sounds totally mystical.
420
00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:35,271
But "you are what you eat"?
Even I know that. And I am from Omaha.
421
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:40,110
What part of Omaha?
422
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,794
- Oh!
- Dundee.
423
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:45,353
Happy Hollow.
424
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:47,753
You're Oscar?
425
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:50,388
I should have known.
426
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:54,235
Those womanly, childbearing hips
427
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:59,235
could not be a product
of this perfidious coast.
428
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,551
Uh, do you mind?
I'm trying to eat scorpion here.
429
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:04,756
Insolent fool!
430
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:07,993
You have lost the right
431
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,594
to eat scorpion.
432
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:17,389
Great. There goes my lunch.
433
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,118
- Thanks.
- This is not working.
434
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:20,952
- Master says...
- Master's a jerk.
435
00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:22,553
- Shh!
- He is!
436
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:27,111
And he is a creep. The house smells.
Does he have to smoke in every room?
437
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:30,955
The only time I see you alone is in bed
and you're too tired to...
438
00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:34,351
Hey! I got five months, and then
it's prison. I gotta stay focused.
439
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:38,798
I gotta think, eat, breathe prison.
I don't have time for anything else.
440
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,838
Not even time for me?
441
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:45,554
Tell you what.
442
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:48,951
After I'm done working out
with The Master, I'll rent some movies,
443
00:27:49,120 --> 00:27:52,351
and we'll cuddle around the TV
like old times, OK?
444
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,238
Really?
445
00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:03,189
Mindy!
446
00:28:03,360 --> 00:28:06,079
Some men broke into the house!
They wanna rape you!
447
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:08,356
- What?
- Big men!
448
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,512
- They wanna rape you! Repeatedly!
- What about The Master?
449
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:15,036
They have guns! They killed him!
There's nothing we can do!
450
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,998
- You're gonna get raped! Raped!
- Oh, my God!
451
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:20,720
Raped!
452
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:22,757
Rape!
453
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:26,279
There.
454
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:31,672
- Now you know how I feel.
- What?
455
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:35,276
Fear of rape. That's what I'm gonna
have to live with for three years.
456
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:38,876
Nobody broke
into the house?
457
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:40,189
That's right.
458
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:43,272
Now maybe you'll be supportive
of what I'm going through.
459
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:46,910
You son of a bitch!
460
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:50,635
- OK, you're upset.
- You son of a bitch!
461
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,473
- You don't have to call names. Mindy!
- Son of a bitch!
462
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:58,031
- Bitch, bitch, bitch! You bastard!
- Mindy. Mindy!
463
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:01,351
Oh! Mindy.
464
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:04,080
- What are you doing?
- What's it look like? Leaving.
465
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:07,357
Why? Because I pull one little prank,
which when you calm down...
466
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:10,159
It's not just one prank!
You only think about yourself!
467
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:13,118
You're the most selfish man
who ever lived, ever! Ever!
468
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:16,556
Whoa! Excuse me? Selfish?
I find that funny! I really do!
469
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:18,995
I've given you everything
you've ever wanted!
470
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:20,673
- You're crazy!
- This house!
471
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:22,717
- It's in your name.
- Those boobs!
472
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:25,838
- You wanted these.
- You said the Lamborghini's too small,
473
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:29,754
- I got a second car.
- A 1955 Porsche Speedster!
474
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:32,798
- It has a back seat!
- Oh!
475
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:37,639
- What do you want? I'll do anything.
- I want a baby, you asshole!
476
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:40,598
That again? Fine. OK. You win.
477
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:43,149
- We'll have a baby.
- Really?
478
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:46,039
No, not really,
but we can visit people who have kids.
479
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:50,792
Goodbye!
480
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:54,829
Good, leave! I don't need you!
481
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:56,718
I don't need anybody!
482
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,314
God!
483
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:03,393
Uh, one moment. I'm... meditating.
484
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,035
It's so big! Oh, God!
485
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:11,758
Mindy left.
486
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:14,435
- Yes, yes, yes!
- Good.
487
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,478
Oh, God!
488
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:21,110
Now, the real training can begin.
489
00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:27,319
We do not have time
to teach you the five fingers of death.
490
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,472
We have only time for one finger.
491
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:32,433
Pick one.
492
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,312
All right. Wait. This one.
493
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:41,639
Hold this.
494
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:52,029
Your turn.
495
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:08,870
Ah! Ow!
496
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:12,715
Ah! Ah!
497
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,512
Ah!
498
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:43,469
# You don't know what to do, you're
sitting there and you're all alone
499
00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:45,949
Don't look at what you're doing.
500
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:49,032
Just feel. Feel.
501
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:52,590
# You've got no place to call your home
502
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:55,957
I felt. It felt bad.
503
00:31:58,200 --> 00:31:59,758
Oh!
504
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:06,431
You must learn to feel your opponent.
Know his intentions.
505
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:13,192
If he is good at a distance,
then you must be close.
506
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:22,159
If he is good close,
then you must fight him at a distance.
507
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:31,914
What if your opponent is good close
and from a distance?
508
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,036
Then you are up
to your eyeballs in shit.
509
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:36,634
Watch your mouth.
You are nobody.
510
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:39,989
Ow!
511
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,800
- Hey, what are those?
- A little something I picked up
512
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:46,793
- at the Shaolin temple.
- What do you use them for?
513
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:48,313
Oh!
514
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:50,439
Oh! Ow!
515
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:52,318
Oh! Ah!
516
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:54,957
Your lunch.
517
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:47,949
Yeah.
518
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:54,435
- Whoo-hoo!
- All right, that's close enough.
519
00:33:58,080 --> 00:33:59,069
Whoo-hoo!
520
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:02,151
Hoo-hoo!
521
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:06,274
Ah!
522
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:10,516
Never celebrate too early.
523
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:12,193
I'll remember that.
524
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:21,349
Yes.
525
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:27,189
Mississippi five, Mississippi six,
526
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:29,590
Mississippi seven, Mississippi eight,
527
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,718
Mississippi nine...
528
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,030
My God! That is amazing!
529
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,111
Oh, that's nothing.
You should see him.
530
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:41,512
It's easy for me. Cigarettes have
ruined my circulation so much
531
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,240
I can't even feel my hands anymore.
532
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:46,231
So that's your trick.
533
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:47,879
Mm-hm.
534
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:52,877
Here's to Stan Minton,
my second finest student.
535
00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:55,270
Second finest?
536
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:57,078
Who's number one?
537
00:34:57,240 --> 00:35:00,118
I hope you never have to find that out.
538
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:03,750
He used what I taught him,
not for his own protection,
539
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,070
but for evil.
540
00:35:10,720 --> 00:35:14,429
Well, fuck that guy.
Here's to number two.
541
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:19,754
Now, drink up.
Stan has one final test.
542
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:22,359
Tonight.
543
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:27,998
I do? OK.
544
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:29,718
Let's go for it.
545
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:47,998
Hello, Cho.
546
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:50,799
It's Master Cho to you.
547
00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:54,999
Master Cho? Or Masturbator Cho?
548
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:59,119
- Excuse me?
- You heard me... punk.
549
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:05,879
Looking for a beat-down, mister?
550
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:09,271
What are you looking for?
To beat off?
551
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:11,112
That's it.
552
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:23,715
Ooh!
553
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:45,192
Very good, Stan.
554
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:47,396
You mind walking me to my car?
555
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:49,949
All right.
556
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:54,352
I don't feel too comfortable here.
I don't think the Asian people like me.
557
00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:11,950
All right, you just go up those steps,
turn yourself in for processing.
558
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:14,395
By the way, slight change of plans.
559
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:17,313
The Bureau of Prisons
called me yesterday.
560
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:20,438
They're sending you to Oaksburg,
not Verlaine.
561
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:24,309
- Why?
- Who knows? Bureaucracy.
562
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,472
It makes no difference.
563
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:31,633
Go on. You'll do great.
564
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:34,553
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
565
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:41,276
Uh, did Mindy or her lawyer call
about the divorce?
566
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:47,071
It's not like I care anyway.
All right.
567
00:37:47,240 --> 00:37:49,071
See you guys in three years.
568
00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:58,758
- What do you think?
- I think you should walk away quickly.
569
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:09,798
- Ah! Filthy pig!
- I need a beer.
570
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:11,234
Oh!
571
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,994
Don't get in the car!
572
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:36,231
This your first time?
573
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:41,836
Hey, sweetie,
ain't you got a name?
574
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,036
Ah!
575
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:47,397
Talk to me again,
I'll twist your whole damn titty off.
576
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:50,677
- Ooh, my mama, ooh, my mama.
- Hey, man, I'm scared too.
577
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:53,229
But it can't be as bad
as they say it is.
578
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:57,393
It's just as bad as they say.
The sooner you realise that, the better.
579
00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:01,712
- Tell 'em.
- You'll find out, soon enough.
580
00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:05,755
What'd I say about talking to me?
581
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:08,434
Damn, man!
582
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:33,114
Welcome to Oaksburg Penitentiary.
583
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:36,238
For reasons beyond
what I care to imagine,
584
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,995
you gentlemen have found yourselves
under my stewardship.
585
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:44,199
My name is Warden Francis Gasque.
586
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:46,669
But you can just call me Boss.
587
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:50,435
We only got one rule here at Oaksburg:
588
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:55,958
Don't fuck with the Boss. That means
you leave me and my men alone.
589
00:39:56,120 --> 00:40:00,636
What you animals do to each other,
that's your business.
590
00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:04,395
And right behind you
is the warden's garden.
591
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:09,509
Anybody caught pissing on that
will have his penis removed.
592
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:14,629
Sergeant Bullard will lead you
to the medical office where you'll strip
593
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:18,713
and have your cavities searched.
You're gonna enjoy that.
594
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:22,998
Now, gentlemen! Single file.
Come on! Get up there.
595
00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:24,149
Pecker to butthole.
596
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:31,631
All right, assume the position.
597
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:40,715
Why you screaming like a little girl?!
598
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,792
Sarge, look.
599
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:45,678
Sweet Jesus!
600
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:52,358
It's like an alien
staring into my soul.
601
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:58,592
Welcome home. New luxury condos,
compliments of the state.
602
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:00,398
Step it up, boys.
603
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:09,038
Come on, sweet meat!
604
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:21,397
Hello there, young fella.
I guess we're cellmates.
605
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:26,679
My name's Larry.
But you can call me Shorts.
606
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:29,274
Shorts, you're in my bunk.
607
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:33,194
- What?
- That's my bunk. Get out.
608
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:36,557
You hold on there
just a second.
609
00:41:36,720 --> 00:41:39,951
This is my bunk.
What gives you the right to?
610
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:41,633
Ow!
611
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:48,320
- I said that's my bunk.
- Yeah, I guess it is.
612
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:49,629
Whoo!
613
00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:58,991
Uh, you might wanna change the sheets.
614
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:03,638
I'm kind of a compulsive masturbator.
615
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:09,879
Shorts, that's your bunk.
616
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:13,112
- Really?
- Absolutely.
617
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:17,034
Thanks, buddy.
I think we're gonna get along just fine.
618
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:18,428
Hey, put her here.
619
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:24,116
- I don't shake hands.
- Well, whatever.
620
00:42:28,040 --> 00:42:30,349
Ah, good to be back.
621
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:35,039
Tell me, Shorts,
who's the toughest guy here?
622
00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:37,350
Who's the biggest bad-ass
in the cell block?
623
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:40,637
Biggest bad-ass?
There's a lot of contenders.
624
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:44,588
There's Cleon. He's leader
of the Diamond Kings, the black gang.
625
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:49,356
- I seen him kill a man with his fist.
- That's right! Yeah!
626
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:53,718
Then there's Juanito.
He's head of the Mexican gang.
627
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:55,791
Hey, get back. Hey!
628
00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:59,475
And whatever you do,
don't go near those guys.
629
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:04,589
- The goal is to express ourselves...
- They're Scientologists.
630
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:08,150
- They don't look so tough.
- Yeah. They'll talk your ear off
631
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:10,709
- and then sue your ass.
...distinguish fear.
632
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:14,668
Then there's the Nazis.
None of them are too tough.
633
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:18,753
They don't fight fair and don't fight
alone. They always gang up on you.
634
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:21,718
Their leader, Patterson,
he's a real bastard.
635
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:25,190
His uncle's the head
of the Aryan Nation.
636
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:27,112
Let me clarify my question, Shorts.
637
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:29,840
Who's the most
dangerous sexual predator?
638
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:31,877
Oh, that's easy.
639
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:35,077
It's Big Raymond.
Absolutely insatiable.
640
00:43:35,240 --> 00:43:38,118
Crazy. The other black guys
don't go near him.
641
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:41,795
But they'd back him up
if it came to a fight.
642
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:44,110
Big Raymond it is.
643
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:46,077
- Can I borrow that?
- Yeah.
644
00:43:46,240 --> 00:43:47,673
Thanks.
645
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:51,914
Hey, Stan. Stan, where you going?
646
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:54,833
You think that cigarette was free?
Is that what you think?
647
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,560
I'll pay you back, man.
I don't have any money.
648
00:43:57,720 --> 00:44:00,075
You think I want money?
649
00:44:01,240 --> 00:44:02,355
Mmm...
650
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:05,956
- Excuse me.
- Bug off, bitch!
651
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:08,429
I'll get to you later.
652
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:10,397
Did you just call me bitch?
653
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:13,677
Yeah, I said it.
654
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:19,396
Hey, everybody! Did you hear that?
655
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:22,632
Big Raymond, for no reason,
just called me bitch!
656
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:24,438
Now, was that nice?
657
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:27,239
It's not like I called him fat.
658
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:31,472
It's not like I said I seen pig shit
prettier than he is.
659
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:37,509
It's not like I said his mother's pussy
smells like egg salad.
660
00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:40,118
Which it does.
661
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:51,192
Oh, hell nah! Ohhh, hell nah!
662
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:54,432
Hell nah! Oh, hell nah!
663
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:56,397
Ho-ho! Yeah!
664
00:45:09,720 --> 00:45:12,996
Ah! Ah!
665
00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:15,674
Ahhh!
666
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:19,358
Who's the bitch now, bitch?
667
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:22,434
Ooh!
668
00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:25,398
I told you Raymond was gonna get
his ass beat. I told you!
669
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:31,513
My cracker!
670
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:34,035
Laying the boot to the big nigga.
Give it up!
671
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:36,953
Don't use that word around me.
It's ugly and racist.
672
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:41,995
Yeah, dawg!
673
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:45,157
He's funny too, man.
674
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:48,039
All right, listen here, player.
All right?
675
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:51,670
We want you to join up with us,
nah mean? Them niggas is gonna tear...
676
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:53,876
Ooh!
677
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:55,837
I said don't talk that way around me.
678
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:57,319
Let me get some of that!
679
00:45:57,480 --> 00:46:00,438
- Let's kill him.
- No, I got it, I got it. I got it!
680
00:46:01,240 --> 00:46:03,037
Handle your business, Cleon.
681
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:10,029
Oh, come on. Don't tell me you're gonna
stick up for that fat son of a bitch.
682
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:13,397
You happen to see the colour
of that fat son of a bitch's skin?
683
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:15,676
Hey, aren't we over that?
684
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:18,513
Didn't you see that Nova episode?
Huh, you guys?
685
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:20,636
They did that DNA test.
686
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:23,155
- We all come from Africa.
- Kick his ass.
687
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:27,393
It's a proven fact. Under the skin,
I'm just as black as you are.
688
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:28,959
- Fuck that.
- Get him!
689
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:32,669
- Get him, man! Get him! Get him!
- Motherfucker!
690
00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:40,717
- Get him!
- Ah!
691
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:53,118
Man, get that fool!
692
00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:06,634
Dumb bitch!
693
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:12,478
Hold on. See what happens.
694
00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:21,076
- Oh!
- Ah!
695
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:39,596
Oh!
696
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,673
- Take the stick!
- No, don't take it!
697
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:57,998
- Take the stick!
- No, don't take it!
698
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:01,477
Oh, he did it again.
699
00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:08,916
- Take the stick! Take it!
- Mm-hm?
700
00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:11,640
No, no, don't take it!
701
00:48:16,080 --> 00:48:17,672
Whoo!
702
00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:22,195
I told him
not to take that stick.
703
00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:31,717
Even the Asian!
704
00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:34,191
Where the hell did that guy come from?
705
00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:36,157
- Whoo!
- Damn!
706
00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:38,436
- That guy's good.
- All right.
707
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:40,397
Come on, Cleon.
708
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:43,120
It's your time, baby.
Don't be scared.
709
00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:45,396
It's your time to shine, Cleon.
710
00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:47,548
Ooh!
711
00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:52,356
Cleon.
712
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:56,479
If you wanna fight me,
you're gonna have to fight me.
713
00:48:56,640 --> 00:48:59,632
- I understand.
- Pick up your gold teeth.
714
00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:03,156
I'm gonna let you keep them this time.
715
00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:05,276
But if you come at me again...
716
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:08,189
...l'm gonna hang onto them
like a Swiss banker.
717
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:25,355
Ya'll ain't gonna help me?
718
00:49:25,520 --> 00:49:28,080
I'm missing a bicuspid.
719
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:31,789
We should have killed him.
720
00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:35,748
Somebody,
call an orthodontist.
721
00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:43,590
Hm. I see Mr Minton
has acquainted himself
722
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:45,876
with his new surroundings.
723
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:49,713
I believe it's time I had
my little chat with him.
724
00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:55,999
Ow!
725
00:49:58,040 --> 00:50:01,510
Whoa, whoa, look out.
726
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:03,636
Beat it. All of you.
727
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:17,638
Oh, man, this stuff's good. I don't know
what everybody's complaining about.
728
00:50:17,800 --> 00:50:19,518
You're kidding me.
729
00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:22,638
Hey, man.
I just wanna say thanks.
730
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:24,869
For what?
731
00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:29,359
You know, for helping me before.
732
00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:30,669
With Big Raymond.
733
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:33,593
I wasn't helping you.
I was helping me.
734
00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:38,274
I had to beat up the biggest shithead.
He happened to be talking to you.
735
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:40,639
OK.
736
00:50:41,720 --> 00:50:44,757
But, you know, I... I mean, I...
737
00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:46,831
I think that guy wanted to fuck me.
738
00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:54,354
Trust me, in your case,
I was just putting off the inevitable.
739
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:03,191
Yeah.
740
00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:04,713
Well, thanks anyway.
741
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:09,790
What's your name, girl?
Don't be shy, just say hi.
742
00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:12,949
Come here. Kick back, baby girl!
743
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:15,998
Little hard on the kid, weren't you?
744
00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:19,311
That's got nothing to do with me.
And I'm gonna keep it that way.
745
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:21,630
- You got that?
- Mm-hm.
746
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:39,116
One-one-five!
747
00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:45,116
Minton, warden wants to see you.
Get up.
748
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:47,555
- Me?
- Now! Walk!
749
00:51:48,720 --> 00:51:50,358
Put your hands behind your back.
750
00:51:53,720 --> 00:51:56,757
Come in.
751
00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:03,395
Minton, I'm glad you could make it.
752
00:52:03,560 --> 00:52:06,791
- You can take the cuffs off him.
- Sure you wanna do that, Boss?
753
00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:08,951
I said take 'em off.
754
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:11,588
It's all right.
755
00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:12,988
I already got 'em.
756
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:16,916
It's a matter of dislocating the wrists.
757
00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:25,349
Ew! Ew, that is creepy!
758
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:28,637
You can wait outside.
759
00:52:29,640 --> 00:52:30,709
Have a seat.
760
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:38,999
Warden, if this is about me
fighting in the yard, it...
761
00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:40,593
Cigar?
762
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:43,719
Thank you.
763
00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:48,469
Brandy?
764
00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:52,236
Sure.
765
00:53:01,720 --> 00:53:03,676
You know, you wardens should complain.
766
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:07,879
'Cause in the movies,
they always make you look like assholes.
767
00:53:08,040 --> 00:53:12,909
Well,
I don't plan on being a warden forever.
768
00:53:13,080 --> 00:53:15,594
- Is that right?
- Tell me, Minton.
769
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:18,035
What do you think of this place?
770
00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:21,749
It's OK, for a prison.
771
00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:25,959
Not the prison. The land.
772
00:53:29,320 --> 00:53:33,996
It's a nice sized property. Great views
of the foothills and city. Level grade.
773
00:53:34,160 --> 00:53:37,357
I'm assuming there's
bedrock beneath us.
774
00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:42,071
Easy access to downtown.
I see some nice development potential.
775
00:53:42,240 --> 00:53:45,277
- Too bad you got a prison on it.
- Exactly.
776
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:49,592
You know, it's no accident
you came to Oaksburg.
777
00:53:49,760 --> 00:53:52,513
I pulled a few strings
to get you here.
778
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:57,072
What made you wanna do that?
779
00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:00,759
Come here.
780
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:07,472
Oaksburg Estates.
781
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:11,872
I'm a silent partner, so to speak,
with some private investors
782
00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:17,114
who would like to develop this land
into timeshare condominiums.
783
00:54:17,280 --> 00:54:20,989
I believe that's
your field of expertise.
784
00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:24,436
- True.
- 'Course, all this is only possible
785
00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:27,273
in the event the prison
ever closes down.
786
00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:30,955
- Makes sense.
- You know, I'm in the prison business.
787
00:54:31,120 --> 00:54:33,680
I know how to break a man's will,
crush his spirit.
788
00:54:33,840 --> 00:54:37,879
But them real estate contracts,
those things put a real hurt on you.
789
00:54:38,040 --> 00:54:39,519
That's where you come in.
790
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:46,913
- What's in it for me?
- How would you like to be out of here
791
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:48,069
in a year?
792
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:54,352
- But I've got a mandatory minimum.
- Wardens have great discretion
793
00:54:54,520 --> 00:54:59,150
getting early parole, especially
to non-violent, first-time offenders.
794
00:54:59,320 --> 00:55:03,791
- Prisons are crowded, you know.
- The system is corrupt.
795
00:55:03,960 --> 00:55:05,154
Me likey.
796
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:08,756
But you gotta move the luxury units
closer to the lagoon.
797
00:55:08,920 --> 00:55:11,480
That'll double rents.
Parking goes underground.
798
00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:14,916
Wasting space. Eight extra units.
Whoever designed this is a moron.
799
00:55:15,080 --> 00:55:17,958
- How will you get rid of the prison?
- Let me worry about that.
800
00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:20,350
Tell me more about them parking spaces.
801
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:47,155
You strapped?
802
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:49,595
He ain't gonna know what hit him,
nah mean?
803
00:56:01,520 --> 00:56:02,509
Ah!
804
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:07,510
That's gonna scar, you psycho.
805
00:56:12,400 --> 00:56:14,356
Whoo!
806
00:56:24,680 --> 00:56:26,557
You want that shiv, don't you?
807
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:30,913
You made that with a melted toothbrush
and a razorblade?
808
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:32,752
- That's very creative.
- Ah!
809
00:56:38,680 --> 00:56:41,797
Look what I made
with three bars of soap and a shoelace.
810
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:44,831
Cracker, please.
811
00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:48,310
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
812
00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:03,751
Come on, race traitor.
813
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:08,390
- Ah!
- Ooh!
814
00:57:14,720 --> 00:57:16,278
Oh!
815
00:57:16,960 --> 00:57:19,554
Ha!
816
00:57:19,720 --> 00:57:21,790
Hee-yah!
817
00:57:23,680 --> 00:57:25,238
He's all yours.
818
00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:28,678
This gonna be fun.
819
00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:41,789
Hey, Stan. What'd you do to Patterson?
820
00:57:41,960 --> 00:57:44,235
I just roughed him up a little bit.
821
00:57:44,400 --> 00:57:47,995
- Why?
- Somebody took a shiv to his ass.
822
00:57:48,160 --> 00:57:52,676
They say he'll be shitting sideways
for a month.
823
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:55,559
Now I know
what schadenfreude feels like.
824
00:57:55,720 --> 00:57:57,517
- What?
- Schadenfreude.
825
00:57:57,680 --> 00:58:01,275
It's German for when you feel good
because your enemy's anus is violated.
826
00:58:01,440 --> 00:58:03,317
Oh.
827
00:58:07,240 --> 00:58:08,958
You know you're getting that on me.
828
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:15,598
I'm doing great.
You guys are pussies.
829
00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:20,038
That's terrific. Hey, listen, pal.
I need your help.
830
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:23,317
I can't get Mindy's lawyer
to return my call.
831
00:58:23,480 --> 00:58:25,789
If we wanna go through
with this divorce,
832
00:58:25,960 --> 00:58:29,191
you're going to have
to contact her personally.
833
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:31,308
Stan.
834
00:58:31,480 --> 00:58:33,072
Yeah. I'll get right on that.
835
00:58:33,240 --> 00:58:36,516
How's the appeal coming?
836
00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:41,435
Believe it or not, I'm looking
at the Madam Foreman right now.
837
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:43,318
That's great.
838
00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:48,679
I gotta go now.
You know, duty calls.
839
00:58:48,840 --> 00:58:51,035
All right. Thanks, Lew.
I'll talk to you soon.
840
00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:02,751
Ain't you Charlize Theron?
841
00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:07,158
Oh, look what fell out there.
842
00:59:13,160 --> 00:59:16,550
So I had them
exchange the beef for horse meat.
843
00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:19,632
- Clever.
- That's Stan.
844
00:59:19,800 --> 00:59:22,109
Minton, I'd like for you
to meet Mr Dang.
845
00:59:22,280 --> 00:59:24,236
He's on the prison's board of governors.
846
00:59:24,400 --> 00:59:28,279
They let Vietnamese mafia on
the prison board of governors?
847
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:31,115
Your finger tats.
848
00:59:32,440 --> 00:59:37,833
Like you say, Stan,
the system is corrupt.
849
00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:41,993
Mr Dang's family happens to be
my partners in Oaksburg Estates.
850
00:59:42,160 --> 00:59:44,799
Oh, good, 'cause I was just
going over the contracts.
851
00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:47,952
The language gets rather vague
on gross versus net liability.
852
00:59:48,120 --> 00:59:51,476
I'm sure it's unintentional, but that
could screw you in the long run.
853
00:59:51,640 --> 00:59:56,430
Could it? I'll have my lawyers
correct that immediately.
854
00:59:56,600 --> 00:59:59,910
I got an excellent lawyer for that.
He specialises in it. Lew Popper.
855
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:03,390
Popper? I'll be sure to contact him.
856
01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:07,269
Come on, Dang,
let's check out the floor show.
857
01:00:12,800 --> 01:00:16,190
It looks like the savages
are ready for the inspection.
858
01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:20,876
Well, give me a few more weeks.
I'll even have 'em readier.
859
01:00:21,040 --> 01:00:22,917
I'm counting on that.
860
01:00:24,320 --> 01:00:26,436
Would you like a strawberry?
861
01:00:27,720 --> 01:00:30,792
- I grew them in my own garden.
- Thank you.
862
01:00:30,960 --> 01:00:33,349
Minton? Strawberry?
863
01:00:34,400 --> 01:00:35,469
No, I'm good.
864
01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:44,112
Maybe I picked 'em
a little too soon.
865
01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:47,877
I don't think that's it.
866
01:00:49,240 --> 01:00:51,708
People
are scared shitless of me.
867
01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:53,154
Very good, Stan.
868
01:00:53,320 --> 01:00:55,515
Is there anyone there
who can challenge you?
869
01:00:55,680 --> 01:00:58,274
Nah. I got it all under control.
870
01:00:58,440 --> 01:01:00,510
What's the matter, Stan?
871
01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:03,752
You sound... distant.
872
01:01:03,920 --> 01:01:05,558
I don't know. It's just...
873
01:01:05,720 --> 01:01:09,269
Don't you ever find yourself
feeling sorry for anybody?
874
01:01:09,440 --> 01:01:12,955
You might as well ask me
if I feel sorry for the maggots
875
01:01:13,120 --> 01:01:14,917
I grind into my morning coffee.
876
01:01:15,080 --> 01:01:18,470
That's how I feel too.
Listen, I gotta go.
877
01:01:18,640 --> 01:01:21,393
Make me proud, Stan.
878
01:01:21,560 --> 01:01:24,120
Come on, baby!
Do it to me!
879
01:01:24,280 --> 01:01:26,510
- Oh, yeah!
- Are you using me?
880
01:01:26,680 --> 01:01:28,796
- No!
- Don't you love me?
881
01:01:28,960 --> 01:01:30,951
- Yeah!
- Show me!
882
01:01:37,880 --> 01:01:40,792
- Do you love me?
- Yeah. Hello. Hey!
883
01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:43,758
Excuse me. Excuse me. Yeah.
884
01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:46,639
Hi, Stan. Yeah.
I think I have good news.
885
01:01:46,800 --> 01:01:50,588
- Do you love me?
- Yeah. I think the... I think the...
886
01:01:50,760 --> 01:01:55,959
The Madam Foreman is just one orgasm
away from giving you your appeal.
887
01:01:56,120 --> 01:01:58,793
That's great, Lew.
And gross.
888
01:01:58,960 --> 01:02:00,916
Heard from Mindy or her attorney?
889
01:02:01,080 --> 01:02:03,071
Uh, no.
890
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:06,915
But don't say I don't earn my money.
891
01:02:12,240 --> 01:02:15,915
Hi, fellas.
I don't believe I ordered Chinese.
892
01:02:19,320 --> 01:02:22,790
I guess I could go
for a little pot-sticker.
893
01:02:27,480 --> 01:02:29,198
Who are you writing to?
894
01:02:29,360 --> 01:02:31,590
No one special.
895
01:02:32,840 --> 01:02:36,037
You've been sitting there for a while
writing to no one special.
896
01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:42,995
You know, Stan, I've been here for a
long time. I can handle a lot of things.
897
01:02:43,160 --> 01:02:46,709
Like having to spend the rest
of my life in this shithole.
898
01:02:46,880 --> 01:02:49,997
But there's one thing I do regret.
899
01:02:50,160 --> 01:02:53,516
I could never make it work
with Miyoshi.
900
01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:59,437
Oh, she was the only person
who ever loved me for me.
901
01:03:01,320 --> 01:03:04,278
I was too pigheaded to realise it.
902
01:03:04,440 --> 01:03:09,560
I'd give anything
to change the way I behaved.
903
01:03:10,360 --> 01:03:12,078
How did you behave?
904
01:03:13,160 --> 01:03:14,275
I killed her.
905
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:17,154
Oh.
906
01:03:17,320 --> 01:03:21,950
Alcohol wasn't something that always
brought out the best in me, Stan.
907
01:03:41,280 --> 01:03:45,193
Dear Mindy, I've been
thinking a lot about you lately.
908
01:03:45,360 --> 01:03:47,078
About us.
909
01:03:47,240 --> 01:03:49,310
I realise now that you were right.
910
01:03:49,480 --> 01:03:52,711
I was pigheaded and selfish.
911
01:03:52,880 --> 01:03:56,316
Leaving me was probably
the best thing for you.
912
01:03:56,480 --> 01:03:58,391
And I'm truly sorry.
913
01:03:58,560 --> 01:04:01,154
I never should have hurt you.
914
01:04:01,320 --> 01:04:04,232
I know now why you wanted
to have a baby with me.
915
01:04:04,400 --> 01:04:06,595
It's just another way
for us to love each other
916
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:09,399
even more deeply.
917
01:04:09,560 --> 01:04:12,950
I hope, someday,
you'll be able to forgive me.
918
01:04:13,120 --> 01:04:15,918
Love always, Stan.
919
01:04:21,120 --> 01:04:22,758
Hey, baby.
920
01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:34,954
Now, I know all of you want to get back
to your weightlifting and basketball
921
01:04:35,120 --> 01:04:38,430
and masturbating, so I'm gonna
try to keep this short. All right?
922
01:04:38,600 --> 01:04:43,879
I am throwing away all of these
violent video games and movies.
923
01:04:45,760 --> 01:04:48,115
Don't do that! No! Come on, man!
924
01:04:48,280 --> 01:04:51,670
From now on, I want you guys
watching more wholesome entertainment.
925
01:04:51,840 --> 01:04:55,196
And frankly, a lot of the rap music
you brothers listen to
926
01:04:55,360 --> 01:04:57,715
was too hateful towards women.
927
01:04:57,880 --> 01:05:00,838
What is up with that?
You like women, right?
928
01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:02,149
Yeah!
929
01:05:02,320 --> 01:05:03,992
Now, on the other hand,
930
01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:07,232
the Mexicans are onto something
with mariachi and salsa music.
931
01:05:11,000 --> 01:05:14,197
It's positive, easy to dance to
and you never get tired of it.
932
01:05:14,360 --> 01:05:17,113
- Shorts, give us a taste.
- Here we go.
933
01:05:51,280 --> 01:05:52,838
Holy shit.
934
01:05:54,920 --> 01:05:57,798
All right. All right, all right.
935
01:05:57,960 --> 01:06:01,350
That's Afro-Cuban. I asked
for mariachi. But you get the point.
936
01:06:01,520 --> 01:06:04,592
All right? Now, lastly,
and most importantly,
937
01:06:04,760 --> 01:06:07,558
from now on, there will
be no more rape at this prison.
938
01:06:07,720 --> 01:06:10,154
No, no!
939
01:06:10,320 --> 01:06:13,551
That's right.
Anyone who rapes another inmate
940
01:06:13,720 --> 01:06:16,473
- will have to answer to me.
- Boo!
941
01:06:16,640 --> 01:06:18,278
I will not be kind.
942
01:06:18,440 --> 01:06:21,193
- Excuse me, Big Stan.
- Yes, Juanito.
943
01:06:21,360 --> 01:06:23,715
Why you putting your nose
where it don't belong?
944
01:06:23,880 --> 01:06:26,030
My men are aggressive and hard.
945
01:06:26,200 --> 01:06:29,909
Sometimes they need a way to work off
that excess energy. What's it to you?
946
01:06:30,080 --> 01:06:32,958
- OK. Well, first off, good question.
- Thank you.
947
01:06:33,120 --> 01:06:37,159
What is it to me?
Well, frankly, I just don't like it.
948
01:06:37,320 --> 01:06:41,029
And let me show you why.
Robbie, come up here.
949
01:06:41,200 --> 01:06:42,997
You, Robbie the hippie.
Come up here.
950
01:06:47,680 --> 01:06:51,434
All right, all right. Robbie, how long
is your sentence here at Oaksburg?
951
01:06:51,600 --> 01:06:55,354
- Five to ten.
- Five to ten years.
952
01:06:55,520 --> 01:06:58,273
What exactly did you do
to earn that sentence?
953
01:06:58,440 --> 01:07:01,796
I sold marijuana.
954
01:07:01,960 --> 01:07:05,475
A shitload of marijuana.
955
01:07:07,600 --> 01:07:09,670
Thanks, Robbie. Go sit down.
956
01:07:09,840 --> 01:07:13,230
He sold marijuana.
He was a marijuana dealer.
957
01:07:13,400 --> 01:07:17,154
I'm not here to argue about drug policy.
I don't think they're tough enough.
958
01:07:17,320 --> 01:07:20,869
Whatever.
959
01:07:21,040 --> 01:07:24,271
But just because Robbie was guilty
of selling dope
960
01:07:24,440 --> 01:07:29,230
doesn't mean he deserves to get raped
up the ass every day for ten years.
961
01:07:29,400 --> 01:07:31,550
I just don't think that's fair.
962
01:07:31,720 --> 01:07:34,632
Some of you are here
963
01:07:34,800 --> 01:07:40,511
because you're habitual drunk drivers.
Some of you have a fondness for crack.
964
01:07:40,680 --> 01:07:43,717
Some of you robbed a bank.
965
01:07:43,880 --> 01:07:47,395
I'm talking to you, Lee Otis.
966
01:07:49,640 --> 01:07:53,315
But that doesn't mean you should
get raped. It's just not fair.
967
01:07:54,920 --> 01:07:58,276
- Yes, Carnahan.
- What about guys convicted of rape?
968
01:07:58,440 --> 01:08:01,637
- Can we rape them?
- Yeah!
969
01:08:01,800 --> 01:08:03,791
Rape the rapists.
Seems appropriate.
970
01:08:03,960 --> 01:08:06,394
Punishment fitting the crime and all.
Go ahead.
971
01:08:06,560 --> 01:08:09,313
That's what I'm talkin' about.
972
01:08:09,480 --> 01:08:13,871
- How about them child molesters?
- Yeah!
973
01:08:14,040 --> 01:08:16,315
Yeah, them too. Good point.
Anyone else?
974
01:08:21,440 --> 01:08:22,589
Big Stan!
975
01:08:22,760 --> 01:08:26,912
- What about the counterfeiters?
- What?
976
01:08:27,080 --> 01:08:31,232
Counterfeiters? Big Raymond,
you're the only counterfeiter here.
977
01:08:31,400 --> 01:08:34,119
Yeah!
978
01:08:34,280 --> 01:08:37,317
Wait a minute.
Do you just want somebody to?
979
01:08:37,480 --> 01:08:39,755
Aw!
980
01:08:39,920 --> 01:08:41,990
OK, here's another thing
we gotta clear up.
981
01:08:42,160 --> 01:08:45,152
There's a difference
between homosexual sex and rape.
982
01:08:45,320 --> 01:08:48,756
- Now, Big Raymond.
- Hm?
983
01:08:48,920 --> 01:08:51,639
There's someone here
who wants to have sex with you.
984
01:08:51,800 --> 01:08:54,189
- Not me!
- OK? How about it, anyone?
985
01:08:56,120 --> 01:08:59,078
Yeah. Yeah.
986
01:09:03,320 --> 01:09:05,151
Tyler!
987
01:09:05,320 --> 01:09:09,677
- Great!
- Man!
988
01:09:18,800 --> 01:09:21,792
You two have fun.
But wear protection.
989
01:09:21,960 --> 01:09:23,871
OK.
990
01:09:24,040 --> 01:09:28,556
All right, grow up. Look, if you've got
a problem with that, then that's...
991
01:09:32,320 --> 01:09:33,719
Nurse!
992
01:09:39,760 --> 01:09:43,469
Now, those two are about to have
consensual homosexual sex.
993
01:09:43,640 --> 01:09:46,518
A beautiful, beautiful thing.
The total opposite of rape,
994
01:09:46,680 --> 01:09:49,752
- which is not allowed.
- Except for rapists and molesters?
995
01:09:49,920 --> 01:09:52,036
- We can still rape them.
- No, you can't.
996
01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:55,476
- What?
- I changed my mind.
997
01:09:55,640 --> 01:09:57,153
Bad habit. Quit cold turkey.
998
01:09:57,320 --> 01:10:00,596
If you're not happy with it,
999
01:10:00,760 --> 01:10:04,355
you're welcome to fight me.
1000
01:10:05,240 --> 01:10:07,708
I didn't think so.
All right, you're dismissed.
1001
01:10:07,880 --> 01:10:09,996
Beat it.
1002
01:10:11,360 --> 01:10:13,749
- Good speech.
- You think?
1003
01:10:13,920 --> 01:10:16,718
- I should have opened with a joke.
- No, it was good.
1004
01:10:16,880 --> 01:10:20,031
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Sorry about the mariachi.
1005
01:10:20,200 --> 01:10:21,349
Let it go.
1006
01:10:23,280 --> 01:10:27,512
Hey, Big Stan.
Check out the lovebirds.
1007
01:10:30,000 --> 01:10:32,798
One for you!
1008
01:10:32,960 --> 01:10:35,758
Mm! One for you.
1009
01:10:36,880 --> 01:10:38,029
Good for them.
1010
01:10:39,600 --> 01:10:41,750
I have something important to show you.
1011
01:10:41,920 --> 01:10:43,035
Let me eat, will you?
1012
01:10:43,200 --> 01:10:44,394
Hey, Big Stan.
1013
01:10:46,360 --> 01:10:49,636
- Can we talk?
- Make it quick.
1014
01:10:49,800 --> 01:10:51,916
I wanna thank you
for what you did out there.
1015
01:10:52,080 --> 01:10:55,311
- I didn't do anything...
- Don't say you didn't do it for me.
1016
01:10:55,480 --> 01:10:58,517
Because you did, didn't you?
1017
01:10:59,800 --> 01:11:02,872
- A little.
- Well, thanks.
1018
01:11:03,040 --> 01:11:06,316
- Yeah. Thanks, man.
- Julio!
1019
01:11:06,480 --> 01:11:09,074
Get back here!
What's up with you?
1020
01:11:09,240 --> 01:11:10,309
Shut up!
1021
01:11:13,360 --> 01:11:16,318
Hey, Big Stan.
I like what you said.
1022
01:11:16,480 --> 01:11:17,833
I wanna join your gang.
1023
01:11:19,760 --> 01:11:23,309
- I don't have a gang.
- Yes, you do.
1024
01:11:27,560 --> 01:11:28,709
OK, you're in.
1025
01:11:31,040 --> 01:11:34,510
Me too?
1026
01:11:39,320 --> 01:11:43,632
Yeah, you too.
1027
01:11:46,240 --> 01:11:48,993
- All of you.
- Thanks.
1028
01:11:50,200 --> 01:11:53,397
Yeah! Ow!
1029
01:11:53,560 --> 01:11:55,869
All right, can I eat now?
1030
01:11:58,360 --> 01:12:01,432
- Yes, you did!
- He's gotta eat.
1031
01:12:05,080 --> 01:12:07,640
I told you I had something important
to show you.
1032
01:12:13,720 --> 01:12:14,789
From Mindy.
1033
01:12:23,640 --> 01:12:24,993
She wants to see me.
1034
01:12:32,280 --> 01:12:33,952
Hoo-hoo-hoo!
1035
01:12:47,720 --> 01:12:49,153
Shake hands.
1036
01:12:52,520 --> 01:12:54,511
Try to get along, huh?
1037
01:13:02,440 --> 01:13:03,839
Thanks.
1038
01:13:15,680 --> 01:13:18,672
- Excuse me, man.
- No, that was my bad.
1039
01:13:18,840 --> 01:13:21,354
No, really. It was my fault.
1040
01:13:21,520 --> 01:13:24,557
There's a pickup game of hoops later,
if you wanna play.
1041
01:13:24,720 --> 01:13:25,755
I'd like that.
1042
01:14:05,000 --> 01:14:08,515
- Happy birthday.
- Ah! Thank you!
1043
01:14:08,680 --> 01:14:11,319
- Oh, look, a shiv!
- Yeah!
1044
01:14:11,480 --> 01:14:12,913
- Hey, homes.
- Mm! Mm!
1045
01:14:13,080 --> 01:14:15,469
- Hey.
- Hey!
1046
01:14:45,440 --> 01:14:47,476
Stanley! Honey bear!
1047
01:14:47,640 --> 01:14:49,835
I loved your letter!
1048
01:14:50,000 --> 01:14:52,719
I missed you so much.
1049
01:14:52,880 --> 01:14:56,759
Before we go any further, there's
three little words I need to hear.
1050
01:14:56,920 --> 01:14:59,753
- I was wrong?
- Good boy!
1051
01:15:02,560 --> 01:15:05,438
It looks like
a nursery school picnic out there.
1052
01:15:05,600 --> 01:15:07,079
It's Minton.
1053
01:15:08,240 --> 01:15:12,279
- What do you mean, it's Minton?
- Well, first he banned rape.
1054
01:15:12,440 --> 01:15:14,635
It's to the point
that anybody gets beat up,
1055
01:15:14,800 --> 01:15:17,917
they run and join Minton's gang
and Minton beats up the bad guy.
1056
01:15:18,080 --> 01:15:21,152
The truth, he's got them too scared
to look at each other funny.
1057
01:15:21,320 --> 01:15:24,915
- We ain't had a fight in three days.
- I thought I saw Ingleberg fight
1058
01:15:25,080 --> 01:15:28,072
that big Mexican yesterday, Jesus.
1059
01:15:28,240 --> 01:15:31,869
Oh, no, that was more in the nature
of a lovers' quarrel.
1060
01:15:32,040 --> 01:15:34,349
Ingleberg forgot their
two-week anniversary.
1061
01:15:34,520 --> 01:15:37,114
That wasn't very nice of him, was it?
1062
01:15:37,280 --> 01:15:41,193
Well, they made up. You should
have seen the cake Ingleberg made.
1063
01:15:41,360 --> 01:15:43,749
- It was special...
- You get out of here right now
1064
01:15:43,920 --> 01:15:47,390
and get Minton up here!
You understand me? I mean right now!
1065
01:15:47,560 --> 01:15:50,597
Now hurry!
1066
01:15:52,160 --> 01:15:55,869
I'm not just saying this, but I think
that was the most amazing sex
1067
01:15:56,040 --> 01:15:58,679
we've ever had.
1068
01:15:58,840 --> 01:16:01,479
I guess being away from me
this long made you crazy.
1069
01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:05,599
Well, yes, I guess.
The Master's opened my eyes, sexually.
1070
01:16:05,760 --> 01:16:08,991
He showed me all these different
positions in the Kama Sutra.
1071
01:16:09,160 --> 01:16:12,470
- The Master? You been seeing him?
- Yeah, he's staying at the house.
1072
01:16:12,640 --> 01:16:15,632
I've learned about massage
and strengthening my Kegels.
1073
01:16:15,800 --> 01:16:18,837
That sleazy son of a bitch!
1074
01:16:19,000 --> 01:16:21,230
- Minton, time's up.
- But Stan, I...
1075
01:16:21,400 --> 01:16:25,109
- Warden wants to see you now!
- Wait. I don't want you to see him.
1076
01:16:25,280 --> 01:16:29,512
You tell Master Dickface I'm gonna get
out of here soon and kick his ass!
1077
01:16:29,680 --> 01:16:31,955
Don't tell him.
You're not allowed to see him.
1078
01:16:32,120 --> 01:16:34,156
I said now, convict!
1079
01:16:34,320 --> 01:16:35,958
- Minton!
- Not allowed to see him!
1080
01:16:36,120 --> 01:16:38,236
- I love you, sweetie-cakes!
- Let's go.
1081
01:16:38,400 --> 01:16:39,958
Cocksucker!
1082
01:16:49,080 --> 01:16:51,674
I'll bet you didn't know
I was part psychic.
1083
01:16:53,640 --> 01:16:57,918
That's right.
I'm able to see into the future.
1084
01:16:59,480 --> 01:17:02,438
- I didn't realise.
- Let me tell you what's going to happen
1085
01:17:02,600 --> 01:17:04,750
one week from today.
1086
01:17:07,560 --> 01:17:10,757
The board of governors
is gonna come to inspect the prison.
1087
01:17:10,920 --> 01:17:14,879
And something awful happens.
1088
01:17:15,040 --> 01:17:19,272
Some prisoners find a way
to smuggle weapons into the yard.
1089
01:17:19,440 --> 01:17:21,954
And a full-scale riot breaks out.
1090
01:17:22,120 --> 01:17:26,113
And as the prison board watches
in absolute horror,
1091
01:17:26,280 --> 01:17:30,239
my men are forced to shoot
into the yard in order
1092
01:17:30,400 --> 01:17:33,278
to end the melee.
1093
01:17:33,440 --> 01:17:38,309
In the ensuing scandal,
the Board chooses to sell the property
1094
01:17:38,480 --> 01:17:41,756
to a Vietnamese family
1095
01:17:41,920 --> 01:17:44,559
based in San Pedro.
1096
01:17:44,720 --> 01:17:47,871
And everybody lives happily ever after.
1097
01:17:48,920 --> 01:17:50,512
Especially me.
1098
01:17:50,680 --> 01:17:54,798
Now, if the events that I foretold
1099
01:17:54,960 --> 01:17:57,315
do not come to fruition...
1100
01:17:59,000 --> 01:18:02,151
...I will be very disappointed.
1101
01:18:09,320 --> 01:18:11,311
And when I get disappointed,
1102
01:18:11,480 --> 01:18:13,596
Mr Deng over there
1103
01:18:13,760 --> 01:18:18,311
likes to stomp on men's spines
like they was bubble wrap.
1104
01:18:31,680 --> 01:18:36,071
I spent 35 years of my life
1105
01:18:36,240 --> 01:18:39,630
in this stinking cesspool.
1106
01:18:39,800 --> 01:18:44,191
And I will not walk away
without something to show for it.
1107
01:18:45,440 --> 01:18:48,352
Your little prison reform
ends right now.
1108
01:18:49,280 --> 01:18:53,398
You play ball,
you might get yourself a parole hearing.
1109
01:18:53,560 --> 01:18:56,154
How many will get killed?
1110
01:18:56,320 --> 01:19:01,110
Who cares? They're all animals.
1111
01:19:03,160 --> 01:19:04,513
Bullard!
1112
01:19:06,760 --> 01:19:11,072
- Escort Mr Minton back to his cell.
- Yes, sir. Come on, Minton.
1113
01:19:16,480 --> 01:19:19,597
Stan, you ever have two Asian men
pounding your balls
1114
01:19:19,760 --> 01:19:22,513
after sex with a questionably
attractive older woman?
1115
01:19:22,680 --> 01:19:24,910
No, I can't say I have, Lew.
1116
01:19:25,080 --> 01:19:28,789
Madam Foreman won't return
any of my calls.
1117
01:19:28,960 --> 01:19:31,952
You better go for that deal
the warden offered you.
1118
01:19:32,120 --> 01:19:36,716
- So there's nothing else I can do?
- I'm sorry, pal. It's over.
1119
01:19:36,880 --> 01:19:39,075
You're in real danger.
1120
01:19:39,240 --> 01:19:41,879
Get yourself out of there
as soon as you can.
1121
01:20:08,640 --> 01:20:10,278
Bullard.
1122
01:20:11,600 --> 01:20:13,352
Tell the warden I'll take his deal.
1123
01:20:14,840 --> 01:20:16,353
I want out of here.
1124
01:20:23,840 --> 01:20:27,355
Hey, Stan. The Nazis were saying
the Virgin Mary tortilla's a fake.
1125
01:20:27,520 --> 01:20:30,398
- That's not cool, homes.
- Hey, the Nazis were saying
1126
01:20:30,560 --> 01:20:32,152
the Virgin Mary has no power.
1127
01:20:32,320 --> 01:20:35,312
Constantine was pacifying
the Byzantine priest by giving him
1128
01:20:35,480 --> 01:20:39,029
a goddess to pray to. They've been
watching the History Channel.
1129
01:20:39,200 --> 01:20:42,351
- What?
- What are you gonna do about it?
1130
01:20:42,520 --> 01:20:45,159
I'm not gonna do anything about it.
1131
01:20:47,480 --> 01:20:48,754
What's up with him, man?
1132
01:20:48,920 --> 01:20:51,798
Hey, Stan. Stan!
1133
01:20:52,360 --> 01:20:55,750
The Brazilians won't
stop calling Farib an Arab.
1134
01:20:55,920 --> 01:20:58,673
I'm not an Arab! I'm Persian.
1135
01:20:58,840 --> 01:21:01,912
What do I care?
You look like an Arab.
1136
01:21:02,920 --> 01:21:05,559
Hey, listen up! All of you!
1137
01:21:07,080 --> 01:21:09,992
You're all on your own!
You hear me?
1138
01:21:10,160 --> 01:21:12,549
I don't care what any of you
do to each other!
1139
01:21:12,720 --> 01:21:15,188
Hey, you guys!
1140
01:21:16,600 --> 01:21:18,158
An interracial book club.
1141
01:21:20,080 --> 01:21:23,152
You guys all hate each other.
So stop pretending you don't.
1142
01:21:23,320 --> 01:21:26,835
- You don't know about Macbeth.
- Fuck you, motherfucker!
1143
01:21:48,520 --> 01:21:51,751
Yeah, that's more like it. Yes, sir.
1144
01:22:08,600 --> 01:22:09,953
Big Stan?
1145
01:22:12,360 --> 01:22:13,839
We need to talk.
1146
01:22:30,120 --> 01:22:31,758
I thought you cared about us.
1147
01:22:34,000 --> 01:22:35,319
Well, I don't.
1148
01:22:42,520 --> 01:22:44,954
Hey, little cracker.
1149
01:22:46,440 --> 01:22:50,069
Why don't you sit over here,
my little white brother.
1150
01:23:03,720 --> 01:23:05,438
Here, have mine.
1151
01:23:06,400 --> 01:23:08,516
I'm gonna need to shave your head.
1152
01:23:08,680 --> 01:23:12,195
Put a couple little tattoos
on your forehead, huh?
1153
01:23:13,160 --> 01:23:14,513
Come on, eat up.
1154
01:23:18,240 --> 01:23:20,435
I was wrong about you.
1155
01:23:20,600 --> 01:23:22,431
We all were.
1156
01:23:24,040 --> 01:23:27,316
Stay out of the yard tomorrow.
You hear me?
1157
01:23:33,760 --> 01:23:37,435
D-block houses some
of our most hardened offenders.
1158
01:23:37,600 --> 01:23:42,037
But here, we have Oaksburg's
greatest rehabilitation story.
1159
01:23:42,200 --> 01:23:46,671
Stan Minton. Stan, I'd like for you
to meet the board of governors.
1160
01:23:48,000 --> 01:23:50,514
Not going in the yard today, Stan?
1161
01:23:50,680 --> 01:23:53,831
- I don't feel well, warden.
- Maybe this will make you feel better.
1162
01:23:54,000 --> 01:23:57,754
Due to Stan's exemplary behaviour,
the parole board has agreed
1163
01:23:57,920 --> 01:24:00,229
to meet with him today.
1164
01:24:00,960 --> 01:24:03,428
Well, we better be moving along.
1165
01:24:08,680 --> 01:24:11,638
The shit goes down at 12.30.
1166
01:24:11,800 --> 01:24:15,998
At 12.35,
I'm in the real estate business.
1167
01:24:47,640 --> 01:24:49,710
Stan! Honey!
1168
01:24:53,040 --> 01:24:54,917
- I'll deal with you in a minute.
- Everything OK?
1169
01:24:55,080 --> 01:24:56,513
Both of you.
1170
01:25:00,720 --> 01:25:03,553
Next up is prisoner 5824.
1171
01:25:04,240 --> 01:25:06,879
In the matter of Stanley Minton.
You have your files.
1172
01:25:10,400 --> 01:25:14,188
In his time here, Minton
has accrued an exemplary record.
1173
01:25:14,360 --> 01:25:17,716
And let it be noted,
he's a first-time non-violent offender.
1174
01:25:23,480 --> 01:25:25,789
Hold up!
1175
01:25:25,960 --> 01:25:29,077
Before we vote, Mr Minton, is there
anything you'd like to add?
1176
01:25:29,240 --> 01:25:32,357
I'd just like to say, um...
1177
01:25:32,520 --> 01:25:34,556
...l've really learned a lot.
1178
01:25:34,720 --> 01:25:37,075
And I'm ready to get back to work.
1179
01:25:38,680 --> 01:25:40,750
Good, we like to hear that.
1180
01:25:42,040 --> 01:25:45,157
Here's the yard where the prisoners
come to exercise.
1181
01:25:45,320 --> 01:25:48,756
That's where Charlie the Fly
tried to fly over the wall.
1182
01:25:48,920 --> 01:25:52,071
Well, in light of Warden Gasque's
recommendation,
1183
01:25:52,240 --> 01:25:55,596
I think we have a pretty
clear-cut case for parole.
1184
01:25:58,080 --> 01:26:00,275
Mr Minton?
1185
01:26:02,680 --> 01:26:05,797
How would you feel
about getting out of here today?
1186
01:26:09,920 --> 01:26:11,512
Mr Minton?
1187
01:26:15,520 --> 01:26:17,192
Did I mention I'm in real estate?
1188
01:26:18,360 --> 01:26:21,796
I got my eye on some property
real close by here
1189
01:26:21,960 --> 01:26:25,999
- I can't wait to develop.
- Hm. That's commendable.
1190
01:26:26,160 --> 01:26:29,630
You know, while I was in here,
also, I joined a biker gang.
1191
01:26:29,800 --> 01:26:32,519
Satan's Paedophiles.
1192
01:26:32,680 --> 01:26:34,671
Anyway, they said when I get out,
1193
01:26:34,840 --> 01:26:37,673
they'd love to camp next
to the grammar school near here.
1194
01:26:37,840 --> 01:26:39,193
I hope that's not a problem.
1195
01:26:39,360 --> 01:26:43,672
They're pretty cool guys, except
when they drink and do crystal meth.
1196
01:26:43,840 --> 01:26:45,353
Which is almost every weekend.
1197
01:26:45,520 --> 01:26:50,116
But most of the people I sell to,
they don't need to know about that.
1198
01:26:50,280 --> 01:26:54,239
'Cause, uh, they're old ladies, mostly.
Not too good with fine print,
1199
01:26:54,400 --> 01:26:55,469
if you get my drift.
1200
01:26:57,080 --> 01:27:00,675
Tell me, is your grandma still alive?
I bet I could make her a sweet deal.
1201
01:27:00,840 --> 01:27:02,831
By the time I'm through with her,
1202
01:27:03,000 --> 01:27:07,596
she'll give handjobs behind the pharmacy
to pay for arthritis medication.
1203
01:27:09,320 --> 01:27:12,232
Two at a time, you know?
Stuff you see in pornos.
1204
01:27:14,280 --> 01:27:18,159
Anyway, that's a nice top you have on.
Seriously.
1205
01:27:18,320 --> 01:27:20,914
Mind lowering it?
I'd love to see some boobage.
1206
01:27:22,080 --> 01:27:24,958
Let me see that, woman. That's sexy.
Let me see that.
1207
01:27:25,120 --> 01:27:28,271
Let me touch one of them.
Let me touch one of them. Can I? Please?
1208
01:27:28,440 --> 01:27:30,954
Parole denied!
Take him back to his cell!
1209
01:27:31,120 --> 01:27:34,795
What colour are your nipples?
I bet they're pink! Light brown?
1210
01:27:34,960 --> 01:27:36,393
Dollar size or quarter?
1211
01:27:38,960 --> 01:27:41,235
Stan, did we win?
1212
01:27:41,400 --> 01:27:43,152
Let go of me. I'm in a hurry.
1213
01:27:43,320 --> 01:27:44,639
Have no fear, Stanley.
1214
01:27:44,800 --> 01:27:48,349
I will continue to take care
of your wife while you're gone.
1215
01:27:48,520 --> 01:27:51,034
- Thanks a lot, pal.
- No thanks needed.
1216
01:27:51,200 --> 01:27:53,873
I cherish Mindy's company.
1217
01:27:54,040 --> 01:27:57,794
Since my addiction to cigarettes
made me impotent,
1218
01:27:57,960 --> 01:28:00,872
I've had very little contact
with the fair sex.
1219
01:28:01,800 --> 01:28:03,153
Impotent?
1220
01:28:03,320 --> 01:28:05,470
I used to think smoking was cool,
1221
01:28:05,640 --> 01:28:11,158
but a limp dick spells nerd
in any language.
1222
01:28:11,320 --> 01:28:14,232
- You're impotent. That's great!
- Not really.
1223
01:28:15,080 --> 01:28:17,548
Baby, I love you.
I'll write to you as soon as I can.
1224
01:28:17,720 --> 01:28:19,438
OK.
1225
01:28:22,520 --> 01:28:24,556
That's my boy.
1226
01:28:25,200 --> 01:28:26,599
Love you, baby!
1227
01:28:27,920 --> 01:28:30,514
- He's running!
- Code red!
1228
01:28:30,680 --> 01:28:32,955
Watch the prisoners file in.
1229
01:29:06,680 --> 01:29:08,477
The Master has taught you well.
1230
01:29:08,640 --> 01:29:12,030
Don't tell me.
You studied with The Master too?
1231
01:29:12,200 --> 01:29:16,716
- I am his number one.
- I didn't see that coming.
1232
01:29:16,880 --> 01:29:19,713
There are many things
you will not see coming.
1233
01:29:19,880 --> 01:29:22,348
Oh, really? Like what?
1234
01:29:31,480 --> 01:29:32,515
Hmm.
1235
01:29:36,480 --> 01:29:41,156
- Whoa. Take it easy.
- I have been taking it easy.
1236
01:29:49,200 --> 01:29:51,668
I wanna break me off
some chocolate.
1237
01:29:51,840 --> 01:29:53,637
Come on, hold the line.
1238
01:29:55,480 --> 01:29:58,199
- Top you up here?
- Thank you very much.
1239
01:29:59,000 --> 01:30:01,070
How are you doing?
1240
01:30:01,240 --> 01:30:02,229
Yeah, good.
1241
01:30:16,960 --> 01:30:21,397
I don't think The Master
prepares you for this.
1242
01:30:26,280 --> 01:30:28,669
Here comes the eagle.
1243
01:30:59,040 --> 01:31:00,712
Are those weapons?
1244
01:31:08,320 --> 01:31:10,038
Hoo, hoo, hoo!
1245
01:31:11,160 --> 01:31:12,798
Ah!
1246
01:31:16,600 --> 01:31:19,353
Somebody didn't strengthen
their titties.
1247
01:31:21,920 --> 01:31:23,273
Whoo!
1248
01:31:29,640 --> 01:31:31,153
It looks like a riot.
1249
01:31:53,400 --> 01:31:55,152
Whoo!
1250
01:31:58,480 --> 01:32:00,835
- I celebrated too early!
- Ah!
1251
01:32:12,840 --> 01:32:15,559
Warden, can't you do anything
to stop this?
1252
01:32:15,720 --> 01:32:19,713
Bullard, prepare to fire.
1253
01:32:49,680 --> 01:32:51,079
Whoo!
1254
01:32:51,240 --> 01:32:53,834
Whoo! Whoo!
1255
01:32:57,120 --> 01:32:58,348
Whoo!
1256
01:32:59,200 --> 01:33:00,713
Finger of death.
1257
01:33:07,640 --> 01:33:08,993
That's you.
1258
01:33:14,800 --> 01:33:17,917
I don't know if The Master
prepared you for this.
1259
01:33:24,000 --> 01:33:25,672
Hoo!
1260
01:33:31,040 --> 01:33:34,476
- Ready to dance, motherfuckers?
- Handle your shit, bitch!
1261
01:33:34,640 --> 01:33:35,789
Fire at will.
1262
01:33:37,600 --> 01:33:38,715
Don't fight!
1263
01:34:29,080 --> 01:34:30,399
Why aren't you firing?
1264
01:34:38,200 --> 01:34:41,192
- Fire that weapon.
- I can't do it, boss.
1265
01:34:43,640 --> 01:34:45,710
Well, why the hell not?
1266
01:34:45,880 --> 01:34:48,269
They're just dancing.
1267
01:34:57,280 --> 01:34:59,191
Give me that rifle.
1268
01:35:04,600 --> 01:35:06,158
What the hell are you doing?
1269
01:35:07,240 --> 01:35:08,673
Restoring order.
1270
01:35:09,800 --> 01:35:12,234
They've clearly lost their minds.
1271
01:35:12,400 --> 01:35:14,152
Warden, it's over.
1272
01:35:16,440 --> 01:35:17,998
Look at all these witnesses.
1273
01:35:18,160 --> 01:35:20,435
It's over, warden.
1274
01:35:24,560 --> 01:35:26,312
You did this to me.
1275
01:35:43,240 --> 01:35:46,118
- Where did that come from?
- What do you think I've been doing
1276
01:35:46,280 --> 01:35:48,430
with The Master for the last six months?
1277
01:35:48,600 --> 01:35:50,477
Thank God.
1278
01:35:50,640 --> 01:35:52,312
You did good with Dang.
1279
01:35:52,480 --> 01:35:55,153
But you're still
my number two student.
1280
01:35:55,320 --> 01:35:58,790
- Number two?
- She'll kick your ass.
1281
01:36:01,200 --> 01:36:03,156
I might like that.
1282
01:36:04,720 --> 01:36:06,950
Ready position!
1283
01:36:07,120 --> 01:36:09,031
Focus!
1284
01:36:09,200 --> 01:36:10,872
Lock! Punch!
1285
01:36:11,040 --> 01:36:13,315
- Kick! Double punch!
- Yah!
1286
01:36:13,480 --> 01:36:16,119
Ready position!
1287
01:36:16,280 --> 01:36:18,157
Lock! Punch!
1288
01:36:18,320 --> 01:36:20,993
- Kick! Double punch!
- Yah!
1289
01:36:21,160 --> 01:36:23,720
- It's time, Minton.
- Just a minute, warden.
1290
01:36:23,880 --> 01:36:26,519
Looks great, guys.
Thanks, Robbie.
1291
01:36:26,680 --> 01:36:29,717
OK, everybody, I gotta go now.
1292
01:36:29,880 --> 01:36:33,634
I'll miss you too.
1293
01:36:33,800 --> 01:36:37,190
I want you guys to be especially nice
to our newest inmate
1294
01:36:37,360 --> 01:36:40,750
and best disbarred lawyer
in the world, Lew Popper.
1295
01:36:40,920 --> 01:36:43,639
- Welcome aboard!
- Lew!
1296
01:36:43,800 --> 01:36:47,952
- Is the ban on rape still in effect?
- I'm pretty sure.
1297
01:36:48,120 --> 01:36:50,315
Hey!
1298
01:36:50,480 --> 01:36:54,837
Permission to give Big Stan
a group hug.
1299
01:36:55,000 --> 01:36:56,911
- Permission granted.
- Come on, gang!
1300
01:37:04,680 --> 01:37:08,355
Hey, little homey,
thanks for giving me my teeth back.
1301
01:37:08,520 --> 01:37:11,796
My pleasure.
1302
01:37:16,400 --> 01:37:18,994
- Where you going, cracker?
- I'm going home, man.
1303
01:37:19,160 --> 01:37:22,869
- I think Big Stan is staying here.
- Oh, yeah?
1304
01:37:25,880 --> 01:37:26,949
Oh, shit!
1305
01:37:29,840 --> 01:37:32,434
I'm Big Stan.
No more rape.
1306
01:37:32,600 --> 01:37:34,352
Aw, very creepy.
1307
01:37:35,600 --> 01:37:36,635
My cracker.
1308
01:37:37,960 --> 01:37:39,188
Be good, huh?
1309
01:37:40,680 --> 01:37:42,750
Bye, Stan!
1310
01:37:43,520 --> 01:37:45,476
Hey. Hey.
1311
01:37:48,480 --> 01:37:49,469
Whoo!
1312
01:37:49,640 --> 01:37:53,030
- Big man.
- Bye, Big Stan.
1313
01:37:53,200 --> 01:37:54,713
Say bye.
1314
01:38:00,640 --> 01:38:01,675
Stan!
1315
01:38:04,120 --> 01:38:06,395
Sweetie.
1316
01:38:06,560 --> 01:38:08,437
Hey, handsome.
1317
01:38:08,600 --> 01:38:10,716
- Where's Mindy Junior?
- In the car.
1318
01:38:10,880 --> 01:38:13,838
- She's being kind of a brat.
- Isn't the nanny helping?
1319
01:38:14,000 --> 01:38:16,594
Yeah. I think he
still sneaks cigarettes.
1320
01:38:16,760 --> 01:38:19,354
Yeah? I'll talk to him.
1321
01:38:24,680 --> 01:38:27,319
Hi, precious. Hi, The Master.
1322
01:38:27,480 --> 01:38:29,994
- Say hello to your father, child.
- Hi.
1323
01:38:30,160 --> 01:38:33,391
- Rumour is you're sneaking smokes.
- Shh.
1324
01:38:34,200 --> 01:38:37,590
- How's her technique?
- She stinks.
1325
01:38:37,760 --> 01:38:39,432
But so did you at first.
1326
01:38:39,600 --> 01:38:42,353
You sure? I don't remember that.
1327
01:38:42,520 --> 01:38:44,317
- Stan!
- OK, baby.
1328
01:38:44,480 --> 01:38:46,277
Let's go,
sweetie!
1329
01:38:51,600 --> 01:38:54,007
Whoo-hoo!