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00:00:47,015 --> 00:00:50,175
Narrator: There was a time,
a time before cable,

2
00:00:52,104 --> 00:00:55,064
when the local anchorman
reigned supreme,

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00:00:58,194 --> 00:01:01,954
when people believed
everything they heard on TV.

4
00:01:02,156 --> 00:01:06,076
This was an age when only men
were allowed to read the news.

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00:01:08,079 --> 00:01:12,519
And in San Diego, one anchorman
was more man than the rest.

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00:01:12,751 --> 00:01:14,791
His name was Ron Burgundy.

7
00:01:17,172 --> 00:01:19,892
He was like a god
walking amongst mere mortals.

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00:01:20,050 --> 00:01:24,250
He had a voice that could
make a wolverine purr,

9
00:01:25,556 --> 00:01:27,276
and suits so fine

10
00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:29,751
they made Sinatra
look like a hobo.

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00:01:29,894 --> 00:01:34,694
In other words,
Ron Burgundy was the balls.

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00:01:36,192 --> 00:01:39,232
Mmm. I look good.

13
00:01:40,447 --> 00:01:43,207
I mean, really good.

14
00:01:43,367 --> 00:01:47,887
Hey, everyone!
Come and see how good I look!

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00:01:50,166 --> 00:01:54,006
( vocalizing )

16
00:01:56,297 --> 00:01:59,577
Mm, ehh, mm.

17
00:01:59,759 --> 00:02:03,199
Ribs. I had ribs for lunch.
That's why I'm doing this.

18
00:02:03,388 --> 00:02:06,828
How now brown cow.
How now brown cow.

19
00:02:07,017 --> 00:02:08,457
How now brown cow.

20
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,960
How are you?
You look awfully nice tonight. Hmm?

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00:02:13,190 --> 00:02:15,230
Maybe don't wear
a bra next time.

22
00:02:16,819 --> 00:02:19,739
No, I was talking to you.
No, not her.

23
00:02:19,905 --> 00:02:22,185
I don't know her name.
What is it?

24
00:02:23,326 --> 00:02:24,726
Lanolin?

25
00:02:26,621 --> 00:02:28,541
La-lanolin?
Like sheep's wool?

26
00:02:29,666 --> 00:02:31,706
Unique New York.

27
00:02:31,835 --> 00:02:33,555
Unique New York.

28
00:02:33,670 --> 00:02:35,590
Mm, I love Scotch.

29
00:02:35,672 --> 00:02:38,032
I love Scotch.
Scotchy, Scotch, Scotch.

30
00:02:38,175 --> 00:02:39,575
Here it goes down.

31
00:02:39,677 --> 00:02:42,037
Down into my belly.
Mm-mm-mm.

32
00:02:42,179 --> 00:02:44,339
The arsonist
has oddly shaped feet.

33
00:02:44,473 --> 00:02:48,273
How much time?
30? 30 seconds?

34
00:02:48,478 --> 00:02:51,558
- Man: You are on.
- I'm on right now?

35
00:02:51,731 --> 00:02:53,451
I don't believe you.

36
00:02:53,566 --> 00:02:56,406
- # Doo doo doo. #
- Ron!

37
00:02:56,528 --> 00:02:58,568
Oh, come on. Audrey.

38
00:02:58,697 --> 00:03:01,337
I look like hell.
I got bags under my eyes.

39
00:03:01,491 --> 00:03:03,491
What's that?
If you were a man,

40
00:03:03,619 --> 00:03:05,419
I'd punch you right
in the mouth.

41
00:03:05,537 --> 00:03:07,377
That's bush.
Bush league.

42
00:03:07,498 --> 00:03:10,698
The human torch was denied
a bank loan.

43
00:03:10,876 --> 00:03:14,436
You hear me?
Audrey, look at me!

44
00:03:14,630 --> 00:03:15,950
I'm sorry.

45
00:03:16,049 --> 00:03:17,729
All right?
I'm sorry.

46
00:03:17,842 --> 00:03:21,042
Ha ha!
Ha ha ha ho!

47
00:03:21,221 --> 00:03:22,741
Ha ha ho.

48
00:03:22,847 --> 00:03:24,247
Ha oh!

49
00:03:24,349 --> 00:03:26,269
( Ron yelling )

50
00:03:26,393 --> 00:03:28,593
All right, we're on.

51
00:03:28,729 --> 00:03:30,569
Ready, Phil.

52
00:03:30,689 --> 00:03:32,449
We're on in five, four...

53
00:03:33,567 --> 00:03:35,607
Narrator:
When the clock struck 6:00,

54
00:03:35,736 --> 00:03:37,576
it meant one thing
for Ron Burgundy

55
00:03:37,697 --> 00:03:40,057
and his news team:
Go time.

56
00:03:40,199 --> 00:03:40,319
Announcer:
Channel 4 News,

57
00:03:40,324 --> 00:03:42,284
Announcer:
Channel 4 News,

58
00:03:42,410 --> 00:03:45,130
with five-time
Emmy award-winning anchor

59
00:03:45,246 --> 00:03:46,926
Ron Burgundy.

60
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,680
Champ Kind, sports.

61
00:03:48,792 --> 00:03:49,952
Ooh! Hoo-hoo!

62
00:03:51,670 --> 00:03:53,550
Brick Tamland, weather.

63
00:03:55,966 --> 00:03:58,686
And your reporter in the field,
Brian Fantana.

64
00:04:02,515 --> 00:04:04,995
It's Channel 4 News
at 6:00.

65
00:04:08,604 --> 00:04:10,484
Good evening.
I'm Ron Burgundy,

66
00:04:10,607 --> 00:04:12,887
and this is what's happening
in your world tonight.

67
00:04:13,026 --> 00:04:16,306
A La Jolla man clings to life
at a university hospital

68
00:04:16,488 --> 00:04:19,688
after being viciously attacked
by a pack of wild dogs

69
00:04:19,866 --> 00:04:21,506
in an abandoned pool.

70
00:04:21,618 --> 00:04:26,058
Hey, everybody! Shut the hell up!
Ron Burgundy's on!

71
00:04:26,290 --> 00:04:29,050
Authorities are still
uncertain as to why the man

72
00:04:29,210 --> 00:04:31,650
- was loitering...
- Ron Burgundy.

73
00:04:31,796 --> 00:04:33,756
Oh, my gosh!
She said her first words!

74
00:04:33,881 --> 00:04:36,721
Right now it's 82'
in our fair city,

75
00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:40,645
and compare that to 48'
in the upper Northwest

76
00:04:40,805 --> 00:04:43,685
and 38'
in the Middle East.

77
00:04:43,809 --> 00:04:46,129
Off the coast
of Tampa Bay yesterday,

78
00:04:46,270 --> 00:04:48,550
one lucky cameraman
happened to catch

79
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,169
an unusual
aquatic daredevil.

80
00:04:51,317 --> 00:04:54,797
What you're about to see
is a Channel 4 News exclusive.

81
00:04:54,987 --> 00:04:57,667
His name is
Nutty the Squirrel,

82
00:04:57,824 --> 00:04:59,784
and he's three years old.

83
00:04:59,909 --> 00:05:03,149
How 'bout that?
( laughing )

84
00:05:03,329 --> 00:05:06,969
That squirrel
can water-ski.

85
00:05:08,668 --> 00:05:11,588
- Man, that's hilarious.
- Yeah, that's good.

86
00:05:11,755 --> 00:05:14,275
For all of us here
at News Center 4,

87
00:05:14,425 --> 00:05:15,825
I'm Ron Burgundy.

88
00:05:15,926 --> 00:05:17,726
You stay classy,
San Diego.

89
00:05:17,845 --> 00:05:22,125
All:
You stay classy, San Diego.

90
00:05:22,350 --> 00:05:25,270
Listen up.
The ratings just came in for last month.

91
00:05:25,436 --> 00:05:28,476
We are number one.
We just grabbed every key demographic.

92
00:05:28,648 --> 00:05:30,688
- Super-duper, gang!
- Yeah! Yeah!

93
00:05:30,817 --> 00:05:32,737
Super-duper!
That's nice!

94
00:05:32,861 --> 00:05:34,421
Way to go!
Neat-o, gang.

95
00:05:34,529 --> 00:05:36,129
- Brian: Yes!
- Ron: Boy, Ed.

96
00:05:36,239 --> 00:05:38,359
That is good news.
I gotta be honest.

97
00:05:38,492 --> 00:05:41,092
- Congrats, congrats.
- That is good news!

98
00:05:41,245 --> 00:05:42,805
- Brian: All right!
- Stick around.

99
00:05:42,913 --> 00:05:45,033
Make sure these guys
don't party too much.

100
00:05:45,166 --> 00:05:47,766
- They don't really ever listen to me.
- Just get it done.

101
00:05:47,918 --> 00:05:47,998
Ladies and gentlemen,
can I please have your attention?

102
00:05:48,002 --> 00:05:51,722
Ladies and gentlemen,
can I please have your attention?

103
00:05:51,881 --> 00:05:54,121
I've just been handed
an urgent

104
00:05:54,259 --> 00:05:57,099
and horrifying news story.

105
00:05:57,262 --> 00:06:00,102
I need all of you
to stop what you're doing

106
00:06:00,265 --> 00:06:01,625
and listen.

107
00:06:01,725 --> 00:06:03,845
Cannonball!

108
00:06:05,229 --> 00:06:07,629
( cheering )

109
00:06:07,731 --> 00:06:10,691
Narrator:
Yes, these fellas were a real news team.

110
00:06:10,860 --> 00:06:14,380
Burgundy, of course,
was the foundation, the rock.

111
00:06:14,572 --> 00:06:18,532
But each member brought their own
special something to the equation.

112
00:06:18,743 --> 00:06:20,823
People call me
the Bri-man.

113
00:06:20,954 --> 00:06:23,234
I'm the stylish one
of the group.

114
00:06:23,373 --> 00:06:25,293
I know what
you're asking yourself,

115
00:06:25,417 --> 00:06:28,537
and the answer is yes,
I have a nickname for my penis.

116
00:06:28,712 --> 00:06:30,592
It's called the Octagon.

117
00:06:30,714 --> 00:06:32,594
But I also nicknamed
my testes.

118
00:06:32,716 --> 00:06:34,596
My left one
is James Westfall,

119
00:06:34,718 --> 00:06:37,238
and my right one is
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.

120
00:06:37,388 --> 00:06:40,908
You ladies play your cards right,
you might get to meet the whole gang.

121
00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:43,260
Bang, boom, they were
showing lasers

122
00:06:43,394 --> 00:06:45,674
every Friday night.

123
00:06:45,813 --> 00:06:49,093
Champ here.
I'm all about havin' fun.

124
00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:51,995
You know, get a couple
of cocktails in me,

125
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:54,112
start a fire
in someone's kitchen.

126
00:06:54,239 --> 00:06:56,639
Maybe go to SeaWorld,
take my pants off.

127
00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:58,703
Anyway, I've become
kind of famous

128
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:01,666
for my signature catchphrase,
"Whammy!"

129
00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:04,950
As in, "Gene Tenace
at the plate...

130
00:07:05,126 --> 00:07:07,926
and whammy!"

131
00:07:08,087 --> 00:07:09,367
Whammy!

132
00:07:14,803 --> 00:07:16,523
( sniffs )

133
00:07:16,638 --> 00:07:17,958
I'm Brick Tamland.

134
00:07:18,056 --> 00:07:20,496
People seem to like me
because I am polite

135
00:07:20,642 --> 00:07:22,402
and I'm rarely late.

136
00:07:22,519 --> 00:07:24,399
I like to eat ice cream,

137
00:07:24,521 --> 00:07:27,601
and I really enjoy
a nice pair of slacks.

138
00:07:27,775 --> 00:07:29,935
Years later,
a doctor will tell me

139
00:07:30,069 --> 00:07:32,709
that I have an lQ of 48

140
00:07:32,863 --> 00:07:34,863
and am what some people call

141
00:07:34,991 --> 00:07:36,871
"mentally retarded."

142
00:07:36,993 --> 00:07:38,513
Ron: Hello!

143
00:07:38,620 --> 00:07:41,180
- Whoo! Marco!
- Polo!

144
00:07:42,791 --> 00:07:44,511
- Brian.
- You having a good time?

145
00:07:44,626 --> 00:07:46,906
- I'm having a great time.
- That makes two of us.

146
00:07:47,045 --> 00:07:48,685
You've gotta meet this girl.

147
00:07:48,797 --> 00:07:51,837
She used to be a Charger cheerleader,
but she broke her pelvis.

148
00:07:52,009 --> 00:07:54,209
Sherri,
meet Ron Burgundy.

149
00:07:54,345 --> 00:07:56,385
- Hey, Ron.
- Hello.

150
00:07:56,514 --> 00:07:58,714
- I've got a big story for you.
- Mm-hmm.

151
00:07:58,849 --> 00:08:00,569
And it's right here.

152
00:08:00,685 --> 00:08:02,405
Well, hello.

153
00:08:04,022 --> 00:08:06,422
You pointed to your boobies.

154
00:08:06,524 --> 00:08:08,564
Oh, my God, you did!

155
00:08:10,487 --> 00:08:12,727
- Ron Burgundy?
- Yes?

156
00:08:12,864 --> 00:08:16,184
I have had a crush on you
since I was a little girl.

157
00:08:16,368 --> 00:08:17,888
Let's go somewhere.

158
00:08:17,995 --> 00:08:21,035
I'm telling you, it don't
get no better than this.

159
00:08:21,207 --> 00:08:23,767
We've been coming
to the same party for 12 years,

160
00:08:23,918 --> 00:08:25,918
and in no way
is that depressing.

161
00:08:29,382 --> 00:08:30,622
Ahh.

162
00:08:30,717 --> 00:08:32,797
# Gonna make
our own lightning #

163
00:08:32,927 --> 00:08:36,247
# Yeah, she got the way
to move me, Cherry #

164
00:08:36,431 --> 00:08:38,351
# She got the way
to groove me #

165
00:08:38,475 --> 00:08:39,635
# Cherry, baby #

166
00:08:39,726 --> 00:08:42,246
# She got the way
to move me #

167
00:08:42,396 --> 00:08:44,476
# She got the way
to groove me... #

168
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:50,102
By the beard of Zeus!

169
00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:56,137
Excuse me.

170
00:08:57,954 --> 00:09:01,554
Ron, where you going?
What, are you crazy? Ron!

171
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:05,470
If you're coming down the baseline,
you gotta take home plate from me!

172
00:09:05,671 --> 00:09:09,031
So there I go,
head first, boom!

173
00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:14,355
I've lost her.

174
00:09:24,441 --> 00:09:25,881
Ohh.

175
00:09:33,283 --> 00:09:34,403
Hello.

176
00:09:36,286 --> 00:09:37,366
Hello.

177
00:09:37,454 --> 00:09:40,854
Hope I'm not disturbing
you, but, uh,

178
00:09:41,042 --> 00:09:43,882
I saw you from across
the party, and, uh,

179
00:09:44,045 --> 00:09:47,525
I don't usually do this, but I felt
compelled to tell you something.

180
00:09:50,301 --> 00:09:51,581
You have...

181
00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:54,078
an absolutely
breathtaking...

182
00:09:54,222 --> 00:09:55,582
heinie.

183
00:09:56,808 --> 00:09:58,928
I mean, that thing is good.

184
00:09:59,061 --> 00:10:01,181
I want to be friends with it.

185
00:10:02,606 --> 00:10:05,486
Well, you certainly know
how to compliment a woman.

186
00:10:05,651 --> 00:10:07,571
Now, if you'll excuse me.

187
00:10:07,653 --> 00:10:09,773
Do you know who I am?

188
00:10:11,616 --> 00:10:13,536
No, I can't say that I do.

189
00:10:13,660 --> 00:10:17,460
I don't know how to put this,

190
00:10:17,664 --> 00:10:20,664
but I'm kind of a big deal.

191
00:10:20,834 --> 00:10:22,234
Really?

192
00:10:22,335 --> 00:10:24,375
People know me.

193
00:10:24,504 --> 00:10:26,424
I've very happy for you.

194
00:10:26,507 --> 00:10:27,947
I'm very important.

195
00:10:28,008 --> 00:10:29,768
I have...

196
00:10:29,885 --> 00:10:32,005
many leather-bound books,

197
00:10:32,138 --> 00:10:34,458
and my apartment

198
00:10:34,598 --> 00:10:36,918
smells of rich mahogany.

199
00:10:38,718 --> 00:10:40,958
That's stupid.

200
00:10:42,181 --> 00:10:45,461
No, no, that's...
very exciting.

201
00:10:45,643 --> 00:10:47,683
Listen, can l--

202
00:10:47,812 --> 00:10:49,852
can I start over again?

203
00:10:49,980 --> 00:10:51,860
Sure.

204
00:10:51,983 --> 00:10:54,903
I wanna say something.
I'm gonna put it out there.

205
00:10:55,069 --> 00:10:56,909
If you like it,
you can take it.

206
00:10:57,030 --> 00:10:58,550
If you don't,
send it right back.

207
00:10:58,656 --> 00:11:00,616
Mm-hmm.

208
00:11:00,742 --> 00:11:02,622
I wanna be on you.

209
00:11:04,538 --> 00:11:07,418
Wait. Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

210
00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:08,983
I--

211
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,360
I wanna be on you.

212
00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:27,102
( humming )

213
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,403
Yoo-hoo!
( clears throat )

214
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,445
Baxter!

215
00:11:33,569 --> 00:11:35,049
Papa's home.

216
00:11:35,154 --> 00:11:37,154
There he is.
There's my little man.

217
00:11:37,281 --> 00:11:39,481
- You're okay?
- ( barking )

218
00:11:39,617 --> 00:11:41,817
Of course I met
a lady tonight.

219
00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:43,752
( growls )

220
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,911
This one was different.
I have to be honest.

221
00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:48,490
Quite different.

222
00:11:48,584 --> 00:11:51,144
- ( barking )
- What--

223
00:11:51,296 --> 00:11:53,496
I'm lonely?
I'm not lonely!

224
00:11:53,632 --> 00:11:56,952
I'm beloved by everyone
in San Diego.

225
00:12:00,597 --> 00:12:03,157
Wow.

226
00:12:03,308 --> 00:12:06,108
You know how to cut
to the core of me, Baxter.

227
00:12:06,270 --> 00:12:08,910
- ( growls )
- You're so wise.

228
00:12:10,274 --> 00:12:12,794
You're like
a miniature Buddha

229
00:12:12,944 --> 00:12:14,584
covered in hair.

230
00:12:14,696 --> 00:12:16,776
- ( barks )
- Come again?

231
00:12:16,906 --> 00:12:18,706
( barking )

232
00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:21,625
You know I don't speak Spanish.
In English, please.

233
00:12:21,786 --> 00:12:23,746
- ( barks )
- Huh?

234
00:12:23,872 --> 00:12:26,592
- ( growling )
- You pooped in the refrigerator?

235
00:12:26,750 --> 00:12:30,590
- ( sneezes )
- And you ate a whole wheel of cheese?

236
00:12:30,796 --> 00:12:32,556
How'd you do that?

237
00:12:32,673 --> 00:12:35,033
I'm not even mad.
That's amazing.

238
00:12:35,176 --> 00:12:38,616
( laughing )
I forgive you.

239
00:12:38,805 --> 00:12:41,405
What do you say we get you
in your pj's and hit the hay?

240
00:12:41,558 --> 00:12:45,238
Bedtime. Okay, come on.
Let's go. Come on.

241
00:12:56,532 --> 00:13:00,212
( snoring )

242
00:13:00,411 --> 00:13:02,611
Oh, that was one
crazy party.

243
00:13:02,747 --> 00:13:05,387
I am hung over.

244
00:13:05,838 --> 00:13:07,918
I woke up this morning

245
00:13:07,943 --> 00:13:10,543
in some Japanese family's rec room.

246
00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:14,868
And they would not stop screaming.

247
00:13:14,893 --> 00:13:17,293
Oh ya, I had a big red candle.

248
00:13:18,551 --> 00:13:20,871
All right, guys.
Let's focus up.

249
00:13:21,012 --> 00:13:23,412
Morning, everyone.

250
00:13:23,556 --> 00:13:26,196
Here are the stories
we're going to be chasing today.

251
00:13:26,351 --> 00:13:27,911
It looks like Ling Wong,

252
00:13:28,019 --> 00:13:30,819
the rare panda
at the San Diego Zoo, is pregnant.

253
00:13:30,981 --> 00:13:32,541
This is a big one.

254
00:13:32,649 --> 00:13:35,369
This could be the big
story of the summer.

255
00:13:35,527 --> 00:13:38,247
Network is gonna be wanting
plenty of coverage.

256
00:13:38,406 --> 00:13:41,006
And speaking of network,
word on the street is

257
00:13:41,158 --> 00:13:43,038
they're looking
for a new anchor.

258
00:13:43,161 --> 00:13:45,041
- So, Ron...
- Huh? Network?

259
00:13:45,163 --> 00:13:46,603
Are they here?

260
00:13:51,753 --> 00:13:54,433
A lot of you have been hearing
the affiliates complaining

261
00:13:54,589 --> 00:13:57,309
about a lack of diversity
on the news team.

262
00:14:03,808 --> 00:14:05,968
What in the hell's diversity?

263
00:14:06,102 --> 00:14:08,302
( clears throat )
Well, I could be wrong,

264
00:14:08,437 --> 00:14:11,797
but I believe diversity
is an old, old wooden ship

265
00:14:11,983 --> 00:14:15,183
that was used
during the Civil War era.

266
00:14:15,361 --> 00:14:17,921
I would be surprised
if the affiliates were concerned

267
00:14:18,073 --> 00:14:20,153
about the lack
of an old wooden ship,

268
00:14:20,283 --> 00:14:22,443
but nice try.

269
00:14:22,578 --> 00:14:25,098
Diversity means
that times are changing,

270
00:14:25,247 --> 00:14:27,367
and with that in mind--

271
00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:30,339
- Ron, are you paying attention?
- Nope.

272
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:32,543
- This concerns all of us.
- Okay.

273
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:36,272
Keeping that in mind, I'd like
to introduce the latest addition

274
00:14:36,467 --> 00:14:38,507
to the KVWN News Team,

275
00:14:38,636 --> 00:14:41,196
directly from WYPN

276
00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:44,387
in Asheville, North Carolina,

277
00:14:44,559 --> 00:14:47,439
Ms. Veronica Corningstone.

278
00:14:47,604 --> 00:14:50,444
- # Who's that lady? #
- Hello.

279
00:14:50,607 --> 00:14:52,967
- # Who's that lady... #
- Hello, everyone.

280
00:14:53,110 --> 00:14:55,430
- Oh!
- I just want you all to know

281
00:14:55,571 --> 00:14:57,691
that I look forward
to contributing

282
00:14:57,823 --> 00:15:00,863
to this news station's
already sterling reputation.

283
00:15:03,663 --> 00:15:05,903
I mean, come on, Ed!
It's bullcrap!

284
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,320
Don't get me wrong.
I love the ladies.

285
00:15:08,460 --> 00:15:11,700
They rev my engine,
but they don't belong in the newsroom!

286
00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:15,080
It is anchorman,
not anchorlady!

287
00:15:15,259 --> 00:15:18,659
- And that is a scientific fact!
- Brian: Uh-huh.

288
00:15:18,846 --> 00:15:21,846
I don't know
what we're yelling about!

289
00:15:23,142 --> 00:15:24,782
Ron, what do you think?

290
00:15:24,894 --> 00:15:26,854
She-- sh--
it's terrible!

291
00:15:26,979 --> 00:15:29,779
She has beautiful eyes,
and her hair smells like cinnamon!

292
00:15:29,941 --> 00:15:31,141
Mm-hmm.

293
00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:33,074
Loud noises!

294
00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:37,797
All right, everyone relax.
She's not gonna take anyone's airtime.

295
00:15:37,991 --> 00:15:41,391
I read somewhere that
their periods attract bears.

296
00:15:41,578 --> 00:15:44,218
Bears can smell
the menstruation.

297
00:15:44,373 --> 00:15:47,813
Well, that's just great.
You hear that, Ed?

298
00:15:48,002 --> 00:15:50,802
Bears. Now you're putting
the whole station in jeopardy.

299
00:15:50,963 --> 00:15:53,363
I will say
one thing for her, Ed,

300
00:15:53,549 --> 00:15:56,509
she does have a nice,
big old behind.

301
00:15:56,678 --> 00:15:59,718
I'd like to put some
barbecue sauce on that butt

302
00:15:59,889 --> 00:16:02,409
and just bite, bite, bite, bite,
munch, munch, munch!

303
00:16:02,559 --> 00:16:05,039
- Ah-whoo!
- Stop it! Oh, Jeez.

304
00:16:05,187 --> 00:16:07,947
( barking, howling )

305
00:16:08,065 --> 00:16:11,185
Look at the full-moon butt!
( yapping )

306
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,240
Champ! Champ!
Champ, Champ!

307
00:16:14,905 --> 00:16:16,865
Mr. Harken, I was just wondering

308
00:16:16,991 --> 00:16:18,911
if you knew when my office
would be ready.

309
00:16:19,035 --> 00:16:20,995
Well, that might
take some time.

310
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:24,240
For now, why don't you just
grab a desk in the bullpen?

311
00:16:24,415 --> 00:16:27,415
You can use my office! Then afterwards
maybe we can go to lunch!

312
00:16:28,879 --> 00:16:30,279
Lower your voice, Ron.

313
00:16:30,380 --> 00:16:32,260
Mm-hmm!

314
00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:35,342
All right.
Thank you, Mr. Harken.

315
00:16:35,511 --> 00:16:38,271
I'll go get
my desk set up.

316
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,120
( neck cracking )

317
00:16:45,396 --> 00:16:48,836
Oh, she is a saucy mama!
I mean, I would...

318
00:16:49,025 --> 00:16:50,665
( Champ continues,
indistinct )

319
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,057
( Veronica sighs )
Here we go again.

320
00:16:53,196 --> 00:16:55,116
Every station
it's the same.

321
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,680
Women ask me
how I put up with it.

322
00:16:57,826 --> 00:17:00,306
Well, the truth is,
I don't really have a choice.

323
00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:02,294
This is definitely
a man's world.

324
00:17:02,414 --> 00:17:04,534
But while they're laughing
and grab-assing,

325
00:17:04,667 --> 00:17:06,227
I'm chasing down leads

326
00:17:06,335 --> 00:17:08,935
and practicing
my nonregional diction.

327
00:17:09,088 --> 00:17:11,928
Because the only way to win
is to be the best.

328
00:17:12,091 --> 00:17:13,691
The very best.

329
00:17:17,222 --> 00:17:18,742
Ron:
Touchy situation.

330
00:17:18,848 --> 00:17:22,168
I think the best thing
to do with this Corningstone,

331
00:17:22,310 --> 00:17:24,830
to keep her in line,
is bed her quick.

332
00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:28,260
Oh, that behind
is driving me loco!

333
00:17:28,442 --> 00:17:30,802
I'm like a night wolf.
( howling )

334
00:17:30,986 --> 00:17:33,306
Guys, take it easy.
Just take it easy!

335
00:17:33,447 --> 00:17:36,847
- She's got feelings, too.
- Oh, my God!

336
00:17:37,034 --> 00:17:38,474
Listen to Burgundy.

337
00:17:38,578 --> 00:17:41,498
He's gone soft on us,
like some schoolboy bitch.

338
00:17:41,664 --> 00:17:43,544
You sound like a gay.

339
00:17:43,666 --> 00:17:45,986
( laughing )

340
00:17:46,127 --> 00:17:47,567
Hey! Come on!

341
00:17:47,671 --> 00:17:50,391
It's me, Papa Burgundy,
all right?

342
00:17:50,549 --> 00:17:53,989
As far as I'm concerned,
Corningstone's fair game.

343
00:17:54,178 --> 00:17:56,738
Huh?
Let the games begin!

344
00:17:56,889 --> 00:17:58,929
Hi-ohhh!

345
00:17:59,058 --> 00:18:01,418
There he is.
There he is.

346
00:18:01,519 --> 00:18:03,439
I'm very aroused.

347
00:18:06,691 --> 00:18:08,891
( Champ laughing )
What's this?

348
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,240
Well, well, well.

349
00:18:14,533 --> 00:18:17,973
Ron Burgundy and the Channel 4
News Team.

350
00:18:18,161 --> 00:18:20,161
Hello, Wes Mantooth.

351
00:18:20,289 --> 00:18:22,009
Hello,
Evening News Team.

352
00:18:22,124 --> 00:18:23,564
Nice clothes, gentlemen.

353
00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:26,227
I didn't know the Salvation Army
was having a sale.

354
00:18:26,379 --> 00:18:28,699
( laughs )

355
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:30,920
Am I right?
Look at these guys.

356
00:18:33,511 --> 00:18:36,751
Hey, where did you
get those clothes?

357
00:18:36,931 --> 00:18:38,891
At the toilet store?

358
00:18:41,895 --> 00:18:44,575
What are you doing
on our station's turf, Burgundy?

359
00:18:44,731 --> 00:18:47,091
You're about to get
a serious beat-down.

360
00:18:47,234 --> 00:18:50,514
I will smash your face
into a car windshield

361
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:52,776
and then take your mother,
Dorothy Mantooth,

362
00:18:52,907 --> 00:18:57,227
out for a nice seafood dinner
and never call her again!

363
00:18:57,453 --> 00:19:00,173
Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
You understand me?

364
00:19:00,331 --> 00:19:02,731
- Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
- Ron: Hey.

365
00:19:02,876 --> 00:19:05,436
Leave the mothers
out of this, all right?

366
00:19:08,006 --> 00:19:09,926
It's unnecessary.

367
00:19:11,260 --> 00:19:14,300
Besides, I'm sure Wes here

368
00:19:14,471 --> 00:19:18,751
is just upset over finishing
second in the ratings again.

369
00:19:18,976 --> 00:19:20,656
Ooh!

370
00:19:20,770 --> 00:19:23,170
That's completely
uncalled for, Burgundy.

371
00:19:23,272 --> 00:19:25,312
You know those
rating systems are flawed.

372
00:19:25,441 --> 00:19:27,561
They don't take into account
houses that have

373
00:19:27,694 --> 00:19:31,134
more than two television sets
and other things of that nature.

374
00:19:31,323 --> 00:19:34,483
I guess I have to take you
at your word,

375
00:19:34,660 --> 00:19:36,100
Number Two.

376
00:19:36,203 --> 00:19:37,843
( laughing )

377
00:19:38,914 --> 00:19:41,514
You have
a great day, fellas.

378
00:19:41,667 --> 00:19:43,347
We'll see you around the bend.

379
00:19:46,297 --> 00:19:48,297
Son of a bitch!

380
00:19:48,424 --> 00:19:51,424
Brian:
Excusez-moi, Numero Two.

381
00:19:54,013 --> 00:19:56,173
Hey, Burgundy.

382
00:19:56,308 --> 00:19:58,668
You know those sample audiences
aren't big enough!

383
00:19:58,810 --> 00:20:02,170
Stop hiding behind those phony numbers,
Burgundy! I'm coming after you!

384
00:20:02,356 --> 00:20:06,756
I hate you, Ron Burgundy.
I hate you!

385
00:20:06,986 --> 00:20:09,986
You can't say one word?

386
00:20:10,156 --> 00:20:12,196
Even the guy who can't
think says something!

387
00:20:12,325 --> 00:20:14,845
You guys just stand
there? Come on!

388
00:20:17,247 --> 00:20:20,167
Right, but I think my son
is just going through a phase.

389
00:20:21,459 --> 00:20:23,059
I have no idea where

390
00:20:23,169 --> 00:20:25,889
he would have gotten ahold
of German pornography.

391
00:20:26,048 --> 00:20:28,048
But you and l
are mature adults.

392
00:20:28,175 --> 00:20:31,375
We've both seen our share
of pornographic materials.

393
00:20:31,553 --> 00:20:32,953
Oh, you never have?

394
00:20:33,055 --> 00:20:35,655
Of course you haven't,
how stupid of me. Neither have l.

395
00:20:35,808 --> 00:20:38,008
I was just speaking
in generalities.

396
00:20:38,144 --> 00:20:42,344
I'll stop by the school
a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye.

397
00:20:42,523 --> 00:20:45,403
Ed, she insisted
on coming in.

398
00:20:45,527 --> 00:20:47,087
Mr. Harken, sir,

399
00:20:47,195 --> 00:20:50,075
I will not have my first story
at this news station

400
00:20:50,198 --> 00:20:52,118
be about a cat fashion show.

401
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,720
Miss Corningstone, ma'am,

402
00:20:54,870 --> 00:20:57,910
you will do the stories
to which you are assigned.

403
00:20:58,082 --> 00:21:00,842
Mr. Harken, I am
a damn good journalist,

404
00:21:01,001 --> 00:21:04,041
and this cat show thing
is grade-A baloney.

405
00:21:04,213 --> 00:21:07,093
It is not baloney.
Now, go do your job, missy!

406
00:21:07,258 --> 00:21:09,418
It is baloney!

407
00:21:13,974 --> 00:21:16,254
Hey, Ron,

408
00:21:16,393 --> 00:21:18,673
I'm gonna take a run
at the new girl.

409
00:21:18,812 --> 00:21:20,772
Let the games begin.
( howls )

410
00:21:20,898 --> 00:21:23,898
Oh, Champ, Champ,
we're not really gonna actually do that.

411
00:21:24,068 --> 00:21:26,188
- We were just flapping our gums.
- Oh, yeah.

412
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:27,560
You kill me, Burgundy.

413
00:21:29,156 --> 00:21:32,596
Let me just grab this.
Oh, sorry about that.

414
00:21:32,785 --> 00:21:34,905
- Whammy.
- Hmm.

415
00:21:35,038 --> 00:21:37,238
- Uh, Champ?
- Yeah.

416
00:21:37,373 --> 00:21:39,813
You're trying to touch
my breasts, aren't you?

417
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:43,560
What can I say?
I like the way you're put together.

418
00:21:43,755 --> 00:21:46,275
What do you say
we go out on a date?

419
00:21:46,425 --> 00:21:48,785
Have some chicken,
maybe some sex.

420
00:21:48,927 --> 00:21:50,487
You know,
see what happens?

421
00:21:50,596 --> 00:21:53,396
Oh, let me get this
over here.

422
00:21:55,017 --> 00:21:56,777
- ( groans )
- Sorry.

423
00:21:56,894 --> 00:21:59,134
Oh, there it is.

424
00:21:59,272 --> 00:22:01,392
I'll give this
little cookie an hour

425
00:22:01,524 --> 00:22:03,484
before we're doing
the no-pants dance.

426
00:22:03,610 --> 00:22:05,810
- ( chuckles )
- Time to musk up.

427
00:22:08,782 --> 00:22:10,062
Ron: Wow.

428
00:22:10,158 --> 00:22:12,918
It never ceases to amaze me.

429
00:22:13,078 --> 00:22:15,158
What cologne
you gonna go with?

430
00:22:15,289 --> 00:22:16,809
London Gentleman, or--

431
00:22:16,916 --> 00:22:19,956
wait. No, no, no.
Hold on.

432
00:22:20,127 --> 00:22:21,687
Blackbeard's Delight.

433
00:22:21,796 --> 00:22:24,436
No, she gets
a special cologne.

434
00:22:25,758 --> 00:22:28,398
It's called Sex Panther
by Odeon.

435
00:22:28,553 --> 00:22:32,353
- ( snarling )
- It's illegal in nine countries.

436
00:22:32,557 --> 00:22:34,917
Yep, it's made with bits
of real panther.

437
00:22:35,060 --> 00:22:37,740
- So you know it's good.
- It's quite pungent.

438
00:22:37,896 --> 00:22:39,136
Oh yeah.

439
00:22:39,231 --> 00:22:41,151
It's a formidable scent.

440
00:22:41,275 --> 00:22:44,235
It stings the nostrils.

441
00:22:44,403 --> 00:22:46,243
- In a good way.
- Yep.

442
00:22:46,322 --> 00:22:49,002
I'll be honest with you.
That smells like pure gasoline.

443
00:22:49,158 --> 00:22:51,478
They've done studies,
you know.

444
00:22:51,619 --> 00:22:55,219
60% of the time,
it works every time.

445
00:22:55,415 --> 00:22:57,255
That doesn't make sense.

446
00:22:57,375 --> 00:22:59,735
Well...

447
00:22:59,836 --> 00:23:02,156
Iet's go see if we can
make this little kitty purr.

448
00:23:02,297 --> 00:23:03,937
( snarls )

449
00:23:07,428 --> 00:23:10,828
Hey, sweet cheeks. Got an invite
I'd like to extend your way.

450
00:23:14,769 --> 00:23:16,329
My God.

451
00:23:16,437 --> 00:23:18,317
( sniffs )
What is that smell?

452
00:23:18,439 --> 00:23:19,639
- ( man coughs )
- Oh!

453
00:23:19,732 --> 00:23:21,852
That's the smell
of desire, milady.

454
00:23:21,985 --> 00:23:23,985
God, no, it smells like--

455
00:23:24,112 --> 00:23:27,272
Iike a used diaper
filled with lndian food.

456
00:23:27,449 --> 00:23:29,329
Oh!
Excuse me.

457
00:23:29,451 --> 00:23:31,331
Desire smells like that
to some people.

458
00:23:31,453 --> 00:23:35,133
What is that? Smells like a turd
covered in burnt hair!

459
00:23:35,332 --> 00:23:37,412
- ( groaning )
- ( retching )

460
00:23:37,543 --> 00:23:39,583
- ( woman shrieks )
- ( man yelling )

461
00:23:39,712 --> 00:23:41,752
It smells like
Bigfoot's dick!

462
00:23:41,881 --> 00:23:43,761
- ( woman screams )
- Oh.

463
00:23:43,883 --> 00:23:45,643
Man:
Oh, hell, that's rank!

464
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:48,080
( fire alarm ringing )

465
00:23:48,221 --> 00:23:50,101
Oh, what's that smell?

466
00:23:54,603 --> 00:23:57,763
This is worse than the time
the raccoon got in the copier.

467
00:23:57,940 --> 00:23:59,300
Yeah.

468
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:00,960
It's very distracting.

469
00:24:01,068 --> 00:24:03,828
- When we get to the pet shop--
- Cough!

470
00:24:03,988 --> 00:24:05,428
Look over here.

471
00:24:05,573 --> 00:24:07,373
Excuse me, Veronica.

472
00:24:07,491 --> 00:24:10,091
Yes, what is it, Brick?

473
00:24:10,244 --> 00:24:12,164
I would like
to extend to you

474
00:24:12,247 --> 00:24:14,327
an invitation
to the pants party.

475
00:24:15,458 --> 00:24:16,658
Excuse me?

476
00:24:16,751 --> 00:24:19,431
The party.
The pants--

477
00:24:19,588 --> 00:24:22,308
With the pants.
Party with pants?

478
00:24:22,466 --> 00:24:23,786
Brick, are you saying

479
00:24:23,884 --> 00:24:26,324
that there's a party in
your pants and I'm invited?

480
00:24:26,470 --> 00:24:27,990
That's it.

481
00:24:28,097 --> 00:24:30,857
Hmm. Did Brian tell you
to say this, Brick?

482
00:24:31,017 --> 00:24:32,857
No--
yes, he did.

483
00:24:32,935 --> 00:24:37,415
Okay. No, I don't want to go
to a party in your pants.

484
00:24:37,649 --> 00:24:39,249
Very well.
Ian?

485
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:41,239
Would you like to go
to a party in my pants?

486
00:24:41,361 --> 00:24:43,121
No, Brick.

487
00:24:43,238 --> 00:24:45,118
All right. Let's go!

488
00:24:47,451 --> 00:24:51,371
- All right, now...
- ( loud crash )

489
00:24:51,538 --> 00:24:54,578
I'm telling you,
she is a real ball-buster.

490
00:24:54,750 --> 00:24:56,750
A real ice queen.

491
00:24:56,877 --> 00:25:00,037
Mm. I just
burned my tongue.

492
00:25:00,214 --> 00:25:02,374
The only way
to bag a classy lady

493
00:25:02,508 --> 00:25:05,228
is to give her two tickets
to the gun show...

494
00:25:08,390 --> 00:25:10,270
and see if she likes
the goods.

495
00:25:10,392 --> 00:25:12,392
( Ron grunts )

496
00:25:12,519 --> 00:25:14,439
1,001.

497
00:25:14,563 --> 00:25:18,363
1,002.
( grunts )

498
00:25:18,567 --> 00:25:20,647
- Uh, Mr. Burgundy?
- 1,003.

499
00:25:20,778 --> 00:25:23,018
Helen said that you
needed to see me?

500
00:25:23,155 --> 00:25:24,435
Oh, Miss Corningstone.

501
00:25:24,532 --> 00:25:27,452
( grunts )
I wasn't expecting company.

502
00:25:27,618 --> 00:25:30,578
( grunting )

503
00:25:30,747 --> 00:25:32,867
Just doing my workout.

504
00:25:32,999 --> 00:25:34,839
Tuesday's arms and back.

505
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:38,040
- You asked me to come by, sir.
- Oh, did l?

506
00:25:38,213 --> 00:25:39,613
Yes.

507
00:25:39,673 --> 00:25:41,433
( grunting )

508
00:25:41,550 --> 00:25:43,710
Oh, it's the deep burn!

509
00:25:43,844 --> 00:25:46,804
Oh, it's so deep.
( grunts )

510
00:25:46,972 --> 00:25:49,852
I can barely lift my right
arm 'cause I did so many.

511
00:25:50,017 --> 00:25:53,497
I don't know if you heard me counting.
I did over 1,000.

512
00:25:53,688 --> 00:25:55,608
You have your ubulus muscle

513
00:25:55,690 --> 00:25:58,370
that connects
to the upper dorsinus.

514
00:25:58,526 --> 00:26:00,726
It's boring,
but it's part of my life.

515
00:26:00,862 --> 00:26:03,542
I'm just gonna grab this shirt,
if you don't mind.

516
00:26:03,698 --> 00:26:06,898
Just watch out for the guns.
They'll get you.

517
00:26:07,077 --> 00:26:08,677
You are pathetic.

518
00:26:08,787 --> 00:26:11,187
This has to be
the feeblest

519
00:26:11,373 --> 00:26:13,813
pickup attempt
that I have ever encountered.

520
00:26:13,959 --> 00:26:17,719
I expected it from the rest of them,
Mr. Burgundy, but not from you.

521
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,160
Wait a minute!
I-- pickup attempt?

522
00:26:20,299 --> 00:26:21,699
I'm offended.

523
00:26:21,801 --> 00:26:24,121
I have little time
to get to the gym,

524
00:26:24,262 --> 00:26:26,742
so I have to sculpt
my guns at the office.

525
00:26:26,890 --> 00:26:29,690
Oh, stop calling
your arms "guns."

526
00:26:29,851 --> 00:26:31,731
Look.

527
00:26:31,853 --> 00:26:33,933
My plan was to ask you

528
00:26:34,064 --> 00:26:36,584
if I could squire you
about town

529
00:26:36,734 --> 00:26:39,254
as one professional
helping another professional,

530
00:26:39,403 --> 00:26:42,323
because I know what it's like
to be lonely in a new city.

531
00:26:44,826 --> 00:26:46,786
- Really?
- Yes.

532
00:26:46,911 --> 00:26:49,391
But now I am too hurt.

533
00:26:49,539 --> 00:26:52,099
And shocked and offended

534
00:26:52,250 --> 00:26:53,490
and-- and hurt.

535
00:26:53,585 --> 00:26:55,385
I could do that.

536
00:26:55,504 --> 00:26:56,664
Really?

537
00:26:56,755 --> 00:26:58,555
Well, yes.

538
00:26:58,674 --> 00:27:00,554
As a journalist,
I should get to know

539
00:27:00,676 --> 00:27:02,516
the city
that I'm covering.

540
00:27:02,636 --> 00:27:05,476
- But this is not a date.
- No, of course not.

541
00:27:05,639 --> 00:27:08,239
- Strictly professional.
- Wonderful.

542
00:27:08,392 --> 00:27:10,632
- Hmm.
- Great.

543
00:27:12,563 --> 00:27:13,963
Shall I pick you up

544
00:27:14,107 --> 00:27:15,427
8:00?

545
00:27:17,777 --> 00:27:19,177
Mm, 9:00.

546
00:27:19,279 --> 00:27:20,879
( clears throat )

547
00:27:20,989 --> 00:27:22,389
Downstairs?

548
00:27:22,449 --> 00:27:25,329
Mr. Burgundy, you have
a massive erection.

549
00:27:25,452 --> 00:27:27,372
Really?
( laughs )

550
00:27:28,914 --> 00:27:31,314
Yes, I do.
Um...

551
00:27:31,458 --> 00:27:34,058
I'm sorry, it's the--

552
00:27:34,211 --> 00:27:36,491
- it's the pleats.
- Mm.

553
00:27:36,631 --> 00:27:38,791
It's actually
an optical illusion.

554
00:27:38,925 --> 00:27:40,805
It's the pattern
on the pants.

555
00:27:40,927 --> 00:27:44,167
It's not flattering
in the crotchal region.

556
00:27:44,347 --> 00:27:46,347
I'm actually
taking them back right now.

557
00:27:46,474 --> 00:27:49,314
Taking them back
to the pants store.

558
00:27:50,437 --> 00:27:52,637
Oh, this is awkward.

559
00:27:54,196 --> 00:27:56,956
and I will see you later.

560
00:28:05,881 --> 00:28:07,761
Don't act like
you're not impressed.

561
00:28:08,065 --> 00:28:09,825
Frame up two.

562
00:28:09,942 --> 00:28:12,742
- Let's go to Brian Fantana live...
- Gimme a tighter one on two.

563
00:28:12,904 --> 00:28:15,184
...with a Channel 4
News exclusive.

564
00:28:15,323 --> 00:28:16,603
Brian?

565
00:28:16,699 --> 00:28:18,939
Panda watch.
The mood is tense.

566
00:28:19,077 --> 00:28:21,597
I have been on some
serious, serious reports,

567
00:28:21,746 --> 00:28:23,306
but nothing like this.

568
00:28:23,415 --> 00:28:26,335
I-- l-- Ching--
King is inside now.

569
00:28:26,501 --> 00:28:29,381
I tried to get an interview,
but they said, "You can't.

570
00:28:29,546 --> 00:28:32,226
He's a live bear. He will
literally rip your face off."

571
00:28:32,383 --> 00:28:35,223
Hey! You're making me
look stupid!

572
00:28:35,386 --> 00:28:38,146
Get out here!
Panda jerk!

573
00:28:38,306 --> 00:28:40,866
Great story.
Compelling and rich.

574
00:28:41,017 --> 00:28:42,777
( theme music plays )

575
00:28:42,894 --> 00:28:45,134
That's gonna do it for all
of us at Channel 4 News.

576
00:28:45,271 --> 00:28:47,471
You stay classy,
San Diego.

577
00:28:47,607 --> 00:28:49,527
I'm Ron Burgundy?

578
00:28:50,777 --> 00:28:54,377
Damn it! Who typed a question mark
on the Teleprompter?

579
00:28:54,573 --> 00:28:57,733
For the last time, anything
you put on that prompter,

580
00:28:57,910 --> 00:28:59,230
Burgundy will read.

581
00:29:02,206 --> 00:29:04,766
Oh, God,
this is a mistake.

582
00:29:04,917 --> 00:29:06,677
This is a mistake.

583
00:29:06,794 --> 00:29:09,794
He's very cute. Very cute.
No, he's not. He's hairy.

584
00:29:09,964 --> 00:29:12,284
There she is!
Veronica!

585
00:29:12,425 --> 00:29:14,785
My little China doll.

586
00:29:14,928 --> 00:29:16,728
I am full of it tonight.

587
00:29:16,847 --> 00:29:19,247
Oh, silly. Hi.

588
00:29:19,391 --> 00:29:21,351
You look ravishing.

589
00:29:21,477 --> 00:29:24,357
It truly is beauty
and the beast.

590
00:29:24,521 --> 00:29:25,921
( chuckles )

591
00:29:26,023 --> 00:29:27,823
I might add
a handsome beast at that.

592
00:29:27,942 --> 00:29:29,582
Are you ready
for our rendezvous?

593
00:29:29,694 --> 00:29:31,254
It's not a date.

594
00:29:31,362 --> 00:29:33,882
No, strictly professional.

595
00:29:34,032 --> 00:29:36,472
Doesn't mean
we can't have fun.

596
00:29:36,618 --> 00:29:38,258
- Shall we?
- Yes.

597
00:29:42,958 --> 00:29:44,918
San Diego.

598
00:29:46,044 --> 00:29:47,924
Mm! Drink it in.

599
00:29:48,047 --> 00:29:49,927
It always
goes down smooth.

600
00:29:50,049 --> 00:29:52,169
( both chuckle )

601
00:29:52,301 --> 00:29:54,181
What a beautiful view,
Mr. Burgundy.

602
00:29:54,303 --> 00:29:57,543
I know. I love this city.
It's a--

603
00:29:57,723 --> 00:29:59,323
it's a fact.

604
00:29:59,434 --> 00:30:01,634
It's the greatest city
in the history of mankind.

605
00:30:01,769 --> 00:30:03,329
( laughs )

606
00:30:03,438 --> 00:30:06,638
Discovered by the Germans
in 1904.

607
00:30:06,816 --> 00:30:09,856
They named it San Diago,

608
00:30:10,028 --> 00:30:13,908
which of course in German
means a whale's vagina.

609
00:30:16,327 --> 00:30:19,127
N-- no, there's
no way that's correct.

610
00:30:23,668 --> 00:30:26,388
I'm sorry.
I was trying to impress you.

611
00:30:26,546 --> 00:30:28,226
Oh.

612
00:30:28,339 --> 00:30:30,939
I don't know what it means.

613
00:30:31,092 --> 00:30:33,932
I'll be honest. I don't think anyone
knows what it means anymore.

614
00:30:34,096 --> 00:30:36,376
Scholars maintain that
the translation was lost

615
00:30:36,515 --> 00:30:38,395
hundreds of years ago.

616
00:30:38,517 --> 00:30:40,797
Doesn't it mean
Saint Diego?

617
00:30:42,021 --> 00:30:44,701
No. No.

618
00:30:44,857 --> 00:30:47,257
No, that's--
that's what it means.

619
00:30:47,401 --> 00:30:48,681
Really.

620
00:30:48,778 --> 00:30:51,178
Well, agree to disagree.

621
00:30:55,702 --> 00:30:57,502
May I take your order?

622
00:30:57,621 --> 00:31:00,861
Yes, I am going to have
three fingers of Glenlivet

623
00:31:01,041 --> 00:31:03,801
with a little bit of pepper,
and, uh, some cheese.

624
00:31:03,961 --> 00:31:05,761
Very good.

625
00:31:05,879 --> 00:31:07,679
A Manhattan,
and kick the vermouth

626
00:31:07,798 --> 00:31:09,838
in the side with a pair
of steel-toed boots.

627
00:31:09,967 --> 00:31:11,727
- Certainly.
- Thank you, Scott.

628
00:31:11,844 --> 00:31:13,724
Thank you.

629
00:31:13,888 --> 00:31:16,368
Wow.
Quite a drink order.

630
00:31:16,516 --> 00:31:19,556
Oh, well, when in Rome.
( chuckles )

631
00:31:19,727 --> 00:31:21,207
Yes?

632
00:31:21,312 --> 00:31:23,112
Please, go on.

633
00:31:23,231 --> 00:31:26,551
Uh, do as the Romans do?

634
00:31:26,735 --> 00:31:28,375
It's an old expression.

635
00:31:28,487 --> 00:31:30,607
Oh! I've never heard of it.

636
00:31:30,739 --> 00:31:32,419
- Oh.
- It's wonderful, though.

637
00:31:32,533 --> 00:31:34,693
( chuckling )
Mr. Burgundy.

638
00:31:34,827 --> 00:31:37,107
- Tino! How are you?
- So good to see you.

639
00:31:37,246 --> 00:31:38,806
You're looking fantastic.

640
00:31:38,914 --> 00:31:40,834
Tino, Veronica.

641
00:31:40,917 --> 00:31:43,437
Veronica.
What a pretty girlfriend.

642
00:31:43,586 --> 00:31:45,466
- Drinks are on Tino tonight.
- No, no, no.

643
00:31:45,588 --> 00:31:47,948
We're work associates.
I work at the station.

644
00:31:48,091 --> 00:31:51,091
- I'm a journalist.
- Oh, okay. This is a good guy.

645
00:31:51,261 --> 00:31:53,301
Tino's the finest
club owner in the city.

646
00:31:53,430 --> 00:31:54,910
- My best friend, right?
- Yes.

647
00:31:55,015 --> 00:31:58,015
Yes, we have a saying
in my country about people like him.

648
00:31:58,185 --> 00:32:00,585
"The coyote of the desert

649
00:32:00,771 --> 00:32:02,891
always likes to eat
the heart of the young,

650
00:32:03,023 --> 00:32:06,583
where the blood drips down to children
for breakfast, lunch and dinner,

651
00:32:06,777 --> 00:32:09,457
- only the ribs will be broken in two."
- Tino.

652
00:32:09,614 --> 00:32:12,254
Okay. Well, Mr. Burgundy,
we will be honored

653
00:32:12,408 --> 00:32:15,008
if you will play
"yazz" flute for us.

654
00:32:15,161 --> 00:32:16,921
- I can't.
- Please.

655
00:32:17,038 --> 00:32:19,158
- ( sighs )
- You play jazz flute?

656
00:32:19,291 --> 00:32:21,331
- I dabble.
- Oh.

657
00:32:21,460 --> 00:32:24,460
Would everyone love to hear
Ron Burgundy play "yazz" flute?

658
00:32:24,630 --> 00:32:27,750
- Man: Get it goin', Ronnie!
- Tino: Yes! Please.

659
00:32:27,925 --> 00:32:29,045
You, on stage now.

660
00:32:29,135 --> 00:32:31,815
Okay, I guess I can play
a little ditty.

661
00:32:31,971 --> 00:32:33,611
- Honestly, I'm--
- Come on.

662
00:32:33,723 --> 00:32:37,243
- Give him a hand.
- I'm not prepared. Not at all.

663
00:32:37,435 --> 00:32:40,155
- Yeah!
- This is a surprise, I'll tell you.

664
00:32:40,313 --> 00:32:41,593
( chuckles )

665
00:32:41,690 --> 00:32:44,210
Guys, "East Harlem
Shakedown," E flat?

666
00:32:44,359 --> 00:32:45,879
Keep the cymbals splashy,

667
00:32:45,986 --> 00:32:48,026
and, Jay, let's take
the bass line for a walk.

668
00:32:51,784 --> 00:32:53,664
( sputtering )
Hold on.

669
00:32:53,828 --> 00:32:56,548
I'm not hearing it right.
Hold on.

670
00:32:56,706 --> 00:32:59,986
( playing )

671
00:33:04,005 --> 00:33:06,005
We got it now.
It's all right.

672
00:33:06,132 --> 00:33:07,572
Woman:
Fire up, Ronnie!

673
00:33:09,845 --> 00:33:13,245
Little "Ham and Eggs" comin' at you.
Hope you got your griddles.

674
00:33:15,267 --> 00:33:17,067
( grunts )

675
00:33:17,186 --> 00:33:18,586
( grunts )

676
00:33:20,105 --> 00:33:22,385
That's baby-makin' music,
that's what that is.

677
00:33:28,531 --> 00:33:30,851
- Let's go!
- ( microphone feedback )

678
00:34:07,156 --> 00:34:08,556
( gasps )

679
00:34:10,743 --> 00:34:12,783
( plays "Aqualung" riff )

680
00:34:12,912 --> 00:34:14,872
Hey, Aqualung!

681
00:34:24,841 --> 00:34:27,281
( cheering )

682
00:34:27,427 --> 00:34:28,547
Thank you.

683
00:34:28,637 --> 00:34:30,477
Thank you!

684
00:34:34,601 --> 00:34:37,001
( laughing )

685
00:34:37,146 --> 00:34:39,626
You were amazing.

686
00:34:39,774 --> 00:34:41,494
Mm. Thank you.

687
00:34:41,609 --> 00:34:43,649
Where did you learn
to play like that?

688
00:34:43,778 --> 00:34:45,378
Well, jazz flute

689
00:34:45,488 --> 00:34:48,408
has always been a small
passion of mine.

690
00:34:48,616 --> 00:34:51,456
So what other passions
do you have, Mr. Burgundy?

691
00:34:51,620 --> 00:34:56,180
Well, I have one
great passion that--

692
00:34:56,416 --> 00:35:00,696
that lives deep
within my loins, like a--

693
00:35:00,921 --> 00:35:04,761
Iike a flaming golden hawk:

694
00:35:04,967 --> 00:35:07,967
To one day
become a network anchor.

695
00:35:08,137 --> 00:35:11,097
Well, believe it or not,

696
00:35:11,265 --> 00:35:13,145
we share the same dream.

697
00:35:14,310 --> 00:35:16,190
I too want to be
an network anchor.

698
00:35:18,148 --> 00:35:20,188
God, you are so beautiful.

699
00:35:20,317 --> 00:35:23,477
- ( upholstery squeaks )
- ( Veronica pants )

700
00:35:24,905 --> 00:35:26,905
We really
should be going.

701
00:35:27,032 --> 00:35:29,992
I swore that I would never
get involved with a coworker.

702
00:35:31,829 --> 00:35:33,709
Wait.

703
00:35:35,917 --> 00:35:38,797
What if, just for tonight,
we weren't coworkers?

704
00:35:39,003 --> 00:35:41,603
We were co-people?

705
00:35:42,799 --> 00:35:44,719
- I don't--
- Shh.

706
00:35:46,136 --> 00:35:48,136
You be a woman.

707
00:35:48,263 --> 00:35:50,543
I'll be a man.

708
00:35:50,682 --> 00:35:52,082
That's all.

709
00:35:53,394 --> 00:35:54,874
Oh.

710
00:35:54,979 --> 00:35:58,019
You continue to surprise
me, Mr. Burgundy.

711
00:36:16,585 --> 00:36:18,545
( moaning )

712
00:36:18,712 --> 00:36:21,912
Oh, I'm storming your castle
on my steed, milady.

713
00:36:22,091 --> 00:36:24,531
( moaning )

714
00:36:24,677 --> 00:36:26,597
( both moaning )

715
00:36:26,721 --> 00:36:29,401
Oh, mi corazón
es en fuego!

716
00:36:29,557 --> 00:36:31,757
Julio, fuego,
fuego, fuego!

717
00:36:31,893 --> 00:36:34,093
Wait, stop.
Stop talking like that.

718
00:36:34,229 --> 00:36:36,629
- I can't understand you.
- Sorry.

719
00:36:36,731 --> 00:36:39,251
( barks )

720
00:36:41,194 --> 00:36:43,074
Take me to Pleasure Town!

721
00:36:43,197 --> 00:36:45,117
- Oh, we're going there!
- Oh!

722
00:36:49,078 --> 00:36:52,358
# Love is like candy
on a shelf #

723
00:36:53,958 --> 00:36:57,758
# You want to taste
and help yourself... #

724
00:36:57,921 --> 00:37:00,401
I friggin' love you!

725
00:37:00,548 --> 00:37:02,428
I friggin' love you back!

726
00:37:02,592 --> 00:37:04,952
# Help yourself,
take a few #

727
00:37:05,095 --> 00:37:07,815
# That's what
I want you to do... #

728
00:37:07,973 --> 00:37:10,813
Look! The most glorious
rainbow ever!

729
00:37:10,976 --> 00:37:12,656
Oh, do me on it!

730
00:37:12,770 --> 00:37:15,730
# Just say the word
and they are yours... #

731
00:37:15,898 --> 00:37:19,618
- ( horses whinny )
- Whee!

732
00:37:19,819 --> 00:37:24,539
# In my heart your smile
has opened up the door #

733
00:37:24,782 --> 00:37:28,542
# The greatest wealth
that exists in the world. #

734
00:37:28,745 --> 00:37:30,705
Mmm.

735
00:37:30,831 --> 00:37:32,791
Well done, sir.

736
00:37:34,126 --> 00:37:37,246
( both sigh )

737
00:37:37,421 --> 00:37:40,021
Tip of the cap to you as well,
Miss Corningstone.

738
00:37:40,174 --> 00:37:42,254
( snickers )

739
00:37:43,386 --> 00:37:45,266
( growls )

740
00:37:46,806 --> 00:37:49,286
I'm having very strong feelings
for you, Mr. Burgundy.

741
00:37:49,434 --> 00:37:50,834
Mm.

742
00:37:50,977 --> 00:37:54,257
But it's very important to me
that I be viewed as a professional.

743
00:37:54,439 --> 00:37:56,319
- Right.
- Hmm.

744
00:37:56,441 --> 00:37:59,121
When in Rome.

745
00:37:59,278 --> 00:38:00,558
Yeah.

746
00:38:00,654 --> 00:38:02,454
That, uh, expression

747
00:38:02,573 --> 00:38:04,973
doesn't really apply
to what I'm talking about.

748
00:38:05,117 --> 00:38:07,037
- Oh, I'm--
- What I was saying.

749
00:38:07,161 --> 00:38:10,041
I still don't quite
understand what it means.

750
00:38:10,164 --> 00:38:12,324
Oh, no.
You'll find it.

751
00:38:12,458 --> 00:38:14,698
( both chuckle )

752
00:38:14,836 --> 00:38:16,716
No, I was saying that,

753
00:38:16,838 --> 00:38:18,838
if we continue
seeing each other,

754
00:38:18,965 --> 00:38:22,525
that we should keep it
relatively quiet around the station.

755
00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:24,399
Absolutely,

756
00:38:24,513 --> 00:38:27,073
my wild love tigress.

757
00:38:27,224 --> 00:38:30,304
( both growl )

758
00:38:30,477 --> 00:38:32,517
Tasteful discretion
is the name of the game.

759
00:38:32,646 --> 00:38:33,766
Mm-hmm.

760
00:38:37,068 --> 00:38:39,908
Veronica Corningstone
and I had sex,

761
00:38:40,029 --> 00:38:43,109
and now we are in love!

762
00:38:44,284 --> 00:38:46,404
Did I say that loud?

763
00:38:46,536 --> 00:38:48,696
Yeah, you pretty much
yelled it.

764
00:38:48,830 --> 00:38:50,790
Well, I can't help it.

765
00:38:50,916 --> 00:38:52,396
It's fantastic!

766
00:38:52,501 --> 00:38:55,501
- What's it like, Ron?
- The intimate times?

767
00:38:55,671 --> 00:38:58,031
Outta sight, my man!

768
00:38:59,550 --> 00:39:02,790
No. The other thing.

769
00:39:02,970 --> 00:39:04,410
Love.

770
00:39:04,555 --> 00:39:07,075
Yeah.
What is that?

771
00:39:07,225 --> 00:39:10,865
Well, it's tough to explain.

772
00:39:11,062 --> 00:39:14,782
- I think I was in love once.
- Really, what was her name?

773
00:39:14,983 --> 00:39:16,303
I don't remember.

774
00:39:16,401 --> 00:39:19,241
That's not a good start,
but keep going.

775
00:39:19,404 --> 00:39:21,324
She was Brazilian.

776
00:39:21,448 --> 00:39:23,808
Or Chinese,
or something weird.

777
00:39:23,951 --> 00:39:26,791
I met her in the bathroom
of a K-mart,

778
00:39:26,954 --> 00:39:29,034
and we made out for hours.

779
00:39:29,165 --> 00:39:32,405
Then we parted ways,
never to see each other again.

780
00:39:32,585 --> 00:39:34,945
I'm pretty sure
that's not love.

781
00:39:35,088 --> 00:39:36,368
Damn it!

782
00:39:36,464 --> 00:39:38,344
I love...

783
00:39:39,843 --> 00:39:41,483
carpet.

784
00:39:43,722 --> 00:39:46,322
I love desk.

785
00:39:46,475 --> 00:39:50,115
Are you just looking at things
in the office and saying you love them?

786
00:39:50,312 --> 00:39:52,032
I love lamp.

787
00:39:52,148 --> 00:39:55,748
Do you really love the lamp,
or are you saying it because you saw it?

788
00:39:55,943 --> 00:39:59,503
I love lamp!
I love lamp.

789
00:39:59,697 --> 00:40:01,817
You really want to know
what love is?

790
00:40:01,950 --> 00:40:04,110
- Yeah.
- Yes, tell us.

791
00:40:04,244 --> 00:40:05,964
More than anything
in the world.

792
00:40:07,205 --> 00:40:10,005
Well, it's really
quite simple.

793
00:40:11,710 --> 00:40:13,670
It's kind of like...

794
00:40:15,339 --> 00:40:18,299
# Gonna find my baby,
gonna hold her tight #

795
00:40:18,467 --> 00:40:21,787
# Gonna grab
some afternoon delight #

796
00:40:21,971 --> 00:40:24,851
# My motto's always been
"When it's right, it's right" #

797
00:40:24,974 --> 00:40:28,414
# Why wait until the middle
of a cold, dark night #

798
00:40:28,603 --> 00:40:34,523
# When everything's a little
clearer in the light of day #

799
00:40:34,818 --> 00:40:37,058
# And we know the night #

800
00:40:37,196 --> 00:40:41,396
# Is always gonna
be there anyway? #

801
00:40:41,617 --> 00:40:44,337
# Thinkin' of you's
working up my appetite #

802
00:40:44,495 --> 00:40:47,175
# Lookin' forward
to a little afternoon delight #

803
00:40:47,331 --> 00:40:50,171
# Rubbin' sticks and stones together
make the sparks ignite #

804
00:40:50,334 --> 00:40:53,614
# And the thought of lovin' you
is getting so exciting #

805
00:40:53,838 --> 00:40:55,598
# Sky rockets in flight #

806
00:40:55,715 --> 00:40:58,515
- # Boo! #
- # Afternoon delight... #

807
00:40:58,677 --> 00:41:01,317
- Whoop!
- You guys have it, I think.

808
00:41:01,471 --> 00:41:04,511
# Afternoon delight. #

809
00:41:04,683 --> 00:41:08,443
I don't know, Ron.
That sounds kinda crazy.

810
00:41:08,646 --> 00:41:10,766
Sounds like you have
mental problems, man.

811
00:41:10,898 --> 00:41:13,498
- Yeah, you got mental problems, man.
- Yeah, he really does.

812
00:41:13,651 --> 00:41:14,771
Man.

813
00:41:14,861 --> 00:41:17,541
# Afternoon delight. #

814
00:41:17,697 --> 00:41:19,897
- Wanna make a phone call.
- Freshen this up.

815
00:41:28,375 --> 00:41:31,935
Oh, look out.
Next up, it's Whiskerus Maximus.

816
00:41:32,129 --> 00:41:34,049
He's ready to do battle
in the arena

817
00:41:34,215 --> 00:41:36,895
against the tiniest lion
you've ever imagined.

818
00:41:37,051 --> 00:41:38,771
( laughing )

819
00:41:38,886 --> 00:41:41,326
I'm getting some great stuff,
Miss Corningstone.

820
00:41:41,472 --> 00:41:43,592
Shut up.

821
00:41:43,725 --> 00:41:45,445
Oh, I hate cats.

822
00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:48,040
Let's just do my sign-off
and get outta here.

823
00:41:49,397 --> 00:41:51,917
It was quite a show
down here at the Pet Shack.

824
00:41:52,067 --> 00:41:56,027
Just for today, fashion curiosity
did not kill the cat.

825
00:41:56,238 --> 00:41:59,598
I'm Veronica Corningstone
for Channel 4 News.

826
00:41:59,783 --> 00:42:03,223
That was our newest reporter,
Veronica Corningstone.

827
00:42:03,412 --> 00:42:04,972
She's really great.

828
00:42:05,081 --> 00:42:08,161
I'd also like to share with you
that we are currently dating

829
00:42:08,334 --> 00:42:10,934
and that she is quite
a handful in the bedroom.

830
00:42:11,087 --> 00:42:12,807
- ( theme music plays )
- Uh...

831
00:42:12,922 --> 00:42:15,442
That's gonna do it
for all of us here at 6:00.

832
00:42:15,592 --> 00:42:18,192
For the Channel 4 News Team,
I'm Ron Burgundy.

833
00:42:18,345 --> 00:42:20,225
You stay classy,
San Diego.

834
00:42:21,390 --> 00:42:23,310
Man: All clear.

835
00:42:23,434 --> 00:42:25,394
Ron: Uh-oh.

836
00:42:25,519 --> 00:42:28,119
I might be in trouble
on that one.

837
00:42:28,272 --> 00:42:31,992
I can't believe that you said
that we were dating on the air.

838
00:42:32,193 --> 00:42:35,713
Mmm! Mmm.
That is good fondue.

839
00:42:35,905 --> 00:42:39,105
Don't you get it, Ron?
I wanna be an anchor.

840
00:42:39,284 --> 00:42:41,644
That is never gonna happen
if everyone in San Diego

841
00:42:41,786 --> 00:42:43,706
thinks that I'm
your bimbo gal pal.

842
00:42:43,789 --> 00:42:45,709
I don't know what to say.

843
00:42:45,791 --> 00:42:48,271
I just--
I got excited.

844
00:42:48,418 --> 00:42:52,418
I just wanted to shout it
from on top of a mountain.

845
00:42:52,631 --> 00:42:55,711
But I didn't have a mountain.
I had a newsroom and a camera.

846
00:42:55,885 --> 00:42:57,285
( sighs )
Look.

847
00:42:57,386 --> 00:42:59,266
I report the news.
That's what I do.

848
00:42:59,388 --> 00:43:03,588
And today's top story,
in Ron Burgundy's world,

849
00:43:03,810 --> 00:43:05,970
read something like this:

850
00:43:06,104 --> 00:43:08,424
I love Veronica Corningstone.

851
00:43:12,653 --> 00:43:14,533
Oh, Ron.

852
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:21,040
Ron:
This is nice, gang, sittin' here.

853
00:43:21,162 --> 00:43:23,442
- Brian: Oh, yeah.
- Ron: Brown baggin' it.

854
00:43:23,581 --> 00:43:26,901
The team pancake breakfast is tomorrow
morning at 9:00 instead of 8:00.

855
00:43:27,085 --> 00:43:28,965
Oh! Almost forgot.

856
00:43:29,087 --> 00:43:31,327
I won't be able
to make it, fellas.

857
00:43:31,464 --> 00:43:33,704
Veronica and I are trying
this new fad called,

858
00:43:33,842 --> 00:43:35,642
uh, jogging.

859
00:43:35,761 --> 00:43:39,081
I believe it's jogging or yogging.
It might be a soft "J."

860
00:43:39,264 --> 00:43:41,864
I'm not sure,
but apparently you just run

861
00:43:42,017 --> 00:43:44,057
for an extended period
of time.

862
00:43:44,186 --> 00:43:46,586
- It's supposed to be wild.
- So Ron's not coming?

863
00:43:46,731 --> 00:43:48,251
No, Ron's coming.

864
00:43:48,357 --> 00:43:51,317
It's the pancake breakfast.
We do it every month.

865
00:43:51,486 --> 00:43:53,246
I realize that.

866
00:43:53,363 --> 00:43:56,883
Sometimes you gotta look yourself
in the mirror and say, "When in Rome."

867
00:43:57,075 --> 00:43:59,075
The bottom line is,

868
00:43:59,202 --> 00:44:02,122
you've been spending
a lot of time with this lady.

869
00:44:02,289 --> 00:44:06,009
You're a member of
the Channel 4 News Team.

870
00:44:06,210 --> 00:44:08,570
- That's a given.
- We need you.

871
00:44:10,130 --> 00:44:12,050
Hell, I need you.

872
00:44:13,467 --> 00:44:15,587
I'm a mess without ya.

873
00:44:15,720 --> 00:44:18,040
I miss you
so damn much.

874
00:44:18,181 --> 00:44:20,781
I miss being with you.

875
00:44:20,934 --> 00:44:24,414
I miss being near you.
I miss your laugh.

876
00:44:24,604 --> 00:44:26,524
( anguished laugh )

877
00:44:28,358 --> 00:44:29,958
( chuckles )

878
00:44:30,068 --> 00:44:32,148
I miss--
I miss your scent.

879
00:44:32,279 --> 00:44:34,799
( sniffing )
I miss your musk.

880
00:44:37,451 --> 00:44:39,891
- ( clears throat )
- When this all gets sorted out,

881
00:44:40,037 --> 00:44:42,917
I think you and me should
get an apartment together.

882
00:44:45,084 --> 00:44:47,444
Just take it easy, Champ.

883
00:44:47,587 --> 00:44:49,947
Why don't you stop talking
for a while?

884
00:44:50,090 --> 00:44:52,170
Maybe sit the next
couple of plays out.

885
00:44:52,300 --> 00:44:53,780
You know what I mean?

886
00:44:53,885 --> 00:44:55,765
Yeah, I'm gonna quit
sayin' things

887
00:44:55,887 --> 00:44:58,127
when they crop up
in the ol' skull, huh?

888
00:44:58,265 --> 00:45:01,065
See what it's like
when you're not here?

889
00:45:01,226 --> 00:45:04,106
You're our leader.
Look what you're doing to the group.

890
00:45:04,271 --> 00:45:06,511
Champ's been a mess.
Brick can't sleep at night.

891
00:45:06,649 --> 00:45:08,729
- ( chuckles )
- Here's the thing,

892
00:45:08,860 --> 00:45:10,580
I don't trust this chick.

893
00:45:10,695 --> 00:45:13,295
We need you around,
and she is just using you.

894
00:45:13,448 --> 00:45:15,528
Everyone, just relax.
All right?

895
00:45:15,658 --> 00:45:19,578
Believe me, if there's one thing
Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.

896
00:45:20,136 --> 00:45:22,296
I don't know, Ron.

897
00:45:22,430 --> 00:45:24,590
Guess what.
I do.

898
00:45:24,724 --> 00:45:27,924
I know that one day, Veronica
and I are gonna get married

899
00:45:28,103 --> 00:45:30,383
on top of a mountain.

900
00:45:30,522 --> 00:45:32,522
And there's going
to be flutes playing

901
00:45:32,649 --> 00:45:35,409
and trombones and flowers

902
00:45:35,569 --> 00:45:38,009
and garlands of fresh herbs.

903
00:45:39,448 --> 00:45:42,568
And we will dance
till the sun rises.

904
00:45:42,744 --> 00:45:45,424
And then our children
will form a family band.

905
00:45:45,580 --> 00:45:47,460
And we will tour
the countryside,

906
00:45:47,582 --> 00:45:49,182
and you won't be invited!

907
00:45:52,587 --> 00:45:56,147
I'm telling you, this lady has really
crawled into Ron's head.

908
00:45:56,341 --> 00:45:59,581
( wheezing laugh )

909
00:45:59,762 --> 00:46:02,842
Good.
Good one!

910
00:46:03,015 --> 00:46:04,815
Oh, okay.
I understand.

911
00:46:04,934 --> 00:46:07,734
You have a nice day,
sir. Bye.

912
00:46:07,895 --> 00:46:10,535
Um, I could come back
later, Mr. Harken.

913
00:46:10,690 --> 00:46:12,010
No, no, no.

914
00:46:12,108 --> 00:46:13,748
It's just parent stuff.

915
00:46:13,860 --> 00:46:16,380
It seems that our youngest,
Chris, was

916
00:46:16,529 --> 00:46:18,249
on something called acid

917
00:46:18,365 --> 00:46:20,845
and was firing
a bow and arrow into a crowd.

918
00:46:20,993 --> 00:46:22,993
- Mm.
- You know how kids are.

919
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:24,880
Oh. Right.

920
00:46:24,997 --> 00:46:27,557
Anyhoo, what can
I do you for?

921
00:46:27,708 --> 00:46:28,948
Well, Mr. Harken,

922
00:46:29,043 --> 00:46:31,923
I feel like I have proven
myself as a journalist

923
00:46:32,129 --> 00:46:34,009
and that I deserve
the opportunity

924
00:46:34,132 --> 00:46:36,172
to take on more
challenging stories.

925
00:46:36,301 --> 00:46:38,341
Well, ask
and you shall receive.

926
00:46:38,469 --> 00:46:41,629
Ah, yes, this just
came across my desk.

927
00:46:41,806 --> 00:46:44,126
Here is a story
of a 103-year-old woman

928
00:46:44,267 --> 00:46:47,907
who claims to have a recipe
for the world's greatest meat loaf.

929
00:46:48,105 --> 00:46:50,145
Ooh, now that's
a hot lead.

930
00:46:50,274 --> 00:46:53,434
Narrator:
It was very hard for Veronica.

931
00:46:53,611 --> 00:46:56,171
But she was a pro
and hung tough.

932
00:46:56,322 --> 00:46:59,522
But soon, with a simple act
of littering,

933
00:46:59,700 --> 00:47:02,100
everyone's life
would change forever.

934
00:47:02,245 --> 00:47:03,885
Ron:
# La la la la la. #

935
00:47:03,997 --> 00:47:04,077
( humming )

936
00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:06,120
( humming )

937
00:47:07,500 --> 00:47:10,780
# Oh, Baxter, you are
my little gentleman #

938
00:47:10,962 --> 00:47:12,842
# I'll take you
to foggy London Town #

939
00:47:13,006 --> 00:47:14,366
# Because you are what? #

940
00:47:14,466 --> 00:47:17,146
# My little gentleman. #

941
00:47:17,302 --> 00:47:20,102
This burrito is delicious,
but it is filling.

942
00:47:20,264 --> 00:47:22,464
- ( tires screeching )
- Ron: Whoa!

943
00:47:23,976 --> 00:47:25,336
Antony and Cleopatra!

944
00:47:27,689 --> 00:47:30,209
( groaning )

945
00:47:30,358 --> 00:47:32,558
( groaning continues )

946
00:47:32,694 --> 00:47:34,894
Goddamn son of--

947
00:47:36,364 --> 00:47:37,844
What the hell, bro'?

948
00:47:37,949 --> 00:47:40,109
Hello, neighbor.

949
00:47:40,244 --> 00:47:42,364
Did you just throw a burrito
out your window?

950
00:47:42,496 --> 00:47:43,616
I believe I did.

951
00:47:43,706 --> 00:47:46,546
Are you high or something?
Did you see what happened?

952
00:47:46,709 --> 00:47:49,389
I did. That was a terrific spill.
That's quite a raspberry.

953
00:47:49,545 --> 00:47:52,145
That's my chopper
you just thrashed, Broseph.

954
00:47:52,298 --> 00:47:55,698
Easy, compadre. I'm your
friend out here, all right?

955
00:47:55,885 --> 00:47:59,165
I want you to fix my chopper
before I stomp your goofy ass!

956
00:47:59,347 --> 00:48:01,227
If you want
to throw down, fine.

957
00:48:01,391 --> 00:48:04,671
I've got Jack Johnson
and Tom O'Leary waiting for you.

958
00:48:04,853 --> 00:48:07,053
You destroyed
the only thing I love.

959
00:48:07,189 --> 00:48:10,189
All right? There it is.
What do you love?

960
00:48:10,359 --> 00:48:12,319
I love poetry.

961
00:48:12,444 --> 00:48:14,644
And a glass of Scotch.

962
00:48:14,780 --> 00:48:17,420
And, of course,
my friend Baxter here.

963
00:48:17,575 --> 00:48:20,175
Well, guess what.
Now this is happenin'.

964
00:48:20,328 --> 00:48:23,208
Excuse me. Excuse me.
What are you doing?

965
00:48:26,042 --> 00:48:28,402
- ( splashes )
- That's how I roll.

966
00:48:29,629 --> 00:48:32,429
Baxter!
( gasps )

967
00:48:32,591 --> 00:48:36,231
No...!

968
00:48:38,180 --> 00:48:40,340
- Where the hell is he?
- He'll be here.

969
00:48:42,143 --> 00:48:44,863
- I thought he was Mr. Dependable.
- It's not like Ron.

970
00:48:45,021 --> 00:48:48,501
I'd put Brick on, but unless he's
tracking a storm front, he's useless.

971
00:48:48,691 --> 00:48:50,411
- Excuse me, gentlemen.
- Oh. Hello.

972
00:48:50,527 --> 00:48:53,767
Just want you to know if Ron does not
show up, I am ready to go on.

973
00:48:53,947 --> 00:48:56,187
You and I have had this discussion
a million times.

974
00:48:56,324 --> 00:48:58,004
There's never been
a woman anchor.

975
00:48:58,118 --> 00:48:59,518
Mr. Harken,

976
00:48:59,620 --> 00:49:02,460
- this city needs its news.
- Oh.

977
00:49:02,623 --> 00:49:05,623
You're gonna deprive them
of that because I have breasts?

978
00:49:05,793 --> 00:49:07,193
Exquisite breasts?

979
00:49:07,294 --> 00:49:11,494
I am gonna go on,
and if you want to stop me, bring it on.

980
00:49:11,716 --> 00:49:13,716
Because I am good
at three things:

981
00:49:13,843 --> 00:49:16,043
fighting, screwing
and reading the news.

982
00:49:16,179 --> 00:49:19,779
I've already done one of those today,
so what's the other one gonna be?

983
00:49:22,144 --> 00:49:23,384
Uh--

984
00:49:23,478 --> 00:49:24,718
Screwing?

985
00:49:26,815 --> 00:49:28,535
( grunts )

986
00:49:28,651 --> 00:49:31,451
I will be in makeup.

987
00:49:32,988 --> 00:49:35,028
Jesus, she's terrifying!

988
00:49:35,157 --> 00:49:38,477
- Fantana.
- ( wailing )

989
00:49:39,746 --> 00:49:40,986
Ron, are you okay?

990
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:43,040
The man punted Baxter!

991
00:49:43,166 --> 00:49:45,166
- ( wailing )
- Calm down.

992
00:49:45,293 --> 00:49:46,893
Breathe, Ron,
breathe.

993
00:49:47,003 --> 00:49:49,403
The man that loved
the motorcycle!

994
00:49:49,548 --> 00:49:51,268
What did the bad man do?

995
00:49:51,383 --> 00:49:55,383
The motorcycle on the bridge!
I hit him with a burrito!

996
00:49:55,596 --> 00:49:56,796
- Ron!
- He took him!

997
00:49:56,889 --> 00:50:00,089
He took him with his foot
and he kicked him!

998
00:50:00,268 --> 00:50:01,628
That's what he did!

999
00:50:01,727 --> 00:50:02,967
Someone punted him?

1000
00:50:03,062 --> 00:50:05,702
No, wait. Wait.
Let me say something.

1001
00:50:05,857 --> 00:50:10,977
Let me say something.
( wailing )

1002
00:50:11,238 --> 00:50:14,118
- What?
- ( wailing )

1003
00:50:17,035 --> 00:50:20,035
I-- I don't-- I didn't
understand one word you said.

1004
00:50:20,205 --> 00:50:22,485
Ron, are you okay?
Ron?

1005
00:50:22,625 --> 00:50:24,545
( wailing )

1006
00:50:28,965 --> 00:50:31,125
Ron.
Where are you?

1007
00:50:31,259 --> 00:50:34,739
I'm in a glass case
of emotion!

1008
00:50:34,929 --> 00:50:36,889
He's gonna put
Corningstone on.

1009
00:50:37,015 --> 00:50:39,415
He's gonna
put Corningstone on!

1010
00:50:41,561 --> 00:50:43,561
I've got to do the news!

1011
00:50:51,572 --> 00:50:53,332
( Ed snickers )

1012
00:50:53,449 --> 00:50:54,489
( clears throat )

1013
00:50:57,370 --> 00:50:59,130
You're not Ron.

1014
00:51:01,082 --> 00:51:03,642
We're on in 10.
Good luck, lady.

1015
00:51:03,793 --> 00:51:05,473
Ready the announce.

1016
00:51:05,587 --> 00:51:07,547
( clears throat )

1017
00:51:09,716 --> 00:51:11,836
- Power.
- Roll in.

1018
00:51:11,969 --> 00:51:13,889
Power.
Power.

1019
00:51:18,225 --> 00:51:20,385
One slip,

1020
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:22,880
and you're gone.
Whammy.

1021
00:51:23,022 --> 00:51:25,302
Announcer:
And your reporter in the field,

1022
00:51:25,441 --> 00:51:26,681
Brian Fantana.

1023
00:51:26,776 --> 00:51:29,536
It's Channel 4 News
at 6:00.

1024
00:51:29,696 --> 00:51:31,376
( clears throat )

1025
00:51:31,490 --> 00:51:33,930
Good evening.
Ron Burgundy is off tonight.

1026
00:51:35,452 --> 00:51:37,812
I'm Veronica Corningstone.

1027
00:51:37,955 --> 00:51:39,395
Tonight's top story:

1028
00:51:39,498 --> 00:51:41,858
- Okay, we're off and running.
- Three armed men

1029
00:51:42,001 --> 00:51:45,561
wearing ski masks made off with over
$20,000 from an area bank

1030
00:51:45,755 --> 00:51:47,635
in a daring
early morning robbery.

1031
00:51:52,846 --> 00:51:54,166
Hey!

1032
00:51:54,264 --> 00:51:57,304
And the winner of the frog-leaping
contest was Hoppy,

1033
00:51:57,476 --> 00:52:00,276
with a jump
of seven feet, 10 inches.

1034
00:52:00,437 --> 00:52:02,197
Hmm.

1035
00:52:02,314 --> 00:52:06,274
I used to date a guy named Hoppy down
in Alabama. He was quite a jumper, too.

1036
00:52:06,485 --> 00:52:08,365
( laughing )

1037
00:52:08,487 --> 00:52:10,607
That will do it
for us at 6:00.

1038
00:52:10,740 --> 00:52:13,180
From all of us here
at Channel 4 News,

1039
00:52:13,326 --> 00:52:15,446
I'm Veronica Corningstone,

1040
00:52:15,578 --> 00:52:18,578
and thanks
for stopping by, San Diego.

1041
00:52:18,748 --> 00:52:19,988
- ( applause )
- All clear!

1042
00:52:20,083 --> 00:52:22,763
Yes! Yes!

1043
00:52:24,004 --> 00:52:26,084
Lady! Lady!

1044
00:52:26,214 --> 00:52:28,974
Not bad, Miss Corningstone.
Not bad at all.

1045
00:52:29,134 --> 00:52:31,174
Thank you, Mr. Harken.
That felt good.

1046
00:52:31,303 --> 00:52:34,103
- That felt really good.
- I liked your sign-off line, too.

1047
00:52:34,265 --> 00:52:37,105
You did? It just came through me.
It was so organic.

1048
00:52:37,268 --> 00:52:38,988
Veronica:
Thank you.

1049
00:52:39,103 --> 00:52:40,743
( grunting )

1050
00:52:40,855 --> 00:52:42,735
Oh, Ron! Ron!
Ron, darling!

1051
00:52:42,857 --> 00:52:45,417
I'm so glad you're
all right. Oh, God.

1052
00:52:45,568 --> 00:52:47,368
I have something
magnificent to tell you.

1053
00:52:47,487 --> 00:52:49,847
I'm here.
We can do the news now.

1054
00:52:49,990 --> 00:52:52,710
It's all right, everyone!
We can do the news.

1055
00:52:52,868 --> 00:52:55,548
Hold on. Why are we all standing around?
Let's go!

1056
00:52:55,704 --> 00:52:58,664
Ron, we did it.
Veronica filled in for you.

1057
00:52:58,832 --> 00:53:00,112
What?

1058
00:53:00,209 --> 00:53:02,209
Sweetheart, we were
so worried about you,

1059
00:53:02,336 --> 00:53:05,056
and we waited as long
as we could, but--

1060
00:53:05,214 --> 00:53:09,014
Darling, I did the news,
and I nailed it. I nailed it.

1061
00:53:09,219 --> 00:53:13,619
Wait, wait! Veronica, please,
tell me this is some kind

1062
00:53:13,848 --> 00:53:16,248
of sick, tasteless joke.

1063
00:53:16,393 --> 00:53:18,593
You weren't here.
Why are you being this way?

1064
00:53:18,729 --> 00:53:20,649
Why can't you
be proud of me

1065
00:53:20,731 --> 00:53:23,411
as a peer and as
my gentleman lover?

1066
00:53:23,525 --> 00:53:24,965
Oh, Jeez.

1067
00:53:25,069 --> 00:53:27,789
I can't believe
you did this to me!

1068
00:53:27,947 --> 00:53:29,827
You read my news!

1069
00:53:29,949 --> 00:53:32,869
I told you that I wanted
to be an anchor.

1070
00:53:33,036 --> 00:53:34,516
I told you that.

1071
00:53:34,621 --> 00:53:36,941
I thought you were kidding!

1072
00:53:37,082 --> 00:53:38,962
I thought it was a joke!

1073
00:53:39,084 --> 00:53:41,284
I even wrote it down
in my diary!

1074
00:53:41,419 --> 00:53:44,539
"Veronica had
a very funny joke today."

1075
00:53:44,715 --> 00:53:46,595
I laughed at it
later that night!

1076
00:53:46,758 --> 00:53:48,958
I can't believe
that I cared for you.

1077
00:53:49,094 --> 00:53:50,974
Get out! Just go!

1078
00:53:51,096 --> 00:53:53,776
We are through!
Through!

1079
00:53:53,933 --> 00:53:56,773
Because of your actions,
you scorpion woman!

1080
00:53:56,936 --> 00:53:59,696
You have broken my heart,
Mr. Burgundy.

1081
00:53:59,856 --> 00:54:01,896
You have broken my heart.

1082
00:54:06,279 --> 00:54:07,919
Narrator:
From there on out,

1083
00:54:08,031 --> 00:54:10,471
things just got worse
for Ron Burgundy.

1084
00:54:10,617 --> 00:54:12,577
Corningstone was a star,

1085
00:54:12,703 --> 00:54:15,463
and everything started
to move awfully fast

1086
00:54:15,623 --> 00:54:18,143
- after her big break.
- Where's lan? Ian!

1087
00:54:18,292 --> 00:54:20,652
Ed:
All right, I got a call from network.

1088
00:54:20,795 --> 00:54:23,075
It looks like
our broadcast last night

1089
00:54:23,214 --> 00:54:26,094
received a two-point
ratings boost,

1090
00:54:26,301 --> 00:54:28,621
and the decision
has been passed down

1091
00:54:28,762 --> 00:54:31,442
to make Veronica
our co-anchor.

1092
00:54:31,598 --> 00:54:33,518
- What?
- No. No!

1093
00:54:33,642 --> 00:54:35,642
No!

1094
00:54:35,769 --> 00:54:37,369
- No!
- No!

1095
00:54:37,479 --> 00:54:38,839
- No!
- This is wonderful.

1096
00:54:38,939 --> 00:54:42,259
Ed, come here,
you big silly man. You big silly man.

1097
00:54:42,484 --> 00:54:45,284
- We did it.
- What is this, amateur hour?

1098
00:54:48,783 --> 00:54:51,343
- That's great.
- Thank you.

1099
00:54:51,494 --> 00:54:53,334
- # Sunshine, go away today... #
- Damn it!

1100
00:54:53,454 --> 00:54:57,614
# I don't feel much like dancing #

1101
00:54:57,834 --> 00:55:00,874
# Some man's gone,
he's trying to run my life #

1102
00:55:01,046 --> 00:55:05,046
# Don't know what he's asking #

1103
00:55:07,011 --> 00:55:10,651
# When he tells me
I better get in line #

1104
00:55:10,848 --> 00:55:14,328
# I can't hear
what he's sayin' #

1105
00:55:14,519 --> 00:55:18,279
# When I grow up
I'm gonna make it mine #

1106
00:55:18,481 --> 00:55:19,561
# These ain't dues... #

1107
00:55:19,649 --> 00:55:21,369
What Brian didn't tell you

1108
00:55:21,484 --> 00:55:24,324
was that those
were not real pirates.

1109
00:55:24,529 --> 00:55:26,889
- They looked convincing, though.
- Oh, yes.

1110
00:55:27,032 --> 00:55:29,512
Well, for all of us here
at Channel 4 News,

1111
00:55:29,660 --> 00:55:30,940
I'm Ron Burgundy.

1112
00:55:31,036 --> 00:55:32,916
You stay classy,
San Diego.

1113
00:55:33,038 --> 00:55:34,958
And thanks
for stopping by.

1114
00:55:35,082 --> 00:55:37,002
But mainly stay classy.

1115
00:55:37,126 --> 00:55:39,766
- Thanks for stopping by.
- Stay classy, I'm Ron Burgundy.

1116
00:55:39,921 --> 00:55:41,641
- Thanks for stopping by.
- Stay classy.

1117
00:55:41,756 --> 00:55:44,236
- Ron Burgundy.
- ( clears throat )

1118
00:55:46,678 --> 00:55:49,638
You are a real hooker,
and I'm gonna slap you in public.

1119
00:55:49,806 --> 00:55:51,366
( chuckles )

1120
00:55:55,595 --> 00:55:58,675
You have man boobs.
( chuckling )

1121
00:55:58,848 --> 00:56:01,128
You've got a dirty,
whorish mouth.

1122
00:56:05,563 --> 00:56:07,843
I'm gonna punch you
in the ovary.

1123
00:56:07,983 --> 00:56:10,063
- A straight shot.
- Ooh, ow.

1124
00:56:10,193 --> 00:56:12,113
Right to the baby-maker.

1125
00:56:12,237 --> 00:56:15,197
Ah, jazz flute
is for little fairy boys.

1126
00:56:15,366 --> 00:56:17,366
Okay, you know what?
That's uncalled for.

1127
00:56:17,493 --> 00:56:19,613
I can't work with this woman.
It's terrible.

1128
00:56:21,372 --> 00:56:24,172
- ( phone ringing )
- It's ringing.

1129
00:56:25,668 --> 00:56:27,388
Veronica Corningstone.

1130
00:56:27,503 --> 00:56:30,423
Hello, Veronica,
this is Mike Rithjin

1131
00:56:30,590 --> 00:56:32,790
from the network.
You've just been promoted.

1132
00:56:32,926 --> 00:56:34,966
You're gonna need to move
to Moscow.

1133
00:56:35,095 --> 00:56:36,775
Start cleaning up your desk.

1134
00:56:36,888 --> 00:56:39,128
See you in the morning.
We'll pick you up in a van.

1135
00:56:39,266 --> 00:56:40,786
What did you say
your name was?

1136
00:56:40,893 --> 00:56:43,013
Mike Ritnitjun.
It's not important.

1137
00:56:43,145 --> 00:56:44,545
Start cleaning your desk,

1138
00:56:44,688 --> 00:56:47,048
and we'll pick you up
in the morning.

1139
00:56:47,191 --> 00:56:49,391
Tell her she might
want to get a coat.

1140
00:56:49,485 --> 00:56:52,045
Hold on. Veronica?
What was it?

1141
00:56:52,196 --> 00:56:53,596
Champ:
Tell her to get a coat.

1142
00:56:53,698 --> 00:56:56,738
Also, I don't know if you know Moscow.
It's pretty cold.

1143
00:56:56,910 --> 00:56:58,350
You might want
to buy a coat.

1144
00:56:58,453 --> 00:57:00,653
Are you and Champ
having a good time, Ron?

1145
00:57:00,789 --> 00:57:01,829
Are we what?

1146
00:57:01,915 --> 00:57:03,995
I can see you, Ron.

1147
00:57:04,126 --> 00:57:05,446
What?

1148
00:57:05,502 --> 00:57:08,382
I can see you.

1149
00:57:08,547 --> 00:57:10,827
Okay. Bye-bye.

1150
00:57:10,966 --> 00:57:12,806
- What happened?
- She knew it was me.

1151
00:57:16,889 --> 00:57:19,209
Announcer:
You're watching Channel 4 News

1152
00:57:19,350 --> 00:57:21,590
with five-time
Emmy award-winning anchor

1153
00:57:21,728 --> 00:57:23,648
Ron Burgundy
and Tits McGee.

1154
00:57:25,232 --> 00:57:27,992
Good evening, San Diego.
I'm Veronica Corningstone.

1155
00:57:28,151 --> 00:57:30,071
Tits McGee is on vacation.

1156
00:57:33,532 --> 00:57:35,452
And I'm Tits--
I'm Ron Burgundy.

1157
00:57:35,576 --> 00:57:36,936
( clears throat )

1158
00:57:37,036 --> 00:57:39,076
( phone rings )

1159
00:57:39,205 --> 00:57:41,605
- Veronica Corningstone.
- This is your doctor.

1160
00:57:41,749 --> 00:57:44,789
I have your pregnancy
report here, and guess what.

1161
00:57:44,961 --> 00:57:48,081
You got knocked up.
You should probably get out of news.

1162
00:57:48,256 --> 00:57:50,616
- Who is this?
- This is Dr. Chim.

1163
00:57:50,759 --> 00:57:54,079
- Dr. Chim Richalds.
- Ron, is this you?

1164
00:57:54,262 --> 00:57:56,422
- ( laughing )
- I'm a professional doctor.

1165
00:57:56,557 --> 00:57:58,997
You saw me.
You don't remember.

1166
00:57:59,143 --> 00:58:02,023
- We-- you should move.
- ( Champ laughing )

1167
00:58:02,188 --> 00:58:04,308
- Get out of the business.
- This is pathetic.

1168
00:58:04,398 --> 00:58:06,438
You're pathetic.

1169
00:58:06,567 --> 00:58:08,127
What'd she say?

1170
00:58:08,236 --> 00:58:10,556
She-- I don't--
I think she bought it.

1171
00:58:10,697 --> 00:58:13,017
Champ:
She's looking this way.

1172
00:58:13,158 --> 00:58:16,158
- Oh, uh-oh. Whoa!
- Here she comes.

1173
00:58:20,499 --> 00:58:22,859
Ron: I'll tell you what,
it's just not working.

1174
00:58:23,001 --> 00:58:25,281
She's making us look like
a bunch of fools.

1175
00:58:25,421 --> 00:58:28,341
- Ellen, where's the party?
- ( sighs )

1176
00:58:29,592 --> 00:58:32,152
Children, grow up.

1177
00:58:33,346 --> 00:58:35,226
Son of a bee sting.

1178
00:58:35,348 --> 00:58:37,388
She's turning
the entire office against us.

1179
00:58:37,517 --> 00:58:40,037
- This is grim. Real grim.
- What are we gonna do?

1180
00:58:40,186 --> 00:58:42,346
There's only one thing
a man can do

1181
00:58:42,439 --> 00:58:46,239
when he's suffering from a spiritual
and existential funk.

1182
00:58:46,443 --> 00:58:48,563
Go to the zoo,
flip off the monkeys?

1183
00:58:48,695 --> 00:58:51,215
No. Buy new suits.

1184
00:58:51,365 --> 00:58:53,045
All: Yea!

1185
00:58:53,158 --> 00:58:55,198
# That girl #

1186
00:58:57,538 --> 00:58:59,898
# I'm gonna make her mine
if it takes all night #

1187
00:59:00,041 --> 00:59:01,521
# Can you dig it?
Can you dig it? #

1188
00:59:01,626 --> 00:59:03,226
# Can you dig it? Can you dig it? #

1189
00:59:03,336 --> 00:59:03,416
Where's the suit store?
We've been walking for 45 minutes.

1190
00:59:03,419 --> 00:59:06,339
Where's the suit store?
We've been walking for 45 minutes.

1191
00:59:06,506 --> 00:59:08,826
Brick, I thought you said
this was a shortcut.

1192
00:59:08,967 --> 00:59:10,167
Fantastic.

1193
00:59:10,260 --> 00:59:12,660
- Is it a shortcut or not?
- Okay.

1194
00:59:13,889 --> 00:59:15,769
Jeez.

1195
00:59:15,891 --> 00:59:18,491
( bell jingles )

1196
00:59:18,644 --> 00:59:20,404
Hey.

1197
00:59:20,479 --> 00:59:23,959
Uh-oh.
Here comes trouble.

1198
00:59:24,191 --> 00:59:26,391
( hooting, laughing )

1199
00:59:26,527 --> 00:59:29,127
Burgundy and the ladies
went out for a stroll, huh?

1200
00:59:29,280 --> 00:59:30,640
( wolf whistle, catcalls )

1201
00:59:30,740 --> 00:59:33,580
You boys walkin' around
and talkin' things through?

1202
00:59:33,743 --> 00:59:35,343
Keep a tight perimeter.

1203
00:59:37,581 --> 00:59:39,421
Yes, sirree.

1204
00:59:40,500 --> 00:59:41,780
Well, well, well.

1205
00:59:43,545 --> 00:59:45,425
Ron Burgundy

1206
00:59:45,506 --> 00:59:47,386
and the Channel 4
News Team.

1207
00:59:47,508 --> 00:59:49,388
Where's your mommy?

1208
00:59:49,510 --> 00:59:51,870
You back off,
Evening News Team.

1209
00:59:56,768 --> 00:59:58,888
You know,
I understand that, uh,

1210
00:59:59,020 --> 01:00:01,420
they had to bring
a female in.

1211
01:00:02,566 --> 01:00:04,126
Change your diapers.

1212
01:00:04,234 --> 01:00:06,674
Wipe the dribble away
from your bubblin' lips.

1213
01:00:08,489 --> 01:00:10,289
Rub Vaseline
all over your heinie

1214
01:00:10,407 --> 01:00:13,567
and tell you that it's special
and different from everyone else's.

1215
01:00:13,702 --> 01:00:15,502
( laughing )

1216
01:00:15,621 --> 01:00:17,741
He said "heinie"!

1217
01:00:17,874 --> 01:00:19,474
Brick, get back over here!

1218
01:00:19,584 --> 01:00:20,944
Heinie!

1219
01:00:21,044 --> 01:00:22,924
Does she tuck you in, Ronnie?

1220
01:00:24,172 --> 01:00:26,452
Give you a little kiss
on your forehead?

1221
01:00:26,549 --> 01:00:28,349
Tell you everything's
gonna be okay?

1222
01:00:28,468 --> 01:00:30,628
I've had enough
of you, Mantooth.

1223
01:00:30,762 --> 01:00:33,642
This is gonna end
right here, right now.

1224
01:00:33,807 --> 01:00:35,527
Let's dance, dickweed.

1225
01:00:35,642 --> 01:00:37,642
You wanna dance, Ronnie?

1226
01:00:41,107 --> 01:00:42,707
I wanna polka.

1227
01:00:51,451 --> 01:00:53,811
Come get a taste.

1228
01:00:57,666 --> 01:00:59,586
Brick, where'd you get
a hand grenade?

1229
01:00:59,710 --> 01:01:01,510
I don't know.

1230
01:01:02,713 --> 01:01:05,633
All right.
Let's do this!

1231
01:01:06,967 --> 01:01:08,687
Hey!

1232
01:01:11,764 --> 01:01:13,644
If you're gonna have a fight,

1233
01:01:13,766 --> 01:01:16,046
then don't forget
Channel 2 News with me,

1234
01:01:16,186 --> 01:01:18,346
Iead anchor Frank Vitchard.

1235
01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:21,640
You dirtbags have been
in third place for five years.

1236
01:01:21,775 --> 01:01:25,455
Yeah? Well, you're about
to be in dead place.

1237
01:01:31,327 --> 01:01:35,207
Not so fast, you ingrates!

1238
01:01:35,414 --> 01:01:38,374
Public News Team is taking
a break from its pledge drive

1239
01:01:38,543 --> 01:01:40,103
to kick some ass.

1240
01:01:40,211 --> 01:01:42,331
No commercials!
No mercy!

1241
01:01:42,464 --> 01:01:44,184
( yelling )

1242
01:01:49,012 --> 01:01:50,772
( rattling )

1243
01:01:55,644 --> 01:01:57,564
Cómo están, pinches!

1244
01:01:57,688 --> 01:01:59,688
Spanish Language News is here.

1245
01:01:59,815 --> 01:02:01,095
Tonight's top story:

1246
01:02:01,192 --> 01:02:04,512
The sewers run red
with Burgundy's blood.

1247
01:02:04,654 --> 01:02:06,414
Hyah! Hyah!

1248
01:02:06,531 --> 01:02:09,011
( whooping )

1249
01:02:13,079 --> 01:02:16,279
Well looks like we got
ourselves a bilingual bloodfest.

1250
01:02:23,257 --> 01:02:26,857
Now, before we do this,
let's go over the ground rules.

1251
01:02:27,053 --> 01:02:29,173
( snarling )

1252
01:02:29,305 --> 01:02:31,425
Rule number one:

1253
01:02:31,557 --> 01:02:34,157
No touching
of the hair or face.

1254
01:02:35,311 --> 01:02:36,431
Of course.

1255
01:02:36,521 --> 01:02:38,601
And that's it!

1256
01:02:38,732 --> 01:02:40,892
Now let's do this!

1257
01:02:49,118 --> 01:02:51,558
- Begin!
- ( shouting )

1258
01:02:57,710 --> 01:02:59,630
( screaming )

1259
01:03:25,240 --> 01:03:27,800
- ( screams )
- ( chuckles )

1260
01:03:29,411 --> 01:03:31,691
I'm gonna straight-up
murder your ass!

1261
01:03:31,830 --> 01:03:33,790
- Blade!
- Here you go, mate!

1262
01:03:33,915 --> 01:03:35,915
Ahh! God!

1263
01:03:36,043 --> 01:03:38,523
Oh! I did not
see that coming!

1264
01:03:42,341 --> 01:03:44,301
Oh! Aaah!

1265
01:03:44,427 --> 01:03:47,507
- Now I'll be number one.
- No, you won't!

1266
01:03:49,766 --> 01:03:52,526
- ( sirens wailing )
- Policía!

1267
01:04:06,033 --> 01:04:08,913
Boy, that escalated quickly.

1268
01:04:09,078 --> 01:04:11,918
I mean, that really
got out of hand fast.

1269
01:04:12,081 --> 01:04:14,561
- It jumped up a notch.
- It did, didn't it?

1270
01:04:14,709 --> 01:04:17,029
Yeah, I stabbed
a man in the heart.

1271
01:04:17,170 --> 01:04:20,570
I saw that.
Brick killed a guy.

1272
01:04:20,757 --> 01:04:22,877
- Did you throw a trident?
- Yeah.

1273
01:04:22,968 --> 01:04:26,208
There were horses and a man on fire
and I killed a guy with a trident.

1274
01:04:26,388 --> 01:04:28,588
I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.

1275
01:04:28,724 --> 01:04:31,444
Find yourself a safe house
or a relative close by.

1276
01:04:31,602 --> 01:04:35,602
Lay low for a while, because you're
probably wanted for murder.

1277
01:04:35,815 --> 01:04:37,215
I'm proud of you fellas.

1278
01:04:37,316 --> 01:04:38,996
You kept your head
on a swivel.

1279
01:04:39,110 --> 01:04:41,950
That's what you gotta do when
you're in a vicious cockfight.

1280
01:04:42,113 --> 01:04:44,793
Can you believe Mantooth and
the Channel 9 Evening News Team?

1281
01:04:44,949 --> 01:04:47,309
"Where's your mommy?
Someone's gotta change your diapers."

1282
01:04:47,452 --> 01:04:50,052
This Corningstone business
is really hurting our rep.

1283
01:04:50,163 --> 01:04:52,083
I know exactly
what you mean, Brian.

1284
01:04:52,165 --> 01:04:54,565
Every newsman in this city's
laughing at us.

1285
01:04:54,710 --> 01:04:58,310
- And I don't like it.
- I don't like the put-downs.

1286
01:04:58,505 --> 01:05:00,185
We're gonna do
something about it.

1287
01:05:00,299 --> 01:05:02,779
It is time to put
an end to this!

1288
01:05:02,927 --> 01:05:06,127
Last time I looked, my name's Ron
Burgundy. What's your name?

1289
01:05:06,305 --> 01:05:07,785
- Brian Fantana.
- Champ Kind.

1290
01:05:07,890 --> 01:05:09,450
- Brian Fantana.
- No, you're Brick.

1291
01:05:09,559 --> 01:05:10,679
- Brian.
- I'm Brian.

1292
01:05:10,769 --> 01:05:12,289
Veronica.

1293
01:05:12,354 --> 01:05:15,554
Ron on TV:
And I've shown you, old man!

1294
01:05:15,732 --> 01:05:18,772
Garth, I need to look at these tapes
for a potential lead.

1295
01:05:18,944 --> 01:05:20,624
Ron's using the machine

1296
01:05:20,737 --> 01:05:23,377
to play his local Emmy
acceptance speech from last year.

1297
01:05:23,532 --> 01:05:25,292
I tried to ask her
out on a date.

1298
01:05:25,409 --> 01:05:28,969
Turn the music off!
I'm still talking!

1299
01:05:29,163 --> 01:05:31,563
- This is ridiculous!
- I don't remember doing it.

1300
01:05:31,749 --> 01:05:33,869
- Excuse me.
- What are you doing?

1301
01:05:34,002 --> 01:05:37,202
I need this machine so I can
watch a tape for a story.

1302
01:05:37,380 --> 01:05:39,340
I'm using the tape.

1303
01:05:39,466 --> 01:05:41,426
I'm showing Jeffrey
my Emmy tape.

1304
01:05:41,551 --> 01:05:43,111
We are watching history.

1305
01:05:43,220 --> 01:05:45,660
Mr. Burgundy,
I'm a professional,

1306
01:05:45,806 --> 01:05:49,206
and I would like
to be able to do my job.

1307
01:05:49,393 --> 01:05:51,473
Big deal!
I am very professional!

1308
01:05:51,604 --> 01:05:54,044
Mr. Burgundy,
you are acting like a baby.

1309
01:05:54,190 --> 01:05:57,750
I'm not a baby, I am a man.
I am an anchorman!

1310
01:05:57,944 --> 01:06:00,704
You are not a man.
You are a big fat joke!

1311
01:06:00,863 --> 01:06:02,703
I'm a man
who discovered the wheel

1312
01:06:02,824 --> 01:06:05,944
and built the Eiffel Tower
out of metal and brawn.

1313
01:06:06,119 --> 01:06:07,799
That's what
kind of man I am.

1314
01:06:07,913 --> 01:06:10,473
You're just a woman
with a small brain.

1315
01:06:10,582 --> 01:06:14,302
With a brain a third the size of us.
It's science.

1316
01:06:14,503 --> 01:06:17,303
I will have you know
that I have more talent

1317
01:06:17,423 --> 01:06:19,743
and more intelligence
in my little finger

1318
01:06:19,884 --> 01:06:22,284
than you do
in your entire body, sir!

1319
01:06:22,428 --> 01:06:24,788
You are a smelly
pirate hooker!

1320
01:06:24,931 --> 01:06:27,131
You look like a blueberry.

1321
01:06:27,267 --> 01:06:30,227
Why don't you go back
to your home on Whore lsland?

1322
01:06:30,395 --> 01:06:33,515
Well, you have bad hair.

1323
01:06:33,690 --> 01:06:35,850
( onlookers gasp )

1324
01:06:35,942 --> 01:06:37,862
What did you say?

1325
01:06:37,986 --> 01:06:39,706
I said

1326
01:06:39,780 --> 01:06:41,420
your hair

1327
01:06:41,532 --> 01:06:44,172
Iooks stupid.

1328
01:06:46,621 --> 01:06:48,781
( screaming )

1329
01:06:51,167 --> 01:06:54,327
- Let 'em work it out!
- It's between the two of them!

1330
01:07:04,848 --> 01:07:06,848
( screaming )

1331
01:07:06,975 --> 01:07:09,375
They're just talking.
Just talking.

1332
01:07:09,520 --> 01:07:11,920
- I hate you!
- I hate you more!

1333
01:07:15,651 --> 01:07:18,091
( screaming )

1334
01:07:22,075 --> 01:07:23,635
( Veronica yells )

1335
01:07:23,743 --> 01:07:25,223
Ow!

1336
01:07:25,328 --> 01:07:27,768
- ( screaming )
- Shut up! Shut up!

1337
01:07:31,919 --> 01:07:33,279
All right, stop!

1338
01:07:33,337 --> 01:07:35,257
Stop what you're doing
right now!

1339
01:07:35,339 --> 01:07:38,259
I will not have
my newsroom be divided.

1340
01:07:39,927 --> 01:07:42,167
Ah! Knights of Columbus,
that hurts!

1341
01:07:44,474 --> 01:07:46,354
Veronica:
I was like, "Who is that guy?"

1342
01:07:46,476 --> 01:07:50,076
( laughing )

1343
01:07:50,272 --> 01:07:53,152
I just can't believe
what Ron did to you.

1344
01:07:53,316 --> 01:07:55,636
It is so awful.

1345
01:07:55,777 --> 01:07:57,697
Yes.

1346
01:07:57,821 --> 01:08:00,901
Have you ever thought
about fighting fire

1347
01:08:01,033 --> 01:08:03,313
with fire?

1348
01:08:04,578 --> 01:08:06,338
What do you mean?

1349
01:08:06,455 --> 01:08:10,375
I have some information
that you can choose to use or not use.

1350
01:08:10,585 --> 01:08:11,945
Up to you.

1351
01:08:12,045 --> 01:08:14,165
Ron Burgundy

1352
01:08:14,297 --> 01:08:17,617
will read anything
that is put on that Teleprompter.

1353
01:08:17,801 --> 01:08:19,681
And when I say anything,

1354
01:08:19,803 --> 01:08:22,163
I mean an-y-thing.

1355
01:08:31,023 --> 01:08:32,223
Arnold, cue one.

1356
01:08:32,316 --> 01:08:34,276
After the FotoMat
was destroyed,

1357
01:08:34,402 --> 01:08:37,082
the bear scampered
back into the woods.

1358
01:08:37,238 --> 01:08:39,998
Apparently he wasn't too happy
with his color prints.

1359
01:08:40,158 --> 01:08:41,438
- Oh.
- ( chuckles )

1360
01:08:43,119 --> 01:08:44,999
From the entire
Channel 4 News Team,

1361
01:08:45,122 --> 01:08:46,802
I'm Veronica Corningstone.

1362
01:08:46,915 --> 01:08:48,195
And I'm Ron Burgundy.

1363
01:08:48,292 --> 01:08:50,772
Go fuck yourself,
San Diego.

1364
01:08:52,046 --> 01:08:53,326
( shrieks )

1365
01:08:53,422 --> 01:08:55,622
- ( cup clatters )
- ( gasps )

1366
01:08:56,926 --> 01:08:59,286
What in the name--

1367
01:08:59,428 --> 01:09:01,308
No!

1368
01:09:01,431 --> 01:09:03,591
Nobody talks about
my city that way!

1369
01:09:03,725 --> 01:09:05,685
Ron Burgundy's ass
is grass!

1370
01:09:05,810 --> 01:09:08,410
( humming )

1371
01:09:08,563 --> 01:09:11,363
Nice work, everyone.
Sharp broadcast.

1372
01:09:11,525 --> 01:09:13,805
Really good.
Everyone on the floor as well.

1373
01:09:13,944 --> 01:09:15,864
Really a lot of hustle.
I liked it.

1374
01:09:16,989 --> 01:09:19,109
- ( phone ringing )
- Dump out! Dump out!

1375
01:09:19,241 --> 01:09:21,281
( humming )
Hello, Edward.

1376
01:09:21,410 --> 01:09:24,090
- Ron, I've got to fire you.
- I've got to fire you.

1377
01:09:24,247 --> 01:09:26,167
Bing, bong, bong.
You're fired, Ed.

1378
01:09:26,290 --> 01:09:29,210
Do you even know
what you just said?

1379
01:09:29,377 --> 01:09:32,497
( gasps )
Great Odin's raven!

1380
01:09:32,672 --> 01:09:34,592
Are you happy, Ron?

1381
01:09:34,716 --> 01:09:37,516
Veronica.
She put that in the Teleprompter.

1382
01:09:37,678 --> 01:09:41,798
You're probably right,
but this is bad, Ron. Real bad.

1383
01:09:41,974 --> 01:09:43,934
My hands are tied. I--

1384
01:09:44,059 --> 01:09:45,739
I gotta fire you.

1385
01:09:45,853 --> 01:09:48,213
Ed, let's hold on.
Let's count to 10.

1386
01:09:48,356 --> 01:09:51,956
That's a rash decision.
Is this about something else?

1387
01:09:52,151 --> 01:09:56,311
Ed, there's 300
very angry San Diego-ites.

1388
01:09:56,531 --> 01:09:58,931
San Diego-ins.
San Diego-uns.

1389
01:09:59,075 --> 01:10:01,275
- San Dieg-ons.
- San Diegans.

1390
01:10:01,411 --> 01:10:03,531
San Diegans out
in front of the station.

1391
01:10:03,663 --> 01:10:05,343
They want Ron's blood.

1392
01:10:05,457 --> 01:10:06,777
They want to hurt you.

1393
01:10:06,875 --> 01:10:10,035
Why did you say that? Why?

1394
01:10:10,212 --> 01:10:12,612
( sobbing )
Why, Ron? Why?

1395
01:10:12,756 --> 01:10:14,996
You're my hero, Ron.

1396
01:10:15,134 --> 01:10:16,454
Garth, l--

1397
01:10:16,510 --> 01:10:20,350
And you come out
with stink like that poop!

1398
01:10:20,556 --> 01:10:25,156
You poop mouth!
Get all the poop out of your mouth!

1399
01:10:25,353 --> 01:10:29,113
If I were to give you money out
of my wallet, would that ease the pain?

1400
01:10:29,316 --> 01:10:32,356
I hate you, Ron Burgundy!
I hate you!

1401
01:10:38,284 --> 01:10:39,824
Ron? Ron!

1402
01:10:40,454 --> 01:10:43,374
I can't believe you did this to me!
Are you happy?

1403
01:10:44,041 --> 01:10:44,861
No, Ron, I'm not!

1404
01:10:45,393 --> 01:10:47,473
I have nothing left!
Nothing!

1405
01:10:47,604 --> 01:10:49,684
I've been reduced to rubble!

1406
01:10:51,219 --> 01:10:53,419
Let's go. These people
are about to pull you apart.

1407
01:10:55,809 --> 01:10:58,969
No! No!

1408
01:11:11,659 --> 01:11:13,939
Mr. Burgundy, you should
be ashamed of yourself.

1409
01:11:14,078 --> 01:11:16,878
- Please, l--
- You're an awful man!

1410
01:11:17,039 --> 01:11:20,719
You are truly a disappointment
to us all, Mr. Burgundy!

1411
01:11:22,837 --> 01:11:24,557
Narrator:
Bob Dylan once wrote,

1412
01:11:24,673 --> 01:11:26,593
"The times,
they are a-changin'."

1413
01:11:26,716 --> 01:11:29,036
Ron Burgundy
had never heard that song.

1414
01:11:29,177 --> 01:11:33,057
So when he fell, he fell hard.

1415
01:11:36,560 --> 01:11:40,520
Announcer:
It's Channel 4 News at 6:00!

1416
01:11:40,731 --> 01:11:42,251
Good evening, San Diego.

1417
01:11:42,358 --> 01:11:45,798
I'm lead anchor
Veronica Corningstone.

1418
01:11:45,987 --> 01:11:48,947
Tonight's top story:
an ultrasound of Ling Wong,

1419
01:11:49,115 --> 01:11:51,195
the most famous panda
in the world,

1420
01:11:51,326 --> 01:11:54,006
shows that her baby
is doing quite well.

1421
01:11:54,162 --> 01:11:57,122
- No!
- ( ringing )

1422
01:12:02,463 --> 01:12:04,543
Ron Burgundy, stay classy.
( clears throat )

1423
01:12:04,673 --> 01:12:06,873
Hello, this is Ron.

1424
01:12:07,009 --> 01:12:08,209
Hello.

1425
01:12:08,302 --> 01:12:10,982
Who's there?
I'm talking. Hello.

1426
01:12:11,139 --> 01:12:12,699
Who is this?

1427
01:12:12,807 --> 01:12:15,327
Baxter, is that you?

1428
01:12:15,477 --> 01:12:16,797
Baxter!

1429
01:12:16,895 --> 01:12:18,815
Bark twice
if you're in Milwaukee.

1430
01:12:19,981 --> 01:12:21,901
Is this Wilt Chamberlain?

1431
01:12:22,025 --> 01:12:24,985
Have the courage
to say something. Hello!

1432
01:12:27,406 --> 01:12:28,526
Hello!

1433
01:12:31,452 --> 01:12:32,932
( yells )

1434
01:12:34,988 --> 01:12:37,508
Hey, you watch
yourself, mister.

1435
01:12:37,658 --> 01:12:40,258
Hey, lady in
the red hat. Yeah.

1436
01:12:40,410 --> 01:12:41,730
You smell.

1437
01:12:42,913 --> 01:12:44,793
( groaning )

1438
01:12:44,915 --> 01:12:48,115
Guys.
Guys, it's me, Ron.

1439
01:12:48,294 --> 01:12:49,694
Fellas!

1440
01:12:49,795 --> 01:12:52,195
Harken said he'd fire us
if we talked to you.

1441
01:12:52,340 --> 01:12:55,580
- What?
- I'm sorry.

1442
01:12:55,760 --> 01:12:58,040
I-- Brian!

1443
01:12:58,179 --> 01:13:00,219
- It's Ronnie!
- Ron!

1444
01:13:00,348 --> 01:13:02,348
- Champ!
- Ron!

1445
01:13:02,476 --> 01:13:04,396
Champ, come on.
Come on!

1446
01:13:04,519 --> 01:13:05,799
Go, Brick.

1447
01:13:05,896 --> 01:13:07,976
My sweet Brick.

1448
01:13:08,107 --> 01:13:11,027
Brick, come hug me.
I know you want to.

1449
01:13:12,778 --> 01:13:15,898
Ron: I am completely
miserable, San Diego!

1450
01:13:19,369 --> 01:13:21,289
It's so damn hot!

1451
01:13:24,249 --> 01:13:26,169
Milk was a bad choice!

1452
01:13:33,592 --> 01:13:35,472
Yes, yes.
Chris, listen to me.

1453
01:13:35,594 --> 01:13:38,754
Put down the gun
and let the marching band go.

1454
01:13:38,931 --> 01:13:41,291
- We'll play it off as a prank.
- ( phone ringing )

1455
01:13:41,392 --> 01:13:44,112
We'll straighten it out later.
I'm getting another call.

1456
01:13:44,228 --> 01:13:46,148
Ed Harken.

1457
01:13:46,230 --> 01:13:48,270
What?
Oh, my God!

1458
01:13:48,399 --> 01:13:52,839
Listen, everybody, Ling Wong
the panda is giving birth!

1459
01:13:53,071 --> 01:13:55,911
Get Corningstone
over there right away!

1460
01:13:56,074 --> 01:13:57,994
The network
is picking up the feed.

1461
01:13:58,118 --> 01:14:00,998
I want a shot
of that panda being born!

1462
01:14:07,837 --> 01:14:10,237
This is Ted Nightingale,
Channel 6 News Los Angeles,

1463
01:14:10,381 --> 01:14:11,941
reporting from
the San Diego Zoo.

1464
01:14:12,050 --> 01:14:13,690
And this is the moment

1465
01:14:13,760 --> 01:14:16,240
the entire world
has been waiting for.

1466
01:14:16,388 --> 01:14:19,468
I can only speculate
as to the sex of the panda,

1467
01:14:19,641 --> 01:14:22,601
but if I had to guess,
I'd say female.

1468
01:14:22,769 --> 01:14:24,929
- Excuse me. Press.
- Hey, lady, watch it.

1469
01:14:25,063 --> 01:14:27,463
Excuse me, I'm press.
Thank you. What do you got?

1470
01:14:27,608 --> 01:14:29,808
Nothing. All I can see
is a blue curtain.

1471
01:14:29,944 --> 01:14:31,904
Veronica:
Oh, damn it.

1472
01:14:32,029 --> 01:14:36,309
Go over there and see
if you can get a shot. I'll go this way.

1473
01:14:36,534 --> 01:14:39,454
Hey, lady, why don't you
go fetch me a sandwich?

1474
01:14:39,621 --> 01:14:42,101
- ( laughing )
- Okay, I'll go get your sandwich.

1475
01:14:42,248 --> 01:14:45,288
Then I'll show you the ratings where
you're number two to a woman.

1476
01:14:45,460 --> 01:14:48,180
Ouch. Don't lose
any more hair over it.

1477
01:14:49,506 --> 01:14:51,546
- Whatever.
- We're live, Mr. Mantooth.

1478
01:14:53,510 --> 01:14:55,510
Good afternoon,
San Diego.

1479
01:14:55,638 --> 01:14:58,158
We're here today to celebrate
the birth of a panda.

1480
01:14:58,307 --> 01:15:00,947
# Sky rockets in flight #

1481
01:15:02,145 --> 01:15:06,305
# Afternoon delight #

1482
01:15:06,524 --> 01:15:08,884
# Af-- #
( raspberry )

1483
01:15:08,985 --> 01:15:12,105
# I make fart noises
with my mouth #

1484
01:15:12,280 --> 01:15:13,520
( raspberry )

1485
01:15:13,615 --> 01:15:15,735
- # And I like to cut-- #
- Hey, nut job!

1486
01:15:15,868 --> 01:15:17,388
Quit the singin'!

1487
01:15:17,494 --> 01:15:19,454
Creeping out
all the regulars.

1488
01:15:19,580 --> 01:15:23,540
I'm expressing my inner anguish
through the majesty of song!

1489
01:15:23,751 --> 01:15:26,671
Look, drunkie, you been
coming in here every day,

1490
01:15:26,838 --> 01:15:28,878
stinking up the joint
with your craziness.

1491
01:15:29,007 --> 01:15:30,927
Now, what the hell
is wrong with you?

1492
01:15:31,050 --> 01:15:32,930
I got no heart!

1493
01:15:33,052 --> 01:15:35,252
Because a she-devil stole it!

1494
01:15:35,388 --> 01:15:37,868
You know what the worst
part about it is?

1495
01:15:40,060 --> 01:15:41,980
She's better than me!

1496
01:15:43,647 --> 01:15:45,567
She's better than me.

1497
01:15:46,859 --> 01:15:48,779
You know, times are changing.

1498
01:15:50,112 --> 01:15:52,312
Ladies can do stuff now.

1499
01:15:52,448 --> 01:15:55,128
You're gonna have to learn
how to deal with that.

1500
01:15:55,284 --> 01:15:57,684
What?
Were you saying something?

1501
01:15:57,829 --> 01:16:00,029
Look, I don't
speak Spanish.

1502
01:16:00,165 --> 01:16:02,125
Ah.

1503
01:16:11,468 --> 01:16:12,708
Scotty.

1504
01:16:12,803 --> 01:16:15,283
Scotty, I have the shot.

1505
01:16:15,431 --> 01:16:17,351
Scotty. Scotty!

1506
01:16:17,475 --> 01:16:19,355
( clear throat )
Hey, uh,

1507
01:16:19,477 --> 01:16:22,317
that is some fantastic
shot you got there.

1508
01:16:22,480 --> 01:16:25,760
The kind of shot that gets you
to the top of network news.

1509
01:16:25,900 --> 01:16:29,180
- Oh, well, we hope.
- We at public television,

1510
01:16:29,362 --> 01:16:33,602
we're really down
with the woman's lib thing.

1511
01:16:33,825 --> 01:16:36,065
That is so refreshing to me.

1512
01:16:36,203 --> 01:16:38,563
Because the struggle I've--
( screams )

1513
01:16:41,917 --> 01:16:45,077
- Howie, we have the shot.
- ( Veronica grunts )

1514
01:16:45,254 --> 01:16:47,134
Up a little.
Up, up.

1515
01:16:47,256 --> 01:16:49,296
Oh.
You son of a bitch!

1516
01:16:49,425 --> 01:16:51,305
Shh!

1517
01:16:51,428 --> 01:16:53,468
Don't want to wake up
your friends.

1518
01:16:53,597 --> 01:16:55,197
( Veronica groaning )

1519
01:16:55,307 --> 01:16:57,987
( grunts, shrieks )

1520
01:16:59,645 --> 01:17:02,125
( snoring )

1521
01:17:04,483 --> 01:17:05,723
( hushed )
Help!

1522
01:17:05,818 --> 01:17:08,298
- Simply vanished.
- How do you lose your lead anchor?

1523
01:17:08,446 --> 01:17:10,846
- I can't find Corningstone.
- Where the hell is she?

1524
01:17:10,990 --> 01:17:12,870
- No one's seen her.
- I can't believe this.

1525
01:17:12,992 --> 01:17:16,352
Every news outlet in the world
is looking for coverage on this.

1526
01:17:16,538 --> 01:17:19,458
I've got no damn lead anchor!

1527
01:17:19,624 --> 01:17:21,984
Damn it! Get me a phone.

1528
01:17:22,127 --> 01:17:24,367
I can't believe
I'm about to do this.

1529
01:17:24,504 --> 01:17:26,024
( phone rings )

1530
01:17:27,341 --> 01:17:29,061
Rocky's,
bar, grill, fine dining.

1531
01:17:29,176 --> 01:17:32,016
- Is there an anchorman there?
- Hold on.

1532
01:17:32,179 --> 01:17:34,819
This is killing me.
I'd rather slit my throat.

1533
01:17:34,974 --> 01:17:37,454
- Hello?
- Hello?

1534
01:17:37,602 --> 01:17:39,482
- Is this Ron?
- Who is this?

1535
01:17:39,604 --> 01:17:41,484
- It's me. Ed.
- Who?

1536
01:17:41,606 --> 01:17:44,006
- Ed Harken.
- I don't know a Ned.

1537
01:17:44,150 --> 01:17:46,350
- Ed Harken!
- Ed!

1538
01:17:46,486 --> 01:17:48,646
- Ed, hello.
- Listen, Ron.

1539
01:17:48,780 --> 01:17:52,460
Corningstone disappeared in the midst
of the biggest story of the year.

1540
01:17:52,659 --> 01:17:54,619
We need you down here
right away.

1541
01:17:54,745 --> 01:17:56,305
Wait, Ed.

1542
01:17:56,413 --> 01:17:59,493
Does this mean you're asking me
to report the news again?

1543
01:18:01,335 --> 01:18:03,215
- Yes.
- Ed!

1544
01:18:03,337 --> 01:18:05,377
That's wonderful!
Thank you!

1545
01:18:05,506 --> 01:18:07,786
Ed, hold on.
I want to say a few words.

1546
01:18:07,926 --> 01:18:11,086
- You have always been a good friend!
- Right.

1547
01:18:11,262 --> 01:18:12,662
- Always!
- Right.

1548
01:18:12,764 --> 01:18:15,204
( blubbering )

1549
01:18:15,350 --> 01:18:17,710
Get down here
as quickly as you can.

1550
01:18:17,853 --> 01:18:19,773
Ed, I'll be down there.

1551
01:18:21,023 --> 01:18:23,543
And I'm going to look good.

1552
01:18:33,369 --> 01:18:36,649
Good evening.
I'm Ron Burgundy.

1553
01:18:36,831 --> 01:18:39,111
Damn!
That dude cleans up good!

1554
01:18:39,209 --> 01:18:43,249
If I'm gonna do this, I'll need
my news team at my side.

1555
01:18:43,463 --> 01:18:45,823
( breathing deep )

1556
01:18:45,966 --> 01:18:48,006
( resounding )

1557
01:18:51,138 --> 01:18:53,058
Ron:
News team!

1558
01:18:53,182 --> 01:18:55,662
Assemble!

1559
01:18:56,769 --> 01:18:58,649
( horn echoing )

1560
01:19:02,901 --> 01:19:06,261
News team, assemble!

1561
01:19:06,446 --> 01:19:08,206
( echoing )

1562
01:19:08,323 --> 01:19:10,123
Hey, Ron.

1563
01:19:10,242 --> 01:19:11,802
What's up?

1564
01:19:11,910 --> 01:19:13,310
Oh.

1565
01:19:13,412 --> 01:19:15,572
Hi.
Didn't see you there.

1566
01:19:15,706 --> 01:19:18,946
We've been here literally
the entire time you have.

1567
01:19:19,126 --> 01:19:21,886
I'm a little embarrassed.

1568
01:19:22,046 --> 01:19:24,086
( sighs )
Look.

1569
01:19:24,215 --> 01:19:28,295
I just got the call from Harken.
He wants me back.

1570
01:19:28,511 --> 01:19:30,711
But I can't do this
without my news team.

1571
01:19:30,847 --> 01:19:32,407
I don't know, Ron.

1572
01:19:32,516 --> 01:19:35,116
That was half a lifetime ago.
We're different people now.

1573
01:19:35,269 --> 01:19:37,149
When you left,
the hurt was so deep.

1574
01:19:37,271 --> 01:19:39,751
I don't know if I can
go through that again.

1575
01:19:39,898 --> 01:19:41,778
Think about
what you're asking.

1576
01:19:41,901 --> 01:19:43,781
( babbles )
Man.

1577
01:19:43,903 --> 01:19:45,503
Gentlemen,

1578
01:19:46,948 --> 01:19:49,188
there was a time

1579
01:19:49,283 --> 01:19:52,163
when you called me
your lead anchor.

1580
01:19:55,457 --> 01:19:57,617
Will you follow me again?

1581
01:19:59,628 --> 01:20:01,708
I'm gettin' too old
for this shit.

1582
01:20:01,838 --> 01:20:03,718
To the news van!

1583
01:20:03,841 --> 01:20:06,441
- To the news van!
- Okay!

1584
01:20:16,187 --> 01:20:18,467
Ahh!

1585
01:20:18,606 --> 01:20:20,646
Well, I'll be.
Ron Burgundy.

1586
01:20:20,775 --> 01:20:22,415
He's back!

1587
01:20:22,485 --> 01:20:25,365
Gentlemen, let's try
to get in a good position for the story.

1588
01:20:25,489 --> 01:20:27,369
- How does the hair look?
- Magnificent.

1589
01:20:27,491 --> 01:20:29,531
Champ:
You have hair like an angel.

1590
01:20:29,660 --> 01:20:32,420
Oh, whoa, whoa.
Network talent scout.

1591
01:20:32,579 --> 01:20:35,859
- Champ: This is a hot one.
- Ron: I'm actually nervous.

1592
01:20:36,042 --> 01:20:38,042
- Let's go get 'em.
- ( Veronica whimpering )

1593
01:20:38,169 --> 01:20:39,969
Wait! Did you
just hear something?

1594
01:20:40,087 --> 01:20:42,727
- ( growling )
- Help.

1595
01:20:42,882 --> 01:20:45,242
- Ron, help!
- Veronica!

1596
01:20:45,343 --> 01:20:47,463
- Are you okay?
- Shh!

1597
01:20:47,595 --> 01:20:49,155
How did you
get down there?

1598
01:20:49,264 --> 01:20:51,224
Just go get someone.
Please.

1599
01:20:51,349 --> 01:20:53,629
Hold on.
Hold on!

1600
01:20:53,769 --> 01:20:55,289
( growling )

1601
01:20:56,897 --> 01:20:58,617
We've got to do something.

1602
01:20:58,691 --> 01:21:01,091
Whoa, Ron, I don't want
to sound cruel, but--

1603
01:21:01,193 --> 01:21:03,433
There's a network
talent scout over there.

1604
01:21:03,571 --> 01:21:05,571
This is a tough decision.

1605
01:21:05,698 --> 01:21:08,218
So much to think about.

1606
01:21:08,368 --> 01:21:10,768
Basically the biggest story
of my career,

1607
01:21:10,870 --> 01:21:14,550
Iaunching me to a level
I've never known before,

1608
01:21:14,708 --> 01:21:16,148
or saving the woman

1609
01:21:16,209 --> 01:21:19,409
I used to have
familiar relations with.

1610
01:21:19,546 --> 01:21:22,146
This is hard!

1611
01:21:22,299 --> 01:21:24,779
I am in a pickle!

1612
01:21:24,927 --> 01:21:27,207
Ron, I know
it sounds harsh,

1613
01:21:27,346 --> 01:21:29,746
but God does not
want her to live.

1614
01:21:29,890 --> 01:21:31,810
No. Hold on.

1615
01:21:33,269 --> 01:21:35,189
It's clear now.

1616
01:21:37,357 --> 01:21:39,277
We go into the bear pit.

1617
01:21:40,777 --> 01:21:41,737
Ron, don't.

1618
01:21:41,820 --> 01:21:43,500
( yelling )

1619
01:21:44,865 --> 01:21:46,865
( grunts )
Oh!

1620
01:21:46,992 --> 01:21:48,952
( growling )

1621
01:21:49,078 --> 01:21:51,918
I immediately
regret this decision.

1622
01:21:52,081 --> 01:21:54,481
What are you doing?
Why didn't you get help?

1623
01:21:54,625 --> 01:21:56,945
Ron:
These bears are massive!

1624
01:21:57,086 --> 01:21:59,606
They looked
a lot smaller from up there.

1625
01:21:59,756 --> 01:22:02,476
Fan out.
Let's go find Harken.

1626
01:22:02,634 --> 01:22:05,154
Stay calm.

1627
01:22:07,305 --> 01:22:10,505
It's all right. I think it's all right,
my sweet chinchilla.

1628
01:22:10,684 --> 01:22:12,684
- Oh, Ron.
- Yes, yes.

1629
01:22:12,811 --> 01:22:14,851
In case we die here today,

1630
01:22:14,980 --> 01:22:17,740
there's something
that you should know.

1631
01:22:17,900 --> 01:22:20,780
That dirty trick
with the Teleprompter, it wasn't--

1632
01:22:20,945 --> 01:22:24,265
Sweet Eli Whitney's nose!
It wasn't you, was it?

1633
01:22:24,449 --> 01:22:26,729
It was Wes Mantooth.

1634
01:22:26,868 --> 01:22:29,668
- Oh, I should have known.
- No, no.

1635
01:22:29,829 --> 01:22:32,069
- No, I did it.
- You bitch!

1636
01:22:32,207 --> 01:22:35,167
- Shh!
- ( bellowing )

1637
01:22:36,461 --> 01:22:38,701
You woke the bears.
Why did you do that?

1638
01:22:40,299 --> 01:22:41,779
( screaming )

1639
01:22:41,884 --> 01:22:45,324
There's somebody
in the bear pit!

1640
01:22:45,513 --> 01:22:47,873
( roaring )

1641
01:22:48,015 --> 01:22:50,815
It took
my impending death

1642
01:22:50,977 --> 01:22:53,497
for me to realize
how much I need you.

1643
01:22:53,646 --> 01:22:55,886
Oh, Ron.

1644
01:22:59,319 --> 01:23:01,199
Those bears
are gonna hurt them!

1645
01:23:01,321 --> 01:23:04,041
News team, let's hunt.

1646
01:23:05,576 --> 01:23:07,056
News team!

1647
01:23:10,664 --> 01:23:11,984
All:
Bear fight!

1648
01:23:15,002 --> 01:23:17,442
Come on.
Come on!

1649
01:23:20,425 --> 01:23:23,905
( screaming )

1650
01:23:24,095 --> 01:23:25,415
Damn!

1651
01:23:25,513 --> 01:23:27,393
Hit 'em in the uvula!

1652
01:23:28,517 --> 01:23:29,797
Hey, Ron!

1653
01:23:29,851 --> 01:23:31,771
I'm riding a furry tractor!

1654
01:23:32,855 --> 01:23:35,175
The bears have descended
on the news team

1655
01:23:35,316 --> 01:23:36,876
and it's not going well.

1656
01:23:36,984 --> 01:23:39,864
Clearly, after today,
I will no longer--

1657
01:23:40,029 --> 01:23:42,549
Come on!
Oh, God!

1658
01:23:42,698 --> 01:23:45,058
It's getting to be
ri-goddamn-diculous!

1659
01:23:45,201 --> 01:23:46,761
( growling )

1660
01:23:46,870 --> 01:23:48,190
Oh, no.

1661
01:23:48,288 --> 01:23:51,248
We woke up the mama.

1662
01:23:51,416 --> 01:23:53,816
( roaring )

1663
01:23:53,960 --> 01:23:55,400
Oh, God!

1664
01:23:56,922 --> 01:23:59,282
I don't wanna die.

1665
01:23:59,383 --> 01:24:00,983
( barking )

1666
01:24:00,984 --> 01:24:02,061
Ron!!!

1667
01:24:05,056 --> 01:24:09,056
- Ron: Baxter!
- ( barking )

1668
01:24:12,261 --> 01:24:14,461
Leave these people alone.

1669
01:24:14,661 --> 01:24:16,712
They mean you no harm.

1670
01:24:16,912 --> 01:24:20,615
We Bears are a proud race.
They must pay for their intrusion.

1671
01:24:21,015 --> 01:24:22,826
In my travels I met one of your kind.

1672
01:24:23,026 --> 01:24:24,918
His name was Katow-jo.

1673
01:24:25,118 --> 01:24:27,075
We became friends.

1674
01:24:28,375 --> 01:24:29,618
Katow-jo is my cousin.

1675
01:24:31,618 --> 01:24:33,318
Go in peace.

1676
01:24:35,018 --> 01:24:37,918
I will tell tales of your compassion.

1677
01:24:38,318 --> 01:24:41,820
Fare thee well, Baxter.
You shall always be friend of the bears.

1678
01:24:43,805 --> 01:24:45,325
( onlookers gasping )

1679
01:24:45,432 --> 01:24:47,352
( cheering )

1680
01:24:47,476 --> 01:24:49,836
Veronica:
Look! They're following their mother!

1681
01:24:49,978 --> 01:24:51,258
Ron:
It's instinct.

1682
01:24:51,355 --> 01:24:53,555
Oh, Baxter!

1683
01:24:53,691 --> 01:24:57,891
Oh! Oh, Baxter,
you're still alive!

1684
01:24:58,112 --> 01:25:01,352
Oh, I'm so happy!

1685
01:25:01,532 --> 01:25:05,012
I'm so happy!
You are alive!

1686
01:25:05,203 --> 01:25:07,723
I'm so happy!

1687
01:25:07,872 --> 01:25:10,912
( crying )

1688
01:25:14,171 --> 01:25:15,571
I will lick you!

1689
01:25:15,672 --> 01:25:18,632
I will lick you in front
of everyone to show my joy.

1690
01:25:18,801 --> 01:25:20,761
Oh. Ohhh!

1691
01:25:20,886 --> 01:25:23,846
Boy, he really
likes that dog.

1692
01:25:24,015 --> 01:25:26,335
Burgundy!
Burgundy!

1693
01:25:26,476 --> 01:25:28,756
Burgundy! Burgundy!

1694
01:25:28,895 --> 01:25:31,375
Burgundy!
Burgundy!

1695
01:25:31,523 --> 01:25:33,723
Hi, Ron.

1696
01:25:33,858 --> 01:25:36,858
It's always a long fall
from the top, isn't it?

1697
01:25:37,028 --> 01:25:38,388
Easy, Wes.

1698
01:25:38,488 --> 01:25:41,768
I've been waiting
to say this to you for a long time.

1699
01:25:41,950 --> 01:25:44,230
- All right.
- Deep down in my stomach,

1700
01:25:44,328 --> 01:25:45,928
with every inch of me,

1701
01:25:46,038 --> 01:25:48,718
I pure, straight

1702
01:25:48,874 --> 01:25:50,394
hate you!

1703
01:25:51,919 --> 01:25:54,239
( onlookers gasp )

1704
01:25:55,673 --> 01:25:57,953
But, God damn it,
do I respect you!

1705
01:25:59,177 --> 01:26:01,097
( onlookers sigh )

1706
01:26:06,727 --> 01:26:09,607
( cheering )

1707
01:26:11,106 --> 01:26:12,506
Thank you,

1708
01:26:12,608 --> 01:26:14,048
brother.

1709
01:26:16,278 --> 01:26:19,398
Burgundy!
Burgundy!

1710
01:26:19,574 --> 01:26:21,934
Today we spell redemption

1711
01:26:22,035 --> 01:26:23,955
R-O-N.

1712
01:26:24,078 --> 01:26:26,798
Burgundy!
Burgundy!

1713
01:26:26,957 --> 01:26:28,717
Woman:
Ron, you're my hero!

1714
01:26:28,834 --> 01:26:32,474
Ron, I think you've got
a story to report.

1715
01:26:34,715 --> 01:26:36,115
Are you sure, Ed?

1716
01:26:37,217 --> 01:26:39,017
Do it.

1717
01:26:39,136 --> 01:26:41,616
It's the story
you were born to tell.

1718
01:26:46,769 --> 01:26:49,169
San Diego's waiting.
Go get 'em.

1719
01:26:49,314 --> 01:26:50,794
Make way!

1720
01:26:50,899 --> 01:26:53,779
Ron Burgundy's about
to report on pandas!

1721
01:26:56,405 --> 01:26:57,885
Count me down.
Three.

1722
01:26:57,990 --> 01:26:59,950
Scotty:
You're live, Mr. Burgundy.

1723
01:27:00,075 --> 01:27:01,955
This is Ron Burgundy,

1724
01:27:02,077 --> 01:27:05,797
proudly reporting once again
for Channel 4 News.

1725
01:27:05,998 --> 01:27:09,678
Today's story is one
of the more remarkable things

1726
01:27:09,877 --> 01:27:12,837
ever to happen
to San Diago

1727
01:27:13,006 --> 01:27:14,686
or even the world.

1728
01:27:14,757 --> 01:27:17,637
But in order
to properly retell it,

1729
01:27:17,761 --> 01:27:20,001
I'm going to need
some help

1730
01:27:20,138 --> 01:27:22,378
from my co-anchor,

1731
01:27:23,684 --> 01:27:25,644
Miss Veronica Corningstone.

1732
01:27:25,769 --> 01:27:27,769
( onlookers cheering )

1733
01:27:27,896 --> 01:27:30,456
- High-pressure system--
- No, no, no, no, Brick.

1734
01:27:30,608 --> 01:27:32,608
- High-pressure system--
- Go stand over there.

1735
01:27:32,735 --> 01:27:35,295
( cheering, applause )

1736
01:27:36,656 --> 01:27:38,016
Oh, Ron.

1737
01:27:38,116 --> 01:27:40,356
Ron, there are literally
thousands of men

1738
01:27:40,493 --> 01:27:42,013
that I should
be with instead,

1739
01:27:42,120 --> 01:27:45,120
but I am 72% sure
that I love you.

1740
01:27:49,294 --> 01:27:52,294
( cheering )

1741
01:27:52,464 --> 01:27:55,504
Narrator: Yes, redemption
was sweet for Ron Burgundy.

1742
01:27:55,676 --> 01:27:58,276
Yes!
Ron!

1743
01:27:58,429 --> 01:28:01,909
- As for the news team:
- Stop it! Ron!

1744
01:28:02,099 --> 01:28:05,379
Champ Kind went on to become
a commentator for the NFL,

1745
01:28:05,561 --> 01:28:08,001
but was later fired
after being accused

1746
01:28:08,148 --> 01:28:11,668
of sexual harassment
by Terry Bradshaw.

1747
01:28:11,860 --> 01:28:13,780
Excuse me.

1748
01:28:13,904 --> 01:28:16,344
Is that Sex Panther
you're wearing?

1749
01:28:16,490 --> 01:28:18,650
( howls )

1750
01:28:18,784 --> 01:28:21,184
Brian Fantana went on
to have great success

1751
01:28:21,328 --> 01:28:23,768
as the host of the hit
reality TV show

1752
01:28:23,914 --> 01:28:26,634
"lntercourse lsland"
on the Fox Network.

1753
01:28:26,792 --> 01:28:29,392
Anyone seen Brick?

1754
01:28:29,545 --> 01:28:31,465
- Brick?
- Don't! That tickles!

1755
01:28:31,589 --> 01:28:34,669
No, that tickles me!
Come on!

1756
01:28:34,843 --> 01:28:37,683
Brick Tamland
is married with 1 1 children

1757
01:28:37,846 --> 01:28:39,966
and is one of the top
political advisors

1758
01:28:40,098 --> 01:28:41,738
to the Bush White House.

1759
01:28:41,850 --> 01:28:44,410
I'm gonna get you!
I'm gonna get you!

1760
01:28:44,561 --> 01:28:46,601
( cheering continues )

1761
01:28:55,072 --> 01:28:58,112
And Ron and Veronica
didn't stay in San Diego long.

1762
01:29:02,163 --> 01:29:04,203
I chose them
as my replacement,

1763
01:29:04,332 --> 01:29:07,612
and they became the first
mixed-gender network news team,

1764
01:29:07,794 --> 01:29:09,954
and they're still
doing it today.

1765
01:29:10,088 --> 01:29:13,048
From all of us here
at the World News Center,

1766
01:29:13,217 --> 01:29:14,897
I'm Veronica Corningstone.

1767
01:29:15,010 --> 01:29:16,770
And I'm Ron Burgundy.

1768
01:29:16,887 --> 01:29:19,407
You stay classy, planet Earth.

1769
01:29:22,769 --> 01:29:26,569
# Carry on, my wayward son #

1770
01:29:26,731 --> 01:29:30,611
# There'll be peace
when you are done #

1771
01:29:30,819 --> 01:29:34,899
# Lay your weary head
to rest #

1772
01:29:35,073 --> 01:29:37,113
# Don't you cry no more... #

1773
01:29:37,242 --> 01:29:40,402
Oh!
Great Odin's raven!

1774
01:29:40,579 --> 01:29:43,899
Oh!
By the hammer of Thor!

1775
01:29:44,083 --> 01:29:47,563
Oh!
Saint Damien's beard!

1776
01:29:47,753 --> 01:29:50,153
Sweet grandmother's spatula!

1777
01:29:50,298 --> 01:29:52,978
Oh! Hot pot of coffee!

1778
01:29:53,134 --> 01:29:56,454
Uncle Jonathan's
corncob pipe!

1779
01:29:59,224 --> 01:30:01,984
I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun
when you're not looking.

1780
01:30:02,144 --> 01:30:04,024
In the back of the head.

1781
01:30:04,146 --> 01:30:06,546
- I'm sorry.
- ( crew laughing )

1782
01:30:08,150 --> 01:30:10,310
You're not very bright.
You know that, right?

1783
01:30:10,444 --> 01:30:12,044
You're actually
quite a dullard.

1784
01:30:12,154 --> 01:30:14,434
Everyone here knows it.

1785
01:30:14,574 --> 01:30:18,534
If I'm a dullard,
you're the, uh, the dull--

1786
01:30:18,745 --> 01:30:21,825
Oh! Can't think of
anything to say, can you?

1787
01:30:21,998 --> 01:30:24,838
Yes, I can. I can think
of a lot of things to say.

1788
01:30:25,001 --> 01:30:27,001
Like, you're a dirty bitch.

1789
01:30:29,965 --> 01:30:32,205
Well, Ron, I'm gonna
put poison--

1790
01:30:32,343 --> 01:30:34,343
( laughs )
Oh, my God!

1791
01:30:34,470 --> 01:30:37,710
( crew laughing )

1792
01:30:38,891 --> 01:30:41,971
I drank a lava lamp.
It wasn't lava.

1793
01:30:42,145 --> 01:30:44,425
I ate a whole bunch
of fiberglass insulation.

1794
01:30:44,564 --> 01:30:48,804
It wasn't cotton candy
like that guy said.

1795
01:30:49,027 --> 01:30:50,547
My stomach's itchy.

1796
01:30:50,654 --> 01:30:51,774
I pooped a hammer.

1797
01:30:51,863 --> 01:30:53,943
I pooped
a tape recorder.

1798
01:30:54,074 --> 01:30:56,034
I pooped
a Cornish game hen.

1799
01:30:58,787 --> 01:31:00,587
Uh...

1800
01:31:00,706 --> 01:31:02,626
( laughs )
Nope.

1801
01:31:03,751 --> 01:31:05,671
You do not take
a tone with me,

1802
01:31:05,795 --> 01:31:08,915
'cause I will give you a rap right
on the Jack Johnson!

1803
01:31:09,090 --> 01:31:10,490
- Okay.
- Yes.

1804
01:31:10,592 --> 01:31:12,272
Now this
is happenin'.

1805
01:31:12,385 --> 01:31:13,945
What are
you doing?

1806
01:31:14,054 --> 01:31:16,054
- Hah!
- What are you doing?

1807
01:31:16,181 --> 01:31:17,541
What are you--

1808
01:31:22,521 --> 01:31:23,641
Action.

1809
01:31:23,731 --> 01:31:25,731
We'll go back to doing
what I do best--

1810
01:31:25,858 --> 01:31:28,538
I guess we'll go back to doing
what I do best, show off.

1811
01:31:28,694 --> 01:31:30,534
When do we
get started?

1812
01:31:30,655 --> 01:31:32,295
When do we get started?

1813
01:31:32,407 --> 01:31:34,287
- That's my line.
- When do we get started?

1814
01:31:34,409 --> 01:31:36,289
You say,
"Whenever you like."

1815
01:31:36,411 --> 01:31:38,011
- Whenever you like.
- ( laughs )

1816
01:31:38,121 --> 01:31:40,081
Keep it rollin'.
This is good stuff.

1817
01:31:41,208 --> 01:31:43,928
...an area bank
in a daring...

1818
01:31:44,086 --> 01:31:47,166
Probably not the same one.
Probably not the same guy.

1819
01:31:55,056 --> 01:31:56,976
Ron:
Brick, before I let you go,

1820
01:31:57,099 --> 01:31:59,579
are you still having your celebrity
golf tournament this summer?

1821
01:31:59,727 --> 01:32:01,607
No, too many people
died last year.

1822
01:32:01,729 --> 01:32:03,849
So we're not gonna do--
( laughs )

1823
01:32:03,982 --> 01:32:05,662
Sorry. Sorry.

1824
01:32:06,735 --> 01:32:09,935
They named it
San Diego.

1825
01:32:10,072 --> 01:32:13,672
Which in German means,
"a whale's vagina."

1826
01:32:13,867 --> 01:32:16,427
( laughing )

1827
01:32:20,416 --> 01:32:22,816
This is the most
ridiculous thing ever.

1828
01:32:44,024 --> 01:32:47,504
# Carry on, my wayward son #

1829
01:32:47,695 --> 01:32:51,295
# There'll be peace
when you are done #

1830
01:32:51,449 --> 01:32:55,009
# Lay your weary head
to rest #

1831
01:32:55,203 --> 01:32:56,243
# Don't you cry #

1832
01:32:56,329 --> 01:32:59,169
# Don't you cry no more #

1833
01:33:14,515 --> 01:33:16,395
( all laughing )

1834
01:33:16,517 --> 01:33:18,677
Way to handle him.
That was nice.

1835
01:33:18,811 --> 01:33:20,571
It sure is good
to be number one.

1836
01:33:20,688 --> 01:33:23,248
It sure beats the hell
out of number two.

1837
01:33:24,776 --> 01:33:27,056
We are laughing!

1838
01:33:27,154 --> 01:33:29,434
And we are
very good friends.

1839
01:33:29,573 --> 01:33:32,413
Good buddies sharing
a special moment.

1840
01:33:32,576 --> 01:33:35,256
Don't say anything, Ron.
Just let it happen.

1841
01:33:35,412 --> 01:33:38,332
We're laughing,
enjoying our friendship.

1842
01:33:38,499 --> 01:33:41,819
And someday we'll look back
on this with much fondness.

1843
01:33:43,045 --> 01:33:46,045
Yeah.
( sighs )

1844
01:33:46,216 --> 01:33:47,656
( laughs )

1845
01:33:49,469 --> 01:33:50,789
Yeah.